Killer is Dead: Equestria!

by Diokno44

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Other, Princess Luna, Comedy, Adventure, Prince Blueblood, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 8085

Twilight Sparkle is a professional government assassin

Princess Twilight Sparkle, is not only Princess Celestia's faithful student and the Element of Magic, she is also the top ranked of Celestia's elite government assassins, The Justiciars, hunting down any criminals that have escaped justice. Their motto:

KILLER IS DEAD

(I need cover art, but I don't have money, so, any pictures somepony can find are appreciated, and I need the URL aswell, thanks! Comments appreciated!)

Published 2013-12-25 22:20:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-30 03:47:52 UTC

1. Getting Started

A dark, misty night in Canterlot. The city is dark, except for a few scant lights. A young mare trots through the streets, her wings folded at her sides, her blade sharpened and sheathed, and her suit, elegant.

Coming upon an alleyway, Twilight Sparkle spots her target. A fat, wart infested stallion, the dead body of a filly in his hooves. His eyes are jaundice yellow, his coat a sickly green, his Cutie Mark in in the shape of a claw with red tips at the end of the fingers. "Executioner..." He growls, his arm twisting, until it forms into a large, organic looking handgun. "Die!" He yells, as he fires widely at the Alicorn in front of him.

Twilight grinned, her katana already out, with the speed of lightning, she twirls the gleaming blade in the air, as hundreds of glowing bullets ricochet on the sword, hitting the walls. The stallion is Grease Guzzler, a multiple serial child molester and drug trafficker. He escaped from prison a few months ago, and only now have the Justiciars located him. Seeing his attacks have no effect, he bolts, galloping down a path to the left.

Twilight smirked, running a hoof through her mane, the years in her prosthetic left forelegs whirred in the air, fixing her shades as she lowered her hoof, "The job...Killer is Dead." She repeated, trotting slowly in the direction of Grease. More bullets came her way. Which she effortlessly parried.

Why do they always run? Twilight thought, as Grease scampered away, fear evident in his bulging eyes, It never works.. Keeping her katana ready, she entered a parking lot, carriages and cars unattended, but no sign of Guzzler.

"Boo!" He yelled, firing a bullet into Twilight's skull, her limp body falling onto the wet pavement, the water growing a dark red. "Ahahaha. See, that is what you get for messing with the G-Man! Suck it Twilight! Your movie series sucked!" He turned around, grinning, the barrel of his arm sizzling in the rain.

Twilight stood up, the hole in her head closing, bucking Grease against a wall, "Any last words, spermball?" She asked, raisnging her katana, the moonless night making her appear like a shadowy angel of death.

Grease sputtered, "H-how are you still alive? That's not possible! I popped yah straight in the noggin! You should be meeting The Maker now!" He scrambled against the wall, shuddering. "Please...it's not what it looked like! We can cut out some kinda deal right? You get paid right? Tell yah what, I got some friends, influential too. If you let me go, I'll pay you doub-no TRIPLE, what your client's paying you." He could feel his breakfeast leaving him in fear, tears streaming down his dirt covered face.

Twilight smirked, "The job..." She paused for dramatic effect, watching the stallion wallow in his own filth, katana raised as high as possible. "Killer Is Dead!" She exclaimed, bringing down the katana on her target, as he screamed in a symphony of agony and terror. His blood sprayed on the walls, forming the very words she had uttered. Grease's body dissolved into a red glow, which was sucked up by her mechanical foreleg, fresh blood, great for a boost.

Wiping the blood off her blade using a discarded newspaper, she slid it back into her sheath, pulling her phone, and dialing Celestia. "Celly, Grease has been dealt with. Ceya back at the castle?" She giggled.

"Of course my sweet, I'm wearing your favorite outfit." Her marefriend's sultrynvoice rang through the speaker, "I have your payment, and I'm not just talking about the five thousand bits you got from Mr. Davenport. Excellent kill dear." With that, Celestia disconnected, as a faint beeping could be heard. Flipping it closed and placing it back in her pocket, Twilight headed back to the castle, for three things. To get paid, get laid, and, to get her next contract made. She could hardly wait.

Twilight yawned, laying a hoof across Celestia's body, the scent of love in the air, "You were amazing, and, I can now afford you an early birthday gift." Twilight joked, her mane was wild, just like her lover. "So, any new contracts?" She asked, resting on her forelegs.

Celestia licked her lips, stretching, "Thank you Twiley. And, not at the moment. Though, you never know. Out there are hundreds, no, thousands of scuzznuts ready to get diced by your magnificent blade. Pinkie came back from a contract just an hour before you arrived. A bit sloppy on time, but an orgasmic execution none the less." She smiled, looking out her bedroom window, the rain flowing down the reinforced glass pane.

Twilight shifted, sitting up in bed, laying her katana by the bedstand, letting her sheathe to dry after its use earlier, Celestia's scent still lingering. "Oh really, who did she off? Some hot headed ganger? Sleazy night club owner?" She asked, fixing her mane with a hoof, just like she always did.

Celestia shook her head, chuckling, "Wrong on all accounts dear. It was some artist, Flare Light. The client was a mare by the name of Photo Finish, nice vampony, I trust you know her." A Twilight's nod, she continued, "Anyhoof, apparently, when Flare had commissioned her to shoot some family portraits, he arranged for his goons to steal valuables from his house. They took everything, her statues, her paintings, her sculpted stallionhood toys, everything." Celestia sighed, "Thankfully, Pinkie was able to recover everything."

"That's good to hear." Twilight smiled slightly, scratching her back with her scepter, the Twicane, courtesy of Discord. A thank you gift after she helped him fend off those horny zombie Eclair Slugs two weeks ago.

As Celestia fixed her crown, a piece of paper flew into the room from the fax machine. "Oh, it seems that you have a new contract." She picked up the paper, scanning it, a grin on her face, "Oh Twiley, I think you'll like this.

Twilight bounced over, "Who is it?" Se asked, trying to look over her lover's shoulder, and failing, falling in her purple plot.

Celestia giggled, Twilight was always so eager o begin contracts, and bang. Unfolding it, she began, "The Contract is for...."

---Next Time, on Killer is Dead: Equestria!---

"Wow, the view looks so pretty from here!" Pinki yelled, staring at the stars.

"Eat custard brainskillet!" The thug yelled, firing his custard at our heroine, who deftly swallowed it whole.

"It's time to die skunkbrains!" Twilight yelled at her target, her blade flashing in the light as she quickly unsheathed it.

"BACON IS COCAINE!"

Author's Note

Well, first chapter down everypony. Comments and suggestions for who to o after next are appreciated. If you suggest a target, and I like the idea, I'll credit you as the client. And, yes, Blueblood will be a client.

2. The Skeleton that Mocks Death

"A stallion by the name of Santa Muerta. He's Mexicoltan skeleton. The client's name is Grave Shift. the target stole a family artifact, the Death Scythe, and has been using it to raise the dead, desecrating sacred tombs and now allowing the dead to rest. You know what to do, Twiley." Celestia smiled, sitting down behind a mahogany desk, where an untouched chess set lay. "If you'll excuse me, an old friend is coming over to join the game."

Twilight nodded, heading out the door, the folder in her hoof, trotting out of the palace, taking flight into the cool night sky.

Celestia sighed, as a cloaked pony appeared in a burst of black smoke and ash. "Hello Celestia, it's nice to see you again." A remnant of a smile appeared where the mouth would be. The pony removed his hood, revealing an ashy white coat, lifeless grey eyes, and a mane as white as snow.

Celestia smiled, "Thank you Mors, that's kind of you. How's your brother?" She gestured a hoof at the chessboard, she had white, he had black. "Shall we begin again?" Mors grinned, as he placed a hoof on the pawn, a Threstel.

"Yes, we shall, Grave's fine, and the pawn moves..."

---An hour and a half later---

Twilight shook the rain out of her mane, as she stepped inside what she was told was Santa's home, a moss covered old crypt, the place reeked of decay and sorrow.

Cobwebs and dust littered the ancient walls. Twilight smirked, unsheathing her katana, Vigilance, and fixing her mane, she muttered, "The job...Killer is Dead." As she began looking around.

"Did Shift send you executioner? Oh, what fun!" A voice reverberated throughout the tomb, "Lets see if you can get past my friends, get em boys!" He commanded, as five skeletons burst from the ground, wielding metal pipes as makeshift clubs.

"We're sorry, he's making us do this! End us!" One yelled, as they stiffly trotted over to Twilight, creaking and groaning. Twilight sighed, slicing through the u dead, as the crumbled into dust, blue wisps rising into the air, "Thank you..." An echoey voice resonated from the wisps.

"Alright Santa Muerta, your time is up! Give me the Scythe, and you get to keep your stallionhood, alright?" Twilight asked the shadows, smirking as she saw them waver, a sign of fear from he controlling them.

"You want the Scythe, eh Sparkle? Tell me this, why do you kill? Do you get your kicks from it? Is it some way to boost your ego, make you feel powerful? Why? Do you feel some odd sense that justice has been done?" Santa Muerta replied, his voice quavering.

"I kill....I kill." Twilight stuttered, Why do I kill? she thought to herself, sighing. "I kill, so that the citizens of Equestria are safe from harm, from the likes of you." She growled, as Santa laughed.

"That suits me, then. Now, you wanted the Death Scythe?" Santa Muerta asked, as the shadows nearest Twilight formed into the shape of a pony, before disappearing entirely, revealing a skeletal pony, orange marking around his body, forming a skull like pattern on his face, and crisscrossing orange and yellow arcs around his body, he was leaning on a large scythe. Black shaft, gleaming silver blade, a skull topper, and a gold cap at the bottom, he twirled it, whistling, "If you want the Scythe, you'll have to take it from me!"

Twilight grinned, "Glady!" She yelled, charging at Santa Muerta, who charged at her. Sparks flew as blade met blade in a dance of death around the ancient crypt. Twilight ducked each strike, only getting knocked back once by the flat of the blade, only getting knicked by the Scythe. Muerta was too cocky, flailing around, he received several cuts. The two were evenly matched, that is, until Twilight spotted a weak point.

As Santa raised the Scythe into the air, ready to cleave Twilight into two, she struck, the blade of her hilt penetrating his rib cage, carving upward until he was split in half from the stomach, or where one would be if he still posses organs, up. He dropped the Death Scythe, which Twilight placed on her back, hooking it.

Santa groaned, coughing dust, "Lucky shot Sparkle, but you can kill what's already dead." He chuckled, "I wasn't working alone you know. There is somepony higher up controlling the strings, the puppet master, and I, like many others, his puppet. You may kill me, for love, for the thrill, whatever, but he has other agents, thirteen more to be exact, though they won't reveal the,selves so easily." He smirked, the two sides of his mouth working together.

Twilight frowned, pressing the blade to his throat, well, the part of his spine that connected the throat to the head anyhoof. "Who is he? What did he want with this?" She motioned to the Scythe on her back.

Santa Muerta moaned, "I'll never tell you horseapples executioner! Well, actually, I will, but just one thing. He calls himself...The Wolf. He has powerful connections in Equestria, and vast amounts of wealth. I'll be back." He cackled, as his body collapsed into a heap of dust.

Twilight shook her katana free of Santa's remains, sheathing it, putting her prosthetic to her chin, "The Wolf? And he had powerful connections. I'll have to look into this." She muttered to herself, as her phone began ringing, it was Celestia.

"Ah, Twilight, trust your mission went well?" Celestia asked, to which Twilight said yes, "Excellent, come back for your reward, and any intel you got." The phone clicked off, as Twilight placed it in her pants pocket.

"Killer is Dead." Twilight said to the pile of bonemeal before her, as she trotted away.

---An Unknown Location---

"And so another pawn falls." A gilded hoof pushed a miniature of Santa Muerta off the board, flicking it onto the obsidian floor, "Now matter Sparkle, I still have much more in store for you." The pony fixed his blonde mane, the crown askew, "It's your turn now."

He stared with hate at the figure of Sparkle, as a dark chuckle arose in his throat, which echoes around the empty throne room.

"We shall see, you will rue the day you and your strumpet friends insulted me."

Author's Note

Special thanks to NC Silva as the contract creator! Kudos to him.

3. The Zebra that Loved War

Twilight had gotten a new contract, Pinkie was waiting for her at the location. A Zebra warlord, Storm Hooves, had been terrorizing a small village to the west. The client was Zecora, he was the reason she left Zebrica, he had butchered her family.

"Hey Twilereno! You ready to take this meanie pants down or what?!" Pinkie asked, grinning as she bounced in the air. Her assassin outfit was completely made out of candy.

"Of course I am Pinkie." Twilight smirked, looking at the old warehouse. It had been abandoned years ago, and Storm had taken up residence. How does that mare not get chaffed from candy rubbing her? Unless she enjoys it... Twilight mused, "Pinkie, you take the rear, I'll head in the polite way." Pinkie saluted, speeding off in her lollipop motorcycle.

Carefully picking the rusty lock, Twilight gently pushed the door in. Bodies hung on meathooks, messages scrawled in blood littered the walls. Stains from Maker knows what covered the floors and left over shipping crates. "By the Maker." Twilight muttered, staring at the carnage before her. Hearing a tick-tick-tick above her, she locked up. A grisly looking clock, crafted out of intestines for the case and bones for the hands, she recoiled in disgust. "This guys is seriously screwed up." She muttered, "The job...Killer Is Dead."

Keeping her katana at the ready, she trotted over the bodies, using the dim lights to scan for her target. That was when a raspy, baritone voice rang out.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Lil Miss Sparkle. So, my good for nothing neice Zecora sent yah eh?" A large stage light flickered on, revealing Thunder Hooves, in all his sick glory. The Zebra wore regalia, and a crown, crafted out of bleached bones, some still containing marrow. He was bloated, and his mane had gone grey, he looked ugly as sin. "You," he couched into his hoof, wiping his nose, "Excuse me. Like ah was sayin, You think you can kill me girlie? Well, think again. I've lead guerrilla campaigns the world over, and got some of my gang with me. Bucko, Iron Side, have fun!" He cackled, as two Griffons jumped out in front of Sparkle.

"Bucko" as he was called, was a lanky, but tall Griffon. He wore a patched flannel shirt, and metal crotch protector. He wielded a thick Bo staff in both of his talons. Iron Side, on the other hoof, was built like a walking tank, decked out in full scrap metal armor, caring a flail. Bucko charged first, expertly jabbing at Twilight with his staff.

Twilight groaned, getting smacked in the face by one end. Wiping the blood from her nose, she kicked at the staff, knocking it to the ground. Bucko roared, trying to kick at Sparkle with his powerful talons. Twilight smirked. Lopping off one leg, causing him to fall to the ground, clutching the stump in agony. Groaning, he fished a stiletto out of his pocket, tossing it into the air. Twilight dodged, but just barely, the knife nicked her cheek. Advancing, she growled, stabbing through Bucko's chest with a loud, sickening SQUELCH!

Iron Side's eye flashed dangerously, his mace turning into what appeared to be a tendril. Which he fired at Twilight. She flew into the air, slicing downward, severing the tendril in half.

Iron screamed, his whole body turning into goo. Thunder applauded, "Excellent Mrs. Sparkle, excellent work. But, time for round two!" He held out a hoof. Suddenly, the corpses along the wall rose up, their faces contorted into eternal grins, that chilled Twilight to the bone. "Well black knight, your turn!" He shouted, as the Smilers, as Twilight called them, advanced in an inponane twitchy motion, as if going into rigor mortis, them restarting over and over again.

One lunged at Twilight, it's axe shaped armor being blocked by her katana. Struggling, Twilight was sent careening into a crate, which was smashed by her weight, "Mooks, you always have to win the beam clashes. Well, I'm the star of this story dang it, and I'm calling the shots!" She yelled, bucking the Smile in the face, before lopping its head off, as a spray of green liquid fell on its brethren, as they began writhing in pain, collapsing on the ground, still twitching. Twilight huffed, pointing her sword at Storm, "Game's over creep!" She yelled.

Storm grimaced, "Not yet. You see, my associate Wolf lent me not just the spell tome to conjure up the cretins you just destroyed," he gestured to the Smiles, "But, he also gave me a muscle enhancement potion!" He flexed, leaping onto the concrete floor, as a small shockwave resonated, a crater forming where he landed "Now, you may be wondering, what's a handsome psychopath like me doing with Wolf? It's quite simple, I allied with him. He gives me resources and troops, I give him Equestria's citizens in terror. He feeds on that kind of stuff, you dig?" He smirked, clapping his hooves as two the bone covered his whole body, his entire body encased in a bone crafted shell. He clapped his hooves again, a large mace, the shaft being the spine of a pony, and the blunt end was the head of a stallion, it's eyes gouged out. "Brainer, meet Twilight, Twilight, meet your doom!" He yelled, the mace crashing into the ground, sending a tidal wave of blood at Twilight.

She screamed, holding Vigilance in front, standing her ground for maybe a second, being tossed backward, landing on on top of a weapons crate, empty of course. "Checkmate Sparkle!" Storm yelled, hefting his mace.

Twilight groaned, dashing towards Strom, slashing in an arc, leaving a large cut in his arm. He yelled in pain and anger, stumbling backwards. Twilight slashed again, cutting at his chest. "That's it witch!" He yelled, back hoofing her, sending her tumbiling to the ground.

Resetting her jaw quite painfully, Twilight just barely blocked a strike from Brainer, blasting at Storm with her magic, burning him with a flame spell, and sending him backward with a buck to the face, panting. Storm groaned, rubbing his temples, slowly getting to his hooves, the majority of his armor cracked and burn from the fire. He smacked away Twilight and Vigilance, her blade falling a few feet away from her. Scrambling to her hooves, she began searching for anything she could use as a weapon. Spying a sink, she hefted it, "Hey Storm, eat everything, including the kitchen sink!" She yelled, magically tossing the sink at Storm, it slamming into his fas, his nose broken and jaw shifted.

"Yu width, you bruke mah jaw. I'll fig y-uh!-you good!" He groaned, painfully setting his jaw, blood hardening around his shattered nostrils. He grabbed a severed foreleg, chucking it at Twilight, who cut it in half, grimacing. "You broke my mace you whorse!" He yelled, Brainer shattered on the ground, skin stuck to the floor like flies on wax paper. "Now I must break you!" He roared, his hoof glowing as body parts and bones circled around his foreleg, forming into a gigantic warhammer, which he slammed into the ground. "Meet Back Breaker!" He grinned, spinning the hammer around for effect, "Bane of your flesh! It's time for the king to attack!" He charged at Twilight.

Twilight gawked, leaping up into the air, firing magic bolts at Storm, which he took, being slowly, but steadily, pushing back,his hooves leaving skid marks on the floor as he trudged forward, growling. "Is that all you got executioner? My grandma hits harder than you, and she's my couch now!" He chuckled.

Twilight fell exhausted, her eyes widening as Storm towered over her, menacing in his skeletal armor, Warhammer raised high. "Checkmate S-"

CLANG!

Storm mumbled incoherently, before tipping and falling on his face, having been hit over the head with a comically oversized frying pan, dented now. "Stay away from my lavender buddy!" Pinkie yelled, waving the frying pan, helping Twilight o her hooves, "You alright Twi?" She asked, concerned as she lightly kicked Storm back down.

Twilight rubbed her head, magically recalling and sheathing her katana, "Aside from my head feeling like its been hit by a semi-truck on meth, I'm fine!" She mumbled, as Pinkie gingerly placed an ice bag on her head, "Thanks Pinks." She sighed, turning to Storm, unsheathing her katana, lifting into to the air, "Killer Is Dead." She exclaimed the Justiciars' Morton, swinging the blade downward, cleaving Storm's head free from its constraint, which she placed in a specifically made sack. "Alright, time to drop this off at Zecora's." she took flight, Pinkie following behind on the ground, singing.

---Canterlot---

Twilight smiled, licking the last bit of honey off Celestia's Cutie Mark, grinning, "All done." She smiled, nuzzling her mare. "The contract went a bit awry when he started battering me, but thanks to your "attention" I'm fine now." She muttered, closing her eyes, as sleep over took her.

----An Unknown Location---

The Wolf frowned, knocking the figurines of Storm Hooves, Iron Side, and Bucko off, as the figure of Twilight moved forward, proppeled by an unseen hoof, "And three more fall." Wolf sighed, the fates did not seem to favor him, "But, only time will tell." He stared at the glowing moon which hung in the sky, a small castle just barely visible with the naked eye. "At least the ponies are afraid, good, it's so refreshing to stir up the pot now and again." He chuckled darkly, his eyes flashing red in the dim light of his chambers, echoing across the round, before reverberating back, dust falling off the unswept pillars.

The Wolf stomped his hoof, as two whimpering shadow ponies appeared, "You, fetch me some wine." He pointed to the one on the right, who scampered off, "And you, fetch me the steak, this is going to be along, long night." The shadow pony nodded hastily, galloping away as fast as its scrawny legs would allow it to.

The Wolf drummed his hooves on the foreleg bars of his throne, staring at the large, beautiful moon, the scant ligh it generated bathed the room in an ethereal, ghostly glow, his white coat shining in the moonlight. "Beautiful. The night has always been beautiful to my kind." He bared his twin fangs, "And it's all mine." He said, as the moon reflected on his iris, glimmering in the night.

Wolf smiled, slipping off his robe, leaving him bare aside from the crown, which he placed on a nearby stand, "Well, my gorgeous black knight, make your move." He smirked, using the pillars for support, as he spread his hind and fore legs, his blonde tail swishing as he moved aside, hi groomed mane billowing, "I'm ready for you!" He laughed at the moon, licking his lips of the blood, that sweet necter of life than ran through many mortals. He sat down, "Twilight Sparkle, black knight to my white king." He smirked, the moon smiling back, his Cutie Mark shining in its radiant light, nearly glowing.

----Canterlot----

A parchment flitted into the bedroom, where Celestia and Twilight lay snuggled in eachother's forelegs. Celestia yawned, levitating the scroll over, "Ah, Twilight a new contract has been assigned." Celestia hummed, readit over.

Twilight turned, grabbing her katana, which lay by the nightstand. "Who?"

"Your next contract is for...."

Author's Note

Credits to Superdale33 for the contract! :)

The Mare that Stole Innocence

Twilight relayed the conversation between her and her client, 24601, over and over again in her mind.

So, why do you want us to kill this," Twilight looked at the notice again, "Tight Leash? You never gave me any details on why you want her dead Mrs. and that is one of the key factors in my line of work. She and her client were sitting down, a small table separating them.

Her client, almost all of her body concealed in a dark grey hoodie, jeans, and shows, minus her scarred, tan snout and mouth looked at Twilight, "That filthy whorse took everything from me, my family, my foal hood, my innocence, aswell as that of Maker knows how many other fillies and colts," She paused, spitting into her empty glass, "She's holed up in The Plot Hole, that abandoned strip club downtown. Be careful, the foals she, urgh, "trains" become nothing but empty husks, bred to do her bidding. They don't have names, none of us did. We were just bucking products." She sighed, "I want that witch dead, you here me? I want her bucking head on a bucking platter." 24601 growled

Twilight shook her head in both sorrow and disgust. Sorrow for 24601 and the countless foals that lost their purity, and disgust at the soulless monster who did this to them. If what she heard was correct, then it seemed Tight was the very opposite of Twilight. Whereas Twilight kept her business and her pleasure apart, Tight mixed them both in an orgasmic array of debauchery and suffering. Twilight, always organized and cautious, and Tight, hotheaded and reckless.

She landed outside The Plot Hole, the O's in Plot and Hole were formed out of a shapely mare's flanks, causing Twilight to blush, thinking of Celestia in such a position. The owner had sold the place a year ago, though homeless ponies and junkies still used it as a makeshift gathering place and home. Twilight pushed the door open, dust covered the unclean furniture. Looking around, the place was deserted. Drawing Vigilance, she said, "The job...Killer Is Dead." As she trotted through the building. Upon entering the kitchen, she noticed a rusted metal trapdoor in the back of the room, close to the fridge. Twilight carefully opened the trapdoor, climbing down the short flight of stairs into the basement.

Opening the door, she noticed a Wolf's head carved in the center, entering the basement proper. She recoiled from the smell, the whole place stank, the odor of blood, lust, and fear coated the walls, permeating them. Bloodied chains and straps hung empty, except or a few, which, to her horror, contained bleached skeletons. Saying a silent prayer to the Maker, she moved on.

The loudspeaker crackled, before a sultry voice came on, "Ohh, Mrs, Sparkle, I didn't expect company, and certainly not from a gorgeous mare, such as yourself. Well, I guess you're hear to off me then? No matter, my "children" will get you off first." She smirked, as several fillies and colts burst into the room, to Twilight's shock and horror.

Each of the, had several cuts of their bodies, and their foreheads were shaved bare, a bar code (think of Agent 47), with a serial number had been tattooed on, collars with wolves etched on them were attached to their necks, magic restricting rings had been placed on the unicrons, and the Pegasi had their wings bound tightly with rope, digging into the skin. Twilight felt sick to her stomach, throwing up, "You sick freak! How could you do this to..." Tears stung her eyes, as they lunged at her.

Twilight dodged, using her magic to put them to sleep. Once this was over, she'd get them help, return them to their families if possible, or give them to loving ones if not. She sighed, "Alright lady, where are you?"

The Speaker crackled again, Tight was moaning, before she stopped, "Oh, what, sorry, I was busy. Honey, could you leave, momma has some business she needs taking care of," The sound of hooves trotting away echoes across the room, "Anyhoof, I'm down the rabbit hole, just take a left."

Twilight grimaced, going thought the door and taking a left at the junction, into a remarakably cleaner portion of the room. The heavily stained black and white floor withstanding, the place was barely dirty at all. Tight Leash sat on a hoof crafted throne made of smelted steel. She wore a revealing skin tight leather shirt, well, actually, it was more like two straps of leather around her chest, and black short shorts that had the crotch cut out, revealing her marehood, and most of the ask side cut out, aswell as the side pickets, revealing her Cutie Mark, a whip. In her hooves was a blood stained spiked whip, which she was flicking in the air. Her powder blue coat shone in the light of the room, her pink mane freshly brushed, her chartreuse eyes half lidded, bedroom eyes.

"Greetings Twilight, my my, you're more beautiful then I imagined. No wonder the Princess pounds you every night." Tight smirked, flawlessly leaping into the air, spiking around, and landing perfectly, the whip cracking on the ground. Twilight held her blade close, as Leash drew near. "What a nice, long sword you've got there."

Tight grinned, locking lips with Twilight, before slowly separating, smirking. "Sorry about that, couldn't help myself" she then lashed out, and struck Twilight in the face with her whip, causing a small welt to bloom, "Lets dance cutie."

Twilight frowned, wiping the blood away from the wound, "You're going down!" She yelled, curling the whip around her sword, tossing Tight into the wall, "How's that for getting whipped?" She smirked.

Tight groaned, slowly getting up, her eyes glowing blood red in the night's light. She cursed, rapidly swinging the whip with abandon, cutting into Twilight twice, the other times she dodged. "Stay still! I can't wait to break you, you'd be my favorite, and new, toy." She giggled, lunging at Twilight with a feline like hiss.

Twilight rolled out of the way, "Let me guess, judging by the stylized wolf on the door, and and those gaudy collars you out on your "products", you're working for Wolf? Why? What would a Mare of the Night want with scum like him?" She panted, raising her katana at chest level, pointing it at Tight.

Tight chuckled, folding her whip, "Why you ask? It's simple, a business proposal. He gives me access to a large array of hapless foals to take and sell, or keep, in fact, I've already branched out, some friends of mine have multiple establishments just like this set up, shipping children of every race, drugs, and "donated" organs Equis-wide., and in return, I service him whenever, wherever, and however he wishes, plus he gets a cut of the profits." She winked, using her whip to grab a cool Bud Wiser beer from her mini fridge, draining it dry, crushing the can with her forehead, and tossing the can away, "Refreshing."

Twilight growled, "Donate? Don't you lie to me witch! You harvested them yourself, then..." She could feel the bile in her throat, "It's time to pay!" She advanced in a steady pace towards the smirking harlot.

Tight Leash leaned against the fridge, spreading her forelegs, "Ah, can you smell the love in the air tonight?" She tapped her hoof on the wall, as leather straps burst out of the wall, holding Twilight in the air, spread eagle.

Twilight snorted, "Love? There is no love in here, just the smell of your musk and lust!" She tried to pull herself free, by the binds were too tightly woven around her hooves, groaning in pain.

Tight giggled, slightly tipsy from the booze, "Well, tell me this Sparkle. What is love? Is it the affection of two foal hood sweethearts? The carnal lovemaking of two in private? Or is it spilling your mind, body. Heart, and soul to that special one? You have your definition, I have mine cupcake." She chuckled, running a hoof through Twilight's mane, sniffing it, "Oh, it smells like lavender and vanilla, delicious."

Twilight rolled her eyes, tearing at the bonds and dropping to the floor, "You were right about the last one, and somewhat correct about the second Tight." She slashed at Tight, knocking the dazed mare onto the checkered floor. "Any last words, whorse?"

Tight groaned, her whip too far out of leash for the Earth a pony to reach, her lips red with blood. "Yeah, buck you!" She spat in Twilight's face, to which said mare moved out of the way.

"By the way, 24601 says hello." Twilight muttered, raising her katana high in the air, "KILLER IS DEAD!" She yelled, lopping off Tight Leash's head, a permanent smirk and bedroom, eyes adorning it, magically transporting it to 24601, smirking im triumph. As she finished, Tight's body burst into a shower of blue tendril shaped energy, which flowed into her prosthetic forelegs, "Power Increased." The prosthetic said, the display flashing gold, before returning to normal.

"Well, well, well, excellent work, Mrs. Sparkle." A gravely (think Jigsaw mixed with Nolan's Batman) voice emanated, as Twilight turned around to reveal a stallion clapping his hooves. The stallion wore a realistic wolf mask, dark grey fur, and glowing golden eyes with a black pupil, a black military outfit with gold cuffs, hind leg cuffs, and shoulder pads with a line going down the middle, she advanced. "Oh, don't bother, it's just a hologram." The voice was obviously faked, a mix of voice changing hardware and magic.

A glass of wine appeared in his hooves, he held it out, "Want some? It's very real, trust me." The stallion, who she assumed to be Wolf, offered, but Twilight shook her head, her blade at the ready. "Shame," he looked behind her, "Oh, three of Leash's pets." He muttered, pulling the three struggling foals over in his icey blue telekinetic spell, "You can do with the others what you wish, as for these three." The Wolf smirked, as, to Twilight's horror, he crushed them, as they exploded into ragged chunks.

Tears rung her eyes, "You-you monster!" She yelled, throwing her katana at him, but it passed through harmlessly, jolting the image before it refocused, "How? Why?" She asked, kneeling before the remains of the three foals.

"It's just good business Mrs. Sparkle, and these three were merely products, less than equine, toys and tools made to be used, and when they wear out, broken and tossed aside." He tipped his mask slightly, "Good evening Twilight, we shall see each other again." He said, as the image dissapeared. Twilight sobbed, burying the remains in a grave, saying a prayer to the Maker to watch over them, and to give whatever families they had some semblance of peace and closure.

---Seven Hours Later---

Twilight had notified Celestia, saying she would be late. It took her hours, but she had dropped off the foals who had families at their homes, to their thanks, saying to the parent or guardian they needed psychological help, and to those that didn't have somepony to go back to, she gave to a loving couple who couldn't have children of their own.

She had gone back, tears streaming down her face, in joy and sorrow. She had embraced Celestia, and made love, knowing she had done the right thing, in the end. She went to bed with a small smile on her face.

---Wolf's Den---

"Soon Sparkle, I shall have my vengeance." The Wlf muttered, downing his second glass of the night, bathed in the moonlight. "Soon." He stared at the lunar sphere hanging in the night sky. He smiled cruely.

Author's Note

Special thanks to RagingPonyRider for feedback and a rather interesting contract, kudos.

5. LSD+Magic=SCIENCE!

Twilight groaned, rubbing her head as she sat upright, she was on the ground, though it was blue, last she checked, grass was not blue, unless you dyed it that color. "Where the buck am I?" She asked herself, getting up. The ground wasn't grass, it was comeplety bare, it felt like plastic. Looking up, she gaped as she looked at the sky. The moon was tinted like green, and was spinning, the sky was an aura borealis of color, reds mixing with blues, oranges mixing with greens, forming a mind-boggling display of light and fury.

She looked down, "Why do I have whipped cream down there? It's not Tuesday, and there's no peeled banana attached!" She stared at her crotch, wiping off the frosting, as she got to her hooves. She was naked, as many ponies are, but still had her katana buckled to her hips, somehow. Stomping on the ground, she watched as it glowed pink, shaping into blow dried cobblestone, "Well,, I'm either high, dreaming, or both." Twilight muttered, trotting forward.

Shimmering pools of slime flowed on both sides of her pathway. Hearing a shimmering noise, she turned around, with each hoof step, the path before her dissapeared into nothingness, "Nifty." She said to nopony in particular, before she noticed a peculiar sight before her. She was bent over her reading desk, Cadence was sucking deftly on her horn.

"Come on Twilight, you know I need this practice for your brother!" Cadence pleaded with the mare before her, snaking a hoof to her half sister's marehood, stroking the opening.

The copy of Twilight shuddered, "Cadence, I'm trying to read!" She whined, the "romance" novel she had been reading lay shut, "Can't you go suck on Luna? Or one of the guards? Or Sunset? She's like that!" Twilight 2 moaned, rubbing against the offending hoof.

"No, you're the closest in density." Cadence said, grinning, opening her mouth and-

Nothing.

Twilight opened her eyes, the two were frozen, their bodies transparent, as if made of glass or crystal. "When was this?" Twilight wracked her brain to uncover where this memory came from. "Oh, that's right. Celly was having a fetish party with Pinkie downstairs, and Shining was waiting for Cadence. She needed help sucking on a horn correctly." She blushed, "Her tongue can really work a mare up." She chuckled, as the two shattered into dust, and a new path opened up.

She trotted along, passing by purple tendrils, who waved at her, a memory surfaced, and another copy of her appeared, her eyes buried in an old spell tome she had discord hidden in the Adults Only section entitled, Pleasurable Spells and Poultices Vol. 1, by Bone Her, a former actress and gossip columnist turned author. Twilit giggled like a schoolfilly, a rosé blush painting her cheeks as her horn glowed, preparing the spell.

She laid back, spreading her haunches, as a portal in space and time opened, and, to her delight, a surging mass of tendrils burst forth, wrapping around her body, entering her marehood, plot, and one sliding in and out of her mouth. It had been a pleasurable and unforgettable moment indeed, and she had actually cast the spell several more times, like the previous night, though, it had been Celestia doing most of the penetration of her orifices.

This image too shattered into dust, floating into the multicolored sky, swirling among the moon, before vanishing. Seeing the path had need, Twilight urged around, to find a door standing a few feet away, with an oddly shaped-

"Why is the handle a bucking dick?" She asked in a deadpan tone, trotting over to the door. It was curved, and very much erect. Her eye twitching, she slowly grasped the warm, pulsating, green shaft, and turned, as she was bathed in a harsh white light. Shielding her eyes, she slowly trotted through.

Wiping her hooves on the floor, she looked around. Twilight was now on what appeared to be a small island, a single large tree, grey trunk and leaves as white as the first of winter's snow, stood in the center. Looking around the island, she saw the ocean, the Imposing moon reflected on its dark waters.

"Curiouser and curiouser." Twilight noted, before looking up at the moon. While it was still spinning, it also appeared to be shimmering, fading in and out of existence faster than a Sonic Rainboom, or Derpy and her twin sister Ditzy with muffins. "Unless Luna's high or wasted off her plot, that is not something you see everyday." She mused, smirking.

Walking over to the tree, she could see two figures standing by, a filly version of herself, and Princess Mo-Celestia, Princess Celestia. Filly's Twilight's horn glowed, as several books around her glowed in her lavender tinted aura, and shakily rose into the air.

"I did it!" Filly Twilight grinned, her eyes beaming as she began hopping around the Princess, "I dit it Princess!" She giggled.

Celestia smiled, "That's wonderful Twilight, you are showing wonderful progress." Celestia applauded, nuzzling her student, before glancing at the clock, "Ah, it's lunch time. " she said, turning to leave, Twilight at her hooves. As they entered the door, time froze for them, as their bodies, like the other images from her past, became, transparent and still.

"That was a few weeks after I became Celly's student." Twilight remembered, smiling wistfully as memories of years ago came back, racing through the young Alicorn's mind like a swarm of bees on fire, which had actually happened, last month if she recalled correctly. Let's just say it involved the Cutie Mark Crusaders, a bee hive they had found, duct tape, and one of Flutteeshy's old saddles, and leave it at that.

"Yes, and might I say you looked quite adorable as a filly, Twilight Sparkle." A familiar voice said, one that could only belong to one, if somewhat hammy, mare. Princess Luna smiled, trotting out from behind the tree, "Enjoying your dream Twilight?"

Twilight nodded, before a question popped in her head, "Um, Princess, what were you doing behind that tree?" Se asked, arching an eyebrow at the elder Princess.

Luna blushed beet red, "Um, private behind-a-large-tree business." She said, sweating bullets, before waving a hoof, "Um, it matters not what I do behind large trees while patrolling dreams, that's my business. Now, how are you enjoying this dream?" She asked again.

"It's nice, got a small trip down memory lane, got banged by magical tendrils from another dimension, the usual." Twilight joked, smiling brightly, "So, any nightmares yet Luna? I'm sure you must be busy." She noted.

Luna shook her head, "Sadly, not many. Anyhoof, there is something I wish to ask you about," She gestured with a hoof, as still copies of Tight Leash, brandishing her whip at three cowering foals appeared nearby. "When those foals attacked you, why did you not strike them down?" She asked.

Twilight sighed, hanging her head, "I could never take the life of an innocent foal, especially not after what that...that succubus, did to them. Those cuts, burns marks, scars, collars." Tears dropped down her eyes. "I would never, ever be able to live with myself if I had just killed them, I wouldn't have been able to return the, to their families or find new ones for them. Casting a sleep spell was mercy, I hope they're all alright." She said.

Luna put a hoof to her mouth, wiping away Twilight's glistening tears with a soft swipe of her wing, the freshly preened feathers tickling Twilight, The Night Princess smiled. "That is the answer I was looking for. If you strike down all those in your way to get to your target, the innocent with the guilty, then you would be no better then they who you have been sent to kill." She kissed Twilight on the forehead, as the images of Tight and her "children" crumbled into dust, and blew away, "Remember that, always, and you will keep your soul intact."

Twilight nuzzled the Princess' midnight blue coat, a small smile retuning to her face, "Thank you Luna, I needed that." She sniffled, "And thank you for the advice, I'll remember it always." She then relaxed her hold on the lunar mare, "And, thank The Marker this is all a dream. When I first "woke up" I though I had accidentally ate some of Pinkie's Caramel Pop Rock Cake, again." For some odd reason, whenever Twilight ate a mixture of ~~Caramel~~, er caramel, and pop rocks, she would start to hallucinate and see some freaky horseapples, and some of them involved Celestia dressed like a banana, Luna dressed like a chicken, er Scootaloo, and strobe light effects. "So, any interesting dreams yet?" She asked, sitting by the large oak tree, laying back.

Luna shook her head, "Oh, a few, but I won get into much detail. Though, your friend Fluttershy is into some surprising kinks, as is Rarity. How is her relationship with Spike going?" She joined the younger Alicorn by the tree, looking o at the shimmering moon.

Twilight smiled brightly, her eyes beamin, "They're doing quite well. Their first date went wonderful." She mused, laughing, "You wouldn't believe how many times I've heard Spike mumble in his sleep about their banging. I'll never look at a frying pan the same way again." She shuddered, her feathers ruffled. "Patrolling the Dreamscaoe must be wonderful," she clacked her front hooves together, "So, I was wondering, if you could teach me how to do it?"

Luna hummed, tapping her chin with a hoof, her absentminded horn shooting off a few stray sparks, signaling she was thinking. "I can, and I probably will. Though, be warned, it takes massive amounts of concentration, a large amount of meditation, and a diaper or somepony frequently hauling you into the bathroom. Trust me, the last one is very important." She said, her cheeks blushing a faint red hue, before disappearing in her midnight blue coat, prodding Sparkle with a hoof.

Twilight chuckled, "I know that. You have no idea the number of times that's happened, it was a witch to clean up, and it took time out of reading too." She blushed, "It is quite beautiful, in an odd sort of way." Twilight said, looking too up at the moon, a small flock of leather-bound books flitting across its surface, the book bindings flapping in the air.

"Thank you Twilight, even in a dream, I do my best with the night sky." Luna smiled, before hearing a faint ticking sound, just out of her view. "Ah, it seems it is time for Celestia to raise the sun, and I to lower the moon, I shall see you again, my friend." She smiled, as she dissapeared into a dark blue mist and feathers, and a blinding golden light enveloped Twilight's vision.

Yawning, Twilight rubbed her eyes, sitting up. Celestia lay in bed next to her, sucking her hoof, the one thing she did when nopony was looking, cute as always, her hirn's glow fading. The dream had ended, as had the night, like it must. Twilight sighed, smacking her lips. She looked over, making sure her katana was still propped by her bedstand, thankfully, it was, ever faithful. Her bionic arm pulsates, causing her to wince. She couldn't remember where she got it, only that she woke up, and that was it, it was there. She flexed it, as the internal gears whirred and buzzed.

"I need to oil this dang thing." Twiligh muttered to herself, as her stomach grumbled loudly, she put a hoof to it." But first, breakfeast." She stretched, getting out of bed quietly, so as not to disturb her slumbering lover. Pecking Celestia on the forehead, she made her way to the dining room, humming.