One Winged Pony

by Syeekoh

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Sweetie Belle, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna
Length: 13039

The Mane Six get a mysterious visitor

The Mane Six are tasked with removing a dark cloud from Ponyville.

Published 2013-12-26 01:10:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-26 01:10:04 UTC

Chapter One

"Thank you for coming so expediently, my little ponies," Princess Celestia said warmly, though her stern expression belied that this was more than a social call. She continued, "You may have already guessed what this may be all about." She sighed.

"This is about the unruly black cloud over Ponyville, right?" Rainbow Dash piped up, her demeanor as eager as ever.

"Darn near ruined the Zap Apple harvest, it did...yer highness," Applejack added grumpily.

"I don't like it, and neither do all the animals. They're all hiding in my house right now." Fluttershy said in her dulcet tones.

"My Pinkie Sense is whipping up a doozy of a doozy beyond all doozies!" Pinkie bubbled as she stood there, vibrating.

"I just don't understand why it had to block out the light from my bedroom windows," Rarity complained, "of all the things that could happen, this is The. Worst. Possible. THING!"

Everypony glared at her.

"What? I've had to do up my mane by hornlight for three days."

Twilight nudged Rarity. Rarity glared at her.

"Oh, come now, those are just dreams-"

"That we've both been having, Rarity." Twilight intoned.

"What dreams? What are they about?" Princess Celestia asked, alarmedy.

Twilight Sparkle unfurled her wings. "Well, Princess, there appears a large column of sharpened metal covered over by a geometric design I recalled seeing in my studies about cults-"

"Whoah whoah whoah...cults? Not cool!" Rainbow Dash blurted out.

"How uncouth, joining a cult!" Rarity admonished"

"...I was in a cult"

Everypony stared at the butter-colored pony who made the declaration.

"Now just a dadgum minnit, Fluttershy! Why would you off and join a cult fer?" Applejack asked accusingly.

"W-well, it was before I met most of you. A pony named Sky Carpenter...asked me to. He said we would give thanks to the color Blue..."

"And you jus' said 'yes', jus' like tha-yat!?" Applejack pressed on.

"Well, he had come all the way to my cottage, and I didn't want to be rude..."

"So you joined a CULT just to be NICE!? Pinkie Promise me you won't do that again!" Pinkie shot in as she vibrated towards the yellow pony.

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that. It wasn't very enlightening. We just stood around in a barn and chanted "Blue, Blue" over and over again-"

"PINKIE PROMISE!", the pink pony shouted in Fluttershy's face.

"Oh, ok, if you insist...'cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye" Fluttershy intoned as she crossed her heart and stuck a hoof into her closed eye.

"While that was certainly...enlightening, Fluttershy, I don't think that's what Twilight had in mind," Celestia interjected. "Please continue, Twilight."

Twilight shot a look at her friends. "As I was saying before-I-was-so-rudely-interrupted," Twilight said as she took a deep breath.

"Here we go." Rainbow muttered nonchalantly.

"-so I thought back to my Ancient Cultic Studies which I was researching on orders from the Princess, I recalled the symbol from an incredibly ancient book that had been preserved by magic. That symbol was used by an ancient sect called Qlappalists in their study of what they called "Qlappalah", or 'receiving'. What it was, I couldn't make out, but it said underneath it 'Etz Chayim' and that they were called 'Sephiroth'. I couldn't really make much sense of it, because it appeared to be mystic mumbo-jumbo-"

"Etz Khayyim, Twilight. The word is Etz Khayyim" Princess Celestia interjected.

All the collected ponies turned to stare at the Princess, save Rarity, who looked away.

Twilight's mouth stood agape. "How did you pronounce that?C-c-cayim?"

"No, she said Khayyim! Khayyim, khayyim, khayyim-"

"I get it, Pinkie. But how did you know how to pronounce that, Princess?"

Princess Celestia looked down at her subjects, sighed, and said, "It is from a language older than recorded Equestrian history, but not quite older than I. It is a language that I was worshipped in, in another time. It is called 'Hebrew'. It has a very unique script, written from right to left with no vowels."

"Then how did they know what words sounded like?" Pinkie cut in. "How do you say names? Does Hebrew even have names? What's my Hebrew name? 'pnk puh'? Oooh, let's try Twiligt! Twlght sprkl! That was a lot easier! Maybe you're a Hebrew, Twilight! Maybe-" Pinkie's mouth was plugged by Applejack's hoof.

"Sorry about that, Yer Majesty. You know Pinkie gets as hyper as a sack o' squirrels," Applejack helpfully explained. "As yew were sayin?"

"Thank you, Applejack." Celestia giggled. "Now, as I was about to say, Etz Khayyim means 'Tree of Life'. It used to be a metaphysical notion people would use to try to enter heaven."

"Heaven? W-what's that?" Fluttershy asked.

"The plane where I used to reside, my dear."

"But the texts I read said they would do that by meditation," Twilight Sparkle mused, a wingtip scratching the top of her head while her chin rested on a forehoof, "I thought Interplanar travel could only be done by the highest level of mage, like Starswirl the Bearded or you and Luna."

Celestia chuckled. "Maybe in body, but not in mind. They would send their minds up to me."

Twilight blinked. "What do you mean, 'send their minds?' How does that even...wait, we're getting off track. What does Etz Khayyim have to do with the black cloud over Ponyville and why are we dreaming about it overlaid with-what is the"

"A sword." Celestia replied matter-of-factly.

Everypony stared at her.

"A greatsword, actually, wielded once by a renowned warrior who fused with the planet in an attempt to destroy it."

Rainbow Dash said, "What now? This is a metatarsal or something, right?"

"Do you mean perhaps 'metaphor'? A metatarsal is a wingtip bone-"

"So-o-o-ry, Miss Know-it-all Twilight. I'm not a walking dictionary like you-"

"Yet you know the name of a bone most ponies don't even have-"

"What can I say? I know my bones. Broke 'em enough times."

"No. I'm afraid it isn't, Rainbow Dash. He literally became one with the planet and infected it with his drive and ambition. I had to wipe out everything and plant a seed to grow over his corruption." Princess Celestia informed the ponies. "That seed is my Etz Khayyim for you ponies.

"The Tree of Harmony..." Rarity murmured.

"That's right, Rarity." Princess Celestia replied.

"And that other word you used, Twilight. I heard it in my dream." Rarity said, "but it was as if it were a name."

"Sephiroth" Twilight and Celestia said at the same time. Twilight looked up at her mentor with a confused expression.

"Sephiroth is the name of the infection upon this planet-"

"You mean how Nightmare Moon infected Luna?"

"Y-yes, Pinkie I suppose that to be an apt similarity to draw. His return would cause chaos-"

"L-like Discord, before he reformed."

"Not quite, Fluttershy. Discord is more of a trickster, whereas Sephiroth would claim dominion over all-"

"Sounds like 'Queen' Chrysalis and her Changeling Army!"

"Your imagination is too small again, Rainbow Dash. He is a dark stain upon the planet who wishes to break free-"

"Like Sombra an' th' Crystal Empahre!"

"Somewhat, Applejack." Celestia sighed. "Now, my little ponies, I have asked so much of you already, but I must ask it of you again. You must figure out how to wash this stain out of our world before it coalesces into itself. The black mass is Sephiroth trying to assert himself. The cost of failure would be unimaginable, even for me. Please save our planet."

Six gulps emanated from six ponies.

"We'll do it. Right, girls?"

"Right, Twilight!" five ponies replied in unison.

Chapter Two

"So, Twi, how the hay are we s'posed ta fix that!?" Applejack exclaimed, waving a forehoof at the black mass gaining volume over Ponyville.

Twilight shook her head. "I don't know."

"Well I do!" Rainbow Dash yelled as she made a flying kick at it. She bounced off and flew through somepony's roof. "Sorry!" she yelled.

"Always rushing into things, Dashie! I swear you'll never change!" Pinkie shouted as she approached the mass. "I got a solution!"

Twilight chucked. "Pinkie Pie, the proper Equestrian is 'I have a solu..tion'...where did you get those fireworks from?" Twilight intoned worriedly.

"I have fireworks all over town, silly! And this qualifies as a Class 1 fireworks emergency! Fire in the hole!" Pinkie yelled as she hit a button, launching what appeared to be about twenty rockets into the cloud. They shot up into the air, contrails trailing behind as each rocket exploded upon the mass. This only appeared to make it angrier as it increased in size, bolts of lightning arcing inside of it. "...oopsie."

"N'aice goin, Pinkie. Now ya done riled it up!" Applejack growled exasperatedly.

"If I may..."

Twilight, Applejack and Pinkie turned to look at Rarity, who brought with her a white pony with a spiky azure and cyan mane. She had a black box about pony-high in front of her.

"I take it you remember Vinyl Scratch, from the Royal Wedding? Well, she has this miraculous device which p rojects subsonic soundwaves at an immesurably loud volume, tunneled at an immensely high velocity in a specific direction." Rarity sighed.

"Say what now?" Rainbow Dash and Applejack said in unison.

Twilight spoke up with, "I think what Rarity's trying to say is that that device is-"

"MY BASS CANNON!!!" Vinyl Scratch screamed at the top of her lungs as she slammed down on the button located on top of the 'bass cannon'. What proceeded was an insanely loud noise that pummeled into the side of the cloud with immesurable force, slowly pushing it out of town. Twilight and Applejack were holding onto Rainbow Dash who was holding on to the hole she made in the poor pony's roof. Pinkie had somehow managed to move in front of the massive subwofer as it blew her hair back violently.

"THIS IS AWESOME! HOW DID YOU COME UP WITH THIS!?" Pinkie screamed at Vinyl.

"THIS IS HOW I DO MY DISHES! I FIGURE IT'LL DO THE SAME FOR EVIL AS IT DOES FOR DIRT!" Vinyl screamed back.

"CLEAN IT ON A MICROSCOPIC LEVEL!" Pinkie and Vinyl screamed in unison.

The cloud was blasted straight into the Everfree Forest. Vinyl hit the button and the cannon shut off, leaving Twilight and Applejack to collapse through the roof, leaving another fresh pony-sized hole.

"Sorry 'bout that" Applejack yelled. Thatching wrapped in a purple glow patched both holes as Twilight and Applejack walked out, nodding at whoever was inside as the door slammed shut behind them.

Rarity cleared her throat. " Well, then, now that that's done with, I suppose we can get on with our lives-"

"VINYL THAT WAS AWESOME! You have to come to my parties!"

"I just might have to, Pinkie. Catch you later!" Vinyl said as she wheeled away her bass cannon, the squeaky wheel irking Rarity, her eye twitching as it rolled away. Rarity coughed.

"Well, now that that's over with-"

"But it's not, Rarity. We just moved it-"

"-away from my window, Twilight. Problem solved! Congratulations all around!"

Twilight shook her head. "No, Rarity. We have to destroy it before it can-"

KRA-KOW!

All five ponies turned towards the Everfree Forest where the sound came from. The black mass had ballooned to enormous proportions.

"I came to investigate a subsonic blast that scared the animals," Fluttershy announced as she walked up to her friends, who were staring in her direction.

"What is it, girls? Is there something on my face?"

They shook their heads.

Fluttershy brushed her hooves through her mane, "Is there something on my mane?"

They shook their heads.

"Oh no, is there something on my face AND my mane?"

They shook their heads in unison.

"Then what is it?"

Rainbow Dash lifted a hoof to point behind Fluttershy. Fluttershy turned her head back and caught sight of the cloud. "Oh, that's just a giant scary cloud-" she did a double take and screamed at the top of her lungs, "THAT'S A GIANT SCARY CLOUD OF EVIL OVER THE EVERFREE FOREST!!" and shot behind her friends, shivering in fear.

"Definitely NOT awesome!" Rainbow Dash said painfully.

Twilight separated herself from her friends and faced them. "I have an idea. But I'm going to need all of your help to do it."

Fluttershy whined, "I hope it doesn't involve going into-"

"We're going to need to go into the Everfree Forest!" Twilight announced.

Fluttershy let out a whimpering, "That's what I was afraid you were going to say," and fainted.

Everypony looked at Applejack.

"What're y'all lookin' at me fer?"

Twilight motioned at Fluttershy, then at Applejack.

"Aw, shucks." She pulled Fluttershy up on her back by her mane,"get on up, little doggie"

"So, what're we gonna do in the Everfree, Twilight? We gonna give the bazz-kim-bah to the cloud? Huh? Huh?"

"No, Pinkie, we're going to use the Elements of Harmony!"

"But aren't they on the Tree of Harmony?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Yep."

"Ok...so what do we do about that?" Rainbow asked.

Twilight took a deep breath, then said, "I have no idea!"

They all stared at Twilight, except for Fluttershy, who was still unconcious atop Applejack.

"Let's go find a Tree!" Twilight beamed.

"Alright, let's wrangle us up a cloud!" Applejack hollered.

Chapter Three

"So, Twilight, you're going to pull an intergalactic stunt?"

"No, Rainbow, an interdimensional shunt."

"Now what in the hay is that gonna do?"

Twilight beamed. "Well, let me put it like this, Applejack: Imagine that this dimension, our home dimension is Sweet Apple Acres."

"Uh huh." Applejack nodded.

"And let's say another dimension is, oh, say, Trixie's wagon."

"Serves her right, hmmph."

"So I'm going to slip the darkness out of Sweet Apple Acres into Trixie's wagon."

"But won't the ponies in that dimension have to deal with it, then? I wouldn't wish that on anypony." Fluttershy intoned quietly.

"Darling, chances are there won't BE anypony in the other dimension." Rarity added, flipping her mane,"Remember dear, the only reason Equestria exists is because Celestia and Luna created it! It'll just be like, throwing our trash into a waste-paper basket."

Fluttershy nodded, "I-if you say so, Rarity."

"There's the STAIRCAAAASE!" Pinkie said, pronking past the crowd down the stairs.

"How does she do that?" Rainbow Dash asked quizzically.

"Shucks, sugarcube, thas' jus' Pinkie being herself. Now mosey on down those stairs, everypony!" Applejack called out.
Everypony grumbled as they descended down the large staircase and into the cave at the end of it. When they got inside, they stood in awe at the tree. The Tree of Harmony glistened in its own light, the six Elements catching the glow.

"Ok, let's get's down to business," Twilight announced. She braced herself and accessed her magic, trying to reach out to her Element. It slipped away from her like a greased pig. She tried again, and it slipped again like a knife covered in jelly.

Rarity, noticing Twilight fumbling with her magic, bit her lip. She couldn't, she shouldn't, she promised her father she wouldn't. But something inside told her that she should.

"Twilight, try again now," Rarity offered.

Twilight sighed, and tried again. This time, though, she heard Rarity's haunting melody accompanied her magic, letting her latch on.

Etz khayyim he, l'makhazikim ba
V'tomekheha me'ushar

She could feel the veins of the tree as she lifted her friends in the air.

Derakheha, d'rakhei noam
V'khol netivoteha shalom

Twilight felt the energy course through all them as if they were branches on the tree. Rarity's song continued.

Hashivenu adonai, eilekha v'nashuva
Khadesh, khadesh y'ameinu k'kedem
Khadesh, khadesh y'ameinu k'kedem.

Twilight felt the familiar rush of the Elements of Harmony, along with an added boost that must have been the Tree's own power added to all of theirs. She could do it. She could feel the black mass of dark magic, imagining a funnel around it. She then proceeded to the hard part: the dimensional tunnel.

She proceeded to neatly tear a hole in the fabric of space, crimping it on the sides. Twilight then directed the tip of the funnel into the crimped tear, feeling it empty out. Everything was going fine, until she noticed there was a pony trapped in there! She quickly created a catch in the funnel, letting the dark energy out while keeping the pony in this dimension.

Finally, all the dark energy ripped itself into the spare dimension, so Twilight uncrimped the tear and let itself heal. She lightly let the pony down - pegasus, she thought- and let the funnel go along with all the energy laden in the tree. Everypony flopped onto the ground, elicting moans and groans from everypony.

"Sorry, girls. Too much magic to let you girls down softly." Twilight panted, sweat beading down her horn. She ruffled her wings, stretching them out.

"S'ok, Twilight. Ah reckon it must've been a doozy to wrangle up that motherbucker! Hoo-wee!"

"That's not all," Twilight gasped, "There was a pony in that cloud. I saved him, though, and I know where he is!"

"Then let's get him! What is everypony waiting for!?" Rainbow Dash piped up and popped up, raring to go.

"Hold up, Dashie! Twilight looks as pooped as a pickle! She needs to rest!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"I think we should stay by the tree until Twilight recuperates," Fluttershy noted worriedly.

"Yes, well, with the absolute torrent of magic you had flowing through us, I'm not surprised, dear." Rarity helpfully added.

"And I couldn't have done it without you, Rarity." Twilight huffed, "What was that song you sang? It was hauntingly beautiful, not to mention that it allowed me to access the Tree's magic."

Rarity fussed with her hooves. Dare she let her friends know? Wait, what was she talking about, these were her very best friends! Of course they would accept her!

Rarity cleared her throat. "Well, the reason I know that song, is that every Soosi colt and filly knows that song!" Rainbow Dash and Applejack stood slack-jawed staring at Rarity as if they had seen a ghost. Pinkie Pie stopped her pronking mid-bounce, slowly lilting down. Twilight smiled at Rarity, not being able to do much else. Fluttershy walked over and hugged Rarity in her forelegs.
"I know that was hard for you, Rarity. I'm proud of you...if that's ok with you, I mean," Fluttershy said softly.

"A Soosi?!" Rainbow Dash and Applejack exclaimed.

"Oh, get it out of your systems already." Rarity whined playfully.

Rainbow started, "Is it true that all Sooses have horns, even the non-unicorns?"

Applejack went on, "Is it true that ya use Celestian foal's blood in yer holiday crackers, and that ya control tha media?"

Pinkie shot in with, "Is true you have a holiday called Ponykah where you have not one day of presents, but eight crazy nights!?"

Rarity grimaced.

"First of all, Rainbow Dash, only unicorn Soosim have horns, just like unicorn Celestians are the only ones that have horns, and no, Soosim pegasi and earth ponies are not born with horns. That would make the pegasi alicorns, and earth ponies unicorns."

"Secondly, Applejack, those Celestian foal's tales are horrid lies from a bygone era. Besides, if I had control of the media, you'd think I would have gotten that modeling job over Fluttershy for Photo Finish."

"And lastly, Pinkie Pie, yes, I celebrate Ponykah with my parents and Sweetie Belle every year. And yes, it is eight nights, but I wouldn't call them crazy by any stretch of the imagination, especially since I moved to Ponyville. I'm too afraid of prejudice to put the Marenorah in my window." Rarity shot a look in Applejack and Rainbow Dash's direction. Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked down guiltily.

"Ahm sorry, Rares. I didn't mean nuthin by that...ahm just ig'nant of other religions, that's all. It's just confusin' t'me, is all."

"Yeah, Rarity, how could you be another religion?" Rainbow said, "I mean, you have a direct line of Dragonfire with the God-Empress of Equestria-"

"We worship the night, okay? Our holidays start at night, we have a lunar calendar, happy? Another name for us, in the Vulgar Equestrian, is Lunarians."

Twilight started to open her mouth, then kept it closed. She was starting to feel better, anyway.

"Well, girls, let's find us a pony," she said as she stood up, heading towards the staircase, "don't want to leave a pony alone in the Everfree, now do we?"

"Ah s'pose we don't, Twi..." Applejack mumbled.

Author's Note

Here is the translation for Rarity's song:
A tree of life to those who hold fast to it,
and all who cling to it find happiness.

Its ways are ways of pleasantness,
and all its paths are peace.

Help us and guide us, inspire us and provide us

With the wisdom Your Torah can show.

Cause us to learn, renew and return,
Just as in days of old.

Also, the word "Soosi" comes from the Hebrew for "horse", and the myths she debunks are Jews having horns, a very volitiale myth concerning Jews using the blood of Catholic children in their matzah in the middle ages, and an inflammatory false treatise called "The Protocols of the Elders of Zion"

Chapter Four

"My magic says he should be right...around...here!" Twilight murmured as she used her horn like a divining rod, feeling the magical energies pull her this way and that, finally pushing her horn up a tree, "Ok, girls, we're looking for a pegasus in the tree!"

"On it, Twi!" Rainbow Dash said with a salute as she zipped up and around the tree, "found him! But he's got...ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh!"

"What is it, sugarcube?" Applejack yelled out"

"Just check it!" Rainbow yelled as she floated down with the passenger. Everypony gasped at what they saw. Rainbow let down what appeared to be a cream-colored pegasus with one cream wing and one black wing, and flowing white hair with a white spitcurl in the front. He had a Cutie Mark of white and black wings arranged in a Yin-Yang design. But what shocked them most of all was that this pegasus had a fifteen-inch horn, making him...

"An alicorn," the ponies said in unison.

"Quick, we have to get him to the hospital!" Fluttershy commanded.

"Guess ah'll load 'em up, then." Applejack said as Rainbow gingerly laid the new alicorn on the orange pony's back.

"So you say you found him unconscious in the Everfree?" Doctor Caramel asked irritatedly. "What in Tartarus was an unidentified alicorn doing in the Everfree? And why didn't you bring him to Canterlot? They have much better facilities for treating alicorns! In fact, all I know about Alicorn Anatomy and Physiology is from a three-credit course at Ponyville Community that I am in the middle of taking because our librarian up and turns into one-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, Twilight's awesome, but can you help the guy we brought in or not?" Rainbow Dash asked, annoyed at the obvious overshare.

"Oh, well, yes, of course." Doctor Caramel said, with more than a bit of surprise. "He's in room 215. You can see him now, if you'd like."

"Awesome! Thanks, doc!" Rainbow Dash beamed as she left the waiting area and flew up to the outside window, where her friends were inside. She rapped lightly on the window. She saw all of her friends turn as she waved at them, hovering in the air. "A little help here?"

A purple glow encased the window as it swung open, and Rainbow Dash swooped in as the window shut behind her.

"So how's the patient?" Rainbow inquired.

"Well, his heart rate is low and slow, but that is the tempo to be expected for an alicorn. His brainwave readings," Twilight said as she fumbled around with some papers, "appear to be healthy, but we don't know why he's not waking up yet." Twilight frowned.

"Let me try," Pinkie said. She lifted the alicorn's ear, and took a deep breath. It was at this point that her friends covered her ears, knowing what was coming next. "HEY MISTER ALICORN SIR, PLEASE WON'T YOU WAKE UP AND PLAY WITH ME? I'M SURE IT'LL BE SAFER THAN BEING IN A BLACK CLOUD-" and was pushed away by the alicorn whose ear she was screaming against. A gasp escaped all of their throats as they watched him shuffle awake.

He spoke in a deep voice, "What the hell is that cacaphonous droning!?" he rubbed his eyes as he opened them, "man, I'm so hungry I could eat a...", his voice cut short by the sight of six pastel-colored ponies surrounding his bed.

Fluttershy said, "What's the matter, Mister?"

His voice eked out, "You're all...you're all...HORSES!"

"Actually, we're all ponies, sir. Just like you." Applejack pointed out.

The alicorn looked down at his hooves, and his wings popped up in surprise. He turned around to see what just happened as his horn bumped into the wall, "fuck! Shit! Fuck, this isn't happening!" he swore as he stumbled out of bed onto his back hooves, slowly losing his balance as he fell down onto his front hooves.

"What just happened?" Twilight queried.

"I know! He made up new words!" Pinkie exclaimed, "and I like them! Shit! Fuck! Shit! Fuck! Shitty shitty fuck fuck, shitty shitty fuck!" Pinkie chanted while pronking around the confused alicorn. He stared at the pink pony in a mix of horror and confusion.

"Quit it, Pinkie! You're scaring Mister...I don't believe we have your name."

"Safer. You can call me Safer." The scared alicorn said, quite deliberately as if holding back panic.

"Well, Safer, pleased to meet a fellow alicorn! I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle, but my friends call me Twilight."

"Ahm Applejack. I carried ya here on my back and hoo-wee, are ya heavy!"

"Now, now, that's no way to speak to a gentlecolt, especially not a handsome alicorn stallion such as yourself, Mr. Safer," Rarity said seductively as she approached Safer, her hoof extended. "I'm Rarity."

The cream-and-black pony grasped her hoof with his, and kissed it. "Enchante, Rarity." He could get used to this, even if she was a pony.

"Ooooh, he knows Fancy!" Rarity squeed in delight.

"Rainbow Dash. I'm the one that fished you out of the tree you barreled into."

"...I'm Fluttershy."

"And I'm the P to the inkie, to the P-R-I-T-E, and come on Mister Safer, WON'T YOU PLEASE MAKE FRIENDS WITH ME??!!??" Pinkie wailed as she dove into the alicorn who could barely get a hoof up before she barreled him over onto the ground. "I'm Pinkalicious!" She said with a wink.

"Pinkie!" Twilight admonished as she lifted Pinkie of off the horribly confused alicorn with her magic and set her down next to the bed. "Sorry about that, Mister Safer-"

"Just Safer...is fine." The alicorn said while dusting himself off.

"Well then, Safer, if I may ask," Twilight continued, "where are you from? I can't recall reading your name in any history texts, or Celestia and Luna ever mentioning your name...so where are you from?"

"Out, of...town?" Safer offered helpfully.

"Ooooh! You must have been sucked through the dimensional tear when you went to examine it on your end! But that means...oh my Celestia, we dumped the black energy into an inhabited dimension!"

"Um, yes?" Safer said with a hint of surprise in his voice. He shook his head, and reasserted himself. "I mean, yes that's absolutely right! How dare you use my dimension as your dumping ground!"

"Oooohhhh, I should have checked! I'm so sorry, Safer! But I can't rip open the dimensional tear right now! I'm too weak!" Twilight apologized.

"I suppose that's alright. Do you have accomodations, perhaps a nice...stable?" Safer intoned questioningly.

"I have stables, but wouldn't ya prefer a bed? Stables are fer livestock." Applejack informed the stallion.

"I guess you could stay with me, seeing as how this is my fault. I have an extra bed." Twilight spoke up helpfully.

Pinkie snuck up to Twilight and whispered loudly, "Hey, Twi, don't ya think that's a little, inapropro?"

"Nonsense, I'm a perfect gentle...colt." Safer reassured the pink pony.

"Yes you are, Safer." Rarity oozed toward Safer. "Now come with me to my boutique. I'd love to design something for a stallion alicorn," she said as she wrapped her foreleg around his and led him away.

"I must protest..."Safer got out before-

"Nonsense, Sir Safer. We simply must design an ensemble to frame that hunky figure," she said as she led him out of the room and down the hallway. "I've got a hold of the most fashionable material straight from Canterlot. I believe it's called pleather..." Her voice trailed off as they headed down the hall.

"That's Rares for ya." Applejack noted.

"Nice cloak, Safer!" Pinkie exclaimed. She breathed in a lungful, and-

"Miss Pie, I appreciate the gesture, but do we have to do this in the Town Square?" Safer asked worriedly.

"Yeah! It's where I welcome all of my new friends! And it's Pinkie!"

"If you insist..."

Pinkie nodded. She breathed in a lungful of air and belted out:

Safer's my friend!
(Safer's my friend!)
From another dimension!
(From another dimension!)
And he's try-ing to get back!
Oh how I wish that he could stay-ay
But he says he has to leave!
He has a coat!
(He has a coat!)
That Rarity made!
(That Rarity made!)
It's made from Canterlot pleather!
But the reason she made it for him
Is that she has a huge crush(on Sir Safer!)
Oh yes it's huge-

"...thank you, Pinkie," Safer said, his cheeks and the tips of his ears reddening as he clamped a wingtip over her mouth, "That's quite enough."

Pinkie pried herself away from the wing and blurted out, "Oh you wanna see my wagon? I use it to welcome ponies! I'll be right back!" With that, she slipped around a corner, coming right back with a red and white wagon. She wheeled it in front of Safer, and opened it up to revealed a couple of stacks on top and what appeared to be an oven in the front.

"Ready for my welcome song?"

"Welcome, welcome, welcome/A fine welcome to you/Welcome, welcome, welcome/I say how do you do?/Welcome, welcome, welcome/I say hip-hip-hooray/Welcome, welcome, welcome/Too Ponyville tooooodaaaaaay!"

Safer stared at Pinkie.

"Wait for it, Safer..." Pinkie warned. Just then, a fully-baked pie flew towards Safer's face. He raised his hooves towards his face, wishing that the pie wouldn't hit him.

It never did. He opened his eyes to see the pie sheathed in a black aura. Just as he realized that it was his doing, the confetti cannons went off, causing him to lose focus and almost drop the pie, which he caught on one of his hooves.

"Fancy hoofwork, Safer!"

"Erm, thank you, Pinkie...think fast!" Safer threw the pie into Pinkie's face, where it caught her dead on. "That was for the embarrassment concerning Rarity!"

"I know, sillyface!" Pinkie proceeded to lick the pie off of her face, "I let you have that one! To think you could catch me off guard with a pie!"

Twilight heard clopping come down the staircase. She put the finishing touches on her letter to Celestia as she turned around and faced him. "Hey, Safer! Just finished writing a letter to my mentor. Normally I don't write letters to her anymore, but I figured this to be a special occasion, seeing as how we met you and all. Wanna read it?" Twilight looked up hopefully.

"I suppose you'll pester me until I do..." Safer mused, "Fine, let me see it." he said as he grasped the letter with his aura and read the letter out loud:

"Dear Princess Celestia,

During my attempt to shunt the energy out of this dimension, we seem to have picked up a straggler, an alicorn named Safer. I accidentally sucked him in, but he's being a real good sport about the whole thing. Rarity dragged him away first to play dress-up, and the pleather coat she made for him makes him look so dashing-" Safer looked at Twilight, who blushed and looked away coyly. He went back to reading, "-so dashing. He even let Pinkie Pie give him a proper Ponyville welcome, with the wagon and everything. Pinkie even let him pie her for the song she sang for him. And lastly, I've been teaching him all sorts of magic, which he has quite the aptitude for, despite claiming to not know any. He says it's because magic is different in his dimension. In a couple of days, I'm going to tear space again to send him home. Maybe you guys should meet!

Your faithful student forever,

Princess Twilight Sparkle."

Safer glanced it over again. "So, this...Princess Celestia."

"What about her?" Twilight asked.

"What's she like?"

Twilight took a breath. "Well, she's the most powerful being in all of Equestria, and she raises the sun. She co-rules with her sister, Princess Luna, who raises the moon."

"So," Safer intoned, "she would be akin to a goddess?"

"Well, she's older than Equestria and created it, so yeah, I guess if you want to put it that way, yeah." Twilight grasped her letter from Safer and called, "Here Spike!"

"Really, Twilight? Aren't you a little too, 'princessy' for letters?" Spike called down while walking down the stairs in a boyish voice. He grabbed the letter and breathed on it, the magic whisking away the letter straight to Celestia.

"Fascinating..." Safer mused, "may I write a letter?" he said, grabbing a quill and parchment and started jotting down a letter.

"Whatcha writing?" Twilight asked.

"A letter...declaring...myself as an emissary of the Great Midgar Republic of the Cetra dimension!" Safer sighed, hoping she bought it.

"Oh, ok, I'll get out of your mane, then. You remember where the bedroom is, right?"

"Yes, yes, top of the stairs and all that."

"Good. Goodnight!" Twilight beamed as bucked up the stairs.

Safer finished writing his letter a few minutes later, sent it by Dragonfire, and stalked up the stairs so as not to disturb Twilight.

Princess Celestia was sipping on a banana smoothie as she read Twilight's letter. This Safer fellow sounded quite interesting, especially about the cloak. Something was spinning in her mind, though, when all of a sudden, another letter appeared at her hooves. She picked it up with her magic, unfurled it, and started reading, sipping on her smoothie:

Hello El, it's Sephiroth

Celestia spat out her banana smoothie and kept reading like a mare possessed:

I understand your wish to start anew from the old world, but seriously, ponies? These creatures are so gullible, it's laughable. The white one does know my style, though. I daresay I look, what did that blushing whore use, dashing. Now before you fly off to rescue them from my divine glory, may I mention that I am sharing a room with a certain princess, and if you so much as make a hostile inkling of a move against me, I'll crush her like the insect that she is. I'd tell you more, but that would spoil the fun.

Ta ta.

P.S. I told her that I'm an Emissary of the Great Midgar Republic of the Cetra dimension. So remember to play along, or it's goodnight to your wretched worms.

Celestia began to fume. There were only two beings who could hold her down before she rushed in without a plan.

"LUNA! DISCORD!" She bellowed in her Royal Canterlot Voice before everything turned red.

Chapter Five

Celestia woke up on her back, seeing blue. She tried to move, but found that she couldn't.

"Why can't I see?" she called out.

"Oh sorry." A mischevious male voice said as she heard a fingersnap. Her eyes were suddenly clear, and she saw the draconeqqus Discord sitting on her throne.

"What are you doing on my throne!? And what-" she tried to move again, but failed, "-am I covered in!?"

"Oh dear Tia, I've covered you in blueberry jam! Isn't it...delicious?" Discord said in a sing-song tone.

"It is for thine own good," Luna's lilting voice said to the distraught Princess, still struggling.

"Oh don't bother trying to move," Discord intoned musically, "the jam is made out of dark matter! Isn't that a delight?"

"Unhand me this instant! I hate blueberries...how did you know?"

"Oh, the answer isn't obvious? A certain,loonie told me..." Discord said menacingly.

"LUNA!!" Celestia threatened.

"We are sorry, sister. Discord used a...tickle torture to get it out of us." Luna apologized.

"You don't use the royal WE when talking to me! We is me!" Celestia spat out at her clearly worried sister.

"Enough about that, although family bonding is one of my favourite activities," Discord teased sarcastically while rolling his eyes,

"Now, Celestia...would you perhaps, like some fruit?"

"What? What kind of question is that?" Celestia asked exasperatedly.

"Maybe a...banana?" Discord offered as he snapped his fingers, when a paper bag reading Fancymart appeared next to the throne. He tapped his claw lighty along the bag. "You DO like bananas, don't you?"

Celestia licked her lips. She could go for a Fancymart banana, so she replied, "Yes, I would like a banana."

Discord grinned a wicked grin as he reached into the bag, as he said, "So let me get this straight..." And then pulled out a megaphone from the bag, and called out into the megaphone, "You are a...mmm, bitch, that likes bananas?"

"What did you say!?" Celestia tumbled out, flabbergasted.

"I said, you are a beeyitch that likes, mmm, bananas!"

"Hold your tounge, cur!"

"You are a, you are a," Discord repeated as he was holding back severe laughter,"You are a bitch that likes bananas!"

"Silence, scoundrel!"

"You're a bitch that likes bananas! You're a bitch that likes bananas!" Discord chanted into the megaphone. "Well that's good..."

"WHY?"

"Because...because,"Discord wiped a tear away, "You about to go bananas ON THE MOOON-hahahahahah!" Discord lost his composure as he fell on his back and let out a howling laughter, while Princess Luna joined in with her own chortling.

"So this was all, a joke?" Celestia inquired worriedly, "does this mean no banana?"

Discord laughed out, "Just try-trying t-to take you down a peg, dearie. Here's your banana." Discord snapped his fingers, removing the dark matter jam from Celestia, while simultaneously levitating a banana in front of her. She grasped it with her magic and began to peel it.

"Sho," Celestia said with banana in her mouth, "we ah hewre to dithcush the isthue of Sephiroth."

"Thou thinkest we mean Safer." Luna added.

"Safer Sephiroth...sounds like a video game villain to me. All Blam and no pizzaz," Discord spat out. "So what is his grand master plan, dear Tia?"

"Shephiroth needsh to desthroy the planet due to an ancient-" Celestia gulped the banana down, "due to an ancient directive from a being he was cloned from. Its name is Jenova."

"'Tis an evil from another planet whose planetary vampirism is most legendary, wethinks. His drive for malice is most likey a genetic command from this beast." Luna added.

"He fancthies himsthelf a god, and he does cthertainly have the powah to back it upth," Celestia mumbled past the banana, which she gulped down. "Hence why he appears an alicorn in our world." Celestia took another bite of her banana and started chewing again.

"He is an abomination most foul, but most of his unholy power was shunted into the empty dimension thine student most skillfully accessed, mine sister. Dost he dare deceive Twilight Sparkle into ripping open the dimensional prison, we are afraid for him that the pain must be doubled!" Luna demanded while slamming her hoof down.

"Y'see though, Loonie, he has your precious little ponies wrapped around his hoof. How do we pry him away from the dearies long enough to, slay the dragon?" Discord pried annoyingly. The sisters exchanged worried glares.

"You sthee, Dithcord, he can't be dithtroyed in hith current shtathe," Celestia said, munching on her banana.

"And why, pray tell, not?" Asked Discord.

"Because he hath possessed the planet upon which we stand with his own black soul. His fate is tied to the planet he sought to smite." Luna added.

"To desthroy him would be to desthroy all of Equethtria, and then tha beast would thtill win, laughing," Celestia gulped down the last of the banana, "at us from beyond the grave." Celestia turned the banana peel upside down and shook it, seemingly trying to dump out the insides. She frowned, then placed it in the wastebin.

"So, we have a plan, right? Why not just banish him to the moon, then?" Discord asked.

"Well, I suppose we could...you up for it, Luna?" Celestia looked at her sister, who shied away.

"If it must be done, then I suppose it must. But we have not the power without the Elements of Harmony, dearest sister."

"Plus, they're in the tree." Celestia noted.

"And you have to separate him from the six best friends anypony could ever have." Discord added." Problems for another day, Princesses. Best you get some sleep! You have an 'emissary' to entertain..." Discord teased.

"Wilt thou be able to retainest thy temper on the morrow, sister?"

Celestia furrowed her brow. "I don't like it anymore than you do...but for now, I believe I can."

"Ok, it's settled then. Off to sleep with you, Tia! The night is ours, Loonie!" Discord announced while shooing Celestia off to bed, then throwing an arm around Luna.

"Goodnight, Luna. Discord." Celestia said while walking off to her room.

"So here're all the Apple Family products," Applejack said to Safer as she showed him into the barn.

"Products? You made yourself out to be simple farmers," Safer said quizzically.

"Well, ya gots ta sell what ya make in order ta stay in business, dont'cha?" Applejack said matter-of-factly. "Most of what we sell is apples by the barrel ta Fancymart up in Canterlot, but you have got ta see our specialty products!" she said as she directed him towards tables littered with all manner of confections.

"All these are made from, apples?" Safer asked.

"Yep! We got apple pie, apple fritters, apple turnovers, apple tarts, apple crepes, caramel apples, chocolate apples-white, milk 'n dark-apple strudel, applesauce, apple donuts, apple cider, apple juice, apple jelly, apple butter, apple jam..."

"I didn't realize you could make so much from apples..." Safer mused.

"We haven't even got in'ta mah favorite..." Applejack said as she pulled a bottle from a crate and tossed it towards Safer, the black glow of his magic catching it midair. He twisted off the cap and sniffed it, recoiling from the acrid smell.

"What is this, apple paint thinner?" He asked warily.

"Nah, silly, it's applejack! Mah favorite!" She said as she pulled out a bottle for herself. "We're gonna drink it in the shed! Wanna join?"

"Um, sure." Safer agreed, "but who is the 'we' that you speak of?"

"Why, you me 'n Big Macintosh, a'course!" Applejack piped up.

"Big Macintosh?"

"Mah brother! He jus' wants ta drink wit' us. Isn't that raight, Big Mac?" as she threw the drink behind Safer. He spun around to see a red stallion catch the bottle in his hoof.

"Eeyup." The red stallion said.

"He's harmless, Safer. Just like a big puppy dog, right?"

"Eeyup." The red stallion repeated.

Applejack fished out a bottle for herself, and said, "Well, what are we waiting fer, let's drink 'til we can't feel feelin's!"

Safer sat in the shed with the two smelly beasts as they began to drink in earnest.

"Hoo-wee! This'um's here a strong un, issn't it? Half tha bawtle an' ahm already tipsy!"

"Ee...yup" Big Mac agreed.

"Ok, so you're drunk. What do you do now?" Safer asked.

"Well, um we ausually play dozens, but I'm not sure Big Mac's up to it, what with a visitor here'n'all."

"Nope."

"Ah, c'mon, Big Mac, ya gotsta!"

"Nope."

"Fahn then, ah'll start:

"Mah name's Applejack and this here is mah drink
Which means that I drink it more than ya think
When I need my licker I just give tha trees a buck
After two bushels, I'm ausually in luck
My rhymes are sick just lahk a hart attack
I'm an even better bucker than my brotha Big Mac!"

Big Mac's face grew even redder; Safer didn't think that was possible. Big Mac took a swig out of his bottle and said, "Nope!" then
started:

"Now see here little filly I know what's up
All the ladies come a'callin when I say 'Eeyup!'
I been bucking since before you were small
They should call it 'Big Mac Jack' 'cause I be drinkin' it all
Now maybe once in a while I give a good burn
Like you were caught in Appleoosa with your cousin Braeburn!"

"Say WHAT now!?" Applejack shouted, "I've half a mind ta throw this bawtle at'cha, but I still got licker innit!" Applejack shot daggers with a glance as she chugged her bottle.

"Wait, wait...who is Braeburn?" Safer asked confusedly, taking a nip of his applejack.

"He an' I are cousins-"

"-kissin' cousins-" Big Mac interjected, which led to an empty bottle being flung at him. He dodged handily.

"-sh'up, ahm telling tha story! So Braeburn used ta come to tha farm in the summer, and...we kissed." Applejack said, her face reddening."I didn't mean it ta happen, it jus' happened. We would kiss in the orchard, behaind tha barn, and even in tha shed, drinking applejack. Eventually, Grannysmith caught us. Boy, was she mad. I ain't never seen Braeburn again, until this year in Appleloosa. We talked it over an' decided we was jus' foals bein' foals. There, Mac, ya happy ya embarrased me in front of ahr guest?"

"Eeyup!" Big Mac nodded.

"So, you were just being...foals," Safer comforted Applejack awkwardly, "foals tend to experiment. It doesn't make you a bad pony." Safer patted Applejack on the head.

"Pinkie prawmise ya won't tell mah friends! Please, Mr Safer!" Applejack whined.

"Fine...I Pinkie Promise."

"No, Safer, ya gotta cross yer heart and poke yer eye whaile sayin' "Cross mah heart, hope ta fly, stick a cupcake in mah eye!"

Safer repeated the oath and actions, then said, "Well, as enlightening as this was, Rainbow Dash was going to give me flying pointers. See you all later." Safer said as he got off of his haunches and walked out of the shed.

"Hey, Mac..."

"Eeyup?"

"Wanna hoof-wrassle for his drink?"

"Eeyup!"

Rainbow Dash loved to fly. The cool wind flowing through her mane, her eyes tearing up from the speed, her powerful wings flapping through the air...she looked back to see Safer looking back handily keeping up with her.

"Ya sure you need pointers from me?" Rainbow yelled back, "you seem to be keeping up just fine."

"I...wasn't sure of my capabilities after the fall," Safer yelled forward.

"Well, what do you do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Back in your home dimension. What do you do?" Rainbow said, doing a loop-de-loop, "I'm a weather pony. I can clear the sky in ten seconds flat!", punctuating the end of that sentence by karate-kicking a cloud.

"Oh, my job. Well I'm a soldier for a PMC."

"What's that?"

"A soldier?" Safer asked, copying Dash's loop-de-loop.

"Pretty good. No, silly, a PMC. They've got soldiers up in Canterlot. The Royal Guard."

"Well, Dash, a PMC is a private military corporation. You know, soldiers-for-hire."

"...we don't really have that here."

"Come on, there must be some manner of military prowess that isn't government-run."

Dash stopped midair, rubbing her chin with her hoof. "Well, there ARE the Wonderbolts..."

Safer flew up next to her, "Wonderbolts?"

"Yeah. They're pegasus showponies who double as an air brigade, like when Spike got huge and rampaged across Ponyville."

"Interesting." Safer said as he circled around Rainbow Dash, "did you know that I've slain a dragon?"

"Really? How big was it?"

"Oh, it was three times my size, but two swipes from my Masamune and it folded like a house of cards..."

"What's a Masamune?" Dash asked excitedly.

"It's a six foot long katana that only I can wield."

"That's...so...AWESOME!!" Dash squeed.

"PRINCESS CELESTIA HERE FOR THE CETRAN EMISSARY!!" A voice rang out from Ponyville proper.

"That's my ride," Safer said, "Wanna race to the Town Square?"

"You're on!" Dash exclaimed, as they both rushed down to Ponyville.

Safer and Rainbow Dash touched down to see the five others ponies bowing to Celestia, upon which Dash bowed down too. Safer, not wishing to draw undue attention, drew himself into a bow as well.

"Rise," Celestia said, and the ponies rose up. The alicorn began to rise as well until Celestia said, "Not you. Stay."and Safer quickly bowed his head back down. He heard her hoofsteps clop determinedly around him. "Sir...Safer, I presume?" she said as if she disliked the taste of it. "Rise, Sir Safer."

Safer picked his head up, and his head shot back in awe. Her coat was a brilliant white, her hair an everflowing interchange of pastel pink, green, and blue, her snout ever so delicately pointed up. He daresay she was, for a pony, beautiful.

"And y-you must be, this, Princess Celestia I've heard nothing but wonderful things about," stealing a smirk when she grimaced at the accent he put upon her name. "What brings you here, on such short notice?"

She frowned at him. "Well, Sir Sefer, I give visits to all foreign dignitaries, and having one from a different dimension would be my delight!" almost growling out that last word. "My friends here in Ponyville have had nothing but nice things to say about you. I would like to confirm these things for myself. Would any of your new friends like to come along?" Celestia queried.

"As a matter of fact, I would like to bring dearest Fluttershy along." At this the ponies murmured.

"M-me? But we hardly even talked." The yellow pony quavered out.

"All the better to get to know you along the way," Safer intoned as he wrapped a wing around her, leading her to the carriage.
"Very well. Fluttershy, I trust you'll be the best of company to our guest," she said authoritatively as the three ponies loaded into the carriage."To Canterlot!" she commanded the pegasi pulling the carriage.

"Canterlot Ho!" The pegasi replied as they took off, leaving Ponyville behind.

Chapter Six

"So, Miss Fluttershy," Safer intoned into her ear, "what do you do around here?"

"Oh, n-nothing special Mister Safer," Fluttershy replied, her fur sticking up on the nape of her neck from the private intrusion, "I just take care of all the animals in Ponyville."

"Oh, an animal handler. How fascinating...tell me about them."

"Well I have kitties and seals and otters, falcons, eagles, toucans and bats and flamingos, and a v-very cute flying squirrel." Fluttershy said, "but my favorite is my Angel bunny."

"Angelbunny?"

"Oh, no, no, no...his name is Angel, and he's a bunny. He's very much alive."

"Who said angels have to be dead?"

"What do you mean, Mister Safer? When ponies and animals pass on, they turn into angels. They float around in the sky...and that's how my Angel bunny makes me feel."

"Like an angel?" Safer questioned.

"Well, yes."

"Canterlot to your right! Here we have Equestria's very own city on a hill, home to Equestria's elites in fashion, business, and entertainment!"

"City on a hill...Zion..." Safer mused.

"I see you're appreciating the view, Safer," Celestia shouted over the din of flight.

"Ah, Yes. Very much so." Safer agreed as they touched down in the palace gardens. Everypony got off the carriage and walked onto the grass. Fluttershy extended a wing, and several cardinals landed on it.

"Oh, hello, my little babies, how are you? Did you miss me?" Fluttershy asked the birds. They chirped in acknowledgement. "Oh thank you, cause I missed you too!"

Suddenly the cardinals flew away as Safer trotted past, followed by Celestia. Fluttershy sighed, and followed Celestia into the castle. They trotted down several hallways, eventually coming to the dining hall.

"Here is where we will make our business," Celestia stated. "Let us sit-"

"-oh Shutterfly!" Discord popped in and grasped the yellow pony in a bear hug.

"I-it's Fluttershy, Discord."

"Ah, yes." Discord intoned, "Well, I thought we could go somewhere and play!"

"Oh no, Discord. I'm here as a guest of Safer and I couldn't possibly-"

"Nonsense, Fluttershy! Why, they're going to be discussing boring business matters, like diplomacy and interdimensional relations, nothing that would require having you around. So how's about it?"

"Well, if it's okay with everypony..."

"I insist, Fluttershy. Go and play with Discord. I'll be sure Safer is most...entertained." Celestia said with authority.

"Far be it from me to keep old friends apart," Safer said, "go ahead, Fluttershy. I won't take offense, my angel."

Fluttershy started, "Well, ok then..."

"Then it's settled! Come, let's frolic in the garden, my dear Fluttershy!" and with a snap of his fingers, both Fluttershy and Discord
vanished into thin air.

Celestia let out a breath. "Now...Sephiroth."

"El," Safer Sephiroth replied, "or is it Adonai Elohim, or Adonai Eloheinu or Kadosh Barukh Hu? Perhaps El Shaddai-"

"-Celestia will do for now, but you're going to wish it was El Rakhum by the time I'm done with YOU!" as she fired out a bolt of pure sunlight from her horn.

Fluttershy's vision shifted as they were suddenly transfered to what appeared to be a bedroom. Inside the bed was a pony shape, which Discord shook awake.

"No, I doth not wish to goest to magic kindergarten this day, mother..." Luna said, rolling around in bed.

"Oh dear..." Discord admonished as he snapped his fingers, summoning a bucket, which then turned upside down, revealing the contents to be ice. Discord winced as they touched down. Luna snapped awake as the ice hit her form.

"Sephiroth!?"

"I'm afraid so, Loonie..." Discord said, accompanied by a rumble that reverted across the palace.

"Sephiroth!? Where!?" Fluttershy panicked.

"Thine friend Safer. He is not what he seems." Luna said.

"So S-s-safer's Sephiroth!?" Fluttershy yelled, "but he's alone with the Princess!"

Safer Sephiroth deflected the ray, watching it ricochet into a wall. He then grasped Celestia with his magic and began to throw her across the room. Just then, he saw gold as the world literally turned upside down as he was slammed against the floor. He threw Celestia into the celing as he was pulled across the room, slamming into the table. He then proceeded to slam Celestia into a stone column. Safer began to stand, when a chair flew into the back of his head, followed by another. Then the table slipped out from under him, and slammed into his side like a baseball bat. He flew into the stone wall and hit the ground, the table following as it cracked upon his head on impact. Sephiroth was feeling dizzy.

"How DARE you attempt to wrestle me, Sephiroth!" Celestia shouted as she lifted the broken column in her golden glow,"How DARE you attempt to usurp the name of Israel for yourself! You're not even half the man he was!" She yelled as she acsended into the air.

"Well that's because I'm a god-damned PON-eeeeuh!" Sefer was cut off as the column slammed into him, barely able to catch it in his hooves.

"HOW DARE YOU USE MY NAME IN VAIN!! BEGONE, ABOMINATION!!" Celestia roared in her Royal Canterlot Voice, her form enveloped in gold as she pressed down the column into Sephiroth's hooves.

Sephiroth was struggling against her awesome might, as he noticed her eyes glowing gold, along with her horn. He charged his own dark magic, dots of black overtaking his vision as he felt his own horn pulse with power.

"The battle appears most titanic," Luna noted.

"Oh, my Celestia, I hope she's alright!" Fluttershy squeaked worriedly.

"Now, now, Fluttershy, Celestia's nigh unkillable! Nothing to worry about, dearie." Discord comforted Fluttershy as the three of them headed off to the landing pad. "Now, Loonie, you zip-a-dee-doo-dah Fluttershy over to Ponyville and tell them about mean and cream in the dining hall."

"But what of the Elements?" Luna asked concerned.

"Oh, I'm sure Miss Sparkle's got a trick up her sleeve-"

KRA-KOW!!

Two ponies flew out of each side of the castle, then rushed towards each other above the tallest tower.

"That is our cue, Fluttershy. Climb on and let us go, posthaste!" Luna said. Fluttershy climbed on and Luna took off, the shockwave unbalancing Discord as he landed on his haunches.

"Ya coulda WARNED me, ya know!" The draconequus yelled into the sky.

Celestia and Sephiroth rushed towards each other, locking their hooves and wings, slowly wafting towards the ground. Celestia then pulled back and bucked Sephiroth straight in the gut, then rushed towards him, grappling him with a wing and throwing him downwards. Sephiroth caught himself just in time to block a downward kick and catch a hindleg in between his forelegs, throwing Celestia with a flip and slamming her down with a blast of magic, leading her to careen into the Canterlot streets below, her form skidding across the street, coming to a stop across a storefront.

Ponies started walking up to her, asking what was the matter, offering her help, when she saw Sephiroth coming down with a flying dropkick. She put up a barrier just as he landed, catching his hoof. She felt the impact in her gut as ponies all around her screamed and ran away. She pushed Sephiroth off with her barrier, then flew in for a punch. It hit him square in the jaw, shattering glass from the impact. He returned with a blow to her barrel before the glass hit the ground, shattering more windows and glass. They both staggered back from the blows, Sephiroth wiping off a trail of blood from his snout with his wingtip.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ALICORN WELCOMING COMMITEE, YAY!" Applebloon, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle screamed in front of Twilight's library. Twilight rushed out and shouted, "Geez, girls! Take it somewhere else, okay?"

"No, Twailaight, we're stayin' raight here for when Mister Safer comes back!" Applebloom said in her cutsey drawl.

"Yeah, we're gonna be here when he comes back!" Scootaloo piped up.

"We're gonna sing him a song! Wanna hear it?" Sweetie Belle chirped up.

Just then, Princess Luna plummeted from the sky, the shockwave knocking over Twilight and the girls. Fluttershy was still holding on for dear life, quaking in her horseshoes.

"Princess Luna!" Twilight quickly said while standing up, "w-what are you doing here?"

"Elements of Harmony, come to the library posthaste! Safer is Sephiroth, and is locked in mortal combat with Princess Celestia!" Luna commanded in her Royal Canterlot Voice.

"That's...quite an entrance." Twilight stated, in shock at sharing a room with madpony.

The clopping of hoofsteps were heard as the four ponies rushed into town.

"I made a jacket for that ruffian!?" Rarity exclaimed.

"Ah shared mah drank wit' dat animal!?" Applejack shouted.

"I called that jerk awesome!?" Rainbow Dash grumped.

"I welcomed that meanie into Ponyville!?" Pinkie yelled.

"At least you didn't share a room with him," Twilight grumbled.

"He creeped me out." Fluttershy whispered.

"Quick, use the Elements!" Luna commanded.

"How? Last time it was musically activated, but we can't reach Canterlot from the cave or sing to the tree from here! What do we do?" Twilight queried worriedly.

"Alright, everypony, I got this!"

Everypony turned to see the source of this bold declaration. They saw Vinyl Scratch leaning against her bass cannon with her forelegs crossed, grinning.

Author's Note

"Zion" is the legendary city on a hill from scripture,

The names that are used by Sephiroth translated are as follows:God, the Lord God, Lord our God, Holy One Blessed Be He, and God the Mighty. The name Celestia uses is God the Merciful.

Celestia refers to Israel because Jacob received the name Israel after wrestling with an angel in a dream, and pinning him successfully.

Chapter Seven

"So," Luna asked, "this device can replicate the Royal Canterlot Voice?"

"Princess, when I turn this hunka-hunka-burnin'-love up to 11, it makes the Royal Canterlot Voice sound like the Royal Canterlot Whisper!" Vinyl assured Luna, "but at 11, you're gonna need these!" and threw out seven pairs of headphones, which were caught by each Element and Luna.

"I don't need these, maybe I should give these to the singer?" Luna offered.

"What about me, Luna? I sang the last time." Rarity said.

"No, Rarity. You need to stand in the position I gave you. Do you have a relative, perhaps that knows the song?"

"No, my parents are out of town and we haven't taught Sweetie Belle yet-"

"I know Yigdal! Will that help?" Sweetie Belle piped up.

"...you know Yigdal?" Rarity asked, "They didn't teach me any Lunarian until my Mark Mitzvah!"

"Well, Rarity, they didn't teach me Etz Khayyim, or anything important, but I'm there with Lyra, Cheerilie, Silver Spoon, and Derpy every Friday night in the schoolhouse when we say the Soosi prayers! I know Yigdal!" Sweetie Belle said while stomping a hoof. Rarity looked at her like she had grown an extra hoof.

"W-what did I do, Rarity?" Sweetie Belle begged her sister.

"DERPY'S A SOOSI?!" Rainbow Dash and Applejack said in unison.

"Ah thought Sooses're supposed ta be quick as whips. The othas ah understand-but Derpy...hoo-wee, ain't that somethin'!"

"Maybe the horn grew into her brain..." Rainbow mused.

"Rainbow Dash, how rude!" Rarity admonished Rainbow Dash. Dash looked away sheepishly, stifling a giggle.

"Oh, I invaded their privacies, didn't I, sis?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Well, that's neither here nor there, Sweetie." Rarity turned to Luna, "Will any Lunarian song activate the Tree?"

"Yes it will. 'Twas a gift to me from mine sister." Luna gave the headphones to Sweetie Belle.

"Now, kiddo, the song will broadcast to you at one," Vinyl said to Sweetie Belle, "but STAND BEHIND THE BASS CANNON. I can't stress that enough. It is a CANNON of BASS. On that note, try singing in an alto range."

"Out of curiosity," Twilight thought to ask, "what level was it set at when you blew back the cloud?"

"Five." Vinyl said with a wink.

Twilight shuddered. "Ok, so why are we standing in this formation again, Luna?"

"We're channeling Qlappalic energies. The tree represents Kingdom, Pinkie is Spirit, in front of her are Rarity and Rainbow Dash as Glory and Victory, and in front of them are Applejack and Fluttershy representing Strength and Lovingkindness, and Twilight in the middle is Beauty. Now off in Canterlot, Discord will be Understanding, I will represent Wisdom, and Celestia will be the Crown. Got that?"

The ponies nodded.

"Good. Sweetie Belle, ready?"

"Ready!" Sweetie said, standing behind the bass cannon, holding the microphone hooked up with her magic.

"Ready, Vinyl?"

"DJ-PON-3 IN DA HOUSE!!" Vinyl exclaimed as she turned the dial all the way to eleven, putting on her own set of headphones.

"Alright. RELEASE THE BASS!!"

Vinyl hit the top of the cannon, releasing Sweetie Belle's beautiful voice at an exorbitantly superfluous decibel range.

"YIGDAL ELOHIM KHAY, VYISHTABAKH, NIMTZA V'EIN ET EL M'TZIUTO"

The Everfree Forest was awash with a glow, that slowly connected to Pinkie, who giggled when it touched her.

"EKHAD V'EIN YAKHID K'YIKHUDO, NE'ELAM V'GAM EIN SOF LE'AKHDUTO"

The glow slowly overtook Rarity, awash with vibrant color.

"EIN LO DAMUT HA GUF V'EINO HA GUF, LO NA'AROKH ELAV KEDUSHATO"

It touched Rainbow Dash, her rainbow-colored mane flowing like a Princess

"KADMON LEKHOL DAVAR ASHER NIVRA, RISHON V'EIN REISHIT L'REISHITO"

The glow skipped over to Applejack, who shivered in its presence.

"HINO ADON OLAM LEKHOL NOTZAR,YOREH GEDULATO U'MALKHUTO"

Fluttershy squeaked as the glow enveloped her and looped back to Twilight.

"SHEFA NEVUATO NETANO, EL ANSHEI SEGULATO V'TIFARTO"

As Twilight was enveloped with the enery, her wings unfurled as her eyes turned white. Her horn glowed with an undue radiance.

"LO KAM BEYISRAEL KEMOSHE OD, NAVI UMABEET ET TEMUNATO"

Twilight's horn shot out a Rainbow light that flew towards Canterlot. Luna took off, zooming past it.

Celestia breathed in heavily as she tensed he abdomen for another barrage of blows from Sephiroth, then grabbed his hooves, flew above the buildings, looked around, then saw it: Piano Emporium. She stole a smile, then drew both of them down into it, hard. Several off-keys were hit as Sephiroth's head fell into an open grand piano. Celestia stood up, limped over to it, and slammed the lid on his head, over and over again until the lid cracked against his head. She then levitated about seven pianos, and flung them into him, each one making crashing and plinking sounds as they hit.

Sephiroth burst out of the piano pile and lunged at Celestia. She moved her head ever-so-slightly out of the way, and then she felt his target: her mane. He closed both forehooves around her mane and started spinning around whie rising into the air buffeting her on the roof as they passed by. He kept spinning, faster and faster until he finally let go. She flew through an embroidery shop, a jeweler, Quills and Sofas II, a clothing store and a magilectronic shop, finally landing in Donut Joe's. She inhaled, when Sephiroth burst in through the roof, screaming. Celestia defected Sephiroth into the brick oven, and blasted a ray of sunlight below the oven, setting it ablaze. Sephiroth blasted out of the flames, and Celesta got up and bucked him in the face with a mighty force, hooves outstreched, shattering the windows and glassware from the sheer force of the impact. He flew out the roof at an amazing speed, bits of drywall falling onto her head.

Suddenly a clear voice rang out, "TORAT EMET NATAN LE'AMO EL, AL YAD NEVI'O NE'EMAN BEITO"

Celestia blinked. It was Yigdal.

"LO YAKHALIF HA'EL VELO YAMIR, DATO LE'OLAMIM LEZULATO"

She spread out her wings and followed Sephiroth, enveloping herself in gold.

Luna followed the rainbow beam as it flew across the plains, the glow dancing along the lakes and resivoirs. It sped into Canterlot at a breakneck speed, whereupon it dashed up to the landing pad, raising Discord up in a clear sheen as he examined his floating form. She flew up next to Discord, and allowed the glow to envelop her as she searched for Celestia among the carnage of Canterlot, when she noticed a black trail shooting into town. She panicked. She mused that the force of the bass cannon-amplified magic must have torn the dimensional seal open. She rushed, Discord in tow to find Celestia.

"TZOFEH VEYODEA SETAREINU, MABEET LESOF DAVAR BEKADMATO"

Celestia looked for any signs of impact, wishing that it'd be easier to find a pony in a two-pony wartorn town. Just then, she noticed a black trail heading towards Canterlot Mountain, a black glow forming inside of a newly formed crater. She flew towards it.

"GOMEL LE'ISH KHASSID KEMIFALO, NOTEN LERASHA KERISHATO"

A blast flew from the crater straight towards Celestia, and she put up a barrier to deflect it. Instead, the blast knocked her straight into the castle, blowing her into the stone crenellations surrounding the castle. She heard an unearthly roar and saw Sephiroth flying towards her, his shape quickly growing larger.
"YISHLAKH LEKETZ YAMIN MESHIKHEINU, LIFTDOT ME KHAKEI KETZ YESHUATO"

It certainly felt like the end of days, Celestia thought, as he noticed Sephiroth stop, tendrils of energy coming from the planet and drawing into him

"THE BEINGS OF THE NEXT WORLD WILL KNOW ME AS GODSLAYER! THEIR MIGHTY EL SHADDAI WILL BE KNOWN AS EL KHALASH V'KHASAR ONIM!" Sephiroth bellowed in an approximation of the Royal Canterlot voice with significantly more venom. The tendrils coalesced into a black ball, gaining mass until it overtook his form.

"METIM YECHAYEH EL BEROV KHASSO, BARUKH ADEI AD SHEM TEHILATO!"

"SISTER!" Luna bellowed as she flew towards her, the glow escaping Luna and enveloping Celestia, lifting her in between Luna and Discord, a pink sphere enveloping them. Three points of light shot out from Discord, Luna, and Celestia. Discord winked at Celestia, and she giggled,whispering "zot gamdah gamdim, adon harama'ee, ma'asot koondess he me'od khazako."

"HEY SEPHIROTH, DO YOU LIKE BANANAS!?" Celestia bellowed out across the expanse.

"WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO WITH ANYTHING...LOOK, I DON'T KNOW, ALRIGHT?" Sephiroth shouted from behind the ball of energy.

"SO YOU DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU LIKE BANANAS, HUH?" Celestia bellowed out, winking at Luna.

Luna piped up, a ball of energy collecting between the three beings, "THOU ART A CUR WHO DOST NOT KNOW WHETHER OR NOT THOU LIKEST BANANAS!"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?" Sephiroth yelled out.

Discord shouted out, "FORGIVE LUNA, SHE'S A LITTLE OLD FASHIONED. WHAT SHE MEANT TO SAY WAS 'YOU'RE A BITCH THAT DOESN'T KNOW WHETHER ON NOT HE LIKES BANANAS!'"

"YES, THAT'S RIGHT! THOU ART A, YOU ARE A BITCH THAT DOESN'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU LIKE BANANAS!"

"YOU DARE MOCK ME!?" Sephiroth screamed out beyond the din of the flowing energy.

"SO YOU DON'T DENY BEING A BITCH THAT DOESN'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT HE LIKES BANANAS?" Celestia shouted.

"I DENY YOU, FOUL MISTRESS OF HEAVEN!" Sephiroth yelled out as his black energy ball crackled, arcs of lightning shooting around it.

"WELL, GUESS WHAT!?," Celestia screamed out as her white energy ball buzzed with a divine energy, "YOU CAN FIND OUT FOR ME, ON THE MOON!" She belted out as she shot a beam of energy as wide as three houses towards Sephiroth, who countered with his own midnight black energy bolt, just as wide.

The balls of energy met above the palace, coalescing into a yin-yang pattern that started to vaporize the castle below them, sucking in bits of stone below them. The trees buckled from the force of the blast, wavering from the energy being thrown off from the force of the blast. Suddenly, Sephiroth gained ground in the beam war, grinning wickedly. Celestia felt her beam falter. What was going on?

"I can't hold it much longer!" Twilight whined as the mass of energy coursing through began to overwhelm her. Tears were streaming down her face as she fought to keep the connection going.

"ETZ KHAYYIM HE, L'MAKHAZIKIM BA, V'TOMKHEHA ME'USHAR..."

Twilight turned to see Cheerilie manning the bass cannon, singing Etz Khayyim. Twilight felt a fresh blast of energy course through her.

"DERAKHEI HA, DARKHEI NOAM, V'KOL NETIVOTEHA SHALOM..."

Twilight saw Lyra and Derpy join Cheerilie in the song.

"Keep it up, girls!

Celestia, Luna and Discord were visibly straining against the black bolt that was beginning to overtake them, inch by inch. Luna was sweating profusely, and Discord wore a pained expression on his face. She didn't know how much longer they could go on like this, when suddenly, a massive upswell surged up into them, followed by singing.

"Hashiveinu adonai, eleikha v'nashuva, khadesh, khadesh yameinu,k'kedem"

Celestia heard the ethereal voice frim halfway across Equestria, but it was accompanied by voices right here in Canterlot. She looked down to see a hundred ponies in the ruined streets, singing along with the voice. Chief among them she saw Twilight's father, Soarin' and Spitfire, Hoity-Toity, Photo Finish, and Fancypants. Her heart swelled with pride as she took control of the energy bolt forcing it towards Sephiroth.

"WHAT!? THAT'S N-NOT P-POSSIBLE!!" Sephiroth groaned against the mighty force pushing against him.
"THIS IS THE END FOR YOU, SAFER SEPHIROTH!" Celestia bellowed, half the castle sucked into the meetings beams, "YOU COULD HAVE DONE SO MUCH GOOD WITH YOUR POWER, BUT YOU INSTEAD SQUANDERED IT ON EVIL. I HOPE THAT YOU MIGHT RETURN FROM THE MOON SOMEDAY AS, I DON'T KNOW, A BETTER PONY, I HOPE." Celestia then held a hoof up to her forehead and saluted Sephiroth, a gesture mostly for herself, as Sephiroth's view was blocked by the blot of energy in front of him "SHALOM, SEPHIROTH!"

Celestia then held her forehooves in front of her, and she let out a vicious scream that originated in her gut, her pupils pinning as blood vessels crawled down her eyes. The white beam overtook the black beam as Sephiroth held up his hooves, trying in a last ditch effort to block the beam. Just then, Discord and Luna screamed as well, forcing all they had into the blast. Sephiroth's hooves slipped against the bolt and it caught him square in the chest. The beam overtook him as it curved upwards, shooting into the sky and impacting on the moon. A horse-shaped shadow appeared on the moon, signifying their success. Celestia, Luna and Discord let go of the energy and Celestia plummeted towards the ground, with Discord and Luna following, three craters forming in the palace gardens.

Celestia got up, and walked over to Luna holding out a hoof. Luna looked up, smiled, and hoof-bumped her from her prone position. Discord just smiled.

Twilight collapsed on the ground, her hooves and wings splayed across the pavement.

"Twilight!" Her friends yelled, unable to move themselves, having been paralyzed by the arcane energies that had swept through them.

Vinyl rushed over to Twilight, gingerly picked her up, then brought her into the library.

Twilight opened her eyes to see her friends standing above her.

"Twilight! I'm so happy you're alive!" Pinkie giggled as she hooked Twilight into a bear hug.

"Hey, Pinkie," Twilight giggled back, "but why the bear hug?"

"You was out fer three days, sugarcube," Applejack replied.

"I knew you'd pull through!" Rainbow Dash assured Twilight.

"But you were the most worried out of all of us! You were crying in the corner most of the time," Fluttershy pointed out.

"No I wasn't!" Rainbow Dash shot back, sniffling. Twillight could see she was fighting back tears.

"Nonsense, darling, we were all worried," Rarity stated.

"And I most of all," said an angelic voice walking into the room.

"Princess Celestia! Y-you're limping? And you appear to have burst a blood vessel in your eye." Twilight noted worriedly.

"Just the cost of victory, my dear. I came to check on you before I attended to other business in Ponyville," Celestia stated. Twilight looked into her face. It appeared worn, almost haggard, "Don't worry Twilight, I'll be fine in a few days." Celestia looked out across the room. "Does anypony know where I can find Vinyl Scratch?"
----"
Etz khay-etz khay-etz khay-etz-etz-etz-etz..

Vinyl was fiddling around in her sound studio. After three days ago, she had a feeling that Lunarian music was going to come back in a big way, and she wanted to ride the wave of the trend. Just then, she heard a rapping on the soundstage door.

"Come in!" She yelled over the music.

The door opened and shut, "Sorry about the mess, Applejack, I'll get the dishes up...stairs..." Vinyl said as she spun around in the chair and coming face-to-face with Princess Celestia. She leapt out of her chair into a bow.

"Get up, Vinyl," Princess Celestia said to the white pony, "I don't allow my friends to bow to me in private."

Vinyl raised herself up, a look of shock awash her face. "F-friends? Y-you and me, f-friends?"

"Most certainly, Miss Scratch. My sister told me that the reason that those voices projected all the way to Canterlot was because of your, 'bass cannon', was it not?"

"Y-you heard that all the way in Canterlot!? Awesome!" Vinyl said as she reached out a hoof, suddenly pulling it back when she realized who she was offering her hoof to. To her surprise, Celestia followed through with the hoofbump.

"Oh yeah! I just hoofbumped the Princess!" Vinyl exclaimed while dancing around.

"As delightful as that was, it wasn't why I came down to see you...

"...thus declaring you a knight of the Royal Order of the Equestrian Empire!" Celestia said to Vinyl Scratch as she bowed before the Princess in front of all Ponyville. Celestia tapped her horn on the right and left shoulders of the DJ, "Rise, Lady Vinyl Scratch!"

The crowd cheered as Vinyl rose up, her face beaming with pride. She had to tell her mother in Hoofington about this.

Author's Note

This is the translation for the song interspersed among the dialogue:
Exalted be the Living God, and praise He exists and His existence is unbound by time
He is One and there is no unity like His Oneness inscrutable and infinite is His Oneness
He has neither form of body nor is He corporeal nor may His holiness be compared to aught
He preceded all that was created the First, and nothing preceded His precedence
Behold, the Master of the universe to all creations demonstrating His greatness and sovereignty
An abundance of prophecy he has bestowed upon His treasured and splendorous people
There has not arisen in Israel another like Moses a prophet who beheld His image
A Torah of truth God gave His nation by means of His prophet, the faithful of His house
God will never exchange or alter His Law for any another, for all eternity
He sees and knows our most hidden secrets He perceives a matter’s outcome at its inception
He rewards man with kindness according to his works
He places evil on the wicked according to his wickedness
He will send our Messiah at the End of Days to redeem those waiting for His final salvation
God will revive the dead in His abundant kindness
may His splendorous Name be blessed forever more

Sephiroth calls Celestia God the Mighty and God the Weak and Powerless

Celestia whispers to herself, "This trolls of trolls is a master trickster, Her pranks are most powerful."

And here's Etz Chayim again:
A tree of life to those who hold fast to it,
and all who cling to it find happiness.

Its ways are ways of pleasantness,
and all its paths are peace.

Help us and guide us, inspire us and provide us

With the wisdom Your Torah can show.

Cause us to learn, renew and return,
Just as in days of old.