Chapter 1: Today, I redefine death!
"Ladies and gentleponies of the scientific community, I have come before you today with a question. What is death?" Twilight Sparkle asked with a proud grin.
The princess loved being in the spotlight at these conferences. I, of course, remained precisely five feet behind and three feet to the right of said spotlight. There were two reasons for this.
Reason number one: As the latest in a long line of Ms. Sparkle's personal assistants, my job was to make hers easier. Competing for attention would accomplish the opposite of that.
Reason number two: As a bookish young griffon who cares little for socializing, I simply do not care for attention. Ms. Sparkle once confided in me that I reminded her of herself at my age.
Enough of that diversion. I adjusted my red ovoid glasses with one talon, then picked up my pen, preparing to carve my way down Ms. Sparkle's much-loved checklists as she began her presentation in earnest.
"Death, in scientific terms," Ms. Sparkle began, "is defined as the passing of a soul from the world. For animals, at least. For life forms without souls, such as blades of grass, daisies, and most other forms of plant life, it is instead defined as the permanent ending of all biological processes."
A number of ponies in the audience gave each other questioning glances, wondering if the princess was going to derail into one of her infamous tangents or remain on topic. I gently tapped my pen on my clipboard as a gentle reminder to the princess to remain on task.
Ms. Sparkle cleared her throat and her horn glowed. Her block of presentation notes lost a full inch of thickness. I gave the clipboard another quick tap. The notes shrank down to a much more concise size. I drew a quick strikeout line through a fair amount of Ms. Sparkle's checklist. I allowed a faint smile to reach my beak. We would remain on schedule.
"More informally, death is the..." Ms. Sparkle's voice wavered ever so slightly. I doubt anyone else in the room would have noticed. "End of social interaction. While memories of friends and family continue to influence one's life, it is no substitute."
Twilight Sparkle slammed her forehooves on the podium, "Today, I redefine death!" she shouted with an ear to ear grin.
The members of the conference were practically jolted out of their seats, whispering to each other with tones of anticipation, curiosity, and in a few instances, grave concern.
I raised the clipboard again. Check, check, check.
"I've prepared a visual aid to better demonstrate my findings." Ms. Sparkle's horn glowed, and the spotlight centered on her dimmed and a second one shone on an easel displaying a crude line drawing of a pony.
Check.
"We begin with a living breathing pony. He has an long and enjoyable life. But one day, tragedy strikes."
I lifted a bright red marker and crossed out the pony's eyes, evoking a shocked gasp from one of the esteemed members of the scientific community.
If Ms. Sparkle noticed (She didn't), she ignored it (She would have), and she continued. "This pony has died. His friends and family will mourn. But what happens to him?"
Working quickly, I drew some arrows pointing down from the deceased pony to a line representing the ground as Ms. Sparkle talked. "The parts of his body that can break down are broken down and return to the earth." I drew some arrows pointing up from the ground at another pony.
"Over time, the atoms eventually return to life as parts of other ponies or life forms. Every part of the body eventually returns to the living world. However..."
I flew up in as unobtrusive a manner as I could, drawing an approximation of a sad-looking ghost, then an arrow pointing up from the pony to the ghost. Check.
Ms. Sparkle pointed a hoof at the ghost, striking it for dramatic effect. "What if the same thing happened to the soul?"
More curious murmurs from the audience. I paid them little heed. I brought the marker to my beak and drew a curved arrow pointing from the ghost back down to the other pony in the increasingly cluttered diagram. With the pen in one talon and clipboard in the other, I checked off another box, before sliding the pen back into the clipboard, removing the marker from my beak, putting the cap back onto the marker, and putting the marker away.
Good riddance.
Very firm check with a flourish on it.
"Now, I realize this is a bit of a bold claim," Ms. Sparkle continued, "But I have developed a spell to prove my hypothesis."
On cue, I poked my head backstage, where an orange earth pony with a glamorously styled blonde mane sat in a soundproofed booth. I gave her a nod and, with a sigh of what I assumed to be relief, opened the booth and walked past me and onto the stage.
Ms. Sparkle smiled. "I would like to thank my volunteer, Ms. Valencia Orange, for agreeing to this demonstration. Would you be so kind as to introduce yourself?"
Ms. Orange blushed slightly as the full attention of the crowd directed itself upon her. "Ah... Good day. My name is Valencia Orange. I'm an event coordinator from Manehattan. I organize celebrations and parties for the social elite. I like bunnies, and my favorite color is rainbow. As for the demonstration... Please, Princess Twilight. No thanks necessary. I could hardly refuse a request from the ruler of Equestria herself."
Ms. Sparkle's ear twitched and she gave a slightly nervous grin. "Oh, there's been a misunderstanding. I'm Twilight Sparkle, not Princess Twilight Sparkle." Ms. Orange raised an eyebrow in confusion.
Ms. Sparkle gave a well-rehearsed explanation that anypony in the world of academia was long since familiar with. "I'm not Princess Twilight Sparkle because Princess Twilight Sparkle can't conduct peer-reviewed magical research because Princess Twilight Sparkle has no peers."
"Then who are you?" Ms. Orange asked, not quite convinced.
Ms. Sparkle placed a hoof on Ms. Orange's shoulder. "I'm Twilight Sparkle, a legally distinct entity from Princess Twilight Sparkle. I'm a researcher of the arcane, much like my dear departed predecessor, Twilight Sparkle." With her magic, she produced an ID card and other legal documents confirming that she was indeed not the princess (despite looking exactly like her) and was in fact simply a unicorn (despite having wings) who happened to be an active member of academia.
Satisfied, or perhaps unwilling to continue this line of discussion, Ms. Orange simply smiled and nodded. "Well, whatever the case may be, a spell to help ponies remember more sounded like it would be quite useful..." She trailed off as she noticed the crude diagram, tilting her head in confusion.
"Very useful," Ms. Sparkle replied. I began setting a series of beakers around Ms. Orange, each filled with potions Ms. Sparkle had prepared ahead of time. "Are you ready?"
Ms. Orange gave a nervous smile. "As ready as I ever shall be."
"Then let's begin." Ms. Sparkle's horn began to glow. The potions around Ms. Orange began to bubble and steam. "Just keep talking and tell me what you remember as the memories come."
Ms. Orange closed her eyes, breathing in the vapor from the mixtures around her. I returned to my clipboard and caught up on my checklist backlog. This demonstration was nearing its end, and it wouldn't do to be behind on my work.
"Ooh, I remembered where I left my rainbow-striped saddlebags," Ms. Orange piped up cheerfully.
Ms. Sparkle smiled. "That means it's working. Now try to remember something a bit more complex. Any skills you're rusty on?"
"Oh, that is a good idea," Ms. Orange replied. "I think... Ooh! Tres bien! I remember high school French!" Her eyes opened, and her smile grew wider.
"Good, good," Ms. Sparkle encouraged her. "Now... think back. Have you ever been to Ponyville?"
"No... Wait." A look of confused recognition came over Ms. Orange's face. "I'm... remembering Ponyville. Somehow." The crowd murmured. "How curious. It's clear as day to me, but I've never been to Ponyville in my life."
"You haven't," Ms. Sparkle said with an excited grin. "You're remembering an old one." I allowed myself a smile. Remaining at Ms. Sparkle's side and witnessing the miracles that unfolded her was the most rewarding part of the job. Ms. Orange could only marvel at the flow of memories.
The glow around Ms. Sparkle's horn intensified. "You weren't always named Valencia Orange. Do you remember who you were?" she asked with a hopeful smile.
"Yes!" Ms. Orange shouted. "My name was Snips!"
Chapter 2: I hate alicorn humor.
It was, appropriately enough, twilight when I arrived at the balcony on which Ms. Sparkle was having an evening tea with Princess Cadenza. As I flew nearer, the two were in the middle of sharing some anecdote about older times. Ms. Sparkle gave me a welcoming nod before she turned back to Princess Cadenza, and then she said “And then she said ‘And then I said, ‘Oatmeal? Are you crazy?’’”
The royal duo erupted into laughter. I didn’t quite understand what was so funny, but I was visiting for strictly business-related purposes. With a final beat of my wings, I slowed my descent and landed on the balcony. “Good evening, Miss Sparkle, Princess Cadenza,” I greeted the princesses.
Princess Cadenza greeted me with a wave of a foreleg. “Good evening, Greta.”
Ms. Sparkle smiled back at me. The stars in her mane glimmered, and the golden streak of sun in it was particularly vibrant today. Now that I was closer, I could see that the princesses’ horns were glowing faintly. A faint frown crossed my beak. I glanced at Canterlot clock tower, adjusting my glasses. My frown deepened slightly, then I turned back to the princesses. “Excuse me, but I couldn’t help but notice. As beautiful as this sunset is, it should have fully transitioned to night seventeen minutes ago.”
Princess Cadenza smiled. “We were just taking a little extra time to admire our handiwork, that’s all.”
Ms. Sparkle nodded. “Thanks for the concern, Greta, but it’s well within the safety threshold. Besides, you said it yourself. It’s beautiful.”
I couldn’t argue with that. “I trust that the sun will fully set soon, then?”
Ms. Sparkle slammed a hoof down on the ground. “No,” she shouted, her voice echoing throughout the Canterlot Castle district. “From this moment forth, the light will last forever!”
The pair immediately fell on their sides laughing for an uncomfortable length of time. I fear that I shall never understand alicorn humor.
Eventually, their laughing stopped, the sun set, the moons rose, and a small crowd of concerned-looking citizens dispersed. I sighed and opened up Ms. Sparkle’s planner. “I believe the citizens of Equestria are owed an extra twenty minutes of night, Ms. Sparkle,” I said, pulling out my pen.
“Tack it onto Nightmare Night,” Ms. Sparkle answered a bit too quickly. I suppose this must have been her intent all along. Not that I have anything against the holiday. I simply find it a bit silly to feign fear of a make believe monster like Nightmare Moon.
“As you wish, Ms. Sparkle.” I made the appropriate schedule revision. I took advantage of the brief lull to present Ms. Sparkle with a moderately-sized package I had come to deliver to her. “Feedback from the Institute of Arcane Sciences.” With a talon, I opened the box, revealing a pile of letters from Ms. Sparkle’s fellow researchers.
“Ooh, what do they say?” Ms. Sparkle leaned closer, as if the box contained candy.
I adjusted my trusty red glasses and began to skim through them.
“Let’s see… Ethics concern. Request for methodology clarification. A new member accusing you of being the princess in disguise.”
“Ooh, he’s a clever one.” Princess Cadenza remarked.
“Ethics concern. Official reprimand for your outburst at the conference. Interview request. This one is challenging your interpretation of the results.” Ms. Sparkle’s eyes shone at that. ”Specifically, he’s saying that your memory spell creates new memories in Ms. Orange instead of bringing back old ones.”
Ms. Sparkle rubbed her forehooves together with barely-restrained glee. “Oh goodness. A challenge to my conclusions. Oh how shall I ever defend my research?” The golden streak of sun in her mane pulsed as the intangible celestial winds that manipulated her mane intensified. “I suppose I have no choice but to gather more data points.”
I frowned. “Data points?”
“Right now, I only have Valencia Orange’s accounts of her past life as Snips. But! If I can revive more memories in more ponies who lived in Ponyville in that era, we can compare their accounts of what Ponyville was like, and if they all match up, then we have reproducible results!”
“Just one minute, Ms. Sparkle.” I interrupted. “Why didn’t you include more data points in your paper in the first place?”
“Not enough funding,” Ms. Sparkle shrugged. “Research needs research grants, and ponies aren’t usually willing to pony up for research topics that don’t bring in the bits. Most of the funding came from the Golden Lotus, of all things. You don’t see too many religious groups funding scientific research.”
“So where are you planning to get funding to get more data points? I hope you aren’t planning for one of the Princesses to start funding your research,” I reminded her.
Ms. Sparkle laughed. “I’ve gone a thousand years without using government money for my personal research. I’m not going to start now.”
“So where is the money coming from?” Princess Cadenza asked with curiosity.
Ms. Sparkle waved her hoof. “Private interests.”
“Private interests?” I raised an eyebrow. “What business stands to make money off of soul recycling?”
Ms. Sparkle smiled and sipped her tea. “Debt collectors.”
After Princess Cadenza’s strong objections and the subsequent spirited debate, I returned from the castle to fetch a damp cloth with which to wipe the tea cake frosting from Ms. Sparkle’s face. By now, night had fully settled in, although the moons and stars provided light by which we could see each other (Aided, of course, by the miniature stars in Ms. Sparkle’s own mane.) The princesses, as was typical in the evening, were chatting amicably as if the earlier argument had never occurred.
“So what’s the next step in your grand experiment?” Princess Cadenza asked. Ms. Sparkle was likely to explain it all in great detail whether we asked about it or not, but asking questions helped to direct her ramblings in a more focused direction.
I reached up to wipe some of the tea cake frosting from Ms. Sparkle’s face when her foreleg swung up to rest her chin on her hoof in thought, nearly knocking the cloth out of my talons. “Well,” she thought, “I’ve improved the soul tracer spell. It’s still limited to seeing if somepony had a connection to Ponyville a thousand years ago, but now I can use it over an area instead of just casting it on one pony at a time.”
Princess Cadenza raised an eyebrow. “A connection to Ponyville seems a bit vague.”
“Which is why I ended up finding Snips,” Ms. Sparkle said as she brought a frosting-covered hoof back to the floor and smeared the sugary goop on an expensive-looking rug. I took the brief window to start wiping the rest of the stuff off of Ms. Sparkle’s face. “But,” she continued, “I’ve found a way to narrow it down. Being in contact or close proximity to magical artifacts leaves a sort of... unique arcane scent on your soul.”
“I’m afraid I don’t quite understand, Ms. Sparkle,” I said, partly to get her to turn her head so I could continue cleaning. “You only need to find residents of Ponyville from a thousand years ago to prove your conclusions are sound. I fail to see the need to narrow your search results, especially using magical artifacts for a criteria.”
Ms. Sparkle’s immediate response was a wide grin. The sort of grin she usually wore when about to say something (she believed was) very clever. “You’d be right if I was only doing this for science,” she began. “But the real reason I’m doing this is to find some ponies that were very special to Cadance and me.”
I blinked. “Who?”
Princess Cadenza interjected. “She means me.”
“No, I meant, who are these ponies?” I clarified. “I’ve spent enough time around you to know Princess Cadenza’s nickname.” Not to mention its… creative spelling.
“In alphabetical order, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity.” Ms. Sparkle clapped her forehooves together, spreading the frosting contagion to the other hoof before firmly depositing both hooves on the rug. “And of course, my BBBFF.”
Her… what? “Who?”
“My big brother best friend forever! And Cadance’s husband.”
“Who?”
“She means me,” Princess Cadenza inserted.
“I know who ‘Cadance’ is,” I sighed. “I meant, who are… wait. You’re married, Princess Cadenza?”
“Was,” Princess Cadenza corrected me. “A situation I intend to correct as soon as Twilight finds Shining Armor.”
“Who?”
“My former husband,” Princess Cadenza clarified with just the barest hint of frustration.
“I see.” None of these names meant anything to me, so I decided to simply drop the matter. I had a feeling that I was going to become intimately acquainted with these people in due time, so there was little value in asking further questions about them.
“Anyway,” Ms. Sparkle continued. “All five of them spent about three years as the bearers of the Elements of Harmony. If I find ponies who had a strong link to the Elements a thousand years ago, I’ve found my friends.”
“What about Shining?” Princess Cadenza asked with a look of concern.
“Sorry, Cadance. I can’t find him yet,” Ms. Sparkle said. “The only artifact he spent any time around was the Crystal Heart, and the Heart was kept on public display. Not to mention fueled by the joy of everypony in the Empire. The soul tracer spell would be picking up thousands of ponies if I tried to search that way. “
A look of disappointment crossed Princess Cadenza’s face.
“Don’t worry, Cadance,” Ms. Sparkle proclaimed with a smile. “I’m making improvements to the soul tracer every day. Eventually, I’ll be able to ask for ponies by name.”
Princess Cadenza smiled. “That’s fantastic news, Twilight. I went a thousand years without him. I wouldn’t mind waiting ten more.”
Ms. Sparkle blinked. “Ten years? Try ten months! I’ll have Shining Armor at our table this Hearthswarming Eve!” As Ms. Sparkle turned to face the moons dramatically (granting me an opportunity to clear off more of that frosting), I could swear I saw a brief flash of a conspiratorial grin cross Princess Cadenza’s face.
“First, I need to give the new soul tracer a test run.” Ms. Sparkle’s horn glowed, and a map of the known world materialized before us. Several brilliant pinpoints of light shone. “These points are ponies that have the artifact signature of the Elements of Harmony all over them.”
The glow around Ms. Sparkle’s horn pulsed, and the image of the world map faded, replaced with one of Canterlot. I looked closely at it. “This seems a tad too convenient, Ms. Sparkle. There are four lights.”
Ms. Sparkle raised an eyebrow. “Four lights?”
“Three lights, I mean. Excuse me.” I gestured at the map. “One over at the Moonbean Coffee, and two right here in Canterlot Castle. I assume the one in Moonbean Coffee is one of your former associates, but having two more of your former companions residing in this very castle is unlikely, to say the least.”
“Well, this is intriguing,” Ms. Sparkle said, peering over the map. “One of those is me. I used to bear one of the Elements. I don’t really see the second light you’re talking about, though.”
I pondered. “It’s very faint, Ms. Sparkle. Is there a way you could dim or remove the other lights? I admit that even I had a hard time spotting it.” Griffons like myself have an excellent eye for detail compared to ponies, who possessed better situational awareness. Not to mention, I’ve always had excellent night vision.
“It’s worth a try.” Ms. Sparkle tapped the bright light on the map, which promptly vanished, and that was apparently enough to let the pony princesses see the dim one. “Interesting. It’s a light, but it’s a very weak reading. Somepony who spent a lot of time around the Elements, but never actually held them.”
Cadance raised an eyebrow. “Well, it’s not me. I didn't spent any time around the Elements.”
They started talking back and forth for a while, spewing out more proper nouns than I cared to commit to long-term memory and discussing events from a thousand years ago. I finished my cleaning (which was not part of the job description) and was on my way to carry the cloth back into the castle when Ms. Sparkle gasped. “It’s moving!”
I stopped and looked back. Princess Cadenza looked over the map. “Is it?”
Ms. Sparkle frowned. “I could have sworn I saw it move.”
I shrugged and continued down the hall again.
Princess Cadenza shouted. “I see it too! Greta, come back!”
I walked back with an exasperated sigh. “How may I help you, your highnesses?”
Ms. Sparkle looked me in the eye with a wide smile. “It’s you!”
“Excuse me, Ms. Sparkle?”
Her grinning didn’t stop. “You’re that dim light!”
“I’m sure this is very exciting for you.” If I wasn’t one of the friends she was looking for, I wasn’t sure why she was so worked up.
“We worked it out,” Princess Cadenza proclaimed. “You’re someone who, a thousand years ago, lived in Ponyville, and spent a lot of your time next to the Elements, but you never used them. And Twilight kept the Elements in the Golden Oak Library, so you must have lived in the library.”
“Why would anyone live in a library? Why would anyone keep these Elemen-”
Ms. Sparkle placed her hooves on my shoulders. “You’re Owloysius!” she declared triumphantly.
“Who?”
The princesses burst out into uncontrollable laughter.
I hate alicorn humor.
