Chapters Once upon a time, there were three magical robbers. Well…not magical in the sense they were next-level mages. But well…magical in the fact that not once in their career did they get caught. That...and they were pretty badass too, pardon the language.
There was Spotless. Boy was she a snake. Mischievous, sly, and a self-proclaimed smartypants, Spotless never left a...well...a spot. Despite her rather unfriendly nature, she was dependable, and down to earth loyal when it came to it.
Then we had Alibi. If there was anything to be said about her, it was that she had a way with words. Although it was a shame she never put them to use more often. A shy one, Alibi was.
Finally, we had Archer. Archer had a bit of a temper, and sometimes spoke her mind more often than she'd wished. But she was observant and one heck of a shot.
Together, they pillaged and looted every privileged snob in the kingdom. You’d think that make them heroes like Robin Hoof. But they had other plans to invest in with their treasure. I mean, charity was getting donations all the time anyway.
Then one day…all that changed.
Karma caught up, and boy was she pissed. By biting off more than they could chew, every law enforcement agency was chewing off their flanks.
There was no escape this time. No remedy to repair the hurricane of minotaur dung heading their way. And then, right when justice looked like it was going to be served on a silver platter, they vanished out of thin air.
Nothing elaborate mind you. Rather, their names, aliases, and crimes just stopped...well...appearing on the papers. They went dark, and never came back.
To this day, the mystery behind these three devious thieves remains just that. A mystery.
Oh sure you have your conspiracy theories, local urban myths, and even reasonable explanations as to why the un-named group of bandits vanished. Some blame it on Discord, Celestia, a bad case of the flu, weird weather, dragons, a diamond dog deal gone wrong, the government, and even hidden changelings among us for the identities of said robbers.
But the truth is, they were just your average ponies. And sometimes an average pony has to do what what every average pony has to do.
Suck it up. Get a job. And get into routine.
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“Silverspeed? Silver!”
“Huh?” I was too entranced by the oatmeal in front of me to notice Mother from across the table.
With those cat-like glasses and her prim, silver mane, she looked every bit like a wannabe executive. Which she was, by the way. Unlike her other elitist snot-bag friends, she actually did work to get her bits in. She had this dominating nature about her that supposedly humbled the mightiest of competitors to obey her will. Once, some tycoon from Griffionia sold her twelve silver mines on a one-mine deal after a just one minute with her.
And yet, staring into those stormy grey eyes, I honestly don't know what the fuss is about. To me, she looks more like an obnoxious pooch than some bloodthirsty wolf.
“You were dozing off again.” She stated the fact like it was some statistic affecting her family life. How many times could Silverspeed be half-asleep at the table? And that answer was dependent on how long I could tolerate her presence.
“Sorry.” I started to dig into my lukewarm breakfast, trying not to gag. It was like she was serving me paper mushed in with stale oats.
“Ahem.”
I made an involuntary groan. Honestly, the day hadn’t even started and she was in my mane. “Yes?”
Mother just gave me that look. That look that made you feel like you had done something wrong and you were too dumb to realize it yourself. “This is a table, not a stable, Silverspeed. Perhaps you should eat with more—what’s the word—dignity?”
Her eyes wandered off to the right, where my sister, Silver Spoon, was demonstrating the proper technique to sophisticated dining by spooning each tiny glob of oatmeal in her mouth. Ugh, she's like some miniaturized clone or something. As if having one Mother was bad enough, I have to deal with two.
“You know, my technique helps me finish it faster. It’s a proven fact—“
“Not in this household.” Mother narrowed her eyes. “Eat like a lady or you can go outside and eat like a dog. Which way would you prefer, Silverspeed?”
The way that allowed me to shove this inedible piece of garbage down your throat. I grabbed the petite piece of silverware, nearly crushing it in the process. As I lifted the pitiful chunk of watered oats to my tongue, I wondered if I was tasting her cooking. Knowing Mother, however, she probably had the maid follow some stupid recipe she concocted last night. Mother had a tendency to do that.
Nonetheless, I ate like a good little filly. For added effect, I even began to smack my lips. “So exquisite.”
Mother just nodded, as if I was some dog who’d finally accomplished an old trick. So much for complimenting the cook I guess.
After a minute or two of silence, Mother turned to Spoony, addressing her like she was part of the board. “Going with Diamond to school today?”
“Yes Mother,” Silver Spoon chirped eagerly. “Would it be okay if I hung out with her for a while afterschool? Her daddy got us tickets to the spa.”
Boy, could I use a spa treatment. Maybe a good massage or two in the back for my wings. The twins would offer it too, but I had to make the most of my free time.
I couldn't tell if Mother had ever tried a massage in her life. Could certainly use one, but I wasn't asking her to join me anytime soon. “Sounds lovely, darling, I’ll have Silverspeed pick you up afterwards.”
I dropped the spoon, which caused a loud clatter on the marble floor. “Actually Mom, I was going to go and practice by the range...” The sentence died in my mouth.
For a moment, it looked as if Mother was going to stand up and spank me. But I knew she was more refined than to resort to physical discipline. One of the perks of being brought up in a wealthy family is that they don't believe in capital punishment almost as much as they don't believe in charity.
“Really?” Her tone grew stern. “I figured you’d want to spend more quality time with your sister than have you toss those brutish arrows at hale bales.”
I gritted my teeth. She thinks that just because she's the one putting a roof over my head, that grants her the ability to walk all over my life. I may not be the perfect daughter, but she was far from being a tolerable parent. Sometimes, I wish I was with dad, then things wouldn't be this insane. But I wasn't with Dad. And right now, I'd be sleeping in a box if it wasn't for Mother.
So with a defeated sigh, I nodded. “What time do I pick her up?”
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“Mornin’, Silverspeed.” Derpy waved at me from the office door
“What a wonderous morning it is, my dear.” I bowed. Sometimes, when Mother pissed me off, I had a habit of showing off my more…cultured side.
Derpy was already in uniform, her navy blue cap snugged tightly over a hoof-woven beanie. Gosh, Dinky could sure knit. Might have to start asking her for wing warmers sooner or later.
“Anything new today?” I asked, grabbing my own blue cap from a locker that was otherwise empty save for the uniform.
Derpy’s ears flopped. “Didn't you hear? Post Haste might be...leaving.”
A lanky stallion fresh out of school, Post Haste joined the postal force a few months ago. He was pretty diligent when it came to letters I suppose. And his arrival made me feel like a veteran member instead of some washed-up newbie from the rich-class, so I never had much of a problem with him either. Honestly, having a co-worker who could show up and get his part of the shift done was good in my books. "Why in the hay would he do that?"
"He was telling me he wanted to pursue his dream of raising bumblebees.” Bumblebees? I knew he wanted to be an independent business owner, but that just didn't seem to fit with me.
“Are we getting any replacements?” If Post Haste was missing, that meant more work for the rest of us. As it stood, our force stood at two right now. Ponyville may be a small town by most standards, but that didn't boost any confidence. Derpy could easily get lost if she was tired and right now, my social circle wasn't anything to brag about either. Mother made sure of that.
“Don’t worry.” Derpy handed me a muffin. “I’m sure he’s just kidding.”
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“It appears Post Haste will no longer be working with us.” Paper Trail sat back against the swivel chair, the prescription glasses hanging loosely over his snout.
It took several deep breaths to control myself from flipping the table.
Of all the Discord-forsaken days he could choose, it had to be today? Hearths Warming season had rolled in, and that meant an even more hectic workload than usual. At this point, I might as well take a dip in Froggy Bottom Bog. It'd be quicker and probably less painful. Unless the hydra swallowed me whole, but it would still beat a holiday rush.
Paper Trail just shook his head. “Quite a shame really, I recall Post Haste coming here to deliver me the paper…” he droned on and on to the point where I had to start daydreaming to keep myself awake.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s a kind old stallion who’d been handling Ponyville’s mail since Mother was just a filly. But have him talk business, and you could put an army of hyperactive diamond dogs to sleep.
Deciding I didn't need to hear another lecture of an employee's deeds from day one, I raised my hoof. “Actually, Mr. Trail, if it’s alright with you, I think I’m gonna go and start covering Haste’s route.”
Paper Trail gave me a quizzical stare. “The whole route?”
I shrugged. “I can manage.” That was a big fat lie but it wasn't like Trails was going to fight me on it.
Apparently, Paper Trail was still fidgeting with the idea. “Well uh…alright then. Thanks, Ms. Silverspeed.”
With a quick nod, I dashed out the office, grabbing both mailbags as I went. However, just before I could leave I felt a slight tap on the shoulder. “You didn’t have to do that.”
Typical of Derpy to try and talk me out of a bad decision. It was nice though. If anything, it proved that Derpy could be a better mother to me than my own parental figure. It also helped that she had two daughters to boot. And if you'd ever seen Dinky, you'd know she'd done a good job under the circumstances.
“Eh, it was nothing. Besides, I’m more familiar with his route.”
I suppose I could have at least come up with a better excuse. We both knew Derpy was the veteran of the group, next to old Trail back there. But we also both knew that it was Hearth’s Warming Eve. Dinky would want to go shopping, and while Sparkler may be able to take over, sometimes it's better to let your kid know you're still there for them rather than stay away for hours on end doing work.
I could care less if I came back dead tired. Derpy, however, needed all the energy she could muster if Dinky wanted to do another baking session. Believe me, that little unicorn could open up her own bake shop and have it run 24/7. I'd made the mistake of baking with her one time, and had paid for it in muffins. Lots...and lots of muffins.
The day started off smoothly, save for the occasional complaint or barking dog. Thankfully for me, I'd become a decent athlete, so the extra load wasn’t nearly as bothersome as it would have been for somepony of Derpy’s physique, no offense to her.
Still, by the time I was halfway through the route, I could already feel my wings cramping. So I decided to stop by one of the houses, for a quick a breather. Walking never hurt anypony, right?
“Hey, Silverspeed!”
I looked up to see Carrot Top waving down at me from her balcony. Other than the few times we met in the market, I barely knew the mare. But apparently she knew my name. Well...I guess being related to one of the more famous ponies in this town helped, but still it was a little creepy. And Carrot Top just came across as one of those farmers you waved at but never really wanted to talk to unless you had an avid interest in irrigation, crop rotation, and the latest cross-breeds.
I mean, sure this was technically a tight-knit town. But honestly, the idea of having everypony know just about everything about you was well…disturbing. It was like having your social life posted on some billboard with your likes and dislikes on the side. Maybe this was why I didn't make many friends. Paranoia still followed me around wherever I went.
“Got your mail here, Carrot.” I held up a brown parcel.
“Oh, did Post Haste catch a case of the Flank Pox?” There was a hint of anxiety in her tone.
“Nah,” I waved my hoof. Carrot let out a sigh of relief.
“He just left.”
Well, apparently that was worse than being ill as her face contorted to a look of pure horror. “WHAT?!”
I shrugged. “Yeah, turns out he’s pursuing his dream of becoming a bee farmer.”
“Well at least he’s doing what he loves.” Carrot dreamily stared into the town square. Did Post Haste forget to mention to me that she was harboring a crush? Not that it was any of my business.
“Honestly, his timing couldn’t have been any worse,” I replied nonchalantly, a second before I realized I was speaking my mind. Sometimes, when I wasn't monitoring my own words, I'd accidentally speak out my mind on accident. It wasn't bad, but...well...I guess it was kinda bad.
Carrot Top clutched her chest, giving me a pitiful look. “Well, Silverspeed, doing what you want to do is one of life’s best fulfillments. In the end, it doesn’t matter when it’ll happen. Didn’t you have a dream job?”
Yeah, sneaking into a heavily guarded bank vault and making out with twenty grand in gold. “I don’t know, I never give those kind of things much thought.”
Carrot sighed. “Well, I bet you’d make a fine Royal Guard.”
Seriously? I didn't have anything against the guys in armor, but there were too many formalities and I'd caught a glimpse of what that kind of life can do to you. “I don’t know about that.”
“But your cutie mark is a bow and arrow? Surely the guard could use a pony of your talents!” A pony of my talents is the exact reason guards were invented in the first place.
“Honestly, Carrot, I’m fine working as a mailmare.”
“Surely, you must at least give it a try.”
Alright, this whole pursue-your-destiny crap was getting annoying. Clearing my throat rather loudly, I held up the stack of letters. “Your mail, Ms. Top? I’ve got a lot of routes to cover for Posty and not a whole lot of time to do it.”
“Oh, right.” Carrot Top was starting to look like a Tomato Top. Perhaps I should steer clear of nicknames until her crush on Posty was over. “My apologies. I ought to be checking on my plants anyway. I’ll have my roommate pick it up for me.”
I watched her head vanish behind the curtains. “Shoeshine! Can you get my mail?”
Shoeshine? Well that's a funny name, almost exactly like...wait a second?
The ruby red door swung open, revealing a sky blue mare with an ash-grey mane. Upon seeing me, she froze in mid gait, as if time had stopped. Meanwhile, Flashes of dark nights, piles of glimmering jewels, and outrageous bar fights filled my mind. No...it couldn't be.
“Sweet Celestia.” I muttered, my own eyes locked with hers.
For a moment, we were both just standing there, a porch’s distance away. It was like staring at an old ghost from the past. A ghost who had once been your friend before you stabbed them in the back and never made contact again. The kind of friend you didn’t want to see again for a million years after you were long dead and pushing daisies.
The kind of friend staring down at me right now.
“Hello there…Silverspeed .” She hissed my name with such venom it made me wince.
Snatching the stack of mail from my outstretched hoof, she reached into her saddlebags. “How much do I pay for services rendered?”
“Just a simple thank you will do.” I answered icily.
“Well then…thanks.” She flicked a bit into my mailbag. “I must say it’s quite a surprise to see you. Must be a Hearth’s Warming miracle.”
More like a message from Karma telling me she wasn’t done screwing with my life. “Always good to see an old friend.”
“Likewise.” She trudged off, slamming the door in her wake.
I wondered if Carrot was listening in on us. I wouldn’t suppose she’d assume much from our little conversation. Perhaps at the most just an old friendship that went sour.
And that in itself was an understatement. Shoeshine was my cohort in crime. That partner who always had your back. In our peer’s eyes, we were Shoeshine and Silverspeed.
In the law’s eyes, however, we were known as Spotless and Archer.
Chapter 3: Holidays Smo'lidays
Morning went by as routine dictated. Get up. Take a dump. Wash up. Eat breakfast. Get scolded by Mother for eating breakfast like an infernal jackal. Leave for work. Eat an actual breakfast at work. Cry inside for realizing you eat muffins 24/7.
Wow, and they say mornings dictate the rest of the day.
Derpy was already in uniform, trying to balance a tray of steaming muffins on her head. At the very top of the tray was a tiny note scribbled in crayon that read 'Tank U' and even came with those cute little smiley faces at the end.
“Dinky made those?” I snatched one of the confections. I'm not going to lie, it would've been insulting to me if Derpy didn't bring thank-you muffins. And judging by the note, I'd say her little filly was just as grateful. Or maybe Derpy and Sparkler forced her to do it. I'm not complaining either way.
Derpy just puffed her chest, showing off that maternal pride all mothers show when their daughters do something good. “Yep, Dinky kept badgering me to make them with her.”
Soon, however, that grin was replaced with a concerned frown. “Is your back okay, Silverspeed?”
If you could imagine a dragon rubbings its scales against your spine, you had a pretty good picture of my pain. Nonetheless, I managed a chuckle. “Good as a mule.”
As if on cue, I felt a pain in the tender area of my wings. Derpy gave me that "parental-frown" she gives all her daughters when they lie to her. “Are you sure, Silverspeed? A pegasus should never risk-”
“No, it’s quite alright.” I tried to laugh it off, which came off as a cry. “Really. I’m good.”
“Okay…” Derpy narrowed her eyes. “But just to be safe, I think I’m going to see if Mr. Trails can split it for us.”
Well, guess there was no arguing with that one. Derpy may let most things slide, but if a pony was hurt, you stood a better chance convincing a Diamond Dog that gems were bad for him.
As it turned out, the split hadn’t really solved my problems. I mean, sure I was carrying a lighter load, but now my wings felt tense. And to make matters worse, Carrot House was still on my list.
As I approached the tangerine shack, any hopes of this being a routine drop off were diminished the moment I saw Shoeshine leaning over the fence.
“Well...well...well...look who the cuckoo dropped in.” Really, karma? I wasn’t that bad, was I?
“Shoeshine, Carrot Top isn’t home?” I tried to sound casual, but I realized I sounded more like a pouty filly who didn't get her share of the cookie jar.
“She’s out back watering the carrots." She gestured to the little back door across from the kitchen, rolling her eyes. "Don’t know what she sees in that patch.”
I raised a brow. “Aren’t you her apprentice?”
Shoeshine waved me off. “Nah, I said I was curious, but...well...farming isn’t really my thing as I’ve come to realize.”
“Really?” So much for being the small-town farmer. Although I couldn't say I had much pity for her. She was still an obnoxious flankhole after all. "And your new calling is?
“A more reasonable job as a cashier at Barnyard Bargains.” The way she stated it, you'd think that it was as obvious as the sun.
“You handling money?" I couldn't picture the two working out in anypony's benefit.
Shoeshine snorted. "I'd have you know I'm very responsible. And with Barnyard Bash around the corner, I'm expecting a raise for my loyalty."
Something told me that she'd get that raise regardless of whether or not her manager thought it was appropriate. Still, Shoeshine stacking brooms on a shelf was hilarious. "And I'm sure you're quite helpful too. Oh excuse me Ponyville dropout, which aisle has the Zap Apple Jam?”
The death glare she gave me was priceless. Shoeshine might consider herself to be an educated mare, but that didn't excuse the fact that she'd only graduated from a schoolhouse. "...Aisle 5."
"And the Iron Will Sing-Along Doll?"
“Iron Will doll? Why would you...oh wait don't tell me...Silver Spoon?” I felt my back go rigid. Any hint of annoyance vanished as Shoeshine's frown morphed into a wicked grin. "Silverspeed's planning on doing a little shopping, huh?"
“Shoeshine…” I addressed in a cautious tone.
“Oh please, Silverspeed.” Shoeshine scoffed. “I’m not stupid, you know. I would never steal a toy just for you.”
I wasn’t convinced. "Shoeshine, you'd steal a paperweight if it was secured in Equestria's National Bank."
"Maybe for the bragging rights, yes." Shoeshine admitted. "But let's face the facts. Challenges are so much more delightful with company present."
“Cut it out.” She was trudging into dangerous territory. “I thought I made it perfectly clear last night, but so help me I’ll make it perfectly clear again. I’m. Not. Interested.”
Shoeshine just continued to smile as if I was some filly trying to please her. “I don’t think so.”
Oh, thank the fates that I have the patience of a goddess to stand this tick in my rump.“I think you better take this mail. Carrot Top might think you’re trying to seduce the mailmare.”
“Believe me—” Shoeshine grabbed the stack of letters “—I’m sure the allurement of a heist of any kind is seducing enough for you, Archer.”
“Who’s Archer?” I questioned curiously. Two could play at this game after all.
Shoeshine's tone, however, remained cheerful. “I suppose I’ve mistaken you for the wrong mare. But in any case, if you do make it past those throngs of murderous shoppers and manage to snag one of those dolls before being trampled in a stampede, I’ll say I was wrong and leave you be.”
I tipped my cap. “Enjoy the rest of your day, Miss.”
Shoeshine propped herself against the door. “I feel you’ll be needing it more than me.”
Sometimes, I really want to strangle that mare.
To say Shoeshine’s prediction came true was an understatement. It was like something out of the Great Exodus of Unicorns. The entire plaza was covered with shoppers eager to get their hooves on whatever materialistic garbage rolled off the shelf.
I don't know if it was the desperation to snag my hooves on the doll before it sold out or Derpy's stories of roasted nuts and sales up to 60% off, but either way I found myself in the middle of this stupid social event.
At least we were bundled up in scarves and hoof-woven beanies from Dinky. Honestly, with that filly's baking and sewing, I felt almost jealous of Derpy. All Silver Spoon had to offer was whining. And occasionally being a smartypants, which was probably worse.
“Can this line move?” I was tempted to fly up, but instinct told me that I’d probably get myself yelled at. That and my body didn't feel too good either. Turns out walking only serves to aggravate an injury. At least I was paying attention to my legs by standing in line.
Derpy was munching on a bag of roasted nuts, apparently oblivious to the cold. Noticing my shivering form, however, she tipped the bag to me. “Want some?”
“Maybe just a bit.” I snatched a couple steaming nuts, groaning in pleasure as I chewed on their sugar-coated goodness. Want to taste good food? Starve yourself in the cold for two hours and buy a bag of roasted nuts. They’ll beat whatever the matrons at Canterlot are serving these days.
“Alright, one at a time!” A uniformed guard was making his rounds, herding us like cattle about to be milked of our funds.
Involuntarily, I skidded back a bit, avoiding my gaze with the officer. Some old instincts just don't die overnight I guess. “What are you buying, Derpy?”
“Oh, well, Dinky actually wanted a new sewing kit, so I’m getting her that. Kind of sad really. I was hoping she’d want some of those deluxe muffin trays. But maybe next year.”
I sighed. “Can’t argue with that. I was kinda hoping Silver Spoon would be asking for something other than this Iron Will Sing-Along Doll. Just hope I have enough bits for it.”
Derpy gave a hearty laugh. “It’s the Barnyard Bash, silly. You could buy out a shelf with two bits to rub between your wings.”
Normally, I’d try to say they were losing their money on some scam. But knowing Filthy Rich, despite his rather unorthodox means of attaining capital, I could safely say he was an honest salespony.
Although, perhaps not the most organized. The moment we stepped into the warehouse-sized store, we were nearly trampled by a group of customers. After that, we decided to split up and cover more ground, promising to meet outside with our purchases.
I know that we all get a tad bit greedy at times, but this was anarchy. No, chaos was a better description of it. Something I feel Discord would be proud of. Two mares were tackling each other over the last set of designer boots, while pegasi engaged in aerial battles over candle sets. And they called me a robber.
At last, I finally reached the toy section. Shoving my way past the crowd, I could already see most of the shelves were stripped bare of their contents. I counted down the numbers, praying that each empty shelf hadn't been labeled 'Iron Will Sing-Along Set'. Suddenly, a tiny yellow box appeared over the horizon. No, it couldn't be.
There was one left.
Not exactly a confidence boost, but I'd take what I could get. I soared past the unhinged consumers, shoving a few out of my way as I wrapped my hooves against that premium foiled wrapper. "Gotcha!"
"Not so fast!" A shrewd, squeaky voice echoed from behind. Turning around, I found myself face to face with a pouty, purple filly who looked just about ready to sucker-punch me. "That toy is mine!"
"Um, I'm sorry missy," I tugged a bit at the box, trying to get it closer to myself, "but I kind of got here first."
"No you weren't!" The filly narrowed her eyes, her wings fluttering just a bit more rapidly. "I was here!"
I shook my head. "Nah uh uh, I was here."
"That's a lie! This is a collector's edition and I've been waiting for this sale for two days!" She tugged the box back indignantly.
"No, it's mine!" I was pulling back with all my might, but this filly had an iron grip. I could hear the wrapper tearing apart as we continued in this demented tug-of-war. But before I knew it, the doll suddenly slipped out of the packaging, landing on the floor with a dull thud.
My opponent was there first, wrapping her forehooves against the minotaurs plastic body. "Yes!"
For a second, everypony's eyes were turned on her. Some looked about her age, while others were a tad smaller. And the next thing I knew, the poor little shopper was buried under a dog pile.
Derpy was already waiting outside, a rather large box cradled in her hooves. “Did you get it, Silverspeed?”
“Well...you see about that…” I didn't want to tell her about the disaster that had occurred in Aisle 7, mostly because it wasn't my best moment and also for the fac that I managed to evade security before things really got bad.
“Oh no…” Derpy tucked her wings in.
“I can try again tomorrow, right?”
“Yeah…” Her tone was tense. Not the best sign of confidence. "Ye-yeah. I mean, who needs that sale anyway. I mean, the store usually closes after this and re-opens umm...soon?"
With Hearth's Warming Eve right around the corner, that meant more shoppers and more problems. This was supposed to be the early bird sale, and look at how chaotic it got. I was pretty sure the majority of these customers had come from all over the world to catch a good deal.
“It doesn’t matter, thanks for accompanying me Derpy." I tried my best to give a convincing grin. "Glad to see you got what you came for.”
Derpy smiled. “Well, thank you too, Silverspeed. Tell your family I wish them a Happy Hearths Warming Eve.”
“Will do.”
I watched her fly off into the night, joining the hundreds of customers who’d made it out with their newfound loot. And here I was, standing like some schmuck on the street. An idiot who had nowhere to go now. An idiot who would return home emptied-hoof. And just when I was getting somewhere with Spoonie, I had to screw it up.
I wanted to smother my face with a pillow then set the pillow on fire and toss it in the searing flames of Tartarus for added effect. But seeing that this fantasy wasn’t coming true anytime soon, I did the next best thing.
I went to the range.
The range isn’t as much of a range as it is a stack of haybales I found one day and convinced the owner that I’d pay him extra to let me use his property. Finding the bow and arrow was the easy part. Ponyville had a surprising number of weapon shops in the area, but considering its rural background, weapon shops wouldn't be a surprise. Nothing fancy, mostly just a few vendors and guards trading off their old gear.
My hoof slid another arrow in, drawing the string back. Unlike goblins or diamond dogs, holding a bow as a four-legged equine proved to be quite difficult for most. Most of the time, many ponies would just use a stand and their mouth to tug the arrow. It was why the Guard preferred spears and law enforcement occasionally carried crossbows. Bows were considered a specialty weapon.
Anyway, the point is that shooting arrows was the closest thing I found to meditation. There was something stress-relieving about letting a projectile fly and hit some inanimate target a couple yards away. And I’m not going to lie, sometimes I pictured Mother and every other privileged snob in one of those hay bales from time to time.
I don’t know how long I was out there. Usually, firing bows at night was a bad idea since you never knew if you’d stuck some poor farmer out tending his crops. But I knew the owner didn’t rear his head this way at night and even if he did, I would see him. One of the perks of deciphering those bank codes under the moon’s light was getting accustomed to night vision. Of course, that didn't help too often in the day, and even now my eyes were straining to find a target.
“Nice shot.”
The sound caught me off guard. Jolting back, I let the arrow fly lazily in the air before coming down a few yards away from the target.
I snarled, turning to face Shoeshine, who was now laying back on a hay bale. “Have you ever heard of something called safety?”
Standing up, Shoeshine began to survey the battlefield. “I suppose, but knowing you, it doesn’t seem likely I’ll be injured, right?”
I shrugged indifferently. “Accidents always happen.”
“I’d assume you’d want one to happen to me right about now, correct?”
“Why, Shoeshine, knowing you, I’d miss the instant I drew the string back.”
That got a cheerful giggle out of her. “You were never that good, were you?”
“And targets.” She added, prodding one of the hay bales. “Not really mobile, are they?”
This whole question and answer crap was getting on my nerves. “What do you want, Shoeshine?”
“Figured that if you didn’t get the doll, you’d end up taking out your rage here.” Now she was a mind reader? Well, I suppose it’s partly my fault for being a tad too predictable in behavior. But you couldn’t blame me on that. There aren't many places you can look for that would suit a proper range.
"Well you caught me, officer," I said, holding up my hooves in mock surrender,"I didn't get the doll, but I'll bet it’ll be one heck of a pay day for you.”
Shoeshine gave a hearty cackle which sounded more like a hyena. “Yeah right, the flow of money is paved with equal benefits.”
“Oh yeah?” I tilted my head.
“Most of that money goes to that board of advisors. They trickle the wealth down, sure, but the rest stays on top. Typical business model if you ask me.”
“Tired of getting paid below the belt?” Shoeshine might consider herself an academic, but nopony started to talk business unless they had some business of their own to settle.
"I'm just saying that business isn't fair. Things happen, ponies lose money. They're crooks in suits, you know. And if a little money suddenly went missing, well...who'd know any better than an insurance company to resupply all its investors-"
“I’m not even going to repeat myself. I’m just going to load the arrow in.” At least this was one problem that could be solved with the flight of an arrow.
“Hear me out,” Shoeshine protested. I lowered the bow. This was only because she was a friend. I’d hear her out and then decline the offer.
Seeing the bow droop down, she continued. “Barnyard Bargains has been dropping in the stock markets as of lately.”
“Really?” I exclaimed. “So now you’re telling me we’re stealing from a sinking ship?” Okay, I should have said ‘you’re’ but it just came out naturally. It wasn’t like I was going to participate. I was beyond that now.
“And that’s where you’re wrong.” Shoeshine jumped off the hay bale. “You see, by robbing Filthy Rich, we will be inevitably helping him.”
Now I knew she was cuckoo. Well, I mean I knew for a while but this was definite proof that I could use in court. “I’m not following.”
“By making off with a pitiful amount of income from one of these holiday sprees, the insurance company would launch a full investigation, try to track down if any other money was missing. And who knows, they may find a certain board of advisors embezzling a certain amount of funds from a certain somepony and before you know it, everything is back to normal, if not better.”
“Shoeshine saving the company? This is rich.”
“Filthy rich in fact.” Shoeshine stated in a matter-of-factly tone. "And he isn't even going to give me a raise for this."
“Not like you're walking away without one.” Honestly, this was predictable to see her rob a store. But what really irked me was that she was trying to justify it. "Where's your proof?"
All of a sudden, a saddlebag materialized out of one of the hay bales as Shoeshine pulled out several sheets of paper. "See for yourself?"
They certainly didn't look like the kind of corporate intel that could be faked. Moreover, the figures were oddly disturbing. Not too noticeable to somepony who wasn't looking, but certainly odd. "I don't suppose this was just hoofed to you."
“I have my methods, Silverspeed. Besides, it's enough proof to put the nail in the coffin. Only problem is of course allowing the proper authorities to come across it.”
“Okay, Robin Hoof. Say that this could potentially save the company. How are you going to pull it off?”
“Say what you want about Ponyville, it's no secret the security here is a joke. We're talking safe-and-dial type.”
Oh Starswirl's Beard, that was like stealing candy from a filly, something I wouldn't put beneath Shoeshine's own morals. “A safe-and-dial type security could still have some vigilant guards.”
She shook her head. “Security is a graveyard shift for most. This is Ponyville after all. Hardly the place of military-trained cops or Royal Guards patrolling the hallways.”
“So security is a bit rough. But then again, I highly doubt the worst thing Ponyville has ever experienced was a burglar stealing slippers.”
“With this kind of popularity, the Elements of Harmony attract all manner of criminal scum, Silverspeed.”
“No doubt in my mind you’re one of them.”
“Hey, I lived here before they came. Not my fault that this led to some hefty income to our business class.” Shoeshine was acting as if burglary was a burden placed solely upon her shoulders.
“What a saint you’ve turned out to be.”
“Hey, why should the rich have all the fun and leave the rest of us behind? I believe in an equilibrium system of economics.”
“Except unlike Robin Hoof, you don’t give back to the poor.”
“So? It’s not like they worked for it.” Boy, did I have to hoof it to Shoeshine for justifying why charity is a lost cause.
“Okay, so you have the motive and you have the means. But this sounds like you’ve been planning this for quite some time. If your intentions are truly good, why now?”
Shoeshine tapped her hoof thoughtfully on the bale for a bit. “Honestly, I guess it’s because I saw you.”
I knew I should run. This was it. The offer was coming. So far, Shoeshine had tried to woo me in with the reasons that it would be perfect and why it was worthwhile. But the truth was...well...I didn’t expect her to say that. It felt almost cheesy really. Too cheesy to be fake.
“You’re kidding, right?”
“Listen, this isn’t a one-mare job. I mean...I guess with my expertise it is. But it would have been pointless. Just another tab in the paper. With you, however, at least I’d be doing it with a buddy.”
“Oh please.” I scoffed admonishingly. “You think I don’t know what you’re doing? You think that this whole best-buds argument is going to somehow convince me to join you on your little caper?”
Shoeshine just fell silent. I didn’t care though. The fact was that she used that word again. the same word she kept using again and again. It came in all types of forms. ‘Buddy’, ‘Friend’, ‘Compadre’.
I slung the quiver over my shoulder. “The thing is, Shoeshine. I may not like my life, but I sure as Tartarus am not about to screw it up again. And I think it’s high time you start thinking about yours too.”
I turned to walk away, but not before Shoeshine’s voice pierced the air.
“I have, Silverspeed.”
Sometimes, you know you should leave but you stay anyway. For whatever reason, I didn’t move from my spot.
“You know what I found out about my life, Silverspeed? After that golden age, it never got any better. I never relaxed in some chateau in the mountains or was whisked away by my magical prince. Oh no, I was stuck growing food like a peasant! Maybe that suits you just fine but can you really say that your life isn’t screwed up as it is? Look at you!”
I wanted to punch her for saying that. I wanted to stick an arrow in her heart or watch her melt away and leave me alone. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it. And the truth was because I couldn’t help but agree.
“Your family hates you. You work a lousy job like me. Before, we were big name criminals. We had it all. The wealth. The glamor. The anonymity so that we could walk around town feeling smug about ourselves without paparazzis hogging the corner. And now all we’re left with is anonymity! We’ve become background characters in a show that focuses on namby-pamby celebrities and news that covers self-confident jerks rescuing kittens!”
“And what’s wrong with being in the background?” I asked coolly.
“What’s wrong is that we had a taste of being in the spotlight. And you know that no matter how much we try, our lives will never get any better than that. We’re not the local townsponies, Silverspeed! We’re not some bystander on the street. Maybe in this town’s eyes, we are. But not in our eyes. Remember when me, you and—”
“Don’t use her name!” I shrieked. For a moment, I was scared I might have woken the farmer. But thankfully, the only sound we heard was the chirping of crickets in the distance.
“You can’t forget the past, Silverspeed. You don’t want to forget the past.” Maybe I can’t forget the past, but I can sure as Tartarus avoid it. I resumed my steady trot back home.
“By the way,” Shoeshine’s voice was no longer seething with fury. Rather, it was replaced by the same calm, cool demeanor she always wore before. “I know where they keep the new shipments for the next sale. In the Hearth' Warming Eve pandemonium, nopony’s going to notice a couple dolls missing.”
I continued to walk, never turning back. By the time I reached home, Mother was waiting by the porch light. “I thought I told you that I didn’t want to see that weapon in the household again.”
“It’s not mine,” I lied, “I was saving it for a friend.”
Mother just stood there, her face masking whatever anger hid beneath it. “You worry me, sometimes. You think my kindness is just some sort of benefit. If it wasn't for me--”
I didn't even bother to listen to the rest. What use was it if Mother kept repeating the same feather-brained lecture? That I wasn't good enough for her. I wasn't good enough for my family. I may not have been the best pony there was, but I'd try to be. Nopony's perfect, nopony can just change life at the flick of a switch.
Mother didn't bother to stop me, and for once I had the night to myself. Pity that I wasn't getting any rest out of it. Still, the thought of Shoeshine's plan left a weird sensation in my stomach.
What if Filthy Rich was in trouble? The guy was a decent buisnesspony, and it would at least get him looking through the distribution of wealth. No, I couldn't justify any form of thievery. Not after what happened last time.
Besides, it was too risky. Yeah, that's it. There's always a chance something would go wrong. Actually, there was a hundred percent chance that something would go wrong.
I rolled over in my sheets, trying to block the terrifying thoughts that kept screaming at me to listen. Some of them were memories. Some of them were fantasies. All of them tied to thievery.
“Hey sis.” It was enough to stir me from my mental barrage of conflicted emotions.
Turning around, I saw that Silver Spoon had snuck in my room. Darn, my sis had the hoofsteps of a ninja. “Whatcha doing this late at night?”
Silver Spoon seemed to be having some trouble since her shadowy form remained silent. I was almost beginning to think I had hallucinated the whole conversation when I heard her speak again. “Listen, I know it’s asking a lot but can you stop talking to yourself?”
“Huh?” I tilted my head. Talking to myself? What the hay was I talking about?
“You keep saying that you want to do something, but that you shouldn't do something, but that you should. It's really starting to sound like your wishy-washy.” Well thanks Master of the Obvious. And that was rather blunt for a filly who spent two hours debating over a pearl necklace.
“Well maybe I have a reason.”
"But it just sounds like it's really hurting you and all. I mean...I don't know...is it...like your job?” That was a weird question. I was expecting something a bit more personal, but maybe this was her way to get to know me better. Already, this conversation could be holding the record for the longest time we’ve expressed any words to each other.
“What makes you think that?”
“Mom sometimes talks like that when she's working,” Silver confessed. "Don't tell her though that I've been spying on her."
Well, as long as she keeps the spying to mother and not me. "My lips are sealed. Sister's honor."
That got a giggle out of her. "You're not so bad when you're actually doing your job."
"Is that so?" Good to know that at least Silver Spoon still liked me. Although I didn't exactly fess up to the truth that her toy wasn't coming this Hearth's Warming Eve.
"Mom thinks you're wasting your life." Silver's voice went back to a whisper. "I just want to know...did you ever...umm...try to be an archer? Is that why you were gone? To pursue a job in the military?"
Even now, she was still hung up on that. I'd want to tell her the truth. Really, if I could, it would solve so many problems. But the fact is, sometimes the truth doesn't solve any problems. Sometimes it just makes things worse. “I guess in a way I wanted to be an archer. But it just wasn't the life for me.”
“You didn't like it?”
“Well...I mean...sort of.” Honestly, why couldn’t I say no?
“What do you mean sort of?”
“I guess it was fun for a while.” It was still fun even as I thought about it.
“But why don’t you do it?”
“Cause it's wrong, Silver Spoon. What I did wasn't right.”
“But if you liked it, even for a teeny bit, that means you’d still want to do it. Everything else just feels worthless.”
Jeepers, who was I talking to? Luna? Starswirl's religious sage? “I don’t know, Silver, it’s just...I want to be here for you. I can’t just go and do as I please. Family first, right?”
“I’m not saying you have to do everything, but sometimes, well...you’re just too depressing to hang out with.”
Well that was depressing. Being called a downer never really lifted the downer’s spirits. “I feel I’m fairly jolly every now and then.”
“Maybe you try to. But trying isn’t the same as being.” I watched her silhouette rise from my bedside. “I don’t know. Diamond always tells me that if it doesn’t make you happy, why do it?”
She scuttled off to her room and I watched the door slowly shut itself.
Why do it? The words echoed in my mind again and again.
Why do it? Because I was scared? But that’s the thrill of it. Being scared during a heist always gives a nice adrenaline rush. Why do it? Because it could hurt somepony? Honestly, I can't remember injuring a pony who didn't go in expecting to get injured. It was a fact of life after all.
But Silver Spoon. I couldn’t just let her down again. Yet, according to my sister, doing nothing pretty much downed her spirits more than it did to mine.
No, I couldn't try to justify it again. Nopony is born into this world as a criminal, and nopony has to go back. There's such a thing as changing. Sometimes you have to change yourself for the better. But what if I wasn't changing myself for the better?
Oh sure, before I was in more danger than I am in now. Before I had to deal with detectives and guards while now my worst enemy could be the filly in the back of the line. Yet, all those times I was in danger, I never felt I was in danger. That sounds pretty stupid, and I don't blame you for calling me out on it. But sometimes, it was fun to feel that danger.
Maybe that's what I was missing all along.
I don’t know what drove me to get up from bed and walk all the way to Carrot Top’s house. Or what led me to bang on her door. But before I could stop myself, the lights flicker on followed by a loud yawn. When the door swung open, however, I was surprised to see Carrot herself at the door.
“Wha’ time is it?” She groaned.
Now you choose to answer. “Umm...I was wondering if I could talk to Shoeshine?”
“Hold on.” Carrot vanished back in the house. I don't even know if she realized how odd it was to see your mailpony at four in the morning.
After what seemed like another yawn followed by a clatter of pans, a disheveled, irritated Shoeshine was standing in the doorway. “What in the frick-frackin’ name of Luna’s great night did you need to knock on my door at four in the morning?”
“I was thinking about that offer last night.” I replied timidly.
“I thought you told me to shove it where the sun don’t shine. Or was it just me?” Shoeshine let out another yawn. I doubted she even knew what she was talking about.
“Perhaps for old time’s sake, I’d be willing to give it a go?” I sounded like a filly asking for an autograph.
Shoeshine just stood there, her expression not even changing a bit. “Okay. But can you leave now? This mare needs some undisturbed rest if she’s going to have any energy tomorrow.”
“Sure. Have a good night.” I smiled.
“Pretty sure it’s mornin’.” Shoeshine slammed the door.
By the time I got back to my house, snuck through the window, and snuggled myself under the sheets, I realized just how incredibly...undeniably...stupid that was.
And it felt great.
Chapter 4: A Barnyard Bargain
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Chapter 6: Lyra Heart-Stings
Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter. Chapter 2: Sibling Rivalry
The rest of the day was a blur for me. I delivered my letters, ate a sandwich somewhere in between, and somehow made it back to the office to change out of my uniform.
Derpy must have already left, since the afternoon muffin tray was empty save for a few crumbs.
“Oh, Silverspeed.” Paper Trail was hobbling out of the office. “Your mother Silver Bells came in today. Wanted me to remind you to pick up your sister from Sugarcube Corner by five.”
Sweet Celestia, she treated me like a foal. Did she think I'd forget something as important as my own sister? Well…okay I’ll admit I almost forgot. But almost isn’t totally. And I totally didn’t forget to pick up my slightly bratty sister. It was a busy day at work after all.
“Thanks, I’ll see ya’ tomorrow, Mr. Trail.”
"Your mother is so considerate.” He had a dumb grin plastered on his face this time. Yeah, Mother thinks of her children so highly, Mr. Trail. I think she's more in love with the silverware then her own daughter. Maybe that's how she figured out what to name my little sis. Because clearly using an old saying was a lot better than listening to my Dad's suggestion. Jeepers, that name was almost as bad as Diamond Tiara, not that Filthy Rich had much going for him in terns of a family legacy. Although I'd never forget the day I heard her initial middle name. Diamond Stinkin Tiara Rich.
Silver Spoon was waiting by Sugarcube Corner as expected, her hoof impatiently tapping on the gingerbread encrusted wall. It appeared Diamond Stinkin Tiara must have run off with her Filthy Rich father. “Hey there, sis.”
“You’re late.” Not even a simple hello.
“No I’m not.” I gestured to the clock tower. “Mom told me to pick you up at five on the dot, right.”
Silver Spoon merely humphed like some pompous politician who didn't get her way. “Mother wouldn’t like to see you slacking off.”
“Slacking off? I just got off work.”
“Sure you did, Silverspeed.” Not ‘Dear Sister’ or just ‘sis’. Silverspeed. What was I, her maid?
“Well, how was school?” I decided changing the subject might lighten her attitude a bit.
“None of your business.” She snapped.
Okay, I could tolerate Mother’s insults on a daily basis. But when my little sister started bossing me around, well…my seniority kicked in. “Hey squirt, maybe you ought to show your elder's some respect.”
Silver Spoon glared at me. “Was that a question?”
“No, it’s a command, Spoonie.” I smirked.
That sure got to her. Her face was turning a deep crimson, probably because I said it out loud in public. Too bad Diamond Tiara wasn’t here to hear it. “I thought I made it perfectly clear not to use that name. It sounds like hogwash.”
"Hogwash? Hogwash my flank. I invented and patented that name. The rights belong to me, Spoonie. And I can use it however I want.” I was really getting a kick out of it now.
She let out a low growl that sounded more like a sick kitty than anything else. “Stop it, Silverspeed.”
“Why?” I knew I should stop. She was no longer blushing, and her right hoof was starting to shake. But I couldn't help it. My wings were aching and it wasn't helping that I was being lectured by a pompous little brat.
“Because I told you to.”
“So what?” I flew in front of her view. “Am I your servant now? Is that it? Have I lost the right to be your sister, Spoonie?”
“I told you to stop.” Silver gritted her teeth.
“Are you Mother’s little princess now? Maybe I ought to have Diamond Tiara replace me—“
There was no screaming. There wasn’t even a whine. Just a grey blur followed by a sting across the cheek. For a moment, I just stood there, either too stunned or astonished to speak. The only thing I did notice was Silver’s eyes brimming with tears. “Silver…I…”
“No…” She stomped her hoof on the ground. “Stop…just…” Before I could stop her, she ran down the street, avoiding the concerned faces of the onlookers.
The sting was still there, as if reminding me of how much of a jerk I was. Only a few brave souls bothered to look me in the eye, their reprimanding stares condemning me.
I could have chased her. Silver Spoon might be young and still brimming with boundless energy, but I had the advantage of flight. And yet, I couldn't. It was like some chain had grounded me, pulling me back rather than pushing me forward.
I just looked on, watching her fleeting form vanish in the sunset. To say I was happy or sad to see her go was rather difficult to pinpoint. For one thing, I still loathed her for acting like a spoiled filly. For another…I had antagonized her to the breaking point.
It was one thing to tease your sister. It was an entirely different thing to continue teasing just because it made you feel better. The former of which felt good, while the latter most likely led to a fight. I’d let my anger get to me and now any chance of me and Silver Spoon having a sisterly relationship had gone up in flames.
Eventually, I just slouched my hooves and continued on my way, too depressed to see where I was heading. There would definitely be some consequences for my outburst. Maybe I should just stay at a motel for the night, and wait for Mother to chill down before I-
“Oaf!” Great, this day just had to involve one more incident before it could be over. Hastily rising to my hooves, I began to formulate some apology to whoever the unlucky fellow turned out to be. “Sorry ‘bout that—“
“Oh believe me, it was quite intentional.”
I froze, slowly lifting my head to see the sly grin of Shoeshine gazing down at me.
Was this entire day made to piss me off? “Hey, Shoeshine.”
With those piercing red eyes, you’d think she’s some kind of dragon in disguise. Believe me, I’ve had more than enough evidence to support this theory, too. “You look like Tartarus, wanna grab a bite?”
Oh sure, let’s talk within close proximity to forks and knives. I’m sure it’ll be a great get-together. “Actually I was just heading home—”
“Your mom can wait,” Shoeshine shoved me forward. “I, on the other hoof, cannot.”
Well that settles that. Sure I could probably have still followed through, but I wasn't anxious to get home. And Shoeshine would probably continue to pester me until I did eventually talk with her. So with a regretful nod, I followed her back towards downtown Ponyville. Since it was a weekday, most of the restaurants were crowded with workers getting off their shifts, enjoying a daisy sandwich or half-heartedly munching on some steaming hay fries.
“Is there a reason—“
“Uh-uh,” Shoeshine held out her hoof. “We’ll talk when we sit.”
Typical Shoeshine to implore mannerisms after threatening me to dinner. Judging by the setting sun, Silver Spoon had probably reached home. And that meant Mother was going to have one heck of a ranting saved for me when I got back. Although I was debating if that would be a better punishment than dinner with my former compatriot in crime.
We stopped by a little outdoor café marked by a giant carrot. It wasn't much, but it didn't look rundown. There was even a family eating here too. So it couldn't be that much of a sketchy establishment? Not that Ponyville had many sketchy establishments, save for Quills and Sofas or whatever the Flim Flam Brothers are selling these days. Taking a seat at the far corner, I gave a quick look through the menu before we flagged down the incoming waiter.
“What can I get you ladies?” He pulled out a notepad.
“I’ll have the special.” Shoeshine replied flatly.
“Give me a Sunflower Supreme with curly hay fries.” I hoofed over the menu, before adding. “And a maregerita on the rocks.”
Shoeshine gave a mocking gasp. “Somepony’s a little adventurous tonight, aren’t we?”
I snarled. “Shut it, Shoeshine. It’s hardly my first.”
“Nor your last.” She poured herself a glass of water from the pitcher. “So tell me now, what have you been up to you these last—how long has it been—three years or so?”
“Two years.” I corrected. “Although technically one since I’ve been here.”
“Oh yes,” Shoeshine mused. “I’ve been here for around two years since you left. Carrot Top has been teaching me how to become more agriculturally independent.”
Shoeshine growing carrots? If there was anything I remembered from our old days, it's that Shoeshine lacked a green hoof unless it was the spending kind. Sneaky, inconsiderate, demanding, she had a nasty streak a mile wide. Not really the traits you’ll find in your local produce grower. Although I suppose she was relying on that inner Earth Pony magic of hers to save the day.
“I’d figure a mare like you would want to live somewhere with more…” I looked around the place. “…style.”
Shoeshine narrowed her eyes. “Ponyville’s got all the flair I want. We’re host to the Elements of Harmony. We’re dead center in Equestria. It’s practically a no-brainer how important this town is.”
“Sure.” I chugged down the maregerita, letting the alcohol numb the ache in my wings. Doing an extra load put a lot more strain than I expected. I didn't need a lot to get drunk. Unlike Shoeshine, my body mass was significantly smaller so that I only needed a couple of drinks to put me out. You could imagine what this meant in a family of earth ponies who took drinking as seriously as they took business.
“So what’s your business here in Ponyville? Silver mines, I presume?” Typical of Shoeshine to make it sound like I was the chairmare of Mother's company. That mare wouldn't trust me to do janitorial duty let alone hold a chief executive position in that luna forsaken place.
“I work as a mailmare.”
“Can’t imagine it pays much.”
“It’s enough to get by.”
“And yet you still live with your folks? Too cheap to buy your own place?” Coming from a mare living with Carrot Top, I wondered what she hoped to gain by insulting my lack of bits.
“As if.” I settled the glass on the table. “There’s not a cent to my name that isn’t tied to that Luna-forsaken family of mine. And if I recall correctly, you’re not exactly living on your own.”
Shoeshine shrugged. “Rehabilitation hasn’t exactly been kind to me, Silverspeed. And judging by that scene with your sister, I’d say it hasn’t been all that pleasant for you either.”
That got my gears grinding. “So now you’re a spy too.”
“Not a spy, just a witness.”
“It was just an argument.”
“It didn’t sound like sibling rivalry to me.” I felt like I was being interrogated by a mare who already knew the answers. Shoeshine was just getting a kick out of this.
“What’s it to you anyway?” I raised my voice an octave higher. “Why is my life so damn important that you need to know every single—”
“Hot plates!” The waiter slid our dishes in front of us with remarkable grace. “Let’s see, one Sunflower Supreme for the grey pegasus and a special for our returning customer.”
“We’ll continue this later.” I stuffed a hoof-full of hay fries in my mouth. For a good half hour or so, we devoured our entrees in silence. After the fiasco with Silver Spoon, I’d been too occupied to notice the rumbling in my stomach. Now, I was eating with gusto.
After a month of Mother's new diet, I’d forgotten how good greasy food could be. My family believed in refined organic waste as a meal and it had deprived my taste buds of the glory of food in general. I was surprised I still had tastebuds at all. I guess that gave me one point over Mother though.
Shoeshine ate like an animal, wolfing down her meal with such speed it was almost comical. She only waited until she was sated before wiping her mouth with a napkin. “Silverspeed, you know I care about you.”
I let out a deep, hearty cackle. “Like Tartarus you do.”
Shoeshine’s smiled was wiped clean off her face. Why was it that when she was being cynical, I was forced to laugh, but whenever I attempted to crack a joke, I was suddenly the bad guy. She looked as if I’d just called her mother insane. “I really do, Silverspeed.”
“And this is such a fine way of showing it.” I sneered. The maregerita hadn’t even kicked in and I was already losing my temper.
Shoeshine crushed the mixed greens in her hoof, her face growing red with fury. “You’re one to talk!”
I continued to finish off my food. If I couldn’t fight her, I might as well ignore her before I end up making a bigger fool of myself.
The calm, cold composure was gone now. “What’s the matter? You forget about our promise? The promise you made to me? Do you remember anything in that thick skull of yours—”
I growled. “Can it, Spotless!”
She froze, a bewildered look on her face. It only took me a second to realize what I’d just called her. It was a name I hadn’t used in a while. A name I shouldn’t have used at all. “I...I mean…”
Shoeshine just sat there with a satisfied smirk. “You started it, Archer.”
Oh how I’d like to smash her face on the table. I hated Shoeshine. I hated the way she looked at me. The way she talked to me. The way she tried to make me look like a bad guy when she wasn’t any better. The way she acted like it was the old days. Everything.
She waived at the waiter for the check. “It’s on me this time, Silverspeed. You may think it’s all in the past, but I haven’t forgotten. And I think you know it too.”
I finished downing my second maregerita, rising up to my hooves to leave. “I’m not that mare anymore.”
She nodded. “Of course you aren’t.”
By the time I got home, the moon was already high up in the sky. Our two-story house still had the porch light on. Typical of Mother to be waiting for the chance to scold me on something I was already beating myself about. Deciding that facing my fate was inevitable, I went through the porch.
“You’re late, Silverspeed.” Mother was sitting on her armchair, bundled up in some sorry excuse for silk pajamas.
“Yeah, had dinner with a friend.” If I had an alibi, Mother couldn’t say I was goofing off at least. She'd become rather paranoid that I'd go back to my old ways if I wasn't at home. It probably didn't help that I still kept my bow and arrows too.
But Mother just sort of sat there, as if unimpressed. Still, I suppose the answer was a bit vague. “And you were going to tell me…when?”
I shrugged. “We sort of bumped into each other.” Technically, that was the truth. Just that Shoeshine had intended it to be so.
“Well, maybe you’d like to talk to Silver Spoon about it next time.”
Here we go. The tidal wave of scolding was about to begin. I mentally braced myself for the outcome. “Mother I—”
“How dare you make her walk an extra block back home.”
“What?” Mother was concerned that I left Silver Spoon by herself for a few minutes? I'd practically left her daughter crying all the way back home? Either Mother really did care about nopony or I had just woken up from a bad dream.
Mother just shook her head, as if she was trying to explain ABC’s to an illiterate mule. “Silver Spoon told me you’d let her run ahead to make it home. But apparently in your haste to come back, you stumbled upon an old acquaintance and decided to have a jolly banquet without us.”
Silver Spoon lying to Mother? Had Shoeshine put something in that maregerita? If she did, I didn’t mind. It would numb the social degradation that came everytime I had a conversation with this dragon that somehow gave birth to me. “I’m…is she still up?”
Mother just groaned, giving up any hope of making me understand why she was so pissed off. “She’s upstairs. I need to sleep anyway.”
I ignored her own spiteful comment, running up the stairs to see Silver’s door left ajar. Sure enough, the little filly was sitting by her bed, playing with a china tea set.
“Hey, Spoons.”
“I told you not to call me that.” Silver didn’t look up, but I could tell there was a hint of animosity in that tone. Best to tread lightly than.
Walking up the four poster, I decided to sit by the end. “Whatcha doing?”
“Pouring tea. What else would I be doing?” Her tone was sarcastic, but not enough to suggest she wasn't willing to talk.
I decided to lean over, taking in the waft of ice cold water in my nostrils. “Mhmmm…smells lovely, Ms. Silver Spoon. What tea is it?”
Silver just rolled her eyes. I had to admit that as bad as I’d felt about making her cry, making her pissed never got old. “Jasmine, Ms. Speeder.”
There we go. If she was throwing nicknames now, that could be a sign, right? “I adore jasmine. Such aroma is not familiar in this region.”
“Perhaps you’d like some?” Silver lifted up one of the cups. “It wouldn’t be proper of me to deprive you of such pleasures.”
I took the cup, downing the water in a very un-ladylike fashion. “Delicious. Needs more gin and tonic, however.”
Silver giggled. “If this is an attempt to express your appreciation you can—“
I reached over and locked her in a hug. She must have just taken a bath, cause her fur was as smooth as silk and slightly fuzzy too. Or maybe that was the alcohol kicking in. “I’m so…so…sorry.”
My little sis only gave me an awkward pat on the shoulder. “It’s…cool.”
I figured that I was strangling the poor filly by now, so I cut her loose, taking my position back on the end of the bed. “You're usually not one to lie.”
Silver Spoon just shifted a bit, avoiding my gaze. Now that I came to think about it, I'd never seen her this vulnerable. I was already laying a tentative wing on her shoulder, and she was actually snuggling next to it. “I guess…maybe…I felt it was partly my fault?”
“Really now?” I stood up. “That’s some big words coming from you.”
Silver Spoon dug herself deeper into the sheets. “It’s just…you were gone for so long.”
I nodded. “Can’t imagine it was easy.”
“Diamond Tiara kinda helped me get my hoof through the door. For the longest time, it was just me and her." I could say all I want about Diamond Tiara and my sister's poor choice in friends, but Diamond Tiara had probably taken over the role I was supposed to fulfill, even if she was a tad younger than Spoonie herself. "Mother didn’t put many restrictions on that. She was always talking about you anyway.”
Mother had talked about me? If she told Silver Spoon the truth...
“What did she say?” I asked, hoping Spoonie didn’t detect the hint of fear in my voice.
“Just that you left the family.” Spoonie sighed. “I mean…why? Was it because of me? Was it—“
“No! Never. It was never because of you.” I grabbed Silver in another hug. Boy, I should start using these more often. Reminder to also ask Silver what she used in the bathtub.
“Was it Dad?” She wiped a tear from her eye. “I know I was just a foal when he left but—“
I shook my head. “All you need to know is that your sister was selfish. She didn’t think about her family or her one-month old sister. She was only thinking of herself.”
“But you changed, right? You’re not going to go and run off? Right? Silverspeed?”
I knew it was bad to freeze, especially when Spoonie was pleading with me. But, somewhere deep inside, I just had this nagging doubt that it wasn't so. That with Mother's constant insults and a life stuck as a mail pony, I wouldn't be convinced to run off again.
“Of course, I came back didn’t I?” Somehow, that sounded like a lie rather than a reassuring statement. But I could worry about that later.
Spoonie smiled. “I guess I’m just not use to having a big sister. It feels so weird, like there’s a stranger who comes in this household everyday, eats our food, and sleeps in our guest bedroom.”
Well that pretty much sums up my presence quite nicely. “I guess I’m just getting use to the fact that I have a little sister who’s addressing me like a sibling instead of her butler.”
We both chuckled at that, probably because it was true. “We’re going to need to work on this whole sister-thingy, won’t we?”
“We’ve got a good couple of years to adjust.” I ruffled her mane, causing a little cry of indignation.
“Hey, I just washed it.”
I flashed her a mischievous grin. “I know.”
Before she could protest, I gave her a quick nuzzle on the cheek before I rose off her bed.
“Wait, sis!”
I turned around. Did she just call me ‘sis’? Now I was beginning to wonder if I’d picked up the right filly. “Yes?”
“I didn’t want to tell Mother, but—“ She pulled out a little notebook, flipping through the pages until she found it. “Well…since it’s Hearths Warming Eve and all…”
“Yes…”
Silver Spoon took a deep breath. “CouldyoubuymetheIron-Will-Sing-Along-Carol-Doll!”
“Umm…what?” She’d said the sentence faster than a chipmunk on skooma, which I would highly recommend seeing one day. Those animal activists can say all they want. Animals on drugs is darn right hilarious. Well, alright maybe it was wrong on some levels, but it wasn't like I was kicking puppies or anything like that.
Silver Spoon sighed. “Could you buy me an Iron-Will-Sing-Along Doll?”
So a present, eh? I must really be in the inner circle now if Spoonie was trusting me with this wish. “Sure, Spoonie, I’ll get it for you.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You need to stop calling me that.”
“When I’m dead, you can burn all the copies.” I chuckled. “All 989 of them.” That was a life of course. I was quite sure there were more lying around that I hadn't gotten too.
“Grrr…you’re lucky that I’m nice.” She rolled over in bed, shunning me away with her mane. “Night, dear sister.”
“Goodnight, my sweet angel.” I closed the door, walking across to my own bedroom.
“Silverspeed.”
So much for Mother's beauty rest I guess. Said monster was standing over the doorway, her hooves crossed and a stern look that made her slightly more intimidating than usual.
“You should really think about getting a new nightgown.” I suggested.
“I don’t know what your game is, but if you try anything with Silver Spoon, I swear—”
Was she seriously thinking I'd betray my own sister? Alright, I may still hate the little brat, but I didn't go back on a promise. “Don’t you trust me with anything?”
Mother walked over, leaning into my ear. “You remember your place, young lady. It was because of me you still have a roof over your head instead of some iron bar—”
“I know, Mother, I know.” I shoved her away. “Trust me with this.”
“Oh, like how I trusted you to be a good little filly? Or how I trusted you to be a responsible mare when you grew up?" Really? Was she bringing this up again now? I was thankful Silver Spoon was asleep and that Mother had the common sense to keep her voice low.
The fact remains that she may have control over me, but that didn't mean she had to taunt me. We'd made a deal that my past was in the past, and now she was using it as ammunition against me. “You know I'm your daughter too.”
Mother seemed unfazed by my reaction. “So start acting like it.”
Sometimes, I really wondered if there were any merit to those words. Was I supposed to act like her daughter or was I supposed to be her daughter?
