Insanity is its Own Reward

Home Is Where Your Heart Is

   I couldn’t stand it. A full year. One full year, and still no progress on Eve. All I’ve gotten were reports on her attempts of suicide and her insulin shock treatments! As if they care for her. To them she’s just an animal for studying. A…a guinea pig! So I did the only thing I could do. I dropped out and took the first train back to Baltimare.

I can’t bear to see her like that. After all I caused this. So, what help am I to her anyway? If she had her mind together I’m pretty sure she’d hate me. I’m a detriment to her. I even decided to live straight now, as in no more harming others for my lousy dreams, and working full time at a restaurant across from my apartment.

It gets lonely from time to time, and since the minimum wage is only six bits I’m barely scraping by. But, I deserve it. I deserve to be alone, to live alone, and to die alone. That’s probably going to be Eve’s fate too. So at least I’m sharing her misery.

  The place isn’t that posh either, my parents offered me a place near the nice part of town but I insisted that I wanted a place near the slums. A dingy studio apartment, for a dingy scumbag like myself.

I stumble to the bathroom and look into the cracked mirror, which is still leaking with hard cider from last night. I’m looking at an idiot, a murderer, a deluded dreamer. “You’re an idiot.” I say to my reflection. “You killed her.” I narrow my eyes at myself, “You’re not cut out to be a spell maker. You belong here, with just you, and lots of bottles of hard cider. Wasting your life.”

                                                                         ***

  “Jeez Red you aren’t lookin’ too good.” My coworker says to me. He’s a navy blue Pegasus stallion with sharp sulfur yellow eyes and a knack for getting into my business.

  “What do you care Lightning?” I say as I wait at the register for the next customer, who was still contemplating his order.

  “Well you just look kinda sick is all.” Lightning says.

   I narrow my eyes, “Don’t you have some dishes to clean?”

   He doesn’t say anything but trots off to the kitchen, leaving me in peace. The day goes on like this for twelve hours. I get a bunch of nice customers then I get that one nuisance of a customer that analyzes your every move and berates you for each and every mistake.

  “Hello welcome to Eat n’ Go may I take your ord…mom? Dad?” I say confused. In front of me stand my father, a light orange unicorn stallion with my blue eyes. And my mother a red pegasus mare with light green eyes.

  “Hi son.” My dad says, “I would’ve thought that after a few months you would already have moved on from this dump.” Just like my dad, blunt and to the point.

  My mom nudges him, “Honey!” She glares at him and he says nothing more, “Red, sweetheart. How have you been?” She asks with a smile.

  I sigh half-heartedly, “Great. Everything’s fine. Now if you guys don’t mind I have to cater to the next customer.” I say feeling irritated. They reluctantly move aside and once I’m done move back to their original spot I front of me, “Mom, dad, if you guys want to speak with me you’ll have to wait until my lunch break, and it starts in ten minutes.”

My mom nods, “Ok sweetie.” and she leads my father with her to a nearby booth.

  Ugh. What could they want?

                                                                    ***

  Well ten minutes fly pretty fast, especially when you’re expecting a dreadful conversation with your parents. I sat down at the booth where my mom and dad should be. Except only my dad is here.

  He nods at me, “Hey kiddo.”

   I glare at him, “What do you want?”

  He looks outside the window, to the thriving metropolis of Baltimare and begins to scratch his graying mane with his hoof, “I…um…heard about what happened son.”

  I look down at the table, “Whatever. It doesn’t matter anyway.” I say.

  My dad looks to me and reaches for my hoof with his but I pull away. He sighs, “Son you had so much potential. You could’ve made a fortune with your self-invented spells…but-”

   I glare at him, right into his stupid green eyes, and “You never cared about my dreams dad. You mocked me. Said I ‘wouldn’t a melt to anything’” I say.

  He looks down into his seat and shakes his head, “Listen son. You…you’ve always been a mixed bag. Full of surprises some good and some bad…and I’m sorry for treating you like dirt back then but I-”

   I slam my hoof onto the table and the customers turn and stare at us. But I don’t care, “But what!? You wanna take your one and only child to a movie and think everything’s better!? Because it’s too late for that! You just neglected me as a colt, and now you’re trying to make amends so you don’t live with a guilty conscience!” I can feel a lump forming in my throat and my eyes becoming misty, “All I wanted was for you take pride in your son…but no…no being autistic means no love from your father…you…prick.” I barely choke out the last word.

   My dad says nothing for a while. Good! Maybe he’ll leave and I’ll never see him again! It’ll do us both some good. But, “Listen son. If I could take all those years back I would. I would spend every hour, every minute, every second with you. But I can’t take those years back, I can’t undo what I did to you son…and…and I’m sorry. But I can’t let my one and only son go down like this. And if you’re not going to accept help then dammit I’m going to help you myself.

   I shake my head, tears splashing on the table, “No…no…I don’t deserve help…I-”

   I feel my dad grab my hoof but this time I don’t pull away, I let him hang onto me, “I’m not sending you to therapy son if you don’t want to but I need to talk to you.” He looks into my eyes and through my tears I see that his eyes are welling with water too, “I heard about your roommate…um…Eve.”

  I wipe away a tear with my hoof, “I gave up dad. It’s hopeless. I’ve given up, even she’s given up.” I say.

  He squeezes my hoof, “No son. I can’t let you do that.”

  “Why not?” I ask.

  “Your mother told me about the way you talked about her from your letters, she was everything to you. ‘Eve this’ ‘Eve that’ that’s all I heard from your mother. And you just throw in the towel?” He says looking sadder than before.

    I sigh, “It’s not worth my time. And you know it.” I say, taking my hoof from his.

   “Son, life is full of hurdles. This is one of them. You can’t just give up because it’s too hard, you stick it out and care for those you love…you do love her don’t you son?” He asks hopefully.

  At the sound of the word love my blood boils and I lumber out of my seat and stand over my father. He looks back up at me hoping for me to say something. Forgiveness maybe but I don’t know because what I said next was me cutting the final string that tied me and my father together, “You’re a crazy old stallion. And you know what? You’re lucky that my fake, whore of a mother is with you. Otherwise you’d be sleeping in a gutter.” I hiss at him. And with that I storm out of the restaurant feeling guiltier than ever before.