A Royal Pain

By Alaborn

Standard disclaimer: This is a not for profit fan work. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is copyright Hasbro, Inc. I make no claim to any copyrighted material mentioned herein.

Epilogue

Prince Blueblood looked for his friends Lightning Shield and Full Sail. The ballroom of the Whitestar estate was surrounded on three sides by a balcony, segmented into a number of curved overhangs surrounded by an ornate railing. These overhangs provided a magnificent view of the ballroom below while creating a sense of intimacy.

As he expected, his two friends claimed one of these overhangs. The bar staff had set up a table service for them, with the normal collection of glasses and mixers. But instead of the premium liquors everypony else was drinking, they had a bottle of the Goldens’ carrot vodka and a jug of apple brandy from the Apple family.

“The conquering hero returns!” Lightning Shield exclaimed.

“Yes, and I brought spoils of my conquest.” Blueblood placed a wine bottle on the table.

“Wine? Not really what we need to get through this night,” Full Sail observed.

“But this is no ordinary wine,” Blueblood noted. “The mare who makes this wine, Berry Punch, has a special talent for making strong drink. I dare say you’ll find this wine more potent than that brandy.”

“I’ll have to see if that’s right,” Full Sail said. “In fact, I may need several glasses to test your assertion.”

“Go right ahead. As for me, I’ll have the carrot vodka with a splash of tonic.”

Lightning Shield nodded and poured the drinks for his friends. Blueblood lifted his glass. “To friends and alcohol. The only things making these parties tolerable.”

“Hear, hear!” the others agreed. They clinked their glasses together and sipped.

“Nice job with the new griffin attaché,” Lightning Shield told Blueblood.

“Yes. Every griffin thinks he will look intimidating if he demands meat for his meal. It’s like they don’t even notice the royal kitchen is ready with fish or chicken for omnivore visitors. Frankly, that behavior gets tiring after a while.”

“But what gave you the idea of eating fish yourself?” Full Sail asked.

“If you ever have the misfortune of spending any length of time with Princess Twilight Sparkle, you’ll encounter her unnerving habit of spouting off random facts. ‘Yes, Your Highness, we get it, you’ve read every book in Equestria. Twice.’ At one point, she observed that ponies are biologically capable of digesting animal flesh. Remembering that, I decided to tell the waiter that our esteemed griffin guest made an excellent choice, and that I would have what he was having.”

Full Sail and Lightning Shield looked at each other knowingly. “I can only guess how your conversation with Princess Twilight Sparkle turned to that subject,” Full Sail said.

“I don’t recall, but that fact was memorable,” Blueblood replied.

“Now, on to the matter at hoof,” Full Sail said. He waved over the crowd below. “See anypony you like? I think it’s only fair you get first choice, Blueblood, since it has been eight months.”

Blueblood searched the crowd, and then shook his head slightly. “Guess I’ll have to mingle.” He sighed. “I think I can’t put it off any longer.”

“Put off what?” Lightning Shield asked.

“The dreaded settling down,” Blueblood replied. “In Ponyville, married ponies were happy to be in each other’s presence. It’s a far cry from the cold business partnership of my own parents’ relationship. If I want something better than that, I’ll need to work at it. And that starts with actually listening when all the old mares down there tell me about their daughters.”

“That’s surprisingly mature,” Lightning Shield said.

“Mm-hmm,” Blueblood replied, taking a sip of his drink.

“Guess it’s true what they say,” Full Sail said. “Motherhood changes a pony.”

Blueblood choked and spat his drink across the table. Although both his friends were left with dripping muzzles, they still laughed uproariously.

“I’m ruined,” Blueblood muttered.

“Relax, old friend,” Lightning Shield said, slapping his back. “There’s a ton of rumors floating around about what you were really doing in Ponyville, but that’s not one of them.”

“I would hope there were rumors! I did include disparate tidbits of information in my official correspondence, enough that everypony would fill in the blanks and draw their own wrong conclusion,” Blueblood said. “But that doesn’t explain how you knew.”

“Well, the first clue is that you didn’t say anything to us about what you were doing in Ponyville,” Lightning Shield said.

“Actually, the first clue was you getting sick. In the morning. On three different occasions,” Full Sail noted.

“Well, that was after a night of partying,” Blueblood said.

“But you don’t get sick from partying, Blueblood. You never have. I watched you drink seven cups of punch at that frat party. They mixed that punch in a garbage can! You were fine the next morning, absolutely fine,” Lightning Shield recalled.

“Besides, you brag about your seapony conquest, get sick three months later, and then conveniently disappear for the next eight months. It wasn’t hard to figure out, especially for me,” Full Sail said.

“What do you mean?”

“There’s a small community of seaponies that live and work in Baltimare Harbor. So when a new sailor for High Seas Trading is recruited, they get trained. Lesson number one? ‘Watch where you stick your dick.’” Full Sail paused to take a drink. “It’s remarkable how many of the problems that can befall a sailor are prevented with that one commandment.”

“Besides, if you actually paid attention to mares after you fucked them, you might have noticed how many of them disappear for six to eight months for a ‘sabbatical’ or to ‘visit distant relatives’,” Lightning Shield said.

“I suppose ‘temporarily working in Ponyville’ would be another option,” Full Sail observed.

“Except I was actually working,” Blueblood said.

The others’ jaws dropped, not in surprise, but a mocking expression Blueblood was quite familiar with. “A Canterlot noble working? However did you survive?” Lightning Shield quipped.

“Did you chip a hoof?” Full Sail added.

Blueblood sipped his drink while he waited for his friends to finish their teasing. It was quite apparent they hadn’t spent their months away from him improving their repertoire.

“Now, if you’re quite finished, I’ll comment, in strict confidence of course, that I actually enjoyed the work. The feeling of accomplishment from seeing the results of one’s work, especially work related to one’s special talent, is something I’ve rarely experienced.” He set down his glass. “Now, I’ll leave you two to think about that. I have to mingle.”

Prince Blueblood first sought out the party’s hostess. Duchess Auriga Whitestar was the head of this ancient Canterlot house, a house of suitable station, and as a widow, Blueblood had accompanied her on the dance floor on multiple occasions. He was also certain she had at least one eligible daughter.

Blueblood approached the hostess during a lull in the music, timing his arrival to when she was finishing up another conversation. “Ah, Duchess Whitestar. It is always a pleasure.”

“Prince Blueblood. You honor this house with your presence,” she replied.

“Enough with the formalities. It’s been too long since we’ve spoken. How have you been?”

“Quite well, thank you. My charitable foundation keeps me busy.”

“And the family?”

“Certainly having a better time than me,” she replied with a laugh. “But I am happy that Capella has returned from Maredagascar.”

Blueblood searched his memory. “The botanist?”

Auriga nodded.

“What was she doing there?”

“She was part of an expedition cataloging the flora and fauna of the island,” Auriga said.

“Sounds intriguing. Is she in attendance today?”

“She declined. My dear daughter said, and I quote, ‘I just spent fourteen months in the jungle. I don’t need to visit a different jungle tonight.’”

“For a jungle, the temperature here is quite pleasant,” Blueblood quipped. He glanced over and saw the band was ready to start up again. “May I have the next dance?”

As Blueblood shared a waltz with the hostess, he thought about her daughter. He didn’t recall what she looked like, so he couldn’t picture her in his mind, but an image was appearing anyway. Independent. Adventurous. Willing to stand up to her mother. Could that be his perfect complement? With so many other mares, he remembered their appearance, their smell, their touch, but in his memories, they might as well have been illusions.

The ending of the song snapped Blueblood out of his reverie. He thanked the duchess for the dance and moved on to mingle once again.

Blueblood noted the many familiar faces, and a few new ones. Lightning Shield had caught the attention of an unfamiliar hippogriff mare. Oh, they could do wonderful things with their talons, but they wouldn’t be of suitable station. He looked around for Full Sail, but his search was interrupted by a stallion’s voice.

“Ah, Prince Blueblood.” Blueblood knew the speaker would have a friendly smile on his face, but he still managed to communicate disdain underneath his honeyed words.

“Marble Block. A pleasure as always.” Which was to say, no pleasure at all.

Blueblood turned to face the stallion, an earth pony hailing from one of the noble families of Chicacolt. As he expected, Marble Block had a fake smile on his face. He was not of high enough station to warrant being classified as a rival, so Blueblood thought of him as a regular antagonist.

“I thought you’d never return,” Marble Block said, smiling. No doubt, he had heard one of the rumors.

“Well, of course,” Blueblood replied. “The project to create an army of alicorn super soldiers is now complete.” He smirked at Marble Block. “Or did you hear one of the other preposterous stories that have been going around?”

“Now, come on, my good prince. I just wanted to welcome you back to Canterlot. I’m sure you did good, whatever it was you did.”

“Perhaps all I did was serve as an example.” He leaned in close. “A bit of advice. Don’t upset Princess Celestia. She might decide Whinnypeg needs the services of a stone carver for the next year.”

Marble Block, whose cutie mark depicted a statue being shaped from a marble block, merely shrugged. “I think Canterlot will remain better served by me staying here and appreciating the city’s fine art. And speaking of fine art….”

Blueblood knew exactly what was on the young stallion’s mind. He looked to see which mare had caught his eye. The first thing he noticed was the shimmering mane of intertwined green and blue.

Melodia Starsea was still in town.

She was mingling, pressing flesh, chatting up the guests. In her behavior, he saw the predator, the hunter looking for a trophy, the fisher looking for the prize catch.

He saw himself, the way he used to be before experiencing firsthoof the consequences of that kind of behavior.

There was no reason to talk to Melodia. She didn’t care if she had an illegitimate foal. After all, he knew the type.

At Blueblood’s side, Marble Block was still staring, trying not to drool. A wicked smile crossed the prince’s face. He often referred to the young noblepony as Blockhead when talking with his friends, and that wasn’t because of his name or cutie mark.

Blueblood slapped Marble Block’s back. “You and I may not get along, but I do commend your taste in fine art,” Blueblood said loudly. He moved to depart, but not before leaning in and whispering in Marble Block’s ear.

“What are you waiting for? I hear she puts out on the first date.”

Author's Note

Prince Blueblood has learned some valuable lessons and matured.

But he's still a master of politics, and somepony you don't want to cross.