That Which Makes up a Rainbow

by maxxxxxx

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Alternate Universe, Sad, Main 6, Original Character, Rainbow Dash, Tragedy, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 19401

Rainbow Dash must confront her inner demons and face her past and feelings that she has been burying for a lifetime.

"Who are you? Where am I?"
"Am I...dead?"

Rainbow Dash explores the darkest recesses of her soul. Can she handle the truths of her past and her present, or will breaking the walls she has spent a lifetime building be more than she can handle? When one must come to terms with who they are, It can lead to a painful rebirth or an empty death.

Essence of a sunrise: That which is left behind

Published 2013-12-27 07:40:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-03 09:00:10 UTC

Darkness

“Where am I?” She said to herself, peering into the pure back void that she suddenly found herself in. Her mind and memories were hazy. Where am I? How did I get here? I don't remember.. Her thoughts trailed off as she tried to piece together how she got to this dark place, but nothing came into her mind at all. She shakily stood up from where she was, her body felt heavy and weak. Squinting her eyes as hard as she could, she could still make out nothing in the blackness. She began feeling a hint of fear which she quickly buried. No way am I getting scared! I'm Rainbow Dash!

“Is anyone there!” She called out, but the sound of her voice died unnaturally just past her ears, as though she were in a very small sound proof box.

“Twilight!... Fluttershy! Girls!...Anypony?” She was again beginning to lose her bravado. The darkness felt surreal. She couldn't feel any temperature hot or cold, or any air movement. Tentatively she took a small step forward. As her hoof made impact with the floor it clicked, but the sound died quickly. The floor felt strange to, it felt empty like stepping into thin air but it held her weight as though it were solid. Still feeling as though she were in a very tight space she began to feel claustrophobic. She slowly stretched her wings out, for some reason expecting them to make contact with the solid object she felt trapped in, but it never happened. Her wings were able to fully stretch out, giving her some relief from the suffocating feeling. She looked around, squinting hard in the darkness, but she couldn't find even a single glimmer of light.

“How did I get here?” She said to herself in little more than a whisper. She didn't know if it was the darkness or the weakness in her body but she felt defeated and tired. She slowly laid down on the floor, folding her hooves under her chin and closing her eyes.

“You don't know why you're here?” Startled by the sudden voice she bolted up, her tail stiffening and hairs standing on end. Suddenly the room light up in a bright white light. It was a small square room, completely white with only one feature... An off-white pegasus stallion with a pitch black mane and tail with cold gray eyes, leaning nonchalantly against the wall in front of her. Surprise now past, she dropped her head low and bared her teeth, extending her wings threateningly. Though the stranger seemed unfazed and uninterested.

“Who are you!” She barked threateningly at him. He glanced at her, his expression unreadable but somehow she felt a spark of fear when their eyes met.

“Who am I?” He repeated, making an intentionally poor attempt at sounding as though he himself did not know, was he mocking her?

“That's right! Who are you and where is this place!?”

“That's a good question, where are we?” She felt her frustration building by the second.

“You mean you don't know?” She said suspiciously, not buying his 'Playing dumb.'

“Isn't that bothering you?” He asked, jumping subject. Though the change was so jarring that it caught her off guard.

“Is what bothering me?”

“You mean you didn't notice?” He asked. Gah! This guy needs to start giving straight answers!

“Notice what?” Her tone become increasingly exasperated. He eyed her silently for a moment, his gaze making her feel uneasy.

“You're not breathing.”
***************************************************************************************************

Her eyes became wide with shock, she hadn't noticed but... she actually wasn't breathing. How did I not notice that?! Then, another much more unsettling realization hit her. M-my heart... It's not beating! Wha-what's going on!? She tried to inhale but her lungs wouldn't respond. She staggered back, her face panic stricken, falling against the wall, clutching her chest.

“Wh- what's happening? Why isn't my heart beating?” The stallion looked coldly at her, his icy expression unchanging. She looked into his eyes. He had to have something to do with this!

“Am... am I dead?” As she asked this time seemed to stop, he thoughts and feelings coming to a grinding halt. Her vision tunneled until the only thing she could see was the stallion. My heart's not beating, I'm not breathing.. what's going on? I can't be dead, I can't be. I... I don't want to die. She felt like crying but the shock she was in seemed to be overpowering even her ability to cry. He stared at her, he almost seemed to be enjoying watching her panic.

“I don't know if you're dead or not.” Still reeling from shock she could barely hear him.

“What... did you... do to me?” Her words were choppy and broken up, she felt like she was going to vomit, but all she did was painfully dry heave.

“You brought everything on to your self, this is no ones fault but yours. I believe you will be here for a very long time. Get used to it.” He turned around, as though he would leave the room with no doors or windows, like he could simply walk through the wall. An immense fear swept over her and only one thought came to her mind.

“Will I ever see my friends again?” The question stopped the stallion in his tracks, he slowly turned around to her, his eyes burned with an icy hatred and instilled her with an entire different fear, mortal fear.

“You don't deserve to go back.” The tone of his voice made her shiver. She steeled herself then stood up, walking towards him with fire in her eyes. It's burned out quickly as she drew closer. What's with this guy? Why am I so... afraid?

“I don't know what you're talking about... I've always been good to my friends! I definitely deserve..” She was brought to an abrupt stop as he took one step closer to her, and looked at her with a malevolent smile.

“You think you've been a good friend? Rainbow Dash, do you really want to follow me into the rabbit hole of your soul? Do you want to see you're past as it really was? Can you face the true you?” His words, at once terrified her and made her curious. Every instinct was telling her to run, to hide. All she felt like doing was being as far away from his as possible... but something compelled her towards her fear.

“What do you mean, my true self? How do you know my name? Just who are you and what does it have to do with me?” He grinned, his smile filled her with more fear than his glare.

“My name is Shield. Now come, I will reveal the darkest recesses of your soul to you, you will see the terrible things you have done and chose to forget. Otherwise, stay here... forever.” He turned back to the wall, it dissolved under his gaze leaving a pitch black hole just taller than himself. Dash walked what she considered a safe distance from him. I don't know what's going on... Am I really dead? If so.. I feel like I'm going to hell... why? As she wrestled with the reality of her situation Shield disappeared into the void, leaving her standing nervously at it's edge. Why is this happening to me? I've always been a good pony, I've always been there for my friends so why is this happening. If I'm dead what will happen to the girls? They'll be heart broken... right? She gulped down her fear and stepped into the darkness.
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“I hate you!” The young filly shouted angrily.

“I told you no! You can't go out until you clean your room!” Her mother, at her wits end nearly in tears from the long argument they had been engaged in.

“Do you remember this day Rainbow Dash?” Shield looked to her, eyes as cold as ever. They stood in the middle of the scene, they were in a cloud home. Everything seemed familiar to Dash, especially the little filly. It was her, but she couldn't remember the argument at all.

“No, I don't. Who is that I'm yelling at? A nanny?” He looked away from her and back to the argument.

“Watch and you shall see.”

“Rainbow Dash, why don't you ever just listen! Would it be so hard just to clean your room?!”

“Don't tell me what to do! I hate you and I don't have to listen to you, just go away!” She screamed her voice becoming hoarse with rage.

Dash recognized the house, It was the one she lived in as a kid. They were in her old living room, in front of her old bedroom, but none of this was ringing a bell for her. She still couldn't recognize the mare she was yelling at.

“I'm sorry Rainbow Dash, but if you can't listen I'm going to take you're toys away.” She began to turn to go into Dash's childhood room, but the moment she turned her head she was met with a small hoof smacking into her face. The 'Smack!' sound carried throughout the room. The mare was stunned silent.

Dash looked on in horror. No, no that wasn't me! I couldn't have done that.. I would never hit someone like that..

The filly's expression was full of rage. “I hate you mom, I wish you would just die!” She slapped her hoof against her mother's face once more, even harder than the last, before running into her room, slamming the door behind her. The sounds of hard objects being thrown erupted from the room. The mother just stood at the door and cried, blood seeping out of her mouth. Her eyes clouded with pain and grief.

The scene became dark as the room faded to black, leaving only Rainbow Dash and Shield standing in the cold blackness. Rainbow Dash was trembling. Th-that was me.... I did that? She looked up at Shield, who's eyes had remained fixed forward as though he were still watching the event's unfold. Tears poured forth down her face and she sobbed quietly, wrapping her wings around herself for warmth and comfort.

“I... I did that?”

“Yes, you did. You have done much more horrible things.”

“But, I don't remember any of that! How could I not remember hurting my own mother like... How did I forget my mother!” She burst out. She, for the longest time, had never even thought about her mother.

“You're a weak pathetic soul Rainbow Dash.” His voice dripped with spite and venom. He genuinely hated her. “You bury anything, any emotion or memory you don't want to deal with. You can barely say you have a soul left after all the years you spent killing it. That is why you deserve to be here, that is why you don't deserve to be with you so called friends! You're broken Rainbow Dash, you always have been!”

“No! No, no..I, that's not me I swear.. I would never do that.. I'm a good pony.. I am.” She curled up into a small ball, wrapping her tail and wings around herself she sobbed into her hooves as Shield looked at her with disdain before he to faded into the darkness. I'm a good pony. I'm good. I'm... I'm. I'm so scared. She began wailing into her hooves, her crying echoing in the darkness.

Trauma

Time seemed unmoving in the darkness she found herself in. It was dark and empty, a reflection of how she felt inside. How could I forget doing that to my own mother? What else have I done? I don't want this, I don't want any of this! I- I can't die yet, I just can't. I.. I want to go home. Her eyes filled with tears again, and she cried into her hooves. Her wings covered her face so she would not have to face the darkness, she could pretend it wasn't there. She cried, her warm tears soaking into her fur as she trembled, but even crying was frustrating her. She could sob and wail and moan but every time she felt the urge to take in air to cry, her lungs would not respond. She didn't know how she could even make sound without breathing, though with each cry she found herself trying to gasp for air, only to feel stillness in her chest. She begged to her mind to no one, bargaining for her life. Please just let me go home, let me live. I'm sorry for everything I've done. I was just a filly, I didn't know any better. Please I don't want to die. I don't want this blackness forever.. I don't deserve this.. Please.

“Please just let me go home.” She pleaded to the void, her voice cracking through trying to restrain her tears. Both hoping and fearing that Shield would return.

“Go home to what?” her head shot up and her wings retracted at the sudden new voice. It wasn't Shield, It was a mares voice. She looked around but all she could see was black.

“Where are you! Show your self, I'm not afraid of you!” She swung her head back and forth, darting her eyes, trying desperately to pick up any movement. Her ears swiveled, trying to pick up any hoof beats, but the room stayed silent a moment longer.

“Yes... you are afraid.” Suddenly the room light up with a dull orange light, much like that of a candle flame. Rainbow Dash jumped back in shock as she found herself face to face, only inches away from the source of the voice. It was a unicorn mare, a little taller that Dash herself. She had a white body with a short orange mane and tail. After the shock died down, Dash felt an innate fear of this mare, as she did with Shield, though to a lesser extent. Her hot red eyes felt like they were burning into her as the mare stared expressionless at Dash, who began to shrink under her glare.

“Wh- who are you!” She tried to sound angry or threatening, but the effect fell short as trembled and stuttered through her words. The newcomer stayed quiet for a minute longer, seeming to relish in the discomfort she was putting Dash in. Dash backed up a step, unlike the last room, this one was round, the lack of a corner to hide against made her feel even more scared. The unicorn spoke, her voice was calm but had a hint of anger with every word.

“I am Trauma.”

“T-Trauma?” She repeated shakily, she didn't like the sound of that name.

“Yes, I am Trauma.” Dash could feel that she would not get an answer unless she asked as the unicorn before her showed no signs of giving her even an inch, she wanted Dash to come to her.

“Do you... do you know how I can get home?” She steeled herself again, she felt that the pony who called herself 'Trauma', were an explosion of anger waiting to be set off, even by the slightest remark, but the explosion didn't come.

“You want to go home? To what?” She repeated her question with a hint of impatience. At first she didn't know how to respond to a question like that. The first thought that came to mind was, 'Everything' but she felt that that was not the answer the mare was looking for.

“To my friends, my home, Ponyville..” If she felt the urge to hold her breath as Trauma's gaze seared her, but she remembered quickly that she couldn't breath. For a moment, her hot eyes seemed to cool and even her expression seemed to soften, though it was short lived.

“Why do you think they would want you back?” That question caught her off guard, it was as though this unicorn was in her head, as though she could read her darkest fears. She felt an overwhelming depression sweep over her. No! You're awesome and you friends love you, there's no way they wouldn't want you back! She gulped, then took a step towards Trauma, with determination in her eyes.

“Why wouldn't they want me back! I'm the coolest, most loyal pony they know!” Her bravado made no change in Trauma's demeanor.

“You don't believe that. Why would your friends care for somepony who has no soul? You're just an empty shell, held together by lies. Lies built on top of traumas you choose to lock away.” Rainbow Dash felt her body heating up, she felt sick and scared. She covered her ears with her hooves. Shutting her eyes tight she gritted her teeth and shook her head.

“Shut up! Shut up! just stop! Please, It's not true, it's not!” Her please were met with the same blank, hot stare as Trauma continued unabated.

“The things you consider to be the truest, most crucial parts of you turn out to be no more than another layer of lies and trauma's.” She could her every nuance of every word despite her trying to block it all out. No, stop this, just stop it. I don't want to hear anymore.. please leave me alone.

“You don't deserve friends.” With that last statement, Rainbow Dash broke. Her eyes were wide open, filled with tears that dripped down her face. She just stared at the unicorn, mouth slightly agape as though she wanted to argue but words fell silent as they reached her mouth. Her lip quivered and her legs felt numb.

“I will show you two traumas from your past that have helped shape the empty vessel that you call 'Rainbow Dash', I will reveal painful truths that you have been keeping from yourself. If you think you can handle the reality of why you are the way you are then follow me.” Without awaiting Dash's response she turned to the wall. A flame ignited in it's center, eating through it, leaving only ash and a void. Dash was still in shock, her mouth was dry and her body was weak and shaking. 'I don't want to see. I can't handle any more! Trauma turned to her, eyes ablaze with anger.

“You could never handle it!” Her voice was hot and full of spite. Suddenly the room erupted in orange as it burst into flames, Dash could feel her flesh starting to burn. She screamed out in pain. However, just as soon as her scream stopped the pain vanished, tentatively she opened her eyes. The room was replaced with the now unsettling familiar blackness. She looked around frantically, making sure the fire was gone. Only herself and Trauma stood in the inky darkness

“I will show you two traumas. One seemingly benign, and one crushing but both shaped you into the walking shell of a pony that you are.”

“Please...” Rainbow Dash asked meekly.

“Please what?” She said, glaring down at her as though she were insignificant. Dash looked down at the floor, eyes shut tight against the dark.

“Please..” She sobbed, trying to hold her fragile state together as best she could. “Please don't show me anymore. I don't want to see anything else I just want to go home. So please, just stop this.”

“No.” Suddenly the blackness transformed, they were in Cloudsdale.
*********************************************************************************************************

Despite Dash shutting her eyes as tight as she could the images showed in her mind, there was no escape from the pain she knew she was about to endure so she reluctantly opened her eyes.

“Do you know why you are a tomboy Rainbow Dash? Or why you prefer mares over stallions or why you have an aversion to feminine things?” Rainbow Dash's fear was replaced with confusion. What does that have to do with any big trauma? Fear began to be replaced with her bravado as she made light of the situation.

“What do you mean? Those things are just who I am, It's no big secret or mystery.” Trauma looked away from Dash and to the scene that played before them. She raised a hoof, pointing at a play ground.

“Watch and you shall see.” Dash looked to where Trauma was pointing, and to her surprise she felt a wave of nostalgia. This is the park my dad used to take me to when I was little! I remember this place, I had lots of good times here playing in the dirt, racing, hoof wrestling and hanging with the boys! Dash smiled at the memories, but only for a moment until she saw a small, rainbow maned filly walked into the park.

“Hey Rainbow Dash!” Three other fillies eagerly approached her, smiling brightly. Dash's mane was tied in a ponytail.

“Hey girls, what's up? What are you playing?” Rainbow Dash smiled back at them.

I don't remember those three, weird. Dash thought to herself as she watched the events unfold. The Dash in front of her, the one who was smiling and talking with her friends was a far cry from the one earlier. The one who struck her own mother, whose voice was hoarse with rage.

“We're playing hopscotch. Wanna play with us?”

“What? I would never play such a girly game like that. Why are we even watching this?” Trauma didn't answer, instead she remained silent. Merely gesturing with a movement of her head towards the fillies. Dash knew she wasn't going to get anywhere with her, so she returned her attention to the past.

“Sure, let's go.” She replied, happily trotting off with her friends. Then out of nowhere, a blur of brown crashed into the young Rainbow Dash, the two figures tumbling over each other until they both lay dazed on the ground. It was a brown colt, he was sizably larger than the filly, he was probably about a year older. Tears streamed down her face and she began crying underneath the colt.

“Mommy!... Mom!” The little filly cried out.

Rainbow Dash felt a massive guilt overtake her. How could she cry for her mom after what she did? Dash wanted to shut her eyes again, but she knew she wouldn't be able to escape. It would force it's way into her mind, she had no choice but to watch.

The colt got off of her, he had and angry and scared look on his face as he looked around for any adults who may have seen what happened. Once he knew the coast was clear his demeanor took on a lot more anger.

“Hey, shut it kid! Next time stay out of the way of us big kids. Now go play your dumb girly games and stop that crying.” He began to walk off, the three girls who had been watching came to Dash's aide.

“That boy was such a bully!” One girl said the others nodding in agreement.

“Don't listen to him Dash, he's just a dumb boy.” One of the girls extended her hoof to help Dash get up.

Dash watched with a feeling of fear as the next moments seemed to happen in slow motion.

“I don't need help from a little girl!” Dash slapped her hoof away and got up on her own, then spun around to pursue the boy who had knocked her over.

“Why did she do that! That girl was just trying to help?” Finally Trauma looked from the events and to Rainbow Dash, her face contorted in anger. Dash shrunk back, bringing her wings up slightly so they obscured her face. A rather childish pose for a pegasus.

“Rainbow Dash do you still not understand!? There is no “she” or “I”, it is you, that is you we are watching. You cannot simply absolve yourself by treating your past as though it were someone else!”

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash called to the boy, who stopped and looked and looked at her with disdain.

“What do you want, cry baby?!” Dash glared at him. The look in her eyes, it was the trade mark confidence that Rainbow Dash wore from that day on.

“I'm not a cry baby and I don't play little girl games! I wanna play with you guys!”

Dash now felt equal parts guilt and disappointment. What are you doing kid? You're... I'm the element of loyalty, how could you... how could you betray your friends like that?

The boy returned her confidence with a sly grin. “Okay, if you think you can play with us boys then you have to prove it. I'll let you play with us if you can beat me in a hoof wrestle!” His declaration got the attention of the other boys who began to circle around the spectacle.

“You're on!” The group made their way to a small table. Taking their places and putting their elbows on the tabled they glared each other down. They locked hooves, and then...

“Start!”

“Thunk!” A moment later Dash's hoof went down, slamming against the table. She looked at the ground in embarrassment as the boys burst out laughing.

“Nice try for a girl but you should go back to your hopscotch with your crybaby friends!” They again laughed, tears welled up in Dash's eyes as she ran off.

“Rainbow Dash! What happened were those boys picking on you? I knew it was a bad idea to go..”

“Shut up!” Dash yelled at the filly. She reared up on her hind legs and lashed out at the filly, knocking her over and scraping her knee in the process. She sobbed, clutching her hurt knee, looking up at a furious Dash, who was huffing in anger over her.

“I don't need you or your stupid games! Leave me alone!” With those words she ran out of the park. Her rage had scared away the other two fillies, leaving the one Dash hurt all alone.
*****************************************************************************************************************

Everything faded to black, leaving Rainbow Dash in shock and disbelief. No, I don't remember doing that. I wouldn't take my problems out on somepony like that.. I'm not like that. I'm... loyal. Trauma turned to face Dash.

“After that day you were traumatized forever, it changed the way you looked at yourself and the way you wanted to be. You blamed your loss not on your own weakness, no not on yourself because you couldn't handle that. Instead you blamed it on your friends and on your gender. From that day on you began getting into more fights at school, you drove the other fillies away because you didn't want to be weak, but not just because of that, but also because you didn't think you deserved friends after what you did to that girl in the park. You devoted your time to racing and getting into fights. You cut your hair and put on a facade of bravado, because you didn't know how you were supposed to act. That is why you are to this day the way you are, you aren't a tomboy by nature but because you lied to yourself so strongly you lost who you were before. As Shield said, you have been broken for a long time Rainbow Dash.”

Rainbow Dash stared in silence, her mind raced trying to cope with what she had just witnessed. I.. I'm not a tomboy. Do I even like mares, or is that a lie? What about racing with AJ or the fun times I had in flight camp. Was any of that real? If not then.. wh- who am I!?

“Don't breakdown yet Rainbow Dash, you still have one more trauma to witness. Rainbow Dash, why do you fly?” Dash's eyes became wide, she felt fear, anger, anxiety and depression she couldn't take it any longer. She grabbed onto the unicorn's shoulders and weakly shook her, her body was trembling and her eyes were red a puffy from her tears she looked deep into the fiery eyes of Trauma, trying desperately to elicit compassion from her. She tried to open up her soul to the unicorn.

“Please.. please anything but that. It can't be a lie, not my love of flying. It can't be. Please, don't take it away from me! I- it's who I am. It's all that I have left.. please I'm begging you don't take that away from me..” Burying her face into Trauma's fur she wept, sobbing uncontrollably. I can't, I can't lose my passion for flying it's all that I have left after all of this.. I.. I really don't have a soul if I lose my passion, it just can't be a lie.. please. “Please, no more...”

“You really don't have a soul. It's pathetic.” Her body became hot, it burned, Dash had to let go. As soon as she did Trauma stared at her, expressionless for a moment, then she slammed her hoof into Rainbow Dash's face knocking her down. Dash landed on her flank, her face and jaw stinging and burning. She looked up at Trauma who stood over her in much the same way she had done to that little filly.

“You would cling to a lie, begging for it with all your heart but you can't. If all you have left for a soul is a lie then you really don't have a soul left do you? You are heartless, clinging to a delusion and you put yourself in. No, you must watch now as your lie's come to light. I can not feel bad for you, it would be like feeling bad for a rock for throwing it. Now, face the truth.”
******************************************************************

Air rushed around her ears, blasting the tears off the fillies face. She could felt an incredible pain in her heart. She flew, and flew until she left Cloudsdale, even after that, she kept flying.

“Why is she crying? Why do I feel so much heartache from her?” Dash was still laying on the floor, though she felt every gust and cloud as though she were the one flying. The pain in her mouth from being hit was already gone.

“I'm afraid even I don't know that Rainbow Dash. This is all I have of this memory. The two of you buried the rest so deep that only he can now reach it. This however, was a trauma that marked the end of your true soul, anything left after that slowly died away. Or rather, you slowly killed it. Rainbow Dash, the reason you fly is to escape from your pain. To give him a chance to lock it all away while your heart turns a blind eye. You're so called passion is in reality, a tool you use so you don't have to feel anything. It's the method by which you destroyed your heart!” Suddenly, the scene changed, though she was still flying, she wasn't watching herself as a filly.

She flapped her powerful wings, gaining altitude and speed. She was already going fast, but the mares eyes were dull and seemed to be off in some far off place in the distance.

“That's me... that's from recently.” She watched herself perform tricks and dangerous maneuvers. Suddenly she felt a sharp pain radiating her body. Unlike the previous times, things didn't slowly fade away, instead all went dark instantly, leaving the two standing alone.

“That was today Rainbow Dash.” She said calmly.

“W-what happened to me?” She collapsed on the floor, her entire body going numb with shock.

“I don't know.” Without looking up from the floor that she pressed herself flat against, hoping to get a cooling sensation that never came, she whispered the next question.

“Am I dead..” Trauma looked down at her with eyes full of malevolence.

“I don't know, but I doesn't matter. You died a long time ago.” Her image began to slowly fade away leaving Dash in the bleak darkness, alone again, with one final thought to her.

“You can't out fly guilt Rainbow Dash, and you can't bury trauma....” Her last words echoed as she vanished completely. Rainbow Dash truly felt alone and empty.

I'm not who I think I am. I don't love flying? I'm not strong? Who am I then? What do I have left!? She again curled up in a ball of anguish, only now the pain in her heart was beyond tears. She let the crushing depression sweep over her. She wanted to sleep, to drift off.

“Who am I? Who is Rainbow Dash?” she whispered to the void, before closing her eyes.

Bravado

Why is this happening to me? Everything was fine, I was hanging with the girls, laughing and having fun... but now, I'm dead. I don't want this, I want to go back to my friends.. Sadness and fear swelled up in her chest as she was unable to stop the dark thoughts from running through her mind. What would I go back to? What will my friends think of me... What have they always thought of me!? Her chest burned with the urge to hyperventilate, but she couldn't. The frustration of it was eating her up inside, she wanted to shout, to scream at the darkness, but when she got the urge to do so, the bleakness of it overcame her, she felt defeated. Could they tell I was like this? Did they know I was so damaged? Why did they keep me around if I'm so pathetic.. No, I can't take it anymore! She shook her head, trying to dispel the painful thoughts.

“Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think... don't think.” Haze filled her mind. She drew her attention to anything but the pain and the doubt. 'I bet this is all a dream, and I'm going to wake up soon and not remember a thing. Tomorrow I'll give Twi a flying lesson, then take a nap, then run a race with AJ. Cause those are the things I like to do. I'm Rainbow Dash, the fastest flier in Equestria and the most loyal friend Ever! Her heart ached, she found it hard to believe in herself. That's who I am right?

“No... it's not.” Rainbow Dash opened her eyes, looking up from her hooves, though she did not get up. She had her tail wrapped around her and her wings slightly spread out, laying on the floor. the darkness she had wallowed in had been replaced, by a small room with a hard, cold stone floor. A dim, artificial light flickered in the room, illuminating the only other thing in it, a small colt looking almost as sad as herself laying only a tail length away from her.

“W-who are you?” The colt was small and frail looking with a bedraggled violet mane and pale coat. Unlike with Shield and Trauma, Dash did not fear the boy, instead she felt empathy for him, and worry. Their eyes met, he had deep, ocean blue eyes, but they were dull with pain.

“My name's Bravado.”

“Bravado?”

“Yeah, that's my name.” The more Dash looked at him the worse his condition seemed, he looked tired and under weight. He looked like his coat had never seen sunlight.

“Do you know what's happening to me? Where am I?” He shook his head lightly.

“I don't know exactly why you're here, only he knows the whole story. I do know that it's because of me though.

“What!?” Dash shot up, the colt shrunk back, startled by the sudden movement. Her mind raced, she wanted to scream at him, to force him to tell her what was happening to her, she trembled with anger. Then, he looked up at her, his eyes had a dull haze of sadness.

“I'm sorry, I really don't know anything else.” Dash hung her head, her bangs obscuring her face, but her tears could be seen rolling down her face, pooling on the cold floor beneath them. She let out soft whimper.

“Why...” The monotone in her voice was like the stillness in the air before a massive tornado. Then came the storm.

“Why!” She put her hooves on the colt's shoulders. She wailed, tears pouring as she shook him violently.

“Who are all of you! Why are you all torturing me like this! Why! Why did it end like this?! I was happy, I don't care if it was a lie I was happy damn it....” She stared into his eyes with an expression of rage, but her eyes and tears showed only pain and sadness. His sad expression hadn't changed for an instant.

“No... you weren't.” She released him and staggered back. Her expression was broken and she seemed to be looking far off in the distance.

“I was.. I was happy.” She whispered to herself with a bittersweet, broken smile. Bravado only looked at her with pit.

“I can answer everything with a question Rainbow Dash.”

I was happy, I was happy. I was.. She thought to herself, instinctively tuning him out.

“Rainbow Dash, why are you always afraid?”

I was happy.. Bravado stepped towards her, unconsciously she backed away. Her mind was somewhere else, but Bravado would not yield. Her back bumped into the wall.

“I was happy, I was. With my friends, with flying, with my life...” I was happy.

“No Rainbow Dash, you weren't. It was a lie, it was always a lie. You don't know how to feel happy, you don't remember how to feel.”

“Please... stop. stay away! Leave me alone! I can't do it. My life... my feelings... were real.” Her denial was beginning to fall apart. She covered her face with her hooves and cried.

“Rainbow Dash, you buried you feelings. You buried them and they died, one by one until you only had a mask of strength, a guise of false feeling, because that's the only way you could think to hide from your emptiness.” No... no.. I.. I can't do this anymore. I don't want this. I... I was never alive. Rainbow Dash fell against the wall, her body went limp. She looked like a doll, unbreathing and still, except for her eyes, full of pain and tears streaming from them. It finally happened. Rainbow Dash, was broken...

“I know it hurts, but it's the truth.” The colt stood on his hind legs and wrapped his forelegs around her waist. He hugged her tight, resting his face on her chest.

Shield was right... I have no soul, I'm nothing. Without realizing it she had brought Bravado into her embrace. His small, frail body was comfortably warm. She was crying into his mane.

“It was a lie.. all of it. I'm not.. I'm not real.” She cried, squeezing him tighter as she began to embrace the truth.

“Rainbow Dash, I am going to show you a time when your mask hurt those around you and yourself.” He hugged her ever more tenderly as he spoke. Dash's voice cracked as she chocked out her next words burying her face in his mane, shutting her eyes tightly.

“Why... why? I already understand.. I just want this to end.. please don't show me anymore. Isn't it enough now? I.. I know I have no soul.”

“I'm sorry Rainbow Dash, but it's that's not enough. Now, you shall see the pain brought on by your bravado.”
*********************************************************************************************************

“Thanks everypony, but it was really no big deal.” She smiled nervously, scanning the crowed of ponies. Then, a small pale pink filly with dirt and leaves in her blue mane stepped towards her.

“It was to me! You're my hero Rainbow Dash!”

“What is this? That's me from recently, it seems so familiar but...” She trailed off, trying to bring that day into memory but she couldn't. She was still in shock, she didn't want to watch but every sound, feeling and image forced it's self into her mind. All she could do was hold the colt in her hooves, hugging him tight as though he were a teddy bear and she were a child. His cold, sad expression never changed.

“You wouldn't remember it well, it was a painful day for you. You just saved that filly. You had no idea how to react, you didn't know what you were supposed to feel. It scared you because you felt nothing.”

Rainbow Dash smiled and fluttered away.

Suddenly, the scene faded to black.

“So, what was that? Why was that something painful?” Rainbow Dash looked down at Bravado. Before he answered he faded away for a moment, reappearing in front of her. The cold swept in, taking up the space that he occupied in her grasp. Rainbow Dash again wanted to cry, the only kindness she had been shown yet was replaced with cold loneliness. She wanted to grab him, to hold him even if he didn't want her to, but her body was heavy with sadness and too weak to try. She resigned herself to the pain.

“It's not over yet.”

“There's something wrong with the baby!” She call out, everypony's face became grim and shocked. Then she smiled and held the foal triumphantly.

“She's not cheering for everypony's favorite hero, Rainbow Dash!” She called out, fear gone the ponies cheered for her as she seemed to lap up the attention.

“Why was I acting like that?” She asked bleakly, her voice weak and tired.

“You didn't know what else to do. You couldn't be proud of yourself, you couldn't be happy that you saved somepony, you couldn't even accept praise. So you did the only thing you know how to do. You hid. You hid behind a mask of bravado, because you didn't want to face the fact that you couldn't feel anything and because you wanted every pony to hate you, so you wouldn't have to face it. There is one more part to this memory Rainbow Dash. Now, watch.”

“Let's see how mysterious you are without that mask!” She growled. The makes pony ran and Rainbow Dash gave chase into a series of alleys. She darted back and forth but the masked mare seemed to be everywhere. She growled in frustration before flying over a building. She lay in wait on the roof and it didn't take long for the stranger to show herself. Dash leapt from the roof.

“I got you now!” She tackled her to the ground, the force from the impact made them both tumble on the ground but Dash stood on top.

“Alright Ms. Mysterious!” She grabbed the mask in her teeth and pulled. “Mystery Solved!... P-Pinkie!?” She said in shock, looking disbelievingly at her friend. Then, another of the masked heroes appeared in front of her. She removed her mask.

“Twilight!?” She turned around and saw a third who also unmasked herself.

“Applejack!?”

Rainbow Dash stared at the scene as memories flooded back to her. She understood now why it was such a painful memory. She barely whispered her revelation.

“Maredowell...”

“That's right Rainbow Dash, it's ironic that the whole time, you were the one hiding behind a mask. You hurt yourself and your friends with your bravado and yet, even when they caused you pain, all you did was double up. You strengthened your mask and locked away the pain. You knew you were incapable of feeling, so you wanted your friends to hurt you because that's what you deserved but do you know that you hurt your friends with your mask every day! You lie to yourself and kill your soul, and they watch as you do it to your self. Do you know why I look like this? It's because you call on me, you use me, you and him. You suck me dry and abuse me so you don't have to feel anything or deal with the feeling of others!” Rainbow Dash felt a deep, permeating pain in her heart. She shivered, wrapping her hooves and wings around herself, trying to get back the warmth lost when Bravado broke their embrace. She cried, feeling like her tears would freeze to her fur.

“You aren't brave, you have no courage or confidence left. They died a long time ago, you killed them with your fear and by letting him bury them. I'm all that has kept you going but I'm not enough Rainbow Dash, you can't live only existing as a thin veil of bravado hiding a hollow and dead shell! You can't do it any more Rainbow Dash!” She had curled up into a fetal position, she was shaking hard and weeping softly. I have no soul, no heart and no feeling... I- I can't go on, I can't..

“Rainbow Dash, there is one more thing I must show you.” She looked up, her eyes exhausted and defeated. She couldn't fly away, she couldn't pretend it wasn't real. No matter what, the images and feeling would follow her in her own mind. It was hell, and there was no escape. She nodded meekly.

It was the library, the library in Ponyville. Twilight's home. Suddenly a rainbow blur shot out of the door and soared into the sky at incredible speed. It was Rainbow Dash, tears falling off her face and her eyes were dull, she was lost in her own mind, escaping from something... trying to forget.

Rainbow Dash again suddenly felt a sharp and intense pain shoot through her body and everything went dark. She yelped and gritted her teeth, curling tighter into a ball and shutting her eyes. It was just as with Trauma, the memory from today, before she died. Rainbow Dash slowly opened her eyes, only to find to her despair that she was again all alone in the dark. She closed her eyes and tried to drift away, wishing for only one thing.

I can't go on... Just let me die, I have no soul and no heart. I don't deserve my friends... I don't want to exist anymore... I just... I want the blackness to take me away... away from the pain... Please.

Logic

I just want to disappear... I can't take any more of this. I don't need to go back to my friends, I don't need to fly or laugh or anything. I don't deserve to be happy. I give up. I surrender, just please make it stop. She lay on the dark floor, her body limp and her head resting in her hooves. She was trying desperately to sleep, hoping that she would never wake up.

“That's a lie Rainbow Dash. Haven't you learned yet why you are suffering through this?” She didn't look up at the source of the voice, instead burying her head deep into her crossed forelegs. She shut her eyes tight.

“Please... just go away. I understand, I'm empty and heartless. I have no soul, but still... I don't want anymore pain... please, no more.” She barely had strength to speak let alone cry.

“Even that is a lie. You want to shout, to scream at how unfair this all is. You want to beg for your life and you desperately want to your friends back, but you can't even let yourself feel that. You've locked those feelings away. Now that your bravado has failed you, the only thing you have left to hide behind is denial. So you surrender, you wrap yourself up in hopelessness just so you don't have to face the truth. You can't hide from me Rainbow Dash and you can't pretend that I'm not here. You know I will follow you into you mind, there is no escape from the truth. Now, rise and face me.” Rainbow Dash knew he was right, there was no way out for her, this was the hell she had been allotted. She raised her head to find that the restricting darkness had been replaced with a seemingly endless, pure white. Standing above her was a tan earth pony with a gray mane and tail with streaks of white. His eyes were steel gray. They were calm eyes that looked over her, analyzing her, almost as though he could see every aspect of her inside and out.

“What do you want from me? What more can you take away? I'm already broken. I've already given up. What more could you do to me?”

“You haven't even begun to be broken Rainbow Dash. I am Logic, and I am going to show you the truth.”

“What truth? That everything I ever thought I was, was a lie? That I have no soul? That I died living a lie?” Her words were loaded with spite and pain, because she knew the answers now. It was all true. Logic shook his head.

“You're not dead Rainbow Dash.” She was stunned silent, despite the calmness of his voice the words hit her like a train.

“W-what?”

“Your still alive, well sort of. Your heart stopped but you brain is still working. How else could you think and feel? How else could you be hearing me speak? No, if I had to guess I would say that you are at a hospital right now, though I can't be sure of anything else.” Rainbow Dash put her hoof to her chest, her heart still wasn't beating. Her legs became weak, she sat down, trying to absorb the shock of the news. Strangely, she didn't feel better. Then why do I still feel dead...

“If I'm not dead then... why is this happening to me? Why do I have to go through this?”

“Rainbow Dash, you've been bringing this upon yourself for a lifetime. You killed off your feelings one by one until we were all that was left of you Rainbow Dash. We are what have made up 'you'. All that you identified yourself as, your whole being as you knew it, was a patchwork of trauma, lies and bravado. You abused your emotions and killed you're heart and created him. It's no mystery why those still remaining hate you. Did you not see the state Bravado was in?” Dash looked back to him, her hoof still on her chest.

“What about you? Do you hate me? Do you want to hurt me to?” She was weak and vulnerable, her voice was full of fear and sadness. Her true feelings were coming to light.

“No, I can't hate, I can only reason. Did you know, Rainbow Dash, that you are a very smart and logical pony? You use me every time you fly, every time you read or make a decision. You and he tried to bury me, but you need me. I'm the only one left that is still somewhat healthy.”

'Why did I try to bury you?” She felt a pang of guilt, more for the fact that the stallion did not seem angry or bitter about it that the fact that she did. Is he really the strongest part left of my soul? Am I so broken and emotionless?']

“Because Rainbow Dash, I collided with the identity you deceived into being. You felt that being smart would make you seem weak. It's quite pathetic actually that the biggest reason you tried to bury me was so you could fit in, you felt so guilty that you pushed away anypony that wanted to be your friend, but at the same time you were also terrified of being alone. You were scared and confused, you buried me in bravado and chose a lie. You became brash and impulsive. Sit still too long, think too hard and I might chime in and you may have had to face things you didn't want to. In reality Rainbow Dash you are quite a know it all. You were curious and intelligent, then you were traumatized and you threw yourself away. To protect your fragile veil of who you were you shunned logic in favor of the physical and anything that gratified your lies.” What does that mean for me... It means that there was never any truth in my life, none at all. Trauma was right, I doesn't matter if I'm dead or alive. I was dead a long time ago. If he's all that's left of who I am then I'm just cold and unfeeling. I.... I have nothing left anymore. Every lie I told myself is unraveling and I feel so exposed. It's so pathetic, if this is all in my head then... I feel ashamed to even see myself. She clenched her teeth, tear drops forming in her eyes. She gave a painful and pitiful laugh. She got down on her front knees, laughing and crying at the same time, but both with tremendous pain.

“Why does it even hurt? Hah! I'm so weak and broken that I still don't know what to feel. All I know is that it hurts and I want it to stop. I want it all to go away, but I deserve it all. I don't even know if I want to live or die anymore!” She she burst out in a fit of sobs and laughter. She slammed her hoof down on the ground in a surge of rage.

“I'm so pathetic!” She shouted as the sound from the impact echoed around her. Logic watched, his gaze completely unfeeling, but his eyes seemed to study her every expression and motion.

“That, is just who you are.” He said in his cold, monotone voice as he walked in front of her, staring down at her as though she were under a microscope, she felt that it was appropriate because of how small she felt.

“Rainbow Dash, there is something I must show you. You will watch.” Rainbow Dash looked up at him. She began to force back her anguish, knowing that what she was about to see would likely bring far more pain.

“Something from my past?” Logic shook his head.

“No, I care little for the past. What you must experience now is the present. You will experience the condition of your body, a consequence of your lies, fears and emptiness.” Rainbow Dash began to feel a burning pain on the surface of her chest. She winced in pain, shutting one of her eyes tight, keeping the other on Logic.

“Will I live? Will I ever wake up?”

“I don't think you will. No, you will likely die soon. You don't have a reason to live anyway do you?” The pain slowly but surely became more intense.

“I.. I want to go back to my friends.” At this, his expression changed. He let out a short dark laugh.

“Rainbow Dash, don't you remember what I said? You both buried me in favor of anything that would gratify your lies. Your friends are no exception. Will you ever see your friends again? I don't think you will and I hope not. I never liked your friends, each one of them only helped you kill your soul. They were nothing but a comforting lie to you.”

“No.. no. Don't take them away from me! I loved my friends! Please, not them... I need them.” The emotional anguish was becoming more painful than the physical pain. She fell to the floor, huddling up into a ball, squeezing her chest as she cried.

“That's right, you need them. You need them as you need your bravado. They are another layer of lies, and they mean nothing more to you. If you live I hope you never see them again. Logically, they all hurt you as much as your other lies. All except for Twilight that is, I didn't mind her. She was the only one who saw through your lies, your walls and your shields. She brought me out many times and she dragged you out of you lies. But you just cant get close to anypony. In the end, you hurt her and your so called friends, because you have no core, no soul and no heart.”

“I.. I would never..” She stopped as the pain started to overwhelm her. She clenched her teeth as hard as she could, trying to bare the pain as long as she could. “I would never hurt Twilight or the.. the girls.” Again he laughed.

“Perhaps, if you don't die before that, you will see how wrong you are.” With those last words he turned away and began walking. Rainbow Dash held her hoof out, reaching for him in vain. She didn't want to be alone.

“Where are you going?!” She called out, but his image was beginning to fade away.

“I'm leaving before you call Shield to this place.” He stood still, facing away from her.

“I wont call him I promise! Please... please don't leave my like this..” Another chuckle came from him as he vanished from sight. His last words echoed as everything went black.

“Of course you will. It's what you have always done, because... you can't handle pain.” As soon as his voice faded the pain violently surged through her. She fell onto her back, she struggled to gasp for air but her lungs would not obey. She felt an intense urge to breath, it burned in her chest along with the pain from before. Her throat contracted violently trying to get air. She stared in horror as blood began pouring from a deep cut in her chest, then she felt pressure. With a sickening 'Crack!' one of her ribs snapped back, she could see her heart unbeating through the wound.

“Ahhhhhhhh! Help! Please! Make it stop! Shield! Take it away! Make it stop!” She shut her eyes tight, then the pain suddenly vanished. Replaced with a familiar fear. She felt a dark presence over her. She slowly opened her eyes. Her chest was normal, though she still was not breathing and her hear remained still. Then she looked up, a pair of brown eyes. She could feel malevolence raging through them. It was Shield.

“I'm here.” Her grinned sadistically at her. She rolled herself over, and cautiously stood up. No, why did I call him here? Logic, he knew I would. I'm so scared... I want this to stop!

“You want it to stop?” He said, as though drawing immense satisfaction from her thought. He raised a hoof, and swept in through the air. The darkness was replaced with floating rectangles of light. Dash watched as one lit up after the other. They all showed her. In one she was flying, wearing a Wonderbolts uniform. In another, she was with her friends. They were playing and having fun. In yet another, an adventure of daring do played it's self out. Her eyes were wide, the light from the windows reflecting in her eyes. She was mesmerized.

“Choose a comforting lie.” Upon those words Dash reached her hoof out towards the lights, euphoria filling the emptiness and pain.

Rainbow Dash!

Her hoof stopped as she looked around. Twilight?... What am I doing? She looked at the screens. Flying? The Wonderbolts? My friends? None of that was real.. I know that now.. It was all a lie. I don't deserve any of it.. especially my friends.

“None of those were me. It was all a lie...” Suddenly, the lights went out and she felt the ominous presence of Shield fade with them. She was alone again. Then, a bright light shined from an arched doorway in the darkness. It was faint, but Rainbow Dash could feel a warmth from within it.

“Come Rainbow Dash.” A soft, wispy voice called from behind the light as Dash walked into it,her steps heavy with pain and loss.

Love

Her eyes struggled to adjust from the bright light. When her vision returned the sight of what she saw filled her with sadness and anger at once. She was in a small, pure white room. At the center was a single white bed, occupied by unicorn mare. Her coat was a pale pink and her mane was a gentle shade of purple. Her eyes were emerald green. She was beautiful, but her condition revolted Dash. She looked sick and emaciated, her eyes seemed sunk into her skull and her legs were thin and shaky. She seemed ethereal, and dash felt that making a single move could dispel her into a light vapor, like a cloud. Her head was propped up on a pillow and she smiled weakly at Rainbow Dash.

“Are you the one that called me?” She spoke softly, fearing that her voice alone would make the mare before her crumble.

“Yes, I am. Come, stand beside me. I have much to tell you and not much time.” Despite her state, she spoke with kindness and caring, as if she were afraid that Rainbow Dash was the one who would fall apart. Dash walked to the side of her bed, which came up to her shoulders. She felt an immense amount of pity as she looked down at the mare.

“Who are you?” She gave a wispy, delicate smile.

“I am Love.” Rainbow Dash backed away from the bed, pressing herself against the wall. Her eyes were on the verge of tears once again.

“No!... No, it can't be true! You can't be... you're, you're so frail... Oh Celestia what have I done!? It's all my fault.. I.. No! I don't want to hear anymore... how can I live with myself... Look what I've done to you!” She brought her hooves to her temples and fell into a fetal position against the wall. No, no, no, no.. no more... I... I can't take this... I've been killing myself for so long... I hate myself.. She self a hoof touch hers, it was warm and steady. Rainbow Dash looked up from her sorrow with tears in her eyes. Love was holding her hoof, she rolled over in her bed facing her.

“Rainbow Dash, I hold no animosity towards you.” Rainbow Dash's voice trembled with grief and disbelief.

“How? How can you not hate me? Look at what I've done to you... I hate myself just looking at you.”

“Do you know why Shield and the others hate you?” Rainbow dash shook her head, her crying had stopped and her tears were drying into her fur. Dark trails ran from her eyes, left behind from all the tears she had shed.

“No... I do know why. It's because I've abused them. I locked them away and used them to kill my self. That's why they hate me. I deserve it.” She felt Love's hoof rub comfortingly against hers.

“That's not all Rainbow Dash. There is more. First let me ask you, do you understand what Shield is to you?”

“Not really.” Dash could see a look of disappointment flash across Love's face. She knew, as well as Dash that, that was a lie. Dash had already figured it out, but she couldn't bring herself to acknowledge it.

“Shield is your lies Rainbow Dash. He is who you created to bury us in comforting lies, he is your denial. The shield that protects you from your pain and from the vulnerability of your heart. You and he suppressed us, and we died. One by one. There are very few of us left, those that survived are those that aid Shield in strengthening your lies or those whose hatred for you are strong enough to sustain them.” Rainbow Dash again felt a crushing guilt, but her words didn't contain even a trace of anger. No, if anything Dash felt empathy from her words, but that only made it hurt more.

“Then.. why did Shield show me the scene from my past? The one with my mom? If he's supposed to protect me why is he hurting me?” She felt scared and abandoned. It was only now that she realized how much she relied on Shield for protection and comfort, even if they were lies. Oh Celestia I'm so pathetic! Even now, I want to make it all go away. I'm want Shield to come and take away the pain. I have nothing left anyway, why shouldn't I die with a comforting lie? Why can't I just fade away thinking that my life was real? That it meant something. Why can't I just have a soul, even if it's a fake one? If I'm going to die anyway why can't I die happy?!

“You can't die happy, because you killed you're happiness long ago. You can't truly feel it anymore. Do you not remember what Logic said to you? When your bravado fails you, all you have left to hide behind is despair and hopelessness, That is why he showed you those memories. Shield knows everything you have ever done. Every horrible thing, every painful memory, every locked away guilt and every heartache. He knows you better than even you do, and that is why he hates you. I, on the other hoof know of the pain that comes with love. I know, that with love comes opening you're self to the pain of loss. You couldn't handle such pain, so he locked me in this room. Rainbow Dash, I do not have much time. I am going to show you a past that you locked away, because of the pain of loss after opening your heart.” Her body relaxed, though she kept hold of Love's hoof. At least through the pain, she would have some tenderness, somepony who cared. Even if it was a lie.

The room faded away, leaving only themselves and the bed. Then, they were once again in Cloudsdale.

A young mare walked down the street, side by side with another pegasus about the same age.

“Hey Fluttershy, the Wonderbolts are doing a show in a couple of days, you should totally come watch them with me! It's going to be awesome!” The younger Rainbow Dash jumped into the air, giddy with excitement. The pink pegasus, looking at the ground nervously. She even seemed a little distraught.

“That's me and Fluttershy, back when we both lived in Cloudsdale.” She turned towards Love, who watched the events unfold with pain in her eyes. I don't remember this yet, I looks like it this didn't happen too long before I moved to Ponyville though.

“Yeah... awesome.” Fluttershy said sadly. Dash fluttered back to the clouds, landing beside her. The shy pegasus's downcast demeanor wasn't lost on Dash.

“What's with that? You've been saying you wanted to go see them with me every time I brought up how awesome they are. Don't tell me you got something going on? What could be more important than hanging out with you're coolest friend watching the most amazing fliers in all of Equestria being unbelievably radical!?” Fluttershy faced away from her, looking to the ground, her mane obscuring her face.

“Well, I um.... never mind, just forget I said anything.”

“Aw come on Shy! Ya can't leave me hanging like that. You said you wanted to go and I already got the tickets. Whatever you got going on can wait till after the show!” She looked up, meeting her friends impatient and annoyed expression with her own full of compassion.

“R- Rainbow Dash.. Actually, I can't make it. I'm so sorry.” Anger swept over Dash's face.

“And what could be so important that would would just abandon your friend like that?! Ya know Shy, I just don't get you, you're nice one minute then you're leaving your friend's hanging the next. So what is it Fluttershy? What's more important? Your friend or..”

“I'm moving Rainbow Dash!” She blurted out, cutting Dash off mid-rant, shutting her eyes tight. Rainbow Dash was stunned for a moment, then an annoyed and condescending look replaced that.

“So what? Cloudsdale ain't that big. Where ever you're moving you can still make it to the show with me, quit making excuses."

Rainbow Dash held Love's hoof tighter, shaking her head as she watched incredulously. No... no. That's not what happened... That's not how it went.

“Dashie, I'm sorry.. I'm moving out of Cloudsdale, to Ponyville. I want to be on the ground and take care of the animals, I can't do that up here.” Dash's eyes filled with pain, it almost looked like she would burst out into tears. Watching it unfold, Rainbow Dash was praying that she would cry, but by this point... her heart was already too far gone. Her bravado kicked in.

“Ya know what!? Fine! Who needs you! Go be with your stupid animals cause they're the only friends you'll ever have again! You were just plain lucky to get a pony like me as a friend and if you want to throw it away on something so stupid it's your loss! I can make plenty of friends, you'll always be alone and that's fine by me!” She was huffing with anger, tears rolled down Fluttershy's face.

Rainbow Dash fell to the floor, only her hoof was still raised, holding on to Love's. “No... no. I was the one who moved to Ponyville first... Fluttershy followed me.. I remember.... I-I wouldn't hurt her like that.” As she watched the pain in Fluttershy's expression grow, the true memory of that day dawned on her.

“I-I'm sorry!” Fluttershy took off running down the street to her home, tears falling from her face as she ran. Leaving Dash angry and alone. She stomped on the ground.

“Who needs her!”

Cloudsdale faded away, leaving Dash and Love, back in the small white room.

“You didn't have any other friends. She was the only one who could stand you, and she was the first one to whom you opened up your heart to, even if it was only a little. You were hurt, sad and confused. You wanted to hug her and cry. You wanted to beg her to stay, but you had already opened your heart to her and look what happened. She hurt you, and you didn't want to feel anything. So you drowned out the pain with anger and bravado. You forced her away from your heart so she couldn't see the emptiness or the lies, so she couldn't hurt you. Instead of accepting the truth, instead of facing your pain you chose to put the suffering on someone else. Fluttershy bared the pain of your denial, and you locked up the pain, the guilt and even the memory. You, for a short time, felt love again. But when it began to hurt, you locked me away again. This time to this one room, forever.” What have I done!? Fluttershy.. all this time, you knew what I did to you and yet... and yet you still stayed by my side. Oh Shy, you must have been holding in so much hurt for my sake. You never brought it up, you never talked about it. What else have I done to my friends? Or... I thought they were my friends. I can never really have them. No, they were all just distractions. After I hurt Shy... that was the moment when I lost my ability to connect with anypony. From then on... I was alone. And that's just what I deserved. Suddenly, she felt Love's hoof twitch in hers, she let out a dull moan of pain. Dash stood up, clutching her hoof.

“Rainbow Dash, I am almost out of time. There is one more thing I must show to you.”

A young filly flew quickly through the sky, the force of the air blasting tears off her face. Her eyes were shut tight from pain.

Rainbow Dash felt an unfathomable pain and sadness in her heart.

“This is the memory Trauma showed me. What happened to me?”

“I don't know, Shield has taken that knowledge into the darkest depths of your mind. It is your greatest trauma and you deepest pain. It was when you're soul died for the first time. I know not what happened, only that it stems from the powerful pain of loss of love. You lost something Rainbow Dash, and on that day, you died.” She convulsed in pain as soon as she finished speaking. She began to fade away, becoming transparent. The corners of the room began to be consumed by darkness.

“No! You can't die! If you die then I have nothing to go back to! What's life worth with out you? What kind of life can I have without love?!” Her tears fell onto Love's hoof, but fell through. Then, her hoof became completely intangible, leaving coldness behind in Dash's grasp. She smiled up at Dash.

“You'll just have to find out. Don't worry Rainbow Dash, I believe there is still something left of you're soul. Find it...” With those last words, she faded away completely. The darkness consumed the room, leaving Rainbow Dash all alone. She put her hooves over her chest.

“It can't be true... because, if it were... I wouldn't feel completely hollow inside.”

Guilt

What have I done? I've lost everything now. My love of flying, my childhood, my friends, even who I am... or who I thought I was. Now, I just sat and watched as my last chance for happiness died in front of me. I can never love anypony again. What do I have to go back to!? Damn it! Love, how dare you! How dare you tell me I have anything left inside when I watched you die, the last part of me that deserved to live die! I... I just want to.. unfeel. I don't want to feel anything, and why should I? I have nothing left to feel. Now, I don't have anything to go back to. I don't deserve to go back.

“Dashie, Dashie, Dashie. The fact that you lost your ability to love isn't even on the list of reasons you don't deserve to go back.” She slowly looked up at the source of the voice. Her eyes were cold and dead, her face expressionless. When she spoke, it was almost with a mechanical lack of feeling.

“Who are you?” She asked simply. He was a young earth pony stallion with short, wavy black hair and a gray coat. He smiled a smile full of spite, but with a hint of sadistic glee.

“Oh come now Dashie, you can't lie to me in here. I know that you're trying to protect your fragile broken heart with a guise of complete surrender. But I know. I know that you haven't lost it yet, you're still hiding from your pain. Your still locking out the true pain that you know you deserve to feel.” Rainbow Dash gazed at him, nothing he said had altered her expressionless face.

“I've lost everything. I don't feel anything because I don't have anything to feel with. Now who are you?”

“You haven't lost everything, you're still clinging. Desperate to find another place to hide from what you have done and what you will feel because of it. Rainbow Dash, I am Guilt. I am going to show you the past that you have forgotten. I will show you the pain of guilt that you should have felt much more strongly, but chose to bury away. Now, It's time to face that pain. I will break that frail guise you're hiding under. You will have to face the truth and by the time I'm finished, your wall's will crumble and you will truly feel bad for what you have done. Now... watch!”

“Ha! My baby brother can fly better than you!” The two colts jeered, standing over a distraught pink pegasus who looked like she was on the verge of tears. Suddenly, a shadow moving across the sky caught her attention as it swooped down, landing dramatically in front of her. It was Rainbow Dash.

“Leave her alone!” She commanded, staring the boys down.

“Do you remember this day Rainbow Dash?” Guilt looked to her, she hadn't yet shown even the slightest feeling.

“Yes, this was the day I got my cutie mark.”

“Do you remember why you stepped in? Do you know why you became friends with poor little Fluttershy from that day on?” She didn't respond right away, instead she stared blankly at scene for a minute before shaking her head slowly.

“I do not.”

“Then let me show you.” As he spoke the scene changed.

A small rainbow maned filly walked alone down a hallway filled with young ponies talking and laughing. She had an embittered look on her face.

“Hey look, it's Rainbow Crash!” Dash turned around, baring her teeth. It was a colt with a tan coat and a brown mane, next to him were two other boys. She glared at them, looking as though she would lunge at any second. Suddenly, she was knocked off balance, nearly landing on her face.

“Alright, who's the pony who just pushed me!” She spun around, ready to jump on the first pony she saw. But, when she turned the only pony she saw was a timid looking pink filly, cowering beneath her.

“Oh, I'm so sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going. Please don't hit me!” She shut her eyes tight, she was shaking like a leaf. Dash sighed.

“What's wrong with you? I'm not gonna hit so stand up already. You're embarrassing me.” The other ponies watched the events unfold, the fillies for the most part looked on with fear. She slowly stood up, though she didn't meet Dash's eyes.

“Uhm, are you..” She gulped, glancing around nervously. “Rainbow Dash?”

“Yeah, what of it?” Dash said impatiently. Fluttershy winced at the harshness of her tone, withdrawing back a step.

“Oh, well... it's just that.. I..”

“You were told to stay away from me, is that it?!” Dash looked around the hall, glaring at the other fillies. Fluttershy looked up in surprise.

“Well, actually. I was hoping we could be friends? I saw you flying and, you were going really fast I thought it would nice if you could give me some help, you may be surprised but I'm not all that strong of a flier. Also.. I saw you eating alone at lunch and I..”

“I don't need you're pity!” She shouted angrily at Fluttershy, who crouched down, on the verge of tears. Dash took a deep breath and then let out a sigh.

“But if you want to work on your flying, I guess I could help you out. I did score the second fastest time of the track on my entrance run so I can definitely show you a thing or two I guess.” Fluttershy's eyes brightened and became wide with excitement. She jumped up and grabbed Rainbow Dash in a tight hug.

“Oh thank you Rainbow Dash, I was so worried I wouldn't be able to make any friends but now I have one on just my second day!” She seemed very happy and relieved. A small smile made it's way across Dash's face as well. She opened her mouth, but was cut off.

“Crash and Flutters sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” The colt jeered, the two boys behind him bursting into laughter. Dash looked around nervously and could hear giggles rising out of the onlookers. Suddenly, she put her hooves on Fluttershy's shoulders, and pushed her away, knocking her to the floor.

“There's no way I'm gonna be friends with a wimp like you. Now get lost!” She screamed before turning around and walking away. The ponies in front of her quickly made ample room for her to get through. Fluttershy stood, tears flowing down her muzzle before she ran off crying down the other end of the hall.

“This was the day before you got your cutie mark. The reason you stepped in when she was being bullied, the reason your entire friendship with her existed, was out of guilt. It's no wonder it ended with you getting hurt, a friendship based of guilt alone will always end in pain.”

Rainbow Dash never turned to face him. Her eyes remained fixed forwards and stoic.

“Is this it? I already know I hurt Fluttershy, and that I never had true friends. If that's all, then you may leave. I want to be alone now.”

“No Dashie, you're heart is still cocooned in denial. You will break, because you're going suffer for the pain you have caused those around you. No, we aren't finished. There is one more thing I must show to you. Rainbow Dash, I will show you the truth of how you are here. Now, watch and you shall see, the pain you caused to those who cared about you the most!”

“You aren't even going to apologize?” It was Twilight. She and Rainbow Dash were in the library. Dash was sprawled out on a pile of pillows reading a Daring Do novel. She looked up at Twilight in confusion.

“What do ya mean? Apologize for what?” She looked up, with a bemused expression. Twilight was on the other side of the room sorting books. She lay the last one down and turned to Rainbow Dash. She looked annoyed.

“For what you did to Rarity. What else would I mean?” Dash rolled her eyes before looking back to her book.

“Twi, I'm not going to apologize cause it wasn't my fault. She should have been watching where she was..” Her book became enveloped in a purple magical aura, then floated away from her.

“Hey! I was reading that!” The look of aggravation on Twilight's face was intensifying with every word Dash said.

“Rainbow Dash! She's going to be in that cast for three more weeks because you were being reckless.” Her eyes softened with a look of sadness. “Don't you feel even a little sorry?”

“No, I don't! It wasn't my fault, it was just a crazy coincidence. She was in the wrong place not paying attention.”

“Rainbow Dash, I was there, I saw the whole thing. You flew right towards her, you didn't even try to stop.”

“Like I told you Twilight, there was a freaky up draft and it knocked me out of the sky! There was nothing I could do.”

“Rainbow Dash, I talked to the weather team, they told me that there were no hot or cold patches that would have caused an updraft strong enough to take out a pegasus.” Dash's eyes were wide with surprise, and pain.

“You checked?! You thought I was lying so much that you actually asked the weather team? I thought we were friends Twilight? I thought you were supposed to give your friends the benefit of the doubt or something?” Her hurt feeling were quickly covered by a wave of anger as she glared at Twilight, who only strengthened her look of compassion in response.

“Rainbow, if it was a prank that went wrong we'll understand, but you need to apologize. I know you feel bad about it, why don't you just tell her?”

“You don't know anything Twilight! Just give me back my book and leave me alone!” She lunged for the book but it floated away just before she got it. She glared at Twilight, but this time, she glared back.

“Oh, I don't know anything? I don't even think you know how you feel sometimes! I thought you felt bad about what you did to Rarity and were just ashamed that you messed up but I'm starting to think you don't feel anything!”

“You're right I don't! I'm Rainbow Dash! If I mess up I admit it, but I didn't so I'm not going to go and pretend like it was just so you can feel better.”

“This isn't about me Rainbow Dash. Fine, you don't think it was you're fault? Apologize anyway. Your friend got hurt and you should try to make her feel better. That's what a loyal friend would do.” Rainbow Dash snapped, she bared her teeth and got right up in Twilight's face.

“Don't talk to me about loyalty you stuck up know it all! I don't have to stand here and listen to this! I'm going home!” She was about to turn to leave when Twilight spoke up.

“You really do feel bad Rainbow Dash! You're pathetic, you can't even admit to yourself that you did something wrong let lone tell somepony else.”

“What did you say!?” She got back in Twilight's face, but she continued unfazed.

“You heard me Rainbow Dash. You act all cool but you know what? It's obvious that you only act that way to cover up the fact that you don't even know how to express your feelings!”

“Shut up Twilight!” She shouted angrily.

“You can't admit that your sorry even to yourself because then you would actually have to face something deeper than your own shallow excuse for feelings!”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up! Just shut up!”

Rainbow Dash's facade began to brake down. She knew, deep down, what came next. No... No, don't do it.. Fear and panic overtook her deadpan expression as she watched, mouth agape.

“It's the truth Rainbow Dash. I know that's new to you, the truth, because you never tell it to yourself I'm going to tell it to you!”

“Shut up!” She put her hooves over her ears and shook her hear, her face contorted in anger and pain.

“You can't really feel anything!”

“No!” Rainbow Dash shouted, stretching her hoof out, her vision becoming blurry with tears. There was nothing she could do but watch, and hear the next sound echo painfully her mind and heart.

'Smack!'

The sound echoed throughout the room as her hoof made impact, leaving them both in stunned silence. Twilight slowly brought her hoof to her tender cheek and felt it gently. Blood began to trickle out of her mouth and tears were building in the corners of her wide eyes. She just stared at Dash, whose eyes were closed tight and her face full of rage and pain.

“I hate you Twilight Sparkle! I never want to see your face again!” She spun around and ran out of the room. She swung the door to the library open and exploded into the air, leaving a rainbow trail in her wake.

She flew quickly thought the air. Her eyes were dull, lost deep within the euphoria of denial.

Suddenly, Dash felt a sharp, stabbing pain in her chest. Clutching her chest with her hoof she fell to the floor in pain. She opened her mouth wide, trying to take in a breath. Guilt watched, his eyes filled with contempt.

“You hurt her, just like you hurt everypony else. She saw right through you and you felt exposed and vulnerable. You knew then, that she saw just how empty you were. Do you know what the most pathetic thing is? You did it all intentionally, everything! You wanted this to happen because you couldn't handle the guilt. You wanted to push Twilight and everyone else away because, deep down you knew you were using them. You knew you didn't truly care for them and you knew you didn't deserve them. In the end, the damage you did to your soul reached your heart. There was only so much you could hold back until something gave. You had a heart attack, and you died. Now, truly suffer for what you did. He will be coming soon, he can feel his walls being broken and when he finds you, he will finish killing you, and you will be begging him for it.” Everything went black and Guilt vanished leaving Rainbow Dash, sobbing on the floor.

“Twilight... Twilight I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.. I-I. I can't go back. I don't..” Her eyes were tired from crying but the tears continued to pour down her face. She couldn't even talk though her choked sobs. She folded her hooves and lay on the ground burying her face in them, she screamed out her pain and frustration into the darkness. Her veil gone, she now truly felt the pain.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” She tried to take a deep breath but she couldn't, all she could do was keep screaming, because she had no more lies to hide her pain behind.

Hope

“Twilight, what have I done? Why did it have to end like this? The last thing you saw me do was hurt you, the last thing you heard me say was full of hate and lies. No, I don't even deserve to regret anything. I just.. .All I deserve is pain. I feel it all now... It hurts Twilight, it hurts so much.” She spoke softly to herself, laying in the dark. The emptiness she felt before, completely replaced with the dull pain of guilt. She had long since lost the strength to scream or cry, now all she could do was let the pain wash over her as she awaited the death promised by Guilt. Then, slowly, she noticed her shadow growing in front of her. Fear shot through her body and she shut her eyes tight. It's... It's Shield! I'm about to die.. Oh Celestia I'm about to die! Her body began trembling as the presence she felt drew closer, her legs and wings burned with the urge to run, to get away, and she almost tried. She sighed, quelling her shaking body as she again focused on the pain of guilt. No.. that's exactly how it should be. I deserve this ending. I'm ready. Twilight... I- I'm....

“Not yet.” A soft voice spoke up from behind her. Her eyes shot open, a dim flickering light illuminated the darkness, her shadow dancing on the floor. Slowly, she turned to face the source of the voice. It was a young stallion with orange coat and a golden mane. His light blue eyes were light with a certain life that had died from Dash's own eyes. A dull white light filled the expanse that seemed to go on forever.

“Who are you? What do I have left? What else could there be left of my heart? Please, just let me lay here, waiting for Shield. I'm ready to accept my punishment.” In Dash's eyes could been seen the pain the raged deep inside of her. She felt it wholly and powerfully.

“Rainbow Dash, I am Hope.” For a moment, anger flared in Dash's eyes, but the pain quickly snuffed it out.

“How can you still be alive inside me? What do I have left to hope for? I don't want hope. No, I don't deserve it. So just disappear with Love and leave me alone.” She collapsed back to the floor, gazing downwards and ears low.

“Rainbow Dash, hope is not about what you deserve it's about what you want. So tell me, what is it you want?” She raised her head, looking deep into his eyes. 'What do I...want?'

“I want... to die. I want to pay for what I've done.”

“Rainbow Dash, I do not have much time. What do you want?” She began to feel tears building up in her eyes.

“I want to die.”

“What do you want Rainbow Dash?” She lightly shook her head, tears beginning to roll down her muzzle.

“What do you want?” She opened her mouth, her throat was tight, chocked with held back pain and sobs. Hope's face became angry and impatient. He walked up to her, she cowered down beneath him shrinking her appearance. Her lips moved silently, the words dying on her tongue. He shouted at her with a challenging glare.

“What do you want!?”

“I want it all to be okay!” She looked up at him wide eyed before the sadness overwhelmed her. She bowed her head and cried, weeping at his hooves. He smiled down at her.

“Rainbow Dash. Those are the most honest words you have spoken to yourself in a long time.” She continued to cry on the floor. Why is the truth so painful? It hurts so much. I have no right to want anything. I felt so guilty when I spoke, and so sad.

“Rainbow Dash, you have both hidden from me and hidden behind me. It's painful to hope when you have nothing to hope for or when you don't deserve hope, and It's easy to hide behind distant hopes of the future. You pushed the painful truth of the present away for the sweet hope of tomorrow. You used me to hide from your pain and what was causing you pain. It's time to stop hiding.”

“But, what do I have left to hope for? I hurt the ones closest to me. I pushed them all away. I killed my heart and soul. I can't love or even connect with another pony ever again. I- I can't even feel happy any more.” As she spoke her voice became higher and choked from the tears. She looked up pleadingly at hope, who returned with a look of pity.

“Rainbow Dash, He will be here soon. You can no longer use me to hide. When he comes, I will die and soon you will follow.” Dash put her hooves on his, looking up at him from the floor with renewed anguish in her eyes and voice.

“Y-you can't... you cant go... I need...” She stopped and her body went limp. “No, I don't deserve to live and I have no reason to go back now. Once you're gone... there will be nothing holding me here. It's been you all along hasn't it? The reason I came this far? The reason I didn't stay in that small dark place when I first came here? The reason I kept hiding and lying to myself? It was because I still had hope. Without you... I can die.” Darkness began rushing slowly growing towards them from all sides like and ominous fog. Dash suddenly felt fear rising in her. This time, he truly was coming for her.

“I-I have to know.. why is he doing this? If I die.. so does he.” Hope shook his head in disappointment.

“You already know why.” Dash nodded knowingly. She knew, she knew exactly why. I can't handle the truth for even a second, Shield has had to take that pain forever. It's better that I die, for both of us. Hope stepped back from Rainbow Dash, backing up from her. The darkness was licking at his hooves now.

“It's almost over, isn't it?” Her voice trembled, despite what she wanted, fear began to take hold. Suddenly, a shield as large as a wagon with an ornate eye at it's center appeared, floating over Hopes head. He smiled once more.

“What can I say? Hope is short liv..” All Rainbow Dash could do was watch helplessly and the shield slammed down on top of her hope, cutting him off mid word before all that was left were floating particles of light, quickly consumed by the darkness.

“No...” She felt any last glimmer of hope she may have had, die painfully within her. As she felt his presence grow closer, her emptiness was filled with only one desire. Run! She got to her hooves and backed away from the darkness that swept towards her like a tide.

“No! No!” She spun around and stretched her wings. However, the moment she took off, she stopped. The void had encroached from all sides. There was no where to run. She had no lies left to hide behind. It was over. She landed on the ground and closed her eyes. She felt an immense, cold sorrow wash over every fiber of her being as the darkness took her in it's grasp. Then, the next things she heard was full of malice, but soft and quiet, because it was right next to her ear.

“It's time.”

An empty death

“It's time Rainbow Dash.” Shield spoke menacingly. Her every thought became overrun with mortal fear. 'No. No! I don't want to die!

“No!” She ran as fast as she could away from him, her body moving on instinct alone. With a flap of her wings she became airborne, flying faster than she had ever felt she could, although she didn't feel the rushing of air around her body. Still however, she could fell death licking at her back legs. It was cold and empty. I don't want to die, I don't want to die! I don't know what I have left but I don't want to die! Shutting her eyes tight she flew even faster. She could finally feel Shield's presence weaken, she breathed a mental sigh of relief. Still keeping speed she turned her head back to where she left Shield, relieved to see nothing but the dark void.

“you can not run Rainbow Dash!” She whipped her head back in front of her, Shield was only inches from her face. She let out a terrified shriek, her eyes wide with panic and terror. Her wings locked up and she plummeted to the floor, landing with bone crushing force. She opened her mouth wide to yelp from the pain but no sound came. Looking upwards, she saw Shield slowly descending towards her, eying her like bird of prey would a mouse. Fear overcame pain and the desire to flee surged through her once again.... No! I can't move! I can't move a muscle! Oh Celestia he's coming and I can't move!

“No! Stay away! Please, I don't want to die!” She couldn't even turn her neck to face away from him. He landed and walked slowly towards her, enjoying each dragged out moment of her fear. Then he stood, looming over her with his dark grin.

“Now now Rainbow Dash, I thought you wanted to die. It's what you deserve and you know you have no hope for the future. There is nothing left inside of you but pain, guilt and trauma. Even if you went back you could never care for your friends. You would only use them to lie to yourself.”

“I- I don't know why, but I don't want to die. I know I have nothing left to live for but I want to live!” She looked at him, pleading, begging with her tear filled eyes. Shield's face became stoic for a moment, then his smile spread across his face.

“It's nothing but base instinct now. All you are clinging to is a programed desire to live, no matter who you hurt. I will crush that part of you Rainbow Dash, you will die here. I have only to show you one last truth.”

The darkness transformed. The were in Dash's old home. Even though she could not raise her head, the scene played inside her mind.
****************************************************************************************************

“I hate you!” The young, filly shouted angrily.

“I said no Rainbow, you can't go out until you clean your room.” The mother said. Her voice exasperated from the many fights she had been having with her daughter.

“This, this was the memory you showed me when I first arrived here. The fight with my mother.” She spoke weakly, still trying to get her body to move.

“Yes Rainbow Dash, this day was your greatest trauma. This was the day I was born. Now watch the whole truth of this day, and let the last desire you feel to live ebb away.”

“You can't tell me what to do!”

“Rainbow Dash, why don't you ever listen? Would it be so hard just to clean your room?” Her tone softened with caring, but the angry filly was unfazed.

“Because I don't want to and you can't make me! I hate being here and I hate you!”

“Rainbow, I had a talk with your father. The way you've been behaving lately, he and I agreed that you won't be going with him to Manehattan to see the Wonderbolts next week.” Dash's jaw dropped in shock.

“Y-you cant do that!”

“Rainbow, you've been getting into too many fights at school and you never listen to either of us. Now if you don't go and clean your room I'm going to take all your toys as well.” She looked at her daughter with an assertive gaze, but Dash did not back down.

“No!” Her voice was now hoarse with rage, she was trembling.

Rainbow Dash watched with a deep pain in her heart. Don't do it kid. You'll end up here. She knew it was too late for her though. However this memory truly played out, she knew it wouldn't change her fate.

Her mother shook her head in disappointment and turned to go into her fillies' room, but before she could she felt a sharp pain in her jaw followed by the sound of hoof against flesh. She slowly turned to her daughter in disbelief.

“I hate you mom and I hope you die!” She screamed. Suddenly her mom winced in pain, bringing her hoof to her head.

“R-Rainbow” She stuttered as one of her eyes and one side of her mouth began to droop.

“Mom? Are you okay?” A tone of worry replaced her anger.

“What's happening to...” She stopped, she felt so much pain and sadness fill her heart. It was suffocating, it felt like she had a huge weight in her chest. Her tears began to flow freely.

“M-mom?” Her mother reached an unsteady hoof out towards Dash before collapsing onto the floor, her body jerked and convulsed. The filly stood over her, her eyes were quickly becoming dull and her gaze distant. The after a short while, her mom's body stopped is violent tremors, tapering off to an eery stillness. She gently prodded her mother with her hoof.

“Mom. Mom...Mom” Her expression never changed from the initial worry, but tears poured down her face. She began backing away from her mother, shaking her head. Then, she spun around, running out the door she took off into the sky.

The young filly flew through the sky. The speed at which she flew blasted the tears off her face, her eyes were dull and empty.
***************************************************************************************************************

“No...” Her voice was high and chocked with sadness. “My mom... oh mom.. mom.” She could feel her tears pooling around her head, they were cold and bitter, but they burned as they left her eyes. What have I done? I- I hurt everyone.. I lost my own mother.. I killed my mom. Oh Celestia I killed my mom! Mom.... Mommy I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! She lay on the ground, crying like a foal. All she wanted to do was curl up into a ball, to hold herself, but she couldn't. She felt as thought her pain and sorrow and shame were completely exposed.

“Yes Rainbow Dash, you killed your mother. Not just by abandoning her, but with your own hoof!” Shield stomped on the floor and the darkness changed. They were in a hospital.
****************************************************************************************************************

The young foal sat curled up on a bench in the hospital hall way. Her eyes were clouded and distant. The silhouettes of two ponies could be seen from behind a pale window in the door near her.

“I'm sorry Mr. Dash, she's on life support right now but the damage to her brain was too severe.”

“I- I just don't understand how this happened. She was so healthy and active.” He forced back his tears.

“We think, the trauma sustained to her head, coupled with severe stress triggered a dormant clotting disorder. The blood clot went to her brain and caused a cerebral thrombosis. It lodged in her cerebral arteries causing a stroke. The lack of oxygen servery damaged the parts of her brain responsible for involuntary muscles, essentially disconnecting the brain from the heart.” The doctor spoke in a cold, calculating manor. He tried to be reassuring, but the technical aspects of what happened did nothing to ease the shock.

“Y-you mean my Daughter.. She... Oh Celestia. If only I had been there!” He slammed his hoof into the door. The young Rainbow Dash only curled up tighter and closed her eyes, her expression was calm. She went somewhere else in her mind.

“Doctor, was there any pain? Could she feel it?” His voice trembled.

“I'm afraid.. for a brief time, yes. She could feel it. But it was over quickly.”

“Enough!” Dash screamed, everything went dark. The crushing sorrow snuffed out the last ember of her desire to live, she felt it suffocating before it died completely along with her the last of her strength. “Enough.. Shield.. I've had enough. I don't want to go back anymore, I just want it all to go away. I- I can't do it anymore.. I cant, I cant live with anything I've done. Shield.. please, just end it... Kill me.”

“Gladly.” Rainbow Dash watched as a shield easily the size of a house began to materialize over her. With a broken smile she laughed painfully to herself. It's almost over. Soon I won't have to feel anything. Soon, I'll be dead. Thank you Shield. You've always been the one to take away my pain. Now, when I die, neither of us have to suffer.

'Brian activity dropping, pupils unresponsive. Were losing her!'
'Rainbow Dash! Don't die, please!'

Twilight? Twilight is that you? Twilight... I'll never see her again.. I'll never see the girls, or Ponyville. I don't deserve them.. I can never go back. That's not fair. Suddenly, a hot and powerful feeling burned in her chest. it's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair! The massive shield was completely formed, with a large ornate eye painted at it's center casting it's gaze down at her. She gritted her teeth and glared right into it. The sensation that started in her chest now burned in her limbs. 'This isn't right! I never wanted it to end this way! I wont die here alone!' The shield fell down towards her, it seemed to move in slow motion. 'I hate this! I hate myself, and I hate Shield! I wont die like this! It was only her body length away from crushing her.

“Shield!” She screamed in pure rage as it slammed on top of her. But, it stopped. Shield's expression became that of surprise as he was taken aback by what he saw. Rainbow Dash held the shield above her with only one hoof. The blackness dissolved and the and a network of neurons and their connections came alive, sparks of multicolored light shooting between them. Her hoof became alight in a rainbow colored fire. She felt a new drive now, one of pure ferocity. Her new drive, her potent impetus that pushed her forward now, was nothing short of revenge. Reprisal against Shield, against herself and against her own life. She tapped into a lifetimes worth of locked away rage and pain. It had only one direction now, one target. Shield. The shield above her exploded, as the dust and smoke cleared, there stood Rainbow Dash, both her front hooves ablaze with rainbow fire.

“Shield!” With a powerful battle cry she exploded forward at him. She reared back on her hind legs mid flight, the flames concentrated into glowing hot rainbow colored blades suspended just above her hooves. It was only a matter of seconds before she closed the distance between herself and her tormentor. She swung her hooves at him, the blades leaving a rainbow trail in their wake. Just before they made contact they bounced off a shield that appeared in front of him.

“Why are you still trying Rainbow Dash? You have nothing, nothing at all.”

“Shut up! I know I have nothing left to live for but I'm not dying with all this rage! I'm taking you down first!” Suddenly she felt a heavy and hard impact hit her side, knocking her to the ground just as a shield swung above her, grazing her mane. She looked up to see a tan earth pony with a gray mane and tail with streaks of white, his face all but expressionless.

“Logic?” She asked, dumbfounded. Shield only glared at him. The space between them grew without any movement, putting them at a safe distance for the moment.

“You are finally starting to feel the truth Rainbow Dash. You have found a reservoir of strength, now use it, unleash the anger you have been locking away. It is all this is left of your soul. I can do nothing against Shield but I to would like to see him obliterated before we die. Finish him Rainbow Dash, then we can rest.” He faded away, leaving Rainbow Dash and Shield alone, staring each other down. With a loud battle cry she shot forth at him. Before she could get half way to him her produced another shield. This one was big, the size of a mountain at least. It flew towards her, but she didn't stop. The two opposing forces met each other with a loud boom. Dash managed to hold the gargantuan shield off with only the tip of her blade. Her anger mounting, growing fast within her. It felt like she would explode if she didn't release her rage. She swung her free hoof across the surface of the shield, cutting it in half. She flew through it, a sonic rainboom tearing it apart behind her.

“Shield!” She closed the remaining gap between them, landing right in front of shield, her blade at his throat.

“What do you hope to accomplish? You will still die. Once you destroy me you're anger will be gone and all you will have left is the truth of what you have done. You, who killed your own mother, who hurt her friends time and time again. You who killed your own heart and soul. You have nothing to live for! I was what kept you alive all these years, I am what is left of your heart, soul and mind. You are nothing, you are the one who resides in me! You kill me, you kill yourself!” Rainbow Dash glared at him with the same look of hate and rage she had seen from him and Trauma and Guilt. It was pure anger, anger towards herself.

“I'm fine with that.” The tip of her blade exploded into a prismatic shock wave that enveloped them both, and quickly expanded, destroying everything. This is it... isn't it?
*********************************************************************************************************

She blinked, a bright, ever stretching white was all that she saw. All that she saw but one thing. She looked down at it, her eyes softened and the fire on her hooves faded away. She walked towards it.

“Stay away! If you come any closer I'll hurt you!” The small, rainbow maned filly shouted. Her voice was full of fear and bravado. She backed away from Dash with each step that she took towards her.

“I said stay..” She was cut off as a pair of hooves gently wrapped around her, pulling her close. She struggled, banging her small hooves against Dash's chest. But with each hit, she didn't feel pain, only waves of sadness and loneliness. She hugged the filly tighter, pulling her against her chest. She brought her head low, resting it against the fillies'. She closed her eyes and whispered to her.

“I forgive you.” She her struggling became weaker, but persisted.

“I forgive you.” She whispered again to the filly. She continued to struggle, but tears were building in her eyes. Hugging her tighter, and rubbing her muzzle against her cheek she said it once more.

“I forgive you.” The filly stopped and looked up at Dash. She began to break down and her tears began to flow.

“H-how?” She sobbed, her words were heavy with pain and grief. “How can you forgive me? I.. I killed my mom.. I hurt so many ponies. I' m bad.. I'm bad.. How can you forgive me?”

“Because I know. I know how much you've been suffering all alone. You didn't have any help or a hoof to hold. You took all that pain because you felt guilty. It's too much for anypony though. That much hurt.. it's too much. You did the only thing you could, and you did it alone. You wrapped yourself up in lies because it hurt, you kept everypony away because you didn't want to share that horrible pain. You're a good girl and I forgive you.” The filly was stunned silent, her mouth agape. Then, she caved.

“I'm so sorry!” She buried her face in Dash's chest and wailed. Dash could feel her hot tears soaking into her fur. She gently stroked the fillies' mane.

“I'm so sorry! Mom, I didn't mean.. I didn't mean what I said.. Mom.. mom I miss you!.. Mommy I love you!” She wailed into Dash's chest, and Dash stroked her mane and her back comforting her. She could feel the pain and guilt leaving her with every tear the filly cried.

“Can I ask you for something?” Dash asked, looking down at her. She looked up, her eyes puffy from crying. She looked so weak and vulnerable.

“W-what is it?” Rainbow Dash smiled at her as she to began to cry.

“Do you think.. you could forgive me?” The filly looked at her in surprise.

“Forgive you for what?”

“I- I left you all alone, I made you become something awful because I didn't want to deal with the truth. I hurt a lot of ponies. I hurt my closest friends and the one pony that truly mattered to me, the only one who saw the real me and I hurt her. I've.. I’ve done so many horrible things... I- I don't know if I can forgive myself though.. I don't deserve it.” She felt those tiny hooves wrap around her, they were warm and gentle. She pressed her face against Dash's chest, this time she was comforting her.

“I forgive you, because your a good girl.” Rainbow Dash lost it. She burst into tears and sobs. Squeezing the filly tight, she cried into her mane. The filly gently rubbed her side, her small legs too short to reach her back.

“I forgive you.” She repeated, her voice was full of compassion and empathy. All of her guilt and hate flowed out of Dash's tears, she felt her body becoming lighter with each sob. There was no trauma, no bravado or guilt or lies, just compassion. She felt warm and... alive.

“Rainbow Dash.” She turned slowly around to the source of the new voice. There, standing behind her was... herself. She looked exactly like Rainbow Dash, but she had an air of tranquility and strength.

“Are you... my soul?” she nodded slowly, smiling a kind smile.

“Yes I am.”

''Brain activity rising. Body responsive to stimuli.'

Rainbow Dash looked around. “What was that?”

“It's time for you to go Rainbow Dash.” Dash looked up at her with somber eyes, still holding tight to the filly.

“I don't think I can. I've hurt them so much and I have nothing left to love or care with. My friends... are better off without me.”

'Pupils responsive'
'Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash, can you hear me?!'

A fleeting white light obscured her vision.

“There is another way Rainbow Dash.” In her heart and mind, she knew what the other her meant. She nodded.

“I accept.” The other her ignited in an all consuming bright white light. The filly looked up at Rainbow Dash.

“I'm scared.” dash hugged her and held her head against her chest, obscuring her sight.

“So am I.” She closed her eyes and blissfully smiled as they began to dissolve in the pure white light

“I'm with you this time.”
*****************************************************************************************************************

She slowly opened her eyes, her vision was blurry. The first things that she could make out was a lavender blur.

“Rainbow Dash! I'm so glad your okay!” She wrapped her hooves around her, hugging her tight but carefully avoiding her chest. The others soon gathered around her.

“You gave us quite a scare.”

“But Twilight managed to keep your heart going the whole time with her magic! It was amazing!” She shouted excitedly.

“Were all just glad yer okay RD”

“I- I was so worried!”

She slowly rubbed her head and looked at them one at a time.

“Who are all of you?” She asked. The five ponies faces became grave, especially the purple one.

“R-Rainbow Dash, It's us. Your friends.. Remember?” She looked at her hopefully but on the verge of tears. The next thing she said left everypony heart broken and stunned silent. A small piece of them all died the next moment.

“Who is Rainbow Dash?”