Defenders Of Equestria

Defenders Of Equestria chapter 1: A Very ‘Discord’inated Attack

I shivered, the breeze blew through the gaping hole in the temple wall. I was moving rubble outside, while whistling the Doctor Who theme, just to piss off Doctor Whooves. I had a large brick in my hand and was carrying it outside. I stopped in front of Mark who was leaning against the wall.
“Aren’t you supposed to be sweeping?” I asked. He ignored me, his eyes fixed on something.
“what the hell are you staring at?” I said. It turned to look, then instantly turned back. He was staring at the Doc’s hind-quarters. I held out the brick and dropped it on his foot. He let out a shout of pain as he hopped around holding his foot. I picked the brick up once more and walked outside and threw it in a pile with the rest of the rubble. Quann was practicing his sword skills.
“So Crashie, you ready to take back Equestria?” I asked already knowing the answer. He spun around nearly taking off my head with his GN sword.
“I’m always ready for a good fight.” he replied. “You got a plan?”
“Walk in there, kick the shit outta Discord, and save the ponies.”
“I like your Plan.” he said with a chuckle.
“Fuck I’m hungry, wanna go down to Ponyville and get some grub?” I said holding my stomach.
“No.” a voice came from behind us. It was the Doctor.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Two reasons. One Discord has Ponyville hovering about a mile in the sky. The other, nopony must know that you’re here until you defeat Discord.” the Doc replied.
“Because it’ll created some sort of time paradox?” I asked, more as a joke than anything.
“No, it’s because if anypony see’s you they go running to Discord and tell him. We want to catch him off guard.” he said in a serious tone.
“Oh, that makes sense.” I replied. “Well do we have anything to eat here?”
“We have rations.”
“Rations? What are we in the fucking navy or someshit?”
“It’s that or going into the woods and hunting something down.”
“Ok, I’ll do that then.” I said pull the C.A.R. (Chinese assault rifle) off my back and pulling the action. “I’ll be back in an hour with some mantacore meat.” I shouted as I ran into the thick brush of the Everfree Forest.

Sure enough I was back in an hour with a leg of a mantacore in my hands. Their was a fire going in the center of the entrance hall of the temple. I cut some meat off the leg and threw it in a pan over the fire. I had some cooking skills that I picked up from my mom who was a cook for most of her life. Each of us had a nice chunk of meat.
“Want some?” I asked holding a plate out to the doctor.
“Ponies don’t eat meat, were vegetarians. I would have expected you to know this.” he said.
“Well then, in the words of Calamity, ‘obviously you’ve never tried bacon.’”

After finishing our meal we got ready for bed. I took of my armor and placed it in a neat pile next to my bedroll. The Kevlar jumpsuit was warm but not warm enough. I threw on my sweatshirt over the jumpsuit. I was the only one who incised on keeping my outfit.
“Get lots of sleep, you all have a big day tomorrow, killing a god and whatnot.” said the doctor “I’ll be back tomorrow morning to get you guys.” I feel asleep quick and had a dreamless slumber.

I heard the door creek open and out of instinct I reached over and grabbed my sword. I stood up clumsily and held the sword at the ready. It was just the Doc. Both my companions were still asleep. I looked out the window. The sun was just above the tree line but, seeing as Discord is in control it could be anytime. I put the sword back in its sheath and put on my helmet to check the time. The helmet was fully equip with a HUD that tells time and temperature. It was only six thirty in the morning.
“Why so fuckin’ early?” I asked, putting on the rest of my armor.
“I thought you guys would be awake by now.” he replied
“Why? were teenagers, we sleep til noon. Well, at least they do. I sleep til eight ‘cus my mental alarm clock was programmed wrong. Hey, you got any coffee?”
“Theirs some on the Tardis, now wake your friends up and lets go.”
“I’m already up thanks to you assholes.” Crashie said as he sat up. I walk over to Mark. He had a big smile on his face and was mumbling something. Most of it was gibberish but I swear I heard Fluttershy in their. So I was hesitant to wake him from his most likely wet dream. I never understood why he liked Fluttershy, he’s a violent, short fused psychopath and she’s a sweet, adorable animal lover. I pushed his shoulder with my foot and he woke up.
“Aww why’d you have to do that, I was having a wonderful dream.” he said groggily.
“I could tell, now get up. We got shit to do.” I said. We all climbed into the Tardis. Their was coffee waiting. I grabbed mine and took a sip. It was delicious. I chugged the rest and I had to ask the Doc,
“Where did you get this stuff, it’s so good.”
“It’s zebra coffee beans. The best in all Equestria. Costs a fortune.” he said smugly.
“You got it for free, didn’t you?” I asked.
“That I did, good sir.” he replied with a chuckle. “Well, we should get a move on.” he said walking to the controls. He pushed a few buttons and their was a flash of light. The door swung open and we were in front of Canterlot castle. Crashie poked his head out of the door and took a look around.
“No guards” he said “I expected to have some resistance.”
“He’s Discord he doesn’t need guards.” I said pushing past him.
“Well if you think so highly of him, why are you willing to just walk in their and kill him.” Mark said walking next to me.
“I’mma kill him ‘cus he’s fucking with Equestria. He seems like a cool bro if he wasn’t hell bent on destroying everything.” I said. We were at the door and I held up my hand signaling everyone to stop.
“Mark, go back with Doctor Whooves and take a sniping position on the mountain across the valley.” he nodded and ran back to the Tardis. “Crashie, on me.” I said taking point. I pushed the door to the castle open and stepped inside, Crashie followed. It was dark, the only light was from the stain glass windows which made beautiful colored shadows on the floor and walls. Discord sat casually on the throne, twirling the tip of his tail around his griffin talon. He looked up and acted like he was expecting use.
“You’re who they sent?” he asked, laughing hysterically. “Two rag-tag misfits.” another round of laughter. Crashie stepped forward,
“Where’s Luna?” he asked.
“She’s right here.” Discord replied. He snapped his fingers and a spotlight shined on the blue alicorn. She was in bad condition, all four of her hooves were tided together, their were blood and tear stains running down the side of here face, and both the top of her horn and her left ear were missing. She had a rag in her mouth to prevent her from screaming.
“Me and her have been spending some… quality time together.” he said running his tongue up the side of her face. She cringed and tried to worm away. I looked over at Crashie. He said nothing, he just flipped the GN sword into its attacking position and started sprinting at Discord. Discord just laughed. He snapped his fingers and disappeared in a flash of light. Crashie came to a skidding halt, looking around for Discord. In another flash of light Discord was behind him. He drove his elbow into the back of Crashie’s neck. He fell unconscious to the floor, hitting with a hard thud. He let out a chuckle and looked out the window. I just stood their, frozen by fear. If he could do that to a six and a half foot black guy, then what could he do to me, a five foot ten white kid.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” he said still looking out the window. All I could do was nod. In another flash he was gone. I saw this as an opportunity to free Luna. I ran over to her and took the rag out of her mouth.
“We thank you for saving us.” she said in a weak voice.
“It’s my pleasure princess.” I replied drawing my sword from its sheath. I cut the ropes binding her hooves together and helped her up. She wobbled and fell. I caught her and lied her down on the floor.
“You rest, I’ll take care of Discord.” I said to her. I turned to go check on Crashie when a crashing sound came from behind me. I turned to see Mark flying through one of the stained glass windows. Discord appeared and brought his knee up, which connected hard with Mark’s face. If it wasn’t for the helmet I’m sure he would be dead. His unconscious body landed next to Crashie. He just put down my two teammates with ease. I not standing for that. I pulled the C.A.R. off my back and unloaded the entire twenty four round clip at Discord. Discord just held up his hand and the bullets stopped in mid-air.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” I shouted. I didn’t know what to do so I pulled a Saving Private Ryan and threw the gun at him. He just caught it and bent it into a dog shape like it was a balloon.
“You gotta be fucking kidding me.” I said. I had one more idea. “Discord, does thou have a sword?” I said in a Shakespearean accent. I don’t know why but it felt right for the moment.
“No.” he replied casually.
“Then sir, I challenge thou to a battle of fisticuffs.” I said, playing it up a little. He just tilted his head and stared at me.
“A fist fight.” I said facepalming.
“Oh, then why didn’t you say that in the first place.” he replied “Challenge accepted.”
I resisted the urge to laugh and said,
“Ok, let me set some ground rules. One, no attacks on the groan region. Two, you must wait for your opponent to stand up before attacking his if he is knocked to the ground. And three, the battle is over in your opponent admits defeat or it knocked unconscious. If any of these rules are broken I will show no mercy towards you.”
“Seems fair enough. Now lets get started.” he said. I knew I wasn’t going to win, I knew I didn’t even have a chance. But, it’ll buy some time. I brought my fists up and prepared for battle. I let Discord throw the first punch. I caught his fist and kicked his legs out from under him. I took a step back and let him stand up. He stood and threw a kick, hitting me in the stomach. I bent and grabbed my stomach. Bad idea. He brought his knee up and connected with my face, shattering the right optic of the helmet. The glass went into my eye and I let out a cry of pain. I place my hand over the hole where the optic was. I could fell the warm blood seeping into my glove. I spun around and delivered a reverse round-house kick to Discord’s snout.
“Roadhouse.” I chuckled. Discord was angry now. He unloaded a barrage of punches, finishing the combo with one strong punch to my stomach. I bent over in pain. Once again, a bad idea. He brought his talon up and drove it into my chin. My helmet was sent flying into the air as was I. He stood over me and brought his goat leg into the air. I knew he was going to break the rules. He attempted to curb stomp me but I caught his hoof and threw him to the ground. I walk over to him, he brought goat leg back once more and tried to kick me in the nuts. Once again I caught his leg. I was full of rage now, to me hitting a man in the nuts was the MOST dishonorable thing to do in a fight. I placed my hand on Discord’s knee and broke it. I proceeded to beat his face until he threw me off. He stood up, putting most of his weight on his non-broken leg, and hit me with a right hook. I did a three-hundred and sixty degree spin and face Discord once more. He was holing out his lion arm.
“Take a nap.” he said. A blue pulse came out of his and surrounded my head. I became dizzy and fell. The last thing I saw before I passed out was Discord standing over me, laughing.
“nighty, night.”

When I awoke I was no longer in the castle. The air smelled rancid and it was dark. My armor also felt heavier then before. My eye’s adjusted to the light and I looked around. I appeared to be in a cobblestone sewer. I looked at my armor. It was… glass? Yes, glass, Skyrim style glass armor. I threw off the chest piece . I had nothing on under it. My skin was a shade of green. But, it wasn’t skin, it was scales. I went over to the water of the sewer and looked at my reflection. I was an Argonian. I saw something start darting towards the surface from the depths of the water. I moved my head back as it breached the water. It was a Oblivion style Slaughterfish. I jumped back against the wall and curled up in a ball. Slaughterfish were my worst fear. Playing Oblivion at the age of eleven made me scared to go into the water of any game.
“I gotta get outta the hell here.” I said to myself. I stood up and shuffled along the walkway, staying as close to the wall as possible. I came upon a large circular room with a very thin walk-way along the wall. On the other side of the room was a door. Dividing me and the door was mile deep water. I started inching my way along the walk-way. A laugh echoed through the room and the walk-way started to recede into the wall. I sprinted for the exit but slipped into the water. I held my breath and swam toward the surface but I just keep sinking. My lungs started to ache. I was going to die from drowning.
“Wait,” I thought to myself, “I’m an Argonian, I can breath under water.” I took a inhale and my lungs filled with air.
“thank the nine divine.” I said laughing. I hit the bottom of the water. I heard something swish through the water behind me. I drew my sword. I admire the fire enchanted daedric sword before reminding myself that their was something in the water with me. A large circle of light hit the floor. I was in the center. I heard more laughter from the darkness outside the circle. It was defiantly Discord’s laugh.
“Show yourself!” I shouted into the darkness.
“Oh if you insist.” he replied. He swam into the light and I pissed myself. He had taken the form of a titanic Slaughterfish, Thirty feet in length and ten feet in width. The teeth were eight foot razor blades.
“o-o-oh g-god.” I stuttered. I was shaking with fear. Discord just laughed. He opened his mouth and charged at me. I threw my sword and closed my eye’s. I waited to be impaled by the giant teeth of the Slaughterfish but, nothing happened. I opened one eye, expecting Discord to be waiting. But he was thrashing about with is back turned. I scratched my head, wondering what he was doing. He spun in my direction. My sword was lodged in his eye, which was also on fire from the enchantment. I would have laughed if I didn’t see the opportunity to escape. I ran toward the darkness. When I reached the edge of the light circle I was stopped by a invisible wall. I made the FUUUU… face. I had to think of a way to escape or defeat Discord. I put my fingers to my temples and repeated the word “think” to myself. All I could think of, for some unknown reason, was the .MOV Discord. The jacked as shit version of Discord just shouted,
“I am your god now, bring me your virgins!” I opened my eyes to see that Discord tackling the Slaughterfish Discord. The Slaughterfish made quick work of that Discord, biting it’s head off.
“Discord, I found a loop-hole in your plan.” I said.
“And what might that be?” he asked stupidly.
“Your in my mind, therefore I have control.” I held my hands out to my sides and rose into the air. When I was way above Discord I thought of the only way to defeat a Slaughterfish of that size.
“Guards, what did you used to do!” I yelled, my voice echoing throughout the chamber.
“We used to be adventurers.” a reply roared from the darkness, a million voices strong.
“But then?” I shouted.
“We took arrows to our knees.” they replied.
“Good, ATTACK!!” a wave of Skyrim guards flooded into the light. This wasn’t going to defeat Discord, this was just going to distract him while I charged my attack. I snapped my fingers and a yellow light surrounded me. The spines on my head and back extended. I fell a surge of energy and I roared,
“I’M A SUPER DOVAHKIIN!” I held my hands above my head and focused my energy. I spawned a small ball of ki that slowly increased in size. I watched as Discord demolished the guards. The sense of urgency set in and I focused more of my energy. The ki ball was about the size of a bus when Discord finished off the last of the guards. I turned his attention back to me. He darted at me, letting out a roar. I smiled, knowing he had no chance now. I held the ki ball towards him,
“FUS RO DAH!” the ball left my hands and flew towards Discord. He tried to turn and run but the ball connected with his face. An explosion of blue light blinded me. Everything started to fade away in the light. I closed my eyes.

when I opened them again I was back in my body. My head was laying in a small puddle of blood. I sat up and looked around. Both my companions were back on their feet. They ran over and helped my up. Discord was leaning against a wall, soaked in his own blood. We all walked over to him.
“Please, don’t hurt me. I’ll go back into stone, just don’t hurt me.” he begged. Crashie walked up and kneed him in the face. Mark grabbed his leg and dragged him away from the wall. They started to beat him to within an inch of his life. I pulled them off and grabbed Discord by his horns,
“If you bring back Celestia I might just let you live.”
“O-ok.” he said, coughing up blood. He snapped his finger and Celestia fell unconsciously next to her sleeping sister. I let go of Discord’s head and lifted my boot above his face.
“I thought you said you were going to let me live?”
“You broke the rules, and I am not going to show any mercy.” I said, bringing my foot down. His head erupted, covering my boot with grey-matter. I scraped it off on the steps leading to the throne.
“You guys make sure the princesses are okay, I’ll go free the main six.”
“Why do you get tot free the main six?” Mark ask.
“Because I’m the least threatening out of the three of us.” I replied.
I put on my helmet and walked down the stairs that lead to the dungeon. All the cells were empty except for one, which all the ponies and Spike were crammed into. They looked filthy and worn out. I stared into the cell for the longest time. I drew my and stuck it into the space between the bar and the door. I used all my force but the door wouldn’t budge. I left the sword in the door and walked down the long hallway lined with cells. Once I reached the wall on the far end of the hall I ran back towards the door. Once I was in range I jumped and kicked the handle of the sword. The lock broke with a loud crack and the door swung open. The ponies looked towards the door and all their expressions lit up. I picked up my sword and leaned against the small slip of wall next to the cell. As the mane six walked out the all looked ant me, some with looks of gratitude and others with curiosity. Rarity walked out,
“Thank you darling.” she said in her posh accent. I nodded. Her voice made me want to punch her in the face but, at least she was the only one to say thank you. She was my least favorite. I was then blindsided by Pinkie. She knocked me to the ground and stood on my chest,
“Thanks for freeing us. My names Pinkie, what’s your?” she said, talking extremely fast even for her standards.
“Uh, Cooper but my friends call me Spittie.” I replied.
“That’s a funny nickname. Did you know that I was called Spittie pie for a while and…” her voice trailed off. My brains was having a meltdown.
“HOLY SHIT I’M TALKING TO PINKIE PIE. I can die happy now.” I thought. I looked over at the rest of the ponies, who were starring at us. Somepony was missing though.
“Where’s Fluttershy?” I thought aloud. I lifted Pinkie up and placed her next to me and stood up. I looked back into the cell. Fluttershy was trying to stand but she just fell back down. I ran and picked her up, holding her like a baby. I stood there and look at her face. It was the cutest thing I have ever scene in my entire life.
“Ahem.” a voice came from behind me. I snapped back to reality. While I was carrying her she started to open her eyes. When she saw me she let out a quiet scream and covered her face with her hooves. My brain once again was having a meltdown, now from D’AAWWW.
“Its okay Fluttershy, I’m not gonna hurt you.” I said in a soft tone. I placed her next to Twilight. I heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to meet who it was. It was Mark.
“We have a bit of a situation.” I said, a tone of urgency in his voice. I ran up the stairs to see what this “situation” was. I came back to the throne room to find Crashie surrounded by royal guards still under Discord’s control. One leaped at him and he just impaled him on the GN sword.
“YA get some! You want some? come Get some!” he shouted as more leapt at him.
“He is quite the avid fighter, isn’t he?” a voice said from behind me.
“Ya he has had a lot of training.” I lied. I turned to see who I was talking to.
“Oh, Princess Celestia.” I said seeing who is was talking to. I went down on one knee. She chuckled,
“No need to bow. I should bow to you, you’re the one who saved my life.” I stood back up and resumed watching the fight. Three ponies stood in front of us and charged at Crashie. He took a knee and flipped the sword down. Realizing what he was doing I wrapped my arms around Celestia’s neck and threw us both to the ground. A yellow laser shot out of the dual buster cannons and blazed over us. The laser destroyed an entire wall of the castle. I stood up and helped Celestia to her hooves. All that was left of the three guards was their chard armor.
“WOOOOOOO YA!!” Crashie cheered. I jumped up and down and cheered.
“Overkill much?” Mark said walking into the room. Crashie just rolled his eyes at him and walked over to me and Celestia.
“I hope you know I’m not paying for this.” he said to Celestia.
“I didn’t expect you to.” she said. Her horn glowed and a flash of light fixed everything. “Now tell me, how did you all get here? You certainly aren’t from around here.” she asked. I opened my mouth to tell her when The Doc’s voice cracked over the radio,
“You can’t tell her about me.”
“Uh, we came trough a rip in the space time continuum that sealed itself afterwards.” I said, coming up with it as I went along. She thought about it then said, “Seems plausible.” a wave of tiredness came over me. I went to check the time on my HUB but because my right optic was destroyed the HUB was malfunctioning.
“Anyone got the time?” I asked.
“it’s about two thirty A.M..” Mark answered.
“Oh damn.” I said. I switched to the radio setting on my helmet.
“Doc, can you give us a ride.” I asked.
“I’m already outside.” he replied. I switched back to the speaking setting.
“Our rides waiting.” I said to Crashie and Mark.
“Ride?” Celestia asked like it was a new word to her.
“How we’re going to get home.” I said.
“And where have you been staying?” she asked
“The Temple of The Two Sisters or whatever.” I said, not being able to remember through my tired mind.
“Come on, we gotta go.” Mark called out from the door. I nodded to him and said to the princess,
“Well, looks like this conversation will be cut short. I would love to continue it over lunch sometime.” smooth Cooper, like Keith Stone.
“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” the princess said. I lifted my helmet and kissed her hoof. I turned and waved good-bye to the ponies who were just now emerging from the dungeon. Pinkie was the only one to return the wave. Her smiling face made me smile too. I made for the door,
“Wait, I never got your name.” the princess called out.
“Cooper,” I called back, “or Spittie”