Defenders Of Equestria

by coppertoe1215

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Adventure, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Human, Main 6, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Doctor Whooves, Other, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 26611

Three bronies are sent to Equestria to defend it from any evil that could harm it.

Crashie, Spittie and Mark, three of the best friends you'll ever find, have been sent to defend Equestria. Each with their own talents and skills. They fight for love and honor. Enter the mind of Cooper "Spittie Pie", a 15 year old with the heart of a warrior. His friends Mark "Flutt3rguy" and Quann "Rainbow Crash X" are gathered by Doctor Whooves to save Equestria from Discord and protect it from any who seek to harm it.

Published 2012-03-16 23:24:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-02 16:16:15 UTC

Putting The Who Back In Doctor Whooves

(A/N: The main character starts off as a Mary Sue but I try to fix that in later chapter. Please don't judge the story by the first few chapters)

Defenders of Equestria

Introduction. Putting the Who in Doctor Whooves

It was a cloudy day in the small town where this story begins. I was standing in my driveway next to my parents. My mother was crying and my father was starting to tear up, but he held it in. A blue phone booth sat in the middle of the street in front of us. The door slid open and a man in a trench coat and a hat, which covered his face in shadow walked out. He walk up to me and asked,

“Are you ready?”

“Yeah.” I replied. I walked over and hugged both my parents one last time. The man and I started walking towards the phone booth. As we walked the man tripped, I caught him and kept my arm around him to guide him the rest of the way.

“You almost just blew our cover, man.” I whispered.

“Sorry, but I’m not used to walking like this.” He replied angrily. We got inside and I closed the door behind us.

“It’s true what they say, about it being larger on the inside.” I said looking around. The interior of the booth was massive. The man threw the hat off his head and fell on all fours.

“Your friends are over there.” He pointed at a couch with his hoof. There were two of my friends, and the first bronies I ever met. On the left side of the couch was Quann “Rainbow Crash X,” a man with no code of honor other then kill first ask questions never. Then, we have Mark “Flutt3rguy,” a man who will break your legs as fast as look at you. I should probably introduce myself, I’m Cooper “Spittie pie,” I’m a true warrior, I follow all codes of honor. I will never stab anyone in the back even if its my worst enemy. Some people would say this is a stupid way to live. But, I’m still alive aren’t I? Anyway, back to the story, I sprinted towards the couch and jumped over the back of it, landing in between Mark and Quann, which startled both of them.

“SPITTIE!” Yelled Mark in a happy tone.

“Sup?” I said in a calm tone holding out my hand. He gave me a high five and I turned to Quann. I stood up and saluted.

“Badass marine number eighty-seven reporting for duty sir!” I said in my best marine voice.

“At ease private.” he replied. He stood up and we bro-hoofed. He was almost a foot taller then me, as was Mark. We sat down and the man, or should I say pony, who had collected all of us walked in front of us. He took off the cumbersome trench coat that he had on. He had a dark brown mane and light brown fur, his cutie mark was an hourglass. His name was Doctor Whooves

“Now, to get down to business,” he said. His voice was deeper then I expected. “Discord has taken over Equestria, and this time he’s actually hidden the Elements of Harmony.”

“Can’t Twilight and her friends find them?” I asked.

“That’s another problem, he’s locked them in the Canterlot castle dungeon.”

“What about Luna and Celestia?”

“He’s banished Celestia to the sun and he keeps Luna for Celestia knows what.”

Quann started grinding his teeth, Luna was on of his waifus and non of us would let anything happen to our waifus.

“That’s where you all come in. With the fact that nopony can do anything, I decided to call in some outside help. Now follow me, I need to gear you guys up.”

“Gear up?” Mark questioned

“Yeah, you think I’m going to send you out to fight a god without a little help?”

We all walked down a hallway that forked at the end. One side had a sign that read “Armory,” the other read “Wardrobe.” First stop was wardrobe. As we walked in their were several things I recognized, but what caught my eye is what the Doctor was standing next to, a box that was outlined in blue lights. He opened the box, pulled out a jumpsuit made of black fabric and tossed it at me.

“That jumpsuit is made of Kevlar.” He said.

“How is this supposed to protect me, its not even that thick?” I asked.

“Well that’s supposed to go under this.” He replied, pulling out a pile of armor. My jaw dropped, I knew that armor like the back of my hand. V2 COG armor, the same kind Benjamin Carmine wears. It was tinted dark purple with gold trimmings.

“You can change in there.” He pointed a hoof at a small room. I ran to get changed. The outfit I had on consisted of a green sweat-shirt, a Metallica T-shirt, and cargo pants. I threw that off as fast as I could and threw on the Kevlar jumpsuit. It was a tight fit but it was comfortable. Then I threw on the chest piece, it was lighter the I expected. I had trouble putting on the leg and arm guards but figured it out, and to top it all of was the helmet. The cushioned inside fit snuggly on my head. I couldn’t see out of the optics. I smacked the side of the helmet and the optics sprang to life. I walked out of the room.

“Badass!” Quann shouted. His voice was muffled so I walk over to the doctor and said,

“I think there's something wrong.”

He said something that I couldn’t hear and motioned for me to kneel down. When I did he swatted the side of my helmet. The optics went dark and I couldn’t move. I could feel that I was starting to fall over. I could tell I hit hard from the pain that shot up my side. After about five minutes the optics lit up again and a voice said,

“Please wait while we reboot your system and diagnose any problems.”

A loading bar appeared and slowly filled up. After another five minutes of waiting the voice came on again and said,

“Diagnosis complete, have a nice day.”

“Yeah, you too bitch.” I said. I stood up to see Quann in his special made armor. A gold V2 nano suit, but where was Mark?

“Behind you.” A voice said as I was kicked in the back of the leg, forcing me to drop to my knees. I looked up and saw Mark appear out of thin air.

“Nice suit.” I said. The suit he had on was the Chinese stealth suit from Fallout.

“Good, now that you're up I can tell you the extra features of your armor.” the doctor started “For starters I is compatible with any technology. And also…”

“Hold up.” I said cutting the doctor off. I ran over to my old clothes, grabbed my iPod out of my sweatshirt pocket and held it up. Small wires came out of my armor and attached to the iPod.

“Installation complete.” The voice said. A translucent iPod screen appeared in my optics. I clicked the song “Pinky Piggy” by The Living Tombstone. It said it was playing, but I couldn’t hear anything. I turned the volume all the way up, but still nothing. I realized what was wrong and grabbed the headphones out of my sweatshirt. The wires once again came out and connected to the headphones. Once it said, “Installation complete” the music, which was on full volume, started blasting in my ears. I instantly paused the music, and turned it down. I walked back over to The Doctor and said,

“Please continue.”

“As I was saying, it also has two vision settings, thermal and night vision, to circle through the visions just tap on your right temple.” I did so, circling through the visions with ease.

“I see you installed headphones, they double as speakers.” He said. He stood up on his hind legs and put his hoofs on the circles on my chest and turned them clockwise. The plates separated revealing two sub-woofers, one in each side.

“To put them away, just turn them counter-clockwise.”

“Thanks Doc.” I replied.

“Don’t call me that.” He said in a low frustrated tone.

“Okay, anything else, Doc?” I said mockingly.

He let out a grunt before saying,

“Yes, you also have three voice settings. One that allows you to speak through your new speakers, another completely mutes you from the outside world, and the last is so you can talk to your friends. To go through these there is a knob on the back of your helmet.” I reached around to the back of my helmet, turned the knob to the communication setting, and said in a trucker accent,

“Breaker one nine this hears the duck, we got us a convoy.” Both Mark and Quann looked at me. Even though they had helmets on, I could tell they both had expressions of disappointment on their faces. The Doc walked to the door and motioned for us to follow. We walked into the armory. It was the same as wardrobe but instead of cases for clothing, their were cases for weaponry. The Doctor walked up to a Halo U.S.M.C. case and opened it. Inside there were about two dozen Halo snipers. He struggled to pick one up and handed it to Mark.

“That, good sir,” he said painting “is a standard U.S.M.C. .50 caliber sniper rifle.” Mark lifted the gun up to eye level. He grabbed the barrel, when he did so something slipped. A red light shone from under the barrel. A low pitched humming slowly grew louder. My eyes widened as I realized what it was. I ducked as the read laser shot by my head.

“Oh, and it also has a miniature Spartan Laser on the under barrel.” The Doc said. “When you push it forward that activates it and begins the firing mechanism, just pull it back to stop it.” Next we walked over to what seemed to be a normal weapons cabinet. Inside was a very futuristic looking weapon. It had a blade a little shorter then my arm. It was attached to a red rectangular shield. Quann pushed both me and Mark out of the way and grabbed it. He slipped his arm its place and began to swing the sword around. He flipped his arm down and the blade swung on a pivot and stopped parallel to his arm, and then flipped it back up.

“I see your familiar with Gundam tech.” Stated The Doctor.

“I can spot anything Gundam from a mile away” Quann replied smugly.

“Good, so you know exactly what that is don’t you?”

“A GN sword fitted with Wing Zero’s shield.” He flipped the blade down once more and turned his arm sideways. The Doctor placed a hoof on his arm and lowered it.

“The canons going to be a last resort. Although the weapon is scaled down the blast isn’t.”

Quann nodded in acknowledgment. The Doctor walked over to a beaten up footlocker.

“ Cooper, you're a fan of Fallout right?” He asked.

“Indeed. Ever since I started reading Fallout Equestria I‘ve had a raging hard-on for it, metaphorically speaking of course.” I answered.

“Good, now pick this lock.”

He motioned his head toward the footlocker. I walked over and looked at it, then back to him, then back to it. I planted my foot in the side of the footlocker, making the metal contort around my foot. I placed my hands under the lip of the lid and lifted, ripping it off with ease. I bent it in half and threw it to the floor.

“Picking locks is for the weak.” I said smugly.

“Was that necessary!?!” The Doc asked in a shocked and angry voice.

Placing a hand on my chest, I replied, “Everything I do is necessary.”

He frowned and rolled his eyes. He walked over to the locker and fit a leather strap around his neck, which was attached to a small gun that resembled an AK-74. The grip and stock were ivory and it had two small clips on the right side of it. He flipped the strap over his head and caught it in his mouth, then tossed it to me.

“Chinese assault rifle.” I said with a satisfied grin, although no-one could see it with the helmet and all. “What are these clips for?”

“The bayonet.” He replied.

“Bay-on-et?” I asked. The next thing he pulled out of the locker made my jaw drop once again. A four foot long serrated blade, made of black metal. Each of the blades sharp teeth were tipped with red gem stones. No other then General Raam’s sword. I clicked it into place. To me it looked stupid so I asked,

“is there a sheath for this? I’d much rather use it as a sword than a bayonet.”

"Fine.” He replied with a low grunt. I could tell he didn’t like me and he wasn’t going to like needing to work with me. He found a sheath and gave it to me. I place it on my back so that the swords hilt would be over my left shoulder. I slid the sword into it's place.

“Well, we should be there by now. Follow me.” The doc said, walking towards the door to the Tardis. He slid it open and outside stood a crumbling stone structure. We appeared to be in the middle of a forest, which, because of that I knew we were at the Temple of the Two Sisters where the Elements of Harmony were once held.

Home Sweet Home.

A Very ‘Discord’inated Attack

Defenders Of Equestria chapter 1: A Very ‘Discord’inated Attack

I shivered, the breeze blew through the gaping hole in the temple wall. I was moving rubble outside, while whistling the Doctor Who theme, just to piss off Doctor Whooves. I had a large brick in my hand and was carrying it outside. I stopped in front of Mark who was leaning against the wall.
“Aren’t you supposed to be sweeping?” I asked. He ignored me, his eyes fixed on something.
“what the hell are you staring at?” I said. It turned to look, then instantly turned back. He was staring at the Doc’s hind-quarters. I held out the brick and dropped it on his foot. He let out a shout of pain as he hopped around holding his foot. I picked the brick up once more and walked outside and threw it in a pile with the rest of the rubble. Quann was practicing his sword skills.
“So Crashie, you ready to take back Equestria?” I asked already knowing the answer. He spun around nearly taking off my head with his GN sword.
“I’m always ready for a good fight.” he replied. “You got a plan?”
“Walk in there, kick the shit outta Discord, and save the ponies.”
“I like your Plan.” he said with a chuckle.
“Fuck I’m hungry, wanna go down to Ponyville and get some grub?” I said holding my stomach.
“No.” a voice came from behind us. It was the Doctor.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Two reasons. One Discord has Ponyville hovering about a mile in the sky. The other, nopony must know that you’re here until you defeat Discord.” the Doc replied.
“Because it’ll created some sort of time paradox?” I asked, more as a joke than anything.
“No, it’s because if anypony see’s you they go running to Discord and tell him. We want to catch him off guard.” he said in a serious tone.
“Oh, that makes sense.” I replied. “Well do we have anything to eat here?”
“We have rations.”
“Rations? What are we in the fucking navy or someshit?”
“It’s that or going into the woods and hunting something down.”
“Ok, I’ll do that then.” I said pull the C.A.R. (Chinese assault rifle) off my back and pulling the action. “I’ll be back in an hour with some mantacore meat.” I shouted as I ran into the thick brush of the Everfree Forest.

Sure enough I was back in an hour with a leg of a mantacore in my hands. Their was a fire going in the center of the entrance hall of the temple. I cut some meat off the leg and threw it in a pan over the fire. I had some cooking skills that I picked up from my mom who was a cook for most of her life. Each of us had a nice chunk of meat.
“Want some?” I asked holding a plate out to the doctor.
“Ponies don’t eat meat, were vegetarians. I would have expected you to know this.” he said.
“Well then, in the words of Calamity, ‘obviously you’ve never tried bacon.’”

After finishing our meal we got ready for bed. I took of my armor and placed it in a neat pile next to my bedroll. The Kevlar jumpsuit was warm but not warm enough. I threw on my sweatshirt over the jumpsuit. I was the only one who incised on keeping my outfit.
“Get lots of sleep, you all have a big day tomorrow, killing a god and whatnot.” said the doctor “I’ll be back tomorrow morning to get you guys.” I feel asleep quick and had a dreamless slumber.

I heard the door creek open and out of instinct I reached over and grabbed my sword. I stood up clumsily and held the sword at the ready. It was just the Doc. Both my companions were still asleep. I looked out the window. The sun was just above the tree line but, seeing as Discord is in control it could be anytime. I put the sword back in its sheath and put on my helmet to check the time. The helmet was fully equip with a HUD that tells time and temperature. It was only six thirty in the morning.
“Why so fuckin’ early?” I asked, putting on the rest of my armor.
“I thought you guys would be awake by now.” he replied
“Why? were teenagers, we sleep til noon. Well, at least they do. I sleep til eight ‘cus my mental alarm clock was programmed wrong. Hey, you got any coffee?”
“Theirs some on the Tardis, now wake your friends up and lets go.”
“I’m already up thanks to you assholes.” Crashie said as he sat up. I walk over to Mark. He had a big smile on his face and was mumbling something. Most of it was gibberish but I swear I heard Fluttershy in their. So I was hesitant to wake him from his most likely wet dream. I never understood why he liked Fluttershy, he’s a violent, short fused psychopath and she’s a sweet, adorable animal lover. I pushed his shoulder with my foot and he woke up.
“Aww why’d you have to do that, I was having a wonderful dream.” he said groggily.
“I could tell, now get up. We got shit to do.” I said. We all climbed into the Tardis. Their was coffee waiting. I grabbed mine and took a sip. It was delicious. I chugged the rest and I had to ask the Doc,
“Where did you get this stuff, it’s so good.”
“It’s zebra coffee beans. The best in all Equestria. Costs a fortune.” he said smugly.
“You got it for free, didn’t you?” I asked.
“That I did, good sir.” he replied with a chuckle. “Well, we should get a move on.” he said walking to the controls. He pushed a few buttons and their was a flash of light. The door swung open and we were in front of Canterlot castle. Crashie poked his head out of the door and took a look around.
“No guards” he said “I expected to have some resistance.”
“He’s Discord he doesn’t need guards.” I said pushing past him.
“Well if you think so highly of him, why are you willing to just walk in their and kill him.” Mark said walking next to me.
“I’mma kill him ‘cus he’s fucking with Equestria. He seems like a cool bro if he wasn’t hell bent on destroying everything.” I said. We were at the door and I held up my hand signaling everyone to stop.
“Mark, go back with Doctor Whooves and take a sniping position on the mountain across the valley.” he nodded and ran back to the Tardis. “Crashie, on me.” I said taking point. I pushed the door to the castle open and stepped inside, Crashie followed. It was dark, the only light was from the stain glass windows which made beautiful colored shadows on the floor and walls. Discord sat casually on the throne, twirling the tip of his tail around his griffin talon. He looked up and acted like he was expecting use.
“You’re who they sent?” he asked, laughing hysterically. “Two rag-tag misfits.” another round of laughter. Crashie stepped forward,
“Where’s Luna?” he asked.
“She’s right here.” Discord replied. He snapped his fingers and a spotlight shined on the blue alicorn. She was in bad condition, all four of her hooves were tided together, their were blood and tear stains running down the side of here face, and both the top of her horn and her left ear were missing. She had a rag in her mouth to prevent her from screaming.
“Me and her have been spending some… quality time together.” he said running his tongue up the side of her face. She cringed and tried to worm away. I looked over at Crashie. He said nothing, he just flipped the GN sword into its attacking position and started sprinting at Discord. Discord just laughed. He snapped his fingers and disappeared in a flash of light. Crashie came to a skidding halt, looking around for Discord. In another flash of light Discord was behind him. He drove his elbow into the back of Crashie’s neck. He fell unconscious to the floor, hitting with a hard thud. He let out a chuckle and looked out the window. I just stood their, frozen by fear. If he could do that to a six and a half foot black guy, then what could he do to me, a five foot ten white kid.
“I’ll be back in a minute.” he said still looking out the window. All I could do was nod. In another flash he was gone. I saw this as an opportunity to free Luna. I ran over to her and took the rag out of her mouth.
“We thank you for saving us.” she said in a weak voice.
“It’s my pleasure princess.” I replied drawing my sword from its sheath. I cut the ropes binding her hooves together and helped her up. She wobbled and fell. I caught her and lied her down on the floor.
“You rest, I’ll take care of Discord.” I said to her. I turned to go check on Crashie when a crashing sound came from behind me. I turned to see Mark flying through one of the stained glass windows. Discord appeared and brought his knee up, which connected hard with Mark’s face. If it wasn’t for the helmet I’m sure he would be dead. His unconscious body landed next to Crashie. He just put down my two teammates with ease. I not standing for that. I pulled the C.A.R. off my back and unloaded the entire twenty four round clip at Discord. Discord just held up his hand and the bullets stopped in mid-air.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” I shouted. I didn’t know what to do so I pulled a Saving Private Ryan and threw the gun at him. He just caught it and bent it into a dog shape like it was a balloon.
“You gotta be fucking kidding me.” I said. I had one more idea. “Discord, does thou have a sword?” I said in a Shakespearean accent. I don’t know why but it felt right for the moment.
“No.” he replied casually.
“Then sir, I challenge thou to a battle of fisticuffs.” I said, playing it up a little. He just tilted his head and stared at me.
“A fist fight.” I said facepalming.
“Oh, then why didn’t you say that in the first place.” he replied “Challenge accepted.”
I resisted the urge to laugh and said,
“Ok, let me set some ground rules. One, no attacks on the groan region. Two, you must wait for your opponent to stand up before attacking his if he is knocked to the ground. And three, the battle is over in your opponent admits defeat or it knocked unconscious. If any of these rules are broken I will show no mercy towards you.”
“Seems fair enough. Now lets get started.” he said. I knew I wasn’t going to win, I knew I didn’t even have a chance. But, it’ll buy some time. I brought my fists up and prepared for battle. I let Discord throw the first punch. I caught his fist and kicked his legs out from under him. I took a step back and let him stand up. He stood and threw a kick, hitting me in the stomach. I bent and grabbed my stomach. Bad idea. He brought his knee up and connected with my face, shattering the right optic of the helmet. The glass went into my eye and I let out a cry of pain. I place my hand over the hole where the optic was. I could fell the warm blood seeping into my glove. I spun around and delivered a reverse round-house kick to Discord’s snout.
“Roadhouse.” I chuckled. Discord was angry now. He unloaded a barrage of punches, finishing the combo with one strong punch to my stomach. I bent over in pain. Once again, a bad idea. He brought his talon up and drove it into my chin. My helmet was sent flying into the air as was I. He stood over me and brought his goat leg into the air. I knew he was going to break the rules. He attempted to curb stomp me but I caught his hoof and threw him to the ground. I walk over to him, he brought goat leg back once more and tried to kick me in the nuts. Once again I caught his leg. I was full of rage now, to me hitting a man in the nuts was the MOST dishonorable thing to do in a fight. I placed my hand on Discord’s knee and broke it. I proceeded to beat his face until he threw me off. He stood up, putting most of his weight on his non-broken leg, and hit me with a right hook. I did a three-hundred and sixty degree spin and face Discord once more. He was holing out his lion arm.
“Take a nap.” he said. A blue pulse came out of his and surrounded my head. I became dizzy and fell. The last thing I saw before I passed out was Discord standing over me, laughing.
“nighty, night.”

When I awoke I was no longer in the castle. The air smelled rancid and it was dark. My armor also felt heavier then before. My eye’s adjusted to the light and I looked around. I appeared to be in a cobblestone sewer. I looked at my armor. It was… glass? Yes, glass, Skyrim style glass armor. I threw off the chest piece . I had nothing on under it. My skin was a shade of green. But, it wasn’t skin, it was scales. I went over to the water of the sewer and looked at my reflection. I was an Argonian. I saw something start darting towards the surface from the depths of the water. I moved my head back as it breached the water. It was a Oblivion style Slaughterfish. I jumped back against the wall and curled up in a ball. Slaughterfish were my worst fear. Playing Oblivion at the age of eleven made me scared to go into the water of any game.
“I gotta get outta the hell here.” I said to myself. I stood up and shuffled along the walkway, staying as close to the wall as possible. I came upon a large circular room with a very thin walk-way along the wall. On the other side of the room was a door. Dividing me and the door was mile deep water. I started inching my way along the walk-way. A laugh echoed through the room and the walk-way started to recede into the wall. I sprinted for the exit but slipped into the water. I held my breath and swam toward the surface but I just keep sinking. My lungs started to ache. I was going to die from drowning.
“Wait,” I thought to myself, “I’m an Argonian, I can breath under water.” I took a inhale and my lungs filled with air.
“thank the nine divine.” I said laughing. I hit the bottom of the water. I heard something swish through the water behind me. I drew my sword. I admire the fire enchanted daedric sword before reminding myself that their was something in the water with me. A large circle of light hit the floor. I was in the center. I heard more laughter from the darkness outside the circle. It was defiantly Discord’s laugh.
“Show yourself!” I shouted into the darkness.
“Oh if you insist.” he replied. He swam into the light and I pissed myself. He had taken the form of a titanic Slaughterfish, Thirty feet in length and ten feet in width. The teeth were eight foot razor blades.
“o-o-oh g-god.” I stuttered. I was shaking with fear. Discord just laughed. He opened his mouth and charged at me. I threw my sword and closed my eye’s. I waited to be impaled by the giant teeth of the Slaughterfish but, nothing happened. I opened one eye, expecting Discord to be waiting. But he was thrashing about with is back turned. I scratched my head, wondering what he was doing. He spun in my direction. My sword was lodged in his eye, which was also on fire from the enchantment. I would have laughed if I didn’t see the opportunity to escape. I ran toward the darkness. When I reached the edge of the light circle I was stopped by a invisible wall. I made the FUUUU… face. I had to think of a way to escape or defeat Discord. I put my fingers to my temples and repeated the word “think” to myself. All I could think of, for some unknown reason, was the .MOV Discord. The jacked as shit version of Discord just shouted,
“I am your god now, bring me your virgins!” I opened my eyes to see that Discord tackling the Slaughterfish Discord. The Slaughterfish made quick work of that Discord, biting it’s head off.
“Discord, I found a loop-hole in your plan.” I said.
“And what might that be?” he asked stupidly.
“Your in my mind, therefore I have control.” I held my hands out to my sides and rose into the air. When I was way above Discord I thought of the only way to defeat a Slaughterfish of that size.
“Guards, what did you used to do!” I yelled, my voice echoing throughout the chamber.
“We used to be adventurers.” a reply roared from the darkness, a million voices strong.
“But then?” I shouted.
“We took arrows to our knees.” they replied.
“Good, ATTACK!!” a wave of Skyrim guards flooded into the light. This wasn’t going to defeat Discord, this was just going to distract him while I charged my attack. I snapped my fingers and a yellow light surrounded me. The spines on my head and back extended. I fell a surge of energy and I roared,
“I’M A SUPER DOVAHKIIN!” I held my hands above my head and focused my energy. I spawned a small ball of ki that slowly increased in size. I watched as Discord demolished the guards. The sense of urgency set in and I focused more of my energy. The ki ball was about the size of a bus when Discord finished off the last of the guards. I turned his attention back to me. He darted at me, letting out a roar. I smiled, knowing he had no chance now. I held the ki ball towards him,
“FUS RO DAH!” the ball left my hands and flew towards Discord. He tried to turn and run but the ball connected with his face. An explosion of blue light blinded me. Everything started to fade away in the light. I closed my eyes.

when I opened them again I was back in my body. My head was laying in a small puddle of blood. I sat up and looked around. Both my companions were back on their feet. They ran over and helped my up. Discord was leaning against a wall, soaked in his own blood. We all walked over to him.
“Please, don’t hurt me. I’ll go back into stone, just don’t hurt me.” he begged. Crashie walked up and kneed him in the face. Mark grabbed his leg and dragged him away from the wall. They started to beat him to within an inch of his life. I pulled them off and grabbed Discord by his horns,
“If you bring back Celestia I might just let you live.”
“O-ok.” he said, coughing up blood. He snapped his finger and Celestia fell unconsciously next to her sleeping sister. I let go of Discord’s head and lifted my boot above his face.
“I thought you said you were going to let me live?”
“You broke the rules, and I am not going to show any mercy.” I said, bringing my foot down. His head erupted, covering my boot with grey-matter. I scraped it off on the steps leading to the throne.
“You guys make sure the princesses are okay, I’ll go free the main six.”
“Why do you get tot free the main six?” Mark ask.
“Because I’m the least threatening out of the three of us.” I replied.
I put on my helmet and walked down the stairs that lead to the dungeon. All the cells were empty except for one, which all the ponies and Spike were crammed into. They looked filthy and worn out. I stared into the cell for the longest time. I drew my and stuck it into the space between the bar and the door. I used all my force but the door wouldn’t budge. I left the sword in the door and walked down the long hallway lined with cells. Once I reached the wall on the far end of the hall I ran back towards the door. Once I was in range I jumped and kicked the handle of the sword. The lock broke with a loud crack and the door swung open. The ponies looked towards the door and all their expressions lit up. I picked up my sword and leaned against the small slip of wall next to the cell. As the mane six walked out the all looked ant me, some with looks of gratitude and others with curiosity. Rarity walked out,
“Thank you darling.” she said in her posh accent. I nodded. Her voice made me want to punch her in the face but, at least she was the only one to say thank you. She was my least favorite. I was then blindsided by Pinkie. She knocked me to the ground and stood on my chest,
“Thanks for freeing us. My names Pinkie, what’s your?” she said, talking extremely fast even for her standards.
“Uh, Cooper but my friends call me Spittie.” I replied.
“That’s a funny nickname. Did you know that I was called Spittie pie for a while and…” her voice trailed off. My brains was having a meltdown.
“HOLY SHIT I’M TALKING TO PINKIE PIE. I can die happy now.” I thought. I looked over at the rest of the ponies, who were starring at us. Somepony was missing though.
“Where’s Fluttershy?” I thought aloud. I lifted Pinkie up and placed her next to me and stood up. I looked back into the cell. Fluttershy was trying to stand but she just fell back down. I ran and picked her up, holding her like a baby. I stood there and look at her face. It was the cutest thing I have ever scene in my entire life.
“Ahem.” a voice came from behind me. I snapped back to reality. While I was carrying her she started to open her eyes. When she saw me she let out a quiet scream and covered her face with her hooves. My brain once again was having a meltdown, now from D’AAWWW.
“Its okay Fluttershy, I’m not gonna hurt you.” I said in a soft tone. I placed her next to Twilight. I heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to meet who it was. It was Mark.
“We have a bit of a situation.” I said, a tone of urgency in his voice. I ran up the stairs to see what this “situation” was. I came back to the throne room to find Crashie surrounded by royal guards still under Discord’s control. One leaped at him and he just impaled him on the GN sword.
“YA get some! You want some? come Get some!” he shouted as more leapt at him.
“He is quite the avid fighter, isn’t he?” a voice said from behind me.
“Ya he has had a lot of training.” I lied. I turned to see who I was talking to.
“Oh, Princess Celestia.” I said seeing who is was talking to. I went down on one knee. She chuckled,
“No need to bow. I should bow to you, you’re the one who saved my life.” I stood back up and resumed watching the fight. Three ponies stood in front of us and charged at Crashie. He took a knee and flipped the sword down. Realizing what he was doing I wrapped my arms around Celestia’s neck and threw us both to the ground. A yellow laser shot out of the dual buster cannons and blazed over us. The laser destroyed an entire wall of the castle. I stood up and helped Celestia to her hooves. All that was left of the three guards was their chard armor.
“WOOOOOOO YA!!” Crashie cheered. I jumped up and down and cheered.
“Overkill much?” Mark said walking into the room. Crashie just rolled his eyes at him and walked over to me and Celestia.
“I hope you know I’m not paying for this.” he said to Celestia.
“I didn’t expect you to.” she said. Her horn glowed and a flash of light fixed everything. “Now tell me, how did you all get here? You certainly aren’t from around here.” she asked. I opened my mouth to tell her when The Doc’s voice cracked over the radio,
“You can’t tell her about me.”
“Uh, we came trough a rip in the space time continuum that sealed itself afterwards.” I said, coming up with it as I went along. She thought about it then said, “Seems plausible.” a wave of tiredness came over me. I went to check the time on my HUB but because my right optic was destroyed the HUB was malfunctioning.
“Anyone got the time?” I asked.
“it’s about two thirty A.M..” Mark answered.
“Oh damn.” I said. I switched to the radio setting on my helmet.
“Doc, can you give us a ride.” I asked.
“I’m already outside.” he replied. I switched back to the speaking setting.
“Our rides waiting.” I said to Crashie and Mark.
“Ride?” Celestia asked like it was a new word to her.
“How we’re going to get home.” I said.
“And where have you been staying?” she asked
“The Temple of The Two Sisters or whatever.” I said, not being able to remember through my tired mind.
“Come on, we gotta go.” Mark called out from the door. I nodded to him and said to the princess,
“Well, looks like this conversation will be cut short. I would love to continue it over lunch sometime.” smooth Cooper, like Keith Stone.
“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” the princess said. I lifted my helmet and kissed her hoof. I turned and waved good-bye to the ponies who were just now emerging from the dungeon. Pinkie was the only one to return the wave. Her smiling face made me smile too. I made for the door,
“Wait, I never got your name.” the princess called out.
“Cooper,” I called back, “or Spittie”

Character Development

Defenders Of Equestria

Chapter 2: Character Development

I was taping my pencil on my helmet. The Doc gave me a duplicate to replace the busted up one. A blank notebook page sat in my lap. Their was so much running through my mind. After we had defeated Discord we got our names and pictures in the paper. I didn’t like the fame it brought. The first time I walked down the streets of Ponyville either the ponies walked up and thanked me or just stared. The words I was looking for finally came to my head,
“It was a cloudy day in the small town where this story begins.” I said out loud as I wrote.
“What’re you writing?” Mark asked.
“I’m just writing down what we have done while we’re here. Maybe upload it as a fanfic if we ever go back to the human world.” I said. He took the notebook out of my hands and skimmed over the words.
“You spelled urge wrong. Its U-R-G-E not E-R-G.” he stated. I stood up and threw my hand out in a Nazi salute and said in a high pitched German accent,
“Zee grammar Nazi has entered zee room!”
“Did I hear your writing a fanfic?” Crashie asked bursting into the room, “ Are you going to describe my heroic actions in the battle against Discord?”
“Dude, you got put down in one hit.” I replied.
“Well can you at least give me a massive harem?”
“NO, I saying it how it happened.” I said.
“You also are missing some adjectives.” Mark cut in. I grabbed my notebook from his hands.
“I’m leaving!” I said grabbing my clothes.

I went to the ridge just over the bridge outside of Ponyville. I was pissed, the long walk gave me time to build up my rage. I walked up and kicked the tree.
“Hey,” a familiar voice called from the leaves, “I’m trying to sleep up here.”
“Sorry Miss Dash.” I apologized.
“Miss Dash?” she asked like she had never been called that before. She stuck her head through the leaves to see who was talking. I greeted her with a wave. She hopped down from her branch, a pillow tucked underneath her wing.
“Hey, your that guy who saved us.” she said realizing who I was.
“It’s what I do. I wasn’t going to let the greatest flier and most awesome pony in Equestria rot in some dungeon.” I said. She blushed a little from the compliment.
“Does my name really care all that weight?” she asked.
“Your name carries weight that would break a lesser mare’s jaw.” I replied. She blushed again
“What’s that?” she asked pointing to my notebook, trying to be modest and change the subject.
“Oh this? I’ve just been writing down what’s happened since I’ve been here.” I answered.
“Can I read it?” she asked.
“sure.” I said tossing it to her.
She leaned against the tree and started reading. I knew if she was anything like Crashie it may take her a while to…
“Done.” she stated, cutting off my train of thought.
“Really? That was fast.” I said.
“Ya, but some of the stuff I didn’t get. Like, what’s a waifu and a dovahkiin?”
“Oh boy. Take a seat, this’ll take a while.”
For the next few hours I explained human society to Rainbow Dash. What a meme was, television, modern music, etc. I learned that pony life isn’t that different then that of a human‘s. We talked until sunset. I occasionally looked over my shoulder, making sure Crashie wasn’t there. If he saw me talking to one of his waifus he would kill me.
“Well, its getting late. I should probably head home.” Rainbow said.
“Aww already, well see ya later RD.” I said.
“See ya.” she said as she took off. I just sat there and looked at Ponyville. It was quite beautiful. I sat and watch as the ponies turned off their lights. All the lights in town were extinguished except for a ominous neon blue glow from the center of town. I went to investigate. When I turned the corner I found myself standing behind a large line of ponies. I could here faint music coming from the source of the light. I walk around the line and to the source of the light and sound. In big neon lights it spelled “DJ PON-3’S”.
“Well hot damn, Vinyl has her own club.” I thought to myself. I wanted to get in but I didn’t have the patience to wait in that obnoxiously long line.
“They wouldn’t care if I just slipped into the back door.” I thought. I looked at the alleyway that led to the back door. A muscular white Pegasus stood in front of it. I recognized him as the one the went “YEA” every five seconds in “Hurricane Fluttershy”. I wasn’t going to fuck with him. “time to bust out the free running skills.” I looked for a way around the Pegasus. The was a rain gutter that led to a balcony, where if I jumped right I could get on the roof and down behind him. I ran and climbed up the gutter. Their was an open window and curiosity got the best of me and I peaked in. What I saw was probably the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. Lyra… and Bon-Bon… in bed… together. ME GUSTA!!! But I was on a mission. I was determined to get inside that club. I climb the balcony and got the thought of those two out of my mind. I backed up against the wall and ran towards the edge. I planted a foot on the banister of the balcony and pushed off, propelling myself towards the roof. I grabbed the ledge and climbed up. I walked the edge of the roof and looked down, seeing if their was anything soft to land on. Their wasn’t, and their wasn’t a save way to climb down. So… I just jumped. I bent my knees and prepare for the impacted. I landed hard, I could feel my knees scream with pain. I was going to be limping for weeks. But at least I was at the door. I hobbled over to the door and peaked in. No-one around. Switch off free runner mode, activate stealth mode. I walked down a hallway lined with doors on either side. I was to busy looking for Vinyl’s door to notice the stack of boxes I was about to walk into. I knocked them to the ground. They were empty but still made enough noise to get the attention of Somepony around the corner. I could here the hoof-steps getting closer. I pulled a Metal Gear and hid inside a box. I held my breath. The box became enveloped in a blue aura and was lifted off of me. I was face to face with Vinyl Scratch. I could hear the MGS alarm sound go off in my head.
“Who are you?” she asked. Brain this is your time to shine,
“I’m…ummm… the toaster repair guy.” DAMN YOU LITTLE PIP.
“That was the lamest excuse for someone who snuck in the back door ever. And P.S. you weren’t that sneaky. The glowing purple eyes kinda gives you away.” she said in a rather relaxed tone.
“So your not angry that I snuck in?” I asked confused.
“Angry,” she laughed “I’m impressed. You’re the first pony… er… person to ever get in my back door.”
“Oh, I’ll get into your backdoor.” I muttered under my breath.
“What was that?” she asked.
“nothing, just thinking out loud.”
“Whatever, so what brings you to my nightclub?”
“Just checking it out. I say the lights from the outskirts of town.”
“Vinyl!” a pony with a clipboard ran up to us, “the new talent didn’t show up. We’re act less for the night.”
“fuck,” Vinyl cussed, “you don’t have any musical talent by chance, do you?” she asked turning to me.
“Me, no,” I paused. The smile on Vinyl’s face turned to a frown. “But, I have some tracks that I’m sure will impress your crowd.”

Next thing I know I was standing on a stage in front of hundreds of ponies. Vinyl’s voice erupted over the speakers placed throughout the club,
“Fillies and gentlecolts, how we doing tonight!” A wave of cheering came form the crowd. “We have a somebody new to my stage tonight. He’s one of the three saviors of Equestria, Spittie Pie.” another wave of cheering. I walked to the DJ table and held my hand over it. wires sprouted from my glove and connected to the inputs of the table. The transparent iPod screen appeared and I selected the “epic music” play list and put it on shuffle. This play list consisted of a lot of dubstep and rap, a few metal song were thrown in their as well. The ponies went nuts. About halfway through the play list I found myself mouthing the words and swaying to the beat. It only lasted about an hour and a half but everpony loved it. I walked off stage with a casual wave. Vinyl was just sitting on her haunches staring at me, mouth wide from amazement.
“That was amazing! You have to give me those tracks.” she said.
“They’re in the table’s memory. You can use them whenever you’d like.” I replied. I checked the HUB to see the time. It was eleven, AKA my bedtime. I gave Vinyl a wave goodbye and walked out the back door. I walked back to the ridge and sat against the tree. I slipped my helmet off and dosed off watching the small yet beautiful town.

I was awoken when an acorn that fell and hit my head, Then another. Then a mailbag feel and hit me in the groin. I keeled over from the pain then feel on my side. Through my pain I read on the side of the mailbag “Property of Derpy Hooves”. That took a bit of the pain away.
“Sorry.” she said as she landed next to me.
“It’s ok Miss Hooves.” I said still cupping my balls.
“I have a letter for a Mr. Spittie.” she said pulling the letter out of her mailbag.
“Yup, that’s me.” I said sitting back up. She handed me the letter. It was sealed with the same stylish sun as Celestia’s cutie mark.
“Thank you, Miss Hooves.” I said. I ran my fingers through her mane and she beamed a smile in return then took off, Leaving the mailbag in my lap. After a minute she came back, grabbed her bag, and flew off again. I opened the letter and began reading,

Dear Cooper,

I would like to you and your friends to meet me in Canterlot to discuss important matters. My student Twilight and her friends will be attending as well. Enclosed with this letter are train tickets for the three o’clock today.

From,

Princess Celestia

I switch to the radio setting and said,
“Hey, you guys up.”
Mark was the first to respond by saying,
“Yes I’m up, but Crashie isn’t.”
“Well wake him up. We have a meeting with the princess. Meet me at the Ponyville train station at three.”

After the short train ride to Canterlot we walked down the crowded streets filled with upper class ponies.
“Goddess I hate this place.” I said to my friends.
“Why?” Mark asked.
“Cuz I hate snotty cunts like these. Their were enough people like that back home.” I said in a aggravated tone. I had put on my casual clothes because the armor was still stained with blood from the battle with Discord and I thought it would be nice to look at relatively presentable when I talk to royalty. Several guards shot looks at the three of us when We entered the throne room of the castle. Celestia and the mane six waiting for use. Pinkie bounced up to me and gave me a hug. I returned the embrace and said,
“Hello Miss Pie.”
“You can just call me Pinkie.” she said.
“Ok Pinkie.” finally a pony that gave me permission to call them by their first name. my code prevents me from calling anyone by their first name without their permission. Pinkie still had a firm grasp around my neck when I walked to the princess. She dangled their for a few seconds before letting go. Mark and Crashie were over talking to the rest of the mane six. Twilight was sitting next to the princess.
“Princess, Miss Sparkle.” I said, nodding to each of them.
“I’m so glad you could make it.” the princess said.
“My pleasure. How is Princess Luna doing?”
“My sister is doing quite fine. A little shaken up but she will be all right.”
“So, what is this important matter that you brought us her for.”
“I want to know more about you.”
“As in me personally or as in my species?”
“You and your friends.”
“Where should I start.”
“How you three met.”
“Hmm,” I rubbed the chin of my helmet which I completely forgot I had on. “Well, if I remember correctly I met my first brony friend, V2 Defender and through him I met Mark.”
“Excuse me,” Twilight said, “but which one is Mark, and what’s a brony?”
“Mark is that one over their,” I pointed to him. “ and a brony is someone who watched a television show about ponies, kinda like you.”
“Ok, thank you, you can continue now.” Twilight said. She was writing something on a piece of parchment.
“As I was saying, through Mark I met Crashie. When we all became friends we picked our nicknames. Our nicknames are based on when Twilight and her friends when through poison joke and Spike gave you those names based on their sickness. I became Spittie Pie, Mark became Flutt3rguy, and Crashie became Rainbow Crash X. Crashie isn’t his real name if you didn’t pick that up yet.”
“Your real name is Cooper, correct?” the princess asked.
“Yes it is.”
“And Mark’s real name in Mark.” the princess continued
“Actually it isn’t. Neither me nor Crashie know Mark’s real name.”
“I see, then what is Crashie’s real name.”
“Quann.”
“Huh, interesting. I actually only have one more question for you.”
“Oh, and what might that be?”
“Do you and your friends want to move out of the temple and into some real homes.”
“Oh sweet you, yes.” I replied in extremely happy tone.
“Well, their just so happens to be three housed available in Ponyville. One is by Sugar Cube Corner, one it by the library, and the last is on the outskirts near the Everfree Forest.” she said. The princess hovered a set of keys to me.
“Hey guys,” I called to Mark and Crashie, “Catch.” I threw the key to the house near the library to Crashie and the one near the forest to Mark.
“When’s the next train ride outta here.” I asked.
“No need for a train,” Twilight stated, “I can just teleport use back to Ponyville.”
“That a lot faster then a train, Thank you Miss Sparkle.” I said.
“Your Welcome, and you can Call me Twilight.” in a flash of light we were in front of the library. Pinkie sped off in the direction of Sugar Cube Corner. I said good-bye to everyone and went to my new home. I unlocked that door and open it. I was meet by the blast of a horn and a shower of confetti.
“SUPIRSE!” Pinkie said popping out of nowhere. I should have scene this coming.

After saying “hi” to some of the ponies that showed up, trying avoid having an awkward conversion about “Hey I saw you two banging last night.” with Lyra and Bon-Bon, and having a ton of snacks, I decided it was time to go to bed. I slipped away from the party to my room. I took my shirt off and threw it on the floor. I put my helmet on the dresser next to my bed. I slide under the covers and tried to fall asleep.
“Why aren’t you at the party.” Pinkie said walking into the room.
“I’m tired.” I replied groggily. Next thing I knew she was under the covers, laying next to me. Her soft pink coat brushed against me. I rolled over and tried to ignore her. But instantly she was in my face. She was so close our noses were touching. She smelled of sugary sweets. I just closed my eyes. Something started touching my lips. I opened my eyes to find I was being kissed. I closed my eyes again enjoying every second of it. It tasted like cupcakes and cotton candy. She pulled away and said,
“I should get back to the party. See you tomorrow.” she bounced out of the room.
“Da fuck just happened?”

Clop 'Til You Drop

"Discord, I'm howling at the moon and sleeping in the middle of a summer afternoon. Discord what ever did we do make you take our world away." I sang along with my music. I was sitting on the front porch of my new home scrubbing my helmet. A mare was staring at me from the street. Probably because I didn't have a shirt on. I looked up at her and she turned away embarrassed with a red blush on her face. I brushed my hair out of my face to see Doctor Whooves walking towards the porch.
"Hey, Doc." I said, looking up from my helmet.
"Suit up, we have important business." he said.
"What is it?" I asked.
"A universe has run haywire. I need you guys to neutralize it." Doctor Whooves said, "Meet my by the edge of the Everfree." I nodded and went inside. I put on my shirt and sweatshirt quickly. I didn't feel the need to put on my Kevlar jumpsuit, it's not like a ponies going to be running at me with a gun anytime soon. I threw my chest plate over my sweatshirt and I clipped my sword to a belt loop in my pants. They started to fall down due to the weight. They were already saggy enough without the extra weight of the heavy sword. I looked around for something to use as a belt. I went to the basement and found some old rope. I put it through the loops and tide it.
"Like a boss" I murmured to myself. I walked up the stairs and out the back door. I slide my helmet over my head as I hopped the fence. Instead of taking the regular road, this shortcut would get me there faster.

I met up with Crashie and Mark at the edge of the forest. Crashie was leaning against the door of the Tardis. I've only seen one episode of Doctor Who so I didn't know much about it, only that is practically indestructible. The door opened, and the Doctor motioned for use to come inside. We all took a seat on the couch in front of the large terminal. Doctor Whooves hit some buttons and the Tardis made its iconic teleporting sound.
"Alright," he said turning to us, "The universe we're going to travel to has to be neutralized."
"Why?" Mark asked in a dry voice.
"Because this universe started out as thousands of different universes which all collided together. The only way to fix this is to kill everyone in the universe. By doing this it resets everything" the Doc answered like it made perfect sense.
"What universe are we going to?" I asked.
"What do you humans call it… clop fiction I do believe." he said. My eye started twitching, which only happens for two reasons. If I have a very violent thought, or a bad flashback. This was the second one. I looked over at Mark.
"What?" he asked.
"You know." I said smugly.
"Wha… OHH," he started laughing, "that. That was hilarious." Crashie and The Doc were just staring at us.
"What?" Crashie asked after me and Mark were done laughing.
"I never told you, Mark was in his own clopfic." I said.
"WHAT?!?" both The Doc and Crashie said.
"Yeah, it was about Mark and his friend A Large Pie double-teaming Fluttershy. A Large Pie read it in a party on Xbox. It was priceless." I said starting to laugh again. I stopped laughing and got serious. I started making a mental checklist of what I was going to do once we get their. The Doc walked over to the door and we followed.
"Now remember, kill everyone. Leave no survivors." He said in a serious tone. As soon as the doors opened up Crashie took a knee and fired his duel buster cannon, leveling four housed. I patted him on the back and stepped out of the door. I started running, increasing my speed until I was in a full sprint. I didn't give them time to ask where I was going. I ran into the Sweet Apple Acres orchard. Weaving in and out of trees. I could see Fluttershy ahead. I just jumped over her. She let out a scream and ran deeper into the orchard. I just kept running . I saw a clearing ahead with a large apple tree in the center. I drew my sword and wielded it backhanded. I used my momentum to drag the sword through the truck of the tree. I slide to a halt, sending dried leaves flying into the air. I turned back and watched as the tree fall over. I walked up to it and examined the trunk. A sanded nub of a branch was at knee height. I severed it and snapped it in half. I through each piece in an opposite direction, and resumed running. I ran until I reached the old barn. I walk up to the cellar door.
"APPLEJA…" I her someone scream. I flung the doors open and jumped down the stairs. Big Macintosh was holding Applebloom by the throat with a knife in his other hoof. I ran up and body checked him into a wall. I freed Applebloom along with Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo.
"Wait for me outside." I said to them. Big Mac was just recovering from the hit. I lifted him up and pinned his arm to the wall with the knife. Their was another knife on a stack of boxes, which I used to pin his other arm to the wall.
"So, Mr. Macintosh, do you fell like a big man, trying to rape little girls?" I asked. He just started to cry quietly.
"Answer me, god damn it!" I yelled. I grabbed him by his ears, brought my head back, and slammed it into his snout. He spit out a tooth and said,
"No, I-I just wanted some piece and quiet."
"Well, you'll have a lot of that when your dead." I said. I drew my sword and placed the blade on his side, just above his hip. Then, very slowly, I dragged it across his torso. He let out a scream of pain. I stopped when his lower half was only holding on by a thread. I grabbed in an pulled. His hip ripped away and fell limp to the floor. Blood poured from the wound. I took my helmet of and placed it on the stack of boxes.
"You see this face?" I said. He nodded,
"Good, because it's the last thing you'll ever see." I shoved my hands into his eye sockets and pulled out his eyes. I dropped them and put my thumbs in the holes where they used to be. I pulled as hard as I could. His skull and spinal column ripped from his body. I felt pride and adrenaline coarse though my veins. I let out a roar. I ripped the knifes form the corpse's arms and watch as it slide to the floor. I slide the spine through a belt loop and sat on the floor. I looked around at what I had just done. I kinda made me sick. I stood up and grabbed my helmet. It was stained with blood. All I could thinking about was having to clean it again. I tried to wipe the blood, which just made it worst because my glove was also stained with blood. I just slid it onto my head and walked out of the cellar.
"…and if you follow me, The Great and Powerful Trixie, I can help you get your cutie marks." is all I heard when I emerged.
"Really!" Scootaloo said in excitement.
"Come on lets… OH DEAR GODESS!" Trixie screamed as I came into her line of sight.
"May I have a word with you in private, Miss Trixie?" I said calmly.
"O-of coarse." she said shakily. We walked around the corner of the barn. She put her hooves against the wall and lifted her tail, giving me a full view of her nether regions.
"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to drag my eyes away from he flanks.
"That isn't what you wanted to see me in private for?" she asked. I face palmed,
"No, I wanted to talked to you about your contract with Rarity." I said.
"What contract?" she asked, shifting she eyes from side to side. I got down on one knee so that I was eye level with her.
"Don't play dumb Miss Trixie." I deadpanned.
"Oh yes that contract. What about it?" she asked.
"I'll pay you double if you go and kill Rarity." I lied. Her eyes widened and she ran off towards Carousel Boutique. I walked back to the crusaders.
"Where's Trixie?" Sweetiebelle asked.
"She needed to run an errand." I said. I kneeled next to Scootaloo. I'm no Velvet Remedy, but I could tell her wing was broken. Seeing that made me stop regretting what I did to Big Macintosh. I looked into her eyes. I can't believe I'm about to do this but, as the meme goes, my heart exploded… twice. The look in her eyes was a mix of pain, sadness, and hope. A high pitched sound came from my throat. I put my hand over my mouth.
"Did I just squee?" I muttered to myself. I shock my head and came back to reality. I stood up and watched as the sun started to descend below the horizon.
"Follow me." I said to the group. Together we walked back to the treehouse I saw on my way into the orchard. I ducked under the low door frame and stepped in. the floorboards creaked under my wait. I sat against the tree in the center of the small room.
"Who are you?" Applebloom asked in her adorable southern accent.
"Lets just say I'm your guardian angel." I said, talking off my armor. I could tell that they were tired all three of them were yawning.
"Why don't you get some sleep." I suggested. They all just nodded and huddled together. I took of my sweatshirt and laid it over them.
"Hush now, quiet now. Its time to lay your sleepy heads. Hush now, quiet now. It's time to go to bed." I whispered. I laid on my side and fell asleep.

My vision was gritty. Like I was in a horror film. I was running though the streets of Canterlot, of at least someone was. I had no control over what I was doing. The buildings were on fire. Dead bodies of ponies filled the streets. What the hell happened? The person I was in was running toward the castle. He barged through the double doors of the main hall. Dead bodies of the royal guard were thrown about the room. All brutally murder. It seemed that either they were dismembered or disemboweled… or both.
"I gotta find the princesses." the person I was said to himself. He ran through the hall, jumping over the bodies. He ran to the dining hall. At the head of the table Luna was sitting in the chair. I large sword through her chest, pinning her to the chair. In front of her sat a covered plate. He lifted the covering. On the plate was Princess Cadence's head. I could fell tears start rolling down the man's face. He went to Celestia's chambers. Her could her cry from the other side of the door, which gave him hope that he could still save her. He opened the door to find Celestia hocked to a machine that was slowly pulling her apart.
"I love you." was the last thing Celestia said before her limbs were ripped from her torso. The man just fell to his knees and started to weep. Then a sharp pain shot through his side. He looked down and saw that a horn was piercing through his ribs. The horn was missing several chunks.
"Chrysalis." he said. He started to laugh, but it turned into a violent cough. Then, everything went black.

Defenders Of Equestria

Chapter 3: Clop 'Til You Drop

I awoke in the treehouse. The crusaders were all laying onto of me, still asleep. that brought a smile to my face. I laid their and thought about the dream I just had. Was this what was going on back home? I wanted to get back to my Equestria as fast as possible. The crusaders and I walked back into Ponyville, or at least what was left of it. At least half the houses in town were destroyed. it's a wonder how we didn't hear this going on. The Doc's voice cracked over the radio,
"Their's only 3 ponies left. Cooper, do you have any idea where they could be?" I looked down at the three fillies following me.
"Yeah… their with me. I'm coming to you right now." I replied, a hint of sadness in my voice. We walked back to where the Doc was waiting, Mark was with him.
"Stay here." I said to the crusader. They all nodded and I walked over to the Doc and Mark.
"Why aren't they dead?" Asked the Doc.
"I'm not going to kill them." I answered.
"Mark…" The Doc said. Mark nodded then looked at me. I understood. I walked back the crusaders. I knelt down and said,
"You're going to go with my friend Mark. He's going to…" I paused trying to find the right word. "Help you." I gave them all a big hug and motioned for Mark to come over. He took them into a near-by alleyway. I leaned against a wall of one of the houses Crashie destroyed. As the first shot went off I was struggling to hold back tears. After the second shot I was sitting against the wall with my face in my hands. By the time the third shot went of I was full out crying. Mark walled out of the alley. I could tell he was also crying under his helmet. We both just silently walked back to the Tardis.
"Wasn't that fun?" Crashie said as we walked passed him. I just flipped him off and sat down.
"I'm-I'm sorry." The Doc said.
"Just shut up." I replied, "When we get back, drop me off at Canterlot."
"Why?" The Doc asked.
"Just do it." I said.

After checking on Canterlot to make sure it wasn't like it was in my dream, I took the Five hour walk back to Ponyville. It was night-time by the time I got back. I decided I was going to sleep in the apple orchard for the night. I started walking into the orchard when I saw the light of the treehouse. I walked over and peaked in the window. I saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders.Tears of happiness formed in my eyes as all the sadness in my heart just floated away. I feel asleep laying against a near-by tree. I will never let anything harm those girls.

I Need An Ice-pack

Defenders Of Equestria

Chapter 4: I Need An Ice-pack

"Hey Big Mac, can I ask you a question?" I asked.
"Eeeyup." Big Mac replied.
"Why are you red?" I said.
"What do you mean?" He asked confused. I stopped pulling the cart I had been pulling. I had gotten a job delivering apples for Sweet Apple Acres. I was helping Big Mac with a large delivery to Sugar Cube Corner.
"What I mean is… well, everyone in your family is either a shade of tan or green. You're the only red one. Hell, you're the only red pony I've ever scene." I answered. He stopped pulling his cart. He thought about an answer for about five minute and then said,
"I don't know."
"*cough*Incest*cough*." I said.
"What did you just say?" he said angrily. He started slowly walking towards me and I began to back up until I was against a wall. He reared up and I put my hands over my face, but that isn't where he was aiming. Pain shot through me and his hoof connected with my groin. I fell to the ground and vomited from pain. I just laid their for a few minute, moaning and cussing. When I finally stood up Big Mac was already backing away. I hobbled over to him and held out my hand. He flinched, expecting me to hit him. When he realized that I wasn't he placed his hoof in my hand and I shook it.
"I deserved it." I said and he just looked at me dumbfounded. I resumed pulling the cart. When we got to Sugar Cube Corner we were greeted by the Cakes. After unloading the cart I went inside and sat down. I laid my head on the table and let my arms fall limp. I was still in a lot of pain. I heard the door open and looked up. Pinkie sped over to me, leaving a pink trail behind her. She jumped into my lap and gave me a hug. Another wave of pain shot through my body when she landed, but I still returned the embrace.
"Can I get you anything?" she asked with a smile.
"Ya… a cold drink and a cupcake." I answered. Within seconds she was back with the drink and the cupcake. I put the drink between my legs and wolfed down the cupcake.
"Ahhh, so much better." I said laying my head back down on the table. I heard the door again.
"Please don't be Derpy, I want my balls to at least stay attached to my body." I thought to myself. I looked up. It was just Rainbow Dash.
"Are you ok?" she asked, sitting down in the seat opposite me.
"No, not really." I said looking up at her.
"What happened." she asked.
"Lets just say I won't be having kids any time some." I replied with a chuckle. Pinkie walled into the room and asked RD if she wanted anything. She said no and Pinkie started to leave. My eyes were pinned to here flanks as she walked away. As I watch them sway from side to side, out of the corner of my eye I saw the pegasus opposite me doing the same. We both looked at each other and I said,
"Were you staring at…"
"No… I wasn't staring… although she does have a nice ass." RD said. We both broke out in laughter and bro-hoofed. After talking with RD for a while I downed my drink and started the painful walk home. Thank Celestia my house was just a block away. I flung the door open and limped inside. I threw myself onto the couch and passed out.

After about a hour and a half nap I got up. I was still in unbearable pain. I thought about going to the doctor. But they would just tell me to Just eat a fuckin' sandwich.
"Maybe Twilight has a heal spell." I thought to myself. I walked to Twilight's treehouse and knocked on the door. A purple aura opened the door.
"Hello Cooper." Twilight exclaimed.
"Hey Twilight. Ummm… I just wanted to ask if you had any heal spells?" I said trying not to get into detail.
"Sure, come on in and have a seat." she said. I sat down as Twilight went over to the bookshelf and started pulling out books on healing.
"What type of pain are you having?" she asked.
"I have pain in my…" I thought of a word that wasn't vulgar, "lower region."
"Oh… I'm not sure if I have a spell for that." she said
"Please, anything to get rid of this pain." I pleaded.
"Ok, let me try something." she said. Twilight focused her magic. Her horn lit up filling the room with a light purple glow. I was lifted into the air. Then, it hit me… the most excruciating pain a man could ever fell. Like my balls had just been hit by a meteor. The spell broke and I dropped to the ground. I would have screamed in pain if I could.
"Did that help?" Twilight asked.
"No." I said trying to hold back tears of pain.
"Hmm, maybe Celestia can help you."
"Send letter… I'll be there… tonight." I said. She nodded and began writing the letter. I just laid on the floor until I had the ability to walk again. I gave a wave good-bye to Twilight and closed the door behind me. I began to walk away when I heard a large thud behind me. I turned to see Crashie brushing himself off.
"My manly sense was tingling. You have been kicked in the balls today." he said.
"Ya, how'd you know?" I asked.
"I saw it. I would have helped you if I wasn't laughing so hard." he said.
"Wait, where were you?" I said.
"I was on a roof."
"Why?!"
"I was parquering." I just face palmed and walked away. Crashie climbed up a stack of boxes and disappeared onto the rooftops of Ponyville. I went to the train station and bought a ticket for Canterlot.

After the short train ride to Canterlot. I went to the castle. I walked right passed the guards, who didn't appear to give a fuck anyway. I started to walked to towards the study where I expected the princesses to be, when I saw the throne. I walked over to it, looked to see if their was anyone around, and sat in it. It was one of the most comfortable chairs I had ever sat in. I decided to entertain myself by proclaiming,
"I am Spittie Pie, high king of Equestria!"
"Are you now?" a voice said from behind me. Celestia stepped forward, Luna followed suit.
"I received Twilight's letter informing of your arrival, what seems to be the matter?" Celestia asked. I proceeded to explained to the "problem" that I had.
"I have a spell that can fix that. Just sit back and relax." Celestia said. I closed my eyes and leaned back in the throne. Within second all the pain had disappeared. In my mind I thank every God and Goddess their was. When I opened my eyes I was no longer sitting in the throne. I was laying in a bed. All I had on were my boxers. I sat up and looked around the room. It was Celestia's chamber. Celestia was laying in the bed next to me. The first thought to go through my mind was "I JUST GOT RAPED" and the second thought was "She could have just asked". at lease all the pain was gone. I just laid back down and went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up to find both Celestia and Luna standing over me.
"Did you use some sort of date rape spell on me?" I asked
"No, after I used the spell to cure your pain you must have blacked out. You walked up here and fell asleep." She explained.
"well why were you sleeping next to me?" I asked.
"I didn't see any harm in it." she answered with a sly smile.
"Ya, I ain't buying it," I said putting my clothes back on, "If you ever wanna rape me again, all you have to do it ask." I smacked Celestia on the flack and shot a wink at Luna before walking out of the room. I was on the first train back to Ponyville. I walked home and laid on the couch With a smug smile. Life is good.
(A/N: I wrote this form 2am-4am. I decided to write this after I got ball tapped at school. This is the calm before the storm. The next 3 chapters will be action packed and have a lot of story development.)

Spoiler Alert: A Prologue In The Middle Of A Story… Blasphemy

Spoiler Alert: A Prologue In The Middle Of A Story… Blasphemy

Defenders Of Equestria
Chapter 5: Spoiler Alert: A Prologue In The Middle Of A Story… Blasphemy

HIGH SCORE
"Woo, seven gram rocks, Charlie Sheen, Winning!" I stated. I was playing the pony version of Space Invaders and I had just got the high score. Ponies gathered around to see my achievement.
"Time to enter my initials. Let's see… A…S…S." I said. I turned to see a mass of teenaged fillies and colts. A slow clap started and slowly grew. The manager of the arcade stepped out and shock my hand.
"Nopony has beaten that high score in two years." he said with a slight lisp. I turned to the crowd and raised my hand. They all feel silent.
"I…" I began
"We love you Spittie!" a filly interrupted from the crowd.
"Shut up baby, I know it." I said, "Now as I was saying, I am badass. That is all." I leaned on the game cabinet as the crowd started to clear out. I was blinded by a flash of light. Once I regained my vision I saw that Sweetie Belle had just taken a picture of me. Her and the other crusaders were all standing in front of me with big grins on their face.
"Can we have an interview, Mr. Spittie?" Sweetiebelle asked.
"Sure." I said with a warm smile. I lead them over to the snack bar. I sat down at a table and they fought over the seat next to me. Scootaloo pulled out a notepad.
"Ok, first question…" Scootaloo began.
"Ah wanna ask him!" Applebloom said grabbing the notepad from Scootaloo.
"No, I wanna ask him!" Sweetiebelle said using her magic to pull the notepad away. I let out a grunt and waited for them to finish their argument. They settled on taking turns.
"Ok first question, what are you?" Scootaloo said.
"I'm a human, we come from a completely different universe." I said.
"Do ya like it here?" Applebloom asked.
"I love it. It's way better then back home." I answered. I could see that they all were about to burst. I already knew the next question.
"Do you have a cutie mark?" Sweetiebelle asked.
"No, humans don't get cutie marks." I said. They all had a look of disappointment. Seeing that made my heart sink.
"But, I could help you guys get your cutie marks."
"Really?!?" they all said. They huddled together and talked it over.
"Welcome to," Sweetiebelle said,
"THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!!" they shouted, causing me to fall backwards in my chair. When I stood up they were all bouncing around my legs, and continued to do so as I walled out the door. I wasn't paying attention and I walled right into a hoof, which was at groin level. I was the Doctor.
"Come on Doc, I just got that fixed." I said in slight pain.
"We have work to do, come on." he said in a grumpy tone.
"What got shoved into your ass, and was it by Mark." I said with a smirk. I could see the anger in his eyes.
"Just come on." he said through clutched teeth. I turned to the girls who were now sitting quietly behind me.
"I gotta go, it's important." I said kneeling down.
"Awww, but you were going to help us get our cutie marks." Sweetiebelle said in disappointment.
"Don't worry, I'll help you when I get back, ok?" I said. They all nodded and walked away with their heads hung is disappointment. My heart once again sank but this time I couldn't do anything about it.
"So Doctor, what's it this time, another universe run haywire? Nightmare Moon came back?" I asked.
"No, just need you to…guide… some universes so that they happen according to plan." he said.
"But wouldn't doing that just make it worst?" I asked.
"No."
"But…"
"NO, I'm a fucking timelord, I know these things!" he shouted. I just threw my hands up and said,
"Fine, lead the way Mister Timelord." We walked to the TARDIS at the edge of the Everfree. Crashie and Mark were already inside.
"Wait, I need to go get my armor." I said.
"It's inside, cleaned and polished." The Doc said.
"Oh… thanks." I said. I walked inside and sure enough there was my armor, folded and stacked in a neat pile. I threw the jumpsuit aside but the Doctor handed it back to me and said,
"Trust me, your gonna need it" I nodded and slipped it on. After putting the rest of my armor on I took my place next to Mark and Crashie.
"Alright," the Doctor started, "This time I just need you guys to watch over the universes where I'm sending you to."
"I'm sorry," Mark interrupted, "but, universes plural?"
"Yes, you are all going to separate universes. If you were planning on relying on one-another for support, your sadly mistaken" he answered.
"What universe is it this time?" I wondered.
"You are going to another fanfic universe, and don't worry, its not as morbid as the clopfic universe, but its a lot more dangerous. You're going to universes of cross-over fanfic" The Doctor said. I rubbed my hands together and thought to myself 'Dis gon be good.'
"Cooper, your up first." he said. He punched the coordinates into the console and we were off.

After the few minute of Tardis travel time we were there. I don't know where but we were there. The Doctor trotted over to the door and opened it. I decided I was going to jump out and surprise whoever was out there. I backed up to get a running start. I ran and jumped. When my first foot hit the ground it got stuck in thick mud, which caused me to act like a catapult and face-plant into the ground… hard. I pushed myself out of the muck and looked up. In front of me stood a large, half finished statue of Discord. I heard something trekking through the mud behind me.
"Ground-walker."

Spoiler Alert: COG In Motion

Defenders Of Equestria
Chapter 6:Spoiler Alert: COG In Motion
(A/N: Go read My Little Gear to get some of the references. Their is a reasons I named these chapters spoiler alert. This is also a message to the author of My Little Gear… GET OFF YOUR ASS AND START WRITING!)

"Ground-walker." said a gruff low voice. I stood up and casually brushed the mud of me, even though a large, grey-skinned, reptilian creature was pointing a shotgun at me.
"Locust." I said cocking my hand back. I threw a punch that connected with the creature's face. He had little reaction to it.
"That didn't work out as I planned." I said. I run in the other direction of the Locust. He fired the Gnasher Shotgun, which hit me in the back. I didn't break my armor but the force caused me to stumble and fall. when I stood back up, I was being surrounded by Locust. I saw a gap between two shirt-less Locust with shotguns, or grenadiers as they were titled. I sprinted towards them, trying to dodge the bullets wising at me. I dove to get passed them, but on the way passed I grabbed the boltok revolver from one of the grenadiers waistbands. I rolled and landed on my feet. I spun and took aim. I was going to shot him in the head but that wouldn't do much about the other Locust. Instead I aimed for the grenade attached to his hip. I pulled the trigger and the bullet connected with the grenade causing it to explode. Any Locust in the immediate area of the explosion were blown into small chucks. I turned and ran toward the Temple of The Two Sisters. I was about to grab the handle of the door when my body was enveloped in a black aura. I was hoisted upside down and into the air. I was brought face to face with my captor, a noir black unicorn wearing a black business suit.
"Miselock. The faithful student of Discord." I said. She just looked at me. A sadistic smile cracked over her face as she pulled the boltok from my hand and placed the barrel between my eyes.
"Miselock! Put him down." an authoritative voice shouted from behind me. I was dropped along with the pistol. I quickly scrabbled to my feet.
"I'm sorry, master." said the unicorn. I turned and bowed to this 'master'.
"Pleasure to meet you once again, Discord." I said to the draconequus. He gave me a strange looked and asked,
"Have we met?"
"Well, not in this universe. My name is Cooper, I travel from universe to universe. I have met you in my home universe." I said.
"Hmm…" he stroking his goatee. "Interesting. Maybe you can help me with a problem I have."
"Say no more, Benjamin Carmine will be eliminated." I said.
"How did you know?"
"I'm a fucking magician." He gave me a 'I don't believe you' look.
"Fine, go find another human that's going to help you kill Ben." I said. I turned to walk away, but was met with the barrel of a hammerburst. I turned back to Discord and said shakily,
"Or I could help you."
"I thought so." he said opening to door to the temple and leading me inside, Miselock followed. As we walked in a armored kantus drew his boltok pistol and pointed it at me.
"Lower your weapon Kreikie." Discord ordered the kantus.
"But massssster he'ssss a human." he said, hissing violently. I walked up to Kreikie and did a slight bow.
"A pleasure to meet Discord's right hand man." I said. He cocked the hammer back on the pistol but, before he could fire it, it was yanked from his hand by Miselock's magic. She dismantled the gun and threw it aside.
"You heard Lord Discord's order." she said. Kreikie stomped over to her and got in her face and started shouting at her. She didn't hesitate to return the yelling. I back away and took a spot next to Discord.
"Just like two kids." I said folding my arms. Discord massaged the bridge of his nose,
"It's like this everyday."
"So lets talk about me killing Mister Carmine." I said, "I need complete Access to the armory and a squad of two theron guards."
"Why should I trust you, you just came here." he said.
"Well, those two won't be getting anything done anytime soon." I said. He looked over at his right hand man and his faithful student. He thought about it for a second and said,
"Fine, but I still don't trust you."

"Keep an eye on him." Discord said to the two theron guards. I was now armed to the teeth. I had one boltok, 2 snub pistols, a retro lancer, my sword, and an assortment of grenades. I gave the order for the guards to follow me. They shot daggers at me but complied. We walked into the forest. We came upon what was once Zecora's shack. It had since been ransacked. I ordered the guards to go check it out while I stayed outside. After they were both inside I pulled out a smoke grenade and tossed it through the window. The white smoke erupted from the small cartridge, blinding both of the guards. I tapped the temple of my helmet, activating thermal vision. I walked into the shack and stood between the guards, who were flailing about trying to feel their way. I pulled out the two snub pistol, aimed one at each of them, and emptied the magazines into their chests. I heard the thud as their lifeless bodies fell to the floor. I slipped the empty mags got and put new ones in. I deactivated the thermal vision as I stepped out of the shack. I proceeded to walk in the direction of Ponyville.
"I gotta find Benny." I said picking up my pace. I ran the rest of the way to Ponyville. When I emerged from the forest I found myself near Fluttershy's cabin. From reading this fanfic I knew Benjamin was either at the spa or in Appleloosa. I decided to tried my luck with the spa. When I walked into town I was greeted with awkward stares.
"Another human." I could hear ponies whisper to one another. I walked to the spa and peered in the window. I couldn't see anyone other then the spa sisters, Aloe and Lotus.
"Damn, that means he must be in Appleloosa." I thought to myself, "And that means before he comes back here he's going to go to Manehattan. I'm gotta get some cash for a ticket." I rubbed my chin, thinking of who I could steal from. The first pony to come to mind was Rarity. She always has some precious stones lying around. I walked to Carousal Boutique. I knocked on the door, but nopony answered. I looked around, making sure nopony would see me. Then, I kicked the door. It splintered but didn't fall. I did it again, but it still didn't budge. I drew my sword and cut the door down. I stepped over the debris and into the store. I went to the back room and looked around. A large chest with a large lock was in the back of the room. I walked over to it and tugged on the lock. It was sturdy and I wouldn't be able to break it with brute force. I pulled out the boltok pistol and shot the lock. The sound echoed through the room. I realized that I could have just broke the chest around the lock but it was to late now. Inside the chest was an assortment of jewels. I took a few handfuls and shoved them in the large poach on my leg. I stood back up with my new wealth and turned to walk out but, something caught my eye. A manikin with a necklace. The necklace was a gold strap that led to a red gem shaped like a heart. It was the fire ruby Spike gave to Rarity. I took it off the manikin and put it around my neck. I went to the train station and walked up to the counter. I tapped on the glass to get the attention of the colt who was reading a magazine.
"I'll be with you in a moment." he said, not even looking up from his magazine. I just rolled my eyes and waited. When he finally looked up from his magazine he was so surprised and scared that he fell back in his chair.
"Ow, son of a… s-sorry for the wait sir, how can I help you." He said, obvious fear in his voice. I pulled the gems out of my poach and slid them through the little slit in the glass.
"One train ticket to Manehattan, please." I said.
"Ummm s-sir, I need bits. Also, the train is departing as we speak." he said. I heard the hiss of the train as it began to roll out of the station. I grabbed the gemstones and put them back in my poach. I grabbed onto the caboose of the train. I took a seat on the platform and turned on my music.

The train hit its emergency breaks and skidded to a halt. I turned off my music just in time to hear gunshots and screaming coming from further up on the train. I climbed the ladder that was on the back of the caboose. I peaked my head out over the top of the train and say that we were only about a half a mile from Manehattan. I climbed down the ladder and looked through the window on the door of the caboose. I could see a squad of locust drones slaughtering the passengers. I pulled out my pistol and took a few shots at them to get their attention. They immediately turned their attention to me, charging through the train cars to get to me. I climbed the ladder and planted a frag grenade at the top. I waited for the first drone to attempt to climb up, and watch as he was blow to smithereens. I pulled the retro lancer off my back in anticipation for the next drone. I saw him start to ascend onto the roof and shouted,
"All aboard the rape train, mother fuckers!" and fired the lancer from my hip. the recoil of the weapon almost knocked me on my ass but, it still did its job, tearing holes in the drone's chest. The last two drones climbed onto the roof of the caboose. They looked at each other and smiled deviously. They both revved the chainsaws of their lancers and charged forward. I used the rest of the bullets in the mag of the retro lancer to kill once of them and the other was to close to give me a chance to reload. I lowered my head and charged, bayonet on the retro lancer ready to carve the locust up. As I got close the drone swung the chainsaw. I juked him, Cole Train style, and got behind him. I flipped my retro upside down and drove the bayonet into the center of his back. I quickly pulled the blade upwards, making a large gash all the way up to his shoulders. I removed the bayonet from his back and watch as he collapsed. I popped a new mag into the retro lancer and put it on my back. I also grabbed the normal lancer from the dead drone and placed that on my back. I climbed off the train and started walking the rest of the way to Manehattan.

The streets of Manehattan were littered with bodies. I knelt down to inspect one of the bodies. As I did so a bullet wised over my head. I combat rolled into a nearby alleyway. I tried to stick my head out to see where he was but, ever time I tried a bullet would fly past my head. I saw a family run out into the street. The sniper picked of the mother, then the father. The small colt was stranded and had nowhere to run. I had to help him. I sprinted out into the street and scooped him up. I tried to run to another nearby alleyway. I heard the crack of they shot before I felt it. An immense pain shot through my thigh and I fell to the ground, the small colt still in my arms.
"God damn it, son of a bitch!" I shouted. I attempted to stand up but fell back down again.
"Kid, run to the alley and stay there, got it?" I said to the colt. He nodded in response and ran to the alley. I tried to crawl to the alley also but, the sniper fired another shot, this time hitting me in the shoulder. The force of the shot made me tumble backwards. I looked at my two wounds. The first shot hit me in the thigh, just above the knee. Their was no exit hole so I assumed the bullet was stuck in the bone. The second went straight through my left shoulder, armor and all. I looked back at the sniper. The glare from his scope shined in my eyes. From gears logic I knew that meant that he was aiming at me. I just nodded in acceptance. I've never been afraid of death, and staring into the face of it won't change that. As I stared at my soon to be killer I saw two blue lights emerge from the shadows behind him. The locust turned to meet the lights. Then the locust was thrown out the window with a grenade stuck to his chest. Half way through his decent, the sniper erupted into a beautiful display of fire and gore. The rest of his remains splattered against the sidewalk below. My almost killer's killer stepped into the light. A big smile cracked across my face when I saw who it was. A tall man, adorned with light blue armor with splatters of… excuse the pun… carmine red.
"Good ol' Badass Benny Carmine." I chuckled. I wobbled to my feet and started limping towards the building. Blood streamed from both my wounds. I became dizzy and fell faces first into the pavement. I was to weak to put my arms out. I heard a gasp come from near by before I fell unconscious.

"I have no idea who he is." a squeaky voice said as I regained consciousness. I opened my eyes and let the adjust to the light. Benjamin and seven ponies were standing over the bed I was in. My wounds were bandaged and I was in the sleeping compartment of a train. All I had on was my jumpsuit, which was around my waist. I tried to sit up but a sharp pain shot through my leg. I let my body drop back down onto the bed but, doing that, another sharp pain shot through my arm. I started fake weeping,
"Why does the world hate me, my names not Little Pip!"
"Hey man, are you okay?" Carmine asked. Not even making eye contact with him I said,
"I just got shot twice and faceplanted into pavement, What the fuck do you think?"
"Jeez man I was just wondering." he said.
"I'm just screwin with ya, squirt." I said playfully pushing his shoulder.
"Who you calling squirt, kid?" he said returning the push but, on my bad shoulder. Another spark of pain shot down my arm.
"Ummm, my bad?" he said. I just sat up and, and with my good leg, kicked him in the chest. He stumbled back a few steps but recovered. The ponies looked at me with shock. I attempted to push myself out of bed but, was push back down by Twilight's purple aura. I squirmed and tried to force my way out. Twilight stepped forward,
"Please, don't struggle. My name is…"
"Twilight Sparkle." I said cutting her off, "No need to introduce yourselves, I know who you all are."
"How do you…" Twilight began to ask.
"I'm a fucking magician." I said, once again cutting her off. The ponies cringed at the use of fowl language. I chuckled at that.
"Can you please release me now?" I asked.
"As long as you promise not to hurt anypony else." Twilight said.
"Fine, whatever." was my reply. She released me just as the compartment door slid open. Rainbow Dash, wearing my helmet stepped in.
"Hey look guys, I'm a co…" Dash's stopped mid-sentence when she saw that I was conscious. I shot a look of fake anger at her which made her retreat into the compartment she just came from. With some effort I got out of bed and pulled my jumpsuit the rest of the way on.
"Hey you, guard boy," I said pointing to a stallion wearing the royal guard armor, "Go fetch me my armor."
"Do you know who I am?" he said in a gruff voice.
"Windsurfer, right? Yeah, I don't care. In fact, I was kinda hoping you would die from that bullet back in Manehattan." I said pointing to the dent in his helmet, right between his eyes.
"Do it yourself." he said through clenched teeth. I shrugged and limped to the compartment Rainbow ran in to. I slid open the door to the compartment. RD was sitting on one of the benches in the compartment with my helmet still on her head. It had a defined dent in if from where I collided with the pavement. I walked over to her, I could hear the muffled sound of music coming from inside the helmet. I kneeled down so that I was eye to eye with her. She must have had her eyes closed because she still didn't even flinch. I tapped on the glass of the eye piece. She jumped up and let out a small squeal. She flayed her hooves around, trying to stop the music.
"Jeez Dash, scared of the big bad human?" I said.
"You just startled me, that's all." she said, blushing from embarrassment. I gave her a warm smile as I reclaimed my helmet. As I slid it over my shaggy hair, I caught the scent of something sweet, Almost like a rainbow candy of some sort. I threw on the rest of my armor on. Surprisingly, the fire ruby necklace was still with it, along with all the gems. I went back to the compartment everyone else was in. Rainbow followed close behind me. Everyone was in their respectable beds. I went to the bed I had woken up in, which was located next to Rarity's and Twilight's. before I even had a chance to sit down, a voice cut in,
"Darling, your outfit is just atrocious." I let out a grunt and turned to face Rarity.
"Oh, and Benjamin's is any better?" I replied.
"Why yes, the color is very relaxing to the eyes." she said.
"Oh, cog blue." I said, throwing my hands up in the 'we got a badass over here' meme style.
"Hey man, don't make fun of the COG." Benjamin said from a few beds down the row.
"Sorry." I said in a sarcastic tone. I lifted up the blanket on top of my bed to find the sheets were stained with blood, which brought a question to my mind,
"Twilight, how did you save me?" she looked up from the book she was reading,
"I just carried you to the train. Fluttershy's the one who patched you up. Being around animals she has a knack for that kind of thing."
"Why thank you, Miss Fluttershy." I said to her.
"Your welcome." she said in her soft, cute voice. I walked down the row and picked a new bed. I laid my head down and fell asleep.

"Discord knows what you did, Discord knows what you did." a voice sing-songed from the black abyss of my mind. I couldn't see anything. From my encounter with Discord when I first came to Equestria, I learned how to control my mind. I snapped my fingers and a street lamp appeared next to me. The noir black mare stepped into the light. I snapped my fingers again and a large velvet chair appeared behind me.
"Why don't you have a seat?" I said to Miselock. With a wave of my hand a bean-bag chair appeared behind her.
"How did you do that?" she asked.
"I'm a fu…" I said before getting cut of by Miselock, who said,
"I swear to Discord if you say 'I'm a fucking magician' I'm going to kill you."
"Ok, I'm a fucking wizard." I stated with a smile. Miselock face hoofed. I snapped my fingers and a pair of 8-bit sunglasses slowly dissented onto my face.
"Deal with it." I said.
"How exactly are you able to do all of this?" she asked.
"Inception." I said. A horn blared from the darkness.
"But seriously, I trained to be in control of my mind. This isn't the first time an outside force has entered my noggin." I said tapping on the side of my head.
"Really, who was the first?" Miselock inquired.
"The Discord back in my universe. He dug into my subconscious and found my worst fear. He took the form of it and attempted to defeat me. Once I found out that I was the one in control I won the battle and defeated him." I told her.
"Really?" she asked in surprise.
"Yup." I said with a confident smile.
"How in control of your mind are you?" she asked.
"This much in control." I said snapping once again. Their was a flash of light and, once it cleared, I was the pony and she was the human. I was a pegasus to be more exact. I had taken the form of my OC, Deadshot. Miselock had turned into a mid twenties women adorned with a black business suit.
"AAAAAHHHHH!" she screamed looking at her new body. I hopped out of the velvet chair and stretched my wings. I flapped them and lifted off the ground. I hovered a few feet of the floor, just enough to be eye level with Miselock, who was now muttering to herself. I flew over to her and eased her back into her seat.
"I didn't really expect you to have this kind of reaction." I said to her.
"I-I'm a human." she said looking at her hands.
"Don't worry, it's not like your going to stay a human, I can change you back." I said trying to comfort her. She looked like she was on the verge of tears.
"Please do." she said coiling up into a ball. I stomped a hoof on the ground and she changed back into a pony. I retained my pony form. She jumped at me and threw her arms around me. She buried her face into my shoulder and started to cry.
"It's all a lie." She whispered into my ear.
"I'm sorry, but I'm a little confused. What's going on here?" I asked.
"Discord, he's a lie. He's not powerful, not as powerful as you." she sobbed. I realized what I had just done. I had just destroyed all of Miselock logic. She thought that nothing would ever be stronger then Discord. It made me feel like an asshole. I wrapped my wings around her and we both laid down on the bean bag chair. I stroked her mane with my hoof. I did this for awhile until she cried herself asleep. I followed shortly after.

I was awoken by the sound of the train's breaks hissing as we came to a halt in Ponyville train station. I sluggishly rolled out of bed. Everyone else was already awake. I stumbled my way through the compartment. I slid the door open and stepped into the compartment holding all of my equipment. I strapped my guns and sword to my person and stepped out onto the platform. Everyone else was already waiting on the platform. We all walked together into town. I struck up a conversation with Benjamin about his brothers to pass the time. We went to Sugercube Corner for a treat. I sat down at a table with Twilight and Fluttershy.
"So do you and Benjamin know each other?" Twilight asked.
"No, we're from two different universes." I answered.
"Then how did you know about us?"
"uh, ummm, well…" I stuttered. Luckily, a swirling black mass appeared in the center of the room. Small baked goods flew around the room at alarming speeds. The mass disintegrated to reveal Miselock. She looked beat up. She used her magic to hover herself over to me.
"My lord." She said bowing. Everyone in the room was staring at me, except for Wisefree (who I didn't mention until now) who was cowering under a nearby table.
"Are you okay? What happened?" I asked, kneeling down to get a better look at her bruises and cuts.
"Discord chased me out. I came to warn you." she said.
"Warn me of what?"
"Discord starting his final assault on Equestria, and Ponyville is his first stop. I told him that he wouldn't be able to get passed you, that just made him angrier." she explained. I started breathing heavily, beads of sweat rolled down my face. I wouldn't be able to take on an entire army of locust, even with every soldier in Equestria on my side. I had to come up with a plan.
"Alright…ummm, Twilight, send a letter to the princess and tell her to send every soldier she has to Ponyville. Windsurfer, once the troops get here, I want you to lead them. Miselock, go back to Discord and tell him that I want to try to talk this out. Tell him the meeting will be at the town hall. Benjamin, I'll need your help with the negations. Everyone else, tell everpony in Ponyville to stay indoors." I commanded. Everyone instantly got to work. Within an hour the was a army of gold armored ponies. I was giving orders to Windsurfer when the Celestia came up to me.
"So you're the other human I've been hearing about." she said.
"I guess." I said casually. Miselock pushed her way through the crowd of soldiers. She stopped to catch her breath.
"D-discord," she said, gasping for air, "he agreed to have a peace meeting."
"Good, everything's going according to plan. Benjamin!" I called out to the soldier. His head popped up from a table with a map of Ponyville. We both started to walk to the town hall.
"Okay here's the plan, Discord is probably already there and he probably has soldiers their already. I want you to sneak onto one of the balconies and, if the negotiations go soar, snipe Discord." I said, pointing to the Longshot on his back.
"How am I supposed to get past his soldiers without alerting them? My one good weapon is very loud." he said. I unsheathed my sword and handed it to him.
"That's how." I replied with a smile. He took it in his hands and admired it. When we arrived at the town hall Ben went and hid in some bushes. I pushed the door open and, sure enough, their was Discord along with Kreikie. Discord were sitting at a large conference table on the stage in the main room. The building was a lot bigger on the inside. I went to sit down across from Discord but was stopped by Kreikie.
"I'm going to have to take all your weaponssssss." he hissed. I nodded and let him pat me down. I sat down and took of my helmet, placing it on the table. Discord motioned for Kreikie to leave. He nodded and went behind the curtains of the stage. I looked around and spotted Benjamin on the balcony across the way from the stage.
"Alright, lets get start shall we?"

After a few hours of negotiation I convinced Discord not to take over Equestria and send the Locust back in exchange for the ownership of the Everfree forest and the ability to cause chaos within the forest.
"Of course I have to get Celestia's permission, but I'm sure she'll agree." I said to the draconequus.
"I'm just happy that I won't be trapped in stone for another thousand or so years." He replied with a toothy smile. He reached his lion paw out and I shook it. I waved to Benjamin, who was still on the balcony.
"Who's that?" Discord asked.
"It's Benjamin, he was my insurance incase things went south."
"Smart." Discord grinned.
"I love when things go according to plan." I stated. BANG! A gunshot rang through the room. Their was a sharp crack as Discord's skull erupted into a bloody mess. His body stood for a moment before falling into a pool of his own blood.
"Benjamin, what the hell are you doing?!" shouted up at him. An evil laugh came from the balcony as Kreikie revealed himself as the shooter. He drew my sword from a sheath on his waist and lifted it into the air. A horn blared, and the roars of twenty thousand bloodthirsty Locust shook the town. My heart dropped into my stomach. A sadistic smile spread over Kreikie's face.
"Bring him to me." he said. Benjamin was bought to the balcony, bound in chains. I felt cold steel press up against the back of my neck. My wrists were bound behind me and I was force to me knees. Kreikie spun the blade around, hitting Benjamin in the gut with the handle. He smiled deviously as Ben dropped to his knee's. He grabbed Ben by his neck and lifted him into the air. He chucked as he thrust the serrated blade through Benjamin's torso. Benjamin let out a roar of pain and flailed his legs in resistance. I tried to look away but, the locust behind me grabbed my hair and force me to watch. Tears streamed down my face as I watch Kreikie pull the blade out part way then thrust it back in at a different angle. With each thrust Benjamin's resistance became weakened. Blood dripped from the edge of the balcony as Kreikie thrust the sword in again and again. Benjamin was limp when Kreikie finally removed the blade. He violently ripped it from Benjamin's chest. He casually threw his body off the balcony like a used towel. A steam of blood followed his decent. Benjamin's body hit the ground and contorted in a way the human body was never meant to.
"What do you want me to do with this ground walker?" my Locust captor asked.
"Eliminate him." Kreikie ordered. The Locust released my hair and pressed the barrel of his gun against the back of my head. I was breathing heavily and grinding my teeth. I had pushed my sadness down and let it convert to pure rage. Before the Locust had a chance to pull the trigger I spun and kicked his legs out from under him. The barrel of the Hammerburst he was using landed just under his chin. I kicked butt of the rifle. The barrel went through his chin and out the top of his head.
"KILL HIM!" Kreikie shouted from of the balcony. I place the chain the bound my wrists against the barrel sticking out of the Locust's skull. I brought my heel down on the gun, causing it to fire. The chains shatter as two drones came from behind the curtains of the stage. I grabbed my helmet off the conference table and slid it on. I brought up the transparent ipod screen and pick a sound that just added fuel to the fire. The first drone throw a right hook at me. I ducked under it and delivered an elbow to his temple. The second tried to kick me I caught his leg and pushed as hard as I could on his knee, causing it the bend in the wrong direction. The other drone tried to punch me once again and, once again, I ducked under it. He punched the locust that I was holding the leg of in the face. I drove that drone's leg into the gut of the first. He leaned over and I spun around and drove the heel of my boot into his temple. The drone with the broken leg pulled out a knife and took a few swings at me. I duck under one and broke his arm over my shoulder. The bone popped out of his skin and he dropped the knife. I picked it up and slashed his throat. He fell, chocking on his own blood. The remaining drone had picked up the Hammerburst from his fallen comrade. He fired three shot before I was upon him, each doing little to no damage. I stuck the knife into his abdomen and dragged it across. He dropped to his knee's and stared up at me, a small river of blood running from the corner of his mouth. His eyes screamed "please kill me" and I was more than happy to comply. I drove the knife into his skull and swiftly pulled it out. I looked up to the balcony and saw Kreikie standing next to a Locust sniper. He stepped into the shadows as the sniper took aim. I rolled and dodge the shot. I took cover behind the curtains. I saw a door that led to a stairwell that would lead me to the balcony where the sniper was. Their was only once problem… it was on the other side of the stage. I sprinted as fast as I could to the door. The three shots that the sniper fired all missed. I climbed the stairs to the balcony. Kreikie was nowhere to be found but, the sniper was still there. The sniper was still looking down the scoop at the stage. I flipped the knife so that I was holding it backhanded. I was about to drive that blade into the sniper's head but, something caught my eye. The Longshot he was using wasn't ordinary, their was a red streak that keep running down the length of the weapon.
"No." I said aloud. The sniper's head perked up from the scope. He drove an elbow into my chest, knocking me back. He spun and pointed the rifle at me. I threw the knife into his arm. He loosen his grip on the gun and I took that chance to yank it out of his hand. Still gripping the barrel, I swung the Longshot upward, catching the sniper in the jaw.
"That was for Discord," I said. I brought it back down, hitting him in the top of the head.
"That was for Benjamin," I said. I shoved him so that he was up against the railing of the balcony. I flipped the gun around and placed the barrel in between his eye's.
"and this is for Anthony!" I pulled the trigger. The force of the shot both completely obliterated his head and threw him over the railing. His body landed a few feet away from Benjamin's. I hopped over the railing and used the sniper's body as a cushion. I tore the knife from his shoulder and took what ammo I could from his body. I knelt next to Benjamin and had a moment of silence. I saw his COG tags draped around his neck. I slid them over his helmet and looked at them. One said "Private Benjamin Carmine" and the other said "Private First Class Anthony Carmine". I slid the tags around my neck. A scream rang from outside. I burst through the double doors of the town hall. The buildings in the town were ablaze. The smell of burning flesh and gunpowder filled the air. Smoke blocked out the sun. in the middle of all this mayhem stood Kreikie. In one hand he help a boltok pistol and in the other he held Miselock, my sword pressed against her throat. I aimed the Longshot at him.
"That'sssss not going to do anything." he smirked.
"No, but this will." I said. I change my aim from his head to the boltok pistol. I pulled the trigger and watched at the bullet ricochet of the pistol and into the kantus' eye. He dropped face first and collided with the ground. A pool of blood formed around his eyehole. Miselock squirmed her way out from under the body and trotted over to me. She wrapped her arms around my waist.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" she repeated. I slid my helmet off and hoisted her up so that she was eye level to me.
"How did you know that was going to work?" she asked.
"I didn't," I replied. "I was just trying to shot the gun out of his hand." she just gave me a blank stare. I gave her a warm smile and poked her on the nose. She giggled and smiled back. Gunshots and screams snapped me back to reality.
"Do you think you can send the Locust back to where the came from?" I asked.
"Of course." she said smugly. Her horn lit up as she focused her energy. Their was a large flash of light and then nothing. The gunshots had seized. I pulled her close and gave her a hug. She returned the embrace.
"Ahem." a familiar voice called from behind me. I released Miselock and turned to the source of the voice.
"Am I interrupting something?" said the timelord. I just rolled my eyes and walked over to him.
"Wait, where are you going?" Miselock called after me. I turned and knelt down. I brushed her mane out of her face.
"I have to go and help somepony else." I said.
"Will you ever come back?"
"I'll try my hardest." I said with a comforting smile. I gave her one last hug. I stood back up and walked over to the Doctor. He whistle and the TARDIS uncloaked. He stepped in and I followed. I turned back to Miselock and called,
"Make sure Benjamin gets a good burial." she nodded. I closed the door behind me and took a seat on the couch.
"Oh shit!" I said. I opened up the door and walked over to Kreikie's body. I pulled my sword out from under him and picked up the boltok pistol. I walked back to the TARDIS. The Doctor was already punching in the coordinates for the next universe.
"Where am I going now, Doctor." I inquired.
"You'll know when we get their." was his replied. I just laid back and enjoyed the sounds of the TARDIS.

"We're here." the Doctor said after a few minutes. He lead me out the door. A gust of wind almost knocked me off my feet. I looked around. We were… moving? I looked down and realized I was on the top of a caboose. But where was the rest of the train? An earth shaking crash rumbled from the canyon below. I recognized this but, I couldn't but my finger on it. Then, it hit me. My heart began to race. I turned to the Doctor but he was already gone. I wanted to scream but I couldn't, if I did I would die in a hail of gun fire from the passengers in the caboose below. I took a few deep breaths and relaxed myself. I sat down and decided to brush up on what was about to happen. Thank Celestia that I had an audio book of this story. I opened my Ipod menu and started from the beginning.
"Prologue: Of Pipbucks and Cutie Marks…"

Fangasms Are Magic (WIP)

I causally walked through the streets of New Appaloosa. I had hitched a ride on a wagon the had been sent to retrieve the caboose. They were surprisingly welcoming after I explained to them who and what I was. Now I was in this small settlement made from old boxcars. I spotted 'Absolutely Everything', Derpy Hooves' shop. I was about to walk through the front door when a sign cause me to stop. I squinted, trying to see the words through the grit and grim.
"Yes, I do deliveries!" I said reading it to myself, "No hooves, nasty stingers? No service" I stopped reading. I brought my hands up to eye level. I let out a disappointed sigh and let them fall limp to my sides. I heard some racket come from the store and turned to see a pissed off stallion storm out the front door.
"Hey bro, you okay?" I asked him.
"No I'm not fucking okay, I just got fired." he said with a huff.
"Fired from what?" I inquired.
"My job."
"Well no shit, what was it?"
"I was a caravan guard."
Apparently the wasteland was smiling on me. Without saying a word I walked passed the disgruntled stallion.
"Hey, where you going." he called after me.
"To take your job." I said with a chuckle. pushed the door open. I leaned against the door frame and said,
"I heard a position for a new caravan guard just opened up."
Ditzy stepped out from behind the counter and into the light. For a ghoul pony she didn't look as grotesque as I expected her to. She began to look me over.
"I'm fully equip, I have experience killing creatures and raiders alike," I stated, "....And I'll do it for half of what you were paying that guy."
Ditzy walked over and pick up a pen in her mouth. She wrote something on a notepad. She lifted it up and showed it to me.
"Your hired."
I was fucking beaming.

I pulled up a chair and sat down at a poker table in the New Appaloosa saloon. I slid my helmet off and placed it on the table.
"Alright boys, what are we playing?" I asked.
"Appaloosa hold'em." stated the unicorn dealer. A waitress came up and asked me what I wanted to eat. I ordered a Sparkle~Cola, non-radiated, and her if she was available. She just rolled her eyes and trotted away.
"Rejected." the emerald pony sitting next to me said with a grin and a laugh. I ignored him and picked up my cards; a queen and an eight of hearts. I pulled a gemstone from my pocket and threw it into the pot. The dealer placed three cards on the table. I had nothing but hopes and prays.
"All in." I said tossing the rest of the gems I had into the pot. Everypony folded except for one, who also when all in. He wore a fedora and a pair of sporty shades. The dealer placed down the last two cards. I looked at my cards.
"FUCK YEAH, royal flush!" I said placing my cards on the table. The other pony grit his teeth as he placed his cards on the table, showing a pair of kings. I started taking fistfuls of caps and gems and shoving them in my pockets.
"He cheated." the pony stated.
"Bullshit." I said putting the last of the caps in my pocket. The pony stood up and reached for a pistol that he had strapped to his flank. Before he could pull the gun out of its holster I took my helmet and tossed it, hitting him in the head. He stumbled backwards. I took that opportunity to tackle him. I attempted to pin him to the ground, but he shoved me off with his hind legs. I collided with the poker table, sending caps and cards soaring through the air. I stood back up and charged at him, only to have his hoof connect with my nose. I held my now broken nose, blood flowing freely down my face. I raise my hand into the air. The stallion looked up at it. I let out a laugh as I brought my knee up, colliding is with the pony's chin. He let out a stream of profanity as he held his jaw. I wrapped my arms around his torso and lifted him onto my shoulder. He flailed his legs violently. He cocked his hind leg back and kicked my across the temple full force. I wobbled a little as small white dots crossed my vision. I shock my head and regained focus. I charged towards the front door. There were windows on either side. I stopped short of the door and let momentum take the stallion. He sailed through one of the windows and out into the street. I stood over him and shouted,
"Am I a cheater now, bitch! Next time you accuse someone of something you better have some shit to-" my rant was cut short by the sound of a bottle breaking and a immense pain in my head. The edges of my vision became dark. I felt a cool liquid run down my neck. I spun back to the saloon to see the waitress from earlier holding a broken Sparkle~Cola bottle. I dropped to my knees, my vision becoming ever more darker.
"I regret nothing." I stated before collapsing on my side.

Their was a defined splatter sound as I regained my vision. I was looking into a sink, which had blood splattered about it. The corners of my sight were blackened. I had no control over my movements.
"Oh joy, one of these dreams again." I thought to myself. The man I was in lifted his arm and wiped his mouth. Blood smeared across his forearm. He lifted his head to look in the mirror but, he didn't see his reflection. He stumbled backwards as Nightmare Moon materialized in the mirror.
"No, I locked you away." he said in a low voice.
"My dear, you are quite naive, aren't you?" She said with a smile,
"You'll never get rid of me. We are one in the same. Just free me and we can rule this world, together."
"I'll never free you." the man said.
"Oh, but you already have. Letting all this anger and sadness into your life has made me powerful once more." Nightmare Moon said.
"NO!" the man shouted as he smashed his fist into the mirror, shattering it. Shards of reflective glass fell to the floor. He looked down at them. In one of the shards he caught the reflection of his own eye. For a split second it flashed a dark blue, then back to its normal brown.
"Your majesty, are your alright?" a voice called from the other side of the door. If I could move my head, it would have perked up in an instant.
"Alright, now I'm interested." I thought.
"Perfectly fine guardsman." the man said. He opened the door and was blinded by a bright light.

I awoke to find myself in a small room. The walls were a light yellow. I was laying on a rather uncomfortable cot. I sat up and reached up to scratch my head. I heard a metallic clanging sound and looked down. My hands were bound by a set of rusty shackles. I looked around the room. Large iron bars blocked me from the entrance. I walk over and peered through the bars. A pony wearing a cowboy hat was asleep at a desk. Their was a shiny star pinned to his hat.
"Hey, deputy asshole!" I shouted at him. He grumbled and opened his eyes. He trotted out from behind the desk and over to my cell.
"What?" he growled.
"Why am I in here?" I asked.
"Assault."
"Assault?! The guy was pulling a gun on me!"
"Yeah, sure." he said, rolling his eyes. I let out an angry sigh.
"How much?" I inquired.
"What?" the pony asked.
"How much to let me out?"
"The bail's five hundred caps." he said. I smiled, knowing I had more than twice that, and reached down into my pocket. It was empty. I reached into my other pocket, which was also empty. I checked ever pocket and each and every one of them were completely empty.
"The guy looted me." I said angrily.
"That's not my problem." The pony said as he turned away from the cell. He walked back to his desk. I sat on the cot and let out a sigh. The door swung open and Ditzy Doo walked in. She threw a sack onto the desk and pointed a hoof at me. The deputy pulled a set of keys out of the drawer and walked over to my cell. He unlocked the door and unshackled me.
"Thank you Miss Doo." I said, rubbing my wrists. She reached into her saddle-bag and pulled out her notepad.
"Are you okay?" she wrote.
"Yeah, thanks." I replied.
"Good, don't do anything like that again." She wrote. I chucked.
"Why'd you bail me out?" I asked.
"I have a job and I'm short on guards." she wrote. I nodded and followed her out the front door. We started walking towards Absolutely Everything when a familiar, fedora wearing, stallion came running up to me.
"Hey, listen, I'm sorry I got you put in jail." he said.
"Oh, but your not sorry for attempting to kill me or for robbing me?" I said in an angry tone.
"I do feel bad about that too, that's why I brought you these." he said reaching into his saddlebag. He pulled out my weapons and my helmet.
"What about my caps?" I inquired.
"I spent them already…" he started, "on hookers and chems." he mumbled as he quickly looked away, embarrassed.
"Good man." I said with a grin. I held out a hand and he shook it.

After helping pack up the wagons we hit the road. I was sitting on top of a batch of barrels, surveying the area trough my Longshot scope. I put the sniper across my lap and gave a thumbs up to Ditzy. She nodded and pulled out her notepad.
"By the way, what happened to your nose?" she wrote down.
"My nose?" I asked, reaching up. When I touched it a wave of pain was sent through my face. I unstrapped my helmet from my belt and looked in the reflection from the eyes. Their was a piece of medical tape across it. I had completely forgotten that it had been broken in the fight at the saloon.
"It's broken." I told Ditzy.
"Hey, human," Railright called. He spat the word 'human' like it was acid on his tongue.
"Go up on that ridge and scout the area." he commanded.
"Okie dokie lokie." I said in a cheery tone. I hopped off the wagon and climbed the hill. Once I was at the top I laid down and flipped out the bipod on the Longshot. I started scanning the area. Their were several destroyed housed but I didn't see… wait, there's someone down their. I increased the zoom of the scope from 6x to 12x. Their were three ponies, two stallions, both earth ponies, and a small filly, a unicorn. The stallions wore raider armor. The filly was laying on the ground, the stallions standing over her. She pulled herself up only to be forced back to the ground by one of the stallions. He then took a position behind her. Her was about to do something terrible to that filly, but I didn't give him the chance. I squeezed the trigger and sent a bullet through the raider's skull. His body fell on top of the filly. The second raider stallion attempted to run, but didn't get to far. I pulled the bolt on the sniper back, releasing the spent cartridge. I pulled out another from my packet and placed in the rifle. I pushed the bolt back in and lined up the shot. I slowly let my breath out of my lungs as I put pressure on the trigger. The gun fired and the raider dropped, blood leaking from a hole in his noggin. I stood up and reloaded the rifle. I motioned to the caravan that it was safe. The moved the gauntlet of destroyed houses. I slide down the ridge and dropped back. I waited for the caravan to move out of sight before I went over to the first raider that I had shot. I pushed his body with my foot. The filly was still under him, covered in his blood.
"Are you okay?" I asked as I knelt down. She looked up at me and nodded. Her cheeks were stained with tears and blood. I started wiping some of the blood off, but I stopped. A distant mix of humming and clanking infiltrated my ears. I looked up from the filly and saw three more raiders. Two with melee weapons and the other with a mini-gun battle saddle. The sounds were coming from the battle saddle as it revved up. I quickly scooped up the filly and sprinted for cover. I reached the remains of a wall just sat the mini-gun started firing. I placed my back against the wall so that the bullets had to got through the wall and me to get the filly. Bullets ripped through the wall with ease. I felt them as they collided with my armor, leaving small dents every time they struck. The mini-gun stop with a sudden clang I peaked around the cover to see the raider kicking the battle saddle. It must have jammed or he's reloading it, either way now was my chance. I placed the filly on the ground and told her to stay put. I pulled the boltok pistol out of its holster. I walked out from behind the wall and fired three shots. Two bounced of his armor, but the third hit him in his unprotected knee. He dropped on his front legs. I walked up to him and placed my gun against his forehead.
"What are you." he asked in a weak tone.
"The messiah of death." I said with a confident smile. I pulled the trigger, spraying blood and brains out the back of his head. I spun the gun around my finger and chuckled. The filly scream and I sprinted back to her, only to find one of the raiders pulling the nails of a nail board out of her head. The other was behind him with a satisfied grin on her face. I fired off two shots into the raider behind the nail board raider. I aimed at him and pulled the trigger but nothing happened. The raider just stood their, from either fear or stupidity. He came to his senses and tried to run. I drew my sword and dived at him, landing the serrated blade in the center of his back. It went straight through his body like it was butter. I jerked it to the side and heard a crack as his spinal cord snapped. His hind legs fell limp as I pulled the sword out. I slide it back into its sheath. He tried pulling himself away with his front hooves, but I stepped on his tail,
"Oh-ho-ho I'm not done with you." I dragged him by his tail and slammed him against the wall. I walked over to a stack of ruble and grabbed a stick that was on top of the pile. I walked back over to the raider and placed the end of the stick on his head. I lifted it over my head and brought it down, full force on the raider's head. The end snapped of to a point. Blood ran down the raiders face and dripped off his snout. I picked him up by his throat and slide him up the wall, leaving a trail of blood going up it. I took the sharp end of the stick and drove it through his chest, pinning him to the wall. Blood rolled down the wall and formed a puddle at the bottom. I got dizzy and sat down. I looked up at what I had just done.
"What the fucks wrong with me. I would never do something like this." I said looking at my blood stained gloves. I looked over at the body of the filly… here eyes were still open. I looked into those big, lifeless eyes and saw my own reflection. I closed them and just sat there. I was the cause of this, I was the cause of everything. Sad classical music played in my head… wait, that's not I'm my head. I looked up to see a Sprite-bot silently floating by. I need something to take my emotion out on, at that was it. I tackled it and pinned it down between my legs. I started punching the face plate of it, and didn't stop until the metal had ripped through my gloves and my knuckles were bleeding. I had punched it so much that the face plate was dented in. I got off of it and let it float away.

After running for a full hour I finally caught up to the caravan.
"Where were you?" one of the guards asked. I slowed down and caught my breath before saying,
"I had just fallen behind." I lied. I saw the our destination off in the distance. A light shown from a barn. I hopped up on the back of the wagon and rested the rest of the way there.

I hopped off the back of the wagon and walked towards the barn. I nudged the door open and saw Little Pip and Velvet Remedy huddled next to a filly. I looked around the room and saw a ball of swirling colors. I started walking towards it, unable to stop myself. I felt a tug on my belt and I snapped back to reality. I turned to see Calamity biting my belt.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." he said. I nodded and walked back out of the barn. I walked over to the silo and stepped in. I was instantly overwhelmed by the amount of confetti and party decorations. A large poster of Pinkie adorned the wall. I stared at it. I just stood there and stared. I felt a feeling in my chest, one that I only felt when I was around Pinkie. To put it in girly terms, it was like a thousand butterflies were kissing my heart. Now, to put that in manly terms, it's like seeing a gun that shots another gun that shots a chainsaw. I think that feeling is called love. I was in love with Pinkie Pie. I felt a hoof poke my in the backside(Not in that way!). I turned to see one of the miscellaneous caravan guards.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"Perfectly fine." I answered.
"Well everyone's been looking for you for a half an hour."
I pulled my helmet of my belt and slid it on, activating the HUB. Sure enough I had been in there for a half an hour, although it had only felt like five minutes. I left the silo and walked back to the barn. I stepped in, making sure not to look at the balefire bomb. I saw a pair of saddle-bags sitting against the far wall. I looked over my shoulder to see if their was anyone watching, then knelt next to them and them open. I rummaged through the mix of medical supplies, ammunition, and food until I found what I was looking for. I lifted the Pip-buck out of the saddle-bag and placed my hand over the screen. Small wires sprouted out of it and connected to the Pip-buck. Within seconds metal started to form around my left wrist and created my very own Pip-buck. I dropped to Pip-buck back in the saddle-bag and closed it up. I pressed the buttons on the Pip-buck. In the inventory section their was a book. "Pip-buck instruction manual" read the title. I clicked on it and it materialized in front of me.
"Cool." I found myself saying as I picked it up and began to read. It was short and to the point, telling me that whatever I put in my inventory gets datatized and the weight gets distributed throughout my body. I looked over at the balefire bomb. I dropped the book on walked over to it. Once I got close the Geiger counter started ticking. I hesitantly placed my hand on top of the bomb and absorbed it into my inventory. Don't ask me how because I don't know, it just happens.

I had left the caravan behind and had started following Little Pip and her entourage. I had left something for Ditzy back at Absolutely Everything.

Meanwhile, at the Legion Of Do… I mean, Absolutely Everything. Ditzy flipped on the light switch and trotted over to counter. On it lie a note and a strange tablet. The note read "Play Me". The tablet lit up and had a white arrow on it. Ditzy pressed with he hoof and a song started playing( [link] ). She sat on her haunches and listened.

I had been following Little Pip for a while now. I was attempting to stay hidden, but that was difficult because I had to stay far enough away that Little Pip's E.F.S. didn't pick me up and Calamity wouldn't see me when he did his fly-overs to scout the area. These are the times when I wish I had the MGS4 stealth suit. I was sitting on a ridge above an encampment made from old carrier train cars. I was playing music to keep myself awake. I had been following Little Pip for utmost of thirty miles. I looked up in the sky and saw God… sorry I mean Gawd. I watch as she landed in front of Pip and the crew and escort them into her fortress at gunpoint. I lazily dragged myself to my feet. I snuck around the compound to the back. Gawd's train car was located there. Some of the boards where old and rotted away, making it easy to peak through. I watched as Gawd led Little Pip, Calamity, and Velvet Remedy into the train car. I reached over to my Pip-Buck to turn off the music and listen, but when I looked they was a barrel pointed at my head. The pony wielding the weapon was saying something. I stopped my music.
"Hmm?" I said tiredly.
"I said 'Put your hands in the air unless you want to die.' Did you hear me clear enough that time?" he said in an angry tone.
"Yeah, yeah." I said raising my hands up. He led me through the camp to Gawd's car.
"She's in a meeting right now so your gonna have to wait." the pony said. I rested my head against the side of the car. I started to doze off until I heard the sound of the door sliding open and had a gun jabbed into my side. I climbed into the car and took a seat across the desk from Gawd.
"Who are you?" she asked, looking me over with her good eye.
"I am E621, pony cyborg relations." I said with a tired chuckle.
"Your wearing my already thinned patience." she said. Before I had a chance to give another stupid answer, the guard pony walked up and whispered something to her.
"You know it's dangerous to travel through that wasteland unarmed." she said.
"Who said I was unarmed?" I said in a devious tone. I held out my hand and the boltok pistol materialized in it. I pointed it at her. Both her and the guard pointed their weapons at me.
"Don't worry, it's empty." I said flipping it open, showing her the empty chambers. She lowered her tri-barrel energy rifle. I slid the pistol across the desk and said,
"Is that enough to let me stay here the night? I'm tired as shit."
She started examining it.
"A weapon is no good without bullets." she stated.
"Bullets cost extra." she pointed the tri-barrel at me. I was unfazed.
"Gawdyna Grimfeathers, leader of Gawd's Talons, is going to shoot me over some bullets."
She lowered the weapon and sighed,
"What do you want."
"I want free food, and to stay here until Little Pip leaves."
"You mean that lil' filly that just left?"
I nodded.
"Why?" she inquired.
"Let's just say I'm her shadow and leave it at that." I answered.
"Okay, but no free food." she said.
"How about I give you some information in exchange for that then?"
She leaned over the desk,
"What kind of information?"
"Let's just say Shattered Hoof will be filled with red, and I don't mean blood. Now, if you'll excuse me I'd like to get some well deserved shut-eye."
Before she had a chance to say anything, I stood up and walked out of the car. I walked to the medical area and threw myself on a pile of hay. I started to drift off to sleep but was interrupted by a pony.
"What's wrong with you?" a sweet, caring voice asked.
"Oh, sorry I'm just re…" my voice trailed off when I rolled over to see who was talking. Velvet Remedy was standing over me. She was gorgeous, one of the most beautiful ponies I had ever seen. I could see why Little Pip had a crush on her. She got her face really close to mine.
"Is that you face or are you wearing a helmet?" she asked.
"Yes, because my face is made out of metal." I said. I realized that that sounded mean, "I'm sorry, I didn't for that to sound so dick. Yes it is a helmet."
"Well, are you injured or are you just here for the bed." she asked.
"The bed." I answered.
"Well then, I shall leave you to it. My name is Velvet, by the way."
"Cooper." I said.
"Well, it was a pleasure meeting you, but I have sick ponies to attend to." she said, trotting off. I laid back down and began drifting off to sleep once more.

"My lord, the changelings have broken through the Ponyville defenses. there is nothing stopping them from marching on Canterlot." a guard stated. I was once again seeing through the eyes of the unknown man. He was standing on a balcony staring over Equestria. Green flames raged over the land. He let out a sigh and turned to the guard.
"Let them march, we will be ready." he stated.
"But sire, we've lost most of our men defending the other settlements." the guard stated, obvious fear in his voice.
"Bring me the captain of the royal guard." the man said looking back out over the balcony. After a few moments Shining Armor was presented before the man. He bowed.
"No time for formalities Captain, How many men do you have left?" the man inquired.
"less than a hundred, sir." Shining stated.
"Perfect. Gather them and met me at the town gates. We have an army to slay."

I shot up in my pile of hay. I felt sweat running down my brow. I looked around the room and saw Velvet start trotting towards me.
"Finally your awake, are you okay?" she asked.
"I feel fine, why?" I answered.
"You broke out in a fever in the middle of the night." she put a hoof to my head, "But you seem to be fine now."
I pushed myself to my feet and walked outside. The sun peeked through several holes in the cloud cover. I saw ponies going in and out of a building so I assume that's where the food was. I walked over and pushed the door open. I held it for a group of ponies behind me before stepping in myself. It was dim lit and musty but the food smelled delicious, especially because I haven't eaten in a while. I walked up and asked for some iguana on a stick.
"Gawd told me you were coming, it's on the house." the cook said. I gave him a nod and grabbed my food. The building was filled with diner style booths. I picked one and sat down. Two griffins walked in, one went to order food the other started walking in my direction. He stopped at my table and stood their. I could tell he was going to start something. He placed a talon on the table and cleared his throat to get my attention. I spit out a bone and asked,
"Can I help you?"
"I'm sorry, you must be new here. Everyone knows this is mine and Hawk's table." he said. He voice just pissed me off. You know that douche bag that you knew back in high school, yeah he sounded like him.
"Well, I am currently sitting here so you can fuck off." I said in a calm tone.
"Listen," he leaned across the table, "I don't want to have to embarrass you in front of all everyone, but if you don't get up I'm gonna brake your face, though it looks like someone beat me to it."
He started pushing on my broken nose with a finger. I got mad and slapped the hand he was putting all of his wait on. It slipped away and he slammed his head on the table. I calmly stood up and walked away. The other griffin who I assumed was Hawk ran over to assist his friend. I began to leave and walk towards Gawd's train car house, remembering that I didn't give her the bullets I promised. I didn't get ten steps before I heard footsteps closing in on me. I looked at the ground and at the shadow of a griffin rapidly approaching my own. It cocked it's hand back and I ducked. The punch went over my head. I swept his legs causing him to fall. I took a defensive stance as the griffin rose and brushed himself off.
"You get him Leo!" Hawk called out.
"Alright Leo, let us fight like men." I said, raising my hands in the air in an overly dramatic fashion. I un-clipped my chest piece and threw it aside. I also unzipped my jumpsuit and slipped it off so that it was around my waist. Leo just gave me an awkward stare while I did this. I put my hand up and said,
"Come at me, bro."
Leo charged and me and swung. I dodged it with ease and delivered a punch to his beak. He stumbled backwards and charged again, this time swinging at me with his talons. He dug his claws into my flesh and racked them down my chest, leaving three diagonal cut, deep enough to cause bleeding. I body checked him against a wall. Ponies had started gathering around to watch the fight. I kicked him in the gut, causing him to hunch over. Then, grabbed his head and slammed it against the wall. He slowly slid down the wall and I began to walk away, thinking the fight was over. Once again I heard rapid footsteps approaching me. I turned to see Hawk with a lead pipe in his talon. He took a swing at my midsection. I jump backed, the pipe barely missing my side. He pulled it back and hit me straight on in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me and causing me to dropped to my knees. I gasped for air as I looked up at him. He looked at the pipe then back at me. He pulled it back and swing the pipe full force, connecting it with my skull. I instantly fell unconscious.