Gilda the Griffon was miffed. She had never been treated so poorly anywhere.
She visited Ponyville to see one of her best friends, Rainbow Dash. Gilda hadn't seen Rainbow in two years and wanted to catch up.
The two of them clearly had improved greatly on their flying skills. In many ways, Rainbow Dash was as cool as ever.
That made sense. Ponies and griffons alike looked up to Rainbow Dash in flight school. Not only was Rainbow awesome at flying but she was also a cool pony with a cool attitude.
Gilda was amazed then that Rainbow Dash became friends with possibly one of the lamest ponies ever. A pink earth pony named Pinkie Pie with fucking balloons as a cutie mark. Gilda went to the worst party of her life. Pinkie Pie pulled some lame pranks on Gilda like a dribble cup and spitting snakes. Gilda couldn't believe that she could have been humiliated by such pranks which her little sister could have pulled off in a less juvenile manner.
Why did Rainbow Dash take the blame?
What did that pink pony do to Rainbow Dash? Gilda was convinced that Pinkie Pie was more than lame. She was pure evil.
No way was Rainbow Dash supportive of such lameness, Pinkie must have done something terrible to Rainbow.
The only pony besides Rainbow Dash, who seemed to show any semblance of courtesy towards Gilda during her stay was some nerdy purple unicorn, Gilda forgot her name but it made sense, the unicorn seemed a tad smarter than Rainbow Dash's other friends. The unicorn had a vocabulary beyond that of a little kid, unlike some other pony... Gilda hoped she never had to see Pinkie Pie ever again. Gilda hoped she would see Rainbow Dash again at some point. Rainbow would realize soon enough that Pinkie was a loser. Or even worse, Gilda thought, what if Rainbow Dash had a reason to fear the bouncy pink pony and that was why Rainbow covered up for Pinkie Pie.
Gilda was flying quickly out of Ponyville. Gilda wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. A few moments after she started, Gilda felt a sting on her neck. Gilda could no longer fly. Gilda felt herself fall but must have gone unconscious before she landed onto the ground.
Gilda woke up, where was she, the ground was made of stone and felt cold. Gilda certainly was no longer in the air. Gilda opened her eyes. It was dark. She couldn't see a damn thing. What the fuck? Gilda would have tried to escape but her body was too weak. With the exception of her head, Gilda couldn't move a muscle.
Gilda heard laughter. She growled upon hearing it. Gilda knew that laughter all too well. Pinkie Pie. The laughter kept going and going. Given Gilda's situation, she lost her ability to gauge time accurately, so Gilda couldn't tell how long the laughter went on. Things would go from bad to worse.
Gilda then heard the laughing maniac speak.
"Good morning, Ms. Grumpy McMeany Pants. I hope you slept well!"
A light turned on. The brightness was too much for Gilda's eyes causing her to squint. Gilda saw she was face-to-face with Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pie was wearing a black robe but Gilda could see Pinkie's face along with Pinkie's big lame grin.
"Fuck you", responded Gilda. Gilda noticed her voice sounded raspier than usual.
"You seem awake. That's super duper great. We have a big day planned just for you, isn't that fantastic!"
No sense of sarcasm in Pinkie's voice but Gilda doubted the day would be fantastic for her.
"I will take that as a yes", said Pinkie with a grin, "today is your judgment day. It is one of Pinkie Pie's favorite days."
Judgment day? How dare this bitch? Only a Griffon God could give a judgment day to a griffon. Gilda also silently wished that the Griffon Gods would give Pinkie her deserved judgment. If Gilda could eventually gain her strength back, she would rip Pinkie to shreds. Surely, no one would fault her - it would be self-defense.
"It is super awesome too. I used to be the judge, the jury, and the executioner but then I told my friend, Twilight Sparkle, about what I was doing. Twilight thought it wasn't a fair system. She told me that the judge shouldn't be the jury and that, ideally, the jury needed to consist of more than one pony. I asked Twilight though if a judge could be an executioner and she told me she didn't see any conflict in that regard since the judge makes a final judgment prior to the execution. So, now, I am the judge and the executioner. There is a jury of ponies now. I have five but we're still waiting on one. I still like the old way better but this will do."
"I wonder why", said Gilda. Good, good, her voice sounded a little stronger.. perhaps Gilda would be able to regain her strength during this sham of a trial.
"I know. I have been using my axe a lot less since I started using a jury."
Gilda had a chance. Perhaps, this jury had reasonable ponies. Ones who wouldn't simply go with Pinkie's homicidal desires. Gilda looked into Pinkie's eyes. Behind that smile of hers, Gilda could see hatred. Pinkie Pie wanted Gilda dead. The nuttiest thing was that Pinkie had done this before and many times. Any sort of guilt Gilda might have felt for her bullying dissipated. Pinkie was nuts. How can anyone support this system?
"JURY, PRESENT YOURSELVES", shouted Pinkie Pie.
Gilda saw four ponies: a mint-colored unicorn with a lyre cutie mark, a beige colored earth pony with three ribbons as her cutie mark, a orange colored earth pony with carrot cakes as a cutie mark, and a blue colored earth pony with cup cakes as a cutie mark. Gilda never met any of them and she didn't care about any of them. They all had stupid-ass cutie marks. Rainbow Dash's cutie mark, a cloud with a three-colored lightning bolt, seemed to be the exception rather than the norm among cutie marks regarding coolness.
"Jurors, before you, is the defendant, Gilda the Griffon. She has done some horrific crimes regarding goodness in Ponyville. However, there is only one crime which brings Gilda here today. She did something extra nasty by roaring at Fluttershy causing her to cry. Fluttershy was simply helping some ducks cross the street and accidentally bumped into Gilda. Gilda responded to this accidental encounter by being a bully to Fluttershy, roaring at her, and causing her to cry. Isn't that just so mean?"
Gilda rolled her eyes. Fluttershy..that was her name. Fluttershy seemed rather weak and delicate, surely anyone could make her cry...even this loud, obnoxious pink pony rambling on about goodness. This wasn't fair at all.
"Don't we need to wait for the fifth juror", asked Gilda. She was hoping to stall time.
"Nah, we can start now. I will just let the fifth juror know about your misdeeds when the juror gets here."
"Let me guess, Fluttershy."
"Oh no. You should wish Fluttershy was on the jury though. She is super nice. Even though you were mean to her, she would never ever want you to die."
Gilda glanced at the four jurors. What would they say about her? None of them looked too happy, but maybe that wasn't a bad thing, Pinkie Pie looked happy.
"Why can't I just apologize to Fluttershy and we can end this madness", asked Gilda.
"You have done many horrible things while in Ponyville, I don't think an apology to Fluttershy would suffice", said Pinkie.
Gilda could feel the rage building up inside of her. This was all about what Gilda did to Pinkie. Hopefully, the jury would be able to see that Gilda wasn't that bad of a griffin and the "judge" held significant bias. However, Gilda supposed that the only ones brought to "trial" were those Pinkie disliked.
Pinkie went on and on about how mean of a griffin Gilda was.
"We might as well let each juror vote now. The fifth one hasn't arrived yet but maybe we won't need the fifth one", said Pinkie while bouncing.
Gilda wished she could make Pinkie bounce into a tree.
The four jurors began to think to themselves. Gilda got nervous. The only juror who seemed to look at Gilda sympathetically was the unicorn. She looked at Gilda with sad and apologetic eyes, probably thinking that Gilda would not come out of this alive.
It seemed to take forever.
"Okie dokie lokie! Too bad that silly Juror #5 hasn't gotten here yet but have you all come to a decision?"
The four jurors nodded.
"Alright, Lyra Heartstrings!"
The unicorn.
Lyra stood up.
"Based on the evidence presented before me, I cannot find Gilda deserving of the punishment before her. Surely, even though her actions are not the kindest or most thoughtful, I can see glimpses of goodness in Gilda the Griffon and think she deserves to live."
"Okie dokie lokie!"
The other three jurors were scowling. This didn't look good for Gilda. Hell, Pinkie got the fucking pony from whom she stole an apple... fuck this.
"Bon Bon."
The young earth pony from whom she stole an apple.
"Based on the evidence before me and from that I had seen Gilda do many of these horrible things, unlike Lyra, I believe that Gilda is guilty and deserves her punishment of death."
"You have a witness on the jury! That's deplorable", shouted Gilda.
"Twilight never said I needed to do so."
That's probably because this dense sadist never thought to ask.
"Alrighty, so it is one to one. Oh Gilda, I wonder what will happen to you."
Gilda snarled. How petty were these ponies?
"Okay, next up is Cup Cake."
The stout and blue middle-aged earth pony stood up.
"It appears that Gilda lacks any true sense of remorse for her actions. She is far from fit to be a living being. I vote that Gilda be killed." Cup Cake turned to Pinkie as she nodded with approval.
Gilda wanted to cry but held back the tears. Gilda began to shudder. How? Why? Pinkie Pie... Gilda saw a different look in Cup Cake than in Bon Bon. Bon Bon seemed angry at Gilda. However, Cup Cake simply seemed afraid of Pinkie. Gilda knew she did nothing wrong. Gilda felt herself become a little stronger. She would soon be able to kill Pinkie herself.
"Carrot Cake!"
The lanky middle-aged earth pony stood up. He cleared his throat anxiously.
"Before us, we have heard the tales of a griffin who had no qualms about abusing anypony she considered to be lame or uncool. Gilda roared at poor Fluttershy. She showed a disregard for Pinkie Pie's life by popping the balloons on her flying contraption. She is a thief and a bully. Gilda is perhaps the prime example as to why ponykind is superior to griffonkind. Vermin. However, we must also look at precedent. In a similar case involving a pegasus who 'mysteriously' moved to Cloudsdale afterward, we ultimately decided to not let that pony die. Just because the defendant is a griffin, roared at Fluttershy, and was mean to the Honorable Pinkamena Diane Pie doesn't mean we need to resort to killing her. A monster, yes. However, in order to preserve fairness, I vote that Gilda the Griffon be not punished to her death."
For a baker, he was surprisingly eloquent. Despite the fact that Carrot Cake seemed to not think highly of griffons, Gilda was grateful that he voted in her favor.
"So, I guess we have to wait on that fifth juror, huh", said Gilda with a grin.
"Yes, we will", said Pinkie Pie while glaring at Carrot Cake.
The room became quiet except for Pinkie Pie's laughter.
Gilda couldn't take it anymore. The effects of whatever Pinkie gave her were wearing off.
Gilda could feel her wings move a little bit.
The fifth juror arrived. Gilda didn't know what to think. The juror was Rainbow Dash.
"Oh, Rainbow Dash. I am super glad to see that you were able to arrive", said Pinkie, "the trial is almost over. Four of the ponies already voted."
"Guess I won't be here for long, who is the..."
Rainbow's eyes met Gilda's.
"Holy shit."
Rainbow looked angry.
"Pinkie Pie, I thought we talked about this", said Rainbow Dash.
"I know but Gilda is the perfect candidate for execution. She is possibly one of the nastiest and most awful beings I have seen in my whole life." Pinkie glared at Carrot Cake again.
Gilda realized that Pinkie was smarter than how she looked or acted. Pinkie did something to have her think that both the Cakes would vote to have Gilda killed. However, Carrot Cake stood up for himself. And now Rainbow Dash was here, surely she wouldn't vote to have Gilda killed. Gilda was going to live.
"Rainbow Dash, have you made your decision?", asked Pinkie Pie.
"Yea, duh, Gilda doesn't deserve to die but there are a few things I want to say to Gilda..."
"Huh", Gilda was confused.
"Gilda. I do not like you. I never really liked you actually. You would always cling on to me at flight school because you thought that would make you cooler or something. I didn't even want you to visit me but you would whine like a little bitch. And yea, those pranks at that party were mine by the way, I was glad that they all set off on you. Buzz off and I never want to see you again, have a nice life."
Gilda felt the tears come down her eyes. How could Rainbow Dash say such awful things? They were friends, or at least Gilda thought they were.
"I hope you learned your lesson", said Pinkie Pie solemnly.
"Fuck you", said Gilda with a snarl.
"Oh, we were never actually going to kill you", said Pinkie with a cheer.
Gilda was confused.
"So you did all of this just to mess with me."
"I suppose we did", said Carrot Cake, "do you actually think Pinkie Pie would execute other living beings? This is the first trial we have ever done."
Pinkie and Rainbow giggled.
"Fuck all of you", said Gilda, "I guess I did learn something important today. Rainbow Dash is a fucking lame-o."
"Consider yourself pranked to the extreme", said Rainbow.
"This was more than a prank. Pinkie fucking tranquilized me and kept me in this basement. All of you led me to believe I was going to die. Whatever I did to any of you, that was more than payback. I should kill each and every one of you now."
"Ooh ooh, we even had scripts", said Pinkie, "I can show you mine."
"I would rather not", groaned Gilda.
"Look, Gilda. I finally told you what I thought of you. Why don't you just leave and never come back?", said Rainbow.
"Whatever. I knew this was all a farce anyway. Unlike what I said before, Rainbow Dash, don't bother to find me since you will never be cool again."
Gilda felt her strength return and quickly flew away. She wanted to get out of this nutjob of a town as soon as possible. Gilda couldn't believe that Rainbow Dash didn't like her. Even though Pinkie Pie was never going to execute Gilda and probably never killed another pony, Pinkie was still evil as far as Gilda was concerned. Pinkie made Rainbow say those horrible things. Pinkie had too much influence and power over the other ponies. However, Gilda didn't care. She knew she was better off to leave Rainbow Dash in Ponyville with the other lame ponies. Never again.