Guessing Game
It was of no use. Try as she might, Twilight Sparkle just wasnt feeling all that excited. Granted, the history of the day was quite interesting, but... she just wasnt all that taken by the Hearts and Hooves Day Party. But even though she wasn`t feeling all that festive at the moment, why should she spoil the fun of others? So she adjourned to the wall with a stein of cedar beer, sipping the frothy beverage languidly, as she took in the atmosphere of jubilation.
Rainbow Dash was competing with Rarity, of all ponies, in a heated game of limbo. While she expected that much from gung-ho pegasus, it was surprising that fashionista unicorn would vest so much in a silly party game. But then again, maybe that was precisely it. At the party game, Rarity didnt have to pay heed to any notion of property or decorum, she was expected to behave silly and have fun. Off to the side, magician spotted Fluttershy tending to the fillies and colts. She seemed to connect with children particularly well, and the rapport she enjoyed was overwhelming. Twilight couldnt help but marvel at the sight of almost all of Cheerilee`s class hanging off every word, as timid pegasus spun some sort of tale for them.
Pinkie Pie was all over the place, of course. Everywhere and nowhere. Wise from previous experience, Twilight did not even attempt to locate the pink mare. Her working theory was that during the party duration, Pinkie Pie entered into localised quantum probability cloud state, and therefore, was literally everywhere and nowhere in the same time. There was a whole lot of quantum about the pink mare, period. That left... Applejack. Who, as lavender unicorn expected, should have been competing with Rarity and Rainbow Dash in that game...
However, farmer pony turned out to be positioned right next to her, a cup of cider in her hooves. "Twilight? Ah wanted ta ask if somethangs botherin ya." - she offered casually. "Bothered? Me? Why do you even think Im bothered?" - offered Twilight, - "Im just not as good at parties as most people are, and my backs still sore after the dance and all." Applejack doffed her stetson hat - "Ah hear ya, sugarcube. Ya really cut loose with that thar dance, by golly. But still... Look, Ah aint good with subtlety, so Ahm gonna tell ya straight. Ah kin see yer thinkin some stuff over... And while there aint a thing wrong with thinkin, Ah get tha feelinyer not thinkin about anythang happy right now."
Taking a sip from her stein, unicorn sighed - "Well... You are right. Im thinking about some stuff. However, what Im thinking about should not be talked about." Orange mare did a doubletake. Setting the cup down gingerly, she ventured - "Whoah there. Whaddaya mean, should not be talked bout?" Twilights eyes took a slightly far off expression as she mulled her answer over. After a few seconds of silence, she finally offered - "You see... Its the kind of thing that cant be explained. Not in the sense of being impossible to put into words, but... If I were to speak to somepony about what I`m thinking about right now, it would make the whole thing pointless. Futile."
"Ah donget it, Twi. Hows talkinabout somethang can make that somethang pointless?" - retorted Applejack, as she settled down next to Twilight Sparkle, - "Look, Ahm probly not the best kinda person to talk about when its all about really complicated stuff, but ahm not gonna think of ya any different, no matter what ya thinkbout. Ah mean, ya came outta closet justhe other month. Ah cannae think of anythang thatd be harder to talk about then that."
Unicorn shrugged slightly, peering at Applejack out of corner of her eye. "I see youre set on finding out..." - she offered finally, rubbing her forehead with hoof, - "So lets make a deal. Ill explain what Im thinking about, if you promise to keep it to yourself. And no, Im not asking you to lie about what we talked about - if someone becomes overly curious, you can tell them Ive sworn you to silence in a good conscience. Sound fair enough to you?" After a moment of consideration, Applejack nodded - "Ah reckon its fairnough for me. Now spill the beans."
"...Its pretty simple, actually. I feel lonely." - offered Twilight quietly, - "In a romantic sense, I mean." Applejack blinked - "Thats it? Huh. Yer can be so silly at times, Twi. Come on, Ahll hook ya up, as Rainbow says, in ten seconds flat." Unicorn merely shook her head, bemused - "I know you would, but thats exactly the kind of thing I dont want." Twilight took a long sip of her beer and continued - "This is what makes talking about this kind of thing pointless, you see. I dont really want someone whod take interest in me because theyre told to. Think about it. Suppose Id just lean to you right now, and say something to the tune of "Hey, Applejack. Im feeling lonely. I wish I were that suave to pick up mares like you do." How would you feel about that? And what are the chances you`d offer to go out with me simply out of pity, if I were to venture with that kind of inquiry?"
Applejack closed her mouth with audible clop, blinking at unicorn, - "What the hay, Twilight? Whered all that thang came from? Ah... Ah...dangit, now yer broke mah brain." Twilight shrugged, looking on Applejack apologetically - "I warned you its an iffy topic. To continue this line of thought, now that Ive told you how it is... Suffice to say that if you were interested, I would have humongous reservations about following through with that, because Id be constantly plagued by suspicion it`s not interest but pity."
"OOkay, Ah git it. Say, sugarcube, whats with this huge hookup on that pity thing you keep talking about?" - offered orange pony, looking on her conversation partner. Lavender mare took a long sip of her beer again, setting the stein down - "Mm. Thats a good batch... Hookup? Oh, thats actually simple, Applejack. I am pretty proud of who I am and what I am. I know Im not inferior to any of the ponies out there, and in fact, can best a lot of them indubitably. And so, I refuse a notion that I could be so unwanted as to consent to pity dating. There is more to me then just loneliness, and I would want somepony who can see that much, at least."
"Okay, now that Ah can get jusfine. And yer right, theres more to ya then just beinlonely. But still, aint ya takinthis a mite too far? Ah mean, yer tellin me yer gonna just sit in that library of yours, waitinfer yer princess charming... Oh crud. It aint princess you set your eyes on, Twi, is it?" Twilight giggled softly, shaking her head - "No, no. Lunas pretty alluring, I guess, but I havent had a chance to talk to her at length, even, much less consider her from... more intimate points of view. As for Celestia, just... no. What I think of her is much closer to definition of mother then of lover. And to answer your question, thats more or less it. See, if I had someone Id develop an interest in, I would attempt to ask them out. The thing is, Im not, uh... fancying anyone at the moment. That feeling of loneliness is generic, not a longing for someone specific. If I knew where the root of my problem were, Id already do something to deal with it, you know."
"Well, now aint that a pickle. Ta be honest, Ah donno what to tell ya, Twilight. Ah can see where youre cominfrom, Ah guess, but somethang in yer words feels off. Ah wish I could tell ya what." - offered Applejack after a few moments, finishing her cider. Twilight merely shrugged - "Thats alright, AJ. Im well aware its a problem I have to figure out myself." She sloshed the remains of beer in her stein and then drained them in one long gulp - "Haah. The way I figure it, I first need to get interested in someone well enough to move past this roadblock."
Orange pony straightened up - "Wait, wait. That aint right. What if someponys already interested in you? Yer gonna give em a pass?" Unicorn waved her hoof dismissively - "As of now, its pretty certain noone is." "How do you figure that, Twi?" - asked Applejack curiously, her interest piquing. How`d Twilight be able to claim that with such certainty and almost brash dismissal?
Why do you think I`ve gone through with the whole "out of closet" thing, AJ?
Cause ya found out yer preferences an` decided ya dinnaewanna live the lie no more, I reckon?
Oh, please. Ive been quite certain I like mares pretty much since early adolescence. Its kind of hard to miss when you get weak in the knees at the sight of pretty filly, but colts register about as much as furniture.
Hardcore, Twi. Way hardcore. Aight, so yer knew yer gay for a while... Well, my second guess would be you got yer eye on somepony... No?
Sorry, but that`s the second miss, AJ. Want a third try, or I should just tell you the real reason?
Huh, well, ah... No, thatd be silly... Hm. So what if ya... Naw. Aight, Twi, Ahm all out of guesses. What was that thang all `bout?
An invitation, AJ.
An... invitation?
Yeah. See, one of the biggest hurdles gay ponies have to overcome when theyre looking for a date is not being aware of sexual orientation of pony theyre interested in. Its really unpleasant to lay your heart out and hear "Sorry, but I dont swing that way.". And so, it seems that a good deal of ponies miss out on potential partners simply because theyre too wary of rejection to pop the question. So Ive decided to eliminate that hurdle by making it a public knowledge that I`m gay. This way, if there is a mare out there who is interested, she could be sure I am compatible with their desire, at the very least.
Ah... see.
However, as you can see, Ive "spread the word", as it were, a month ago, and Im still quite obviously single. ...And while its unpleasant for me to admit, its due to the fact I`ve yet to receive any kind of proposal.
Ah... see.
And this is how I conclude that right now, there is no mare that holds a romantic interest in me, AJ. Because by now, whole Ponyville is aware of my preferences, courtesy of rumor grapevine. Given that nopony approached me so far about that, I can safely conclude that right now I do not have any suitoresses I`m not aware of.
Ah... guess.
That, coupled with the fact that I am not currently interested in anyone well enough to actually approach them with serious intentions, makes me listless. I`m aware that by the laws of averages there likely is somepony that is well-compatible with me, but knowing that does not do anything with the desire to meet that mare as soon as possible.
Ah suppose.
Lastly, I was kind of hoping that announcing my interest in mares a month in advance of Hearts and Hooves day would land me a date... And Im a bit disappointed that it wasnt so.
OH!
Twilight rubbed her cheek with hoof, and sighed softly - "Its not like I am depressed about it or something. Im still quite young, and statistics say Im very likely to find someone to date before long... but sometimes the voice of reason just isnt strong enough to dull the emotional disappointment." Warily, Applejack offered - "Well, have ya thought of maybe doinmorebout this? Cause in the end, yer juswaitin fer yer princess charminagain. Evah considered jus askinsomepony out? The way Ah hear it, sometimes, ya just aint aware its bloomin love till you actually try datin`."
Twilight stood up - "Ive made a major stride just a month ago, AJ. Theres only so far I can go at once. No, right now Im inclined to wait and see. The news are still fresh on everyone. Perhaps, if I dont get anything worthwhile, Ill try actively asking mares out for next Heart and Hooves Day. Right now, though, Im not feeling like pushing forward, when I cant even see towards whom Im running. If there is somepony, they will make a step of their own... seeing as love is a two-way street and all. And if there isnt yet, then pushing forth is even worse of an idea." She stretched, and yawned - "Im going to make an early exit, AJ. Tell Pinkie I loved the party, but got too tired to stay, alright?"
Applejack followed the unicorn with her eyes, shaking head. "Shes a piece of work, lemme tell ya." - she muttered softly, tugging her hat further over her eyes. "Yeah, she kinda is. Thats our Twilight!" - came the cheerful reply. Orange pony groaned - "Pinkie. How much you`ve heard?"
Nothing, silly! Twilight told you you shouldnt tell anyone, so I didnt hear anything.
Ahm not telling ya a thing, Pinkie. Yer heard all of it, havent ya?
Well, kinda-sorta, yeah.
Soo... what do ya think `bout all this?
I.. um. I don`t think I should say.
Ah, cmon. Like it or not, yer already sayin it.
...Alright, but Applejack? Promise me not to tell it to anyone else.
Ya got it, sugarcube.
No, Pinkie Promise!
...Urgh.. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye! There.
Suddenly, Applejack felt herself glomped. "Hay, what the... Pinkie!?" - she exclaimed, as the pink mare grabbed her in a big hug, looking on her, eyes watering and lip trembling. "Thats... bad promise!" - she said, - "No needles, please!" Orange mare paused, and then facehoofed - "Golly, Ahm sorry, Pinkie. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. There. Ah`m mighty sorry I recalled the, uh... "bad promise"." That seemed to calm Pinkie Pie, although her mane remained flat for a few more moments, recurling slowly.
Uugh, bleh. Nasty bad promise. I wish everyone`d forget the bad promise.
Sorry.
That`s OK, you fixed it. So, anyway, um... What we were talking about?
We werent, Pinkie. Seein as I promised and all. Ahve been askin ya whats yer take on what ye heard, sall.
Well, uh... I don`t know, Applejack. She confuses me.
Confuses ya, Pinkie? Well, that`s gonna be a first.
...I wanted to ask her out. I wanted to, AJ, really Really McReal, I swear. But I dont know howd she take it. I dont think shed like me like me.
Now, why in tarnation won`t she, Pinkie?
Well, shes so smart and serious, and... and Im not.
Well, ya heard it yourself. Right now, you aint got no competition, so go for it. Snot like youll ever gonna know what couldave been, if ya never try, y`hear?
But, but, but... What if she doesnt like it? What it she wont like me like me?
Now, Pinkie, Ah realise ya wanna be sure, but... there just aint no way to be safebout this kinda thang. Ya just haveta take the risk and roll with it. See, how Twis gone and done said she likes mares. She aint got no idea if there is someone outta there, but shes takin her chances. Ya know how some ponies think fillyfoolers are weird. If Twis willin to chance erself like that, Ahm sure ya can take a chance with `er too.
But, but, butbutbutBUT!... What if she does not like me that way?
Ya, could be that way. But yer not gonna know until ya ask. Yave heard her, Pinkie. If ya wanna that lavender flank, yer gonna have to go an hit it yerself.
Huh. You know, what!
What?
Youre super-duper-hyper RIGHT! And Im going to go and hit that flank RIGHT NOW!
Applejack facehoofed - "Yah. Ya do that. Jus... yknow, shriekinit out in the middle of party just aint that good of an idea." Pinkie looked around slowly. Every eye, round and blinking, was trained on her. "Whoopsie?" - she offered, - "Sorry, everypony. I just got a little exited. WOO!" Shaking their heads, everyone went back to party. "That`s Pinkie Pie for you, random as a pie in the sky." - somepony opined.
Applejack followed the departing pony with her gaze, and doffed hat even further, covering her eyes. "Aight, Applejack, olfilly. Yave done what ya could ta help yer friends settle the whole datinbusiness. How about snaggin somethang fer yerself?" - she muttered softly, as she stood up and made her way to the cider barrel to get a refill. Night was still young.
___
Library was quiet. As it behooves a library, really. It was also dark, as could be expected during night. Pushing the door open, Twilight reached out with her magic, sparking the gas lanterns aglow. Warm yellow light flooded the library, welcoming her home. She yawned and stretched. There was no denying it - she loved her home. It.. fit her personality and her idea on what a home should be like. However... at times, she wondered. She thought about what it would be like to share that home with somepony else. Of course, she already shared it with Spike, but... Twilight shook her head. Spike just wasnt the kind of sharing she had in mind when she thought about sharing home with somepony else. No, she was thinking about somepony shed share a bed with as well.
Mulling her ideas over, unicorn moved around, her evening chores done almost automatically. She felt no need for supper, so the entirety of chores consisted of starting the shower. She could use a refresher after party. Mare tested the water with the hoof, finding it much to her liking - warm, without being unpleasantly hot, and stepped into the shower fully, shaking her head a little as the water soaked through the mane, plastering it over her neck and back. Ahh.
For a few minutes, Twilight just stood there, soaking up the warmth of water. Finally, she reached out to pull wet mane out of her eyes. As she did, she came face-to-face with Pinkie Pie. "...GYAAH!... Suns glory, Pinkie!? What are you doing in my shower!?" - unicorn exclaimed incredulously, her back pressed against the tiles as she struggled to contain her surprise. Apparently, Pinkie was in the shower for about as long as she was, her mane and tail heavy and straight with water, just like Twilights. And the expression she bore was quite less then usual for a happy-go-loony mare. In all honesty, serious expression on Pinkie Pie looked about as reasonable as an alligator in the bathtub.
Sorry, didn`t mean to scare you, Twilight.
...Thats OK. Im kind of used to you just... appearing, Pinkie. What`s up?
I... um. Please dont think Im weird, but...
You? Weird? Perish the thought, Pinkie. Weird has nothing on you.
Twi... I`m trying to be serious.
...Oh. Its that serious, huh? Well, alright, what its all about? I promise not to think you`re weird.
I... IWANTEDTOASKYOUOUTFORHEARTSANDHOOVESDAYBUTICHICKENEDOUTBECAUSEITHOUGHTYOUWOULDNTLIKEMEANDIMSTILLNOTSUREIFYOUDLIKEMEBUTIJUSTHADTOASKBECAUSEIDNEVERKNOWOTHERWISEANDILLBETHINKINGABOUTITFOREVERSOWILLYOUPLEASEGOOUTWITHMETWILIGHTSPARKLE?
...what?
...I`m sorry. I knew it was a silly idea. Silly, silly Pinkie.
Uh, Pinkie? I couldn`t make out what you said. Can you please say it once again, but slower?
I wanted to ask you out for Hearts and Hooves day but I chickened out because I thought you wouldnt like me and Im still not sure if youd like me but I just had to ask because Id never know otherwise and I`ll be thinking about it forever so will you please go out with me Twilight Sparkle?
...Oer... Yeah, I can see how that would warrant serious expression.
Pausing, Twilight pushed away from the wall, and looked on Pinkie seriously. "Pinkie, I... Look, Im not prepared to deal with a question like this. Normally, Id review my books, write down a plan and make a checklist to make sure Im not missing anything. So..." - she raised her hoof, interrupting whatever excuse Pinkie might have had, - "So, youll have to bear with me just giving you my personal opinion on the matter, as I have a distinct notion that it would be ill-advised to postpone answering that question. So, if youll please answer a few of my questions first, Ill do my best to give you an honest answer to yours."
Uh, alright. But shouldn`t we get out of shower first?
Nah. Ive long ago ascertained that attempting to do the sane thing is asking for a certain doom whenever the question is about you or relationships. So Im going with my gut feeling that tells me I want to stay in the shower. Do you want to stay in the shower?
Um. OK.
Very well. Now, tell me this. Why did you change your mind? You said you chickened out. What gave you the urge to follow through with your proposal after all?
Ah, that. I was sort of upset I chickened out, so I asked Applejack, because she is the element of honesty and shed tell me honestly if I did something silly. So I asked her, and she said that Id never know unless I try.
And what made you chicken out in first place?
...Twi. Youre so smart, and serious and... sane. I dont think you`d like a silly filly like me.
Sane? Heh. That one is up for discussion. After the whole debacle with SmartyPants, Ive had serious doubts about how sane I really am. But thats beyond the point. When did you realise you wanted to ask me out?
Im not really sure. I mean, youre always been a super-duper-good to me, and I always liked you ever since I met you and you are always so nice and even when you`re crazy, not that it happens often, but still you are interesting, and...
Shaking her head, Twilight leaned closer, her hoof closing Pinkies mouth gently but firmly. "Hush. Im asking when you had your first conscious "Im going to ask Twilight out." thought, not when you decided you like me. Im well aware its impossible to tell the last with certainty." - she offered softly, her nose just inches away from Pinkies, maroon eyes staring into blue ones intently. Pinkie`s mouth opened slightly as Twilight removed her hoof, seemingly transfixed as she answered without breaking eye contact - "When you said you like mares."
Nodding, Twilight leaned closer, their noses touching now as she offered - "Very well. You should know this, Pinkie. I dont have much to go on. It seems that the realm of love is even more chaotic and unpredictable then friendship - and as an active participant of my friendship studies, you know how unpredictable it can be. Ive understood some basics, but I`m nowhere near the knowledge, as of now. I like you, and your offer flatters me. I want to accept, but I have to warn you that I will make mistakes. Mistakes, that I will do my best to amend, granted, but... I will be mistaken many times." Pink mare blinked, giggling softly - "Everyone is like that, Twilight. You, me, everyone. We all make mistakes."
Smirking, Twilight leaned in, stealing a kiss from Pinkie - "Im afraid you have no idea what youre getting yourself into, Pinkie Pie. But then again, you are maybe the only pony who can take it." Wet, bedazzled and confused, party mare blinked at unicorn. "I... uh... Are you?... Twi? What are you doing?" Lavender mare shrugged, her muzzle travelling lower as she nuzzled Pinkies neck and nipped softly- "Im being affectionate. Thats what you wanted, wasnt it?"
"But... but... butbutBUT!... Is that what YOU want?" - Pinkie Pie rarely felt like she lost control of the situation, but right now, this was exactly it. Unicorn merely nibbled her again - "Youre in my shower and Im nibbling your neck. What do you think, silly?" Pinkie Pie drew a long breath. Things just didn`t... go according to plan. But then again, it was Twilight who usually made plans. Unless it was a party. But... Mrm. But... But... Oh, fiddlesticks.
"Twi... Not that I complain... Because I dont, really, but... are you sure about that?" - she breathed finally, trying to regain some semblance of control. Magician simply nipped again, trailing lower, her hooves wrapping around Pinkie more, pressing her to the wall. "Of course Im not. I have zero data yet, Pinkie. We have left the realm of theoretical and ventured into experimental about five minutes ago." - replied unicorn cheerfully, leaning up to give Pinkie another kiss - "And I like to experiment. Especially, when the subject of experiment is enigmatic enough to last for a lifetime."
Pink mare finally gathered enough of mental capacity to think and gently but insistently pushed Twilight away, putting some distance between them. "Twi, Im not supposed to be the reasonable one, but arent you moving a bit too fast?" - she offered with as much seriousness as she could muster. Unicorn considered her for a few seconds silently, lips cocked in a little smirk - "Only as far as youre comfortable with. I know I might be obsessive in times, but Id really prefer to avoid doing something... undesirable to you just to satisfy my burning curiosity."
"Yes, Ok, I... Twilight, youre confusing me. Again. I had no idea you could be so... touchy-happy." - Pinkie offered finally, shaking her head - "Again, not that I mind, but... Are you SURE youre not trying to do what you think I want?" Twilight scoffed and shook her head, smiling at Pinkie - "Aw. I understand now. In short, no, dont worry. Its definitely something I want. In long... Lets get out of shower. Lets get some bathrobes on and lets talk. Theres a lot we need to tell each other, I think."
___
Pinkie Pie sighed and stretched, her hoof wrapped around Twilight Sparkles neck, magicians head resting against her chest. A few minutes ago, Twilight dozed away, cuddling against Pinkie. They`ve discussed a lot. A whole lot. And pink mare was still befuddled. Pieces and bits of conversation floated in her head, a veritable chaos of unicorn that refused to compound into anything stable. She had found out that Twilight Sparkle was a very physical pony, that she had a plethora of information about how ponies were built, and that she could make Pinkie Pie shiver in pleasure from a simple backrub.
Things were so... confusing. Each time Pinkie thought she found some kind of snag that could be a problem in their interaction, Twilight had somehow explained it away in a manner that left no wiggle space. In the same time, Pinkie had found many of the reasons and reservations of unicorn to be unnecessary, convoluted and downright implausible. In fact, that was exactly what had confused pink mare so - in a brief few hours they`ve conversed in absolute honesty, each of them stripped so much of layers from each other they might be laid bare before each other now. Things were going so well she could hardly believe it. So well it scared her.
"Shes just as insane as I am." - she whispered softly. Pinkie had no idea where that thought came from, but it fit what she felt at the moment. Indeed, Twilight Sparkle was most likely insane to the same degree as one Pinkie Pie was. In completely different ways, in completely different strokes, but she was exactly where Pinkie was. So close they switched roles without even batting an eye. Just how... interspersed could they become with time? Pinkie suddenly realised she couldnt wait to find out.
