A Chessmaster and his Game

by The P Co

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Human, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 47850

a random man is chosen by a mad god to endure a test of the mind, a test of the emotions, and a test of the body, will Jackson McCard, a lonely scholar with little to live for and nothing lose, survive this test? Read on and find out

Jackson McCard, a young man who recently got out of college in America, and feels like he should leave, so he takes a chance and manages to win the lottery, taking several million dollars with him to Europe, leaving everything and everyone behind.

One day, in his flat, he is visited by a man he thought was only in his imagination, Player, or P1 for short, an insane god of existence-shattering power, who tells him he is going to go to some place called 'Equestria', merely because the deity is bored.

Violently thrown into a colorful world and faced with seemingly endless prejudice of many hues, types, flavors, pitches, and amounts, will he survive in the land of Equestria? Well, he's a Chessmaster of a man, so he's bound to at least do something. Who knows? Maybe he'll find some goodies laying around?

rated for gratuitous foul language and references to explicit activities, but not going into detail about said activities (the farthest I'll probably go is 'and then they fucked'), the 'other' character tag covers for all of the other ponies that are there, but not important enough to be named, the description may be updated as the story goes on, but don't expect anything regularly scheduled or informational

Description update count: 3

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-14 01:50:26 UTC

The Devil doesn't Cry, but he does get tired, and is easily confused by Equestrian stuff

The sabre was surprisingly strong, as Jackson was able to drive it through the demon pony's head with a well-placed thrust.

Then some music started for no apparent reason.

"Eh, it's probably the start of an awesome action scene, I'm ready," Jackson concluded, readying himself.

He heard a sizzling and found that the blood of the demon he killed was now dissolving his sword, and quickly wiped the foul liquid off.

Running as fast as he could, sweating like the Stay-Puft guy sitting around a campfire, he pulled off some awesome moves.

An uppercut to kill one demon warrior, a jumping spin-attack to kill the next, the wrestling move know as a 'clothes-line' with the next, crushing something in the vile thing's neck, he was sweating heavily.

It WAS Hell after all, it was hot as itself and really dark to boot, luckily he found a door that looked like it might offer him sanction.

Then he read the sign above it, "Demon Breeding Pits", oh great.

He cleaned his sword and pulled out his pistol, he didn't want to get anywhere near these things when he was inside, taking a few moments to shoot out the hinges, the tall man kicked the door down.

Inside, many screams and moans of pleasure erupted from a literal pit in the ground, "Eh, it's not so much a breeding 'pit' as it is a breeding 'depression', maybe a breeding 'shallow crater', why am I contemplating this?" he asked himself before opening fire.

A few demon warriors broke in through the door on the far wall, and he killed them too, five-seven rounds straight through their heads, he must have fired about two dozen rounds.

"Wait, two dozen rounds? Shit, I forgot about ammo! I only have one extended magazine, and that only fits thirty!" he exclaimed as he checked the magazine, or he would have, if there was a magazine

The bottom face of the grip was just that, a solid face of plastic, no hole for a magazine to go into, and no special markings that would signify any tampering.

Then a symbol decided to light up and mark itself onto the black plastic with fiery red.

"Great, P1 decided to five me infinite ammo, and tell me about it through the DmC Dante's back tattoo," he jeered, trying to sound sarcastic and mocking, but there wasn't a lot to work with in that sentence.

"Oh well, at least I don't have to worry about running out," he sighed in relief, shooting off many more rounds and killing the quickly approaching demons.

It was really hot, even his hands were getting awfully sweaty, "Great, it's like the Hunger Games, dehydration will kill me where my enemies can not," he groaned in pain, his throat had become dried as well.

There wasn't a lot to drink in Hell, it being, well, Hell and all, so he needed to either MacGyver something up or just Bear Grylls it.

Cleaning off his sword and walking over to some of the corpses in the breeding pit, he sighed in discontent, "Oh well, being a red-mouthed hermaphrodite is better than being dead, I guess," he sighed as he went to work.

He had played this one game, what was it? Corruption of Champions was the name, so he knew that succubi and incubi had drinkable fluids, but he wasn't too keen on getting the same 'fluid' from the latter as one did in the game.

Starting by cutting open the left arm of an incubus, he began drinking up the freely flowing blood, which was surprisingly cool, almost cold in fact, had this thing shot off before it died or something.

Retching and trying to keep himself from vomiting at the thought, the tall man calmed down and resumed drinking the cool, metallic-yet-fruity liquid.

Time for the next one.

He drank about two gallons of incubus blood, each ounce cool, metallic, yet fruity. Yet he felt only half-full on liquid refreshment, and all of his clothes felt quite a bit tighter for some reason.

"Now time to be like a child again," he said in false anticipation as he latched onto a succubus's breast, feeding on the milk inside.

He felt the hell's heat mitigate, painful burning replaced by pleasurable warmth, "Oh yeah, this is great," he groaned out, before using his all purpose mind correction question.

"What am I doing? Okay, I'm drinking breast milk from a dead demon pony thing in the hell of a country populated by talking pony things, and if I'm not mistaken, this breast milk had given me an embarrassingly strong erection, which brings light to the blood's transformation, in the fact that I feel heavier and elongated all over my body," he stood up, the ground noticeably farther away.

He walked over to a mirror posted at the side of the room, taking a tape measure sitting on the drawer, he stopped for a moment, contemplating what he was doing again, "I'm at this sort of station that looks like a preparation station for the *retch* breeding, I'm guessing the measuring tape is for, well, measuring, and unfortunately I know exactly what," he lamented, stretching out the tape to measure his height, accidentally brushing up against his crotch, feeling the new size that this insanity had given him.

Not wanting to think about what was between his legs any longer, he reached the tape's coiling frame up on top of his head, clicked the tape into 'don't withdraw' mode, and looked at it.

From all that liquid, which the milk was sweet and creamy, and to his oddball surprise did not turn him into a hermaphrodite, though he chose not to question it and be happy that it only got him 'stiff under the belt' as he vowed to call it. He got back to his point of measuring and was surprised to find out that he now stood at six feet and eight inches tall, a freakish height, but maybe one that would come to his advantage.

His scrawny frame was now also packing a, while quite light, decent set of muscles, he could probably make a good attempt at a lightweight boxing match, maybe.

The tall man was still rather thin, but he didn't care, his body was his own and he loved it, albeit appreciating the various growths more than he would like to admit.

"GAH! What am I doing? I'm in Hell itself, yet I'm distracted with the contemplation of my new height, new muscles, and new penis. I SHOULD BE GETTING THE HERE OUT OF HERE!" he shouted at himself, emphasizing it with a light slap to the face.

Drawing his sword an getting out of that godforsaken room, he continued the climb upwards.

~Some time and much climbing later~

Jackson climbed up another ledge, his height did indeed come to his advantage, as it allowed him to climb up these tall ledges with ease.

Stretching out his arms as he stood up on this higher area of the fiery depths, he drew his sword and prayed on it, vowing to get back at Celestia for throwing him down here, though as he climbed up the heat got less intense, which was a little helpful.

It made him feel better, at least, the decreasing heat, it was okay, in fact he was actually getting quite used to the heat, it didn't bother him so much, despite wearing three layers of clothing.

His Master Chief jacket had helped him a lot, because several of these demon warriors were also demon sorcerers, and they used fire spells, which he either blocked or took to the chest.

The light above was growing stronger, he slashed at a demon warrior who came at him with a sword, and climbed up onto the final platform.

His anxiety rose with each passing second, feeling like he was going to explode from the rush of blood going in and heart of his heart as it raced faster and faster, before calming down when he saw it.

Before him stood a platform, locked in a black stone cage..... then he saw the other thing.

It was guarded by a massive monster.

A three headed dog.

~BOSS BATTLE: Cerberus, Infernal Sentinel~

The music seemed to match his heartbeat at the moment.

Then the mass of solid bodily waste made contact with the rotating aero-circulatory mechanism.

Cerberus roared in determination to protect the gate.

Jackson roared in determination to get the fuck out of here.

Running up quickly, much faster than he could before, he kept his shield up as the trio of heads began spitting fireballs.

"That's new, boy, come on then, SIT!" he shouted as he slashed at Cerberus's leg, causing the massive canine to fall on one side.

Running over to the other side and slashing the other side, the massive thing fell with it's legs tucked below it, its heads in reach.

Pulling off a Michael Jordon, or maybe a Michael Jackson, he jumped up and started slashing at head one, shortly before slicing it off, then fell and waited for the next opportunity.

Cerberus pulled a hydra and two head grew in to replace the one he had severed.

"Oh come on, that's just not fair!" he complained, before ducking and running under the hell-guardian with his sword raised, slashing at its soft underbelly and causing massive amounts of blood to be spilled.

Cerberus reached down with one paw and closed the wound up like it was a zipper.

"OH, JESUS CHRIST ON A CRACKER THAT'S AWESOME AND FRIGHTENING AT THE SAME TIME!" the warrior screamed in confusion, slashing at Cerberus' legs

"DOWN, bad dog, DOWN!" he reprimanded, stabbing the thing in the side.

Cerberus stumbled in pain, giving the tall man time to run around to him and slash at his legs, "HEEL, boy, HEEL!" he yelled the command as Cerberus was once again laying on the ground with his legs underneath him.

The jacket-clad human climbed onto the dog's shoulder region, raising his sabre high.

"Now then, boy, PLAY DEAD!" he screamed as he plowed the blade of his sword through Cerberus' central neck control thingy.

Time seemed to slow down slightly as Cerberus reared up in pain, stepping around a few times on his hind legs, before collapsing to the floor with a booming *THUD*

Jackson did a front-flip-for-style off of the black canine's back, watching as Cerberus dissolved into crimson flames, defeated.

What was left behind was a small cross amulet, which the gaming-man picked up and looked at.

A small sword, with a black hilt and silver blade, inside of a golden circle with rubies encrusted on it.

He suddenly held it up, moved by strange energies.

*duh-na-na-NAAA~*

You got: The Infernal Sentinel Amulet

This magical item puts the might sword known as the Force Edge at your beck-and-call, as well as the 'Shadow Clone Jutsu', viable for up to three darkness silhouettes at a time

Jackson facepalmed at the cliché method of delivery, but was thankful that it said delivery made it clear exactly what this thing did.

Putting the fancy amulet around his neck, he looked at his sabre, only to find that Cerberus' infernal blood had dissolved the blade entirely, leaving only the painted wooden hilt.

"Great, my sword is gone, well, at least I can summon a new one, let's see," he stuffed the useless hilt into his jacket, then cursed in pain as the residual blood burned through his clothes and scarred his stomach, "GAH, shIT, that hurts, fucking hell, fucking hell, stupid blood," he swore as he wiped the offensive liquid off with a patch of Cerberus's skin, the blood on the skin having already dripped off.

Sighing in relief, he turned his mind back to the matter at hand, and tried to make the Force Edge appear.

'Force Edge, come to me!' he thought, and it worked, "Holy shit it actually worked!" he said in excitement, spinning and swinging the sword around a few times to get a feel for it.

"Alright, let's see, an MMA octagon, lame, it's surrounded by a black cage that goes up to the ceiling, and here's the gate," he observed as he entered the octagon thing, "Okay, now then, um, do I command it? Beam me up, Scotty!" he half-heartedly demanded.

Nothing happened, "Alright, um, ooh, take me to Celestia's throne room!" he demanded, closing his eyes tight.

*WHARAOM* a flash of bright red light burst from the octagon shaped panel, a few moments of weightlessness, then Jackson felt the cool air of the surface.

He opened his eyes and looked at Celestia, who was surprised that he had returned, and surprised at his new appearance.

He was now taller, where as she was half a head taller than him before, he was now half a head taller than her.

He also looked thicker, how had this human gained muscle mass while in Tartarus? He looked ragged, his jacket seemed to have taken a few fireballs, and his pants seemed a lot tighter in the crotch region.

He held the Force Edge, which made her blood run cold at the thought, because that meant that he had killed Cerberus.

"How did y-" she began, only to be interrupted by his now-booming-baritone voice, where as before it had been an embarrassing tenor.

"SHUT UP, I fought through hell itself to get back here, just to tell you that, as a princess who gets what she wants all the time, you probably aren't aware of the concept of a 'self-fulfilling prophecy', are you?' he interrogated, raising his new sword at her.

"I... I see," she began to tear up for some reason, "I am sorry then, I am very sorry for what I have had you put through. I would understand if your rage against me would be grounds for a desire for my head, I understand. I thought that, since you were a human, it was only a matter of time before you entered a state of desperation and violence, so I put you in a place where my subjects would be safe from you when that happened..." she trailed off, internally cursing herself for knowing so much and making herself feel bad.

"... but in doing so, you forced me into a state of desperation and violence. It's because I really like to be alive, so I fought for my life, now, if you would," he dismissed the Force Edge and pulled out the useless hilt of his sabre, as well as pointing to the massive holes and pits in his riot shield.

"Right, again, I'm sorry, I should have been a bit more tactful in my approach, let me fix those up for you, granted I didn't quite get a good look at them the first time you were here, but I hope it will be fine," she apologized, flaring up her magic and taking the shield and hilt into her telekinetic grip.

Jackson watched as both his weapons and his clothes were fixed up, leaving him with a tactical machete and a new shield.

"Thank you, all is forgiven, I just don't want this whole 'sent to hell' thing to happen again, you think you can do that?" he asked in an unserious tone.

"I think I can do that, so, you've proven yourself determined to stay on the surface of my glorious country, welcome to Equestria, mister..." she gestured for him to continue.

"Jackson McCard, human of Earth, now human of Equestria, I guess, is it really this simple? Just say that I can be here, and I can be here?" he asked, feeling dumb for looking a literal gift-horse in the mouth.

"Well, I am the ruling monarch of Equestria, and with power over the sun and the moon, I am the one who makes the rules, nopony will question my ruling, they are either too afraid of my wrath, or too sure of my wisdom," the white alicorn explained.

"Again, controlling the sun and the moon, I doubt that," Jackson argued, pointing to the sun hanging up in the sky.

"Well then, let me show you, it is time for the sunset right now actually," Celestia realized, leading the tall man away.

The two walked to the princess's bedchamber, Jackson put his hands in his pockets to try to hide is still powerful demon-induced stiffy, but a few raised eyebrows and snickers from the guards led him to believe that there was more to this invitation than he thought.

'Oh shit, is she going to try to seduce me? I mean I'm really hard and tense at the moment, but I a) have never done this before, and b) am not keen on any pony sex, I mean how does it even... no stop it brain I don't need these images, I don't-NO, gah why did I drink that milk? Fucking hell, literally fucking Hell,' he thought, trying to ignore the swaying of Celestia's tail as she trotted through the halls, as well as his own, highly amplified needs.

Finally the pair had reached the top of a tower, Jackson hadn't even realized that he was climbing stairs until he reached the top of the long case of them.

"Come in, this is my personal bedchamber, this is where I raise and set the sun and moon, make yourself comfortable," Celestia introduced, biting her lip as she couldn't help but gaze down to his bulging crotch, the skinny jeans only making his size and hardness more evident.

Jackson looked around the room as Celestia hesitantly walked over to the balcony.

The tall man had his hands in his pockets, but took them out to pilfer around the princess's desk, unfurling a scroll and reading it.

"My dearest teacher, my blah blah blah have led blah blah blah we are on the preci~thre, that something really bad is about to happen, who wrote this and didn't know how to spell either precipice or threshold, I mean, they could have even said 'brink' for all I care. Anyways, for you see, the blah blah blah is, in fact, Nightmare Moon, what kind of name is that? Anyways, and she's about to blah blah blah, eternal night blah blah, doesn't come true blah blah, I await blah, your blah student blah blah," the burnt-brunette half-read in boredom.

"It is done, you see?" Celestia pointed to the sky, which was now that of night.

"I didn't see it, do it again," Jackson tiredly replied, yawning at the wave of exhaustion that crashed down upon him, casually walking over to the large bed and jumping onto it, no bothering to remove any of his clothes.

Celestia was about to protest, but the tall man was out like a light.

"Hmm, well, I can still do this with him asleep, I've done it before," the solar monarch muttered, getting into a hover above Jackson's body and landing softly on top of him.

He snorted, and she tensed up, he muttered something in his sleep, which she strained to hear, "Release, the, the-the-the, the Kraken," he mumbled, dreaming of being Aquaman for some reason..

Celestia smiled and replied, "Oh, yes sir," in a seductive tone before realizing that her words fell on deaf ears.

She tried to remove his pants, but they seemed to be stuck on him with a button and zipper.

The hadn't-had-some-in-far-too-long mare hungrily stared at the things keeping her from her goal, she magically undid the button and began to pull down the zipper with her teeth.

Suddenly, she was whisked away by a beam of midnight blue energy, the whirring sounds awakening the sleeping human.

"Buh, I, what?" he quietly asked through a haze of sleepiness, tilting his head to the side towards the door to the balcony.

A dark figure entered, trailing arcs of lightning and giving off an aura of darkness and ice, a somewhat gentle, yet volume-raisingbackground track accompanied 'her', he assumed it was a 'her' due to how 'she' looked.

'It's like a weird anti-Celestia, she's got a black coat and blue armor things instead of white and gold, her eyes are teal, and like a cat, she's staring at me, I hope she doesn't know I'm awake, she's got a moon shaped tattoo on her ass, and now she's licking her lips, oh shit, please don't be thinking either of the things I'm thinking,' he thought, staring at this dark figure and trying to not show any emotion.

"Well, how kind of sister to greet me, the glorious and true leader of Equestria, Nightmare Moon, with such a delectable morsel," the dark alicorn cooed, staring at the prone human.

'Oh shit, she is thinking it, she's either going to eat me or rape me, maybe even both if I'm unlucky. Oh god I don't want this at all,' his thoughts raced, waiting for Nightmare's next move.

"Oh you poor thing, I see Tia already got you prepared for many delectable activities, but she probably sent you to Tartarus, don't worry, Nighty's here, and Nighty will cool you down right quick-like," the lunar monarch assured her prey, standing over him and undoing his pants with her magic.

"Let's do this quick, I haven't got all night, well, actually I do. Right, let's see what you're packing." the regal mare took initiative and removed all of Jackson's clothes.

"Ooh, someone's all grown up, isn't he? Very nice, very nice, I can sense that this is your first time, how wonderful, Nightmare will give you the best dream of your life, and when you wake up, you'll feel like a new man," she cooed in a motherly tone, which only served to creep Jackson out, yet it made his hardon throb.

Several things happened at once, first, he felt something wet and cold on his hand, which he then realized was Nightmare Moon's sexual fluids, then Nightmare said, "Oh my foolish sister is so anthropophobic, too bad, I must say that hands are some of the best things Mother Nature invented," then the man realized that she had grabbed his arm and was manipulating his hand to stroke her soaking nethers.

Nightmare then slowly descended upon his engorged member, hissing in pain and pleasure.

It was all too fast, something warm, blood, she had taken his virginity and he had taken hers.

His mind was screaming at him to stop this, but his body couldn't move, forced to watch and feel himself in nature's oldest act.

Motionless, Jackson vowed to punish this dark thing for doing this to him, he didn't want this at all, his nethers said 'yes, but his heart and brain said 'no'.

"Don't worry, baby, it'll be good for the both of us," was the last thing he heard before blacking out.

His body was too tired to stay awake and retaliate

He was trapped, trapped in this unconscious state.

'I have no voice, and I need to yell,' he thought as he drifted off.

And then, as they fucked, Jackson dreamt of nightmares.

The Only Question that needs an Answer: What am I doing?

Jackson McCard, a twenty six year old man with burnt-brown hair, jade eyes, unhealthy teeth, six feet and eight inches of tallness, fifteen inches of feetsies, twelve inches of chicken.

He was loving the earth as he frolicked through a field of flowers in the middle of the night, the cold not bothering either him or his lovestick as he made leaps and bounds among the beautiful petals and electrifying stems.

His mind was blank, he didn't know why he was frolicking through a field of flowers, didn't he only go on a jog?

Wait, no, no he hadn't gone on a jog, he'd wanted to go on a jog, but then weird things started happening.

"What am I doing?" he asked himself, his legs stopping the frolicking movements immediately as his mental faculties were saved from their suffocation.

"I'm currently being raped by some sort of dark goddess, this is happening after some sort of light goddess controlled the sun and moon, an act that I wasn't paying attention to, this happened after I fought my way through Hell itself with nothing more than a riot shield and a simple sabre that I was going to use in a cosplay, this happened after I was sent to the magical-talking-horse-land of Equestria by P1, an insane god-figure that lived in my head from ages ten to seventeen, this was after I decided to go on a jog out in the streets of Paris, France, which I went to after I abandoned my home-country of America because of the threat of poverty and death. What I am doing is lying down and falling asleep like a submissive bitch while my body is ravaged by that Nightmare Moon's arctic-temperature vagina, I NEED TO WAKE THE FUCK UP!" he shouted as he proceeded to punch himself in the head with both fists.

The world seemed to explode around him.

~In the world of the awake~

Jackson's eyes slammed open, right as his body peaked and starting packing Nightmare Moon's honeypot with his man-cream.

He sat up really quickly and grabbed her by the neck, angrily strangling the black alicorn as their still-connected bodies writhed and released liquids.

"You *punch* fucking *punch* BITCH! *punch*" he emphasized each word with a hard strike to the face, pinning the lunar monarch beneath him as he relentlessly pounded his fist into her face.

Grabbing her neck with both hands again, he looked at the curtain that surrounded the veiled bed, and used that to his advantage.

Standing up on the soft mattress, ignoring his own lack of clothing and wilting member, he walked over to one of the curtain-frame's support struts and began smacking the large pony's body against it.

Ending it off by plowing the Force Edge through her chest, he watched her cold, electrifying form crumple to the ground.

Stepping away from the body, and finally getting onto the floor, he found the marble to be icy cold underfoot, which he confirmed was actual ice on the floor.

Carefully stepping over to his clothing, which had been thoughtfully folded up and placed on a nearby dresser, he was about to put said clothes on when a sound caught his ear.

*CHAOW-WHISSSSSSHHHHHH* came the sound, and Nightmare Moon's body dissolved into a cloud of starry blue mist, flying away with great speed.

The sudden rush of cold wind reminded Jackson that he still needed to dry off, and toweled himself off quite rudely with a pair of panties that was inside the dresser, before putting the undergarment back into the drawer and putting on his clothes again. It was really good that he had put on three layers of clothes, because it was really fucking cold in the bedchamber, probably from Nightmare Moon's magic. he grabbed his machete, his shield, and his pistol, and ran out of the room.

Getting into a full blown sprint, his sheathed machete sporadically bouncing around at his side, shield clapping on his back, and even the pistol shifted around on his other side.

Passing by several guards who gave him confused looks, they were probably wondering how he was still able to walk after half an hour, but the running man paid no mind to them, only thinking about how to get out of the castle as soon as possible.

The tall human ran through another corridor, going off of memory from when he was led from the throne room to the tower.

It was a good thing that he had good memory.

He found the throne room again and was greeted by several Nightmare-minion bat-ponies, who charged at him on sight.

It was too easy, drawing his shield and machete, he slashed a few of them out of the way, doing a jumping spin-attack to hit about four or five in a row, then ending off with a stab.

There were too many for him to fight alone, a veritable army of bat-ponies, so he did the best thing he could think off.

He jumped out of the nearest window.

Unfortunately, said window was about twenty stories up.

Falling through the air, pieces of glass shimmering around him as they caught the white moonlight, he prepared to tuck and roll for his life. He didn't hit the ground with a *splat*, or even a *thud*, instead, he felt something latching around his arms as his descent was slowed immensely.

A pair of bat-ponies were carrying him, and as he gently landed on the ground, they then proceeded to pin him, mashing his fists under their bodies as another one came down and landed on his torso, looking down at him.

"As ruled by her highness Nightmare Moon, you shall receive a hundred lashes by hoof, any last words before we begin your punishment?" the mare taunted, raising a hoof up high.

"Yes, you have a trap, and have trapped me, however you have made a mistake in your trap," the burnt-brunette started, waiting for a response.

"What mistake did we make, you fleshy whelp?" the mare demanded, putting her hooves at the sides of his head.

"A big, big mistake," he answered vaguely.

"What is it?" the bat-pony interrogated, swatting Jackson's ear with her hoof.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you that there is one thing that you never put in a trap?" he queried, his tone turning suspiciously arrogant

"WHAT!" the angry mare demanded, pounding her hooves into his sternum.

"If you're smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there is one thing that you never, EVER, put, in a trap!" his voice rose.

"What's that?" the mare smugly asked, raising a hoof to begin the striking.

"ME," the tall man said, summoning the Force Edge to his hand underneath each of the pinning ponies, pushing them off and grabbing the mare on top of him by the head, ripping off her helmet and head-butting her.

Throwing the little pony off of him and finishing her with a quick stab to the throat, he ran past the three corpses and out of the gates to the castle, bursting into a small airfield filled with chariots.

"Oh goddammit, I need to get somewhere, somewhere safe, but where?" he asked as he began searching the chariots for anybody or anything.

He found a small object, a ring with the Skyrim logo on it.

*duh-na-na-NAAA~*

You got: The Fuser-Odahviing Ring

With this, you can harness the power of Odahviing, Alduin's right-wing dragon, you can now use those dragon wing symbols on your hoodie to fly.

"Alright, that seems simple enough," Jackson concluded, trying it out.

A pair of spikes of pain shot through his back, followed by the feeling of bleeding, and then a tearing noise and heavy weight on his back.

He turned his head to find that the wings had torn through his jacket, leaving the back of it practically completely stripped off.

"Shit, that's not good," he muttered as he willed the wings away and removed his jacket, inspecting the damage, "Yeah, that's too much damage, I might as well just leave it here," he observed as he unceremoniously dropped the green and black garment onto the stony ground.

He looked at the ring again, another message popping up.

CAUTION, the wings will be sourced at the actual wing symbols on your hoodie, remove any clothing over the hoodie before using the ring, or that clothing will be torn to shit

Facepalming and summoning the wings again, receiving the same spikes of pain and bleeding feeling all over, then a scorching sensation and a new weight on his back.

He turned his head to inspect the new attachments, spread out behind him was a magnificent pair of dragon wings, the bony frames covered with scales. He estimated each wing to be about three and a half feet long, added to the space between them gave him a total wingspan of seven and a half feet.

Getting a feel for the new appendages, they were surprisingly light, yet they felt very strong, his whole body felt a lot lighter, "I think my bones are hollow, okay, so that's the disadvantage to this awesomeness, when I have the wings, I guess my bones become hollow so that they can lift me, fantastic, I get dragon wings and balsa-wood bones," he complained in a sarcastic tone, stretching out the massive things and moving them into his field of view.

The black scales were harder than anything he had ever experienced before, making a low *knock* sound when he tapped them with his fist. The dark red skin was leathery and smooth, with concave arcs between the tips of the bones.

"Okay, now then, I need to fly, so... how do?" he asked to nobody in particular, facepalming when he realized that he had no idea how to use his new toys, "Great, okay, not going to be using those for a while, I wonder how much flying lessons would cost, or how long they would take. Ugh, I need to focus on getting out of here, and fast," he argued with himself.

He brandished the Force Edge and his tactical machete when he heard the *cloppity clop* of hooves nearing him.

"Human Jackson, are you alright?" it was that Shining Armor guy, why was he concerned for Jackson's wellbeing?

"I'm alright, just trying to find a way away from the castle," the tall man replied, keeping his blades out.

"It's good that you're okay, I've been trying to round up everypony that went missing or was Nightmare-ified, so far everypony that I've come across is the latter. I'm sorry but there isn't an easy way to get out of Canterlot, all of the pegasi guards were Nightmare-ified first, so the chariots are a no-go," the captain informed, huffing and puffing from the extensive exertion he had been getting.

"Alright, and I'm assuming that the gates have us outnumbered ten-to-one?" the armed man wasted no time helping with an escape plan.

"That's unfortunately the most optimistic statement that I've heard all day, it's more like thirty to one, do you have any ideas?" the white stallion asked, keeping his halberd raised and ready in case of anypony approaching.

"Do you know how to fly, and by chance also have a memory-transfer magic spell?" it was hopeful, far too hopeful to help.

"I have neither, sorry," Shining apologized, shifting his gaze around the horizon.

"Okay, so we have two options, I can try to glide us as far as we can get from here, or we brave the gates. Personally I think that the latter is actually a more viable option," the man proposed as he put away the Force Edge in favor of his FN5.7 pistol.

"What is that?" the blue maned stallion asked as his gaze fell onto the L-shaped object.

"It's called a pistol, the FN5.7 to be exact. Think of it like a cannon, but with really small cannonballs, less than half an inch wide in fact," the jade-eyed man explained, preparing to take a few test shots.

"That doesn't sound very helpful, a cannon would be too slow to take out a large group of hosti-" Shining was cut off by several small explosions erupting from the pistol in the span of three seconds.

"That's the beauty of it, for some reason thought of by a mad god, this thing never needs reloading, and the five point seven cartridge is extremely powerful. To give you and idea, it's a small conical projectile, travelling well above the speed of sound, with a plastic tip and a layer of copper over a core of lead, one of those loads can pierce through seven and a half inches of books, with the rounded plastic tip, and the jacket being stripped off half-way through, and the core is on its side. I think that these steel tipped, steel core, high velocity load rounds will be able to penetrate through several heads in one go, so come on," Jackson insisted, "FOLLOW YOU, YOU'LL LEAD THE WAY." he said in a mock Scottish accent.

"You seem confident in your abilities," Shining noted as he led the way, "You're acting like you could take on Nightmare Moon herself," he jeered sarcastically.

"Well, I already have," the human told the truth, though he didn't plan on releasing the whole truth.

"I don't see any sun in the sky, so I'd say that you're lying," Shining countered.

"That's because by 'took her on', I mean that I raped her," Jackson tried to keep from vomiting at the thought of it, he was no stranger to lying about things that couldn't be proven nor denied in order to make one's self look cooler or better.

He bumped into Shining Armor, looking down and seeing that the large unicorn had frozen in his tracks, "I... I don't believe you," the stallion finally said before resuming his trotting.

"But it's true, I got all up in that ice-cold puss-puss, gave that dark goddess bitch a big ol' dose of nature's finest medicine-for-mares," the highly-armed human saw that both himself and Shining were suppressing the urge to vomit.

It was silent until the two reached the front hallway of the castle, where they spotted about five dozen or so Nightmare-ified guards blocking the gate.

"Okay, they haven't seen us, I don't think, I think they can see in the dark, but luckily we haven't opened the door, so, Shiny, got any ideas on how to approach this?" the civilian asked the soldier.

"I say we let off a large volley of attacks, then start defending heavily while waiting for opportune moments to strike, but remember, they're just regular ponies, no tougher than the average guard, they just have the power to see in the dark," the soldier replied to the civilian.

"Alright, sounds good, I-" Jackson was cut off by a sound.

*drrroooiiiid*

"What was that? Some sort of enemy we didn't see?" Shining lifted his halberd and looked throughout the front hall.

"No, dude, it's just my cellphone, oh it's my cousin Evan, hold on I gotta take this," the man said, putting the Droid Ultra up to his head.

"Hello?"

"Hey Jackson, it's me, Evan."

"HEY EVAN, haven't heard from you in years, dude."

"Yeah, hey I wanted to call you and see how you're doing over in France, y'know, wondering what's your apartment like, how many burglars you've murdered, how many blowjobs you've gotten, the likes and such."

"Ooh, uh, no blowjobs, and I'm not in France anymore, remember that mad god I told you about when we were younger?"

"The *Player*? The guy in your head?"

"Yeah the Player,well, he came out of my head and sent me to this place, it's called Equestria."

"HOLY SHIT! You're in Equestria too?"

"You know the place?"

"Dude, I live here now, Princess *gag* Celestia summoned me and the gang here almost a year ago, I got these cool powers from my D&D character, everyone got some cool video game thing, did you get anything like that?"

"You're probably in another universe or something, because the Celestia I met is an anthropophobic bitch."

"Hey, don't call Celestia that!" Shining protested.

"Hey, asshole, I'm on the phone, in the middle of a conversation, don't you know how goddamn rude it is to interrupt someone's phone call?" McCard rebuked.

"Who was that?

"Oh, some soldier guy, I think his name is Shining Armor?" a nod from the blue maned stallion "Yeah, Shining Armor, we were planning a way to get out of Canterlot Castle when you called, we're in the front hall and the gate is being blocked by a whole bunch of these bat-pony things."

"What time is it over there?"

"My gold watch is digital and it reads eleven fifty eight at night."

"Then tell Shining that his little sister is about to save the world."

"Um okay then, I'll do it."

"Oh wait, did you get cool powers too?"

"So far I've scrounged around and found a Shadow Clone Jutsu, the Force Edge from Devil May Cry, and a dragon wings ability for Skyrim."

"Awesome, okay, tell Shining the thing."

"Um, alright."

"Alright gotta go, bye."

"Bye."

"Bye."

"Okay, so that was my cousin, who is currently in another universe, and he was able to call me, also my phone was half-charged when I got here and now it's fully charged, and I have a message for you," Jackson ranted, his sudden stop causing the pony to turn to him.

"What?" the stallion asked, trying not to show how nervous he was.

"Your little sister is about to save the world." Jackson couldn't have timed that better.

Less than two seconds after he said that, the sky was suddenly ablaze with sunlight.

"That was... are you? What?" Shining was awestruck as he looked out of the window, seeing the sun restored and the bat-ponies restored to their original forms.

"Wow, that's actually pretty badass, anyways, since the whole 'Eternal Night' thing isn't an issue anymore, wanna hang out?" Jackson was very willing to put the night behind him.

"Well, okay, we can hang out, but that'll have to wait until after I finish a damage report, okay?" the captain received a nod in response.

"You'll probably find me passed out in one of the hallways, I'm really tired right now" Jackson said as he walked away, wanting to get a layout of the castle if he was going to be staying here for a while.

The two parted ways, one to explore, the other to account.

~Some time later~

His watch read six AM, had he really been wandering around the castle for six hours? It felt like six minutes to him.

He couldn't recall much from his exploration at the moment, the haze of exhaustion taking over him, he hadn't slept since noon.

That was noon, the day before the day he was sent here, his calculations told him he had been awake for sixty six hours.

He was about to fall over when he foot tapped something on the floor, hearing it slide away.

Tilting his burnt-brown haired head downwards, he found a second FN5.7 laying on the ground.

*duh-na-na-NAAA~*

You got: The Twin Pinners

Stil, maar Dodelijke

This pair of FN5.7s carries infinite ammo, because having a gun without ammo is like having a sword without an edge, really hard to use effectively

This is the 'light' pair of guns you will receive, but what they lack in destructive power, they make up for in armor-piercing capabilities and ability to be made quiet.

He looked ahead, finding another pair of guns laying on the marble floor

*duh-na-na-NAAA~*

You got: The Bucking Blasters

God made man, Colonel Colt made them equal

This pair of Colt (which is where the fancy item name came from) M1911s also carried infinite ammo, and pack quite a punch

This is the 'medium' weight pistol set, they have a lot more power than the FNs, but don't have as much penetrating power on armor, still they are strong and reliable, if harder to handle

Both his FNs and his Colts phased into hammerspace, and merely wishing them into his hands made them appear.

"Ah, sir Jackson, it is... nice.... to see that you survived the night," Celestia greeted, brushing off some ash that was left on her flank, "Shall we continue where we left off yesterday?" she asked sweetly, putting on a gentle, motherly, yet seductive tone.

"*ahem* No." it was a bit odd for a simple 'no', but Jackson was an odd guy.

"What do you mean 'no'? I thought you wanted this, that it was something that you needed," Celestia protested, tapping her hooves on the floor with little hops.

"You couldn't be further from the truth even if you were standing at the edge of the universe," he angrily replied, PTSD kicking in, "I didn't need this," he gestured to everything, "I didn't ask for this, I didn't even want this. I had an okay life back home, and it was ripped away from me, I had friends and family, friends and family that I contemplated going to see again," hot tears were in his eyes, the insanity of his situation hitting him full force.

"I left my country, the great United States of America, because a story I once wrote, called Disconnected, was coming true, crime was on the rise, poverty was everywhere, the rich get fatter and the poor die more, so I left. I ran away, those are the words that I'll be famous for, I ran away, I ran from the problems that I couldn't fix, I ran to Europe, which wasn't nearly as bad off, I went to France, a place known equally for how brutally powerful they are, as well as how big of metaphorical pussies they are," he stopped to breathe, his lungs burning and tears flowing freely, it was a stroke of luck that nopony else was around at the moment.

"I got sent here by an insane god that came out of my head! Whisked away from my flat and any chance of seeing my friends and family again. I trust that you know how HARD it is to deal with not seeing your family for a long time, Miss 'Banish my sister to the moon for a millenium', yeah, I know about that, I was able to piece it together from the letter you got from that Twilight pony and the fact that Nightmare Moon called you 'sister' right before she raped me!" he stopped again, he felt like throwing up, and almost did if it weren't for the fact that his stomach was empty.

"She raped me, I didn't want sex, I prided myself in purity and waited for marriage, I'm old fashioned like that. After I strangled her for that, I felt power. You see, I don't like you, I don't like you one bit, Celestia, not at all, and your behavior, especially the sarcastic way you said that it was 'nice... that I survived the night', I hate you, I hate you with more passion than I've hated anyone or anything in my whole life!" a black aura surrounded him now, his tears turning green as his eyes released purple smoke.

He raised his fist, which was encompassed in dark magic, and punched Celestia right in the face.

Celestia cried out in pain, Jackson only laughed.

"You sent me to Hell, LITERALLY, I have much more reason to hate you than ANYONE! Even the Player only sent me here, meanwhile you're the little bitch who got her panties in a bunch because I'm a human. Let me recap, you sent me to Hell itself, merely because I'm a human? I ought to beat your ass to a pulp for how goddamn RACIST that is! At least I got some release from Nighty, where as I nearly died several times because of you!" he sent out a shadow clone to mirror his actions.

"Sister? We heard yelling, is everything alri-*gasp*" Luna stopped in her tracks and blushed at the sight of the one she had taken advantage of.

A shadow clone appeared in front of her, shushing her with a finger to her mouth, "I'll attend to you in a minute," the raging man's voice was now accompanied by a chorus of screaming demons and angelic chanters that made it seem like he was many people saying the same thing at the same time.

"Where was I? Oh yeah, Hell, not pleasant at all, the first fuck of my life, actually kinda liked it, didn't need it, didn't ask for it, didn't want it, but still good. Back to Celestia, I still ought to beat your ass to a pulp, or just outright kill you by torture, but I'm not so sure about it..." he paused, activating his dragon wings and looking at his fingernails, which had also turned into sharp, strong, dangerous cutting claws.

He put a claw in her mouth, "But why should I be so serious?" Celestia whimpered in fear, "Why. So. Serious?" he demanded, the demons shutting up in fear and the angels turning morbid.

"I, I... please..." the white alicorn wanted to be out of this mess, if she had had any idea of what she would have gone through, she would have stayed far away from the tall human.

"Let's put a smile on that face!" the jade eyed warrior offered in a giddy tone.

Not waiting a second longer, he cut through the solar diarch's cheek, carving a half of a smile to be permanently displayed on the immortal's face.

He repeated the process for the other side, ignoring Celestia whimpers and cries of pain, "There we go, doesn't it feel good to smile?" his own grin had turned into a slasher smile.

Everything stopped when the three heard something.

Jackson's gaze fell to the floor, he found the source of the noise immediately.

*drip, drip, drip* pink blood was dripping off of the princess's desecrated muzzle.

"Oh-ho-ho, would you look at that?" his smile instantly doubled in size, "You know what they say? The El Dorado saying?" the psychopath asked in a gentle, condescending tone.

"W-w-w-what's that?" Luna asked, her voice trembling.

More evil laughter

He began counting on his fingers "Gods *one*, and Goddesses *two*, do *three* not *four* BLEED *five*" he curled his fingers up and punched Celestia again, hard enough to send her to the floor.

"Anything that can bleed, sure as Hell can die," he quoted, looking down at the crying, bleeding princess, seeing her true worth and self.

She looked pathetic, like she needed comfort above all else at the moment.

The burnt-brunette looked up at Luna, her expression of fear, it was somehow cute.

He turned and stepped away when he felt himself retching, and he retched, and retched.

And threw up black bile all over the floor about five feet away.

"What am I doing?" he asked himself, instantly turning his mind back to sanity, he watched the bile dredge itself up and into a shape.

A small formation of some sort of weird mix-match of animal parts.

"What the hell is thing? It's like a biology puzzle," he wondered aloud, standing up again and backing away from it.

It stood up, "Hey, I'm a draconequus, thank you very much," the black bile silhouette corrected indignantly, brushing itself off.

"DISCORD!" Luna got into action, getting down on the small being's level, "How are you here?"

"Corruption, my dear Luna, it's how you lost control of Dream-mistress Starry-Sky, turning it into Nightmare Moon, I was responsible for such a thing, and this human nearly did the job of taking Celestia out of the picture for me!" it replied, giving a lion's thumb's up to Jackson.

"You used me, I'll kill you!" Jackson whipped out his Bucking Blasters and opened fire.

Several loud shots later, the little Discord was nothing more than a coppery splatter and a pile of ash.

"Tiny fucker, nearly made me kill Celestia, I hate her for nearly killing me, but I wouldn't kill her back," he lamented, willing his guns away.

"We apologize for that, Sir McCard, t'was our fault that Discord's influence escaped his stony imprisonment and took over your desires in order to do such travesties, t'was not you in control, and I understand that, you have done nothing wrong, for you were powerless to stop it," Luna reassured, wrapping a wing around the kneeling man.

"I get it, and while I did want to smack ol' Celly around, maybe even around the block, I didn't want to outright kill her, because then I'd be just as bad as her," he explained, stamping his foot on the ash to amplify the small monster's deadness.

"I know the feeling, I've been through the exact same thing," the lunar diarch empathized, dropping the formalities for the moment.

"Ugh, dear mother, Discord is going to pay for this, if he ever breaks out of his effigy, he'll pay for it out of his hide!" Celestia groaned as she stood up, her alicorn biology healed her facial wounds, but the Joker-like scars remained.

The three had a few words to each other before needing to part ways.

~Some time later~

"I trust that you wish to go someplace else?" Luna had met with Shining Armor after a while, and Jackson looked at the stallion with whom he had expected to 'bro it up' with.

"He could stay with me, my Captain's quarters are plenty big enough for the both of us," the white stallion offered.

"That is acceptable, Sir McCard, willst thou stay with Knight Shining Armor during thy time in the castle?" Luna agreed, turning to Equestria's only human

Jackson smiled as his thoughts led him to realize that he could pretty much say any human words and get away with it on the grounds that the ponies had no idea what they meant, "Alright then, c'mon ya cracka, I could use the grand tour of our room," he agreed, relishing in the fact that neither ponies questioned his terminology.

"We shall leave thee to thy touring," the blue alicorn dismissed herself, trotting away.

"See ya later nigga," the jade-eyed man called out to the departing princess.

"Okay, what's with the words that I don't understand, are they some sort of human terms that I'm not aware of?" Shining asked, leading the way to his personal room.

"Yes, and the meanings of these words are something that you need not concern yourself with, I'll tell you what they mean when I feel that you're ready to handle the truth," the tall man politely explained.

"Alright then, come in, we're already here," Shining opened a door that the two had just reached, leading into his modest personal room.

"Nice place," the warrior complimented, noting the hint of a sweaty smell in the chamber, the floor had a few pieces of clothing scattered around it, mostly under-armor type garments with a few socks to boot.

A dresser with six drawers, a closet with nothing more than a black tuxedo and a worn, brown, cowboy-age longcoat hanging up, a single large bed that looked big enough for three or four Shining Armors, if Jackson's math was right, and a window on either side of the bed, letting in ample sunlight to illuminate the room, and a desk with a dozen or so papers laying on it.

"This is the place, so..." the stallion trailed off as he spun around and gestured to everything, "That door over there leads to the bathroom, the closet only has my formal tux in it, and the dresser has four empty drawers, since I only use one for under-armor and one for a few other things, so, make yourself at home, because for now, this is home," the stallion breathed in the slightly sweaty air, trotting into the bathroom to relieve himself.

"Odd how he made no mention of this duster, oh well, it looks cool and I need something to replace my Halo jacket," Jackson reasoned as he plucked the duster from its hanger and put it on.

*duh-nah-nah-NAH~*

You got: The Redemption Coat Mk 1: Dead Man's Law

A gift from P1 , the mad god himself, for achieving trust among the important ponies of the Castle Canterlot, surviving the Night of the Re-Harmonization, and finding a place to stay.

This simple looking worn brown long-coat is stab-proof and bullet proof, the latter is probably not important in this world, but it's still cool.

All types of stabs and bullets will simply bounce off this garment like it was rubber or something, but slashes, chemicals, and burning will damage it like anything else.

This item goes in the Jacket/Coat slot.

A glowing UI appeared in front of the man's face, depicting his body with many slots on it.

From head to toe, he was apparently clad in: Infernal Sentinel's Amulet, Determination t-shirt, Light blue Dragon Wings hoodie, Gray skinny jeans, Gold watch (digital) w/ time-second and date display, Fuser-Odahviing Ring, Ordinary boxers, Ordinary socks, Ash-stained red sneakers.

Dragging the item form of 'The Redemption Coat Mk 1' to the slot marked Jacket/Coat, it snapped into place and the duster appeared on his body in a small puff of white sparkles.

"Awesome, video game equipment system, I guess it's useful, I have a lot of areas on my body that I can cover, and this coat is the cool one from Red Dead Redemption," he observed, among the many areas on the interface, he noticed thighs, shins, knees, ten rings, a belt, and a field of slots for the neck, which one slot was occupied by the Infernal Sentinel's Amulet.

"Cool coat, where'd you get that from? You didn't have it on when we came in here," Shining said as he exited the bathroom.

"It was a gift," the man said as he looked at his new

"Oh, that's nice, who gave it to you?" the stallion asked as he removed his helmet to fix his mane.

"A friend, a really good friend," the man replied, sighing as he thought of the mad god.

"Okay, but I'm asking for a name," the soldier insisted, putting his helmet back on.

"Well, let's just say that, if things keep on like they are, and he's back to the way he was before, then my friend is just.... well..... he's just another Player in the Chessmaster's Game," Jackson finally answered.

A mighty roar of insane laughter rang out inside his head, 'Nice title-drop, Jacky boy, keep it up and I'll keep being your Sugar Daddy, but with adventures instead of sex,' P1 said to the man's brain before departing.

And all was silent again.

Lists, Luxuries, and Lesions

"Ugh, I wish I was gay, it would instantly make my life ten times easier," Jackson complained as he walked into the room, seeing Shining Armor laying in bed probably on a break and wanting to get some sleep.

Too bad, Jackson needed to complain about things.

It had been a few months since arriving in Equestria, and Jackson had been getting a lot of looks from the female staff, one of them finally spilled the metaphorical beans and explained it to him.

Apparently they had all been, rather discreetly, administered a list of 'facts'

1) Jackson was a very healthy man and had a large, very satisfying, and very enduring member (he had apparently lasted half an hour with the moon goddess, but was asleep for twenty nine and a half of those minutes)

2) As a human, the healthy male had no specified 'mating sequence', so he could be aroused at any time and doing so didn't even require pheromones

3) He was a loose man with loose morals and probably wouldn't mind having a one-night-stand

Luna had forgotten the 4) He didn't want sex at all, he just wanted to go home.

The past few months, he had done a lot of thinking, and he came to a few conclusions:

a) The last news report for America's political, justice, and economic state that he had seen was back in 2008, so things might have changed a lot while he was gone to Europe.

b) He wanted to go back, it was cruel fate, now that he couldn't go back, he wanted to more than anything, but back when he could return at any time, he didn't give a damn.

c) His family and friends knew him best for the words 'run away', those were the exact words he used, 'run away', they called him Jackson "Runaway" McCard, the day before he left, his cousin and sister had laughed outside of his apartment door, because they had found the house of Jackson "Runaway" McCard, and when the time came, he joined his fellow French sissies and put his name to good use.

d) Celestia probably had a really damn good reason to get fearful and prejudiced, after all, she had said that humans were on Equus before, but they had gone extinct.

The story was thus: Humans helped found civilization, and they protected others, but they were beings of Discord, back when Discord was only about 'change', rather than 'chaos', they had equal capacities for both kindness and cruelty, and were quite emotionally unstable.

Celestia had come to hate humans when one of them killed her father, her mother had fled certain death, and the two princesses got a lowly hug to try to make up for it. The solar diarch was the reason the humans ceased to be, when she took over the sun, she had used it's gross incandescence to immolate and incinerate all traces of human history and culture.

Nowadays, ponies thought that the three tribes were the pioneers of civilization, but the three tribes came afterwards.

Jackson didn't hate people, he didn't hate them at all, humans were capable of great things, his generation of family knew it, himself, his sister Jamie, and his cousin Evan, they all knew that the human race was a special people.

Ol' Terra AKA Earth was a wise mother. The humans may have been weak, but they were smart, and through their wisdom and intelligence they found strength, never given a handicap, never given a blessing, or an advantage, or anything to help them along the way, they had, as the rap kinda-sorta said:

Started from the bottom, never had a lot of anything, but they built themselves up, and now they were here.

Where had his mind gone? Oh yes, the mares in the castle.

They wanted to get inside his pants, and he kept said pants firmly on his body.

"I have to say, if homosexuality is really a choice, it's not a very fair one," he said, not looking at Shining but hearing a curious 'mm-hm' in response.

"I mean, okay, you have two choices, you can either spend the rest of your life pursuing women, in which case it's going to take between one week and six months trying to seduce, woo, and charm a woman into bed, through varying methods of lies, deceits, and untruths, it's going to cost you a lot of time, money, and sanity, but eventually she'll concede, and you'll make love together," he paused for a breath, and got a curious 'mm-hm' in response, "And it'll be beautiful, and you'll fall more in love, and you'll get to the state of love where you'll just hug all the time, and you can't be close enough to each other, and you'll smoosh your faces together because you're young, and you're pathetic, and you've fallen in love," he stopped for a moment, awaiting a response, and getting another 'mm-hmm' from Shining, who had started to blush, "But what you don't know is that while she's doing this, she's putting blinkers on the side of your face, so you can't see your life go past. I mean life, family, friends, job, it's gone, oh it's gone, oh it's all gone. Before you'll know it, you're forty five years old, married with two kids, and all your dreams are dead." the speed with which he had spouted that whole paragraph was astonishing.

"That, OOORRRRRR, you can hang out with your best friend all day and get blowjobs," the man's face became like he was confronted with two choices, and one of them was clearly better than the other by the way it was presented, but the one asking the question acted like it was hard to choose, "Hmmmm, WHAT A DIFFICULT CHOICE!" he said loud and sarcastic.

"Mm-hm" the white stallion was starting to get really red in the face.

"I mean THAT'S why they're called GAY people, they're happy all the fuckin' time. In order to get laid, they have to seduce men, do you know how easy that is?" he asked incredulously.

"I'm a straight man, I'd have to seduce women, THAT'S HARD, especially now. I don't know what lies to feed your species in order to make the mares want my penis," he had stopped telling the truth, not only did he not want any sex, the mares in the castle already did.

"Alright, but I could EASILY get a gay stallion into bed, it'd be like..." he trailed off, trying to find the simplest words.

He found them, "Hey, do ya wanna?" a nod towards the bedroom door, "Yeah, okay," he stopped to laugh.

"Mm-hm." the blue maned stallion's face was on fire, but the burnt-brunette didn't notice at all.

"HA, *sigh* I wish I was gay, but I'm not. In fact, actually, I don't know if I am gay, c-ca-cause I can't really say that I'm not gay, because... I've never tried penis, so therefore I can't really say that I don't like it. Y'know it's like when I was younger and I said I didn't like vegetables, I'd never tried vegetables, but now that I'm twenty six and I've tried vegetables, turns out I quite like them, maybe it's the same with cock," he stopped, having to suppress the urge to start doing his fake Scottish accent, he had gotten this whole speech from Daniel Sloss, and his voice was actually really similar to the comedian's.

"Mm-hm." it didn't seem possible for one pony to be blushing as much as the soldier was at that moment, but it was possible, and he was proving it so.

"I mean, statistically I am gay. I mean, I've only ever played with one penis, mine, but I fuckin' loved it, oh damn I haven't stopped playing with it since. I've liked one hundred percent of penises I've ever played with, where as I've only half liked any of the vaginas I've ever been in," he paused to breathe, he was laughing in between his words, and ignoring the fact that he'd only ever been in one vagina in his whole life.

"I guess, I'm not ignorant enough to use the word 'gay' like everyone else in my generation, which is whenever something is really rubbish, or even just boring, they'll say 'Oh that's gay, that's gay, that's gay', it's wrong, and I'll be the first to admit that. It's not homophobic by the way, it's just ignorance. In order to be homophobic, you have to actually hate gay people, which if you've met one, is quite difficult." the human remembered meeting several full-time homosexuals in France, both men and women, and found it hard to have negative feelings towards any of them.

"I don't know how homophobics do it, it's like, 'I hate you', 'Hiya', 'No..... I hate you', 'What? Why?', 'I don't know, you seem really sassy, I just don't get it," the jade-eyed man laughed at his impersonation of the odd conversation.

"Ah hah, yeah," Shining was very strongly wishing that Jackson would leave the room for another... say... twenty minutes.

"*laughing sigh* Yeah, y'know, actually, I wonder, do ya wanna?" he nodded towards the lumpy sheets.

"I... what... no, just, no," the white pony declined, shaking his head for emphasis.

"Alright, well, if that's the case, I'll be on my way then, got some target practice and training to do," the tall man stood up from his chair and stretched his body out, running his hands down his chest and torso like he always did, he made it a goal to be comfortable in his own skin and love his body every day of his life.

The now-humming roomie walked out the door, closing it behind him.

Cadence popped up from under the covers, "Oh thank auntie he left, I wasn't sure how much longer I could have stayed trapped under there," the pink alicorn said as she shifted to be on top of her lover, "Now, where were we?" she idly asked as she began rubbing her lithe, soft body over Shining's strong, hard muscles.

"He'll be gone for hours, so I'd say we were at the part where you and I had finished our appetizers and were about to get to the main course," Shining dropped his worries as his fillyfriend trailed lower and lower.

Lower

Loooowwwweeeeeeeerrrrrrrr

Almost there.

ALMOST THERE!

"Hey I almost forgot my shield, and you two were about to make some sweet lovin', I'll be out then," Jackson grabbed his shield from its hanging pin on the wall and walked out, locking the door before he shut it.

*CLICK* went the mechanism, and the white and pink pair were alone again.

Blushing furiously, they decided to put off their loving session for a little while.

~Some time later~

Another forty-five went into the steel plate, leaving a decent dent and a splatter of copper and lead, "This thing is so unrealistic, but I guess video games need balancing features," the man theorized, firing another four or five rounds before switching to the FNs.

Several small holes went through the steel, making an outline of a guard standing somewhere off far behind it.

"Alright, next set," he said as he switched to his sword and shield, expertly slashing away at several dummies of various levels of difficulty, 'Difficulty Levels' meaning 'starting at cloth and straw, and hardening all the way up to tin and wood'

As the training dummies fell as quickly as they were replaced, Jackson let out a yell, "HOO-AH! YEAH!"

The other guards, inspired by their fellow's work, put more effort into their training, as if they hadn't been working hard before.

In just a few short months, the guards at the castle had tightened up into an elite fighting force. So much change had occured that the military administrators had actually upped everything in difficulty, keeping up with the standard since by this point, even the lowly privates knew half a dozen ways to neutralize a pony.

An MP officer approached the lone human in the training field, clearing his throat rather loudly to get the tall warrior's attention.

"Lieutenant McCard, a filing from Captain Armor tells us that you have been selected to be relocated to Ponyville for the duration of your stay in Equestria, no arguments can change this decision," the officer debriefed.

"Nigga when was I in 'dis military?" Jackson snapped at the MP, putting away his machete and Force Edge.

"You're not, but your position in relativity to Captain Armor would dictate that your title, were you actually part of the Guard, would be the rank of Lieutenant, now then, come with me, you will be moved to Ponyville immediately, do you have everything packed?" the gruff stallion asked.

"Um... hold on, let me check, ring, necklace, coat, hoodie, shirt, pants, boxers, socks and shoes, watch, shield, and machete, yeah I'm all packed up," the svelte man answered.

"Don't you have anything else in your shared quarters with the Captain?" the MP queried, unsure of Jackson's answer.

"Nope, everything to my name is on my body right now, I noticed that my clothes never get dirty unless actually stained or something, my body doesn't need cleaning unless I get something foreign on it, like mud or food, neither of which have met my skin in the one hundred days that I've been here, so I'm good, wait," Jackson paused to sniff his armpit, smelling nothing but a bit of salt from his training, "Yep, I'm good," he reassured.

The MP led the man away, off to the airfield to get shipped off to Ponyville.

~Some time later.

He found a guitar inside the chariot.

*dah-nah-nah-NAH~*

You got: The Soul Stringer

this guitar is a red fender Stratocaster, elegant and capable of playing a wide assortment of tunes, not much use other than being the bard you always wanted to be.

The man of many talents found it easy to play a tune with the guitar, and decided to entertain the guards with a tune.

It was a nice trip, the countryside going by as he strummed and sang, his voice had seemed to have lost any sense of defaulting, like simply wanting to sound different made him do just that.

Ponyville came into view soon enough, he had been told that it was a five mile fly, which going at their current speed of twenty-five-MPH, it would take twelve minutes to reach this 'Ponyville' place from the castle.

With plenty of time to spare, he decided to change the setting on the guitar and just show off.

By the time he finished the song, the chariot was about to touch down.

Dismissing the instrument into his hammerspace, he side-vaulted the side of the chariot and saluted the guards, who gave their own salutes and began to fly off.

Like a theatrical miracle of cinematography, when the chariot cleared the rooftops, he heard a voice calling out to him.

"You must be the human the princess wrote to me about, Jackson McCard was it?" Twilight Sparkle greeted, her eyes going wide at the sight of the fascinating creature.

"Yes, you must be the student that Celly raves on about, always telling me how clever you are, how faithful and friendly you are, how smart and scholarly you are, that you're the best mind and best mage in whole of both her school for Gifted Unicorns and the Wizard's College, she's placed you upon quite a magnificent pedestal, I must say," Jackson recalled the many things he had heard of the lavender mare.

"Oh my, I didn't know that she thought so highly of me," Twilight blushed at the tremendous praise.

"Oh you're practically all she talks to me, I have to ask Luna about anything else, and of course she doesn't know because she's been gone for a millennium, so I'm pretty much lost anywhere but Canterlot Castle," he said, checking his body again, looking at his necklaces.

He had found another necklace called the Castle Crasher laying on the dining table one evening, and he still didn't really know how to control it, simply willing fire, lightning, poison, or ice to appear or do something didn't work.

The charm on the leather string was a four piece circle, red in top left, green in bottom left, blue in top right, yellow bottom right, outlined with a thick ring of silver, a black line running between the right and left halves.

"Yeah, and I got sent here, so I guess you'll be my tour guide or something?" he guessed, dropping the charm and running a hand through his hair.

"Correct, please follow me, Mister McCard," Twilight directed, turning to lead the way through Ponyville.

"Just call me Jackson for now, that's what Cap called me," the tall man insisted, following the lavender mare through the streets, garnering many looks from all of the ponies they passed by, some were fearful, others curious, one looked crazy.

"Cap? Who's Cap? I don't remember there being anypony at the castle named Cap," Twilight hummed in thought.

"Oh sorry, I meant Captain, Captain Armor," he saw Twilight's face light up at the name, "What gives, you know the cracka or somethin'?"

"Know him? He's my BBBFF," Twilight smiled as she reminisced the good times she had spent with the older unicorn.

"Wat?" was all that the burnt-brunette could manage at hearing such an odd acronym.

"Oh sorry, he's my Big Brother Best Friend Forever," Twilight clarified, "Okay, tour, so here's Sugarcube Corner, best place for sweets that you'll find here in Ponyville, my friend Pinkie Pie lives here," she said as she approached the kitchen door.

"Twalight!" Apple Bloom called out to the older pony from inside the kitchen.

"Human!" Lyra called out as she tackled Jackson to the ground.

Or, well.... she would have tackled him to the ground, but since he was so damn tall, he ended up with his head slamming into the bakery's gingerbread-looking wall.

Jackson was knocked out cold in an instant.

Pride, Prejudice, Provocation, and Ponification.

"LYRA, what the buck is wrong with you?" Twilight snapped, not happy at all with the mint green unicorn's behavior.

"I'm sorry, I just got so excited and jumped at the chance to meet a real human," she looked down at the collapsed man, "Hi human, I have so many questions for you!" she informed giddily, not noticing that the tall man was unconscious.

"Lyra..." Twilight weakly protested.

"Is it true that human's have a tail bone, but no tail?" the green unicorn asked, thinking up another question.

"Lyra," the lavender unicorn persisted.

"OOH, is it true that a human's bones are harder than concrete? Or that they can lift many times their bodyweight?" the golden-eyed mare continued.

"Lyra!" the amethyst-eyed mare attempted.

"OOH OH OOH, is it true that human's can breed at any time?" the lyrist asked.

"LYRA!" the mage shouted, finally catching the musician's attention, "He's out cold, and he probably has a concussion, you caused this, so you help me fix it!" Twilight was mad at how quickly this simple tour had gone to shit.

"I know, I have a spell that switches species!" the green unicorn flared up her magic and began to cast the spell.

"Wait what? No DON-" the lavender mare was cut off by the sound of magic and a large flash of golden light.

Before was now a seafoam-and-white haired woman wearing the same clothes that Jackson had been wearing, her skin was somewhat tanned, on her right hand was a black, four-pointed star surrounded by green lines, and right above her left elbow was a little picture of a lyre.

"What the-OH dear Celestia it WORKED! IT WORKED!" the new humanized Lyra jumped for joy, instantly falling on her knees and letting out a yelp of pain.

Jackson groaned as his head healed a lot faster than normal, and he went to stand up, only to fall on all fours.

His eyes were still jade and his hair was still burnt-brown, but now he had a coat of fur the color of sand and a cutie mark of four quills with different colored barbs.

One was blood red, one was urine yellow, one was tears blue, and one was semen white.

How he knew this, it was the symbol of P1, though in between the four quills, which were pointed outwards in the four cardinal directions, were chess pieces.

A gray knight, gray bishop, gray rook, and gray queen, with gray pawns in a circle around the whole thing, and a gray king connecting the four quills.

"Das booty, though, but SIEG HELLLLLL NO! I'm not getting cheated!" with the power of 'Survivor Strength of Assimilation' coursing through his now equine veins, the still-pretty-tall stallion used this power to his advantage.

Since he had survived the 'species swap' spell, he could now use it, and he cast it at the offending woman, switching them back.

His clothes mostly stayed on Lyra for some reason, leaving him standing there in only his boxers as he practically ripped his garments off of the pony and put them on.

Twilight noticed that the man's left elbow now had the large cutie mark that he had only a moment ago, signifying that his special talent was.... whatever that huge symbol meant.

With all of his clothes back on, he flicked the base of Lyra's horn, causing the bony appendage to let out a streak of sparkles before fizzling out, "I swear if you ever do that spell on me again, I'm going to smack you in the face SO HAAAAARRRD!" he left it at that, looking at the little filly in the kitchen, "Hello there little one, how are you doing today?" he asked politely as he side-vaulted over the bottom half of the bakery's door, walking into the kitchen that was filled with the smells of baked goods.

Applebloom got starry-eyed with childish glee at this new discovery, "Howdy mister, I'm fine, my name's Applebloom, who are you?" she asked, remembering her manners and introducing herself first.

"My name is Jackson McCard, I'm twenty six years old and what is this?" he asked, gesturing to the various failed attempts at baking laying strewn across the room.

"Oh, I was trying to get a baking cutie mark, but it didn't work," the little filly lamented, looking at the flour-stained floor in sadness.

"Y'know what else doesn't work? Not me!" Pinkie Pie butt in, lifting Applebloom's chin and looking up at the tall human.

"Wow mister, you're really, REALLY tall!" she noted, jumping up to his eye-level.

"Thanks for noticing," the jade-eyed man did pride himself on his great height, even though it could be a hassle sometimes.

"I've never seen you in town before," Pinkie informed, still bouncing up to his eye-level.

"Well, that makes sense, since I've only been in Equestria for a few months, since the summer, and I haven't left Canterlot until today.

"Oh, that does make a lot of sense, well, anyways, whatever. HI I'm Pinkie Pie and I didn't throw this party for you, but I'll throw you a welcome party soon, I just have to finish up this one, speaking of which, get in there, Bloom!" the master of ceremonies cheered as she pushed the little yellow earth pony into the main room of the bakery.

"So, you're Jackson McCard, a sad, lonely guy who abandoned his friends and family because he couldn't accept that his country was getting better, y'know that's really crazy, and mean, and both of those mean a lot when they're comin' from me!" the blue-eyed mare informed, having read Jackson's backstory paragraphs.

"How did you know that, how do you know anything about me besides my name?" the sane-at-the-moment man was feeling insanity creeping up on him.

"Didn't you see the narrator? I read your backstory paragraphs, and I gotta say that you shouldn't go insane, it's not nice at all," the cheery pink pony explained.

Dammit Pinkie I thought I told you, no breaking the fourth wall

Heehee, now I'm breaking the sixth wall!

How'd you know about there was a sixth, or even a fifth wall, to begin with?

Easy peezy lemon squeezy, the first three walls are the setting of the content, the fourth wall divides the entities in the content from those viewing it, the fifth wall divides 'content a' from 'content b', the fifth wall is usually broken in crossovers, and the sixth wall divides entities such as myself from things like the narration, the credits, and the creators, by the way, nice work *P1*, though having your name being in bolded letters every time it's said is kinda narcissistic if ya ask me, hey, wanna go get some cupcakes?

"Ugh, you're very presence makes my head hurt," Jackson groaned, feeling a phantom of P1's head pain.

"Okay, sorry, I didn't mean to do that, anyways, you were saying?" the party mistress queried, still bouncing up and down in front of the tall man.

"Right, I was going to say that it's nice to meet you, but I fear for my sustained sanity's health when I think about you, I'll still take you up on that party offer, though, you're a good egg and a great pony," the warrior complimented, finally getting down on one knee to be eye level with the pink earth pony.

"Thanks, will you be my friend?" Pinkie asked in a hopeful voice.

"I think I can dismiss any... rationalizations about anything you may do... that I may have in my head, so sure, why not?" Jackson accepted, walking over to the doorway from the kitchen to the main room, seeing a little party with a lot of various fillies and colts having a good time, probably school-aged, judging by their size.

*thud*

Suddenly the somewhat chipper tune in the room was cut off with a *BRRUUUP* scratching of the needle as it was knocked off of the desired track and onto a new one.

*collective gasping*

Jackson saw Applebloom in a heap against a table, her mark-less flank exposed to the world.

"Ha hah ah ha hah ha, WOW, that IS an amaaaaazing cutie mark," Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon mocked, already front and center at this prime bullying opportunity, "*fit of laughter* Nice try, BLANK-FLANK," they said at the same time.

The next several seconds were filled with both of the little bullies alternating between laughing and chanting 'blank-flank'.

"Y'know, why are ya so mean?" the red-maned filly asked the armor-piercing question.

"Because, as a blank-flank, you aren't special, not special at all, you have no special talent, so you're not special," Diamond explained as if it were as obvious as the fact that trees are made of wood.

"Oh I'm special alright, I know a guy, and he's tough," Jackson immediately caught on to the plan, Applebloom was trying to get him to back her up.

He could never deny someone a high-five, even if it were Darth Vader, or Hitler, or both of them, while rapping. He couldn't deny the epicness of this possible bro-move.

"Snips or snails don't count, y'know," Silver countered.

"Oh he's not Snips or Snails, he's really big, he's a grown stallion, and he'd back me up if he were here," the orange-eyed filly noticed that everypony was too caught up in staring at the trio that they wouldn't notice the big monkey guy coming into the fray.

She made a very tiny, and subtle, 'come on' gesture, right as the bullies kept on, "Well, if he's not here, then where is he? I wanna meet this mysterious pony,"

"Not a pony," Applebloom whispered, though not quiet enough to go unheard, "What was that?" Diamond demanded.

"I said, not a problem, he's actually really nearby, and when you see him, you can't miss him,"

"Well come on then, nearby where? Let's go find him then." Diamond had tempted fate more than anypony or anything else in the world at that moment

~Meanwhile, in Saddle Arabia~

*whistle whistle* I'cha'bon whistled as he trotted along, looking up at the beautiful, clear night sky, not seeing a huge, gaping hole a few meters in front of him or the desert beasts quickly approaching him.

"Y'know, the best thing about walking forwards at night, is that you never need to look forward, down, or to the sides, and you can walk alone and be perfectly fine," he said, tempting fate more than any little, pink, annoying, school-aged foal of a pony could at the moment.

~Meanwhile, back to the millisecond after Diamond's statement, back in Equestria~

Diamond had probably tempted fate more than anypony or anything else in the world at that moment.

A brief moment had passed, a half a second needed for Jackson to kneel down as low as he could and think of a phrase to quote.

Applebloom looked to be on the verge of running away while leaking tears,

"Well come on, where is he?" Diamond persisted.

"Let's go find him," Silver added.

Too easy.

"Right behind you," came the voice, exactly like the spy, even the same amount of French accent.

Diamond and Silver immediately spun around and looked at the beast in front of them in fear.

That fear amplified as they were picked up by the scruff of their necks and lifted to eye-level with the tall man.

Almost seven feet in the air seems like a whole lot when you're about one-and-a-half feet tall.

The burnt-brunette dropped the accent and got down into a whisper, "Alright, look, Diamond Titties and Silver Sperm, I don't care who you think you are, I hate bullying, and I just want to warn you, I have no qualms about persecuting offenders of my moral standing, so we're going to have a peaceful time on the grounds of the 'talk shit, get hit' policy, agreed? You don't have any other choice, now act natural, everypony is either shocked or suppressing laughter," the warrior explained, his point firm and face uncompromising, and not mentioning that the only pony doing the b.

"O-o-okay, alright, I'll accept that." Diamond and Silver ignored the bastardization of their names when they saw the machete strapped to the human's left hip, they may have been young but they had seen such a tool before, granted it was used by Diamond's dad's gardener, but they had still seen some stuff done with such a thing.

Jackson chuckled and gently set the two little ponies on the floor, "You two have a nice party," he said, walking towards the snack table.

Everypony was still mostly shocked, but a friendly smile and a gesture of 'I mean no harm' put their worries to rest as he simply grabbed a few cupcakes and walked out the front door.

Strolling over to a bench outside, Jackson looked at one of the four cupcakes he had grabbed and began thinking.

"I used to be so patriotic, I would madly wave my little flag around when I was young, go to all of the parades I could, my friends used to call me Captain America Jr., because he was, and nowadays is, my favorite superhero," he said while idly ripping off the bottom half of the cupcake and licking off the icing around the edges.

"So bold, so brave, so heroic, a kind-hearted man pursuing the good ol' 'Liberty and Justice for all' goal, the movie a couple years ago really amplified his 'Badass with a Heart of Gold' thing, almost like a 'Papa Wolf' to every civilian in the world. He hated bullies and sought to stop antagonists from antagonizing people, as he felt that all conflict in the would is sourced at vanity, thinking that you're better than someone else simply because of material or ideological factors," he sighed, smushing the bottom half of the cupcake onto the icing top and eating it like a sandwich.

"Equestria is actually a lot like America in the whole 'freedom' thing, I haven't seen a single pony, or other species, in all of Canterlot, and so far in Ponyville, laying out like a bum without a home, I haven't had to deal with any crimes in my late night trips through the streets, no murders, no theft, not even loitering. It's great, and it reminds me of a Captain's quote..." he trailed off, about to reach for another cupcake, but he only felt a soft, if a bit crusty, mane.

He looked around him again, nopony else was out and about on this street, so it was only him and three little fillies.

"What's the quote?" Sweetie Belle asked in curiosity, sitting beside the man, wanting to hear him speak more.

"Yeah, tell us!" Scootaloo chimed in, reinforcing his obligation to say something.

"Come on, ya got a nice voice and I want to hear this quote," Applebloom charmed, and he gave in.

"Where are my cupcakes?" he noticed, looking all over the bench for the sugary treats.

"We ate 'em," the yellow filly blushed a bit in embarrassment.

"Okay, first, next time ask me before you eat my food, and second, I'll say the quote now," he informed, clearing his throat.

"Doesn't matter what the press says. Doesn't matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn't matter if the while country decides that something wrong is something right. This nation was founded on one principle above all else: the requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole words tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world, 'No, you move', Captain America," he recited the words, a few manly tears escaping his eyes as he looked up at the sun that was not the one he had known for so many years.

The whole fucking sky was different than the one he had known for all his life, but it still brought him the same comfort that Earth's sky.

"Wow, that was so awesome!" Scootaloo was the first to react, and received a hand ruffling her soft, yet messy mane.

"I like you kid, ya got spirit, ya gonna go far, real far, maybe even farther than anypony's gone before, just you wait," he said to the little pegasus.

"You, Bloom, ya gonna be tough, ya gonna be smart, ya gonna build an empire with your own four hooves," he turned to the earth pony, on a roll with the inspiring words

"You, cracka, what's your name?" he turned to the small unicorn.

"Sweetie Belle, Mister Card," Sweetie answered, not sure why this man had called her a 'cracker'.

"Sweetie Belle, I think ya might have the voice of an angel, so act like an angel, and you'll woo the hearts and tears of the masses with the beautiful sounds you'll sing," he praised, looking to the sky with his own eyes still wet from the manly tears induced by his quote.

"Oh you, little girls, don't bother with me, I'm just a lonely guy with few friends, so I've not much to live for besides the chance of adventure, I'm nobody you should be listening to," he lamented, the only ponies he really and truly knew were the princesses, Shining Armor, and a brief conversation with Twilight and Pinkie had given him enough ground to like them.

"We can be your friends, and we can adventure together too!" Applebloom cheered, and the three fillies prepared for a high-hoof.

"Aye, lassies, that goes straaaight to me 'eart. We'll have lots of fun, we will, starting now," the burnt-brunette thanked, jumping up and leading the cute trio towards future adventure.

"Aaaaaaawwww, look at them, I think Jacky will be just fine," Pinkie d'aw'd, watching the three fillies get carried off, Applebloom and Sweetie Belle in the tall mans arms, and Scootaloo sitting on his shoulders like a piggy-back ride.

"Um, Pinkie, if my calculations are correct, and they usually are, then at the course they're traveling, they'll end up in the Everfree Forest in a few minutes.

"I think they'll be fine Twi, Jacky can take care of Bloom, Belle, and Scoot no problem,"

"I'm not sure... he may be big, but I don't think he could last that long with all of the dangerous creatures living in the Everfree,"

"He fought through tartarus with nothing but a sabre and a riot shield, I think he can handle some timberwolves and rockadiles," Pinkie informed, showing a frightening amount of insight.

Twilight stopped breathing for a moment, then two, then five, then twelve, finally her natural need for air overpowered her shock and she breathed again.

Immediately after she took in her next breath, the lavender unicorn teleported outside and began galloping after the human.

Pinkie shrugged and went on about her bouncing business.

~Some time later~

Jackson was running, running as fast as he could, his lungs began burning from exertion, but he couldn't stop now, it was so close......

...... just so damn close......

The Cutie Mark Crusaders were screaming, being carried by the warrior and wanting, no, needing him to sprint faster.

"I'm sorry, I can't go any faster," he lamented/apologized, trying to keep up the face despite the circumstances.

This was going to be a hard day.

Sibling Liveliness

Jackson almost wished he was shorter, so that he could hold Scootaloo's hoof while they walked out of the hospital, but alas, he was tall, he still loved being tall, and he know had a little sister, and holding her hoof as they walked out of the hospital wasn't actually a good reason to want to be shorter at all, in fact, he apologized to his body after he'd thought about what'd he'd almost wished upon himself.

He tried to justify his acceptance of the little filly in his mind, trying to think that he was compensating for losing his own sister, Jamie, but with each passing second, he felt closer and closer to Scootaloo, almost as if she was his daughter, but with a disproving-sized age gap, she was definitely his little sister. Besides, he would have never, EVER gotten a woman, or much less a mare, pregnant, back when he himself was only sixteen, assuming Scoot was ten years old, which the paper he had signed proclaimed.

She sat perched on his shoulder, looking cute like a blue jay or a hummingbird, but awesome like an eagle or a hawk.

Applebloom and Sweetie Belle had been waiting for them outside, they had even brought Scootaloo's scooter with them.

"Scoot! Jackson!" they chanted as the pair approached, the latter kneeling down to let the former off of his shoulder.

He felt his heart melt at seeing the three little fillies hugging, it was cute, it was so cute that it shouldn't have existed, but it did, and it was absolutely and heart-meltingly adorable beyond belief.

"Alright, towards ADVENTURE!" the man announced, beginning to march off.

"AND CUTIE MARKS!" the trio added, giggling at the man's silliness and taking off after him.

~Some time later~

Night fell, and two things struck Jackson's mind.

1) He had no place to stay at night, no house and out of the hospital.

2) Did Scootaloo have any family? if she did then why did he sign that brother paper?

Now that they were alone, he felt it was a good time.... well, there wasn't really ever a 'good' time to ask somepony if they had any family or not, but this seemed like the 'least bad' time to ask.

When the question was voiced, the orange pegasus stopped smiling immediately, getting a little frown on her face and sniffling.

"Oh, oh my, I'm sorry," he apologized, instantly seeing that he had struck a nerve.

"I.... *sniff* I don't like to talk about my parents," the little filly sniffled, on the verge of tears.

"Oooooh.... well, I think that I need to be the knife to cut open this wound and let the poison drain out, are they dead?" he asked, wincing a bit when his little sister's frown changed.

It changed from frown of sadness to a scowl of rage, "No, they're worse they're..... how should I put this?..... They're abusive assholes. I hate them, hate them, hate them so much, my dad once whipped me on the neck, I nearly choked to death, they constantly fight, my mom says that I have a future as a prosti.... pro.... prositudor, or something. I don't understand that one a whole lot, why is it bad to be a court pony? And why does she say that courts happen on street corners?" she asked, truly not understanding what her mother had said.

Jackson thought on it, and soon enough realized that this mysterious mother had meant something much worse, and he hated the unknown mare for that. Who in the hell tells a little girl they're destined to be a prostitute? "Tell me more, I want to know how badly I have to hurt these assholes, use whatever words you think are best," he allowed, needing more than just a pair of horrible habits.

"Well, my dad, Frame Tie, is an old fat bastard, he smokes and puts out his smoke-things on my coat, on my hooves, even one time on my nose, and even on my wings. He always blames my mom, Red Gate, for cheating on him when they had me, because he's a unicorn and mom's an earth pony. They try to peg ownership of me onto each other, like I'm a bad rash or some shit. Gate criticizes and yells at me for everything, even if I do it her way, she still yells, and nags, and whines, and bitches, and it's all a bunch of bullshit. All I want is some princess-damned love from my family, not tartarus in a box," she was raging now, jumping off of Jackson's shoulder and flapping her wings to slow her descent, she walked over to an empty construction crate and bucked it as hard as she could, causing a huge crack in the wood.

"Don't worry, Scoot, I'll take care of you, you'll never have to go home to their bitching again. We're gonna have a good life, okay?" he offered, squatting down and holding out his fist.

They bro-hoofed, dried Scootaloo's eyes, and went off to find a place to stay.

Jackson had no home for staying in and no money for the 'Stay Inn', so they were quite fucked in that aspect.

Luckily, video games had taught him to trust in building structure most of the time, and he pulled off a few lucky parkour moves and got onto a rooftop.

The straw-thatched roof was surprisingly sturdy, and the cool air made it feel soft, if quite itchy, luckily he was covered almost all over his body and stayed still when asleep.

Laying out his duster to provide a pillow, the two embraced and drifted to sleep, feeling warm, safe, and loved.

~Some time later~

For almost a month this roof-top residence went on, neither of them were suspected of being homeless, and being off the ground kept them clean from dirt most of the time.

The warrior finally managed to snag a job, as a police officer no less, and gained access to the large station's facilities.

These facilities included all the house-stuff, kitchen, bathroom, a comfy bedroom for four, in case anypony needed to stay late, three cells on either side of one of the hallways, and there was a decent sized group office, the front desk in the small lobby, a shower room, and an armory.

The siblings stayed at the station, paying their 'rent' in the form of Jackson being an officer and upholding the law.

The man had found out that crime was a lot more common than he thought, even during his time in Canterlot, he hadn't visited many areas that had frequent criminal activity, and Ponyville had plenty of law-upholding to do.

The armory was sufficient as a 'closet' and allowed him to access his storage inventory.

The Dedication shirt was replaced with the Peacekeepers' shirt, which required that the front of his hoodie be open, at least most of the time, in order to display his authority.

This position had also required that he learn the local laws, which he did, and the first thing he did when he got the job was get himself and his sister a shower.

*scree-eeeee-ka-ka* went the knob as he turned on the water, standing back from it and testing it with his hand.

Most people would find it awkward, standing there, naked, in a shower, with your little sister, and she's a pony, but he didn't care about any of those factors, he just wanted to get clean.

Scootaloo sang while she scrubbed her big brother's back, being careful when she saw a large black marking marring his light skin, though she chose not to bring it up.

Jackson returned the favor and washed his little sister's wings, the two of them were singing completely different songs as the water cleansed their bodies.

It was nice, the shampoo soothing their scalps, the gentle scrubbing removing all the grime they had collected from a whole month of sleeping outside, the words of their songs lifting their spirits.

The noise of the water was, rather ironically, drowned out by their focus on familial connection, so much so that they didn't notice that another pony had come in, even whenthey spoke up.

"You've been in here for half ah hour, g-.... er.... congratulations," Rule Book coughed awkwardly, mentally slapping herself for sounding so stupid in front of the rookie, walking out and returning to her front desk, contemplating what she had just seen.

She had seen Jackson naked, never mind the fact that he had his little sister with him, don't care that he was a co-worker, the rookie at that, all she cared was that, dear Celestia, the guy was like a gallows-master with how much he hung.

The human was currently busy hugging his little sister, feeling not only a familial connection, but a deep friendship that was strengthened by the metaphorical fires they had experienced.

They split off when they realized they had spent far too long bathing, and in less than a few minutes they were out, dried, and McCard was dressed.

Jackson notified Rule Book that he would be back for the continuation of his training after the little one was dropped off at school.

The mare absentmindedly nodded, deep in thought and drooling slightly.

~Some time later~

The Schoolhouse was within view, and Jackson saw nopony within the fenced-off area of the school, "It looks like you're late," he noted.

"I know, I'm sorry," Scootaloo apologized, a bit embarrassed at such a mistake.

"Don't apologize to me, apologize to your teacher, this is, you said it's the first day back after.....?" he trailed off, waiting for an answer.

"After Thanksgiving, which was Sunday, you got into town Monday, so you just barely missed the holiday itself," the filly answered, picking up the pace to the schoolhouse.

"Alright, you take care, and apologize to your teacher," the tall man had stopped walking and called out to his now-galloping sibling.

She looked back and gave a nod before returning to her running.

Jackson sighed and began jogging back to the station, thinking about how much this current job paid.

Now he was thinking really hard, what was the state of the economy?

*creeeeeaaak, click* went the door as he walked in, seeing a gruff-looking stallion standing in the middle of the room, looking over a few papers.

"*ahem* Chief," he guessed, piquing the scarlet pegasus' interest.

"Yes, rookie?" he asked, his voice like a stern father.

"I'm awaiting the next part of my training, sir," the tall man informed politely.

"Right, aaaaaand?" the chief queried, looking at the human like he was asking something really stupid.

"Will, I... get to the next part of my training, sir?" the burnt-brunette asked, feeling awkward for having to ask such a thing.

"Hold on, rookie, I'm overlooking your performance record for evaluation, if you're going to be an enforcer of the law, you'll need to have the right skills, I'm seeing promising results from the tests, I just need one last thing, the truth," the chief said, lifting his head to reveal his horn, flared up with magic.

"What do you mean, chief?" McCard was getting worried, did they not trust him? He had been required to fill out the fields himself, which meant actually testing himself on things like 'dark vision capabilities' and 'character judgment', which he had to get resourceful to accomplish.

"Call me Justice Star, follow me to my office," the scarlet unicorn led the jade-eyed man to the group office,

The two sat on opposite sides of the farthest desk, Jackson peered around at the other desks, seeing several files strewn about, but taking care not to read them. The chief stared at him for what felt like half an hour, before saying, "Mister McCard, would you like a donut?" he offered, Jackson felt that he was sincere, and accepted.

"Since you're offering, sir," the warrior accepted as politely as possible, plucking one of the circular treats from the box, a chocolate iced one, watching the chief take one as well.

"Good job, you were able to see that I was being sincere in my offer, now time to be truthful in my interrogation. When I say I want the truth, I mean that I'm going to cast a spell called 'True or True', which will prevent you from lying to me for about an hour, what I'm looking for is an explanation to these results, and I need you to trust me enough to cast this spell on you, do you trust me?" the stallion asked, his eyebrow cocked.

"Yes sir, I trust you," the man said, tilting his head forward.

The chief didn't say anything as he cast the spell, the sensations produced in Jackson's head made him feel uncomfortable and naked.

"Alright, we'll start from the top, name?" the chief began.

"Jackson McCard."

"Race?"

"Caucasian."

"Hmm, I'm still not sure what that means, but okay. Now that the easy part is over, I'm going to move onto something much different, here's a copy of your form, now, I'm going to read your answers, and whatever answer I read, I want you to explain what you meant by it, alright?"

"Alright."

"Weapons, chases, and interrogation?"

"I have several self-furnished armaments. I tested myself in a one hundred meter dash, and of my many runs, the range of times was between fifteen and twenty one seconds. I interrogated a good friend of mine without their knowledge, and received a six-to-one ratio of correct answers."

"Okay, next question......"

..........

~Some time later~

Jackson was feeling good, he had been accepted as a full-blown police officer, and decided to celebrate with a stroll through the streets.

A detour through the poorer districts found him listening to the occasional coughing fit, and then he heard the sound of glass getting broken.

Spinning around and looking through an alleyway, he found somepony slowly climbing into the side of a house.

He ran over and grabbed the scruff of their neck, pulling them out of the window and into the alley, raised to the tall man's eye level and smacked across the face.

"OW, what was that for, you... thing!?" the dirty stallion demanded, rubbing his cheek with a hoof.

Jackson didn't say a word as he unzipped the small portion of his hoodie that had been zipped up and threw it open, revealing his Peacekeepers' shirt.

"Oh shit, you a pig!" the criminal pony tried to run away while still suspended two feet above the ground.

The warrior-turned-officer chuckled as he jogged back to the station with the stallion in tow.

Less than a minute later, he passed by the somewhat shocked looking chief and roughly threw the attempted-burglar into one of the six cells, locking the door tightly.

"Wow, that was fast, your first bust, what was it for?" Justice asked, incredulous at the human's speed.

"Attempted burglary, I pulled him out of a window that he was halfway through climbing into. I could tell he was going to be breaking the law, because he broke the window to get in, and when I showed him my officer's shirt, he called me a pig, so he was up to something," the burnt-brunette recapped.

"Good job, rookie, keep this up and I might pay you early for doing so well," the chief chuckled, though Jackson could tell that he was at least partially serious, "Alright, get on out there again, you're on the clock," he said suddenly, pointing to the door.

Jackson gave a chuckle and walked outside again.

~Some time later~

Deciding to deviate from his path, the officer walked the path out of town, vowing not to take more than a few minutes since he had to remain diligent and vigilant.

He saw a large structure in the distance, it looked like an oddly constructed house.

Getting closer, he found that it looked like something that one would build in Minecraft, with meter-thick walls, though the windows were the same standard that all of the houses in Ponyville had, the door was wood and had no windows, though it seemed a lot sturdier when viewed in what was technically Jackson's real life, about five inches thick, a quite heavy, though it had a lock.

Pushing the heavy oaken door open, he walked inside and was greeted with a modest room.

A decent sized table on a white brick floor, probably quartz bricks if he remembered the updates correctly, the counters each had cabinets, a crafting table laid next to a row of furnaces, a large chest in the corner, a fridge on the back wall.

The whole thing was lit by redstone lamps, it was surreal, and if Jackson couldn't look outside and see the Equestrian colored fields of grass, he would say that he had stepped into Minecraft itself.

A faucet on a sink surprised him, it drew from a source, because he could turn it on, but it couldn't have drawn from Ponyville's water supply, as there was no way any pipes ran from here.

A trapdoor led into a decently sized basement, with more redstone lamps lighting it, a few levers on the walls controlled them, with redstone seemingly infused into the stone bricks that made up the subterranean walls.

A large, windowed, iron tank in the corner caught his eye, a two-by-two source of Minecraft water was inside, along with a lava chamber for hot water.

Whoever had built this system, this whole house, seemed to know how to take advantage of the transition from Minecraft physics to Equestrian physics.

Many more chests lined the walls, and a bit of pilfering found him a chest full of gravel, a few blocks of iron and stacks of stone with some wood and saplings in another chest, a pimped-out chest with nothing more than four blocks of gold and one block of obsidian in it, and a mostly broken diamond pickaxe in another chest. The other chests were empty.

Picking up the pickaxe, his Fuser-Odahviing ring started glowing, turning sandy tan, then teal, before disappearing.

Your Fuser-Odahviing ring has mysteriously magicked away, leaving you with no rings Skyrim's Minecraft easter egg, the Notched Pickaxe, you feel warm inside and your spine itches, perhaps you've been infused with the ring's powers?

*duh-nah-nah-NAH~*

You got: the Notched Pickaxe

This tool-turned-weapon can break any stone material ever, except the infamous bedrock, and has the power to store lightning for later use. The notch that it was named for seems to be an indent on the side of the head. The indent appears to be a square apple with a large portion of the center carved out.

This item caused the loss of your Fuser-Odahviing ring, ever since losing ring, your spine itches and you feel warm inside.

The gamer ran up the stairs and to the second floor, he had spent long enough in this area.

The upstairs held four rooms, one guest, two side, and one master, the same setup with levers and redstone lamps lit the place up, as well as windows placed far away from the beds, to prevent sunlight from being a bitch. All four rooms had a bed, a bedside table, a chest, and a wardrobe, which he tested and confirmed to be a sufficient for 'armor/clothing inventory' as he came to call it.

He walked downstairs and outside, once out again, he took in the large house again, and looked up to see a sign above the door, which read:

Vacant, for sale,

free to take, I'm

helping you.

Enjoy - Curtis S.

Jackson silently thanked his old friend for fucking reality and building this wonderful house here. He took the sign off the outer wall and watched the words change to what he willed them to, was it really that easy to write on the sign?

It now read:

McCard Residence

Welcome, Cause no trouble

Wipe your feet/hooves

Knock before entering.

Satisfied, he ran back to town, having spent far too long out here.

~Some time later~

Several more incidents happened that day, varying in intensity, but Jackson was riding high after finding that mysterious house and claiming it for his own,

He brought the scooter with him when picking Scootaloo up from school, and began leading her to the station, because as amazing as the mystery Minecraft house was, he still needed to inspect it with what few skills he had picked up from his old friend Kevin.

Closing the door to the large officers' bedroom, he sat on the bed and brought out his guitar. He was getting good at using his will to summon things.

"So, that song you sang this morning, Scoot, sing it again," he asked as he began strumming.

"Well, I like singing that song to pick me up whenever I'm sad, or really make it last whenever I'm happy, so I'll sing," she agreed.

She sang, her somewhat boyish voice sounding a bit odd, but it was a nice song.

When it was over, both of them smiled.

"So, Scoot, I want to know something, what is your dream breakfast?" the older human asked in a gentle tone, wanting to put Dalton's cooking lessons to good use.

"Ooh, um, blueberry pancakes, grape juice, a plate of haycon strips, and... uh... some ice cream?" the little pegasus listed.

"How much of what kind of ice cream?" this was an important question.

"Um, a bowl... of chocolate ice cream," she extrapolated, trying to think of anything else.

"Is that all?" he asked, mentally recording her answers.

"Um....... yeah, that's all," the violet-maned filly answered, satisfied with her dream.

"Alright, now, listen, it's not today, but it'll be someday soon that you'll get that dream breakfast, because as a filly as awesome and cute as you, you deserve it, and with a big brother as cool and badass as me, you'll get it," he assured, ruffling her mane.

Scootaloo didn't say anything, she just yawned, curled up into a little fuzzy ball, and drifted off to sleep with a smile on her face.

Jackson looked down at her, then thought about the mysterious house, he knew that she would love it

In the land of the asleep, he dreamed of the actor Samuel L. Jackson for some reason, then it shifted to a few black youtube stars, and then to Morgan Freeman, who narrated his dreams and brought him internal peace for a time.

Whatever happened, he would take the blows to protect his little sister, because she had been through enough shit already.

A Big ol' Sappy Family (of wierdoes)

It was time to move into the house, after a week of work on both their parts, Scootaloo was out for two weeks for Hearth's Warming Eve, and Jackson had received a Hearth's Warming bonus payment.

Haggling some ingredients down to extremely cheap prices, he prepared to make Scootaloo her dream breakfast on Hearth's day.

But forty bits to buy presents for all of his friends with, he was going to have a hard time. How could he get meaningful gifts on such a tight budget?

His friends, both old and new, helped out, with the tight budget being spent on raw materials to be refined with care.

He made a checklist, he needed something for Twilight, Rainbow, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Pinkie, as well as his sister, and because he was so generous, his sister's friends.

Now was the time for his old friends to help out, especially Curtis, because the chests in the basement held plenty of materials to make what was needed.

For Twilight, he took Arin's joke as help and made an 'ass' tree, well, more like a tree with the word 'ass' carved into it, rather than a tree that grew disembodied asses. This oddity fucked the rules of intelligence and helped him write a book of poetry, plagiarizing so many human poets that it wasn't even funny, and writing some original material in there as well, it was a really good read, but he couldn't think of a title at the moment.

For Rainbow, he took Curtis' smarts as help and built a heater, since he had heard her complaining about how damn cold it was in a cloud house during the winter, granted having windows made of ice certainly didn't help that factor at all. He copied the design of his water heater and stored a 'YOL TOOR SHUL' inside a container, then built the rest. The idea was that the fire breath shout would quickly bring water to a roiling boil, and the steam would heat up the house. The humidity would be absorbed by the walls, leaving a refreshing heat in its wake.

For Applejack, he took Dalton's fanaticism and built a multi-tool, since no doubt Applejack had to do a lot of tool-related things to keep the farm running, so he included a screwdriver, a clipper, two knives, a saw, a nail puller, a bottle opener, and a small hammer, he had Scootaloo test it, and found that pony hooves worked a lot like magnets, but better, as they could selectively grab anything whether it was metal or not. All of the tools worked very well, and the gift was complete.

For Rarity, he took Kevin's fascination with Japanese culture and constructive skills, and made a kimono, to the best of his ability, it was nice looking, with and indigo base and white lotus flower designs peppering it, Scootaloo, being the good little helper that she was, confirmed that it was very comfortable. The crafting table helped immensely with getting everything put together, especially the kimono, the multi-tool, and the steam heater.

For Fluttershy, he made another kimono, because anything else that he tried to think of, she already had something that did the same thing, even his Animal Allegiance shout amulet, which would put animals into battle-mode to protect her. This kimono was a light teal, like her eyes, and had little orange carp designs peppering it, Scootaloo confirmed that this one was also very comfortable.

For Pinkie, well, he was absolutely stumped, what would she want that would be meaningful? The only thing he could think of was ice-skates, because she loved having fun and Jamie once told him that ice-skating was fun. So he went to the chests and was surprised to find that the other ones were not empty, as he had originally thought, but had a plethora of random materials that I won't patronize you by listing individually. Strings, plastic and leather, and iron, and voila, ice-skates, he was loving the crafting table too.

Now came the hard part, Scootaloo's gift. Her friends Applebloom and Sweetie Belle were easy to get gifts for, he made Applebloom a multi-tool as well, and got a book of songs for Sweetie Belle, since he thought that she had a very nice singing voice. Scootaloo, though, he didn't know what to get or make... until he suddenly remembered an old trick he had read about on the internet.

"So, Scootaloo, I have everypony's gifts all ready, even yours, I'll let you guess what it is, here's a hint; it's something that you really wanted," he bluffed, and she bought it.

"Ooh, ooh, ooh, um... new scooter wheels?" a nod for no, "Um, a cool weapon like yours?" a pause, then a nod no, "Um, flying lessons?" he had to remember that one, and nodded no, "Oh, um, hmmmm, is it tickets for me and Rainbow Dash to go to a Wonderbolts show?" he had to remember that one too, and nodded no, "Oh, well, that's everything that I wanted, wait a second..." she trailed off, looking at him suspiciously.

Poker face status: engaged, "What?"

"You didn't actually say that you were going to tell me what it was, dammit, I wasted my breath listing off all the things that I wanted," she cursed, mentally slapping herself for taking the bait on this joke.

"Hehe, well Scoots, ya got me, I said I would let you guess, but I didn't say that I would tell you if you got it right, so come on, chin up and let's go, I'm going to show you the rest of the house," the tall man said, picking the little filly up and spinning around.

"So this is the main room, it serves as a living room and a kitchen, the living room has a fireplace with special fuel," he looked at the Netherrack block in the fireplace, "The fire won't go out unless you put it out, and all you have to do to put it out is tap the base of it." he demonstrated this by using the flint and steel he had found to cast a small shower of sparks onto the base, causing a roaring, crackling fire to light up over every inch of the red stone, "I'll put it out at the end of the tour, next is the second floor," he walked up the stairs into the hallway.

"Guest room, side room, your room, my room," he listed, opening each door in turn, the master bedroom was his, and the room right next to it was Scootaloo's.

"Wow, this is a really big house," the orange pegasus said, going starry-eyed at how nice her room was.

"Yes it is, that's why I picked it, now then, the basement," he announced, swiftly walking down the stairs and over to the concealed entrance to the subterranean level.

"Oh no, I've seen scary movies, are you sure the basement is safe?" the violet-maned pony asked, worried for her safety.

"Trust me Scoots, I can assure you that the basement is completely and utterly safe, it's fully lit with a warm sunshiny lighting system, and the only thing, the ONLY thing down here is chests of random stuff." he said, before mentally shooting himself in the everywhere-on-his-body for practically begging fate to shit on him.

He turned the lights on, and two things immediately became apparent to him:

1) The colors have changed, the lights are now blue, the chests have turned gray, and the stone brick walls are now much lighter.

2) There is a Lich King in my basement.

"Hello, master," the lich said, bowing before his better.

"How the hell are you still alive?" Jackson gently set Scootaloo down on top of one of the chests before whipping out his Bucking Blasters at the royal skeleton.

To the former's surprise, the latter merely shrank back in fear, before speaking quietly, "The Lich King code of honor dictates that I must become subservient to the one who bests me in the field of battle, as such, I am now your butler, a lowly butler to the new king," he explained, before adding, "Please don't hurt me, master." in a pathetic tone.

"That's cool, but how are you alive?" the master of the lich demanded.

"When you slew me, my soul was destroyed in the process, and thus I am now a Siurl, that's S-I-U-R-L, pronounced see-earl, my continued existence is controlled by a circle of logic, I am alive because my necromancy powers work, and my necromancy powers work because I am alive, this adds to the fact that my being alive keeps my mana levels up, which fuels my necromancy, so if master bores of my services, he need only cast a mana burn on me, and I shall cease to be. Please master, I shall be good, I shall serve you to the best of my ability, please, please please please please please," the siurl's begging for life was reduced to a madness mantra as he groveled at the feet of his master.

"Well then, a wonderful gift for me, just in time for Hearth's Warming, you may stay, siurl, you shall reside in the basement and serve my family, agreed?" the jade-eyed man tried to stay nice, because he wasn't a giant dickface.

"Agreed, thank you for letting me stay, master, thank you." the groveling stopped, replaced with gratitude.

"Hey Scoot, say hi to our new butler," Jackson laughed as his sister joined in.

"Hello... wait... what's your name?" Scootaloo asked.

"I... I am..... please wait a moment, my name evades m- ah, right... my name is Anjuel Smitonio, hispanic angel and ancient paladin of Ba'Hal, the god of murder, I became a necromancer as part of tribute to my god, and eventually ascended to the status of lich and later Lich King, please, if master wishes to call me Anjuel, I am under every obligation to accept it," Anjuel revealed, regaining some dignity, and bowing on one knee before his master.

"Very well, Anjuel, I have a task for you: fix your fugly face and clean your body, you offend both my eyes and my nose, there's a bathroom underneath the stairs to the second floor," the officer pointed out.

Anjuel realized how poorly he looked, with no flesh on his face, his ratty, dirty, wispy tendrils of gray hair, and his garishly-glowing green eye-fires, he rose to his feet before bowing at the waist and ascending the stairs to bathe and groom.

Jackson smiled, his home was already fifty percent better with this new addition.

"Alright, so, it's time to get ready for tomorrow, Pinkie invited us to her place for the centralized celebration, and the presents are all ready, and I feel like our home is ready for a good life, I think we're going to have a good life, Scoot, what do you think?" he asked.

"I think we're gonna be fine," the orange pegasus replied, grinning at the thoughts of tomorrow, it was going to be Hearth's Warming Day, and she was going to spend it with her awesome big brother.

There was a knocking on the front door upstairs.

Brother and sister ascended the stairs and went to the front door to answer it.

"Ello there, wha's up?" a zebra was standing on the other side, looking forward but turning his gaze upwards, "Damn man, you tall as heeeell," he was jive and cool.

The two males locked eyes, and a special connection seemed to be made at that moment.

"Soul brotha," Jackson muttered.

"I've found my top homie, wha'sup? The name's Samuel R. Freeman, the R is for Ratchetness, I can tell by just lookin' in yo eyes, we're meant to be soul brothas, the top dogs, THE bros that go before the hoes, and I got a monkey, his name is Bobo," Samuel introduced himself and his pet.

The diaper wearing chimp gave a wave and a *ooh ooh aah aah* before giving Jackson a handshake.

"This is a special connection that we've found, we are and were destined to be, a salt and pepper duo, welcome to my family's home, Sam," the tall man stepped back and allowed the afro-sporting zebra inside.

"Nice place ya got 'ere, swag out," the zebra complimented.

At that moment Anjuel stepped out of the bathroom, dressed in a blood red tuxedo with a gray undershirt, his rat's nest of a hairdo now a well-kempt mat of hair over the sides and top of his head, pale skin covering his face, though his bony hands remained fleshless, but were now a sterile white rather than aged tan.

"Cool, ya got a butler, aye'yo butler, wha's a zigga gotta do ta get some food 'round he'e?" Freeman's accent was thick, and a bit hard to write.

"Hello sir, I am Anjuel, the butler, I shall acquire food for you posthaste sir, anything for my master and his guests," the siurl said before quickly stepping into the kitchen area and preparing some food.

"Ratchet, be nice to Anjuel, he's a good guy when you start getting to know him, and he gave up being a king in order to be my butler," the jade-eyed man realized that that sounded a lot better in his head.

"That last part perfectly describes wha's hap'nin in a rap song when you play dat shit back'ards, you give up the money, bitches, and fame, essentially bein' a king, ya give it up and ya be a butler," the zebra philosophized.

*ooh ehh, ooh ehh* Bobo spoke up.

"Alright, let me explain everything," the master of the house insisted, clearing his throat.

~One explanation later~

"Wow, *nom* that was a really *nom* cool story, I would feel bad if I couldn't *nom* have heard it," Samuel said, nomming on a daisy sandwich.

"Yeah, *nom* imagine if some sort of *nom* banner came up, and it just *nom* skipped my whole explanation, *nom* that would suck," Jackson agreed, eating a peanut butter and honey sandwich.

"I agree, master, though I am thankful that you were kind enough to glorify my pitiful excuses for villainous escapades," Anjuel thanked in great gratitude, soaking his hands in a glass of milk, since he was nothing but bones, there wasn't any point to eat anything, but those bones needed to be strong.

"Well, you see Anjuel, I did that because... if I told the vanilla story... it was literally just me shooting myself and then shooting you, I wanted to look more heroic than that, so from now on, the glorious way that I told it is now the legitimate story, and you will confirm it if the need arises," the tall man explained, polishing off his sandwich before standing up and walking over to the wall, getting down his machete and shield.

"Alright, I'm going to head into town to tell Pinkie that we'll be having a couple more guests for Hearth's Warming now, I'll be back later, sorry for having to step out so soon,"

"Perhaps I and your 'soul brotha' should accompany you, master? It would be wise to introduce us to your friends, and a great honor to myself," Anjuel suggested, turning himself into a pony, his freshly-cleaned gray hair drooped around his head, though was cut very short in the front, his green eyes turned jade, the same color as Jackson's eyes.

"Aw'right, sounds mothafukkin' GOOD, I'll get my jacket," Samuel said before pulling a denim jacket out of his afro and putting it on, moving the long, thick braid that the back of his mane was tied-into to the side.

"Right, that's not a bad idea, come on you two, Scootaloo, you can stay here if you want, I trust you enough to hold down the fort, and I already told you all the rules,"

"Yeah, don't answer the door if it's not you, don't answer the phone if it's not you, don't leave the door unlocked if I go outside, I know it all," the orange pegasus listed, trotting over to the basement stairs, "You three have fun," she said, descending into the subterranean room.

Waiting not a moment longer, the leader of the family opened the door and stepped outside.

~Some time later~

Lots of ponies were out and about, enjoying the cold weather and copious amounts of snow, it was actually lightly snowing at the moment, which just made the whole seen a little better.

Jackson was leading his two new family members through town, his destination was Sugarcube Corner, his phone was pumping out some title-to-situation appropriate music.

Samuel was banging his head up and down, and Anjuel was doing his best to enjoy it.

"Nice beats, dude," somepony suddenly spoke up, and Jackson paused the song to see who it was.

A white unicorn with an electric blue mane, the style was not so much a style as it was unkempt spikes of messy hair, she wore purple reflective shades and had a music note for a cutie mark.

"Uh, thanks, you...." he trailed off, motioning for her to introduce herself.

"Oh, the name's Vinyl Scratch, but most ponies know me by my stage name, DJ-PON3, I was just about to go pick up some records from the repair shop when I heard you pumping those sick beats. Gotta say, never seen you around before, I've heard about you, but now that I see you for real, I gotta say, you don't look quite seven feet tall," the mare explained, looking up at him.

"Almost, six foot eight, I just hope that nopony said anything about my eyes or hair," he laughed, squatting down to be eye-level with the white unicorn.

"Well, your mane's not black, it's dark brown, and your eyes are actually a bit gold around the edges, OH HEY speaking of gold, I found your T thingy, I gotta go, so here it is," Vinyl pulled out an intricately carved golden cross and lobbed it into Jackson's hands before galloping off to her errands.

"Oh, what?" the officer looked over the cross and saw that it had the words *Property of: Jackson McCard, return to him on sight* engraved on it, "Cool," he said, before attempting to stuff it into his pocket.

The cross suddenly stuck to his Infernal Sentinel's amulet like a magnet, the two of them glowing brightly before phasing away in a burst of yellow, orange, and red light.

You're Binary Crucifix has inexplicably combined with your Infernal Sentinel's amulet, causing the two relics to disappear into nothingness.

The warmth in your body increases ten-fold, making you feel like you have a fever, your spine feels like it's grinding your skin away with each breath, so much pain, but a magical counter reads 23 hours remaining, you can either wait for the timer to run out or dispel whatever is coming.

Jackson had no idea about how to work any kind of magic other than P1 signature 'Thy Will be Done' powers, and that was technically not magic, but a defiance of reality.

The two had differences, surely, from what he had seen, magic in Equestria was a natural thing, it didn't defy reality, rather it interacted with it.

He felt his head run into a door, and upon opening his eyes realized that his body had taken him to Sugarcube Corner on its own.

Since the place was a public store, the burnt-brunette didn't bother with knocking as he walked inside, seeing Pinkie Pie preparing several trays of food in a blur of pink fur, metal apparatuses, and baked goods in various states of 'baked-ness'.

"Hey Pinks, meet Anjuel and Samuel, they'll be joining us for Chris-er, Hearth's Warming," Jackson mentally chided himself for almost saying Christmas, that holiday wasn't here, and he was here, so he needed to follow the saying: When in Rome, do as the Romans do.

"Hi there, Anjuel and Samuel, ooh, you're undead and you're a zebra, NEAT. I know a zebra myself, her name is Zecora and she lives out in the Everfree, but I've never met any undead before, how are you undead is it like a necromancy thing, wait does that mean you're evil cause necromancy is kinda scary," Pinkie backed away from Anjuel as her voice cracked.

"I apologize, Lady Pinkie, I was once the Lich King, but my soul was destroyed and I was bested by Master Jackson in a glorious battle. I am now a siurl, my necromancy originally came from holy powers, but now comes from myself," Anjuel explained, breathing in deep to explain the parts of his explanation.

*breathe IIIIIIIIIIIIIIN*

"Makes sense," the party mare said, causing the undead stallion to make a sound like the air being let out of a balloon.

"Ay, I 'eard ya talkin' bout mah sista, ol' Z, I can't believe Z is livin' in tha Evafree," the zebra remarked.

"Zecora is your sister? How come you two talk so different?" the mistress of ceremonies asked innocently.

"What up wit chu? Ya sayin' all zebras should sound a certain way?" the khaki-eyed stallion rebuked in a joking tone, "Ah, I'm juss playin', I don't really take no offense ta no species-al joke unless they explicitly offensive, but ta answa ya questionin', I've been livin' in big cities tryna find'er, guess I shoulda know she'd be in a place wit da plants, where is da Evafree even?" he queried.

"If I'm not mistaken, that forest about two hundred and fifty meters away from our house is the Everfree Forest, I'll need to expand the home outwards if we're to have manageable defenses against whatever may stalk its way out of there," Jackson sat down and began deeply thinking.

"Master, now that you are closer to eye-level, I can't help but notice that your eyes are chartreuse," the siurl informed.

"What? No, no no no, please tell me you're joking," Jackson started panicking, of all the bad things to happen to him...

This was THE. WORST. Thing to be permanent and also in his eyes.

"Oh, in that case Master, I merely jest in my observations," the butler tried to comfort him.

"No no, no no no, why no oh no no, please god no." he looked into the mirror that Pinkie so kindly brought up for him.

His eyes were chartreuse.

"ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff..." the tall man walked outside, ducking under the doorway first.

"... fffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF" the metaphorical bomb was about to explode, he started running.

"FFFFFFFFFFFF-FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

He was running faster.

"-UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" his sprinting brought his closer to Twilight's library.

"- UUUUUUUUUUUUUU-UUS RO DAH" the afflicted man dragon shouted, blowing a hole in the clouds the size of the library before skidding to a halt a mere two feet from the door.

*knock knock* no need to be rude.

"It's open!" Twilight announced from somewhere on the other side, too busy to open the door.

Jackson calmly walked inside, calmly found Twilight looking through various books and compiled notes, and calmly sat down and waiting for her to acknowledge him.

"Ooh, where is it, SPIIIIIKE, where's the story about the guy who's greedy and had no friends, then is visited by the ghosts and scared straight? I need it for my scheduled group Hearth's Warming story-time.

"You mean Scrooge?" Spike called back, searching the shelves for it.

"Yes, the tale of Equenezer Scrooge," the lavender mare confirmed.

Jackson calmly pulled out his cellphone, loaded 'computer view', activated a new setting called 'world help', and used the command 'Control F'

A small text bar with the word 'Find' next to it came up, and he tapped in 'Story of Scrooge'.

A few books on a nearby shelf suddenly lit up with a faint, but noticeable yellow light, the tall man stood up and calmly walked over to them, pulling out the first one.

'Rewrite, The Story of Scrooge in modern-era terminology' by P.L. Night-Write, he could immediately recognize Princess Luna's penponyship, and mentally applauded her for coming up with a quite vague pseudonym.

"Hey Twi, here's the book you need," he said, walking over and setting the book in front of the unicorn.

"Ooh, written in modern-era terminology? That'll be sure to get my friends interested," she hoped, looking at the book with sparkly eyes.

"Right, okay, Twilight, magic, in me, my eyes are the worst color ever, fix it, please," he summarized, catching Twilight's full attention finally.

"Oh, okay, um, ooh, those eyes do not look good on you," she winced, getting out of her seat and trotting to the bookshelf.

"I need Magical Auras and the Identification thereof, by Mirror Flash," she announced, looking high and low for the desired volume.

Jackson did the 'Control F' thing again and searched for the title, finding it within seconds.

He didn't pull it down, though, instead he smiled and sat in his chair, starting to count how many times Twilight passed it.

In his mind, one....two......four.......nine...........fifteen.................twenty seven.....

He stopped counting when he started actually looking at Twilight herself, he had never taken much time to really analyze his pony friends, so he did so now.

Now that he really looked at her, Twilight was really cute, both cute in an adorkable way, and cute in an attractive way, she was trim, or maybe not so much 'trimmed down' as 'never had the extra', from what Spike had told him, she didn't eat much, and didn't do much besides study, sciences, magic, and hang out with friends.

His eyes traced over her whole form, her amethyst eyes. Her clean, well-kempt, squared off mane with the little rebellious lock off to the far side. Her muzzle was a delicate looking thing, even though he knew she had taken doors, walls, and even the ground to the face, but she was still pretty by pony standards. Her slender neck and slightly pudgy body, only slightly pudgy though. Her long legs and caring hooves, Spike was the best well of knowledge on the studious mage, and according to him, Twilight had never been mad enough to punch someone, or do anything mean with any of her hooves. Then his eyes met her flanks.

It was bound to happen, he was looking over her entire body, but the second his eyes hit those flanks, it got weird. Just as human males had an instinctual love for curves, so too did pony males, and Twilight's flanks were being loved a lot at that moment.

'How does she had such a perfect ass when all she does is sit on it all day?' he thought, before the despised voice of P1 joined him.

'You've been hit by, OOH, you've been struck by, a perfect ass. Not really hit by it, but I don't think you don't want that, huh? Ya filthy man, look at yourself, came here for help and now you're ogling Twi's ass, I swear it's like Shaun all over again, actually, I'm quite scared now, you're more like Shane...' P1 trailed off, whimpering a bit.

'Who the hell is Shaun, or Shane?' Jackson mind-asked.

'Shaun was a caring, fatherly man, who fathered many men, and women, his lover was raised with him, Gray is her name, the two share a special bond of the soul, not like you and Samuel with your 'soul brotha' thing, but like literal 'soul mates', they have sex every hour, on the hour, Shaun is a charismatic, chivalrous pervert, who gets his sex via seduction. Shane is the polar opposite, he even has opposite colors on his hair, eyes, and clothes, the dude is a prick and a rapist, he once killed a shemale for threatening to stick it in him, blew off her penis, lift leg, and right arm, then raped the body three times, the only reason the authorities never arrested him was because they feared him. Shaun has the noble Thor's Hammer, Mjolnir, a weapon that can only be wielded by those as worthy as Thor himself, and there was even an account of Captain America using it, where as Shane has the Dirty Harry Surprise, the S&W29, one of the most powerful handguns in the world.' the god avatar explained.

'I didn't need a whole fucking essay reading, man, but it's nice to know that I scare you,' Jackson smiled, hoping that the insane god would leave him alone for a good long while.

'So often have I pawned as mortals rebelling against deities, that I have forgotten myself to be one, I shall depart,' a few footstep noises, then nothing.

"AHA, I found it," Twilight suddenly said, after passing the book about eighty times.

"Good, fix me, I hate chartreuse, and I love my eyes, so I don't want these two things mixing," Jackson lamented, sincerely hating this development.

"I first have to diagnose the problem, then I can fix it," Twilight insisted, finding the page she needed.

Her horn flared up with magic, which brightened and intensified quickly, Jackson was surrounded by an aura of light, which changed colors rapidly.

The mage grunted as she filtered out many colors from the aura, leaving only magical auras.

The light flashed out and was gone, leaving the afflicted human surrounded by strangely colored aura, like a mix of green, gold, and light brown.

Twilight huffed and puffed, carefully trapping a piece of light in a clear bubble, before doing to the next part of the process and summoning up a crystal panel to divide the mixed aura into its individual aura components.

The final part, with three individual bubbles of aura sample, words formed next to them.

Twilight backed away from the man in sudden fear, mumbling something.

"Uh, Twi, what's the matter?" the magical man asked, not sure about what was going on.

"P-p-p-p-pony," she stuttered, before stutteringly mumbling.

"What?"

"you've a dragon's soul and a necromancer's power,' she whispered, too quiet for normal ears to hear.

Jackson was then shocked by a sudden blast of stun magic, unfortunately he wasn't balanced at that moment, and fell over, hitting his head on the floor and blacking out.

Warming the Heart and the Hearth in a multitude of flames

The pain, dear god the pain, at least the pain told him he was alive, but right now he felt like he was on fire.

The second Jackson woke up, he practically tore off his clothes, leaving nothing but his boxers, and began writhing on the ground and letting out quiet yelps of agony.

Sweating profusely, his head felt like it would explode, his hands felt like they were getting stabbed, his back felt like the flesh was being torn off of it.

As soon as the feelings came, they left.

*ding ding ding*

The timer has reached the quarter mark, and a quite describable (yet still incredible) pain has assaulted you, there is little hope to reverse this now, make sure you eat heartily tonight, or you might end up in the ER or something.

His upper body was full of warmth, his clothes magicked away due to not being worn, and he stood up, breathed out a large groaning sigh of relief, and stepped outside.

Twilight followed the tall man and found him rolling around in the snow for several seconds before standing up again, "That ought to clean off all that sweat, holy shit, that was intense,"

"Aye dawg y'alright?" Samuel called out in concern as he ran up to the man, Anjuel following shortly.

"Master, I shall help you," the butler said, casting out a spell to scan for damage, "Oh my, you're running a fever, your body is about one hundred and twenty five degrees. I shall help you," the unicorn cast out a conflagration of snow, which covered his master before melting in seconds, "That reduced the temperature by five degree- oh wait, it's back up again, I apologize master, I have failed you," the siurl lamented, hanging his head in shame.

"It's alright, I'm alive and mostly well, just give me a minute to catch my breath." immediately after saying that, Jackson began wheezing and huffing and puffing, trying to fill his starving lungs as he laid down onto the ground, the snow melting around him.

"At least your eyes aren't chartreuse anymore, hmm, they're now gray with slivers of gold mixed in, interesting," Twilight observed.

"Okay, nice, can I go home now?" Jackson choked out, still trying to regulate his breathing.

"Of course, but be careful, if you start hearing any ghostly whispers, ignore them," Twilight warned, her muzzle pressing into his nose.

Jackson casually licked her mouth, causing the lavender mare to recoil back and cover her mouth with her hooves, "Thank you for extricating yourself from on top of my being, now I may stand and leave," he formally thanked, giving a small bow and walking away with Samuel.

"I must say, t'was quite humorous when master did that, by the way, if the 'ghostly whispers' you were referring to were part of the myths about the effects of necromancy, I can say from experience that the 'ghostly whispers' part is false, I should know, I was once a very powerful necromancer myself, though now that power is busy keeping me alive, if you wish, I could educate you on this field of magic," the siurl offered.

"Did he really just?" Twilight was blushing at the thought.

"I am sure that master does not realize the pony's-tradition dictated purpose of what he did, despite living here for many months, he has learned very little about pony culture, come, I shall help you clean off and teach you the ways of necromancy," the butler offered a hoof, which Twilight took gratefully, and he lifted her up to her hooves.

The two entered the library, closing the door behind them.

~Meanwhile, at the McCard residence~

Scootaloo had looked everywhere for her Hearth's Warming gift, but found nothing of the sort, just some random assorted materials and a few weapons, she looked at her gift for her brother, held in her little hoof.

It was made of steel, but covered in copper to look nicer, with tiny amethysts for eyes and a little circle for a ring, it was hard to get her brother's finger measurements, but she had done it.

The ring had a thing that looked like the mockingjay pin from the Hunger Games, it even had custom-cut ruby for fire, though the flames reached inside the circle, and the spear also was confined inside the circle, she didn't want to give her awesome big brother a dangerous gift.

Sighing and returning upstairs, the filly tucked the pin onto her scarf and folded the scarf up to hide it, she decided that if her big brother was going to hide her gift, she was going to hide his gift.

The filly decided to look in the master bedroom for one last go at looking, "Maybe he hid it under his bed," her young mind reasoned, trotting over to the bed and looking under it, finding nothing, not even dust.

The little pony raised her head and stuck her tongue out at the wall, looking around for any sort of storage device.

Her eyes fell on his personal chest, and she jumped over the bed to get to it and opened up the lid.

Inside were many things, some quills, a flint and steel, a few pieces of paper with things written on them, and three books.

One was labeled 'Journal', which she ignored, the second book was the book of poetry that he wrote for Twilight, and the third had no title written on it, only magic symbols and a scary skull.

*too cool for a normal sound*

You got: The Necronomicon

A simple, easy, though tedious how-to step-by-step guide on how to be an awesome necromancer, this special edition also includes the second volume, how to be a lich

(WAR-

The message was cut off by Scootaloo speaking.

"Cool," she said, almost completely forgetting her goal before setting the book onto the bed.

The young, innocent filly was about to read the book made with liquefied insanity and power as ink, but was distracted when her eyes fell upon the wardrobe, "Of course, it's gotta be hidden in his closet," she concluded, vaulting over the bed and opening the door to the wardrobe.

She didn't see any presents, but what she did see was a strange screen with a lot of confusing labels and boxes, a title at the top read 'Inventory', so she guessed that this was a magical wardrobe.

Her hoof pointed to one of the articles of clothing on the side, "Ooh, I want to see that one," she said, and the duster blinked from the slot it was in to the appropriate slot on her body.

She felt a sudden weight on her back and found that she was now wearing a small duster, she grinned at how cool it looked, a little label on the inside of the collar read 'Dead Man's Law', she looked at the 'Inventory' wall again, putting the duster back in the slot where she found it.

The next thing she tried on was the cool hoodie.

It phased onto her body, and it looked cool, and powder blue contrasted her orange coat nicely, and the wing symbols on the back were right at a pair of holes for her wings, however a few additions had been made, a pair of dragon heads looked at though they were eating her hooves on either side, their necks trailing up for a little bit, then tapering into thick lines that traced her shoulders and ran down the front of the hoodie, a pair of tribal hearts on the side that were on fire, and the waist of the thing was covered in the same scales design. The awesome wing design had actually changed as well.

"Eh, no present here, too bad, oh well, I guess I can just read this book and wait for tomorrow.

The violet maned pegasus trotted back over to the book and looked at the cover.

"It certainly looks like a 'Necronomnom', I wonder what 'necromancy' means," she said cheerfully as her untainted eyes sparkled in excitement.

Once again, the innocent, lively, virgin-eyed filly was prepared to read the book that drove the very writer of the book insane with lust for power.

She could hear the immensely creaky front door opening downstairs, she quickly dropped the cover and put the book back in the chest, rushing out of the room and galloping downstairs.

She saw Jackson and Samuel walking in, the latter closing the door, "You're back!" she said cheerily, trying to hide the fact that she had been in his room, he squatted down and gave her a hoof-bump as she passed him, running outside to play in the snow.

That was another one of the rules, one person has to stay at home at all times, until a sentry or something is acquired.

Jackson smiled at Scootaloo's enthusiasm, watching her running across the small dirt path to reach the fields of snow.

"Don't play too long, Scoots, don't want you to get too cold now," he called out to her, watching her happily beginning to make a snowpony, "I will never understand how that works," he said in an I-have-no-idea tone.

Walking upstairs to reclaim his clothing, he put it all on one step at a time, socks, shoes, and pants, then his shirt, duster....

Where's the hoodie?

He looked out of the window to see Scootaloo playing in the snow, wearing his hoodie.

"Eh, I wanted to put it back on, but I think it looks better on her, oh well, I'm warm enough anyways," he thought aloud, looking at himself in the mirror.

A modern police officer shirt and an old-timey sheriff's longcoat, skinny jeans and twentieth century style shoes, he looked like the thing someone threw up after getting sick on anachronism stew.

"I love my family," he said dreamily, thinking about Assassin's Creed III and the homestead, about how it would be nice to have something like that, to have a homestead, and a bunch of families working in a little community.

This would never work, at least... not in his lifetime, Ponyville was about a quarter-mile away, it technically was once a homestead, if his brief research was any good, but the group of families with skills and trades eventually grew and developed into a full town.

He asked himself the ultimate self question, "What am I doing?" he put a hand to his head.

"I'm wishing to be in the past, which I don't want to do now that I think about it like that, I'm watching my little sister play in the snow, when I should be joining her, and I just now remembered that I should eat really heartily tonight, wait, what time is it?" he whipped out his cellphone, not questioning how it had adjusted to time in Equestria, or how it had a signal.

The time was half past five in the afternoon, he briefly wished for gloves, because his hands were so sweaty, but right as he finished wishing for gloves, he dropped his Droid Ultra on the overhang below, a bit more than seven feet was too far down to reach, and the structure of the overhang was too dangerous to try to lower himself onto, lest he slip on his feet, or slip when pulling himself back up.

"HEY SCOOTS, CAN YOU HELP ME OUT?" he called out to the orange pegasus playing out in the field of snow.

"YEAH? WHAT'S WRONG?" she called back, waving.

"I DROPPED MY CELLPHONE ON THE OVERHANG, CAN YOU FLY UP AND GRAB IT FOR ME?" he requested, pointing down to the small black rectangle.

Scootaloo didn't respond, she just looked at the ground in shame.

Jackson knew something was up, "Oh hell no I'm not letting you be sad after I got my phone stuck," he jumped out of the window, immediately regretting his decision, but was able to grab his cellphone at least.

*THUD* was the sound he made when he landed into the two feet of snow, quickly melting down to the ground as most of it was blown away from the impact.

"JACKSON!" Scootaloo shouted in concern as she galloped over to him.

"MASTER!" Anjuel yelped in surprise from down the road, speeding his casual walk up to a full-tilted sprint.

"I'm okay, I just maybe broke my nose, and dislocated my shoulders, please help," he said with a muffled voice, his nasal injury preventing him from speaking properly.

Scootaloo was crying, "Why did you do that?"

"I was going to rush over to you and ask why you were looking at the ground in shame, but my goal of getting to you as quickly as possible was made difficult by the twenty feet that I fell," the injured man groaned, letting out a shriek of pain as Anjuel used his bony hands to relocate his master's shoulders.

"I shall do my best to fix your nose, master," the siurl assured, casting out some altered necromantic magic.

By cutting out the 'raise from death' and lacking the ability for the 'control' part, the spell snapped itself into the nearest complying spell formation, which was a healing spell.

Jackson sighed in relief as his injured nose returned to normal, the leaked blood was being wiped away by a gentle handkerchief, before the man realized that Anjuel was seriously wiping his nose for him, and it wasn't a handkerchief, it was the siurl's tongue.

".... nigga GET OFF MAH NOSE!" he said, recoiling back away from his butler as the latter turned into a pony.

"I apologize, master, for I merely jest, returning the gesture you gave to Lady Twilight earlier, you should know that a lick to the face, in pony culture, is a sign of great affection," the pale faced stallion explained, before adding, "Though I merely did it because I felt it funny, please do not take any offense to it," he half-pleaded.

"Sorry bro, I can't get your phone thingy because... I can't fly, I thought you knew that?" she sniffled.

"I'm sorry, I forgot, I remember you telling me that a long time ago, now I understand why you wanted flying lessons, I thought you just needed practice, ugh, don't worry sis, I got my phone in the end, so this wasn't a total waste," he said, chuckling a bit and grabbing his sister for a heartfelt hug.

Scootaloo's tears halted, and she gave a small smile at the loving embrace.

Anjuel silently entered the house, leaving his master and mistress alone for their moment.

Almost a minute later, they broke apart, feeling better.

"Y'know, I was originally going to take my hoodie back," he paused to cough, and Scootaloo noticed that she still wore her brother's garment.

"Oh, I'm sorry Jackson, I didn't realize, here." she tried to pull the hoodie off, but failed.

"No, it's okay, you keep it, it looks better on you anyway, and I'm plenty okay without it," he assured, waving the notion off with his hand.

The two laughed just for the sake of laughing, and went inside.

~Some time later~

It was the middle of the night, almost midnight, and all through the house, nopony was stirring.

Jackson, being a human and not a pony, was stirring around in the basement, eating all sorts of food that was stored down there, apples, carrots, potatoes, pumpkin pie, even a lot of meat that was left behind, plenty of bread, and yet he was still hungry.

Eating an apple to its core, then the core itself, a whole fish, even the fins and face, he crunched up the bones into a grainy paste and drank that down with a whole gallon of milk, followed by several other drinks, he could shit his bowels out later, but right now he needed to feed.

Finally finding a single apple with gold on it, and ate it.

Nothing, still hungry, though after several seconds, he looked at his phone clock and saw that it was now midnight.

*ding ding*

The timer is at the halfway mark, come tomorrow noon, something big will happen, almost half an hour of ravenous hunger has left you, yet you don't feel anything except a lot heavier at the moment, not sick, just... heavy.

Jackson groaned, crawling his way up the stairs and climbing the wall to get to his feet, he lazily walked over to the door and opened it, the recently oiled hinges made only a whisper, letting him escape the house with ease.

Closing the heavy door slowly, he wished his family well while he went out for a walk.

The afflicted man turned his back to the door, tears of pain in his eyes as the overwhelming burning sensations returned.

Jackson walked into the field of snow.........

Bad End: Gone in a Flash

Jackson walked several meters from the road before collapsing face-first into the snow.

His body felt like it was on fire, his bleary vision confirmed that it was literally on fire, due to the warm light on the snow.

Everything was fading away, all into one big color, darkness, then redness, then whiteness.

His vision faded in, and he saw something new, yet old.

~Fancy Transition of Time and Space~

Jackson McCard, a twenty six year old college grad with burnt-brown hair, jade eyes, and a lot of money, he fled America in a lapse of judgment and went to Europe.

Above him stood his cousin, Evan.

"Hey cousin, you're awake, can you speak?" the handsome man asked gently.

"Y-y-yeah," Jackson croaked out, his throat felt like sandpaper.

"Wait a second, HOLY SHIT! NURSE, DOCTOR, HE'S AWAKE!" the other man shouted.

A minute or so of confusion later, Jackson's view was raised up and he could see a doctor standing at the foot of his bed, a glass of water was offered to his mouth, which he greedily drank every drop of.

"Jackson McCard, you're one lucky son of a bitch, I have to tell you, if it wasn't for your cousins, you'd be a charred husk right now, maybe a pile of ash, you were burnt on over ninety five percent of your body, I'll leave now, your cousins will explain what happened," the doctor left.

"Okay, so, here's the walkthrough: we were coming to visit you, and we smelled smoke coming from the upper floor of your complex, well, we intercepted this man running away, and we decked him, knocked him out cold on the floor. We ran up the stairs and found you and your flat on fire, so we pulled you out of there and did what we could to put you out, it will take years for your skin to fully recover, only one percent of it was unburned, and that was neither your dick nor your balls, sorry about that, but you got the full package deal of terrible fate," Evan sighed, and Jamie dropped a few tears on her brother's chest.

"What all happened?" the tall man felt shorter, had he never really grown taller?

"Well, you got a concussion, you were raped in the ass, everything you own, even the money, is gone, you're homeless and penniless, with an abused asshole and infinite pain. I'm considering telling them to pull the plug and let you die," the standing man sighed, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Kill me, kill me now. I had a great life where I was before, a butler, a soul brotha, an adorable little sister," he attempted to reach up and facepalm at his stupidity, but cried out in pain when his should felt like it had snapped.

"What? Was I in some sort of fever dream?" Jamie asked suddenly, the flow of her tears ceasing.

"No, sorry. You two probably won't believe me, but I was in this place called Equestria, full of these ponies, and one of them, Scootaloo, I signed for her to be my little sister, it's crazy, I know, but I was pretty crazy the whole time I was there, the whole place was crazy, oh why am I even talking about this?" he explained sadly.

"Wait, you had a fever dream where you were in Equestria? Holy shit man, you lucked out in one aspect at least!" Evan congratulated, almost patting his cousin on the back when he realized how bad such an action would be.

"Heehee, it's kind of funny, really, the only time you were lucky was when it wasn't even real, sad," Jamie started crying again.

"Now I want to die and go back, please kill me?" Jackson pleaded.

The same doctor came back in, "I'm sorry about before, now, do you know what you want to do?" he asked.

"I want to die, just kill me I don't care, pull the plug, give me dying pills, fucking shoot me in the head, I don't care I don't want to be alive anymore," Jackson replied, begging for release.

"Well, I am under obligation to comply, can you sign this form?" the MD offered a pen.

"I can write with my mouth." this elicited some suppressed laughter from his family members, but he didn't care as his lips moved the pencil and signed his name.

It was done, he would be released from this hell, this nightmare, this blackout, this... everything.

~Some time later~

Jackson watched as the life support was unplugged, and the pain merely stopped because it was too intense to feel.

*beep beep beep beep*

It wouldn't be long now, he cursed everything bad that had ever happened in his life.

In the corner of his eye, he saw P1 smiling at him, standing off to the side with a wicked grin on his face.

"It seems you've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?" the god figure quoted, starting to laugh insanely.

*HAHHAHAHAA*

*beep beep, beep, beep, beep, beep*

*HHAHAAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAAAAHHAHOOOHOOHAAAHAAAAA*

*beep, beep, beep.... beep........ beep............. beep*

*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHHAAAHAHAAAHAAAHAHAAAAOOHOOHAAAAHAHAHOOHAOAHAOAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAHHAHAAAHAHHAAAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAA*

"beep................ beep......................... beep.................................. beep..........................................beep*

*HAHAHAHAAAAHOOHOOHHAHAAHAAAHEEHEEHAAHAAHAHAHHAAAAAHAAAAAAAHHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAWHEEZEHAHAHAHHOHOHOHOHAHAHAAHAHAAAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAOOHEEHHEHEHHAHAHAHOHOHUUHUHUHUAHAHAHHAHOAHAHOAHHOAOHHOHEAHHEOAHHAHHEHAHEOAHEAHHEHAIAIAHEEAEHIEHEAOHEIIEAHEHHAEHHEHHHAOHEHAIHEIHAOHIEHIAHEHHHHHEIHEHAEIHIEHIHHEOHIUHEAIOEOIEOAIIIEEIAEHOIOAHAOIHIEIOEAEIOAIEHHEAAHEHEEHHEHIOAHEHAHEHAHEHIEHEOAHEHHHEHAHAHAHHAHAHHEHEHHEHAHHAHHAHHAHHEHAHHHEHHEHHIHHIHIHIHHIIOHHOHOHHHEHHAHHAHAHAHEHHEHEHHAHHHAHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...........................................................HA*

*beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*

(Dragon)Born to Smite Evil and Guard the Dawn, also to be Shirtless.

Jackson walked into the snowy field, looking up at the sky.

It was all dark, but the horizons, the horizon served as a rim of red, a sign of the dawn.

His body, despite being assaulted by cold winds and a lot of falling snow, was hot, so much so that he became quite wet as the snow melted within seconds of landing on him.

"Ugh, I need to just stay up in this final stretch, it feels like the final stretch, I need to keep talking. Oh god my stomach, my whole body," he groaned, feeling like every ten seconds was an hour.

The moment came to him, and he sang, but on the song's accord, not by any measure of his own will.

By the time he was done, it was bright out.

*ding*

The incubation period has ended, transformation: ENGAGE!

Everything suddenly went white as blasts, waves, spikes, and all sorts of shapes of pain assaulting his senses, just barely keeping him below the 'blackout' line, he felt like he was bleeding, like his whole body was in the middle of Hell's lakes of fire, it was almost too much.

Almost.

Suddenly, he felt a cool sensation, but at the same time, warm, it was a nice lukewarm feeling, however he also felt heavier.

*FWOP*

~At the beginning of the transformation, about a hundred feet away~

"THERE HE IS!" Scootaloo shouted, catching the attention of both the stallions accompanying her.

"HOLY SHIT, HOMIE, I'M COMING!" Samuel called out, running at a speed only capable by zebras.

"Master, I shall help you!" Anjuel called out, much more reserved in his reaction.

A pillar of golden flames shot out of the ground around the transforming man, reaching into the sky and hitting the sun itself.

The trio stopped in their tracks as they watched this.

Jackson's eyes were glowing even brighter than the pillar, he was spinning around, and finally the pillar went away, the tall man gently touching down to the ground.

Scootaloo gasped as she saw the massive marking on her brother's back.

*too cool for a normal sound*

You got: The Mark of Dovahkiin the Savior

This mark has replaced the Force Edge with the Binary Sword, a blade of great holy power.

You now permanently have the dragon wings, sorry about that.

You are also now sworn to protect the very concept of 'dawn' itself, as dictated by the powers that be.

Good luck, young hero.

Try not to die too quickly.

Suddenly, the dragon wings spread from Jackson's back, snapping out to their full span.

*FWOP*

"What?" Anjuel half-asked, nearly speechless.

"The," Samuel muttered under his breath, as he couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Fuck," Scootaloo said plainly, she was at a loss for words, so that one was the only word she could manage at the moment.

The two stallions snapped their attention to the little filly and her swear, but found that the important thing at the moment was the master of the home with dragon wings.

The wings were amazing. Massive, first of all, both of them were five feet long, giving him a wingspan of a bit more than ten feet, since there was a distance between the two wings. The scaly frames were black, and the skin between the bones was a bright, pale orange.

"Ughhhhh," the winged human groaned, getting to his feet and stretching out.

*shhhhhiiiiiiiiiiing* a very long sword appeared in his hand, progressively forming from ivory flames.

His hand was level with his hips, yet the blade still poked into the ground, the grip could easily fit both of his hands, the code on the side was odd, though.

"Hehe, Jebus Chryst, nice birthday gift," Jackson chuckled, raising the sword high into the air with both hands.

A mighty downwards strike launched a fierce wave of blood red energy, staining the snow with residual magic.

The sword disappeared in a flash of white flame, and the tall man turned around to face his family.

"So, Scoots, y'know how you said you can't fly," he asked, his eyes glowing a bright gold.

"That's because I don't know how," she clarified, a bit put-off by her brother's eyes.

"Well, that makes two of us," he joked, laughing only a little because he was feeling lightheaded.

He scooped the little filly up and led the way back to the house.

~Some time later~

Jackson rubbed his face, feeling the freshly shaved skin in all of its smoothness.

Dressed only in his jeans and 'JUST ONE MORE LEVEL' shirt, he made breakfast for the family.

It was a huge amount of food, yes, but he had four mouths to feed, including his own.

Scootaloo got her blueberry pancakes, grape juice, plate of haycon strips, and bowl of chocolate ice cream, it was the perfect day for a big breakfast.

Since neither sibling had a gift for the siurl or zebra, the large breakfast would have to suffice.

Next came the little present exchange between brother and sister.

Jackson presented a strapped up set of Micro Uzis, almost just like the ones in the movie Invasion USA, but they were a dark purple, the same purple as her mane.

Scootaloo gaped at the gift in wonderment, taking off the hoodie and putting the shoulder straps on underneath the stylized garment before putting said garment back on.

The dual guns were concealed, and she looked closely at both, finding the inscription 'Grim Fandango' on the sides.

"This is so COOL! Thanks bro, here, I got you something, but I don't think it's as cool as these," she said, handing over the small box before going back to messing around with her new weapons.

Jackson looked at the small box nervously, why did Scootaloo have to not know what this kind of box is for? He decided 'sure, why not' and opened it, finding an awesome Hunger Games ring inside.

*dah-nah-nah-NAH~*

You got: the Fire Flier

This ring was made by your little sister Scootaloo, she made it with love, enjoy the gift and the gesture.

It bears uncanny resemblance to the Hunger Games logo, most-likely based on it.

If the need ever arose, this ring, made with the love, the care, and the innocent heart of your precious little sister, could be used in a searching spell.

A small tear escaped the big brother's eye, he put the ring on his finger, a perfect fit, he looked at it, it looked really nice.

Scootaloo was busy using Anjuel as a target for her Uzis, finding that the small SMGs fired shards of really sharp and highly electrified ice.

Fortunately, the siurl had a 'sticky shield' spell, and harmlessly caught every single one of the dozens of projectiles.

Scootaloo stopped when she was picked up and hugged, but it was her brother and it felt nice.

Jackson motioned for Samuel and Anjuel to join in for a group hug.

The filly at the center didn't mind, in fact she loved it, feeling surrounded by warmth and love.

"Just remember, Scoots, until, and even after, my last breath, I will always love you, no matter what, I might get disappointed in you, I might get angry, but I'll never stop loving you, do you understand?" the tall man assured, gently breaking the other two out of the hug.

"I understand, thank you, Jackson, thank you so much for being my big brother, you're the best, I'd say you're even better than Rainbow Dash," Scootaloo meant every word, without her big brother by her side, she probably wouldn't have made it this far, winters were the worst for the filly, because the nights when she could stay home were few and far between.

The winged man silently accepted the praise, wrapping said wings around himself and his sister, amplifying the hug.

When the two finally broke the hug, Anjuel made his presence known with an *ahem*

"Master, Mistress, I have gifts for you both," he informed, pulling out a nicely wrapped box.

He hoofed it over to Scootaloo, who eagerly tore into it.

Inside the box was a fancy lantern, burning toxic green flames.

"It is much like our fireplace, its flame shall never go out unless extinguished on purpose. Green flames are much brighter than orange flames, so it would be very good for nighttime desk-work or something such as that," the butler explained.

"Wow, thank Anjuel, this is awesome!" the orange pegasus cheered, hugging the butler.

"D'aaawwwwwwwww," the master of the house d'aw'd at the sight, it was cute.

"Now for master, your gift is outside, I must say that I prepared it before this 'transformation' incident occurred, or even began, still, I believe that you will find the gift to be... 'badass', as you would put it. Your gift is outside," the siurl explained.

Jackson shrugged and walked outside, the others following.

The first thing he laid eyes on, he could only say "You were right, this is badass, this is one bitchin' ride,"

"Come on, we're taking this bitch for a spin," the tall man insisted, mounting the vehicle.

"This is so much cooler than my scooter," Scootaloo said as she jumped up onto her brother's back and climbed onto his shoulders.

"I guess I'll take up the back," Samuel said, before being halted by Anjuel's hoof.

"You shall indeed be in the back, I was master's butler at least three minutes before you became his 'soul brotha', I shall sit behind me, and I shall sit behind Jackson," the undead stallion said matter-of-fact-ly

"I'm feelin' like I shud be takin' dat da wrong way, but I just can't be allowin' mysef to be dat stupid, ya enjoy havin' a face fulla wings, homie," Samuel countered, remaining chilled out.

"I shall then," Anjuel got onto the motorcycle with a great amount dignity and esteem

Samuel sat behind the butler.

"Alright, now all I need is a good one-liner, OOH, I got it," Jackson paused to clear his throat.

"This is gonna be awesome," Scootaloo said, he voice quivering with excitement.

"Let's ride," Jackson delivered, the launched forward on the great wheels of fire.

~Some time later~

The group made their way to Sugarcube Corner for the Hearth's Dinner.

Coming to a halt several feet outside of the bakery, the ponies got off to allow Jackson to walk it to the side, he turned off the cycle, which also extinguished the flaming wheels, and let down the kickstand for the badass piece of machinery to stand up on its own.

Walking inside, the bakery looked completely different, a large table had been set up, big enough to seat fifteen people.

Pinkie was already laying out the food, it was really odd for Jackson, as most of the food comprised of lots of fresh bread and a load of various 'adding' things, like jellies, butters, frostings, a few types of peanut butter, chocolates, syrups, and the centerpiece, rather than a turkey, was a huge cake in the shape of a pony, with its hooves stuck in pies.

"Holy shit," the tall man and his little sister said simultaneously at the spread.

"Now Jacky, Scoots, no need for that kind of language, I know this story is rated 'mature', but that's no excuse to start spouting out curses," Pinkie lectured, before rushing back to the kitchen to grab more food, because there was still plenty of space at the table.

"Howdy y'all, nice to see some new faces 'round here," Applejack greeted, waving the over from the side of the room.

"Scootaloo!" Sweetie and Applebloom called out from the far wall.

Jackson nodded for the butler and zebra to talk to Applejack, and for Scootaloo to go talk to the crusaders.

The tall man stepped a bit more into the room, turning to walk into the kitchen to talk to Pinkie Pie.

~With Applejack and da boiz~

"So, what's yer names?"

"Aight, I'm Samuel, Samuel R. Freeman, the R is for Ratchetness, I gotta say, I like yo voice Applejack." he patted her on the hat, a common zebra sign of friendship, Applejack knew because she had received the information from Zecora.

"I am Anjuel Smitonio, ancient paladin, now a butler for my master, who bested me in a glorious battle, I hope you don't mind it, but I am a necromancer, one who can raise and control the dead, but now I am sworn to be humble and submissive to my master's whims, I am on the side of good, and will stop at nothing to prove so to you," the siurl explained.

"Nah, Ah'm the Element of Honesty, ah can tell that you're being honest, but in case ya are lyin' somehow, ah should tell ya that ah buck apple trees to knock apples off of them, most of the day, most days, so iffin' ya do somethin' bad, ah could do quite a blow to that pale face'a yers," Applejack warned in a sweet tone, as if she was trying to get him more comfortable at the same time she was unnerving him.

"I shall keep that thought in mind, Lady Applejack," Anjuel replied.

"Good ta know, but why'd ya call me La-" Applejack looked over just in time to see Jackson's new 'attachments', "Hubba wha'? What're those?" she asked, not sure why she asked, because she already knew the answer.

"Oh, right, Master McCard has been transformed by powerful dragon magics, and one of the transformations is that he now has dragon wings, along with golden eyes and I noticed he had claw-like fingernails," Anjuel explained, trying to remember if there was anything else.

"That's...... nice........." Applejack was at a loss for words.

~With the CMC~

"So bro gave me this awesome hoodie, and these things," Scootaloo revealed as she unveiled her dual Micro Uzis.

"Cool, sis made my this," Sweetie Belle gestured to her new scarf, it was colored in nice green stripes, light and dark greens.

"The family got me this," Applebloom showed off her new little Stetson, dyed a pretty maroon color.

"Nice, y'know I really have ta say, now I know why you two like talking about your older siblings so much, having a big brother is awes-" Scootaloo was cut off by Applebloom doing an exaggerated pointing gesture.

"Why is yer big brother a dragon?" the yellow earth pony observed, pointing out the wings on the tall man's back.

"Oh, those, he got them this morning, apparently a lot of magic was going around in his body, and it was waiting to transform him, he's got the cool glowy eyes though, they're like gold, but burning gold, like... like the sun, he's got mini suns for eyes," Scootaloo explained with childish wonder.

Specifically childish wonder. Why? Because she's a child, so of course her wonder was childish, that makes it a practically natural choice, that's why.

"Wow, that's really cool," Applebloom responded with glee.

"So what'd you guys get us?" the white filly asked, getting an incredulous look from her friends, "What? My sister is the Element of Generosity, not me," this statement caused the three to laugh.

"Sorry girls, you two'll have to wait until present time like the rest of us," Scootaloo declined, hoofing the two gifts onto the gift table.

"Oh well, come on girls, I bet there's plenty we can try to get cutie marks for at the party," Applebloom led the crusaders onto adventure.

The three breathed in deep, getting as much air as possible for what they were about to shout.

~With Pinkie and Jackson~

"So, right, I am not going to see if I can breathe fire, I don't want to test that here," Jackson declined, again.

"But this is a kitchen!" Pinkie argued, again.

"I mean in a wooden build-" he was cut off by a sudden.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER PARTY CUTIE MARKS!!! YAAAAAY!!!" the trio of fillies was surprisingly loud.

"JESUS CHRIST ON A CRACKER WITH A SIDE OF NAPOLEON BONAPARTE CHEESE!" Jackson covered his ears from the ear-destroying shriek of joy.

"Who's that?" Pinkie asked.

"That's my sister and her friends, I thought you kn-"

"No, that Jee-zus guy, I already know them, and Neighpoleon Ponabarte," Pinkie clarified.

"Oh, well, on Earth, my home planet, Jesus was this guy who was born on this day, December twenty fifth, back home we don't call it 'Hearth's Warming', we call it 'Christmas', because that was his name, Jesus Christ, he grew up to be first a carpenter, then a messenger for the powers that be," the tall man explained.

"Wow, that's quite a promotion," Pinkie laughed.

"Yeah, so he died on a cross, which looked like the centerpiece of my back tattoo," the strong man pulled off his shirt to reveal the marking.

"Ooh, cool," Pinkie didn't mind the dragon wings, they were nice.

"It is, but to honor him, we put these things up everywhere and await him to return to Earth, which is weird, because if John F. Kennedy came back to life, I doubt he'd want to see a bunch of sniper rifles," the burnt-brunette laughed, attempting to put his shirt back on.

"Or if Discord came back, I doubt he'd want to see a bunch of stone statues everywhe- OH WAIT!" Pinkie remembered.

Discord was kept in a stone statue garden.

"I can't, seem to... get this.... UGGGH!" the winged man was failing to put his shirt back on.

Pinkie stopped laughing when she saw the human's incredible musculature.

An Adonis-like structure, and those skinny jeans clung to every ripple in his long legs.

"Pinkie, could you stop sitting there and help me out?" the struggling human requested.

"No," she flatly replied, ogling his body.

"Why not?" he argued, trying, and failing, to once again put his shirt back on.

"It's too hard for you to get it back on," Pinkie's mind was elsewhere.

"I don't know how I got it off so easily," he grunted.

Pinkie's mind was still somewhere else, she was drooling, all she heard was 'get' and 'off'.

*RIIIIIIP* went the shirt, its abuse too much for the comfortable fibers to handle anymore.

"Dammit!" he said a bit loudly.

"Yeah?" Samuel thought he heard his name.

"I said 'dammit', is your name 'dammit'?" Jackson sarcastically asked, laughing at a bit of mind-slip.

"No," the zebra replied with a laugh.

"Well now it is, Dammit, I ripped my shirt because I can't put it on," he informed, walking into the main room again and tossing the ruined garment to Anjuel.

"I shall schedule it to be fixed, master," the butler assured, magicking the torn shirt away.

At that moment, Rarity just happened to trot out of the bathroom.

"Hubba-wha?" she gasped at the sight of Jackson's transformed state.

'He's a lot thicker, and all of that is beautiful muscles, muscles of a strong, healthy stallion, wonderful, amazing, I want it,' the white mare thought, staring at the winged man with wide eyes and a slack jaw.

"Rarity? Could you stop staring please? It's... uncomfortable," the tall man scratched the back of his head in awkwardness.

"Oh I apologize, darling, it's just that I was enraptured by your form, I must say that you look even better than before," she praised, getting closer.

She reared up and supported herself on his chest, tapping it with a hoof, receiving a nice 'thock thock' sound.

"My my, quite the strong man I see," she cooed through half-opened eyes.

".... nigga GET OFF MAH CHEST!" he said, taking a swift back step and leaving Rarity to fall back on all fours.

"Aww," the indigo maned unicorn quietly whined.

"Seriously, did the transformation make me British?" the tall man muttered as he re-entered the kitchen.

"The Brimish, unlike us Equestrians, regularly wear clothes, because their bodies are somehow inherently sexier when naked, where as studies have shown that Equestrians are sexier when they have clothes on," Pinkie said quietly, trying not to get caught by Jackson's body, lest she probably let something burn by accident.

"Great, I don't want this attention," the tall man lamented, watching the door open up, then Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy entered, the former flew while the latter trotted.

"How's it goin' everypony, 'sup new guys, hey crusaders," the spectrum-maned mare greeted, her eyes going wide at the sight of the food, "Pinkie, this looks delicious."

Fluttershy merely went 'ooh' at seeing the gratuitous dinner.

"Ello, I'm Samuel, Jackson's soul brotha," the zebra greeted with a smile.

"And I am Anjuel, Master McCard's butler," the siurl greeted, also with a smile.

"Sup, I'm Rainbow Dash, no doubt Jack's told you about how awesome I am," the cyan pegasus introduced herself, flexing her muscles and hovering in front of the two.

"No, not a word, he says that Scootaloo is the best pegasus he's ever known, and he knows who you are," Anjuel corrected.

"What? Nothing? What about me? Am I not awesome?" she asked indignantly, landing and getting all up in the undead stallion's grill, smushing her muzzle against his nose.

Fluttershy merely hid behind Rainbow Dash, avoiding the butler's cold eyes and the zebra's Pinkie-sized smile.

"I must say, all you've done since you came in was hover around, brag about yourself, and get in my face," the literally-face-to-face unicorn recapped, "If that, and your putrid breath, is anything to go by, then you are not 'awesome' at all, you're a bad pony, and you should feel bad," he snarked.

"How's about we take this outside?" she threatened, very angry at this point.

"Why bother? We'd be evenly matched, you can fly at incredible speeds, and I can summon the dead, our fight would damage the nearby buildings and nothing would be accomplished other than building destruction," he analyzed, gently pushing the now hovering pegasus away.

"What?" Rainbow Dash asked, trying to sound offended, but she was only confused, she hovered backwards.

Finagle's Law ensued.

The athletic mare ended up bumping her rump into Jackson.

She specifically bumped into his crotch.

He happened to have a 'no reason' erection at the moment.

She felt all of it.

"Whoa, back off," he said, pushing her away.

"Hey hey hey, quit pokin' me with ya thing," she said, blushing in anger and embarrassment, before realizing how bad that sounded.

Twilight walked in with Spike, and the first thing she saw was Jackson shirtless, and she was caught in the trap.

Spike just said, "Whoa! dude, that's creepy, but cool." at the sight of the tall man's wings.

Jackson stood still, trying to think of what just happened.

'I'm being ogled by my six friends, why? I am really that sexy?' he mentally asked himself.

The golden-eyed man backed up, still being watched by the six mares, each of whom had smiles that were getting bigger with each passing second.

He backed himself up the stairs.

Finagle's Law was still active, as Mr. and Mrs. Cake happened to bump into his unprepared body, sending him off his feet.

And the unwilling man tumbled down the stairs, straight into the enraptured mares' grasps.

Dine in Hell? Might as well be, what with all THIS shit going on.

He was surrounded, suffocating under a pile of affection, getting his magnificent body felt up.

For him, it was okay if he loved his body, it WAS his body after all, he had every right and reason to love it.

It became awkward and difficult when someone else, or in this case, several ponies, loved his body.

"Please, please no," he couldn't manage much, it was hard to breathe, and they were touching him a lot.

Then a hoof grazed over his crotch.

"HOO NELLY NO, NELLY NO, NELLY STOP," he said, sitting up as the six mares backed off, the spell broken.

He ran up the stairs, deftly avoiding the Cakes as he found his way to someplace that sufficed as a closet.

"Aw, he left," Pinkie sighed, getting an empathetic hoof on the shoulder from Twilight.

"What was going on down here?" Mrs. Cake asked.

The Mane Six suddenly became all sorts of awkward, not wanting to explain how they'd all lost control of themselves.

~With Jackson~

He had made his way into what he knew was Pinkie's bedroom, he could tell because of all the pink, and the various, strewn around party implements.

He walked over to the only other door in the room, and opened it.

'Inventory'

He sighed in relief and magically put his shirt back on, sure it had large tears that expanded the holes for his wings, but it was worth it to avoid the lusty touches of his friends.

Closing the door and walking out of the room and downstairs again, he found said friends all gathered together.

They let out a collective whine of 'aaaaaawwwww' before receiving a harsh glare from the object of their affections.

"Please, all of you, stop, just... stop," he demanded.

Pinkie tried to give him a cute face to change his mind.

"...nigga WIPE DAT LOOK OFF YO FACE!" he commanded, and she obeyed.

"Jackson, calm down, we all just temporarily lost control of ourselves," Twilight said calmly.

The winged man only groaned and sat down at the table.

Everyone present gathered and sat down, Fluttershy sat far away from the massive man, but the other five took the seats adjacent to him.

"Hey, Rainbow Dash, I was gonna get that spot," Scootaloo protested at the cyan mare taking the spot to her big brother's right.

"Just sit next to me, squirt," the athlete said, leaning into Jackson's side, only for the human to push her off.

The winged man sighed, he reached  over Rainbow Dash's head, for a brief moment she rubbed the top of her head against his arm, he grabbed the chair to Rainbow's right, and gave a 'bro gesture' to Scootaloo.

The filly jumped into the chair, and Jackson stood up, switching the places of the orange and cyan pegasi' chairs.

"Hey, no fair!" Dash complained at not being able to sit next to the stud of the group.

"Tough shit, Dash, you're no sister of mine," the burnt-brunette countered.

"Alright, alright, is everypony seated?" Mr. Cake asked, receiving many nods, "Okay, dig in everyone," he said, remembering Jackson, Samuel, and Spike.

It was really good, even if it was basically a glorified sandwich bar.

~Some time later~

With everyone having eaten their fill, it was time for presents.

Jackson had, last minute, made a pair of padded work boots for Applejack, giving one of the two multi-tools to Applebloom.

"Thanks sugarcube, ah gotta say these'll be mighty helpful ta have," the orange farmer thanked, trying them on and finding them quite comfortable.

"Wow, so many little tools, this's great, thanks Jackson," the red-maned earth pony said, checking out all the different tools.

"Oh my, this is absolutely wonderful, how did you make this, darling?" Rarity said, speaking for both herself and Fluttershy.

"Crafting table, that's how I made all of them, except Twilight's gift, I did that one by hand," he revealed.

"Don'cha mean workbench?" Applejack asked.

"................ no," the gamer replied flatly.

"Wow, it's a.... thing," Rainbow Dash half-cheered at her gift from Jackson, not sure what it was.

"It's a steam heater, put water into the top and it'll heat your house, I know you've been complaining about how cold the winter is in a cloud house. The humidity will be absorbed by the walls, so no uncomfortable sweating, just relaxing heat," the tall man revealed.

"Ooh, ice skates, nice, my old ones got worn out," Pinkie hugged the human, a lot longer than she should have, it was up to Jackson to break her off, and he did. The pink party pony gave a dejected 'aaawwww'.

Jackson held her at a distance, denying the mistress of ceremonies any chance for more hugs.

"Hey bro, check it out," Scootaloo said from off to the side, and Jackson scooted over to her, leaving Pinkie with the others.

Scootaloo had moved her and the human's gifts to the side, not to exclude themselves from the companionship of the givers, but because it was crowded over there, and she secretly didn't want any of the Mane Six to try to steal her brother away, but she wouldn't admit that in public.

The little filly had received a new set of scooter wheels from the Apples, and a stylish helmet from Sweetie and Rarity.

The presents from the rest of the Mane Six remained unopened, so the two got to those.

Rainbow Dash had given Jackson a dumbbell and Scootaloo one of two tickets to a Wonderbolts show, which the orange filly hugged the speedster for, gushing 'thank you' over and over.

The older brother got a goofy grin on his face, his sister was just so cute! How'd he get so lucky?

Next was Jackson's gift from Rarity, many articles of clothing, a few pairs of normal jeans, along with a couple of pairs of skinny jeans, a few shirts with various designs on them, and a plain, dark blue hoodie.

"Wow Rarity, I really needed these," he thanked as he looked further into the box, finding a few polo shirts hidden at the bottom.

"Think nothing of it, darling. Merely your presence filled me with the inspiration for such wonderful designs, I didn't make it as stylized as I usually do, I know how you stallions are with your clothes, no bells or whistles, just fitting and comfortable," the white unicorn said in her usual posh accent.

Applejack had given him a cookbook, simple, but effective, he could use a bit of variety.

"Thanks for the cookbook AJ," he called out, giving her a thumbs up.

"No problem, sugarcube, ya might do good with it," the blonde-maned mare replied.

Next was Fluttershy's gifts, Scootaloo got a stuffed animal, a little teddy eagle, which she let herself enjoy, and hugged it.

The older sibling only gave a toothy grin, just how cute could the little pegasus be?

His own gift was a beautiful little wood carving, a six inch tall statuette of himself, made from a type of wood he'd never seen before.

He turned to the group of ponies, and caught the yellow Pegasus's attention, motioning her over.

"Thank you Fluttershy, these are wonderful gifts," he said, knowing that the nature-lover.

"Oh, um, thank you, Rarity helped me out, she helped everypony make their gifts. She's definitely a very qualified Element of Generosity," the pink maned mare said in her usual quiet tone.

The two watched Scootaloo nuzzle into her teddy eagle, eyes closed and a gentle expression upon her face.

They both went "D'aaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww," at the sight, because it was motherfucking adorable.

Jackson didn't mind as the quiet mare stuck around for the next gift openings.

Pinkie's gifts were just a bunch of extra special cupcakes, simple and nice.

The orange filly had a delicious chocolate-orange flavored icing on blueberry cake, the fair-skinned man had peanut butter icing on red velvet cake.

They looked over and saw everypony making a little toast with their cupcakes, and did the same, eating the treats with care..

When everypony was finished with their special cupcakes, Pinkie went around asking what they thought of them.

"I was considering doing a taste test for a few new cupcakes to put up on the menu since a lot of stuff was recently removed from the menu, so I wanted to fill it back up some," the hyperactive pony explained, bouncing between her friends and getting their personal opinions.

"So Jacky, how'd you like it?" the blue-eyed earth pony asked, merely getting two thumbs up in approval.

"What about Scooty?" the pink-on-pink mare continued, getting a slightly-stained smiles in response.

She bounced back over to the group, who seemed to be opening presents with great care and little speed.

Jackson moved on to the final gifts, from Twilight.

A card with some bits inside, classic.

"A card with some bits inside, classic," Rainbow Dash quipped.

"I reckon we all should read 'em out loud," Applejack proposed, getting nods of approval.

The brother and sister moved back over to the group, Jackson sat only a couple of feet to Twilight's right, and Scootaloo sat right next to Rainbow Dash.

The went counter-clockwise, the cards saying such things as 'hope you had a happy holidays' and 'wish you good times' and such.

Then came McCard's card, "Well you great stallion you, cold times are'a comin', but you make me feel warm inside, thank you for being a great Hearth's Warming gift, and hope you have plenty of love for me," he read, trying to keep his voice steady throughout.

It was.......

What?

Twilight was blushing profusely, "It was the only card they had that didn't say pony, mare, or filly on it," she explained, though the damage was already done, and the other five, minus Fluttershy, had huge shit-eating grins on their faces.

Twilight looked down at the only gift she hadn't opened: Jackson's.

*rip rip rip*

*shuffle*

"A Big Book of Tragedy, Despair, Loss, but above all, Romance, by 'The Great MC. J.', this is..." the lavender unicorn blushed at the thoughtfulness of this gift.

She had heard him when he said that he had made this one by hand, and now it made a lot of sense.

Too much sense, her face was ablaze with how much she was blushing.

Jackson looked to the four smiling mares in fear, only to find that their shit-eating grins had both amplified and they had 'd'aww' faces on.

Pinkie's grin suddenly turned into one of brilliance, and she zoomed off.

'Oohoohoo, this was even better than I thought it would be. I must say though, in my multiverse experience, Twilight is a wonderful marefriend, not only does she possess an above-average amount of the other five Elements of Harmony, but she is genuine in her affections, and she doesn't try to fix what isn't broken, so you have no reason to fear her wanting to change you, all she wants is someone to love and someone to love her, isn't that sweet?' Player said from within Jackson's head.

'You, I... fuck....' he had to admit, that was a hell of a good set of reasons why Twilight was good to go for.

'Of course it's one hell of a good set of reasons. Listen, I may not have much reason for doing anything that I do, but I have found that romance, not just love, but legitimate romance, the mutual, genuine love between two being, is only slightly less beautiful and magnificent as awesome weapons,' the god-avatar explained.

'Of course you'd pick war over love, but fucking hell man, I'm not going after Twilight, I'm not a romance guy, and I just want to live a normal-enough life, leave me alone,' Jackson thought-argued.

'It's not me who's your problem, it's the ponies at the moment, two seconds have passed in universe-time, and you're about to get a major surprise... Twilight likes you, it may not be much now, but if you facilitate its growth, she will love you like a soul-mate, remember when I told you about Shaun and Gray? You two could be like that! Minus, like, all of the fucking, though.... okay maybe just most- no, all of it, because when you have that much authentic care and affection between two people, the term is 'making love'. Where was I? Oh yes right, so, you know that you have a thing for her, it may be buried so deep you may not realize that it's even there, but it is, and you feel it,' the insane deity ranted.

'Well, I mean, I visit her the most, because she's the only one who always treats me like a real person without exception, not just a taste-tester or party guy, like Pinkie, or something to compare herself to, like Rainbow Dash, or someone to just help out or have some idle conversation with on occasion, like Applejack, or a challenge to experience, like Rarity AND Rainbow Dash, or scary animal, like Fluttershy, though Fluttershy is getting better at that. Twilight is always calm and friendly, if a bit curious about human stuff, and I... goddammit, you're right, I like her. Now that I think about it properly, I realize that I like her, at least a little bit.' the winged man gave up.

Time seemed to return to normal, he looked to Twilight, who looked straight up and was blushing even more.

The tall man looked above, and blushed at the sight.

A goddamn mistletoe, and of course Pinkie is holding the fucking thing.

He looked back to Twilight, who he realized was face-level with him. A look to the others found that they each had anxious eyes and eager smiles, they were waiting.

"Fuck it," he muttered, turning back to the mage.

Then they kissed, neither knew who moved in first, they were both pretty sure that they moved in at the same time, but it went quickly, and it was intense.

They were both very inexperienced at kissing, but both were quick learners, and things were rapidly heating up.

A cacophony of whistles and a few cheers from the other five, a couple of 'eww's from the crusaders, and the Cakes didn't respond much.

Twilight's light frame pushed the burnt-brunette onto his back, she sat on his chest deepening the kiss, it was getting really hot in the room.

The other mares stopped whistling and cheering when they realized that this idea was starting to get out of hoof.

The two starting were both blushing from the intensity of the act, and even started some tongue-work.

Carrot Cake frowned deeply, trying to decide if he should stop this or if he should wait for it to stop itself.

Cup Cake had the same reaction as her husband, but further along on the 'decision' part, she took a step closer, ready to break this up.

The lavender mare and light skinned man got lightheaded, and realized that it was from a lack of breathing, so they finally broke the kiss, both blushing furiously and breathing laboriously.

The studious unicorn took a few steps away, looking into Jackson's eyes with a twinkle in her own and a weak smile upon her muzzle.

Jackson gave a few tired guffaws, feeling a bit hysteric from the amazing, breathtaking act, his own eyes shone, going from a dull, tarnished gold to a brilliant golden sheen.

Everything felt hot, they both felt very, very alive at the moment.

As they huffed and puffed away, trying to feed their oxygen-starved lungs, the others went back to cheering.

That night, a flame was sparked, a flame upon a heart made of dormant stars, and a flame upon a heart of molded playing cards, one would burn bright, and one would be changed forever.

~Some time later~

It had been only a couple of days, and already it was New Year's, Jackson resisted drinking, as did Twilight, because they didn't want to do anything too serious too soon, and they were the 'designated drivers', but that didn't affect everyone else, all of whom had some good beverage.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack got smashed on hard cider, Rarity drank a few glasses of wine, Pinkie gulped down sugared-down vodka.

Fluttershy surprised everybody by, not only drinking, but drinking, albeit only a single shot glass, of cold-mixed, bohemian-style absinthe.

Somehow, the crusaders got ahold of some schnapps, mint schnapps, cinnamon schnapps, even peach schnapps, which Jackson laughed at, because peach schnapps reminded him of Captain America.

Even Anjuel and Samuel got in on the alcohol game, drinking malt-liquor and wine, respectively.

"Chehehehe, it's funny because the fancy guy is drinking a ghetto drink, and the ghetto guy is drinking a fancy drink, come on, you three, we need to get home, Twi, I'll be back to help you in a minute, just have to get the family into bed," Jackson took initiative, piling the near-unconscious trio onto the bike and riding off at top speed.

Of course, he had found out that top speed was half of the speed of sound, which would be deadly, but the motorcycle gave the riders some sort of protection against being ripped apart by the wind, and a bit of keeping them attached to it..

A mere minute later, the three were tucked into there respective beds, a depression in the stone floor of the basement for Anjuel, a green sheeted bed for Samuel, and a teal sheeted bed for Scootaloo.

Riding back to the library, reaching the library in about nine seconds flat.

"Alright, hop on Twi, we need to deliver these five home, preferably before they do anything they'd regret." he looked over to see Rainbow Dash and Applejack trying to drink the last shot glass of hard cider at the same time, only to end up accidentally kissing.

"Okay, thank you so much, Jackson, I have to ask though, can you turn off the fire?" Twilight pointed to the trail of flames that were flickering behind the motorcycle, the trail was patchedly going out, leaving lines and plumes of fire before disappearing into wisps of smoke.

Jackson gave a sheepish grin and pressed a button on the side of the infernal machine, there were a few buttons, and the one that he pressed extinguished the wheels, making the ride safe for all involved.

It was hard to do, with a tight squeeze, hard pile, plenty of rope, and Twilight having to press herself into Jackson's back, they rode towards their friends' houses.

"We should talk," Twilight said, hugging herself around the tall man's torso to avoid falling off.

"About a few days ago?" Jackson knew the answer already, he just hoped that he was somehow wrong.

The pair dropped Rarity and Sweetie off at the Boutique, then got back to the road.

"Yes, I... I have to say that I felt it was... really nice," the lavender mare revealed, smiling even though the driver couldn't see it.

"Yeah, I thought it was pretty good too," the light-skinned man replied, debating whether or not to allow anything to flourish.

They dropped Pinkie off at Sugarcube Corner.

"That is so good to hear, you have no idea, listen, I... I've been thinking, and... I've realized that I really like you, I mean, as in a romantic liking, er, do you get it?" there she went trying to explain her simple words with more complex ones, it was funny, it was adorkable, it was great.

"I understand, and I feel the same way, but we should just take it slow for a while, see how things unfold, maybe wait for each other, I don't know, get some experience in romance on the side," he suggested, not at all sure where to take this conversation.

They dropped off Applejack and Applebloom at Sweet Apple Acres.

"Are you suggesting honing our skills with other, less important ponies of love, so that when we finally get each other in our forelegs, it will be all the better, because we'll both be better than the other would have thought, and waiting for it made it all the sweeter?" the unicorn was feeling giddy, the alcohol fumes might have had an effect on her, and the motorcycle felt surprisingly comfortable, contrasted with the somewhat gentle whipping of the grass as the winged man took a shortcut through Ponyville's outer fields, it was a plethora of sensations.

"Um, yes, actually, that is more or less exactly what I was talking about," the winged man confirmed, stopping in the middle of the field.

"Why are we stopping here?" the exciting pony queried, looking around and seeing nothing.

"Rainbow Dash's stop, could you grab me a cloud to put her on?" he informed, pointing to a set of low-lying clouds that were luckily in the area.

Twilight gave a small 'oh' and telekinetically grabbed a cloud, dragging it down to the ground and putting Rainbow Dash on it, sending it a few dozen feet back into the air before heading off.

"So you want to be my coltfriend, just not right now?" Twilight was trying to be as sure as possible on this.

"Correct, Fluttershy's stop," he said, braking in front of the overgrown cottage, delivering the mare inside, and walking out again.

"Now all that's left is..... oh, just me," the amethyst-eyed mare realized, a bit saddened that she had to leave so soon.

"Yeah, come on, the night isn't getting any longer," the gold-eyed man insisted, patting the seat of the cycle.

As he rode at a leisurely pace through town, something seemed off.

He could the wind being forced away from something, and he could hear something right next to his ear.

"Zul Mey Gut, Dov-rii-hun, your ass is mine," a resonating voice warned.

*Feim Zii Gron* and a motherfucking dragon appeared, it perched itself over a couple of houses before giving a low growl and using *Tiid Klo Ul* to stop time around the three.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Jackson demanded as he got off the bike and faced the dragon, not afraid of this overgrown reptilian son of a bitch.

"I shall take the dragon's soul that you wield, and with it, gain more power, I shall build an empire upon the ashes of Equestria, and be the overlord of dragons!" the dragon proclaimed, letting out a *Fus Ro Dah* into the sky.

"Oh no, Jackson, what are we going to do?" Twilight was starting to panic, this was not good in the slightest.

"We're going to fight this giant bastard, COME ON, WHO ARE YOU!" Jackson yelled, knowing that nopony would be able to hear him until time had been restored to its normal movement.

"I am ALDUIN, soon-to-be overlord of the dragons, and I shall consume, consume.... consume ALL!" Alduin let out a vicious roar, one that shook the heavens and caused the clouds to vanish, leaving a clear night sky with which to fight, "Who are you?" the black beast demanded.

"I am Jackson McCard, I have traveled time like the sea, purge the void of corruption, been through Hell and back, on more than one occasion, been to Sovngarde, Valhalla, and all of the heavens, beaten gods and devils alike, I have killed just about anything that's alive, I've saved space, and earth, and heaven, and hell, all on many occasions, I am immortal in mind and body, an indestructible master of war," Alduin began flying away from this speech, but Jackson ran after him, Twilight shortly behind, "I SHALL NOT FALTER, NOR FAIL, NOR FADE! MY WEAPONS SHALL TASTE YOUR BLOOD! WORLDEATER, YOU SHALL SEE JUST HOW POWERFUL THE WORLD IS! STOP RUNNING AWAY AND FACE ME LIKE A GLORIOUS WARRIOR!" Alduin kept flying away.

"THAT'S IT! *JOOR ZAH FRUL*" he shouted the dragonrend, knowing that he had reached the point of no return. Realizing that he could have avoided fighting Alduin altogether, but what if the dragon came back? And with more dragons' souls under his belt? The winged man knew he had to do this now, here, like this.

Alduin fell from the sky, his soul attacked and his mind sucker-punched, he would have to face this thing after all.

Tell the (Spirit of) Truth

What am I doing wrong? I can't seem to get any responses or likes for the story. I work really hard on this shit!

I know that I'm far from a professional writer, but I try hard and get the writing done. Maybe I should load up my great, powerful, non-Trixie story series, it would be a great way to get some of that love that I so desperately crave (Chrysalis face).

Readers, please, if you have any, ANY AT ALL, tips on writing better, or even just want to point out some grammar or spelling fixes, then tell me about it in the comment section, I ALSO NEED A PROOFREADER or WHATEVER-THEY'RE-CALLED!

I love talking to my viewers in the comment section, even if you don't have any tips or offers for help, just talk to me, please.

Onto the show.

Alduin landed, but kept his wits about him, he would need them if this human's claims were true.

Actually, that though just now crossed his mind, what if this insolent cretin was lying?

He begin thu'uming fire at the winged man, why should he play fair with his prey?

However, this prey was completely unaffected by fire, well, his clothes burned away, but he was only wearing a towel on his shoulders and a pair of jeans, he had taken quite easily to the concept of not wearing much, especially now that he wasn't affected by the cold.

Completely bare and exposed, Jackson unleashed his own fire.

*pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew *

*bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang*

The middle-aged dragon's scales were punctured, and the following shots left him more exposed, he needed to finish off this Dov-rii-hun soon, or else he might end up being the prey.

*incomprehensible thu'um*

"You are weak inside, your mind is but a thin glass casing filled with boiling faculties, your emotions alone could shatter you from the inside, whelp," he started trying psychological warfare, since that was what this hero did to him.

"Oh really? Well, if I gave a fuck, could I do, this?" the golden-eyed man gave the black dragon double middle fingers, followed by an *Iiss Slen Nus* to freeze Alduin in place.

Brandishing the Binary Sword, he began spinning it rapidly, gaining momentum for a mighty strike on his frozen foe.

*CR-RRRIIISSSSHHHHH, crystal-shattering noises*

Twilight galloped up to the battling pair, her horn flared up with magic already.

She fired a bolt of energy, which hit with a *B-ZHOOOM*. It was a spell known as 'Brain Bleach', it should have cleared the mighty beast's memories, hopefully of battle experience. Instead, due to the draconic arcano-physics of mental magic, the effect was redirected to some random, very unimportant memory.

Or rather, the suppression of a memory, giving Alduin a new thu'um to use, one that he had long forgotten.

*Vahzah Sil Kopraan* shout. Literally 'True Soul Body' shout.

Jackson stopped moving, doubling over in pain, his body was shifting, changing to reflect who he was inside.

And that was what he was afraid of.

Flesh gave way to eldritch material, six feet eight inches blossomed into ten feet, golden eyes flickered to emerald green, burnt-brown hair faded to chocolate-brown, his musculature sunk inwards, turning into a svelte body.

The light faded away, revealing the Player, but with Jackson's mind.

Spreading a pair of large, gold-colored angelic wings, he wrapped his large hands around two of Alduin's fangs, ripped them out, and shoved the filthy teeth into the dragon's eyes.

Somersaulting onto the beast's back, he brought his hands up, summoning the executioner's axe from the Alice in Wonderland game, and brought it down.

Alduin's head split open, the True-Spirit form dissolved away, leaving the axe holding man smaller, well, he was still six foot eight and had dragon wings, but his magnificent Adonis-like body was gone, leaving him just as thin as he was before the transformation.

"Well, I wasn't used to it, and no I don't have to learn, come on Twi, let's get home," the flattened man offered, summoning his motorcycle again and mounting it.

No response, no small thudding of hooves on the ground, he turned his head to look at the shocked unicorn, her eyes filled with fear.

"What.... what are you?" she asked with a meek tone, slowly backing away.

"I'm a human, sure I have some cool powers and stuff, but I'm still the guy you know and kinda love at heart," he assured, though it seemed to fall on deaf ears.

"No, no you're not, I saw the Spirit of Truth, and she revealed who you are inside, and I do not love a psychopathic summoner with a thick musk of a thousand mares and a thousand gallons of alcohol pouring off of him, I love Jackson McCard, and I don't think he's real anymore," she fearfully explained, on the verge of galloping away.

"Listen, what Alduin did was nothing, he may have shown what evils are inside of me, but both he and you have no idea of all the good stuff, sure I may be messed up in the head, but I'm a good guy, you know how much of a good person I am," he reminded, a friendly smile on his face.

"I'm sorry, I just... I need to think about all of this, alone." without warning, Twilight teleported away, leaving the naked man alone in the field.

The tall man stayed silent, looking at where his best friend stood a few moments ago, then to the gently falling snow, then to the road.

"God.... fucking..... dammit...... shit...... hell's piss in my mouth..... why is everyone so fucking afraid of me?" the angry warrior demanded to the empty sky.

'I'm sorry about what I did, I'm going to leave now,' Player suddenly said, followed by the sound of hard shoes on stone.

'Wait, what do you mean?' the burnt-brunette thought-asked.

'Fucking... fuck.... I ruined it, I ruined you and Twilight's perfectly good friendship, listen, if you want, I'll change her memories around so she thinks of you as a glorious dragon slayer instead of... well.... me, fuck me, ugh, I ruin everything, I'm leaving you Jackson, I know you've wanted me gone since I sent you here, so here I am, this is what you wanted, I'm sure it's gonna be great,' the god-avatar explained, walking away and out of Jackson's mind.

"Is he?" he waited for something, anything, "He's gone, YES! HE'S GONE! FINALLY! Now I just want to change Twilight's memories about me, P1, can you do that right quick?" he asked, hearing a sizzling sound that then dissipated, "Thanks man!" the now-happy human thanked, jumping for joy and receiving an audible thumbs-up before a couple of stepping sounds and the sound of a door slamming shut.

He rode back home, his mood falling a little bit each passing second, when he realized that, if nobody else, he would carry the burden of knowing that he was P1 inside.

Oh well, better than anypony else knowing it, right?

Already it was eating away at him...

~With P1~

His red shoes, so loved by himself and his children, were discarded on the gravel path, leaving him to walk along the pebbles in his socks.

His beautiful gold-colored wings were folded up behind him, same with his caring hands.

His emerald eyes were a bit dimmed, as he was saddened, made more evident by his frown,

"Hello, milord, your 'top dog' reporting as soon as possible. Things have been running at the usual sixty six point six percent capacity of asset management and production production. Lak Lustrous is on standby ready to be deployed again. I and the rest of the four-sevens are in optimum health and maximum satisfaction. Entities Buttery Angel, Badass Little Filly, and Best Princess are in full condition, awaiting your love and affection. Your throne is clean....... you seem disheartened, milord, is there something wrong? Should I prevent another iteration of the nine-eleven incident with the Bio-Macerator atop the Lady Liberty's torch? I believe that my soverus-level sight could prove to shoot the plane down before it even enters the state of New York, or is something else wrong?" a loyal-looking winged man saluted, looking at his godly father with similar eyes to Jackson, which only made the mad god frown, using his infinite power to change the eyes to a nice light blue color.

"Blue Comet, my most loyal, studious, and diligent pawn, I must say that the ol' cobalts are looking as healthy as ever," P1 complimented his mind-child, running a large hand over the cobalt-blue metal wings, the wings that the blue-haired man was born with.

"Yes sir, I take excellent care of them, especially after the incident with... well, you know, since you made it happen, but I thank you for allowing me to recover well," the mortal adjusted his white hoodie as the memory of his arch-nemesis's acts in his version of the 'Read it and Weep' episode, his wings had been half-sheared-off-by-flames, in spite of them them being made of a light iron-isotope, his wings had absolutely gushed blood for days on end, the doctors even had to collect it in IV bags and pump it back into him, all that pain and suffering, just for the iron in his blood.

"I can be as kind as I am cruel, for I am the god who's wrathful hammer you embody, now then, I must ask, I have been spending time with Jackson as of late," the tall man shrank himself down to eight feet tall, folding his wings up tightly.

"Oh dear you, please don't tell m-" Blue was cut off by a soothing hand running through his blue-with-red-highlights hair.

"No, I made Jackson specifically to wait a long time for any sex stuff, it is just that, his life is making me think metaphysically," the Player looked at the author, as he was allowed, by me, to do that.

I have to say, it's just me getting my sick kicks, making characters depressed, though I must say, you improved quite well and even offered to make things better for young Jackson. I have to say this though, I know this because I made you, and I control you, but if it weren't for Blue Comet and all of his own dragon born-ninja master-assassin's creed-awesomeness with a body based almost entirely on Living Tombstone's OC, Jackson would be your chosen pawn. McCard is a special case, same with Mach, though the latter dates back to your deital-childhood days of creation, before you refined anything in your methodologies, where as the former is not a 'hero' by your production definitions.

"I advise that we return to the main show, this story is about Jackson, who we both think is somewhere between the idea of Six, Gamers in Equestria, and that old, amazing story, My Second Life... it's a shame that the latter is lost forever, but with any luck, we may be able to do something great here." the deity walked to his room, where his favorite three ponies, Fluttershy, Scootaloo, and Princess Luna, or Buttery Angel, Badass Little Filly, and Best Princess, as their 'entity names' implied.

He sat down in his throne, allowing the trio to embrace him as he thought.

P1 would be in thought for a long time, good thing his precious ponies had been blessed to never age unless he willed them to.

He hadn't changed their ages in over a billion years.

~In the universe of importance, AKA the universe of 'A Chessmaster and his Game'~

Jackson collapsed in front of his front door, feeling as though he had just lifted a whole fucking train, one that had been derailed, and flipped it over onto the rails again, getting the train back on track.

In other words, he felt really goddamn tired and sore, his body looked no different, well, his wings seemed to pale a bit, the scales remained the same raven black, but the skin looked a little lighter than it had been earlier.

"Ah, well, I mean, this isn't the weirdest thing I've felt since I got here, I'm still alive, let's see." he pinched himself, feeling a small spike of pain shoot up from the spot on his forearm, then he got up and stretched out his limbs, "Everything works, so there's no need to worry," he concluded, opening the front door whilst humming a random tune.

A book laid on the kitchen table, it had an azure blue cover and stark white pages, finding this unrecognized object odd, he walked over to the book and opened it.

Magic blinded him for a few seconds as knowledge entered his head, including the title of the book, which was 'The Spellbook of Learning Spells that you have survived them being cast on you', a very descriptive name, the golden-eyed man picked up the tome and walked upstairs and to his room.

He stopped to check on Samuel and Scootaloo, both of them were sleeping soundly, which he desired to do as well.

Tossing the book into his chest, he flopped down onto the bed, squeaking in pain as his wings were forcibly bent at odd angles, requiring him to extricate himself from the position and more carefully lay down, his wings now splayed out underneath him.

Sleep came quickly, and he dreamt of the *Vahzah Sil Kopraan* shout.

~Some time later~

Rising to the shine of the sun on the wall and not on his face, luckily the builder of the house had accounted for the ubiquitous complaint of 'sunlight on my face when I'm sleeping', which he loved the unknown person for.

It had been a couple of months, he had found that Equestria's timing system was highly organized.

Seven days per week, four weeks per month, twelve months per year, which equaled out to three hundred thirty-six days in a year.

The seasons each lasted three months, give or take a day, winter was from December to February, spring was from March to May, summer was from June to August, and autumn was from September to November, completely synchronized to each other, and strictly organized and enforced.

Today was the last day of February, which meant that he would find out how the ponies exactly enforce the 'winter to spring' schedule.

His wings were definitely paler, so much so that the skin was now yellow, almost a light as Fluttershy's coat, he wasn't sure why they were bleaching out, he hadn't done anything with them, so a disease or something shouldn't have been a risk.

The tall man finally reached the center of town, finding a large crowd gathered around the mayor, listening to what she was saying.

"Alright ponies, let's get winter wrapped up! And let's see if we can be on time this year," the authoritative mare finished her speech, gesturing that it was time for everypony to rush off and get to work.

The human awkwardly walked up to the tan-coated pony, squatting to get eye-level with her.

"Ah, mister McCard, how is Equestria's favorite human doing today?" she asked in a happy tone, grinning wide.

"I'm the only human... but to answer your question, so far so good, nothing's happened to me except my morning routine," he answered, flashing a smile of his own.

"Well, that means that you're the favorite, albeit by default, but the favorite all the same. You're probably wondering about this whole 'wrapping up winter' thing that I just got done delivering a speech over, it is a wonderful tradition," she replied, dreamily staring into the overcast sky.

"I'll assume that you ponies basically take winter and get it the fuck out of here?" the burnt-brunette half-asked, looking at various ponies gathering up snow with snow-shovels.

"Well, except for the vulgarity, that is true, there is a special part that always makes it a lot more satisfying, though..." she trailed off, looking at the overcast sky again.

Jackson looked at the sky, at the clouds that were heavily pregnant with precipitation of a cold, or even icy, type.

*Lok Vah K-* the shout was interrupted by Mayor Mare continuing her statement.

"No magic allowed," she informed.

*Kuntbags* he finished the shout, the final word dissolving the power of the thu'um and making it do nothing.

And to think he was about to clear all the clouds in the sky with only a few words.

"Earth pony tradition, no magic, just good ol' hooves and pegasi a-flapping away," she explained, her tone as giddy as a school-filly.

The tall man sighed in contempt, this is why he couldn't have nice things:

Shit like this is hard and complicated.

Oh well, time to get to work.

It would really help if he could fly, though...

Fuck the police, but fuck them gently and discreetly

GRAGHAFKSLHHGJOASFDHNANFCcommentsplzAOHFUSOFANFUAFUEHONNBAOBBFBEO

Jackson made his way to the farm, maybe he could do some work there?

There was little doubt that things needed to be done at the farm, after all, it seemed that something always needed to be done at the farm.

Passing through the still-snow-covered gateway, walking along the path, and finally trudging up a hill where he found Applejack standing atop, he looked at the field that she was staring at..

Everypony on her team was clearing snow from the fields, but they were doing so in awkward and unpatterned lines, it looked a bit stupid in his eyes.

"Hey AJ," he greeted, sitting down and giving her a soft, friendly punch on the shoulder.

"Hey Jack, nice to see ya, as always," Applejack replied, returning the friendly punch.

"Back at ya, Jack," the two shared a hearty laugh, ending with simultaneous sighs.

It was kinda funny, really, how they could both be called Jack, well, it was the kind of funny that was only funny if a joke was made about it.

The two waited for the day that someone tried to get one of their attentions by calling out 'Jack!', to which they would both reply 'What?' at the same time.

"So, clearing the snow from the ground, eh?" the sitting man asked, glad that he had swiped a patch of snow away before he sat down.

"Eeyup, ah'm leadin' the efforts, but so far, everypony's workin' doesn't seem to be doin' anythin'," she watched as the amount of snow on field seemed to never reduce.

"That's because, *ahem*, your doing it *wrong***!" he rebuked, gesturing to the whole field.

"How'd'ya reckon, sugarcube?" she queried, watching the aimless plowing.

"You should just get everybody in a single line, just one big line, and push forward, the field should be cleared in about one to three rounds of that," he suggested, standing up and flaring his wings out whilst he stretched.

He wasn't stiff or anything, he just loved stretching.

Walking away from the scene, he idly flapped his wings, not being affected by the cold winds he was stirring up.

~Some time later~

He had acquired a branch from one of the apple trees, and was tapping it against the trees he passed by, making a crude, but nice sounding rhythm.

"Oh, unh, where the hood.... 'bout to get that ass stomped.... I ain't ever scared...... I'manassassinonewithapassionforinnovativerappin'droppin'sofastyourprobablyhavin'aproblemtofollowthecaptions," he absentmindedly sang.

"What?" he heard the familiar voice, it was Twilight, trotting up the path, heading towards where he was coming from.

"♪Oh, sorry, I was just doing a bit of singing, so, if you don't mind, where ya headin'?" he queried, still tapping the branch

"Well, I wa-" she was shushed by the branch booping her on the nose.

"♪Answer me while singing, it seems like a fun idea,"

"♪Oh, okay then, well, I was going to talk to Applejack, see what I could do to help her~" the lavender unicorn sang, sounding half-angelic in the beauty of her singing voice.

"♪That's really nice of you, but I was leaving from there, I already solved the field problem~, come with me, we'll fuck the police, gently~ as long as nopony sees us using magic, it's alri~ight," the golden-eyed warrior informed, smashing the branch onto a tree, breaking both it and the beat.

"♪I don't know~ow~ow, that seems bad, but the effi-cien-cy would be, undeniable~~~~" the amethyst-eyed mare was conflicted.

"♪Magic is your element, so why not do~o~o some of it? ♪It's not like you'd be hurt-ee-ing anypony, if you always focus on doing the ri~ight thing, then it'll be hard to do the go~od thing! ♪Really Chaotic Good is the best at being go~od, some-times, you ha~ave to destroy the world a little bit, in, order, to, SA~~~~VE I~~~~~T!" the words rang clear.

Twilight looked at him, thinking about all that the great warrior had done. The studious mare had always lived according to laws, rules, stigmas, and the like, not much room for any sort of guiltiness and/or pleasures.

Then there was Jackson, who, in the span of (recorded, at least) seven months, had fought for his life, killing half or more of the legions of Tartarus in the process, at least that was what he had told her. He, afterwards, saved himself from the brunt of Nightmare Moon's return by falling asleep in the presence of Celestia herself. He saved a lot of ponies from a lot of danger by raising his notoriety around the castle, harming many once-innocent guards and killing a few, then he took a phone call rather than fight more guards, after the situation had changed enough to where harming them would be the right thing to do. Fast forward half a year, he had raised the army of Canterlot to an elite fighting force, just by them observing his savage, ruthless, remorseless methods, both of the slaughtering of many training dummies and the smackdown of many guards and even a few full-fledged knights. He came to Ponyville, and within half an hour, scared two fillies, thrust three more into danger, and delivered a massacre upon many un-wronging creatures of the Everfree, which she had seen the results of... so much blood she nearly threw up almost a dozen times. Embracing the child he was on the inside, rather than the adult he was on the outside, he kept the crusaders from killing themselves in their path of destruction, said destruction being not prevent, but promoted by him. He enslaved an undead hero and brought in a homeless foreigner both in the same day, given his ten-year-old sister dangerous weapons as a Hearth's gift, given her the audacious gift of a book of hoof-written poetry, then the two vowed to take things slow and start as friends.

He was an enigma, taking refuge in audacity, but painting a big picture of goodness.

"Alright, I'll do it," she agreed, smiling in anticipation.

"♪I can't hear you over the sound of you not si~ngi~ng." the winged man laughed a singing laugh, a laugh that sounded quite charming.

"♪Oh yes, I say that I'll do~ the magics for the go~al of clear-ing the winter~." the stripe-maned mare corrected herself, giggling a bit.

"♪Excellent, we'll clear the winter ourselves, and it all starts with a *Lok Vah Koor* to clear the skies," the burnt-brunette shouted the thu'um of Clear Skies.

The clouds immediately 'nope nope nope'd the fuck out of there, leaving the sun to shine down on the whole town. The freezing temperature began slowly rising, very slowly, but it was something.

Twilight looked up at the sun, then to the drove of pegasi looking around curiously, then to many shouting ponies.

"Oh shit, um... ooh! I've memorized the Dragon Language, pretty much my only accomplishment in my gaming career, but whatever," Jackson prepared another thu'um.

*Feim Kopraan Nahlot" Fade Body Silence, the desired effect would be to turn invisible and be unheard by those that are visible.

Luckily, their steps were silenced, they could see one another, though their forms were mostly transparent.

"I don't think it worked, we don't seem invisible," Twilight remarked, looking herself over.

"Maybe it's just because we're both invisible, and invisible people can see other invisible people, hmm, *Wuld Nah Kest*, whirlwind sprint, and here we are," he said upon arriving to the front door of the library.

"What the? What in Celestia's mane just happened?" the studious mare looked around, not sure how they had gotten from in front of the farm to in front of the library in only a couple of seconds.

"Dragon language, my dear Twilight, basically, Spike is a badass, and I'm a badass too, so I can do things like that," the winged warrior explained, not really answering the question.

"No, I mean, how'd we get from the farm, to here, in a second or two?" she asked, still confused.

"Oh, that, well, the shout I used was Whirlwind Sprint, which made us move with more speed than a tempest, so I'm sure that you can see how we got here so fast," the magical man explained, satisfying the question.

"This.... Dragon Language, could you teach me?"

"Yeah, after we clear the snow that is, can't shirk our duty to wrap up winter, now can we?" he smiled, his rhetorical question reinforcing the highly-thought fact.

He was good, yes, but good does not mean nice, nor does it mean soft, or well-spirited, or even well-mannered, no, good meant doing the good thing, and the right thing had no innate correlation to the good thing.

The right thing would be to leave the citizens to their duties in wrapping up winter and go learn some Dragon Language, not interrupting with the against-the-rules usage of magic, but the good thing would be to help the others out, even if that meant breaking the precious rules.

Twilight was convinced, Chaotic Good was the way to go, Chaotic Good meant doing what you have to in order to save the day/world/friends/other.

So they began.

*Faad Drun Vah* Warmth bring Spring, the air warmed up, making the snow melt due to thermodynamics dictating that the snow heated up in order to cool down the air.

Twilight cast a few low, wide conflagrations of fire, clearing out streets' worth of snow and ice in mere seconds.

"Nice, let's see about..." Jackson summoned up the thu'um again, determined to find a dragon to steal the soul from, to give to Twilight, so she could enjoy the thu'um as well.

*Yor Toor Shul* the Fire Breath shout, which he aimed at a large group of carts packed with piles of snow, leaving slightly charred carts and a cloud of steam rising into the sky.

"Impressive, come on, I think Fluttershy might be having a hard time awakening the animals from their hibernation dens." the mage teleported herself and her companion to the snow-covered fields outside of Ponyville.

The dragon-empowered human belted out a *Raan Alok* Animals Rise, followed by *Govey Od* Remove Snow, which instantly solved everything in the field, leaving the half-dozen ponies working on the awakening confused and a little spooked.

"Wait, I just got an idea, teleport us to Town Hall," Jackson prepared his voice for the next shout.

Twilight obliged, and with a *BUZZ-ZHOM* of a teleportation, Jackson was perched on top of the roof of Town Hall.

*Fus Govey Fo Od Iiz Krah, Drun Vah Faad Yol Krein, Ofan Suleyk Dovah Zii Wah Fahdon* Force remove frost, ice, snow, and cold, bring Spring, warmth, fire, and the sun, give power of a dragon's soul to my friend.

The incredibly long shout worked its power, all of Ponyville was, within seconds, covered in the lush green of springtime, Twilight looked at the beautiful ground, and giggled at the sight of all the confused ponies.

Something fell in front of her, Jackson's body. The strain of putting out that much power had caused him to black out.

Jackson mentally slapped himself, such an intense shout had nearly killed him, and now he was falling off of Town Hall.

*THUD* his body landed, bouncing back up a little bit before flopping down again.

His lungs were on fire with pain, his bones weren't broken, but his skin felt torn and bruised from the impact.

'I hope this isn't just a running gag of my life, because it's a really sucky one, blacking out sucks,' he thought, all external senses shut down.

Twilight teleported down to the ground, her body running on autopilot as she levitated Jackson's unconscious form onto her back, her senses were firing off like two-stage fireworks, in very rapid succession.

"Oh no, I have to get him to the hospital, HHNNNNGH, ugh, magic, why must you fail me now," she tried to teleport to the hospital, but her horn merely shot off a few sparks and did nothing.

Twilight had expended her immense magical power for the moment, and while her inner power would recharge over time, it would take too long and Jackson could die while she waited.

"Oh no, what am I going to do? I can't gallop there fast enough to ensure.... wait, this energy, it's the same that Spike has, I... ugh what was that one shout that Jackson did?" she wracked her brain trying to remember.

It came to her, *Wuld Nah Kest*, and suddenly she was in front of the hospital.

Nurse Redheart looked up as the door opened, but for some reason, nopony came through.

*SHWEEOOM* the arcane sound of a teleportation rang out, revealing Twilight Sparkle and Jackson McCard.

"Ah, Miss Sparkle, what brings y-"

"No time, Redheart, Jackson's hurt, bad, a... freak climbing accident, he fell off of Town Hall, you need to check him, he's unconscious," Twilight noticed a hint of suspicion in the nurse's eyes, but passed it off as the need to know what happened.

A few minutes later, the pink-maned mare had Twilight in the waiting room, the unconscious human having been moved to another part of the hospital.

"Alright, Miss Sparkle, while I have little doubt of your innocence, I have to say, your story is not very believable," the earth pony informed, "One does not simply have a 'freak climbing accident on Town Hall', now I have to ask, just throwing this out there, did you push him off of anything?" the question stung the unicorn significantly.

"What? No, no I would never, he's, he's just, I would never want to do that," the stress of the situation was finally hitting the studious mare.

She had not just broken, but absolutely pissed all over the rules, she helped Jackson piss all over the rules, and had led him to falling off of Town Hall by teleporting him on top of the observatory's roof, rather than in the actual observatory. She began lightly crying, thoughts of what this would lead to racing through her mind.

"Well, I'm going to need a little more than that, what actually happened?" the nurse insisted, pressing on further.

"Okay, Jackson and I were going around town, breaking the 'no magic' rule and removing huge swathes of winter, Jackson had an idea to get rid of the whole thing, and he said he needed to be on top of Town Hall, so I teleported him there. Once we were there, he cast out this long and complicated spell, which is what removed winter from all of town, and he passed out, falling off of the building and hitting the ground, that's everything that happened," the amethyst-eyed mare was still crying, ruining her pretty eyes with a sad reddening.

"I see..." the nurse looked over Twilight's dossier, finding a particular line that caught her attention, 'Easily scared straight', it would help stop the hysterics, at the very least

Redheart motioned for Twilight to follow her, leading the lavender unicorn into the lobby, taking her seat behind the front desk as the other mare stood in front of desk.

"Right, well, Jackson can be wait until he's healed up, but I'm sorry Twilight, for breaking these strict rules, I'm going to have to inform the authorities," she moved her hoof towards the telephone.

Suddenly her hoof was caught in a violet aura, which squeezed it painfully hard, she looked at Twilight in sudden fear, the mage's eyes turned cold and mean, her horn flared up with magic, while she didn't have enough to teleport from Town Hall to the hospital, she had enough for her threat.

"I swear, if you touch that phone, I'm going to ruin you, I have connections with Princess Celestia, the whole Canterlot guard, and all of the government's resources, I can make you a wanted mare, I can even put a bounty on your head, nopony will believe you, so... you can call the police, and try running away with three legs, or we can both drop the issue now, your choice," Twilight punctuated her statement with a harshly painful yank on the trapped limb.

This was a harsh mindfuck, Redheart simply nodded yes, got released, and cowered behind the desk in fear.

Twilight felt a bit of a rush, adrenaline, she had gotten out of trouble with violence, it wasn't friendly, but it was effective, she felt like she could do that more.

Yeah, what was the point of power if you couldn't use it?

"Just remember, Twilight, don't go overboard," she reminded herself, sighing and breathing in a deep gulp of the fresh, invigorating spring air.

What would the future hold for her?

She would just have to wait, like everypony else.

A Lonely Sack of Sovereignty Suddenly Subject to a Saccharine Surreality of his Surroundings

*click click* went the mouse, selecting the images of its owner on the desktop and preparing to put them into a collage.

Jackson McCard, a twenty six year old man who abandoned his homeland of America with his lottery winnings and fled to Europe, stopping first at Belgium to pick up some chocolate, waffles, and an FN5.7 pistol, then moved on to France to live in peace.

Running his fingers through his almost-black-it-was-so-dark brown hair, standing and stretching out all six feet of his body, running his hands over his scrawny torso and thin arms, sitting down and going over his legs, giving his size fifteen feet a loving squeeze, then up to rub his jade green eyes free of any bits of stuff stuck to them, and lick his lips past his less-than-healthy teeth. He began shivering at the rush of sensations he was feeling, and was just generally loving the body that nature and his family gave him.

He turned from his computer to the rest of his decent sized home, only a few things were hung up on the bland walls.

A portrait of Napoleon Bonaparte, because why not? Plus it was here when he moved in, so YAY FREE STUFF. A few caricatures he had paid to be done by a few people he had met earlier in life. A photo of him and his friends all lined up.

His friends, he hadn't heard from them in a long time, he walked over to the picture and looked at it directly.

His friends, his sister Jamie, cousin Evan, and the other four, Kevin, Arin, Curtis, and Dalton, it was a photo of them before he had fled America, he had offered them to join him, but they kindly refused his generosity and remained at home in the states.

The tall man had given his cousin Evan a few thousand dollars to help him along the way, and he reportedly upgraded his gaming setup and put the rest away.

The last message he had gotten from the group was from Jamie, who said "You really need to check out this show, it may not seem like much but it's really good."

He never replied to that message. He never clicked the link. He didn't trust links, not now and not ever.

"Eh, I should probably go for a jog, which means putting on some clothes, alright, let's see, shirt, hoodie, and jacket, because it's really fucking cold outside, and some nice thick pants, and shoes, alright," he listed as he began dressing.

Covering his svelte form with a 'Just one more level...' t-shirt, then covering that with a thin, powder-blue hoodie with the Assassin's Creed logo printed on the front and dragon wings printed on the back, then covering that with a Master Chief jacket, which he had commissioned to be treated with fire-proofing for some reason, it may have been during that one time he got drunk.

Putting on a thick pair of skinny jeans, since they were the only things that fit both his waist AND legs, then his red Converse sneakers, he was ready to go out for a good jog.

*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK* came at the door, followed by said door being violently busted open, a tall, regal-bodied man standing behind it.

He stepped in after magically adjusting his height, and his visage startled Jackson.

It was almost a perfect copy of him, but the hair was fully brown, the eyes were a brighter color, and there was no jacket over the hoodie, but that last one wasn't important.

It was the Player, the insane god-figure that Jackson had made up in his youth.

This being, Lord Player 1, or Lord P1 for short, was almost exactly like Jackson, except he was insane and did what he wanted simply because he could, and he could because he was a god with godly powers.

A visible surge of bloodlust ran through the deity's oddly cartoonish eyes, signaling Jackson to do a quick tactical dive away before his comfortable chair was obliterated into smoke.

Grabbing his steel riot shield, and the sabre he had used as part of a cosplay outfit he had never finished, he faced the insane god with a look of fear and determination in his eyes.

"Oh come now, friend, we shan't fight, I am here to tell you that I am happy," the gold-winged avatar said, ignoring Jackson's FN5.7 pistol being aimed at him.

"Happy for what? That you're actually real and your here to claim our virgins? Because this is France and I don't think anyone above the age of fourteen is a virgin," Jackson sarcastically joked, nervously laughing while P1 burst out in wall-shaking guffaws and chuckles.

When he finally calmed down, he said, "Alright, so, I'm bored, I want you to be in Equestria, and my will be done, so..." he trailed off.

A blinding flash of light exploded right in front of the armed man, causing him to shout in pain and shut his eyes tight.

*(sounds of metal hitting stone, weapons being unsheathed, bowstrings being drawn, and magic flaring up)*

"Ugh, what the hell?" he groaned, his eyes quickly adjusting to the new, much dimmer light.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" a feminine voice interrogated.

"Attendez, pute, maintenez vos chevaux, j'ai mal à la tête comme merde dès maintenant," the man complained in French, putting away his sabre and shield and rubbing his eyes.

"You will show respect and talk clearly when speaking to royalty, you two-legged whelp," a different voice rebuked, this one masculine and sounding like a surfer, shortly before the tall man was prodded with a spear.

"Alright then, hold on, bitch, hold your horses, my head hurts like shit right now," he clarified, groaning as he rubbed his temples to clear the haze that the flash of light had brought.

"You HEATHEN, you dare speak of ROYALTY with SUCH LANGUAGE?" another male voice said, prodding him several times with a sword.

"Oh shit, am I in the medieval times or something?" he asked, before the haze cleared from his vision suddenly and he was face-to-face with a white coated horse.

"GAH! Back up, go on, get away from me, shoo, WHO LET THIS THING INTO THE THRONE ROOM?" he called out, not sure if his assumptions were entirely correct.

"I let myself in, I am the guard captain, I may come and go, to and from, at any time, in relation to this room and any other room in the castle, as I may please," Shining Armor informed, suppressing his anger at being called a 'thing'

"GAH! It talks! Okay, P1 was right when I told him he was insane, now I'm in a place where horses talk!" Jackson shouted in nonsensical connection of entities and events, looking up at the ceiling as though it would provide him with some sort of enlightenment.

"Calm down what I'm assuming is a sir, your random bouts of emotional turmoil will not make questioning you any easier," Celestia instructed, trying to limit this two-legged thing's movements with her magic.

"Okay, I'm calm, I lived with a mad god in my head for seven years in my youth, I can handle this talking-horse-place," he assured himself, taking a few deep breaths.

Everything was calm for the moment, "Okay, so, I'm assuming you're a miss, so, Miss talking-horse-thing, where am I and what are you, because I'm sure that 'talking-horse-thing' is at least minorly offensive to you and these other ones," he asked calmly, keeping his weapons in less than a second's reach of his hands.

"I am Princess Celestia of Equestria, Equestria is the country in which you now stand, it is the land of the ponies, which is what I and my subjects are. Now then, please, state your name, rank, and intention.

Jackson smiled, "The Doctor, doctor, fun," he listed, keeping his self-control strong enough to only letting out a few small chuckles.

"This isn't a game, you beast, you should show respect to she who raises the sun," Shining threatened, raising his halberd ready to strike.

"Raises the sun? Why, I'd say that was impossible or my name isn't Jackson McCard, human of the planet earth," the tone in the throne room immediately changed when Celestia rose from the throne itself, her mane turning from pastel stripes into pastel streaks of fire and hate.

A miniature sun formed in front of her, turning from a cheery yellow into a frightening crimson, before sending out a wide and mighty beam of hellfire to destroy the human.

Jackson braced for impact, saving his eyes from more light-based torture as he was painfully teleported somewhere else.

The guards were shocked, but only Shining Armor had the courage to say anything, "Permission to speak, milady," he requested nervously.

"I know what you're going to say, and my response is that I know what humans are, and I will not have one of them in my kingdom," the princess answered in a morbid tone, her mane returning to aimless billowing stripes of color.

"Um..." the white unicorn was at a loss for words.

"Humans are of the primate family of mammals, very well developed brains and highly complex and strong nervous system, with relatively little hair on their bodies, they are known to be some of the first creatures on Equus to establish civilization and rise above animal instinct, it was through this that they were revered, though they were soon known to be feared," she paused, sighing as the stories she had read came back to her, and she had felt as though the pictures had been drawn onto canvases of crimson, due to how much blood she saw depicted in them.

"The humans were found out to be creatures of uncontrollable sin and virtue, for they have equal capacities for both harmony and chaos, they could be slaughtering your family one moment and be hugging you to make you feel better the next," the memories cut her deep, her father mutilated before her very eyes, her mother fleeing and leaving Celestia and her sister alone, only for the fillies to face not a blade, but a hug.

"Humans. They are not the cowering wretches that they appear to be. They stand. They are unruly, and therefore cannot be ruled. To challenge them is to court death. War endures. War was always here. Before humans were, war waited for them. The ultimate trade awaiting its ultimate practitioner. They must be trusted, yet they can never be trusted. They are a paradox given flesh, an enigma in physical form, a concept turned into a living thing and evolved into a fact. They are chaos in the form of a billion mortals that live, breed, and love at the same time that they kill, damn, and hate. Humans are as vile as they are sacred, and if I can banish the loved to the high heavens for tragic fallouts, I can send the hated to the depths of tartarus for the inevitable tragic fallouts yet to come," she stopped at that moment, feeling her blood run cold as she heard something.

A screaming roar of rage and determination, far off and muffled, but still heard.

The guards had retreated, all of them except the Captain.

"Um, your highness, while this all seems to be valid reasoning, couldn't you have waited for the human to at least do something before you were to judge him?" he tread carefully, not wanting to incur the princess's solar wrath.

"He was ARMED, you foal, if I had waited for him to do something, he probably would have ended up with your cerebral fluids staining his blade, I do not dare risk a death of my guard, on my watch, because I wasn't sure of something that I should be sure about!" the white princess shouted back, before her expression fell at seeing her once brave guard captain shrinking back in fear.

The solar monarch sighed and gestured for Shining to leave, which he did with great haste.

"Alright human, your time here will be short, for you will not survive the fiery depths for long, even with your species' experience in the art of war," she groaned again as the backlash from using a rage-powered spell hit her, "You are outnumbered and outgunned, as your people say, so it was really not at all nice to know you," she smirked at her quick thinking.

There was no way that this Jackson McCard was going to live through this, he even left some sort of book behind, probably an instruction manual on weapon usage. He had no way to survive then.

No way, no how, no chance.

No hope at all.

Nope, not going to live.

Celestia facehoofed when she realized just how much she was tempting fate.

And fate was a cruel, maniacal, malevolent bitch.

~Meanwhile, in the depths of Tartarus~

Jackson opened his eyes and was surprised when he was met with darkness and lots of red.

He was standing on a platform located high above a wide lake of fire, with the occasional brimstone stalagmite sticking up, and many demonic creatures flying around over the lake of fire, "This is hell, I can tell because I can see that they have a Sin City," he concluded, looking at the large town located in the middle of the lake.

The sign in front of the town read "Sin City, AKA VIP sinner's area, authorized damned only, no wussy-dog-kickers allowed, only hardcore baddies", so yeah, the place one goes to when they dedicate life to sin, or something.

"Alright, so, that Celestia bitch is going to pay for this, luckily my drunken self got some fireproof clothes, so that's good," he concluded, drawing his shield and sabre.

"You there! Stand down, we know what you are, human *scum***," an armored demon pony called down to him as he finished zipping up his jacket.

"Right, okay, I can either stand up or sit down, standing down doesn't work for me, maybe we can compromise?" Jackson felt his mind slipping, as though merely being in the presence of P1, even for only a short time, had dragged him to the slippery slope of insanity.

"Lay down your weapons!" the demon warrior demanded.

It was too easy, his movie quote prowess proved useful, "COME AND GET THEM!" he shouted as he drew his sword and shield, taking on a Spartan stance and letting out a screaming roar of rage and determination.

It was time to re-enact the movie 300, with only 1.

A madman's Disturbed mind is as sensical as pouring a gallon of Saliva onto a red-hot Skillet.

Okay, first things, first: Luna-dammit people what's with all the hate? I swear there's two likes and six dislikes, and out of the only six comments I've gotten, four were my own, one said that the story was okay, and one complained about Jackson's view of America

Flame and burn me as much as you want in the comment section, I don't delete anything, not stories or comments, complain about how much of my apparently shitty story is... well... shitty, and yell at me for being a Luna-damned idiot. SMITE ME OH MIGHTY CRITICS!

Back to the story, now with four thousand percent (at least for this chapter) more music.

Jackson was bravely approaching danger like many before him.

The CMC informed him that the way he was headed led to 'The Everfree forest, a place filled with horrible monsters like timberwolves and cragadiles and hydras and manticores and stuff like that!' ..... those were their exact words.

Of course, he was a HERO, or something, the point was that he was tougher than a normal human and could do a lot of things that normal humans couldn't do, he was like a superhuman or something.

He could back himself up if these monsters decided to test him after he strut his stuff and pounded his chest in a bellowing battle-cry of badass proclamations.

Machete drawn, the little fillies clinging to his shoulders, he was ready to kick some ass.

A huge pack of timberwolves ambushed him in a clearing, or at least they WOULD have, had he not been prepared for an attack on any front.

Swinging his Tac-Mash, as he named his machete, and the Force Edge around, he chopped through the whole pack of arboreal fiends, apparently receiving points for it.

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1UP

Unfortunately for his combo, there were only eleven timberwolves, but the experience of real combat was exhilarating.

Sprinting along the path again, his lungs seemed to stop being weak little bitches, as he took in several breaths smoothly and easily, unfortunately the process starting getting gritty and labored quite fast, adrenalin could only do so much.

A huge beast came out from the side, nearly tackling him, but it had gone too low, and he merely jumped over it's airborne form.

The bat wings on its sides snapped open and knocking him to the ground, sending the trio of cheering ponies flying away from him.

The wind was knocked out of him as he landed on his stomach, feeling a couple of his ribs crack, but not break. He stayed strong for his charges, and flipped over onto his back, sitting up as quick as he could and unloading the Bucking Blasters into the manticore.

*BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG*

Several holes in its side were starting to squirt blood quickly, the warrior got his shield to his front in time to block a clawed punch from the lion-bat-scorpion thing, though his head ended up getting smacked onto the ground.

He backed up, the seat of his pants scraping against the ground as his legs pushed him away from the large beast.

"GAH, fuck! Shit! Okay, um," the warrior thought of something.

He activated his dragon mode and decided to try something he'd been wanting to check on.

"FUS RO DAH!!!" he shouted.

To his surprise, it worked, the manticore was blown away and sent through several trees, each cracking its bones more and more until its head was messily torn off via the snapping of its neck while impacting a very strong tree while completely horizontal.

*TEN PERCENT LEFT* a strange announcer-type voice said, coming from inside Jackson's head.

He then heard shrieks of fear, the girls!

Running towards the source, he found an odd sight.

The CMC were floating in the air, surrounded by green energy, and the creature responsible was ugly as hell.

"Ha ha ha ha ha, I am the evil Lich of this land, fear me, for I am immortal and can raise the dead!" his voice was like a stupid, typical, cliché, comic-book/old-cartoon villain.

He might as well have said 'I am evil and want all the power, all the power ever, and I want to take over the world, fear me because I'm a villain and can do an evil laugh! *evil laughter*' for all his little statement was worth.

The skeletal villain raised his hands and fired a green bolt of energy at Jackson, distracting him with a sense of overwhelming peace as every little ache and pain in his body vanished, vanished like the Lich did just now, the little fillies in tow.

"Great, now I have to find his skinless ass," the hero complained, sheathing his machete and strapping his shield, running off in a full tilted sprint.

~Some time later~

The hero found himself at a decrepit castle in the middle of the forest, laying simply beyond a rickety bridge over a foggy gorge.

A few lowly armored guards did nothing to stop the warrior as he began strumming his guitar as a zombie blacksmith with a hammer for a hand was banging on an anvil.

The gloriousness of his music made the other enemies simply run away, leaving only the Lich and Jackson to fight it out.

"HA HA HA HA HA! I am even more powerful than before, I am now not a mere Lich, I am now the Lich KING!" the skeletal bastard proclaimed as pointed to the crown on his head.

His fire turned neon green with poisonous power, so much poison, or maybe it was the color, that Jackson retched at the sight.

"HA HA, tremble and kneel before the Lich King, I am immortal, my phylactery, which is what my soul is inside, is one thing that you cannot destroy!" the king decreed.

"Why is that, you monster?" Jackson laughed at how ridiculous this was.

"Because my phylactery, is YOU!" the maddened necromancer revealed, letting out a peal of laughter, despite the fact that he shouldn't have even been able to talk due to lacking the necessary organs.

"Fuck that shit, and fuck you nigga!" the hero broke the spell of classic adventuring by shooting himself in the stomach with one of his Colts.

He immediately regretted the decision, "AH SHIT! FUCK! ASS! BITCH! DAMMIT! BASTARD! PISS ON MY DICK IN HELL YOU CUNT THAT HURTS SO DAMN MUCH GOD WHY!?" he screamed as overwhelming pain filled his body, bringing him to his knees as a rainbow colored ball of light formed from some of the blood pouring from his entry and exit wounds.

He picked up the ball, and with expert aim, put it on the end of one of the Colts and fired.

The Lich King lost two things in a millisecond, first his immortality, and second his life, as his soul entered his body and was immediately followed by a large bullet, which broke both sides of his skull.

With the Lich King dying a very un-comic-book and un-temporary death, Jackson stepped over to claim his prize.

*LEVEL UP*

*too cool for a normal sound*

You got: The Heart Container

This is a phylactery, the blood inside represents a second layer of life over your body, the blood replenishes just as your normal blood, while there is still blood in this heart-shaped amulet, you will face no harm.

*too cool for a normal sound*

You got: The Necronomicon

A simple, easy, though tedious how-to step-by-step guide on how to be an awesome necromancer, this special edition also includes the second volume, how to be a lich

(WARNING: merely looking at the words in this book will drive one insane, do not read for any extended period of time, or you will wither away into a blackened husk)

*too cool for a normal sound*

You got: The Elemental Twins enhancement

This power activates the Castle Crasher amulet and lets you control not only fire, ice, poison, and lightning, but also earth and wind, but only in combinations of poison-fire, ice-lightning, and earth-wind

"Oh, that's what it does, cool," Jackson summoned a ball of toxic green flame, juggling it with two more balls of flame, laughing and singing a Big Tent-esque theme.

"Ha ha, I feel like a clown juggling this," he laughed, before dismissing the fire and falling to the ground as his wounds caught up with him, several hammer strikes to the chest did not do good things to one's ribs.

The orb that served as the CMC's prison dissipated, dropping the no-worse-for-wear fillies to the ground.

"Oh no!" Applebloom cried out when she saw the state of their hero.

"Mister Jackson's fallen," Sweetie Belle continued.

"And I don't think he can get up," Scootaloo finished, poking the collapsed human's side.

"No, no I'm fine, really I a-HRRRRGUGUGUG-SHIT, okay, I've fallen and I can't get up," Jackson gave up, his collective wounding too great to deal with, "If you could just, like, take me to the hospital, that would be great," he groaned, trying to push himself up again.

It was pathetic, he realized, as everything that he needed to do began with what was the equivalent of one push-up.

"Wouldn't ya get dirt in yer' wounds?" the yellow filly asked concernedly.

"Right, Scoots, carry my head, keep it above the rest of me, Bloom and Belle, lift me on your backs, I may be big, but I only weigh about a hundred and five pounds, which is thirty five pounds for each of you,"

"We all average a weight of twenty five pounds ourselves," Sweetie Belle calculated.

"I weigh fifteen, being a pegasus, and I can't fly either, so I can't lift your head." Scootaloo looked greatly saddened by her own statement.

"I weigh thirty five, being an earth pony," Applebloom corrected, trying to keep Jackson's head elevated anyways.

"Well shit, okay, two things, girls, don't copy my foul language, you're all too young and cute to be saying bad words like I do, and get help, please," the jade-eyed man pleaded as said eyes got a bit glassy.

"I'm the quickest," Scootaloo pointed out.

The three showed a surprising bout of impeccable teamwork, Applebloom hashed together a scooter with some pipes, a board of wood from a door, and some wheels of stone, in less than a minute, the makeshift vehicle was complete.

Scootaloo saluted and began riding off, for a filly who couldn't fly, she could make a scooter go mind-bogglingly fast in the same manner as the supposedly impossible task.

A few seconds later, she found Twilight Sparkle worriedly trotting towards the castle while muttering something.

"The trail of dead grass leads here, I hope they're okay," she mumbled, she had been following a trail of magically killed grass for the past several minutes.

"MISS TWILIGHT! HELP!" the orange filly called out, surprised at how easy her job.

Twilight's attention snapped to the filly, who was frantically waving her over.

Teleporting to the other side of the bridge, she quickly followed the little pegasus into the castle.

An explanation of the events that had transpired over the past ten minutes.

The lavender mare took in this information, then scanned all four of the affected for anything wrong.

The three fillies went glassy-eyed as the mage found out they had been poisoned quite heavily.

Reacting quickly, she teleported all five of them to Ponyville Hospital.

~One teleportation later~

Nurse Redheart was shocked to see the local librarian appear in the middle of the hospital with three fillies and a large monkey-looking-thing. Her shock disappeared as she realized that teleporting to the hospital had a purpose.

"What's the situation?" she asked, profession and duty kicking in.

"These three got poisoned, and he's an unrecorded species and is hanging on by a few threads to keep alive," the stripe-maned unicorn informed immediately.

Redheart jumped into action and began the process of transporting the four afflicted to the appropriate areas.

Twilight sighed, hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst.

She decided to go tell her friends the bad news.

~A day later~

Scootaloo pushed open the door to Jackson's room, she had been the first out of recovery, and wanted to check up on her and her friend's savior.

Even though the medical procedure had started with a simple case of poison control, things got complicated when two facts came up: it was magic-enhanced poison, and it had been permeating their bodies for an extended time.

The pegasus was the first done because her body mass and metabolism allowed her to heal from the poisoning faster.

Quietly tip-hoofing into the room, the little pegasus climbed on top of the human, looking at him closer.

Several stitches were sewn all over her mostly bare body, the only part covered was the area between his waist and his knees, he looked peaceful at the moment, mainly from the IV of morphine.

However, his pulse was measured as faint and choppy, almost nothing.

Scootaloo backed away and off of the hospital bed as a faint green light surrounded the human.

The pulse monitor went flat at rang out it's whining *beeeeeeeeeeep*

*dun-nah-nah  nah-nah nah-NAY* a strange beeping sound emanated from the tall man's body as a skull appeared, wreathed in green light, then it changed into a strange mushroom-like shape.

The monitor began giving off a normal, healthy beeping as all of the human's wounds seemed to disappear, his Heart Container completely filled again.

"Ugh, I feel like I'm breathing in new life again, it feels great, oh hey Scoot," Jackson groaned out, feeling his body free of his aches and pains again, this time for real.

Scootaloo jumped onto the bed and sat between the man's shins, "Hey Jack, I came in here to check up on you, I got really worried because the pulse monitor thingy went flat for a few seconds, but then you gave off this light-show and there was a skull, and a mushroom, and now you're alive!" Scootaloo hugged him around his thin torso.

"Yeah, yeah I am, I like being alive, I gotta admit, and I like having a friend like you, so what's up with the bandages?" he noticed the dot bandages on her forelegs.

"Oh, I think me and my friends got poisoned or something, so they had to cure it, and to do that, we all got a few shots, though half of mine are vaccinations that I don't think I got before. Anyways, I wanted to see how you were doing, I like you, because you're the first one to give me hope in a long time," the little filly began softly crying.

The jade-eyed man was at a loss for words, had his brief interactions been so influential that it drove this little girl to cry over the thought of not having him anymore?

Wow, he was impressed with his own charisma.

It was a good thing that he loved kids, "Shhh shh shhh-sshhhhh, it's okay, it's okay, I'm here, and like I said, when we get out of here, you'll go really far, kiddo, and I'll help you get there too," he comforted, though he only succeeded in making the tears flow faster.

"T-t-th-th-th-thank you, *sniff* you're the best pony I've... well, you're not a pony, you're the best human I've ever met, granted I've only met one, you, I'm sure that if there was another human, he would be the best human, that's you, Jack, I like the way you care about me," she began listing his virtues.

"D'aaaaawwwwwwww, you're making me blush, I'm just a friendly guy who loves children and tends to be a bit Jackson-ian about it," he immediately realized that that was the only stupid way he could have worded that his love for kids was like that of Michael Jackson.

In McCard's eyes, Michael Jackson had loved kids because he was truly a kid at heart, so with his kid heart, he connected with young ones more easily than those who'd been too busy acting grown up.

"I mean, well, that sounded stupid, I was trying to refer to a celebrity whose last name was Jackson, my point was supposed to be that I firmly believe that," he cleared his throat for quoting time, "What's the point of being grown up if you can't act childish sometimes?" he asked rhetorically.

"Oh, okay, that's actually really cool, y'know, you're really cool," the little pegasus praised, breaking the hug and looking up at his jade eyes with her own violet ones.

"Oh I'm nobody special," he half-heartedly denied, chuckling, eliciting a giggle from Scootaloo.

"But you are, you're awesome, and, and , and really cool. Like... at least thirty percent cooler than most ponies. You went through the Everfree Forest and beat up all those Everfree monsters like they were practically nothing, and then that Lick guy, you did a big ol' heroic sacrifice thing and beat him like he was nothing, and you got some new thingies to add to your doohickey collection, and you saved me and my friends. I really appreciate everything you've done for me in the past two days," she ranted, making cool hoof-gestures and everything to emphasize her words.

"Past two days? Was I out all night?" the warrior worried, how long HAD he been out.

"Yeah, it's noon now, so it's like, two days, I mean it's really only one day, but one day spanned over two separate days, so two days, I guess. Anyways, yeah, I feel like we're really good friends already," the orange pegasus stumbled over her words

"Y'know, you're the like little sister than I have, but want more of. You're cute, you got a strong spirit and plenty of spunk, and together, I think this will be the start of a beautiful friendship," Jackson chuckled at his own words, did he seriously just say that line?

"Really? You'd be like my big brother that I never had but wanted one a whole lot, will you.... will you be my big brother?" Scootaloo braced for impact, not sure if she was getting attached too fast.

"Will I be your big brother? Tell me, do tha niggas got da Kool-Aid?" the burnt-brunette asked, not caring about racial slurs in a world that technically did not have that race in it.

"Ummm....." the little pony looked at him with her head cocked to the side.

"Of COURSE they do, and of COURSE I'll be your brother, where do I sign up?" he was sincere, but he asked that last part sarcastically.

"Right here, actually," the violet-maned filly raised up a clipboard with a document and a pen on it.

Jackson read it quickly, not caring about the specifics, and signed where he needed to before returning the clipboard.

Scootaloo nervously looked at the signature, but to her surprise, it was actually the name of the one she had asked, "I... I... thank you, thank you so much," she dropped the clipboard and hugged him again.

"You're welcome, sis, anything for you, almost anything at least, the answer still has a chance, albeit a very small one, to be a 'no', but a lot of the time, it's 'yes', because when duty calls, I answer, and the answer is 'victory', but only in that case, I'll stop talking and just hug you back now," he informed, shutting his mouth and hugging her back.

He gently stroked her mane and sort of half-rubbed-half-scratched at the base of her wings, even playing with her little ears.

Jackson was a man of his word, and his word was that the two were family now, and all the things that come with being family.

Yes, they were family now, and family stuck together, stood together, and loved each other.

Despite the oddities of his existence, not only being in Equestria, but being blessed with video game things, he stayed rather sane-seeming.

Only sane-seeming though, as he was good at hiding it.

He hid the monster deep within his soul.

One day, it would come out, and when that day comes, the entity known as 'shit' would get real, and in the process of becoming real it would be subject to gravity, so 'shit' would go down, fate and space conspired against it though, as it became real inside a vertical air-conditioner shaft, and so, 'shit' would hit the fan.