Patch Day

by unknown2

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Celestia, Crossover, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Nightmare Moon, Changelings, Comedy, Discord
Length: 6354

Its the day for the 8.10 update! There is a new japanese tech tree, some adjustments to the existing tanks, some bug fixes, and a new map! Wait, wasn't the new map called "Hidden Village?" A World of Tanks Crossover.

Its the day for the 8.10 update! There is a new japanese tech tree, some adjustments to the existing tanks, some bug fixes, and a new map! Wait, wasn't the new map called "Hidden Village?"

A World of Tanks crossover.

Published 2013-12-28 22:30:05 UTC
Last updated 2015-06-03 05:10:59 UTC

Canterlot

‘Canterlot’ eh?

Didn't the patch notes say that we were going to get a Japanese map? Not some fantasy castle? Oh well, the architecture looks interesting… And having it stick out of a mountain was a nice touch. But aren't the maps supposed to be based on “history?” Then again, a change in scenery is always nice.

I’m with other tier 2s, good. And most of the tanks on the enemy team are those British gift tanks that can barely scratch the paint on my T18! Seriously, I’m going to have so much fun killing these guys with my OP TD! Better get my curb stomping in before people grow bored of these gifts. I tried mine out when I logged in, and it was not that great. But hey, 150000 credits and a free slot! And a bunch of people who are riding in underpowered tanks to crush! So I bought this T18. But it appears I’m not the only one with good ideas: the other team also has three T18s, better be careful, this could end in us overwhelmingly losing.

Well 30 seconds to observe the map… Narrow streets with several small intersections and plazas… I always wanted another urban ma… Are those horses? Yep definitely small horses, the type you see on a children’s cartoon. And some of them have horns. Why not?

“So instead of fixing MM, WG is animating horses? Seriously?” someone writes in the chat.

“They want to attract a larger audience” I respond.

Also, why do the horses have tattoos on their flanks? And those expressions… They seem to be shocked. Well, WG must have put significant resources into their animation… Is this a joke of some kind? Maybe they want to put these things into every map!

Hey, this reminds me of a trolling tactic I once read on the forums involving birds…

At the start of the match I type: “Yes, this map has horses on it!”

I take aim, and fire my howitzer at one of them, causing it to explode, and all the other ones to stare in horror. Death animation and an NPC AI? How many resources were put into them again?

“Got one! 100 gold for me!”

Instantly, one of our Light MK. VICs opens fire with his machine gun shredding the horses. The survivors start screaming and run into the buildings. Answer to earlier question: more than necessary. Now if only they could put that much effort into the MM…

“Where is teh gold” he asks on team chat.

“You will get it at the garage.” I reply, snickering to myself. I love pubbies.

“It’s a joke idiot conserve your ammo” someone else replies. Spoilsport.

The team splits off into three groups. I go to the right, with a Light MK. VICs and a Panzerjager 1. After a few seconds, we spot our enemies: three Light MK. VICs and one of those new Japanese tanks, a Chi-Ni. The lights open fire, their first salvo hitting me, and bouncing off. I fire one of my HE shells, missing the target. I need to stop before firing… The german tank destroyer fires, and does some damage to one of the Lights, and our light fires its machine gun. Most of the shells hit the building they were hiding most of their chassis behind, but some of them actually hit the other tanks, doing some damage. The Lights quickly switch targets and fire on my teammates, getting them to hide behind the buildings. Finally, my gun is reloaded! I aim at one of the Lights and fire, destroying the track and taking off half of its health. My teammates finish it off, and go back to hide behind the building. Me? I don’t need any cover! I have armor! An explosion hit the panel to the left of my gun, taking off 25 of my health. Ok, maybe I do need cover… How was I damaged though? Oh yeah, that Chi-Ni must be using HE shells. I hide behind the building the rest of my team is using.

The global chat is suddenly filled with:

“How adorable!”

“Stop distracting me”

“Stupid armored horses”

“This is the dumbest PvE ever”

“A pink wall? Really”

“KILLT HAT THIGN”

What’s that bright light in the center? And why does the kill feed say ‘killer38(Pz.Kpfw. 35 (t)) was sent to the moon?’

The chat is filled with:

“No fair”

“that thing is op”

“you need to kill it”

“Why is my tank on the moon”

“It killed off my crew”

from both teams. Also, it appears that everything in the center of the map is dead, and they want us to “kill that horse in the center before it kills everything”. So I drive off into the center, and… why are there a bunch of armored horses poking me with spears and firing crossbows at me? Also, why is there a white horse with wings and a horn, SURROUNDED BY FIRE, GAZING STRAIGHT AT ME, WITH A BUNCH OF LIGHT ON ITS HORN, WHICH IS POINTED RIGHT AT ME!!!! Also, why does it have a flowing, rainbow mane?

I panic and fire my cannon at it, just as a beam of energy flies out of its horn. My shell disappears, but so does the beam.
The horse starts charging up another attack. Good thing my reload time is lower. I fire another shell at it, but it explodes in front of it, causing some cracks to appear in the… force field? It then repairs itself. So overpowered... Oh well, better flee. I start to go reverse but it fires another shot. Oh well, it’s only a tier 2.

“We lost a track.”

Oh good. Wait, did my entire track just disappear? I take aim and fire another shot, cracking the force field again. Take that!

Behind me the Panzerjager 1 rolls along, takes aim, and… misses. Pubbies… Then again, it probably has something to do with that armored horse that’s poking his gun with a spear…

And the white vulture-narwhal-horse thing fires its beam again. The entire screen goes white and…

“Our crew is dead.”

Why is the surface so white and full of craters? Is it night already? By the way, it that my track lying over there? ITS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE OP HORSES! THAT’S IT, I’M LEAVING!

Time to go visit the forums…

Author's Note

An idea that wouldn't stop bugging me until I wrote it down.

Canterlot: a Different Perspective

It was another day in Canterlot. Unicorn nobles walking around in the streets, noses held high, while earth ponies did the entire menial labor, mostly indoors. Meaning they were best prepared for the upcoming catastrophe.

A red line and a red flag appear near the center of Canterlot, outside the a block away from the royal castle where the princess and the members of the nobility were discussing important political matters such as tax cuts for the nobles, cuts on public education, more statues, and higher tariffs. Another red line and green flag appear near the train station, which is filled with tourists. Two more red lines come into existence near the spots where the city ends and the cliffs begin. Strange metal creatures spontaneously materialize next to the flags. There is no flash of teleportation: one moment there is empty space, the next, they exist. Most of the creatures look the same: a light brown box with another, smaller box on top of it (most likely the head) in the back with a strange stick coming out of it. There are some differences though: several do not have a “head.” Instead, a dark brown one just has a short, wide appendage coming out of it, while another silver one has a long, thin appendage. Some have smaller heads that are in the front and different color schemes. But the majority is the light brown variety.
They just… sit there for 30 seconds, while the ponies (mostly unicorns) gape and attempt to understand what just happened.
After about 30 seconds, they all began moving and roaring. Most of the spectators were too shocked to move. The dark brown one positioned itself in a way so that its appendage was positioned at a unicorn. After about 4 seconds, a terrible noise was heard, and the unfortunate victim exploded, blood flying everywhere. The brains of the witnesses struggled to comprehend what they were seeing, causing them to freeze up on the spot, jaws unhinged in horror.

And then one of the light brown ones swiveled its head towards the crowd, and proceeded to unleash a barrage of the horrible noises at the crowd. The effect was devastating: the front rows were killed instantly, while those in the back were left to die as they lost blood from their devastating wounds.

The survivors were galvanized into action: they ran off screaming into the nearest building. Some of them were smart enough to run off screaming to the nearest guard, who flew off as fast as possible to alert the princess and the royal guard.

“And that is why more money should be put into this year’s musical performance at the Gala.”

Just another day at Princess Celestia’s court. Nobles coming up to her and asking for more money, or for a lower tax, or something else to make them richer at the expense of others.

‘Why did I create the nobility class again?’ she asked herself for the 363,789th time.

“Your majesty!” a guard shouted out after bursting in. “We have a situation: Canterlot is under attack by giant tortoises! The guard is already mobilized! Captain Shining Armor is currently leading them to fight off the attackers!”

“I’ll be there shortly.” she responded, without a trace of her true emotions on her face.

While Canterlot had not been threatened since Lun... Nightmare Moon's banishment, Princess Celestia was confident that the Royal Guard could take on the threat.

"Attack!"

The battalion of guards charged forward, striking their enemy with spears and crossbow bolts. Most of the creatures tried to retreat from the barrage, but some fought back, raining death and destruction from their heads, cutting down large squads of brave troops. Still, the courageous soldiers fought on to defend the capitol of their homeland from these brutal and destructive monstrosities.

Captain Shining Armor put forth another shield to try to block the things from escaping. Some of them stopped where they stood, while others tried to move on regardless, and where blocked.

‘That should put a stop to their rampage!’ Shining Armor thought smugly to himself.

After a few seconds, one of them decided to use its attack on the shield, forming some cracks which the Captain had to repair.

Then all of them fired on the shield, destroying it and leaving the captain panting.

“Get the princess!” Shining Armor ordered one of the guards who was about to charge the attackers.

Well it appears that if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

Still, I wonder where these creatures came from… The fact that we had no idea how they got here is disturbing: They are too large to sneak in, and I did not find any traces of teleportation. Whoever sent them must be very resourceful to have snuck them in and kept their existence secret for so long. I am going to need to increase military spending.

Now, to capture them ali…

…

…

…

THESE MONSTERS THEY WILL PAY! Nothing hurts my little ponies and gets away with it…

And now, to destroy these abominations who harmed my subjects!

It… didn't... do... anything...

I need to learn more offensive magic. But that magic bolt was enough to paralyze a fully grown dragon! Something so relatively small should have had its heart stopped!

I should probably cast my force field now…

The somewhat pissed off Light MK VIC known as “Notracks” turned its turret to deal with the new annoyance. When the crosshair was on the target, a white horse that was bigger than the others with horns and wings that just killed its commander with a magic blast, it emptied its clip into it. Half of the shells missed, but the other half ran into some kind of barrier that deflected most of them. However, one got through and flew by just to the right of the thing’s neck. Fuck you too RNG.

Those things are more powerful than I thought. I need to get rid of them before they do anymore damage. But how to do it?

Well, there is always THAT spell. But can I do it without the Elements? Then again, Nightmare Moon was a powerful magical entity who I needed to overpower for the spell to work…

Oh well, what other choice do I have?

Better put up another, stronger force field before I start gathering power.

Notracks watched the glowing winged unicorn (horned pegasus?) with some alarm. But then again, his clip was just 5 seconds to from reloading. Soon he would avenge his fallen commander and the drop in view range that came with not havi…

Why the sudden change in scenery?

Good thing I put up stronger shield. Those things pack a punch, especially when they work together… Well, fear is a great motivator and I manage to dispose of the other ones in the plaza quickly, but more soon showed up to avenge their fallen. That long green one was so hard to hit… And how come it took me two blasts to banish one of those dark brown ones?

This is probably not the only attack we will see. Whoever is behind it is sure to send more. But for now, I need to write some letters to the families of the fallen soldiers. I will see to it that they are given awards posthumously for their bravery…

Author's Note

Chapter 1 from (mostly) the ponies point of view. Not much to say.

To the Moon

Well, patch 8.11 is turning out pretty nicely so far. The new map is cool; the weather effects look awesome, especially Burning Ruinsberg. I haven’t played the new mode yet though.

…Wargaming is officially trolling us.

“The Moon?” We get to fight on the moon? That is actually pretty awesome, but wouldn’t the crew die from not having any oxygen? And space travel was invented after the tanks we are using became museum pieces… Also, why wasn’t this in the patch notes? It’s the pony city map all over again! Also, why is this encounter, and not standard mode? Aren’t new maps supposed to be standard mode until they are popular enough to have encounter and assault added?

Then again, why do I care? As long as I get to tip over the American flag in a Russian tank, everything is going to be fine…

Actually, this map will probably not have much cover. Hopefully there won’t be any artillery in this match.

Why does the moon have a unicorn face on it? And…

*sigh*

What do they expect me and my little t 44 to do against all these tier IXs and Xs? Then again, I LOVE being cannon fodder (not).

And this is totally unfair! They get six tier Xs, while we only get four! And they also get the unholy trinity: AMX 50 Foch (155), FV215b (183), and… oh no. Waffenträger auf E 100! ON A MAP WITH BARELY ANY COVER! This is going to be such a curb stomp… At least there isn’t any arty. That is somewhat of a relief…

This map is very bland. Just a white surface, with tons of craters and rock outcroppings everywhere. At least that qualifies as cover. And the flag is in the center. Excellent map design WG! A map with barely any cover and a flag right in the center! Oh well, better exploit this while it lasts: go to one of the sides , and snipe the lemmings as they come for the flag with HE rounds. Then again, that is probably what everyone else is thinking, so each team will end up taking over a side and we will end up camping and occasionally sniping the extremely bored guy as he crosses no tanks’ land. Trench Warfare FTW! This sounds like one of my little nightmares about WOT: Province on Tier X! Although the stars look very pretty from here.

Is it just me, or is there something blue near the flag on the minimap? Must be some sort of graphics glitch…
Ok, 2/3ds of the team are going to the right side of the map in a lemming train. And some idiot in an AMX 13 90 is going to cap the base already… Might as well go left and see if I can light up some targets for our “snipers” to shoot at. Seems like our T 54 has the same idea. At least I have some protection from Tier IXs now.

“Guys there’s a winged unicorn thing standing on the cap point!” the AMX 13 90 types into the chat.

He’s at the cap already?

….

Wait, ‘Winged unicorn thing?’

OH SHIT! IT’S ONE OF THOSE RIDICULOUSLY OP HORSES!

“PURGE IT WITH FIRE!” I type into the chat.

“Why”

“JUST DO IT BEFORE THAT THING ONE-SHOTS YOU!”

***

I am so bored. I can’t even remember how long I was on this rock. Not even my plans for revenge are very interesting now. If only something interesting happened, like those giant metal boxes that randomly appeared some years ago (or was it decades?) and then vanished. It was strange, but at least it broke the monotony for a few minutes.

Wait, what is that flag doing there? I’m sure it wasn’t there before…

It’s white. Just like everything else here. I wonder what that symbol on it means…

Also, what is that white strip doing behind that flag? Might as well examine it.

It’s floating! And my hoof passes through it. And I can’t find any traces of magic on it! Very strange. At least trying to figure out what is going on gives me something to do…

What’s that rumbling noise behind me? After a few seconds, some… thing appears from behind a rock cropping. It looks like those metal boxes that appeared several days? months? years? decades? ago. It’s so hard to keep track of time.

Now it’s just sitting there… watching? Might as well examine it up close before it disappears.

What was that sound? Did the ground in front of me just explode? Why is their smoke coming out of that thing?... IT JUST ATTACKED ME! HOW DARE IT!

“YOU DARE!”

Another explosion occurs right in front of me. That’s it! A good blast of magic should put that thing in its place.

***

“YOU DARE!”

Wait, this thing received voice acting? And how does sound travel through a vacuum? Eh, who cares? A shell to the face should take care of this annoyance. Seriously, what is that T 44 so scared of?

Damn it, RNGsus! Two misses in a row! Then again, this thing is smaller than most tier 1 tanks…

And now its flying up into the air and charging something on its horn. That’s my cue to go…

It seems to know that you should aim for the tracks on a light tank. How much did WG invest into its AI? That laser thing looks pretty powerful though… Might as well try to kill it before it finishes charging another shot.

A force field? Not fair! At least I put some cracks into it. That are starting to disappear. Next shell loaded. Fire! Now the force field looks like it’s about to go down. And the force field is down! Now to finish this thing off!

RNG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, hitting a small airborne target 3 times in a row was actually a good record. But now I have to wait 15 seconds for this thing to reload and…

No I don’t. That thing just destroyed my ammo rack. *Sigh.* There go several thousand credits…

***

NightmareMoon (Alicorn) destroyed sunpawz(AMX 13 90)

NightmareMoon? I don’t see that kind of player on the other team…

ALICORN IS NOT A TANK!

What the heck is going on around here?

Oh, hey I can see the flag at this angle.

Yep. WG put another one of those unicorn-pegasus things on this map. How is it breathing on the lunar surface anyway? Whatever. Video game logic. That’s actually a pretty cool mane, with the stars and all. Wait! It’s distracted! I can snipe it off!

I have you in shrinking circle, whatever you are. And, goodbye!

Damn it! What were the chances of it moving just as I fired? Uh oh, it’s heading this way!

HailFire709(FV215b 183) destroyed Kvak (T-54)

Another tank lost on our team… Wait, wasn’t that the guy who was with me?

‘FV215b 183.’ Oh shh…

Maybe it sniped him?

Nope, it’s coming toward me. I’m going to die... Hopefully my team will snipe him as he crosses that opening between the rocks.

…Who shot that laser beam? Oh yeah, the horse thing. 500 damage? Maybe it’s not that OP…

Can destroy cover, and takes 5 seconds to reload? Retract previous statement.

Let’s see, if I kill it now, then I’ll have to deal with the TD, but if I wait, then the thing will come for me… Then again, the 183 has a looooooong reload time… Well it’s settled! Goodbye op freak!

Oh yeah the force field… I forgot. And now it’s focusing on me.

Something tells me that buying the “wet ammo rack” upgrade just saved me from getting one shotted. But now my aiming time has doubled. Well, looks like its charging up another shot. Might as well try to dod…

That was awesome! The way the forcefield shattered, and how the thing was sent FLYING towards that planet over there! And now while the 183 reloads, I can flank it and finish it off. Here I go!

It’s noticed me, but its rotation is too slow to follow me. Maybe that thing damaged its engine. Thank you very much, OP WG trolling device.

Now I have its side armor. And… penetration! This is turning out great! I’m pretty sure that it will still be reloading in the 16 seconds that it takes for me to reload, and then it is dead!

What was that? What just took out 700 of my health?

nineshotwondar(WT E100) destroyed Ownageman(T 44)

Well, that explains it.

So the score is 5<10?

*Sigh* The entire team goes one way and gets slaughtered. Typical.

Well, another several thousand lost. I think I’ll play with my T-34 to make up for it…

I never did get to tip over the U.S. flag though…

Author's Note

Sorry this chapter took so long. I kind of forgot about this story.

By the way, should I add a "Human" tag?

Hackers and Glitches

Well that Moon battle was… strange. And it cost me about 10,000 credits. Oh well, nothing a good match in a T-34 can’t fix!

What?

Oh great, ANOTHER map that the developers forgot to put into their patch notes? And what kind of a name is “Ponyville?” Let me guess, we’re going to see more of those horse things that got too much money put into them? But I better not see any more of those winged unicorn things. At tier 5… that’s a one shot kill every 5 seconds!

An evenly balanced team? With my tier as the top one? Why can’t MM make one of those every time?

Well, this is… surreal.

Floating, upside down houses? Pink clouds raining some brown liquid? One of those horses running vertically? It’s like the guy in charge of map design took some hallucinogens and made a map based on what he saw. And then it got accidently put into the patch! Yeah, that’s the likeliest explanation. I’m sure this will be fixed… eventually.

I think I’ll stick to our KV-1 and go to the right flank.

Odbal(KV-1) was destroyed by veraks(Birch Gun)

veraks(Birch Gun) was destroyed by odbal(KV-1)

DAFUQ JUST HAPPENED?!

Seriously, were did that Birch Gun come out of? Wait, what if an arty fired an arty? :)

***

Meanwhile…

Ok, this looks like a nice spot.

…Were those ballerina buffalo?

What is that thing next to my arty? It’s like some Frankenstein thing made out of animal body parts and…

Did it just eat my arty? And why does it remind me of a cannon all of a sudden… and…

I’m flying?! Great, I am so dead when I hit the ground. This is BS! I came here to kill tanks, not get shot out of weird things! I quit!

At least I killed a KV-1.

***

Oh yeah, this was a glitch! I remember seeing videos about tanks that got launched into the air randomly due to some bug! But wasn’t it fixed? Apparently not.

Still, this is bad. We just lost our only tier 5 heavy.

Oh well, at least I have an M4 Sherman and a pair of Hetzers to help me out on this flank.

Wait… Hetzers. And they have the derp guns! Well, maybe this won’t be so bad after all!

Is that a road with bubble up ahead? Oh well, still not as strange as floating houses.

Why is my tank going at 5 km/hour on this road? And why is it sinking? What, is the road made of soap?

Appears to be one of those suicidal “scouts” heading toward us. A tier 4 Chinese rip-off? A few hits from my gun should take care of this.

Hmm, no damage. At least I destroyed the track. Second shot.

Gryphane(M5A1) was destroyed by primah21(Hetzer)

Looks like one of the Hetzers beat me to it.

Well, now that I got out of the soap road and the others are still stuck, I should advance. Nothing wrong with that idea whatsoever.

"Hey, why are my tracks made of cookies?"

Wut?

Some enemy tanks up ahead! Let’s see, an M7, and…

Oh, please no. An AT-2. My gun can’t pen that… THING. Even if I aim for the cupola. Well, time to take cover behind this diamond shaped boulder. Why not?

Looks like the Hetzers have got out of the trap and want to try to damage it. WHY WOULD YOU USE AP AGAINST AN AT2? OF COURSE IT WOULD JUST BOUNCE OFF! At least the other one is smart enough to use HE. Although 40 damage doesn’t make much of a difference.

Hmm, the AT2 is chipping away at one of the hetzers. Might as well take a shot while he is distracted. Of course it bounced off. Was I expecting anything else.

Looks like the Hetzer is going to make it to cover behind me in one of those craters below a floating house with about 60 health left!

Laeya(Hetzer) was destroyed by SturmPanzr(M7)

Or not. Hey, why am I not focusing on the M7?

There, getting hit by the Sherman and me is sending him back to cover.

And now that the AT-2 is focusing on me, I should get back to cover.

What’s that weird creature next to my tank?

Hey, get off my tank! Why are you waving that sword around? Where did that hat come from?

Whatever. It’s just a dumb visual effect and…

Why is my tank going out of cover? Why aren’t my controls responding? At least the AT-2 is distracted by the other Hetzer and Sherman. Wait, don’t charge at the AT-2 in a T-34! Its suicide!

Uh oh, looks like he noticed it. Well, looks like another game lost. Is my tank still not responding to the controls?

Apparently so.

Well, it looks like I’m about to ram it. It’s actually surprising that the tank got this close with 100 health left. Why did it stop just in front of the AT-2? There goes another 80 health.

…What is that thing doing with its sword?
TehRustay(AT-2) was destroyed by Discord(Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony)

What?

Ow crap, the M7 is about to finish me off…

A RICOCHET! YES! THANK YOU RNG!

Now when I return the favor, he’s not so lucky.

Oh hey, that thing just disappeared.

"TehRustah(AT-2): Hacker! I'm reporting!"

Yeah, whatever.

Also, is it me, or is the enemy’s T1 Heavy driving up vertically near the middle of the map? Some sort of bug?

Oh well, free damage for everyone!

Let’s see, so that’s 11>10 in our favor. We could actually win this!

By the way, why is there a giant rainbow beam right in the center of the map?

It’s now splitting off and descending on the rest of the map. Meh, who cares?

Why is my tank suddenly all grey? And how come the kill feed is now listing a bunch of names?

What, is the battle over already?

…

…

A DRAW? HOW IS THAT A DRAW? WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT BOTH SIDES HAD ALL THEIR TANKS DESTROYED? THIS IS BS!

I’m going to go rant on the forums about glitches and stupid gimmicks!

Wait, that sequence when my tank charged forward and the animal jigsaw puzzle was waving sword around reminds me of something…

Author's Note

Does anyone have any ideas for future chapters?
I will make one about the Changeling Invasion, and the Everfree Forest during the Season 4 premier, but I don't have any good ideas past that.

Buggy Game

Well, that was a fun Dota match. Too bad I don’t have enough time for another…

Let’s see, TF2 or WoT? Well, I think I’ll spare my teammates from my GibusVision n00biness and play some WoT, and see what the new patch has to offer.

Alright, time to grind the T-54 to get the good turret and why are there three tier X tanks in my garage? Since when has WarGaming been generous enough to give out tier Xs as gifts? Well, time to give these things a try. Let’s just hope that my matches aren’t clogged with noobs from tier V testing out their new tier X gift tanks. Maybe this was not such a smart move on WG’s part.

Oh good, we are on Sand River. At least it’s not Campinovka.

“Domination.” Never heard of it. Some new game mode perhaps? Oh hey, everyone else is a tier X gift tank as well! So WG haven’t lost their minds yet. Still, the strategy at tier IX and X is very different from the strategy at tier V, and I’m not sure everyone is familiar with it here.

Well I can live with a new game mode where everyone is equal and there are no big power discrepancies. Maybe I should play this instead of normal matchmaking. Cons: can’t stomp people 2 tiers below me. Pros: won’t end up being in a tier VII against tier IX. Seems reasonable. And no artillery! How about I actually play it before judging?

A flag in the center, some green circles on the other side of the map, some red circles near our spawn, and what I assume are some sort of repair posts? Since when has WoT allowed for HP regen? Or maybe they just fix modules.

“What do we do here?”

“Get flag to green, don’t let flag near red”

Good, I was right. Well, off we go. Let’s see what this Frenchie can do. 30 seconds to reload a 4 clip autoloader. It’s fair I guess. But will I be able to kill anything with this clip? Guess I’ll find out soon enough. Flags coming up, and there is the enemy. First shot bounces of course. And the second one flies just above the turret. Sure, why not RNG. Then again, I should not be shooting an merican tank in the turret. Alright, finally, penetration in the side. 400 or so damage. And since 400*4 gives us less damage than any full hp tank in this game mode, I guess I should not try to 1v1 people too much. Oh hey, turrets jammed. Of course, this thing has barely any armor and a huge turret. It’s what I get for staying in the open. And now the track is destroyed, with the tank soon to follow. It’s what I deserve I suppose.

Choose a new tank? This mode has respawn? I don’t know if I should be excited or outraged. I think I’ll go with excited, since it’s in an optional game mode. This time I think I should use the Russian medium. If it’s anything like the T-62A, I’m going to have fun.

That red flag is getting awfully close to the red circle on the minimap. Better go defend.

Well that was definitely a fun match. Sure, we lost, and I got completely annihilated by people who seem to know what they are doing, but it was fun. The respawn and flag mechanics made that pretty unique, and the fact that I am guaranteed to be matched against similar tanks is a relief. I think I’ll play this mode a bit more. Maybe if I don’t suck this time, I won’t have to spend so much money repairing everything.

Oh good, got time for one more match.

Hmmm,

Canterlot.

Where have I heard that before? And where did this fantasy castle map come from? I don’t remember seeing any fantasy castles in the list of maps, it doesn’t look like something WG would create for their tank game, and they don’t support community created maps. So, where did it come from? Why do I get the feeling I asked these questions before?

So it’s an urban map. That’s great I guess. The giant dome in the sky is nice touch. Some sort of black things are just outside the dome. Birds maybe?

What’s with the horses in armor? Why are they gathering around our tanks with spears? Why are their heads and eyes so cartoonishly large? Why would WarGaming waste so much resources modelling and animating these things? Why is my déjà vu intensifying? So many questions.

“Anyone know what this is supposed to be?”

Sorry dankrecker45, I have no idea either.

Then again, spears aren’t going to do anything to our tanks, so they might as well be giant decorations.

And here we go. I love how the dome shatters just as the pre-match clock hits zero. Doesn’t make much sense but it looks nice I guess. I hope those green meteors don’t crash my FPS rate though. Can I disable them? Ah, never mind, the FPS hasn’t gone down.

Well, the meteors are crashing. Guess that makes them meteorites. Good thing that one crashed a little bit in front of me, I don’t want to find out how much damage they do.

…Wut?

What’s with the insect thing that crawling out of the crater? Looks like some sort of xenomorph that took a horse for its host during the face hugger stage.

Eh, who cares? It’s just a weird cosmetic.

Huh, since when has WarGaming added roadkill to the game? I’m pretty sure that adding gore to a game that only lists “mechanical violence” in its ESRB rating is not allowed. Oh well, their problem not mine.

Alright flag should be around these few corners. But why haven’t I seen anyone from the other team though? Now that I think about it, I shouldn’t be by myself. Then again, everyone else is off forming a lemming train at a corner of the map. Hopefully the other team is doing the same.

So the xenomorphs have a group of armored horses stuck in some sticky substance, and the flag is in the center of the group. Oh well, more roadkill I guess. Still a bit suspicious that no one else is here.

And there goes my track. I really should have seen that ambush coming. Then again, what kind of pubbies have the coordination and patience to set up an ambush like that. Probably a platoon. Wait, are platoons even allowed in this game mode? Maybe.

Oh well, there goes the ammo rack. Apparently the roadkill method in the horses will activate upon coming in contact with a decapitated tank turret as well. That’s nice to know I guess.

Ok, this life I want to be the US heavy tank. Let’s see what my so called team has been up to this whole time.

Huh, so apparently the xenomorphs have clogged up the tank tracks with their green goo. Well it explains why the lemming train is going so slowly, but it does not excuse the train’s existence in the first place. Might as well join it. At least the bug horses can be killed with a well-placed shot. Still, they have numbers, our slow reload speed, and RNG on their side. And the person who “designed” this map’s PvE came up with the GENIUS idea of making them small, maneuverable, and flying. Seriously, how am I supposed to take them out with a tank cannon. At least let us use machine guns or something. No, wait, that would destroy my FPS. Never mind.

Of course, while the lemming train slowly chugs along, the other team gets the flag to their capture point or whatever it is called and rack up enough points to win the game. Ugh, imbalanced map is imbalanced.

Hey, at least when the round ends, there is some sort of pink explosion from the tower in the background. Gotta love how it sends those buggy bastards flying. Very cathartic. Pity I wasn’t the one who made the explosion.

Oh well, more credits to pay up.

Now I get why Canterlot sounds familiar! It’s a horse pun on Camelot. Took me long enough to get that joke.

Nope, Déjà vu hasn’t gone away yet. Oh well, time to go to dinner.

Author's Note

Well, finally got motivated enough by the new patch to write a new chapter. Sorry it took so long.