//-------------------------------------------------------//
                           Seven                           
                   -by Damien Darkside-                    
//-------------------------------------------------------//
//-------------------------------------------------------//
                      Les Sept Péchés                      
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Les Sept Péchés
Seven
A My Little Pony Tale
By: Damien Darkside
..:: Chapter One : Les Sept Péchés / The Seven Sins ::..
“Sir! I would like you to know that another one has been rejected from Above. He's passed through the gates not too long ago, he doesn't seem to be afraid.” A female humanoid spoke as she fluttered her black leathery wings and entered her Master's office.
She noticed that her Master wasn't paying much attention. His office walls were made of a dark wood of some kind and it was trimmed with a polished black stone. The ceiling was currently viewing stars over the Libra constellation from it's view on Earth.  She walked past the displays where her Master kept all of his more prized possessions. Her Master had one of the nails that had bound Jesus Christ to the Cross, the olive branch that a dove carried to an ark, a perfectly preserved snake skin, a flaming sword that was once owned by Gabriel, and a robe once donned by Micheal amongst other rare  and fantastic displays.
Her forked tail wrapped around her left leg and she bowed before the great being. She gazed upon his form and reflected. He was six foot six tall, standing over most of the demons in his plane. His black hair was slightly shaggy, was well groomed to his shoulders and fell nicely on his suit. The short beard he had upon his face was trimmed and styled to perfection, and she shivered as she knew that it didn't tickle at all when he kissed her. The black suit he wore was tailored perfectly to form against his broad chest and it was much more better styled then the armour he used to wear back in old times. His arms and legs were sculpted to the best appearance that they could have without being overly excessive, not that his strength wasn't infinite. She let out a little sigh of disappointment as she noticed that his black feathery wings were neatly folded behind his back and were tended to already.
He was perfection. He was their light. He was their Morning Star. He was infinity. He was the being that defied and outsmarted his creator.
The name on the desk that he worked upon said it simply enough.
Lucifer, King of Hell
“Master, I would hate to disturb you from your thoughts but I have been informed of one of your listed humans passing though your gates.” She told him as she dropped to one knee.
“Rise Jessica, who is it?” his deep and fair voice comforted her fears of punishment for interrupting his work.
“Paul Walker sir.” Jessica informed him.
The smile upon his face gave her immense joy. “Why thanks so much Jessica, I knew that there was a reason why I have kept you as my secretary for over five centuries.”
“You honour me Master.”
He bent down to look on a piece of paper on his desk “Could you come close and tell me what this is?”
“Sir?” she questioned as she bent down to examine the paper more closely.
Lucifer took her chin in his hand and looked into her black eyes. He moved his hand to caress her red cheek and ruffle her black hair before he pressed his lips to hers. She sighed contently before be broke from the kiss, leaving her face a slight tone more red and slightly dumbfounded. “You may go my dear succubus and welcome him into Hell yourself. Make his universe as perfect as possible and let him have free reign. I'll be talking to him later, I got all eternity to.”
She turned and left the room on cloud nine, leaving the Dark Angel to his thoughts. He relaxed in his chair as he summoned up a cigar, he flicked his fingers and lit the end before he took a deep breath. He exhaled and the smoke left his lips to form a ship of ash that flew across the office before fading against the wall. He was about to continue on his monitoring of a few of his favourite humans on Earth when his office door was opened again.
This time it was a blonde succubus done in a Marilyn Monroe style, with purple skin instead of the stereotypical red.  He liked keeping colours different and it pleased his servants as well. “Mary! To what do I owe the pleasure?” he asked as he left his cigar in the ashtray.
She knelt down to one knee in front of him. Her short dress was white and clung to her body and left little to the imagination, and also left him with a generous view of her cleavage. “My Lord, the Portal Room is about to be accessed from another source.”
“Oh really? Is it Jesus again? It is still Thursday on Earth and we simply cannot reschedule tomorrow's chess game again.” Lucifer said with a smile.
He always won.
“No sire, this one is different. Another universe entirely.”
Interesting indeed. A higher universe, the same as Earth's plane, hasn't been in contact with Hell for at least a millennium. It was a part of the Deal to not go out to seek new planes, but there was nothing against them contacting him. He stood up from his desk and motioned her to stand up. He lead her out of the office to get to the portal room. He strode past Jessica's desk, she was probably still busy convincing Walker that this was all indeed real. The halls were the same as his office and he passed multiple plain black doors before coming up to the one he wanted.
“Continue to do whatever it was that you were doing Mary.” He waved her off and dismissed her.
The portal room was almost considered a void. Almost nothing existed in here so that portals had an easier time to attach themselves to. The rectangle that was the door opened into nothing, and about a half mile into the nothing was a large flat disk made of iron. Lucifer jumped into the void, spread his black wings and swiftly flew to the circular dais. Landing softly he kept his awareness high to find the incoming portal.
A crackling sound to his right informed him of an incoming presence. He saw a blue oval filled with technicolour noise patterns appear a fair distance to his right. He flew off to it and slipped inside. He didn't fear what was on the other side. He was created to be infinite, and in that mistake by his Creator he would just return to his realm if his physical body was destroyed. He felt himself get pushed through the Ether as his body was moulded to the universe he was about to appear into.
He “fell” through the end of the portal for lack of a better word. He gracefully landed in what looked like a bedroom. The white walls were exceedingly plain but were immaculate. The floor was a polished stone and the fireplace that was to his left was built into the wall to provide heat to the room. A balcony that was open revealed to the Dark Lord that the moonlight coming in through meant that it was night out. He looked down to his feet, there were burn marks all over the floor.
“Excuse me, are you okay?” a female voice spoke from behind him.
He turned around to see a white equine creature with wings and a horn. Her mane was layers in pinks and blues and was gently blowing in whatever minor wind that was circling in the room. Her flank had a stylized image of the sun. Beside her was another creature of similar shape and form, except midnight blue with a starry mane. Her flank had the moon upon her rear and she regarded him with teal eyes curiously.
“I doth think that we hath succeeded in our endeavours.” the blue one spoke.
The white one inched forward again. “I ask again, are you unharmed Summon?” Her voice reminded him of a mother who was serious yet caring.
Lucifer smiled and flexed his wings and flicked his wrists. “Of course, do not worry for my sake. You called?”
The white one seemed surprised that he could speak, let alone understand her.“Yes we have summoned you in a time of need, however we have some questions that we would like to ask of you Summon before we get to the problem at hoof.”
“Hoof, because you are horses right?” Lucifer asked with a smile. “Totally got it.”
“We are ponies Summon, and we would be the ones asking the questions.” The blue one spoke with no fear and with slight irritation at his comments.
Summon? Lucifer thought for a moment. Then he looked around the room again. There were candles on the floor that were blasted aside and the markings did resemble an old demonic-like summoning surface. He smiled to himself as he realized exactly what happened here. “I will comply and answer your questions, however I have one more myself with a follow up if that one goes in a certain direction. Is that acceptable ponies?”
The two looked at each other before the blue one agreed. “We accept thine conditions on an act of good faith.”
Faith. Funny. “Well Blue, I would have to ask if this is a physical or spiritual realm?”
The black and blue one looked offended and was probably going to be hostile if it wasn't for her  partner beside her. “We do not understand the question. We have summoned you, so shouldn't that mean we are from the physical?”
Lucifer shrugged. “Depends, I have been contacted before by higher beings from a spiritual existence. It is a complicated process for us. However considering the...” he looked around at the mess blemishing the pristine room, “efforts that were made summoning me, I would think we are in the physical. Do you ponies have souls that are transferred when you die? That would mean you are.”
“We would like to believe so”, the white one said as she caught on. “I'll count that into the first question since it was a clarification.”
Lucifer was absolutely delighted. It was a long time since he could access a physical dimension and it containing actual intelligent life. It was a very complicated set of rules pertaining to the planes but if it wasn't for the agreement with God he wouldn't have been so joyous. “Can we get something to eat while we talk? It's literally has been a few thousand years since I was able to consume physical food as myself.”
“I believe was can have dinner. It is late since we spent a good amount of the night trying to bring you to us.” The white pony beckoned him to follow with a hoof.
“Thousands?” the blue one said to the white pony as she lead him through the main doors of the room.
Lucifer realized that he was in a castle, much like medieval ones back in a certain period of humankind. He was lead by what he soon found out to be Celestia and Luna, princesses of a kingdom known as Equestria. One controlled the rotation of the sun around the planet as the other maintained the orbit of the moon. It was strange having the planet as the centre of the system, but Lucifer reasoned that physics were slightly different than in his universe. It is always different.
He introduced himself to the pony princesses, however he kept his titles to himself for the moment. Celestia and Luna were very entertaining. They sat down in a large dining room that must have been for private events. Lucifer met a few more ponies that were maids or other types of servant. Most were slightly afraid of him but always smiled and offered a little wave. He always prided himself on being friendly since you made more progress with kind words before sword tips. A certain someone made an old guy hold a staff for an entire battle after a trek through a desert. That someone was a dick. He pushed those thoughts aside as he joined the Princesses in the dining room.
They sat down at the large table and he relaxed in his chair. He was larger than both the royal ponies but his chair was still acceptable. “What do you eat Lucifer?” Celestia asked as she told her servants what to make her.
“Am I able to be completely honest with you girls without being judged too much?” he asked as he settled into his chair.
“Of course. You are from another world, we can't expect you to eat the same as us. The spell should have brought you from somewhere that has similarities to us.” Celestia reasoned.
He turned to the servant. “I'll take whatever red meat you guys could possibly have in this place, cooked medium rare with some vegetables on this side. A small loaf of bread with some butter and a glass of wine, red, choose whatever year that Luna requests.”
The servant looked between the fallen angel and her ruler a few times. “Go ahead my little pony. Ask Gustave le Grand if he would be so kind to prepare meat for our guest. I am sure he will be thrilled.”
Luna looked at him curiously. “Summon. how would thou know what beverage we would be consuming tonight?”
He just smiled. “I know a being of good taste when I see one.”
“Flattery as that will get thine nowhere my good Summon”, she said with an amused smile.
They sat alone as they waited for their meals. “Now I have to break my promise from before, but before we get to the matter at hand or hoof we have some issues to clear up.”
“We are not expecting this from a summon being bound to us. Asking so many questions from his Bound Being.” Luna said.
Lucifer smiled, she still though of him as her lesser. Celestia seemed more fitting to talk to for this, she was kinder. “What exactly did you think you were summoning with your spells? Please be explicit.”
They both looked more serious than ever before in the short time that Lucifer had been with them. “We called forth for a being with kindness and understanding, a being with intelligence and vast wisdom who can relate to the common plight of our little ponies. One who would be from a spiritual plane, one that we could banish if needed. One that would be able to see both the views of Luna and I and understand.”
He thought for a moment. “All of that in your spell?”
“Yes” Celestia agreed.
“Including how you phrased it, I know you are telling me as I am here now but when you summoned me you used those words in a different tense?”
“Indeed” Luna clarified, her horn glowing in an impressively threatening manner. “Are thou not what we hath called fourth?”
Lucifer started laughing hysterically. The two ponies' horns started to glow at increasingly high levels. He started to panic slightly and waved his hands. “Girls this is a misunderstanding! You indeed contacted exactly what you were calling for but not in the way you did!”
They lowered their horns slightly and didn't sit back down. “Explain. Now.” they both said at the same time.
“First of all you called forth not summoned. I was contacted by a portal and voluntarily accessed it out of my own free will. I am not bound to you as much as you are not bound to me since of that wording. Secondly, just because I am from the spiritual plane doesn't mean that I am not the same height of social standing. Also there is always a misunderstanding on what 'spiritual' always meant, it doesn't mean 'lesser'.”
He cleared his throat. “I will be completely honest henceforth. My name is Lucifer and my titles are Morning Star, the Bringer of Light, The King Of Hell, and the Prince of Darkness. I own my own kingdom of souls in my own plane of existence. I am the same rank as you are, more if you think about it since you aren't queens are you?”
Their reactions seemed to vary over the next few seconds. They just realized that they had contacted a king of possibly equal power of another plane and had absolutely no control over it. “We did contact you in peace and we would like to keep communications as open as possible with the intent of us solving our problem in a polite and friendly fashion. We did not mean any disrespect King Lucifer.”
King Lucifer, he never got tired of hearing that. “Ah, 'tis no problem. Trust me, as far as my dimension goes, you girls are by far some of the more friendly beings to have come up. Considering how we are of relatively equal station, you may call me Lucifer if I can take away the honorifics of yours while in private. Oh and keep it to Prince if you don't mind, it makes me feel younger than I am.” He finished with a wink.
“That is agreeable to us. I do have a thought though, what is Hell exactly? I have never heard of this place before.” Celestia mentioned as she munched on a salad that contained daisies.
“Well that is going to have some back story. In our particular dimension, we have two spiritual planes for the physical. They were all made by one supreme being who called himself God.
“So first He created His plane, this guy called God. What He first tries to do is make a plane for his 'slaves', 'sheep' or 'subjects' or whatever he wanted to call them.” Lucifer air quoted the names as he spoke. “Now he wanted to make them be able to create their own little worlds in extremely small planes where He would be worshipped in every single one. He made the creatures known as humans in our own image minus the wings and divinity.”
Lucifer cut into what he believed was their version of steak, and almost moaned out loud when the flavours hit his tongue. “Now what happened was very predictable. When you create a free-willed race based upon a selfish and jealous being, it isn't going to work. The humans created what they wanted and never worshipped the one who let them have it. He decides that what he will do is make the exact same creatures except without free will. So what he does is wipes everything out and decides to make that a spiritual realm so it wouldn't interfere. When one creates a realm in a universe that is one of infinite space, it permanently exists. Can't throw realms away since there is an infinite amount of them.
“Now during that time my two brothers Michael and Gabriel and I were in command with a large amount of angels, ones like me but lesser. God had me and my third of the Heavenly Host in charge of organizing human souls and letting those who were obedient live in Heaven with us while sending the rest right back to be 'more obedient'. It was basically a huge pet experiment for him. However during that time I became quite attached to the souls in my care.”
“So you were in charge of the souls that were given to you when the small planes were destroyed by this God since he wanted to have obedient people to worship him. Why did he make them in the first place?” Celestia seemed to be keeping up with him.
“Because of his pride. He wanted to be worshipped by his own creations. He eventually created a Physical Plane and started to do his thing there. Anyways, God and I had a bit of a large argument and we both did some very naughty things involving a tree and an apple. Needless to say that I left Heaven. Since I had nowhere to go I took residence in the original plane that was forsaken by God. Made it my own while gaining equal power as He and I started taking in souls that were turned away from Heaven. A long story but that is the beginning.”
Lucifer relaxed in his chair, sipping his wine. It was absolutely fantastic, it had essence of berries without being overly strong with a hint of what he thought was oak. He lifted his glass and smiled to Luna, who just politely nodded and smiled back. “So if thou has the rejected souls, how does thou manage them?”
“I have in the upper hundred billion souls in my realm all self-sustaining in their own pocket worlds making and creating to their heart's content. They know of my existence and I know of theirs. It also helps when I have a third of the Heavenly Host working for me as Succubi, they work constantly but they all love it. Filing is a pain. I have so much paperwork sometimes.” He smiled fondly thinking of his realm. “Those who wish to live in the Physical can be reincarnated if they wish. It helps them gain a new outlook and refine their own tiny worlds a bit more.”
The two princesses looked at one another. “Lucifer, if you were to assist us with a problem, how long can you stay?” Celestia spoke to him with a calm and soothing demeanour.
“Well, you got the main point attached to my world. You could just move the portal to another room whenever you please. I don't have any schedules but my girls will miss me if I tarry too long. However I can say however long you two can put up with me.”
“Well thou certainly put a few of our fears to rest but thou hath complicated matters beyond what we have planned. We do not mean this in a negative intent. Please forgive our departure, but now my Sister and I hath much to discuss. The guest suites is to our left. We would desire for thou to be comfortable in our home and we would extend an invitation for thou to stay as long as is needed for our complications to be resolved.” Luna said as the two Sisters started to leave. “Sugar Petal here will show thou to thine room, please do not hesitate to ask for anything. Thou art royalty and thou shall be treated as such.”
A mare about half Celestia's height greeted Lucifer in a cute little maid uniform. The mare was ghostly white with a light yellow mane that just was just a shade in the 'visually acceptable' range. She seemed somewhat chipper and happy to see him. He notices she lacked wings but she did have a horn. “Welcome to Canterlot castle sir! I am here to serve your every need as a guest in our fair kingdom.”
“Pleased to meet you Sugar, feel free to call me Lucifer. Now please, show my to my room if you will.” He said as he regarded her enthusiasm with good humour.
“Right this way sir!” she said with a flick of her tail and lead him down the hallways of the old castle.
Lucifer again smiled to himself over how tall he was over other ponies. This particular one came up to his waist and it seemed like the few others they passed did as well. He had to duck through a few doors since the ceiling was close to his head. He was glad that this castle mimicked the higher ceilings of the days of old in human culture. He wanted to explore a bit more but decided against it. If ponies had a similar ceiling like the Sistine Chapel he would love to see it. If they didn't... maybe he could suggest some sort of thing. Maybe find some kind of Michelangelo pony and give him more ambition.
“Here is your room!” Sugar Petal stopped in front of a large oak door. “We use this wing for the more...” she paused a second as if to find an appropriate word, “larger visitors of the kingdom. With Griffons coming by all the time we have made larger quarters.”
She walked in and showed him the room. It was actually very nice in Lucifer's opinion. The stone making the walls were dark but the red velvet that made up the curtains and tapestries was a perfect contrast, lightly detailed in gold thread. There was a large elegant four-poster bed adorned with the same red and gold fabrics. Royalty, it didn't matter which world you were in; they always loved the expensive stuff.
There was a cabinet and a very nice desk sitting on the side, but the chair wasn't going to fit his size and shape. Lucifer figured he could bring a few things through the portal if the Princesses agreed. He walked around the room and stretched his wings and arms again. Sweet Himself that felt great. “Is there anything you require?” the pony asked from the door.
He paused. He just ate and just got here. It wasn't like he needed to eat but it kept him sharper while in the Physical, same with sleep. He figured he could go for another full day without sleep before he started to feel tired. That's the one thing he actually liked about the Physical, it made him eat and sleep, both of which were more satisfying when there was a need.
He was all about satisfaction.
“Do you ponies have a library?” He asked as he flicked through the drawers to see if they had any material to read in the meantime. Humans loved putting their bibles in hotel drawers, he wanted to see if it was something these ponies did too.
“Why yes sir, though may I speak freely?” she enquired.
He waved to her to blow off her concern. “By all means, feel free to in my presence if you wish to do so.”
She took a deep breath to get her confidence. “I don't think that the Princesses would like you exploring the castle on your own as soon as you got here.”
He chuckled, of course they didn't. They probably posted guards behind him as he was lead to his room. He was probably in an area of the castle with less windows to fly through as well and he would bet fifteen souls that there were archers outside. He looked up at the window and there was no way he could fit through it with his wingspan. “Oh I know they wouldn't want me to. You are in charge of meeting my requests correct?”
“Yes sir, as long as it doesn't conflict with the orders from the Princesses.” She said with an almost authoritative manner, like she was reciting her duty as a maid.
“To which I commend. I shall not ask you to do otherwise and you are a good servant to the crown for doing so. I would like to ask you if you can bring me some books on Equestrian History. If I am to help you ponies like the Princesses would like to I would want to know about your kingdom.”
She smiled up at him. “No problem sir! I can do that sir! I'll be back in a jiffy!” With her saying that, there was a popping sound and she wasn't in the room anymore.
Magic sure was interesting. Lucifer himself did have access to magic, but so much of it was dedicated to violence. Sure he could summon up items in his realm, but his infinite powers came from the realm he was in itself. While the pony was gone he tested a few of his powers quickly. He didn't want a pony seeing him actually perform magic, it was his trump card for now in case if they were hostile in the end.
He looked towards the closet door and pushed slightly with his mind. It closed back up quickly without Lucifer feeling any resistance, meaning his levitation magics were working fine. He flicked his wrists and snapped his fingers. Immediately fire raced across the palm of his hand. He smiled before the fire burst onto the sleeve of his suit jacket, singing the end of his left sleeve. Swearing he slapped the flames with his right hand to put out the small fire. 'I'm a fifty-thousand Earth year old Seraph and I just fucked up a fire spell' he felt a bit more burnt with his own pride than his suit.
That's how spells sometimes were. He would experiment later in order to get this universe's flow on elemental magics.
He closed his eyes and felt around the room with his mind. He could feel a mouse scurrying around in his room, though strangely enough it seemed more intelligent then those on Earth. He reached outside his room and found out that he was indeed right. Between him and any exit were eight heavily armoured ponies. Shifting his 'sight' outside and focusing a bit more power he was able to pick up a few ponies looking up at his window with crossbows.
He really wished he could make a soul-bet with beings. He liked winning.
He withdrew his sight and took off his suit jacket, leaving his shirt on and his tie. He tossed the slightly burnt article of clothing in the closet and made sure it was completely shut before sitting down on the bed. It was comfy enough to him, he had slept on worse on his walks through Earth. He felt a slight burst of energy outside his door before he heard a knocking.
Sugar's voice came from the other side. “Prince, it is I with your books as requested!”
He opened the door to let her in. “Do you smell something burning?” she said as she walked in. She was levitating a few large books and about a dozen smaller ones.
He just smiled at her. “I don't know what you are talking about. Is someone cooking this late in the evening?”
She shrugged and placed a bunch of the books on his desk. He took one of the medium length ones and glossed over the title. “A Brief History of Equestria” golden letters were painstakingly drawn across the blue covered book. He took a few more and sat against the headboard of his bed, using one of the many pillows as a backrest and read the first book with one hand.
“Is there anything else you require sir?” she asked again without using his name, he would change that.
“Are you well-informed on Equestrian History?” he asked to which she nodded. He patted his lap to motion her to jump up on the bed. “Well then please join me on the bed.”
She hesitated. “Uh Prince, I don't wish to deny you even though I have said I will fulfil any request but this is out of my comfort zone and duties.”
“Oh 'tis no problem, I assure you that I am very good at what I can have you experience. You won't have to worry about your duties or comfort. In fact,” he smiled with a shit-eating grin. “I promise it to be very comforting.”
The blush that adorned her face was irresistibly cute to the Fallen Angel. “S-sir! I am quite sure you are v-very skilled at what you are suggesting but I am afraid I c-cannot!”
He cut the smile, “I am not going to stick my dick in you. I just want you to clarify my reading as I go through. I am offering a back massage and trust me, I've lived for quite a long time. These fingers are quite skilled. Of course I am not going to deny a pretty mare if she would like to see how skilled they are...”
She blushed even deeper. “Oh! Well in that case...”
~~~///~~~
“Ohhhh yesssss” Sugar melted against his touch. “Oh buck you are soooo good.”
Lucifer flexed his ring finger in a 'come hither' type of motion. “Is right there fine to touch?”
“Oh Celestia yes, right there!” she moaned a bit with a red face, “Oh right there! Don't stop!”
Lucifer was the master of his craft. He was the living embodiment of all of the seven sins, so of course he was able to please anything who wanted his services. Such a cute and young thing in his hands was a special treat. She was taking everything he was giving her. “I have never had this feel so good before!” She gasped as she fell to his touch.
“Oh wait until I get to the good part!” he said as he moved his hands further.
“Where else could you OH!” she gasped as he started to push her buttons perfectly. “More... more... oh buck this is so good...”
“Indulge my little pony. You've been quite a good mare for your Princesses and you seem like you need to let loose more often.”
“If letting loose with you feels this good all the time I'll be your maid forever.” Sugar squeaked as she squirmed in his grasp.
“That can be arranged,” he told her.
“WHAT ART THOU DOING TO OUR SUBJECTS?” A voice yelled out as Lucifer's door crashed down to reveal a bright light following a pissed-off blue alicorn with white eyes and a flashing horn.
“Nothing much” he said calmly as he took his hands and placed them above his head. “Just giving your fantastic maid here a back massage as a reward for helping me understand Equestrian history.”
The light instantly dimmed and Luna resumed her appearance as it was at dinner. “Oh, well thou shall accept our apologies. We were simply walking by and was about to ask you how your quarters were and we heard some most inappropriate sounds coming from within. We were wondering if thou were corrupting our ponies somehow with carnal acts.”
Sugar was trembling in his lap, and he started petting her to calm her down. “It is quite understandable. I will definitely keep that in mind if I am going to commit said acts of carnal pleasure within your castle.”
“We thank you for your consideration if thou will forgive us of our intrusion.” she said as she picked up the door off the floor and set it back into place. “We would like to wish to inform you that breakfast shall be served within the hour and thou art invited.”
“It is very kind. I'll make sure I get a ball gag for Sugar here for the next massage if she wished to be rewarded in this manner.”
That was rewarded with Sugar poking his stomach with a hoof and stuttering a “Hey!” as Luna walked away laughing.
Oh, Lucifer was going to enjoy spending time with these ponies.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                        Bon Vivant                         
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Bon Vivant
Seven
A My Little Pony Tale
By: Damien Darkside
..:: Chapter Two: Bon Vivant  / Good-Living Man::..
Lucifer followed Sugar Petal to the dining room inside Canterlot Castle. Here, he got to see more of the castle and admired the artwork and sculptures that adorned the halls. He noticed a few paintings and figures depicting various pieces of Equestrian time periods that he learned from Sugar last night. He left the slightly burnt jacket in the closet from last night and was just dressed in his shirt and dress pants.
“...he is to help us with our problems that we have in the kingdom.” Celestia's voice could be heard.
Lucifer quickly picked up Sugar and placed a hand over her mouth so only an “eep!” was able to sound through the palm of his hand. He motioned for her to be quiet, and she seemed to understand. He whispered into Sugar Petal's ear as softly as he could. “Sometimes it's what people don't say to you that is more important than what they do say to your face.”
“If it is important, than why would you summon such a creature into our midst? It is compromising security as is! I had to put multiple guards on triple duty to cover for him!” A male voice spoke this turn. He sounded young but authoritative, possibly a noble? “I am also here with Cadance so the guards are stretched thin as it is!”
“We protest against your claims as to our vigilance when it comes down to dangerous matters Shining! We have but every confidence in our ability to handle said situation and thou art insulting us in saying we do not!” That was certainly Luna speaking, the other voice must have been this 'Shining' person. He remembered Sugar saying something about Shining and the military. Shining... what was it again?
“Excuse me Auntie Luna, but you and Aunt Celestia both have claimed that there was a problem that required you to summon a high-ranking creature. Surely such an action raises suspicion onto the problem?” That one was certainly a noble and sounded like a douche-bag.
“For possibly the fifth time Blueblood, his name is Lucifer and he is perfectly fine. If he was to present a threat to our fair Kingdom he had all of last night to do so. The spell we cast was absolutely clear and it worked to the letter! Literally to the exact letter! He will be joining us for breakfast soon and I expect that my own nephew would be on his best behaviour.” Celestia spoke up, again with the commanding yet motherly voice. He surmised that that was her 'shut the fuck up before I actually have to do something' voice.
Lucifer brought Sugar back a bit more from the corridor. “Start to tell me something about the kingdom as we walk to the dining room. Thanks by the way.”
“It's fine, just ask me next time before you gag me alright?” Sugar Petal replied with a wink. “Well have I told you about Sweet Apple Acres?”
Lucifer started to walk slowly towards the dining room, so that their conversation increased in volume and the ponies inside were ready to greet him. He didn't want to walk into an argument and make it awkward for any of them. That always ruined breakfasts. He hated ruined breakfasts.
“I don't believe you did, are they an apple company?” Lucifer didn't know this and was quite happy she wasn't making up an actual fake conversation of something they both knew.
“Sort of, the Apple acres is run by the Apple Family and have been making some of the best apples for generations! Their Zap Apple Jam is some of the finest ever made! In fact there should be a few apples from there on the table when we serve you breakfast!” She said as she opened the door.
Oh, good transition. She was going to get another back rub or something.
“Good morning Celestia, Luna, has the night been well?” Lucifer asked as he nodded to the Princesses.
“The night has indeed fared us well Lucifer, and was it favourable for thou?” Luna said politely.
He bowed slightly out of respect before sitting down in one of the chairs. The table was rectangular with both of the sisters at the head alongside a pink, smaller Alicorn. On the sides were two other white ponies; one had incredible posture and a blue mane whereas the other one looked like he just woke up and was blonde.
“It was quite nice. The stars were absolutely incredible. It is always nice to see one such as yourself show a little bit of pride in her work. It was a sky I will not forget for a long time.” He complimented Luna and turned to Celestia. “Of course the sun is quite nice here as well, we need someone such as yourself in Hell. How are you Princess?” Lucifer finished with a smile.
“Lucifer, it is nice to see you are finding your accommodations favourable. Was Sugar Petal here much help? Luna was telling me how she was... informing you about Equestrian history.” She said with a smirk, which made the pink one giggle.
Lucifer calmly placed his hands on the table. “Well next time I might just invite you to our study sessions to go over things that she might have missed.”
“Oh we doubt thee missed anything with thine hands. They are much bigger than a Minotaur’s” Luna chimed in.
“That is not the only thing I have in common with Minotaurs my dear Princess” Lucifer quickly shot back with a wink.
Then the entire room went silent. The blue-maned pony looked at Lucifer like he was insane. The blonde one looked incredibly distressed and confused. Luna, Celestia and the pink one looked like they were trying to either contain puke or a laugh since they were covering their mouths.
A second later, Lucifer figured it out and fortunately for him it wasn't vomit. “Hahahaha! Oh Luna he is funny! Just as you said he would be! Such wit and to us of all ponies!” Celestia broke down laughing to the point of crying.
Luna seemed only slightly more composed. “We are very amused Lucifer! Thou art quick of tongue and it has been such an age since one spoke to us like that! It is nice to see one of your station not blinded by their duties!”
“Well I usually think the best way to live life as long as I have is with as much childish thoughts and immaturity as possible. The truth is that you never grow up, you just masquerade as an adult because that is what you are expected to do. The only difference in being a child and an adult is to curb it so you can deal with the heavy stuff.”
“I quite agree Lucifer”, the pink pony was finally speaking up. “I am Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, but please call me Cadance. This is my husband Shining Armor and we both govern the Crystal Empire.”
“I greet you as well. I am the head of the Crystal Empire Army as well as ruler. Princess Celestia has told us very little of you.” He spoke with conviction and confidence, he was definitely worthy in Lucifer's eyes.
“Why yes, Auntie Celestia has said very little of where you come from or your standing. I am Prince Blueblood of Canterlot.” Lucifer was still correct in Blueblood being a conceited douche-bag. “I for one think that one of noble reputation at all times should act their station. You have to distinguish yourself from common fare.”
“Oh really Blue?” Lucifer saw two pony maids walk into the room and they started taking orders. “Well indulge me on how one such as you in your station must act.”
Blueblood snorted at his shortened name and went into as much of a regal posture as he possibly could. “One must act dignified! Wise! Fearsome! You should have to respect of all ponies as you walk in the street so they know their place in the world. When you are addressed you have to be spoken to with your proper title as well.”
Lucifer chuckled as he looked down the menu. “Well since you are neither dignified, wise or fearsome I guess you got some shaping up to do.” He turned to the maid pony. “These pancakes are made with eggs and milk right?”
The maid pony had a somewhat shocked face as she heard what Lucifer to Blueblood. “Y-yes sir!”
“Glorious, I'll have that with whatever syrup or jam you have. Strawberries if those things exists here. They exist here right?” Blueblood was sputtering at this point as Lucifer finished his order.
“How dare you speak to me like that, swine.” Lucifer could clearly see a vein on Blueblood's neck.
The room was silent. “I'm sorry you seem to be mistaken for I am not swine.” Lucifer stood up and bowed slightly to the married couple. He spread his wings and adjusted his posture and it was clear what his standing was without needing to have asked. “It is time I properly introduce myself. I am Lucifer, known as Morning Star, Light Bringer, and the King of Hell. It is an honour to meet you Cadance and Shining Armor.” He turned to the pony near him and flipped him off. “Not so much you Blueblood.”
Lucifer didn't care if Blueblood knew the significance of the middle finger.
“P-Prince Blueblood. I return the sentiment.” Blueblood turned to the maid beside him. “I'll take toast and a light salad.”
“You know what?” Shining Armor spoke up as Lucifer sat down. “I think I'll have the same as Lucifer. Pancakes sound pretty darn good.”
“Hmm yes. It's been forever since we have indulged in them right Shiny? I'll have to agree.” Cadance nodded to the pony taking her order.
“I am inclined to agree with our guest too. I think I'll take some as well, extra strawberries please.” Celestia finished up quickly.
Luna clapped happily. “Then we shall join in this party of pancakes as well! Blueblood, whilst thou change thine order to match?”
Blueblood looked betrayed, angry, and must have been contemplating homicide at that point. Nevertheless he excused himself, “I am afraid not, and I will be eating in my study this morning. It appears that I might have some favourable company elsewhere.”
“Oh Dear, Lucifer was just joking with you! You did reject his stance quite rudely I might add. I must ask you to reconsider.” Celestia motioned for him to sit down and stay.
“I am afraid I have to decline.” He sat up and turned out of the room.
After a moment of silence Lucifer broke it with “I can't be the only one who enjoyed that. Have you all be waiting for someone to be here to bust his balls?”
“Yes” Everyone spoke at one.
“I only aim to please.”
Celestia smiled as she winked at him. “That's why I called for you.”
///---///
Lucifer spent more time with the Princesses, who had to excuse him for two reasons. First being that Luna had to sleep and the second being that Celestia had day court. During this time Lucifer asked both of them if they would give both Shining Armor and Cadance a tour of his domain. They both agreed without much discussion. His little maid friend Sugar Petal excused herself and went to sleep since she was a night maid.
He did have access to his portal, which the Princesses hid in the depths of the castle. Shining Armor and Cadance lead Lucifer there themselves. “Want to see my little world? I'm just going to talk to my servants before staying in Equestria for a while. The Princesses both gave their consent.”
“Oh! Uh...” he paused for a moment, probably wondering the risk involved. He nodded to Cadance. “Well if she is fine with it, so am I.”
“I would love to Lucifer, you have been quite friendly so far.” She smiled. “Plus Aunt Celestia has control of the portal and is the only one who can close it, we will be fine Shining.”
Shining Armor certainly seemed like he was really going over the pros and cons of the situation. However it seemed like his desire to make his wife happy trumped everything else. Lucifer mulled over a few seconds on how trusting ponies were, it was quite refreshing over how most humans acted. Not that it was a bad thing that humans weren't quick to trust, it just worked for their world.
Harmony worked for this one.
“Oh one thing I gotta mention. My realm revolves around the indulgence and balance of several key aspects. They are Greed, Wrath, Lust, Pride, Gluttony, Sloth and Envy. Known as the Seven Sins on Earth.” Lucifer told them before they went through the portal.
“That... actually doesn't sound right at all. Why would you have that?” Shining stopped his advance.
“It always sounds bad when you say it the first time, but I'll give you the short version okay?” Lucifer motioned them to sit down beside the portal, which was white on this side. “First thing is that Greed and Envy, while destructive when followed too much they are the basis of ambition and desire. How would you come to your rank if it wasn't for the desire to grow and be great like your peers? You are loved yet I am sure there are ponies in your world who are despised for living only by those virtues.”
“That, actually makes sense. A lot of sense. Filthy Rich is possibly even more disliked by our citizens than Blueblood.” Cadance pointed out to Shining.
“Plus with Blueblood, his pride makes him blind and quite annoying to be around. Whereas Celestia and Luna are both confident and regal without being overbearing and unapproachable. Nor are they overconfident to a fault.”
“Oh that's a good one!” Shining was catching on.
“Plus like I gotta tell you about lust. Cadenza, little miss Princess of Love.” Lucifer winked.
She giggled. “No you need not.”
“Plus you right now are on vacation from your own kingdoms! That is a component of sloth and enjoying the food and such is a part of gluttony since you eat more than your fill. Unless someone wasn't competing with me on how many pancakes they could eat.”
Shining faked a posture of royalty. “I will always deny that accusation, I was simply famished.”
“Plus, taking time off in order to recharge but not too much to cause problems is fine too. As such, I have to return in order to fill my girls in on what's going on,” Lucifer said as he walked to the portal.
“Oh and since it is the domain of souls that have died on Earth, they pretty much can have more freedom over such things. It's really the reason why my realm even still exists. Don't worry about such matters, the realms between spirits and living is easier crossed than what most think. Death is just one of the more direct ways to do so.”
“I'm a unicorn, it's a part of summoning theory. I listened a little in school.” Shining told him.
Looking back and motioning them towards the portal with his hands “I am so happy for smart ponies.”
He popped through the portal with a little less discomfort and landed on the iron disc that was in the portal room. He used his magic to move the door to his halls closer to the portal. Both Shining and Cadance landed easily on the surface of metal. “This isn't all that there is... is it?” Shining still looked amazed.
“No just come with me and I'll take you on a world of pure imagination.” Lucifer smiled as he lead them through the door.
He lead them through the dark halls of wood and polished stone. “I fashion my own castle every hundred years to my whim. It is one of the perks of being the sole owner of your own plane.”
“It is quite cozy, almost as if it was perpetual night.” Cadance complimented.
“Should have seen the Babylon theme I had going a few millennia back. It had such a good light. Almost as radiant as Celestia's. Even with my title as 'Light Bringer', Celestia certainly can make art with such brilliance.”
“Aye, it is always a good day under her rule.” Shining agreed.
They walked up to his main office and saw Jessica writing away on her desk. Luckily for Lucifer, she wasn't bent over his desk with her tail in the air and her body presented to him.
This time at least, and same for his butler Francis and wherever he was at the moment.
“Welcome back Master!” She said happily, flapping her leather wings a few times to help her hop over her desk. “I see you have brought some guests with you! My name is Jessica, I am Lord Lucifer's secretary.”
Now as a being that fed on the sexual energy of others, Jessica was a particularly fine specimen of beauty and charm wrapped up in a demonic parcel. As much as to still give Shining a stuttering second to greet her back. “I-I am Shining Armor and this is my w-wife Princess Cadance!” he seemed to emphasize the word 'wife', which Cadance caught.
“Pleased to meet you two! Sorry if I seem too bubbly towards your husband there Cadance, it is just how I am. I am a Succubus, a demon associated with Lust”, she bowed to them both.
Cadance smiled politely and gave Lucifer a raised eyebrow towards Lucifer. “Pleased to meet you too Jessica, and trust me, Lucifer gave us a little heads up on how things worked around here. Just try not to make my husband faint too many times okay?”
“Oh but I am quite sure I can make you light-headed as well.... sorry! It just comes out! I haven't been around other beings for quite some time!” Jessica became flustered and seemed even more embarrassed for messing up in front of Lucifer, she even covered her mouth.
“It's not a problem! In fact I am sure we can both do a lot of things to make my dear Shiny here fall to the floor unconscious.” Cadance laughed with Jessica.
Lucifer bent down a little and used a finger to close Shining Armor's open awestruck mouth. “I'm just teasing Shiny. You know I am the Princess of Love so I know how males are. I won't mind if you window-shop just don't touch the merchandise okay?” Cadance poked at Shining with a hoof as Jessica mouthed 'I like these two' to Lucifer.
“Now where everything unholy is Francis?” Lucifer asked Jessica as the two ponies looked at the displays in his office.
“Oh my lord!” A very flamboyant voice rang out in the hallways, with 'lord' drawn out and covering a few notes. “Lord Lucy is that you? Are you back from wherever your cutie patootie was?”
Around the corner came an Incubus. Incubi were pretty much the male version of Succubi without the wings and more emphasis on a muscular form. This particular Incubus preferred to be called Francis, and another thing he preferred was cock. Seeing as how Lucifer was the embodiment of all of what was known as the Seven Sins, Francis served Lucifer and fulfilled any and all needs that his Lord required. Sometimes that included his dick whenever Jessica was unavailable, and Lucifer didn't mind at all.
“Francis you giant faggot, there you are!” Lucifer smiled as he hugged his best butler.
Francis was about six feet tall, human-like with red skin like Jessica. His hair was black as well but short and spiked. He too had a tail, but it was longer and it's tip resembled a goat's tip more than a Succubi's spade. He also wore nothing much more than tight dress pants and a bow-tie, showing off his bare and smooth chest.
This time it was Cadance staring. “Now honey, as long as you don't touch the merchandise...” Shining teased in her ear.
“Oh you know me Lucy. I'm out and showing everyone what it's all about!” Francis giggled in a girly manner.
“My dear, I believe that you would be the merchandise that he would be after.” Cadance poked Shining Armor in the side with her hoof. “Though I am quite sure that Jessica wouldn't mind watching you two...”
Lucifer caught that and turned, seeing Shining Armor with such a cherry red face that it was simply impossible to ignore. That was when Francis saw the two ponies. “Oh you to are so cute I just wanna gobble you up!”
Now usually someone who was twice your size in almost every way saying that they wanted to eat you would certainly be terrifying. Francis however probably couldn't sound fearsome at all. Luckily for him his intent was certainly made clear that the ponies were indeed, not on the menu. “Now my name is Francis, and what might your name be you little sexy stallion?”
“Francis, please let off a little. He's taken.” Lucifer warned with a slightly sterner voice to show he was serious.
“Oh my, I certainly wasn’t implying that I wanted a taste of equine delight. No way, Jose!” Francis did an X across his heart.
“Sure, you are a liar as much as I am a saint. Now could you please be presentable, this is royalty and ambassadors from another dimension.” Lucifer put a hand on his shoulder, “for me?”
Francis immediately straightened up while bowing to the ponies. “My most sincerest apologies to you two, I was only being a silly little trickster. My name is Francis Belgarde and I am Lord Lucifer's butler. If someone was to mention to me your station before I was let loose, then I would have addressed you two properly. Even if you are so adorable I just want to snuggle you both up.”
“It's fine Francis, I am Princess Mi Amore Cadenza of the Crystal Empire, part of the Equestrian Empire itself. You may call me Cadance. I am here along with...” Cadance lead the conversation over to her husband.
“I am Prince Shining Armor, co-ruler of the Crystal Empire and commander of it's armies. It is a pleasure to meet you.” Shining stood up straight as he said his titles, probably hard-wired into him at this point.
Jessica bent down and asked both ponies if they wanted a tour of the main offices before seeing the rest of Hell. Seeing as how Jessica usually took care of the new arrivals that were specifically interesting to Lucifer, she would be a while describing some of the history of his displays. Both Lucifer and Francis were left standing, looking out towards the open door and not looking at each other.
“Lucy” Francis said through closed teeth.
“Yes Francis?” Lucifer sounded amused.
Francis seemed to be containing himself of some emotion. “He is military.”
“I know Francis.”
“He's so hot Lucy.” Francis almost moaned 'hot'.
“I know Francis.”
“Shining Armor literally a prince in shining armor Lucy.”
“I know Francis.”
“He's probably got a giant horse cock.” Francis was almost drooling at this point.
Lucifer turned to Francis, who had a dreamy look upon his face. “Actually considering their size compared to us, I would say he's only about six inches long.”
“Yeah, but horse schlong. Those things flare you know. Quite different from canines.”
“I know Francis.” Lucifer laughed as he walked to the door before turning to his Incubus. “Here I thought I was enough for you.”
“Silly Lucifer.” Francis smiled gently, being professional in his quiet moment with his Master. “You know I'll only 'serve' you. Have a good time.”
“I don't believe I have told you my plans.”
“You don't need to honey. Just come back to us as always.” Francis snapped his fingers and a feather duster appeared as he resumed his duties cleaning the office.
Lucifer walked through his halls and smiled. He was going to help these ponies with the problem that they have been having, it could be fun. Considering how much of a good time his servants were having already, what harm could it be? Plus never let it be said that he didn't have a good bone in his unholy body.
“...his magic keeps us all happy in our home.” Jessica said as she lead her little tourists by an old collection of violins, specifically the Davidoff-Morini, the Colossus and Le Maurien Stradivarius violins.
“He has magic?” Shining sounded shocked. “He never mentioned having some before!”
Lucifer peeked around the corner, seeing Jessica think for a moment. “Why he must have kept that to himself because he hasn't tested it in your dimension. His magic might not work the same. Hell, I bet even fire might work slightly differently with you guys.
Oh don't you know it Jessica.
“Are there any other beings with magic in here?” Cadance was the one speaking this time.
“Oh yes! Apart from the Lord himself, small creatures called imps are in the cities, helping out people wherever they can with whatever wish they can fulfil. They aren't nearly as powerful as our Lord but they certainly are cunning.”
“How is the tour going?” Lucifer asked his favourite succubus as he walked around the corner.
They were standing in front of two large oak wooden doors, as if ripped right out of a medieval castle. “Fine my Lord, I was just leading them to your balconies.”
Grasping the heavy iron handles himself, he pulled back hard and the doors swung open. Doing so revealed a massive cavern that stretched beyond their sight. He explained everything as they looked around and off the balcony. The view they had of Hell could be compared as that of viewing an entire country from the tallest building. The wide and endless stretches of land and water being Lucifer's to enjoy and rule.
Lucifer explained that the ceiling of Hell changed depending on which section of Hell you were in. Looking off the main balcony it had the underground feel of the traditional and stereotypical view on Hell that was held by humans. Red walls, huge spikes of stone hanging from the ceiling and fire occasionally licking the walls from unknown sources.
To the left of them was a massive city that flourished with plant life and gleamed of silvery light. Lucifer told them that it was the city of Atlantis. In their moment of doom from God's Flood, they turned from God to ask Lucifer himself for help and forgiveness. Since God was washing Sin from Earth, Lucifer took them in. In doing so he brought in the first of the largest cities that the humans had ever made into Hell. It was a city almost under complete moonlight the majority of the time. Lust was more or less the dominant theme of the city blanketed in night. Love and celebration of relationships were made prevalent.
A gigantic river separated the left city from the centre. The centre landmass was filled with fields, both trees and vegetables alike. Both the sun and the moon traded dominance over massive fields of wheat and corn were clearly visible to the eye. One could also see a massive building in the distance. Lucifer explained that this was Elysium to most cultures along with Fólkvangr, or even the Garden of Eden to others. The centre building was reserved for those who have died in battle, known as Valhalla but simply named “The Great Halls”. The Fields were home to Sloth for those who had served hard lives; whereas the Great Hall was for those of Wrath and Pride who died as warriors.
Shining Armor seemed to like the fact that the dead soldiers had a good place to call home.
Another river separated that mass from the farthest right, which was covered in gold. It was named El Dorado and was much like Atlantis in look apart from the golden light sparkling in glory. It was the City of Gold, and was also the city of Pride, Greed and Gluttony. Every single day there was celebrations and giant feasts that rivalled those made even in The Great Halls. These lands were mostly sunny to keep the city a shining jewel in Hell.
“The rivers join underground beneath us that leads to what we prefer to call the 'Dream-scape' where you can simply build and create your own realities. While the cities are governed by Imps, Succubus, and Incubus, the Dream-scape is kept organized by the Heavenly Host that came with me to Hell. With these four sections of Hell, we have ruled and kept my subjects happy.” Lucifer finished as the ponies looked out to his lands. “Behind all three of them is a giant ocean that leads souls back to the world of the living if they wish to be reincarnated into a new body to gain more knowledge. They don't remember a thing until they are dead again of course. It is a side pact I have with a being named God.”
“This is simply wonderful! We have to visit again and see the cities for ourselves! However we promised our own Goddesses that we would be back.” Cadance reluctantly stepped back from the balcony and the others started for the portal.
On the way back, Cadance noticed one more display that she hadn't seen before. Looking inside she noticed a single, large white feather. The plaque was old but well-polished and she was slightly confused on what it said. She shrugged knowing that she simply didn't have the context to understand what it meant. She realized that she was lagging behind the small group and sped up to find them.
Running back towards them she neglected to feel a smaller feather break loose from her wing. It sailed across the room to brush up against the glass case that held Lucifer's own feather. It landed just above the plaque and settled until someone would eventually find it, most likely Francis.
"Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven."
///---///
“Now Lucifer you probably are really sick of waiting to hear what our problem is.” Celestia spoke as she sat for dinner.
Everyone was in the dining room again, save for Blueblood who didn't even send word at all that he wouldn't be attending. Nobody missed him to say the least and even Sugar Petal was present to serve Luna, Cadance and Lucifer dinner. Lucifer had replaced his jacket at this point, being given a new top and a kiss from Jessica before leaving for Equestria.
“Ah! For this must be ze one who has given unto me ze most delicious of tasks!” A voice came from Lucifer's right.
In came an actual Griffon, to which Lucifer knew from Sugar was a part of a common race in this world. He had a curly moustache and a chef's hat to boot as well. “I am your competent and creative chef for zis evening. For it is my honour and duty to cook to ze best dishes for one who caters to the same flavours as myself!” Lucifer figured that those flavours were consisting of the category 'meat'.
“I am Lord Lucifer, who may you be?” The Dark Angel was most amused at this beast with such an accent. Reminded him of a skunk from a certain cartoon on Earth.
“Ah I have been cooking for royalty non? Zis is most grand for I, Gustave le Grand has been ze one cooking for you last night!” The griffon said with must confidence and gusto.
“It has been quite delicious I can assure you. Tonight I shall have steak again but be creative, you can decide the vegetables and wine, cuisiner”
“As you wish my lord!” The griffon looked like he had just won an award from Gordon Ramsay himself and quickly ran for the kitchens.
“Now as you were saying Princess?”
“I am sure you know, but I want to make sure. Sugar Petal has given you a brief history on the Elements of Harmony?” Celestia asked him.
Lucifer nodded and gave her all he knew of them. They were the main Elements that maintained Harmony in the world. The Elements are all carried by the Bearers and they help maintain Harmony within the Equestrian Empire.
“Right! Now what is a major part of the Elements is that the Bearers also need to be at one with themselves, otherwise there isn't harmony. How could one work without the other agreed?”
“Kind of like how you can't love others until you have learned to love yourself?” Lucifer compared.
“Exactly! Now our problem is that we know that each of the six Elemental Bearers are somehow completely out of tune with themselves in some way. I really wish I could help them, but we have been getting some...” she paused for a second before continuing, “other problems. The kind that need our fullest attention.”
Lucifer figured out what they meant. “The kind that might need the Elements in working order in case of an emergency?”
“Thou art quick and true in thine reasoning. Thou must understand our need of thee.” Luna added.
“Simply put we also don't explicitly know what is wrong with their lives. So we are asking you, one who apparently know a lot about how basic nature works, to help us.” Celestia actually looked like she was going to plead for a second.
“So how would you know that I can help your ponies?”
“From what Cadance and Shining Armor have told us, thou art a king with thine own subjects and friends.” Luna reasoned with him. “Thou would know the mind of a pony is similar to one of a human from our report. Thou has knowledge of the nature of ponies, even if thou think not. Ponies are like humans from what we gather. Though we must say with less of the chaos of humanity.”
So that was why Shining and Cadance went to Hell with him as well as keeping Sugar Petal as his maid. He smiled and reflected upon the action of these ponies. These Princesses knew almost exactly what they were doing when they were presented with a problem, albeit some mistakes. A good example was his 'summoning', but they did get what they wanted. He probably should have gone over what Jessica had told the pony guests but alas, it was past that now.
“You also have magic right?” Celestia waved her hoof at him.
There was no point of lying, Jessica told Cadance and Cadance informed Celestia. “I do, but I am having some difficulty. You magical physics is different enough from my own magic that I cannot do some of the more major feats that you two can do. I may be able to replicate the sun and the moon in my domain but you two posses a power that I do not here. I even burned my suit last night from an errant small flame.”
“Well even if your magic is slightly different, your plane seems to be quite like ours in some respect.”
That certainly got Lucifer's attention. “Oh? How so?”
Celestia smiled as she got her salad. “Why, while we are focused on balancing Harmony, you also have a philosophy that is similar: Balance. Although while to us the word 'sin' usually has a negative meaning to it, you certainly have given it a positive spin. Nevertheless they exist in both worlds.”
“Why thank you Princess, it always makes me happy when another being sees things in another light.” Lucifer complimented.
“Thou art also similar in races too, though obviously not in form. We both have our flying races, the Pegasi and Succubi. The Incubus and Earth ponies are known for their strength and hardiness. Thou also have your Imps and we our Unicorns, a magical side that can bend things to their will. Finally, the ones to look over them are the embodiment of the three, as we are so are you.” Luna compared as she took a sip of wine.
Lucifer blinked, almost dumbfounded at how too similar that seemed. It was almost insane, a plane such as theirs making contact with him. Two complete societies working towards the same goal of happiness, even if their ways of getting there were different and even if his were dead. He realized that this could be exactly what he was looking for in terms of discovery, some more fun never hurt him.
Lucifer sat up in his chair and dropped all lack of formalities. He knew it was business time and he needed all the information he could get.“So you want me to do whatever I can to help out your ponies in order to be prepared for... something. They have something major in their lives that needs to be corrected.” Lucifer clarified. “Do I have a time limit?”
“If everything goes as well as we wish it to be, thou wouldn't even need to finish.” Luna assured.
“You know I'm going to finish no matter what.” Lucifer told them.
“Of course.” Celestia smiled in a way that seemed to be all-knowing. “Do you need anything else?”
Lucifer only requested for two things.
The first was some sort of dwelling in Ponyville with a cover of a new creature arriving in Equestria. He was to have been a creature called through a portal accidentally by some sort of magical experiment from Canterlot. He was to be “stuck” until further notice and that he had to “integrate” into pony society upon “order of the princesses”.
Lucifer figured that even if a human somehow got through, they would probably go this route.
A part of the cover is that he knew some magic and could summon Succubus and Incubus familiars from his “world”. That was his second request as well: knowledge of how exactly the princesses contacted his plane. It was quite simple since Lucifer was bringing his own plane's beings to himself, he just needed a few parts of their summoning in order to bring his subjects exactly to him.
“Of course, you may only summon Jessica and Francis.” Cadance told him. “They are the only beings we were in contact with. Unfortunately we didn't see an imp otherwise we would have allowed it.”
It was no matter since Lucifer already could perform feats of magic.
Just before dinner was served, Lucifer got a handle of it. With a puff of smoke, Jessica came out from it surprised and was quite shocked to appear in front of Shining, Cadance and the two Princesses. She was formally introduced and stood by Lucifer as he ate.
She was quite shocked when she was summoned too. She had just changed into a more business-like attire since she assumed more visitors were eventually coming into Hell. Even though her small black dress was decent enough, she had just felt like being a bit more professional in front of non-demons.
Lucifer complimented her on her choice of clothing. It was a black blazer and dress pants with a simple white blouse underneath. She had two holes in the back of her blazer for her leathery wings and a tiny hole in her pants for her tail. Of course her cleavage was still showing, she was a succubus after all and she still wanted to be beautiful in front of Lucifer. She stood calmly beside her master and listened as she took in as much as she could about what this world was.
After dinner, Luna went to her study in order to inform her sister's student about Lucifer coming to Ponyville. Sugar Petal and Jessica followed Lucifer and Celestia to the Royal Library so that Celestia could inform him of the specific ponies he was looking for.
She first told him of her student Twilight Sparkle and her insatiable desire to learn and how she came to Ponyville. Following that was the other Unicorn, a young fashion designer named Rarity who designed clothes for many ponies. Contrasting Rarity was the down-to-earth Earth pony named Applejack who was the mare who helped run Sweet Apple Acres with her brother Big Macintosh. Where Applejack looked after orchards, her friend Fluttershy looked after animals and was as shy as he name made her to be. The other pegasus in Ponyville was Rainbow Dash, who was head-strong, fast and athletic. As much was Dash was competitive; the last pony named Pinkie Pie was a party animal and was the life of every party and usually the host.
Lucifer spent the last portion of his time with Celestia asking about adventures of the six girls. Celestia would bring out some of the 'friendship reports' that Twilight would write to her often. Lucifer laughed at a few and thought carefully of others. He would offer his own take on a few of the lessons and Celestia would listen, often comparing it to her own views as well.
Lucifer stayed the night again in the same room as before, this time without the guards. Before he went to bed he sent Jessica back to Hell to tell Francis that he might be summoned and to get two imps to cover for them in case either was to be called forth.
Lucifer took off his jacket and shirt, hanging them beside his burnt jacket from the previous night. He stretched his arms and legs before shaking his wings around. He looked at them with a disappointed frown. They needed to be cleaned and preened again with his magic. That was one of the main reason why he made succubi with leathery wings, so they didn't have to put up with feathers. He was going to be flying first thing in the morning and he didn't want to look like a mess. Considering how two of the six ponies he was going to see were pegasi, he figured having a good set of wings was preferable. He couldn't do an all-around spell either, it never looked the same as a personal job.
He set to work adjusting his primaries as he heard a knock on his door. “Come on in," he mentioned to whoever was knocking.
Sugar Petal stepped into his room, pausing for a second as she saw him with his wings all bent around as he went about his business. “Sir, would you like some help?”
He looked up, “you know wing care?”
She giggled as she walked towards him and jumped up on his bed. “My cousin is a Pegasus. She was close and I would help her out when she visited. I also sometimes help the Pegasus guards who are injured care for their wings.”
He extended his right wing to her to mess around with. “Thanks” was all he said.
“Can I ask a question Lucifer?” Sugar Petal asked as silence and a warmth settled in the room.
Lucifer simply nodded to her as he took a broken feather out. “Why are you doing this? You are an all-powerful being of your own plane of existence. Why would you help out six ponies? Why would you listen to Princess Celestia and Luna?”
“Simply because I want to.” Lucifer said matter-of-factually as he licked his thumb to go over a few loose ends. “I have been existing for thousands upon thousands of years and every single day I am shown something new. Every single day I learn something more. Every single day I find just one more thing that makes me happy in some way.”
He sighed as he flicked the tip of his wing. “I'm doing it because if not, I'll miss out on something. My creator spent all his time making a race just for himself. I spend all my time seeing that race reject that ideal and think for themselves. They are complex, paradoxical and infinitely amazing creatures and they show me so much more than their creator intended.”
“Just like ponies?” Sugar asked as she quickly pulled out another broken feather.
“Ow and yes. Just like ponies.” He smiled as he ruffled her mane. “That's enough for now. Thanks a lot.”
She hopped up on his lap and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “It is my pleasure,” she said as she jumped off his bed and walked out to his door. “Come back to Canterlot sometime please? I wouldn't mind another massage.”
Lucifer smiled back at her. “As long as you give me a good history lesson.”
The door closed, he settled into his bed and he fell asleep for the first time in a physical plane for over a thousand years.

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                          Paresse                          
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Paresse
Seven
A My Little Pony Tale
By: Damien Darkside
..:: Chapter Three: Paresse / Sloth ::..
“Are you nervous?” Sugar Petal asked the black-winged angel beside him.
“I'm a massive winged creature unlike the world has ever seen. I can cast magic and summon beings from another plane of existence who do what I say, when I say. I have my own armies and servants that would do whatever I pleased and the portal that could bring them here is literally within the castle walls.” Lucifer looked at her with a stern face, “what do you think?”
She giggled and bumped her flank against his leg as they walked through the halls. “That nervous eh?”
“I always like to be seen as best as I can be to those that matter. If this is to go through, I have to be friends with six ponies that are most likely going to fear me over trying to give me a chance.” Lucifer adjusted his cufflinks as he spoke, they were silver pentagrams.
“Oh they might not be that judgemental. Maybe if you do with them as you did with me they would be putty in your hands.” Sugar teased.
“Considering how we haven't even fucked, I'm kind of glad I got you so friendly with me.” Lucifer ruffled her mane lightly as they continued to the Royal Court.
Sugar grabbed the door handles to the great hall. “Complaining that I don't put out on the first date?”
“Actually it's quite refreshing.” Lucifer said as he walked through. “I think I might actually miss your company.”
“You know where I'll be. See you in Hell Lucifer.” Sugar winked at him as she started to walk away.
“I'll be saving a seat for you.” Lucifer said as he waved good-bye.
The next hour was spent with Celestia in front of her court. Over a hundred ponies were present as Celestia gave them the cover story that she arranged with Lucifer. Lucifer bowed and answered a lot of questions that ponies were asking. He of course was a master of charm and wit and had ponies at ease as he told them exactly what they wanted to hear.
Lucifer focused on making sure ponies understood three things: he was peaceful, he sided with the Princesses and he wasn't going to eat anypony. Of course it was more complex than that but it was surprisingly easy to put them at ease. Of course when it has been a millennium of peace it was quite simple to keep them calm. Lucifer was slightly disappointed, he was expecting some hostility or distrust.
He figured he just wasn't in the right place, or haven't met the right being that could give him the chaos he was used to with humanity.
Nevertheless he was in Celestia's bedroom afterwards, clarifying some last-minute details with him before he left. The summoning marks were completely gone from her room as well. Considering how his arrival probably burned a few things, nobody would have been able to tell with her excellent cleaning job. Lucifer chalked it up to magic and expected to do that a lot in his time here.
With a flick of his wrist and a bow to Celestia, he took off towards Ponyville.
///---///
Inside of Ponyville, there was a library. This library wasn't a normal one either, it was a tree. Inside this tree there lived a purple mare by the name of Twilight Sparkle. Now Twilight Sparkle was the proud student of one Princess Celestia, ruler of Equestria. When Princess Celestia requests Twilight to do something for her, Twilight had a knack for getting completely stressed out to make sure it was done perfectly.
Besides, she was also a princess. It was to be expected to perform her duties as diligently and perfectly as possible. Not that she was specifically the princess of anything to be honest, but she still had the title.
Although right now Princess Twilight was so stressed out that even if she got laid, drank three shots of whiskey, smoked an entire bowl of weed and was treated to the deluxe-ultra-service from the Ponyville Spa; she would still be on edge.
“Twilight, you've been up since you got the letter from the Princesses. Are you really, really, really sure you don't need a break?” A certain purple dragon was dodging his 'sister' as she was running from book-to-book.
“SpikethatiscompletelyrediculoussincetheaverageponydoesnnotactuallyneedmorethaneighthoursofsleepeveryfortyeighthoursIamcompletelyfinewhywouldyouthinkthat?”
All that Spike got out of that was his name.
“Well I was thinking that you have been going at your research a little bit heavy over the past month.” Spike was trying his best to pick up books that were being sent across the room, “I just don't want you to hurt yourself. I don't think it is healthy for a pony to be running on coffee for two days straight, crashing for six hours then going again at it.”
“Why I think you are being quite silly Spike, it is not a problem for me! I simply am looking for anything that could help me do better research on another creature.” Twilight actually stopped moving for a solid thirty seconds as she tried to explain her excitement. Even her wings stopped flapping all over the place. “This is the first contact with another being that isn't of this world! I am going to be the one to document it!”
Spike was saved from her barrage of speech by a knock on the door. “Ohmigoshthatmightbehim!” Twilight raced to the door and opened it up to see Applejack and Pinkie Pie.
“Oh, it's only you two,” she said very unenthusiastically.
“Well good day to you too sugarcube. Glad ta see we are so wanted 'n' all.” Applejack nodded as she walked into the library. “I can't stay for long, I still got work to do at the ranch.
“Hiyas Twilight! You doing okay? You look like me after I stay up for a few days straight partying!” Pinkie Pie nodded like Applejack but bounced into the library.
“I'm fine Pinkie, just been going on a few weeks researching into spells and theories on audio communications. I'm trying to figure out how to get voices sent from one place to another. Imagine if you could send your voice to anypony you want through a device without being a unicorn!” Twilight spoke fast as she used her magic to move some parchment off a table and to put books back on shelves.
“That is mighty fine partner, but surely you must have been doing something else?” Applejack said as she helped move a few books from a small pile out of the way.
“Nope! I needed all my focus on this one project! It could...” Twilight slowed down her speech and started to snore.
“Alright, that ain't normal. Then again Twilight ain't normal so I guess this might just be normal for her.” Applejack spoke to nopony in particular as she went to wake up Twilight.
She poked Twilight with her hoof and the purple pony shouted out “the square of the hypotenuse which is the side opposite the right angle is equal to the sum of the squares of the other two sides!”
Applejack just backed off a little in concern. “Now that is mighty interestin' there Twi, but you really should get some-”
“I'm here! I am just wondering why you had to wake us up so early! It's Saturday!” Rarity spoke as she walked through the open door with a nice light-brown sun hat.  “Spikey could you please be a gentledrake and take my hat for me? I can also count on you coming to the boutique correct? I do have a small order that I can use your help on!”
The young dragon was only too happy to oblige and placed her hat in the closet near the front door. “Now Fluttershy, you can come in here with me. Whatever it is isn't happening yet.” Rarity spoke to the timid Pegasus almost like a human does to a cat.
“Oh... well okay then. I-I just want to be ready for anything.” Fluttershy kept a bit close to the walls, presumably to brace for anything that Twilight could unleash.
The girls made small chat as they waited for Rainbow Dash to arrive. Spike served some drinks as Rarity complained about not having anything to inspire her lately. Twilight almost fell asleep a few more times and was kept awake by Spike as she explained how she was going to bring a new form of communications to Ponyville. Applejack was about to discuss something about her farm before they heard a knocking on the door.
“Now that better be Rainbow Dash because I swear if it is what I think it is...” Twilight stumbled to the door as she tried to appear happy to the guest.
“Of course it is me! You wouldn't guess who I met today while flying!” a muffled voice sounded through the door.
Twilight opened the door to see the multicoloured Pegasus, “well I bet it was probably Derpy again.”
“Nope! Say hello to Lucifer!” Rainbow Dash moved to the side and stuck out her wing and hoof to introduce the black-winged bipedal beast to the newest princess.
Twilight's sleepiness was blown away in an instant and she immediately was fascinated by the being in front of her. Given the similar shape and nature of Minotaurs she checked similar features to determine gender. From the jawline to its broad chest and strong arms she gathered that the beast in front of her was indeed male. The black mane on his head and face were well-kept as well as his clothing were styled. That indicated everything from culture to advances in technology; where appearances would be matching if not higher in priority than survival. He was covered in styled fabric which meant that he was fur-less and needed clothing in order to maintain body temperatures. Even though she recently got her pair of wings, she could easily tell that his were maintained at this utmost highest level.
His eyes were a lighter hazel colour, and she couldn't stop staring at him.
He moved down onto his left knee and bowed to her. “Pleased to meet you Princess Twilight. My name is Lucifer, I have been sent by the Princesses to live in Ponyville for the foreseeable future.”
“HellomynameisTwilightSparkleandyouarewelcomeinPonyvilleandIwanttosaythatIamhonouredthatyouwould-” she was cut off by Rainbow almost shoving her hoof down her throat.
“Twilight, take a deep breath then start again.” Dash said as she removed her hoof and used it to close her friend's open awe-struck mouth. “Sorry Lucifer, I told you she might act like this with you being new and all.”
Lucifer laughed and ruffled Rainbow Dash's hair, which she had mixed emotional reactions to. “Considering how you tried to drag me to the ground and beat me up as I flew close to Ponyville, this is the best welcome I've received so far.”
Rainbow rubbed the back of her colourful mane in embarrassment. “I thought you might have been a threat and all. We are all cool now though right?”
“As long as you show me those moves you were talking about. Now Twilight, want to try again?” Lucifer held out his hand. “My name is Lucifer.”
Twilight knew that Griffons and Minotaurs shook their hands and talons, so she placed her hoof in his palm and tried to do her best. “Welcome to Ponyville. My name is Twilight Sparkle, resident librarian and princess.”
“Who is it Twilight?” Rarity spoke up from inside the library.
Twilight lead Lucifer into the library with Rainbow Dash. As the two ponies walked through the doorway, Lucifer had to duck his head under the frame a little as to not crack his head on it. He was greeted to the sight of a few more colourful ponies sitting down around a table. He assumed that these were Twilight's friends and his 'projects'. They were all adorable.
“Greetings ladies, my name is Lucifer. I am pleased to meet you all.” He said with a bow.
“Oh my! How are you dear sir! I must say that whoever has done your clothes is quite skilled! The stitching is flawless and the fabric is divine.” Rarity walked up to him and did a pony variant on a curtsey.
Lucifer chuckled slightly at her description of him. “You must be Rarity, Celestia spoke of you. You run a fashion boutique in Ponyville correct?”
“Why yes I do! Though it caters more towards the mares of Ponyville I am certain I can free up my schedule to fit you in nicely if you would like to see my wares. I must simply check the stitching on your jacket! It looks like it was made with a lot of skill!”
“Oh I am certain I'll be seeing you for your services dear.” Lucifer turned to Applejack, “and you must be the head mare at Sweet Apple Acres!”
“That's correct there Luci. Name's Applejack, pleased ta meet'cha.” Applejack tipped her hat in his direction.
Noting the lack of chairs, Lucifer looked for a place to sit down. “Funny, one of my favourite drinks where I am from is called an Applejack.” Lucifer decided to sit down on his rear beside Rainbow and Twilight.
“I'm Pinkie Pie! I am a baker and party pony perfectionist!” Pinkie waved her head back and fourth like a pendulum.
“Oh one of my cities almost parties all the time!” Lucifer laughed at the pink pony's enthusiasm, his deeper voice scaring Fluttershy.
Fluttershy tapped into all of her courage reserves in order to put on her best face and to greet the newcomer as best as she could. Her heart raced as she felt the legendary power of the pegasi course through her veins to give her the voice to send a greeting that would be remembered for all time.
“Ummm... hi. I'm Flut-t-t-tershy.”
“Hello Fluttershy, nice to meet you.” Lucifer smiled at her to try and put her at ease, however she saw his canine teeth and it didn't ease her fears at all.
“Not much of a talker is she?” The dark angel asked the cowgirl.
Applejack rolled her eyes, “that she ain't.”
Lucifer looked down on some of the pieces of paper that were still left on the table. He was making some progress on what it could possibly be as drinks were served. He figured it out before everyone had their beverage.
“Missing wavelengths,” Lucifer simply said as he tapped the page. “You need a proper transmitter too.”
“What?” Twilight said as she shook her head to wake up yet again. She seemed to ignore what he said. “So Lucifer, how did you arrive in Equestria?”
Lucifer told most of the truth. Simply that he was the result of a spell that 'had a different outcome than what was expected'. The Princesses attempted a summoning spell for a new servant and instead got Lucifer. It was quite similar to what really did happen, just with a little less truth in it. As far as Lucifer was concerned, that was pretty much all you needed most of the time.
That questions was followed by what you would expect when a new species came into their world. Lucifer was subjected to a mass questioning from the ponies that he was tasked to be friends with. He answered every question with as much truth as he wanted to give. He told them all about Hell, but kept out the fact he was the actual being in charge and pretty much skipped anything to do with God. In his mind they didn't need to hear such trifles, God was only concerned with humans anyways.
As he spoke, he actually remembered that he had a chess game with Jesus soon. As much as he hated to do so he would need to re-schedule his chess game. Jessica would have to take care of that.
“So lemme get this straight. You are telling me that your world is actually an afterlife of sorts of another world completely?” Applejack clarified.
Lucifer munched on an apple, one of which he assumed as from the cow-pony’s farm. “Yes indeed. Humans live their lives and then their souls end up in Hell or a place called Heaven. The leader of Heaven is super strict and is thinks too highly of himself, whereas Hell is a place for everyone to be themselves.”
“So what does one do in Hell exactly?” Rarity asked next.
“Well it is really up to you. We have endless fields for those who prefer the country. We have cities that extend to the horizon and up to the sky. Great banquets for warriors, libraries for the bookworms, and halls for the ones who indulge in feasts and parties. We also have an infinite pool of the Dream-cape where souls make their own worlds. Finally all souls have the ability to see what's going on the planet Earth where they are from; this way they can learn new things and adapt that to their lives in Hell.”
Pinkie Pie almost jumped on the table with a look of chock upon her face. “You guys have parties?”
Lucifer checked his memory to make sure he did tell her that they had parties. Hell, he couldn't get El Dorado to shut up sometimes. “Well yes, last major one was for humanity reaching a certain point of their history. They called it 2000 AD, party lasted and entire week.” That seemed to blow her pink mind.
“Do... do you eat meat?” Fluttershy squeaked out.
Lucifer smiled as he thought it over for a couple of seconds looking at the papers again. Of course the one who was the most shy and timid would ask him if he ate animals. “I do, though as an Angel of the Dead I don't really need to eat a lot. I'm omnivorous by nature and by choice, I wouldn't be happy without it.” He paused for a few seconds and looked into his cup in thought. “I also won't eat you though. Celestia would send me to the moon. Hmm... yeah, the math is off.”
This got a nervous laugh from Fluttershy and an odd look from Twilight. “Nevertheless, I am probably either going to go vegan or get some meat off of Griffon traders.”
“What exactly is an angel in your world?” Twilight was already writing down things on a piece of paper with a quill.
Lucifer briefly considered giving her a pen from his pocket. Twilight was hearing what he was saying but not really listening. Looking at her face he could see the exhaustion just simmering below her features. He decided to let her wallow in her pen-less ways. “An angel is a winged humanoid with access to magic and increased strength. There are four major angels, three of which are in Heaven and the other one is in Hell. They had a falling out from what I understand. Nasty business.”
“Well, ain't that something. I don't mean to be rude and your world sounds mighty interestin', but I gotta get back to the farm. Apples don't buck themselves.” Applejack tossed her hat on and walked out the door after nodding to Lucifer.
The Dark Angel nodded back and stood up as she left out of courtesy and some respect. She was one of the Elements of Harmony after all. If some acts of class didn't faze Applejack, it would probably be good for Rarity's view on him. This pretty much also gave an excuse for the other ponies to leave as well.
Fluttershy meekly said her goodbyes before taking off. Rainbow Dash bumped her hoof against Lucifer's fist before excusing herself. Pinkie Pie gave Lucifer a cupcake with a deep purple frosting before jumping behind a tree without appearing on the other side. Rarity bowed and Lucifer returned the gesture as she left, inviting him for tea sometime. Spike followed her as well and Lucifer swore he could see cartoon hearts float behind the purple dragon.
Then there were two. “Lucifer would you mind sitting down and letting me collect some samples from you?” Twilight brought out a chair for him to be seated in. It looked like any normal chair made of wood, but Lucifer could clearly see straps on it.
Lucifer raised an eyebrow at the purple mare and subconsciously tucked his wings closer to his spine as he shuffled a little bit back. “Now why would you need something like that? I'm totally a top by the way.”
Her head went on a slight tilt not quite unlike a questioning dog. She looked as if Lucifer just asked an absolutely absurd question and Lucifer swore her mane changed shape slightly. Twilight's hair seemed to get a little bit more... off. “Why how am I supposed to learn more about you without taking a few pieces for my experiments?”
Red sirens started going off in Lucifer's head. Sure he may be all-powerful in his dimension but in here he had a few poorly-practised levitation spells, butler summon and a badly-functioning fire spell. Twilight would probably be able to take any items from his magical grasp so that took out getting a weapon of any sort. She didn't need to know about Jessica yet, and he didn't want to subject his favourite succubus to anything that this pony could want. Lastly, he didn't think it would be in his favour to accidentally burn down this librarian's home.
“All I need is your blood. Maybe a few feathers!” She seemed to be trying to rationalize herself with him.
It was failing, he needed time to think. “Twilight, that isn't the best way to get to know me.”
She smiled, and it was creeping Lucifer the fuck out. “Oh but it will! It will tell me about your diet as well as how magical you are! Then there is the coating of your feathers and you probably got trace pieces of Hell on you. Imagine what I could learn from – please get away from the door.”
Lucifer tried to keep calm. Even though he lived thousands of years, his body could still experience pain. Plus, he had been taking it easy for the past five hundred years and that does nothing positive for your pain tolerance. He really didn't want a few more feathers ripped out and he certainly didn't want any needles in his arms. Sure to Lucifer it seemed like a pussy thing to admit, but he wasn't ashamed too much of it.
“Now why should I stay? Clearly you are in need of some rest, you aren't thinking clearly.”
“Oh but I am! Your presence has set my mind ablaze and I just need to do experiments on yo- I mean with you!”
Even spirits feel pain, even more so in a physical form. It was simply another form of existence. It was time to leave until he could better assess this purple pony. She needed to chill the fuck out, and he thought of a good way to do that.
Before Twilight could do anything to him, he swung the door open and started to run outside. “Wait that came out wrong come BACK!”
///---///
Mayor Mare walked through the streets of her fine town. Sure it has recently been seeing an increase of activity due to the Elements of Harmony, but nopony actually got killed and tourism was up. That only boded well for the economy and she was happy that her town was growing.
“It's a fine day for mayoring if I do say so myself!” the older mare said to nopony in particular.
She walked through the town's marketplace, nodding to ponies as she went by. They were such hard workers and they all tried their best. Heck, if it wasn't for Twilight's almost weekly apocalyptic experiments disturbing her fine townsfolk, she would be even happier. However Twilight was a good mare and was just too curious for her own good in Mayor Mare's opinion.
In fact, Twilight was a bit late on whatever doom-bringing thing she was going to unleash upon all her ponies this month. At this point she was getting a little bit nervous. When you get subjected to absolute-death for so long you kind of don't want the quiet anymore. Peace wasn't too peaceful these days.
The screaming put her mind at ease. She turned around to see a large being with an impressive black wingspan fly across a few buildings, chased by a barely aloft Twilight Sparkle. “Well! Death approaches! Everypony to your homes! Please lock your doors and we will wait for all of this to blow over!”
It took less than a few minutes for the entire town to appear deserted.
///---///
“Let me explain! I don't want to drain all your blood! Just some of it! Did I make it seem like I was going to drain all of it? I didn't mean that!” Twilight yelled after Lucifer as they flew over a lake outside of Ponyville.
“I am not giving you any of my blood!” Lucifer yelled back as he flew across the sky.
It really was a great day for flying and quite frankly Twilight wasn't the most speedy of ponies. Lucifer also didn't hold much of this situation against her either. According to Luna, Twilight was barely sleeping at all over the past few weeks and her dreams were scattered and random. Also Rainbow Dash told him that Twilight was quite stubborn, socially inept, and incredibly awkward.
Rainbow Dash made sure she was incredibly blunt for a reason and he was thankful for that.
It still didn't make Lucifer want to slow down at all. Oh no it did not. After about five minutes of flying, a cyan pony started to fly beside him. “Hey Lucifer, what's up?”
“Hey Rainbow. Twilight went insane and is trying to catch me so she can perform experiments on me.” Lucifer filled her in on what happened.
“Huh, okay. I'll go have a chat with her. Keep flying.”
Lucifer just did that as Dash slowed down her speed to converse with Twilight. Lucifer did peek back to see how that was going. Twilight looked like an absolute mess, and her face had a mix of terror,  concern, and bat-shit insanity. Rainbow spoke a bit and Twilight seemingly was yelling things back. There were a few eye rolls on Dash's part.
Lucifer almost smacked into a tree, so he swerved around it and quickly pulled a u-turn upwards. Twilight wasn't prepared for it and scrambled mid-air before resuming her chase. Dash simply did the same manoeuvre as Lucifer did and caught up easily. “Hey, nice form. Okay want the low-down?”
“Sure, and by the way I could fly faster than this. I am just trying to tire her out.” Lucifer told her as they casually turned towards Ponyville again.
“Good idea.” Rainbow looked back to make sure Twilight was still okay flying. “She wanted to tell you that she is sorry that she wanted to take pieces of your body in somewhat of a forced way and that she won't do that again.”
Oh, that was nice. “Anything else?”
“Well she was a bit of a drama queen over it all. Basically now she thinks you won't be her friend because of this. She is super worried about upsetting Princess Celestia.” The Pegasus laughed, “In fact she is chasing you now to try to get you to slow down.”
“Wait, she is chasing me in order for me to stop flying?”
“She claims she doesn't know what else to do. She's lame like that.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
“Think she can make it to her house before tiring out too much?” Lucifer asked.
Rainbow looked behind her. “Probably. She's not the best flier to begin with, certainly not as awesome as me! She can probably make it. You got this?” She saw Lucifer nod back to her. “Welp, seeya sometime. When we fly together you make sure that you don't hold back okay?”
“You too Skittles. Seeya in Hell!” Lucifer again smiled at how that had no negativity here.
“You too Lucifer, as long as I don't have to die of course!” Dash literally dashed away from the angel as Lucifer guided the chase towards Twilight's library.
Lucifer was almost there before he saw Twilight start to flail in mid-air as she started to drop. He immediately swooped down to grab her and he cradled the Princess in his arms as he landed on her balcony.
“Lucifassi nnngggg ffffffffftttt,” she said as she started to drift off.
“I know” Lucifer said with a smile as he walked through the door into what he figured was her room. There were books everywhere.
“Massive blarrgin skizzaphrone.”
“Mhm. Yup, totally agree.” Lucifer drew back a cute blue blanket that was covered in cartoon stars.
“Fuzza wuzza fuzzy” was he counter-argument as she barely realized she was in bed.
“Indeed he was,” Lucifer agreed as he tucked her into bed. “Now sleep you crazy purple horse.”
Twilight was out like a light.
///---///
The whole situation was settled with the help of the other Elements of Harmony. Lucifer was introduced to Mayor Mare and the rest of Ponyville and he was treated quite well. After a quick interview by the citizens, they found he was quite a nice fellow. Considering how the Elements and the Princesses were vouching for him the ponies were pretty accepting of him. They almost made him a statue in his honour when he told them that after today's fun he would help Twilight control her experiments and to take her time with them.
Needless to say he was welcome in Ponyville.
When he got back he took Twilight's experimental notes on the concept of transferring a voice over a long distance. Now Lucifer was an angel who lived for quite a long time, so he knew a lot of stuff. He wasn't a professional by any means but he did get the basics of communications. When you get a few million souls coming into Hell in every war humans had you caught onto a few things. He even had a bet running on World War II; Balthazar actually gave him one of the Stradivarius violins that way.
He took out his pen and started to get the few pieces of paper he could find as he started to draw. Applejack came by later on that day to check up on Twilight, who was still sleeping soundly away in her room. She gave Lucifer a few apple fritters and was off again to do whatever she did. After a few more hours of working, Spike came back from Rarity's. Lucifer decided to take a break and helped Spike clean up the disaster the library was in.
During that time he bonded a bit with the purple dragon. Spike was quite intelligent and was quick as a whip. He was able to handle quite a few concepts that Lucifer threw his way and double-checked some of the math Lucifer laid out. When Spike started to prepare dinner, Lucifer told him legends of dragons in the human world.
It was getting quite late in the day when they eventually heard some grumpy moaning and shuffling coming from upstairs.  Twilight was all droopy-eyed as she walked down the stairs and sat down by the table in the centre of the Library. “Hey Spike. Hey Lucifer.” Twilight mumbled as she tried to wake up.
There was a good ten seconds of complete silence, then she realized Lucifer was still there in her home. The next ten minutes were spent with Lucifer listening to Twilight apologize over and over again. Even after repeated assurances that everything was alright, she was sliding bits of “sorry” everywhere.
“Twilight, you aren't a Canadian. Calm down.”
She looked extremely confused. “What's a Canadian?”
“It's a type of human from a country called Canada. They are usually really nice and are lumberjacks.” Lucifer set the small table with few bowls. Tonight they were having creamy potato soup and it smelled delicious.
As they sat down Lucifer had a flash of inspiration. He knew this was a perfect time for a story. Lucifer racked his brains trying to think up of the name of that type of story he was going to tell. Jesus would know, he did this shit all the time. Parables! That's it!
“Twilight and Spike, I'm going to tell you a story. The kind with a moral at the end and everything. It's called a parable.”
Twilight nodded and Spike gave Lucifer his full attention.
There once was a Canadian named Bob. Now Bob was a lumberjack as all good Canadians were if they weren't cowboys, scientists or hockey players. One day Bob decided to cut down one of the tallest redwood trees in the forest. He pulled out his trusty axe and went into the woods to find a mighty tree to fell.
Bob found the one he was looking for and struck it with great ferocity. Wood chips would fly from the trunk of the thick tree as Bob went with his Canadian duty to be a good lumberjack. Swing after swing he would chop into the tree and he smiled as he believed he was making good process.
After about three hours of chopping, Bob's brother Doug the hockey player came by to say hello. “Sorry to interrupt you there Bob but how's it goin' eh?” Doug asked.
“Oh geez ya hose-head,” Bob exclaimed as he was surprised by Doug's arrival. “Sorry to ignore ya. I'm doing alright right, just takin' this here tree down.”
“Well that's a mighty fine tree ya got there now. Your axe there is lookin' a little dull. Might wanna get that sharpened up right?”
Bob scoffed and waved Doug off. “Oh it's no problem. I'm just gonna keep at 'er. I'm making good progress right? I don't wanna lose my speed right?”
“Whatever hoser,” Doug endearingly told him as he left his brother Bob to his work.
As he continued, Bob was getting a little bit sloppy and he was getting tired. However he still thought he was making good progress on the tree and he kept going at it.
Three hours later and Bob was about halfway through the tree. “Oh! Sorry to bother ya eh, but there's a game on in a few and I wanted to know if you wanna come over and watch it?” Doug again scared his brother Bob as he came to see how he was faring.
Bob almost took Doug's head clean off on his messed up swing. Doug rolled away as they both exchanged multiple apologies as it was Canadian custom. “Well ya wanna come? I got smokes and a two-four.”
Now the idea was extremely appealing to Bob. Not only was it the great Canadian pastime of watching a hockey game, but this was the nineties where smoking wasn't completely evil yet. However Bob knew he would crack this tree before the day was out and denied his brother the company.
Bob was out there for four more hours chopping away at the tree before he heard it crack. He looked up to notice too late that he was chopping the tree wrong and it was going the wrong way! He dove out of the way as the tree smashed into the ground a meter away from him. Bob's arms started to hurt as he noticed the dull axe still managed to scrape it as he dived away from death.
Bob cursed his luck as he went home, exhausted, hurt and tired. He came back to see his brother hanging out with a new guy. “Oi, Doug. Who's the new guy?”
“Oh this guy here is George! He's new eh? Just started choppin' down trees today! Complete natural. I think he chopped down one that was as big as yours in three hours!”
Bob was extremely impressed and he opened a beer as he asked the new fellow how he did it so fast and in time to watch the hockey game.
George blushed. “Oh geez it was nothin'. I noticed my axe was gettin' dull and that I was gettin' tired. Every bit I'd just sit down eh and sharpen my axe as I rested a bit. After that it was easy, got in time to see the Habs and the Leafs play.”
“...and after then Bob took his time chopping trees, and him and his brother Doug became famous brothers across Canada for lumber-jacking and hockey.”
“Ohh nice story! They spoke funny but I liked it!” Spike said clapping his hands.
“Oh and the Habs totally won because like I said this was the nineties and the Leafs suck.” Lucifer turned over to Twilight who had a smile as well. “Now Twilight, can you see how this relates to you?”
“Kind of... but my experiments are important! I am close to discovering what I need to finish my theory on non-magical communications!” Twilight started to get into a whiny tone that Lucifer didn't appreciate.
“Yet I've dropped hints here and there that you should have picked up on and you completely ignored them. Granted I didn't try too hard, but I was literally right in front of you.” Lucifer said as he placed his own papers on the table next to Twilight's.
Twilight looked confused as she walked over to the table as Lucifer put two stacks of paper in front of her. Immediately she recognized her own notes and assumed that Lucifer had his beside her. “What's this?” she muttered to nobody in particular.
“These are my notes on wireless communications and your notes on 'non-magical' communications, all organized. Well mine are organized, you will see what I mean. Look.”
Lucifer took a step back from the table and Twilight got a better look. Immediately she could tell where Lucifer was coming from. Even though he was exposed to the technology that she was trying to achieve, he didn't know everything and discovered it for himself in the afternoon. His notes and diagrams were neat, precise and extremely well-done. Twilight's crude sketches were an abomination to her name in her mind.
Then she started going over details. Her notes had circular logic and she revisited the same areas and math multiple times, with different results on the same equation. Then she heard it in her head. “Yeah... the math is off.”
The purple Alicorn scolded herself. He was staring right at the paper and she completely ignored him! Her math was completely off and the three attempts on the fifth, seventh and thirteenth page weren't even correct to begin with. Her wings drooped in disappointment in herself as she continued on her way though the two stacks.
She examined the sketches of devices and prototypes next. Lucifer had multiple designs where her barely-legible sketches were built upon each other. He was reviewing them as soon as he got here! Princess Celestia must have spoken to him about her student's intelligence. She completely glossed over the second most important part of her project in her fatigue. “You need a proper transmitter.”
She was hoping through the diagrams that she wouldn't be beaten on her ideas to send it magically. She was proud of them, they actually were going to work as well with her designed receiver.  She was just having difficulty trying to figure out how to keep the spells from interfering with each other.
Then she saw it plain as day on Lucifer's example. Wavelengths of energy and vibrations. She finally just gave up on trying to defend herself. Missing wavelengths. “I am a pathetic excuse for a Princess when I can't even get my own math correct.”
Lucifer sat down beside her and started rubbing her back with a hand. She sighed a little bit in both disappointment and relaxation. His hand did feel really nice on her stressed muscles, she considered training Spike in massages but was always deterred by his claws. She was starting to reconsider that thought.
“Twilight, it isn't all bad. You had some bases here but you couldn't clarify them. Check these again with a fresh mind. What would have happened if you got the math correct?”
She sighed and looked at the page for a few minutes trying to see what Lucifer was seeing. Her pages were a complete disaster! How could she get anything out of this? She whined a bit in her head as she checked her diagrams. If only she got the math right...
Wait.
Lucifer smiled as she had a complete turn-around in mood. He described what Twilight was going through as a 'click'; some people have called it a 'eureka moment'. She noticed that if her math was correct, she would have adjusted her diagrams. Her graphs would have closely related sine-wavelengths that were extremely similar to sound-waves. The from there she would have a few designs for transmitting and receiving wavelengths and with adjustments in some areas there were almost limitless ways to transmit without overlap interference.
“I get it Lucifer. I really do.” Twilight seemed content and happy that she learned something new as well as finishing her theories with Lucifer's help. “Spike, prepare a friendship report to the Princess.”
///---///
“...and that is when I learned that you have to take time to 'sharpen your axe' to chip away at a problem. When you are getting tired you need to take time to rest and reflect. Doing this can show your mistakes you can make as well including and not limited to chasing somepony/one that can fly better than you effortlessly.
“I'm going to work harder to make sure I have an appropriate sleep schedule as well as break periods.
“Your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle”
Princess Celestia placed the new friendship report on her desk and laughed as she took a sip of her tea. Lucifer was doing an incredible job so far. She was reciting it again out loud for her guest, a certain ruler of Hell. Lucifer was invited to come to Canterlot for the evening once Celestia had read the friendship report. It was only a half-hour flight for him anyways.
“Oh there seems to be a post-script!” Celestia looked at the page with a confused look and turned her head to her guest, “Lucifer, what is a pen exactly?”
Lucifer chuckled as he drank some tea and simply said “what?”
“Her note says 'P.S. Pens are the best thing ever'.”
The next ten minutes were spent with the angel showing the Alicorn what a pen was. There was a knock on the door and Celestia went to go see who it was. A royal guard came into the room with an actual human. This one was tall and wearing simple white robes as well as flip-flops. He had a smile on his face, almost obscured by his beard and his long brown hair. “This being requested access through the portal to Hell. He passed all security checks and was found to be handling nothing dangerous. He was also vouched for by Jessica and Francis as one of Lucifer's friends.”
The being smiled at the dark angel as he held out his hand. “Good to see you Lucifer.”
Lucifer calmly walked over to the man and shook his hand.
“Nice to see you too Jesus.”