Pony Drug Party

by Syeekoh

Rating: mature
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Comedy
Length: 4357

Ponies doing drugs. 'Nuff said.

The Mane Six get involved in a pharmacological adventure that ends in failure.

Published 2013-12-28 17:30:04 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-28 17:30:04 UTC

The Pledge

"C'mon, Twi, you've been down there for three days! Applejack sent me to check on you! Are you alright?"

"Just ten more minutes, Dash, alright?"

Rainbow Dash sighed as she leaned against the wall, forelegs crossed. She hated to admit it, but Applejack was right. Twilight never locked herself in her lab like this. She had pulled all-nighters before, but never like this.

"Hey, Twi, you know Applejack got hurt, right? Barn feel on her. Her leg is bent like crazy weird-"

"Five minutes and I'll entertain whatever horseapples you're blabbering on about!"

Rainbow Dash grimaced.

"Hey Twi, I could bring you down something to eat-"

"No!"

"Drink?"

"No contamination in the laboratory!"

Sheesh, Rainbow Dash thought. She pulled a ball from one her saddlebags and started bouncing it against the wall. After a few minutes, she heard clopping coming from the basement. She put her ball back in her saddlebag and faced the basement door. It swung open with a purple glow, and revealed Twilight, her mane all mussed up, her wings folded haphazardly by her sides. In front of her floated a vial filled with a clear liquid. Twilight's eyes were bloodshot.

"Say hello to mind expansion!" Twilight said with a crazy smile.

Fluttershy was sitting nervously in the reception area, fussing with her hooves. She wasn't sure what she was doing here, as she looked around. There was a colt foal nagging his mother, her shushing him. On the other side of the room was a businesspony reading the Manehattan Times. He looked calm and collected, not at all like someone who should be seeing a psychiatrist. Not like her at all-

"Miss Fluttershy-"

Fluttershy shrieked and held up her hooves in front of her.

The pony looked at her. "It's time for your appointment."

"Oh, ok." Fluttershy said and she got up and trotted into the office. The pony closed the door behind her.

"Hello, Fluttershy. My name is Gentle Soul, and I'll be seeing you today," Gentle Soul said as she sat on the chaise lounge behind her desk. "Why don't you have a seat, dearie?"

"O-ok," Fluttershy said as she propped herself up on the chaise lounge opposite Gentle Soul's.

"So, Fluttershy, what brings you to my office?" Gentle Soul asked quietly.

"Well, Ms. Soul, I've been...worried, lately."

"Everybody worries, Fluttershy."

"Not like this. I look outside, waiting for doom to fall on me. I don't snap out of it until my Angel bunny kicks my leg and reminds me to feed him. Sometimes I drink until the worry goes away. And sometimes, I...I..."

"Yes, Fluttershy?"

"...I wish I wouldn't wake up." Fluttershy said as she looked away, cheeks flushed in red.

"Well, then," Gentle Soul said while shuffling some papers, "it appears to me that you suffer from anxiety."

"Anxiety? What's that?"

"What you just described, dear. I'm," Gentle said as she magicked up a prescription pad and a pen, "going to write you a prescription for Ponax."

"W-what's that?"

"Something that'll help with the anxiety, dear," Gentle Soul said with a warm smile, "just take it as directed." Gentle Soul flew the prescription over to Fluttershy, who grabbed it with a hoof, examining it.

"Ponycontin? What's this fer?" Applejack asked the doctor.

"It'll help with the pain, Applejack."

"But ahm not in any Pain, Docter Caramel,"

"That's because you're on a morphine drip-"

"And who-ee, isn't it somethin else! By tha way, dosage time!" Applejack cried out as she hit a button on the side of her bed, pinning her pupils as it released another dose into her system.

"-you know, Applejack, the morphine is there for when you need it, not to get your jollies off."

"Ah know thayat, Doctor. Have you seen tha way that mah foreleg bent?" Applejack said as she tried to move her foreleg, then winced.

"No point trying to move it, Applejack. The leg's in a cast to help it heal, and to,protect it from its owner, apparently." The doctor said as he lightly rapped on the cast. "You're free to go, Applejack."

"I am? Really? Yee-haOW!" Applejack winced as she bumped the cast.

"Now stay off the leg, and take that prescription EXACTLY AS prescribed, you hear? This isn't the morphine drip..."

"Ah know, ah know...just one more dose?"

Doctor Caramel yanked out the I.V. from Applejack's arm. She yowled in pain.

"...Guess that's a no then, huh?"

Zecora was alone in her hut, doing some dusting. Suddenly, she felt that she wasn't alone.

"Where are you, and do not lie
I can see even without my eyes."

A pink pony popped out from behind the table, spraying confetti everywhere.

"Hey Zecora!" Pinkie said."Whatcha doin?"

"I am dusting, as you can see
Do you have the cookies I ordered for me?"

"Yeah, they're right here!" Pinkie exclaimed as she pulled out a box from...somewhere. Pinkie started sniffing around, noticing an odd smell. "What's that smell? It smells...weird," Pinkie noted as she put the box on the table.

"It is a plant from beyond the Veldt
Cannabis is what you have smelt"

"Cannabis? What's that?"

"You may know it as pot or grass
I smoke it to enjoy time passed"

"You smoke it?" Pinkie asked, "but smoking's bad for ponies!"

"One puff of this, I do not lie
You'll feel as if you could surely fly"

Pinkie sat on her haunches, chin in hoof, as if considering the words that the zebra said. She sat there for a minute, as which point Zecora was starting to get worried. She waved her hoof in front of the pink pony's face, at which point Pinkie Pie snapped out of her thought and belted out, "Let me try it, Zecora!"

"Are you sure, my friend in pink?
It may be more intense than you think"

"C'mon, Zecora! Please?" Pinkie looked up as Zecora, her eyes wide and pleading.

"If this it truly what you desire,
Grab me a flint with which to light the fire"

Pinkie's eyes lit up. "Yeah! Smoking pot with Zecora!"

Rarity's pupils were dilated as she scurried around her Inspiration Room. The Ecstasy she had taken earlier had kicked in, she noted as she felt the glorious softness of the rug beneath her. She grabbed some blue silk, rubbing it across her cheek. It felt like water in a lake. She trotted across the room, looking around the room, the colors seeming to call out to her.

She then found what she was looking for. A sheet of white ermine lay on the floor, saying her name. She ran her hoof across the material, shuddering as she felt the fuzzy pillow in her hooves.

"Rarity, are you cold?"

Rarity froze. Sweetie Belle was behind her and saw her shuddering over the material. She had to think fast.

"Yeah, Sweetie, and I could use a hug!" She declard as she grandly walked across the room and hugged her sister, who squealed and smiled at the wanted intrusion, "Did you know that I love you?"

"Of course you do, Rarity, we're sisters, silly!" Sweetie Belle replied. Rarity stayed in the hug for a while, rubbing her hoof along her back. Sweetie started to feel the hug go on for too long. "Rarity?"

"Yes, my darling sister?"

"Can I go now? You've been hugging me for like, forever."

Rarity smarted at that comment. "Ok, Sweetie Belle, you may go."

"Thanks for the really great hug!"

Rarity nodded as Sweetie Belle hopped away, clearly pleased with making her sister's day. She walked back across the room, grabbing the ermine and silk then immediately went into her designing room. Maybe a cape, she thought...

"So what's this stuff again?" Rainbow Dash asked as she grabbed the sugarcubes for Twilight and set them on the counter.

"Lysergsäure-diethylamid, Dash," Twilight said while grabbing two sugarcubes out of the jar and laid them down on the counter.

"Lisergsawre dyetehameed?" Dash pantomimed, poorly.

"Just call it LSD, Dash," Twilight admonished Dash as she pulled out a dropper from one of the drawers, dipped it in the flask of liquid, and drew out two dropfuls. "LSD was created by Albert Hoffpony 76 years ago. It's supposed to be some kind of hallucinogenic-"

"Which is what, exactly?"

"I don't know, exactly," Twilight said as she dropped a drop on each sugarcube, "it's supposed to 'expand the mind' or something. Wanna try it with me?"

"I dunno..."

"Please?" Twilight begged.

"Ah, ok," Rainbow said resginedly, "so how exactly do we do this?"

"Well, it says in my notes that we just put the sugarcubes on our tounges and let it dissolve in our mouths, like this." Twilight said as she levitated one cube into Dash's mouth and one into hers. They sat in the main library and waited for the sugarcubes to dissolve. They waited for a minute, then Dash groaned.

"Come on! When is this supposed to happen?" Dash whined.

"Just sit tight. It says it's supposed to take up to two hours to kick in."

"Two hours!? Ya could have told me before you roped me into this!"

"Just be patient, Dash. It'll all be worth it, I hope."

"Now that you mention it, I am feeling kinda funny..."

2 HOURS LATER

Dash was staring ahead at nothing in particular. Twilight was giggling while swirling several books around her, seemingly entranced by the marvelous show.

"Dude, dude, dude!" Rainbow Dash said suddenly, "I figured it out!"

"What did you figure out, Dash?" Twilight asked goofily.

"Everything...is rainbows!"

"What?"

"No, no, no, hear me out! You know the sun, right?"

"Yeah..." Twilight said, slowing her book-swirling.

"And how it shines, right? Well, we learned in weather school that the sky is blue cause water droplets in the sky catch blue light. You with me so far?"

"Yeah..."

"And water makes rainbows! And we're mostly water, so we're rainbows!"

"You just proved that ponies are rainbows."

"Yeah!...wait, what did I say?"

"You said everything was rainbows!"

"Yeah? Oh, sorry. I meant ponies were rainbows." Dash giggled sheepishly.

"So ponies are rainbows..." Twilight mused while looking at her books. She looked at her swirling books, noticing that they were in a hexagonal shape. Suddenly, her eyes shined.

"Dash, get up!"

"...why?"

"I just came up with something! We have to get to Carousel Boutique!"

"...why?"

Twilight grabbed Rainbow's hoof and flew out the door with her, "No time to explain! Let's go!

The Turn

Pinkie was baked, like the cookies she and Zecora had just pigged out on. Both of their eyes were bloodshot.

"Hey Zecora?" Pinkie asked, "You're awesome!"

"Thank you kindly, Dear Pinkie
Your gentle self means as much to me"

"I feel funny..." Pinkie said as she stood up uneasily. She then put her hoof to her mouth as her cheeks bulged, then ran outside, when Zecora heard the sounds of Pinkie emptying the contents of her stomach. Pinkie walked back in with a sheepish look on her face.

"Eating too much will do that to you
I hope that's not all that you do"

"...sorry, Zecora," Pinkie apologized, "but I have to get back. The Cakes are probably worried sick about me and I have other deliveries to get to, and can I take some of that with me?"

"20 bits is all you'll need
For me to part with a bag of weed"

Pinkie pulled out 20 bits out of...somewhere and threw it on the table."Done! But what will I smoke it out of? Can I have your pipe?"

Zecora shook her head.

"This pipe was a gift from my love true
There's no way that I'll give it to you."

Pinkie dropped her head.

"I'll tell you what, my pink friend,
An apple will serve your ends
Carve two channels, one across, one down
And then you'll be able to really get down"

Pinkie's head popped up. "Thanks Zecora! I owe ya!" as Zecora reached under the table and pulled out a bag of the leafy green. Pinkie grabbed it and put it...somewhere and hugged Zecora before she walked out of the hut. Zecora shook her head and smiled.

Fluttershy was waiting in line at the pharmacy when she heard a squeaky wheel come up behind her. She turned around and saw Applejack walk up with a wheeled harness attached to her front left leg.

"Hey sugarcube, whatcha doin here?" Applejack said.

"Oh, I'm just here to fill a prescription," Fluttershy replied timidly.

"Well, shucks, that's why ahm here! What're you gettin?"

"...Ponax." Fluttershy whispered.

"Ponax!?" Applejack yelled out a little too loud for Fluttershy's comfort.

"Please not so loud, I'm a little embarrassed."

"Whatcha got ta be embarrassed about?" Applejack hollered, "Half o' Canterlot's on that stuff! Why, that's celebrity style raight there!"

"...why are you here?" Fluttershy quavered out, wishing to change the subject.

"Well, ahm sure ya heard bout that barn an all, and th' hospital released me with a three month supply of Ponycontin! This'll be good..."

"I have a three month supply, too." Fluttershy said as she walked up to the counter and slid the prescription across the counter along with her BiCare insurance card, "Hey Mister Cutter, th-this is supposed to help me pay for this, right?"

Pill Cutter, a white pony with an orange pill bottle Cutie Mark, looked at the insurance card and blinked. "BiCare, huh? The princess takes good care of you Elements of Harmony, huh? Well, give me about fifteen minutes, honey. It's Fluttershy, right?"

"Yes, Mister Cutter. Thank you." Fluttershy said as she moved to the side and let Applejack wheel-walk up to the counter.

"Ah yes, sorry about the barn...and your leg," Pill Cutter said to Applejack, "Ponycontin, huh? Makes sense-"

"-ah'd lahke the generic brand, please." Applejack informed the pharmacist.

"-but yes, of course. Now let me see, I should have your insurance card on file...ah, here it is! BiCare, of course! You know that's some-"

"-milatary grade insurance, ya say that every tahme ah come in."
"Ah yes, well that'll be fifteen minutes for you, too." Pill Cutter said as he walked away.

"Put it on mah tab," Applejack said, "and yah know what? Put Fluttershy's on mah tab, too."

Fluttershy started to object, but Applejack shushed her. They waited a while, then Pill Cutter called out both of their names. They walked to the counter, grabbed their prescriptions, put them in their saddlebags, and walked out.

When they were outside of the pharmacy, Applejack sidled up next to Fluttershy, and whispered, "Hey, ya wanna trade pills?"

Fluttershy's eyes opened wide at that. "But these are prescriptions! We could get in trouble! Besides, don't you need yours for pain?"

"Shucks, sugarcube, ah'll be fine in a month! Besides, ah've never had tha occasion ta try Ponax before..."

"I-I don't think that's a good idea..."

"C'mon, Fluttershy, pill for pill. Basides, have I ever done ya wrong bafore?"

"W-well, no..."

"Fahne then, it's settled!" Applejack pulled out her prescription bottle and opened it, dumping out three pills in her hoof. Fluttershy did the same, and they traded pills.

"Thanks!" Applejack said, "see ya, pardner!" and walked off.

Fluttershy looked at the pills in her hand, shrugged, and popped them.

Rarity was nuzzling her fresh silk and ermine cape when she heard a knocking on her door. Shocked, Rarity looked out the windows and saw Twilight and Rainbow Dash standing outside. She walked up to the door and let them in, both of them flying.

"Twilight, what's the matter? Yours and Dash's eyes are as wide as saucers-"

"That's the lysegdawre ditjelameed-"

"No Dash, it's called lysergsäure diethylamid, but that's not important-"

"Well, whatever is is you're on, it looks like fun. Care to share?"

"Yeah, whatever, but you need to get this down! Get a quill and parchment, and draw hexagons spiraling down connected by points of light."

Rarity did as ordered and drew the design as Twilight commanded. It seemed beautiful in its simplicity.

"Now label it PMA:Pony Magic Æther"

"All right, there's your drawing. Happy? Now give me whatever you're on."

"And then what?" Twilight asked, wide-eyed.

"...I'll share some of my E with you."

"Ah thought you was saving that fer me, Rares," Applejack said as she trotted in, noticing that Twilight's and Rainbow Dash's eyes were as wide as saucers, "what are they on?"

"Rainbows..." Rainbow Dash squealed.

"I don't know, but it sounded German..." Rarity said thoughtfully as she shuffled around her Inspiration Room for her stash, when she found a carton of milk. But if the carton of milk was in here, then...

Rarity rushed to the kitchen and opened up the fridge to find the bag of colorful pills.

"Get sugarcubes!" Twilight yelled.

Rarity opened up the cabinet, when all of a sudden, Pinkie Pie popped out, with Fluttershy in tow. Rarity looked shocked.

"Honestly, I'm as shocked as you," Fluttershy said.

"Hey girls, I got something we should try!" Pinkie said as Rarity grabbed the bag of E and four sugarcubes.

"Girls, we have visitors, and they want us to try something!" Rarity announced as she led Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy into the Inspiration Room, where the other ponies had gathered.

Pinkie pulled out the bag of weed she had got from Zecora from...somewhere, and said, "This stuff is called pot, and it makes ya feel really good when ya smoke it! I think we should all smoke it, as friends. Whaddaya think, girls?"

"Well, I suppose I will, but I guess you'll expect me to part with my E," Rarity mused, "and that means that Applejack'll have to part with her Ponycontin-"

"Shore thing, Rares!"

"And Twilight and Rainbow Dash will have to part with...what was that-"

"LSD," Twilight sighed as she magicked out the vial and dropper, pulling out four drops and dropping each on a sugarcube. Applejack pulled out the Ponycontin as Pinkie Pie excused herself to get an apple, clanging around in the kitchen, coming out with a servicable apple pipe. Twilight directed them how to take the strange and mysterious drug. Pinkie packed the apple and Rarity passed around the E. Twilight lit the pot in the apple and they all took strong hits. They sat down, satisfied with themselves.

"...does anybody else have anything that could make this the best night ever?" Twilight asked, eyes bloodshot.

"...I have Ponax," Fluttershy piped up.

"Well why didn't you say so, darling? Pass it around, then!" Rarity said as Fluttershy brought out thr bottle and took four for herself, then passed the bottle around. Everybody full with a hoofful of pills, Rarity decided to speak.

"You know DJ-PON-3 is playing in Canterlot tonight, right?"

"Well, shucks then, what're we waitin' fer? Let's get that train!"

"Oooh, this'll be so exciting! I've never been to a rave before!" Twilight piped up.

"Don't worry, it's just like rainbows..." Dash said.

"Lately you've said that everything is rainbows," Twilight retorted.

"This might be a good night after all..." Fluttershy said to no one in particular.

The Prestige

Twilight woke up, her head pounding. Her friends woke up soon after, groaning in what seemed like similar pain. Twilight looked around, and saw that they were in the palace dungeon.

"W-why are we in the palace dungeon?" Twilight asked worriedly.

"That's what I would like to talk to you girls about," a voice said, entering the dungeon. They saw Princess Celestia walk in front of the cell, "Do you girls have any,memory of what happened last night?"
"Nah, Princess, but it musta been tha best naight ever!" Applejack hollered and winced at the sound of her own voice.

"Well, let me enlighten you then, girls," Celestia said as she projected a screen from her horn. In it, it followes the mane six entered the rave and started dancing, especially Fluttershy, who started grinding up on the first stallion she found.

"Oh, my..." Fluttershy said, her cheeks burning.

"That's not all..." Celestia said as the viewscreen skipped to an outhouse, which was shaking rhythmically. Noises were heard from it.

"Oh, oh, oh SOARIN! My God!" a female voice cooed as the outhouse door opened, and out came Rarity fixing her mane, Soarin following.

"Well, at least I had some fun," Rarity said. Everypony stared at her, "What? Don't tell,me none of you had quickies in exposed places! The danger adds to the fun!" Rarity said with a crazed look in her eyes.

"Ooooh, oooh, what did I do, Princess!" Pinkie called out.

"Oh, you're going to love this..." as the view zoomed to behind the DJ booth, where Twilight and Vinyl were making out while the set played.

"Hey, I thought this was was about me!" Pinkie exclaimed while Twilight looked away and blushed.

"Wait for it..." Celestia intoned as the makeout session continued, when Pinkie Pie popped in from...somewhere and said "Can I join?" to which Vinyl said "Man, you really do know how to party!" and let Pinkie in, making it a threeway pony makeout.

"Oh my..." Pinkie said.

"That's not all..." Celestia continued as the viewscreen showed Rainbow Dash standing in front of the bass, her hair flowing back, mouthing the word "rainbows", when suddenly a pony dancing too hard accidentally jostled Dash, who swung a punch straight into his face. He smarted at the blow, then lunged at Rainbow who flinched, when suddenly Applejack clotheslined the pony with her wheel.

"It all devoled from there. The police had to be called, and you were all charged with six counts of drunk and disorderly conduct, three counts of lewd and lascivious conduct, two counts of assault..."

"Hoo-wee! We really did have tha best naight ever!" Applejack cried out.

"Now here's where it gets good..." Celestia mused as the six of them were hauled ofd to jail, their mugshots taken. Applejack looked smug, Twilight had a crazed look on her face, Rainbow had a goofy googly eyed look, Pinkie was smiling with confetti spraying everywhere, Rarity was predictably mugging foe the camera, and Fluttershy had a look of pure rage.

They were all shuffled into a cell and locked up, whereupon they started arguing amongst themselves. Twilight tried to teleport out, but to no avail. Suddenly, Twilight's eyes shined. She explained something to them all, who gave her blank stares. Frustrated, Twilight cast what looked like a portal in front of the bars, pointed to Applejack, then the portal, then pantomimes bucking. Applejack shrugged, then bucked into the portal.

Everypony looked shocked at what happened next, both in the video and in the cell. When Applejack's hooves crossed the portal and touched the bars, the bars vaporized.

"What did I do, Princess?" Twilight asked her mentor.

"Just watch..." Celestia said as the ponies stormed out of jail, when the sound came back on.

"Oh my Celestia, what do we do now?" Twilight said worriedly.

"I say we go back in and buck them up!" Fluttershy raged," teach them to buck with us!"

"But darling, that'll just compound the problem. We're fugitives now," Rarity said wistfully.

"Nawt if we ovathrow tha' government!" Applejack hollered.

"How do you suppose we do that!?" Pinkie wondered aloud.

"Well...with Twilight's quantum...gravity, thingy-"

"Special relativistic!"

"Whateva, Twi. Well, just make one of them gravity thingys and send Dash careenin inta tha castle!"

"Ohh yeah!" Twilight agreed as she created another portal, "now, Dashie, if you fly into that, you'll see rainbows."

"Rainbows..." Dash said as she flew into the portal, launching out at an exorbitant speed, creating a quadruple rainboom as she slammed into the castle wall, destabilizing it.

"Ponies, charge!" Applejack cried out.

Everypony stared in awe at what they had done.

"We're...traitors..." Rainbow Dash mused, shocked at her betrayal of the Sisters Two.

"Oh, that's not all, we haven't even gotten to my favorite part..." Celestia said as it skipped to the throne room.

"We are here to dispose of your-"

"It's depose, Fluttershy-" Twilight noted.

"Shut up! Anyway we are here to depose you, Celestia!"

"And how do you plan on doing that, my little ponies?" Celestia the ponies standing in front of her.

Twilight piped up, "Like this!" She said as she cast two portals around Celestia, seeming to compress her.

"What h-have you done, Twilight?" Celestia struggled.

"Elementary my dear Celestia...or should I say relativistically?" Twilight snickered at her joke.

"These are...gravity wells!?"

"How do you like them bananas! And you thought the physics were just theoretical..."

"UNHAND MY SISTER, VILE RUFFIANS!"

"Horseapples, it's Luna!" Applejack exclaimed.

The video feed cut out.

"So, in addition to the previous counts before you, you now have six counts of escaping from jail, six counts of high treason, and twelve counts of both attempted regicide and deicide." Celestia noted.

All six ponies gulped.

"However, I'll give you all pardons if you tell me what you learned."

Twilight looked up at Celestia, "Today I learned that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing!"

Rainbow Dash piped up, "And you should always have a sober partner to talk you out of any bad ideas you may have,"

Rarity chimed in with, "What you do in the privacy of your own home is your business, but that doing it in public isn't always the best idea,"

"And that you maight disagree with local law enforcement, there ahr certin' channels ya kin take that don't involve revalution!" Applejack chirped in.

"When it comes to prescriptions, you should take them exactly as directed, and you never mix drugs, because you never know what they'll do...or what you'll do, under their influence," Fluttershy noted quietly.

"All in all, parties and partying is fun, but sometimes you can have too much party and you end up making out with a DJ and your best friend at the same time!" Pinkie exclaimed.

Celestia stared at the ponies, taking in their battered forms. She then swung the door to the cell, letting them out.

"By the way, Twilight," Celestia said, " good job on those gravity wells. If Luna hadn't come in when she did..."

Twlight hugged the Princess, and said, "I know, Princess. I know."