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“For Ponyville Hearth's Warming Eve is a night that brings families together. For us it’s the biggest harvest of the year. I need every Changeling to be completely focused on their task. What we do here tonight will help make sure our families are fed. All over Equestria other Harvesting Altars are going to be at working at full capacity; which means that not just our families are counting on us but the other harvesters are counting on us as well. Now take a moment to look to my left.
“Yeah. This is real. Our Queen Chrysalis is here to oversee our entire operation. Of all of the altars she could have showed up at she picked ours. I don’t have to tell you how big a deal this is to our team. She’s going to make sure the Southwest Catalyst Spire keeps rotating; Antares isn’t here to do that because his special somepony could go into labor any moment.
“Did I use that term right? Special somepony?
“Doesn’t matter now. We’ve also got a special guest here to see out Harvesting Altar in action. Next to our Queen is Princess Twilight Sparkle. Don’t panic or stare, just treat her like any other pony. She’s here to study the fruits of Changeling ingenuity.
The foreman goes on and I stop listening. I just stand at attention next to an eleven foot tall granite cylinder with a large emerald spike jutting out of its peak at the North east position. My job is simple: make damn sure that other emeralds don’t overload.
The speech dies down and the other Changelings get into their positions. Our Queen moves to the cylinder at the Southwest position. Gradually the other obelisks find themselves with a Changeling standing ready.
The altar is actually simple.
We have a large circular stone sick roughly two hundred feet in diameter. In the center sits a group of copper cauldrons full of gems cut into spheres which store collected love and whatnot. Along the surface of the altar runes were carved into rows five characters long leading from the pillars to the cauldrons. The Changelings minding the pillars use magic to charge the emerald spikes at their tops to keep them stable while they collect. The emeralds take in that energy and disperse it evenly into the runes. The symbols fill with magic and the spells they represent begin to charge up. As the magic builds up the runes slowly destabilize, which threatens the balance of the spell in the altar. To keep the energy focused the casting Changelings increase their output and make the pillars rotate.
The emeralds start to glow and I just focus on the task at hoof. It’s just another harvest. I just have to ignore the purple Alicorn who is eye humping every little thing we’re doing. The sound of stone grinding against stone takes my mind of the world around me. It’s just another harvest.
Something doesn’t feel right. The cylinders are spinning a bit faster than normal and the runes are glowing a bit brighter than normal. Or maybe I’m feeling the pressure of our Queen here right alongside us participating in the harvest. Maybe I’m freaking out a little from having a member of Equestria’s royalty studying us.
I keep my magic focused on the emerald and my stomach growls a bit. I quickly say to myself ‘why the hell not’ and take a nip from the gathered collection of love we’re harvesting from Ponyville. It tastes so sweet…so filling…and oddly warm.
Uh oh…something is off. Very off. We’re about to have problem…
Without thinking about it I say the first thing that comes to mind.
“Brace yourselves! There’s a lot of sex happening in town tonight!”
Queen Chrysalis chuckles slightly and appears grateful for the slight distraction from the mind numbing task. Princess Twilight blushes a great deal and tries to unheard what I said. The other Changelings hard at work give me an odd look and then one by one they reach the same conclusion. The foreman half yells at us, “North and South Pillars go counter clockwise! East and West slow down! Everyone else maintain speed!”
I’m not going to ask why he thinks that’s going to work, I’m not the expert. I maintain steady speed and try not to think of what kind of energy we’re gathering. I just focus on the sounds of the grinding stones and ignore the obvious fact that flesh is grinding against flesh…stop it brain.
“All South pillars reduce speed, East and West change direction” the foreman yells out. I maintain my pace and just wait for any instructions that involve my North East pillar. I try to block the source of the night’s harvest out of my head.
Why the hell can’t this all be from families vegetating in front of fireplaces? Why isn’t this coming from fillies being tucked into bed? Why the hell does it fell like everypony decided that tonight was a good night to get horizontal and loud?
That’s what Hearts and Hoofs day is for and it’s why I get overtime pay for that night.
“East Pillars Change Direction!”
I do as I’m told and the pillar fights with me every step of the way. It’s resisting me and it’s got a lot of energy to do it with. It’s struggling the way I did last night when Trixie decided she wanted to…damn horny ponies…why tonight? Is there something about Hearth’s Warming night I don’t know about?
“ALL SECONDARY PILLARS STOP! ALL PRIMARY PILLARS TURN CLOCKWISE AND REDUCE SPEED!”
I push myself to my limits and force the pillar to stop. It takes me a bit of effort just to slow it down. I glance at the glowing runes on the Harvesting Altar’s surface. Princess Twilight is trying not to laugh at the implications. Abruptly the pillar Queen Chrysalis is controlling increases speed. I then realize that it’s not just hers. All the rotating pillars are accelerating. I tap into the emerald on my now stationary pillar and again the first thing to my head is what comes out.
“AT LEAST FOUR PORGIES IN PROGRESS FOREMAN!”
Yep…just came out and said it. The foreman thankfully has his head screwed on straight which is more than I can say for our lone spectator.
“PRIMARY PILLARS KEEP IT TOGEATHER! SECONDARY PILLARS MATCH SPEED GOING COUNTER CLOCKWISE!”
The foreman’s voice is almost drowned out by the sound of stones grinding. The runes are glowing violently now. Twilight is officially lost in a small laughing fit.
Seriously…did the entire damn town hand out blue pills?
Abruptly Twilight stops laughing and a very serious look come over her face. The sudden change of her attitude almost costs me my focus. Her horn glows brighter than the runes and for a brief moment the air around me becomes cold and damp. The pillar becomes easier to control. I glance around and it looks like the other ones also calmed down.
Twilight mutters something about ‘pinkie clones in a magic pool’ and I stop trying to listen.
I’m going to demand overtime pay.
Also I’m going to find out what my marefirend Trixie is doing tomorrow. I ate more of that tainted energy than I thought.
