The Krampus Comes to Town
Something was approaching Canterlot, riding along the edge of a dying snowstorm. The ominous cloud moved along with unnatural speed, as if it was following the sled that traveled beneath it. The dark gray mass continued to spread across the sky, until it blotted out the moon and stars. All the while the lone sleigh traveled closer and closer to the city, its bells producing an ugly ringing through the howling winds. Snow pelted the driver as he cracked his whip, urging the team of snarling timber wolves to travel even faster. He was late. Not that it was his fault. He had received an invitation only a day prior. Nonetheless he had made it all the way from the frosty mountains of his homeland to Canterlot.
By now the sleigh had entered the streets of the city. Its ancient appearance, along with the driver’s own hideous visage, drew much attention from the masses that were busy celebrating Hearth’s Warming. The driver took little notice of their frightened screams and mortified gasps, and continued to soar through the city. His destination was visible now. Flickering orange eyes sighted a massive castle, its windows shining bright in the darkness.
The driver’s icy scowl remained steadfast as he passed beneath an enormous arch, entering the royal gardens. His ludicrous speed lessened as he grew closer to the castle’s entrance, at which two powerful guards were stationed. He grunted as he pulled back on the reins, bringing his team to an abrupt halt. The wooden canines barked and howled at the sentries. They took no notice of the massive beasts, however, as they were focused on the huge, horrific creature that was crawling out of the sleigh. The driver’s cloven hooves clacked loudly as he ascended the stone stairs, the chains and bells adorning his twisted body jingling with each step.
The two guards were terrified as the beast came to the door, steam chugging out of his flaring nostrils. Only their eyes dared to moved to follow his powerful arm as he reached down to pull a tiny, battered scroll that had been tucked into a rusted chain wrapped around his waist. One of the unicorns nervously plucked it out of his horrible, clawed fingers as he held it out to them. Gulping, the sentry unrolled it. His eyes went wide with disbelief as he saw what it read. A few silent moments passed as he looked back and forth between the creature and the scroll.
“…Uh…um…Alright,” he said at last, “Enjoy the party…sir.” He stepped aside as the bipedal beast reached out for the handle.
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Behind the door, a magnificent celebration was being held in the castle’s ballroom. Canterlot’s richest and finest aristocrats intermingled with prominent politicians over glasses of champagne while slow, sweet music drifted from the instruments of Equestria’s greatest symphony. The Princesses themselves floated among the crowd, adorned in magnificent dresses to celebrate Hearth’s Warming Eve.
All merriment ceased the moment the doors flew open. Every head in the room turned to look at the huge, hunched silhouette that stood in the doorway. A heavy silence hung in the air as the lean-bodied figure stepped onto the polished tiles with a pair of dirty hooves. Several ponies fainted as the being’s features became visible.
His body was covered in shaggy gray fur, dirtied with ash and soot. Tarnished bells hung from rusted chains that adorned his torso, interwoven with the thick straps that held a wicker basket on his hunched back. Long arms dangled from hunched shoulders, the crooked fingers adorned with huge, bear-like claws. A pair of fiery eyes blazed out from a goatish face, the muzzle filled with sharp, jagged teeth. Nestled among its fangs was a long, blood-red tongue; the pointed tip flickering and wavering. Topping off the monstrous figure was a set of towering gnarled horns.
He looked out among the crowd of silent ponies until he found the hosts. Both seemed very surprised, if not entirely mortified. He started forward, the cringing crowd falling back to form a path as he moved toward the royals. The princesses themselves remained steadfast, trying their hardest to remain in composure as the creature lumbered toward them. He paused only an arm’s length away from the alicorns. The entire room held its breath as the beast undid the frayed ropes and flaking buckles that held the basket on his back. He carefully brought it before the royals, removed the lid, and reached inside.
Everyone’s mind ran wild with ideas of what he would retrieve. Some supposed it would have been something gruesome or ugly, like a pony’s skull. However, it proved to be the last thing anyone would have expected.
When the creature withdrew its claw, it was holding two pony dolls whittled from wood. They were crude and rough, looking like something a poor woodcutter might carve for his daughter. The creature held them out to the princesses without saying a word. The mares stood just as silent, not quite sure what to make of the gesture. After what seemed to be an eternity, Celestia finally spoke.
“Ah…Thank you,” she said, an uncertain smile spreading across her face. Luna glanced over at her sister before clearing her throat.
“We also thank thee,” she added, “And would, um, like to welcome thee to the celebration.”
The sisters took their gifts from the caprine beast, who still said nothing as he put the basket back over his shoulders. He simply gave a polite bow, and turned to face the rest of the party. His bushy brows knitted together as he peered at each face. A feeling of dread stuck every pony he looked at, particularly when he drew a tattered parchment from one of his chains. With a flick of his wrist it unrolled into a lengthy list of illegible scribbles. No one said a word as he squinted at the paper, and the only sound to be heard was the clopping of hooves as the guests backed away.
“Hey, what happened to the music?!”
A sea of heads turned with a mortified expression to a bright pink mare near the snack table, who was just now looking up from a platter of eclairs and wiping the frosting from her mouth. Her eyes grew very wide upon sighting the creature, and she let out a powerful gasp.
“The Krampus!”
In another moment she was bouncing across the room toward the towering figure. She was the only one in the room who showed no uneasy feelings about it, and approached it with a broad, pearly grin.
“Wow!” she cried in child-like wonder, “The Krampus! I can’t believe you’re actually here! I didn’t know you came to parties!” The beast seemed just as confused as everyone else, letting out a befuddled grunt as the mare excitedly leaped about in front of him.
“Do you come to any kind of party, or just Hearth’s Warming parties?” continued the ecstatic pony, “Because I throw a lot of parties, and if you ever wanted to come to one, I’d be more than happy to invite you!”
*********************************
While the pink mare endlessly babbled at the creature, Celestia and Luna had quietly snuck over into the corner of the room.
“Sister,” Luna whispered, “I do not recall inviting him. Didst thou call upon the Krampus for a visit?”
“No,” breathed Celestia, looking back over her shoulder at the beast, “No, I did not.”
A look of dry realization suddenly washed over their faces as they simultaneously uttered a name.
“Discord.”
“You rang?”
Celestia shuddered in bewilderment as she felt something crawl out from behind her ear. A second later a small, smug, and all too familiar face was grinning at her from the bridge of her muzzle.
“Devious worm!” hissed Luna as she batted the miniaturized spirit of chaos from her sister’s face. He took to the air before he hit the floor, letting out an infuriating snicker.
“Worm? Now Luna, if you think I look anything like a worm, you should seriously have your vision checked.” His comment only intensified the glares of the princesses, yet he only seemed to revel in their anger.
“Discord,” murmured Celestia, “I am extremely disappointed in you.” Before she could say more, the tiny draconequus cut in.
“Really?” he asked, “Funny, I thought I was acting on the altruistic impulses that overcome everyone during this time of year.” He cast a snide glance out at the Krampus, who was trying to move away from the talkative pony. “I figured that since you two were so adamant about barring me from attending your little festivity, the privilege should at least go to someone. And who better than the Krampus, who to my knowledge, has never been invited to anything?”
The two alicorns did not stop glaring at him.
“Oh, come on now,” he chuckled, “What in the world are you two so upset about? After all, you know he only punishes naughty ponies. And really, just how many naughty ponies do you think could possibly be among Canterlot’s richest?” He let out an unsettling wry giggle.
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By some miracle, the symphony had started up again, and in an effort to forget that the grim presence of the creature many ponies had taken to dancing. Still, none could really keep their eyes off of him for more than a minute, and it seemed that every time they glanced back to him, he was staring directly back at them. But he never moved from his spot near the door. His only companion was the pink mare, who was dividing her time between wolfing down cookies and jabbering in his ear.
“I guess you don’t like to dance, huh?” she said, “Do you know how? I can teach you if you want. It’s really fun!”
The Krampus did not acknowledge her, choosing instead to leer out at the dancers with his perpetual scowl.
The expression worsened as he noticed a particular pony waltz up a little too close to him. It was a decidedly handsome unicorn stallion with a white coat, sea-blue eyes, and a long golden mane. He had an equally beautiful, pale-pink unicorn mare as a dancing partner, who was strangely not too pleased about her position.
The Krampus’s eyes flashed. Without a second to spare he reached down and drew a long, twisted bundle of birch branches from the chain encircling his waist, and raised it over his head.
THWACK!
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Celestia whirled around as she heard the girlish shriek just in time to see her nephew hurrying across the room in the opposite direction of the brutish guest. Her eyes narrowed as she heard the impish laughter behind her.
“I guess Blahblood wasn’t very good this year,” guffawed Discord.
It was impossible for Celestia to deny that Blueblood’s behavior was often substandard, but all the same she did not approve of the actions taken by the Krampus.
THWACK!
TWHACK!
Two more socialites were suddenly dashing across the ballroom. Luna had no idea that Jet Set or Upper Crust could even move that fast. Their fleeing marked a second disruption of the symphony and the dancing had stopped entirely. Once again all eyes were fixed on the Krampus. The terrible switch was held tight in his claws, ready to deliver another blow should he see fit. Celestia and Luna burned red with embarrassment at the disaster their party was inevitably about to become. All the while Discord fought to muffle his annoying peals of laughter. One laugh was so great that he failed to contain it, and it sounded off in every corner of the room.
The moment that devilish chuckle reached the Krampus’s ears was the moment Discord realized the tremendous mistake he’d made.
The Krampus froze. The dismal look in his eyes erupted into of full-blown fury, so fierce that it seemed they were truly two crackling coals in his sockets. His ashen face turned a deep scarlet, and he clenched his teeth so tightly they threatened to shatter. The creature let out a bone-chilling howl as it swiveled in the direction of that accursed laugh. The one who had made it was someone who had gone unpunished for over a thousand years. The name of this particular someone could be found at the top his list; bolded, underlined, and circled. Twice.
Discord no longer felt so jovial as the demon locked eyes with him. In response to the sudden dread that was now spreading throughout every inch of his body, the Draconequus reverted to his normal size in hopes it might give him some courage. It didn’t. Standing a full foot above the Krampus seemed irrelevant given how angry he looked.
“...Alright, I’ve had my fun,” he muttered nervously, “Well, Celestia, Luna, feel free to send him on his way. I’ll be in my tower.” The chimera snapped his claws.
He immediately frowned afterward as he noticed he was still in the exact same spot. Shocked, puzzled, and frantic, he looked to the sisters. They appeared every bit as surprised as he was, which he quickly interpreted as a very bad sign.
With a knowing cringe he turned to the Krampus. The air surrounding the demon wavered and churned with a powerful heat, radiating from the now red hot chains and manacles that adorned his body. If they at all harmed the creature, he did not seem to care.
“Oh dear…”
He barely had enough time to take to the air as the Krampus came barreling forward. The ponies that filled the room gasped as the spirit of chaos flew out into the open, pursued by the infuriated monster. The horned beast bellowed and snarled as it plowed through the scattering masses. The terrified guests ran like mad from each wrathful swing he made at Discord, many dodging the horrible switch by mere inches. Discord himself narrowly avoided being struck, ducking and dipping like the tail of a kite as he whirled his way across the ballroom. The Krampus was never far behind. All manner of ugly sounds emanated from the demon as he gave chase, from the dissonant rattling of his chains to his earsplitting shrieks of rage.
At last, the draconequus found refuge on the ornate, bowl-shaped chandelier that hung in the middle of the room. He curled himself up inside the metal frame, keeping a careful watch on the agitated monstrosity below.
“Ah...Hello there, Krampus,” he called out, his voice somehow being heard over the creature’s bestial roars, “What’s it been; one, two millennia?” He was answered only by the unfriendly racket of his attacker. The spirit grimaced as the Krampus reached into his basket.
“Yes, well...it was nice of you to drop by, but I suppose you’re very busy tonight.” He ducked into the chandelier as a flaming chunk of coal went soaring past his ear. A moment passed before he peeked over the edge to see the Krampus holding a fiery lump in his claws. The draconequus drummed his mismatched digits together for a moment before speaking again.
“Alright,” he said at last, “I don’t suppose I can interest you in a deal of some sort? Me revealing the location of Queen Chrysalis for you not taking me to Tartarus?”
The Krampus was apparently uninterested as he decided to pitch another hot coal at Discord’s head. The spirit of chaos slumped back down in the chandelier. This was going to be harder than he thought.
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The Krampus pulled out another coal, this time taking careful aim for the chain that secured the chandelier. Just as the black lump began to sizzle, he felt something tug at his leg. The caprine glanced down to see the pink mare. Unlike everypony else, she had not backed up against the wall in unprecedented horror. In fact, she didn’t seem at all unnerved by the situation.
“’Scuse me Mr. Krampus,” she said, “I was just wondering…”
*********************
Curious as to why things had suddenly become quiet, Discord dared to peer down at the dance floor. The Krampus was still there, kneeling down next to a pony. Had it been any other pony Discord would have been astounded, but as it was Pinkie Pie, he wasn’t particularly surprised. She was whispering into the demon’s ragged ear, making occasional glances at where the draconequus hid. Once or twice the Krampus turned to glare at him. Discord leaned out just a bit to hear what Pinkie was speaking about, but by then she had finished. She smiled a sheepish, pleading smile at the Krampus. In turn, the creature gave a furious scowl. He growled and hissed, howled and groaned, and tugged on his unruly beard. But at last he finally gave what sounded like a sigh of defeat.
Ponies who had been watching the strange sight backed away as the Krampus stood up. He shot a menacing snort at Discord. Then, to everyone’s amazement, the caprine horror began his way to the exit. The fierce glow of his chains faded as stomped across the floor, muttering and snarling at any who he caught looking at him. He threw open the doors and skulked off into the night.
For a time everyone stared silently at the open doorway, not really feeling the icy breeze that poured in from outside. Discord dropped down to the floor beside Pinkie. His face was the very portrait of bafflement, and he looked back and forth from the doorway to the earth pony mare.
“...Pinkie...What did you say to him?”
She turned to him with a pleased smile.
“I told him what I wanted for Hearth’s Warming,” she said, as if it explained everything. Discord was at a loss for words, possibly for the first time in his life. He only found his voice after Pinkie began bouncing back to the snack table. In a moment the draconequus was beside her as she reached for a cookie.
“Y-you...you what?”
The pink mare bit into a chocolate chip cookie before replying.
“I told him what I wanted for Hearth’s Warming,” she repeated.
Discord stood still for a moment, stunned. His warped thought process tried to grasp this information and make connections. But as hard as he pondered, the chimera couldn’t see how a simple request had stopped a wrathful demon from time immemorial. Bewildered and humbled yet yearning for the answer, Discord had no choice but to ask a mortal pony what he himself, a demi-god in his own right, did not know.
“What did you ask him for?”
“Well,” Pinkie said through a mouthful of cookie, “I told him I wanted a chance. Well, not for me, but for you. You’ve been trying so hard to be reformed and all, and making such good progress that I couldn’t let you get hauled off to Tartarus.”
Discord had never felt such a strange mixture of gratitude and guilt. Touched as he was by the mare’s selfless gesture, his own involvement in the whole incident made it a bit awkward.
“Um...well, thank you,” he said with an uncomfortable smile, “That’s the best Hearth’s Warming gift I’ve ever gotten. Even if it’s the only Hearth’s Warming gift I’ve ever gotten.”
“Well, it is Hearth’s Warming,” said Pinkie as she offered him a snickerdoodle, “But it doesn’t have to be a holiday to do something nice for a friend.”
Author's Note
A very Merry belated Christmas and an early Happy New Year to all of you!
