Vampishy

by Royal Canterlot

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 1710

Fluttershy turns into a vampire and does some stuff.

Fluttershy turns into a vampire batpony after being infected with vampire blood when one of Twilight's spells backfires. However, instead of sucking the juice out of apples, she suddenly starts acting like she's in a poorly written, meta vampire romance book, which involves magical sparkling fur, hitting on Twilight Sparkle, and never, ever sleeping. You messed up, Twilight!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-29 19:00:01 UTC

Well, Bats Wasn't Supposed to Happen

Fluttershy was calmly trotting through the woods of the desolated Sweet Apple Acres, darkened by Luna's moon that was invisible behind the curly clouds. If it was any other day she would be aching her eyes to see through the blackness of night. But since Twilight used a spell on her that 'got rid' of the vampire bats for good, she could surprisingly see very well in the dark. Fluttershy smiled; damn, the night was awesome. She was supposed to be finding out what was continuing to eat Applejack's apples, but who cared about apples now? I mean, she may have had a revenge snack due to her natural vampire bat instincts that she got when Twilight's spell backfired, but still. Applejack totally deserved it from that time she socked Angel in the face.

Fluttershy stopped. Wait a minute. When did Applejack sock Angel in the face? Did she even sock Angel in the face? Why was she eating Applejack's apples for socking Angel in the face if she didn't know if Applejack socked Angel in the face? She let the flicker of doubt consume her before stopping her trail of doubts.

She was sure that Applejack socked Angel in the face in her mind once.

That would do.

"I've got a bad feeling." Fluttershy said out of nowhere. "Not a good one like Flow Wright has, but a bad one."

"A bad one like Flow Wrong has?" Pinkie chirped, that made everypony stop in their tracks. Of course, since Fluttershy wasn't a pony she kept walking. Fluttershy, due to this simple fact, was renounced as the best pony for the next week.

Silence. Dead silence. Silence that made Fluttershy want to murder a puppy, which was horrible since she was the Element of Kindness and the last time Fluttershy checked the Elements of Kindness did not murder puppies, unless they were evil. Well, they kind of threw out the Elements and Equestria was forever doomed. So she was off the hook, which was good, even if it came at the price of a possible doomsday.

"Pinkie, that was a horrible joke." Twilight called. "You really need to up the ante as our comedy relief. You're the Element of Laughter, for Luna's sake."

"Yeah, like that book Twilight. It's full of those horrible jokes, I am ashamed to have read it." Rainbow Dash growled, sounding a bit too edgy for Fluttershy's taste. "In fact, I can't believe that anypony would write a thing like that! Who in their right mind would create something so deadly that Satan would tremble in fear at the name Belle Swan?"

"Hey!" Twilight shrieked, that Fluttershy compared to a banshee. "Don't diss my autobiography!"

"You're secretly a vampire?" Rarity wondered out loud, deciding for her best interests to not voice the fact that 'Belle Swan' was her little sister's self insert character that she begged Twilight to add in.

"Um, the former applies to me." Fluttershy muttered, but of course, nopony heard her due to Pinkie Pie's voice that pierced the heavens because of sheer volume.

"I am not a vampire you mewling qui-" Twilight hollered, but stopped short as her gaze drifted to Fluttershy. Now, keep in mind Twilight Sparkle was not, by any means, an irrational pony. She was a princess, for Luna's sake, she knew she needed to keep things shrewd for Ponyville's sake. So, you may find it surprising that Twilight was being a fully normal Equestrian when she saw Fluttershy and blurted out; "Fluttershy, what the hell have you been smoking?"

Fluttershy took a good moment to stare at herself. She had bat wings, fur that appeared to shine in the sunlight like it was encrusted with jewels, red eyes that shone like Celestia's sun in the morning, and a much more rugged feel of her mane. She wasn't even counting the set of fangs that thirsted for blood every few seconds. Her ears also looked like Discord with a bad fur day, which wasn't a pretty sight considering he was crashing at her place. She decided now was a good time to voice her opinion as calmly as possible. "You are right, what have I been smoking?"

Rainbow Dash got her composure down and stood up grand and tall. She raised an eyebrow and stared Fluttershy in the eye. "So, what exactly are you, since you don't exactly look like a pegasus?"

Fluttershy examined her body, once more, doing a couple of spins and pirouettes, before stopping and shrugging and her newfound discovery. "...apparently, i'm a vampire. A gay one, at that."

"And that's normal?" Twilight asked, a tinge of curiosity piking out of her brain. "For vampires to be gay, I mean."

"Very." Fluttershy confirmed.

Applejack, who was somehow quiet this entire time attempted to speak up. "Fluttershy, since when have you been a vampire? And where did you get such a great gimmick to turn into a batpony?"

"Um," Fluttershy began slowly, a hint of nervousness in her tone. "Twilight did a spell which backfired so now i'm half vampire, half bat, half pony, and half Edward Cullen."

"That's a lot of halves, Flutterbat." Applejack noticed, unintentionally giving Fluttershy a new name. "I need to be a vampony. Y'know, if I do that, I might have a massive popularity breakthrough. I might actually get fanart."

Rarity gave out a large 'pfft' at Applejack's statement. "AJ, darling, dreams are for winners."

"So," Pinkie Pie piped. "What do we do now?"

"Well," Flutterbat said in the most sexy voice possible. "I do believe that I should suck blood. Because, y'know, that's what normal vampires do."

"You could suck my blood." Rainbow Dash offered a bit too calmly for everypony's sake. "Everypony thinks i'm a lesbian anyway."

"No, no, no!" Twilight Sparkle hollered, causing everypony in a mile radius of her to stop short and stare at her that would make a cockatrice get jealous. "Fluttershy, um, Flutterbat, you need a vampire therapist. Right. Now."

"Where the hell can I find a therapist at midnight?" Flutterbat asked, crossing her hooves, hovering off the ground due to her now expanded vampire wings, an eyebrow raised in half amusement, half curiosity.

"Oh, I think I know a place..." Twilight evilly smriked as Flutterbat felt a shudder run through her body.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"Alright, everybody, take a seat." The pony at the front of the room ordered, so Flutterbat got herself comfortable in between a bipedal, creepy creature that was wearing a cape of some kind and a griffon that smelled of garlic, which was odd since vampires were supposed to be allergic to garlic. Flutterbat meekly smiled at the display before her, but inside her head she was plotting of all the possible ways to murder Twilight. The teacher found the time to speak up again. "Now, as you all know, my name is Ms. Vein, and welcome to another day of Atrocity Anonymous! I am pleased to announce we have a new blood brother with us today." Ms. Vein looked over at Flutterbat, who was apparently trying to melt in her seat. "Flutterbat, please, stand up."

Flutterbat exhaled a bit of breath and stood up to face the class, using her mane to hide her face as much as possible. She wasn't exactly used to talking in front of crowds. "H-Hello, everybody, i'm Flutterbat."

"Hello Flutterbat." The class chimed in perfect sync, causing Flutterbat's heart to flutter a bit. They actually responded! Oh yes, this was definitely a step up from flight school.

The griffon on the left of her waved to Flutterbat, baring his teeth wide and winked seductively, causing Flutterbat to blush rose red. "Vello, i'm Vracula."

"And i'm Nosferatu." The bipedal thing next to Flutterbat offered, shooting Flutterbat a toothy grin. "Lady, i'd suck some blood out of you any day."

"Hey, I spoke to ver first." Dracula growled, but luckily Ms. Vein broke them up before they could get into a vampire pissing contest.

"Okay, guys, you're both pretty." Ms. Vein told them comfortingly, but then put on her serious face. She turned to Flutterbat, an apologetic look on her face. "Now, Flutterbat, how have you felt since you got turned?"

"I feel like a... vampire, I guess, that wants to feast on my best friend's blood." Flutterbat told her soothingly. "...and somehow i'm not allergic to garlic."

Ms. Vein nodded sharply. "Vampires are normally not allergic to garlic. Dracula likes to use it instead of perfume so he doesn't get hunted down by our arch enemy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, who is still so incredibly stupid that he thinks we're still allergic to garlic."

"Oh my," Fluttershy remarked. "Sounds serious."

"He still thinks ve are allergic to vilver, too!" Dracula piped in his silly accent.

Ms. Vein smiled happily at Dracula for the first time in the half hour Flutterbat was at this therapist session. "Yeah, what a dic- Nosferatu! Are you trying to drink Flutterbat's blood?" She shrieked at the last minute, pointing to Flutterbat's hoof which has a jaw wrapped around it, a strange pair of fangs ready to suck the blood out of her body.

"Uh," Nosferatu meekly said. "No."

"Then why is your jaw wrapped around Flutterbat's hoof life you want to drink her blood?" Ms. Vein implored with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"...I smelled a Bloody Mary." Nosferatu asserted half halfheartedly, which caused Dracula to facehoof.

"Vou do know those von't have vlood in them, right?" Dracula demanded with a frown that made it clear he couldn't believe his eyes or ears.

Nosferatu's pupils grew to the size of saucers as his entire reality came crashing apart. "Wait, really?"

"Ugh." Ms. Vein growled, which made the entire room shift glaces. It was obvious Ms. Vein wasn't a pretty sight when angry. "Now, onto our next section of discussion; baseball!" Ms. Vein drawled. "We vampires are a massive fan of baseball. In fact, our favorite - and local - team is the Twilight Sparkles, who have gone undefeated for mysterious reasons that are not pertaining due to the team being vampires!"

"I am so drunk right now." Flutterbat muttered as she slid down into her seat, wondering how her life came to this.