humanity

by combatarms

Rating: mature
Tags: Crossover, Human, Dark
Length: 9632

the world has burned and there is only one human left. many millenia into the future he arrives.

the humans have fallen, but there is one left. will he bring them back or will the false god of this era ruins his plans. join him on his journey. dark secrets are being kept from him ones that could bring his people back from oblivion.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-12 20:11:13 UTC

alpha

Humanity

The most proud race that ever lived, but there jealousy beat them In the end. The world burned in nuclear fire a hundred times over, but before this happened ten people were chosen. These ten people were sent into the future each ten thousand years future each of them were different some were even insane I was one of them, I am the last of my people and I will give knew birth to the humans.

The ten that were sent had there arms legs and pointless organs removed so they could be fitted with cybernetics. In there right arms data, one thousand terabytes of human data was put in that one arm. In there left a small pocket dimension for food all, of it would stay as fresh as the day it was put in. in there left leg a pocket dimension filled with basic technology and machine that will help recreate the human race. And in the right leg the most important one, an even smaller pocket dimension about the size of a large wall safe filled to the brim with different types of human dna all it needed was the proper condition to grow in, that was my job.

Instead I chose to be a guard for ponies, not the most glorifying but hey it works. I couldn’t be a day guard because ponies would get scared so I chose night I still have to wear a cloak or an illusion must be cast so I look somewhat like a dog. They were about as tall as me so it got the job done. So I sat in front of the massive steel door that went to lunas room, let me explain something celestia didn’t like technology but her sister did so her room is under ground and guarded by me, a massive steel door and a fifty caliber rifle which could gun down anything that wasn’t aloud here.

Now how did I get such a gun you ask well Luna set up a lot of the technology I brought and put it to use outfitting her guards with human weapons and amour so they weren’t aloud to show these weapons unless it was necessary. Now the only time I ever used this gun was to stop an invisible assassin i saw with thermal vision, I turned his head into red paste. Needless the say the cleaning lady was very angry with me. But enough of this poor intro I think its time we begin.

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I woke up to the steel ceiling that was my home my house was some walk into the everfree and was protected by natural defenses. It was once a vault as I heard it was called the military built many so I knew I was still in America or at least the continent it used to reside on. This vault closed with nobody in it so all of its power systems turned off and when I discovered it the only problem was the three inches of dust I was meet with, plus all the spoiled food, once that was all cleaned up I had my new home a massive underground steel mansion.

So it was time to get up I had two hours to get ready so I showered, shaved ate breakfast, had a poo and brushed my teeth. Now its time to go I stepped on the black bad of magic and technology and was teleported to the lunar guard barracks they were used to seeing me so I didn't care, they didn't really like me that much. So I grabbed my cloak and headed to lunas room. She had just gotten up and was going to here first meeting before she stopped me and said

“why hello Sam did you sleep well?” she looked tired and always hated these meetings, but when she asked you a question bullshit answers were out he door.

“why hello princes Luna yes I did sleep well but more importantly did you?” she gave a light blush and responded

“yes I slept well and did a fair bit of dream walking, the usual why?” this was my chance I wanted to know what those guards were mumbling back there about vacation days.

“Not to be a bother but do I have vacation days” she looked at me with that same cheerful grin I enjoyed seeing

“why yes you do from what I remember you have at least a week of vacation days saved up.” I was very happy I haven’t been on a vacation since before I came here so I asked here rather quickly.

“Well if its not a bad time can I get three days off ive been stressed lately trying to get that super computer running so we can start bringing technology to the rest of the world even if your sister doesn't want us to.” she smiled yes this was a good sign

“Why yes you can but please during this vacation of your try to get it up at running at least one day I really want something we can rub in the face of my sister.” and with that a began my guard duty which consisted of me sitting around listening to an mp3 player and looking around. After about three hours I was getting bored and a Minotaur walked down the hallway towards lunas door, he had a sword.

He spoke loudly and clearly “Dog move out of my way and I will make your death quick!” I chuckled “What is so funny here I am about to kill you and all you have to defend yourself is a metal tool its not even a sword, I expected a well armed platoon guarding the princess!” this was a rare species I like to call them dumb fucks.

I took off my cloak he stopped dead in his tracks “any last words assassin” this was going to be bloody.

He stuttered “N- no your a myth you can-” my gun roared with anger and a hole appeared in his chest as there was a massive splatter of blood on the wall. As what was left of the corpse fell to the ground in a heap. The cleaning lady who was in lunas room came running out

“W- what happened… oh come on not again!” she didn't look pleased but I did my job I went over to his body and grabbed the sword, it was enchanted with many runes if this would have touched the princess she could have been hurt or killed.

Luna appeared beside me “So I see another fool thought I was in my chambers and came to slay me” she looked irritated at the blood and gore on the wall.

“Yeah sorry about that but can I keep his sword I feel it would be safer if there is nobody that knows about it” She looked at me puzzled.

“Why should no pony know about it, is it enchanted” I gave a look to the sword and said.

“Yes I don’t know much about runes but I know the more on the blade the stronger and there is a rune on almost every centimeter on it.” I did not want this sword getting out at all.

“Indeed I see but let me study it first I would like to know who made this sword.” She was puzzled by the sword but I guess every smith has a mark and she will find it.

“Well back to guard duty” I said as I ejected the empty case and cycled in the new one.

ponyville

So vacation begins. I get on the train and within four hours I’ll be there. Damn this system if sunbutt would fund my projects and allow me to bring real technology to this world, but no! fucking cunt won’t let me. I guess I was making a face cause a random pony on the train walked over to my seat.” Mister are you ok you don t look so happy?” I looked at her and I saw innocence just like most of the ponies, they were all so innocent and ignorant.

“I'm fine.” I tell her she still didn’t leave.

“You don’t sound fine.” God damnit why won’t she leave.

“And if I wasn’t fine would talking really help, my problems aren’t for innocent people so just go away already.” I was getting pissed

And still she sat there “why do you say people I'm a pony not a person?” Fuck it might as well tell someone other than immortals.

“Because when I come from we said people, over a hundred thousand years ago my people ruled this planet, then we got mad at each other so mad we felt the need to void all life most counties built bunkers but the united states did was truly insane.” She looked horrified “it was to send people into the future and recreate society, and it worked that’s why I'm here.” She was puzzled now. I haven’t had the chance because Celestia won’t give me the recourses I need I have the schematics the know-how and even ways to power them but that fucking cunt won’t let me bring back my god damn people!” at this point I was hyper ventilating and near tears when she hugged me.

“Its ok I'm sure she will come around some time just keep trying.” Maybe she could help me.

“No she won’t not without support from the elements of harmony and at least ten citizens, that will never happened the human race will die out it’s not even legend any more just something crazy people study.” And it was true only insane people looked into the human race anymore.

“Well I'm friends with them maybe I could help you convince them.” Jackpot. “And I'm sure I could get at least all of Ponyville to vouch for you.” There wasn’t much you could say this grey mare with a blond mane and a genetic defect that screwed her eyes over would help you, so you did what you could do and hugged her only sincere hug you’ve ever given.

And from that day forward I had a friend her name was ditzy and she will be known throughout history as the bringer of life to man.

The ride went by quicker now that I had someone to talk to then came the question “so what were your parents like Sam”. I felt the blood drain from my face. “Are you ok Sam?” No I wasn’t, I was not ok.

“M- my parents?” no I couldn’t talk about them not yet not even Luna could know what happened to them.”I can’t talk about them Im sorry.” There was no way she could know about them.

“It’s ok I don’t have to know I was just curious.” Curiosity killed the cat and the human race.

We didn’t speak much after that we only had a few minutes left. I began to walk towards the element of magic house. And on the way I was met with stares and a pink mare who must have been high on every drug that’s ever existed came out of now were.

I knocked on the door and when a little dragon answered he fainted.  I walked in, picked him up, and called Twilight's name. She came running down the stairs and teleported the baby drake to his basket bed thing.

“So your Luna's guard?  I'm so glad to meet you my name is Twilight Sparkle, what’s yours?” I knew she was a nerd but holy fuck that is the understatement of the last one hundred thousand years.

“My name is Sam it’s a pleasure to meet you.” She began to pull out a list this was not going to be fun.

“I know you must be waiting to start having fun but I need to ask you some questions about your people and home world.” Well time to break it to her

“Listen Twilight most of the ponies I tell about my people wish they never heard as for my home world I'm from here, my people thrived up until around a hundred thousand years ago. Now that’s all you can know unless I decided otherwise.” She looked shocked at this

“B-but the princess Celestia said to learn about you, I need to kn-“ fuck this.

“I don’t give a rats ass about what that fucking bitch says doesn’t think I swear allegiance to her Luna is the only one of them that isn’t a selfish vermin!” she looked near tears, good anyone who thinks that Celestia is a superior to Luna is just ignorant. Also how could anyone cry over somebody insulting a monarch that’s just stupid.

As I stormed out of her house I made sure I had money so I could rent a place and for food. And with that I couldn’t help but regret what I said not because of her feelings because she was a key to help me, oh well.

TWILIGHT POV

He just insulted princess Celestia the ruler of Equestria and the only pony you could ever look up to, of course you were mad you were furious but what could you do he is Luna's guard and the only one of his species. There was nothing you could do no matter your rank as an element he was superior.”BUCK THIS!” you scream and kick the wall behind you fractures going through the wood and causing books to fall out of place. Usually you would fix the books but you had other things to worry about like how to get that ape back for what he did. You shut down all logic and go with what you think is right, you don’t care about learning from him, creating more of him or anything scientific you just want cold hard revenge and you were going to take in any way you could.

well there goes my vacation.

After that little argument with twilight about her false god I walked through the market and went to the nearest stall there sat a teal blue mare with snow white hair who was selling oranges. She seemed to be quiet happy until she saw me. She back into the stall and muttered something about not eating her.” excuse me how much are four oranges?” she looked like Satan himself was knocking on her door.

After a few seconds she finally muttered out” t- two bits, but you don’t have to pay if you don’t want to.” I left four bits on the counter and said to her

“Don’t fear me.” Three words were all I said it didn’t seem to do much but oh well I didn’t care. I began walking towards what I thought was a motel when I noticed an old tan mare with grey hair running towards me with a lead pipe. “I muttered to myself “oh fuck me with the moon.” She closed the distance very quickly and swung her pipe at me, in return I blocked it with my arm.

She said in a harsh low tone “leave this town vile beast I will not let you eat any of my ponies.” She emphasized this with another swing of her pipe I blocked it again.” I will die before I let you ruin this town and my father’s legacy!” she kept swinging her pipe and I kept blocking and dodging. “What’s wrong ape you can’t fight or are you holding out on me!” she was getting a crazed look in her eyes

“God damnit leave me alone all I wanted to do is having a fucking vacation!”She kept striking me the advanced alloy my arm was made of took zero damage. “Miss before this continues why are you assaulting me?”

“Because you’re a freak and anytime a different species or race enters my town something bad happens!”

“if anything bad happens I’ll do my best to fix it and save anyone in need that’s my job, I work personally for Luna as a guard.” She looked shocked

“Im sorry I didn’t realize it’s just… after a while different hurts, I can’t stand to see my citizens hurt.”

“But what was that about your father’s legacy?” I shouldn’t ask her this but what the hell.

“He was the greatest crime fighter and mayor when he lived in manehatten, he wouldn’t send guards out to solve crime he would get this exact lead pipe and beat them.” Her eyes were teary “and look what I became all I do is run a small town who can’t even protect it from the most mundane problems.”

“It’s ok I forgive you, I just want to take a vacation could you make sure the ponies know it.” I was going to enjoy three days off.

“I’ll relay the message don’t worry.” Good I wasn’t going to put up with anymore shit.

“Also what was that about me being a freak?”  Her face turned a dark red.

“S-sorry most of us are xenophobic I try not to be but it’s hard.” She looked sorry enough.

“It’s ok just forget about it” I said as I turned around and continued walking. As I neared the motel a royal messenger approached me and passed me a note. It read

“Dear Sam your presence is required at the manehatten military harbor. Be here as soon as you can and bring anything for sea travel.

P.S. do you like bananas?

From your friend celestia.

The messenger hadn’t moved. So I flipped him the bird and began walking towards my home in the everfree.

Once I got to my house I had killed four manticore, a hydra and to boot an innocent bear that I swear screamed as I tore his heart out. Upon entering my house I grabbed an m14 and something i rarely moved. My bionic wings, my arms and my existence here may be huge feats of science but im my opinion these were the greatest things humanity could have ever built. I put them into the proper inputs and they whirred to life. I said to myself “it’s been a while old girl you ready to go?” of course they wouldn’t respond but that would be hella cool. I walked out of my home and took to the sky gaining enough altitude to be noticed when I fly over ponyville. Then I had a second though, I turned on the function in my wings that acted as a tracer. In combat this was impractical but it looked badass.

As i flew over ponyville a sky blue mare with a rainbow mane and tail glided alongside me. “Hey you’re that thing that mayor mare attacked aren’t you?” I nodded a yes. “Ok cool but did you have those wings half an hour ago?” I shook my head for no “then how did you get them?”

“I am part robot you could say these wings are an attachment I didn't use them to get here because I wanted a vacation now something has come up in the military and I have to go to manehatten.” I was going to have to hall ass at this rate.

“Wait something is happening why didn’t celestia contact twilight?” damnit Loyalty such a nosy spirit.

“because you deal with stuff like discord I deal with pirates and violent crimes, don’t tell anyone but I assume im being called in so I can command the royal war ships upon a group of diamond dogs that took of a pony settlement in Africa.” She looks shocked.

“Wait so you’re telling me princess celestia has her own private army and uses them on a regular basis?” thick as a fucking brick.

“Yes now don’t tell anyone or I’ll kill you.” I then shot off leaving rainbow behind with a trail of dark blue in my wake.

Upon arriving to the harbor I was flagged down by celestia who was being guarded by at least ten guards. I proceeded to land in front of her none of the guards moving. “Why hello Sam I hope your having a wond-“

“Fuck you.” She and her guards looked shocked.

“You may be a high ranking officer but you have no right to speak to me like that” she said in a harsh tone.

“you know what you fucking did you took me off vacation just to use me as cannon fodder if this fails, because god help the world if celestia gets caught slaughtering hundreds of diamond dogs.” I was a bit mad “no but if I get caught you will still have a reputation among your zombies.” I stormed past her and boarded the flag ship. Behind me I heard one of the guards say

“Miss should I peruse him?” he better not.

“No I will deal with him” this was gonna be good “SAM! I command you to turn around and apologize to me!” I kept walking. I heard her move towards me “listen to me now!” I didn’t lose speed. I looked at the soldiers on the ship all staring wide eyed at the spectacle. Once she was right behind me I turned around and sent a right hook right for her jaw, but instead of blocking she took the punch and didn’t even flinch “are you done?” oh hell no.

“Like hell I am” I said as I sent another punch this one to the chest she blocked it now a large portion of the city somehow got near to see this, which is a lot.

“Stop it Sam you’re bringing a crowd.” I kept throwing punches and her guards did nothing “I said stop it!” she fired a blast of force into me throwing me onto the ship but before I hit the ground I stabilized and landed on my feet.

“Why you’ve done so many wrongs to me, this may be a minor one but a wrong is a wrong and I am sick of your bullshit!” I was getting very angry. “NIOTWO FOINGAHHESTAG!”(this is in dovah I don’t know if I got it right there is a certain way you do stuff like this)  most of the ponies look confused

“I see you’ve been learning the language of the dovah Sam.” Fuck this

“It belonged to the humans I don’t know what the bombs did when they fell but that language belongs to my people!” I charged at her with a sword; wait were did I get a sword. Stopped and examined the blade it was well crafted and made of a blue metal and inscribed in the blade it was written in dovahzul; it read out ‘the god slayer’. I looked up to celestia and slowly walked up to her, I held out the blade she tried to grab it with her magic and nothing happened  I smirked and swung my blade at her she dodged but barely a small cut on her right cheek slowly dripped with blood.

I put the random sword back into a sheath I didn't know i had and walked to my quarters. The walk there was silent anyone that didn’t see what happened was too scared to talk to me. Once I got to my room I sat down in front of the desk and opened the cabinet and grabbed a flask of whisky and drank a nice gulp. Then I went to bed and waited for the assault on the dogs.

some things should stay hidden

equestria had many mining operations but one was more efficient than the other; it mined a massive magic loadstone, and transported the chunks to Canterlot to further strengthen it. This was the Equestrian version of electricity. An infinite source of power,  but nobody knew who did the mining... That’s what scares me.

So I decided to take a trip to a place ponies aren’t allowed to get within a hundred miles of. I was making this trip illegally of course. I packed my bag with enough M.R.E’s to last a month, and my new found sword with a small pistol. This place was directly on the other side of the Everfree, so I had a long and dangerous walk.  Considering the fact the dragons were still hunting me for killing there kin that is. I shut off the lights in my home and said “well old friend this could be the last time I ever see you...  You’ve been a great help.” the always quiet A.I. responded.

“yes it had been good I hope to see your return soon.” it said in a feminine voice.

I walked out of the giant door and it closed behind me, I began walking in the direction of the mine. Around a hundred miles north. Around twenty minutes in I had problems a large volcano with hundreds of dragons swirling it. If I wasn’t quiet enough I would become bacon.

I crept as slowly as I could around the mountain and within an hour I made it away. I then hauled ass as far away as possible. Even though my limbs were made of metal they were programmed to get tired. After about four hours it started getting dark so I gathered some sticks and logs and built a fire. As I sat there staring into the flames I wondered what I would find there. Would it be something so horrible I couldn’t function or something that would enrage me to the extent of mass genocide.

I fell asleep at some point during the night because when I got up it was around noon. I decided to take the time and undo the restrictions on my legs because I needed to hall ass. After about half an hour I was ready and I began to run faster than a stereotypical Kenyan. Clocking in at least fifteen miles an hour. I pulled out a visor and put it over my face.

It wasn’t long before I saw to mountain that held the loadstone and at least two hundred military personnel scattered around it. Trains carried away the largest haul I've ever seen. At least fifty cars filled with the magical ore. I went prone and snuck through the field as best I could. This place was heavily guarded and if anyone was alerted of my presence I would bescrewed.  Celestia would teleport to me and end me in a second. So that wasn’t going to happen.

As I neared the mine I felt the presence of the stone it gave out such magical power that ponies could only take in doses. Humans as I understood were safe Celestia once surrounded me with enough of the stuff to kill a pony in a second. I was in there for over three weeks with food and piss breaks of course.

When I got to the mine I stood up and greeted to single guard there. “hello I am a paladin of the celestial army, I have been told to come here and gather a special peace of stone that cannot be mined by normal means.”

“and why should I believe you”

“because I'm the only one here that can with stand high powered loadstones and Celestia will be very angry with you if you don’t let me in.”

“fine go ahead” wow that’s a fucktard right there.

As I walked into the mines a heard the sound of picks being swung. Thousands of them all mining at once. I kept getting closer the  main chamber and it got even louder. It wasn’t long until I got there and I couldn’t hear myself think. When the narrow tunnel opened up into a cavern what I saw was the worst thing I've seen since the fiery holocaust that marked the end.

Thousands of them, humans chained together begin forced to dig. I fell to my knees hands clutched the sides of my head “AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” I let out a blood curdling scream this was the kind of thing that can break a man to see the last of his race in chains all races and genders eve children; this could not stand. it seemed they heard me. They stopped mining and looked up at me begging for help. Tears flowed from my eyes. They would rather die than be here. Then I felt a pain in my chest, I looked down and a sword was impaled through me. I was done, there was nothing I could do.

The sword pulled out and a hoof which I knew was Celestia's kicked me over the edge. The fall seemed to last forever, but I was numb before I hit the ground so I didn’t feel anything. I looked up into her eyes and I knew what I saw in; her eyes a cloud made of fire in the shape of a mushroom. She grinned at me dropping her sword of the edge and it landed back into the wound.

I felt life slip away I guess this is what derpy felt like when she was hit with that beam. Then a few humans surrounded me I looked at them this time I begged them for help. They obliged and removed the blade from my chest. One of them picked me up In a fireman’s carry and ran into a side cave. Dirt and stone faded to marble and marble faded to steel walls; a vault that’s what she really wanted. He dropped me off at an infirmary and the nurse stared at the wound in shock. I could feel my soul slipping it wanted to quit but I couldn’t let that happen. I reached out to her and she responded with calling for a more experienced doctor. When they got their I think they had every piece of medical equipment possible. I realized they were talking but I couldn’t hear them. They injected me with multiple syringes and I stared in awe as my spine, ribs and, heart re-grew. Im pretty sure my lungs did to but I couldn’t tell because I was soon knocked out.

I woke up in very sterile room wit ha window on the other side. A doctor walked in holding a clipboard with some papers. Grinning at me he said.

“ah so your finally awake, its good to see you survived; even though we re grew the organs she destroyed we still had to deal with blood loss and you were in shock.” I whistled at that.

“damn how long have I been out.”

“about two days,”

“good”

“and why is that?”

“because I haven’t missed my own funeral I cant wait to show celestia how bad she is at killing.”

“w- what you cant go back you have to help us take our planet back!”

“yeah im working on that don’t worry her sister who knows she is a total bitch is helping me, so we got this shit in the bag now.”

“I might not be a military specialist but how is that?”

“because we have each other.”

His expression was akin to something along the lines of “wat” or “bitch you crazy”

“I know it sounds weird but with an army I can finally take canterlot, make sure your men are battle trained im gonna leave and make some calls to the allies ive made over the years.”

“number ten you cant leave yet your still in terrible sha-” he stopped talking as I jumped out of the bed and began to walk towards the door.

“what did you call me?”

“I called you by your military designation.”

“oh well fuck that call me Sam” I never liked titles. “also if you have any vehicles get them ready, I want a working army in two months general.”

“b-but im a doctor”

“no you’re a general now, make sure Celestia thinks your still working.”

“yes sir!” he gave a salute.

“also were is my stuff.” he pointed to the door and my belongings sat there. “thanks ill see you around.” I walked out side with my stuff in tow. I stopped to put my wings back in, I didn’t use them to get here because of the dragons. I walked down the halls of the massive vault. This was vault one it was made to hold so many, there was probably only a tenth of the population in here than when the war began.

Every time I passed a human I didn’t see a worker or a slave; I saw them as friends, comrades, and colleagues. I smiled breaking into a sprint then a run. When I got to the main chamber I took to the air immediately feeling the wind In my hair. Then I heard in the workers were cheering me on they knew this was the time, they knew the revolution had begun.

When I got out of the cave I drew my sword and flew as quicker as I could towards ponyville. I would have to stop by my house for a day and wait for the funeral. I was flying at such speeds the dragons volcano came into view. There were a few dragons flying towards me as I got closer they seemed angry. They flew straight towards me and at the last second I moved and dodged the living missile. Then again as the other dragons shot fire and tried to slash me. I eventually got tired of the and charged my sword with the magic I had seemed to gain out of no where; the I turned letting loose a diagonal strike which instead of distracting them cut their volcano in half.

Instead of fighting me they turned and ran I don’t blame them I just cut a mountain In half with little effort. I continued my flight when I neared ponyville I quickly descended and made my way into my house. The AI spoke to me again

“hello sir reports say you died.’

“I did and now I'm back.”

“well that’s good.”

“damn straight, now when is my funeral in this town.’

“I didn’t think they would do it but the drones indicate that it will be held tonight at around five o’clock.”

“well that’s good I have an hour to get ready for it.” the AI said nothing after this. I removed my current clothes which consisted of a hospital gown. I took a shower and grabbed a suit. Not just any suit a suit that was so well armored it could take a 50. Cal  rifle to its chest but it was so flexible its like I wasn’t wearing anything.

On the way out I grabbed the sword an flew to ponyville. Once I got In the vicinity I did my best to sneak to were the funeral was being held. Once I got to the stage I realized there was no one there yet so I jumped into the casket and closed the lid. About five minutes later ponies started gathering. Then after around twenty minutes the funeral began with some old guy saying something about a boring afterlife, I thought to myself ‘ok fuck this’.

I kicked the lower lid and pushed the top lid off with ease and jumped out “SURPRISE BITCHES!!” I think I killed the old guy “ I bet you thought I was dead to?” a few of them nodded still in shock. “well that sun bitch lied to you all, she may have impaled me with a huge ass sword but I'm still here.”

“liar she would never do that!”

I am unamused “actually she did I would know I did get stabbed.” moron “and why would she never do that?”

“because she loves us and would never hurt anypony!” and orange mare yelled.

“lets get this straight she is as close to a god than anything you will ever see, you don’t really mean anything to her.”

“LIAR!”

“he isn’t lying foolish ponies” a draconoques appeared next to me. I jumped back a bit. “oh did I scare you sorry about that”

“so your discord?”

“yep the one and only god of chaos”

“cool”

“as I was saying I was there when it happened”

“you were?”

“yes I was disguised as a rock.”

“the fuck?”

“I get bored often so I find random spots in Equestria and turn into random things.” weird ass.

“sure why the hell not, and as I was saying Celestia stabbed me with a sword” I looked at discord “I don’t know how I survived but I woke up in the everfree afterwards.” I looked at him again thank god he took the hint. “as much as a enjoyed  “well I enjoyed that you were going to have a funeral but its not necessary now” I turned and walked towards twilights library.

I got in a hopped onto the couch and spike came down the stairs. “twilight how was the fune-” he looked at me

“sup” he fainted “pansy.” I got up and went to the fridge she had and found two bottles of orange juice I grabbed one and but five bits were it used to be, I then proceeded to chug the entire bottle. When I was done I found a twilight standing in front of me with a glare. I just looked back. “hey I paid for the juice the money is in the fridge.” she didn’t move however she did charge her horn “hey lets be rati-” I couldn’t finish the sentence because I was shot through the wall and into the sky. I was in the air for a long time and I was over the forest when I started decending.

“fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!” I said as I broke through the canopy and hit the ground spinning multiple times and doing a slip here or there. When I stopped I was in front of a hut and a zebra walked out.

“what are you on my door step, are you friend or are you fo?” ok so she rhymes.

“well my name is Sam and no offence but rhyming hurts my head a lot so can you communicate another way?” she looked blankly and pulled out a note book and wrote on it.

“ok now that that settled I was in ponyville attending my own funeral and after I attacked the one who left me to die I was flung here basically.”

She wrote on her paper ‘who attacked you?’

“you wont believe this but it was celestia.”

She put her notebook back in her bag and motioned for me to go Inside.

“if what you say is true then you must hide here, for the sun goddess will hunt for you.” I nodded a yes. She moved one of her voodoo masks and pressed a button part of the floor opened up to reveal a staircase that led into a large cellar. Then she moved a box and another chamber opened. This time runes were inscribed on the door, they were blood sealed so she pricked her foreleg and deactivated the seal. This time there was a large room with two bunk beds a sink a cauldron and loads of preserved food and what looked like contraband.

“in here I have a safe house, it is sure to keep you protected; don’t touch anything or you will regret it.”

“you got it can I at least eat the food if I need to.” she nodded. “also were is the toilet?” she walked up to a wall and knocked then pushed it revealed a hallway with many doors.

“use only what you need and when you leave tell not a soul.”

“you got it”

“ill check on you in an hour and if you ever hear anything suspicious go the entrance of this chamber and say ‘forever hidden’ then run down the hallway and say ‘protect me and go down that ladder.”

“thanks… what’s your name?”

“call me Zecora.”

“you got it, also I'm going to bed.” she nodded and walked out. So I lied down and that was it for this hellish day.

i am bad at names.

Before I could go to sleep I heard noise what sounded like guards talking and did what zecora said but instead of safety I was teleported right in front of the guards “TRAITOR!” I yelled and jumped through a window, I was greeted by fifty solar guards wielding their best spears. I was surrounded.

“stand down immediately or die!” the lead guard yelled.

Ok well time to exploit pony magic, I screamed “EVERYPONY DO THE FLOP!” and all the guards fell on their faces. I then proceeded to haul ass into the forest. The guards being quadrupeds were faster and caught up to me in seconds, the began to form a ring around me so I took off and went above the tree line but before I got high enough a spear flew from the dense forest and hit my wing knocking me out of the sky; instead of hitting ground I kept falling into a canyon that stood in front of an abandoned fortress. It didn’t take long before I hit the ground. When I looked up the guards hadn’t arrived yet so I played dead, if they came to investigate I would kill them.

After a few minute I heard voices above me “so is he dead?”

“looks like it, celestia didn’t say to grab his body but we have his sword so if she asks lets say we couldn’t find it”

“agreed lets go”

Shit I left my sword at zecora’s that’s bad. I waited a bit longer just to be safe and got up to examine my wing. It was impaled with a spear “GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH WHORE!” I yelled. This fucking blows, they would never fly again and there is no way in hell anyone on earth can fix it. I removed the spear but before I tossed it aside, I realized I had no weapon so I held on to it.

After looking for a way out, It was getting dark so I grabbed some wood to start a fire.  When I walked into the cave I dropped the wood and stared. And alter made of basalt covered in dark blue gem stones, sitting on the alter was an axe so dark it was hard to look at. Black energy radiated off of it, inscribed into the hilt written in English ’the nightmare’. I picked it up and swung in into the alter. It cut threw the stone like butter. I twirled the axe once and set it down. I started a fire and stared into the flame waiting for the morning.

When I woke up only a few burning coals remained from the fire.  I stood up and picked up the axe and walked out into the canyon. I looked up and having found no way out, I began to climb up the side. It took me over half an hour but I finally got out. When I got out I saw the old castle and began walking towards it. When I got inside I was greeted by crumbling ruins and old artifacts. Before I went full archeologist I gathered a decent supply of food for the day.

Once my food situation was covered I began to explore the ruin I found an old library and after sifting through It and getting some useful books I piled the books and burned them all. Leaving a message in the ash for twilight if she ever came here.

THE FUTURE

“I WILL KILL YOU SAM!!” twilight screamed in pure rage and went solar flare when she found the burned tomes and the message.

THE PRESENT

I let out a chuckle at the idea of her finding this. Further exploration of the castle revealed and armory filled with hundreds of rusted crap and amour, but sitting in separate display cases three pristine weapons collecting dust. I opened the first case and in it was a long sword. I rubbed some of the dust off of it and in the hand guard it was inscribed ‘foe hammer’. I put the sword in its sheath and placed it on my belt by my waist. The next sword was a fancy looking machete inscribed ‘orcrist’. I placed it on my back.

The last sword was more like a long dagger and had no name so I placed opposite of the foe hammer and left the armory starting another fire for no fucking reason. The final room was the throne room were faded blue and gold tapestries adorned the walls. I walked up to the twin thrones and froze, a ghost stood in between the two, and not a nice looking one either. Its eyes hollow sockets and its mouth agape. Then it screamed like a banshee. I couldn’t hear it with my ears but in my soul the sound resonated horribly through me. I ran and ran until I was far into the forest and the castle was out of site.

Once I got far enough away I found another cave and set my weapons down, before I went to look for supplies I looked up and there was a mountain I didn’t notice before; I could hear a faint rumble. A dragon. I picked my weapons back up and began to scale the mountain, when I arrived at the top cave I set my weapons down to the side and cautiously walked in.

“WHO DARES ENTER MY DOMAIN?” the fire drake roared.

I dropped to my knees and hoped he knew I meant no harm.

“STAND UP OR DIE LIKE A COWARD!”

I quickly stood up and said “I am sorry to disturb you but I was looking for shelter and this cave seemed good enough”

“YOU THINK ME FOR A FOOL, I KNOW YOU WANTED MY GOLD AND JEWELS!”

“I swear I didn’t but if you want me to leave I will.”

“no… no don’t go I haven’t had decent company in eons.” he said much in what was to him a whisper.

“thanks I just need to sleep for the night and I can move on”

“sounds good but first lets celebrate!” he nearly spoke at his regular voice. He reached behind him and pulled out a huge barrel and set it down In front of me. “grab a mug friend let us drink.” well his mood changed.

I obliged and picked up the nearest ale cup holding it under the tap I filled my mug to the brim, frothy foam spilling out. “so how long have you been here?”

“about three millennia”

“Jesus Christ dude you’ve been asleep for that long?”

“no I wake up every five hundred years to stretch; so what has happen since I last woke up?”

“well if you know what humans are I have found out that my people are imprisoned, and I plan to free them from celestia.”

“hmmmm, yes I never liked celestia would it be ok if I joined you in freeing your people?”

“hell yeah we could use a dragon, maybe we could finally be realized as a true threat.”

“well feel free to take anything you need from my hoard as long as I am awake.”

“ok thanks do you mind if I go through it now?”

“go ahead take anything that could help you”

I began to dig and all I found was gold and antique swords, just before I gave up I found something that truly scared me. A mother fucking warhead with a nuclear hazard symbol. I backed up and the dragon asked me what’s wrong.

i pointed at the warhead “what this its just an old artifact” he said while tapping it.

“HOLY SHIT DON’T TOUCH IT!!”

He drew his hands back quickly “why what is it?”

“it’s a bomb!”

“so ive been hit by many magic bombs”

“no this bomb can wipe out enter cities!”

“but its so small that’s impossible”

“it uses a radioactive metal called plutonium and a detonator that split’s the atoms, and it released a huge amount of energy that can level series”

“your kidding me how do you know of this?”

“my people invented this weapon long ago, its what burned the earth once.”

“wow that is just… wow”

I walked over towards it and screwed the panel off inside was the complex system and enough plutonium to level manehatten.  Also there was a key that I made sure to grab. “do you mind if I take this off your hand?”

“please take it I cant think of what would happen if it ever got in the wrong hands”

“ok chances are I’m going to level part of equestria.”

“I will not ask how you will do that but go ahead, oh wait  I just forgot something.” he scratched the side of his head.

“what is it?” I asked suspiciously.

“a secret door behind that pile of gold.” he pointed towards a large mountain of gold. He moved towards it and cleared it aside; a huge and I mean a huge steel door was there and a hand scanner. I walked up to it and saw that it had power. “I tried burning it open but it wouldn’t melt.”

“that’s ok its made from something that isn’t steal, maybe a tungsten alloy.” I held my hand on the scanner and the door began to slide open. When it was opened a skeleton fell out because it died sitting down.

“well that doesn’t bode well”

“nah its ok it just ran out of oxygen.”

“if you say so”

When I walked in lights turned on and I found that the rest of the mountain was made this bunker. It was a large hollow room with large circular doors at the top and directly bellow them. I saw a control panel and pressed a button and the bottom and top doors open up and a plethora of ICBM’S rose from the ground. Light pored in and the dragon reminded me he existed.

“what are those!?” he had part of his head in the door staring in awe.

“these are the things that propel warheads across continents, and we have enough to wipe out any country on earth.” I could see greed in his eyes. “don’t you fucking dare think about it these weapons have killed nearly all of my people I will detonate them here before I let anyone that isn’t human touch them”

“fine, fine but if it needs to happen can anyone launch them?”

“if they are small enough yeah” I pressed the button again and a slot opened up for a key. I pressed the button again and the missiles descended back into the silo’s. I walked out and closed the door behind me.  “and if I see missiles of nuclear death raining from the sky that I didn’t launch I’ll kill you.”

“I hate to be rude but you couldn’t kill me.”

“give me a few a while and some old fashioned human tinkering and ill be able to mount you on my wall.”

“were you people always this violent?”

“no but we call those guys hippies.”

“well ok then I'm going to bed you can keep looking around, but don’t take anything without telling me I’ll know”

“yeah I'm going to bed but first let me bring my swords that I got from an old castle inside first”

“swords, from the old castle”

“yeah that castle about a thousand feet west from here, why?

“celestia and Luna used to live there, just imagine the valuable tomes that lay untouched.”

“I burned them”

“WHAT!?” he roared causing the mountain to shake a little.

“yeah I thought that if celestia’s right hand bitch got a hold of them she could use them to her advantage, but I took a few because I like reading.”

“which ones did you bring back?”

I took a few books out “I got a the first copy of the hobbit, a guide on high grade explosives from plants and, how to summon demons for any non unicorn.”

“why didn’t you burn them?”

“because I want to see celestias’ face when I summon the devil and he eats a nearby pony corpse.”

“well aren’t you just a little ray of sunshine.” he dead panned.

“yep bright as day, but that’s not the point the point is I am declaring official war on equestria and its allies and ill show them what I can do in the badlands.”

“and what would that be?”

“I’m going to detonate this bomb just to show them they are fucked.”

“and what if equestria surrenders?”

“then Celestia frees my people and that’s that.”

“what if they don’t surrender?”

“then her country will burn and my people will be set free.”

“so either way you win?”

“now your getting it!” I said. “now lets go to bed I’m tired as fuck.

When I woke up it was time to haul ass, Celestia sent a search party just to make sure I was dead so I had to sneak out of his cave unnoticed while the dragon distracted them. Once I was away with my nuke I might add, I made my way to ponyville. It was time to sneak on a train to the griffon kingdom.

After a while I got to the borders of the town, ducking in alleys. Once I got near the train station I ran to the ticket booth and asked him when the next train to the griffon kingdom was. He said they didn’t go that far but they have a train going to stalliongrad ready. I handed him some money and boarded somehow taking all my weapons and a nuke.

A few minutes after I sat down I heard voices outside.

“well why did he attack the princess?” a familiar voice said. I froze not being able to move

“that’s what were going to find out, Celestia said we would find him In the griffon kingdom so that’s were we are headed.”

“why do we have to go to the meat eaters country?” that snobbish voice said.

“because we need to find him we don’t know what he co-” she stopped as she came into the car I was sitting in.

“why hello there I was just on my way to the griffon kingdom care to join me?” they all froze like dear in head lights. Before I could respond applejack and rainbow dash had me pinned to my seat.

“why did you attack Celestia what did she ever do to you freak!?” rainbow yelled at me.

“words cant explain the horrors she brought upon my people, but with that let me ask you a question; where did Celestia come from?”

“in the begging there was nothing, then there was Celestia and Luna; in turn they created the world and stars.” twilight said

“and what lies beyond the stars?”

“nothing of course”

“wrong, other planets, other moons galaxies and black holes and even more dwell in the depths of space.”

“but Celestia said there is nothing!”

“yes and there was a civilization that existed before you and Celestia”

“and what would that be genius?!” rainbow dash said.

“humans, the bringers if fire and death, the ones who have no ruler, we are the creators of weapons that you couldn’t even fathom!”

“prove it!”

“stick with me and I will, I’m going to contact the griffon king and he will contact the other leaders of the world and I will show them what I can do In the badlands, your free to watch the fireworks will be amazing.”

“do you think fireworks will impress us?” rainbow asked like I was an idiot.

“no rainbow I think he means something much bigger and deadlier; that’s what you have beside you right?”

“yep this is a nuclear warhead powered by the fission of plutonium to create a huge amount of uncontrolled energy”

“and what are you going to solve with it?”

“you will see.”

They all took their respective seats and the train started up. After a few minutes a removed a panel on my arm and pulled out some ear buds, plugging them into an audio jack I found a song I liked.

After about and hour fluttershy walked over to my seat “hey flutter shy what brings you to this part of the neighborhood?”

She whispered “I just wanted you to know that twilight sent princess Celestia a letter, she and a large battalion of soldiers will capture you once we arrive.”

“why are you telling me this?” I said looking at the other’s who had their backs turned.

“every pony deserves a chance and this is mine to you”

“thank you very much, also don’t say every pony its racist” I picked up my belongings started walking towards the bathroom which was in the second to last car.

“hey where are you going?!” rainbow dash stopped me as I opened the car door

“I have to use the bathroom”

“then why are you taking all of your stuff?”

“because if you ponies somehow reverse engineer this thing I would kill myself.” as soon as I left the car I hauled ass to the back once I made it I was preparing to jump when twilight appeared behind me a magical dagger at my throat.

“I cant let you do this Sam, Celestia has told me to keep you here and I will follow that order.” I climbed up on the rail preparing to jump. “no at this speed you wont survive!”

“peace traitor!” I said as I jumped off the train. My legs impacted the track and I started to roll protecting the swords and the warhead I tumbled until I came to a complete stop. I stood up and began to haul ass away from the track.