Twilight Sparkle and the 'Darling' Conundrum

by Vexy

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6
Length: 1367

Twilight Sparkle casts a spell. Things go wrong.

After Pinkie Pie almost drives Twilight to the brink of insanity, the unicorn decides to attempt a new spell to try and 'fix' things. Only afterwards, however, she notices some of her other friends exhibiting some rather... strange habits.

Now with it's own reading by the chivalrous and all-round awesome thisisausername2004 which can be found right here!

Special thanks to Mr101 for giving me the idea and to several other anonymous users including Black Cloud for proofreading.

Published 2014-01-01 21:20:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-01 21:20:05 UTC

Oh, Darling!

“...and then there was this totally super-duper fantastic blow-up bouncy castle. I mean, I didn’t even know balloons came in that size, but then when I actually saw it with my own two Pinkie eyes, I knew it had to be real, because if it wasn’t real then I wouldn’t be seeing it, would I now, duh!”

“Uh-huh,” Twilight grumbled as she glanced up from her book. Pinkie was still skipping around the walls of Golden Oaks Library, even after forty-five minutes of almost non-stop, incessant chatter. Pinkie Pie was only manageable in small doses, and Twilight had almost reached her limit.

“Hey, but you know what else comes in big sizes?” Pinkie continued, “Cake! You remember Snowflake, right? Really big and muscled stallion. I made sure I baked him an extra large, splenderific cake for his extra special birthday this year. Did you know he’s now twenty-four! Can you believe it? That’s, like, five years, three months and seven days older than me! Those three numbers also happen to be odd numbers, which is exactly what Snowflake called me the first time he saw me!”

“Pinkie,” Twilight sighed impatiently, “Why are you telling me all this?”

“Why do you think?” Pinkie replied in confusion. “You asked me about my day, so I just told you: first I helped out Mr and Mrs. Cake, then I delivered the cupcakes to Pipsqueak’s birthday party and saw that really big bouncy castle, and then finally I met Snowflake on the way here. It’s only half-past eleven, you know, and we haven’t had a single disaster in Ponyville yet!”

“Isn’t that a surprise,” Twilight grumbled.

“Of course it’s a surprise! A good surprise, too! Normally, something always goes wrong by this time. You know why? Because it’s a Saturday, and you know what always happens on Saturday?”

“No, Pinkie, I don’t. Now can I just—”

“That’s when you and I can have the day off and you can come out of your hot and stuffy library!” Pinkie announced gleefully. “We still have time to organize a picnic!”

“That’s actually a great idea!” Twilight said suddenly. “Spike! Could you help Pinkie prepare a picnic!”

Before Spike could run down the stairs, however, Pinkie was holding a wicker basket in her mouth.

“No need, silly!” she chirped through her teeth. “I already have one ready!”

Twilight glanced at the clock. It was indeed half-past eleven.

“Well, it’s still a little early for a picnic. Maybe you can just read a book quietly for an hour or two?”

“Sounds fun!” Pinkie sang. “Hey, do you know where I can find a book about chocolate and icing sugar? I’m kinda hungry right now, so I want to read about food.”

“It’s over here, Pinkie,” Spike called from across the library, holding a book in his claw.

Whatever Pinkie Pie had said next was drowned out by Twilight’s book. It was a particularly complex book that dealt with the complexities of complex things that only Twilight Sparkle could understand. Secretly, however, Twilight had swapped her book out for another one.

Spells that affect speech? Well, it couldn’t hurt to try.

Honestly, these spells looked like they cured verbal dyspraxia, but really, how different was that from Pinkie Pie?

Twilight felt warmth rush to her head as her horn glowed. Power floated through the air, and yet in an instant it was over.

Glancing up, Twilight was surprised to find Pinkie reading a book quietly. Had it worked?

“Pinkie?” Twilight called, clearing her throat.

“Hm?” Pinkie responded, not even glancing up from her book.

“Do you want to borrow that book? You can keep it as long as you like.”

“Sure,” the earth pony replied simply.

Twilight blinked. Was there no more? Wasn’t Pinkie going to rant on about some other mundane topic such as what book she’d recently read or what she ate last week.

It worked!

It had to have done. There was no other explanation.

“Actually, I should probably get back to Sugarcube Corner,” Pinkie replied. “The tray of cookies in the oven should be just about done. See you, Twilight.”

Before Twilight had a chance to respond, Pinkie had tossed the book she had been reading onto her back and had walked out of the library. The unicorn watched her leave with considerable interest.

“That was amazing,” she murmured. “Pinkie was quiet for once.”

“Yeah, talk about weird,” Spike chuckled as he finished reorganizing the books that he had been sorting through. “I’ll be upstairs if you need me, Twi.”

Plucking a book from the shelf, the dragon headed up the stairs.

“Okay, see you, Spike!” Twilight called.

Returning her attention to her book, Twilight hummed to herself merrilly. It had worked. It had actually worked! This was surely something to write to Princess Celestia; it was almost as if Pinkie’s very character had changed after she had cast the spell. It was probably ethical gray-area, but it was an incredible breakthrough nonetheless.

“Spike, grab my quill and—” she began, but stopped herself when she realized the library was empty. “I’ll just have to find it myself then.”

Heading to a nearby drawer, she searched inside for any writing equipment. Suddenly, the sound of hoofsteps interrupted her search. Turning around, Twilight was met with the familiar sight of Rarity.

“Oh, hey Rarity. What brings you here?”

“Good morning, darling, and not much. I’m just here to return this most wonderful book that you lent me the other day. It was simply splendid, darling.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Twilight replied. “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Well, I could do with the next book in that romance series, darling. I did quite enjoy the simpleness of them, darling.”

“Umm, okay?” Twilight quickly found the book with her magic and levitated it over to her. “Is everything alright?”

“Why, of course, darling!”

“I see.” Twilight frowned. “Will you be joining Pinkie and I for a picnic this afternoon?”

“Why, of course, darling!” Rarity repeated. “Darling, I would simply love to join you, darling.”

Twilight couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at this.

Why is Rarity acting so...

Twilight searched for the right word.

...Rarity?

“Are you sure you’re okay, Rarity? You’re not normally quite so affectionate.”

“Darling?”

Twilight’s frown deepened.

“Rarity, why do you keep saying ‘darling’?”

“Darling? I don’t know what you’re darling, darling.”

Twilight gulped. This couldn’t be because of her spell, could it? It had all been going so well, and now—

“Darling?” Rarity interrupted inquisitively.

“Don’t worry, Rarity.” Twilight reassured the already calm mare. “I’ll sort this out. I’m sure there will be a counterspell in here somewhere.” She motioned to the book she had been reading and walked towards it. Before she could pick it up, however, she was interrupted by more hoofsteps.

“Howdy, Twilight, Rarity,” Applejack greeted as she walked in, nodding at each of them in turn. “Y’all alright, sugarcubes?”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Twilight sighed in relief.

“Oh, hello, darling. I’m fabulous, darling,” Rarity sang.

“That’s mighty fine and dandy, sugarcube.” Applejack smiled.

“I’ve accidentally cast a spell on Rarity, and now she won’t stop saying ‘darling’,” Twilight explained.

“Well that sounds like a mighty pickle, sugarcube,” Applejack chirped. “Say, yah don’ have any sugarcubes do yah, sugarcube?”

“Sugarcubes? Why—” Twilight gulped down her words as the realization dawned on her. “You too?”

“What do yah mean, sugarcube?”

“Darling?”

“Stop it,” Twilight wailed. “Just give me a few minutes and I’ll fix this!”

“Sugarcube.”

“Darling.”

“Sugarcube,” Applejack breathed.

“Darling,” Rarity purred.

Twilight glanced up from the book to see Rarity and Applejack staring into each other’s eyes.

“Sugar...cube...” Applejack repeated faintly.

“Darling,” Rarity blushed.

“Enough with the weird mating call!” Twilight yelled. “I think I’ve found a counter—”

Before she could finish her sentence, however, she was interrupted as an entire wall of the library caved in, destroying several bookshelves of books and several hours of time. At the centre of the travesty was Rainbow Dash.

“Oh, sweet Celestia,” Twilight grumbled, rolling her eyes. “Rainbow Dash, you’ve got to help me—”

“Twenty percent cooler?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Twilight blinked.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Author's Note

Followup blogpost can be found here.