Andrew of Equestria
by: DR SHRUBBERY!
“I’m falling.”
That was the first thought that went through Andrew’s mind as he exited the portal. His second thought was much more audible:
“FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-” BAMF!
He landed on what appeared to be the roof of some structure. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me take you back a bit.
Andrew had just blown out the four candles on his birthday cake, when his mother brought out his brand new tricycle. It was bright red, just the one he asked fo- wait, I went back too far. Perhaps it would be easier to just describe him.
Andrew Thomas was not a normal person. He was about 17 years old, 5” 6’ tall, with shaggy brown hair, and pale white skin. He was what you may call a geek, for he was a fan of video games (the classics), movies (mostly from the 80’s), and cartoons (the weird ones from the 90’s). Andrew was not exactly the best at making friends, yet he still had quite a few. Even in the midst of his antisocial behavior, he SOMEHOW managed to get a girlfriend (by accident.)
What? That sounds completely normal to you? Well if you would just be a little more patient I would tell you why he is NOT normal! Inexplicably, he was a super genius. Neither Andrew nor the Narrator really know how this came to be, so it is best to just not question it. It’s kinda hard to explain, so try to think of it as having the intellect of Jimmy Neutron, but also having the wacky personality of Jim Carrey. If that description isn’t good enough for you, I personally invite you to shut your face. It’s not as easy to explain as you think. Anyway, I... where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought...
OH RIGHT! Andrew was in his usual place, the secret underground lab he had built a few years ago. The lab was adorned with various inventions and experiments: boots that made it possible to walk on water, hoverboard, iron man-style jetpack system (he was very apprehensive about testing it out in the field), electric pants (the less said about that one, the better).
But all of his inventions paled in comparison to his newest invention: a teleporter. It was a sort of portal system, like a stargate. The basic premise of the device was simple: select a destination, walk through the portal, and you would arrive at the destination. Andrew was finally about to finish the device. After 6 long months, he was about to accomplish his dream: instant vacations wherever the hell he wanted with no airfare. All he needed to do now was adjust some bolts and wires on the control panel opposite the portal gateway, and he was finished!
It was late, and he was already in his pajamas, which basically consisted of red plaid pajama pants, vintage Dark Side of the Moon t-shirt, sneakers (the floor was cold), and his favorite fedora. He was just going to finish up the machine, then head straight to bed. Instant travel to Cancun could wait until tomorrow.
Or so he thought, before the device malfunctioned. As he connected the last remaining wires, something happened. The destination display showed random sequence of letters and numbers. Sparks flew from the console, causing Andrew to stumble backwards. It was about this time that he noticed something very important. Something very, very, VERY important:
The portal had opened.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A swirling vortex of random colors and patterns swept about him like a hurricane at the Crayola factory. There was a bright light he was headed for, which turned out to be the “destination.” The light went blinding as he fell through
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I’m falling.”
That was the first thought that went through Andrew’s mind as he exited the portal. His second thought was much more audible:
“FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-” BAMF!
He landed on what appeared to be the roof of some structure. Once he had finally regained his eyesight, he noticed it had the appearance of a barn, but something was a bit off. Everything looked a lot more colorful, like a cartoon or something
As he surveyed his surroundings, he started to formulate a plan. He couldn’t see much in the moonlight, but he DID notice that there was a large pile of hay on the ground next to the barn.
“That’s it! I can jump from the roof into the hay and get away without a scratch! It’s brilliant!” Andrew was quite proud of his plan, until he noticed just how far down the pile of hay was. “Hoo boy. Okay man, you can do this. It’s just a leap of faith, like in the video games! You can do this! YEAH!” he said, prepping himself for something he was very NOT prepared to do.
He stood in just the perfect spot to jump to his death safety. His arms were stretched out perpendicular to his body as he prepared himself.
“One.”
He bent his knees, ready to jump.
“Two.”
*creeeeeeak*
“ThreAUGH!”
A small patch of roof crumbled beneath his feet, causing him to tumble inside the barn. On the way down, his forehead hit a rafter, knocking his lights out before he hit the ground. What’s that? An unconscious protagonist isn’t very interesting? Well hold on to your pantyhose, because surprise! This story isn't just about Andrew.
PERSPECTIVE SHIFT!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ponyville was a relatively busy town. Something big seemed to happen about every week, usually on weekends. Today was Sunday, and everypony in town was already fast asleep. Well except for three of them: a mare desperately trying to get her little sister into bed, a filly desperately trying NOT to go to bed, and a pink pony whose violently twitching tail was keeping her from a restful slumber.
“But ah ain’t tired yet!”
Applebloom was being led to her room for the night by her sister Applejack. She really was tired, but that was not something she was willing to admit. What she REALLY wanted to do was stay up as long as she could in an attempt to get some kind of sleep-deprivation cutie mark.
“Ah know you’d rather keep playin’, but it’s gettin’ late, and besides, ya got school tomorrow!” said Applejack, assertively shoving a fussy Applebloom through the door. “Ya can play as much as ya want tomorrow afternoon, but fer now ya gotta get some sleep!”
Applebloom sighed as she got in her bed. The moment that her sister left the room, she got up to open her bedroom window. It was too warm in her room, and the cool night air would at least help her sleep comfortably. That was when something very peculiar happened.
The dark sky flashed blue like a bolt of lightning, yet there was no thunder.
“FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”
Something fell out of the sky! Whatever it was, it had landed on the secondary barn just a short distance from their own house. She saw the creature’s (she had determined that it was something living) silhouette in the moonlight. It looked strange, as it appeared to stand on two legs, as opposed to four. The strange creature walked about the roof for a short while before it stopped at the edge. It had what appeared to be arms stretched out to its sides. And in the blink of an eye, the creature had disappeared!
Applebloom was amazed. To her only one kind of creature could have done that: an alien!
“Alien species close encounter cutie mark! I gotta get out there now!”
Unfortunately, on her way out a certain orange mare blocked her path.
"Bed. Now."
"ButBigSisIsawanalienoutonthebarnroofandIneedtogomeetitnowsoIcangetmycloseencountercutiemarkrightnowcauseifIdont getoutthererightnowitsgonnaleaveand-"
She was suddenly cut short by an orange hoof in her mouth.
"Applebloom, you can play all ya want tomorrow after school. Ah promise."
Applebloom sighed. "Fine."
As her door shut and her lights went out, Applebloom finally lay down in her bed. She would just have to wake up early to find that alien tomorrow. She was asleep before she knew it.
And so now all of Ponyville was asleep. This of course includes the two sisters and the pink pony, whose tail had stopped twitching a few paragraphs ago.
