My name is Fluttershy and I am not a monster.
A monster doesn’t live in a cottage with adorable critters to take care of. A monster doesn’t eat a bowl of strawberry ice cream when she's had a bad day. A monster wouldn’t give up a multi-million bit modeling career for Rarity’s feelings that one time. A monster doesn’t have a group of kind, understanding friends.
A monster does keep secrets, though. Everypony keeps secrets. It’s only natural, y’know? Sometimes mommies and daddies need to keep secrets because they want to keep their foal believing in Santa Hooves for a little bit longer. Sometimes ponies keep secrets from a friend because they’re throwing a surprise party. Secrets aren’t evil. They aren’t a mortal sin. Ponies create secrets for a reason. Their… uh, job is to… umm… protect… things. Yes, protect things. Secrets are meant to protect things.
The sun sure is hot today. Bright, too. Had to get out my sunglasses to go grocery shopping. Have you seen my sunglasses? They’re really cute. They’re shaped like a couple of rose-tinted hearts. Rarity says that they’re quite a bit on the tacky side, but I don’t mind. I feel pretty when I wear them.
It’s now when I get to the greatest challenge of the grocery trip: The produce section of the marketplace. The smell it expels. The fat, plump watermelons. The pears that are practically bursting with sweet, tangy nectar. Tomatoes being sold by the slice. And… apples. Juicy, succulent apples. I would DIE for an apple right now.
It’s a good thing that nopony’s noticing the tissues stuffed in my nostrils.
Still, Angel wrote on the shopping list that we need more carrots. Plus extra lettuce. I take a in a deep breath in through my mouth, and march in without fear. Well, maybe an iota of fear. Maybe ten iotas. Talking to other ponies always made me a teensy bit squeamish. How much IS an iota of fear, anyway?
Ugh, I’m starting to sound like Pinkie Pie. I’m getting sidetracked. Gotta stay focused; keep the goal in mind. Carrots. I need carrots. Not peaches, not grapefruits, not… ap-p-p-ples, CARROTS. For Angel. Stay strong for Angel, Fluttershy. Just look for a good price on…
Dear Celestia.
40% percent off.
CANTALOPES ARE 40% OFF! I MUST HAVE THEM. I MUST HAVE THEM ALL.
At first, I gallop toward the stand like a rabid animal. Then, catching myself halfway there, I try to pass myself off as a mild-mannered equine being by pulling off a slightly fast-paced power-walk. Unfortunately, there was a line even before I spotted the cantaloupe stand. With each customer that’s before me, that very scumbag prances off with a saddlebag full of cantaloupes. My cantaloupes. I stand in line like an idiot, fuming with envy and hunger.
“YOU CUT IN LINE, I’LL TAKE WHAT’S MINE!” echoes Iron Will’s voice in the back of my head. Rhymes have a way of sticking around like that. Thing is, I know that nopony’s cut in line. They were here before me. It’s only fair. Wait your turn; that’s what they taught in kindergarten. Act like a normal pony. Act like a normal pony. You ARE a normal pony.
What seems like eons pass, and my stomach seems obsessed with growling. I’m surprised that a miniature humpback whale isn’t living inside me. I drag my hooves when it’s finally my turn, exhausted by restraining myself from murdering everypony to get to the front early. When I meet the literal fruits of my labor, I feel like I could drop dead.
There’s only five melons left.
…Still worth it.
I’m back on my doorstep and the setting sun seems almost as tired as me. It appears to lazily sink behind one of the many mountain ranges surrounding Ponyville, Celestia letting it drop like a melting ball of molasses stuck on a wall.
I walk through my door. Familiar smells waft through the air. Mostly, it’s the animals’… err… feces. My friends always complain about the stink when they come over, but I don’t mind it much. Live a few years here, and it grows on you. Well… it kind of grows onto you, technically. I don’t really smell that great, honestly.
It’s not all bad, though. It’s thanks to that very stench that I became friends with Rarity. Way back when, I first heard about Rarity when she opened up Carousel Boutique. Well, I didn’t hear her by name really; I just caught word that a young seamstress (a VERY young seamstress) had opened up a clothing store all by herself, and she everything she sold was designed and sewn all by her own two hooves. (And horn, obviously.) I felt bad that a little filly was doing all that work by herself, so I came to buy something. You know, out of pity. Um, on the second thought, ‘pity’ wasn’t the right word for it. ‘Sympathy’ might’ve been better, since I was about eleven when I took up the job as the town’s animal caretaker. Anyway, the second I walk into Rarity’s shop, she looked at me and screamed like she saw her worst nightmare. She bolted over and started asking a bunch of questions, like “Who did this to you?” “Who makes fillies put TWIGS in their manes?” “Why do you smell like a garbage heap?” “Darling, your coat is filthy beyond belief!” and lots of other things that… kind of were in the insulting territory. (But don’t ever tell her that.) After I could sputter a sentence or two out and explained that this is how I normally looked, she sort of just stared at me; like I was from another planet. Without a second word, she… frankly after that, she just grabbed me hostage. She simply bit hard on my tail and wouldn’t let go until we were at the spa across town. She paid for my treatment up front, and got one for herself with one of those two-for-one coupons. We talked about… I don’t really remember, really. Just stuff. This and that. For instance, Rarity blabbed about the latest gossip about her social life, sort of like we had known each other for years. I blabbed about… okay, I’m not that much of a blabber. But I listened! I’m a great listener. In fact, it’s kind of enjoyable to listen to Rarity. She has one of those voices you could hear for hours. Ever since, Rarity and I go for a spa trip every Sunday.
But enough reminiscing; it’s time for some CANTALOPES! I toss my saddlebags aside, letting the carrots spill out for Angel. He won’t eat too many of them, right? I mean, he’s got self-control. He’ll put the rest of them back when he’s done; I’m sure.
Or he won’t. Whatever. I’ll take care of that later. Now is the time for FRUIT! GLORIOUS FRUIT! OH, THIS FEELS SO GOOD. IF ONLY MY FRIENDS COULD KNOW WHAT THIS TASTES LIKE. SO FRESH! SO JUICY! SO… SO… THERE ISN’T A WORD FOR IT! IT DOESN’T MATTER IF THERE ISN’T A WORD! NOTHING MATTERS! THE WORLD COULD END RIGHT NOW! THERE IS ONLY ME AND THE FRUUUUUIT.
When I’m done, the juice dribbles down from my chin to my neck. I consider wiping it off with my hoof, but then I get a better idea. I make a quick trip to the bathroom, snatch the nearest towel, clean as much as the juice off me as physically possible, and suck away at the towel itself. Waste not, whatnot; as Twilight might say.
Cleaning off my saliva from the towel (along with realizing that I ripped the cloth a tad), I notice that Angel has a twisted, uncomfortable expression on his cute wittle face. Oh, must be a tummy-ache. Too many carrots.
I blush whilst I apologize over and over.
I lie in bed, trying to catch the ever-elusive insect known as sleep. Fact is, I don’t want to sleep. After those cantaloupes, I feel more like running a marathon or two. Oh, and getting more fruit. Then again, that’s really nothing new. (That craving’s actually a little annoying at times.)
There aren’t any marathons hosted at 1:30 in the morning, so I decide to go for a jog around town instead. It’s lonely out here. The streets are so dark and creepy. A month before this, I would’ve been too scared of the dark to go get a glass of water from my own fridge at night. Now, it’s… different. Really different. The darkness is no longer something that lurks in the corners and cracks for the Boogiemare to hide in. Now, it’s more like a big safety blanket, only it doesn’t keep you warm. In a good way. It keeps you cool like an ice-cold lemonade after a hot day of work. A hot, hot, sweltering, scorching, hot, burning, blistering, boiling, hot, sizzling, sultry, stifling, hot, hot, HOT day.
Mmm, lemonade. Could really go for a lemonade right now.
None of the stores are open. I’d really feel sorry for any that did. It’s like a ghost town here. The only sound is the abundant song of the crickets. Ever see a cricket up close? They have the most beautiful black eyes. I stop by to hum to the tune of two of said crickets on a windowsill. It’s a mating song. Ah, young love. Wish I was a part of it. W-with actual ponies, I mean. Not crickets.
I’ve cantered through every street in Ponyville by now. I guess all I can do is go home and try to go back to slee-
Oh.
Oh my.
I seem to… accidentally run by Sweet Apple Acres.
Stop looking at me. I am NOT drooling. (That much.)
Applejack’s a good pony. She wouldn’t mind if I took a teensy-weensy stroll through her orchard, now would she? What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.
The trees are empty. Applebuck Season has come and gone, and most of the apples are under lock and key in the Apple family’s basement. If the dark streets of Ponyville were lonely, then Sweet Apple Acres is absolutely desolate. A graveyard for all the (literally) fallen apples, if you will. I look left and right, but every last tree is barren. N-not that I would want to suck any of them! They’re Applejack property, and I have to respect that. I need to respect that.
…
I wonder if the Apple family went the extra mile and got all the apples in the west orchard. The one with all the (regular) fruit bats.
…
*Inhale* “Yay!”
The sunrise is way too bright. Again. I throw the covers over my head. I’m in my own bed. I don’t remember how I got there. In fact, I don’t really remember anything from… last… night…
Aw, doggie biscuits.
I peek out from the covers, painfully squinting from the sunlight. In fact, the sting in my eyes makes me involuntarily hiss. Everywhere, bone-dry apples litter the floor. Most of the rodents are nibbling on them for breakfast. If I’m guessing right, these apples have a good chance of making a neat, tidy breadcrumb trail back to the orchard.
Double doggie biscuits. I am in SO much trouble.
Panicking, I scramble to pick up every last apple, thinking of at least fifteen different way to dispose of the evidence. I could drop them in Ghastly Gorge and feed ‘em to the eels. I could burn them all up in a bonfire. I could-
“Mmm-hmm… Mistress?”
I jump so high, I nearly bump my head against the ceiling. “W-who said that?? Where are you?! Show yourself! Or, just go away please, if that’s okay with you.”
There’s a rustling sound from under the covers. The covers that I was just under. Lemme tell you, that’s not a pleasant piece of information. A head rises from my bed. A big, red head with a cluster of orange, bedhead hair for a mane.
“Big Macintosh?” I whisper.
“Eeyup, Mistress?” he replies in a monotone voice. His eyes are glazed over. Big Mac was never the one for facial expressions, but boy did he look zoned out.
“How… how did you get into my bed??” I ask.
“You told me to, Mistress.”
“Will you STOP CALLING ME ‘MISTRESS?!!’”
Okay, so I didn’t actually say that. I didn’t want to be rude. A stallion just snuck his way into my bed in the dead of the night and I was halfway into a heart attack, but I didn’t want to be rude.
So, instead I said, “Why d-do you keep calling me ‘Mistress?’”
“Cuz you insisted on it, Mistress.”
Alright, maybe I need a different approach than individual questions, or else I’m going to go insane with Big Mac’s insane answers.
“Okay, Mac?” I say in the soothing, motherly voice I use when handling animals that seem a bit… off, “I’m going to need you to recount the events from last night.” Admittedly, my voice was coming off a bit shakier than usual. “Can you do that for me, please?”
“I heard somethin’ in the orchard,” Macintosh began in the zombie-ish tone that was starting to get on my nerves/creep me out (don’t tell him that, though. He might be offended), “and I checked it out. I found you, Mistress, in all your forsaken glory. I yelled at you, but then you gave the Stare.”
Goodness, I gave Macintosh the Stare? That was pretty mean of me. Hope he’s not mad about it.
“Then you bit me in the cutie mark and showed me the light!” Big Mac continued. “Ya opened my eyes, Mistress, and I gave you all my family’s apples in grad-dit-tude!” He really seemed into his speech, punctuating each syllable of ‘gaditude.’ On the plus side, he wasn’t mad about it.
Wait.
“Uh, when you say ‘all of your family’s apples…’”
“Eeyup!” said my brainwashed thrall with a big silly grin. “All the one we keep in the basement, too! You were so happy ‘bout that, you allowed me to follow ya into your bedchambers and fornicate-”
“OKAY, I THINK I GET THE PICTURE NOW,” I blurt out, swiftly covering his mouth with a hoof. I had to think fast, or I just might be run out of town at this rate. “Okay, so I’m going to ask you to do me a favor, Mr. Macintosh-”
“Please!” he interrupts. “Call me ‘Meat-Slave.’ I like that nickname the best, Mistress!”
“Um, okay. If you say so,” I mumble. “So, uh, M-m-meat-Slave, the first thing is not to answer to Meat-Slave.”
“As you wish, Mistress.”
“Second order of business is to not to call me Mistress.”
“As you wish, Mistress.”
“As of right now, please.”
“Kay.”
“Third thing is to help me clean up all these dried apples.”
Mac just nods.
“Fourth thing: Go to your barn and tell your family that… umm… a big, scary timber wolf went and stole all of their apples! Make it believable!”
“Anything else, your grace?” asks Big Mac.
“Uh, tell nopony of what happened last night,” I say. “Nothing about the apples, nothing about the biting, and definitely nothing about the… fornicating”
Macintosh cocks his head. “But what about your heir?”
“My what?”
“Your heir to your legacy,” he explains proudly. “You were on and on about your child being the supreme leader of new age of darkness and evil! Don’t ya remember?”
“My… child??”
“Ya didn’t let me use my spare condoms for a reason, ya know.”
I awake with a gasp. I’m hanging by my tail at some secluded part of Sweet Apple Acres. Below me, I can see a cluster of dried apples from the trees around me. No consequence too dire. No Meat-Slave Big Mac. No apples from the basement. Definitely no heir to a throne of darkness and evil.
A lesson to be learned: Hanging upside-down gives you nightmares.
Still, I hang there for a while longer, watching Celestia’s rising golden sun. I will always love that sun, no matter how hot it might get. I am not a monster.
Hey, at least I’m not sparkling.
Author's Note
Can you believe that I almost replaced “Mistress” with “Countess?” Man, that would’ve sounded dumb.
The Entire Story Translated Into Chinese, Then Translated Back Into English via Google Translate
Author's Note
Oh, this is going to be fun.
The Entire Story Translated Into Chinese, Then Translated Back Into English via Google Translate
My name is Kocho, I'm not a monster.
Monster is not going to live in a log cabin to take care of cute little animals. Monster is not going through a bad day to eat a strawberry ice cream. Monster is not going to feel willing to give up Ruirui millions worth of modeling career. Monster is not going to have a group full of kindness and understanding, not abandon you leave a good friend.
Although the identity of the secret monsters are conservative, but who no secret of it. This has always been a natural thing, right? Sometimes my parents to let children to believe that Christmas is more than the story of the horse is also the child to keep a secret you. Sometimes ponies were close friends in order to open the surprise party for her secrecy not also do. Secrets do not equal evil, this is not what the unforgivable mistake. Everyone has this kind of secret. They ...... ah ...... to ...... that ...... protection. Yes, protection. Secret means that they want to protect something.
Today the sun is really hot enough, and very bright. It seems to go out and buy something I have to wear sun glasses. Have you seen my sunglasses do? It is particularly lovely. Their shape is like two red roses love. Ruirui say this style quite tacky, but I do not mind it when I wear it I feel very good.
Now is the time to embark on the biggest challenge of my trip to the grocery store, the horse thing to kind of god. I would never go to smell the smell that will shake my children. Sand sweet watermelon flesh, so pony intoxicated with fragrant pear nectar, are being sold juicy sliced tomatoes, as well as ...... Apple. Sweet, juicy apple, I really love apples.
No pony noticed my nose stuffed with toilet paper group, is really a good thing.
In short, my angel rabbit written purchase list, we need to buy more carrots, while also buy some lettuce. I took a deep breath, fearlessly embarked on a journey. Ah ...... it may be a little uneasy, perhaps ten uneasy? And other pony talk always makes me feel a little nervous, but I have nothing disturbed?
Ah, I am starting to sound like a Ping-chi, or change the subject. Concentrate, look for targets. Carrots, I want carrots. Not a peach, not a grapefruit, not ...... apple, apple, apple, apples, carrots! ! ! To Angel rabbit, Kocho, angel rabbit you to be strong! See if there is a good price ......
I drop a 赛蕾丝蒂娅 Niangqin ah.
40% off big sale.
40% cantaloupe big sale! They go me! They are all mine!
At first I was like a beast-like pounce bolted to the front, but then abruptly stopped halfway out of the car. I am taking the hoof, with a brisk walk way, try to keep pace while also try to put yourself back into a gentle and loving pony.
Unfortunately, I have not seen before on the stalls selling cantaloupe first saw the long lines that zigzag. In front of me are lined with customers, every guy is despicable discharged head just blatantly gone, saddle bag stuffed stuffed with cantaloupe. My cantaloupe ah. I stood in line like a fool, hate and thirst let my anger burning.
"How dare you insert my team! I break your legs!" Jagged voice was echoing in my mind it. Always make rhyming words make you memorable. But the truth is ...... I do not know who jumped the queue, they are just very serious to just in front of me, it is very fair. Waiting for your turn, that is what you learned in kindergarten thing. To like normal ponies like to be like normal ponies like you normal! You are a normal pony!
Time seems to have passed for centuries, my stomach began to sing it. Listen to the sound I suspect that is not my belly Shashi Hou lived a humpback whale. When the last great difficulty was my turn, I went up feebly dragged hoof as hard to restrain the rows in front of me all the ponies have to kill the evil and exhaustion. See those according to the literal meaning of the fruit belongs to me, I was almost able to come up on the spot breath be dead.
The rest of the melon only five.
...... Still worth it.
Slouched back in front of my house, the sun was setting that looks like me tired. It lazily sank after numerous hills surrounding the small mazhen of 赛蕾丝蒂娅 like it went down like a lump stuck on the wall is sliding down the syrup.
I walked through the door, the air was filled with the familiar smell, is basically a small animal who ...... ah ...... excrement. My friends often complain at the time visiting the dice smell children, but I do not really mind. Stay here for a few years, you get used to it. Ah ...... basically used to it, generally it. Honestly, I'm not so sensitive nose.
But this is not so bad, thanks to which stocks had the stench, I became friends and Ruirui. Remember that time when her merry occasion boutiques shop was the first time I heard her name. Well, have not heard of it carefully. I just heard a very young (very very young!) Female designer he opened a clothing store, she sold all her clothes are designed and manufactured pro hoof. (There angle, of course.) I feel so young, to bear such a heavy burden on an independent little girl is concerned it is too much, so I went to buy some stuff going to support her. You know, out of pity. Ah ...... think again, "mercy" does not seem appropriate, "compassion" might be more appropriate. Because when I took the job of town administrator animals when I only eleven years old.
Anyway, when I walked into the store Ruirui when she saw I was screaming scream, as if to see her worst nightmare. She threw herself to start asking a lot like me, "Who did this?!" "Who dares to let a little girl in the mane branches inserted in?!" "You smell like how trash?! '" My dear, how dirty your fur in this way!? "and so would be classified as such an insult ...... ...... problem. (But do not tell her so) with great difficulty opening when I explain this is my usual way, can be said that she looked at me stunned, as if I were another planet. Then apart from anything else, she ...... Honestly, she kidnapped me. She neatly biting my tail drag me away, and drag over the entire town to the spa. After I paid help, Ruirui to their buy one get one gift certificate also came with a service. We chatted a bit ...... I now remember. Anyway, that some chatting, chatting. For example, Ruirui talk about some latest gossip heard her social life, affectionate, like the many years that we already know the whole thing. I said something ...... this, I basically did not say anything. But I'm listening! I'm a very good listener. In fact, listening to gossip Ruirui really a very pleasant thing. Her voice you listen to a few hours will not feel bored. Since then, Ruirui and I have to do it every Sunday spa.
But memories enough, that is melon time! I threw aside my saddle bag, the carrots to the angel rabbit to be responsible. He will not eat too much, right? I mean, he is very self-control, and so I believe he had enough he will put up the rest.
He could not, though he and I go after those who care, now is the fruit of time! Oh, good fruit ah! Oh, it feels great. If my friends can know what it taste like a child, so fresh! So sweet! So ...... so ...... oh simply can not describe in words! It alone can not describe in words! What do not pipe up! Even if the world is now finished down! I only care about my these fruit fruit fruit!
I like a clean sweep swept away the cantaloupe juice flowing down my chin to my neck. I had wanted to use it to erase the hoof, but they had an idea, had a better idea. I quickly ran to the bathroom, grabbed a towel next, carefully use it to every drop of juice on the body are impeccably clean, and then again soiled towels juice into his mouth sucking, suck was not a drop left. Like the evening twilight said, can not be wasted, not that something.
Saliva towel wrung on my (towels I bite a little), I found an angel rabbit is writhing, cute little face face pain. Oh, he was certainly in stomach pain, carrots eat too much.
I blushed and apologized over and over again.
~ ~ ~
I lay in bed, trying to pursue a fine TV drama Sleepy invisible traces. In fact I did a little sleepy did not. I do not know why, after eating cantaloupe that I feel more energetic, seems to be able to finish one or two out of the marathon. Oh, and I really want more fruit, which is really nothing new. (Spirits sometimes really quite annoying.)
Of course, half past one, when it is impossible to have any marathon, so I decided to go to town to go jogging laps relax. Nor outside a pony, street gloomy, creepy atmosphere. If it is a month before I afraid of the dark night to go to the refrigerator to get a drink of water are afraid. Now ...... a bit different, really different, no longer hidden in dark corners waiting to rush out to your captured monster. Now, it feels more like a make you feel very safe and secure thick blanket, but it will not let you heat up. In fact, this very good, it makes you cool and comfortable, as if after a hot day in Japan and crafts throughout the day and drink a large glass of ice lemonade as fun. Hot hot hot hot hot hot hot coke roasted flow of oil to make your V to all your burning ash of burned you have left over for even a day ......
Oh, lemonade, now I really want some lemonade.
No one shops still open, I really feel a little depressed. Here now looks like a ghost town, the only sound is the large number of crickets cheerful songs. You have a close look over cricket it? Their dark eyes really beautiful. I stopped hoof, listening to the crickets two antiphonal singing on the windowsill. That's courtship song, ah, youth love ah. I wish I could get involved ...... I, I mean, and ponies are friends, not cricket.
I trot through every street of small horse town, and now, I guess I can do is go home and then close your eyes hard to sleep ......
Oh.
Oh my god.
I ...... I ran inattentive sweet apple orchard next to it.
Allowed to stare at me, I do not drool. (At least not flow so much)
Apple Jack had a pony. She would not mind if I turn slightly so twice in her orchard, right? She did not know if it would happen.
All branches are empty. Kick-ping season has ended, almost all of the apples have been incorporated into the Apple family's cellar, and properly locked. If small mazhen dark streets filled with loneliness, then now being flooded in the sweet apple orchard is absolutely desolate, as if a buried all falling apples (that is literally) cemetery. I looked around, but each tree is bare. Before, it was not! I did not want to suck them! They are the property of the Apple family, I have to respect my friend, I have to respect them.
I guess Apple Jack one will not go close to the west side of the apple orchard? Is home to the place (ordinary) fruit-eating bat?
......
(Deep breath) "Yeah!"
~ ~ ~
Sunrise is too bright, and they are still too bright. I groaned and put the quilt over the head, and found I was lying in his bed. I do not remember in the end is how to come back up. In fact ...... Last night thing, I did not remember ...... up ...... ......
Ah, ah, divine puppy biscuit ah.
Painfully endure the hot sun, I secretly looked out of bed in the slot. The stinging eyes so I could not help but hissed. On the ground, everywhere suck every drop of juice is not leftover dried apples, a lot of small animals are rodents in them for breakfast. If I'm not mistaken, these dried apples will put a perfect trajectory on the road between my house and the apple orchard.
Dog biscuit dog biscuits, ah, I definitely fall into the super big trouble up.
I Huanglihuangzhang packed with all the apples dry, my mind flashed more than 15 kinds of instant Huishimieji ...... wrong way to dispose of the evidence. I can move them inside the canyon to feed eels, I can point bonfires burned them all, I can ......
"Ah ...... mistress?"
I suddenly jump Lao Gao, a forehead almost hit the ceiling up. "Yes, who is speaking?! Where are you?! Quick, hurry up! Else ......please do not come out will do ...... please leave Jiuhaola ...... if you can. "
In my bed quilt issued a rustling sound, I just drilled out of bed! Tell you the truth, that's not what a pleasant feeling. A head from my bed lifted. The face is big and red, but also with a mess full of sleepy mane.
"Big Mike? 'I exclaimed softly.
"Yes, mistress?" He replied with dull tone. Big Mike's face, the eyes look dull, I have never seen before, but my day! He saw the whole thing yet! ?
"You, you, you will go to my bed you how come??? 'I asked.
"You command me, mistress."
"You can not do his meow call me 'mistress' it?!?!?!"
Well, I did not really say it. I can not be so rude. Although a gentleman on your bed late at night, and I am about a heart attack, but I can not be so rude.
So I said so: "For, why you always call me 'mistress'?"
"Because you are so insistent, and mistress."
Well, maybe I need another way to deal with my privacy. Otherwise I might answer because Big Mike and crazy.
"Well, Big Mac?" I spend time with the animals to appease the usual kind of kind and comforting tone. "I need you to look back at what happened last night." Obviously, my voice than usual, but also weak and trembling. "Could you do this for me, please?"
"I heard the orchard has happened," Big Mike's voice sounds like a zombie is, it makes me uneasy start getting (but I did not tell him that I was afraid he was not happy), "I went out to see the situation, Then I saw filled with infinite aloof and domineering you, mistress, I cry to you that would like to ask you to do, but then you took my soul stare your town. "
Oh my gosh, I actually took the town on the Big Mac soul stare? How could I so bad? I hope he does not get angry enough.
"When you are forced to bite marks on my lovely, I have been inspired, bright eyes!" Big Mike continued, "You let me open the mind's eye, mistress, so I fear and trepidation as You offer all my apples! "He looks in his speech among intoxicated, and every word he intoned in all impregnated with" trepidation ", but the bright side, at least he did not get angry.
So ......
"Ah, you just say ...... 'your home for all Apple' ......"
"Yes!" That was my brainwashed minions look giggle. "Including our inventory in the cellar! You really are very happy, so you allow me to follow you into your chambers, and a bedroom ......"
"Well, I think now I know it!" I quickly covered his hoof roaring big mouth. I have to quickly think of a way, or I might be tears ran all the way through the whole town. "Well, then, I must ask you to do me a favor, Mr. Big Mac ......"
"I beg you to!" He interrupted me, "called me [BuySomeApples] scribe it! I like your nickname bestowed, the mistress! "
"Ah, well, if you insist on such words." I murmured, "Well, ah ...... meat, meat, [BuySomeApples] Li, the first thing is not allowed to call themselves [BuySomeApples] scribe. "
"As you wish, mistress."
"The second thing to say is not allowed to call my mistress."
"As you wish, mistress."
"From now on, please."
"Good."
"The third thing is to help me put all shriveled apples are cleaned."
Big Mike nodded.
"The fourth thing is to talk to your farmers' position in the family say ...... that ...... you have a big, scary wolf wood alcohol came all the apples they gave stole! Sure to let them believe! "
"What happened to you, Your Highness?" Big Mike asked.
"That ...... do not tell anything last night pony." I said, "Do not mention Apple, and not to mention bite bite, but absolutely not allowed to mention ...... that ...... Shi Qin ...... "
Big Mike cocked his head. "But the little master how to do?"
"What little ......?"
"My little lord, your young horse." He explained, his face radiant. "You say that your child will become the king of darkness and evil supreme new era! You do not remember?"
"My ...... kids??"
"You would not let me use a condom, you know why."
~ ~ ~
I woke up screaming, found himself hanging upside down with its tail in the remote corner of a sweet apple orchard apple tree. Now I can see in my pile of wrinkled dried apples. In addition, nothing too terrible thing. No [BuySomeApples] scribe Big Mike, no apple cellar, but did not want to become less supreme new era of darkness and evil king's young horse owners.
Lesson: make you sleep upside down nightmares.
But I still hung more than a moment, gazing 赛蕾丝蒂娅 golden sun rising. I will always love the sun, no matter that there will be more sun and more heat. I'm not a monster.
Hey, at least I do not sparkle.
The End ...?
(source of the Chinese pseudo-FiMFiction site that generously translates fics like these every day)
