Attack of the Vampire Apples
“So…” Applejack said, as she and Rarity held the doors to the barn closed with their backs. “Care to explain just what the hay went wrong this time?”
“Right,” Twilight said, turning and bringing up a gridlike diagram. “As you can see, I intended to have the mirrors paralyze Fluttershy with shock at the monster she’d become, so that she’d stand still while I disenchanted her. Unfortunately –“
“You screwed up the spell again,” Rainbow Dash interrupted, folding her arms as she hovered in midair.
“The spell worked perfectly! Unfortunately, the vampiric energy reflected off the mirrors and, um, reversed its polarity… and was then absorbed by the surrounding apple trees.” The pink rays in her dialog hit the glowing red blobs on the stylized apple tree, which then grew little white fangs.
“I must say, these vampire apples are quite beastly,” Rarity said. “Just look what they did to my chapeau! Still, you must look on the bright side. Those horrid Vampire Fruit Bats were almost certainly eaten first.”
“Second,” Twilight corrected her. “After Pinkie Pie.”
Rarity blanched, then forced a tight-lipped smile. “I’m not sure Pinkie Pie really counts, does she? She was never all there to begin with.”
“Too soon, Rares,” Applejack muttered.
“The only question is, what are you going to do to fix it?” Rainbow Dash asked, scrunching her muzzle up against Twilight’s face. “You all saw what they did to Pinkie Pie. I’m not going to let them take me down. Not like that!”
Twilight cringed, raising a wing to hide her face from the others. “Maybe… somepony else should handle this one? Every time I use magic on this problem, I seem to make it worse.”
“Well, that leaves me out,” Rarity said. “If Twilight’s magic isn’t enough to do the trick, mine certainly won’t be any help.”
“Don’t look at me,” Applejack added. “My expertise is getting’ the apples out of the trees, and these ones already did that part all on their lonesome.”
Everypony looked at Rainbow Dash. “What? What do you want me to do about it?”
“Tornado,” all of them said in unison.
“Tornado!” chimed in an enthusiastic, high pitched voice, as Pinkie Pie appeared from behind the hay bales. “Can I help?”
“Pinkie? Aren’t you… dead?” Twilight Sparkle asked.
Pinkie Pie giggled. “No, silly, I’m undead! That means ‘not dead’, right?”
“How did you get inside the barn?” Applejack asked.
“You’ve invited me in here lots of times!” Pinkie said. “You didn’t uninvite me either.”
“That’s not what ah meant. How’d you get past this door we’re holdin’ shut?”
Pinkie Pie rolled her eyes. “I tunneled. Duh.”
“And you filled the tunnel in behind you?” Twilight asked.
“Nope!” Pinkie bounced excitedly in place, then her eyes flashed red and she pointed a hoof at her friends. “Minions, feeeeeed!”
There was the rustling of wings, and then, from behind the hay bales, arose a swarm of bat-winged, pointy-toothed fruit. The vampire apples had arrived! They may not have had any eyes, or ears, but they had a thirst for the blood of the living, and made a terrifying screeching noise as they meandered through the air.
“No way! Not this time!” Rainbow Dash said, dashing right at them. “Tornado time!”
Leaving a trail of rainbows behind her, the speedy pegasus flew around and around inside the barn, dragging the vampire apples in her wake – along with most of the hay, a few buckets and pitchforks, and Pinkie Pie. The sheer concentration of awesome weather manipulation was too much for the barn to handle, and with a creak the walls collapsed outwards, giving the tornado room to grow, and letting it wander around sucking up all of the vampire apples in the orchard – along with a plow and two apple trees. It was getting a little crowded, honestly, but Rainbow Dash was up to the task, skillfully dodging each bit of debris that came her way as she flew through the vortex, keeping the tornado going.
But there was no dodging Pinkie Pie. “Blaaaaah!” she screamed, as she latched onto Rainbow Dash, wrapping her forelegs around her chest as she settled onto her back, between her buzzing wings. “I vant to suck your blaaaahd!”
“Pinkie, no!” Rainbow Dash said, leaving the tornado and bucking like crazy to try to get the pink pony off of her. But it was no use – as the tornado collapsed, and the various bits of smashed apples and farm implements clattered to the ground behind her, Pinkie Pie’s fangs sank into her throat.
“Please…” she whimpered. “Don’t…” Her wings faltered, and she dropped to the ground, skidding across the dusty farmyard, with Pinkie Pie latched onto her back and neck. “Stop!”
“Well, okay,” Pinkie Pie said, giving the wound in Rainbow Dash’s neck a little lick. “But being a vampire is really fun!”
“I said don’t stop,” Rainbow Dash complained. “That felt… wow.”
Pinkie Pie giggled, and resumed her feeding. Rainbow Dash closed her eyes in bliss… then shriveled up like a raisin and stopped moving.
“Oopsies!” Pinkie Pie said, tossing the drained husk of her friend aside with a squish. “I guess I went a little too fast. That’s okay, I’ve still got you three to practice on!” She looked around, but there was no sign of her other friends. “Awww.”
The others were nearby, watching from a concealed position atop a nearby hill. “Well, so much for Rainbow Dash,” Applejack said. “Anypony got any other ideas?”
Twilight Sparkle twitched. Her mane was already in disarray from the tornado, but seemed to be getting more out of sorts with every passing second. “Maybe if I found a giant peach…”
“Any other sane ideas.”
“Twilight…” Rarity said in a quiet voice. “I hate to suggest this, since you did express the opinion that throwing more magic at this problem was a poor idea… but perhaps we should throw more magic at this problem? Just a touch more, mind you. Say, that failsafe spell you know, that’s supposed to fix everything?” She turned and grabbed Twilight, and shook her. “Because everything could certainly use some fixing right about now!”
“Okay, okay,” Twilight said, pushing Rarity off her, into the dirt. She ignored the wailing as she charged up her horn. “One failsafe spell, coming right up.”
There was a blinding beam of light as the spell shot towards what was left of the barn… and then a rush of heat and light a half-second before the massive roar of the explosion knocked the three ponies down the backside of the hill. As they lay on their backs, stunned, they stared up into the sky at the fiery mushroom cloud rising into the air.
“THAT was your failsafe spell?” Applejack asked.
Twilight grinned sheepishly. “It’s the only way to be sure.”