Chapter 3

Blending in

Adam was woken up by a crow of a rooster, the sound very much an unpleasant way to get up. And for some reason there were these annoying pitchy sounds ringing in his ears that he couldn’t determine the source of as he was still rubbing the sleep off of his eyes.

“Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam, Adam… Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up! It’s time for your first day of work! Squeeeeeeeee! I can’t wait!” Pinkie was all over the human’s bed, throwing confetti all around, her adrenaline washing over her body better than any mug of coffee.

“Pinkie? Could you please smash the screeching alarm clock that seems to be ringing all around me?” The man groaned finally getting onto his feet and standing up, his hair all disheveled.

“What alarm clock? Where?” The looney mare turned her head left and right frantically before it finally dawned upon her,
“Oh wait! He means me! Heeheeheeheee!” The mare bounced over and caught Adam right when he was about to fall down the stairs to the second floor.

“Mmnnnnnnnnnmmmmm… I am so not a morning person.” The dude mumbled, his whole body feeling irritated.

‘Note to self! Don’t scream at your roommate to get up in the morning!’ Pinkie smiled sheepishly as she pinned that small mental reminder.

“Okey-Dokey Adam! I’ve already freshened up so I’ll be heading for the kitchen to bake the morning goodies. You on the other hand need to clean up then head downstairs and talk to the boss. Okay, Addy?” The wacky trickster beamed as her roomie nodded in agreement, giving her the go ahead to leave him for now.

Adam brushed his teeth and hair, washed his face and shaved the small traces of a beard that had started forming during his long voyage. That being done, he went back up and put on a stylish blue short sleeved shirt and a pair of knee high jeans, which were a part of a new wardrobe Pinkie had somehow dug up out of nowhere, claiming that somehow Rarity had made these clothes in a matter of an hour yesterday. With everything in order the human deemed himself prepped enough to face his new bosses. Going down to the main hall of the bakery, where there were tables and chairs set up all over the place, the dude noticed one of his employers Mr. Cake tending to the counter. A wave was all it took to catch the stallion’s attention.

“Good morning Adam! Did you sleep well?” The pony man nodded, putting a tray of hot chocolate muffins on top of the counter.

“Good enough. I’m ready for my first assignment.” Adam acknowledged lazily, suppressing a yawn.

“Good! Now then for your first job, I’d like you to run the sales and sell everything you can during the morning rush.”

“When does the bakery open?”

“Let’s see… Now it’s 6:39… You have twenty minutes to get ready.” Mr. Cake looked over at the clock on one of the walls, before he joined his wife who had just walked in with the twins strapped to her front.
“In the meantime we’ll take the twins for a checkup at the doctor’s. It’ll probably take a while since the flu has been running around for some time and there are plenty of sick foals. Everything has its name and price label. You can also look at the price list on the wall behind the counter. If you’re having difficulties, Pinkie is in the kitchen. You can start by setting up the trays in their respective windows. Did you get all that?” The stallion explained everything quickly, all the while keeping a straight face.

“Yes! Stock the counter, sell the stuff, ask Pinkie for help if I need it.” The guy repeated everything in summary.

The family on the other hand didn’t dilly dally much and made their exit as soon as they were assured their new employee had understood his orders.

Going up to the counter, Adam picked up the trays from the cart and began arranging them in their designated places. He was just about done and with five minutes to spare when he noticed something he had forgotten to ask about.

“Pinkiiiiiiiiie!” his voice flew in through the kitchen.

“Yes Adam!” Pinkie poked her head out of the double saloon doors.

“Can you teach me how to work this thing real quick?” The ex-hacker pointed towards the old fashioned cash register “And maybe bring me a mug of coffee. It’s going to be a long day.”

***

It was 7:04 precisely. Adam had just flipped the sign to open and was now slurping on a big glass of latte from his straw. The only sounds that were noticeable in the overall silence were the ticking of the wall clock and the stirring and humming noises Pinkie made in the other room…………………………………. 7:06… This was getting boring… Why can’t something exciting happe…

*SLAM*

“Look out in frooooooooooont!” A grey and yellow blur appeared, slamming the door open and flying straight for the counter and for the human of course.

“Ooooh nooooooooooooo…” The dude immediately jumped over his workplace, took a solid stance and braced for impact with the object that was currently whirling towards him.

*POOF*

Even though said pony was massive and almost managed to topple Adam on top of the counter where the fragile glass casing lay, somehow the human managed to completely kill the inertia and leave them in an awkward position between lying and standing.

“Ooooooow… That’s what I get for trying to be first in line so early in the morning.” Derpy voice groaned as she flexed her aching wings.

“Excuse me madam but could you please get off me?” The ex-hacker asked politely.

“Ooooh? Sorry about that!” Derpy got up quickly with the help of her wings and immediately pulled the “pony” that had broken her momentum up on his feet.

Except that pony wasn’t a pony.

Both beings stared at each other in bewilderment. Adam noticed how interesting and delightful were the mare’s yellow eyes which always seemed to shift in opposite directions but his own eyes soon found themselves going over the mare’s generous physique, its mighty frame and tits even bigger than Pinkie’s. Not to mention she was taller than the dude.

‘Those are too big even for me!’ Adam thought as he looked away.
‘She does seem like a nice pony anyways.’

Derpy in the meantime couldn’t comprehend what she was looking at the moment. It was obviously some sort of a ponyson as its body did remind her of Mr. Cake but then again it was totally different. What was with that lack of fur, those five fingers, and those strange hooves at the end of its feet? Well, there was a small package between his legs so the gender was obvious.

“Excuse me madam! It’s obvious that you’re puzzled as to what I’m doing here so I’ll tell you: My name is Adam Turner, a human and immigrant to Equestria, and temporary vendor of Sugar Cube Corner. How may I help you?” The blonde man offered his hand which was taken and shaken.

“Uuuum, hey! My name is Derpy Hooves and I’m the local mail-mare around these parts. I don’t think I’ve ever seen any of your kind before… uuuummmm… what were you again?”

“A human!” Adam repeated and got back to his station.
“So as I said, what can I help you with?” he shed a smile, switching to his salesperson mode.

“Oh yes! I’d like two of your chocolate chip muffins please.” The Pegasus mare gasped excitedly, gluing her eyes onto her most delicious of treats.

“Coming riiiight uuup!” The human chimed, picking out a paper bag with the shop’s logo and putting the order inside.
“That’ll be four bits.” He finished in a tic, handing the pony girl her treats and putting his elbow on the counter.

“*Giggle* Thank you!” Derpy smiled.
“Well I gotta get back to work mister. See you later, um… ummmm” she crossed her eyes as she stopped at the exit.

“Adam!”

“Kay! See you around Adam.”

And off the mare went. It wasn’t long before other ponies started flooding in marking the beginning of the morning rush. There were plenty of school foals dropping by alone or with their mothers on their way to school as well as working adults who were in a rush to get to work and get a quick bite for the road. Least to say Adam had his hands full for the next hour or two, Pinkie Pie being ever so dear as to restock him with new sugary confections every time a tray emptied.

Things were going better than the dude expected as he managed to pitch in plenty of fun and creative ideas to sell more stuff such as “try our new product, buy 5 for the price of 4”, “take a free picture with the human, buy three cupcakes in return”. It was his corky and joking new ways that lured the crowd in but interestingly enough only 10 minutes after the rush was over, a small pack of mares took their place to have a late breakfast at ten o’clock. He was confused at first as to why they came but while they were eating at the tables, our ex-hacker managed to catch some of their conversations.

“Ohmegosh! You weren’t kidding when you said the new guy’s totally cute.”

“Yeah! I saw him yesterday. I thought he looked pretty exotic but to think that he’s such a sweet talker too.”

“I told you he is such a dreambow!”

“Well, I don’t know about you girls but I don’t exactly find him “Hot” cute but rather “funny slash puppy dog” cute.”

“I agree.”

“You have no idea what you’re missing! If you haven’t put two and two together yet, then you should know that there aren’t many males around town. So I personally hope to get my hands on him during the upcoming heat season.”

‘Heat season?’ Adam rubbed under his chin with his thumb, pondering as to what that was.

He didn’t dwell too much on it thought as noon eventually came and so did his bosses with their kids. After a small lunch break, our dude was told that he could have three hours’ worth of time off. Seeing as Pinkie was still busy with some heavy wedding cake orders, the human decided to take a stroll around town, enjoy the tranquility, and meet some new ponies.

And so he did, finding himself scouring the streets of Ponyville.

As Adam crossed into marketplace territory, he couldn’t help but notice how crowded it was. There were ponies and vendor stalls all over the place. Since he was pretty much broke at the moment, the human just decided to have a look-see, and view the various products that were set on display. The cover of each stall was always filled with numerous eye-catching patterns and pictures meant to attract attention, not to mention that by the sound of things bargaining for the price was a regular thing here. As he walked through the torrent of equines, the dude saw a portable stall on wheels, surrounded by barrels full to the brim with a variety of apples. The ex-hacker remembered the insinuations that were put into Applejack’s name and her cutie mark which was very visible under her Daisy Duke shorts and therefore came to the very good hunch that she or one of her family might be operating this stall.

“What can ah help you with Mr.?” A familiar southern drawl sounded in Adam’s ears getting him to look at his addresser.

The moment he looked however made his eyes bulge almost out of their sockets. The stallion in front of him was immense, not to mention super tall. This tremendous giant towered over Adam’s 6’1’’ feet with his more than impressive 6’5’’. He was like a red Lebron James only twice as huge and bulky.

“Woooooooah! You’re huuuuuge!” The human uttered as he was obviously not listening to himself right now.

“Why thank you. Ah do get that a lot.” The equine man chuckled at the other guy’s anthics before proceeding with his intro,
“Ah’m Big Macintosh. Ah think you’ve already met mah sister Applejack.”

“Uuuuh, yeah! The cartload of apples and your face freckles gave you away.” Adam snapped out of his reverie, composing himself.
“I’m Adam by the way! A human immigrant from a town called Chicago.”

“Pleased ta meetcha partner.” Big Macintosh nodded.

“So Big Mac! May I call you that? Yes?” The human leaned on the cart striking an idle conversation.
“So tell me a bit about yourself and your family. What are you like, what do you do?”

“Well, Adam, ah live with my two sisters Applejack and Apple Bloom as well as mah Granny Smith. We are simple farm folk who run our own business at Sweet Apple Acres. We grow corn, grapes, and carrots and have our own apple orchard. We usually make a big enough crop to feed ourselves, the town and even export to some other fancy cities sometimes. What is common knowledge around Ponyville is that we’re the most closely knit family of all. We always stick together and watch out for one another. As to what ah like, it’s a nice quiet rest after a hard day of work.” The stallion gave a rather basic yet thorough exposition about his life and family. One could tell that even though Big Mac was more the quiet type, he actually really wanted someone to talk to.

“Pretty idyllic!” Adam concurred.

“How about you Adam? What’s your story?” The red giant asked as he arranged some loose apples.

“Well, long-story-short, I kinda felt a bit lonely at home and just up and decided to go and discover a new place, make some new acquaintances. Right now, I’m temporarily crashing at Pinkie’s place. I’m the bakery’s new guy.”

“Eeyup! Ah already know that bit with the bakery.” Big Mac confirmed, putting a piece of straw in his mouth nonchalantly.

“Whut?”

“News travel fast lil guy and sum of the mares are talkin’ bout cha.”

“Oh yeah! I kinda overheard some stuff. They also mentioned some sort of “Heat Season” thing. You know what that is?” The human noted and asked.

“Well partner, y’all in for a crazy week. In about a month will come a time when the mares go “in heat”.”

“In heat?”

“Eeeyup! In heat. During these times, mares feel the need to rut more than ever. They become very aggressive and will gun for any male to satisfy their desires. If you don’t hide in time or not well enough, they’ll swoop down on ya all at once like a flock of hungry crows on a single corn stick. If yer lucky enough, one of the more influential mares might claim you as her own and protect ya from the others as long as you give her what she wants.” The muscular stallion exposed, being very precise on the technicalities.

“Ayeee, sounds like dangerous times!” Adam shuddered.

“They are. Now ah know that mah advice is not always the best but you better be especially wary this here season. Y’all a new stallion in town and Ah can see plenty of mares that are looking atcha as we talkin’ right now.” The red pony man noted, making the blonde dude look nervously to and fro, searching for these staring females.

“Damn! This isn’t even a bit reassuring! I mean I love having sex as much as the next guy but I don’t know if I can handle a nonstop marathon!” Adam shuddered once more, his eyes darting around.

“Don’t worry too much! Since you’re the new stallion here, Ah’m here for you. Ah know some places to hide if you need any. We males have to look out for one another since we’re not as many as the mares here.” Big Mac patted the human on the back, his touch a lot lighter than his strength entailed.

“Thanks! That means a lot. Sooooo, by the way… How about you? Do you get to score during heat time?” The homo sapiens elbowed the big guy teasingly with a wink.

“Eeeyup! Ah usually pick a different mare every time and we have a good ol’ roll in the hay in the barn.” Macintosh puffed out his chest slightly in a fit of pride and struck a dignified pose.

“Hell yeeeeeeeeeah! High fiiiiiive!” Adam and the stallion shared a five as they grunted in their macho approval.

The human was just thinking of leaving when a yellow apple flew at him, which he instinctively grabbed.

“Here, have one!” Big Mac called.

“But I’m broke!” Adam replied.

“On the house, partner!” The red giant assured him.

Moving on, some time passed and Adam was seriously wondering what to do on the account that he didn’t know many of the ponies here, nor did he know most of his friends’ addresses. He was just thinking of simply going over to chill at the park when he heard a very nice and lively alternative rock piece, the jam coming from a secluded shop, nestled inside the first floor of a house. Bobbing his head to the rhythm, Adam’s feet instantly turned into the direction of the music, as if his whole body as if attracted by a magnet.

Taking a peek inside, he saw plenty of gym equipment. Plenty of dumbbells, iron weights, benches and exercise machines adorned the whole place, with plenty of space in between everything. There were only two occupants currently inside. The first Adam instantly recognized as his eyes glued themselves onto her and her hot bod.

It was Rainbow Dash who was exercising on a multi gym machine, using the pull-down element at the moment, pressing down on the long bar until reaching the back of her neck and then easing off… WITH HER WINGS! Astonishingly enough, the polychromatic Pegasus was doing the exercise with her wings instead of her arms. This gave her a good exercise of said appendages, not to mention that it helped strengthen her already strong back. Sweat trickled and matted her sky blue fur, the only moisture soaked up by her rainbow colored sports headband. Her round and perky tits heaved and receded under the strain of her very dark grey sports bra, a very vague and yet visible semblance of nipples poking through the fabric not to mention that there was some cleavage in the neckline area. Underneath those perfect bumps were the bare chest, waistline and abdominal areas which had quite the tantalizing features: from the inwardly curved and svelte waist to the small six-pack which was very well defined. Personally Adam didn’t like six-packs on females but hey, it still seemed right damn impressive on Dash. The pelvis was really narrow, which the human found real sexy, and the spread and perfectly shaped rock hard legs gave the dude a view of her small camel toe, the dark grey spandex shorts leaving little to the imagination.

If there was a steel bar in his hands, Adam would now be bending it with all those hormones raging inside his body.

“Uuum, hey Rainbow Dash! I didn’t know you’d be here at this time.” He walked up to his acquaintance after he was calm enough (and got rid of his hard-on, lol).

“Whatever!” The fem pony strained under the pressure, struggling to finish up her session.

“You come here often?”

“Do you mind? I’m trying to train here!” Rainbow snapped, feeling irritated.

“Uuuuum, okay… I’ll just back off… and leave you alone…” Adam did as he promised and back-stepped away.

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!” A very loud and husky voice startled the ex-hacker as he jumped in fear and looked around.

There was a pure white stallion on the other end of the room, pumping his biceps with a barbell bicep curl exercise. He had blood red eyes and wore his amber mane in a very short Mohawk mullet style which was complimented by his very short tail. Though… calling him a stallion might not be the right word to describe him……………… Let’s just say something about the pony guy gave one the idea that he was using steroids… Maybe it was because of those ridiculously huge muscles with veins pumping all over them.

Quite frankly seeing all these big hunky equine men were starting to give Adam a “body image” complex. If the mares here were anything like the women back home, Adam might have to look for a way to increase his weight.

“Yo, you the instructor here? May I talk to you after you’re finished?” The human asked.

“Mmmhm! Just give me a second sir and I’ll be right with you.” The white stallion spoke with a deep polite baritone voice, his aggressive expression changing to an understanding one.

Hanging up his bar to its designated stand, the pony man turned his attention to his potential customer.

“Hello! I’m Bulk Biceps, the official trainer and owner of “Sweet Package” gym! What can I do for you?”

“I’m Adam! ...Well, I’m not the gym type and all but I’m just wondering… out of curiosity! Can you give me some tips on gaining weight?”

“Hmmmmmmmm…” Bulk looked over our dude, craning his head left and right.
“I’ll have to do a full body evaluation but for that I’ll need you to take of your t-shirt.”

“Excusey?”

“Come on, don’t be shy! Don’t be ashamed just coz there’s a mare here! Be a stallion, yeah!” BB encouraged Adam, who nervously undressed until he was shirtless.

“Now let’s see.” The male pony began inspecting.
“Straighten that arm! Good, you have some triceps. Flex those arms! As hard as you can! Good, you have a nice and round right biceps but you need to work on your leftie. Raise the arms! You have good shoulders. Flex those pecs! The pectorals are barely present, tisk, tisk. You’ll need to work on that…”

As the evaluation went on, Adam could swear he could detect some suppressed noises coming from one side of the room.

'Is Rainbow Dash laughing at me?' the ex-hacker thought.

“… the abs are nice but you need to pump them up. Same goes for the legs. Now, put your hands on your waist and move your elbows inward… Hmmm, weak back. Nothing a back machine can’t fix!”

Rainbow Dash was now officially snickering.

“What about those weight gain tips?” Adam rolled his eyes at the mare’s insensitivity before returning his attention to the matter at hand.

“Oh that’s easy. Try this!” The trainer gave the human a plastic bottle with the name “Hunger wolf” written on it.

“What does this thing do?”

“It expands your stomach tract and gives you extra appetite. It’s been approved by the Canterlot Medical Institute so it’s totally safe. See the stamp at the bottom?” Bulk pointed at the bottle before handing it back.

“So how much is this thing going to cost me?” Adam scratched his noggin.

“You can have it for free!” BB grabbed the human with one arm and squeezed him close before turning on his commercial voice,
“If you sign up at “Sweet Package” gym noooooooooow! You’ll attract more mares, be the envy of your friends, gain confidence and a smoking hot body while you’re at it! So come on down and obtain your membership nooooooow! It comes with a small fee of 25 bits per month…”

Letting Adam go, the stallion returned to his normal demeanor and asked again:

“So would you like to sign up as a member of my fine establishment?”

“Gee I dunno! It’s been real hard for me to gain mass and I don’t wanna lose any more weight than I already have.”

“There’s nothing you can’t do! I’m a professional, trust me! Once you feel the burn you’ll soon return! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!” Bulk’s tone became all raspy and screamy again.

“Ummmm…”

Adam really didn’t know if he had time to go and pump iron regularly. True a nice body would be nice, not to mention that he didn’t have any TV or internet to distract him now but still…

Just then however just as the ex-hacker was feeling conflicted about the whole thing he looked over to the outside window. There he saw two mares passing by: One was a wild cobalt blue, brilliant cyan maned unicorn, wearing a pair of dark purple shades, a matching pair of fake leather short pants with an undone belt, and had killer legs, a round and nicely shaped ass, and an amazing rack clad in a black and violet stripped boobtube; The other female that came soon after had a cerise coat and a very pale rose and very pale cerise mane and wore a much more modest knee high skirt and a simple short sleeved white buttoned shirt that was rather snug on her rather ample chest.

“Where do I sign?” Adam said curtly, taking the notepad with the form on it.
“Is it okay if I pay my first payment when my salary comes in?”

“Sure I’ll open a tab.”

When everything was done and over with, the human could finally go on to someplace else, get his addled mind off things.

“Hey Rainbow!” he called out as he passed the cyan Pegasus.
“About your act some minutes ago… not cool.”

Once he was out and about, Adam sat down on a bench and took a big breath. Other than the small urges he’s been having today, everything was going nice enough. He actually just got a nice deal: go to the gym regularly from now on, blow off some steam and take pills from an interesting looking bottle.

“Look girls there he is!” A young voice which sounded a lot like one of a filly came from somewhere.

“Let’s tackle him!” Another similar voice joined in. Adam glanced to and fro but couldn’t manage to pinpoint the little rapscallions.

“Why would we do that?” Another filly asked.

“Duh, coz it’s fun!”

“Isn’t that kinda rude y’all?”

“Suit yourself girls! BANZAAAAAAAI!” The human felt a small creature latch onto his back, which set him straight onto his feet, having had jumped in surprise.

“Ooooh, what the heck! Who’s the wise-guy on my back?” he ran about and swiveled his back left and right, trying to grab his little assailant as hard as that was from his current position.

“Wooooo, yeah! This is funner than riding one of your bulls Apple Bloom!” The tiny tackler wrapped her arms tight around the ex-hacker, obviously enjoying herself.

“Oh, fun is it? Let’s see how you like dealing with gravity!” Adam smirked and then abruptly bend over, making the filly lose her grip and land on the ground.

“Scootaloo, y’allright?” A buttercoated eight year old earth pony girl with a pale red mane with a bow on top ran over to her friend who had fallen on her bum in a fit of dizziness, her eyes swirling about. It turned out this little back-latching rascal was indeed a filly of the Pegasus variety, about the same age as her friend, with a fuchsia mane and orange coat, wearing blue baggy shorts and a plain black t-shirt.

“Yeah, yeah! But anyways that was aaaaawwwesoooooome!” The assailant jumped back onto her feet and cheered.

“Hey, don’t just leave me there girls!” Another filly ran up to her friends. She was but a wee white unicorn with an adorable grayish mulberry and pale rose curly mane and tail.

“Oh good, it’s the three little testosterone killers! Just what the doctor ordered!” Adam brought his hands together observing the fillies with endearment. This was exactly the break he was looking for, hence the inside joke.

“What was that mister?” The filly with the bow cocked a brow.

“You guys are so cute!” The bedazzled human said.

“Oh, great! It’s not like we don’t get enough of that from Rainbow Dash’s friends.” The Pegasus rolled her eyes, annoyed.

“Gasp! You have a little bow!” Adam ran his fingers over said bow.
“Oh sweet! Look at these itty bitty wings!” he spread said appendages.
“Heeeeey!”
“And you…” the man paused while pointing at the unicorn “…Well aren’t you just precious?” he hugged her, the gesture making her smile and hug him back.

“Great! Another super softie.” The orange filly pouted.

“Hey! Guys can appreciate adorable stuff just as much as girls.” Adam replied, running his hand across the annoyed little girl’s head and messing up her mane.
“Btw, what can I do for you girls?”

“Well, ah heard from mah sister Applejack some foreign hoo-man came here to Ponyville to settle in. So we came here to ask how hoo-man kids earn their cutie marks.” The filly with the country accent specified said purpose.

“Oh! Yeah! You must be Apple Bloom! I met your brother Big Macintosh a while ago and he told me all about your family.” The human said and then bent his knees and offered his hand.
“Pleased to meet ya lil’ Apple Bloom, my name is…”

“ADAAAAAM!” The white furred foal squeaked excitedly.
“Ooops, sorry! It’s just that my sister is Rarity, and she and Applejack told us all about you and how you came yesterday.” She blushed embarrassed of herself.

“And you are?”

“Sweetie Belle!”

“And I’m Scootaloo and I wanna know about your cutie mark secrets!” The one called Scootaloo skipped up and down in impatience.

“Yeah… Heheh, funny story. Humans don’t get cutie marks.”

“GASP!”

“Yeah! It’s kinda more complicated with us. Sometimes we’re good at one thing, sometimes in many things. We just have to follow the things we love to do the most, and eventually we’ll find the one that we’re great at.” Adam sat down on the grass, settling himself in a cross-legged position while the fillies lay down around him.

“Hey! This works too! Hoo-mans don’t get cutie marks because their talents are invisible and they have to play a game of “try your favorite things”.” Sweetie Belle’s eyes shined in wonder as she explained the way she understood those words.

“Yeah! This is the best advice a grownup has ever given us, even if you’re not a pony.” Apple Bloom agreed.

“I guess this is good enough.” Scootaloo stuck out her tongue, trying to wrap her brains around the meaning of Adam’s words.
“Oh, horse apples! My stuff spilled all over the ground again!” the orange filly noticed, picking up her notebooks and other school supplies that had fallen off the pile that was on her wagon.

“Ah told you, you should get a backpack!” The country girl noted.

“My old one got eaten by Winona, okay? And the custom one my dad ordered isn’t ready yet!”

“Okay, okay! Winona already said she was sorry.”

“Hmmm…” Adam picked up a small notebook and looked over the last page that had stuff written on. It currently held some multiplication and division math problems.
“Is this your homework?”

“Yeah… we need to do it today. And that sucks!” Scootaloo snorted in chagrin.

“Why?”

“Because these multi-whatsit and divi-doo-hickeys are too hard to figure out!” she screamed in frustration, stomping on the ground.

“We tried to help her but she only gets more confused that way.” Sweetie Belle whispered in Adam’s ear.

“Hey! I got some pretty fine techniques to help you remember how to do it.” The human said.

“You do? Oh, tell me, tell me!” The fuchsia maned filly perked up, she and her friends surrounding the human.

“Now let’s see.” Adam took the notebook again and looked it over.
“The easiest way to get to know multiplication and division is by using your fingers.”

“My fingers?” Scootaloo looked at her hands, puzzled.

“Yes, your fingers, silly! Now pay attention! Here we have “What does 5 times 3 make?”. Well, in order to do that we raise our hands and present three fingers.” Adam demonstrated,
“Then we keep adding three and count along. We have to add five times three fingers. Three, six, nine, twelve, Fifteen! There we go! 5x3 is 15!”

The fillies added the fingers just like the ex-hacker showed them and to their pleasant surprise realized that he was right.

“Now Scootaloo, try 2x6.”

“Ummm… two, four, six, eight, ten, twelve… twelve?”

“Right you are kiddo!”

“Alright!” Scootaloo jumped up and hovered for a few seconds before settling down to the ground.

“Division is similar just remove fingers and count how many times you remove them; like 8 divided by 2. Now as you see I’m showing 8 fingers, and then I’ll start removing two each time and see how many times I have to remove two fingers from eight to reach zero fingers. One time, two, times, three times, Four times! So 8 divided by 2 is 4!” The human showcased his method carefully and watched as the children mimicked him.

Before the guy and the fillies knew it, it was three o’clock, the homework was done and they were saying their thanks and goodbyes.

Once he made his way back to Sugar Cube corner Adam was instructed to help Pinkie bake. He didn’t have to do the actual execution of the recipes, just hand Pinkie the ingredients.

“Hey Adam! Wanna try some banana cream pie?” Pinkie was upon the human the moment he entered the kitchen, stuffing his face with a slice of the baked good.

“Mmtnx!” The guy nodded, chewing and swallowing.

“Come over to the counter and let’s get started Addy!” The pony lady bounced over to the countertop with a ladle in hand.

It was then that Adam noticed what she was wearing. It was apparently one of those full body aprons that were meant to protect your clothes from getting stained while you cooked. This one matched her mane and had yellow and blue hearts all over it. However… it also rested quite snuggly against the mare’s body… and it showed off that large hourglass frame and deep cleavage rather well…

‘Aaaaand, the little guy’s awake again!’ Adam inwardly sighed as he propped himself on the table top.

“Soooo, let’s begin! I tell you what to hand me and you do it! Any questions?” Pinkie clarified.

“None!”

“Good! Now let’s get shaking and baking………………… with a sooooooooooooong!”

“Oh, okay… um, whut?” Adam was stunned at the last statement but before he could inquire as to its nature any further, the song was underway.

Today we’re baking a special treat, we are! We are!
The most delish and wonderful on the sweet baaaaaar!
Vanilla! Cake! So yummy, tasty, sweet!
Vanilla! Cake! Follow my instructions tout de suite!

Hand me the electric mixer, let’s beat the sugar and the eggs!
Better heat the oven quick! For a little oil the pan now begs!

Oh isn’t it grand to bake with me! The renowned and great chef Pinkie!
Get me the flour, baking powder, salt, and milk, vanilla!
Sift the dry and whisk the wet and don’t forget the stick a bu-tter!

Vanilla! Cake! So yummy, tasty, sweet!
Vanilla! Cake! Follow my instructions tout de suite!

Now that everything is stirred, mixed and pulverized...
It’s time to pour the batter, time to clean the platter, time to close the oven, wait an hour dozen! AND THEN! DON’T! FOR! GET! THE FROSTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

YEAH!

“Woah… umm… Bravo!” A flour covered Adam coughed up some of the stuff and clapped, after which he patted the white powder off his clothes.

“Now that the layers are in the oven, let’s move on to something fresher! Like fruity deserts!” Pinkie went for the fridge, stuffing her body halfway in with only her round booty sticking out.

“What kind of fruit exactly?” The human asked as he snuck a peak at his charge’s behind and cleaned the workplace.

“Oooooooh!” The party mare pouted and stomped over to her assistant with arms crossed.
“I can’t find the melons! We need them for the desert!”

“Oh?” Adam looked bellow her neck and snickered.
“I think you have two hidden in here.” He joked, reaching out, his hand stopping an inch shy of her left boob and pretended to rub the supposed “melon”.

“Huh? Eeeheeheheehehehee! Snort! Aahahahahah! I have some bigguns alright!” The pony lady jiggled her boobies sideways.

“Hell yeah you do!” Adam concurred and high fived his friend.

It was nearly 6 p.m. by the time the funsome twosome were done for the day, and while they were finishing up cleaning the kitchen, Pinkie said:

“Hey Adam! How about we go to Town Hall to get that citizen application of yours a-going?”

“Isn’t it kinda late for that?” The human looked at the wall clock.

“Nop-a-rooney! Mayor Mare ends work at 8 so we still have time for a last minute interview.”

“But don’t we need an appointment for that?”

“Then we’ll just settle for a run to there and back.” The pink mare beamed and without waiting for any consent took Adam by the hand and zipped out the door, the man literally gliding in midair like a streamer at the incredible inertia the party girl was creating.

“WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH! THIS IS AWESOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME! IT’S LIKE I’M FLYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!” The dude screamed in excitement, a big smile plastered on his face as both of them zoomed through town, his charge practically treating him like a kite to run with.

And just when Adam was having the most fun, everything ended abruptly as Pinkie stopped dead in her tracks, accidentally letting go of him, making him fly into a bale of hay. Unfortunately it was stationed against a wall, so that lead to ex-hacker into banging his head against it. With a white flash appearing before his eyes, the human saw stars dancing around him as he poked his head above the hay.

“Oopsie! Y’alright Adam?” The party mare grinned sheepishly, walking over and grabbing Adam by the shoulders.

“Oh, no thanks, I’ve had enough sarsaparilla. Check please.” The delirious man pointed his index at a couple of random directions.

“Good heavens darling! You shouldn’t do that to ponies, or to… humans for that matter.” Rarity lined up to the duo, she being the reason as to why Pinkie had stopped so impulsively.

“Don’t worry! I got this!” The looney pony assured her friend before proceeding with shaking the hell out of the human and yelling at him at the top of her lungs.
“ADAM! WAKE UP SLEEPY HEEEEEEEAD!”

“Oooooooo! Five Pinkies and three Rarities! That’s… pretty hot!” Adam snickered like an idiot.

“Allow me, dear.” The white unicorn took out a bottle of Perrier water and emptied its contents upon the poor guy’s head.

“Huh, what? Ow my head!” Adam got up and shook his aching noggin.

“You okay darling?” Rarity pulled a tube of cool cream from her purse and applied some on.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll live.” Adam took a few deep breaths.

“Sorry Addy!” Pinkie apologized.

“Don’t sweat it. So, we were going to Town hall right?”

“Yuppers!”

“Oh before you do, let me help you out.” Rarity dipped her hand in her purse again and pulled out a brand new stylized orange t-shirt which she handed to Adam.

“Thanks, Rares.” The human changed clothes.

“Hmmmmmm.” The seamstress scratched her chin as she looked the guy over.
“Your t-shirts fit you right, so I guess I was right on the mark but your bottom wear is a few sizes too big. I’ll need to make some adjustments.” she said as she scribbled something on a notepad.
“I’ll need you to come to my boutique tomorrow when you’re free from work. I’ll need to take your measurements and refit your bottom clothing. Be a dear and bring your bottoms will you darling.”

“I’ll just pin it on my schedule.” Adam ran his fingers through his still wet hair.

“Wonderful! I might even design some other outfits for you too. I’ll just be on my way then. Sweetie Belle is being picky about her food again and I need to make a last minute trip to the market. Chaooo!” Rarity crooned in a sing song manner as she went on her way.

“Bye Rarity!” Pinkie waved back before returning her attention to her hairless companion.

“Urgh! Where the hell am I supposed to find a hairdryer at this time and place? I need to be somewhat presentable in front of your mayor.” The man groaned, squeezing water out of his locks.

“Well here! This one runs on magic!” The zany mare unceremoniously passed him what he needed; pulling it out of her mane like it’s no big deal.

“You keep a blow-dryer in your mane?”

“I keep a lot of things in there! Wanna see?” Pinkie bent down a little and parted her frizzle.

Shrugging at the ridiculousness of the proposal, Adam peeked. The space between the pony’s fingers seemed dark and void at first but the closer the dude’s face came, the clearer things became. Finally, even though things were getting ridiculous, the ex-hacker pushed his head inside. To his surprise, half of his body went into what seemed like a hole to another dimension. It looked like a gigantic canyon of pink hair filled to the brim with all sorts of small paraphernalia and oddly enough large objects like a cart wheel or a canon. The other strange thing was that the place wasn’t like a dark cove or anything; it was well lit even though the source of light was unknown.

Pulling himself out of this bizarre phenomenon that was his friend’s mane, Adam stared at her with wide eyes.

“Hahahaahah! Careful Adam! Your eyeballs might pop out!” Pinkie giggled.

“I’ll never question anything you do ever again.” He responded in a monotone tone.

***

Despite their slight delay, the two were inside Town hall a little after 6:30 pm. The place was kinda emptied out at this hour, seeing as to how some ponies had finished work early and had gone home for the evening. Nevertheless, Pinkie and Adam made their way to a small room that contained a serious looking earth pony mare typing away on an old fashioned typewriter. One could tell that she was the Mayor’s top assistant what with the determined gaze on her face and navy blue formal suit. As to her appearance, she wore a pair of big black rimmed spectacles that complimented her bark brown eyes, not to mention that her mane was a greyish very dark brown, styled in a big bun and split bangs. Add to that a dirty white coat and you had a very proper looking and punctual mare.

“Hiya Inkwell! Is Mayor Mare busy? A friend of mine needs her help with something!” Pinkie said with her casual friendly tone, getting the other equine to look up at her.

“No. She is quite available. It would be refreshing for her to assist somepony with a problem before she clocks out. You’re free to enter at any time.” Inkwell said, retaining a neutral expression.

“Neato! Well I’m going to go over and talk to her! Addy, you sit over there at the waiting area!” The pink trickster nodded, skipped over to the Mayor’s office and went in.

Shrugging at the prospect of waiting, Adam took a seat. Having nothing to do, he began fixing his hair, combing over the spot where he still sported the nasty bump from earlier. It didn’t hurt as long as he didn’t press on it too hard. However after a few minutes of doing that, he got the feeling that somepony was watching him. Glancing up he was just in time to see Inkwell avert her eyes from him, an evident blush spreading on her face.

‘Woah! I guess it really doesn’t matter that I’m human! But still, it’s amazing how many mares here are turned on by tall and skinny dudes like me.’ The blonde thought with a sense of pride. Things would probably go even better once he went to the gym for several months.

“Addy! Come on in silly buns!” Pinkie suddenly appeared at the threshold of the room against him.

Obeying her words without a complaint, Adam walked into the office.

***

The mayor had had a really slow day. There wasn’t much work to be done and nopony had visited her today. Normally she would be glad at such a lucky prospect and would relax with a nice paper or two but reading the news was only able to shave a couple of hours of her time. And the paperwork was done too. Sometimes she wished she could work among other ponies and not just spend 75% of her time in this stuffy room. But she was glad that her day was going to end the way it would.

“Hey Mayor! Meet my new friend Adam the human!” Pinkie crooned, grabbing the man by the shoulders and plopping him onto the stool in front of the desk.

Least to say Mayor Mare was quite surprised to see such an exotic and hairless individual.

‘Dayum! For a mayor she is just as gorgeous as the rest in town. And that waistline can’t be real!’ Adam thought as he looked over the political figure in front of him.

She was wearing a suit with a tie much like her assistant only its color was a shade darker than her coat which was that of light grayish amber. This mare looked rather young for her stature as her waist was ridiculously thin underneath her clothes. It was a good thing she had decided to cover up her generous bosom with lots of cloth though it did bring the question as to why somepony would even consider wearing so much during such a hot time of the year.

‘Dude! Snap out of it! Guuuuuh! What’s the matter with me today! I keep undressing with my eyes every mare I see!’ The human chided himself just in time for the mayor to begin speaking.

“Good evening Mr. umm… what is your full name?” she asked.

“Turner, madam; Adam Turner! And if I may say so, I didn’t expect the mayor of Ponyville to look under thirty.” Adam got up and bowed politely.

“My! Are you sure he’s not from Canterlot, Pinkie? He is very well mannered.” The mayor suppressed a giggle.

“Nope-a-rooney! He comes from… uuuuh… I dunno… I guess I’ll just call it Humanland!” Pinkie drew circles on her chin with her index finger as she thought up numerous of random names for Adam’s country.

“Either way, I think that it’s okay to put your citizen application into consideration Mr. Turner. If our most trusted town resident Pinkie Pie is vouching for you then I see no harm in sending that application to the Canterlot immigration department.” Mayor Mare dug through a drawer and gave Adam a form.

It took a few minutes for the aforementioned form to be filled but with the help of Pinkie, the human managed to fill out each gap with reasonable yet not too traitorous information:

Application

Surname: Turner
Given Name: Adam
Sex: Male
Species: Terran
Date of birth: 976 M.E. (Modern Equestria)
Nationality: The Allied States of Terra
Place of birth: Chicago
Place of current residence: Ponyville

Application type:
Permanent citizenship

Reasons:
Lack of career oportunities

Application number:
09384570175031

Applicant signature: Adam Turner
Mayor signature and seal: Mayor Mare (seal is illegible)
Guarantee: Pinkamina Diane Pie

‘There! Even with this information, nopony should have any clue about my kind. After all, Terra and Terrans sound like a typical name for some obscure country and species nopony has ever heard about.’ Adam thought as he gave his now filled out document.

“Now let’s see… hmmmm…” The mayor said to herself as she skimmed through the form.

"Adaaaaam! I though you told me you're a human, not a Terran!" Pinkie whispered ever so subtly.

"Shhhhhhh! Secret from Celestia remember?" The human elbowed his pink furred friend.

"Oh yeah! Heehee!"

“Well it seems that everything is in order Mr. Turner. I’ll send this application to Canterlot via the local Postal office first thing in the morning.” Mayor Mare declared giving the party mare and ex-hacker a polite smile. In all honesty she had no idea what the names Chicago and Allied States of Terra meant but she wasn’t the type of pony to pry in other people’s personal knowledge.

“Yaaaaaay!” Pinkie squeed grabbing Adam tightly and squeezing him hard.
“Oh Adam, I really hope they approve you for citizenship! You’d make a great Ponyvillian! You’re practically fitting in already!”

“Yeah! I hope so too.” The dude replied as he reflected on his actions on the side.
‘I sure hope that these actions of mine don’t have any dire consequences. I so want everything to work out okay!’

“You needn’t worry. Equestrian emigration and citizenship laws are very liberal these days. It doesn’t matter if you’re a fugitive or a simple traveler. As long as you find yourself honest work and a pony to guarantee for you, everything will work out.” Mayor Mare said as she got up and began gathering her things.
“I’m afraid it’s closing time though.”

“No Problem Marey! We’ll be right out!” Pinkie beamed and quickly skedaddled, the ex-hacker hot on her heels.

***

Adam and Pinkie were back at Sugar Cube Corner and inside Pinkie’s room. Before having dinner Adam had tried one of those “Hunger wolf” pills and oddly enough they did their job well. Too well in fact… Right now the man felt as if his gut was gonna burst any minute from eating so much egg salad and salty pancake cake.

“Guuuuuuuh… too… much… food…” he groaned as he assumed the fetal position in his cot.

“Well… one would… expect to get a tummy ache… if one ate… too much… duuuuuuh!” The zany mare diagnosed her buddy’s condition as she bounced on her bed.

“I guess I’ll get used to it once my stomach expands.” The dude muttered and rolled over to the other side.

“Hmmmm… this isn’t fun at all.” Pinkie ceased bouncing and sat down, becoming pensive.

“………………………. Aaaaaaahaaaa! Ideaaaaaa!” she yelled in joy and jumped onto her feet.
“Let’s spend the next couple of hours watching filly flicks!” the pink pony presented a long shelf full of all sorts of DVDs labeled by genre.

“I guess that’s okay. Not my type of comedies but okay.”

“We only have time for one. But ooooooo, which ooooooone?” The mare fussed over the titles until she grabbed one at random.
“Oh, oh! Let’s watch this one! “Bring it filly: Move it or lose it”. It’s a cheerleader comedy! It’s really fun!”

“Whatever is okay with me. Play that shit!” Adam waved his hand as he got comfortable, only to gasp as his roommate picked him up and plopped him onto her bed.

“If you’re going to watch movies with Pinkie, you need to share the friendship spot.” Pinkie giggled as she prepared the home movie projector, popped the disk in, pressed start and crawled up to the human snuggling next to him like an adorable kitten.

The flick didn’t seem all that interesting to Adam as he yawned from time to time, watching those colts and fillies jump around and perform handstand acts. It was obviously a family picture as it was very appropriate for young foals. Pinkie on the other side was thrilled, beaming throughout the entire movie. And once it was over, she set up some pillows on the floor, as to not wake the tenant family and did several of those tricks herself. The dude smiled at his happy-go-lucky friend who did somersaults, flips and other goofy tricks for his amusement. He was sure glad he had such a sweet and caring friend. And it wasn’t long before Adam fell asleep.

When she got tired Pinkie went and took a shower to freshen up. And after drying herself off she got to bed, tucked Adam in, lay next to him, draped an arm over his shoulder and eventually fell asleep as well.

Author's Note

I wasn’t sure with what to name the official country of the humans in my fic so I went with a knock off of the USA. After all, since the human cities are divided by a great distance from each other, even though they basically have the same system and laws, there should be some different laws typical for each city much like in an American state. And since they keep in touch with high tech communications, they are allied.

Don’t worry! Adam’s head is okay! I just did this head banging scene for the comedic effect. Everybody in my fanfic follows the laws of Cartoon Physics! Lol!

The movie I referenced was “Bring it on: All or nothing”. It isn’t a very good film but it was watchable back when I saw in my late teens. Plus I remembered cheerleader Pinkie from “Rainbow Falls” so I thought Pinkie would like this flick. And Adam… he’s not that picky as long as it’s nothing terrible or hard to watch.

UPDATE: Through some advice in the comments I decided to get Adam to lie about his species' and country's name in the scene at the Mayor's office. Mayhaps to avoid further suspicion. ;)