The Most Popular Girls at Canterlot High

by The Princess Rarity

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Silver Spoon, Sex, Sunset Shimmer
Length: 4500

The real world of what goes on at Canterlot High. The drama - every little vulgar and shocking detail...

What if the movie of Equestria Girls was just all one big lie? What if instead, it was an actually dramatic and shocking world - especially the high school? Instead of friendship and harmony, war goes on through the halls of Canterlot High.

Only the most popular girls will survive it.

This is a horrible parody of the webseries known as The Most Popular Girls in School. I am so sorry for this. It was an idea I got at midnight while hyped-up on sugar and I regret every word I type. By the way, I don't own the cover art.

Published 2013-12-31 00:10:07 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-02 23:45:23 UTC

Who are you?

The Most Popular Girls at Canterlot High

by The Princess Rarity

"Well, y'see, he was all like, 'No way!' and I was like 'Yes way!' and he kinda maybe sorta doubted me at first, but then I proved to him I was right and he was like 'You are!' and somehow, I kinda ending up tackling him in a massive super hug," Pinkie said, with a giggle. "So, long story short we're kinda dating now."

Rarity nodded, and smiled as she flipped her hair, looking back to the mirror. "Aren't I simply gorgeous?" she gushed, completely oblivious to her friend's rant.

"You are!" Pinkie agreed, still bestowing her signature smile - and not catching the fact Rarity never paid attention to her. Suddenly, her expression twisted up, and she tapped her chin in thought. "Hey, don't we have cheerleading practice today?"

A moment passed, only before Rarity was about to speak up with her answer, when the door to the bathroom opened and someone quickly walked in, taking a place at the sink next to them.

It was a young teenage girl, obviously - tall and lanky, with soft purple skin, wearing an almost preppy sort of clothing, while she had her long tricolored hair let down casually. She seemed quite average and normal, but not quite ... well, the usual sort of crowd to be here.

"Excuse me," Rarity piped up, firmly staring looking to the girl. "Who are you?"

"Well... who are you?" the other girl asked, as she glanced over.

"I asked you first."

"I asked you second."

Pinkie let out a long, exaggerated gasp and blinked rapidly. "You don't know who she is?" she said, pointing to her friend. "This, missy, is Rarity! She's the head cheerleader, homecoming Queen and part-time model!"

"Thank you for that, darling," Rarity praised, with a bit of a smile, only before she looked back to the other girl. "So might I ask again, who are you?"

"My name is Twilight Sparkle," the girl said simply, returning the smile. "I'm new here."

"I see," Rarity replied. "Well, might I ask who let you in here?"

"Fluttershy."

With a raised eyebrow, the fashionista hesitated, "As in Fluttershy? Our Fluttershy?"

Twilight shrugged. "I'm not quite sure," she replied.

Pinkie looked back, puzzled, and cocked her head to the side in confusion. "But Fluttershy isn't even in charge of the door!" she pointed out. "Is she?"

Ignoring her hyperactive friend yet again, Rarity released a deep breath, feigning a smile as she stepped forward. "Twilight, do you mind if I explain something to you?" she said, with a bit of a sickly sweet tone to her voice. "Specifically, on how things work at this school?"

"I sort of already know how things work around here," Twilight admitted.

"Fluttershy is in charge of snacks - why is she letting people through the door?" Pinkie asked to no one in particular.

Thus, this was proven as she was further ignored...

"Oh, do you?" Rarity responded, her smile slightly faltering. "Well, let me brush you up, alright? You see, this is somewhat my school, because - as stated by Pinkie Pie here - I have all of the main statuses and-"

"Status isn't everything," Twilight politely argued.

Rarity paused, and nearly twitched one of her pretty blue eyes, only before quickly composing herself and continue to act like the proper young lady she always presented herself to be. "Well, maybe where you're from, but here at Canterlot High, things are a bit different," she confirmed.

"Trixie is charge of the door - why is she letting Fluttershy take that job?" Pinkie wondered out loud, only before she quickly left the bathroom.

"You know, it almost intrigues me," Rarity continued. "What town are you from anyhow?"

"Townsville," Twilight answered.

"Where's that?"

"North of here," the other girl said simply. "West off of the Highway."

Rarity nodded, as if she understood and took one more step towards Twilight. "Then let me clarify you on the details of how things work here in Canterlot," she murmured.

"Like I said before," Twilight defended. "I sort of already know how things go around here. Some boy named Blueblood told me."

Then, suddenly, Pinkie shuffled back in, even more confused than she was before. "Hey, is Trixie sick?" she asked - but as expected, no one bothered to answer. "Oh, wait... didn't her dad die?"

"What are you doing talking to Blueblood?!" Rarity snapped, in a bit too harsh of a tone.

"We have Math Class together," Twilight said calmly, without being the slightest bit fazed by the other girl's sudden shock and surprise.

Rarity nearly gritted the teeth of her perfectly whitened smile together as her hands balled into her fists. "That's my boyfriend," she muttered.

Twilight raised an eyebrow, and hesitated, taking a moment to think. "Well, that's not what Sunset Shimmer said..." she thought.

"Sunset Shimmer is a good-for-nothing liar!" Rarity scowled, with a roll of her eyes. Even if she blocked out her own speech from vulgarities and the sort, she most certainly wanted to say a few unladylike things about that bitch.

"Well, when I talked to her, she seemed to know an awful lot about you and another boy by the name of Norman," Twilight observed.

Suddenly, the color from Rarity's already extremely pale face flushed out, as she tried to calm back down as quick as she could. "Alright," she muttered. "Now, Twilight, if I may ask, what is it you are here for?"

"I'm just here to use the bathroom, like a normal person," Twilight replied.

"Well, no one's stopping you," Rarity declared, turning away and going back to what she was doing before: admiring herself in the mirror.

With that said, Twilight turned around, and entered one of the stalls, locking the door behind her.

Just then, Pinkie Pie's expression brightened up, as she let out one of her hysterical giggles. "Oh, wait, duh!" She slapped her forehead, and laughed. "Silly me, Applejack's dad is dead! Trixie's dad is a lawyer!"

Rolling her eyes at her friend's usual silliness, Rarity began fussing over her hair, and lightly muttering how participating in petty fights was going to give her stress marks - basically, just acting like the usual primadonna she always was 99.9% of the time.

Then, the toilet flushed and Twilight emerged from the stall, walking over to the sink, washing her hands and leaving without another word.

And as Rarity and Pinkie Pie simply looked to one another, they both realized one thing...

...Canterlot High would never be the same again.

Author's Note

Yeahhh, I don't know what this is. Like I said, it's a parody of The Most Popular Girls in School - which is hilarious and just plain awesome. Somehow, when I was being an insomniac, I made up a My Little Pony cast list of who would play all of the characters in the webseries, and when I was bored, this happened.

I hope some of you bronies out there like it too, and hey, who knows? Maybe my stupidity and random boredness is gonna be enjoyed.

But like I said before, this is a parody. So if you don't like it, don't spam me with negativity. And don't worry, the same hilarious vulgarity will show up sooner or later~

The Second - how do you say? - Chapter

The Second - how do you say? - Chapter

~ x o x o ~

"So then, she was all like, 'Let me play goal!' and then I was like, 'Hey, Spitfire, why don't you let me play goal?' and she was like, 'You know what, Soarin? You're a cool dude.' and that's how I gained her respect," Soarin boasted, with a proud smile as he leaned up against the lockers, with a proud, cocky smile.

However, Rainbow Dash certainly was not amused. "Yeah, yeah, good to know," she muttered, with a roll of her eyes. "Cool story."

"Oh, bonjour, Rainbow Flash, and hello, Soarin," a sweet, almost melodic voice piped up.

The voice beckoned both Rainbow Dash and Soarin to look over, and who stood there caused the prismatic-haired girl to let out a groan.

"Hey, Fleur," she said blantly. "And it's Rainbow Dash."

"Rainbow, you would not happen to have an extra - how do you say - hair ribbon, do you?" Fleur de Lis asked, with a bit of a smile.

Lightly shuddering in annoyance, Rainbow Dash shook her head. "Yeah, I don't wear ribbons in my hair," she replied. "And why do you say how do you say before words you clearly know how to say?!" She let out a scoff. "You know, I heard from Cloudchaser that you're not even really from France! You just fake that dumb accent - you're actually from a small podunk town!"

Ignoring the brash athlete, Fleur looked to Soarin - and her smile grew a bit sweeter. "Soarin, ma cheri, I saw you and your team the other day playing the game of football, and I must say, I was quite impressed," she praised.

"Actually," Soarin responded, with a chuckle. "It wasn't football, it was soccer."

"Soccer is called football in France, you dimwit," Rainbow Dash corrected, lightly smacking her boyfriend on the arm.

Being the wimp he was outside of sports, Soarin winced at the smack, and rolled his eyes.

Now, narrowing her gaze towards the other girl, Dash shook her head. "And quit tryin' to change the subject, Fleur," she argued. "Everyone knows you're actually like a hillbilly or whatever."

"Ah, you see, that is false," Fleur defended. "That Cloudchaser, she is a mademoiselle who cannot be trusted."

"Oh, please!" Rainbow Dash huffed. "Cloudchaser hasn't told a lie since the third grade, and she's one of my friends, of course I can trust her over you!"

With that said, Fleur de Lis walked off silently, not even bothering to look back.

"She's totally a hick," Dash declared.

"Hey, um..." Soarin looked around, and hesitated, only before raising an eyebrow. "Is it ok tonight if, y'know, we do the thing?"

Rainbow Dash's expression fell flat at her boyfriend's utter stupidity and immaturity, only before letting out a sigh. "I'll give you a handjob on one condition, Soarin," she said under her breath. "You gotta watch two episodes of the Daring Do cartoon with me."

"But cartoons are for kids!" Soarin whined, only before his girlfriend hit him upside the head. "Hey! That's abuse towards your partner, y'know!"

"They are not for kids," Dash responded between gritted teeth, afraid anyone would hear her secret love of immature shows. "Now, do you want that stupid handjob or not?"

Letting out a sigh, Soarin nodded. "Yes," he muttered under his breath.

Then, apparently, Fleur came back around the corner, and opened her locker, retrieving her bag as she let out a light giggle with her sweet smile.

"My apologies for disrupting you both again," she said quickly. "But I realized that I forgot my Science book, so I came back to it... how do you say - now."

"Now!" Rainbow Dash groaned, with a facepalm. "That's exactly how you say now, Fleur - which you obviously know how to say!" She grimaced, and shook her head. "So drop the act, and just speak like a normal person, will ya?"

"If that is what will you make happy, then so be it," Fleur replied, in her soft tone.

She giggled once more, and playfully winked at Soarin, causing him to also join in on her laughter.

The sight annoyed Dash, causing her to roll her eyes.

"Everyone knows you're not from France," she said.

"Ah, still believing lies, I see. What a shame," Fleur sighed. "Oh, well. Au revior, mon ami."

Turning on her heel and rounding the corner, she left once more.

Finally, Rainbow Dash released an another annoyed groan, and punched her locker. "Stupid hillbilly," she hissed.

"Hey, um," Soarin looked to his girlfriend, with a halfhearted smile. "What if I watched two episodes of Daring Do, and an hour of Pretty Little Liars with you? Could I get ... y'know, the other sort of sex job?"

"What?" Dash asked in shock. "Gross, no way! I'm not a slut, Soarin. Besides, even if I did go through with blowing you, it's not a fair trade - you like Pretty Little Liars!"

Soarin's green eyes suddenly widened, and he coughed nervously, shaking his head. "N-no, I don't!" he weakly defended.

"Yeah, you do," Rainbow Dash argued. "The only person who loves Pretty Little Liars more than you is fuckin' Twist - and no one even likes her!"

As if by speak of the devil, the girl in question rounded the corner, lightly humming to herself with a book in her hand. "La, la, la, I love Pretty Little Liarth soooo much!" she murmured.

Looking down to the short, disliked freshman, Rainbow Dash scowled. "Nobody gives two shits about Pretty Little Liars, fuckin' Twist! Why don't you go eat a centipede like you did back in the second grade, you little dumbass?!" she snapped.

After the miniature rant, Twist then broke out into a disgusting crying fit, falling to her knees and banging against the locker in a toddler tantrum sort of manner, only before crawling out of the hall, still whining and sobbing.

"Ah, shut the hell up!" Dash called after her. "Act your age, for fuck's sake!"

Not happy with the fact she had just got done in a cursing rage, but nonetheless satisfied with letting out her anger, Rainbow Dash slumped against her locker and let out a deep breath.

"Um... y'know, Pretty Little Liars isn't that bad of a show," Soarin mumbled.

However, that statement caused RD's expression to fall and she frowned as she glanced over to Soarin. "Ok, you and I? Yeah, our thing's done now," she declared.

And just when it couldn't get any worse...

...Fleur de Lis suddenly rounded the corner, letting out a light sigh. "I seem to be quite off-track today," she announced. "I thought that it was my third period, so I got my Science textbook, but when I got to class, I found out that it was not, and instead, I have Math now, so I came back to get my Calculus - how do you say? - book."

"You're a disgrace against real French people," Rainbow Dash snapped. "Now if only I could murder you and not get arrested for it."

Just then, Soarin spoke up, with his expression brightened into the usual goofy manner it always was. "Hey, Fleur, you're kinda hot, you wanna go out on a date?" he asked.

"What the hell did you just say to her?!" Dash shrieked, nearly falling over in shock.

"Oh, my," Fleur de Lis murmured, as a light blush crossed her pale cheeks. "Are you suggesting a - how do you say? - menage a trois?" She bit her lip, batting her soft pink eyes playfully.

Rainbow Dash growled like a dog, and stood up, now managing to stand her ground.

"Really?!" she spat. "You're asking how do you say menage a trois?! It's a fuckin' French word, you stupid shithead!"

She was about to lunge forward to slap Fleur, who was still surprisingly not alarmed by Dash's sudden anger, but Soarin held his exgirlfriend back, focusing his gaze on the prettier (supposedly) foreign girl.

He smiled his off-beat smile, and chuckled. "Well, it'd kinda only be a menage a two, are you still cool with that?" he suggested. "Y'know, seeing how Rainbow Dash here just kinda dumped me."

Fleur giggled, and nodded, as she slightly waltzed up to Soarin. "Y'know, ma cheri, the people of my country know very much about suffering," she whispered.

"Oh, yeah - what people are those? The people who make moonshine in their bathtub?!" Rainbow exclaimed.

"Non, the people who invented the ways of French kissing," Fleur murmured.

Then, suddenly, she was pressed up against the lockers of the hall, with Soarin quickly kissing her in a somewhat dorky manner, but nonetheless, Fleur pulled him in as soon as he recoiled, and the both of them shamelessly began making out right there, in the middle of the school for all to see.

However, the two quickly pulled apart, and Fleur giggled, with a smirk and wink most unusual for her typical sweet manner. "I bet that was better than some second-rate handjob, oui?" she said.

"Who the hell said my handjobs are second-rate?!" Rainbow Dash demanded - now even more angered that her sexual favors seemed to be known by the people she hated most.

"Oh, well, only every boy in this school," Fleur crooned in an awfully bitchy manner. "There's is monsieur Neon Lights, Fancy Pants, Caramel-"

"-Caramel?! That loser couldn't jack himself off, he should be lucky he had me there!"

"We cannot all be perfect, can we now?"

Ignoring Fleur's stupid remarks, Rainbow Dash punched the locker again and stiffened her lip angrily. "When I get through with that fuckin' worm, he's gonna wish his parents went through with that move to Manhattan!" she raged.

However, no one paid attention to her frustration, as the hall was empty...

...except of course for Soarin and Fleur, now continuing their makeout session, which only annoyed Dash even further.

"By the way, Fleur," she spoke up. "I didn't just give handjobs, I also let guys enter my back door." She pointed to her backside. "Not my front door, but my back one." She glared at Soarin, and shook her head. "And Soarin, dude, you totally aren't the one who's getting the key to the front door."

And with that said, Rainbow Dash stormed off, now fuming.

But she still left a certain (supposedly) French girl and awkward athlete confused.

"What is she talking about?" Soarin asked to himself. "I've been through her front door plenty of times. I always go to her house for soccer practice."

Author's Note

Honestly, Fleur de Lis is perfect to play Saison Marguerite. :P They're both French, even though everyone knows they're actually from Montreal.

And of course Twist is Rachel Tice, even though I find Twist insanely adorable. I'm sorry, but it had to be done :P. (Also, I didn't use Gossip Girl 'cause copyright reasons or whatever. Plus I don't wanna be a ripoff. That's not cool, kids.)

The War Has Just Begun

The War Has Just Begun

~ x o x o ~

"So... do we have cheer practice today, or not?" Pinkie chirped.

However, the question was not answered, because suddenly, someone opened the door, and a voice called, "Where the hell is Rarity?!"

Both Rarity and Pinkie Pie turned around, causing the more hyperactive girl of the two to suddenly gasp loudly, with her jaw hanging dramatically.

"Ohmygosh, it's Sunset Shimmer," she said quickly, in an out-of-breath manner.

"What do you want, Sunset Shimmer?" Rarity muttered, as she narrowed her eyes towards the other girl.

Sunset Shimmer scoffed, and stood her ground defensively as she crossed her arms. "Like you don't know," she retorted. "I heard that you've been going around calling me a liar!"

Rarity held back her smirk. "Might I ask where you heard that?" she said politely.

"I dunno, like two minutes ago," Sunset muttered.

"I said, where not when," Rarity responded, in an annoyed tone.

Rolling her eyes, Sunset Shimmer let out a huff. "Don't give me any sass," she argued. "We both know I'm half deaf in my left ear after that loser Pokey Pierce hit me in the head with that stupid baseball bat back in the third grade."

Then suddenly, another voice rang through the bathroom as someone else entered, screaming the same words Sunset Shimmer had said.

"Where the hell is Rarity?!"

"Ohmygosh, it's Diamond Tiara," Pinkie Pie announced, still slightly shocked.

"Hello~" Diamond Tiara sang, with a bit of a cackle.

With a slow blink, Rarity cleared her throat and gave a false smile.

"Diamond, darling, how have you been? I thought you were still in middle school," she said, her tone turning as sweet as molasses.

"Guess again," the freshman chuckled. "I'm here to stay, and so far, it. Is. Fabulous. I've already been introduced to all of the popular girls, and they totally like me, and I have a boyfriend who's a Senior, and he's smart so he can do all of my homework and-"

"Diamond. Shut up." Sunset Shimmer interrupted. "We have more important matters to discuss."

"Oh. Right." Diamond Tiara replied, only before her sassiness came back full blast. "I heard you were calling Sunset Shimmer a liar. That's totally not true, and it's not cool either. Why would I have her as my best friend if she was a liar?"

Rarity was just about to shoot back a remark, when again - another person entered the bathroom, screaming the same exact five words as before.

"Where the hell is Rarity?!"

It took a minute, but once everyone in the bathroom got done looking around, a short girl with lopsided glasses and preppy clothing was noticed - and her stance was awkward, but still annoyed.

"Who are you?" Rarity asked, with a raised eyebrow.

"Who are you?" the other girl shot back.

With a light groan, the fashionista rolled her eyes. "There is no way I'm not going through that again," she mumbled.

"This is Silver Spoon," Diamond Tiara spoke up. "She's my other best friend, and she's the most popular girl at Canterlot Middle School."

"You're hanging out with a middle schooler?" Pinkie Pie questioned.

The younger girl identified as Silver Spoon flipped her grey hair over one shoulder, as let out a scoff. "I'm in eighth grade," she argued. "That's Junior High. Anyway," She narrowed her eyes towards Rarity and lightly tsked. "I heard you were calling Sunset Shimmer a liar."

"But who's watching the door? And how did you get in here if you don't even go to this school? Where did you come from? Are you a spy?" Pinkie continued.

"Shut up, Pinkie Pie," Silver Spoon snapped, only before a devious grin spread across her expression. "Or, should I tell everyone about how you used to make out with Photo Finish under the bleachers after school?"

Suddenly, the hyperactive girl stood still - which was a rare occasion for someone as wild as she normally was. "How do you know about that?" she squeaked out.

"Some girl named Scootaloo," Silver said breezily as she looked at her manicure. "We have karate class and gymnastics together."

"Alright, enough introductions," Sunset Shimmer declared. "Let's just cut to the chase." She looked to Rarity, about to start ranting, only before she let out a light shudder and wrinkled her nose. "Oh, my God, what is that smell?"

"Somebody just used the bathroom," Rarity muttered, with a roll of her eyes.

"It smells nasty," Diamond Tiara whined.

"It's like the scent of an alcoholic homeless man who just got done dumpster-diving," Silver Spoon added, as she too expressed disgust with a sneer.

As the group of girls all groused over the disgusting smell of the bathroom, Sunset Shimmer spoke up once more. "Anyway," she sighed. "I want an apology. I am not a liar."

"Is that a joke?" Rarity argued. "Because I didn't find it very funny. You are indeed a liar, Sunset, and if I had the chance, I would most definitely tell everyone in the city of Canterlot!"

"Well then," Sunset smirked. "I'll gladly tell the entire student body of this school that the white powder found in your friend's bag wasn't sugar, but instead, it was something else."

Pinkie then let out a gasp. "You wouldn't dare! B-b-but it was just stuff from a Pixie Stix! Honest! I need my sugar fix!" she said.

Letting out a dark chuckle, Sunset Shimmer gave a shrug.

"They look alike, y'know," she threatened. "So, Rarity? That apology? I'm waiting..."

"And if you don't apologize to her, I'll gladly tell all of Canterlot Middle School that Sweetie Belle lipsyncs at the talent shows!" Silver Spoon added, as her smirk only grew wider.

With one of her best friend, and her sister, at stake, Rarity let out a groan, and released a deep breath as she looked directly at Sunset Shimmer. "Alright, fine," she said simply. "Sunset Shimmer, I am truly sorry for falsely accusing you."

"You think I'd believe that pathetic piece of crap?!" Sunset snapped. "I demand a hand-written apology from you, signed by all of your fellow Cheer Squad members - so they know what you did - and I want an additional twenty dollars, plus all control of every bathroom in this school."

"Never!" Rarity shot back.

A moment of frustrated silence happened, only before Silver Spoon with a chuckle, and a devious smirk. "You know, Rarity, it sure would be a shame if your sister fell down a flight of stairs," she said simply.

Letting out a light, shocked gasp, the fashionista scowled in defeat. "Fine," she muttered. "But as a fair trade, the Cheer Squad gets the outside lunch table out by the terrace."

"We won't miss it," Sunset said breezily.

"Also, I'll have to warn you," Rarity added. "There's a new girl here who goes by the name of Twilight Sparkle. You might want to keep an eye on her."

With a nod, Sunset Shimmer pursed her lips and thought for a moment. "I'll have these two-" She nodded to the two younger girls by her side. "-keep an eye on her."

"I'd have to say that I thank you for that," the primadonna replied. "Although, remember this, the war between you three and us is only just beginning. Mark my word, this is the start of very something eventful."

Her snarky smile turned into a smirk, and Sunset nodded once again. "Understood," she declared.

Diamond Tiara smirked as well. "Understood," she agreed.

"Understood," Silver Spoon finished, with a low chuckle.

"Wait... what's going on?" Pinkie Pie asked suddenly - now confused as to what was going on.

Just then, the peace was disturbed, as screaming was heard outside the bathroom, and a certain someone ran in, crying wildly and whining like a baby, only before rushing into a stall and slamming the door behind them.

The five girls looked to one another, and all let out a groan in unison.

"Fuckin' Twist!"

Author's Note

Soooo the girls playing the Van Burens have been released! Huzzah!

I just really like the idea of these three being a trio - I personally think it would've worked better in Equestria Girls, but oh well.

They obviously aren't related in this, but they still make an awesome group.

By the way, Sunset and Diamond are gonna be switching between Shay and Camryn, respectively. You'll all see this in the future.

Anyway, I hope you all liked this latest installment of The Most Popular Girls at Canterlot High!