Fluttershy Tries to Buy Health Insurance

by Palm Palette

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Angel, Fluttershy, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Original Character
Length: 10628

Suffering from an embarrasing medical condition, Fluttershy tries to use President Mare's new online healthcare exchange on the day that it opens.

Fluttershy wants to use President Mare's new online healthcare exchange. Unfortunately, she encounters a lot of problems with the Healthcare dot Mare website. Will she be able to buy health insurance, or will she be stuck with an embarrassing medical condition for the rest of her life?

Alternate Universe tag is for ponies with computers and internet.

Published 2013-12-31 12:40:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-31 12:40:03 UTC

A Vote for President Mare is a Vote for Solving All of the World's Problems

Fluttershy sat at an outdoor picnic table at the Daffodil and Daisy Diner having brunch and sipping tea with Rarity. A sizable crowd had gathered to try the new menu items. Fluttershy was about to take another bite from her rhododendron and thistle sandwich when she felt an unwelcome reflex building in her throat. She dropped the sandwich on the ground; it wasn't very good. Actually, it was kind of awful.

“Hic-coo,” she blurted out. She covered her mouth with both hooves and felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment. “Hic-coo.”

Fluttershy reached for their pitcher of Leafy Bean's Mildly Spiced Peppermint Tea and drank until the twinge in her throat subsided. “Ahh.” She placed the nearly empty pitcher back on the table and wiped her mouth off with a fetlock. Rarity set down her newspaper and stared at her.

“Um,” Fluttershy fumbled, “it wasn't me. It was, um, a bird.” She grinned so wide that the corners of her mouth opened enough to expose her clenched teeth.

Rarity was polite enough not to go looking around, but she knew that most birds were far too timid to appear before a large group of ponies. A waiter with a stack of sixteen dirty plates on his back clanked past them and made enough noise to scare away even the bravest of avian.

“That's nice, dear. I don't suppose you can help me with this crossword puzzle? It's a lot trickier than usual. Take this clue, for example: 'A handy concern?' Five letters, starts with 'v' and ends with 'r'.”

Fluttershy relaxed and took a look at the puzzle. “Oh my, I can't think of anything that might fit. Are you sure those are the right letters?”

Rarity grabbed the pitcher of tea with her magic, but thought better of it and poured herself a glass of water instead. “That's just it, I'm not. This whole puzzle is like that. I'm completely stuck.”

“Wait, what's this?” Fluttershy pointed elsewhere on the page. “HealthCare dot Mare?”

“Oh, that's President Mare's new online healthcare exchange. It opens tonight. They say that any pony can use it to buy health insurance, even those with preexisting conditions. But about that crossword puzzle–”

“R-really? Do you mind if I borrow this?” Fluttershy slid the paper away from Rarity. She had that grin on her face again.

“I suppose so. I can always look up the answers tomorrow.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Fluttershy rolled up the newspaper and flew off. “Hic-coo!”

“Hey! You need to pay for that! You can't just fly off!” An angry waiter stormed up to their table.

Rarity looked at him with level eyes. “Need I remind you that you have a satisfaction guaranteed policy? She just discarded her sandwich and flew off to find a bathroom.”

“What? Oh no! I'm terribly sorry. I thought–” Rarity glared at him. “Is-is there anything I can do to make up for this?”

“Well, now that you mention it, I would like another pitcher of tea. Oh! An another newspaper too, if you would be so kind.”

“R-right away, Miss.”

***

Fluttershy hunched over in the dark with only the light of the computer screen to illuminate her face. The impatient thumping of a small foot could be heard next to her.

“I know it's late, Angel Bunny, but the website opens at midnight. I'll shut it off and go to bed once I'm done. It shouldn't take too long, it's supposed to be as easy as ordering pizza.”

Angel gave up, and hopped off to his basket to get some sleep. The whirring fan of the computer, random grinding of its hard drive, and the flickering glow from the monitor irritated the hare. He tossed and turned and buried his head under his pillow in an effort to muffle the noise. It didn't work.

Fluttershy blanked out while staring at the computer screen. She felt more than a bit tired and a little bit queasy. Angel's incessant thumping was the only thing keeping her awake. The blinking digital light hit 11:59, and she opened her web browser in anticipation.

“Let's see... 'HeathCare dot Mare'. I think that was it.” She hit the 'Enter' key. “ '404, File not found.' Whoops. Too early still, I guess.”

The clock dutifully hit 12:00, and she reloaded the page. “ '404, File not found.' Again. Maybe... they're running a bit late?”

Angel pounded his foot furiously.

“O-oh, sorry. I'll be quiet.” Fluttershy reloaded the page again. This time it sat there spinning, before producing the 408 Error: Request timed out. She reloaded again. 408 Error again. She reloaded and looked at the clock. It read 12:07. She yawned.

Angel Bunny tossed and turned and thumped his foot on the ground in protest.

“I-I know, Angel, but I'm sure it will work any minute now.” Fluttershy was mesmerized by the little swirling circle. She sat there bleary eyed, clicking away, waiting and waiting for nothing to happen, so she could refresh, and wait for nothing to happen again.

Angel stopped thumping. Either he asphyxiated himself under his pillow or he'd finally passed out and fallen asleep.

***

“Hunh?” Fluttershy hadn't remembered falling asleep. In fact, she hadn't even gone to bed! She peeled her face off her keyboard and rubbed at her waffle-y skin with her fetlocks. Scampering, scurrying, chattering, chirping, and rustling caught her attention. Her animals were running loose, fighting with one another and trying to dig into her cupboards.

“Oh no! Oh no. Sorry, sorry, sorry. So sorry.” She stopped feeling herself, and dashed about preparing breakfast for her charges. In her grogginess she gave birdseed to her squirrels (who were thrilled), salad to her songbirds (who weren't), and poured nuts in Angel's bowl (who was asleep). The clock tower started ringing and she counted it toll nine times.

“Ack! I'm late, I'm late!” She squeezed herself through a window (for some reason) and flew off. Her songbirds chattered and flocked after her while the squirrels stuck their tongues out.

Angel Bunny yawned and reached for his bowl of food. He grabbed an acorn, and his eyes popped open when he bit down and nearly chipped a tooth. He threw off his covers, overturned his bowl, and hopped over to the computer to give it a swift kick. 503 Error: Out of Resources.

***

Fluttershy knocked on the door to the library.

“Coming.” Twilight's voice and hoofsteps came from inside.

Several songbirds landed on Fluttershy's mane and they squawked and warbled at her.

“What? You're still hungry? It's not good to eat so much at once. Wait until lunch, okay?”

The door creaked open, and Twilight's mouth hung open briefly before she composed herself. “Are you okay, Fluttershy? You look a bit–” Twilight wasn't sure how to describe it. One side of Fluttershy's face was waffle-y, she had bags under her eyes, and several birds were chattering at her and making a mess of her mane.

“I'm fine, Twilight. I'm sorry I'm late. Do—do you want me to help refit the library for more perches for Owloliscious like you asked?”

“Are you sure you're fine? Because you don't look fine.” Twilight looked up and down at Fluttershy again.

“Yes, I-I'm hic-coo.” Fluttershy clapped her hooves over her mouth.

“What?”

“Hic-coo. A-a moment please.” Fluttershy dashed next to the library to use Twilight's garden hose and splashed herself in the face. Her birds flew off. She came back dripping wet and shook herself off. She splashed water in Twilight's face.

“Ack—Fluttershy!” Twilight complained

Fluttershy stood there with a blank expression and a completely frazzled mane. “Um, the bluejay did it.”

The bluejay squawked and flew down to tug at Fluttershy's mane.

“The bluejay?” Twilight asked.

“Y-yes. The bluejay.” The bird squawked again and started pulling harder.

“Uh, Fluttershy, we don't have to do this today. If you're not feeling well, maybe you should go home and get some rest.”

“But–”

“Actually, I insist. You should stay home and rest. We can do this tomorrow—uh, if you're feeling up for it, that is.”

“W-well, what about you? I don't want to leave you with nothing to do.”

“Oh, don't worry about that! There's always plenty to do around here. I think I'll take Rainbow Dash up on her offer of teaching me some weather manipulation tricks. See? Plenty to do.” Twilight grinned.

“A-alright then. I guess I should go home to catch up on my rest.” Fluttershy turned her head aside and spread her wings to take off.

“Feel better soon!” Twilight called out after.

“Hic-coo.”

***

“Oh, Angel, I did it again I–” Her voice trailed off when she looked at the mess in her home. Her rugs were bunched up, her furniture was scratched, a table was on its side with its contents spilled and broken. “A-Angel, d-did you do that?”

The white rabbit hopped up and kicked her in the shin. He whipped a paw up to point at the leafy green lettuce hanging in the birdcages well out of his reach. Her songbirds landed on her and started squabbling again.

“Oh my, I guess I really was out of it this morning.” Fluttershy gave the birdseed to the actual birds this time and brought the lettuce down for Angel who, naturally, turned his nose up at it. She had to give him a towering fresh salad with diced carrots, sliced cucumbers, and two cherries on top to make him happy. She started to clean up her mess, but noticed that her computer was still on.

“I wonder if its working now.” She walked over and sat down on her chair. “Oh. A new error message—that's progress, right?”

Fluttershy reloaded the page and got the same error message again. She frowned. “They had all night to fix it. Why isn't it working?” She reloaded again and, much to her surprise, got something. The webpage consisted almost entirely of empty picture boxes that gradually turned into broken picture boxes as her computer failed to load them. Her eyes were drawn to President Mare's bio box, seeing as how that was the only actual text on the page.

Hi. My name is President Mare. I'm Mayor Mare's long lost twin sister from the Hawhinny Islands. I am a white-and-black alicorn who's more powerful than Princess Celestia and this is my super-duper-solve-all-of-the-world's-problems-healthcare exchange. Everypony loves me and votes for me.

Fluttershy's eyes glazed over at that last part. Well, it had seemed like a good idea at the time. She looked back at the rest of the website and grimaced. She had no idea what she was supposed to click on because the entirety of the site's navigation consisted of pictures and animations that didn't load. She hit the refresh button again in the hopes of fixing that, but got a 503 error again. Her next request timed out and–

Ribbit.

–so did the next and–

Ribbit. Thud. Thud.

Ribbit. Ribbit. Thud. Croak.

“Wha-what in world?” Fluttershy flew up to a window and looked out. “It's raining FROGS!?”

Fluttershy gaped as she watched the poor little dazed and confused froggies hop about and voice their complaints.

“I think I'm need out there, Angel.” Fluttershy went to retrieve her cart full of baskets so she could relocate the frogs to a better home.

“Hic-coo.” Once again, she held her hooves to her mouth. “Hic-coo … um, after a glass of water.”

***

Several hours later, Fluttershy came back exhausted and covered in mud. She washed herself off outside and came in bleary-eyed, soggy and cold. She wrapped herself in several blankets and and curled up on her couch to sip at some tomato broth soup. A loose spring poked her in the thigh.

Some squirrels climbed up and chattered at her while she was eating.

“Um, I'm not sure I want to talk about it.”

She took another sip and they just looked at her with wide, pleading eyes.

“Oh, all right. It's kind of embarrassing, but I guess I don't have to worry about you guys spreading rumors. Since that hydra lives in Froggy Bottom Bog, I had to go all the way to the Horsetail Ponds. Along the way I started to, well... you know. I don't want to make the noise because that can set it off again. Drinking water's no cure, but it helps. So when I came down for a landing, well... the water wasn't as deep as it looked. I kind of crash-landed and that's why I was all covered in mud. At least the frogs were okay.”

Fluttershy sighed and drank the rest of her soup. “I should just tell somepony about my condition, but it's so embarrassing. I can't afford to get it treated without help.”

She looked over at her computer. “I know I've gotten nothing but error messages so far, but I've got a good feeling about it this time. I'm going to go over there, and log onto HealthCare dot Mare!”

Fluttershy's computer burst into flames.

“OH COME ON!”

***

Fluttershy wrapped some gauze around around Angel's head. “Angel, you should know better than to chew on wires like that. You could have really hurt yourself.”

Angel scratched at the gauze.

“Now now, Angel. Don't do that. You don't want your blisters to get infected do you?”

Angel scratched at the gauze, tearing it off. Fluttershy set him down and dug through her cabinets. “Now where did I put that thing...?”

A few minutes later, Fluttershy set a freshly bandaged Angel back down again. He had a very sour look on his face and a plastic cone wrapped around his neck.

“Aw, Angel, don't be that way. You're such a sweet little bunny. Yes you are, yes you are.” She nuzzled up to him. “Here, have a big, juicy, crunchy carrot. That will cheer you up, right?”

Angel turned his head aside as if to refuse, but after about three seconds he lost his internal struggle and started munching on it.

“That's a good boy.” Bunny satisfied, she turned her head to look at her blackened computer. “I guess I'll have to get somepony to fix this. Hopefully it won't set me back too much. I'm not sure I could afford to buy a new one.”

***

The next morning, Fluttershy stepped out to visit Twilight again. She'd gotten caught up on her sleep thanks to the fact that her computer was in the shop. She felt a lot better too, but her throat twinged uncomfortably. Morning songbirds having a lark nearby left her feeling at her throat, wondering if she'd been making any of those noises. She really, really wanted to get on a healthcare plan as soon as she could. She wondered if that website was ever going to work.

She passed Bon-Bon, who was watering some yellow carnations.

“Fluttershy, I'm glad I found you.” Rainbow Dash settled down in front of her. “Say, do you think you could do me a favor?”

“Uh, sure, I'll do anything I can to help.”

“Woah, woah, woah. Wait until you hear what I have to say before you agree, okay? This sort of thing isn't really your forte and I won't feel bad at all if you decline.”

“What is it, Rainbow Dash?”

“Well, the usual weather team's been absent recently, and I need help putting together a drizzle. Twilight tried to help yesterday and, well, that rain of frogs was cool and all, but it didn't exactly help any. Speaking of Twilight, she left for Canterlot this morning to research proper weather manipulation spells.”

“Oh.” Fluttershy cast her eyes aside. She hoped Rainbow Dash would get to the point. Her throat was getting scratchier by the moment.

“So, uh, I was wondering if you could possibly help out with the rain?” Rainbow grinned.

“M-me?” Fluttershy stammered.

“Yeah, as I said, It's no biggie, but if we don't get a downpour going soon, I'll have to call in the reserves from Cloudsdale to set up a doozy tomorrow.”

“That's—hic-coo.” Fluttershy slapped her hooves over her mouth and blushed red when Rainbow Dash looked at her. “Hic-coo,” she hic-cooed again.

Rainbow Dash craned her head around, trying to look past Fluttershy. “Did you get a new cuckoo bird?”

“Ye—hic-coo—yes. That's it, exactly,” Fluttershy stammered.

“Strange, I don't see her.” Rainbow Dash kept craning her neck around.

“Sh-she's shy.”

“Shy?”

“Ye-yes—Oh my gosh is that a Wonderbolt!?” Fluttershy pointed at an obvious distraction.

“What? Where?” Rainbow Dash fell for it.

“Sorry.” Fluttershy snatched the watering can away from Bon-Bon and drank it all. Bon-Bon snatched it back and glared at Fluttershy before stomping off in a huff to refill it.

“I don't see any of the Wonderbolts.” Rainbow Dash was still looking for the obvious distraction.

“Oh, how silly of me. It was just a tree.”

“A... tree? How the heck do you mistake a tree for a Wonderbolt?”

“Practice?” Fluttershy curled her lips up in a fake grin.

Rainbow Dash burst out laughing and slapped a hoof of Fluttershy's shoulder. “Good one, Fluttershy. Sometimes I forget just how silly you can be.”

Fluttershy kept grinning, genuinely this time.

“Oh, before I forget. Twilight wanted me to give you a copy of today's paper. You're mentioned in one of the articles and she knows how you like to keep clippings of yourself.”

Fluttershy tucked the newspaper under a wing. “That's mighty thoughtful of her.”

“Yeah, well, I best be off. Don't worry about the weather thing. I'll find somepony else to fill in.”

Fluttershy watched as Rainbow Dash flew off. She sighed when she looked at the library. With Twilight out, she had nothing better to do than to sit on a park bench and read the newspaper. For better or worse, her computer wouldn't be ready until noon.

Twilight's failed weather spell and subsequent rain of frogs was, of course, the featured article. Also on the front page was an article about a rash of poisonings due to–

“Rhododendron's toxic!?”

Fluttershy set the newspaper down and thought back on how crowded the diner was. “Oh my goodness, all those poor ponies. I'm so glad I only had the one bite. I wonder if Rarity's—no, she only had tea and biscuits.”

Fluttershy picked up the paper again. The third article was about the botched rollout of President Mare's new online healthcare exchange. In an unusually colorful article, it was described as everything from a hideous abomination that could make a hydra feel pretty by comparison to an unflushable pile of manure that was so huge that it wrapped around the bowl. Fluttershy wasn't sure if she should feel better about the fact that she wasn't the only pony who was having problems or worse about the fact that she really, really, wanted healthcare and would have to keep trying until it worked. She looked up at the sun overhead and went to collect her computer.

***

Quck Fix had done an admirable job, considering. The reams of duct tape were hardly noticeable and the monitor only had about a score or so of dead pixels and a weak red color channel. The static black pixels were somewhat annoying, but at least the thing worked. Angel Bunny hopped out of the house in protest, but she knew he'd be back for supper. He'd never miss his extra special double-crunch celery and cucumber salad with cabbage and carrot greens. She could redress his bandages then too.

With a sigh, she double-clicked on her web browser and pulled up the HealthCare dot Mare website. To her surprise, it actually came up. The page was loaded with bells and whistles. It was full of icons that danced and twirled and blinked when she waved her cursor over them, but there was no explanation as to what any of them actually did. This—was supposed to be as easy as ordering pizza, right?

She spotted an icon that looked like a '?' in the bottom under President Mare's bio box. That had to help, right? It danced and bounced into a '!' under her cursor. She clicked on it. A pixelated pony appeared on the screen that bore resemblance to President Mare. It paused and said, ‘This website is awesome, just like me!’ A tic appeared under Fluttershy's left eye. That had to be the least useful thing she'd ever seen.

She tried clicking on a self-peeling onion icon instead. When she did so, it spun away and moved itself to the upper-left corner as a smaller icon.

‘Behold! All of your problems have been solved!’ the pixelated pony said.

Fluttershy banged a hoof into her forehead. This was going to take a while.

She tried clicking on several other icons but they either did nothing, or honked like a goose when she did so. That particular sound file was a bit... offensive. Did they know they were broadcasting goose profanities? Fluttershy muted the sound so as not to bother her songbirds and kept poking around. She came across something that caused a form to pop up. Finally, it felt like she was getting somewhere. She filled out her name, address, date of birth, race, eye color, parents, parents' addresses, phone number, email, proof of residency... the list went on and on. A lot of the questions were really personal, actually. Did she use tail extensions? Did she sing in the shower? She lied on both those questions. And why the heck did they want to know the time, date, location, and estimated weight of her last bowel movement?!

The tic under her eye was getting worse. At least she was done filling out that stupid form. But when she went to hit the 'Submit' button...

The digital pony blurted out, ‘This website is awesome, just like me!’ The text box that popped up replaced the form she'd been working on, erasing all of her data.

“Augh!” Fluttershy stared at the screen with one ear flopped back and one eye twitching sporadically. “Why am I putting up with this?” She threw her hooves into the air.

It was still a bit early, but Fluttershy got up to prepare Angel's dinner. It felt good to chop things up. It helped her work out her frustration. By the time she finished with his salad bowl, she felt almost calm.

“Hic-coo.” Fluttershy slapped her hooves over her mouth. It was almost reflexive now. “Hic-coo.”

Thankfully, she was home alone where nopony could see her this time and just drank straight from the faucet until her throat felt better. She should be happy for small favors, but she felt like she died a bit inside. She just couldn't go on living like this. She just couldn't. She was bound to slip up at some point. Somepony would notice, and the rumors would spread about her, and, and...

She had to sign up for health insurance, she just had to. She glanced at the flickering monitor in her living room and felt a knot in her stomach. Maybe later.

She grabbed Angel's salad bowl and stepped outside to call him back for supper. He wasn't far, but he crossed his paws and refused to budge until Fluttershy started describing just how yummy and scrumptious his food was. He caved in and hopped over, but before he could take a single bite she scooped him up and carried him off.

“Oops, it's too early for supper. How about we redress those bandages first, hmm?”

Angel kicked and squirmed, but she held a firm grip on him and didn't let go of him until she finished. Naturally, he turned his nose up at his salad again, but she glared at him until he ate it. Angel hopped away, and Fluttershy went through the rounds to feed the other animals. She didn't give any the wrong food this time, but did catch herself snacking on the birdseed. When had she started doing that? A dagger of nervousness pierced her heart. She... should probably see about that health insurance again.

Apparently, that digital pony had abandonment issues, because she'd opened sixteen different text boxes all of which had the same message. Fluttershy closed them all, grumbling each time. She could think of about sixteen different things that she had to say about this website, and none of them would be fit for publication in a newspaper. She tried to find a way to get rid of that stupid digital pony, but her efforts were about as futile as reversing an avalanche.

“As easy as ordering pizza my tail,” she mumbled.

She'd just have to take her chances and fill out that form and submit if before it disappeared. It took her three tries, and nearly two hours, but she managed it. She sat back and watched the fruits of her labor take shape: an animated pegasus rolled the little icons in the upper-left corner off the edge of the screen. The rest of the website remained the same.

“Um, now what?” Fluttershy asked.

‘This website is awesome, just like me!’ Fluttershy facehoofed again.

Ding—dong.

“Huh?”

Ding—dong.

“Coming!” Fluttershy got up to answer the doorbell. Outside was a young pegasus colt holding a flat, square box in his mouth.

“HwelthCare dowt Mare Expwress Pizza Dewivery Service. Fwee bits pweese.” He couldn't speak well with the box in his mouth but Fluttershy got the gist of it. She fell over.

He dropped the box and nuzzled her until she got up again and gave him the coins. “Yer silly, Miss.” He dropped the coins in his pouch and spread his wings to take off.

“Hic-coo,” she hic-cooed.

“Really silly.”

Fluttershy held one hoof over her mouth and waved him off with the other. She carried the pizza inside, set the box on the table and went back to work on the computer again. Absentmindedly, she hit the reload button. 404 Error.

“Praise Celestia!” She threw her hooves into the air and hic-cooed again. Groaning, she got up to drink more water.

Her stomach grumbled and she went to open up the pizza box. Well, she might as well find out what it was: onions, lettuce, tomato, and, ugh, blackthorn. Yuck. She closed the box. Great, that was the one topping that always seemed to be on every menu but nopony ever actually ordered it. Honestly, she'd rather eat the birdseed.

She completely lost her appetite for both supper and trying to use that healthcare website. She stomped off and went straight to bed. She'd try again tomorrow.

***

Fluttershy went through three entire bowls of oat flakes. She hadn't been eating much lately and her body wasn't going to stand for that kind of treatment any longer. She probably overfed herself, but at least she wasn't hungry any more. A quick check showed that the HealthCare dot Mare website was still down, so she was free to clean her cottage up and spend some quality time with Angel Bunny.

“Oh Angel, I'm so sorry that I was mean to you last night.” She unfurled his bandages and inspected him. His blisters had subsided, and he looked okay enough to leave them off. She took off the plastic cone too, much to his delight. “It's just that I've been having so much trouble with that awful website. I... I guess took out my anger on you. Can you please forgive me?”

Angel was happy enough to hug her leg, and she nuzzled him back. “Thanks, Angel Bunny.”

***

Later that day, she collected the eggs from her chicken coops to bring them to Sugarcube Corner. She was running low on feed for them too, and made a note to pick up some dried corn from Applejack tomorrow. The website still wasn't loading, but that suited her just fine. Hopefully, they'd make some improvements to it before she got back. It certainly couldn't get any worse than that thing she'd been subjected to yesterday. She'd rather not wind up with any more boxes of inedible pizza.

A lot more ponies were out and about watering stuff today. The ground was getting a bit parched in places. That meant that Rainbow Dash hadn't been able to get that steady rain going after all; based on what she'd said yesterday, they'd be in for a doozy tonight. She picked up her pace to get this delivery done so she could have some time to get home and shutter up before they brought in the rainclouds. Well, not so fast that she'd hurt her fragile load, anyway.

She pulled up to Surgarcube corner and knocked on the rear entrance that opened to the kitchen.

“Coming!” The high-pitched sing-song voice belonged to none other than Pinkie Pie, who opened the door. She was covered in flour.

“Oh, hi, Pinkie. I'm not interrupting anything am I?” Fluttershy tried to look past Pinkie to see if the Cakes were there.

“Oh no, not at all! The Cakes stepped out for a bit and I was watching the twins and–” Pinkie craned her neck out to look at Fluttershy's cart “–ooh, ooh, whatcha got there? Are those presents? Did you bring presents?”

“They're just eggs, Pinkie. Do you think you could put these away and tell the Cakes I dropped them off?” Fluttershy unhitched herself from the wagon.

Pinkie picked up a basket of eggs. “Maybe the presents are under the eggs?” She set it down and looked between them. Fluttershy facehoofed. “Or next to the eggs?” She picked up an egg. “Or IN the–”

“Pinkie, I think the egg IS it's own— hic-coo.” Fluttershy slapped her hooves over her mouth and started blushing. Pinkie zipped in front of her with a wide-eyed grin on her face.

“That was was so coo. Do it again! Do it again!” Pinkie jumped up and down.

“Hic-coo,” she hic-cooed. She didn't have a choice in the matter; it just happened. Her blush turned deeper red, and her eyes started to water.

“Great impression, Fluttershy! Hey, check this one out. I've been working on it all morning.” Pinkie Pie ducked behind a curtain so that only her shadow was visible, which appeared to transform into a huge, snarling beast. “GRRRRROOOOOAARRR!”

“Ack!” Fluttershy jumped and her wings involuntarily snapped shut. She didn't have to drink anything, that scared the hic-coos right out of her.

“Do you like it? I call it my manticore-who-just-stubbed-his-toe impression.”

“Pinkie, that was scary!”

“Oh, it was? But I thought you liked manticores.” Pinkie cast her eyes down and frowned.

“I do, but I wasn't expecting that from you,” Fluttershy replied. She tried stretching her wings out, but they weren't cooperating. She'd be stuck walking for a while.

“Oh, is that why the twins were so upset? And here I thought that they were just unhappy because I was doing the impression badly, so I kept doing it again and again trying to make it better. It still wasn't working so I just dumped flour on myself; they always love that.”

Fluttershy looked back at her baskets of eggs. “Well, it was a pretty good impression, but you shouldn't be making loud noises around foals. That can upset them easily.”

“Aww, I guess you're right. Hey! I have the bestest idea ever; how about I put away these eggs you brought and tell the Cakes about them when you get back?” Pinkie Pie loaded up three baskets on her back, one on her tail, and one on her nose.

“That's what I—uh, sure, that does sound like a good idea. Thanks, Pinkie.”

“Catch ya later!” Pinkie called out from inside. Fluttershy ran off to return home.

***

Fluttershy checked her place for loose branches and shuttered and barred her windows. That taken care of, she went to check on HealthCare dot Mare. The website came back up, and she had to check the address again to make sure that she was in the right place. It looked completely different.

Every single picture and animation was gone. It was plain text, with simple instructions on what to do, and there was no reference to President Mare at all except for the HealthCare dot Mare address itself. Fluttershy nearly weeped for joy. This was a website that she could actually use.

First of all, she needed to create an account. That should be simple enough, right? The form that popped up was a lot like the one she'd filled out yesterday, but they'd cut out most of the personal and superfluous questions. She typed it all in, uploaded a portrait, typed and retyped a password and hit 'submit'.

Fluttershy read the server's response aloud. “ ‘Congratulations, Fluttershy, you have created an account. Click here to log in. Error, your password contains invalid characters.’ … what?”

Fluttershy tried to log in, but sure enough, her password was rejected for containing invalid characters.

“That would have been useful to know before I created my account!”

Fluttershy grumbled and went back to the main page. She filled out all of her information, AGAIN, and this time just stuck with a simple alpha-numeric password. She submitted it but...

‘We're sorry, but a 'Fluttershy Songfeather Melody' already exists in our system. It is not the policy of our administration at this time to offer healthcare to changelings.’

“Augh!” She threw her hooves into the air. “I'm not a changeling! I'm just trying to create an account so I can log in.”

Fluttershy grumbled and went through the process of filling out that huge form YET AGAIN with a slightly different name.

‘We're sorry, but 'Fluttershy2 Songfeather Melody' does not match any official record. You are not eligible to participate in the healthcare exchange at this time.’

“Not again! I've spent three hours just trying to create an account so I can use this piece of garbage in the first place!” She'd kick her computer, but it had already suffered too much abuse and she didn't want to break it. “Can this possibly get any more frustrating?”

The answer to that question would have to wait, because a flash of lightning and subsequent crack of thunder heralded the onset of that 'doozy'. “Eek.”

Fluttershy shut down her computer and unplugged it (roughly in that order) and retreated to her bedroom. She'd wait for the storm to pass in the same place she always did: curled up in a ball under her bed. “Hic-coo.”

***

Later that evening, she crept out from under her bed after the storm had died down. The wind had been fierce; the sheets of rain had pounded on the roof; the lightning had flashed like a strobe light. Those reserves from Cloudsdale sure didn't mess around when it came to putting up a storm. She'd spent the whole time trembling and hic-cooing—too afraid to even run to the kitchen for a glass of water. Some of her animals had joined her under the bed, too. None of them liked the storm either.

The first thing she did was to get that glass of water to assuage her sore throat. It was too dark to go outside and check for damage, but she hadn't heard anything come crashing down so it was probably safe. Now that she herself had calmed down, she could coax her frightened critters to come out of hiding. The place was back to normal soon enough, and she found herself drawn back towards the computer.

She plugged it in and turned it on (roughly in that order) and waited for it to boot up. As much as she hated it by now, hic-cooing for nearly an hour straight had left her desperate to get the thing working. She rubbed a hoof against her throat. It was still sore. At least she was still just cooing and hadn't shown any of the more advanced symptoms yet. Hopefully, she could get treated before then.

The computer came back up, and she loaded the HealthCare dot Mare website. She stared at it. Her eyes glazed over. What, exactly, was she doing again?

Oh! She spotted a 'reset password' link. That hadn't been there before. She clicked on it and typed in her user name. ‘Your password has been reset. A new temporary password has been sent to your email address.’

Fluttershy opened up her email and checked her inbox. There was a new message from somepony she didn't know about improving 'length' and 'potency'. She deleted it. Why do so many ponies on the internet seem to think that she's a unicorn? The message from HealthCare dot Mare wasn't there yet, and took a good five minutes to arrive. She copied the temporary password and went to paste it into the login box on the HealthCare dot Mare website...

‘Error: The password you have entered contains invalid characters.’

Fluttershy slapped her hoof on her forehead. If she kept that up, it was going to leave a mark. Fluttershy hit the 'reset password' button again. Perhaps if she kept doing that, they'd send her one that worked eventually. An hour later, she still had no luck. Every temporary password they sent her was a hash of letters, numbers, and symbols and got instantly rejected on account of containing invalid characters. She felt about ready to pull the hair out of her mane.

A thumping foot caught her attention. She looked down at Angel Bunny who pointed at a clock.

“Oh, is it past my bedtime already? Well let me finish trying this last password and then I'll shut down and go to bed.” Fluttershy yawned.

She copy and pasted it into the form. Her eyes lit up when it actually worked. “Oh my gosh, Angel, would you look at that? I'm finally at the point where I can actually do something!”

Angel frowned and pulled his ears down like he didn't want to hear it. He thumped on the ground, louder this time.

Fluttershy looked down at his sad, beady eyes and glanced back at the website. She could indeed do something: a lot of somethings, in fact. The page looked complex. She turned the computer off and got up to tuck Angel into bed.

“You're right, Angel. I should get my sleep too. I won't keep you up again tonight. I can work my way through that website tomorrow.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and left to get ready for bed. On her way out, she flicked off the light switch with a wing.

***

The morning left her feeling hopeful about the day. She finally felt like she was starting to make progress. She had to clear up some broken branches, but overall the storm last night hadn't done any damage. While she was feeding the chickens, she felt the weight of the feed bag and decided to refill it before it ran out completely. Elizabeak and the others were doing a great job at producing eggs and she didn't want to ration their food supply if she could help it. Applejack grew corn and dried it for purposes like this.

Fluttershy rubbed at her throat. It wasn't twingy yet, but that always seemed to happen at the worst possible time. She was tired of hic-cooing in front of her friends and decided to drink lots and lots of water before she went to visit Applejack. There was no possible way that this plan could backfire.

***

Fluttershy flew over to the Apple farm and spotted Applejack and Big Mac hauling away storm debris. She flew down and landed nearby. They were in the middle of some storm-prompted pruning and Fluttershy waited patiently for them to finish.

“Howdy, Fluttershy. Ah'll be with ya in a minute.” Applejack tossed another lasso around a limb that had split and was hanging down from its tree at an odd angle. Big Mac had a rope around the trunk of the tree to hold it steady while Applejack worked at breaking the limb off. “Big Mac, ya got a grip on yer end?”

“Eeyep.”

“Alright, then. One, two, three!” The ropes went taught and there was cracking and splintering as the huge branch came crashing down. “Whew-ie. That was a big'un.”

Applejack wiped the sweat from her brow while Big Mac came over to haul the branch away. It looked like it was safe for Fluttershy to walk up now. “Uh, Applejack–”

“It's good to see ya here, Fluttershy. Say, can ya do me a favor?” Applejack pointed up at another tree. “There's a broken limb up there but I can't get a lasso 'round it where it's fallen. Think ya can fly up there and pull it out? Ah wouldn't want it to fall on us come apple-bucking time.”

“Uh, sure I'll help. That does sound dangerous.” The branch in question had broken off and was stuck amongst the other branches near the top of the tree. After some struggling, she managed to pull it loose and dropped it to the ground.

“Thanks, Fluttershy. Say, while yer up there, ya think you could do a flyby and check for more breaks from the air? They'll be easier to spot now while they're still fresh.”

“Uh, I guess.” Fluttershy hadn't planned on spending time helping Applejack to clean up storm damage, but, to be fair, it was a lot easier to spot from the air than on the ground. She pointed out three more breaks they hadn't seen. She pulled one of the branches out herself, and helped them tie off ropes for the other two. It was nearly an hour later when she finished.

“Thanks for yer help Fluttershy. Ah reckon that's the last of it. So what brings y'all out here in the first place?”

“Uh, well, I—um, I–” Fluttershy crossed her legs and hopped up and down. “I really, really need to pee!” She shot off towards the outhouse.

“Wait, don't go there!” Applejack yelled after her.

Fluttershy came back a few seconds later. “ ‘Out of order’! How can an outhouse be ‘out of order’?!”

“Well, it flooded in the rains last night. Trust me, but ya do not want to go in there.”

“Where's the closest bathroom?” Fluttershy winced with her hooves between her hind legs.

“Well, that'd be in the barn, but the cows–”

“Barn. Got it.” Fluttershy zipped off.

“–just use the one in the house!” Applejack yelled after her.

Fluttershy found herself waiting in line behind Betsy and Moolasses. She hopped up and down doing the bladder dance while they chatted about the weather.

“Can you believe just how much rain came down last night?” Betsy asked.

“Oh, I know. It was like a river. Splish, splash, splish. Water everywhere,” Moolasses replied.

Fluttershy moaned and trembled. Did they have to talk about water?

“I could see it from my stall. The creek swelled up something fierce. It was such a swift and steady flow,” Betsy said.

“The way the water poured off the roof was like a waterfall. It was tinkling and splashing and–”

“I can't take it any more!” Fluttershy yelled and ran outside to use a bush. It was less than accommodating, but nopony saw her and it worked. “I am never going to drink so much water again as long as I live!”

Fluttershy took a few steps out from behind the bush and– “Hic-coo.”

“No, not now!” She lifted her forelegs but hesitated. She didn't want to put her unwashed hooves in front of her mouth. “I take what I said about water back. I really need some right now! Hic-coo.”

“What do ya need, Fluttershy?” Applejack stepped around the corner.

“I—Hic-coo.” Fluttershy cast her head down and blushed.

“What in tarnation was that?” Applejack looked around.

“Um, my birds are coo– hic-coo –calling me. I have to go.” Fluttershy flew off.

“Well, thanks for the help again, Fluttershy.” Applejack waved her off. “Strange, Ah've never heard a bird quite like that before.”

***

Fluttershy draped a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign on the door to her cottage and pulled it shut. “That was a total disaster, Angel. I didn't even get the corn feed I came for.”

Angel Bunny hopped up to her; Fluttershy had a frightening glint in her eye.

“Well, I'm not going to let this embarrass me ever again, because I'm not going to leave this cottage until I can get my condition treated.”

Angel Bunny hopped after her while she worked on closing and barring the windows.

“Do you think I can do it, Angel? Do you think I can finally sign up for health insurance?” Fluttershy looked out the last window before she closed it. The yellow carnations were in full bloom.

Angel Bunny followed her behind her tail. He didn't want to suggest anything either way. Actually, he hopped away when she sat down and fired up the computer. He wanted to get as far away from her as he possibly could.

Fluttershy brought up the HealthCare dot Mare website and logged in again. She scrolled down the list that popped up. It looked like a list of health insurance plans for her area. It... wasn't all that precise, or local, for that matter. Most of the entries were for Canterlot, some were for Cloudsdale, and there was one for Transylponia, for some reason. Ponyville had an entry too. No prices were listed. She clicked on one to bring up more info, but that just caused a new form to appear.

This one was for determining what kind of government subsidies she qualified for. The whole point of this health exchange was to make the insurance affordable, so they needed detailed information about her finances and anything that might change the cost of the insurance itself.

“Let's see, ‘How much did you earn last month?’ ” Fluttershy emptied her coin purse on the table and counted the coins. “Twenty bits.”

She described her job as an animal handler, noted her independence from her parents and other family members, and listed her pitiful savings and other financial assets such as the cottage she was living in. The last question caused her to shudder. It was a box asking for her preexisting conditions.

Her windows were already barred and shuttered, but she bit her lip and glanced around the room nervously anyway. The birds were sleeping in their cages, the squirrels were away, and Angel had hopped off. She spread a wing to cover the glow of the monitor as she typed in, ‘chirpies.’

She submitted the form, and left to get some water while waiting for the server to get a response back to her. It actually had the decency to say that it could take a long time since it had to crosscheck her info against the server's database. It didn't give her any sort of time estimate, though. She turned the water into tea.

It was too hot to drink, but the aroma was refreshing. She set the pitcher and some cups on the table behind her, away from the computer. She didn't want to ruin all of her hard work at the last moment by spilling liquid on it.

The website still hadn't done anything new. Was it stuck? Fluttershy frowned. The little circle was still spinning. That meant it was thinking, right?

Fluttershy glanced again at some of the healthcare plans that were partially visible beneath the 'Processing...' box. If everything worked as advertised, then she wouldn't have to pay more than twenty bits per month for any of them. She hoped the one in Ponyville would be the cheapest. She didn't want to have to commute to Canterlot for healthcare.

The page blanked out for a bit, and reloaded itself itself with all of the updated information. The prices were indeed listed but...

“A hundred and fifty to two hundred bits per month!? What do you mean I don't qualify for any subsidies? I can't afford any of those prices!”

Fluttershy opened the form back up to see if she could figure out what went wrong with the calculation process. The first item on the list explained it all. “Not twenty bits per hour, twenty bits for the whole month. Aaargh. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.” Fluttershy banged her hoof into her forehead and corrected that error. She resubmitted the form and drank some tea to help stay calm while waiting for a response.

When it reloaded, the prices were slashed by about half, but still way out of her price range. She gnashed her teeth and brought the form back up. What else had gone wrong.

“I'm not identical twins with Octavia! Where did it get that idea? She's a gray earth pony from Canterlot and I'm a yellow pegasus from Cloudsdale. We're only distantly related, and we certainly don't share our finances.” Fluttershy resubmitted the form and had another cup of tea.

She wasn't even surprised when the prices came back still too expensive for her. She brought the form back up to look through it for more problems. “I'm not going to sell my house to pay for health insurance,” Fluttershy grumbled. “Wha-what is this!? I do NOT have explosive bovine dysentery! Where did that even come from?” Fluttershy made the corrections and downed another cup of tea. She was glad she wasn't drinking hard cider or she'd be plastered by now.

When the list came back, the plans were finally in her price range, but a lot of the options that were originally there were gone, including the one in Ponyville. She opened one of the cheaper ones up in Canterlot. It had a lot of references listed for specialists in explosive bovine dysentery. Fluttershy shuddered and brought that form back up again.

“I do not have explosive bovine dysentery, twice!”

It took her six more tries, but she eventually managed to get her proper condition listed. She glared at her empty pitcher of tea and hurled it against the wall. She felt about as gray as the shadows in her room. There was light at the end of the tunnel, though. The remaining healthcare plans were all in her price range, so all she had to do is pick one and sign up. She should feel happy, right? Well she didn't. This whole process was about as appetizing as trying to give dental hygiene to a hydra (hint: they have gizzards). She'd wasted days on this nonsense for something that should have only taken an hour or two at most.

She read through the list of healthcare plans that were left. The Transylponia one was actually the cheapest, but she wasn't willing to travel that far for health coverage. The Canterlot ones weren't bad, but she decided on the one left in Cloudsdale. Doctors there would be more familiar with chirpies anyway since unicorns and earth ponies don't get that disease.

One click.

That's all it would take. One more click and she'd be signed up, and this whole nightmare would go away. She bit her lip and pushed the mouse pointer over the button. Click.

She trembled nervously while the website switched to processing mode. Would it reject her? Would it find some error it missed before and force her to start all over again from the beginning? She winced when the response came back, and peeked her eyes open to look at it.

“ ‘Congratulations’–” her heart started to soar... “–‘BUTTERSCOTCH’!?” ...and crashed and burned. She nearly choked on her own shock. “Wha-what is this?”

Fluttershy's eyes darted wildly around the screen. It took her a while before she realized that she had somehow gotten access to somepony else's personal information. She was shocked and appalled and couldn't help but be curious too.

“Oh my gosh, he's so cute! And he's single too? And there's his phone number and email and—what am I thinking!? I—I can't possibly be thinking of contacting him just because the website malfunctioned and gave me all of his info. What kind of pony would I be if I did that? Oh my gosh, he has chirpies too!? Ack! No, I should stop reading this–”

Ding—dong.

“Huh?” That sounded like the doorbell. Who'd disturb her with her sign up?

Ding—dong.

“Coming!” Fluttershy closed the HealthCare dot Mare website (after taking screenshots) and got up to answer the door. A bright pink stallion with a poofy reddish mane stood in the doorway. He had Fluttershy's ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign hung around his neck, for some reason, except that he'd crossed out the 'Not' with what looked like blue cake frosting.

“Hi. My name is Bubble Berry, and I was trying to sign up for health insurance, but your name popped up instead! Isn't that the most most amazing, bestest, thing ever?”

Fluttershy gaped, covered her mouth and blushed. If he'd gotten her info from that malfunctioning website then that meant...

“Hey, check this out.” He rooted through his saddlebags and pulled out a small black box which he set on a table next to her. “I got you a mobile phone! That's the best tweetment for chirpies, you know.”

Fluttershy meeped and flushed bright red.

“And I brought you a planter of white violets. Those are hard to get in Phillydalphia, you know.”

Fluttershy managed to relax enough to give him a weak smile. “Th-thank you. Those go well on pasta.”

“Oh!” He pulled an impossibly huge item out of his saddlebags. “I got you a vacuum-sealed, industrial-strength six-foot plunger.”

“Wh-what?” Fluttershy eyed it in confusion.

“It's for your twenty-six pages of explosive bovine dysentery!”

Fluttershy retweeted into a little ball and whimpered.

***

What a day that had been. Fluttershy looked herself in the mirror and licked an errant piece of blue cake frosting off her muzzle. Bubble Berry had turned out to be a pretty fun guy after she'd gotten over her embarrassment and started talking to him. The two of them had a lot of things to say about that healthcare website, anyway. He wasn't exactly her first pick for a stallion, but she had agreed to go on a date with him next Friday (after she'd stopped squeaking, of course.) In the mean time, he'd put his phone number in her new cellphone, and showed her how to import the address book from her computer too.

Fluttershy pulled out the cellphone and admired its smooth surface. It wasn't a top-end model, but it was leagues better than the nothing she had before. She flicked the switch on. It roamed for a bit, and locked onto a tower nearby. She wasn't sure how it worked, aside from the fact that it was unicorn magic. Hmm, should she use it? Well, Bubble Berry was probably still on the late night train back to Phillydalphia and he had said that this was the best tweetment for chirpies. While he had been fun to talk to in person, he had a tendency to stand a bit too close to her face which made him a bit intimidating. It was weird, but Fluttershy felt like she could express herself more freely to this black box. She inexpertly fumbled through the address book looking for his number. She had a lot of things to talk about... with him.

***

The next morning, Fluttershy pulled the curtains open and let the sunlight in to face the new day. “Akpt.” She shut them again. Well that was short. She rubbed her weary, bloodshot eyes and moaned. She really should not have stayed up half the night sending tweets to Bubble Berry. She had chores to do, and staying up late did not, in any way, allow her to postpone said chores to catch up on her sleep.

Zombie slug Fluttershy oozed into the kitchen to pour herself a breakfast of oat flakes and brew up some black coffee. She put some tea bags in the coffee too, just to be sure. She poured it on her cereal because, well, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

“Ack—pbbft—urg—bleah!” She twitched and sputtered and her eyes popped open when she tried to take a bite. Yuck. She frowned at the disgusting mess and ruined food in her bowl. Well, at least she was awake now.

She got up to feed her animals and ended her rounds with a juicy, plump carrot for Angel Bunny. She felt like curling up on the floor and going to sleep right there when her phone started buzzing.

“Hrm?” She pulled the phone out of her mane and checked the message. It wasn't from Bubble Berry, but from Applejack, who wanted to meet her at the barn. That was odd. Fluttershy hadn't remembered giving Applejack her number yet. She tweeted back that she was coming and walked out.

“Akpt.” She squinted and held a wing up to block the light. Whose bright idea was it to make the sun so bright, anyway? She waited a few moments to let the spots in her eyes fade and started walking towards Sweet Apple Acres again. All the other ponies out walking or watering flowers looked bright and cheery but she felt like she was dragged through the 'rinse' cycle of a washing machine. Whatever Applejack wanted had better be important. Well, at least she could pick up the corn feed while she was there. It didn't have to be a wasted trip.

The act of walking got her blood flowing and by the time she reached the farm she felt a bit more equine and less like an invertebrate. She knocked on the barn door, and it swung open.

“Surprise!” Confetti blasted in her face. All of her friends had gathered in the barn to decorate the place with balloons, ribbons and streamers.

“A party? For me?” Fluttershy asked.

“Of course its for you, silly! We wouldn't have baked this super-duper ‘Congratulations, Fluttershy’ cake if it was for somepony else, now would we?” Pinkie asked.

“Um, but what's the occasion?” Fluttershy looked around.

“Well–” Applejack pulled her close “–a couple of us had noticed that you were actin' a mite bit funny recently, and decided to hold an intervention, but, uh, Ah guess ya managed to fix the problem on yer own—and ya scored a coltfriend in the process too! Ain't that something?”

“Wha-what? But... I haven't told anypony else yet. How did you know? We only met yesterday.”

There was an uncomfortable silence as her friends averted their eyes and looked at each other but not Fluttershy.

Rainbow Dash flew up to her. “Uh, Fluttershy–”

Twilight walked in. “Sorry I'm late, but it was a long trip back from Canterlot and I had to drop Spike off at the library.”

“How was your trip, dear?” Rarity asked.

“Oh, it was awful! I never did get to research any weather magic. I got roped into crowd control as soon as I got there. It turns out that a lot of ponies were upset about that new HealthCare dot Mare website and it was all we do to keep them from rioting.” Twilight took a deep breath. “To make matters worse, a certain somepony insisted on giving speeches so the masses could” –Twilight rolled her eyes and spoke sarcastically– “ ‘revel in her awesomeness’.”

Twilight shuddered and stuck out her tongue. “Things rapidly got worse from there, so we had to take drastic action. Thankfully, everything calmed down after we banished a certain somepony to the moon.”

“WHAT? YES!” Fluttershy jumped in the air and did a boogie. “Oh yeah, uh-huh!” She twirled and somersaulted. She bounced off the walls and launched herself into a full-body dance. She twirled on each hoof, flipped on her back and spun on her wings. Her extreme jubilation caught everypony else by surprise.

“Wow, look at her go!” Pinkie hopped up and down.

“Yes, yes, yes! Woot, woot, woot!” Fluttershy got up on her hind legs and waved her hooves in the air. She twisted over and did backflips, somersaulting across the room again. When she hit the wall, she springboarded herself into the air and did aerial loops. She landed, and for the grand finale, she fired herself out of Pinkie's party cannon and slid across the floor in a blazing trail of confetti.

Everypony else wasn't quite sure how they got behind a judges' table, but they held the scorecards over their heads when Pinkie did so. All of them read, ‘10.0’.

“That was awesome!” Rainbow Dash said.

“Do it again! Do it again!” Pinkie demanded.

Applejack leaned over to Twilight and whispered, “Uh, Ah don't want to be a party pooper, what wasn't that a bit harsh—to banish her to the moon?”

Twilight whispered back, “We didn't want to do it, to be honest, but it was the only place we could send her where ponies wouldn't try to murder her in her sleep.”

Applejack looked at Twilight, then at the panting Fluttershy on the dance floor, and back at Twilight. “Oh.”

Twilight pulled out her mobile phone. “That reminds me, I got over a hundred new messages last night. Can you excuse me for a moment? I need to see if any of them are important.”

Twilight levitated her phone in front of her. She looked at the first few in the list, and rapidly scrolled through the rest just to make sure that her eyes weren't deceiving her. “These are all from... Fluttershy?”

“What?!” Fluttershy got up and flew over to look at Twilight's phone. Sweat dripped from her face. She gaped when she saw all of her messages listed on Twilight's phone.

“Fluttershy darling, you've been sending your messages to everypony in your address book,” Rarity explained.

“What!?” Fluttershy blushed. “B-but, those were supposed to be private!”

Twilight opened a message up, blushed slightly, and pulled her phone out of her magic field with her hooves and brought it closer to her face. “I had no idea you were so poetic, Fluttershy. Who's Bubble Berry?”

Fluttershy held her head down low and turned redder. When she didn't answer, Rainbow Dash chimed in for her. “Why he's only her new coltfriend, of course! You sly dog, you.” Rainbow rubbed Fluttershy's head.

Twilight's eyes caught another entry. “ 'Tweetment'? Does that really help chirpies any? Wait, what's chirpies?”

Fluttershy ignored the latter question. It was embarrassing enough that she'd accidentally outed herself; she'd rather not go into the gory details about why it was such an embarrassing condition to have in the first place. She was red enough already. “Um, it must, I guess. I haven't felt the urge to coo at all since I started tweeting.” Fluttershy rubbed her throat. “Huh, making that sound usually sets it off. I guess it really does work, after all.”

“And to think, it's all thanks to that HealthCare dot Mare website,” Rarity trilled.

“Erk.” Fluttershy froze up.

“Are you okay, dear?” Rarity asked, confused.

The mention of the 'HealthCare dot Mare' website brought back horrid memories of the past week. Hours and hours, days even, were eaten up, gobbled down, by error after error, inconsistency after mistake, by terrible design in general. And it had all resulted in having her deepest most personal information mailed off to a total stranger. He turned out to be a decent pony but the implications of it still made her shudder.

“When I get home, I'm going to boil my computer in bleach!” Fluttershy wailed. “BLEACH!”

Author's Note

This was only loosely based on current events.

In case you're wondering, the answer to that crossword puzzle clue is volar.

Flower symbolism used (ref):

Thistle: "Austerity, Intrusion"
Rhododendron: "Danger, Beware" (Rhododendron actually is extremely toxic to horses)
Yellow Carnation: "No"
Blackthorn: "Difficulty"
White Violet: "Candor, Innocence"