Director Lyra's Tales from the Human World

by Pickle

Rating: teen
Tags: Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Bon-Bon, Sex, Random
Length: 1892

MLP: FIM is actually a sitcom in Equestria, and Lyra talks of how our world views the show.

In Equestria, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is one of the highest rating sitcoms on TV. In our world, it is a animated children's cartoon that Lyra, the director and producer, delivers to Lauren Faust to deliver to The Hub. However, one time Lyra decided to look into the Brony fandom a bit more before returning, and was... shocked. She goes back to Equestria with much to tell her fellow actors and actresses.

Published 2012-03-17 22:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-17 22:54:01 UTC

Lyra's Message

Director Lyra's Tales of the Human World

***To make this easier for you to understand, I have chosen to adress each actor/actress by what they are called in the show.***

The cast's break room was full of actors and actresses that sat in metal fold-out chairs. Rainbow Dash, Gilda, and Soarin sat next too each other and discussed the upcoming Sky Olympics. Spitfire, Ms. Cake, Cheerilee, and Luna talked about their children, often showing off pictures of them. Dr. Hooves, Big Macintosh, and Mr. Cake, each with a beer near them, crowded around a tiny monitor that hung in the corner of the room to watch a soccer game. Derpy sat behind Fluttershy and braided her mane as Fluttershy read the Ponies magazine out loud. Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Zecora, Trixie, and Octavia sat in a circle and droned on about boys and bands and movies. Vinyl remained quiet in another corner of the room, reading the classic book, "War and Harmony." Discord and Celestia stood, whispering dirty to each other or breaking the conversation for a kiss. The Cutie Mark Crusaders, who were the only children working full time on the show, were actually friends off set, but they also enjoyed playing with Spike. Those four were huddled around a deck of cards and played Go Fish. Rarity listened to Discord explain the many different movies and TV shows he had been in.

Bon-Bon checked the clock. It was almost three. "Okay, everypony, may I have your attention!" Unable to tame the cast, Bon-Bon pulled out her megaphone. She pressed the trigger, making a small screeching sound, and repeated into the amplifier, "Everypony, may I have your attention." This time, the cast members quieted down. "Lyra said that she would return from the human world at around three with some big news, so if we could all wait patiently until then that would be great. Thank you."

After a moment, Lyra's office door slammed open and the company's faithful director trotted out, holding some papers in her mouth. She walked over to a podium set up for her and placed her papers on it. Bon-Bon scooted next to Lyra and whispered, "Honey, I got everypony ready. We are only missing a few of the actors."

"Like who?"

"Well, Granny Smith had her hip replacement yesterday so she couldn't make it." Lyra agreeable nodded. "Also, I couldn't get a hold of some of the cameos from previous episodes, but I did get all the leads to show up."

"Okay. Great job." Lyra smoothly kissed Bon-Bon, and faced her cast from her podium. "Thank you all for waiting patiently for me. As you all know, our show, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic not only dominates the ratings in Equestria, but also in the Human world." This caused the slightly inebriated colts to start cheering. Blasting her voice over the cheering, Lyra announced, "From this last visit, I have brought back reports about the reception of our show in the Human world. This information will be used to make some necessary... changes to our program in the future. First, does anypony have any questions before we begin?"

A small orange hoof shot in the air. "I've got a question!"

"Yes Scootaloo?"

"So how exactly do you get to the Human world?"

"Scootaloo, as I've told you many times before, I will not disclose that information. Now are there any other questions?" Scootaloo's hoof raised again. "Questions not about how I get to the Human world?" Slowly Scootaloo retracted her hoof. Okay, well if no pony has any questions, where should we start...?" Lyra swiftly read thought the sheets of paper she had as every pony watched with anticipation.

"Here's a good place. The Mane Six. The audience loves you mares; they often squabble over which one of you is the best!" This caused a proud grin to appear upon these mares' faces. "There seems to be only one issue: Rarity." What was a smile on Rarity's face, now morphed into a horrified scowl as she heard her name called. "It's not you. It's just that the Humans don't really see a whole bunch of generosity from your character."

Rarity galloped up to the podium and pleaded, "But Miss Heartstrings, I can't be blamed for something that is obviously the writing staff's problem!"

"And your not. This is just a note that I thought we should all hear."

Rarity sighed in relief and went back to her seat.

Reading her papers once more, Lyra said, "The Cutie mark Crusaders. You all are fine as well." They each hoof-bumped each other. "Celestia and Luna... Oh this is quite funny actually. The Humans interpreted Celestia banishing her sister to the moon for 1000 years as a ploy for Celestia to become the dictator of Equestria!" The entire cast guffawed at this ridiculous claim. "This is a sitcom, not a history show! Those silly Humans..." Lyra didn't even speak anymore about the subject for how preposterous it was.The company finished their laughing before returning to the notes.

"Surprisingly, many Humans really liked some of the antagonists in the show, like Trixie and Discord."

Following this declaration, one griffon swooshed to the podium. "And Gilda!?" Lyra awkwardly cleared her throat, then leaned in to whisper into Gilda's ear. "What!? One of the least favorite characters!" Gilda turned away from the cast and flew out the doorway.

Discord stood up and said, "I'll go make sure she doesn't break anything." Discord then slithered out the door, shutting it behind him.

"Even though the Humans seem to be following the show with positive attitudes, there are some things that have disturbed the Humans." Lyra glanced down at her sheet. "There aren't many, but one of them is that some Humans believe that Zecora is racist."

The Zebra in question rose from her chair and asserted, "What!? My character ain't never been mean to somebody 'cause of their race!"

"No. The Humans think that your character is racist."

"Oh, now I get what chou mean," Zecora said. "But don't them Humans know that Zebras are just a myth, like the Internet or..."

Celestia chimed in on this one. "Like a pony that can live over a thousand years!?" Everypony in the room became engulfed in a pool of laughter.

"That brings me to my next subject. The Humans don't like how Celestia lives forever and rules over all of Equestria."

The chuckling only grew. Mr. Cake, who was the first to catch his breath, asked, "So the Humans actually believe that one pony can just rule over everything forever?"

"Yes. It may sound strange, but they do."

Spitfire exclaimed, "I'm afraid to hear about their form of government then. I couldn't even think about living in a world that wasn't ruled by an egalitarian form of government in which all the citizens of a nation together determine public policy, the laws and the actions of their state, requiring that all citizens have an equal opportunity to express their opinion!"

"Humans are so silly, but we must continue." Lyra read her papers again, and blushed a bit as she read what she had wrote. "Um... Let's move on to a more positive note. Some you that have never even had a speaking role have become increasingly popular among the Humans. This will help provide some of the writers with new material around your characters. For that to work, we will be needing the ponies called to go meet with management services to sign up for future episodes. These ponies include: Vinyl Scratch, Dr. Hooves, Octavia, and Derpy." As each name was called, small congratulations were spoken to the ponies. "Now if you will all head over to management to get that taken care of, that would be great."

The named ponies all stepped over to the doorway and whispered among themselves for a moment. Vinyl then raised a hoof in question. "Excuse me, Miss Lyra?"

"Yes, what is it Vinyl?"

"Well, we don't exactly know where management is..."

Lyra sighed. Lyra thought about the directions to tell them, but then came up with a better idea. "Apple Bloom, would you and your friends mind showing them the way? Afterwards you all can stop by the concessions stand and get a snow cone."

The four young actor's faces lit up. Spike was the first one out the door yelling, "Management's this way!" The others followed suit.

"Would you mind shutting the door all the way, Big Mac?" Big Mac, who was closest to the door, shoved it closed. "Okay, now that the children are out of the room, I can bring up a more pressing matter about the Human world." Everypony stood still, awaiting what sounded like a bomb about to be dropped on the cast. "Recently I discovered that some of the humans that view our show, not only watch it, but they practically praise it. Instead of just quoting the show or posting pictures like the fans do in our world, the Humans spend there time writing alternate plots for the show and draw there own pictures depicting what they want to happen."

Small conversations arose among the cast, each colliding too much with another for Lyra to hear any whole sentence. She heard many ponies saying "so what" and "who cares" though.

"Maybe I should tell you a little more about what I've seen because what these Humans do is sick!" Lyra knocked a hoof against the podium that silenced the crowd instantly. "When I said that they write their own plots and draw their own pictures, I didn't mean anything ordinary. The content of these created fictions are, well... sensual."

Upon hearing that word, everypony in the room had tomatoes for cheeks. "Now I don't want to tell you all anything that may disturb you too much, so I think that if anypony in here doesn't want to hear anything further, they should leave now." Even thought hey were embarrassed, the remaining cast members sat still. "Okay then, prepare yourselves."

Lyra flipped to another sheet of paper and skimmed though its content. Before Lyra could start reading, Luna spoke up. "Why are you telling us all of this Lyra? What purpose does it do us if we know or not?"

"Aw, a very good point Luna. Very simply we will use this information to determine whether or not the Humans deserve to keep receiving our show. So after I tell you all this, I want to get a consensus on what you all think. Thank you Luna for that question. Bonny, dear, would you please get another head count while I review my notes?"

Bon-Bon, who was standing next to Lyra, complied and began to count off each pony. "Soarin, Rainbow Dash, Big Mac, Trixie, Luna, Celestia, Mr. Cake, Zecora, Spitfire, Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Cheerilee, Fluttershy, Mrs. Cake, Applejack, and then Lyra and myself." Bon-Bon pivoted towards Lyra. "Including you and I, eighteen ponies are in the room, Lyra."

"Thanks, sweetie, but I won't be voting so just count seventeen."

"If you insist."

"Thank you. So everypony, we now have seventeen of you in here. That means we will need nine of you to chose to let the Humans continue getting our show for the Humans to keep it. Now, let's begin our discussion..."

Thank you.