We Go Through Too Much Bullshit Just to Mess With These Drunk and Hot Girls
After a long day of work, Princess Celestia liked to unwind in front of a warm fire with a cup of tea and a cliche romance novel. Fate, however, had other plans for her.
At the moment, the princess was racing through the castle in a vain attempt to flee from the entity that followed her. The useless guards were all on Hearth's Warming vacation, and Princess Luna was likely too occupied with Grand Theft Auto 5 to hear her sister's desperate pleas for help. Despite being an almighty sun goddess, Celestia was powerless to the evil force that chased her.
She didn't dare look back and see what it looked like; such might cause her to go blind, or freeze in terror. All Celestia could do was run aimlessly through the castle in hopes to find one that might be able to save her. Whatever was chasing her was obviously very evil; it sang a malicious and annoying tune that made the princess want to rip her ears off.
We go through too much bullshit just to mess with these drunk and hot girls, it said, over and over.
Celestia could tell it was saying something else, but she didn't dare concentrate on that. She had to find a place to hide, or an escape route. But it seemed that no matter where she turned, the insidious creature was always one step ahead. Celestia was losing stamina by the second and knew that she couldn't keep this up for much longer. Teleporting wasn't an option; the demon had prevented her from using any form of magic with its swag. That left only one option; flying.
She hated flying. After all, what was the need for flying when she had loads of peasants to do her bidding? Deciding this was her only option, the alicorn flapped her pretty wings and ascended into the air like a graceful swan. She had hoped that her pretty wings would somehow stop the vile spirit in its tracks, but she was wrong. It was still very keen on chasing her.
Since flying was useless, she landed on the ground and quickly began to run. Luckily, her legs had gained back a bit of strength, but she knew that wouldn't last forever. Using what little magic she could, Celestia took off her golden shoes and threw them as far as she could. As planned, the shininess of her shoe was enough to lure the demon away, giving Celestia enough time to run to her sister's chambers. Plus, she found that running without them was much easier and cursed herself for not thinking of that sooner.
Once Celestia had reached her sister's bedroom door, she knocked on it furiously. She could hear the treacherous song that the demon sang and knew she was running out of time. She quickly bolted for her own room, which was conveniently next to Luna's in case any stallion might try to enter her little sister's bedroom. Frantically, the princess locked the door, which was proving difficult without magic. Her breathing came to a stop as she heard the depraved creature creep closer and closer to the room in which she hid, still singing its ill song.
Then it stopped. The demon had stopped with its evil chant, leaving a deafening silence over the castle (aside from Luna who was yelling at her television). With a sigh of relief, Celestia levitated a wine bottle towards her, deciding she needed it. After all, she had just outrun a demon. Just as she was getting comfortable, the knobs on her door turned slowly as though she were in an unoriginal horror movie. Sure enough, the door swung open to reveal a tall, bipedal creature wearing black clothing and a backwards hat. Around its neck was a golden necklace, and hanging from that were Celestia's four golden shoes. It stared at her with an expressionless face, as though it had no feelings or emotions whatsoever.
The thing slowly made its way towards Celestia, who was frozen in shock and fear. She attempted to use magic, but the creature's swag was keeping her from doing so. She tried to fly away, but whatever it was kept her frozen in shock.
"W-What are you? Who are you?" Celestia asked.
The flat face stared at her, it's brown eyes piercing her soul. "I'm Kanye West, the greatest rapper alive." it said.
