Twilight Sparkle & Flash Sentry go to Marriage Counseling

by Scott Grimm

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random
Length: 4398

My name is Frank Sherman and my life is one endless cycle of daily events. Nothing ever truly happens to me, because I never tend to stray from the ordinary routine that is my life. However on this day two unexpected clients are about to visit me.

My name is Frank Sherman and my life is one endless cycle of daily events. Nothing ever truly happens to me, because I never tend to stray from the ordinary routine that is my life. However on this day two unexpected clients are about to visit me and seek my guidance as a marriage counselor.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-02 13:30:06 UTC

Twilight & Flash go to Marriage Counseling

Twilight & Flash go to Marriage Counseling

My name is Frank Sherman. Yeah that's right, Frank Sherman, don't like it? Tough. Life is full of disappointments, and my name is just one of the many lines that make up that list. Fore in a world of specialty names, where this simple form of identification and individuality all but determines your lifestyle and life choices, mine has got to be the least imaginative and creative. It's plain, dull, unexciting and through and through, it has set my life up for constant misery. How might this be you ask? After all it's just a name, right? I'm fairly certain by now you're probably saying - 'Oh Frank you're reading for too much into this name bit. Why, a name does not determine your life anymore than your bodies appearance. Great beings can come from any which way in life and be the greatest at anything that they so chose to do. It's all up to you and how much work you want to put into it. Why, I bet if you really tried, you could even be an elected official. A singer, a painter, maybe even be the Queen's head guards. So why all this glum, chum?' - and in another life I might agree with you. But if this was true, why has my life been the same old same old, day in and out ever since I came into adulthood.

Everyday is the same routine. I wake up, groggy and made miserable for the day I know I have ahead of me. I head out of my room, noticing a new bolt is missing from one of the doors hinges, forcing the slab of wood I call a door to hang off it's bottom frame, slanting it to its side. Preventing me from closing my door. I head down my apartments hallway to the kitchen, grab the bag of cat food from the cupboards up above and fill my pet cat's food bowl. As she jumps to the counter to eat her breakfast, I begin preparing mine. Typically on any given day, my meal would consist of one egg, one slice of toast and half a glass of orange juice. However, on the previous day I had used my last egg of the carton and forgot to pick up a new carton on my way back home from work last night. My meal today would only consist of the two of three items previously stated.

After my meal, I head into the bathroom to take my morning shower. Showers in my home were always tricky, they had to be timed. Although I have made several complaints weekly for the past two years, my land lord refuses to fix my water heater. I would draw back the aqua blue covers from my shower, allowing me free access to my shower. Then I would turn on the nozzle and get into my stance. As the water would power from my shower head I would count, waiting for the ten seconds that I know the water would be nice and hot before returning for a frostbite inducing chill. I would repeat this process twenty-seven times every morning until I am clean.

Outside of the shower, I would dry off before wiping the steam from the mirror. I would then try to regain the looks I once had in my youth by styling my nearly gone mane into a style that's unbecoming of someone my age and profession. After giving up and assuming my accustomed comb over, I proceed to admire my ever extending gut in the mirror. I try sucking it in as far as possible, convincing myself it's not as bad as it looks or something of the sort before I have to take in a breath of air and instantly put back the thirty pounds I had just lost. With my pride and looks shot dead, I head out of my bathroom and head back into the bedroom to finish getting ready.

I go into my closet where one set of clothes for work hang on a hanger. The suit consists of just two pieces of clothes. One white T-shirt with a grape jelly stain on the edge of the right collar that I've tried cleaning so many times that it's begun to look like a smudged hickey. That and one tattered brown and plaid jacket. It's brown hues covered mostly any dirt that it may gather through the travels of between home and work, thankfully making it very easy to almost never wash. With my clothes on, my stomach full and my body washed, I look at the final product in my rooms mirror. Disgusting...

A short walk, bus ride and another walk later, I walk into my office and grunt out the general and accustomed greetings of office life before heading to my office where I wait for my first appointment of the day. I'm sure you're wondering what it is I even do for a job. Well I'm a marriage counselor. Pretty great job right? A guy that's never been married before in his life, giving his 'professional' opinion on what couples should do in order to save theirs. Usually on any old typical day I just drown out the sound of their voices and problems, and I could just skate by with a few key sentences to them, and then we'd pick up next week. I use to really try, I did. But I've long since given up caring and trying to fix the problems these couples are having.

Today, however has been different. Where as I could usually get away with a simple nod and response while I let their issues resolve themselves, leave them to think I'm helping them to do it. Today I can't. Fore today I have a 'special' client coming in, the fact that I'm even being seen by these two astonishes me. Mainly for the fact that one of them is of royalty now and perhaps the creation of a new king and queen hangs in the balance.

I sit within the confines of my office, noticing every meaningless thing that may or may not be wrong with my patients eyes. My diploma placards were all finely plastered with a thin layer of dust, noticeable from anywhere in the room. My once mighty spider-plant with leaves so lush and green have become a dying brown from much neglect on my part. I twist around on my chair, looking at my desk. On it, was my keyboard and computer along with multiple pictures of me and my cat.

"Gah!" I whined out loud to myself as I lunged the upper half of my body over my chair to put all of my pictures face down. No need for one of the princess's to see such a pathetic display.

I untwisted my body, and relaxed a bit as I slid down my chair some. I looked up at the square boards that filled my ceiling. I allowed my mind to drift affair for a while before snapping back to reality when I noticed out of the corner of my eye, a water stain on my ceiling that had begun forming upon it. I started to straighten my position in my chair, never taking my off of it, in order to gain a better look.

"When the hell did that get there?" I said with eyes squinted in pondering of the fresh stain. As I inched my neck further up for a better look, my heart was pummeled out of my chest as three synchronized knocks emanated from my door. I quickly fell to the floor, my blood pumping through my veins at a million miles an hour. I slouched half my body back onto my chair before managing to squeak out the response 'yes?'.

My assistant appeared through the door as she opened it. Twist was her name, and although her name didn't belong in the profession, it was only a part time job. So I knew it wouldn't be long before she went off to pursue something more fulfilling. It's a damn shame too, she's great at what she does. "Twilight Shparkle and Flash Thentry are here Mr. Sherman." Well, if you can decipher her thistle that is. Her nose was buried at the clipboard with all of the days appointments attached to it. When she finally looked up, she saw me still trying to stumble my way back onto my chair. With a couple of blinks she asked, "Are you okay?"

With a quick glance at my position, I let go of the leverage I had on the chair still and fell to my rump. I slung a hoof through on of the arm rests and lazily waved my other one at her. "pfft yeah, oh what you mean this? Oh it's nothing really, it's just um... just upper torso exercises!"

"uh huh?"

"What you've never seen officises before? Oh they're all the rage! Since not everyone is able to able to go to the gym due to their work, these genius's made a video explaining on how you could use your ordinary office furniture as a work out machine."

"Really?"

I coughed a bit at her response, she seemed to be buying it. I just couldn't believe it would be so simple. "Oh yeah, I've only recently started so I haven't had any results yet. But I think it's really helping."

"Okay, well is it alright to send Ms. Sparkle and Mr. Flash in?"

"Hmm, who? Oh right, right. Yes please do send them in." I waved my hoof a few times at Twist, dismissing her to bring the clients in. She gave a quick nod and closed the door behind her. Once the lock on the door clicked, I scrambled like a cockroach with a freshly turned on light to get back onto my chair.

With my rump firmly in place, I crossed my legs and straightened out my jacket. Brushing any hairs and dust I may have gathered whilst I was on the floor, the door clicks open. I stand up and extended my hoof out to greet the couple-

"I don't understand why we even have to be here! It's not like I've been doing anything wrong!" A yellow mare with navy blue hair was the first of the two to enter. His voice firm and angry.

"Oh don't you even start! Just yesterday, when I went to have tea with my friends, something mind you, I haven't done since I've become princess, you send Spike over fifty scrolls checking up on where I was and what I was doing. And on the very first one I responded, and then you had the nerve to send another one with just the words "bull-shit"! Like I was lying to you!"

-Or so I thought... I lowered my hoof down, no normal greetings were going to be happening today.

The couple made their way past me, not even giving me a glance before the two took a seat on the couch within my office. Each one stood on opposing sides, hooves crossed and faces looking at their respective walls. Silence now befell the room, if you exclude the sound of the leather couch settling. Flash, the male of the two, couldn't help but snicker at the sound. His snickering earned a sharp and loud groan of disapproval from his wife.

"What I'm not allowed to laugh?! That funny!" He proclaimed as he turned his body to his wife, his hooves uncrossed and pointing at the couch.

"I just wish you wouldn't act so childish." Twilight muttered, not looking back at him.

"How is that childish?!"

"Fart sounds? Really...?" This time she turned around to look at him, one eye brow raised while her eyes remained half lidded. "And you wonder why I say your a child sometimes?"

Flash's mouth opened wide, his chest pumped out, his hooves raised in the air. He was about to speak - what I concluded - a very loud part of his mind.

Although I rather not get involved in the middle of a fight, it seemed like this would only escalate into an all out screaming match unless I intervened. "Excuse me?" I said in a very small and calm voice. The two looked at me, Flash with anger in his eyes and Twilight's was neutral.

"What? We're kind of in the middle of something here pal." Flash, with the wind taken out of the sails of his next verbal onslaught looked quite annoyed at me.

"Right, umm well. We, and I'm not certain if my assistant had mentioned this, but we are on a time schedule and at the point there's only been yelling. If we plan on getting some work done and making some progress today, I suggest we get to it."

Flash looked at Twilight, then back at me before crossing his hooves back up and settling back onto his side of the couch.

I took a quick breath of relief before introducing myself, "Good afternoon to the both of you, Mr. and Mrs. Sentry.-"

"Actually it's still Ms. Sparkle."

"Right. Sorry. Well anyways, good afternoon, my name is Mr. Sherman. If you don't feel comfortable with that, then you may call me Frank.'

"Hehe, really?" Flash snickered at my name. That earned him a quick jab from Twilight to the shoulder. "Ow, what the hell did I say?"

"You know what, now shut up! It's bad enough we've ended up here, stop trying to make it worse on us."

The two were silent for a couple of moments.

"I'm sensing some stress between you two." My words got a eye roll in response from Flash. "Why don't we start with the reason that we're here. I'll ask each of you and while the other is talking, I'd like to ask that the other one stay quiet until it is their turn to talk. This will give me some insight as to what is wrong here, and we can work upwards from there. Sound good?" I got no response from the either of them. I figured no response meant yes, so I continued on. "Let's start with Ms. Sparkle first. So Twilight, you don't mind if I call you Twilight, do you?"

"No not at all."

Twilight seemed to be the more 'level-headed' one of the two. I thought it best to go through he before fighting the uphill battle that I know Flash would be. "Right well, obviously you're here today because there is a snag in your marriage. Having no idea about your lives up to this point, would you mind telling me what it is that you feel is the matter with your marriage."

"Well I met him shortly after getting these." She unfurled her wings, signifying it was when she became a Princess. "But it was just a quick pass by at first. A few months down the road, I began living in Canterlot Castle, and he just so happened to end up being my personal guard. Sometimes during late at night, I would call him into my chamber and we'd talk until the sun came up. Eventually we started secretly dating after a month a or so. And after around half a year we came out with our relationship when Flash proposed to me at this years Grand Galloping Gala. After that we soon got married, and up to that point everything had been amazing. Any aspect that I could think of was perfect, but once we got married, he's changed so much."

"How so?" I asked, hoping for some elaboration.

"He's out late every night."

"I have the night shift."

"He constantly has to know where I am."

"I'm her personal guard."

"He always has to have the first bite of my meal, no matter what it may be."

"To make sure it's not poison. Come on Doc, honestly. I'm just doing my job I really don't understand what's got her panties in a bunch."

"And that's another thing, I don't have my panties in a bunch!" Twilight snapped back at flash, her wings flaring up at him.

"Okay, okay. Why don't we all just calm down for a second here. Twilight, it sounds like Flash is just doing his job as your personal guard in order to protect you. Don't you think you're being a little harsh on him?"

"Yeah!" Flash added his two cents to my statement, earning him a glare from the both of us.

"No I don't think I'm being too hard on him. If anything i'm being too lenient on him."

"Oh?"

"For instance, he constantly leaves the toilet seat up, he never chews his food with his mouth closed, he constantly snores in his sleep. All those I put up with without making a fuss about it. Worst of all though is that he makes the most immature comments at the worst of times! I can't tell you how many times I've been embarrassed by his comments."

"Oh when have I ever made such a comment!?" Flash defending himself.

"Hmm oh let's see. How about when you first met my friends, you thought both Applejack and Big Macintosh were married. He actually said, 'Boy ponies do roll differently down in the south'."

"Well how in the hell was I suppose to know? They looked like they were happy to me." Flash muttered the last part under his breath.

"Or how about when Princess Luna raised the moon to end the Solar Sun Celebration." Twilight turned from Flash to face me. " I swear I wanted to die when he did this. The whole stadium we were in was dead silent, watching in awe as Luna raised the moon into the night sky. When the moon was finally raised he blurted out, 'Hey everypony, Luna's moons out!'. Innocent in nature I realize this, but everyone started to snicker and eventually roll over laughing at his comment. One patron actually added in 'Shield the children's eyes!'. Which in turn got another round of laughter from everypony else."

"I apologized at least!"

"Princess Luna wouldn't look me in the eye for a month." Twilight huffed out as she laid herself back onto the couch.

"Well how about you!"

"What about me?" Twilight questioned Flash's question.

"You think you're the only one that puts up with crap?!"

A long pause filled the room as Flash's hooves remained suspended in the air, held there for dramatic suspense. My eyes darted between the couple, Twilight would have to choose her next few words carefully.

Twilight turned her body towards Flash. Slowly leaning in, Twilight placed both of her hooves on his lap and with a very plain voice she spoke, "Yes."

"Oh, oh, oh! You just think you're little Ms. Perfect don't you?!"

"When compared, yeah I kind of am."

"Oh yeah?" Flash started rapidly nodding his head in a sarcastic form of agreement. "Well uh, what do you think Franky boy here would think if he knew your secret?"

"Flash... Don't you say it."

"What? I mean Ms. Perfect should have nothing to fear right? I mean she has no faults after all right?"

"Flash, I'm warning you..."

Flash leaned closer to Twilight, a smug grin gracing his lips. Twilight's muscles were tensing while her cheeks became flushed with a crimson hue. I could only sink within my chair as the air within the room became thickly dense with tension. I was about to speak up in order to try and defuse the situation once more but Flash spoke before I could.

Turning around to face me, he put a hoof on Twilgiht's chest, keeping her at a somewhat safe distance before speaking, "She eats glue."

"Flash!" Twilight cried out as Flash began to snicker at his wife's cry.

"G-glue?"

"Mmhmm. She literally goes through a tube a day."

"Ms. Twilight, that can't be healthy for you." I felt my words fell upon deaf ears as Twilight was still attempting to knock some sense into her husband. That was until a few moments passed and she sank down in defeat.

"I know..." She huffed as her head sunk lower. Her bangs covering her face.

"You acknowledge that it's bad but you still do it? Is it an addiction?"

"Yes...No... I don't know. I mean, it's something that takes the edge off of my life." I blink a couple of times trying to conceive in what way 'glue' takes the edge off.

"Ahem, right. Continue."

"Well, what with being a Princess, constantly having to fulfill my civil duties and such I don't really have any downtime. And then this guy's constantly out every night nailing every mare from Canterlot to Mareswell."

"Gah! I already told you, I'm part of the night squad!"

"Then why is that when I asked Shining Armour, my brother and your head captain for the schedule, you're on the midday shift?!"

"I don't - I have no idea - I mean, yeah okay you caught me. I sneak off at night to have fun with the guys, and that's it."

"Oh that's it. That's all there is to it. Not that you're going after the garden girl. I see how you look at her."

"Well what about you?! I see how those Wonderbolts make you swoon at the shows we attend! I bet your a frequent flier of the mile high club!"

"Now hang on you two, maybe this isn't the conversation you two should be ha-"

"At least they know how to treat a lady right!"

"Twilight please, let's just try and calm down no-"

"So you admit it! I knew it!

"Flash you're not helping."

"So what if I did?! It's not like your ever around to even care what I do!

I continued to try and defuse the situation, but the more I tried, the louder the two of them became and more violent the insults. With the faces inches from one another and teeth beginning to show I decided enough was enough.

"Shut up!" I interrupted Flash as he was about to take another slam at his wife. The couple looked at me with much shock as I swept away a few beads of sweat that had been forming on my brow. "Luna damnit, you two need to take a time out. For Pete sake! I mean look at you two, look at how you're acting."

"Who's Pete?" Flash whispered to Twilight, she only rolled her eyes at his question.

"What the hell do you two have to complain about? Twilight, you're royalty now. I bet if you wanted you could have the dreams of little children boiled down in a soup for your midday meal, as an entire crew of servants fed it to you. And you Flash, being part of the royal guard with a well above average bit pay along with full medical, dental and pension coverage, life is pretty damn sweet for you right now. What the hell do I have?! I have nothing, nothing at all. After this day is over, I go home to my shitty apartment to my pissy cat that pays no attention to me whatsoever unless I'm feeding her. I heat up some leftovers that I'm almost certain have already begun to spoil before I down a third of a wine box and pass out on my bed, head pounding and my life in shambles. Hoping, preying in fact, that something happens to me during the night so I won't have to get up out of it and face the day all over again. But that never happens, no every day I get to come in and listen to people bitch to about their problems, as if I don't have any. So before the two of you continue to yell at each other and eventually bite each others heads off, take a moment to think about someone else's problems and then ask yourself, 'Do I really have it that bad? Perhaps, just perhaps I can work my problems out?'. Just maybe?"

My chest slowly rose up and down as it sunk back into my torso, receding from its puffed out position. Twilight and Flash's mouths hung agape, their eyes wide with shock at my outburst. Their minds sure to be a blank, frantically searching for the right words to come back at me with.

I slunk back into my chair and raised a hoof to my head, I couldn't believe I snapped like that. I couldn't believe what I had just said, and I didn't even want to even conceive the dungeon sentence soon to be coming my way. Attempting to possible have my sentence that was sure to be handed down upon me via Twilight reduced, I began to back-peddle my words.

"I'm sorry, what I meant was everyone has problems. Yours are no different, not more important, special or even life altering. They're just your marriages growing pains, all couples go through them and they are worked out in one way or another. But sitting here, yelling your heads off and driving me up the wall will solve nothing."

Neither of them said a word to me or each other. They both just sat there, blankly staring at me, still in half disbelief. I fidgeted in my chair a bit as I waited for a response. Anything would have sufficed, a scolding, a lecture anything but they didn't speak a single word to me. As they continued to remain mute, I quickly glanced up at the clock set up behind them.

"Well, I think this is a good time to end our session for today. Shall we pick this up next week?" I received a slight head nod from Twilight, but no response from Flash. I got up from my chair and opened up my office door as to let them out. Flash was the first to step out quickly followed by Twilight. I watched from them walk down the offices hallway to exit into the waiting room from my doorway. As I saw them leave out of my sight I couldn't help but think the following thought with the knowledge that they'd be back next week to see me, "I am so royally screwed...