And I Don't Feel Any Different
“Well,” Time Turner deduced, popping out from inside of the grandfather clock he was climbing around inside. “Your clock seems to be doing just fine, Miss...”
“Pond,” the fiery-maned mare told him. “Amethyst Pond. I told you that when you showed up after I sent for you.” Her red mane cascaded around her purple coat, which indeed almost looked like the crystal she was named after.
“Right, sorry Ms. Pond,” Time Turner said, shaking his head, brown mane flopping about. “I’m awful at names, bit of an... empty head up here.”
“Oh, you can’t have that much of an empty head,” Amethyst said, giggling. “I mean, you fix clocks, watches, all that stuff! You’ve got to have smarts for that.”
“Smarts don’t always account for a full head,” Time Turner said, lightly touching a cog in the clock with his hoof. “Besides, clockwork mechanics don’t take up too much in there...”
Amethyst pointed down to the foot of the giant clock. “Well, I think the problem with the clock is more towards the base.” Time Turner looked down, and the mare giggled again. “No, you’ll need to get out to see where I suspect it is.”
Time Turned carefully stepped out from inside the clock, and leaned down to check the base of the clock, his rear end extended high into the air behind him, tail swishing in a sort of involuntary, absent way.
“I’m not seeing anything...” Time Turner called out, blowing a spider out of the way so he could get a better look. “You sure there’s something down here?”
“Just keep looking...” Amethyst said, biting her lower lip as she watched the stallion work inside the clock. “You just might have to go a bit deeper.”
“Alright, if you say so,” Time Turner responded. He obliged, and his back legs slipped open a bit as he did so. A grin grew on Amethyst’s face.
“So, I’ve seen you around before, Amethyst,” Time Turned said from inside the clock.
“You have?” Amethyst asked creeping closer and closer to the stallion.
“Oh yeah,” Time Turner chuckled. “Mostly at the pub, staring at me...” he stopped, a cog inches from his left eye, and stared off into the wood through the spinning, whirring gears of the mechanism. “Now that I mention it, you’ve done that quite a few times...”
“And you never bothered to learn my name?” Amethyst said. “Oh, you naughty colt...” Time Turner’s blood froze as her felt a hoof slide over his cutie mark.
“Um, you’re a bit close for comfort,” Time Turner laughed weakly. “Can’t really work like this...”
“Good,” came back the mare’s voice in a tone of absolute seduction. “I don’t need you working for this...”
Time Turner squeaked as he felt another hoof grace his side, and slowly begin to work its way downward. “This is completely unprofessional...” he said weakly. “I don’t feel comfortable with this going on!”
“Always about you, isn’t it?” Amethyst giggled. Time Turner cringed, and slide his way completely into the clock, his tail barely making it past the grasping hooves of the mare. He tucked his bottom under the cogs and gears of the grandfather clock, and hid behind the ticking mechanism. The door of the grandfather clock swung shut behind him, and he heard a click as it fell into place.
“Aw, come on out,” laughed Amethyst Pond. “It’s rather rude of you, you know... I asked you to help me out...”
“Not with this!” Time Turned yelled indignantly from inside his impromptu hiding place. “You said you needed help with a clock!”
“Well, it certainly sounds similar to that...” the mare giggled in a sultry manner. From behind the gears and mechanisms, she could here Time Turner’s labored breathing.
“Oh, come on, Doctor,” Amethyst said, sighing. “I know it’s you in there. Come on out and let’s have some fun, the years must have been so lonely...”
Time Turner furrowed his brow, and sighed. “Oh, is that what this is about? I swear, ever since Ponyville radio started picking up those audio dramas... I’m not The Doctor, for goodness sake!”
“You don’t have to lie to me!” The voice was now one of urgency; the mare was pleading for him! “I know how you can be, but we can be together! Make me your companion, mysterious Doctor from Gallopfrey...”
“I’m not The Doctor!” Time Turner screamed out. “That. Is. FICTION! I don’t care how they described how he looked, and I don’t care if I’m a dead ringer for him, I am a different pony than that made up time traveler!”
“Oh, your petty little attempts to talk your way out of this won’t work...” Pond crooned. “I’ve heard every single one of your adventures twice at least... I know all your tricks, your attempts to weasel away... you can’t escape me!”
“The instant...” Time Turner groaned as he straightened his body out inside the grandfather clock. “The instant I get out of this mess, I’m going straight down to city hall to lobby a restraining order against you! This is complete madness!”
“You don’t need a restraining order against me, you can just hop into your TARDIS and fly away from me...” Amethyst paused. “Speaking of which, I haven’t seen it parked around. You’ve been doing quite a good job of hiding it, I’ve searched all over...”
“It’s because I don’t have a—” Time Turner began, but then sighed. “Oh, what’s the use...” Squeezing a forehoof through the gears, he pushed on the glass before him.
Locked.
“I’ve locked it, Doctor,” the delusional mare called out. “You’re going to have to use your sonic screwdriver to get through...”
“Like hell I will,” Time Turner grumbled, and started pushing his body against the gears. “I hate to do this to a clock, but...”
“What are you doing?” Amethyst asked, her voice quizzical in tone. “I don’t hear the sonic screwdriver going...”
Time Turner didn’t answer, and instead just pushed harder. The whole clock began to creak and groan as Time Turner shoved himself against the interior workings of the clockwork device. As the cogs and gears were ground out of place, the endless ticking of the clock ceased, and the pendulum began to swing slower and slower, running off residual momentum.
With a resounding CRASH!, the clock gave in, and Time Turner hurtled through the glass, causing it to shatter outward. Time Turner, along with an endless amount of gears and a thousand shards of glass, were shot outward over the mare.
Amethyst screamed, but was soon silenced as the brow-coated earth pony crashed into her. Time Turner recovered quickly, and hobbled away, little cuts covering his body. Limping towards the door, he cast a glance back at the mare, lying on the floor and writhing.
“Oh, I’m going to regret having done that...” Time Turner sighed, then looked outside at the deep blue sky of the late afternoon. “Or not...” Smiling, he shook a tiny cog from his mane, and trotted away as fast as he could with his injured front hoof bleeding freely.
***
“I’m going to murder whoever made up Doctor Whooves,” Time Turner grumbled as his friend, Clockwork, wound his wounded hoof shut with an ample amount of bandage and gauze.
“Well, now we know for certain you’re not The Doctor,” Clockwork said with a giggle. “He doesn’t kill if he can avoid it.”
Time Turner gave his medic a look of disdain.
“Oh what, I’m not allowed to like something just because it ruins your life?” Clockwork exclaimed in mock offense. “Sir, you wound me!”
“I actually GOT wounded because of it,” Time Turner complained. Clockwork stuck his tongue out in response, and Time Turner sighed.
“Whatever,” Clockwork said, putting the finishing touches on Time Turner’s injury. “Weird ones are bound to be about, anyway; you know what day it is today!”
“Yup,” Time Turner moaned. “Unfortunately.”
“You love the New Year, though!” Clockwork gave his friend a look of surprise.
Time Turner stared wistfully out of the window of Clockwork’s house. “Yeah... before I started getting assaulted by crazy fans of a stupid audio drama.”
“That’s not the only thing, I know that much,” Clockwork said as he shook his head, with a small smile on his expression. “You’ve been subject to this for almost three years now, since he got the regeneration that looks like you. What’s really up?”
Time Turner pursed his lips, then looked over at Clockwork. “It’s just that... I figured I’d be doing more than this, you know? I don’t want to be the stallion who always has to turn the hourglasses and fix the clocks. I don’t always want to be stuck keeping time, and I certainly could do without all the assaults. But...” he glanced back at his cutie mark, which had a small knick in it from a flying shard of glass, or possibly an extra-sharp gear. “...You know”
“Well, not everyone’s cutie mark denotes their destiny,” Clockwork said. “It just gives them a helping hoof, that’s all.”
“I’m not good at anything else, though,” Time Turner lamented. “And I’ve got to stick with this job just to make enough to eat! I don’t have much of a choice with... anything, really. This is my perfectly sealed destiny.”
Clockwork shrugged. “If you need to see the world a little brighter, try looking at it in a different way.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well...” Clockwork smiled. “The whole world’s a clock; every cog has its place. Take just one out, and the whole thing will stop ticking...”
Time Turner rolled his eyes. “This isn’t time for you mysterious, pretentious pseudo-philosophy. I’ve got actual problems here!”
“Those are my two bits; take ‘em or leave ‘em,” Clockwork said with a shrug. “Anyway, I’ve got a call from Sweet Apple Acres I need to attend to. Granny Smith got in a fight with one of the clock again.”
With that, he was off, leaving Time Turner to choke on his sorrows.
***
“Oh good, you’re here!”
Time Turner put on a fake smile. “You know I wouldn’t miss it, Mayor Mare!”
He was standing in the center of Ponyville, which had been transformed into a place for New Year’s partiers to enjoy themselves. Pinkie Pie had helped set the who shebang up, so she was bouncing to and fro, livening things up for those who seemed like they weren’t partying hard enough. Their was laughter, the smell of assorted foods, and the clinking of champagne glasses filling the air with so much noise.
“Thank goodness I can count on your punctuality,” the mayor said, smiling. She looked a little frazzled, probably from working with Pinkie Pie on the festivities. “I guess that’s a given for a pony who works so often with clocks and time and all that, of course!”
“Yeah, of course,” Time Turner said, looking out at all the giant party. He hadn’t been to a New Year’s party in ages... not since he got the job, anyway.
“Well, the count down’ll begin in about ten minutes, so go take your position on stage,” Mayor Mare said, checking her pocket watch with a weary glance. Time Turner nodded, and began to walk to the stage,. Right before he did so, he was stopped by the mayor’s hoof on his shoulder.
“I really appreciate your work you’ve been doing for the past seven years,” she said kindly, giving him a tired smile. “It has been seven, hasn’t it?”
“Nine,” Time Turner said. “This’ll be my tenth year.”
Mayor Mare smacked herself in the forehead. “Oh, I’m so sorry! I can’t believe I let such a crucial detail slip my mind, I’m just a bit worn-out from all the planning and such...”
Time Turner shrugged. “Oh, it’s not a big deal at all; it hardly matters, anyway, just a part of the job.”
“But it does matter!” Mayor Mare exclaimed, her eyes wide. “Everypony loves what you do! When you turn the hourglass to signal the beginning of the new year... The Time Turner is a very important part of Ponyville’s traditions, and indeed, all of Equestria’s traditions! The young foals love it, the older ponies use it to reminisce, and everypony in between... well, I think they’ll have enough to drink by that time to enjoy anything remotely entertaining that comes their way. It’s important to everyone! You must feel so honored.”
“Yeah, well,” Time Turner shrugged, blushing slightly. He honestly didn’t know how or what to feel, but something was feeling in there, all right.
She gave him a sly look. “One might even say you’re a lord of time...”
Time Turner groaned, and the Mayor giggled. “I’m sorry, you must tire of those. I’m doing my best to make sure that I can curb some of the more... zealous fans.”
“Oh yeah, that reminds me,” Time Turner said, casting a glance towards the darkened houses beyond the party of the central square. “There’s this mare, Amethyst Pond... she tricked me into her home on the false pretenses of needing a clock fixed, and then attempted to sexually assault and trap me. Can I get a restraining order against her, please? She seemed a bit more... into it than the other fans who’ve tried things like this.”
Mayor Mare gave Time Turner a look. “It may be that I’m just really strung out, but I am almost positive that there’s no mare by the name of Amethyst Pond who lives here in Ponyville.”
Time Turner gave Mayor Mare a look. “Um... alright.”
“Perhaps she just gave you a false name; come to city hall tomorrow, and we’ll get it sorted out,” Mayor Mare said, giving her watch a passing glance. Her eyes widened again, and she looked back at the watch once more. “OH! You better hurry and get to your position, there’s less than three minutes left before we start the countdown!”
Time Turner turned to leave, but once again, a hoof stopped him. “Mayor, I really should...” He stopped when he saw the mayor’s face. She was giving him a sad smile, almost exactly like the one Clockwork had given him.
“It’s just...” she began, stopping for a moment to make a small noise between a giggle and a sob. “You give up your New Year every year, just so that everypony else can enjoy theirs. You’re rather noble, Time Turner.”
He was speechless. “Th-thank you?”
Mayor Mare smiled. “Alright, go on.”
Time Turner nodded, and rushed up to the stage that had been erected there for the holiday. On the stage, right next to the podium that was used for public speaking events, was a section of the stage obscured by curtains. Time Turned slipped his way under these curtains, and waited patiently next to his old friend.
It was a giant hourglass, the same one he had been turning for nine years past, and who countless others before him had turned for countless times before him. He had even heard tales that this was an hourglass that was turned back in Canterlot, before Ponyville was even settled.
He sat in the half-darkness, the old glass and gold-framed wood of the hourglass glinting in whatever little light shone through. This was his lot in life, and he was destined to serve it. Turn the time until his ran out...
Suddenly, everything went quiet, and Time Turner knew what was going to happen next. He had known for ten years now, and ten times before, it had happened with him in the exact same spot.
“TEN!”
“So, I guess this is it,” he muttered to himself.
“NINE!”
“The same old stuff, the same old year.”
“EIGHT!
“Nothing new, just a duplicate of the last.”
“SEVEN!”
“Strange, it never seemed to affect me until this year...”
“SIX!”
“I wonder what changed.”
“FIVE!”
“Oh well... at least Mayor Mare said those nice things.”
“FOUR!”
“That was kinda weird, actually; she and Clockwork both...”
“THREE!”
“Well, this is the new year.”
“TWO!”
“And I don’t feel any different.”
“ONE!”
Silence.
The curtain fell, and Time Turner got a full blast of the scene in front of him; a scene he had seen nine times before, admittedly, but the scene seemed... different. This time, he saw every shining face of the foals, every grinning, wizened face of the old ones, and every inebriated face of the ponies ages between.
Something clicked in him as he watched them, as they waited expectantly. Why were they staring at him? What did they...
Time Turner quickly leaned over, and gave the hourglass a spin. It spun a few times, lopping over and over, before coming to a rest, upside down in relation to its previous standings.
“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”
The sound was deafening. Time Turner almost stumbled backwards the wave of sound cascaded over him. He tenderly walked down from the stage with his injured hoof, a weird tingling sensation in it that hadn’t be present before starting to irk him. He’d have to get that checked out.
Normally, he’d go home at this point, sleep the night away. He never was one for large parties, anyhow; but the mayor had been right, after all, there had been nine years of parties without him.
He smiled. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to stick around for one, once in a decade.
Firecrackers and fireworks of all sorts blasted off and popped as he worked his way through the giant crowd, sending shadows and bursts of colored light all over everything he could see. The ponies were all partying and reveling in the new year, laughing and singing. Pinkie Pie was in the center of what looked like a cyclone of ponies, all dancing and gyrating and moving and drinking and doing... everything. He smiled, and grabbed a sparkling cider from a nearby table.
“So this is the new year,” Time Turner found himself saying again. He giggled, and downed the cider.
He felt so different than he had before.
