Twilight Sparkle Goes 'Batty' for PeachesView OnlineTwilight Sparkle Goes 'Batty' for PeachesTwilight Sparkle Goes 'Batty' for Peaches“Got her!” Twilight declared when she caught vampire batpony Fluttershy in her magical field. Twilight's horn flared and sparked and bright streams of pure magical energy snaked their way out and entangled the batty pegasus. Flutterbat struggled against the bonds, but they were too strong for her. She glared at Twilight and for an instant their eyes locked. The Stare briefly entranced Twilight and magical energy flowed both ways. Her soul diminished beneath the glare of those red eyes. Flutterbat's feelings bombarded her. She could feel the Call of the Night; she felt the desire to be a vampire bat and she lived the hunger—oh yes, the hunger. The magical tendrils wrapped around Flutterbat's eyes and the gaze was broken. Twilight recovered from the mental assault and poured more energy into her spell. A glowing ball appeared in the air and hovered near the entangled bat pegasus. It flickered and grew brighter and brighter still until it exploded in a flash that knocked them all down and left them rubbing spots from their eyes. “Did it work?” Applejack approached Fluttershy. Fluttershy sat up and hissed in Applejack's face, causing her to jump. Fluttershy still had the same pointy teeth, the same red eyes, the same furry ears, and the same leathery wings. But wait! She also had a brilliant pair of dew and gossamer butterfly wings atop her leathery ones. “Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!” Twilight burst out laughing. “That was priceless! You should have seen the look on your face! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!” Glitter-flutter-bat-pony Fluttershy hissed again. “But Twilight, ya were supposed to cure her. Not whatever in tarnation that is!” Applejack protested. “Oh but I did, wait for it...” Twilight pointed at Flutterbat. Flutterbat's teeth fell out. “Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! See? No fangs, no vampire. Problem solved!” Twilight rolled over laughing again. Applejack gaped. Flutterbat felt at her mouth with her forelegs and crashed into a nearby tree. She had trouble flying with the extra set of wings. She snapped up an apple with her tongue and gummed it fiercely. Her eyes welled up with tears when she couldn't manage to pierce its skin and release the delectable juices contained within. Twilight burst out laughing again. “See? Problem solved, like I said. I'm going home. If a problem comes up, call somepony else.” “But–” Applejack protested as Twilight walked off, leaving her alone with the saddest, most dejected non-vampire glitter-bat abomination ever. Flutterbat's tears rained like fountains from her eyes as her throat made scree-full wailing noises. On her way off the farm, Twilight conjured a magical hand to pat herself on the back. She passed Applejack's huge, prize apple and started drooling. Remembrance of that hunger came welling up within her. Twilight shook her head. What was she thinking? She hated apples. *** The next day, Twilight held an apple in front of her face and looked at it. That strange passion she felt last night didn't come back. She snorted in triumph as she tossed the perfectly good apple into the garbage can. “Ha. My spell worked perfectly. There weren't any unintended consequences after all.” Twilight was interrupted by a knocking on the door as Applejack let herself in. “Twilight, ya gonna fix Fluttershy the right way yet? They're gonna haul her off to the mental ward if ya don't do something soon.” Twilight laughed. “She'll fit right in. She was already crazy. Why spoil her fun?” “Twilight! Ya can't just abandon her like that. She has responsibilities. What about her animals? What about her friends?” Twilight stuck her tongue out. “Pfft. Like I care. She's no friend of mine. Her animals can go back to eating each other like they should be doing in the first place. The food chain's gotten soft around here with all of her incessant pampering.” “Twilight! Ah can't believe you!” Twilight snorted and turned up her head. Applejack sighed and shook her head. “Ah don't even know why I asked for yer help in the first place.” Applejack turned to walk out the door and paused to look over her shoulder on her way out. “Ya know, if you could find it in yer heart to be nice to ponies for a change then perhaps Celestia would give ya a second chance.” “DON'T YOU DARE MENTION THAT–” Applejack slammed the door on her way out. *** Twilight decided to blow off some steam by walking down to the market. She brought a reluctant Spike with her to carry all of her stuff. On the way, she fancied a spaghetti dinner somepony else was having and turned him into a potted plant. “Twilight–” Spike thwacked her horn and the potted plant reverted back into a pony, who ran off screaming “–you said you wouldn't do that any more.” “Geez, it's not like it's permanent.” Twilight rubbed her horn. She looked at the abandoned food. “Well, if he doesn't want it...” She stole his place, but couldn't bring herself to eat any of the food. It just didn't feel right. Was she growing a conscience? Her stomach rumbled and she sniffed another aroma in the air coming from one of the fruit stalls—a very tantalizing aroma. She got up and went where she fancied. There were plenty of fruits available, but she spotted her favorite item: a basket of peaches. “Twilight tax,” she said and snatched the whole thing for herself. The vendor turned red, but Spike paid him when Twilight's back was turned and he calmed down. Perhaps Spike should have been looking at Twilight instead. Her mouth hung open, drooling, revealing a set of fangs that grew in on the spot. She sank them into a peach, and slurped it dry. She spat out the pit, and grabbed another. Her eyes turned red as she drank. Another peach! Her ears grew longer, and furrier. She downed two more peaches, and leathery wings erupted from her sides. Another peach, and three black bats overlayed her cutie mark. The transformation was complete. “Screee!” Twibat wailed and kicked over the empty basket of peaches. Spike ran for cover, along with anypony who knew what was good for them. Things were about to get real. Maddened by the lack of peaches, Twibat's horn flared and the sky became as dark as night as legions of bats flew in from all directions. They were very confused. *** “Oh no, not again!” Applejack had been arguing with the doctors at the Ponyville clinic when the bats flew in. Flutterbat was tied up in rope to restrain her but she remained calm with a cute little smile on her face. Some kind soul had put a bendy straw in an apple and given it to her to suck on. The doctors ran off, leaving the two of them alone together. “Ah don't know what's goin' on, but it sure smells like Twilight's doin'.” Applejack held a hoof on Flutterbat's shoulder and looked her in the eyes. “Fluttershy, Ah don't care what the doctors say, but Ah know yer still in there. If we're going to get this mess fixed then we're going to need yer stare powers. That's the only way to get Twilight to behave, it seems.” Applejack sniffled. “So please, Ah'm goin' to set you free. If there's any ounce of the old Fluttershy in ya, you'll do this for me. You'll do it for yourself, okay?” Applejack untied glitter-flutter-bat-pony Fluttershy and she flew off to drain all of Applejack's crops with her bendy-straw. “Dagnabit!” *** Twibat ruled the town. Ponies ran screaming. Ponies fled in terror. She could have anything she wanted, but what she wanted wasn't there. Peaches. She must have peaches. Her bat-horn flared and twisted black trees erupted from the ground. Skeletal hooves reached up and completely failed at grabbing anything because they were hooves, not hands. The other bats circled around her, and she screed in rage. She bit a banana—and spat it out. She bit an orange—and spat it out. She bit a pear—and spat it out. No other fruit could satisfy her. Her horn flared and her descent into madness continued to consume the town. The streets became swampy and heavy with fog; spires of twisted rocks rose into the sky; a pretty rainbow stretched between two clouds in the sky. Applejack walked into town holding her lasso tightly in her teeth and sweating heavily. Her eyes darted around at the chaos. A skeletal hoof rose up and tickled her in the tummy. She laughed and lost her lasso—then lost her nerve and ran. Author's Note Originally, this story ended with: And then alicorn princess Granny Smith returned from her trip to Appleoosa and solved everything with her ninja cyborg granny powers. and that's all there was.
The Rise of Countess JackulaView OnlineTwilight Sparkle Goes 'Batty' for PeachesThe Rise of Countess JackulaApplejack retreated to the sanctity of her orchard, but the scores of ruined, squishy apples underhoof made her wince. Bent and twisted apple trees where healthy ones once grew and the dark figure (with an extra pair of glittery wings) of bendy-straw Flutterbat flying overhead showed just what a sorry stare her orchard was in. It wasn't much of a sanctuary after all. It was still better than town, though. For all of the chaos and madness that had erupted and destroyed not only her farm, her way of life, her town, and even her casual acquaintance Fluttershy, Applejack could only think of one thing: Granny Smith. She'd be so disappointed when she got home. Applejack sighed; it'd be nice if Granny Smith was an alicorn princess who could solve everything with her ninja cyborg granny powers, but that cop-out ending had been removed and it was up to Applejack to solve things now. Applejack had no idea how long it would take before Twibat's unstable magics would spread beyond Ponyville and threaten the rest of the world. Scores of confused bats of all types fluttered in the skies already. It probably wouldn't be much longer before other changes crept into the farm as well. And what could she do about it? Nothing. She'd lost her lasso, and her only other talent was apples—not that did her any good with her farm as badly ruined as it was. All she really had left was her hat. Flutterbat swooped down and stole Applejack's hat. “Hey! That was totally uncalled for!” Applejack waved a hoof up at the abomination blocking the moonlight. Flutterbat lost interest in the hat when she realized that she couldn't drink it through a bendy-straw. She'd certainly tried, though, and the torn-up, raggy, lump that was once a hat joined the ranks of the shrived, ruined apples on the ground in a display of careless vandalism of Applejack's property. “Curse yer bat wings! How am Ah supposed to compete against that!” Applejack kicked her ruined hat and fumed. If only there were some contrived way that she face them as equals, or at least reach them. The clouds parted and a moonbeam lit up some white objects on the ground. Applejack gasped—wait, wasn't it supposed to be daylight still? Oh well, she was willing to forgive the strange continuity error if those white things were really what she thought they were. Applejack gathered up Fluttershy's teeth and put them in a bag but kept the fangs for herself. “This had better work.” Applejack put the fangs into her own mouth. They snapped into place as if they'd grown there, but otherwise nothing happened. She was the same earth pony as before—just with cute 'lil fangs. “Well, so much for that idea. Ah'd best find another rope and see if Ah can't at least get Flutterbat back under control.” She had no trouble finding rope, but when she bit down on it to make her lasso her fangs pierced it and it transformed into a vampire bat rope and flew away. “...Ah was NOT expectin' that.” Applejack ran her tongue over a fang and accidentally pricked herself. “Ouch.” Her transformation was sudden. It was like somepony flipped a switch and now Applejack was a bat pony. It was like she'd really been a bat pony all along and only now just realized it. “Woah.” Applejack barely had a chance to glance at herself before she heard it. Her heightened senses now picked up on the wailing echolocation of all of the other bats and she cringed at the pounding headache this was giving her. She plugged her ears with her hooves and tried to fight back the pain. Stars appeared before her eyes and she lost grip of reality. “You were supposed to bite an apple,” a star said. “You hunger for yourself, you idiot,” another twinkled. “Does this nebulae make me look fat?” a third asked. The stars lost interest in Applejack to discuss dieting tips. They wouldn't want to develop diabetes like the black holes now would they? Applejack shook her head to clear it. She'd have to remember that trick about using a close approach to another star to shed an asteroid belt. That seemed useful. Wait, wait. That wasn't quite right. Applejack shook her head again. This time she really did return to reality, or whatever was attempting to pass for it these days, for she was now, apparently, a bat pony. She spread out her leathery wings and flexed them for a bit. That felt really, really weird. It felt like her ribcage had opened up and she was trying to hug the air with her lungs. She might have the body of a bat pony but she'd somehow retained her own mind—a mind which belonged to a wingless creature. Unable to comprehend 'wings', her mind wound up 'mapping' her new appendages to her next closest body parts. It was a miracle she could move them at all. Applejack had no idea what had caused the transformation to fizzle at the last moment, but she now had a way of facing the other bat ponies on even ground. It was too bad they flew. Applejack shivered and spread out her lungs, er, wings. She tried not to think about it and flapped hard. It worked. She launched herself into the air and found herself above the trees. She hovered there, did a dive, flew back up and—a burning sensation made her realize that she'd been holding her breath the whole time. She gasped for breath; her wings seized up, and she crashed. “Oooh.” Thankfully the ground was coated in squishy apples that were incredibly gross but soft to land on. She walked over to the barn to hose herself off. Well, she could fly. It was actually a lot easier than she'd expected it to be. But she couldn't fly and breathe at the same time. What a world. With some practice, she could probably take breaths between lung beats, er, wing beats. Okay, so it would take a lot of practice. She'd have to stick to short flights. Applejack spotted Flutterbat dangling on a nearby tree branch. She could fly up and catch her now, but she still had another problem: what would she do when she actually did? Well, Applejack wasn't just a bat pony, she was a vampire bat pony. She could suck the batness right out of Fluttershy. “Wait—Ah can't bite another pony. If Ah did that it would somehow wind up on Youtube and get a million hits! Ah'd so embarrassed. Er, what am Ah thinking? That's a stupid reason not to bite somepony. Ah can't bite her because, uh, it would be mean. Yeah, mean. And Ah don't want to be mean.” Applejack scratched at her hatless mane. “So if Ah can't bite her, then how can I—Ah got it! I'll combine my special talent, which is apples, with my newly acquired vampire powers and make a vampiric anti-bat-apple for her to suck on. That makes sense, right?” Applejack had a harder time finding a healthy apple to use than she did modifying it to suit her needs (somehow). Item in hoof, she took a deep breath to chase down Flutterbat in an epic flight scene. It was anticlimactic. Flutterbat wasn't bothered at all by bat pony Applejack and she swiped the apple to drink it with her bendy-straw. But when she put the straw to her lips, the sucking flowed in reverse and Flutterbat's bat nature was absorbed into the apple which turned black and hard. Fluttershy, the real Fluttershy, landed in a heap on the ground. “Mwa—mwu?” “Fluttershy! It's so good to have ya back again. Ya have no idea—” “Mwee.” Fluttershy trembled under Applejack's presence. “Oh, Ah, sorry.” Applejack folded her lungs up. “Ah know I look different, but it's me, Applejack.” “Mwa-alwaaa?” Fluttershy ran her tongue over her gums and started to cry. “Wait, don't cry. Ah've got your teeth right here.” Applejack passed the bag to Fluttershy. “There's a zebra in the Everfree Forest who can fix them for you.” Fluttershy nodded and turned to leave. “Wait, don't go yet. Ya should know that Twilight was the one who did this to ya. She tricked ya into using yer stare at the bats and transferred their batness into ya. Ah tried to get her to fix ya, but she pulled yer teeth instead and gave ya that glittery pair of butterfly wings for no good reason. “And now Twilight's terrorizing the town. Ah'm going to try to stop her, but Ah could use yer help. Yer stare is the only thing Ah know of that can bring her in line. So what do ya say? Care to help out?” Applejack smiled, revealing her fangs. “Aaaamwaa!” Fluttershy ran off screaming. Applejack sighed. Fluttershy was yellow for a reason. Would ya believe that her first instinct when presented with the vampire fruit bat infestation was to surrender to them? What was she, Prance? Regardless, Applejack was on her own, once again. Applejack looked back at Ponyville. Arcs of magical power tore across the sky and a huge spire of twisted... trees(?) rose from the ground. She shuddered and pulled her non-existent stetson down to cover her eyes (it didn't work). The arcing continued and the sky erupted in another round of bats (who were just as confused as the rest). She'd best make preparations. Twilight would be a lot harder to defeat then Flutterbat.
If you're half-bat half-pony is it called manure or guano?View OnlineTwilight Sparkle Goes 'Batty' for PeachesIf you're half-bat half-pony is it called manure or guano?Applejack found only two other good apples on her entire farm but that was all she needed: one for Twilight, and one for herself. She took some rope too, though she'd have to be careful not to turn it into vampire bat rope. That stuff was useless. As prepared as she could get, Applejack took a deep breath with her lungs and stretched out her lungs, er, wings. Er... yeah. She'd walk as far as she could, first—which turned out to be not very far at all. The swampland extended all the way up to the edge of her property now, and she'd rather not be tickled again by skeletal hooves. Applejack shuddered and took to the air. She tried leapfrogging from one tree to another, but the black, leafless plants were too brittle for her weight. She kept breaking limbs, and had a hard time finding safe spots to rest and catch her breath. This wasn't going to work. Applejack looked up at the clouds. Well, if pegasus could walk on them, she could too, right? The tree started creaking under her weight. Applejack took a deep breath and launched herself into the air. The clouds were higher than they looked, and Applejack was nearly blue when she got up there. Spots formed in her eyes and darkness encroached on her peripheral vision. This had better work. She couldn't hold her breath any longer; she gasped for air. Her wings seized up, and she flopped on a cloud. Thankfully, it held her. Applejack panted. That flight had taken too much out of her. Her mission? Forgotten. Her wings? Useless. All that mattered in the here-and-now was just laying there and breathing. Eventually, she recovered, but the trip left her throat feeling parched and dry. All she had with her to drink were the anti-bat apples, and those would be suicide to consume here. She had no idea how to work the clouds for water. Speaking of which—“wha-woah!” She made the mistake of trying to stand up and promptly fell over. The cloud moved beneath her. It wasn't at all like solid ground. She trembled and tried standing again. It—wait, the cloud wasn't really moving. She wasn't really standing on it either. She was standing on her own sort-of pegasus magic—and that was shaky at best. It was like trying to walk on a boat in rough seas after having lived your whole life on stationary ground. Applejack hadn't expected walking on a cloud to be more difficult than flying, but it was. She'd been walking her whole life and only had lungs, er, wings for a few hours. It made no sense that she'd instantly taken to flight (even accounting for the breathing problem) aside from the fact that it was plot-convenient. Well, enough sitting idle—she had a Twilight to take down. Er... The sky was dark and starry in all directions. She was standing on the grayness. Where, exactly, was she supposed to go? Hmm, well, if she kept going forward, that should get her closer. She'd been facing the right direction when she flew up here and didn't think she'd gotten turned around. She'd risk the danger of getting lost for the ease of travel. No tricks of Twilight would get in her way up here! Hopping from cloud to cloud with hardly the need to open her ribcag—er, spread her wings was actually kind of fun once she'd stopped tripping and falling on her face every time she moved (thankfully clouds were soft). What she saw next nearly caused her heart to stop with dread. A pretty rainbow stretched between two clouds. “Ah can't believe it! Ah must have gotten turned around and gone the wrong direction! This rainbow has to mean Ah'm getting close to Cloudsdale. It can't be a trick of Twilight's; everything else she's done has been gloomy.” Applejack turned around and went the wrong direction thanks to that trick of Twilight's. An hour later, she was standing in front of a sign that very clearly read, ‘Welcome to Cloudsdale.’ Applejack bashed a hoof in her face. “Dagnabit!” Well, at least she had a chance to get some water. All that flying had left her very thirsty. The pegasus locals gave her very strange looks. Some even went so far as to pull up their 'welcome' mats and hide their foals. Needless to say, she did not feel very welcome. If it was needless to say, then why waste a sentence saying it? Crap, now that's two sentences down the drain-er, three. New paragraph! Applejack rubbed her head. Drinking the water made her feel all weird again. It was like something was trying to take hold but rejected what she'd put in her mouth. She'd best get this business over with before she went crazy. Applejack had thought that the trip back to Ponyville would be hard due to having only a vague direction to go on, but a powerful arc of magic rippled across the cloudscape and tore a trough in its wake. She shuddered at the implications. Magic that strong could make it all the way to Canterlot and everything on the ground would be... transformed. She followed the trail of destruction back to its source. Even before she got there she could see flashes of magical reverse-lightning forking way up into the sky. Well, 'forking' was a generous way of describing it. It didn't have the decency to properly fork. It was more like 'sporking.' It was weird. Applejack paused to catch her breath once she got close. She could see Twibat now through the hole in the clouds. Twibat fluttered around near the top of her huge tree-like spire blasting it with concentrated bursts of magic. Each time she did so, it would grow and some kind of misshapen discolored fruit would appear. She'd bite it, spit it out, and try again. Huh. If she was that hungry for fruit, then getting her to bite the anti-bat apple would be easy. Applejack tied one to a rope and lowered it down next to Twibat. As soon as she spotted it, she hissed and recoiled as if it were a holy symbol and flew off to the other side of the spire. Oh, right. Twilight hates apples. Applejack pulled the fruit up and wrote the word 'peach' on the side. When Twibat came around again, Applejack lowered the 'disguised' fruit in front of her. She—took the bait! Yes! Twibat screeched as the batness began to be sucked out of her, but she spat the fruit out before the transformation was complete. The partially blackened apple tumbled out of sight. “Wha-what happened? Eep!” Twilight clung to a twisted branch and trembled. Only half of her had reverted to her normal unicorn form: her right half. She was split clean down the middle. “Twilight, ya fool, why did ya have to spit it out so soon? Uh, here, eat this. It'll finish yer transformation and ya can return to normal” Applejack dug out her other apple and offered it. “Applejack, what happened to you? How are you a bat? And—ugh, I'm not going to eat that! Eww.” Twi-sorta-bat pinched her nose. “Thad's disgusding.” “Come on, Twilight. Be reasonable. Look at all the chaos ya caused when ya were a full-bat. Ya don't want to revert back into that. As for me, Ah'm a bat because I used Fluttershy's fangs.” Applejack stretched out her limb with the apple. “Wait—I did this!?” Twilight didn't seem perturbed by the twisted landscape. She found it... alluring? “And I'm still half-bat? That's even better than full-bat. I have one wing! Oh, the glory! Oh, the power! I'm never going to give this up!” “Wha? But yer crippled like that. Ya can't fly and wouldn't it just get in the way?” “Pah! Shows what you know.” Twilight spread her one wing out and gave it a few good flaps. She... didn't go anywhere. “The final boss in just about every JRPG game has one wing. It's like... a genre thing. With this wing of mine I'm just about unstoppable!” She tried flapping it again and nearly lost her balance. “Twilight, y'all sure yer not insane?” Applejack took a breath and dropped down next to Twilight to hold her steady in case she tried that again and fell off. “BOSS BATTLE!” Twilight's horn flared and the twisted spire of trees vanished, as did the clouds, and the bats, and everything else. The two of them were transported to seemingly empty space with only stars in the distance to accompany them. “Aaah! Where did everything go?” Applejack jerked her head around. “I already said it's a genre thing. Sheesh, pay attention. And you touched me so we have to battle. Dem's da rules.” Twilight charged up her horn. “Bolt 3.” A massive lightning bolt arced nearby. Applejack jumped away. “Twilight, stop! Ah can't fight ya like this.” “Well too bad, you should have thought about that before trying to solo a boss fight. Gravity Well.” Twilight's next spell was very flashy, but didn't actually do anything that Applejack could notice. Well, it did make her feel heavy for a bit. “Darn, that was supposed to take half your hit points. I forgot it doesn't work on small targets.” “Stop treating this like some kind of game. Lasso Rope!” Applejack called out her attack, treating this like some kind of game. “Rope Burn.” Twilight countered. “Augh!” Applejack's rope wrapped around her legs and started rubbing against her fur in opposite directions. Applejack bit it, and her rope turned into a vampire rope and flew away. “What the heck?” Twilight's next spell faded from her horn as she watched the rope fly away. Applejack rubbed at her ruffled coat and shrugged. “Dunno. It just happens. Ah have no idea why.” While Twilight was apparently calm, Applejack walked up and put a hoof on her shoulder. “Twilight, Ah know ya can be a decent pony if ya try. This isn't worth fighting over. Just take the cure—please.” Twilight pushed Applejack away with her front hooves. “Your attack did no damage. What are you—level one?” Applejack skidded away and came to rest on her side. She made the mistake of looking down when trying to stand up again. The starry space below her showed no apparent ground to stand on. “Aaah! This place is freaky.” She held her breath and flapped her wings to right herself before settling down again. “And what's this about numbering levels?” “Hmm, I think I'll guard this turn. Not that I really need to. Force Bubble.” A magenta shield appeared around her. “And are you seriously that clueless? Didn't you do the tutorial?” “Tutori-whatsit? Twilight, stop talking about this like it's a game. A lot of ponies live in this town and call it home and ya really need to come to yer senses and fix things so we can all get on with our lives.” Applejack sighed. Twilight let her bubble expire. “What a waste of a shield. You didn't even try to attack. I don't give a rat's nest about other ponies. How about a status attack? Bad Breath.” Twilight blew in Applejack's general direction (who just wrinkled her nose). “Uh, Twilight? Now yer being silly.” Applejack once again walked up and shook her by her shoulders. If ya can't think of others, think of yerself. Yer still a bit crazy. This will fix ya for real.” Once again, Twilight pushed her off. “No damage. Sheesh. Did you not do any fighting before you came here? And I'm perfectly sane! I'd be crazy to give up this kind of power. Check this out: Bat Bonanza!” A bunch of bats appeared and fluttered around in confusion. “Yeah, okay. I was totally expecting something else to happen.” “No, of course I didn't fight anything. Ah'm not that kind of pony. And ya see? Yer spell was a flop. The power to be insane is worth giving up, don't ya think?” “You fought nothing? Really? What about that swamp down below? Wasn't that teeming with monsters? You could have gotten a lot of experience down there.” Twilight was still preoccupied watching the bats and didn't launch another attack. “What? Ah just flew over the swamp. Ah'd rather not submit myself to the 'experience' of being tickled by skeletal limbs. Ah don't think that kind of experience would prepare me for, well, anything, really.” “Oh, so you used a wall hack and now you're complaining about being under-leveled for a boss fight? Cheaters like you get what they deserve. Face it, you can't win against a spellcaster of my magnitude. I'm done with kiddy spells. Force Crush.” A telekinetic bubble wrapped around Applejack and started getting smaller. “Ah'm not a cheater!” Applejack tapped on her prison, then bucked it as hard as she could while she still had room. It shattered. “Aah.” Twilight winced in response to that forceful dispel. “Twilight, Ah don't want to fight ya–” Applejack snorted and charged Twilight. “–but if Ah must–” Twilight swatted Applejack square in the face with her one wing. “Oh that's rich. So you think you can actually fight back now? Those other spells were just cantrips. Wait until you see my unique boss moves!” Twilight's horn flared brilliantly and the starry cosmos itself bent to her will. She cackled wildly as a swarm of meteors circled around her. The began to spin faster and– “Stellar Approach Asteroid De-belting!” Applejack shouted as she buzzed past Twilight. The spell fizzled as Twilight spun out of control and the asteroids were lost back into outer space. “What? But how?—Ow!” Twilight winced in pain when Applejack kicked her horn. “Ha, and Ah bet ya didn't think that stellar dieting tip would actually be useful!” Applejack squeezed Twilight's mouth open to reveal her fang. “Eat. Your. Apple!” “You can't make me!” Twilight's telekinetic glow enveloped Applejack and forced her off. Applejack screamed in protest. “I should have just done this in the first place. You're doomed, Applejack. I can just hold you in the air and finish you off in whatever way I please. Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!” Applejack struggled, but couldn't escape her magic. Twilight was right. Applejack was doomed. Author's Note If you're half-bat half-pony is it called manure or guano? I'm pretty sure it's called 'this story.' Anyway, if you're curious about the one-winged JRPG final boss trope, here is the perfect, cheesy, example. Don't worry, it's a short game.
Twilight Sparkle Goes Batty Without PeachesView OnlineTwilight Sparkle Goes 'Batty' for PeachesTwilight Sparkle Goes Batty Without PeachesApplejack hung limply in the air while Twilight gloated and cackled. Neither of them saw the new pony appear. “Applejack can't force you to eat the apple, but I can,” a softer but firm voice spoke. “What?” Twilight turned to face the new intruder. It was a trap. “The Stare.” “Aa–” Twilight's eyes bugged out and her mouth stopped moving and hung slack. She trembled before Fluttershy. Applejack squinted and averted her eyes. The attack wasn't aimed at her, but it was still terrifying to behold. “Eat. Your. Apple.” Fluttershy's command could not be ignored. Twilight's trembling hoof showed resistance, but she could not disobey. She grabbed the apple, and with a tear in her eye, bit it. Like before, the apple absorbed Twilight's batness, and it turned black and hard. Once again, Twilight was a plain ordinary unicorn. Fluttershy blinked and Twilight could move again. “No! My one-wingedness! You creeps!” Twilight looked as if she might lash out again, but crumbled under Fluttershy's disapproving eyeballs. “No fair! I was winning. What a lame dues ex machina.” “Fluttershy! Thank ya so much for showing up to help. Ah thought ya'd run away.” Applejack walked over to give Fluttershy a hug. “Oh, well, I was scared but, I thought about what you said and, well, I couldn't just abandon you.” Fluttershy nuzzled up against Applejack. “Um, you're still a bat.” “Augh, somepony please spare me from this sap.” Twilight stuck out her tongue. “Ah, well, Ah ran out of apples. Ah can't cure myself without them.” “A-ha-ha-ha-ha!” Twilight laughed. “Oh really? Well you're DOOMED! Doomed I say! I don't know why I didn't see this earlier, but your bat transformation wasn't interrupted—it was paused. As soon as you sink your fangs into something to eat you'll go mad with craving for it! Bwa-ha-ha-ha. Sucks to be you! Pun intended!” “...is that all?” Applejack held a hoof in front of her face. “This is going to suck. Pun not intended.” “Uh, Applejack?” Fluttershy inched away from her. With a crack, Applejack punched herself in the face. Twilight burst out laughing. Fluttershy meeped. “Pu.” Applejack spat out the fangs. “Uungh.” “Impressive, but you're still a bat.” “Ah'll manage somehow.” Applejack stared at her former fangs just sitting on the 'floor' of this weird cosmic landscape. “Uh, can ya get us back home, please?” “Hmmm, nah.” “Why you–” Fluttershy loomed over Twilight again. “Not until you–” Twilight pointed her hoof at Fluttershy. “–explain how you got here in the first place. Last time I checked pegasus can't go dimension hopping. Like I said, dues ex machina.” “That would be my doing.” The serene voice of Princess Celestia echoed across the starry void. “Twilight, I've put up with transgressions in the past, but this time you've–” “HOW DARE YOU JUDGE ME YOU FATTY JUDGEY PANTS... PANTS!” Twilight exploded. “Twilight Sparkle! You–” Celestia snarled and charged up her horn. “GO FLUSH IT WITH THE REST OF YOUR FETID OPINIONS. YOU CAN'T CONTAIN ME ANYWAY. BADBYE.” Twilight vanished in a flash of her magic. Celestia sighed and hung her head low. “Oh, what could have been.” She shed a tear of regret, and turned to face the other two, who were bowing. “Please rise.” They did so, and faced her. Celestia hid her sadness and smiled for them. “Thank you, Fluttershy. I'm glad you overcame your fears and decided to help. I'd like to chat later, but for now Ponyville has a lot of cleanup to do, and we mustn’t forget about our lesser subjects.” The bats Twilight had summoned to this realm gathered around Celestia. “There are a lot of confused bats and they could use your help.” Fluttershy nodded and vanished along with the bats in Celestia's sunny magic. “Applejack, please walk with me.” Clestia motioned with her head for Applejack to follow. “Here, Princess?” The starry landscape stretched on forever and was very quiet without Twilight. Applejack suddenly felt self-conscious of her freakish batty appearance. She followed behind Celestia, but kept her profile low. She wasn't worthy of walking in her ruler's footsteps. Celestia paused and waited for Applejack to catch up. She was in for a long wait. “Applejack, what do you know about power?” “Uh, it's powerful?” Applejack hazarded. That was a safe, but stupid bet. “It corrupts. I've seen it many times. Far too many.” Celestia got tired of waiting and requested, “Walk alongside me, please. I'd rather not talk over my shoulder.” Applejack walked up next to her, reluctantly. “Corrupts? Like Twilight?” Celestia nodded, sadly. “And other students of mine in times long past like Sombra and Chrysalis.” “Wha—but those are tyrants!” Applejack shuddered. “I feel helpless, Applejack. It's happened so many times before, and it's happening again now. I can't do this on my own.” Celestia held her head up high and stopped walking. “And I won't have to, any longer.” “What do ya mean? Have ya found somepony who can help?” Applejack felt nervous. Was Celestia actually suggesting...? “Yes, you, Applejack. I've never seen a better candidate for this.” Celestia smiled at her. “Me!? But—wait. What do ya mean ya won't be alone? What are ya planning?” Applejack started to edge away, but Celestia wrapped a wing around her and pulled her closer. She paused. “Well, you see–” Okay, so it seems that Celestia's going to ramble on for a while. That isn't particularly exciting or funny, so how about a joke instead? How many Sweetie Bots does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, but who delivers the baby? Amazon.com! Bum Dum Psh. Yeah, okay, sorry that was bad. “–the point is that you've earned this, Applejack. See for yourself.” Celestia brought Applejack to her hall of Youtube videos. Due to an animation error, her horn didn't glow when she turned them on, but it was still magical nonetheless. “Woah.” Applejack broke off to take a look at one video which showed an excessively grinning pink pony hopping to her own tune. She blanched when the camera got splattered in blood. “Ah, whoops, he he. I don't know that got on my playlist.” Celestia turned that video off. Applejack looked at the screen across from that video. A blue pegasus with a rainbow mane was chained to a wall. A large white stallion holding a whip entered the room, but that's not what the camera focused on. Applejack flushed red. She wanted to turn away, but she was morbidly fascinated. “Ack. I have no idea how that got there, either.” Celestia flushed red and turned that video off too. The two of them glanced down the hallway at the other animations. Various scenes of less than appropriate content were on full display. “Sorry, sorry. I thought I cleaned out my browser history. This was a bad idea. Let's forget about these videos, please?” “Ee-okay.” Applejack too busy recovering to argue. That image was going to be burned into her mind for a long time. Celestia turned off the rest of the videos too. “Well, how about a song instead. Ahem. I've been watching over you–” “Woah, woah woah. Hold it. That's kind of creepy. Actually, after what Ah just saw, That's exceptionally creepy.” “Well, so much for the fanfare. I guess I'll skip the flashy transformation sequence too.” Celestia zapped Applejack with her magic. “Te-dah! You're an alicorn now.” “Woah.” Princess Applejack spread her new feathery wings reflexively (or perhaps she was still thinking of that video). “Wow, they feel like actual wings and not things Ah should be breathing with.” She tried flapping with them but they moved out of sync and she landed on her side. Celestia giggled. “Careful, Applejack. You can't expect to have wings for two seconds and suddenly know how to use them. That takes time.” “Uh, but I—oh nevermind.” Applejack got back up and dusted herself off. While she was at it, she might as well try out her horn too. Applejack scrunched up her face and looked constipated but nothing happened—just like actual constipation. “Don't worry, Applejack, you'll get the hang of magic before the next scene. It helps if you think of apples instead of magic since that is your special talent, after all.” Applejack's horn lit up with a brilliant red glow. “Ah think I got it!” “Just remember your promise; you won't use your new powers or position for personal gain and you won't allow yourself to succumb to corruption.” Celestia stared deeply into Applejack's eyes. Applejack returned her stare and nodded. “Ah promise, Celestia. No temptation. No corruption. Ah won't let you down.” “Good. We have a chance at reforming Twilight, but you'll only have one shot at this, so make it count.” Celestia powered her magic and returned Applejack to Ponyville. *** Twilight never saw it coming. Crunch. Something hit her in the head. “What? Who's there?!” Twilight swiveled around looking for the intruder, but she didn't see anypony. “Spike! That wasn't funny.” The was no response. The dragon was asleep in his basket. The only sign of where the attack came from was an open window in her bedroom. She looked out, but didn't spot anything. The streets were still swampy and it would take weeks for the lame less-magical ponies to clean up her mess. It didn't make sense for anypony to be out there at night. As she moved her head, she noticed a bit of added weight to it. Apparently, that thing that hit her had gotten stuck. Twilight turned on a light and crossed her eyes to look at the thing impaled on her horn. It was reddish. Juice dribbled down her face and she tasted it. “Apple juice!? Yuck!” Spike groaned in his sleep, but didn't awaken. Twilight tried to swat the thing off, but it didn't budge. It didn't even wiggle—or dent. It was harder than diamond. “What?” She rolled over on her back and tried to force it off with all four hooves. That only gave her a headache because she was essentially trying to pull her horn out of her skull. Groaning, she righted herself and tried to solve this dilemma the obvious way: with magic. A glow lit up at the base of her horn and spread upwards. When it touched the apple, it fizzled instead of doing what she wanted it to do. That was... a new experience for her. Magic always worked. Always. “What!?” Twilight scrunched up her face and used more power. Nothing happened again. She refused to give up. She used even more power. Sparks flew from the base of her horn. Surely that would– Nothing still. More power! The base of her horn glowed white. She just had to overwhelm this pesky– Nothing. Her face dripped sweat and contorted into her deepest scowl. Beams of light erupted. Her power was over 9000. Nothing. She tried so hard that her face turned, er, purple. Well, purpler. Yeah... “Ah see you've gotten acquainted with my magic-nullifying Liberty Apple,” Applejack said. Twilight hadn't seen her enter the room, but there she was. Twilight panted to catch her breath. Her breathing slowed and her mouth slacked open as her mind processed the image of no-longer-bat-pony Applejack. “Wha-what? When did you get a horn?” Twilight forcibly unfolded one of Applejack's wings. “Feathers? That's not bat-like at all. Applejack you look like a—a princess.” Applejack grinned, evilly. A dawning realization hit Twilight. She crossed her eyes and looked up at her horn. “What? What did you do to me?!” “Can you keep it down? I'm trying to sleep here,” Spike muttered and buried his head under his pillow. “Sorry, Spike,” Applejack said. She lowered her voice and spoke only as loud as she needed to make herself heard. “Twilight, Ah'm only going to say this once, so pay attention. Y'all have been abusing yer magic, so Ah figure a year of living like an earth pony should teach ya some humility.” Twilight snorted. “There's more. After the year's over, if ya've been good, the apple will turn green and ya can take it off. But if ya've been bad, It'll turn yellow and it'll never come off. Goodnight, Twilight.” Applejack vanished in a flash of her magic. “What? But you can't just–” Twilight raged when she realized that she was talking to herself. “Aaargh!” “Twilight, go to bed,” Spike complained, completely oblivious. *** In the morning, Twilight groaned at the pile of books in front of her. Naturally, they'd fallen short of her need to find information on removing alicorn curses. The only book that mentioned it basically said ‘politely ask the alicorn.’ That wasn't helpful at all. To console herself in her misery, she'd asked Spike to procure another batch of her favorite food: peaches. He had a knack for pulling through for her, and she was confident he'd succeed despite the mess in town. That's why she still kept him around, after all. She even put up with his whininess and allowed him some degree of sass. A good assistant was worth the trouble even if she had to chew on a bone of contention every once in a while. “I'm back. I found some that were still in stock at that fancy diner you always scoff at. It's not quite as many as you wanted but I'd have to go to Dodge Junction to get more and that trip would take too long. I didn't want to keep you waiting.” Spike came in carrying a basket of five peaches. He looked up at her hopefully. She'd asked for twenty. “Spike! I– This'll do, for now. You can get the rest later.” Twilight looked at the peaches and drooled. She frowned when her magic failed her, again. “You're welcome,” Spike muttered to himself. Twilight debased herself and picked up a peach like an earth pony. She felt dirty touching it with her hooves. It didn't matter—the anti-magic apple-cork on her horn was driving her insane, but the sweet, deliciousness of peaches would prove a wonderful, if temporary, escape. She rolled it into her mouth and bit down on it. Crunch. “Pu!” She spit the disgusting apple out of her mouth. “Spike, what the buck? I asked for peaches—you know I hate apples!” Spike winced and shielded himself with his arms. “I swear, it was a peach just a moment ago.” Twilight grabbed another peach. She inspected it closely. It had the soft peach feel. It had the fuzzy peach skin. It trembled in her grasp as she sniffed it. It smelled like a peach, too. She opened her mouth and bit it. Crunch. Apple. “Pu!” Her eyes shrank and drifted away from each other. “What's happening?!” Applejack appeared in a flash of her magic. “Oh, did Ah forget to mention? It does that too: everything you eat will turn into an apple.” Applejack vanished again. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *** Applejack teleported away to a hill overlooking Sweet Apple Acres. Even way out there she still had to clamp her hooves over her ears to drown out Twilight scream of agony. Celestia's sun shone down on her, disapprovingly. “Well, okay,” Applejack confessed, “maybe a little corruption.”
