Life of a DJ

Hey, it's me again.
This day has been a total disaster... Seems like I managed to fuck things up big time. Though it hurts to get through it all once again, I think it could help me deal with it, so let me start from the beginning:
Last night, I was working in a club, as usual. And as usual, there were a lot of fans and groupies. Yeah, I have groupies, who'd thought that? Anyway, after my performance, I actually wanted to go straight back home, since it wasn't really late I wanted to spend some time with Octy, but... there was this dude who caught my eye even during my performance, and he wanted to buy a drink for me and, you know, talk a bit, compliment me and stuff like that, the usual things fans do to their idols. But what was meant to be just one drink and a few minutes of spending time evolved to much, much more drinks, and the hours passed by without me noticing it.

Actually this isn't a big deal, I often stay at the club I was working in after my performance, and Octy is totally cool with this. But today I told her I'd be back early, so she started worrying where I could be. She's just too good for this world. I mean, she was in the middle of cooking and just left everything behind to go take a look where I might be! And here's the tricky part: Knowing where I've been playing this night, she showed up there to see if I was still there. So she went to the bartender and asked around if anypony had seen me, and of course they had, I mean if a DJ like me is in the house the folks will know about it. The bartender sent her into the VIP-Lounge where I was still drinking with this random guy, but somehow all the alcohol may have caused me to accidentally let him kiss me, right when Octy entered the room.

At this point, when Octy just stood there, staring at me and this guy whose name I can't even remember, it was like I sobered up in no time. Suddenly I realized what I was doing there, I realized that Octy saw it, and I realized that this was bad. Very bad. I mean, the fact that I lost control was bad enough and I'd hate me for it even if Octy wouldn't know about it, but now that she saw it... I don't know how to describe this feeling. Looking in the eyes of your love while kissing somepony else, even from another gender. That was the moment I could see her heart break into tiny pieces. And I hate myself for it, more than I could ever hate any other pony.

I never said I'd be full lesbian, but I have been with Octy long enough that she thought I would be, even long enough for me to think it. And now? Now I'm sitting here alone, and I feel like I can't get the taste of this guy out of my mouth. Maybe it's a bit overstated, but I feel so dirty, I even tried cleaning my mouth with soap.

Of course I wanted to apology, I wanted to explain everything, even though I knew I couldn't. What could I have said? 'Sorry for cheating on you with this guy I only know for two hours, but I was too drunk to think properly'? That's bullshit. Being drunk is no excuse for something like that. How could that have happened? But most important: How can I fix this?

We haven't broken up. Not yet. But Octy decided to move to one of her band mates, Beauty Brass, for a few days. But I don't have to worry about her, she's totally straight. And even if not, I shouldn't be the one to worry about Octy might be cheating on me. I'm the one who failed, and I'm the one who has to regain her trust. I hope I'll be able to do so...

They say you only learn to value things right when they're gone. I always thought that would be just one of those phrases young ponies use to get other ponies into thinking they're smart and so on, but now I know it's actually true. I love Octy from all of my heart, and I never felt like our relationship was a thing of course. But it was, it is, even more than that. It's everything I want right now, it's everything I am. And I won't stop fighting for it until I have either success or... that other thing. That one thing I'm more afraid of than any other thing.

Can you believe it? Me, Vinyl Scratch, fighting for a relationship? Turn back the clock for half a year, would I have done such a thing back then? Probably not. I know I told you I didn't change during our relationship, but this is one thing that doesn't count towards what I said. And this is the past. Right now, I'm just worrying about Octy and me, about our relationship. But I won't fix it just by sitting around and writing about it. I have to move my damn flank and do something about it, and that's exactly what I will do now.

Hope I'll have better news next time...