It was a nice and relaxing day at Applejack's apartment. Ever since Sweet Apple Acres managed to be able to afford farmhooves, the orange mare was finally able to move out and get a place for herself. Granted, she loved her family dearly, but she wanted to see what it was like to truly live on your own. She had ended up in Ponyville's first (and massive) apartment complex, Ponyville Square, where ponies were just trying to make their way in the world, without having to be Canterlot Royalty just to get a modern styled place to stay.Twilight and Rarity were now guests at her new home, and the trio chatted about how Applejack had decorated the place, when the doorbell started to ring.
Applejack jumped off the couch, “Ah'm comin'!”
She walked slowly, until the ringing got faster and more desperate sounding. Her walk turned to a brisk trot up to the door and opened it. She managed to catch a quick glimpse of a panic-stricken Vinyl Scratch, before Rainbow Dash slammed into her, forcing her to the ground,
“Applejack, you gotta help us!”
-MLP-
Applejack, Dash, Twilight, Vinyl and Rarity were trotting down the street. There were making a beeline for Vinyl and Octavia's apartment, after they heard the story that the two had blabbered about.
“My word, I can’t believe you gave Derpy chocolate muffins!” Rarity screamed. “And 20 pounds worth of them, none the less!!”
“I didn’t know she’d eat it all!” Dash protested. “I mean, that’s A LOT of muffins!”
“Ah reckon it must be if yer sayin’ that…” Applejack mumbled.
“Shut up!!”
“Where’d you guys get that many muffins anyway?” Twilight questioned.
“Well, we got it from Pinkie’s house, in the basement…”
“WHAT?!?!” Applejack, Rarity, and Twilight shrieked in unison.
“Pinkie’s basement?! Ya’ mean the one she turned into some kind of confounded candy an’ sweets makin’ laboratory?! THAT basement?!” Applejack yelled.
Dash rolled her eyes, “She’s only got one basement, AJ. Of course that basement.”
“Why?! Everypony knows Pinkie wants tah be a mad candy scientist!”
“So she KNOWINGLY ate 20 pounds of what more than likely, experimented chocolate muffins?!” Twilight screamed in disbelief.
Vinyl shrugged her shoulders, “It’s not our fault Derpy is a muffin loving freak. But we have to hurry up and make it back to my place.”
“What ever for?” Rarity questioned.
“Trust me, Tavi has very limited patience when it comes to stuff like this.”
“DEEEEERRRRRRPPPPPPPYYYYYY!!!!” Octavia’s voice echoed throughout the complex.
Birds within a mile radius took to the sky, and everypony looked up at them. The girls looked at each other and gulped, and broke out into a mad gallop to the apartment. They scrambled up to the front door. Vinyl snatched the key out from under the welcome mat, and jammed it into the lock. They could hear something scratching on the door, and Octavia yelling.
“Bad girl! Sit! SIT!!”
Vinyl opened the door. Derpy was sitting in front of her, panting and wagging her tail. The pony saw Dash, and her face lit up. She jumped on the Pegasus and began licking her face.
“No! Bad girl!” Octavia shouted.
“Don’t worry yerself none. Ah’m sure R.D’s used tah mares lickin' all over her.” Applejack joked.
Dash reached out and grabbed one of Applejack's ankles. She gave a hard tug, causing the orange pony to fall on her flanks. Octavia grabbed Derpy from behind and yanked her off.
“No licking company!” Octavia scolded. She grabbed a leash, tied one end around Derpy’s neck, and the other end to the coffee table leg. “Now stay.”
“Why do you have a leash? You guys don’t have a dog.” Twilight questioned.
A mischevious smile worked it's way onto Vinyl's face, while Octavia's went crimson, "Shut up, don't worry about that!"
Derpy sat up and gave the cellist a sad, pathetic look, which went ignored. She stomped up to the prismatic maned pony and the DJ that she right now, was not happy to call her marefriend.
“You two just dropped her off here without telling me why the hell she’s like this!” Octavia hissed. “What did she have anyway?!”
“20 pounds of experimented chocolate muffins.” The girls replied.
Octavia stared at them, dumbfounded. She then shook her head, turned, and walked off.
“I can’t believe this. This is total bullshit.”
“Who’s a good girl? You are! Yes you are!” Rarity cooed.
The others looked to see Rarity scratching behind Derpy’s ear. The pony let out a happy bark.
“Di-did she just…bark?” Applejack asked in disbelief.
“She thinks she’s a dog!” Octavia yelled from the kitchen.
Rarity smirked, “That’s quite intriguing…”
“Excuse me, Miss Twilight, but can you come here?” Octavia called out to her.
Twilight walked into the kitchen. It was a mess! Cake batter and flour were all over the place.
“I ha ve to bake a cake for a friend of mine’s birthday.” Octavia explained. “But, I haven’t been able to finish because of the…quirky antics of Vinyl and Miss Dash. And since I’ve heard that you can work wonders in the kitchen, I was hoping you’d help me out.”
“Of course! Just hand me an apron, and I can get started.” Twilight stated. Octavia grabbed a baby blue apron and passed it to her.
“So how long have you had Derpy?” Twilight asked.
“Four…long…hours…” Octavia replied in a tired voice. “I had to feed her, walk her, bathe her, and clean up whatever she destroyed. She knocked down my bedroom door, bit 5 ponies, broke one of my favorite dishes, knocked over a potted plant and chewed on it, ate the first batch of cake batter I made, and ate one of the damn sofa cushions.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow, “A sofa cushion?”
“Where the heck is the cushion?” Vinyl asked from the living room.
*ACK!* *ACK!* *COUGH!!* *BUUUURRRRPPP!!!*
“EW!!!”
“What the hell is THAT?!” Rarity screamed.
“Looks like….cotton!” Dash replied.
“Babe! Derpy ate some of the couch!!” Vinyl yelled.
“I KNOW!” Octavia shouted back. She shook her head, “Anyway, she’s been like that since I got her. What in the wide world of Equis was in those muffins?”
“I don’t know…” Twilight softly replied. “Vinyl and Dash said they got them from Pinkie’s place-”
Octavia looked up, “Seriously? Everypony knows that Miss Pinkie cooks some strange things in that makeshift lab of hers.”
“Hopefully, whatever was in the muffins will wear off soon.” Twilight stated. “Let’s just finish this cake okay?”
-MLP-
30 minutes later…
“Augh! Get her off of me!! GET HER OFF OF ME!!!”
There was loud screaming, followed by explosive laughter. Octavia sighed and left the kitchen while Twilight put the cake in the oven. The lavender Alicorn took off the apron and headed towards the living room. She saw Octavia’s shattered composure as the Earth Pony rolled around on the floor, guffawing and teary eyed. She rushed in.
“HELP!!!”
Shock covered Twilight’s face. Dash was underneath the grey Pegasus.
“RAINBOW!!!”
And she was getting humped by her.
“HELP ME!!!”
The others were laughing wildly as Rainbow continued to get molested by the mailmare. Twilight grabbed Derpy’s leash and gave it a hard tug. She fell back and clunked her head on the table, knocking her out. The Alicorn gasped and the others stopped laughing as she checked on the poor Pegasus.
“She’ll be fine.” Twilight announced, much to the other’s relief. Dash sat up, her mane a wild mess. She patted it down, then leered at the group,
“You're all some fucking assholes for not helping me!” she yelled angrily.
The girls looked at one another, then busted out laughing again.
-MLP-
One hour later…
The group was chatting to one another. Derpy grumbled as she came to. She slowly looked around in confusion as she sat up, the ice cube baggy currently placed on her head fell to the floor, earning everypony's attention.
"How are ya feelin', sugarcube?" Applejack asked softly.
“Uh…I can barely remember what happened…” Derpy spoke in a groggy tone. “I know Dashie and Scratch gave me the most amazingnest muffin I’d ever had. I had one bite, and I couldn’t stop. Not that I would have anyway.” She chortled before continuing, “Then I got super happy and blacked out.”
“Well then, let me fill in the empty spaces.” Octavia offered in a somewhat irritated tone, “You thought you were a dog, destroyed some of my things, scared at least 30 ponies, bit 5 of them, molested Miss Dash-”
“Wait, what?! I-I d-did what?!” Derpy stammered.
“You…molested…Miss…Rainbow…Dash…” Octavia replied slowly.
Dash and Derpy looked at each other, blushing madly.
Derpy sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck, “Well, geez I-I’m sorry, I uh-”
Dash held her hoof up and slightly shook her head, “It’s okay. What’s done is done. But this will never leave this house.”
The doorbell rung like mad. Twilight hopped up and opened the door. Pinkie stood there, mane completely flat, and anger replacing the normal cheerfulness that covered her face.
“Where are they?!” Pinkie asked angrily.
Twilight was confused. “Who?”
“Rainbow Dash and Vinyl Scratch! Where are they?!” She looked past the Alicorn and saw the two ponies. She squeezed past Twilight and charged. Vinyl shrieked as she was tackled to the floor by the raging pink Earth Pony. Dash tried to fly away in a desperate attempt to escape. Pinkie managed to grab her ankle with her free hoof, making Dash smack her face into the carpet. The pony was a bit smaller than them, but Earth Pony genes had made her incredibly strong.
“Where are the damn muffins?!” Pinkie screamed.
“They gave ‘em to me, and I ate ‘em all.” Derpy answered, with a smile on her face. She rubbed her stomach, "Those were the best muffins I had ever tasted! You should start selling them at Sugarcube Corner!"
Pinkie’s eyes widened, “You ate ALL of them?!?!”
Derpy’s head bobbed up and down in a goofy fashion. Vinyl sat up,
“Dude, we didn’t know she’d eat 20 pounds of muffins. We swear.”
“Of course she would. Derpy loves muf-” Pinkie paused and her eyes narrowed. “Did you say 20 pounds?”
Rainbow nodded. Pinkie stood up and ran her hooves through her mane, letting out a stream of curses that the girls weren't used to hearing come from her mouth.
“What’s wrong, Pinkie darling?” Rarity asked.
“I had 40 pounds worth of chocolate muffins.” Pinkie replied.
“So what happened to the rest of the muffins?” the group asked.
Dash’s cell phone rang. She pulled it out and looked at it.
“I wonder what she wants.” She put it on speakerphone, “Wazzup ‘Shy?”
“I’m going to bring hellish chaos to Equestria, and you can’t stop me!! BWAHAHAHA!!! SUCK IT, BITCHES!!”
*click*
Everypony stared at the phone.
“Wh-....what just happened?” Octavia questioned.
“Ah think we just done found out who ate the rest of them muffins.” Applejack stated.
“Why did she sound like a complete asshole?” Vinyl questioned. “She’s usually a really nice pony.”
The group looked at Pinkie, “Well?”
Pinkie formed a small smirk on her face, as she sheepishly clacked her hooves together and spoke,
“Well...the other muffins were made with experimented DARK chocolate.”
Author's Note
It was a TAD bit 'out of the norm' when it came to the ponies personalities, but whatever!
