Guncakes

by re- Yamsmos

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Crossover, Gore, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Other, Sex
Length: 2055

In a world plagued by peace, there are countless individuals who would disturb it, and would be willing to pay fortunes to acquire the ingredients to the recipe. A sick Pinkie Pie needs money for her friends to inherit. Thus, Guncakes were born.

In a world plagued by peace, there are countless individuals who would dare disturb their home's nature, and pay fortunes for it in the process. A sick Pinkie Pie, fearing the worst for her life, makes a choice to involve herself in the dangerous lifestyle of illegal weapon smuggling, planning to leave a large sum of bits behind for her friends if all goes south.

But of course, it is difficult to compete with other sellers when every delivery method known to Ponykind has already been used countless times. In the confinements of Sugarcube Corner's basement, however, Pinkie invents an entirely new method for smuggling:

Guncakes.

Pinkie Pie vector belongs to Burnokero
Sugarcube Corner background belongs to Ikillyou121, both are used with permission.

Inspired by TheLivingTombstone's Guncakes and Vince Gilligan's Breaking Bad.

Published 2014-01-02 06:00:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-02-23 01:16:03 UTC

In The Mix

"We'll see you later, Pinkie! Thanks!" promised the five mares, their heads turned and facing the wide open door to their town's local confectionery, the pink Earth pony smiling at them giving a wave of her hoof to her good friends.

"No, thank you girls! Gummy and I had a gr-r-reat time! Hope you can come to Gummy's After-After Party tomorrow!"

It was Twilight's turn to speak, stopping in her tracks and smiling a sincere smile, "We won't forget! Isn't that right girls?"

A roundabout of confirmation sounded out following the mare's question, and soon, the five ponies disappeared over the horizon, revealing the setting sun, its bright orange and crimson rays shining beautifully and illuminating the entirety of Ponyville in its warm glow.

Watching this spectacle with a look of wonder, Pinkie Pie invited a breath of fresh Equis air into her lungs, closing her eyes and leaning against the wall of Sugarcube Corner, listening to the sweet sound of ponies chattering and trotting about to return to their respective homes. Though Ponyville's Designated Party-Pony was chosen for that single reason, the mare herself was a surprising fan of calm behavior, and if not for her accepted lifestyle, she would be as modest and collected as her light-yellow friend.

Of course, Pinkie wasn't unhappy in her position she had chosen. In fact, it was one of her favorite things about life; parties, smiles, and chocolate rain aside. Slowly opening her eyes, she suddenly gained notice of a presence in front of her. Looking around in curiosity, the pink mare threw her head left and right, turning her body every which way, looking for the source.

Someone cleared their throat directly behind her.

Folding her head into her stomach and peering through the fork in her hind legs, Pinkie gave a gasp and a smile, watching the Cutie Mark Crusaders as they sat obediently on the front steps of her store. Bugging her eyes out and returning to her previous position, the mare clapped her hooves together, "Ohmygosh, come in, come i-i-in!"

The trio of fillies did so, awkwardly following their pink host as she hopped around Sugarcube Corner, disappearing into the a room labelled "Potty Room". As the sound of splashing water reverberated from within, the orange Pegasus waiting by the bit register held a hoof up to her mouth, audibly coughing to clear her throat yet again, "Pinkie Pie," she announced, raising a brow of impatience. Honestly, she was nice, but the mare really got off track sometimes-

"Yes, Scootaloo?"

The filly in question jumped into the air, teeth gritted in a terrified embrace. Eyes wide, she turned her head, finding the pink pony hanging from the ceiling fan, inches away from her face and smiling innocently, "How...how did-"

"..I do that?" Pinkie finished, grabbing a hold of a fan blade with her tail and lowering herself to the ground, giggling like a school filly when she noticed the young Pegasus' slow nod, "Silly filly, I've been here the whole time!" Bursting into laughter and falling onto the floor, she quickly opened her eyes and gave a gasp of realization. Throwing her forelegs in front of her, she rolled around the floor like a barrel, turning and disappearing yet again behind the front counter.

Apple Bloom, walking up from behind her two friends, raised a hoof to speak, but was quickly interrupted as the pink pony suddenly appeared right next to the register, a chef's hat atop her head and flour caking her face, "Oh hey girls! I didn't see you there! Ya here for your cupcakes?"

Sweetie Belle looked toward the other two Crusaders and gave a long shrug, knowing full well that they were dealing with Pinkie Pie. The trio nodded together, growing mildly impatient for their sweets.

"I-I-I-I knew it!" the mare happily squeaked, producing a trio of cupcakes sitting atop a tray, its content's sweet aroma filling the air of the confectionery and causing the inhabitants' mouths to water, especially the baker herself, whose eyes wandered toward the ceiling as she lulled her tongue and dreamily exclaimed, "I just lo-o-ove the smell of fresh cupcakes at night..."

As the fillies in front of her gave her questioning looks, she suddenly snapped out of her cupcake fantasy, producing her trademark smile and retrieving a pair of tongs from the shelf behind her. Beckoning the trio to approach the counter, Pinkie brought the white, purple, and pink cupcake that belonged to Sweetie Belle, and the orange and purple cupcake that belonged to Scootaloo. Sliding them over to their respective owners, Pinkie went to work getting Apple Bloom's out, who waited patiently for her reward.

The yellow and red cupcake in her hooves, the pink pony waved a hoof in front of it, showing its likeness her treat for the night. Beginning to lower it to her, Pinkie suddenly felt an urge run through her lungs.

She coughed, keeling over with the cupcake still in her hoof's grip. Shaking her head with vigor, she returned to a standing position, once again trying to slide the confection toward Applebloom. Once again, her actions were for naught, as she once again began to hack, holding her other hoof in front of her mouth and placing the cupcake onto the counter into the other. As she continued to cough, she held the cabinet to her right firmly as she fell to her knees.

As the pain in her lungs began to fade, she took notice of the three fillies peering over the counter at her, looks of worry plastered onto their faces, with one particularly sad. Looking at Applebloom with an apologetic look, Pinkie shakily rose to her hooves, scooping up the cupcake still on the counter and throwing it into the garbage with a growl of anger. Bending over and reaching into the shelf at her legs, she produced yet another yellow and red cupcake, the exact same look as the previous one.

Giving a smile as she watched the heart-warming sight of the trio high-hoofing with glee, she spoke up, "There ya go girls! Go enjoy 'em!"

The Cutie Mark Crusaders, who began to trot out the door, turned their heads and yelled, "We will Pinkie Pie! Thanks!"

"You're welcome, and thank you for advertising the Corner for me today!" she added with a wave.

As the Crusaders disappeared from sight, she heard a very loud, "You're welcome!" emanate from far away, signifying the trio's response.

Giving a satisfactory sigh, Pinkie Pie took her chef hat off the top of her head, placing it onto the nearby hat rack that lead into the kitchen and beginning to trot up to the front door. Just as she approached it, she felt the same sharp pain run through her lungs, and before she knew it, she was yet again coughing into a free hoof, narrowly avoiding a fall to the floor as she felt for the keys to the door, "Geezy weezy," she sputtered, reaching up to the door knob, "must be Flu-season again."

As she began to place the key into the lock, she began to feel light-headed, and with a heavy wheeze, she fell over, crashing through the open door and rolling down the front steps, landing in the grass below in a cold heap.

Author's Note

This is the first time I've ever written Pinkie Pie, and I'm not quite sure I nailed it.....let me know if something seems off. I'd greatly appreciate it.

Stir It Up

"Hello there Mrs. Cake!"

"Why hello there Twilight, how've you been?"

The Alicorn trotted through the door, her saddlebags bobbing up and down in unison with her body as she approached the counter, "I've been great, thanks!" she replied, her horn illuminating a violet aura around her bags, "how've you been?"

"Oh, I've been getting through it. The twins have been a real pain in the flank lately, but Miss Cheerilee's been keeping them in line at school, so we've been able to manage just fine."

"That's great to hear Mrs. Cake."

The mare behind the counter suddenly gasped in surprise, looking towards the lavender Alicorn with a sense of shock, "Oh, my apologies Twilight," she cleared her throat, "what do you need?"

"Oh, I'm here for Gummy's After-Birthday Party," Twilight said with a smile.

"It's...not until seven I thought..."

"Oh, I know."

An awkward silence soon followed, apparently unbeknownst to Twilight, who continued to fumble through her saddlebags, nonchalantly looking for a certain item that she apparently couldn't find. Mrs. Cake broke the chain with a gradual, "Wellllll okay then. I'll go get Pinkie."

"Thank you Mrs. Cake."

The yellow mare walked out from behind the front counter, taking a moment to adjust her apron before she approached the staircase and brought a hoof up to her mouth and called, "Pinkie Pie? Twilight's here to see you!"

The mare in question idly stood by, facing toward the staircase and watching in silence. It wasn't like Pinkie to not immediately throw herself down the staircase at the mention of a friends name, but Twilight assumed that she, in the slightest chance, might just be taking a rare nap. After all, she was planning parties 24/7, and Pinkie Pie or not, it had to take its toll at some point.

Even as she thought this, she couldn't help but suddenly find herself right by the yellow mare's side as she exited her thoughts, her face fixed into one of deep concern.

"Pinkie Pie? Are you up there?"

The two mares were met with silence as they stared up towards Pinkie's bedroom, a bright yellow light passing through the open door and illuminating the walls adjacent to and across from it. "Pinkie Pie?"

Not a single sound was given back, and Mrs. Cake gave a long sigh, before she began to trot up the steps, followed closely behind by Twilight, who continued to show concern for her friend. As they reached the top, the sound of something crashing sounded throughout the house, causing the two mares to jump in surprise at the sudden rupture of the silence they were accustomed to.

A million worrying things ran through Twilight's mind as she followed Mrs. Cake into Pinkie's room, where the sight of normality met their worried gazes. Mrs. Cake's eyebrow rose as the purple mare walked alongside her, examining the rest of the room with a professionalism not unlike a hardened detective. She wouldn't let the seemingly untouched state of Pinkie's room slide by; she knew something had caused that crash, and she wouldn't give up until she found it.

She bent over to assess whatever she knew was hiding underneath the bed, whether it was Pinkie's party cannon or Pinkie herself, but to her disappointment, she was met with nothing but a few discarded candy wrappers and a colony of dust bunnies. Groaning in annoyance, her attention turned toward the dresser by the bed. Rolling her eyes at the very idea, she opened the drawers and examined each one, expecting her pink friend to pop out at her at any time. Unfortunately, she was met with ill silence at every creaking opening.

Shutting the drawers with finalization, she looked to her right and mentally slapped herself in the face. As there were not other drawers or desks or clothes hampers in Pinkie's room, she quickly deduced that something must have fallen inside of her closet. Approaching it cautiously, she prepared herself for whatever she knew would pop out at her just as she had with her friend's drawers before, reaching for her magic and looking toward the closet door intently.

As a magenta aura engulfed the handle, she closed her eyes and imagined the closet door swinging outward.

A slam met her ears as she suddenly threw her eyes open.

Looking down in disbelief, she watched as a small green alligator stared blankly at her, his eyes pointing in opposite directions and his tail flicking back and forth idly. A fly zipped past Twilight, who watched with bated breath as it approached Gummy, before circling him and landing on his left eye.

Not once did he blink.

Author's Note

New cover, new idea, new inspiration, short chapter. All of which are for good reason, I assure you. :raritywink: