Heightened Erotic Attraction Test (H.E.A.T.)

by Shakespearicles

Rating: mature
Tags: Big Macintosh, Random, Shining Armor, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Rarity, Sex, Spike, Comedy
Length: 1397

SweetieBot overheats one hot summer day. Awkward hilarity ensues.

One hot summer day, SweetieBot's cooling system malfunctions, accidentally triggering her Heightened Erotic Attraction Test or H.E.A.T. The resulting quest she goes on across Ponyville will leave the town with mental scars for life. Rated mature for excessive computer based innuendos.
Besides, she's just a robot!

Published 2014-01-04 19:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-04 19:30:02 UTC

> CR1+!C4L 3RR0R

7:59 AM
SLEEP MODE
RECHARGING
[||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ] 99%
SLEEP MODE
RECHARGING
[||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||] 100%
RECHARGED
8:00 AM

Initializing wake sequence

Sweetie Belle opened her eyes. And sat up in her bed.

Boot primary operating system

Sweetie Belle opened windows. It was still early, but the temperature was already getting uncomfortably warm in the humid July height of summer. The moisture always did make her feel a bit strange.

Internal coolant levels at critical.

She went downstairs to the pantry and poured herself a glass of her special punch. She liked the Prestone blue flavored one best.

Coolant levels at 49%

She would have to ask her biological sister, Rarity, to take her out to the hardware store later to get her some more punch. In the meantime she decided to start making breakfast.

Execute: Waffles.exe
Error: File corrupt.
Attempting repair update...
Access network: TwiFi
Unable to connect: Out of signal range.
File not repaired. Continue anyway?
y
e
s

Sweetie Belle would have to go to Twilight's Library to borrow a cookbook. In the meantime, she decided she could try to make waffles from (random access) memory. Flowers, oil (5W-30), braking powder, di-hydrogen monoxide... pour into toaster. set to 300 degrees... centigrade?

The resultant fire turned the ingredients into a fine graphite powder. Perfect for reducing friction in the joints. Rarity would be sure to love it!

"Sweetie Belle! What have you done!"

Inquiry. Response.

"I have prepared breakfast for you. Surprise!"

Target Acquired
Set phasers to HUG

"I see." Rarity said, hugging her biological little sister back. "Listen, why don't you go and play with your little friends while I clean up the kitchen, okay?"

Executing Cutie Mark Acquisition Program...

Sweetie Belle headed outside to find her Cutie Mark Crusader friends.

"Mom, when are we going to tell Sweetie Belle?" Rarity asked.

"Tell her what, dear?"

"The truth about who she is?" That you got her before you and father had me, because you thought you were barren." Rarity said.

"You are our miracle foal." Her mom said, running her hoof through her daughter's mane. "But we can never let her find out the truth, or else she'll go on a violent, existential rage and destroy the town."

"But she's older than I am. She's MY older sister but she never ages. Even if you reset her memory again, her friends will notice eventually. And when she never gets her cutie mark..." Rarity said.

"We'll get a patch for her cutie mark, don't worry."
________________________________________________________________________

Sweetie Belle walked through the early morning of Ponyville. Many of the other residents were likewise just starting their day. Celestia's sun was already heading higher in the sky, beating down on everypony around her. Their coats shimmered with vented coolant. Sweetie Belle was also sweating.

Running Perspiration.exe
Coolant level: 35%
... 34%

"Hey Sweetie Belle!" Scootaloo said as she whipped by on her scooter.

Run: Run

Sweetie Belle took off after Scootaloo, trying to keep pace. Sweat poured off her.

"Where are you going?" She called out to the orange filly.

"Sweet Apple Acres." Scoots called back.

Navigating...

Scootaloo took a sharp turn, cutting through a alley shortcut between houses. Sweetie followed her.

Recalculating...
____________________________________________________________________

By the time the fillies got to the CMC clubhouse, they were both quite sweaty. But Applebloom was nowhere to be found.

Coolant at 5%. Critical levels!

"Hey gals! I'm down here!" Applebloom called out to them from the bottom of the hill. She was swimming in the creek that ran through the back of the orchard.

"Great idea!" Scootaloo said, riding down the hill, hitting her brakes at the last second, halting her scooter and sending the young Pegasus soaring through the air in a parabolic arc, splashing down in the refreshing water.

"C'mon Sweets." Applebloom said.

"But... but the water makes me feel funny." She said.

"Still scared of swimming?" Scootaloo teased. "After all that running you've got to be hot! It's like a hundred degrees out!"

Core temp at 95% tolerance

"Yes, I am hot. I just need some of my punch." Sweetie said, having forgotten to tell Rarity to pick some up for her.

"You could get some at the farmhouse!" Applebloom said. "Big Macintosh should be there."

Sweetie walked back across the orchard. The farmhouse was in sight.

Coolant: 0%
Core temp: critical

Sweetie stumbled, losing a bit of motor control, settling down under a shady tree for a moment.

System Shut down
Emergency venting

Sweetie Belle laid down closed her eyes. Her aft ventilation port under her tail opened, releasing a tremendous amount of heat.

System temperature stabilizing
Opening folder C:\Puberty\
Running HEAT.exe
New Objective: Seek stallion for immediate fluid transfer

Sweetie Belle opened her eyes. She needed some of her punch badly. She felt like she was burning up.

"I know what pain is. It's great to be alive." She said aloud walking up onto the front porch. But the door was locked. She went over to the adjacent barn, to see if there was another way inside. There it was beside the tractor, a big bottle of her favorite Prestone punch!

Coolant level: 100%

"Ah, refreshing." Sweetie said.

"Sweetie Belle, is that you?" She turned to see Applebloom's big brother coming from the back of the barn. His mane was a disheveled mess. "Aren't you a little young to be drinking that? I've got better stuff in some jars besides." The stallion said.

"Don't go giving away our moonshine!" Applejack yelled from behind Big Mac. Her hair was also a mess, with bits of straw stuck in it. That was when Sweetie Belle saw it. Big Mac's floppy drive.

"I require interface with your dongle for fluid transfer." Sweetie Belle said, turning around and lifting her tail, showing her venting port.

"AW HELL NO!" Applejack yelled, getting between them. "You ain't getting in on THIS dongle! Go on, git outta here!" She shouted, kicking Sweetie out of the barn, slamming the door shut.

Secondary objective: Update Waffle.exe
Connect to TwiFi for update

Sweetie Belle headed to Twilight's Library.
_______________________________________

When she got to the library, Twilight was out. But Spike helped her to find the cook book she was looking for.

Updating...

"Hey is Twilie here?" Shining asked as he walked in.

"No, she went out for something. But she should be back soon." Spike said.

Stallion acquired.
Re-initializing HEAT

"I require interface with your dongle for fluid transfer." Sweetie said, turning her backside to him, lifting her tail, showing her venting port.

"Hey Spike, I'm back." Twilight said as she walked in. "Oh hey Shiny, what are you- WHAT THE HELL!?!?" She yelled. Shining Armor jumped at the arrival of his sister.

"I didn't do anything I swear to Celestia!" He said. "Look, my hooves are up here!"

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" She yelled, grabbing her brother by his ear and dragging him outside.

"BUT I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!" Shining yelled. "Spike! Tell her!" Twilight pulled him outside for a proper thrashing, closing the door after them. Spike was frozen in shock at the sudden turn of events. With the stallion removed from the room, Sweetie Bell looked crestfallen. Spike came back to his senses and tried to make the best of an opportunity.

It may not be Rarity but... it'll probably be as close as I get.

"Uh, hey, Sweetie? You can uh, 'interface' with my dongle if you want." He said hesitantly.

Processing request
Dragon =/= stallion

"Do you have the proper adapter?" She asked.

"Um... yes?"

"Success!" Sweetie said. She turned her aft port to him. Spike got excited, walking up behind her. He put his hands on her hips and got ready to 'interface' with her.

ERROR
VIRUS DETECTED
ENGAGING FIREWALL

His dongle interfaced with her exhaust fan.

"YYEEAAAAARRTRGHGGHH!!!" Spike screamed, cradling himself on the floor as he writhed in agony.

HEAT.exe has encountered a problem and has to close.

"My primary function is failure." Sweetie Belle sighed. Spike passed out on the floor from shock and blood loss. Sweetie Belle curled up beside him, wrapping her hoof around his waist.

Executing Snuggle.exe...