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“So… Fluttershy has feelings for you,” Pinkie Pie inspected the bottom of her hoof nonchalantly. “Who’d have guessed.”

“I am so boned,” Rainbow Dash moaned miserably, rubbing her temples. Twilight sympathetically patted her on the back, and poured them all more coffee. “Boned, screwed, completely and utterly fucked.”

“I’m sure it can’t be that bad,” Twilight tried to console her, the chirruping of nighttime crickets beneath her kitchen window lowly interrupting.

“She was crying when I left, Twi,” Rainbow Dash’s head thumped against the table in woe, desperately pulling at her ears. “I don’t think I’ve ever felt worse in my whole life.”

“I think you’re looking at it the wrong way,” Pinkie Pie scratched her chin, casting an eye toward the door.

“How?” Rainbow Dash managed to barely pull her head up to look at her. “How am I even supposed to fix a situation like this, Pinks? I can’t, not when I don’t like her like that…”

“It could have been worse,” Pinkie shrugged optimistically. “You could have told her that you never felt the same way about her.”

“I did.”

Pinkie hissed sharply, hiding slightly behind her mug as she sat next to Dash.

“Ooh, yeah. That’s – wow, no wonder why she was crying.”

Rainbow Dash’s head hit the table again, and Pinkie Pie cringed guiltily before turning back to Twilight.

“What time did you say again?” she asked, desperate for their express visitor to arrive. “I think she’s late.”

“Princess Cadence is not going to be late,” Twilight rolled her eyes. “I’m almost positive.”

“Almost positive…?” Pinkie Pie inquired slyly.

“I’d love to see how she tries to ‘help’,” Rainbow Dash frowned. “How’d you even get her to come, anyway?”

“Probably with her tongue,” Pinkie snorted immediately.

Twilight flushed deeply, and blurted “That’s not funny, Pinkie Pie.” She took a deep breath before turning to Dash. “I sent her a letter already. She’s going as quickly as possible, so don’t be surprised if we have to wait a few more hours.”

Pinkie Pie clapped her hooves together excitedly.

“No problems with that!” she said with a grin. “I know of a few great time killers-”

“Not on your life,” Rainbow Dash deadpanned, much to Pinkie’s disappointment. “Not your fault, Pinks. It’s just that I can’t feel my ass.”

“Sounds like a personal problem.”

The trio jumped with individual shrieks of surprise, to the pleasure of one Princess Mi Amore Cadenza .

“Let myself in,” the pink alicorn lowered her black hood of her traveling cloak, beaming at the stunned little group. “Got your letter, Twilight.”

“Cadence!” Twilight scrabbled up gleefully, giggling and hugging her when she did. The pair of them promptly began a wiggling dance, singing “Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake – clap your hooves and do a little shake!”

“… That’s friggin’ adorable,” Pinkie jabbed a hoof at them with all the subtlety of a rampaging manticore, but none seemed to notice.

“Everypony,” Twilight breathlessly cast a hoof around to the glum looking Dash and intrigued Pinkie Pie. “I’m sure you remember Princess Cadence.”

“Ooh, ooh! I do!”

“It was rhetorical, Pinkie,” Rainbow Dash only continued massaging her temples, but did eventually kneel respectfully to the princess.

“What’s up with the cloak, Cadence?” Twilight asked curiously, and the princess nickered before hanging it up beside the door.

“Oh, you know how it is. Once somepony sees their princess slipping out, they’ll follow her to the ends of Equestria just to be nosy,” she explained.

“Makes sense, I suppose,” Twilight nodded. “Rainbow Dash, I’ve already taken the liberties of detailing your plight in a letter to Princess Cadence-”

Twilight was interrupted by a quiet groan from Rainbow Dash.

“If by ‘letter’ you mean ‘twenty-six page document’,” Cadence grinned. “Then, yes.”

Rainbow Dash only moaned even more loudly.

“Oh, come on,” Twilight frowned at the blushing pegasus. “It’s not that terrible that I went out of my way to explain to a professional what –”

“It’s not that,” Dash twitched. “Pinkie’s hoofing me under the table.”

The sound of a hoof loudly hitting the table resounded through the room, and Pinkie bit her lip to fight back the giggles as she held up her other hoof.

“Guilty as charged,” she answered somewhat sheepishly.

Princess Cadence ever so slowly raised one eyebrow, which somehow only managed to make Rainbow Dash even more embarrassed.

“Can we just go home?” Dash flinched suddenly. “I can totally live with never getting off. I’ll just never, ever bang again…”

With a quiet sigh, Cadence kindheartedly patted Rainbow Dash on the head.

“Believe it or not…” she started slowly. “I think I’ve actually seen this before.”

“You have?” Dash looked up hopefully.

“Unfortunately,” Cadence frowned even more deeply, a pink spark alighting atop her horn. It tingled down over Rainbow Dash’s head and over her spine, zipping over her body rapidly like a static shock. Cadence hummed after a few seconds, backing away.

“What, what is it?”

“I’m glad you alerted me when you did,” Cadence nodded to Twilight. “From the looks of it, I’d say your friend here has been stricken with a serious Lovelock Curse.”

“A what now?” Pinkie Pie asked, much more interested.

“A Lovelock Curse,” Cadence wearily explained, sitting down opposite them and letting out a long, drawn out sigh. “I don’t know what cruel pony hit you with it, but it’s definitely been in effect for some while. How long has the Lovelock been on you, Rainbow Dash?”

Dash simply stared at her, and said “If-if by that, you mean, um…”

“You haven’t been able to climax recently, right?” Cadence began cautiously.

“Uh… ever.”

Cadence’s mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out.

“… Oh, wow,” she ran a hoof through her mane in distress after nearly half a minute. “Wow. This changes things a little…”

“How much?” Twilight asked in morbid terror. “It’s nothing too serious, is it? Oh, Celestia, it’s fatal, isn’t it?!”

“Thankfully, no,” Cadence tried to calm the nearly hysterical unicorn. “Although it’s going to be one hell of a fight breaking a Lovelock Curse that’s been in effect for that long.”

“So… you can’t help me?” Rainbow Dash asked quietly, rubbing her foreleg slowly.

“I didn’t say that,” Cadence replied after a while. “It’ll just be insanely difficult. I’m going to need some important and very hard to come by ingredients for an initial nullification ointment; afterwards, it’ll take a lot of work to attempt to bypass years of the curse’s effects and somehow manage to move it…”

“I don’t quite follow,” Pinkie Pie interrupted. “I mean, I’m all for slathering Dashie in ointment – but what exactly is a Lovelock Curse?”

“The results of foul magic,” Cadence furrowed her brows. “Deliberately harmful magic with dark intent; the Lovelock Curse was originally developed hundreds of years ago, and there’s no known spell to actually counter it…”

“What?” Rainbow Dash gawked in horror.

“There’s no way to get rid of it completely,” Cadence said sadly. “The Lovelock Curse can only be transferred from the victim to some other poor, unfortunate soul.”

“What kind of maniac would create a spell like that?” Twilight thought that her knees would buckle at the mere thought.

“That’s the thing,” Cadence rubbed her temples. “Nopony knows. Maybe if you could find out the source of the Lovelock Curse, you could end it forever-”

“Then that’s what we’ll do!” Pinkie Pie slammed her hoof against the table, knocking over Dash’s untouched drink. “We’ll find the nasty that made the curse in the first place, and find out how to undo it!”

“Easier said than done,” Twilight shifted uneasily. “I mean, how do we even know where to start?”

“It is an awfully big undertaking,” the princess nodded slowly.

“But that doesn’t mean we still aren’t going to try!” Twilight took charge, almost as if Pinkie’s determination were infectious. “Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie? You two head for Zecora’s, Cadence can make you a list of what she’ll need.”

“Whee, grocery shopping,” Pinkie deadpanned.

“Cadence?” Twilight ignored Pinkie, turning to the rather surprised alicorn. “I’m going to need your help for this one. If there’s one place that holds the greatest number of tomes on out of date magic, it’s Princess Celestia’s secondary library – and believe me, it is huge.”

“I’m a little proud of you, Twilight,” Cadence beamed. “Look at you, acting all grown up.”

Twilight blushed deeply, and said “There’s no time to lose!”

“Actually,” Rainbow Dash whimpered, leaning against the table. “There’s plenty of time to lose. I’m totally pooped. Can’t we do this in the morning?”

“I kinda agree with Dashie on this one,” Pinkie nodded tiredly. “It’s been one heck of a day.”

“But-but-but…!” Twilight sputtered, looking back and forth between them. She didn’t want to be disappointed after she’d gone and gotten all worked up. “But the library – the things we need to do, the curse –”

“Can all be seen to in the morning once everypony has had some rest,” Princess Cadence patted Twilight kindly on the shoulder.

“But what about Rainbow Dash climaxing?”

“I’d pay to see it,” Spike stuck his head in through the doorway, causing them all to jump.

“Spike!” Twilight lurched, her face burning.

“That’s m’name, don’t wear it out,” the violet drake scratched his scaly belly. “By the way, I could hear you guys all the way outside. Oh, hi, Cadence,” Spike blinked at the princess almost as an afterthought. “I guess that’s your crystal carriage outside, huh?”

Pinkie Pie stared at the princess for a long, long moment.

“… You came here in a black traveling cloak to hide your appearance, but also came in a royal crystal carriage?”

“… I’ll go tell them to head back without me,” Cadence actually blushed in embarrassment at her folly.

“Tell ‘em to bring back ice cream!” Spike called after her.

Unsurprisingly, Princess Cadence did not answer him.

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“I’m sorry, you want me to shove it where?”

Cadence cleared her throat uncomfortably, but Pinkie Pie’s grin was slowly growing.

“It’s – well, I think that it should help,” Princess Cadence shuffled awkwardly in Twilight’s basement, trying not to look at the shocked Rainbow Dash. She instead focused on some of Twilight’s odd instruments, and one with a few wires wrapped around a silver bubble on the side.

“There is no way that’s gonna happen!” Dash glowered angrily at her, whipping her head back to the flustered unicorn. “Twilight, tell her it’s nonsense!”

“Well…” Twilight poked around her laboratory sheepishly. “I-I mean, it has to go into your system somehow…”

Pinkie Pie held up the uncomfortably large vial of murky (and slightly glowing) green liquid, letting it slosh back and forth.

“And do you really want to taste it?” Pinkie asked coyly. “I mean, even Zecora said that it would take longer to go through the normal way. We’re being efficient.”

“Oh, please,” Twilight frowned. “We know you’re reveling in the opportunity to stuff something inside Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie.”

Princess Cadence coughed awkwardly into her hoof, making Dash blush again.

“If-if it helps, she could probably just do it by herself,” Cadence offered. “She’ll probably just need an average enema kit – Twilight, you’ve got one of those in here, right?”

“Why would I have t-that in my basement?” Twilight flushed.

“Oh, for crying out loud!” Rainbow Dash stamped angrily over to the large steel gurney and clambered atop it to drop onto her back before spreading her legs. “Screw it. Pinkie?”

“YES!” Pinkie Pie pumped her hoof in the air before catching herself. “Er-hem. Uh, I mean, um… sure thing, Dashie.”

Pinkie popped the top off of the overly sweet smelling liquid, twirling it around a couple of times. Rainbow Dash’s cheeks burned as Pinkie leaned over her.

“Cadence, Twi?” Pinkie looked at the stunned pair with a large smirk. “Wanna give me a hoof, here?”

Pinkie nudged Rainbow Dash, silently urging her to shift her legs into the air as she balance on her back. Her wings shifted uncomfortably, and Cadence and Twilight both helped in spreading her legs a little further apart.

“Hoo! Careful,” Pinkie mumbled, nearly dropping the vial as she, too, climbed atop the gurney.

“Don’t drop that!” Cadence cringed. “That was everything Zecora had – we need to save every single last drop.”

“Right,” Twilight nodded. “And after it’s started taking effect, then…”

Cadence nodded grimly.

“… Pinkie Pie,” Cadence asked softly. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Pfft. ‘Course I do,” Pinkie sniffed. “Dashie’s – Rainbow Dash is my friend. You didn't think Fluttershy was the only one that-that really really cared about Dash, did you?”

“There may be no way to reverse it without finding the origins of the curse,” the princess warned her, readjusting her grip on Dash’s back hoof.

“And I made a promise,” Pinkie Pie said with dark determination. “I promised that one way or another, I was going to make Dashie cum. And by syrup, I’m gonna do it!”

And with that, Pinkie Pie stuffed the bottleneck of the vial directly into Rainbow Dash.

Dash gasped in surprise and yelped, her face burning furiously as she wriggled. She found that it had suddenly become much harder to look the mortified princess in the face. That, and the intensely warm liquid seeping straight down inside her made an odd pressure begin to rise…

“Stop!” Cadence shouted, but too late.

“What?” Pinkie froze as the last of the dimly glowing liquid disappeared straight into Rainbow Dash. The pegasus panted and writhed, biting back a moan. “Are we going to do this, or not?”

“No, not that!” Cadence’s eyes widened. “That’s the wrong hole!”

“… Ffffffffffuck.”

“Don’t move!” Twilight snapped a hoof out. “There – there might be a way…!”

“Crap, crap, crap!” Pinkie wailed. “Why didn’t you say it was the wrong hole?”

“How was I supposed to know you’d just jam it in?” Twilight shot back. “You were supposed to wait for the signal anyway!”

“Girls!” Cadence glared at them both. “Fighting isn’t going to get anypony anywhere.”

“Uh…” Rainbow Dash stiffened up. “I-I feel… kind of funny…”

“Don’t worry,” Pinkie Pie slammed one hoof into the other. “I can still fix this. Spread a little wider.”

“Wait, what?”

Pinkie Pie held Dash’s hips loosely, and looked her in the eyes.

“Dashie. Be very, very still for me. Okay?”

Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to respond, but slowly closed it and nodded, silently cursing her wish to hurry and get the humiliating experience over with. Much to her surprise, Pinkie Pie leaned in and kissed ever so gently on the top of her clit. Dash shivered in delight, her breath catching in her chest.

“Pinkie!” Twilight hissed. “Now is not the time to-”

The mare cut her off with a single hoof, returning instead to placing her lips directly over Rainbow Dash’s lower ones. Dash writhed in pleasure as she felt the beginning of the suction starting, the liquid ever so gently being pulled out of her and into Pinkie Pie’s mouth.

“… Okay, that’s kind of hot.”

“Cadence!”

“Sorry!” the princess blushed, stifling a giggle. Pinkie Pie nodded with her cheeks full, turning lower to Dash’s rear entrance. Her hot tongue slid ever so carefully out of her mouth, desperate not to spill a single drop as Pinkie began worming her way into Dash’s anus.

Rainbow Dash’s breaths came in short gasps, and her face was a vibrant shade of red.

“Oh~hh, no, oh no. Oh, ye~es, oh, no,” Dash whimpered. “Pinkie – Pinkie Pie, it-it feels weird…!”

“It’s already starting,” Cadence muttered. “Pinkie Pie, you’ve got to hurry!”

Pinkie let the liquid in her mouth seep into Dash’s other hole before turning again to her slit, suctioning out the rest and repeating the process. It felt like every single second crawled by, and Rainbow Dash thought that her whole body was going to catch fire from the heat.

Her hips bucked involuntarily against Pinkie’s eager mouth, and Cadence and Twilight had difficulty keeping her still enough that Pinkie could transfer the rest of the potion.

“Ahh~ah!” Dash cried in ecstasy, a loopy grin winding over her face as her hips forcefully jerked into the air. “I’m so close – oh, Celestia, I’m so close!”

“That’s all there is,” Pinkie Pie huffed weakly, wiping her lips. “That’s – that’s all there is…!”

“Okay!” Cadence nodded firmly, a pink spark alighting over her horn once more. “Pinkie Pie, are you ready?”

“Hit me with your best shot,” Pinkie nodded with a half sad, half determined nod. “… ♫Fire aw~ay.♫”

Cadence’s spell lingered over Rainbow Dash for a bare moment, before it tingled over her body and whirled over Pinkie Pie’s neck and almost seemed to lower itself over her body like a set of chains. Within another moment, the lingering afterimage of the spell burning through the air had vanished. Every one of them except for Rainbow Dash was still for a long moment, expectantly waiting.

“P-Pinkie!” Rainbow Dash suddenly bucked violently. “Pinkie, Pinkie Pie oh Celestia I’M FINALLY GONNA CUM!”

And climax, Rainbow Dash did.

Rainbow Dash came so hard that she nearly went deaf in her left ear.

An explosive burst of sparkling liquid sprayed straight out of Rainbow Dash’s slit, and she screamed in delight as she arched her back so quickly that it cracked. And Dash just kept spurting – one long stream after another jittered out of her, the majority of which soaked a thoroughly (and understandably) stunned Pinkie Pie.

Rainbow Dash collapsed atop the gurney, shaking and quivering; however, she did so with a smile so wide that her jaw was feeling numb, and her eyes were clouded and half-lidded.

“… Well. Fuck me,” Pinkie Pie blinked, wiping her face in shock.

“Princess,” Twilight said through the side of her mouth, her eyes as wide as saucers. “We are never to speak of this again.”

“Agreed.”

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Author's Note

Yep. There's a sequel.