My Little Pony Disney Tales (#1) - Fluttershy and the Four Crusadersby Blue ParatroopaChaptersThe Fairest One Of AllThe Four CrusadersTrue Love's Kiss...Kind Of...The Fairest One Of AllOnce upon a time, in a far-away land (with a horse-related-punny-name, no doubt), a lovely Queen sat by her window sewing. This was difficult with only hooves, so as she worked, she pricked herself with her needle. Three drops of blood fell on the snow-white linen. “How happy I would be if I had a little filly with lips as red as blood, fur as white as snow, and a mane as black as ebony,” thought the Queen. She didn’t quite get her wish, but her daughter was certainly lovely, with yellow fur and pink mane. The Queen named her Fluttershy and died shortly afterwards. Fluttershy’s stepmother, Queen Trixie, also known as “The Beautiful and Royal Trixie,” as she insisted on being called, was cruel and vain. Out of jealousy of the princess’s beauty, she forced Fluttershy to dress in rags (she could have dressed her in nothing, of course, but she found rags to be more humiliating) and do endless chores all day. Now, Trixie had a magic mirror with a kind and intelligent (but brutally honest) slave trapped inside. Every day, she would ask the slave who the fairest in the land was. It was always Trixie, of course. But one day… “Wake up, you lazy slave!” shouted Trixie. “The Beautiful and Royal Trixie needs you!” A purple face of an alicorn appeared in the mirror. “Please don’t call me a slave,” she said. “It’s what you are, isn’t it?” sneered Trixie. “Maybe so, but I do have a name. It’s Twilight Sparkle.” “Too hard to remember. Slave works just fine for the Beautiful and Royal Trixie. Now then, here is my question—Magic Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?” Twilight gave a sly smile. “Afraid it’s somepony else this time, Trixie.” “What?!” cried Trixie. “This simply cannot be! Who dares to be more beautiful than the Beautiful and Royal Trixie?!” “Take a guess.” “If it’s that Rarity girl, I’ll—” “It’s not Rarity. You see, Trixie, true beauty cannot be hidden. You might dress her in rags…” “Fluttershy!” hissed Trixie. “But,” Twilight continued, “she is lovely inside and out. You only have one out of two of those factors.” Trixie ran to the window to see Fluttershy scrubbing the steps. Fluttershy had tied a rag to each of her hooves and was happily washing away. She looked up to see Trixie and gave a cheerful wave with a soapy hoof. Trixie growled and shut the drapes. “As long as nopony knows,” she muttered to herself. “Still, I have to keep a close eye on this little princess…” Fluttershy took a small break from washing to gather water from a nearby well. A phoenix flew over and landed on the rim of the well. “Oh, hello Philomena,” smiled the princess. “How are you today?” Philomena cooed in reply. “That’s nice,” said Fluttershy. “You tell Owlowliscious to get more sleep, okay?” Philomena nodded. Fluttershy smiled again and then looked around to make sure nopony was listening. “Would you like to hear a secret?” she asked. “This is a wishing well. And do you know what my wish is? I wish that some nice pony would come along and take me away from all of this, and that my stepmother, The Beautiful and Royal Trixie would give us her blessing.” Philomena cocked her head. That wasn’t likely. “I know, I know,” sighed Fluttershy. “You know, I get the feeling that she dislikes me a bit.” Just then, she heard a voice. “Doughnuts! Get yer doughnuts!” “Oh, it’s Joe!” cried Fluttershy. She ran over to the castle wall and saw Joe, the doughnut salespony, walking by. “Good morning, princess!” he called. “Care for a doughnut?” “I’m afraid I don’t have any money,” said Fluttershy. “Aww, princess,” smiled Joe, “that’s alright. You’re still royalty, no matter what. And somepony as beautiful on the inside and out as you deserves the best doughnut I’ve got! Here!” He tossed the princess a doughnut. Fluttershy graciously thanked him and he was on his way. But Trixie had been watching from the window. Again, she shut the drapes in anger. “So,” she said to herself, “my stupid slave isn’t the only one who thinks that Fluttershy is so pretty, inside and out.” “Hey!” called Twilight. “I can hear you, you know! And I’m not stupid! I’m omnipotent! Do you want to know what my GPA is?” “No, and the Beautiful and Royal Trixie has some planning to do.” With a flourish, Trixie exited the room. “I could tell her how this was going to turn out,” Twilight grinned, “but I don’t think I will.” Trixie summoned her hunter to stand before her a little later. “My dear Spike,” she addressed him, “the Beautiful and Royal Trixie has an errand for you.” “Sure thing, your majesty!” said Spike. “Whatever you want, I’ll do it! You want me to tame a wild beast? Done! You want me to discover a new land? Got it! You want me to slay a dragon! I…well, I’ll do almost anything.” “Oh, you won’t be slaying any dragons,” smiled Trixie. “I want the princess’s heart in a box, ASAP.” Spike’s face paled. “Princess Fluttershy?! But I can’t hurt her! I can’t put her heart in a box! I don’t think I could put anypony’s heart in a box! It’s wrong! And icky! I faint at the sight of blood! I’m a failure as a hunter!” “Her heart or yours,” Trixie said calmly. “Uh, well, when you put it like that…” trembled Spike. So Spike took Fluttershy out to pick flowers in a small, secluded area. “Okay,” Spike said to himself, “here it goes. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. But I’m not good at stabbing ponies in the back! Or the front! Or the side, even! So that rules out the easy way. Then there’s the hard way where I ask her for her heart, we barter for a bit ‘till the price goes down, I trade her a chicken or two for her heart…nah, her heart’s worth at least five chickens…” “What’s that about chickens?” asked Fluttershy. Spike fell to his little knees in agony. “Oh, princess,” he sobbed, “I can’t kill you!” “Why would you ever want to do that?” Fluttershy giggled, thinking he was joking. “It’s not me,” explained Spike, “it’s the Queen! She hates you with a passion!” “I did get that feeling,” said Fluttershy, “but I never thought she’d act on it, aside from dressing me in rags, forcing me to act as a servant night and day, and insulting me to my face whenever she has the chance.” “Yeah, we’re being ruled by an insane pony,” agreed Spike. “Look, you’ve gotta get out of here!” “But where can I go?” wondered Fluttershy, starting to get a little nervous. “Into the woods!” said Spike. “As far away from the Queen as possible! NOW!” “But-but what about you and my heart?” “I’ll figure something out,” said Spike. “Now RUN! She’s crazy!” With a squeak of fear, Fluttershy turned and ran off into the deep, dark woods. Author's Note I realize that I'm not the only one here to do a Disney parody, but I hope you enjoy this, regardless! The Four CrusadersThe woods proved to be very frightening for the poor princess. She stumbled through the bushes and trees, surrounded by strange eyes watching her from the darkness. Eventually, she fell to the ground, sobbing in terror. A lone rabbit hopped out from the shrubbery and tapped her on the head. “Ahh!” cried Fluttershy. The rabbit turned around and ran away. “Wait, don’t go!” the princess called. The rabbit poked his head out again. “How silly of me,” Fluttershy laughed. “It’s just my forest friends. I was afraid it was the Queen or some sort of monster.” A large bear grunted, confused. “You see, my stepmother is after my heart,” explained Fluttershy. “And not in the romantic way,” she added. The animals gasped. “If I could only find a place to stay and hide,” Fluttershy continued, “then maybe I could escape her. But there’s nowhere I know that--” The little rabbit raised his paw. “What’s that? You know a place?” The rabbit nodded. Fluttershy immediately scooped him up and gave him a hug. “Oh,” she cried, “you’re such a little angel! In fact, I’ll call you Angel from now on, alright?” Angel thought about this for a moment, then nodded. “Wonderful!” cried Fluttershy. “Now will you show me where I can stay?” Angel glared at her. “Oh, right, you probably want me to put you down first,” Fluttershy blushed. She set Angel on the ground, and the rabbit took off towards a clearing, with Fluttershy and the other animals following him. In a nearby diamond mine, there worked four little fillies: Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Babs Seed. None of them had their cutie marks yet, and they were always trying to find them one way or another. As they worked today, they sang their usual work song. (To the tune of “Dig Dig Dig” from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) FILLIES: We work, work, work, work, work, work, work In the mine down in the dark We dig in spite of day or night To get our cutie marks APPLE BLOOM: When we found this ol’ diamond mine SCOOTALOO: We knew it was a major find SWEETIE BELLE: And so now we work all the time BABS: To get our cutie marks “Are you sure this’ll work?” asked Apple Bloom to Sweetie Belle as they continued working. “I mean, we’ve been working for days down here in the mine. I’m starting to think we weren’t so lucky in finding it.” “My sister Rarity says that diamonds are super important,” insisted Sweetie Belle. “I know there must be something we can do with them.” “Yeah, well,” Babs muttered, “minin’ them again and again ain’t workin’ out too well so far.” “Wanna call it a night?” asked Scootaloo. “My flank’s still blank and my legs are getting sleepy.” Apple Bloom yawned and nodded. The four ponies put their tools away and trudged back to their clubhouse…only to find a little surprise waiting for them. “Look!” cried Scootaloo, pointing to the clubhouse. “There’s a light in there! Somepony brought a lantern in or something!” “Are you sure it’s somepony?” trembled Sweetie Belle. “What if it’s a monster or something from the woods?” “No monster’s takin’ our clubhouse!” growled Babs. “I say we take this thing by surprise, kick it out, and get our monster-butt-kicking cutie mark!” “YEAH!” cried the others. They ran into the clubhouse, only to find Fluttershy and a few animal friends cleaning up. Fluttershy squealed in surprise at first, then calmed down a second later when she saw that it was only a few children. “Oh my goodness!” smiled Fluttershy. “You startled me! My friend Angel didn’t tell me that this adorable little treehouse was occupied. By the looks of things, I’d think it had been abandoned, so I was just cleaning…” “Wait, who’s Angel?” asked Sweetie Belle. “Who’s Angel?” scoffed Babs. “First things first! Who’s she?” “Oh, how silly of me,” laughed Fluttershy. “My name is Fluttershy and Angel is this rabbit.” “Wow!” gasped the fillies. “Princess Fluttershy!” “I never saw you outside the castle before!” marveled Apple Bloom. “And you can talk to bunnies?” “I can talk to all kinds of animals,” explained Fluttershy. “It’s my special talent.” “We can’t find our talents yet,” sighed Sweetie Belle. “We call ourselves the Cutie Mark Crusaders, ‘cause we’re always looking for our cutie marks.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” said Babs. “Not to sound grumpy or nothin’, but what’s the princess doin’ in our little clubhouse?” “That’s a good question,” said Apple Bloom. “Not to be rude, but I feel pretty bashful sitting here in front of the princess, not knowin’ what’s goin’ on.” “Not mention dopey,” added Sweetie Belle. “Oh, how silly of me,” said Fluttershy. “Well, here’s what’s going on…” The Crusaders listened as Fluttershy explained all about Queen Trixie’s plot and how she had run away to avoid being killed. “Wow,” whispered the Crusaders when Fluttershy was finished. “So we’ve got a wanted princess staying with us!” cried Scootaloo. “Neat!” “I understand if you want me to go…” Fluttershy began, before the others cut her off. “No!” they yelped. “We don’t get a ton of guests,” admitted Scootaloo. “It’s nice to have royalty here. Besides, you’re in danger, and we wanna help!” “Yeah,” Sweetie Belle said, a little nervously. “Maybe we could get some kind of princess protector cutie marks that way.” “Ooh,” the other Crusaders chorused. “What about your parents?” asked Fluttershy. Babs shrugged. “Ahh, we spend the night here all the time. They won’t worry.” “Wonderful,” said Fluttershy, clapping her hooves together. “Now, then, my friends and I have gathered some food from the woods, so I can make us some dinner.” The Crusaders cheered. “Just be sure to wash up first,” added Fluttershy. The Crusaders’ faces fell. Back at the castle, Trixie proudly strolled up to her Magic Mirror, holding the box supposedly containing Fluttershy’s heart. “Magic Mirror on the wall, now who’s the fairest one of all?” she smugly asked. “Still Fluttershy,” smiled Twilight. Trixie dropped the box in surprise. “What?! But look in here! Her heart!” Frantically, Trixie opened the box and displayed it to Twilight. Twilight looked at it for a second, then looked up at Trixie. “Your majesty, that’s a jawbreaker.” “It is? The hunter said it was the princess’s heart.” “And you believed him?” “Yes!” stammered Trixie. “The Beautiful and Royal Trixie has never seen a real pony heart--” “Probably because you don’t have one…” Twilight whispered to herself. “—so when he presented this to me, I just assumed…I…it…look! It’s covered in blood! See?” Twilight took another look, then turned up to Trixie. “That’s from a melted popsicle.” Trixie angrily threw the box against the wall. “That dragon really is a failure as a hunter! Ooh, when I deal with him, he’ll regret ever crossing the Beautiful and Royal Trixie! But first, I must take care of Fluttershy! I can’t stand somepony being more fair than I!” She turned back to the mirror. “Where is she?” Twilight sighed. It really stank having to be honest with Trixie, but it was part of the job. “She’s in the clubhouse of the Cutie Mark Cruaders outside the woods.” With a flourish, Trixie exited the room. Down the stairs Trixie stomped, eventually reaching her secret laboratory. “My slave in the mirror thinks she’s the only smart one around here,” Trixie fumed to herself. “Well, just because I don’t know everything like she does, doesn’t mean I know nothing! I’ll disguise myself as a peddler woman…yes…and then I’ll feed Fluttershy a poisoned apple, delicious and red…she’ll fall asleep forever, unless awakened by a kind-hearted pony’s kiss on the lips! And who would kiss her when she’s six feet under? A worm, perhaps!” Trixie cackled loudly, then stopped and mused, “The Beautiful and Royal Trixie does wish for company. That way my monologue wouldn’t seem so forced and expository. Didn’t I have a raven or something a while back? What happened to him?” She turned around to see a raven skeleton sitting in a cage. “Hmm,” said Trixie, “I really need to come down here more often.” Fluttershy had never had so much fun in all of her life! She happily danced the night away with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. As they danced, the Crusaders sang to Fluttershy all about their many attempts at finding a cutie mark. (To the tune of “The Silly Song” from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) SCOOTALOO: I tried to ride around the park On my scooter, rolling APPLE BLOOM: But she’s got no cutie mark For that along with bowling ALL FOUR: It’s true, we’re feeling blue A mark is hard to find All the other ponies say We have a one-track mind SWEETIE BELLE: I’ve tried to do so many things But I just keep on falling BABS: It just looks like the four of us Will never find our calling ALL FOUR: It’s true, we’re feeling blue A mark is hard to find All the other ponies say We have a one-track mind “Oh, girls,” said Fluttershy, “I just know you’ll find your cutie marks. Everypony does eventually. It takes patience, you know.” “We’ve been nothing but patient!” insisted Scootaloo. Fluttershy smiled, but narrowed her eyes a bit. “Okay,” Scootaloo admitted, “I guess we haven’t been super patient, but it’s so tough being a blank flank all the time.” “How’d you get your cutie mark?” Apple Bloom asked. (To the tune of “Someday My Prince Will Come” from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) FLUTTERSHY: I was alone at first Felt like I had been cursed With an isolation spell of sorts And let me tell you, I could get bored But I had animals From big to very small And we all talked until I had a certain skill And I received my cutie mark “So you just practiced and practiced?” asked Babs. “That’s right,” said Fluttershy. “Good things come to those who wait, they say. But for now, I think we could all use some sleep.” The Crusaders nodded. It had been a long day. Everypony got into a sleeping bag (Fluttershy’s was a little small on her, but she didn’t mind) and went to sleep, along with all the animals. Not a peep was heard throughout the forest. Spike tiptoed through the castle, trying to avoid the guards as best as he could. If he could just find that secret stash of jewels he’d hidden, he would have enough food to last him until he escaped to the next kingdom where hopefully ponies wouldn’t ask for hearts in boxes or that kind of nonsense. He ducked behind a curtain when he thought he heard somepony coming. It was probably just the wind, though, he decided. Suddenly, he heard a voice: “Psst!” Spike jumped in surprise. Had he been caught! He looked around. Behind this curtain, there was nothing but an old mirror…with a face in it. “Hi,” said the face, which belonged to Twilight. Spike gasped. “What are you?” “I’m a slave in the Queen’s secret Magic Mirror,” explained Twilight. “I was expecting you. With your help, I can be free.” “Really?” said Spike. “I didn’t know the Queen had a secret Magic Mirror.” “That’s why it’s a secret,” Twilight said patiently. Spike cocked his head a bit. “And you knew I was coming?” “I’m omnipotent,” replied Twilight. “It’s part of the magic. Look, the Queen will be leaving soon, and I need someone to go down into her secret lab to brew a spell that will free me.” “I didn’t know the Queen had a secret lab.” “That’s why it’s a secret,” Twilight repeated, a little less patiently. “How do I know you’re a good spirit?” Spike asked suspiciously. “Because I want to save the princess!” cried Twilight. “I’ll lose my omnipotence if I leave the mirror, but it beats being stuck here with that Queen of ours.” “Good enough for me,” shrugged Spike. “So how do I find the secret—” At that moment, they heard somepony approaching, for real this time. Spike hid behind a drape as Trixie entered, looking ugly and haggard. “How do I look?” she asked Twilight, while flaunting her disgusting self around. “Hideous,” Twilight replied. “Excellent,” Trixie smiled, “I knew I could count on you for an honest answer. It’s one of the only things you’re good for. Now, then, the next time you see the Beautiful and Royal Trixie, I will be the fairest one of all! For good!” “Did you come up here just to show off?” groaned Twilight. “I had a raven for a while, but it didn’t work out.” As soon as Trixie left, Spike came out of hiding and Twilight began instructing him on how to find the lab. True Love's Kiss...Kind Of...“Now, listen,” Babs told Fluttershy the next day, “pardon our paranoia, but that Queen could be anywhere. Our parents tell us she’s tricky.” “Right!” agreed Apple Bloom. “So don’t let anypony in!” “Except for us,” added Sweetie Belle. “Where are you going?” Fluttershy asked them. “Back to the diamond mine,” called Scootaloo, as they started walking off. “We figure we might as well keep trying like you said!” “Heigh-ho, heigh-ho,” they sang as they marched around the bend. The second they were gone, Trixie crept out from her hiding place in the bushes. Now she was going to take care of Fluttershy once and for all with that apple of hers. “Apples,” she called, “who would care for a free poison apple?” Fluttershy poked her head out of the clubhouse’s window. “A free what?” “A free regular apple,” Trixie called back. “Well,” said Fluttershy, with a hint of suspicion, “my stepmother did say to always treat your elders with respect right before she would hit me…” Trixie nodded happily. “I suppose I can let you in,” Fluttershy smiled innocently, and opened the clubhouse’s door. Trixie walked in and immediately thrust the apple into the princess’s face. Curiously, Angel sniffed the apple and screeched in horror. “What’s that?” asked Fluttershy to her rabbit companion. “You say that the apple is actually poisoned? Oh my goodness!” She turned to Trixie. “That means that you must be…” “Drat!” cried Trixie. “I didn’t know you could talk to animals! Impressive.” Philomena had been watching from the window and immediately flew off to get help. “Well,” sneered Trixie, “no matter. There’s more than one way to skin a pony.” “You want to skin me?” gasped Fluttershy. “Figure of speech,” Trixie grinned, before shoving the apple into the princess’s mouth. Fluttershy immediately collapsed. “Now I’m the fairest one of all!” Trixie cackled. “GRRRRRRR…” Trixie looked around, only to realize that she was surrounded by angry forest animals, including a large bear. She whipped out a potion, took a gulp, and was immediately back to her normal young and “beautiful” self. “Stand back!” she bellowed, before releasing a shockwave from her horn, sending the animals flying in all directions. “I am magic after all,” she boasted. It began to rain. A storm was brewing. Trixie adjusted her cloak, took one last look at Fluttershy’s limp body on the ground, and began to stroll away when something hit her in the back of the head. “Ouch! That really hurt!” Trixie whined. She turned around to see Philomena and the four Crusaders standing behind her, armed with diamonds ready for throwing. “Insolent brats!” growled Trixie. She shot a few beams at the Cruaders, making them duck behind a rock. “What do we do?” whispered Apple Bloom. “We gotta save the princess!” Babs whispered back. “And that means we gotta stop the Queen!” They bolted out from behind the rock and continued to throw diamonds at Trixie, who fired more magic beams at them. But the little ponies were fast, and were able to dodge most of the bolts. “You’re dealing with royalty here!” yelled Trixie between shots. “When the kingdom sees what you’ve done to Flutterhsy…” warned Scootaloo. Trixie stopped for a moment. She had a bad reputation as it was, and if anypony found out about her not-so-little stunt with the princess, not to mention her killing a quartet of little fillies, it could cause a potential uprising. But if she could off them and make it look like an accident… “Catch me if you can!” Trixie cheerfully called to the ponies, then bolted. The Crusaders and the animals raced after her through the stormy weather. The chase led through the forest, up a mountainside. Trixie saw exactly what she was looking for near the top: A large boulder. She positioned herself behind it and began using her unicorn magic to pry the boulder loose, hoping it would crush the Crusaders. The Crusaders realized what was happening when it was too late to turn around. They braced themselves and backed up a bit, scared out of their minds. But just when it seemed that they were lost, a lightning bolt struck the cliff’s side, sending Trixie falling into the darkness below, along with the boulder. The Crusaders dashed back to the clubhouse, followed by the forest animals. But when they got there, they realized that they were too late. Fluttershy lay on the ground, not moving. The girls sobbed quietly until the sun rose. “So…” Scootaloo whispered the next morning, “what do we do with…her?” “I don’t know,” Babs paced. “I mean, she’s the princess. We gotta tell somepony, I just don’t know how to break it to the kingdom.” “This is way too big for little ponies like us,” moaned Apple Bloom. “Things were so much simpler a few days ago.” Sweetie Belle just nodded. Her ears suddenly perked up. “Hey,” she hissed frantically, “somepony’s coming!” They poked their heads nervously out the window to find Twilight and Spike looking around. “Are you sure he’s around here?” asked Spike. “I think so,” replied Twilight. “I just hope we’re not too late. If I recall correctly, she’s in that little treehouse up there.” The Curaders gasped and ducked back inside. “Somepony knows!” they chorused. Twilight strolled in, followed by Spike. “Not to worry,” the purple alicorn assured the frantic fillies. “We’re from the castle, and we are most certainly not friends with that awful Trixie.” “That’s a relief,” sighed Sweetie Belle. “She won’t bother anypony again.” Spike sighed in relief as well. “I can keep my head, then!” “B-but you’re too late to save Fluttershy,” sniffled Apple Bloom. The other Crusaders nodded sadly. “Again, we should be okay,” said Twilight. “Spike and I took a few spellbooks from Trixie’s lab. According to this book, we just have to find some nice pony boy who loves her to kiss her.” “Darn,” said Scootaloo. “None of us fit that description.” “Doughnuts!” called a voice. “Get yer doughnuts!” “It’s Joe!” cried Spike. He ran out the door and a moment later returned, dragging Joe with him. “What’s going on?” asked Joe. “What happened to the princess?!” “I’ve seen you talking to Fluttershy before!” explained Spike quickly. “I know you love her enough to give her a free doughnut, which is a really big thing in my book! You’ve gotta kiss her and break the spell!” “I love her platonically!” stammered Joe. “I can’t…I mean…she’s royalty, and I don’t feel that…” “KISS HER!” everypony else shouted. Joe gulped and gave Fluttershy a big kiss on the lips. “I forgot to mention,” added Twilight, “it could have been on the cheek instead.” Joe glared at her. Just then, Fluttershy’s eyes slowly opened! “What happened?” she asked groggily. This was met not by an answer, but by a huge group hug. Things brightened up for everypony after that. Fluttershy became the new queen, with Twilight as her advisor (Fluttershy didn’t know much about ruling a kingdom, after all), Spike as her hunter (who never needed to put anypony’s heart in a box again), and Joe as the royal chef. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were promised jobs as protectors someday in the future, but since they were too young at the time, they continued their quest for their cutie marks. The diamond mine was given to Sweetie Belle’s sister, Rarity, who put it to good use for her fashion line, which took off even more than it already had, thanks to the diamonds she added to the dresses. And, as these stories usually end, they all lived happily ever after.
The Fairest One Of AllOnce upon a time, in a far-away land (with a horse-related-punny-name, no doubt), a lovely Queen sat by her window sewing. This was difficult with only hooves, so as she worked, she pricked herself with her needle. Three drops of blood fell on the snow-white linen. “How happy I would be if I had a little filly with lips as red as blood, fur as white as snow, and a mane as black as ebony,” thought the Queen. She didn’t quite get her wish, but her daughter was certainly lovely, with yellow fur and pink mane. The Queen named her Fluttershy and died shortly afterwards. Fluttershy’s stepmother, Queen Trixie, also known as “The Beautiful and Royal Trixie,” as she insisted on being called, was cruel and vain. Out of jealousy of the princess’s beauty, she forced Fluttershy to dress in rags (she could have dressed her in nothing, of course, but she found rags to be more humiliating) and do endless chores all day. Now, Trixie had a magic mirror with a kind and intelligent (but brutally honest) slave trapped inside. Every day, she would ask the slave who the fairest in the land was. It was always Trixie, of course. But one day… “Wake up, you lazy slave!” shouted Trixie. “The Beautiful and Royal Trixie needs you!” A purple face of an alicorn appeared in the mirror. “Please don’t call me a slave,” she said. “It’s what you are, isn’t it?” sneered Trixie. “Maybe so, but I do have a name. It’s Twilight Sparkle.” “Too hard to remember. Slave works just fine for the Beautiful and Royal Trixie. Now then, here is my question—Magic Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest one of all?” Twilight gave a sly smile. “Afraid it’s somepony else this time, Trixie.” “What?!” cried Trixie. “This simply cannot be! Who dares to be more beautiful than the Beautiful and Royal Trixie?!” “Take a guess.” “If it’s that Rarity girl, I’ll—” “It’s not Rarity. You see, Trixie, true beauty cannot be hidden. You might dress her in rags…” “Fluttershy!” hissed Trixie. “But,” Twilight continued, “she is lovely inside and out. You only have one out of two of those factors.” Trixie ran to the window to see Fluttershy scrubbing the steps. Fluttershy had tied a rag to each of her hooves and was happily washing away. She looked up to see Trixie and gave a cheerful wave with a soapy hoof. Trixie growled and shut the drapes. “As long as nopony knows,” she muttered to herself. “Still, I have to keep a close eye on this little princess…” Fluttershy took a small break from washing to gather water from a nearby well. A phoenix flew over and landed on the rim of the well. “Oh, hello Philomena,” smiled the princess. “How are you today?” Philomena cooed in reply. “That’s nice,” said Fluttershy. “You tell Owlowliscious to get more sleep, okay?” Philomena nodded. Fluttershy smiled again and then looked around to make sure nopony was listening. “Would you like to hear a secret?” she asked. “This is a wishing well. And do you know what my wish is? I wish that some nice pony would come along and take me away from all of this, and that my stepmother, The Beautiful and Royal Trixie would give us her blessing.” Philomena cocked her head. That wasn’t likely. “I know, I know,” sighed Fluttershy. “You know, I get the feeling that she dislikes me a bit.” Just then, she heard a voice. “Doughnuts! Get yer doughnuts!” “Oh, it’s Joe!” cried Fluttershy. She ran over to the castle wall and saw Joe, the doughnut salespony, walking by. “Good morning, princess!” he called. “Care for a doughnut?” “I’m afraid I don’t have any money,” said Fluttershy. “Aww, princess,” smiled Joe, “that’s alright. You’re still royalty, no matter what. And somepony as beautiful on the inside and out as you deserves the best doughnut I’ve got! Here!” He tossed the princess a doughnut. Fluttershy graciously thanked him and he was on his way. But Trixie had been watching from the window. Again, she shut the drapes in anger. “So,” she said to herself, “my stupid slave isn’t the only one who thinks that Fluttershy is so pretty, inside and out.” “Hey!” called Twilight. “I can hear you, you know! And I’m not stupid! I’m omnipotent! Do you want to know what my GPA is?” “No, and the Beautiful and Royal Trixie has some planning to do.” With a flourish, Trixie exited the room. “I could tell her how this was going to turn out,” Twilight grinned, “but I don’t think I will.” Trixie summoned her hunter to stand before her a little later. “My dear Spike,” she addressed him, “the Beautiful and Royal Trixie has an errand for you.” “Sure thing, your majesty!” said Spike. “Whatever you want, I’ll do it! You want me to tame a wild beast? Done! You want me to discover a new land? Got it! You want me to slay a dragon! I…well, I’ll do almost anything.” “Oh, you won’t be slaying any dragons,” smiled Trixie. “I want the princess’s heart in a box, ASAP.” Spike’s face paled. “Princess Fluttershy?! But I can’t hurt her! I can’t put her heart in a box! I don’t think I could put anypony’s heart in a box! It’s wrong! And icky! I faint at the sight of blood! I’m a failure as a hunter!” “Her heart or yours,” Trixie said calmly. “Uh, well, when you put it like that…” trembled Spike. So Spike took Fluttershy out to pick flowers in a small, secluded area. “Okay,” Spike said to himself, “here it goes. We can do this the easy way or the hard way. But I’m not good at stabbing ponies in the back! Or the front! Or the side, even! So that rules out the easy way. Then there’s the hard way where I ask her for her heart, we barter for a bit ‘till the price goes down, I trade her a chicken or two for her heart…nah, her heart’s worth at least five chickens…” “What’s that about chickens?” asked Fluttershy. Spike fell to his little knees in agony. “Oh, princess,” he sobbed, “I can’t kill you!” “Why would you ever want to do that?” Fluttershy giggled, thinking he was joking. “It’s not me,” explained Spike, “it’s the Queen! She hates you with a passion!” “I did get that feeling,” said Fluttershy, “but I never thought she’d act on it, aside from dressing me in rags, forcing me to act as a servant night and day, and insulting me to my face whenever she has the chance.” “Yeah, we’re being ruled by an insane pony,” agreed Spike. “Look, you’ve gotta get out of here!” “But where can I go?” wondered Fluttershy, starting to get a little nervous. “Into the woods!” said Spike. “As far away from the Queen as possible! NOW!” “But-but what about you and my heart?” “I’ll figure something out,” said Spike. “Now RUN! She’s crazy!” With a squeak of fear, Fluttershy turned and ran off into the deep, dark woods. Author's Note I realize that I'm not the only one here to do a Disney parody, but I hope you enjoy this, regardless!
The Four CrusadersThe woods proved to be very frightening for the poor princess. She stumbled through the bushes and trees, surrounded by strange eyes watching her from the darkness. Eventually, she fell to the ground, sobbing in terror. A lone rabbit hopped out from the shrubbery and tapped her on the head. “Ahh!” cried Fluttershy. The rabbit turned around and ran away. “Wait, don’t go!” the princess called. The rabbit poked his head out again. “How silly of me,” Fluttershy laughed. “It’s just my forest friends. I was afraid it was the Queen or some sort of monster.” A large bear grunted, confused. “You see, my stepmother is after my heart,” explained Fluttershy. “And not in the romantic way,” she added. The animals gasped. “If I could only find a place to stay and hide,” Fluttershy continued, “then maybe I could escape her. But there’s nowhere I know that--” The little rabbit raised his paw. “What’s that? You know a place?” The rabbit nodded. Fluttershy immediately scooped him up and gave him a hug. “Oh,” she cried, “you’re such a little angel! In fact, I’ll call you Angel from now on, alright?” Angel thought about this for a moment, then nodded. “Wonderful!” cried Fluttershy. “Now will you show me where I can stay?” Angel glared at her. “Oh, right, you probably want me to put you down first,” Fluttershy blushed. She set Angel on the ground, and the rabbit took off towards a clearing, with Fluttershy and the other animals following him. In a nearby diamond mine, there worked four little fillies: Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Babs Seed. None of them had their cutie marks yet, and they were always trying to find them one way or another. As they worked today, they sang their usual work song. (To the tune of “Dig Dig Dig” from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) FILLIES: We work, work, work, work, work, work, work In the mine down in the dark We dig in spite of day or night To get our cutie marks APPLE BLOOM: When we found this ol’ diamond mine SCOOTALOO: We knew it was a major find SWEETIE BELLE: And so now we work all the time BABS: To get our cutie marks “Are you sure this’ll work?” asked Apple Bloom to Sweetie Belle as they continued working. “I mean, we’ve been working for days down here in the mine. I’m starting to think we weren’t so lucky in finding it.” “My sister Rarity says that diamonds are super important,” insisted Sweetie Belle. “I know there must be something we can do with them.” “Yeah, well,” Babs muttered, “minin’ them again and again ain’t workin’ out too well so far.” “Wanna call it a night?” asked Scootaloo. “My flank’s still blank and my legs are getting sleepy.” Apple Bloom yawned and nodded. The four ponies put their tools away and trudged back to their clubhouse…only to find a little surprise waiting for them. “Look!” cried Scootaloo, pointing to the clubhouse. “There’s a light in there! Somepony brought a lantern in or something!” “Are you sure it’s somepony?” trembled Sweetie Belle. “What if it’s a monster or something from the woods?” “No monster’s takin’ our clubhouse!” growled Babs. “I say we take this thing by surprise, kick it out, and get our monster-butt-kicking cutie mark!” “YEAH!” cried the others. They ran into the clubhouse, only to find Fluttershy and a few animal friends cleaning up. Fluttershy squealed in surprise at first, then calmed down a second later when she saw that it was only a few children. “Oh my goodness!” smiled Fluttershy. “You startled me! My friend Angel didn’t tell me that this adorable little treehouse was occupied. By the looks of things, I’d think it had been abandoned, so I was just cleaning…” “Wait, who’s Angel?” asked Sweetie Belle. “Who’s Angel?” scoffed Babs. “First things first! Who’s she?” “Oh, how silly of me,” laughed Fluttershy. “My name is Fluttershy and Angel is this rabbit.” “Wow!” gasped the fillies. “Princess Fluttershy!” “I never saw you outside the castle before!” marveled Apple Bloom. “And you can talk to bunnies?” “I can talk to all kinds of animals,” explained Fluttershy. “It’s my special talent.” “We can’t find our talents yet,” sighed Sweetie Belle. “We call ourselves the Cutie Mark Crusaders, ‘cause we’re always looking for our cutie marks.” “Yeah, yeah, yeah,” said Babs. “Not to sound grumpy or nothin’, but what’s the princess doin’ in our little clubhouse?” “That’s a good question,” said Apple Bloom. “Not to be rude, but I feel pretty bashful sitting here in front of the princess, not knowin’ what’s goin’ on.” “Not mention dopey,” added Sweetie Belle. “Oh, how silly of me,” said Fluttershy. “Well, here’s what’s going on…” The Crusaders listened as Fluttershy explained all about Queen Trixie’s plot and how she had run away to avoid being killed. “Wow,” whispered the Crusaders when Fluttershy was finished. “So we’ve got a wanted princess staying with us!” cried Scootaloo. “Neat!” “I understand if you want me to go…” Fluttershy began, before the others cut her off. “No!” they yelped. “We don’t get a ton of guests,” admitted Scootaloo. “It’s nice to have royalty here. Besides, you’re in danger, and we wanna help!” “Yeah,” Sweetie Belle said, a little nervously. “Maybe we could get some kind of princess protector cutie marks that way.” “Ooh,” the other Crusaders chorused. “What about your parents?” asked Fluttershy. Babs shrugged. “Ahh, we spend the night here all the time. They won’t worry.” “Wonderful,” said Fluttershy, clapping her hooves together. “Now, then, my friends and I have gathered some food from the woods, so I can make us some dinner.” The Crusaders cheered. “Just be sure to wash up first,” added Fluttershy. The Crusaders’ faces fell. Back at the castle, Trixie proudly strolled up to her Magic Mirror, holding the box supposedly containing Fluttershy’s heart. “Magic Mirror on the wall, now who’s the fairest one of all?” she smugly asked. “Still Fluttershy,” smiled Twilight. Trixie dropped the box in surprise. “What?! But look in here! Her heart!” Frantically, Trixie opened the box and displayed it to Twilight. Twilight looked at it for a second, then looked up at Trixie. “Your majesty, that’s a jawbreaker.” “It is? The hunter said it was the princess’s heart.” “And you believed him?” “Yes!” stammered Trixie. “The Beautiful and Royal Trixie has never seen a real pony heart--” “Probably because you don’t have one…” Twilight whispered to herself. “—so when he presented this to me, I just assumed…I…it…look! It’s covered in blood! See?” Twilight took another look, then turned up to Trixie. “That’s from a melted popsicle.” Trixie angrily threw the box against the wall. “That dragon really is a failure as a hunter! Ooh, when I deal with him, he’ll regret ever crossing the Beautiful and Royal Trixie! But first, I must take care of Fluttershy! I can’t stand somepony being more fair than I!” She turned back to the mirror. “Where is she?” Twilight sighed. It really stank having to be honest with Trixie, but it was part of the job. “She’s in the clubhouse of the Cutie Mark Cruaders outside the woods.” With a flourish, Trixie exited the room. Down the stairs Trixie stomped, eventually reaching her secret laboratory. “My slave in the mirror thinks she’s the only smart one around here,” Trixie fumed to herself. “Well, just because I don’t know everything like she does, doesn’t mean I know nothing! I’ll disguise myself as a peddler woman…yes…and then I’ll feed Fluttershy a poisoned apple, delicious and red…she’ll fall asleep forever, unless awakened by a kind-hearted pony’s kiss on the lips! And who would kiss her when she’s six feet under? A worm, perhaps!” Trixie cackled loudly, then stopped and mused, “The Beautiful and Royal Trixie does wish for company. That way my monologue wouldn’t seem so forced and expository. Didn’t I have a raven or something a while back? What happened to him?” She turned around to see a raven skeleton sitting in a cage. “Hmm,” said Trixie, “I really need to come down here more often.” Fluttershy had never had so much fun in all of her life! She happily danced the night away with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. As they danced, the Crusaders sang to Fluttershy all about their many attempts at finding a cutie mark. (To the tune of “The Silly Song” from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) SCOOTALOO: I tried to ride around the park On my scooter, rolling APPLE BLOOM: But she’s got no cutie mark For that along with bowling ALL FOUR: It’s true, we’re feeling blue A mark is hard to find All the other ponies say We have a one-track mind SWEETIE BELLE: I’ve tried to do so many things But I just keep on falling BABS: It just looks like the four of us Will never find our calling ALL FOUR: It’s true, we’re feeling blue A mark is hard to find All the other ponies say We have a one-track mind “Oh, girls,” said Fluttershy, “I just know you’ll find your cutie marks. Everypony does eventually. It takes patience, you know.” “We’ve been nothing but patient!” insisted Scootaloo. Fluttershy smiled, but narrowed her eyes a bit. “Okay,” Scootaloo admitted, “I guess we haven’t been super patient, but it’s so tough being a blank flank all the time.” “How’d you get your cutie mark?” Apple Bloom asked. (To the tune of “Someday My Prince Will Come” from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) FLUTTERSHY: I was alone at first Felt like I had been cursed With an isolation spell of sorts And let me tell you, I could get bored But I had animals From big to very small And we all talked until I had a certain skill And I received my cutie mark “So you just practiced and practiced?” asked Babs. “That’s right,” said Fluttershy. “Good things come to those who wait, they say. But for now, I think we could all use some sleep.” The Crusaders nodded. It had been a long day. Everypony got into a sleeping bag (Fluttershy’s was a little small on her, but she didn’t mind) and went to sleep, along with all the animals. Not a peep was heard throughout the forest. Spike tiptoed through the castle, trying to avoid the guards as best as he could. If he could just find that secret stash of jewels he’d hidden, he would have enough food to last him until he escaped to the next kingdom where hopefully ponies wouldn’t ask for hearts in boxes or that kind of nonsense. He ducked behind a curtain when he thought he heard somepony coming. It was probably just the wind, though, he decided. Suddenly, he heard a voice: “Psst!” Spike jumped in surprise. Had he been caught! He looked around. Behind this curtain, there was nothing but an old mirror…with a face in it. “Hi,” said the face, which belonged to Twilight. Spike gasped. “What are you?” “I’m a slave in the Queen’s secret Magic Mirror,” explained Twilight. “I was expecting you. With your help, I can be free.” “Really?” said Spike. “I didn’t know the Queen had a secret Magic Mirror.” “That’s why it’s a secret,” Twilight said patiently. Spike cocked his head a bit. “And you knew I was coming?” “I’m omnipotent,” replied Twilight. “It’s part of the magic. Look, the Queen will be leaving soon, and I need someone to go down into her secret lab to brew a spell that will free me.” “I didn’t know the Queen had a secret lab.” “That’s why it’s a secret,” Twilight repeated, a little less patiently. “How do I know you’re a good spirit?” Spike asked suspiciously. “Because I want to save the princess!” cried Twilight. “I’ll lose my omnipotence if I leave the mirror, but it beats being stuck here with that Queen of ours.” “Good enough for me,” shrugged Spike. “So how do I find the secret—” At that moment, they heard somepony approaching, for real this time. Spike hid behind a drape as Trixie entered, looking ugly and haggard. “How do I look?” she asked Twilight, while flaunting her disgusting self around. “Hideous,” Twilight replied. “Excellent,” Trixie smiled, “I knew I could count on you for an honest answer. It’s one of the only things you’re good for. Now, then, the next time you see the Beautiful and Royal Trixie, I will be the fairest one of all! For good!” “Did you come up here just to show off?” groaned Twilight. “I had a raven for a while, but it didn’t work out.” As soon as Trixie left, Spike came out of hiding and Twilight began instructing him on how to find the lab.
True Love's Kiss...Kind Of...“Now, listen,” Babs told Fluttershy the next day, “pardon our paranoia, but that Queen could be anywhere. Our parents tell us she’s tricky.” “Right!” agreed Apple Bloom. “So don’t let anypony in!” “Except for us,” added Sweetie Belle. “Where are you going?” Fluttershy asked them. “Back to the diamond mine,” called Scootaloo, as they started walking off. “We figure we might as well keep trying like you said!” “Heigh-ho, heigh-ho,” they sang as they marched around the bend. The second they were gone, Trixie crept out from her hiding place in the bushes. Now she was going to take care of Fluttershy once and for all with that apple of hers. “Apples,” she called, “who would care for a free poison apple?” Fluttershy poked her head out of the clubhouse’s window. “A free what?” “A free regular apple,” Trixie called back. “Well,” said Fluttershy, with a hint of suspicion, “my stepmother did say to always treat your elders with respect right before she would hit me…” Trixie nodded happily. “I suppose I can let you in,” Fluttershy smiled innocently, and opened the clubhouse’s door. Trixie walked in and immediately thrust the apple into the princess’s face. Curiously, Angel sniffed the apple and screeched in horror. “What’s that?” asked Fluttershy to her rabbit companion. “You say that the apple is actually poisoned? Oh my goodness!” She turned to Trixie. “That means that you must be…” “Drat!” cried Trixie. “I didn’t know you could talk to animals! Impressive.” Philomena had been watching from the window and immediately flew off to get help. “Well,” sneered Trixie, “no matter. There’s more than one way to skin a pony.” “You want to skin me?” gasped Fluttershy. “Figure of speech,” Trixie grinned, before shoving the apple into the princess’s mouth. Fluttershy immediately collapsed. “Now I’m the fairest one of all!” Trixie cackled. “GRRRRRRR…” Trixie looked around, only to realize that she was surrounded by angry forest animals, including a large bear. She whipped out a potion, took a gulp, and was immediately back to her normal young and “beautiful” self. “Stand back!” she bellowed, before releasing a shockwave from her horn, sending the animals flying in all directions. “I am magic after all,” she boasted. It began to rain. A storm was brewing. Trixie adjusted her cloak, took one last look at Fluttershy’s limp body on the ground, and began to stroll away when something hit her in the back of the head. “Ouch! That really hurt!” Trixie whined. She turned around to see Philomena and the four Crusaders standing behind her, armed with diamonds ready for throwing. “Insolent brats!” growled Trixie. She shot a few beams at the Cruaders, making them duck behind a rock. “What do we do?” whispered Apple Bloom. “We gotta save the princess!” Babs whispered back. “And that means we gotta stop the Queen!” They bolted out from behind the rock and continued to throw diamonds at Trixie, who fired more magic beams at them. But the little ponies were fast, and were able to dodge most of the bolts. “You’re dealing with royalty here!” yelled Trixie between shots. “When the kingdom sees what you’ve done to Flutterhsy…” warned Scootaloo. Trixie stopped for a moment. She had a bad reputation as it was, and if anypony found out about her not-so-little stunt with the princess, not to mention her killing a quartet of little fillies, it could cause a potential uprising. But if she could off them and make it look like an accident… “Catch me if you can!” Trixie cheerfully called to the ponies, then bolted. The Crusaders and the animals raced after her through the stormy weather. The chase led through the forest, up a mountainside. Trixie saw exactly what she was looking for near the top: A large boulder. She positioned herself behind it and began using her unicorn magic to pry the boulder loose, hoping it would crush the Crusaders. The Crusaders realized what was happening when it was too late to turn around. They braced themselves and backed up a bit, scared out of their minds. But just when it seemed that they were lost, a lightning bolt struck the cliff’s side, sending Trixie falling into the darkness below, along with the boulder. The Crusaders dashed back to the clubhouse, followed by the forest animals. But when they got there, they realized that they were too late. Fluttershy lay on the ground, not moving. The girls sobbed quietly until the sun rose. “So…” Scootaloo whispered the next morning, “what do we do with…her?” “I don’t know,” Babs paced. “I mean, she’s the princess. We gotta tell somepony, I just don’t know how to break it to the kingdom.” “This is way too big for little ponies like us,” moaned Apple Bloom. “Things were so much simpler a few days ago.” Sweetie Belle just nodded. Her ears suddenly perked up. “Hey,” she hissed frantically, “somepony’s coming!” They poked their heads nervously out the window to find Twilight and Spike looking around. “Are you sure he’s around here?” asked Spike. “I think so,” replied Twilight. “I just hope we’re not too late. If I recall correctly, she’s in that little treehouse up there.” The Curaders gasped and ducked back inside. “Somepony knows!” they chorused. Twilight strolled in, followed by Spike. “Not to worry,” the purple alicorn assured the frantic fillies. “We’re from the castle, and we are most certainly not friends with that awful Trixie.” “That’s a relief,” sighed Sweetie Belle. “She won’t bother anypony again.” Spike sighed in relief as well. “I can keep my head, then!” “B-but you’re too late to save Fluttershy,” sniffled Apple Bloom. The other Crusaders nodded sadly. “Again, we should be okay,” said Twilight. “Spike and I took a few spellbooks from Trixie’s lab. According to this book, we just have to find some nice pony boy who loves her to kiss her.” “Darn,” said Scootaloo. “None of us fit that description.” “Doughnuts!” called a voice. “Get yer doughnuts!” “It’s Joe!” cried Spike. He ran out the door and a moment later returned, dragging Joe with him. “What’s going on?” asked Joe. “What happened to the princess?!” “I’ve seen you talking to Fluttershy before!” explained Spike quickly. “I know you love her enough to give her a free doughnut, which is a really big thing in my book! You’ve gotta kiss her and break the spell!” “I love her platonically!” stammered Joe. “I can’t…I mean…she’s royalty, and I don’t feel that…” “KISS HER!” everypony else shouted. Joe gulped and gave Fluttershy a big kiss on the lips. “I forgot to mention,” added Twilight, “it could have been on the cheek instead.” Joe glared at her. Just then, Fluttershy’s eyes slowly opened! “What happened?” she asked groggily. This was met not by an answer, but by a huge group hug. Things brightened up for everypony after that. Fluttershy became the new queen, with Twilight as her advisor (Fluttershy didn’t know much about ruling a kingdom, after all), Spike as her hunter (who never needed to put anypony’s heart in a box again), and Joe as the royal chef. The Cutie Mark Crusaders were promised jobs as protectors someday in the future, but since they were too young at the time, they continued their quest for their cutie marks. The diamond mine was given to Sweetie Belle’s sister, Rarity, who put it to good use for her fashion line, which took off even more than it already had, thanks to the diamonds she added to the dresses. And, as these stories usually end, they all lived happily ever after.
