You Can Never Win

by GreenLeaves

Rating: mature
Tags: Human, Dark, Romance, Tragedy, Adventure
Length: 4853

Hang overs aren't the worst thing that can happen to you when you wake up. Follow Andrew, a sucessful drug rattled contractor and Nathen, a marine on an epic yet exceedingly dangerous adventure in a land they know nothing about.

For Andrew and Nathen, partying is having fun, passing out, and waking up feeling like a train ran over your head. To bad a hangover can't be the only thing that happens to these unfortunate two. In a land far more dangerous than depicted, in a land ravaged by what appears to be war between 'monsters' and ponies, the duo hastily begins to try to find a way home. Even more unfortunate, to get home, they must survive the likes of war ridden quests, monsters, and an evil queen who wishes for nothing but the death of Equestria. Friends are made, lovers are lost, and the deepest depths of hell seem ever so close.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-03 03:30:08 UTC

The Portal

You Can Never Win

By: Green Leaves

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Hasbro in any way, shape, or form. If my OC's remind you of yours, get over it, because they aren't. Enjoy.

Chapter one: The Portal

Lucky me, right? A new truck, just got my 'unlimited' contractors license, and was making a damn good amount of money. Apparently Earth hates me, so it tossed me out.

Hey, I'm Andrew. Well, an eneberiated Andrew at that. Nothing better to do that sit around a fire with a bottle of liquor, right? I mean come on! It's not like anything can beat sitting around a night time camp fire chillin' with a friend and three war torn 'ponies', right?

Did I mention that nothing can beat sitting around a fire with three tragic stricken ponies who are being chased by an army of assholes who want nothing more than to wreak havoc on Equestia? Now for the real kicker.

I'm a 'wanted attribute of war'. That sounds sorta creepy, I know. But basically some evil freak of nature that dictates a nation believes that I'm some sort of 'key' to her complete dominant rule over...everything I guess.

I don't know. I don't know anything about anything anymore. All I know is that lightning struck, Nathen and I woke up in the middle of some crazy shit, and now we're on a mission to avoid miss evil and make sure that this 'book of torment' stays the hell out of her grasp. Which is much more of a bitch than it sounds...

Because we almost died like five times already. Yeah, and this is (in detail) how I got myself and Nathen into this whole ordeal. If stated correctly, the situation we're in is comparable to having a giant pickle shoved up your ass. Sorry if I'm in a bad mood, but the setting kinda calls for it.

HOURS BEFORE...

"Andrew, when are you going to be at the camper?" a voice rang out from the phone speakers. "Cause the party starts at seven."

I looked at the stone wall I had just finished for a customer. "Probably in an hour or so. It's a long drive back." I replied admiring my handy work. Looking at my wrist watch, which read 5:30 pm, I packed up for the day, deciding I would collect my five thousand one hundred and fifty two dollars tomorrow.

"Oh okay, Hell yeah man, we're gonna throw down tonight. I got a bunch of people coming, you?"

I thought about it. Mentally listing off people who were definately coming, "I'd say a good four or five.". What was the point of having a party thrown for you if you'd be the one inviting everyone?

The voice on the other end laughed, "Sounds good. This is YOUR party bro, I'm trying to make it count."

"Oh come on Nathen. Every party we throw at your camper counts. Hey I got to go, I'm about to start driving your way." I said, throwing some construction tools in the back of my new pick up truck. Being early winter, the sun was already setting making the sky glow all sorts of beautiful colors. I had about thirty minutes to an hour of sunlight left.

"Yeah, I know they all do." He replied with a certain smugness in his voice only he could pull off, then chucked, "Alright, I'll see you in a bit.".

After checking that nothing would fly out of the back of my truck I turned my attention back to my best friend, "Yeah man, see you in a bit.". I was about to hang up until he said one more thing which i couldn't hear. "Say what?"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day had become dark by the time a arrived at the camper. It was a rather large, broke down RV in the side yard of a house. But it almost felt like home. I looked at the clock on my dashboard: 6:56 pm. Atleast I wasn't late. I'd sure hate to be late for my own 'ceremony'.

"Perfect timing." I said to myself as I turned off my truck and opened the door to get out, instantly hearing rap coming from the RV. I could smell the liquor and weed, mixed in with the light scent of sex. Fairly pleasing. After exiting and locking my truck, I walked over to the party scene.

I knocked on the RV's main door and soon enough it opened.

"Oh shit it's Andrew! How it do bro?" Nathen exclaimed while he grabbed my arm and practically drug me inside. "Dude you said you were coming in about an hour so I decided to start the party a little bit early. But don't worry, you didn't miss anything."

He was tall and lanky with short blonde hair and a pair of blue eyes to match. He wore a cool green tee shirt with semi-saggy blue jeans. Eh, your average guy. Only, taller. Like, six foot three.

Looks can be decieving. The inside of this place was amaculate as always. A massive 75'' tv was set up near the front facing outwards, surrounded by various speakers. Multi-colored LED lights hung from the ceiling and all the couches and chairs had been replaced by massive bean bags. The fog machine made it's occasional hissing sound.

Somehow I ended up with a bottle of liquor in my hands before Nathen even got done talking. This place was crowded, like really crowded. Boys and girls alike drank, smoked week, and had an overall awesome time. I looked over back at nathen who was smoking a joint, "Dude, this is aweso-"

Before I could finish, Nathen was at the front of the camper with his arms raised. In one hand he had a goblet of wine. And in the other he had a joint and a crown. Fog surrounded him as LED lights flashed on him while music bumped loud enough to blow a non party goer's ear drums. Honestly, he looked like a badass.

"Hey!" He shouted getting everyones attention. Clearing his throat he took a sip of whatever was in the goblet, "We have a very special guest.". He drunkenly motioned for me to come up to the front of the RV with him.

I sauntered up, enjoying the looks everyone was giving me. "What up?" I yelled over the music, taking a swig of my spiced rum. Oh I was so waiting for this night and I was going to make it the best single night I've ever had. It was so cool. Lights bouncing off of me in a dense cloud of fog/smoke with music blasting. People cheered and drank with me. Nathen passed the joint to me as I hit it multiple times as he spoke.

"He's the reason your all here tonight!" He pointed at all the party go-ers, "This guy has been a close friend of mine, and yours for years. And tonight we come here to celebrate something very special."

He was making this sound way more epic than it actually was. Not that I mind, in fact, I enjoyed every second of it. I'm not an ego maniac. Your king only once a year, why not embrace it while you can?

All the people in the camper leaned in a bit as Nathen puffed out his chest and bellowed, "Who wishes Andrew a happy fucking nineteenth birthday?". The cheering and music both grew louder as nather put the crown he was holding on my head and handed me the joint, and goblet of whatever in my hands. I graciously accepted all three. After I set down my current bottle that is.

This was it. My party. These people in this camper are all that mattered to me. Their cheering, the partying, the music, lights, fog, drinks, weed, etc. It felt incredible. I was king tonight and I'd be damned if anyone screwed it up for me. Through all the smoke/ fog, lights, etc, I lifted up the goblet and hit the weed, shouting, "Party til the break of dawn!".

~~~~~~

"Hey, you O.K?"

I felt someone tap my shoulder. It was Mira. I noticed I was laying belly down on one of the massive bean bag chairs near the tv. I groggily looked up to her and smiled. I was so fogged up in the head I could hardely think of what to say.

She was so beautiful. Long light green hair with a set of large emerald eyes to match. She was wearing a rather seductive form-fitting dress which exposed her bra straps. In all honesty, I think we made out tonight.

"What time is it?" I asked, looking around at the trashed camper. No more lights were flashing around, except for the dim litted lights of the RV. The music was now non existant and all the fog must have escaped while the party go-ers were leaving. All that was left was an RV with a bunch of trash in it. Not to mention I still felt really effed up. Not in the good way either.

She sat down on top of me and giggled, "It's late."

"No, really."

"I am being real."

"Really real?"

"No."

"Then what time is it?"

She laughed again, "Time for you to get a watch."

"I have one...but your sitting on top of me."

Yep, that was Mira for ya. She loved playing crazy mind games with me for some reason. Yeah, sure she played them with her other friends but when it came to me, her mind games injected steroids. I loved every bit of it.

"4:43am" she chirrped, "Everyone left and Nathen went inside." she motioned towards the house.

I face palmed, then laid my head back down onto the bean bag, just wanting to go to sleep. I knew I was in for the hang over of my life when I woke back up.

She leaned over and began massaging my back, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I had a great time celebrating with you.". Her voice was so soft and comforting. It reminded me of when my mom used to sing me bedtime stories when I was young.

I tuned over on my bean bag so I was facing up at her, but made sure she wouldn't fall off me. I've always had feelings for her. Ever since we met in tenth grade. And here we were, almost 4 years later, partying like we used to. Everything about her from her looks to her personality to her adventerous nature captured every last bit of my infautuation.

I smiled as I placed a hand on her cheek. "It wouldn't have been the same if you weren't here." I voiced just as softly as she did, "I'm really happy you made it.".

"Well, I couldn't just not come to my best friends nineteenth birthday party!" she exclaimed crossing her arms and looking down at me with a 'I'm smiling but you'd better come to mine' look.

"I wouldn't miss it for the-" I grabbed her and gently flipped over so she was laying on the bean bag instead of me, "World.". Okay, I know I sound cheesy but this is the woman of my dreams, what's a guy to do?

She 'eeked' at the sudden change of positions but quickly relaxed. I leaned my face closer to hers, gazing into her bright green eyes. So gorgeous. And of course, right as we were about to kiss.

CRASH

Suddenly Nathen burst in through the door.

I quickly got off a very alarmed Mira, "Dude what the-" I suddenly noticed the two rifles and the pistol he was carrying. Okay, so I know he lives on the inner out skirts of a notorious ghetto. But nothing every happens up here. Like, ever. Both Mira and I jumped up. Oh I was so not sober. I swayed around a bit trying to catch my balance. I would have fallen over if Mira hadn't caught me.

"Wow, dude, what's going on?" her voice showing a hint of anticipation. Okay, this chick is pretty badass. I'll just say you don't want to fight her. She doesn't mind getting down and dirty if it means winning. That's how she grew up, fighting for survival.In other words, she's used to random emergencies.

Nathen tossed the guns to us, "Don't ask, you'll learn as you go. Keep sharp, these things are extremely dangerous. Just got attacked by one in my bedroom. Was trying to bite my head off. So I returned the favor. I've never seen any creature like it. If I'd know better, I'd say it's an alien.". Yep, a marine. No questions just do it. three years in the corps with the experience of eight. He was born on a military base in Russia, quickly learning the native martial arts and combining them with his own experience. A definate kill em ask questions later kinda guy.

I was surprised he didn't seem even the slightest bit hung over.

"How do you know there's more?"

"Don't ask questions. But It's a gut feeling."

I was so confused, alarmed, still kinda drunk and high. Not a good combo if you need to use fire arms. But one thing was for certain. Pulling myself together I looked at my gun and felt all my manly macho-ism getting sucked right into Mira, "Dude...come on."

Mira chuckled, pulling back the loading lever of the M4A1 semi automatic, "Hell yeah.". She looked at me and my little pistol and she laughed even harder, "Oh, this is perfect. You should see the look on your face.".

"Gotta admit Andrew, she can kick your ass." Nathen chuckled, cocking his .308 sniper or whatever kind he said it was. Whatever it was, it was big.

I couldn't believe this. There was a present/ possible alien danger, Mira seemed to think it was funny, and Nathen thought I was a pussy. "What? Hell no! I want the big gun!" I pulled back the slide of the semi auto H&K Tactical, loading a rather small round into the barrel. "And I'm not a pussy."

"Never said you were"

"So prove that your not. I mean, pussies can't use pistols, right?"

"God damn it." I wasn't even going to ask questions at this point. There was no use in doing so. I tapped into my spiritual and mental capabilities, instantly feeling more alert and aware. Okay, first off. I'm not a jedi. I'm simply using body and mental enhancing techniques that I've learned over the years from my Shidoshi. I felt way more sober.

We hastily follwed nathen out of the camper. It was dark. I focused on the tree's, bushes, house, whatever I could grasp onto with my expanded awareness. I felt, or for a more proper term, 'detected' nothing.

I pressed my back up to the camper and followed Mira and Nathen down it's side into a very darkly shaded area. Suddenly, Nathen sprinted to my truck and ducked down infront of it's door. He motioned for Mira to come his way but for me to clear out the front portch which was about 20 feet from where I was.

He gave me a thumbs up and a rediculous smile. Mira just kept a look out onto the portch and it's surroundings.

"Oh you bastard." I whispered under my breath as I tightened my grip on the pistol. Making sure I wouldn't loose my expanded awarness and extending it more, I ran up onto the portch, pistol raised. I quickly scanned the entire area. Nothing. I let my awarness decrease a bit, feeling my brain relax. Then relaxed my body, just a bit.

My two 'brothers in arms' ran up onto the portch with me, both keeping thier weapons raised. We listened. It was so...quiet. Not even the crickets were awake. we just, froze...

After a moment of nothingness, Nathen lowered his weapon. Me and Mira followed suit. I just began to realize how cold it was, and wearing a short sleeve shirt didn't help.

Nathen turned to the front door. "Okay, I'll open it, but you two better have my back."

Mira and I both nodded our heads in agreement. He looked at me, then my gun, "I need something quick if things go aray. It's a tight hallway so I don't have much rifle room.". He tossed me the large rifle and I handed him the pistol. He turned his attention back to the front door of the house and slightly raised his gun. Ha! Now I had the biggest gun.

Me and Mira pointed our guns at the door, my awarness expanded owtwards again. I was attempting to put the entire inside of the house in my awarness.

Creeping up to the door he gestured a count down with his hand.

Three...My muscles tensed as I tried concentrating to what was behind that door. Two...What is that. I suddenly felt a surge of dark araul energy coming from behind it. One...It feels evil.

Nathen grabbed the handle and flung the door open, jumping off to the side in case something were to come flying out. My entire being chilled as I felt a wave of insidious feelings slowly encase the front porch. It was even powerful enough to get Nathen and Mira to feel anxious. Something was in there. But what was it?

We all peeked in. It was a narrow hallway exiting out into an open living room. Quite an odd set up for a house. But this house was over one hundred and thirty years old. So it had it's quirks. It was definately haunted, we all knew that. So, Maybe nathen saw a demon?

Widening the door fully, nathen started to cautiously walk through said hallway. We followed closely behind, ready to take down anything that even remotely described what nathen saw. None of us said a word, we all just listened. Listened for even the slightest hint of a soundwave. It was quiet.

To quiet. Not even the occasional creaks and cracks of the old wooden house could be heard. After a few tense moments we made it to the living room. The evil sensation I felt before was no longer intruding my expanded awareness. Which could either be very good, or very bad.

I looked over to the sudden clicking noise I heard. Through the darkness I could make out Nathen flipping the switch up and down. "Damn, no light." He grunted, "Anyone have a pho-"

Suddenly, BOOM, thunder clapped loudly followed by lighting striking down seemingly in the back yard.

"What the fuck?" I shouted, frantically looking around. The unpleasant surprise clearly startled my two friends also as they made thier remarks about it. Nathen stealthily made his way over to the window and looked out into his backyard where the bolt struck.

CLAP!

Thunder struck again as another lighting bolt struck a few feet away from the last one. Barely missing the house.

Nathen jumped back, "Shit man!". He ran back over to me and Mira, not sure what was going on. The thunder began to roll as lightning stuck down every few seconds or so. It danced around the house, arching and curving about as if were a science fiction character.

"Nathen." Mira yelled over the continous roll of thunder and lightning, "What the fuck is going on?" she dropped her gun and clamped on to me, digger her face into my chest. Never much of a thunder storm enjoyer, that's for sure. But this was far beyond a thunder and lightning storm. It was unnatural, something even a top of the line scientinst would be baffled by.

Nathen never responded. He and I looked at eachother, then to the frightened Mira that was latched onto me. He shook his head in disbelief of what was going on. I could tell his own fear was beginning to grow. I could see it in his face, uncertainty. He tightened his grip on the pistol, "I don't know."

I felt about as useful as he did. The only thing I knew was that we needed to keep sharp and not get killed by whatever was targeting us. Making sure I didn't drop my gun, I began rubbing Mira's back and whispering words of encouragement in her ear. She relaxed, only if a little bit. I was surprised she could even hear me over the thunder.

We were locked in, caged in Nathens own house by the lighting that threatened to tear it apart. It grew in intensity, now lighting struck down every second, as the loudness of the thunder increased ten fold. The insides of the house were brightly illuminated each time it struck.

The girl grasping onto me tightened her grip, tensing up again. Damn it, I almost had her calmed down. Mentally cursing the weather, I tried relaxing her agian. She said something but I couldn't make it out over the thunder.

Suddenly, It stopped. The thunder, the lightning, the howling wind. It all just...stopped. Hell, even the house's lights came on, revealing the non threatening layout of the living room.

Mira unclamped herself from me, blushing a bit at her childish behavior. She gave me a small peck on the cheek, "That was actually pretty exciting."

I stiffled a small laugh, watching her pick up the M4 she dropped as if she never sought comfort. She looked at me, confused, "What?"

She wouldn't admit it of course, but I knew her pretty well, "Thanks for comforting me, I was afraid." I said, mocking a damsel in distress.

Mira smirked, "Your welcome.". She posed like a super hero.

Unfortunately, the happier feelings didn't last long as Nathen got both of our attentions. "Don't get to cozy." he warned, "We haven't even seen any more of the creatures that attacked me." He pointed to the center of the room, "And...that mirror."

Both Mira and I looked to where he was pointing. It was indeed a mirror. A very large one at that, but something was different about it. As I stared at it I couldn't tell if my eye's were shot or if I was still drunk. First off, I had 20-15 vision, so it couldn't be that. Second, all the events that took place after I woke up would sure as hell sober up any man. The mirror really was rippling.  Kinda like throwing a small stone into the water and watching the after effects. Except, instead of water, it was Mira, Nathen, me, and the house that rippled in it's reflection.

"Woah." I stated, my jaw nearly hitting the floor. The rippling effect the mirror gave off wasn't it's only attribute. It's frame was incredible. Solid gold with foreign texts jotted down on it. Various types of small crystals and gems were embedded in it also. The frame itself would probably cost more than the Mona-Lissa times ten.

Mira seemed to be taken into the mirrors magical effect. Soundlessly, but catiously, she went up to it. She was about to place her hand on the rippling mirror but I grabbed her and pulled her back before she could advance. I scold her a bit about touching enchanted mirrors that came out of a freak lightning storm. She rolled her eyes, acting like she was listening. I knew she wasn't but that doesn't mean I'm going to let her put herself in a dangerous situation.

I suddenly heard a Vwuhhhuuummm-ing sound. Looking for the source of the noise I saw Nathen sticking his entire arm into the mirror, "Goddamit Nathen!" I dropped the sniper I had been carrying and ran over to him, grabbing his free arm and attempting to pull him out. He wouldn't budge. Mira couldn't help but laugh at the iorny of the situation.

Nathen looked at me excitedly, "Dude! I think this is a portal!" he exasperated. I hadn't seen him this excited since he left for the corps. "Only thing is..." He tried pulling his arm out, but it wouldn't budge. Even with the extra man power I was offering wouldn't pull him out.He looked more intruiged than afraid, infact, I don't think he was afraid at all.

Noticing that her friend really and truely was stuck Mira worriedly ran over to Nathen and I. Grabbing my waist,she yanked. Nothing. Apparently, he could sink farther into the portal, but it wouldn't let him back out.

"Fuck man! Why didn't you listen to what I was telling Mira?" I yelled at Nathen, genuinly pissed, "You don't ev-"

Chit chit chit

We all turned our heads over to the fire place behind the mirror, Nathen having to peek over the side of the mirror to get a view. Suddenly, a black creature with 6 legs emerged, screetching loudly. It sorta resembled a horse, only smaller and with a bunch of bony things sticking out of it. Oh yeah, did I mention it had RED eyes.

"Holy shit!" I yelled, sprinting for my rifle as Mira blasted a few rounds at it. The M4 rounds pierced it's chest and head multiple times, killing it quickly. Okay, so I didn't expect demon horse to die so easily.

"Andrew! To your left!" Nathen yelled, not being able to help in anyway. The pistol that he was weilding was stuck in the mirror along with his arm.

I snatched up my sniper and fired a round to the one at my left, the force of the large round blowing three of it's arms off. The recoil of the massive sniper about blew my own arm off, but I managed to quickly reload. Pointing at the squirming freak I fired again, blowing it's breast plates out in a bloody explosion. Suddenly, seven more poured out of the fire place.

Mira was making quick work of them with the automatic assault rifle. However, as more and more poured into the room, it became quite clear that we either run or die. Three of them surrounded her. She fired at the one in front of her while she dodged a lunge attack from another one. Successfuly blasting a hole through the monsters head, she turned to the one who lunged at her and pulled the trigger.

Click Click

The clip was empty and she didn't have another one. "Shit" she breathed out as she attempted to dodge an attack thrown at her by one of the monsters, only to 'escape' into another attack. She screamed as it dug it's claws into her back and brought her down, "Andrew! Help!"

Being chased, I ran over to where Mira was having to put up with an onslaught. Her entire shirt was bloodied as she struggled to get up. Two of the monsters pinned her down, trying to satisfy thier lust for blood. Her gun was laying uselessly a few feet from where she was. Running from the two behind me, I fired at Mira's attackers, each bullet making a sucessful short but sick 'squelching' noise.

Her assaultants instantly died.

Not having time to see if she was OK, I jumped over the couch and ducked as my two attackers jumped over the couch after me. The two monsters didn't realize I ducked. With them right infront of me with thier back turned, I fired a good few rounds at them, stopping them in thier tracks.

Sprinting back over to Mira I drug her to her feet, "Oh my god, are you alright." It sounded more like a demand than a question. But she was bleeding bad. I turned her around to get a good view of the three ugly gashes on her back. This was not the time to try and fix wounds. She swayed a bit from the blood loss as I gently lifted her up and carried her towards the portal.

"You better be alright." I demanded under my breath. I loved this girl and would be damned to hell if anything happend to her. Heh. Funny. Because this happened to her and I got damned to 'hell'.

Using his one arm, Nathen lassoed a freak by it's neck and tugged as hard as he could. We all heard a cracking sound and it died.  He looked around at the monster infested house. "I guess we have no choice.". He shot me an uncertain look, knowing full well the worst case scenario of entering into the unknown: Death.

Nothing but hisses and growls surrounded us as they began to grow louder and louder. Our fight or flight time dwindled as the beasts closed in. This was it. Time to have a bit of faith in what could just as easily be our demise. I gave Nathen a determined look, still holding Mira.

"Screw it." I said, kicking Nathen into the portal. They were practically ontop of us. He vanished instantly as a flash of white light lit the room. With seconds to spare. I gathered up my courage and slammed shoulder first into the 'glass' of the mirror.

Everything went white.