Reconstruction

“And that’s how Equestria was made,” Pinkie said between bites of sandwich.

Her tablemates looked on silently, confusion clear in their five bright pairs of eyes (and in one pair notably more sickly and yellow).

Rainbow Dash scratched her chin. “I thought this was the story of how you got your cutie mark.”

“I was under the impression that we were discussing Mr. and Mrs. Cake’s vacation last Summer,” Rarity said, enveloping her teacup in a bright blue aura and lifting it to her mouth.

“I’m all for things that don’t make sense,” Discord mused, “but it makes for a decidedly less entertaining story.”

On the other side of the circular table, Twilight nodded. “I’m with Discord on this one.”

Pinkie, who meanwhile had been vigorously licking her plate, raised her head. “You guys didn’t like my story?”

“It ain’t that, Sugarcube,” said Applejack. “It was just a bit… hard to follow.”

“What was hard to follow about it?” Pinkie asked, her head cocked to one side.

Applejack averted her eyes. “Well, it’s just… the beginning part was a mite iffy, an’ the middle coulda been a little, uh…”

Pinkie said nothing, her confused gaze unbreaking.

“I thought the story was nice,” a soft voice interjected.

Pinkie’s head straightened and she gestured wildly at Fluttershy. “See? Somepony gets it!”

Fluttershy bit her lip. “Um, well, I didn’t say that…” Pinkie froze, and the table was silent.

Discord sputtered. “It looks like my wit is rubbing off!” He put his hands to his stomach and fell backward, convulsing in laughter.

Rainbow Dash giggled in spite of herself, and soon all of the table’s occupants, Pinkie included, were roaring in laughter, only pausing to investigate the source of a mighty crash. An overburdened waiter had tripped over Discord’s neck, reverting a tray of fragile dishes to a pile of shards on the ground.

“Oh, dear,” Rarity giggled, wiping a mirthful tear from her eye. “Discord, do be a dear and assist the poor stallion.”

Discord heaved himself off the ground, his spasms winding down. With a snap and a flash, the dishes were repaired, refilled, and replaced immaculately on the waiter’s tray. With a huff, he scurried off to his next table.

“I don’t know why you ponies should be so mystified at the pink one’s story,” Discord said when he had calmed himself down. “It makes no less sense than anything else in this society of yours.”

“Whaddya mean?” Rainbow asked. “Everything makes perfect sense until you go around and cause trouble.” The other ponies nodded, except for Fluttershy, who sipped uncomfortably at her tea.

Discord shrugged. “Oh, perhaps in the short term I cause pandemonium, but you need to look at the big picture.”

“Ooh, what big picture?” Pinkie asked excitedly. “Is it in one of those big picture books, like the ones the Cakes have me read to Pound and Pumpkin?”

“Actually, yes.”

“I thought that was just a metaphor,” said Twilight. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about this.” Discord snapped, and in his arms suddenly sat a large brown book.

“A Foal’s History of Equestria?” Twilight read, squinting to read from the other side of the table.

“I thought we already agreed that Pinkie’s story didn’t make a lick of sense,” Applejack said.

“True, but I’m referring to the actual history of Equestria,” Discord replied with a smirk at Pinkie, who simply shrugged and resumed licking her plate.

“What do you mean?” Twilight repeated. “It’s already relatively well-known how apocryphal much of Equestrian history remains.”

“Relatively what now?” Rainbow asked.

Twilight let out an imperceptible sigh. “I mean, ponies already know how sketchy a lot of what we know about history is.”

“You callin’ us stupid?” Applejack asked, pointing an accusatory hoof at Discord.

“My little ponies, you’d remain ignorant even if I weren’t around to point it out,” he replied with a chuckle.

Applejack retracted her arm and crossed her hooves. “Just ‘cause I’m a farmer don’t mean I ain’t got no book-learnin’.”

Rainbow brought a hoof to her chin. “I think I get it. He’s saying that it doesn’t make sense how Applejack got through school and still talks like that!”

“Pardon?” said Applejack with a glare. Rainbow erupted into a fit of giggles.

“That wasn’t very nice, Discord,” Twilight said.

Discord set the book on the table and raised his hands, palms out. “Hey, I said no such thing. If you want to point a hoof, aim it at Miss Crash.” A brown hoof emerged from his stomach and pointed at Rainbow. “Of course, I’d be happy to do it for you.”

Twilight shook her head. “So if it’s not Applejack’s ostensible education that you’re referring to, what is it?”

Discord’s stomach hoof scooped up the book and held it parallel to the table. “Like I said, my uneducated equines, you need to look at the big picture.” He opened the book and, like an impossibly large pop-up, a drawing of Princess Celestia controlling the sun and the moon rose high into the air.

The ponies looked up at the giant picture with looks of varying confusion, minus Fluttershy, who donned a look of understanding, and Pinkie, who continued to sloppily lick her plate.

“Yer losin’ me,” said Applejack.

An exasperated Discord brought a palm to his face. “Fluttershy,” he said, looking down at the mare, “you’ve listened to me express my grievances against pony society. Surely you understand what I’m getting at.”

Fluttershy nodded, not meeting his gaze. “I think I do.”

“Well, tell us then,” demanded Rainbow Dash. “I’m tired of this guessing game.”

Fluttershy opened her mouth to speak, only for it to be literally zipped shut. She cast a glare up at Discord.

“I’m sorry, Butterball, but your friend just gave me a wonderful idea.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “I did?” Discord nodded emphatically.

“Oh,” groaned Twilight after a moment. “He wants to play a guessing game.”

“And if that were what you’re guessing, Princess Twilight, you’d be our big winner!” Discord snapped his fingers. Though nothing occurred, the ponies reflexively flinched.

“So, what’re we guessin’ then?” asked Applejack.

A bright light emanated from Discord’s body, and soon the entire area was engulfed. When the light faded, the ponies found themselves behind five wooden podiums, with buttons on the top. They looked about at their new location: a small room, with walls checkered with different shades of blue. To one side stood the rest of the ponies that were at the other tables, roped off as a kind of audience. To the other side, small yellow lights decorated the checkered wall, creating a sunlike pattern.

Across the floor, Discord, now wearing a blue top hat with a yellow stripe, a yellow bowtie, and small circular glasses, stood behind a yellow microphone. To his side stood Fluttershy, her mouth still zipped shut.

The ponies in the audience looked around, their expressions varying from bewildered to irritated. “Where are we?” a mare asked.

“Oh,” said a stallion. “It’s Discord.” The crowd let out a collective groan.

“When can we go home?” another stallion asked.

Discord crossed his arms. “As soon as these ponies guess the correct answer.” Some of the audience ponies sat down on the floor, knowing by now not to question the spirit.

“Discord,” said Twilight, “was this really necessary?”

Discord nodded. Fluttershy shrugged and mumbled.

“Alright, alright,” said Applejack. “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Excellent!” Discord laughed and rubbed his palms together. “Let us begin!” The top of his hat swung open like a hatch. “Question,” he said, his voice seeming to come from the hat itself. “Can you identify this pony?”

The wall with the sunlike pattern glowed, and was replaced by the same image as before. Pinkie slammed her face down upon her button.

Bzzz!

“Pink one?” Discord asked.

“Princess Celestia!” Pinkie answered.

A glowing red circle rose from inside Discord’s hat before falling back down. “Correct!” The image on the wall morphed into another, this one a likeness of one of the stained glass windows in Celestia’s castle. “Question. Identify this historical event.”

Bzzz!

“Pink one?” Discord asked, pointing a talon.

“Princess Celestia and Princess Luna turning Discord into a statue!”

The glowing circle  bounced out of Discord’s hat once more. “Correct!”

Bzzz!

“Yes, Princess?”

“I think I know the answer,” said Twilight resolutely. “You’re upset because you were defeated, and weren’t able to plunge Equestria into chaos.”

Rainbow hovered in the air and pumped her arm. “You go, Twilight!”

Out of Discord’s hat, a glowing red X appeared. “Oh, I’m sorry,” said Discord, grinning, “but that’s not the answer we’re looking for. Toodles!”

Twilight blinked. “What?” With a flash, she disappeared. The audience gasped.

“Relax,” Discord said with a frown. “I just put her back.”

After a moment, a mare in the audience spoke. “You sent… her home?”

“Yes.”

“In that case, I think… I think I know the answer!”

Discord narrowed his eyes. “You’re not part of the game.” The mare hung her head, defeated.

Applejack tapped her hoof. “Can we get this movin’ along?”

The image on the wall morphed into another; this one looked like it belonged in the same picture book as before.

“Question. Identify this--”

Bzzz!

“...Identify this--”

Bzzz!

“...Iden--”

Bzzz!

Bzzz!

Bzzz!

“Pink one!”

“Princess Celestia sending Nightmare Moon to the moon!” Pinkie shouted.

“Correct,” Discord said, his voice lined with impatience.

Bzzz!

“Yes, Apples?”

Applejack stood up on her hind legs, leaning onto the podium. “I’d like to take a crack at this.”

“And your guess is?”

“Yer sore ‘cause Celestia don’t allow evil menaces to run hogwild!” She disappeared with a flash.

Discord sighed. “So,” he said, sweeping his arm to the remaining contestants, “it’s down to the daring Rainbow Dash, the lovely Miss Rarity, and the pink one. Now--”

Bzzz!

Bzzz!

Bzzz!

Bzzz!

Pinkie disappeared.

Discord clenched his fists. “Well, Dash and Rarity, anyway.” Beside him, Fluttershy sighed. “Now, identify this--”

“Now, wait a minute,” said Rainbow. “Can we just skip the pictures and cut to the chase?” Several ponies in the audience murmured their assent.

Discord ripped off his bowtie, which exploded into confetti. “Fine! Remember the Crystal Empire? Who made it disappear?”

Bzzz!

“Rarity!”

“The dreadful King Sombra,” Rarity answered.

“And why was he imprisoned?”

She batted her mane. “Because the way he treated the crystal ponies was positively ghastly, and completely unbecoming of royalty.”

With a flash, Discord appeared next to her, leaning over her podium. “Yes, but more generally?”

Rarity hesitated. “Because… he was evil?”

“And why?”

“...Because the way he treated the crystal ponies was--”

“You ponies don’t get it!” Discord grunted. “Do I need to spell it out for you?”

Nopony spoke, until a stallion in the audience raised a hoof. “Yes!”

Discord’s eye twitched. He ripped off his hat, threw it on the floor, and clasped his head. “Sweet cosmos, you ponies are all so dense!” After another blinding flash of light, the room had disappeared, and everypony found themselves back outside, at their tables.

Discord himself, no longer clad in his outfit, hovered back to his seat. “How do I even live with such dim creatures?” he asked, rubbing his temples.

“Hey,” Pinkie said with a giggle. “He sounds just like Twilight!”

Across the table, Twilight blushed. “Did you figure out the answer, girls?”

“No!” Discord shouted, slamming his fists on the table. “By the cosmos, Twilight, you’re not the brightest bulb in the box, but compared to these simpletons, you’re an absolute--”

Fluttershy cleared her throat. Discord cracked his eyes open and glanced around the table, the ponies’ resentful glances not escaping his notice.

He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “I mean, no. They didn’t figure it out.”

“You shoulda seen him, Twi,” Rainbow complained. “After you left, he showed us Nightmare Moon and King Sombra, and he kept asking why they were evil!”

“Where are you going with this, Discord?” Twilight asked.

Discord sighed. “What do the events behind my imprisonment, the imprisonment of Nightmare Moon, and the imprisonment of King Sombra all have in common?”

“You mean besides the imprisonment part?”

Discord silently nodded his head and Twilight put her hoof to her chin.

Pinkie bounced in her seat. “Ooh, ooh! The Elements of Harmony?”

“Now, wait a moment, dear,” said Rarity. “If I remember correctly, Princess Celestia didn’t use the Elements against King Sombra.”

“Us?” Rainbow asked.

“Were you there when Nightmare Moon was imprisoned?” Discord asked flatly, tapping his talons on the table and holding his head in his paw.

“Oh, right.”

Finally, Twilight looked up. “Well, all three threats were from ponies, or, in your case, draconequi, who threatened Princess Celestia’s rule over Equestria.”

Immediately, Discord burst out of his seat into the air, and the sky was filled with the explosions of fireworks shaped like letters. The ponies at the restaurant looked on as the letters T-W-I-L-I-G-H-T-S-P-A-R-K-L-E-I-S-N-O-T-A-N-I-D-I-O-T further brightened the afternoon sky. He slowly fluttered down back to his seat. “Yes,” he said after a moment. “That is the answer. Princess Sunflank tolerates political foes like Applejack tolerates vampire fruit bats.” He cast a contemptuous glance down at the mare. “Stupidly.”

Applejack growled. A squeak escaped Fluttershy’s zipped mouth.

“Perhaps she is quick to imprison her foes,” said Rarity, laying a hoof on Applejack’s shoulder, “but you can hardly argue with the results.” Discord crossed his arms. “I mean, from our perspective.” She blushed.

Rainbow took to the air and hovered just above the table. “Yeah, stupid or not, she gets the job done.” Noticing Twilight’s annoyed glare, she added, “I mean, not that Princess Celestia is even stupid in the first place…” She shook her head and pointed a hoof at the creature. “I’d like to see you run a better society!”

Discord opened his mouth to respond when Fluttershy gestured to her mouth. He snapped, and the zipper disappeared.

“Maybe it would be best if we talk about something else,” Fluttershy said, rubbing her jaw tenderly.

“Look,” said Discord, “all I was saying is that it makes little sense to me that political challenges are met with swift and immediate annihilation.”

Twilight nodded. “And I understand your point, Discord, but…” She noticed Fluttershy’s pleading face. “But Fluttershy’s right. There’s been enough conflict for one afternoon.”

“There’s one thing I still don’t get, though,” interjected Pinkie.

“And what’s that, Sugarcube?” asked Applejack.

“What didn’t make sense about my story?”

Applejack swallowed. “Uh, Twilight, you read a lot. You know a thing er two ‘bout stories, dontcha?”

Twilight grinned and gestured to herself with a forehoof. “Oh, yes. I’m rather educated when it comes to narrative structure, if I do say so myself.”

Discord leaned over the Fluttershy. “Hey, Flutterbutter, check this one out. Whenever she says something the pink one probably won’t understand, I’ll send a spark across the table.” He chuckled. “Visual humor!”

“Discord, that’s not nice,” Fluttershy said. “But… you’re going to do it anyway, aren’t you?” Discord nodded, his face still plastered with his snaggletoothed grin. Fluttershy couldn’t help but smile back. “Oh, what am I going to do with you?” She rubbed his side affectionately.

“So, Pinkie,” continued Twilight, “the first thing I noticed about your story is that a lot of the things that happened didn’t seem to have much of a connection to the things that happened before.”

Pinkie cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

“Like, sometimes an event would occur in your story that seemed to be completely out of nowhere. If you don’t make a logical connection to what precedes it, ponies will find it hard to take your story seriously.”

Pinkie’s head sunk. “Did I do it too badly, Twilight?”

Twilight bit her lip. “Well, it wasn’t all that way, but particular points were rather egregious--”

Instantly, the restaurant and all of its patrons were completely vaporized. A giant fireball rocketed into the air as an enormous shockwave exploded outward. In a microsecond, all traces of Ponyville and its denizens were erased. A microsecond later, the entire Everfree Forest erupted into flames before being completely destroyed. Superheated air laid waste to the nearby city of Cloudsdale, combusting the city and all of its residents in an instant. The explosion spread as fast as ever, obliterating Canterlot and the surrounding mountains within the second. Moments later, the Crystal Empire was met with its own fiery destruction, as the crystal ponies had barely an instant to process the sight of the giant, thundering wave of fiery destruction before being utterly annihilated. Equestria as a whole was completely leveled, the lives of hundreds of millions of ponies brought to a sudden end. The explosion continued its course, spreading first to the Griffon kingdom to the East, and then to the Dragon domain in the South. The entire planet rocked with the force of the explosion, and within moments was engulfed in flame before exploding like a bomb itself. The cosmic explosion rocketed through the solar system, obliterating any and every astronomical bodies it encountered, and causing nearby stars to release their energy all at once. The destruction continued unceasing until everything in the entire universe had been reduced to particles, and those particles into smaller particles. Within seconds of the astounding event, the entirety of the universe was completely empty, bereft of particles and ponies alike. Absolutely nothing remained after the blast; in but an instant, the universe was dead.

Except for Discord. He looked around, surveying the unceasing black of the eternal void, sensing that all space and time had been completely erased. There was nothing but Discord. The unceasing inky darkness held only Discord, and for the infinitely large plane of oblivion, the planets and the stars and the ponies existed only as memories and concepts within Discord’s mind. For there was nothing. Nothing, that is, except Discord.

He looked down at his fingers, which had snapped but a moment ago, back when the universe held other things. “...Oops.”