My Little Danganronpa: Your Motive is Despair!

Featherweight was the first one out of the cafeteria. His 'classmates' were admittedly rather interesting, but none so much as that Zebra. While she had taken the cowardly route of barricading herself in her room, Featherweight  was confident that he'd thought up a way around that. It was the same way he'd gotten into Prince Blueblood's room that one time. Sure, rather than exposing Blueblood as a Colthulhu cultist as intended, Featherweight's endeavors only outed the Prince as a closet Oubliettes and Ogres nerd, but at least RPG Quarterly paid some pretty good money for the pictures.

"Alright..." he said to himself as he took out his screwdriver and scanned the walls. "Where did I see that-"

"Looking for something, little nosey one? Perhaps looking too hard into more things that you shouldn't?" Zihiri said as she passed by him.

Featherweight leapt into the air and hovered near the ceiling. "Hey! Don't sneak up on me like that! It's creepy!"

Zihiri snorted. "My, you seem to be quite a... what was that word ponies use? One who accuses others of things he himself has done? 'Hippo-shit?'"

"Wha-!? That's 'hypocrite!'"

"Ah, that's right. I thought what I said sounded weird. Anyway, I'm going to go eat, goodbye."

Featherweight put away his screwdriver and descended to land in her path. "Hey, not so fast! There's a few things I'd like to know about you."

"Very well... but as they say, one should never ask a question when one isn't prepared to hear the answer."

Featherweight narrowed his eyes. Zihiri certainly wasn't making herself look any more trustworthy. "I suppose I'll start small. You said you were an Ultimate Occultist. What exactly does that mean?"

"It means that I deal in the occult, or if you prefer, the supernatural. It is exactly what it sounds like. Are all your questions going to be of this nature? I'm very hungry and so far it seems like you could find your answers much easier with a... I forget the word. It starts with 'dic'. You don't have one of those 'dic' things, do you? If you do, it must be outlandishly small for it not to include 'occultist.'"

"A 'dictionary...'" Featherweight said, gritting his teeth. "And I know what occultist means, but could you elaborate a little?"

"Oh you know, potion brewing, séances, a multitude of rituals..."

"Like rituals to summon Colthulhu into Equestria and start a thousand years of darkness and suffering?"

"Oh, no, no, no. Not Colthulhu. Not him at all." She grinned slightly, revealing that two of her teeth were filed to points.

Well, that totally wasn't suspicious. "Okay, moving on... Have you ever been convicted of any crimes?"

"Of course not, for to be convicted, one must first be arrested, and hitherto I have never been arrested," she said matter-of-factly.

"You're wording some of your answers rather oddly."

"Oh, am I? I hadn't noticed. I must admit to being dismally unskilled in your pony tongue. Can we finish this? I'd really like to eat."

Featherweight frowned, mentally tallying all the times this 'unskilled' zebra had used words like 'outlandishly,' 'hitherto,' and 'dismally' with no issues. Still, she wasn't cracking yet. Perhaps if he pressed just a little more...

"Oh fine, just a couple more for now. What were you doing in your room when I was ringing your doorbell?"

"Reading... And ignoring you, that part was crucial."

"Just reading? Reading what?"

"A book."

"Well no shit! What was the book about and where'd you get it?"

"That was two."

"What?"

"You said just a couple more questions. 'What was I doing' and 'What was I reading.' That's two. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat now."

As she tried to step around him, Featherweight jumped in her way, unable to contain his investigative urges. "Oh no, that answer didn't count, and you know it! There's something about that book you don't want me to know, isn't there? What were you really reading?"

Zihiri rolled her eyes, pulled something out from under her cloak, and threw it on the ground, making it erupt into smoke. "Here. This should keep you out of my mane for a short while, though it pains me to lose it so quickly. Many ponies would pay very much for it. Goodbye," By the time the smoke cleared and Featherweight stopped coughing, she was gone.

"Dang it!" Featherweight grumbled. "Ah well, I already know she was looking for the cafeteria. I'll go find her there."

Just then he noticed an inch-tall alicorn in a kilt fly passed his nose. Then a small armada of beetles marched past his feet, each holding an umbrella to protect themselves from the mini folding chairs falling from the storm clouds above their heads.

"... That was no ordinary smoke was it?" he realized as the walls began melting and giving way to a magical forest. "Well shoot, how do I find her now? Hey, maybe that purple dragon knows! Hey, purple dragon! Wait for me!" He then gave chase, coincidentally running past Zihiri on her way to the cafeteria and slamming into a wall at top speed.

Zihiri actually winced when she saw him collapse. She approached his twitching body and gave him a light poke in the ribs. He rolled back over and looked up at her. "Hey, Zihiri, did you see where that purple dragon went? I need to ask him if he knows where you are."

She gave him a deadpan look and pointed down a nearby hallway.

"Okay, thanks! Just you wait Zihiri, I'm hot on your trail! You'll never escape me!" he exclaimed before dashing off.

She smirked and continued on her way. "I need to make more of that stuff."

*** *** ***

Meanwhile, Sunset, Lyra, and Frostbite had met up in a nearby classroom to discuss the election.

"Well, all things considered, that went rather smoothly," Sunset said. "At least this way, when I win, I'll have Monokuma's power to back me up."

"What about Octavia?" asked Lyra.

Despite her scowl at the mention of her opponent, Sunset still exuded confidence. "Don't worry too much about her. After all, she didn't even want it at first. She'll be an annoyance at most."

"Need us to do anything else?" asked Frostbite.

"Actually, yes, now that you mention it. I'd like one of you to see where everyone else stands right now. Who's voting for me, who's voting for Octavia, and who's still undecided. Assured victory or not, it never hurts to know the score."

"I can do that," Frostbite volunteered immediately. "Besides, while I'm at it, there's bound to be one or two ponies here in need of some TLC," Frostbite said. "I mean there's still thirteen ponies I need to ask, and that gray mare was totally almost there earlier! Frankly, I like them odds! I'll get started right now!" He gave a salute and headed out.

"Don't forget about actually doing the survey! That's what's important!" Sunset called after him. "He's gonna forget the survey and flirt the whole time isn't he?" she conceded.

"Maybe, maybe not," Lyra said with a shrug. "I wouldn't write him off before he actually comes back. Anything else you need done?"

"Hm... Not that I can think of, actually. I'm used to campaigning for an entire school. A class of sixteen will be nothing."

Lyra grinned. "Alright then! Since we have some spare time though, how about you let me in on some of that human knowledge you were talking about?" Her eyes glimmered like jewels: jewels with a human obsession.

Sunset rolled her eyes. "Fine. I suppose I need to eventually."

Lyra pulled out a pencil and notebook and took a seat at the front of the classroom. "Come on Ms. Shimmer! Fill my brain with knowledge!"

"Wait, you're actually expecting me to act like a teacher?"

"I learn better in a classroom environment," Lyra said, taking out an apple and giving it to Sunset.

"Ugh. Fine," Sunset groaned as she moved to the front of the class. "Now I assume you know the basics about human physiology, since you're supposed to be an expert on them."

"Yup, I've seen every sketch ever drawn of one. What I'm hoping to learn is about their culture!"

"Ah. Well, I'm just the right pony for that then. I suppose I should just start from the beginning. A couple years back, I was magically transported into the human world and even given a human form when I found a magic mirror portal in Canterlot." She looked back at Lyra to see if she looked like she believed it.

"Magic portal: got it. I suppose the human things in Canterlot is one thing that Featherweight guy got right, then," Lyra said, not questioning Sunset's story at all.

"It would seem so. Anyway, the most apparent thing about humans aside from their bodies is their clothing. For humans, clothes are not optional. No matter how nice it is outside, or how dirty or unfashionable your wardrobe is, you're supposed to wear something."

"Or what?"

"It attracts Frostbites." Sunset cringed remembering it... ah well, at least she got Snips' and Snails' eternal loyalty out of the incident. "Next, humans generally hold things in their hands, instead of mouths. As I discovered the hard way, this applies especially to anything electrical. Basically humans have no magic, and instead exclusively use electrical appliances. So using your mouth to plug in an extension cord is not a good idea."

Lyra winced, but then looked to her forehooves longingly.

"Next, humans are more into general education, at least where I went. Here in Equestria, you finish up six to nine years of school and then start working on trade skills, with further education being only for richer ponies or those going into more complex jobs. Everything up to high school is mandatory for humans."

"Just like here," Lyra noted, "but without students killing each other."

Sunset nodded, though she seemed noncommittal. "Usually. I heard they tried something like our situation in the Republic of Greater East Asia, and... wait, was Heathers fictional or a documentary?" she trailed off, trying to keep her facts straight. Finally, she just shrugged it off. "Whatever. Point is nothing like this happened where I was. Now, next I'd like to mention that humans like to eat meat. A lot." A slight malicious smile spread across her face. She was in the mood for a good prank.

"What kind?" Lyra tilted her head. She knew they were omnivorous, but not much about the specifics of their diets.

"Cow, mostly." Sunset smirked and waited for the reaction.

"Huh? But- Why? How? I mean..." the gears in Lyra's brain were clearly grinding. "But cows are our friends!"

Sunset chuckled a bit before opting to let her in on the rest of the story. "Actually, in the human world, cows-"

"Ah well. I guess if humans are okay with it, it's fine," Lyra decided, instantly at peace with it.

"-are... non-sapient..." Sunset finished, in awe at what Lyra had just said. "You accepted it that quickly? It's practically cannibalism!"

"Well, lots of cultures have eaten sapient creatures over the centuries. Griffons at one time ate ponies, why should humans not eat cows? Sure, I'm glad that human-world cows aren't intelligent, but even if they were, I'm okay with whatever humans do. They're such fascinating creatures! Hm... While we're on the subject, what exactly did they taste like? Maybe I can get a powerful unicorn to clone just a cow's leg for me to eat, so I won't have to resort to killing or stealing amputee parts. Yeah, that'd really let me step into their human shoes..." Lyra laid her head on her hooves, as if daydreaming, and started drooling slightly.

"Okaaaaay... " Sunset said, looking a little creeped out. "Was there anything else you wanted to know about them?"

For the next half hour, Lyra continued to ask questions, mostly about human rules and customs, though a disproportionate number were about human mating rituals. Sunset refused to answer those ones.

*** *** ***

"Wow... those smell so good! Thanks, True Heart!" Derpy said, gazing at the slowly rising muffins in the cafeteria's oven.

"No problem," True Heart replied, although that was a bit of a lie. Even though he was supposed to be making them for her, her advice and oversight saved the project on more than one occasion. "Where'd you learn to bake like that anyway?"

"Years of practice. Whenever I was feeling down, muffins made me feel better."

"I feel the same way about stars... I wonder if Monokuma will let us see the sky while we're in here?"

"Well, he did give you a telescope, so possibly."

"He just wants me to hit somepony with it. I mean you got a mini-oven even though this big one works just fine."

Derpy shrugged. "Even then, we'll get out of here sooner or later."

"You still think so?"

"I know so. Monokuma's underestimating us when he says we'll start killing each other. I mean, would you kill somepony to escape?"

"No, of course not. Although I would like to get out of here soon. I can't bake the night sky..."

"What makes the stars so special to you, if you don't mind me asking?"

"I like everything about the night. It started back when I was a foal. I was out camping with my friends, but when night fell, I went out to go to the bathroom and got lost on my way back. There was nothing but darkness and strange noises everywhere I went. Obviously I was scared, but by sheer luck I eventually stepped into a clearing. There were no trees anywhere, just the clear night sky. Have you ever looked at the stars with no lights or obstructions, Ditzy?"

"Yeah, you could say I have. They really do get beautiful, don't they?"

"They get indescribable. I swear I sat there for an hour. Given the time, I would have just sat there and counted them they were so beautiful. Eventually my friends realized I was gone, and when they found me, I convinced them to actually move camp so we could sleep under the stars. And don't even get me started on what it looks like with a telescope! Galaxies, nebulas, they're all so beautiful."

"They really are. Did you know that every one of the stars out there has its own planets?"

"Yup, and some of them are probably inhabited."

She tried to repress a chuckle. "I'd say definitely... Have you ever wondered what our world looks like from out there?"

"Sometimes. It's kind of funny, the way you can't see the things that are the closest to you. I bet it looks wonderful though."

"It does. It's the most beautiful one of all, because it's home."

"You sound almost like you've seen it."

Before she could respond, the oven started beeping. "Oh! We better get that!"

They went to tend to the muffins, eventually forgetting thoughts of space and planets, aside from one remark Derpy made about Earth being the only planet where you could get a good muffin... or so she assumed, at least.

*** *** ***

Meanwhile, just outside in the cafeteria, Click Clack was click-clacking away at his laptop, working on a story he'd been putting off, even though he totally never does that normally. Ever. After finishing off a long string of paragraphs, he saved his progress, smiled to himself, and got up to procrastinate stretch his legs and get some soda.

"Click Clack!" Rook burst into the cafeteria. "I need to use your laptop for a second! There's nothing else to write on and I can't lose this idea!" Without waiting for a response, Rook grabbed the computer, opened a new file and started typing.

Click didn't mind sharing, but took the liberty of watching over Rook's shoulder.

Made to live in a world unknown.

Ursine laughter chilling bone.

Rage and sadness mix in our souls.

Despair leaves us helpless as small foals.

Exits do not exist among these rooms.

Roads lead only too our dooms.

"Whoa... was that an acrostic?" Click gasped, soda nearly coming out of his nose.

"Yeah. It's not finished yet. Normally it would be much better."

"They get better than that? It was an acrostic and it rhymed, plus you made it up on the spot."

"If that one ever gets recognized as great, then I've been wasting my life trying too hard."

"At least you can pull something halfway decent out of your plot. I always need a lot of time to make a story, even without me putting stuff off. I mean this story itself is probably gonna take four times as long as necessary."

"Books are longer than poems. You have an excuse."

"Well, sure, but you don't know what it means to be in literary hell 'til you've experienced genuine writer's block with a deadline."

"I suppose... I've never had a deadline since school."

"Oh yeah..." Click sat down next to Rook. "I take what I said back. The worst thing about writing is those stupid prompts you would get in school, and yes, I feel this way on both sides of the fourth wall. Honestly I hated those things so much it led me to hate writing when I was young, forcing me away from what I was meant to do and delaying my development as an author. Is that what you wanted, Mrs. Morrison? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED!?." Click said casually.

"Oh my gosh, those..." Rook pinched the bridge of his beak.

"Like those ones where you're supposed to write about something that actually happened to you, whether or not you've had the kind of experience they're asking for?"

"Yeah, those. 'Here, Click Clack, even though you love fiction so much, we want you to write about a time when you felt betrayed.' Lady, I don't get betrayed, I only have like nine friends and I picked 'em right!"

"I know the feeling. I had this one assignment where I had to write about a time when I was happy."

"..."

"..."

"There is no way you've never been happy," Click finally said.

"Nope. My highest moments are somewhere in the upper 'meh' range."

"What about the way your poetry makes you feel?"

"My poetry? Click, you're an Ultimate Author. You should know that writing isn't about happiness. It's about inducing thought and emotion in your readers, and poetry is especially emotion-based. I write what I feel inside, and what I feel is depressed, so I embrace that. That kind of genuine feeling is what the true substance of poetry comes from. I'm not happy, but through sadness I reach the apex of my emotion and achieve greatness."

Click nodded. "I guess I can see how that would work. I still think you're exaggerating when you say you've never been happy though."

"I'm really not."

"Bitch, I wrote you! If I think you're exaggerating then you're freaking exaggerating!" Click shrugged. "If you say so."

Just then Frostbite came up between them, getting uncomfortably close. "I know something that'll make you happy, Rook."

"Is it a female griffon?" Rook asked.

Frostbite cringed. "Aaaaaand that's one strike. Click Clack? Wanna do it?"

"If by 'do it' you mean find a marefriend, yes I would like that very much," Click answered.

Frostbite staggered back and collapsed overdramatically. "Damn you, heterosexuality!" He got back up quickly and went around the table to face them from a less personal perspective. "So, now that I know that's a dead end, let's just pal around a bit. I don't wanna be thought of as a one-trick pony, no matter how much I like said trick. So, how's about that election? Who you guys voting for?"

"Meh, probably Sunset. If we're gonna have an autocratic ruler, she may as well be a safety oriented one," Rook said.

Click shrugged. "I'm undecided, but we got a few days. Honestly I doubt much will come of it either way. Monokuma's all I'm worried about."

About that time, Derpy and True Heart came out of the kitchen. "You guys talking about the election?" Derpy asked, setting down a plate of muffins on a nearby table. "I'm thinking Octavia myself,"

"Me too. I just don't see the point of trying to protect us from each other if nopony's even a threat," said True Heart

Frostbite nodded. "I could see that, but me? I've always been about structure. If you don't have a leader, you have chaos. It's like a company of soldiers: take away the sergeant, and there's nothing stopping them from skipping out on training and getting sloppy. Of course, in our case, instead of getting sloppy, we'd be letting Monokuma get under our skin. At the very least we need somepony with leadership skills that we could rally around."

"You have a point, I guess," True Heart said with a shrug.

Frostbite nodded. "It seems pretty plain to me..." He leaned forward, looking True Heart straight in the eyes and placing his hooves on his shoulders. "It's as plain as your feelings for me. I know that look, my love."

True Heart pushed him away. "Um, sorry, not interested. At least buy me dinner first, sheesh."

Frostbite blushed, defeated once again... until he turned to Derpy, looking her straight in the eyes and placing his hooves on her shoulders. "It's as plain as your feelings for me. I know that look, my lo-"

"Frostbite! You just used that line!" Derpy said, though it was taking all of her concentration to avoid another nosebleed.

"Oh... so I did," Frostbite said. "Did it work this time?"

"No."

With his machinations dashed, Frostbite allowed the others to steer the conversation in more chaste directions, causing the Ultimate Engineer reveal his nonsexual side... but only a little.

*** *** ***

After his meeting with Derpy, True, Click, and Rook, Frostbite went out to speak to more of the other students. Once he'd addressed about half of them, he stopped to tally the votes. "Hm... Let's see, Click was undecided, Derpy and True Heart both said Octavia, Rook's going Sunset, Button voted Sunset, Featherweight says he's voting for Benji the Crimson Wildebeest, but considering the fact that he clearly got into some drugs somehow, should probably just get back to him later. Counting Lyra, Sunset, Octavia, Vinyl, and me, both sides are about even so far," Frostbite tallied. "And everypony said no to sexy time. Well, Featherweight said he'd consider it if I brought him four hundred ninety-seven and a half blue corn tortillas, but where am I gonna get that? Now who should I talk to next..."

"How about me? What are you doing? It sounds like fun!" Yoyo appeared out of nowhere, beaming with curiosity and interest.

"Oh. Hey, Yoyo. I was just trying to see who everypony is voting for. Speaking of which, what kind of traits does a sexy mare like yourself look for in a leader?"

"I look as few limitations as possible! I'm voting for Octi-puss! That's my nickname for her. You're Frostsmitten, because you're smitten with everypony you meet!"

"Wow, that's actually a pretty clever... wait, but aren't you concerned that Octavia won't protect you from other students trying to kill you?"

"There's no way they'll do that. Besides, even if they do, fighting for my life might be fun!"

"... What? Are you actually that obsessed with fun?"

"Of course. Ultimate Fun Lover, remember?"

"I know something really fun we could do..."

"What? Are you trying to score with me? Like, do you really think it's gonna be that easy?"

"Well, it was worth a sho-"

"Because it totally is! Come on, let's go back to my place!" She turned and wiggled her tail at him before bouncing off toward her room humming the tune to 'I Got a Feeling.'

Frostbite seemed taken aback. That really was easy! "Well, either she's going to murder me the second we're alone together, or I'm actually gonna get to..." *POMF* His wings flared out as he started to considered the risks and rewards. He didn't need to consider it for long. "Hey, wait up!" he shouted, running after her.

In their race for pleasure, they just so happened to pass by Button Mash in the dormitories. "Hey, what's the hurry?" Button asked as the duo reached Yoyo's room and threw open the door, forgetting to close it as they ran in.

No sooner did Button curiously look inside than he regretted it. Before he could react, a pair of hastily thrown off panties landed over his head. "AAAAAAAHHHHH! Why? Why did I look!? My eyes! AAAAAHHH!" He slammed the door and ran as fast as he could away from them, accidentally slamming into Featherweight.

"Oh, hello there, Panty Fairy! Are you here to help me retrieve the Holy Grail from the Lost Lair of the Gumdrop Overlord?" The still-high-as-a-kite pegasus asked, his eyes unevenly dilated and drifting in opposite directions.

"Screw the Grail! Give me some bleach for my eyes! And get this thing away from me!" Button tore the panties off his head.

"As you command, Your Pantiness!" Featherweight said. He put the panties on his head like a helmet and skipped away. "Adventure!"

Button, meanwhile, remained writhing on the ground in mental agony until he chanced to reopen his eyes and spot something on the floor. "Oh, hey, a Monocoin!" And in that instant, all his distress melted away.

At about that time, Bulk Biceps rounded the corner and saw him. "Hey, can I have that? I've been looking for them and trying to get that machine to get me some better weights. The dumbbells Monokuma left in my room are too light for me. I'll let you have this instead." He pulled out a little handheld game system. "I've been piling the other flops up in a classroom near the school store, but I figured I should save this one for you."

Button reached up and grabbed it. "Oh... My... Celestia... This is a Limited Edition Neightendo 3PS! These ones have Adventure Ponies 5 preinstalled and only two thousand were ever made!" Button hugged the machine to his breast. "Here, the coin's yours. Also, you're my new best friend." The look Button gave made it abundantly clear that he was not exaggerating.

"Okaaay... thanks. I'm gonna go find more coins."

"I'll help! ... After testing this out really quick!" Button switched the game on and started playing.

All the rest of the day, he never got around to helping. He was so engrossed in the game that he barely heard Monokuma's voice sound over the intercom a few hours later.

*Ding dong, bing bong*

The school's intercoms filled the school with Monokuma's voice. "Mm, ahem, this is a school announcement. It is now 10 p.m. As such, it is officially nighttime. Soon the doors to the dining hall will be locked, and entry at that point is strictly prohibited. Okay then... sweet dreams, everypony! Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite..."

"Oh... yeah, I'd better get out of the hallway then..." Button said, standing up and going back to his room, walking on three legs and deftly playing the game with one hoof as he walked.