The Love Of The Angels...by Zanem-JiChaptersBroken HeartedMoved In...and Moving On?The Will To Carry On?...Broken HeartedBeep….beep….beep….beep…. I struggle to open my heavy eyelids and observe my surroundings. A heart monitor was keeping my pulse on my left index finger. My right hand was engulfed in Applejack’s hands. I could feel her grip tighten a bit and hear her do a sharp intake of air. “Well looky here! She’s wakin’ up!” Applejack cried happily. The rest of my friends placed themselves around my bed, small tears of joy sat on the edges of their eyes. “YOU’RE OKAY!!!” Pinkie squealed in delight. She leaned in and enveloped me in a hug, her breasts suffocating me. “Pinks, let her go, ya killin’ her!” Applejack said in a joking manner. “You actually are though.” Twilight spoke out, unknowingly vocalizing my thoughts. Pinkie immediately released me, and my eyes met with Twilight’s. The air in the room suddenly got thick as the Alicorn stared me down. I look around and realize that I’m in one of Twilight’s study rooms that she had temporarily converted into a mini hospital room for me. For me?… “Twilight, why am I here?” “You collapsed at your house when I came to see you.” Rarity responded for her. “I brought you here, since you didn’t want to go a real hospital.” Twilight wasn’t just the ruler of Equestria, she also studied in pony anatomy and medicinal science. I guess I’d rather have her study me than some random doctors. “Thanks…I guess…” I say quietly. “You should be thanking her.” Twilight said angrily. “Fluttershy, this cannot, and will not, go on.” “What the hell are you talking about?” I question defensively. “I’ve ran some tests on you and read your charts. Fluttershy…you’re suffering from stress cardiomyopathy.” I stare at her blankly, “What is that?” “To put it into simpler terms…you have Broken Heart Syndrome.” She replied sadly. “Your heart has been greatly weakened due to Rainbow’s…untimely passing. Because of that, your other organs have been compromised as well.” She swallowed, “’Shy, I know you were in love with her. I may not fully understand your pain on an emotional scale, but physically…” her royal purple eyes stared deep into mine, “It’s killing you. You’re literally dying from a broken heart.” I don’t know why, but her answer hadn’t slapped me like a bag of bricks until I heard Rarity choke down a sob. I glanced over each of them. Rarity’s azure eyes were glassy, tears on the verge of spilling. Applejack had her eyes covered, keeping a firm grip on my hand. I could still feel her pain through the contact. Even Pinkie had no traces of a smile on her face. The last time she had that face on… Was when we laid Dashie to rest… I cracked. The shudders rippled and the tears flowed forward through me as the girls enveloped me with their love and care. They were so sweet, so soft, so kind. They held me in their embrace for a little bit before releasing me. “You’ll spend a week here, so that I can keep an eye on your vitals.” Twilight stated. “After that, you’re moving in with AJ.” My eyes shot open, “WHAT?! Why?” “Because she lives on her own, remember?” Pinkie responded. “But why am I moving in with her?” “Pinkie can’t take you in because she works here in the castle with Twilight. I can't either because my nephew is staying with me for a while until Sweetie finishes her first two years at Canterlot's School For Gifted Unicorns.” Rarity stated. “Ah offered tah take care of ya, until ya got completely better.” Applejack stated softly. I look at each of them. Fuck irritation, I was straight up furious. They could tell… “What’s wrong ‘Shy?” Pinkie asked. “Do I still look like I’m a little filly? I’m 25 years old! I don’t need someone to sit here and kiss my boo-boos and tell me everything is going to be okay!! I can take care of myself!” “Listen to me,” Twilight started. “You are sick! What if you pass out again, and nopony is around?! You could’ve died this time, and none of us want to risk that!” “I’m grown. I’m not doing it.” I don’t know what had turned me into such a hard headed pony, but it was definitely kicking in right now. “I’m telling you that you’re going.” Twilight responded. ‘You can’t tell me what to do. You're just my friend, so stop acting like you're my damn mother!” I yelled. She snorted angrily, and her jaw clenched for a brief moment. “I’m not telling you as your friend!” her eyes glowed a little, “As the ruler of Equestria, I have deemed you unfit to live alone, and upon your release from here, you will be taking residency with Applejack.” Her eyes narrowed, “Do you understand?” There was a silent stare down between me and the princess. I knew I couldn’t win. “Yes…Your Highness…” the words came out clipped, and dangerously low. "Good." Her eyes soften, "I’m sorry, but this has to be done.” I don’t respond to her. “Hey girls, do ya’ll mind if Ah have a word with Flutters?” Applejack asked quietly. The other nodded and left the room. She turned to me, and smiled a tiny smile. “Ah love ya. Yer one of mah closest friends. In fact, yer my best friend, Flutters. It’s hurtin’ me tah see ya like this. It’s cuttin’ me deep...real deep. If Ah can do anythin'…anythin' at all, tah ease that achin’ of yers…then Ah wanna be able tah do it.” I smiled softly at her sweet little speech. This was a reminder of why Applejack was my best friend. Sure, The snow white Unicorn was near to my heart, with the generosity and fun that she put into my life. But…Applejack showed me an unconditional love and devotion that was beaten only by Dashie’s. For the few times that the cyan Pegasus and I got into fights, Applejack was the first pony I flew to. She’d comfort me, and make me laugh, and tell me everything is going to be okay. She even took to sleeping on the couch and made me sleep in her bed. Although, nothing she said or did helped when Dashie died. Dear God, I miss that mare… I miss the sound of her strong heartbeat as I laid my head on her chest. I miss the way I looked into those pinkish-ruby eyes and could see the infinite amount of love that swam in them. I miss the way the warmth enveloped me as she pulled me close. I miss the heat of her breath on my neck as she whispered sweet nothings into my ear. I miss it. I miss her. I miss her so much… I don’t know when Applejack had grabbed me, nor do I know when I started crying, but it felt good…it felt so good, to release this. I held onto her, and bawled my eyes out. She patted my back, humming softly, lulling me into a sense of calmness that finally allowed me to regain my composure. And when I did, I pulled away. “I’m sorry, AJ. I’m so sorry...but...thank you...” She chuckled, “Awe, don’t ya worry yerself none. It’s the least Ah can do.” She lightly patted my shoulder, “Now, ya gone ‘head an' get yerself some rest. Ya need it girl.” “Do you mind…staying with me, until I fall asleep?” I ask timidly, before I could stop myself. What was I doing? I’ve been sleeping alone for almost five months. I didn’t want to have her waste her time sitting here until I fell asleep. “No problem, Sugarcube. Ah’d be glad tah.” She slid into the bed with me and wrapped an arm around me. There is no awkwardness between us. No feelings of lust or intimacy. Just comfort. Pure, untainted peace. I lay my head on her chest and close my eyes. It was strong and slow and soothing. **Ba-bump…ba-bump…ba-bump…ba-bump. Moved In...and Moving On?Even beyond my demise, chaos shall reign! The loss of your lover shall drive you insane. Though never married, it was upon death did you part. Thought to be the end, it is where the curse shall start. Where ever you go, whatever you see, Shall be blended by me, confusing your reality! You’ll think you’re getting better, you’ll think all is well, But no matter how much you hope, you’ll never leave this Hell…. My eyes snap open, and chills run through my body as Discord’s laughed echoed in my skull. It’s been six months since I’ve moved in with Applejack, and I hadn’t had a dream that weird until now. My ear twitches as I hear Applejack stepping into the room. “Mornin’, Sugarcube. Ah made ya some breakfast; a roasted sunflower petal salad mixed with some of them almond bits ya like with some vinegar dressing, an’ some apple juice.” She stated as she placed the dish in my lap, and goes to sit down in the chair by my desk. I smile at her hospitality and thank her. I didn’t think that it would’ve been possible, but I had finally started to see things in a better light... Damn Twilight for being right... I take a couple bites before I could feel Applejack was staring at me. I turn to her, only for her to quickly turn her head and focus her attention on her cell phone. “What? Is there something on my face?” I ask inquisitively. “Well, Twilight said that one of them super crazy dance clubs just opened up in Canterlot not that. She’s invitin’ all of us tah go check it out tahnight. Ah’m not really all intah that crazy techno boom box noise, but what the hell, Ah don’t mind a good ol’ girls’ night out every once in a while.” Her smile got bigger, “It kinda reminded me of the first time ya got absolutely hammered.” I started to feel a heat rise in my cheeks. The only thing I remember about that night was that I woke up to a naked and sticky Pinkie on me, and me only donning a pair of stockings and a bra made out of confetti. “I don’t think I should go…” I say quietly. Applejack gets out of her bed, only to plop down in mine. “Aw, c’mon ‘Shy! Ah’m goin’, an’ ya know that’s not exactly mah kinda thing! Besides, Ah don’t want ya here all by yer lonesome while we’re all out havin’ a hoot!” her emerald eyes got big and glassy, and she popped out her bottom lip, “Please?” I stare at her for a second. How could I resist that cute little face of hers? Wait, did I just say 'cute'? “I guess…anything to stop you from making that face. You’re kind of freaking me out.” Her grin stretched to the point of touching her ears as she squeezed me into a tight hug. Had I been the same pony six months ago, I think she would’ve broken me in two. She jumped up and started to turn to the door. “Ah’ll be back. Ah think Rares' would kill me if Ah tried tah show up in some of mah normal jeans. So Ah'ma do a bit of…shoppin’.” She shuddered at the last word. "Ah’ll see ya in a bit!” she started heading down the stairs, and I couldn’t help stealing a glance at her toned ass. WHAT AM I THINKING?! I shouldn’t be feeling things like this. Not towards her. She was my friend. A very…hot, strong, sexy friend…but a friend none the less! It wasn’t fair, for me to even start thinking of her like that. I shouldn’t be thinking about another mare period! I had given my heart to Dashie…and there was no hope of me getting it back… Or was there? Her death had finally stopped replaying over and over in my nightmares…but when they hadn’t yet, and it got rough, Applejack always slid into bed to hold me. At first, it was just a friendly thing of her to do, but over time, I had started to enjoy feeling her breast on my back and her strong arms encircling me. I also think of how my heart would flutter just a little when she flashed one of those ‘country pony’ grins at me, and the way her eyes light up when she was in awe of something. I liked when she’d walk around the house in a sports bra and briefs, and the way the sunlight hit her rippling six pack just righ- Oh no…am I crushing on Applejack? I replay a sentence Rarity said to me right before I left Twilight's castle… “Darling, it will seem like it’s impossible right now, but you will find Love, when you’re not looking for it.” I disregarded it as a simple message to attempt to cheer me up, but now I see what she meant. “I’m not just crushing on Applejack…I’m starting to fall for her.” The confirmation of it as it slipped past my lips filled me with a bit of excitement, and sheer terror. I mean, we all know Applejack plays for both teams, but what if I did decide to pursue her? What if she doesn’t feel the same way? What would I do if I destroyed our friendship, and lose her for good? What would I do without her? Dear God, I am deeper in that mare’s grasp than I had imagined before. This wasn’t fair, where did these feelings come from? They had no right to blindside me. I rub my temples and slide out of bed. Now that these feelings had arisen, I needed to do something about them. But what? How easy is it to brush off feelings that had dug their way into my subconscious, and then suddenly made themselves known? Liquor. I suddenly need some. I need to drink these little troubles of mine away, and I will! Tonight, I will indulge in the strongest drinks, and enjoy the company of my friends. I run downstairs and grab the bottle of homemade apple flavored moonshine in the fridge, (one of the many benefits of having a moonshine maker as a friend) pop the cap, and take a huge swig. The liquor slides down my throat, sending a warm tingle through me. Blurriness starts to creep at the corner of my eyes. Yes….tonight is going to be great… The Will To Carry On?...It’s the beginning of yet another day. I think. I don’t know anymore, and I don’t care. I stare at the ceiling for a few minutes, contemplating ifI wanted to get up or not. I sigh heavily, before moving to place my hooves on the floor. Pain shoots through me. Death may not be standing beside me at the moment, but it was near...I wonder how much longer it would be before it snatched me from the world of the living, and let me stand beside Dashie again… It had been almost five months since she passed, dying from a fatal injury that she acquired trying to protect me from Discord. How foolish of me to believe that he had been fully reformed. I’m glad that fucking bastard is dead and rotting in the deepest pits of Tartarus. My body, my mind, nor my heart had ever recovered from her death. I’m ready for the trauma of this to pass…but I know it never will. I walk into my bathroom and look in the mirror. My eyes had sunken in from the lack of sleep. My mane had gotten scraggly and thin, so I ended up cutting most of it off. I had gotten a lot skinnier as well. I don’t know why, since I still ate. Maybe not as much as I used to, but at least enough to keep myself alive. Although, I don’t have anything to live for, now that she’s gone. I slowly made my way to the kitchen. The soft ‘clack’ of my hooves and echoed throughout my cottage. No animals have lived here in a long time. Angel had lead the pack away in the middle of the night, and I never saw them again. I don’t blame them though…Death seems to take the things I love the most. My love for my animal friends was in second place compared to the love of the deceased Pegasus. The sound of something, or somepony, knocking on my door rings through the cottage. My ears flick in annoyance. Can’t I just be left to wallow in my misery? Who could it possibly be now? I slowly make my way to the door, “Who is it?” I let out a small gasp of surprise. Now that I think about it, I haven’t spoken to anyone in a little over a month. My voice no longer sounded as sweet and soft as Dashie used to say it was. “Fluttershy dear, is that you?” Rarity’s unique accent sang out. “Please open the door, I wish to see you. I wanted to see how you were doing…” “I’m fine Rares…really.” I almost wheeze out. “My word, you don’t even sound like yourself.” Rarity pointed out. “But even with your…unfamiliar sounding voice, I can tell that you’re lying to me.” I choose not to respond to her, and start to turn around. Big mistake on my part. “Fluttershy, don’t make me use my magic to do such brutish things, like RIPPING THIS DOOR OFF OF IT’S HINGES!!” I flinch and my ear fold a little. My years of being with Dashie had helped me get over my fear of almost everything. ALMOST. Rarity’s rage was still something that I, and most other ponies, feared. I opened the door and squinted as the rays of sunlight bounced off of the bejeweled patterns on her shirt and seared my eyes. She gasped as she took in my appearance. “Oh my stars! Fluttershy, you’re terribly thin! You look like you haven’t gotten a wink’s worth of sleep, and YOUR MANE!!! What in Equis happened to your beautiful, luscious mane?! What’s happened to you?!” I don’t respond, but instead make my way to my couch. Geez, even my tattered wings are weighing my aching body down. Rarity could tell as she follows close behind. “Darling, the girls and I think that you should…you should go to a hospital. We’re worried about you.” I sigh and began to rub my temples, “Rares, please. I don’t like hospitals.” “You have nothing to be afraid of though, dear!” “I didn’t say I was afraid. I said I don’t like them. I’m not going.” “Why ever not?” I could feel the irritability bubbling up, “Didn’t you hear me? I just said it’s because I don’t like them.” Her ears flopped down as she stared at me sympathetically, “Dear…we all miss her. As much as you d-” I raise a finger, “Don’t you DARE say that you miss her as much as I do. I know you girls loved her. Really, I do. But I didn’t just love her. I was IN LOVE with her. It’s because of her that I am the way I am today.” I watched her eyebrows furrow in frustration, “The way you are today?” she jumped up and stormed to the bathroom, and brought back a hand mirror, “Look at yourself, Fluttershy.” “I already know how I look. I just looked in the mirror less than 10 minutes ago.” She snorted, “I think the views of what you see in that mirror, and the pony I see before me are not the same.” I refuse to look at the mirror. She sighs, and I watch her face soften a little. “Flutters,” she says sweetly. A nickname that I haven’t heard in a while. It felt nice to hear it. “You have every right to feel the way you do right now. It’s just…” she looks down at the floor, “We are your friends. We love you and care about you. We have since we were bonded by the Elements of Harmony. To see you suffer like this pains us as well. And in case you forgot, AJ and I are your best friends. If you could see how much it’s killing AJ to hear you’re like this…” she got a determined look on her face, “If you could see how you look, and I mean REALLY look, you would get off of your ass, and come with me!” My eyes widen at the sound of her tone. I was too weak right now to say no, and even if I wasn’t, would I have even said no? I could feel a small, barely undetectable smile on my face, as I reached up for Rarity’s hand. My hand…why is it so heavy? And why is my vision suddenly starting to get blurry? I blink a few times. No change. I still can’t see. I think Rarity could see the fear that was starting to appear on my face. She said something, but it was muffled jargon to my ears. Is it Death? Has it finally come to take me away? My vision starts to flicker to blackness, but not before a light blue feather dances in front of my eyes…
Broken HeartedBeep….beep….beep….beep…. I struggle to open my heavy eyelids and observe my surroundings. A heart monitor was keeping my pulse on my left index finger. My right hand was engulfed in Applejack’s hands. I could feel her grip tighten a bit and hear her do a sharp intake of air. “Well looky here! She’s wakin’ up!” Applejack cried happily. The rest of my friends placed themselves around my bed, small tears of joy sat on the edges of their eyes. “YOU’RE OKAY!!!” Pinkie squealed in delight. She leaned in and enveloped me in a hug, her breasts suffocating me. “Pinks, let her go, ya killin’ her!” Applejack said in a joking manner. “You actually are though.” Twilight spoke out, unknowingly vocalizing my thoughts. Pinkie immediately released me, and my eyes met with Twilight’s. The air in the room suddenly got thick as the Alicorn stared me down. I look around and realize that I’m in one of Twilight’s study rooms that she had temporarily converted into a mini hospital room for me. For me?… “Twilight, why am I here?” “You collapsed at your house when I came to see you.” Rarity responded for her. “I brought you here, since you didn’t want to go a real hospital.” Twilight wasn’t just the ruler of Equestria, she also studied in pony anatomy and medicinal science. I guess I’d rather have her study me than some random doctors. “Thanks…I guess…” I say quietly. “You should be thanking her.” Twilight said angrily. “Fluttershy, this cannot, and will not, go on.” “What the hell are you talking about?” I question defensively. “I’ve ran some tests on you and read your charts. Fluttershy…you’re suffering from stress cardiomyopathy.” I stare at her blankly, “What is that?” “To put it into simpler terms…you have Broken Heart Syndrome.” She replied sadly. “Your heart has been greatly weakened due to Rainbow’s…untimely passing. Because of that, your other organs have been compromised as well.” She swallowed, “’Shy, I know you were in love with her. I may not fully understand your pain on an emotional scale, but physically…” her royal purple eyes stared deep into mine, “It’s killing you. You’re literally dying from a broken heart.” I don’t know why, but her answer hadn’t slapped me like a bag of bricks until I heard Rarity choke down a sob. I glanced over each of them. Rarity’s azure eyes were glassy, tears on the verge of spilling. Applejack had her eyes covered, keeping a firm grip on my hand. I could still feel her pain through the contact. Even Pinkie had no traces of a smile on her face. The last time she had that face on… Was when we laid Dashie to rest… I cracked. The shudders rippled and the tears flowed forward through me as the girls enveloped me with their love and care. They were so sweet, so soft, so kind. They held me in their embrace for a little bit before releasing me. “You’ll spend a week here, so that I can keep an eye on your vitals.” Twilight stated. “After that, you’re moving in with AJ.” My eyes shot open, “WHAT?! Why?” “Because she lives on her own, remember?” Pinkie responded. “But why am I moving in with her?” “Pinkie can’t take you in because she works here in the castle with Twilight. I can't either because my nephew is staying with me for a while until Sweetie finishes her first two years at Canterlot's School For Gifted Unicorns.” Rarity stated. “Ah offered tah take care of ya, until ya got completely better.” Applejack stated softly. I look at each of them. Fuck irritation, I was straight up furious. They could tell… “What’s wrong ‘Shy?” Pinkie asked. “Do I still look like I’m a little filly? I’m 25 years old! I don’t need someone to sit here and kiss my boo-boos and tell me everything is going to be okay!! I can take care of myself!” “Listen to me,” Twilight started. “You are sick! What if you pass out again, and nopony is around?! You could’ve died this time, and none of us want to risk that!” “I’m grown. I’m not doing it.” I don’t know what had turned me into such a hard headed pony, but it was definitely kicking in right now. “I’m telling you that you’re going.” Twilight responded. ‘You can’t tell me what to do. You're just my friend, so stop acting like you're my damn mother!” I yelled. She snorted angrily, and her jaw clenched for a brief moment. “I’m not telling you as your friend!” her eyes glowed a little, “As the ruler of Equestria, I have deemed you unfit to live alone, and upon your release from here, you will be taking residency with Applejack.” Her eyes narrowed, “Do you understand?” There was a silent stare down between me and the princess. I knew I couldn’t win. “Yes…Your Highness…” the words came out clipped, and dangerously low. "Good." Her eyes soften, "I’m sorry, but this has to be done.” I don’t respond to her. “Hey girls, do ya’ll mind if Ah have a word with Flutters?” Applejack asked quietly. The other nodded and left the room. She turned to me, and smiled a tiny smile. “Ah love ya. Yer one of mah closest friends. In fact, yer my best friend, Flutters. It’s hurtin’ me tah see ya like this. It’s cuttin’ me deep...real deep. If Ah can do anythin'…anythin' at all, tah ease that achin’ of yers…then Ah wanna be able tah do it.” I smiled softly at her sweet little speech. This was a reminder of why Applejack was my best friend. Sure, The snow white Unicorn was near to my heart, with the generosity and fun that she put into my life. But…Applejack showed me an unconditional love and devotion that was beaten only by Dashie’s. For the few times that the cyan Pegasus and I got into fights, Applejack was the first pony I flew to. She’d comfort me, and make me laugh, and tell me everything is going to be okay. She even took to sleeping on the couch and made me sleep in her bed. Although, nothing she said or did helped when Dashie died. Dear God, I miss that mare… I miss the sound of her strong heartbeat as I laid my head on her chest. I miss the way I looked into those pinkish-ruby eyes and could see the infinite amount of love that swam in them. I miss the way the warmth enveloped me as she pulled me close. I miss the heat of her breath on my neck as she whispered sweet nothings into my ear. I miss it. I miss her. I miss her so much… I don’t know when Applejack had grabbed me, nor do I know when I started crying, but it felt good…it felt so good, to release this. I held onto her, and bawled my eyes out. She patted my back, humming softly, lulling me into a sense of calmness that finally allowed me to regain my composure. And when I did, I pulled away. “I’m sorry, AJ. I’m so sorry...but...thank you...” She chuckled, “Awe, don’t ya worry yerself none. It’s the least Ah can do.” She lightly patted my shoulder, “Now, ya gone ‘head an' get yerself some rest. Ya need it girl.” “Do you mind…staying with me, until I fall asleep?” I ask timidly, before I could stop myself. What was I doing? I’ve been sleeping alone for almost five months. I didn’t want to have her waste her time sitting here until I fell asleep. “No problem, Sugarcube. Ah’d be glad tah.” She slid into the bed with me and wrapped an arm around me. There is no awkwardness between us. No feelings of lust or intimacy. Just comfort. Pure, untainted peace. I lay my head on her chest and close my eyes. It was strong and slow and soothing. **Ba-bump…ba-bump…ba-bump…ba-bump.
Moved In...and Moving On?Even beyond my demise, chaos shall reign! The loss of your lover shall drive you insane. Though never married, it was upon death did you part. Thought to be the end, it is where the curse shall start. Where ever you go, whatever you see, Shall be blended by me, confusing your reality! You’ll think you’re getting better, you’ll think all is well, But no matter how much you hope, you’ll never leave this Hell…. My eyes snap open, and chills run through my body as Discord’s laughed echoed in my skull. It’s been six months since I’ve moved in with Applejack, and I hadn’t had a dream that weird until now. My ear twitches as I hear Applejack stepping into the room. “Mornin’, Sugarcube. Ah made ya some breakfast; a roasted sunflower petal salad mixed with some of them almond bits ya like with some vinegar dressing, an’ some apple juice.” She stated as she placed the dish in my lap, and goes to sit down in the chair by my desk. I smile at her hospitality and thank her. I didn’t think that it would’ve been possible, but I had finally started to see things in a better light... Damn Twilight for being right... I take a couple bites before I could feel Applejack was staring at me. I turn to her, only for her to quickly turn her head and focus her attention on her cell phone. “What? Is there something on my face?” I ask inquisitively. “Well, Twilight said that one of them super crazy dance clubs just opened up in Canterlot not that. She’s invitin’ all of us tah go check it out tahnight. Ah’m not really all intah that crazy techno boom box noise, but what the hell, Ah don’t mind a good ol’ girls’ night out every once in a while.” Her smile got bigger, “It kinda reminded me of the first time ya got absolutely hammered.” I started to feel a heat rise in my cheeks. The only thing I remember about that night was that I woke up to a naked and sticky Pinkie on me, and me only donning a pair of stockings and a bra made out of confetti. “I don’t think I should go…” I say quietly. Applejack gets out of her bed, only to plop down in mine. “Aw, c’mon ‘Shy! Ah’m goin’, an’ ya know that’s not exactly mah kinda thing! Besides, Ah don’t want ya here all by yer lonesome while we’re all out havin’ a hoot!” her emerald eyes got big and glassy, and she popped out her bottom lip, “Please?” I stare at her for a second. How could I resist that cute little face of hers? Wait, did I just say 'cute'? “I guess…anything to stop you from making that face. You’re kind of freaking me out.” Her grin stretched to the point of touching her ears as she squeezed me into a tight hug. Had I been the same pony six months ago, I think she would’ve broken me in two. She jumped up and started to turn to the door. “Ah’ll be back. Ah think Rares' would kill me if Ah tried tah show up in some of mah normal jeans. So Ah'ma do a bit of…shoppin’.” She shuddered at the last word. "Ah’ll see ya in a bit!” she started heading down the stairs, and I couldn’t help stealing a glance at her toned ass. WHAT AM I THINKING?! I shouldn’t be feeling things like this. Not towards her. She was my friend. A very…hot, strong, sexy friend…but a friend none the less! It wasn’t fair, for me to even start thinking of her like that. I shouldn’t be thinking about another mare period! I had given my heart to Dashie…and there was no hope of me getting it back… Or was there? Her death had finally stopped replaying over and over in my nightmares…but when they hadn’t yet, and it got rough, Applejack always slid into bed to hold me. At first, it was just a friendly thing of her to do, but over time, I had started to enjoy feeling her breast on my back and her strong arms encircling me. I also think of how my heart would flutter just a little when she flashed one of those ‘country pony’ grins at me, and the way her eyes light up when she was in awe of something. I liked when she’d walk around the house in a sports bra and briefs, and the way the sunlight hit her rippling six pack just righ- Oh no…am I crushing on Applejack? I replay a sentence Rarity said to me right before I left Twilight's castle… “Darling, it will seem like it’s impossible right now, but you will find Love, when you’re not looking for it.” I disregarded it as a simple message to attempt to cheer me up, but now I see what she meant. “I’m not just crushing on Applejack…I’m starting to fall for her.” The confirmation of it as it slipped past my lips filled me with a bit of excitement, and sheer terror. I mean, we all know Applejack plays for both teams, but what if I did decide to pursue her? What if she doesn’t feel the same way? What would I do if I destroyed our friendship, and lose her for good? What would I do without her? Dear God, I am deeper in that mare’s grasp than I had imagined before. This wasn’t fair, where did these feelings come from? They had no right to blindside me. I rub my temples and slide out of bed. Now that these feelings had arisen, I needed to do something about them. But what? How easy is it to brush off feelings that had dug their way into my subconscious, and then suddenly made themselves known? Liquor. I suddenly need some. I need to drink these little troubles of mine away, and I will! Tonight, I will indulge in the strongest drinks, and enjoy the company of my friends. I run downstairs and grab the bottle of homemade apple flavored moonshine in the fridge, (one of the many benefits of having a moonshine maker as a friend) pop the cap, and take a huge swig. The liquor slides down my throat, sending a warm tingle through me. Blurriness starts to creep at the corner of my eyes. Yes….tonight is going to be great…
The Will To Carry On?...It’s the beginning of yet another day. I think. I don’t know anymore, and I don’t care. I stare at the ceiling for a few minutes, contemplating ifI wanted to get up or not. I sigh heavily, before moving to place my hooves on the floor. Pain shoots through me. Death may not be standing beside me at the moment, but it was near...I wonder how much longer it would be before it snatched me from the world of the living, and let me stand beside Dashie again… It had been almost five months since she passed, dying from a fatal injury that she acquired trying to protect me from Discord. How foolish of me to believe that he had been fully reformed. I’m glad that fucking bastard is dead and rotting in the deepest pits of Tartarus. My body, my mind, nor my heart had ever recovered from her death. I’m ready for the trauma of this to pass…but I know it never will. I walk into my bathroom and look in the mirror. My eyes had sunken in from the lack of sleep. My mane had gotten scraggly and thin, so I ended up cutting most of it off. I had gotten a lot skinnier as well. I don’t know why, since I still ate. Maybe not as much as I used to, but at least enough to keep myself alive. Although, I don’t have anything to live for, now that she’s gone. I slowly made my way to the kitchen. The soft ‘clack’ of my hooves and echoed throughout my cottage. No animals have lived here in a long time. Angel had lead the pack away in the middle of the night, and I never saw them again. I don’t blame them though…Death seems to take the things I love the most. My love for my animal friends was in second place compared to the love of the deceased Pegasus. The sound of something, or somepony, knocking on my door rings through the cottage. My ears flick in annoyance. Can’t I just be left to wallow in my misery? Who could it possibly be now? I slowly make my way to the door, “Who is it?” I let out a small gasp of surprise. Now that I think about it, I haven’t spoken to anyone in a little over a month. My voice no longer sounded as sweet and soft as Dashie used to say it was. “Fluttershy dear, is that you?” Rarity’s unique accent sang out. “Please open the door, I wish to see you. I wanted to see how you were doing…” “I’m fine Rares…really.” I almost wheeze out. “My word, you don’t even sound like yourself.” Rarity pointed out. “But even with your…unfamiliar sounding voice, I can tell that you’re lying to me.” I choose not to respond to her, and start to turn around. Big mistake on my part. “Fluttershy, don’t make me use my magic to do such brutish things, like RIPPING THIS DOOR OFF OF IT’S HINGES!!” I flinch and my ear fold a little. My years of being with Dashie had helped me get over my fear of almost everything. ALMOST. Rarity’s rage was still something that I, and most other ponies, feared. I opened the door and squinted as the rays of sunlight bounced off of the bejeweled patterns on her shirt and seared my eyes. She gasped as she took in my appearance. “Oh my stars! Fluttershy, you’re terribly thin! You look like you haven’t gotten a wink’s worth of sleep, and YOUR MANE!!! What in Equis happened to your beautiful, luscious mane?! What’s happened to you?!” I don’t respond, but instead make my way to my couch. Geez, even my tattered wings are weighing my aching body down. Rarity could tell as she follows close behind. “Darling, the girls and I think that you should…you should go to a hospital. We’re worried about you.” I sigh and began to rub my temples, “Rares, please. I don’t like hospitals.” “You have nothing to be afraid of though, dear!” “I didn’t say I was afraid. I said I don’t like them. I’m not going.” “Why ever not?” I could feel the irritability bubbling up, “Didn’t you hear me? I just said it’s because I don’t like them.” Her ears flopped down as she stared at me sympathetically, “Dear…we all miss her. As much as you d-” I raise a finger, “Don’t you DARE say that you miss her as much as I do. I know you girls loved her. Really, I do. But I didn’t just love her. I was IN LOVE with her. It’s because of her that I am the way I am today.” I watched her eyebrows furrow in frustration, “The way you are today?” she jumped up and stormed to the bathroom, and brought back a hand mirror, “Look at yourself, Fluttershy.” “I already know how I look. I just looked in the mirror less than 10 minutes ago.” She snorted, “I think the views of what you see in that mirror, and the pony I see before me are not the same.” I refuse to look at the mirror. She sighs, and I watch her face soften a little. “Flutters,” she says sweetly. A nickname that I haven’t heard in a while. It felt nice to hear it. “You have every right to feel the way you do right now. It’s just…” she looks down at the floor, “We are your friends. We love you and care about you. We have since we were bonded by the Elements of Harmony. To see you suffer like this pains us as well. And in case you forgot, AJ and I are your best friends. If you could see how much it’s killing AJ to hear you’re like this…” she got a determined look on her face, “If you could see how you look, and I mean REALLY look, you would get off of your ass, and come with me!” My eyes widen at the sound of her tone. I was too weak right now to say no, and even if I wasn’t, would I have even said no? I could feel a small, barely undetectable smile on my face, as I reached up for Rarity’s hand. My hand…why is it so heavy? And why is my vision suddenly starting to get blurry? I blink a few times. No change. I still can’t see. I think Rarity could see the fear that was starting to appear on my face. She said something, but it was muffled jargon to my ears. Is it Death? Has it finally come to take me away? My vision starts to flicker to blackness, but not before a light blue feather dances in front of my eyes…
