A Change of Life

by AdamAperture

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Comedy
Length: 1114

Aperture had a life before this. Inventing new machines and testing in Aperture labs before the.. incident.

I had a life before this, testing in Aperture labs and inventing the portal gun. I don't know what happened when I just.. SHOT the portal gun, by accident, and got sucked into it, appearing in this land of haters. Yes, they are racist, very racist. Well, not really racist.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-17 21:20:05 UTC

Chapter 1: New name... Shift

  OK, so here's my story of how I woke up one morning, expecting to find some painkillers but instead I get hit in the fucking head by a talking pony.

  I felt like shit. I felt like all my organs and limbs have been ripped out of my body and placed back in the wrong spot. I twitched a bit, reacting to being touched by something that feels like hay.

  "It's awake! Dinky, get behind me!"

No shit...

  "Ugh... where on Earth am I?" I finally found the right limb to open my eyelids. From there I could see a grey coated horse with a yellow mane and... wings? Behind the horse or... better term, pony, I could see a small unicorn with a sort of cyan and mix of purple coated pony as well with a yellow mane. Something else was odd about the ponies, I saw that they had some sort of tattoos on their rumps.

  Silence...

  "Fuck..." I struggled to find the right limb to move my head, legs, arms, and hands. Except, when I finally found the limb to move my head, I found out quickly that I was also a pony, only with holed hooves, bug-like wings and a curved horn with a shell on my back. "I'm going to sue you Dr. Freeman with messing with my DNA and sending me to another fucking dimension." I looked over to the confused ponies. "Also, fuck you ponies and what the hell am I?"

  "D-Don't you d-dare try any f-funny business." The taller pony stammered.

  "Do I look like I can when I can't even find the right limb to fucking get up?" I had a bit of curiosity but hid it very well.

  "N-"

  "Don't answer that," I cut the colorful pony off. "You answer this. What the fuck am I and where the hell am I?"

  "Y-Your a c-changeling. And w-we're in E-Equestria."

  "Equestria? What, that little girls show the internet is flooded by. Shit! And what, they called this species changeling? Dammit, I'm defiantly going to sue Dr. Freeman for running illegal experiments on me." Just then, I remembered something, those tattoos on their rumps were cutie marks. Don't ask how I figured it out, just some minor My Little Pony watching.

  "W-What?"

  "Silence!" I found the limb to move my legs and arms and hooves as soon as I said that and got up on all fours. "OK, taking ponies and also colorful. Scared of me... what else. I need a fucking notebook to write this all down." I turned to face the scared-to-death ponies. "Get me a notebook!"

   Hesitating the taller pony went to a drawer, opened it and picked up a notebook with it's hooves.

  "Wait, wait, how the hell are you doing that?"

  "D-Doing what?" The taller pony replied.

  "Picking up that notebook with your hooves."

  The pony looked at me in confusion before saying,"I-It's s-simple, you just... pick it up." It showed me this while showing me again.

  "That's impossible, you need fingers to pickup something like that."

  The pony stayed silent, still holding the notebook.

  "Give that to me." I commanded

  "O-Oh." The pony handed the notebook to me and it fell.

  I tried picking up the notebook with my hooves a few times and failed. "OK... this is dumb. How the hell do you pick this up..." Eventually, but strangely, I picked it up. "Holy shit. That is amazing. Hell, let's do that again." I dropped it and picked it up again. "OK, enough of that let's get to... writing. I don't have a pencil nor fingers now. Uh, grey pony what do you write with if you don't have fingers?"

  The pony looked at me strangely and replied,"Y-You write with you're mouth..."

  "Write with your mouth... alright. Now I just need a pencil, go get me one." I said this as I opened the notebook, it was surprisingly empty.

OK, also an empty notebook. When that pony gets me that pencil I would write down the results of that teleporter experiment they tested on me. Now, what else do I write down... I'll write down that I appeared into a children's show. Yeah, I'll write that and bring evidence with me so I could sew him hard. What else... I'll also write down the pictu-

  "Hello?" The pony was waving the pencil in front of my face.

  "Huh? Oh," I grabbed the pencil from the pony and put it in my mouth. "Write... wike twis?" I said, it was a bit muffled.

  The grey pony nodded.

  "Alright..." I started writing what I have observed so far in the trip to this world. "OK, what's your name grey pony?"

  "Ditzy Do, but my nickname is Derpy Hooves..." The grey pony replied.

  I looked at the small pony who was now hiding under a table. "And you?"

  "Dinky Do." The grey pony said for the smaller one.

  "Ha, so your family. OK..." I wrote down their names on the paper and drew pictures of them, drawing every single detail of them.

Wait, wait... how am I even writing with my mouth. Also... hell with it, don't question. It feels pretty normal writing like this.

  "OK..." I saw a nearby mirror and looked at myself in it. "Ooh... I look pretty cool, actually." I examined my body then drew a picture of how I looked like in the notebook.

  "Mr..." Dinky started,

  I looked away from the notebook and turned my head over to Dinky, who was calling me. "Hmm?"

  "You haven't told us your name." Dinky said shyly.

Name? Name... name, name, name, name. Uh... what did they say I was? A changeling? OK, so basing off of the name of my species, changeling, I guess their like shape-shifters.  So... Shift. My name will be Shift.

  "Shift." I replied.

  "Shift? That's a nice name for a creature that can change into ponies, obviously." Derpy replied.

  "Yeah, how do I change into a pony anyway?" I imagined changing into Ditzy Do that was nearby staring at me.

  "I don't know, try imagining it." Derpy replied, staring at me in the eyes this time.

  I was imagining it. I had a good feeling about this, that's when I changed into the grey pony. "Ha!" I heard that my voice was oddly alike Ditzy's voice.

  "Hey! Why'd you change into me?!" Ditzy was furious.

  "Heheh, I just wanted to test my ability." I don't know what happened after that, all I can remember is pain at the side of my head and a tanish pony with a black, grey, light grey striped mane with a compass cutie mark.