Chapters Chapter 1: The Foalproof Plan
A rapping on the front door roused Cerulean from his place of rest on the couch, disturbing his nap and causing Twilight to rise as quickly as she was able. She was only a little over a month pregnant, having discovered the fact a mere three days prior, causing a plethora of mixed emotions. On one hoof, she was immensely excited at the prospect of having someone to instruct in the ways of magic the way she had been by Princess Celestia. However, she knew nothing about raising a foal, and in a fit of anxiety she mailed off an order for express delivery of the most venerable parenting books she could find. Thus it was that she greeted Ditzy Doo with unrestrained jubilation, that mail mare panting from having to carry the large box from the post office over to the library.
“Here you go, Twilight! Just sign here,” she said, motioning to the wrong side of the clipboard.
“Thankyouthankyouthankyou Ditzy! Ahhh they’re here, they’re finally here!” she squealed, hastily scribbling her initials on the side of the box before lifting it inside with her magic, leaving a thoroughly confused mailmare wondering what to do. With a shrug she scribbled her own initials on the back of the clipboard and took off towards her next destination, humming happily to herself. Twilight was mid way through unwrapping the package when Cerulean drew up beside her. His eyes grew wide with surprise at the sheer number of books that had been crammed inside, his rough estimate being somewhere in the realm of forty or fifty.
“Uh, Twilight? Just how much did this cost?”
“Hmmm? Oh that, I just used the rest of the year’s magic research fund. Don’t even worry about it!” she laughed as she began stacking the books in alphabetical order near the shelves, not having any immediate space to set them up.
“Twilight, that’s like half a years wages, what are those books made out of?” he exclaimed, staring in disbelief.
“Look at this! I had every page laminated so nothing can ever harm them! Not baby drool, or spilled juice or anything! They’re even enchanted, and thus impervious to every element known to Equestria!” she cackled, letting out a loud squeal and clutching a particularly thick volume to her chest. “Ok, now grab a book and get reading. We have a lot to learn if we’re going to be the perfect parents.”
“Twilight, there’s no such thing as perfect parents, you do know that right?” Cerulean commented as he dutifully obeyed, grabbing one of the books and lying next to her.
“Of course not, that’s because I’ve never been one. I’m going to be the first, and our child will be the talk of all Equestria, just you wait and see.” Cerulean held his tongue and spent a good two hours plowing through a good fourth of the book before setting it down with a groan, rubbing his eyes.
“That’s a dense read, almost as bad as the textbooks for Equine History class.”
“Oh, this one?” she replied casually, pulling out an extremely scuffed book that looked like it had been overused to the limit. “I read it once a month. It’s fascinating, isn’t it? I have the whole first half memorized, want to hear it?”
“Hate to squelch your enthusiasm, but I’ll pass, thanks,” he said quickly, standing and waving a hoof. He ignored her pouting and turned towards the kitchen, where Spike was eagerly downing a quart of ice cream. “I have a little proposition for you, Spike,” Cerulean whispered, then winced as Spike fell off the stool he was standing on with a crash. “I won’t tell Twilight you were hogging her favorite ice cream if you give me your honest opinion on something.”
“Sure, anything! Just don’t tell Twilight, I don’t want to get in trouble again,” he instantly replied, nodding vigorously and drawing close.
“Do you think Twilight is crazy? Like actually crazy?”
“Duh, yeah. Trust me, I’ve lived with her for a long time and that mare is totally, completely, bonafide...” he asserted confidently as Cerulean drew a hoof across his throat repeatedly. “What, Cerulean?” He slowly followed Cerulean’s hoof to find Twilight standing in the doorway, having heard the whole conversation.
“So, you think I’m crazy, do you Spike?” she cooed sweetly, and the baby dragon began backing away slowly.
“Twilight, I d-didn’t m-mean it!” he stammered, finding himself cornered as she slowly stalked forward.
“I’ll show you crazy!” she shouted, stamping a hoof and prepping her magic before Spike was hastily teleported out of harms way by Cerulean. The cupboard door however suddenly found new meaning in existence as a rather large foal’s bib, and Twilight slowly turned and gave Cerulean a chilling glare.
“C’mon, Spike, run! There’s no reasoning with her now!” Cerulean said, tossing him out the door and giving chase, making it a good twenty feet before he was forcibly yanked back to the entrance by Twilight, sliding to a stop on his back and looking up at Twilight’s narrowed eyes.
“It was nice knowing you, Cerulean!” Spike shouted over his shoulder.
“Save yourself, young dragon! May we meet again in the next life!” he hollered in return, before dropping silent, studying Twilight’s face in the hopes of gleaning enough information to not jump upon the verbal landmines that swirled through his noggin.
“You have three words to improve my mood,” she stated flatly, impatiently tapping a hoof uncomfortably close to his head.
“Oh, I’m so in for it. What does she want to hear? Think, brain, think! ‘I love you?’ That’s always a good one. ‘I am sorry?’ Don’t think that will cut it,” he thought silently, and an impatient snort from Twilight caused his next thought to slip out as he panicked.
“You’re smokin’ hot!” he shouted before continuing to try and think of a response, not conscious that he had actually spoken already.
“Wrong... answer...” Cerulean was too deep in thought to notice her lean in and touch her horn to his, and as he stared at the sudden change he smiled, assuming she had calmed of her own choosing. Having sifted through his memories she found the desired spell and thrust a hoof into his chest, paralyzing him. While unable to speak or move, his mind was given free reign to freak out as much as it wanted, and it set about the task with gusto. It pushed itself to new limits as Twilight grabbed him with her magic and hurled him into the air, the clouds rushing passed as he made a hasty ascent, before slowing to a stop and returning towards the ground below. Twilight watched with utter indifference, catching him at the last minute before he landed and removing the spell with a tap to his horn, and he immediately scrambled away from the lavender mare.
“Twilight, I could have died! You know what, no, you are insane!” he wailed, searching for sympathy. Twilight’s expression softened as she trotted over and brought her lips close to his, stopping just short.
“Again, wrong answer.” Cerulean found himself once more in the air, the fear returning as he was stopped about ten feet from the ground and then allowed to free fall the rest of the way. He landed in a heap, and as Twilight removed the hex he suddenly found his right side quite peeved with its rough treatment, and as he struggled upright he walked over to Twilight and wrapped his hooves around her, speaking softly in her ear.
“I’m sorry, Twilight. Please forgive me?” It wasn’t fair, the way he could do that, and she begrudgingly relented, returning his embrace and kissing his neck. Of all the things somepony could say, being referred to as irrational in any way grated on her nerves the worst, and doubly so coming from Cerulean.
“I can let it slide this time, I suppose.” She felt the heat rise to her cheeks as he planted a trail of kisses down the back of her neck, the rising temperature melting away all that remained of her frustration. “C’mon, save that for inside, there might be ponies watching.”
“If you insist. Come on, I’ll make you lunch.” Twilight immediately buried her nose in her books as they returned, and Cerulean placed a tray of sliced apples down beside her, grabbing the “textbook” on parenthood and beginning where he had left off. An hour or two passed before he noticed Twilight looking increasingly agitated.
“Is something wrong, Twi?”
“Something wrong? Of course there is! Do you know how many things can go wrong? How many hazards there are for a foal?” Cerulean really didn’t, but looking around the library with books stacked at crazy angles, stairs to fall from and a low oven, he could see how there could be some problems. Still, that was ten months away, so why was she so frantic now?”
“You know, Twilight, the baby isn’t going to be here for a good while yet, so just keep reading for now, ok?” he cautioned gently, nuzzling her as he did so. “We’ll get everything worked out before you come to term, I promise.”
“I don’t wanna wait that long, we should get ready now!” she argued, her eyes darting from hazard to imaginary hazard.
“Twilight? Hey, Twilight!” Cerulean called, waving a hoof in front of her face and snapping her back to reality. “I’ll tell you what, if you finish reading all these books and still feel like we need to get this place foal proofed now, we can try that, ok? But not until you finish this mound.” She nodded and returned to her reading with renewed intensity, breezing through a book per hour. Cerulean was amazed that she could handle all that information, his brain feeling like it was about to ooze out of his ears by early evening. Spike returned humming happily, having escaped a day of cleaning with a belly full of ice cream and returning with nary a reprimand.
“Thanks for the save, Cerulean. Is Twilight ok?” he asked, motioning to the lavender unicorn furiously plowing through the dense text of a massive tome.
“I think she’s over-stressing about the dangers of raising a foal in a library, but she’ll calm down soon enough.”
“Huh, shows how much you know,” Spike muttered out of earshot. It was better for Cerulean to learn by experience, so he kept his mouth shut and said nothing. After much urging Twilight pried herself from the book and came to eat, her eyes spread wide and blinking out of unison.
“Twilight?.. Are you still worrying?”
“Worrying? What’s there to worry about? I’ll tell you what - nothing! Everything’s gonna be just fine,” she sang to herself, her toothy grin extremely disconcerting to both of them. “No foal crushed under mountains of books, no foal cooking themselves, no foal based disasters of any kind will ever transpire, and do you know why? Because I’m only 37.9 books away from being the perfect mother!” She then proceeded to messily devour her meal in record time and resume her reading, not bothering to wipe her face nor noticing the particles of food that dropped onto the disaster resistant pages. Cerulean recalled his previous experience flying and decided to say nothing on the subject, spending the rest of the evening finishing the one book on parenthood he had started earlier, and as the clock struck twelve he drew upon the last chapter, and decided to finish it in the morning. Twilight refused to budge, and with a shrug he went to bed, figuring that even in her addled state she would have enough common sense to get proper rest. He was unaware that worry for Twilight was equivocal to the amount of oil she used for her lamp, and she was amply supplied on both ends.
Not being accustomed to sleeping late, Cerulean was surprised not to wake up naturally but by a triumphant shout blasting up from the first floor. He was about to investigate when a wild eyed mare pounced on top of him, brimming with insane energy as her mind was overloaded attempting to deal with the veritable library of knowledge she had tried to absorb over night.
“I did it~” she sang loudly. Cerulean noted that he could count the veins in her eyes, and stopping after twenty on the right eye alone, quickly realized that she hadn’t bothered to sleep at all.
“Uh...”
“I read them all! I’m fully equipped to be the perfect mother! And I say we foal proof now!”
“Oh... ok?” Cerulean offered hesitantly, not having any idea what to expect with Twilight in such a condition. Spike had wisely stayed in bed, though upon hearing her crazed voice he peered over the side to observe the chaos unfold. Twilight combined her knowledge with magic to enchant her eyes to identify any and every possible danger based on what the books had read, and spoken, to her the night before. Suddenly nearly everything she looked at turned red to indicate possible danger, and Cerulean winced as she screamed.
“Ahhh, this railing is square! It should be round! And it’s made of wood, that’s much too hard, need something soft!” Her body began to glow purple as her magic wildly tried to confront each new danger that popped into her mind. The railing suddenly became a large chunk of multi-colored foam, and as the railing returned to normal color on her vision she noticed the rows of books lining the walls drenched in crimson. “Books! Books that can fall! Unacceptable! Take that, and that!” she roared, transforming every book on the shelves into pillows, complete with a winking Twilight face to soothe the newborns separation anxiety.
Cerulean was torn between laughing and fearing for his life, the raw amount of magic energy flowing enough to scare any unicorn with a lick of common sense. He heard a tremendous crash and ran downstairs to find that she had ripped the stove from the wall and tossed it through the doorway, tearing off a large chunk of the entryway in the process.
“Twilight, if you turn all the books to pillows you won’t be able to keep doing research, why don’t you just move them out of reach?”
“An excellent idea!” she replied, laughing maniacally as she returned them to book form and generated thick steel doors around them, sealing them in with vault-like efficiency. “Fall now, I dare you! ...What’s that? Don’t talk back to me, Daring Do!” she shouted, defying her imagined foes declaration to escape.
“Steel might be going a bit overboard, Twilight. What if the foal trips and falls?” A sharp gasp from Twilight indicated his sarcasm had been received, deliberated, and solved within a matter of moments, and with all seriousness. As she frantically looked back and forth the steel walls became marked red on her vision and with a roar she transformed the entire library into a gigantic marshmallow.
Pinkie Pie hadn’t been expecting to have one of her wildest fantasies come true in the blink of an eye, but as she raced towards the library to investigate the blinding purple flash she stopped in her tracks as she beheld the magnificent sight. A sultry voice called to her from afar, drifting on the breeze with the scent of sugar, and likely a result of years of her special ingredient kicking in.
“Pinkie Pie... I desire your mastication!” Who was she to refuse the call of sugar? Without hesitation she raced over, bounded off of the cast off stove and hungrily began devouring the walls of the lower floor. After consuming a rather large portion she waved cheerily to Cerulean and Twilight, who were arguing inside. They both stopped and stared at Pinkie, having worked her way inside and started into the bookshelves. Twilight watched in horror as Pinkie turned red on her vision and the overpowering call of motherhood bid her remove the danger with all haste. She had started walking over when she then noticed that her hooves were also cloaked in crimson, and she dashed into the bathroom to see herself in the mirror, the horrid contraption confirming her worst fears. Cerulean was halfway up the stairs when she bowled over into him, the only thing that hadn’t gone red.
“Quickly, Cerulean, save the baby! I’m a danger, I’m a horrible danger!” He hoisted her off and she began running in circles, the last fragment of rationality slipping away with nary a farewell. He sifted through the books on motherhood which had been magically enchanted and thus unchanged by the fluffy transformation and, finding the one he had nearly finished the night before, began browsing through the last chapter. He cast a glance at the gaping hole in the side of the building and focused harder, searching for something to say to snap Twilight back to her old self, when he stopped on a line in the last few pages.
Twilight came to an abrupt halt as she smashed face first into the levitating book before bouncing lightly off the forgiving wall and floor, coming to a rest on her back.
“Twilight, read this, right here.” Her eyes, which had previously been pointing in different directions, temporarily allowed for a truce and refocused long enough for her to read the text.
“Above all else, do not panic! Motherhood can be frightening, but it is also an amazing journey, one that is not completed overnight. So don’t worry, with everything you’ve learned, you’ll make it through.” As the fear drifted away and her vision returned to normal, she sat staring at the book for a moment before falling asleep, teetering for a second before tipping onto the cushy ground below. The magic returned to Twilight, and Pinkie Pie suddenly found herself with a mouthful of crunchy oak. Her insanely fast metabolism had digested most everything she had eaten, though a small portion did return to its original form, and her usually cheery face turned a sickly shade of blue as her stomach prepared to return the foreign objects to the outside.
Spike wandered cautiously downstairs and, noting that Twilight was sleeping peacefully, allowed himself a good laugh at Cerulean’s expense. To his surprise, Cerulean joined him as he put Twilight to bed, filling in the gaping hole in the walls with ice and enchanting it to stay for a while. He spent the next few hours helping Spike clean up the mess and, upon finishing, returned to bed and crawled in exhausted next to Twilight, placing a hoof under her neck and another draped lightly over her stomach.
“So, did you learn anything today?” Spike inquired as Cerulean closed his eyes, smiling as he answered.
“I did. When somepony worries, don’t ignore it. Oh, and my fiancé is crazy.”
Chapter 2: Twilight-licious
The last light in the library was snuffed out as the clock struck midnight, and Cerulean helped a very groggy Twilight up the steps. In truth he was every bit as exhausted, due to an increasing amount of shifting from the pregnant mare that eased herself into bed. She hadn’t grown that much larger in the last month, but it was still visible, and she had become quite sensitive about the subject. Every subject, in fact, as the chemicals linked to being with foal produced their usual side effects of mania, dementia, and all around emotional instability.
She rolled onto her side and lay waiting, expecting Cerulean to lay down beside her, but after thirty seconds went by she looked over her shoulder to see nopony there. An anger not her own flared as she saw him laying on the couch, digging deeper into the cushions and sighing gratefully at the lack of another body to keep him awake.
“You could have at least told me you were upset,” she stated, the frustration sharpening her words into painful barbs. Cerulean sighed, knowing that whatever he said it would likely end the same, but he swallowed his despondency and answered her as calmly as possible.
“Twilight, I’m not upset, it’s just... you can’t seem to sit still, and your pillows take up a lot of space. I just wanted to see if I could get a good night’s sleep.” As per his expectations, Twilight growled and countered with an unrelated accusation.
“Well, excuse me for being pregnant! I’m sorry I’m too fat, hogging the bed!”
“Twilight, that’s not what I...” he started before he was lifted and tossed into her laboratory, the door closing over him and locking. “Come on, Twilight, this is a little overboard, don’t you think?” he called out, receiving no response. He heaved a sigh before realizing that this setup may actually work for the better. He used his horn to light his way down the steps and found a clear space to lie down, and as he was about to make an attempt at sleep a small screen caught his eye. It was a television and video player, archaic but with a few button presses it came to life. He rummaged around through some boxes and found a bunch of video tapes, but most of them sounded like boring documentaries. A single tape, buried at the bottom of the box, had no label, and figuring it was his best option, inserted it into the player and waited for the static to clear.
“Oh dear Celestia, what have I found?” he murmured as a teenage Twilight fussed over the camera, making sure it was working properly before slowly walking into view, singing as she did so.
“I’m the T to the W-I, L-I-G-H-T, and ain’t no other pony troll it down like me,” she said, pausing and fluttering her eyes at the camera. “I’m Twilight-licious.” Deep bass beats blasted from the television, and Cerulean roared with laughter as he watched teenage Twilight begin to shake her flank like the best of them. He had just started to recover when she yanked a pole into view and, fixing it to the ground via magic, began to twirl, batting her eyes and licking the shaft. Cerulean’s jaw dropped as his perception of the ever studious Twilight was blown to pieces, this side of her past likely buried as deeply as the video had been. He knew he would never be forgiven, but he had to show somepony, and he knew just who would share his “appreciation.” Rewinding the tape and ejecting it, he trotted up to the door and teleported to the other side, landing with a dull thump as he overcompensated. He waited a moment to make sure nopony had awoken before letting himself out and making straight for Cloudsdale.
A frantic knocking at the door roused Rainbow Dash from her fitful slumber, and she immediately pulled a pillow over her head to block out the noise.
“Who the buck would come by this late at night?..” she muttered to herself, hoping that whoever it was would hurry up and leave.
“Rainbow Dash, c’mon, wake up! You’ve got to see this!” Her eyes pried themselves open as she recognized the voice, dragging herself to the door and muttering to Tank who had sleepily poked his head out of his shell.
“Cerulean, it’s past one in the morning. You better have a good reason for waking me,” she warned.
“Twilight used to pole dance.” Rainbow Dash blinked a few times then slowly started to close the door, annoyed that Cerulean had chosen her doorstep to have a mental breakdown. His hoof reached out and caught it, holding it open. “I’m not messing with you, I can prove it! Do you have a vcr?”
“I can’t believe I’m actually listening to you. There’s no way someone like Twilight would ever do that. What’s this really about?” Cerulean motioned her to be silent, snickering softly.
“Again, do you have a vcr?” he asked, holding up the unmarked tape. Rainbow Dash’s curiosity was immediately piqued just as Cerulean’s had been, and she immediately led him into her room, where a small tv was crammed into her closet. She hoisted it out and agitated some cloud, jamming the socket into the wall and doing the same with the tape player. “Ok, Rainbow Dash, you ready to see Twilight like you’ve never seen her before?”
“I’m not saying I believe you, but go ahead and put it in.” Cerulean was snickering before he had even finished pressing play, and he sat back on the bed as Rainbow Dash lost it. After a full fifteen minutes, plus another five just to breathe, they collected themselves off the floor with much difficulty.
“That... was awesome! Where did you find this? No, don’t tell me, it doesn’t matter. This was so worth waking up for! I can’t wait to tease her about this! Have you shown anypony else?”
“Nah, I didn’t think I should. Rarity would be horrified, as would Applejack. I don’t know that Pinkie Pie would even understand and Fluttershy, well...” He dropped silent as the corners of their mouths slowly curled into a devious, mutual grin. They couldn’t not show it to Fluttershy, her tender sweetness the polar opposite of the lewd conduct her mild mannered bookworm of a friend had displayed in her younger years. “Race you to the cottage?” And with that, they streaked across the evening sky, on a mission to corrupt the innocent.
Angel woke as the door creaked open, and he immediately scampered over to investigate. He folded his tiny arms across his chest and stared, waiting for a reasonable explanation for their intrusion.
“Is that another of her pets?” Cerulean asked, cocking his head to the side. He had seen plenty of animals around on their way in, but he could immediately tell that Angel was different.
“Yeah, that one’s her favorite, lemme see if I can talk to him,” she replied, trotting over and grinning at the unamused bunny. “Hey there Angel, listen up. I wanna have some fun with Fluttershy, is there any way you could tie her up?” The bunny sat shocked for a moment before nodding, immediately setting about his work, pulling a chair over and motioning for Cerulean to lift her out of bed. He felt rather bad, taking advantage of the peaceful mare, thinking that tying her up was going a bit far, but probably necessary if she was to view the whole tape. She mumbled sleepily as he set her down in the chair with is magic but did not awaken, and Angel immediately began tying the ropes.
“Ok Angel, step two. Does Fluttershy have a television and a tape deck?” Cerulean asked. Angel led them over to a small side room that had just enough space for all three ponies, with a couple of old romance movies stacked in the corner. Rainbow Dash sifted through the titles and made a face, clearly disapproving of her friends taste in media. Cerulean magicked her over to the tv, while he and Rainbow Dash drew up beside her. Angel jumped up on her lap and prodded her awake, and she slowly opened her eyes, yawning sleepily and completely unaware of her altered surroundings.
“Oh, hey Angel bunny, did you need something? Are you hungry?” Angel stretched out his arms, pointing to either side where her antagonists sat grinning widely. She also noticed around this time that she was bound, and while she felt no cause for alarm on account of her being surrounded by well meaning friends, it did strike her as odd that they would tie her up. “Oh, hello Rainbow Dash, Cerulean. Um, if you don’t mind me asking, why am I tied up?”
“We just wanted to show you a movie. You like movies, right?” Cerulean said, motioning to her stack of tapes in the corner.
“Oh, yes, very much so. Is it a romance? I love a good, heartwarming story.”
“It’s a little more than warm, Fluttershy. Beyond steamy,” Rainbow Dash snickered as she stuck the tape in, Angel turning so he could watch as well. Cerulean suddenly had the urge to grab the tape and bolt, but it was too little too late. The playback began, and two minds exploded at once at the sound of “Twilight-licious.” Cerulean grew increasingly concerned that he had done irrevocable damage to the mare as she sat petrified by the sight, eyes bulging and jaw twitching slightly with each unsuccessful attempt to scream. As the video ended, Angel wandered away with a thoughtful expression while Rainbow Dash cackled, slowly untying Fluttershy, who continued to stare at the screen. Cerulean leaned in front of her, staring worriedly at the speechless pegasus.
“...Fluttershy? Are you ok?” No response. “Better question, are you going to be ok?” Still nothing. “Rainbow Dash, I think we broke her.”
“Nah, she’ll be fine in the morning, you’ll see. C’mon, let’s get some sleep,” Rainbow replied, forgetting the tape and letting herself out.
“As much fun as that was, if Twilight ever finds out about this I’m...” he stopped mid sentence as the thought came to completion. “I... am so dead... if word of this gets out,” he whispered. “Rainbow Dash, what am I gonna do? I didn’t plan ahead at all! If my sleeping on the couch got me thrown into the laboratory, do you have any idea what will happen if she finds out I watched this, let alone showed another pony?”
“Uh, she’ll be pretty mad, won’t she?” Rainbow Dash ventured, wincing as Cerulean’s voice rose to a frantic shout.
“Ponyville will cease to exist!” he wailed, stomping a hoof in the December snow. “I’m so bucked, I’m so bucked!”
“Cerulean, take it easy. I won’t say anything, most likely.”
“Most likely? Most likely?!? This is a matter of life and death, Rainbow Dash!” he hollered, fortunately far enough away from town not to wake anypony, though many of the animals stirred as the sound echoed through the glade. He whirled as Rainbow Dash began chuckling softly to herself, shooting him an apologetic glance as he approached.
“I’m sorry, Cerulean, but you sound exactly like Twilight when she’s freaking out. You two are perfect.”
“You’re right, you’re right... I need to calm down, I’m the rational one. Yes, level headed, down to earth, grounded...”
“...Twilight-licious,” Rainbow Dash inserted, unable to restrain herself.
“Yes exactly, I am Twilight-licious, and all the rest. Wait, what?” he stopped, glaring at her as she bit down on a hoof to try to control her mirth as she shook from the strain. “That’s not funny, Rainbow Dash! If that slips out I’ll... I’ll be!”
“Well, it was fun while it lasted, Cerulean. Best of luck, I gotta get some shut eye. See ya tomorrow, maybe!” she called out cheerfully as she took off into the sky. Cerulean trudged sullenly back to the library, arriving at around three am and sidling in beside Twilight, who had finally settled for the night. He took a moment to savor his last moments alive as he closed his eyes, wishing his child well and silently apologizing for not being around to be a good father.
As her mind slowly booted up, Twilight noticed Cerulean’s comforting hooves around her and smiled. She knew she had overreacted, and it took her awhile to get to bed without him there. Twilight couldn’t even say for sure why she had gotten so angry, as his reasoning was sound and held no insult. Rolling over with a groan, she shook him awake and he spooked, falling out of bed with a thud.
“Cerulean, wait, calm down! I just wanted to apologize for yesterday.” He popped his head over the bed, certain that his retribution was imminent. “I know you weren’t being mean yesterday, and I feel really bad for the way I treated you... can you forgive me?” Ok, stay calm, she doesn’t know yet. All he needed to do was never think about what he saw ever again. But how could he do that? He couldn’t get her swaying flank out of his head, and if he couldn’t... “Cerulean?..” she ventured, worried that he hadn’t responded.
“Of course I forgive you, Twilightli...” he stopped, shaking his head as Twilight stared, confused. “Yes, Twilight, I forgive you.” Why the added emphasis on her name?..
“Cerulean, are you ok?” she asked, pulling herself into a sitting position. Cerulean was hyper some mornings, yes, but this was different. He seemed nervous, jittery, something that was the opposite of his usual laid back, happy-go-lucky attitude.
“Yes, fine, dandy, why?”
“You’re acting a little Twilight-licious.”
“What?!?” he shouted, backing away fearfully and cowering. After a few seconds he noticed that Twilight hadn’t moved, and shook his head vigorously. “Wait, what did you just say?”
“Suspicious, you’re acting suspicious. Did you get into Pinkie Pie’s stash or something?”
“Nope, no way, uh uh, wouldn’t dream of it! Now you wait here while I get you some breakfast,” he fired, the speed of his speech approaching Pinkie status and worrying her a good deal more. As soon as he was out of sight, he unlocked the laboratory and hastily began repacking the tapes. He had just loaded the last one when he came to a terrifying conclusion; he had left the tape at Fluttershy’s house. He slammed the door to the lab shut and raced to the kitchen, hastily throwing any fruit he could find onto a tray and scrambling to get to Twilight, who was growing more unnerved by the second.
“Cerulean, I’m really starting to worry about you. Are you sure you’re not sick or something? Maybe you really do need more sleep,” she said sheepishly, casting an apologetic glance at him. She suddenly found herself lip-locked as he planted her with a wet one, and yanked back, staring at her with wild eyes.
“Whatever happens, know that I love you.” And without a further word, he dashed downstairs and out the door, making straight for Fluttershy’s cottage. Unbeknown to the unfortunate stallion, Rainbow Dash sat watching from a cloud, three copies of the tape in her hooves.
“Now, the real fun begins,” she whispered to herself, flying down and tapping the third story window, rousing Spike from his dreams and regarding Rainbow Dash with utter confusion. She pointed down to the ground and he vaguely understood that she’d like to see him below. She made a scribbling motion and he nodded, grabbing some parchments and a quill and racing around to the back of the house.
“Rainbow Dash, what is so important that you’d need to write a letter this early in the morning?”
“Oh, remember how I really ticked Luna off with my cupcake gag? I want to send her an apology in the form of a gift. I have one for Princess Celestia, too. I also need you to take a letter, ready?” she explained, her voice held low. Spike would have resisted but she would have badgered him into agreeing anyways, so with a sigh he wrote out the short letter and, wrapping it around the video, sent it to Luna. She dictated the second letter and it was soon on it’s way to the solar princess, and he regarded the last tape with suspicion.
“So who is the last one for?”
“Oh, this one is for personal use. I figure anytime I have a bad day, this will make me feel better. Thanks for the help, Spike. You’ve been a great accomplice, as usual.”
“I’m not gonna get in trouble for this, am I? Twilight’s been bad enough lately, she doesn’t need any pushes towards the crazy scale.”
“Most likely not, you can just blame Cerulean. He’s the mastermind behind this anyways.”
“Mastermind? Accomplice? Must be some apology,” Spike muttered, shrugging as he accepted that whatever came of this would come, worry or not.
“Oh, you have no idea!” she laughed as she flew away to begin weather duty. She would push herself extra hard today, finish as soon as possible, and find a high cloud to serve as a vantage point to watch the chaos unfold.
As his wings crumbled and added to the snow that blanketed the town, he heard Fluttershy’s voice coming from the other side, which given her quiet demeanour struck him as very odd indeed. He cracked open the door and watched with confusion as Fluttershy happily hummed to herself, setting down a portable stereo and sticking in an eight track tape. Her cheery expression turned sultry as she whipped her hair back, her eyes glinting with desire. Every gear in Cerulean’s mind ground to a screeching halt as a heavy techno beat started playing to match her singing.
“F, L, U-T-T, E-R-S-H-Y, one glance, at my flank, and I know you’re gonna die. I’m Flutter-licious!” There, before him, the sweetest, most innocent pony he knew began to sway her hind quarters as Twilight had done in her video, gyrating against an imaginary pole and uttering softer words that Cerulean couldn’t quite make out. It didn’t matter though. In one night, with one motion, Cerulean was forced to confront the consequences of his actions.
“Celestia, Luna, have mercy... I’ve created a monster.”
Chapter 4: Mare Do What?!?
Three months. For an active, healthy stallion, this is quite a portion of time to be without any kind of intentional stimulation, and as Cerulean woke and shivered slightly from the cold outside, he couldn’t help but feel today would a perfect day to remedy the sad situation. Besides, waking up to Twilight every morning, he usually was already partially aroused by the time his eyes opened anyways, so Twilight awoke not to a gentle embrace but some heavy stroking of her flanks. Cerulean had a knack for picking the worst possible timing for such things, as most any other day she would have had no qualms with a little play time since she herself was feeling much the same.
However, when suffering from cramps that could cripple even the strongest buffalo, she found the motion quite annoying, not to mention the fact that it had brought her back to painful reality. Cerulean yanked his hoof back as Twilight smacked it away and groaned, curling slightly as the muscles in her abdomen fought tooth and nail for dominance over her pain receptors. Her stallion was fortunately smart enough to realize he should likely not pursue any further action on that front, though not without significant disappointment, and with a sigh he stood and trotted downstairs, ignoring his faintly glowing horn and trying to figure out what she might appreciate for breakfast. Selecting an assortment of fruits along with a portion of bread he had made a few days prior, he returned to his agonizing mare and quickly came to the conclusion that she was likely not to eat until the pains died down.
“Twilight? It looks like they are pretty bad this morning, is there anything you’d like me to do?” She shook her head miserably before speaking up, sounding every bit as terrible as she felt.
“No, just bring me my current research, please. I need something to focus on. Why don’t you just eat what you brought? I’m not going to be able to stomach anything for a while.” Cerulean nodded and walked to the edge of the railing, spying the stack of books she had mentioned and levitating them over to her in a neat stack, along with the notes she had been making. Twilight seemed disinterested in learning any conventional magic, but instead set about learning the base theories behind known spells and crafting new ones. It was fascinating, but some of the spells she had come up as of late he couldn’t imagine there being any real uses for. I mean, why would anypony make a cloud out of cotton candy that rains chocolate milk? He helped her into a sitting position so she could read and fell silent, letting her focus as he drifted off in thought.
“Cerulean? Are you ok?” she asked, noticing the faint glow of his horn out of the corner of her eye. It could either mean he was still thinking about her flanks, or he was really upset about something, and she wanted to make sure she didn’t let him stew in his thoughts for too long.
“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.” Had Twilight felt better, she would have immediately tackled him for the pathetic response, but any thought of moving made the war below rise to fever pitch so she ignored it and kept reading. An hour or two later the pain started to ease, and she even found enough strength to be slightly excited as she explained her newest spell to Cerulean as he prepped to be her test subject. “Ok, here’s how it works. I have dubbed this spell the “Perfect Disguise” because it will alter your appearance in such a way that nopony will recognize you. Additionally, you won’t be able to drop out of character or speak your true name. I’ve even added a layer that converts your speech so any habits you have won’t be recognized!”
“That sounds pretty interesting, Twilight. I can hardly wait to see what I look like! All right, I’m ready when you are,” Cerulean replied, sharing Twilight’s enthusiasm as best as he could. He closed his eyes and waited patiently while she gathered the necessary magic and prepped to cast the spell. Cerulean cracked open his eyes as he heard a sneeze before there was a blinding flash of light and he felt a tingling sensation over his entire body. Twilight gave a surprised gasp and drew back from him, and he tilted his head to the side.
“Verily, why shouldst thou remove thyself from my presence?” he asked calmly before realizing that his question hadn’t left his mouth at all the same as he had intended. His surprise only increased as he noticed his coat was a bright orange, and without a word he dashed into the bathroom to examine himself, and Twilight plugged her ears as the scream came, loud, long, and extremely high pitched.
“Twilight, wouldst thou maketh a fool of me? I’ve become a mare most fair!” he, or rather now she, exclaimed. As he motioned his body to angrily pound his hoof into the floor, he instead fell to the floor sobbing as the spell overwrote his intended actions with its own. Twilight examined her to see that she was indeed now a unicorn mare, and a pretty one at that. Her mane and tail were worn in tight braids, like something one of the apple family mares would wear, though in color they were a deep violet like her eyes.
“Cerulean, I had no idea the spell would go this far. Unfortunately, I let out a lot more magic than I meant to for a test.” The mare ceased her fit and stood, taking a moment to examine herself more thoroughly and finding something quite lacking in her nether regions, and paled visibly.
“Twilight, what wouldst thou insinuate?”
“I’m afraid you’re going to be that way for a while, I never designed a spell to cancel the effects. Although,” she paused, perking up, “this just gives us more of a chance to explore the spell in greater detail! Come to think of it, what’s your name?”
“Thou wouldst even dare to ask? Hast thou forgotten so easily? Tis Mandarin, Mandarin Seas.” This was great, just freaking fantastic! I wake up, get rejected, and then lose my junk by mid day. Could this get any worse?
“Oh, I forgot! The weekly shopping needs to get done, so this will be a perfect chance to see how you interact with other ponies! Here, take this list, and make sure you get everything. I’ll see you when you get back, and remember as much as you can about how other ponies respond to your disguise.” Mandarin glared at Twilight for a moment before stalking downstairs and out the door, passing a confused Spike who had been downstairs and thus missed the transformation.
Mandarin sullenly looked over the list, convinced that Twilight had doubled the amount of items she was to procure simply to give her more time in the public eye. She had already noticed an inordinate number of excited glances and whispers rising from the stallions she passed by, both taken and not, which caused no small amount of consternation on her part. Blocking out the chatter she made her way hurriedly to appropriate stall and attempted to make the first purchase.
“Excuse me, sir, might I be permitted to purchase some of your fine lemons?”
“Lemons, for a sweet little lady like you? Are you sure you don’t want something a little more soothing to the tongue?”
“I do not approve of the tone with which thou speakest unto me. Please, three lemons and I shall be on my way.” Mandarin took a step back as the store owner gave her what he perceived was a winning smile, though it came across more as the suggestive leer that it was.
“Oh, playin’ coy, aren’t we? Have it your way, lass. That’ll be twleve bits. Unless of course you’d talk kindly to me, in which case we may be able to come to an agreement.” What the hay is wrong with everypony? Are all the remaining stallions in Ponyville really this perverted that they would use extortion just to try and get some? Gah, no wonder Applejack is afraid of morons like this! “I’m still waiting, miss.” Mandarin sauntered over and placed her hooves against the owner’s chest, pushing him to the ground and causing everypony to stare open mouthed. If she was going to have to be stuck as a female, she might as well use it, right? Unfortunately, his control was temporarily removed as the spell took over, causing no small amount of fear on his part.
“Oh, forgive me, kind sir. I have erred greatly, and shall seek to, how shall we say... rectify the situation?”
Now listen here, I am a freaking stallion, and I don’t appreciate you desire to stick your...
Mandarin said, stroking his chest and bringing her lips close to his. It took all her
wait, something’s wrong. That wasn’t what I meant to say at all! What am I doing? Oh,
effort to not hurl all over his face as she felt his heart begin to race at the word “rectify,” and she
gross, I can’t believe how excited this stallion is getting right now, I think I’m gonna retch.
stopped just short, holding the position for a few seconds before whipping upright and slamming
Please tell me I’m not going to... seduce him? No way! There’s no way I’m going to let
a hoof between his legs, eliciting a chorus of pained groans from the onlookers, and a few
that happen! Ouch, ok, wasn’t expecting that, given my assigned personality, but that
cheers from the mares that had been harassed more than once by the stallion. He, on his part,
was strangely gratifying. I do feel bad, though. With that much force, he’s going to be
doubled over in pain and did hurl, and Mandarin laid six bits down on the table, stowed three
down for quite some time. Hey, I think I feel control coming back... That wasn’t nearly as
lemons in her bag, and tried to leave but was immediately assailed by the jubilant crowd that had
bad as I thought it would be. This could actually be pretty dang fun.
witnessed the event.
“Wow, that was amazing! He’s had that coming for a long time, way to go!”
“I wish I could have been the one to do that!”
“Verily, I cannot stand cretins such as him. I will not tolerate such debauchery in my presence. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some shopping to do,” Mandarin replied with a snort, trotting a short distance before an overly eager stallion called out behind her and froze her in her tracks.
“Hey, do you have a coltfriend?” Cerulean wanted to scream “I’m a stallion!” but the spell stopped the line of thought after the first word after each time he tried to summon the courage to do so.
“I’ll be your fillyfriend!” one mare cried, eliciting a few strange looks before they turned their attention to their new favorite mare.
“I’m sorry, but I...” Cerulean felt the spell begin to react and he knew Mandarin was gonna land him in a world of trouble.
“Please, just one date!” another stallion cried as the number of ponies around Mandarin continued to grow. Desperate, Cerulean teleported away and made towards the library with all haste. Haste, however, tends to rob one of the powers of observation, and thus it was that Mandarin found herself sharing a fleeting moment of passion with the door that had swung open right in front of her. Big Macintosh looked down in shock as an orange horn suddenly punctured the door with a loud crack. He waited for it to withdraw, but after a few seconds he looked on the other side to find a poor mare that was slumped against the door, noting her pleasant features and the throng of ponies in the distance. He instantly put the two together and, hoisting the unconscious lady onto his back, he snuck out of city limits and circled around, back towards Sweet Apple Acres.
“Uh, Big Macintosh? Who’s the mare?” He turned to seeing Applejack eyeing him curiously as he attempted to sneak into the house unseen. It wasn’t that he was sorry for bringer Mandarin back, but rather the fact that he wouldn’t be able to deny any allegations made concerning his interest in her.
“She had an accident in town, ‘n I felt bad ‘bout it. Besides, ah think some ponies were chasin’ her, an’ I didn’t want her to wake up surrounded.”
“Ever the gentlecolt, eh Big Mac? You sure there ain’t more t’ the story?” He said nothing and continued up to his room, hoping his red coat would hide the flush he felt in his cheeks. After setting the mare down in bed, he ran to fetch some ice and tend to the large lump in the center of her forehead. The earth pony swallowed as he felt his heart begin to race in a way that hadn’t happened since the last time he had been close to kissing Miss Cheerilee, and he slowly drew up beside the bed, hesitating a moment before crawling in beside her and draping a hoof lightly across her shoulders. He told himself it would just be for a few moments, but after a morning of wrestling with Quakehoof and an afternoon of clearing snow to come, he soon drifted into a doze.
“Twi? Is it all right for me to come up?” Applejack called out from the entrance of the library, and Spike came down to lead her in. “Hey there, Spike. She upstairs?”
“Yeah, but it’s strange that Cerulean isn’t with her.” Applejack was slightly disappointed, as she had been hoping to see him in passing, but she made her way upstairs and set down the delivery of apple sweets by the bed.
“Thanks, Applejack. I haven’t been able to keep much down as of late, but there’s something about your cooking that eases the pain.”
“Don’t worry ‘bout it, Twi. I’m glad I could help. If ya don’t mind me askin,’ where’s Cerulean?”
“Oh, well I think you mean Mandarin,” she said, giggling at the confusion in Applejack’s face. “I tried out a new disguise spell this morning, and it turned him into a rather fetching mare. Orange coat, violet mane. He’s supposed to be doing the shopping, but he hasn’t come home yet. Applejack, what’s the look for?”
“Big Macintosh came home with an unconscious mare matching that description just before I came over! Now ah don’t wanna jump t’ any conclusions, but I’d say he was quite taken by her. And if that’s really Cerulean, then... Oh Celestia, don’t do anythin’ Big Mac!” she yelled, tearing out the door as Twilight sent her away with her laughter riding after the terror stricken farm mare.
Cerulean was pretty sure he had broken his horn, or at least fractured it when he had rammed into the door, and he made no motion to move or open his eyes as the pounding headache came to wake him. Twilight’s arms felt much heavier than normal, but he was grateful for the comfort and rolled over, squeezing her tighter and noting that she seemed much larger than he remembered. Cerulean’s, or rather Mandarin’s, eyes snapped open when he felt something shift under the covers and found himself looking into Big Mac’s amorous eyes, and his brain immediately screamed for all its worth. Unfortunately, the spell again took hold of the reigns and translated the motion into an elated sigh.
Her cheeks were turning a delightful shade of pink, and realizing that he had fallen asleep and was likely to frighten the mare, he was about to leave the bed when heard the sigh and froze.
“Excuse me, miss, but ah...” he started before the mare began whispering into his ear.
“Thou must be the gallant stallion who hath saved me from the overzealous masses in the
This can’t be happening, this can’t be happening! C’mon, brain, fight the magic! I’ll never
market over yonder. Verily, I believe I owe a great deal of gratitude to you. I would know your
live it down if something happens! I’ve never seen Big Mac act like this, wait, what the...
name, if I may?”
why did I ask his name?
“Big Mac, miss...” he whispered as the mare gently ran her tongue along the length of his neck
Oh no... No, no no no, this cannot be happening! What the hay... He tastes kinda good...
and started to nibble on his ear. Big Mac lay paralyzed, having never experienced anything like it
No, stoppit! No thoughts! Twilight, I swear I’ll get you for this if it’s the last thing I do!
before.
“How rude of me, my name is Mandarin. It is a... pleasure, Big Mac.” And with that, Mandarin
Rude? Being forced to act interested in a stallion, now that’s rude! Wait, what am I... Oh
rolled over on top of him and gave him a lesson in oral dexterity. Big Mac hesitated a moment
buck me, this can’t be happening! I can feel it... and his tongue. Wow, he sure adapts
before caving and returning the advance. He gave a slight grunt as Mandarin’s hoof dropped to
fast... I would have thought that he would have been a tad more... shy, about it. Oh... I
his flank, pulling him closer. Mandarin gave a dainty gasp as Big Mac was overcome and
totally just did, I’m touching his... Somepony, just kill me now... It can’t possibly get any
returned the motion, and she rolled him onto his back and stood over him for a moment. They
worse than OH NO I AM NOT! THIS CANNOT POSSIBLY BE HAPPENING! I will not
both closed their eyes and continued kissing, both unaware of the magical aura building around
sleep with a stallion, no matter how strong, tasty, and... GAH! Mind, turn OFF!
Mandarin’s body.
“Big Mac, don’t lay a hoof on...” Applejack shouted, busting into the room and stopping in her tracks. Cerulean lay atop her brother quite obviously tongue locked with Big Mac, both of them blushing and completely unaware that the spell had worn off. “Cerulean, stop, you ain’t a mare no more,” she commanded, averting her gaze and screwing her eyes shut. Both stallions opened their eyes, and out of sheer desperation, Big Mac shot all legs into the air, sending Cerulean crashing through the roof and landing in a heap a good twenty feet away.
“Was that your first time anythin’ like that has happened, big brother?” Applejack asked softly as they both walked to the window to see Cerulean laying in a small crater, twitching slightly and covered by pieces of debris. Big Mac grew furious and slammed his head against the wall before responding, heaving a large sigh and determining to have a sound word with Twilight on the issue later.
“Eeeyup... That was mah first time findin’ a stallion atop o’ me. What the hay was he thinkin, Applejack?”
“If I ‘ad t’ guess, probably ‘somepony, make it stop!’” she replied with a nervous chuckle. “Twilight cast some sort of spell on ‘im. Was meant to act like a disguise, but ah think it went a little further.”
“Eeeyup.”
A normally gentle stallion entered the door with a slam, causing Twilight to look up from her books. Her excitement at being free of her cramps for a time combined with not having seen Cerulean all day clashed with the fearful scowl he wore as he stomped up the steps, marching up to her and causing her to shift nervously as he fixed her with a piercing gaze.
“Cerulean, did something happen?” He responded by giving her an extremely unexpected, sudden, deep and very wet kiss. She would have enjoyed it but something seemed off. “What is that taste?” Twilight asked as Cerulean turned and stalked towards the shower. He paused in the doorway and glanced at her over the corner of his eye.
“That, my dear mare, would be Big Mac. Enjoy.” He allowed himself an amused smirk as he heard Twilight sputter behind him, groaning in disgust as she realized what had happened and made a note to never, ever, use the spell again.
Chapter 5: Cravings
Some mornings, Spike could tell it was a day that shouldn’t be met head on. This morning in particular, he could just sense that only disaster would befall any attempt to leave the relative safety of the small basket he called a bed, and with such thoughts he contented himself to sleep in. What Spike was likely picking up on was that today was the day hormones carried the lavender mare he cared so much about across the line between strange and disgusting.
Twilight awoke to find herself extremely hungry rather than simply feeling ill. She didn’t bother to wake Cerulean, instead making straight for the kitchen and, checking to make sure nopony was watching, began to stuff her face with her favorite ice cream. To her dismay, she found it to be somewhat lacking in its usual ability to sate her cravings, and she stared at it crestfallen a moment before taking another spoonful, shifting it around her tongue as she attempted to identify what exactly could be missing. She levitated three bowls out and shoveled a small amount of ice cream into each, being careful to make sure they were exactly the same sizes. After five minutes of resizing the lumps, she began sorting through the cupboards and grabbing whatever ingredients met her eyes. It wasn’t long before a whole array of spices, vegetables, and condiments lined the counters.
Her immediate thought was something simple, like chocolate syrup, but a nagging doubt told her that wasn’t the solution. She instead found herself leaning more towards the mustard, even while what little remained of the rational side of her brain screamed its opposition. She hesitated a moment before squeezing out a small dollop and gingerly taking a bite. As the mixture graced her taste buds her eyes lit up with pure joy, and she coated the rest of the scoop before all but inhaling it. She immediately prepared to doctor the two remaining bowls when the thought hit her; what other combinations have yet to be discovered?
The mustard soon found itself abandoned as she sifted through the various bottles and containers, her stomach pointing towards the jar of pickles. Twilight began munching on one and attempted to put the lid back on but her mind railed against the thought, and she eyed it curiously until she understood. Pouring the juice all over the ice cream, she found this too to be a creation worthy of the Solar Princess herself. Fortunately for the princess, Twilight was quite selfish with her meal, and soon only one bowl remained.
Sweat began to bead on her forehead as she struggled to make the last choice. Curry powder? Dried parsley? Tartar sauce? Tartar sauce! She didn’t even bother to sample it, she just poured a liberal supply of the thick sauce over the slightly melted, mostly frozen sweet treat before messily devouring the concoction, licking the bowl clean and relishing the after taste. “Wait a minute, who said I have to be done?” she quipped to herself, smiling gleefully as she grabbed the tub of ice cream and began doling out new portions, eyes shining with anticipation as she turned towards a whole world of possibilities just waiting to be sampled.
Cerulean woke with a start as Twilight frantically shook him awake. Her ability to sit still while sleeping seemed to decrease as her size increased, and as a result of night after night of shifting, he’d acquired a medical case of sleep deprivation. He had operated under little sleep before back when he was attending classes at Canterlot Magic Academy, so he was able to maintain his cheery disposition for the most part, though that didn’t make it any easier to pry open his eyes.
“Hnnn, wasit?”
“Huh? Didn’t quite catch that.” The groggy stallion rubbed his eyes with a hoof and blinked a few times, giving himself a few moments to awaken before attempting to speak again.
“Morning, Twi. What is it?”
“Close your eyes and open your mouth. Trust me, this is going to be amazing!” Cerulean obeyed, and was completely unprepared for the mess that was hastily scooped into his open maw. “I can’t believe nopony has tried this before! It’s simply...” she continued before her words were interrupted as Cerulean spewed the “ice cream,” all over the floor, sputtering and coughing as his half awake brain tried to comprehend what had just been stuck in his mouth.
“I can believe it...” he moaned, too shocked to bother wiping away the trickle of drool that was building on the floor as he hung his head over the edge of the bed. “What... what was that? It was cold, and sweet, and salty... and just downright wrong, Twilight.”
“It was just ice cream,” Twilight said softly, disappointed that he hadn’t enjoyed her addition of vinegar, lemon grass, and ground anise to the frozen treat.
“Ok, gathering by the temperature and consistency, I can believe that,” he remarked, plodding wearily over to the bathroom and stepping around the mess he had made on the floor. After giving his mouth a thorough rinsing he returned with a wash cloth and cleaned it up. He was about to ask what all Twilight had added before noticing that she had left, and finishing up he made his way downstairs to find her experimenting further, ninety five percent of everything in the kitchen in total disarray all around him. He watched in awe and revulsion as she placed another scoop of ice cream into a bowl and layered a couple of her favorite discoveries for the morning atop it before downing it with gusto, giggling happily as she savored the bliss dancing across her tastebuds.
“Uh, Twilight? Did you even see what you just put into that?” Cerulean asked, growing increasingly worried. He knew that mares with foal are prone to strange habits, but this... this couldn’t be healthy.
“Uh huh! I’ve been making a list so I can remember for later too!” she declared proudly, levitating the list over to him to see. Her excitement slowly drained as his disgust grew, his facial expressions heightening her sense of embarrassment at her newfound tastes. “You know, it wouldn’t hurt you to be a little more supportive,” she stated indignantly, yanking the paper away and turning away.
“Sorry, Twilight, I can’t wrap my head around how anything on that page could possibly taste good. I’m going to go take a shower. Why don’t you try to find something else to eat?” Twilight sulked as he ascended the steps and the water began to flow. She stared miserably at all the combinations that hadn’t been tried before relenting and starting to put things away. She had just finished reloading the spices when a new thought struck her.
“Something else, huh? Well how about a smoothie!” she squealed, eyeing the remaining ingredients carefully. “This is almost as fun as magic! Let’s see, a little of this...” she started, levitating whatever caught her eye into the blender and using some yogurt as a base. She ignored the nauseatingly dark green color that her ingredients had turned the mess before taking a small sip and nearly falling over as the glorious mixture reached out to grace her taste buds. Whether or not Cerulean could appreciate her newfound mastery of the element of taste, she was determined to share her talent with everypony she could reach.
The cleansing flow all around helped ease Cerulean away from the weirdness of the morning and into an isolated current of peace. He didn’t normally allow himself to indulge, but after thirty minutes he forced himself to exit, drying himself hastily and cantering downstairs to find Twilight nowhere to be seen. There was no note, and he wandered into the kitchen to find most of the ingredients still sitting out on the counter top. He set about putting them away and, having finished, turned to wash out the blender. Cerulean gave it a cautionary whiff before blanching, sending it straight to the sink with his magic and turning on the faucet full blast to wash away whatever twisted alchemy Twilight had used to master such a disaster.
Finishing the deed, he ate a proper breakfast and sat down on the couch, contemplating what he should do. Was she angry that he had normal tastes? If she had left angry, then the smart thing to do would be to chase after her and make amends. If, however, she had left for any other reason, there was really no cause for alarm and he could catch up on his sleep. As he attempted to find the proper solution he found himself unable to resist the soothing call of unconsciousness.
“Pinkie Pie! Do you have some free time this afternoon?”
“Sure, Twilight! What did you want to do?”
“Oh, I was thinking we could do some baking! See, I’ve had a flash of inspiration, and I want to share my gift with everypony!” she declared proudly, her trusty list at her side.
“Wow, that sounds super fun! So what did you want to make? Cupcakes? Pie? More cupcakes?” she exclaimed, trotting in place excitedly.
“Let’s start with whatever is the most simple. I haven’t really done much baking before.”
“You know, Twilight, I taught Cerulean how to make cupcakes a while back. You could have just asked him.”
“He’s in one of his moods this morning, no appreciation for talent,” she muttered, following Pinkie Pie into the kitchen. Twilight had an even harder time accepting Pinkie’s methods than Cerulean, and it was a good hour before the first batch came out, looking more like charcoal than anything else. After half an hour of unsuccessfully trying to apply her own logic to the process, Twilight caved and allowed Pinkie’s madness free reign over the proceedings, immediately yielding a tray of pristine cupcakes. After a few more repetitions they moved on to pie, then cake, and finally cheesecake. Twilight had been furiously scribbling notes throughout the course of the morning, and she gave a satisfied nod before bidding Pinkie good day and heading back home.
The triumphant slamming of the door signaled Twilight’s return to the library, and the end of Cerulean’s nap. He refused to budge, cracking open an eye and watching as Twilight skipped to the kitchen to begin her afternoon of baking. Cerulean soon drifted back to sleep while Twilight fired up the oven, making as many cupcakes as she could, altering Pinkie’s recipe dramatically while keeping her methods the same, and soon the tasty looking pastries were filling the kitchen with a scent that took all Twilight’s self control to resist.
As she pulled out the last of the batch, she got right to the next, and perhaps most important, step in the process. The frosting was soon evenly distributed, and Twilight set about packing them in some boxes that Pinkie Pie had generously donated. She threw open the door and levitated the boxes out single file, stacking them neatly before turning to Cerulean who was snoring softly on the couch, and Twilight took pity on him, leaving a box of the treats beside him. As if by magic, she realized it would be terribly rude of her not to share with her mentor, and she quickly drafted a letter, waking Spike who wordlessly sent it off with the package before rolling away and attempting to fall back asleep. Twilight smiled a bit before racing back to her boxes to set up shop in town.
Finding an empty spot was fairly easy, and even though she had no stall, ponies heeded her voice and came to experience “the ultimate fix for a sweet tooth Equestria had to offer.” Much to Twilight’s dismay, her first few customers were less than satisfied with the concoction, and the pregnant mare quickly grew frustrated with everypony’s lack of understanding.
“Fine, don’t like my baking? I’ll make you all like my baking!” Even as she cast the “Want it, Need it” spell, her senses told her it was a bad idea. She mentally shoved a cupcake in her rationalities mouth to silence the yammering buffoon and watched with glee as everypony nearby fell eagerly upon her creations. Soon at least a hundred ponies had eaten their fill, faces coated with frosting and desperately licking the crumbs from the ground to sate their sudden, intense, all consuming desire for Twilight’s sweets.
“More, I need more!” Lyra wailed, turning towards Twilight. She gave a slight pause as Bon Bon cleaned what little remained of the frosting from her face before joining her plea.
“Indeed, there must be more! You, lavender mare, give us more!” a massive stallion by the name of Quakehoof bellowed, pounding a hoof and causing a small tremor to surge through the ground. The shouts intensified as everypony that had eaten the cupcakes turned and started marching towards her.
Celestia looked up from the documents on her desk as she perceived an incoming message. She read the simple note and opened the box to see a dozen normal looking, though slightly strange smelling, cupcakes. Her skepticism drew not from fear of a repeated intoxication but rather some sort of food poisoning, but she decided to give Twilight the benefit of the doubt and bit into one. The papers upon her desk were soon bathed in partially chewed pastry, the taste impossible to place but definitely not fit for consumption. As she gratefully cleared the lingering remnants away with a purifying flow of water, she couldn’t help but giggle, as she now had an excuse to dispose of the braindead proposal from her least favorite politician in all of Equestria. She made a mental note to thank Twilight later, and she stowed the remaining cupcakes for future use should he persist.
“There isn’t anymore, I spent all morning baking those!” Twilight explained, backing away as their frenzied shouts grew louder. She began to revoke the spell, but she could only focus on one pony at a time, and she quickly came to a troubling realization; she was in way over her head. She turned to run but found herself surrounded as the mob closed in. She teleported back to the library to try and figure out a solution, knowing it was only a matter of time before the horde discovered her.
“Twilight, what’s wrong? Are you all right?” Cerulean said as she teleported into the center of the main room, panting and shaking slightly.
“I enchanted my cupcakes and now everypony is trying to get me!” Cerulean stared blankly at Twilight’s wild eyes with an utter lack of comprehension, an increasingly common occurrence as she progressed through her pregnancy.
“Ok, let’s assume for a moment that I had any idea what you’re talking about, what would you have me do?”
“I don’t know! We’re going to have a horde of cupcake hungry ponies at our door any minute and I can’t think of any way to fix this!” Cerulean could only sigh as he grew even more confused, and he followed a frantic Twilight into the kitchen as she began making more cupcakes.
“Twilight, I can’t imagine anything you’ve been baking this morning would be anything anypony would want, no offense.”
“No, I am offended, but fortunately for you I have bigger problems to deal with!” she retorted, continuing and throwing the first batch in the oven as they felt vibrations in the floor with increasing intensity. Cerulean noticed the frustration turn to fear in an instant, and he dashed to the window to see the imminent approach of nearly half of Ponyville. He pushed down his rising anxiety as he noticed that every iris of every eye looked like hearts.
“Twilight, you used magic on those cupcakes, didn’t you,” he inquired, their situation finally being understood. Twilight nodded miserably and returned to the kitchen. “Twilight, they’re just going to keep coming, it won’t matter how many of those cupcakes you bake. We need to dispel the enchantment.”
“But I can’t do more than one pony at once! They’ll be here in a few seconds!” Cerulean thought for a moment before breaking into a grin. Twilight shook her head as he revealed his crazy plan. “Cerulean you can’t be serious! That’s way too dangerous for you, there’s no way I’m letting you do that,” Twilight said firmly. Her commitment wavered as a steady pounding of hooves sounded at the door.
“Twilight, you’re going to have to trust me. Quickly, before there’s no time left!” Twilight closed her eyes and summoned her magic, cloaking Cerulean in her aura before the color faded slowly from sight. Cerulean planted her with a kiss before running upstairs, summoning his wings, and jumping out of the window. He circled back around and called out the mass of ponies, who immediately fixed their gaze on him.
“Hey, everypony! I know you all want some of this!” he yelled, motioning to himself as the masses below gave chase. He drew them away from the library to give Twilight time to find a proper spell to work on the horde, landing on a low cloud to conserve his magic reserves. Cerulean lost his focus as the ponies below began standing on top of each other, stacking as many as ten atop each other before falling in a heap and trying again. “This is just... Twilight, even with all my knowledge of the fighting arts, I don’t think I know a single spell as crazy as this. I’m just glad there are no pega...” he murmured to himself, his thought cut off as Rainbow Dash careened into him, knocking him from his place of rest as she locked her arms around his waist.
“Cerulean, I never knew you were so awesome!” she said dreamily, ignoring their swift descent towards the writhing mass of ponies below.
“Rainbow Dash, cut it out! This is no time for... oh, buck me,” he muttered, noting her eyes matched those of everypony else. He summoned his wings to lessen the impact, and she leaned towards him before being tossed aside by another one of the ponies, each eager to get a piece of the quaking blue stallion that lay defenseless on his back. “Twilight, help memfff!” he called out before he was buried under the throng.
“Come on, there has got to be something somewhere for a mass cancellation! I’ve seen Celestia use it!” Twilight said as she sifted through the rows of tomes on the shelves, failing to find anything useful on the subject. Spike, unable to avoid being awoken by the din, wandered downstairs to find a way to appease the frantic mare, if only for the sake of peace and quiet.
“Twilight, what are you doing?”
“Spike, help me find a text on wards!”
“Try the ‘Big Book of Wards and Counter Spells’ under ‘B,’” he replied, reaching for the tome before Twilight yanked it away and delved in. After a few minutes she gave a squeal of delight, marking the page and dashing out into the streets, which were strangely empty. A growing sense of urgency prompted her to teleport to the town centre where she found a giant mound of ponies engaged in combat over her fiancé, who could be seen every now and again, flying through the air and screaming for all his lungs were worth.
“Cerulean, hang on, I’m coming!” Twilight shouted as she drew near to the outer ring. Opening the book, she began forming the spell in her horn. She teleported to the center as she cast the spell, and soon a soft violet light began cleansing the area of the effects of her ill fated ensorcellment. As the ponies came back to their senses, they quickly felt the effects of the cupcakes and left to go seek a means of calming the churning with. At least, most of the ponies. Lyra and Bon Bon came to their senses to find both of their tongues consuming most of the space within Cerulean’s mouth, and their disgust was not with the food consumed, but with the recipient of their affection.
“Like, ewww! I was totally kissing a stallion,” Bon Bon exclaimed, standing and sputtering all over his face. Lyra’s reaction was much the same, and they left to right their heinous mistake in the comfort of their home. Cerulean lay breathless flat on his back, not having enjoyed the experience in the slightest and quite scuffed up from all the unwanted attention. Twilight stood over him, intending to revive him with a kiss before noting the drool around his mouth that was not his own, and instead sat beside him, placing a hoof on his chest.
“Given that those two are known fillyfoolers, I will overlook your unfaithfulness just this once, Cerulean. Be thankful for being spared immediate immolation,” she chuckled. Cerulean’s mind began to function once more, and he hastily wiped away the remnants of the other two mares’ saliva, spitting a couple of times to rid himself of the taste.
“Twilight, you have no idea how traumatizing that was for me! I mean, do you know how many lips I’ve kissed today? Too many!” he wailed, struggling to his feet and shaking his head.
“Well I’ve gotta give it to ya, Cerulean, you managed to evade the fastest pony in Ponyville, so you should be proud!” Rainbow Dash laughed, taking off as Cerulean whirled around to give her a piece of his mind. Instead he found himself locked in Big Macintosh’s gaze.
“Oh please, tell me you didn’t...”
“Eeeyup.”
“You just can’t get enough of me, can you.”
“Nnnope.”
“Let us never speak of this again.”
“Eeeyup.”
Chapter 6: Meeting the Parents
Cerulean knew this day was coming, but it didn’t make it any less terrifying. It was a day any coltfriend, or in this case fiancé to a pregnant mare, dreaded and feared like the apocalyptic harbinger of doom that it was. Add to this the fact that his allegations of rape still hadn’t fully been dispelled in Canterlot, plus the fact he never received their blessing before his proposal, and you have a recipe for a very dead stallion. In light of all this, Twilight awoke to an empty bed the day of their departure, and after fifteen minutes of searching she found her significant other cowering in the laboratory, tucked firming underneath the stairs in as tight a ball as he possibly could squeeze.
“Cerulean, we don’t have time for this, we’re going to miss the train!”
“I know, isn’t it great?” He shortly thereafter found himself teleported outside, along with a night’s luggage which landed firmly on his head, stunning him as Twilight appeared next to him.
“You really need to relax, it’s going to be fine.”
“Shows how much you’ve learned...” he muttered sullenly, strapping on the saddlebag and rubbing the slight inflammation just above his horn. “Aren’t you even the slightest bit nervous?”
“I will be if you keep asking ridiculous questions, now move!” she barked, her patience quickly wearing thin. Honestly, he can handle living with somepony who has landed him in more awkward, and often times painful, situations than anypony else she knew, and yet he’s scared of meeting her father? Her mind couldn’t wrap itself around the logic. Cerulean trudged in silence, boarding the train and promptly falling asleep, likely to deny his brain further access to the areas that stimulate fear. Unfortunately for him, said area remained fully active during the sleep cycle, and he woke with yell a few minutes before they pulled into canterlot.
“Cerulean, keep it down.”
“Twilight, your father doesn’t own any weapons, does he?”
“A few, why?”
“Because I don’t know what the hay a ‘shotgun’ is, but I’m pretty sure not even magic could make that big of a mess!” he shouted, causing multiple ponies to poke their heads around to see what was going on.
“Cerulean.” He froze at Twilight’s commanding voice, dropping silent and shifting nervously. “I do not know what you are talking about, but you’re going to land yourself in another Mandarin moment if you don’t calm down and act like a proper gentlecolt. Got it?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Babe?”
“Cerulean, you’re pushing it.”
“Twilight-li,” he started, before having his mouth magically sealed shut with a flash of Twilight’s horn. He glanced around in total confusion as his lips had somehow become one entity, and he quailed under Twilight’s burning gaze.
“If you so much as mention that near my parents, you will find yourself to be a very unlucky stallion. They don’t know about that little phase, and I intend to keep that that way. Capisce?” A hasty nod from Cerulean signaled the end of the silencing spell, and he took a few deep breaths of air before dropping silent. Either Twilight was super hormonal today, or she was secretly just as nervous. Or both, in which case his chances of survival dropped a good twenty percent. Humor seemed to have left her vocabulary, so he decided to try a different approach.
“Twilight, I’ll do my best to make this as painless as possible, ok?” Scooting closer to her, he slid a hoof around her neck and gave her a light squeeze, of which she was surprisingly receptive.
“Me too. I don’t know why I’m so short tempered this morning.”
“Well, and every other morning for the last...” A half lidded glare assured him that there was no need to continue the statement. It also confirmed that his beloved sarcasm would be the death of him should he not relent. Unfortunately, it was thoroughly ingrained into his mind, and thus attempting to set it aside normally only worked for a matter of seconds. As they stepped off of the train, he fervently hoped that having the death penalty hanging over his head would be motivation enough for his mind to keep itself in check.
Taking painstaking care not to let his speech slip, Cerulean had managed to restore Twilight’s mood by the time they came to a stop in front of her parents’ house, but any confidence he had worked up instantly drained as the door swung open to reveal her parents. Twilight bore a striking resemblance to her mother, but that was the least of Cerulean’s concerns as her father simply glared from the doorway.
“Mom, dad, it’s so good to see,” Twilight started before her father’s cold words cut her off.
“Twilight, are you pregnant?” Silence can speak a thousand words, and at that moment all Cerulean heard were funeral bells.
“Twi, you didn’t tell them?”
“It may have slipped my mind, yes,” she replied, swallowing hard. Her father was old fashioned, and this was likely the worst possible introduction for Cerulean. She began to wonder if whatever dream he had was more a premonition, as her father certainly looked like he could kill. She cautiously stood between the two stallions as her father, Night Light, began stalking towards Cerulean. “Dad, please, just calm down. It’s not what it... I mean...”
“Twilight, stand aside.” She fearfully obeyed, standing beside her mother who lay a comforting hoof around her shoulders. “What’s your name, colt?” My name? He must want to know what to put on my tombstone, how polite.
“Cerulean Snowgleam, sir.” Night Light’s scowl turned from angry to something Cerulean couldn’t quite place, but whatever it was, he was pretty sure his life was over.
“Odd, that’s also the name of a pony who was charged with rape five years back. And now, here you are, with my daughter. And she’s pregnant.”
“Don’t do it, Cerulean. Don’t respond,” Twilight whispered to herself as she watched him take a step back. Unfortunately, frustration is deceptively adept at sneaking in and changing an innocent rebuttal into a monumentally stupid one.
“Actually, she started it.” Twilight’s facehoof garnered the attention of everypony nearby.
“Dad, take it easy, he never,” she started before her father’s calm voice cowed her into silence.
“So you gave yourself willingly? I thought I raised you better than that.”
“Dear, why don’t we take this inside?” Velvet interjected, motioning to the increasing number of staring ponies. Twilight gave Cerulean a supportive nuzzling before following her parents inside, where she was immediately hit with a wave of nostalgia. Night noticed Cerulean’s adoring gaze and drew Velvet close.
“Do you see the way he’s looking at her right now?”
“What, it’s exactly how you look at me. Could you at least try to give him a chance? It’s been many years since Twilight’s been home, and I don’t want to run her off.” Cerulean noticed their hushed whispers and added his own, murmuring out of the side of his mouth.
“So, do you still expect me not to be nervous?”
“No, I’d say your trepidation is justified. I haven’t seen my father this peeved since... no, nevermind, that wasn’t even close.” Well that was about as comforting as a night in the Canterlot dungeons, a prospect he had little desire to ever revisit.
“It didn’t occur to you to break the news to them beforehoof?”
“Clearly, it must have fallen off of my checklist.” A sudden silence descended as both couples ceased whispering at the same time, and a moment or two passed before Night Light pointed to a couch, motioning for Twilight and Cerulean to sit.
“Let’s start off with something easy. How did you two meet?”
“I saved him from being killed by wolves in a forest.”
“I woke up with Twi passed out on top of me.” The answers came simultaneously, though Cerulean’s was the only one that was heard. Night raised an eyebrow.
“Cerulean!” Twilight hissed, shooting a worried glance at her father.
“What? It’s the truth. Well, both are accurate, but I wasn’t conscious for the forest part.”
“Take two seconds and think about what you just said.” One... two... oh dear Celestia. Strike one.
“Sir, I assure you, I have never taken advantage of your daughter, contrary to how what I have just said may sound. The fact is she ran out of magic while teleporting the both of us out of danger, and we landed in a somewhat awkward position.” Twilight gave an inaudible sigh of relief as her father’s features softened slightly. It may have been imperceptible to Cerulean, who she could feel shaking slightly, but it was heartening none the less.
“How long were you dating before he asked you to marry him, Twilight?” her mother asked suddenly. She smiled a little as both ponies shifted nervously, the couch creaking slightly as they let their eyes roam anywhere but her own. “Or rather, how long did you know each other before he asked you out.”
“Uh, a little over a month, I think,” Cerulean offered, not having the clearest memory.
“Not long, but I can accept it. Now, my first question?” Velvet continued.
“About the same, actually,” Twilight replied, smiling as she remembered the event.
“Let me get this straight,” Night said, his controlled fury sending shivers down Cerulean’s spine. “You met my daughter, asked her out a month later, and asked again to marry her the following month?” Somehow, Cerulean knew that was strike two no matter how he approached it.
“Yes, I did.” Of all the times for Cerulean to attempt to be assertive, that was likely the worst. “It was a very long two months.”
“So, I’m curious, when did Twilight conceive?” Velvet replied calmly, not appearing the slightest bit disturbed by the news.
“Mom, really?” Twilight exclaimed. “Are you trying to make dad angry at Cerulean?”
“What? It’s a fair question,” Night agreed, fixing his eyes on Cerulean.
“Let’s see... it was, what, three days after I asked you out?” Twilight was tired of having to tiptoe around her parents, and since they weren’t having any success, she decided that she might as well just be out with it.
“I think so. Hard to tell, I was having too much fun that night,” she giggled, giving Cerulean a wink. He breathed a sigh of relief as he realized all bets were off. Regardless of what had actually left his mouth, which took no heed of the dire situation, he really had been trying his best not to cause Night Light to burst into flames, or whatever it was he did when he wished somepony bodily harm.
“Three... days.” Strike three. Oh, what the hay.
“Yes sir, that’s correct. She was much more eager than I had anticipated, but have no fear; I treated her right.” Being able to see the vein near Night Lights left eye bulge as his blood pressure approached critical limits was contrasted nicely by Velvet’s polite nod.
“Just what kind of pony do you think my daughter is?” Night Light cried, leaping upright. “It’s quite clear that two months is all it took to corrupt Twilight, likely just as you did that other mare!” Twilight immediately stood between the two as their horns began to glow.
“Father, you have no right to bring that up, especially when he’s been cleared of the charges!” Her scowl, which she had hoped her father would notice and relent, was soon given a lesson in how to do it right as Night Light slammed a hoof on the table.
“And it doesn’t bother you that he was accused of rape in the first place?”
“Not since I know what actually happened, no!” she fired back. Velvet remained silent as she watched the tempers flare, sighing that nopony could seem to stay rational for more than a moment’s notice. “You have no idea what he’s been through, dad.”
“Twilight, let me pass. I’ll just show him so he’ll shut up.”
“You get that horn near me and I’ll break it clean off, colt.”
“Now dear, that wouldn’t be very fair to Twilight. I’m sure she rather likes his horn.” Everypony in the room turned and stared at Velvet, who looked at Twilight’s pleading eyes before continuing. “Night, you’re acting every bit as foalish as he is, if not more so. So please, everypony, can we at least try to feign civility?”
“You expect me to act kindly to a stallion who has effectively turned our daughter into a skank?” Twilight let out a gasp as a sudden thump from Cerulean’s hoof shot a sharpened icicle from the ground which stopped right at the base of her father’s throat.
“Don’t you ever... talk about her like that again.” His words sounded like thunder in the silence. “Twilight is the most precious thing in the world to me, and I will not let anypony, much less her own father, speak of her in such a manner. I don’t care what you think about me, but she is off limits.” He tapped the icicle and it shattered, restoring Night Light’s ability to breathe as Cerulean slowly sat down, meeting her father’s shocked gaze.
“Hmmm, I approve, Twilight.” She gave a pointed look at a defeated Night Light before continuing. “If he’s that willing to defend your honor, then I find no faults. Besides,” she said, giving Twilight a wink, “he’s willing to take responsibility for your child, so we don’t have to castrate him. Congratulations, Cerulean. You get to keep your horn.”
“Uh, thank you?”
“Cerulean, thank you,” Twilight whispered into his ear as she wrapped her hoof around his foreleg.
“We may have moved pretty dang fast, but you’re not loose. And having been accused of rape, I of all ponies know how much that kind of statement can hurt,” he said softly, dropping his gaze. Twilight couldn’t stand seeing Cerulean look so dejected, and a culmination of anger and hormones caused her to march over to her father and connect horns as what really happened with Bangles flooded his mind. He didn’t have time to apologize, primarily due to his abrupt transformation into a sizable cactus upon the completion of the memory transference.
“Oh my, I haven’t done that to him in ages,” Velvet chortled, walking over and sitting next to her husband. “Twilight, this brings up a good question, how are you handling your pregnancy?”
“Well...”
“I fear for my life on a daily basis, Mrs. Sparkle. Please save me.”
“I guess I can be a little difficult.”
“A little? Twilight, I had to pole dance in the center of town! You turned me into a mare! I was forced to nearly make love to Big Macintosh!”
“Cerulean, I think that’s quite enough out of you, thank you,” Twilight stated flatly, sealing his mouth once more, though he continued to rant in muffled grunts.
“Oh, but Twilight, his stories were interesting!” Velvet laughed, horn glowing briefly as she removed Cerulean’s vocal restriction.
“Don’t even get me started on her eating habits. I’ve never imagined nastier combinations of food in my life. It’s like she’s worked down ‘raunchy’ to a science.”
“Have you attempted to interfere with her culinary endeavors?”
“I prefer to stay amongst the land of the living, thank you. Dying once is enough for anypony.”
“Smart colt, though maybe not in speech. Fitting for Twilight, I must say. It wasn’t easy for Night Light when I was pregnant, either. I think I even hospitalized him with a magically enhanced frying pan from the sky, once.”
“Miss Velvet Sparkle, please, don’t give her any ideas. She has enough of her own.”
As evening came, Twilight decided to allow her father to assume pony form once more, and the four gathered around the table for dinner. The pregnant mare relished her parent’s cooking, though as with most of her food, it was missing ten or more condiments to complete the taste. Cerulean averted his head while she “improved” the dish, and the rest of the evening passed by without a hitch, largely due to Night Light not saying a word. Velvet Sparkle and Night Light retired early, leaving Cerulean and Twilight alone on the couch where they sat speaking in hushed tones.
“Ugh, what a day. I’m sorry about my father, Cerulean. He’s really not a bad pony, but he’s always been very protective of me.”
“Mmhmm.” It was an odd reply, especially for somepony so needlessly wordy and sarcastic. A glance at Twilight and he knew she had caught it. “Sorry, I guess I’m just a little bit stressed after everything that’s been going on.”
“Today wasn’t that bad, was it?”
“I wasn’t just talking about today, Twilight. You’re getting more irritable, more distant.”
“Well, excuse me for being pregnant! Whose fault is that again?” Twilight readied her horn to dole out punishment at the arrival of his comeback, but the glow faded as he said nothing. The lavender mare heaved a sigh and stood, making her way towards the spare bedroom. “I’m going to bed, are you coming?”
“I’ll be in soon, Twilight.” She gave a snort and closed the door loudly behind her as she entered. Cerulean sat staring ahead as he tried to calm the anxieties that had been building for the last week or two.
“You sure have your work cut out for you, colt.” Oh great, as if things weren’t bad enough. Well, now I don’t have to worry, it’s shotgun time. “Come with me.” Cerulean nodded and followed Night Light into the streets, and after the house had dropped out of view, Night started to speak. “I must apologize for my actions.”
“Why, is Velvet making you?” He cringed inwardly at his own disrespect, but he was pleasantly surprised by Night’s response.
“Partly, yes. That, and something tells me you’ve had a rough time of it, if Twilight is anything like her mother when she was pregnant. Longest twenty two months of my life.” Ah, that’s right, Twilight had mentioned she had a brother a while back.
“Was it really that bad?”
“Hmmm, there was the time when she turned my salad into a live squid after I had eaten. Oh, and there was also the time when she electrocuted me for waking her five minutes late. Although, if I had to pick a favorite, it would have to be the frying pan from the sky. I think I was out for, what, four days?” Cerulean couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought, though given Twilight’s capabilities, what he was to face would likely be much worse. “Listen, I don’t fully trust you, Cerulean.”
“Gee, here I was thinking this heart to heart was my first hoof in the door.”
“It might be if you’d learn to keep your mouth shut.” He took the hint and clammed up. “Hmmm, at least you can listen, that’s a start.” Cerulean swallowed back his response and continued plodding along. “As long as our daughter is happy, I will try to accept it. But I have to ask, did she really turn you into a mare?”
“Yes, as part of her research. I ended up regaining control of my body to find myself lip locked with a rather dashing stallion, thought it took a few hours to get the taste out of my mouth.” For the first time since he had arrived, Cerulean heard Night Light laugh. Now, this was not a pitying, “wow, I’m sorry to hear that but it’s still funny” laugh. No, this was a “that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard and I will never let you live it down” laugh. And it was, fortunately, a laugh that signaled his acceptance.
“Don’t relax yet, colt,” Night warned with a none too friendly chuckle. “When Shining Armor finds out about this, my lectures will seem like foalsplay.” With Night Light’s inspiring message of hope for the future, Cerulean raised his eyes to the sky and wished for a frypan to mercifully take him to the realm of dreams.
Chapter 7: Chaos Joke
Cerulean and Spike both warned her, but she didn’t listen. It was one of those things that anypony else could tell wasn’t going to end well, but Twilight, ever confident in her magic and logical reasoning, assured them that her experimentation with poison joke would be perfectly safe.
“Just look at this laboratory! I’ve got protective wards around the room, magic resistant bottles for the experiments, a lifetime supply of the antidote, and my two best assistants. You guys ready to get your science on?” Spike winced as Cerulean immediately let out a mighty whoop, before Twilight turned her back and he dropped his voice low.
“Look, Spike, I’m not too thrilled either, ok? I can still taste the bile if I think about what happened last time I was near the stuff. But she’s in a good mood for once, and it will be best for everypony if we keep her that way. So, for sanity?”
“For living,” Spike agreed, nodding and walking towards the table.
“Ok, Spike, use those gloves and measure out exactly three grams of poison joke on that scale. Cerulean, turn on the heating pad and start warming the aqua regis. Oh, and be careful. That stuff is pretty nasty if you get it on you.” A single drop spilled from the vial as Cerulean poured it into a beaker, and the tabletop soon found itself with a new hole as the highly corrosive substance enjoyed a nice meal of finished oakwood.
“Poison joke is ready, Twilight.”
“Very good, Spike. All right, take the mortar and pestle and mash it up good. When you’re finished, add it to the beaker.” Cerulean allowed himself to let his guard down at Twilight’s happy humming, thankful for a day off from constantly being on her nerves. In the last month her mood swings had turned violent, and it took Celestia stepping in for her to get a hold of herself. It didn’t last long though, and she had quickly regressed to her old habits. So on a day like this, when everything was veiled under a thick cloud of normality, he could almost forget the worries that were building in the back of his mind. Speaking of clouds...
“Uh, Twilight? That’s supposed to happen, right?” Cerulean asked with a start as Spike dumped the mashed flower into the beaker, which soon began to froth. A small blue tendril of vapor began to form a small cloud over the heating pad.
“Supposed to? Anything is possible, nopony has ever done this!” she exclaimed, scribbling furiously on her clipboard as she observed the process. The last of the blue drained from the aqua regis, and a small but fully formed blue cloud hovered over the heating pad. “Cerulean, time for the test stage. Stick your hoof into it. Don’t worry, we have plenty of the antidote, so if something too strange happens I can fix you right back up!”
“All right.” In truth, her excitement was becoming infectious, and for a moment the cute, dorky mare he had fallen for was acting like her old self. It was for this reason that, in his haste, he did not reach in to gingerly touch the cloud, but rather jabbed it sharply. The cloud, angered by his abrupt intrusion of its personal space, promptly darkened and gave him a small jolt of electricity.
“It functions like a normal cloud, and can even generate static? Amazing! I wonder, can it rain? Cerulean, could you agitate it a bit?” Cerulean was standing motionless with his hoof still outstretched. “Uh, you ok?”
“Quite. Now stand aside, Twilight, true science calls my name. You wish to see it rain? I shall make it pour.” She willingly obeyed, brimming with enthusiasm as her stallion took an interest, prepping seven grams of poison joke and adding it again to the beaker. The cloud formed was much larger and quickly assimilated the previous tuft. After casting the cloud walking spell, he began poking the cloud in precise points, yielding a gentle drizzle of a deep blue substance around the room.
“Cerulean, that was incredible! How did you know it would react that way?” He said nothing and punched a hole through the cloud, causing a sudden shower to drench everypony. Twilight quickly dried herself and applied the antidote before anything could happen, treating Cerulean and Spike as well.
“Twilight, we should stop now.” How could Cerulean go from maximum science mode to frightened foal in two seconds?
“How can you say that? Things are just getting interesting!” she replied cheerfully, preparing a second beaker with aqua fortis and bidding Spike to mash some more poison joke.
“Easy, that jolt of whatever that cloud hit me with temporarily allowed me a glimpse of every outcome poison joke can have, and some of them aren’t pretty.”
“Why didn’t you say so sooner?” she squealed, punching the cloud and receiving a minor shock. As the jokes electrical charge raced through her brain, she saw the possibilities unveiled like the lifting of a curtain and for a second, her mind was consumed by scientific bliss. Then the joke took over, and without warning she mixed the contents of the beakers and piled in the rest of the flowers.
Pinkie Pie was almost finished checking her scattered stockpiles of rubber balls and eye patches when she saw the library explode. Large, roiling clouds billowed out and spread in all directions, moving incredibly fast as if driven by an invisible wind and quickly covering most of Ponyville. While most of the city saw fit to panic, Pinkie’s mind was consumed solely by one thought, and her eyes began to shine with anticipation.
“If pink clouds make chocolate milk, then blue clouds must make... frosting!” Standing on her hind legs, she reached out her hooves and opened her mouth as the first drops began to fall. She sputtered as the incredibly sour substance forcibly puckered her mouth, her hair falling down straight as her hopes were cruelly dashed by the raging downpour. “Twilight, that’s just mean... Wait a second, maybe Cerulean exploded! Twilight, you broke your Pinkie promise!” she shouted, dashing towards the library before she felt her tail start twitching, and she immediately ducked under the shelter of one of the market stalls. After several moments of nothing happening, she stared at her tail, now covered in blue spots. “That’s funny, my Pinkie sense has never been wrong before. Oh, duh, maybe it’s ‘cause of the rain!” She was about to continue towards the library when her ears started to flop. “Ear floppy? I don’t wanna get dirty! Wait, I’m inside of a stall, how am I gonna get dirty?” She hunkered down and waited a whole minute, only to have nothing happen. “This is getting spooky. I better find Twilight fast! Wait, what’s this? Achy shoulder? Gummy is at home, and I’m not even in the tub! What’s wrong with me?” she wailed, making a break for the library as her Pinkie sense told her it was going to rain angry alligators from an opening door in the sky while a hydra plays the lute.
Throwing down a mess of fabric in frustration, Rarity stalked to the door and swung it open to witness the bizarre rain descend.
“Oh my, what a brilliant azure! I do think this gives me an idea!” she exclaimed, though not before reaching out a hoof and catching some so she could examine the color more closely. Walking back inside she wiped it onto a square of white fabric so she could refer to it later, and immediately began working on her latest creation. “What that...” she muttered a short ways into the dress she had begun to design. “What the buck was I thinking, making this trash? I know what a real mare would wear, faux leather and studs!”
“Uh, Storm? Do you see that?” Rainbow Dash said, stopping her practice and pointing at the blue cloud that had started to dissipate but still overshadowed much of the town. “We didn’t make that, did we?”
“No, we didn’t. I’ve never seen clouds like that before, either. Have you?” She shook her head and they both descended, careful not to agitate them. Rainbow Dash reached out a hoof to stop him from landing as she pointed to the blue puddles all around the town.
“Storm, we cannot touch that stuff! I don’t know what it is, but look at everypony!” It was like the de-colored rainbow incident all over again, with ponies running amok and chaos reigning supreme. Storm saw Pinkie Pie dash off and was about to comment when his mind short circuited at the sight of the new Rarity.
“Rainbow Dash, I think you’re gonna want to see this,” he managed between fits of laughter, barely maintaining his ability to hover. Rarity was strutting confidently through town, her normally styled mane spiked into a massive mohawk. Her tail looked like she had applied a few bolts of lightning to it, its usual curl replaced by jagged edges that stuck out in all directions. Perhaps most surprising was the decidedly masculine vest she was sporting, with sharpened steel spikes lining the collar and down the front. Dash gawked not only at the awesomeness of the vest, but also at the fact that never would Rarity ever consider being anywhere close to such an article of clothing, much less design and wear one.
“Holla, homies! What’s crackin?” Rarity suddenly yelled out to them. Storm and Dash looked at each other before falling to the ground in fits of hysterical laughter, Rainbow Dash fortunately landing somewhere dry. Storm was soon drenched in the blue fluid that had collected below, and while Rainbow Dash realized what was happening, she was too breathless to warn him. “Sup, Dash. What’s so funny, huh? You better not be laughin’ at my new threads. They’re bitchin,’ aight?”
“Trust me... it’s not... your clothes!” Rainbow Dash gasped, tears streaming from her eyes as she fought her quaking body for control.
“Rainbow Dash, is something going to happen to me too?” Storm asked, pulling himself out of the puddle and examining the blue mud that was now caked onto his coat.
“Yes, and I can hardly wait to see what it is!” she squealed, continue her laughter. Storm was half tempted to drag her into the puddle, but after Rarity’s lecture last time he messed with her appearance, coupled with her new personality, he decided it would be better to suffer alone. He joined in with his fillyfriend’s laughter up until he felt a sudden pinch on his back.
“Wha, no! Give my wings back!” he shouted as his wings shrunk to approximately the same size as Scootaloo’s. “Rainbow Dash, help! How do I make whatever this is stop?”
“Aaah, Storm, this is horrible! I like your wings!” she exclaimed, suddenly no longer amused.
“Yeah, so do I! Is there a way to stop this stuff? Come to think of it, why is this happening in the first place?” Rainbow Dash was about to shrug when she remembered Zecora’s delivery to Twilight two weeks prior, along with several jars full of the antidote.
“Come on, Storm, Rarity, we need to get to the library now!” she urged, flying above the two as they ran to avoid the splashes from their hooves.
“Woohoo, let’s git crackin’, mothabucka!” Rarity howled, giving chase.
Spike awoke facedown in a puddle of blue. The invading liquid made a break for his sinus canals as he attempted to breathe through his nose, causing him to sneeze, sending a rather large column of green flames out of his mouth. Much too large, he realized, as some of the lab equipment and much of the puddles on the floor were sent to Celestia.
“Wow, I didn’t know I could make a flame that large,” he muttered, thoroughly confused. He slowly stood to find that the room was much smaller than he remembered, Twilight and Cerulean being even smaller. He reached out a claw only to realize that the ponies before him hadn’t shrunk, but that he’d grown. A lot. Not stopping to help the two ponies, he raced back to the library, tearing apart the entrance to the lab as he forced his way out, frantic to find a mirror to see the full extent of his change. Making it to the second story in two steps, he poked his head through the bathroom door to find that he was roughly the size of a young adult dragon, and with a cry of alarm he was about to return to the laboratory to wake Twilight when a sudden, rapid knocking sounded at the door.
“S-s-spike, T-t-twilight! L-let m-me in!” Pinkie Pie? She talked fast a lot, but she never stuttered. He opened the door to find the mare suffering from body wide spasms, as every Pinkie sense fired at once.
“Pinkie, what’s that one supposed to mean?” Her body stopped vibrating long enough for her to respond, though the ear flops, knee twitches and just about everything else continued.
“It means that flying taco from the door on the sun is going to rain kittens from the puddles of berry pudding! No wait, I meant burrito! Flying burrito! Wait, was it the moon? Ah, I can’t tell! You gotta help me, Spike! The chimicherrychangas are coming!” Spike grabbed Pinkie Pie and was about to head to the laboratory when a bone chilling cackle arose from the depths. Even without her Pinkie sense, both of them could tell that they should vacate the premises with all haste. As Spike fled the scene with Pinkie in tow, an even scarier sight confronted his eyes.
“R... Rarity?!?”
“Hey, check it! It’s my favorite sugar daddy!” she exclaimed, forgetting her quest completely as she wrapped herself around his leg. Spike, still very much the same baby dragon inside, blushed violently and dropped Pinkie, who suddenly inflated like a balloon and drifted to the ground.
“Pinkie, your Pinkie sense! What’s gonna happen?” Rainbow Dash cried, scanning the skies and looking every which way.
“It means that girl’s gone and flipped her lid,” Rarity offered as she stroked the scales around Spike’s leg, who stood riveted and bright red in the face.
“Somepony make it stop!” Pinkie wailed as her mind frantically attempted to translate the random twitches and senseless ear flops.
“I dunno, I could get used to this,” Spike said quietly, more to himself than anypony else.
“Oh no, I am not letting Storm’s wings go just like that. I still haven’t gotten to explore them!”
“Uh, Dash? Could you say that any louder?” Storm asked, giving a mournful glance at his pitifully undersized wings. “Wait, what the hay?” Rainbow Dash followed his hoof up into the sky to see Scootaloo soaring high on a massive pair of wings, perhaps even bigger than Storm’s had been. “Scootaloo, you give those back!”
“No way, this is way too much fun! I’m keeping them!” she yelled back defiantly before soaring out of sight. Storm, temporarily forgetting his lack of usable wings, leapt into the air and landed with a thud a short distance away.
“Would somepony please tell me what the hay is going on?!?” Storm yelled, stomping his hooves in frustration as he scrambled to his feet.
“It’s poison joke, Storm.” His blank stare begged further explanation. “It’s a plant native to the Everfree Forest, and the effect it has on everypony is different. It’s meant to be funny, but losing your big, strong... gah, it’s not funny at all!” Rainbow Dash cried. “Somehow, it’s gotten into the air, and the only pony who can make the antidote is Zecora. Come on, everypony, to the forest!”
“Nah, I’m good,” Spike said with a grin, reaching down and lifting Rarity to eye level. Knowing that argument would be pointless, she tore off towards the forest with Storm. Pinkie followed after, mysteriously able to keep up despite her body wide tremors.
Celestia had to wonder if Twilight knew exactly when to send messes her way. She was running out of ways to “lose” Proud Skies’ proposals when an oaken table landed with a crash on her desk, followed shortly after by a blue downpour and assorted lab equipment. She sat patiently waiting for some kind of note, but none came. Luna, having heard and felt the table’s violent entrance, came barging in to investigate, plodding through the puddle and regarding the ruined desk with a confusion tinged with amusement.
“I know you are not fond of Proud Skies, but that is no reason to destroy a perfectly fine desk, Celestia. And what is this mess?”
“I do not know, Twilight sent the desk along with this blue liquid. Do you have any idea what it could be?” Luna gave it a tentative sniff, and then a taste before adopting a thoughtful expression.
“Hmmm, I do seem to recall something, but what could,” she started before Celestia suddenly shot upright, an insane grin pasted on her face as she threw open her window and took wing. Luna sat staring for a moment before it dawned on her.
“Celestia, come back!” she cried, giving chase. She found her sister perched atop the tallest tower of the castle, staring up at the sun and chuckling softly. Luna had just reached out a hoof when the sun began circling overhead. Celestia’s eyes were glued to the glowing orb, accelerating faster and faster. “Dear sister, think about what you’re doing!” Silence. “You’re not giving me a turn,” Luna pouted. Unfortunately for Celestia, she had made herself quite dizzy from playing with the sun, and as she fell over it shot off into the horizon and an inky black darkness covered the land. “Oh, how kind of you, Celestia. Now then!” she exclaimed, raising her hooves to the sky and yanking the constellations in place. “Let’s make the skies dance!”
In the palace gardens, Discord had grown quite bored being a statue. All he ever had to do was count the number of butterflies that fluttered past, the number of times birds decided to sully his head, and how often leaves fell from various shrubs. He had just finished thinking that, if anypony were to break him out, he would be forever indebted to them and repay them tenfold with he picked up on a mass hysteria, strong enough that he could feel it coming in from all across Equestria.
“Oh, Celestia, what is this I see? Have you finally remembered your playful side?” he thought to himself as a small crack appeared near his left leg. He couldn’t help but relish the screams he could sense as ponies panicked about the unprecedented celestial activity. Suddenly, the sky darkened and another crack appeared, just below his right arm. He watched in awe as the constellations appeared and were immediately rearranged in various shapes and objects. Many more cracks formed, one starting at his horn and reaching half way down his spine. “Oh my, is that what I think it is? How delightful! Though, not nearly as delightful as your pranks, Celestia,” he cackled on the inside as feeling began to return to his limbs. As the stares continue to dance, he broke free from his confines and let forth a hearty laugh at his newfound freedom, and much sooner than he had anticipated. Little did he know that down in Ponyville, a lavender mare was laughing just the same.
Chapter 8: Spoiled Fun
The Canterlot castle was in a state of pandemonium. The guards had no idea what to do with themselves, as the magic at work in the skies were clearly the princesses, but nopony seemed to be able to find them. It was due to this frantic search that Discord was able to roam the halls undisturbed, taking in the scene with glee.
“My, it’s been over a thousand years since I’ve seen my two favorite alicorns let go like this. Well, I promised I’d repay whatever pony released me, and repay them I will.” Ignoring the easy targets milling about, he made his way to the roof where Celestia was giggling at the funny pictures being drawn by Luna. Discord looked up in time to see an image of Twilight being chased by a horde of animated books, and appeared next to the Solar Princess with a grin. “Why, hello Celestia. We meet again.”
“Hey there, Discord!” she quipped, completely unfazed by his appearance. Discord understood this to mean that Celestia wasn’t just acting like a foal, but that she was clearly being influenced by something.
“This is certainly disappointing, Celestia. Here I was thinking you had finally loosened up a bit, but it would appear that you’re still just as boring as ever. Honestly, it’s quite rude to get my hopes up like that.” He paused for a moment as she paid him no heed, suddenly remembering that she still had control of the sun. The world seemed to strobe as it raced in and out of sight, and while Discord couldn’t have any fun with the sisters, he still relished the disorder shrouding the land. “I suppose that some thanks are in order, Celestia. Allow me to assist your friends in Ponyville, as a token of my gratitude.”
For the first time in months, Cerulean truly felt at ease. The completely overturned room, the blue puddles that coated himself and the floor, even the broken lights seemed to just make sense, somehow. He slowly sat up and took in the sight, before noticing that Twilight was just coming awake. It was approximately two point three seconds from the time she regained consciousness to the point at which she started to chuckle, slowly building in volume until it filled the room. It shifted suddenly to tearful sobs, though only for a matter of seconds, and then back again to her previous chortling. It was a beautiful sight.
“Chaos: a state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order. In a word? You, my dear mare.” Cerulean smiled as he helped Twilight to her hooves, though she could hardly stand she was giggling so hard.
“Chaos, yes, such delightful irrationality! Wouldn’t you agree, Cerulean?”
“If a cacophonous tumult and utter disarray are what you desire, then who am I to obstruct your path? I rather fancy your impish grin, and as such will amply supply any request so as to spurn your cachinnation to new limits,” he nodded sagely, cupping her face in his hooves and kissing her deeply. She paused momentarily as the gears in her head shifted, the hormones of pregnancy combining with the poison joke to create a tenuous balance between momentary stability and full blown insanity. A sudden wave of frustration washed over the mare, and she took a swing at Cerulean. He caught the hoof and spun her around in a circle, beaming as she began to cackle loudly, brushing against him as she trotted up and out, with Cerulean following just behind her.
Zecora was in the middle of creating a very sensitive brew when her door suddenly slammed open, and Rainbow Dash, Storm, and Pinkie Pie barged in. She barely managed to keep the mixture from erupting as she added the correct dose of the final ingredient, and the frothing mass instantly reduced to a easy simmer.
“Why must you barge in so unexpected? I have no magic to keep you protected.”
“Zecora, you gotta help! Twilight’s experiment went screwy and now all of Ponyville has been covered with poison joke rain!”
“This is a dire situation indeed. Unfortunately, I do not have what you need. For the antidote, I am missing several ingredients. For this recipe, there is nothing expedient.” She watched their faces fall as Pinkie continued her non stop twitching. “I gave Twilight plenty of the antidote. You should check her house for a cure for poison joke.” Rainbow Dash froze as she heard Discord’s deep, rumbling laugh overhead.
“Oh no...” she whispered, darting outside just in time to see his tail pass overhead. “This is bad, this is really really bad! Come on, guys! We have to get the elements together so we can stop Discord!”
“Discord?”
“I’ll explain on the way, Storm. For now, just run!”
Applejack looked up with surprise at the blue cloud that reached a few yards into the Sweet Apple Acres estate with skepticism. Now what ‘n tarnation are the pegasi doin’? She trotted over to investigate as the it began to release its bounty, and she was drenched in the deep blue fluid, a small amount getting into her mouth and causing her to sputter at the vile taste. Deciding that there was nothing she could do to protect the trees, she made her way back to the corn fields to continue, since the apple harvest wasn’t for another month or so yet.
Fluttershy’s cottage was far enough away from town that the rain had not affected anything nearby. As such, she was going about her regular routine, and had just finished giving lunch to all of the animals when she sat down to take a breather. Angel was being more stubborn than normal, but finally caved and ate his salad after a couple sound words. She didn’t enjoy having to be stern, but it sure made dealing with him easier sometimes. Having finished the last leaf, Angel approached with a sullen expression.
“Angel, don’t look so upset, please. Come on, what should we do this afternoon?” He said nothing, crossing his arms and turning away. “Fine, if that’s the way you’re going to be about it, I won’t force anything on you,” she said gently, standing and walking to the center of the room. She didn’t really have anywhere to be, maybe some music would help. Shuffling through her cds, she selected a nice classical piece and lay down for a nap. Fluttershy was just about to fall asleep when the music suddenly began to blast out one of her favorite dance tracks. The lyrics made her blush wildly if she listened closely, but once she got dancing the world tended to drift away. “Ok, Angel, if you insist. I suppose a little confidence training might be fun.” Angel, who had been lulled to sleep by the softer notes, was extremely confused by the statement, seeing as how he hadn’t moved an inch and wasn’t the one who had changed the music.
Discord sat staring unhappily as the timid mare took the change of pace in stride. “Well, that was no fun at all! I figured something so dirty would be just the thing to shock a reaction out of this scaredy pony. Wait, what is...” he stopped mid sentence, staring as she checked to make sure nopony was watching before opening her closet and setting up a tall pole in the middle of the living room. “Now, that is simply absurd! There is no way a pony could change this much in a year.” He was proven very wrong as she began to dance in time with the music, flaunting her stuff and making prolific use of the pole. Discord was not normally one to be at a loss for words but this... this wasn’t possible. Entertaining? Absolutely; but what fun was there in not being the one to cause the change? He wasn’t about to lose though.
Reaching through the window, he tapped the player again and the soothing melody returned once more. Fluttershy paused for a moment, startled by the shift, but soon resumed dancing, slowing her movements to match the tempo. Infuriated, Discord burst through the window and stood in front of Fluttershy. She paid him no heed for a time, her eyes closed as she let the music flow through her limbs, guiding them through the air and across her body. She slowly wrapped her arms around Discord, whispering softly to what she thought was the pole. Confusion was something Discord sought to cause, not experience, but for the first time in a millenium, his mind went blank. Totally, completely empty. Fluttershy slowly opened her eyes as she noticed the pole had become quite furry, and a thumping rhythm out of sync with the music beat against her chest. As the realization of who and what she was holding dawned on her, she gave a colossal scream and shoved him with much greater force than he would have guessed she was capable of, sending him horns over tail into the wall.
“What, but, I, Discord? What are you, how did you...” she stammered. His mind was just beginning to reboot, but if there was any chance to squeeze some fun out of the mare, this was his chance.
“I must say, Fluttershy, you’ve changed quite a bit since last we met.”
“Yes, I have.” What? That’s it, no cowering or frantic squealing?
“Gah, when did you become so boring? Come here, I’m going to make you,” he started, before Fluttershy’s harsh rebuttal again crashed his mind, resulting in yet another hard restart.
“You keep your filthy claws off of me, Discord! I’m not going to let you boss me around, do you hear me? You should be ashamed of yourself, breaking into my house and messing with my music. Nopony messes with my music, do you hear me?” The hapless draconequus stared dumbly at the cream colored pegasus, arms hanging limply at his sides as his brain was invaded by his beloved chaos. It was, however, much easier to give than to receive. “I said, do you hear me?!?” she shouted, her usually calm and gentle features contorted into a twisted sneer of rage.
“I, ye, uh...”
“Get out of my house!” she roared, stomping a hoof. Discord made a break for it through the window, diving out and taking flight as Fluttershy’s voice echoed all around. “And don’t come back!”
Determined not to let the little incident at the cottage bog him down, Discord made straight for Sweet Apple Acres to mess with the Element of Honesty. It was always fun to take a strong, dependable pony and bring them down a few notches. Hearing her voice in the distance, he broke into a fiendish grin, landing in the trees and slithering around them stealthily towards the sound. What confronted him was a sight he never would have expected to see coming from Applejack, who lay in a heap sobbing her eyes out.
“What in Equestria is going on around here?” Discord yelled, slapping his talons to his face and letting them run slowly down. “Somepony is ruining my fun! Even at my worst, though, I never made Applejack cry. This is bordering pathetic, and that’s just... boring! Agh, this is worse than being a statue!”
“Huh, who’s there? Oh, it doesn’t matter anyhow, ah’ll never find mahself a stallion!” This had to be a new record for most oddities experienced in a day. Applejack crying over being lonely? Discord couldn’t stand it. He may be the King of Chaos, but he just wanted to have a good time, and this? This wasn’t fun.
“Oh, Applejack, whatever is the problem? It’s not like you to be so weak.” The orange mare pulled her head up enough to give him a teary glare before resuming her wailing, not the slightest bit bothered by the fact that it was Discord she was talking to.
“What’s the problem? Easy, ahm all alone, Discord! Ah don’t have a special somepony! First Twilight, an’ now Rainbow Dash, they both got somepony t’ go ‘ome to, t’ cuddle with.” Cuddle? Applejack was worried about cuddling?
“I’m not usually one for coarse language, as I consider myself a refined individual, but if you don’t mind me saying; what the buck?!?” Applejack looked up at him, sniveling a bit.
“Hey, Discord, will you be my special somepony?”
“What?” He was about to elaborate on the thought when Applejack tackled him to the ground and forcibly connected their muzzles. While it wasn’t necessarily unpleasant, it was far too disturbing for Discord to handle, and after a couple seconds of laying shell shocked, he pried Applejack off and held her at arm's length. “What happened to you, Applejack?”
“You sayin’ there’s somethin’ wrong with me? Ah knew it, no wonder ah don’t have a special somepony!” Her bawling resumed, and being moved with pity, Discord allowed a temporary breach of conduct and placed a comforting paw on her back, holding her close and rolling his eyes. After an hour of unsuccessfully trying to convince the mare that she wasn’t the most horrid creature walking the face of Equestria, he gave up and made for town, hoping to figure out just what the hay was going on. His aggravation soon turned to fear as he lighted in town to find the new Rarity sporting her fashion and acting as unladylike as one can be without openly bedding somepony in broad daylight. Were it not for the size difference between Spike and herself, Discord had to wonder if that wouldn’t be occurring too.
“Don’t tell me, you’re Miss Rarity?”
“Whoa, who you callin’ miss? Do I look like some helpless little lady?” she growled, hopping down from Spike’s shoulder and coming face to face with Discord. “You’d best watch what you say, Discord, or I’ll take you out.”
“What, like on a date?”
“You wanna die, mothabucka?” she howled, her horn glowing dangerously for a moment before Discord turned tail and ran. He didn’t get very far as Spike’s claw caught him firmly in its grasp. “Go on, Spike, teach him a lesson!” she shouted, laughing as Spike inhaled. Fearing for his life, Discord teleported just as a massive green flame torched the spot he had been just moments before.
“This is getting ridiculous! Can’t the King of Chaos have his own fun?” he shouted as he appeared a good distance away.
“Fun? I like fun! What kind of fun did you have in mind?” The crazed voice sent chills down his spine, and he slowly turned to find Twilight and a blue stallion approaching. The last of his hope drained away as the once level headed bookworm ripped a chunk of earth from the ground and hopped aboard, floating around Discord in lazy circles. “Discord, Discord, such a delightful word!”
“Personally, I find catastrophe or cataclysm more pleasing to the ears,” the stallion offered, calmly stepping aside as Twilight flung her platform at him. Twilight suddenly burst into tears, her magic causing a cloud to form and rain down balloons that seemed to be filled with lead, falling from the sky like anvils. “Come now, dear, cease your disconsolate tirade and continue with the invention of your beloved tumults.” She immediately perked up and continued eyeing a terrified Discord up and down.
“Well, well... Well well well well well, if it isn’t the King of Chaos!” she chortled prancing around him. “You want to play, hmmm? Play a game? What are the rules? No rules? Every rule? Make up your mind, Discord!” she suddenly shouted, eyes blazing. He gave a yelp and fell backwards as Twilight suddenly seemed to lose interest, grabbing a few blades of grass and turning them into actual blades, hurling them at Cerulean without warning. He calmly stomped his hoof down, raising a wall of ice as the daggers buried themselves up the hilts. Twilight burst through the ice and hungrily attacked him, moving from deadly to passionate at a moments notice. “See, he knows how to play. He plays nice!”
“Twilight Sparkle, I never thought I’d get to say this unless it was by my claw, but you’ve gone completely insane! Where is your lauded rationality?” he demanded, scrambling to his feet only to have the mare appear directly in front of him with a bored look.
“Rationality? What is this ‘rationality’ you speak of? I thought you’d be a bit more fun than that.”
“And, as best I can tell, her sanity is quite happily sealed within the deepest chasms of her psyche, in reference to your superfluous inquiry,” Cerulean added. His facial expression remained serious and unemotional as Discord began to scream, Twilight howling in time with him before devolving into a tremendous fit of giggles. It was too much.
“This isn’t the world I remember! Everything is wrong! Celestia, help me!” he cried, taking to the air and making straight for Canterlot. Rainbow Dash and Storm had just arrived on scene in time to watch the play unfold, and as Twilight turned her attention to them Dash splashed a good amount of the antidote on her face.
“Snap out of it, Twilight!” Rainbow Dash breathed a sigh of relief as her friends eyes refocused.
“Ugh, Rainbow Dash what,” she started, looking around and quickly growing frantic, “what’s going on? Why is everypony going mad?”
“That’s my question! You do realize you just sent Discord crying back to Canterlot single hoofed, right? What the hay did you do to him?”
“I don’t know! I remember poking the cloud, and then there was an explosion...” Twilight suddenly cringed as she saw the celestial chaos that was still continuing in the skies above. “How in Equestria did it get all the way to Canterlot? It doesn’t matter, we need to cure all these ponies!”
“There’s no way there’s enough antidote to go around.”
“Yeah, we only have these two jars. That’s all that wasn’t broken in your lab, Twilight,” Storm continued, holding out the remaining container.
“Perhaps a strategically placed cumulonimbus containing said remedy would suffice?” All eyes turned to look at Cerulean, who was completely indifferent to their gaping mouths.
“Cerulean, what’s gotten into you?”
“An extremely high concentration of what most ponies refer to as ‘poison joke.’ Such a nonsensical name.”
“That cloud thing is genius! Wait a second, I recently created a spell to replicate Discord’s cotton candy clouds. That could work!” Twilight squealed excitedly, the dire situation taking a back seat as she reveled in the idea of testing her new magic.
“Uh, Twilight? Why in Equestria would you try that?”
“Pinkie Pie’s birthday present,” she whispered, glancing around just in case Pinkie Pie was to show up.
“W-w-wow, T-Twilight, t-t-thanks!” Pinkie stammered, shakily making her way over. Twilight gave a cry of surprise, wondering what grave calamity was about to strike.
“My dear, you may want to proceed with your experimentation in the field of nephrology before further strife is born into the world.”
“But if I do that, you’ll stop being smart,” she moped, enjoying his newfound intelligence.
“That was an unnecessarily offensive remark, but one that I am willing to bare for the sake of everypony here.” Twilight heaved a sigh and grabbed one of the containers of the herbal remedy for the joke, and began to focus her magic. The jar floated into the air, surrounded by a growing lavender light until there was a shattering sound and a massive cloud billowed forth, rising into the sky and merging with the blue clouds.
A gentle rain began to fall, the blue puddles turning clear as the antidote dispelled the poison joke. It wasn’t long before everypony began returning to normal, and just as they heaved a sigh of relief, the telltale wail of a crestfallen fashionista echoed throughout the town. Twilight recoiled as the white unicorn tore past them and towards Carousel Boutique, her mohawk desperately trying to resist the downpour as she cast her jacket aside. Rainbow Dash was immediately upon it, pulling it out of the mud and holding it up while the rain washed it clean. Spike trailed after Rarity a short time later, though he found himself abruptly teleported over to Twilight.
“Spike, I need you to send this to the captain of the royal guard. Can you do that?”
“Sure, Twilight,” he muttered, missing the new Rarity. With a sigh he sent the jar away, and silently began trudging back to the library.
“So, Rainbow Dash, what exactly happened after my experiment, well, exploded?”
“Oh man, let me tell you...”
Celestia gave a gasp as Luna drenched her with a remedy for the poison joke, suddenly regaining her senses and giving a start as she realized the sun was still supposed to be up. Swooping down to her room she gave the clock a frantic glance and reset the sun to its proper place and turning to Luna.
“Sister, have you any idea what has happened?”
“Nay, I have not.”
“I certainly hope that nothing too,” she began before she heard Discord’s voice calling out from the sky.
“Celestia, where are you? What have you done with Equestria? I don’t want to live here anymore, just turn me back to stone!”
“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that sounded like Discord. But I’ve never heard him sound like that. It’s almost like he’s...”
“Terrified! Yes, I am! Now hurry up and turn me to stone! I only wanted to have a little fun but this was no fun at all!” he shouted as he tumbled through the window, bowing before the princesses. Celestia was too stunned to act, so Luna quickly drafted a letter and sent it off to Twilight before whispering into her sister’s ear. Discord looked up with surprise as the two sisters advanced, their shared smile only causing greater consternation on his part.
“My, Discord, it’s been so long since we played,” Celestia cooed, grabbing him with her magic and yanking him over.
“Sister, can’t we share?”
“Hmmm, I suppose I was a bit selfish all those years ago. All right then, Luna, you may join me. Discord, are you ready to play a game?”
“No! No games, just turn me back!” Celestia brought her mouth close to his, their lips a mere hair away before she dropped the sultry tone and chuckled.
“Alright, you win. No games. Have a fun trip!” There was a flash of magic, and then he was gone.
“Ok, everypony, Celestia told us to gather with the Elements, so now all we have to do is wait. Applejack, are you ok?”
“Ok? Ok?!? Twi, I tongue wrassled with Discord! O’ course I’m not ok!”
“I can’t wait till I get my hooves on him, I’m gonna teach him a lesson!” Fluttershy muttered. Rarity, no doubt compensating for the still dreadful condition of her mane, was clad in one of her best dresses, specifically selected for the complete covering of her tail. A matching, though perhaps slightly oversized chapeau, kept her mane hidden and out of sight, allowing her to keep her dignity. Cerulean and Storm sat a short distance away, watching the friends argue before a sudden flash landed a disgruntled Discord in the center.
“Right now, I’d rather be anypony but him,” Storm muttered out of the side of his mouth, with Cerulean nodding his agreement. Discord watched the Elements begin to glow around him, and as he realized that things had normalized he gave an exasperated sigh.
“I believe I stated this earlier... that I’m not one for coarse language? I will again make an exception. Celestia, you bi...”
// Author's Note: This is not a funny chapter. There is no comedy here. This is an explanation of an event that was alluded to but never explained in "The Risks of Braving a Storm," what nearly tore Cerulean and Twilight apart for good. If you're only reading for laughs, look away. //
Chatper 9: Broken
It had been a while since Cerulean had seen Twilight look so angry. As he watched the rest of the ponies back away he knew he had to do something quickly to quell her anger. But which path to choose - charm, or humor? She took a step forward and fear prompted him to act, grabbing Pinkie Pie with his magic and forcibly bringing the two into a kiss. “There, now we’re even!” he said proudly, before taking off in a hurry as he saw the anger burning in her eyes. He chanced a glance backwards as the group of friends receded in the distance to see her burst into flames.
“Am I ever going to learn not to be stupid? Seriously, I can’t do anything right...” he muttered, heaving a sigh and returning home. “Spike, you may want to leave. Twilight is in a particularly heated rage at the moment. Save yourself some grief and head elsewhere,” he cautioned, and Spike immediately left, knowing that Twilight had been on quite the rampage recently. Frankly, he didn’t understand how Cerulean could even begin to deal with what he’d been through the last two weeks.
Pulling out a drawer downstairs, he took out the stack of papers he’d been writing and continued jotting down his thoughts. He knew that if he had tried to discuss his concerns with Twilight, even for a moment, he would likely be met with the same reaction as he had just seen in the market place. “Storm, you have it so easy. At least your mare can’t incinerate you for disagreeing,” he whispered, far closer to losing it than he dared to admit. He refused to burden anypony else with the pains and fears that had been building like waters against a dam, and he finished the sentence he was writing as he heard the door swing open, stowing it away and setting the quill down. He stood and slowly turned to face Twilight who had shut the door and stalked over to him, fortunately no longer ablaze.
“You’ve got some explaining to do, mister,” she growled, barely maintaining a level voice. While it likely didn’t warrant her level of anger, the fact that he had never told her about the event felt like betrayal.
“As I said, she glued me to the wall with frosting and then licked my face clean. There’s nothing more to tell,” he responded dejectedly, not having the energy left to feign happiness.
“How about anypony else then? How many untold face cleanings have there been?” Twilight recoiled slightly as Cerulean’s despondency turned to anger, something she almost never saw.
“You have... no right to accuse me of that, Twilight. None.”
“Well how am I supposed to know if I don’t ask? You don’t seem to share information unless it’s necessary!” she retorted, raising her voice.
“Did you ever stop to think it’s because I knew you’d respond like this?” he shouted, cowing her into silence. “I’ve laughed it off for these last five months as you steadily gotten worse and worse, using me like some kind of ragdoll for your hormonal whims! Do you think it doesn’t hurt, Twilight?”
“You don’t know what it’s...” she started before he roared back, months of withheld anger pouring out as tears formed in his eyes.
“You’re right, I don’t know what it’s like! I don’t need to, because regardless of how bad I felt I wouldn’t take it out on somepony that I claim to love!” Twilight’s eyes teared over as he spoke those words, having doubted her love for him. And what was worse, she knew he was right.
“If I’m so terrible, if you really think I don’t love you, then why don’t you just go back to Bangles!” she cried, staring for a moment as Cerulean stopped cold. He didn’t even have to speak, because all it took was one look into his eyes for Twilight to know she had taken it too far. “Cerulean, I...” she started as his horn began to glow, the temperature in the room plummeting as if he were having another nightmare. He looked exactly like he had the day he made his apology before her at Canterlot, but this time he was without fault, the pain that had be caused had come from her alone. She took a step forward and he snapped his head up, tearing passed her and blasting out the door, ignoring a surprised Storm Blitz as he rose into the sky, making straight for the only place he could think to be alone; back where everything started, in the Everfree Forest.
“Please, Storm, go talk to him. Bring him back... I went too far,” she managed before breaking down, sinking to the ground and weeping as her heart was torn apart by remorse for her cutting words. “Why... why am I like this! Why can’t I ever say what I really mean...” she choked out, laying in the doorway. “Cerulean, please, I didn’t mean what I said... I didn’t...” Twilight lay there for a time, shivering from the cold that he had left in his wake, a constant reminder of her betrayal before dragging herself inside, making no attempt to shield herself from the remnants of his anguish.
Touching down near the clearing where Twilight had saved his life, he summoned a blade of ice around his horn and let his anger flow, slashing at every tree he passed and making no attempt to stem the tides that flowed from his eyes. They quickly froze along with the sweat that seeped from his pores as he vented his frustration with all his strength, finally stopping in the center of the clearing with nothing nearby to attack. He slowly sank to his haunches, closing his eyes as the a biting cold encased his heart.
“Cerulean? Hey, are you ok? He didn’t bother looking up as Storm drew close and sat next to him, shivering from the snow that littered the ground around him. “Do you want to talk about it?” What could he say? There was too much history to explain, and he refused to unload on somepony else, determined to bear this burden alone.
“It wouldn’t make any sense to you,” he replied shakily, frightening himself as he heard the words leave his mouth. Storm’s words were gentle, but Cerulean couldn’t accept them even if they were his own.
“You know, Cerulean, I haven’t been here very long but I’ve really come to look up to you. You’ve only ever given me good advice, and it’s really helped me out a lot. But a wise pony once told me that there is no room for fear in love. Twilight loves you, Cerulean. All it took was seeing you together in the library that one night for me to know that.” The blue stallion continued staring at the ground for a time, hoping that the words would sink in, but nothing changed. A deep resentment had built a barricade around his heart, and it began filling his mind with the darkest of thoughts. Make her suffer, she deserves it after everything you’ve been through. Find another mare, that’ll stick it to her. Beat her, it’ll feel good.
“Gah, I won’t! I won’t give in, I won’t become like that! I am not that type of pony!” he roared, focusing his magic on that one sentiment and encasing himself in a massive pillar of ice, the biting cold quickly robbing him of his senses and putting him in a coma like state, his last thought being that, if nothing else, at least everypony else would be safe from the gnawing darkness that was seeping from his heart.
“Is he coming back?” Twilight inquired as Storm entered, her worry flaring brighter as she saw Cerulean was not with him. It shouldn’t have surprised her, it was foolish to think that he’d forgive her after such thoughtless words.
“He’ll come back, Twilight. Don’t doubt him so easily.” Storm paused a moment before continuing, giving her a moment to collect herself. “I had originally come to get my book back. Are you done with it?” Twilight descended the steps into her laboratory before returning with a black and yellow hardcover tome. A large lightning bolt adorned the cover with the title reading “The Legacy of Lightning Wing.”
“Twilight, thank you. You’ve done my grandfather proud.” She gave him a feeble smile before turning and walking up the stairs to retire to her bed. Such praise meant nothing to her, and she lay in bed for several hours before sleep came to take her, though her dreams quickly became nightmares of him walking away forever, and she woke many times in tears, each dream more painful than the last. Spike returned around eight to find her having just woken, and not knowing what had happened he was immediately suspicious of Cerulean.
“No, Spike,” she gasped, shaking her head, “the fault is mine. I... I couldn’t... I didn’t control myself, and just like the Princess warned, he’s gone...” Spike crawled up beside her and she instantly wrapped him in her hooves, crying like a foal for another hour before finally caving to sleep. Her stalwart friend remained there that night, comforting her the many times she awoke, though around three in the morning her body’s fatigue finally overcame her mind’s fear, and she slept until around ten the next morning. Even when she did awake, she said nothing and remained motionless, staring at the wall. Spike gave a start as he heard a knock from downstairs, and he gave one last glance at Twilight before walking slowly downstairs to answer the rapid hoof beats on the door. Rainbow Dash studied the dragon’s face for but a moment, knowing that things had clearly not improved since Storm had last been here.
“Spike, what’s going on?” Rainbow Dash asked, casting a worried glance inside but not seeing Twilight.
“Cerulean didn’t come home last night, and Twilight hasn’t moved all morning...” Rainbow Dash drew him close as he struggled to be brave in spite of having no idea how to help. She knew that they couldn’t afford to waste time.
“Storm, I’m going to find Cerulean. You get your mother and have her talk to Twilight. We’ll meet back here, ok?” He didn’t bother to respond as he took flight, making straight for home as the urgency of the situation came upon him fully. “Spike, hang in there. We’re gonna pull through this, got it?” He gave a weak nod and wandered back upstairs. Rainbow Dash flew into the sky and turned a slow circle, stopping as she saw the sunlight reflect off of the pillar of ice that was just above the tree line of the Everfree Forest. She made all haste towards it, landing a small distance away and trotting over. Cerulean seemed to be asleep inside, and there was a wind whipping small amounts of snow around the structure. She gave a small gasp as she drew close and tapped a hoof on the outside.
Cerulean stared around him as puffs of snow began to fall, slowly but surely painting the landscape with a thin layer of white. The many wildflowers around him struggled to keep their luster, but one by one they caved to the cold, their petals curling and falling to the white only to be buried a short time later. He thought he heard a voice, but he couldn’t understand the words. He glanced over as the stream began to ice over, and he closed his eyes to wait for the winter to become complete. It wouldn’t take long, the snow was already up to his ankles.
“Cerulean, please, you’ve gotta wake up!” Dash screamed, slamming a hoof down in frustration. No matter how loud she yelled, he didn’t budge. There was only one mare that could help, and she was in no position to move. She took one last look at Cerulean before flying straight back to the library just in time to see Storm exit.
“Did you find him?” he immediately asked as she drew near.
“Yeah, I did. But it’s worse than we thought, Storm. Only Twilight can reach him now.”
Flying Grace approached the second story with caution, not having met the mare and only knowing that things were going very poorly. She looked with surprise to see a small purple dragon seated by the mare, staring into the distance. He turned slowly to face her as she made her way to the side of the bed, sitting to make sure she didn’t appear aggressive.
“Hello there, I do not believe we have met. I am Flying Grace, Storm Blitz’s mother. He asked me to try talking to Twilight, is that her?” Spike nodded.
“Please, if there’s anything you can do to help her...”
“I will try my best,” she said with a warming smile, giving Spike a little comfort as he moved to make room for Grace to sit.
“Twilight? My name is Flying Grace.” There was no response. “I was asked to speak with you, and while we have only just met, we do have one thing in common. We are both pregnant, you and I.” Twilight flinched, and Spike’s hope grew a little as she rolled over to face the lithe pegasus. “This will be my third, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask.”
“How...” she started, her voice cracking. She swallowed painfully, wincing, before motioning for Spike to bring her a drink, which he returned with in record time. She downed the glass before attempting to speak again, and when she did it came out as a hollow whisper. “How do you keep from hurting the one you love? I’ve been so cruel to him, Grace. And yesterday I...” she stopped, crying as the memory came back, his facial expression seared to her memory. “I said something I had no right to say, something so wrong that... I don’t know if I can ever fix this.” Grace thought about the words for a few moments, recalling how often she had been beaten for mouthing off while carrying Storm.
“Has he ever hit you, Twilight?”
“No, he’d never do that.”
“Called you names, threatened you?”
“No, Grace, he’s not like that!” Well that’s a relief. That means that, as little as she knew about this couple, there was hope.
“Twilight, have you noticed anything different about his behavior recently? Even the smallest of things could make a difference, so think hard.” Twilight hadn’t paid them any head, but two things immediately sprang to mind.
“Well, he’s usually pretty cheerful. Likes to tease a lot, chats up a storm, but he’s been getting quieter and quieter. And as of this last week, he’s been doing better on that front, but he started writing at night a while back. I’ve never bothered to look, mostly because I’ve been too busy with studies or upset at him over something stupid.”
“Do you know where he keeps his writings?”
“Spike, would you grab them?” He nodded, returning a short time later with a stack of parchments.
“Twilight, these are likely precious to him, so view what you read within accordingly,” Grace warned. “And if you notice a change of personality, you must confront it. Not with anger, but with love. Twilight, if you are having trouble controlling your outbursts, it’s because you’re thinking with your mind, and not your heart. Tell me, do you love this stallion?”
“More than anything...” she said, and Grace motioned her to read. They appeared to be a journal of sorts.
“I don’t know how much longer I can keep going like this... I love Twilight dearly, but love cannot function as a one way street and I... I’m going to run out soon. I don’t feel anything but frustration coming from her, even as I try my best to care for her. I don’t know what to do. I just want to help...”
“I can’t keep doing this. If something doesn’t give soon, I’m going to break whether I want it to or not. I’ve tried talking to Twilight about it, but she just gets angry... And lately, I’ve been having these horrible thoughts that don’t feel like my own. I think my nightmares are going to come back if this keeps up.”
“I don’t want to bother Twilight with my nightmares, so I will sleep on the couch tonight, and return upstairs before she awakens in the morning. I keep having dreams about Applejack, and what life would be like with her. I don’t want to be unfaithful, but it hurts so much right now... I just want an end to this pain.”
“Yesterday, Twilight coated me with something called poison joke. I felt the compulsive urge to mix foods in the most disgusting manner possible before eating it, and my stomach was churning for the rest of the day. But, I’d do it again, every day, if only to get a taste of the love that I felt from her that night as she held me. Twilight, that’s all I want... That’s all I need.”
“Things are starting to get a little better. Twilight is still pretty cold to me, but she seems to have gained a little self control since Celestia talked with her. But I still feel so alone, like I’m just being tolerated. Is it so wrong to want to feel appreciated?”
Twilight had been fighting back the tears as she read but as she moved onto the entry from the evening before Cerulean had left, she found the lyrics to a song he had written for them both and wept ashamedly as she read the inscription below.
“Twilight... if we make it through this, then someday... please sing this with me. This is all I want to hear.”
“Twilight, what’s...” Grace started before Twilight handed her the last page. She read the lyrics and couldn’t help but feel moved by the raw emotion that had been poured into them, her own eyes growing misty as she watched the lavender mare fall to pieces. “Twilight, I need you to listen to me. A love this strong will not disappear overnight, but it will if it is neglected for too long. Cerulean loves you, and just wants to be shown the same. If you can find a way to bridge the gap and prove your love for him, then you can fix what’s been broken. Are you willing, Twilight Sparkle, to try?”
“I don’t deserve another chance...”
“Love is not a scale; you do not weigh deeds one against another, nor is it a contest. Your feelings of inadequacy are likely justified, as it sounds like you yourself admit that you have been taking all and giving little. But, to Cerulean, this right here,” she stressed, pointing to the song, “is all he needs to keep going. Give him that hope, Twilight. Take what time you need to collect yourself, then find him. And make things right.” Twilight turned and clung to Grace as she was overcome by the words she had read. All this time, he wanted something so simple, but even that she deprived him of, but no longer. She fought to stem the tides and right her mind. She wouldn’t give up, not yet. Grace excused herself and bid Spike attend to her as best he could before returning to Storm and Rainbow Dash who had been waiting outside. Spike listened as the voices receded before climbing up beside Twilight.
“Twilight? What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to wait until this evening. He always did like the sunset, so I will approach him then.”
“Do you know where he is?”
“No, but I have a pretty good guess...” she said, looking out her window towards Everfree Forest.
Cerulean had lost track of how much time he had spent watching the snow fall. It had risen from his chest, but he felt no desire to shake it off or attempt to escape. The sub zero temperatures had cut off feeling from most of his limbs, and he struggled to lift a hoof to his chest, staring at the tiny blue flame that had once been a merry blaze under Twilight’s comforting embrace. But now... He closed his eyes, contemplating snuffing it out to speed along what was inevitably bound to happen. A muffled voice sounded through the skies, but he couldn’t understand. It was different than the last, and it didn’t stop. And then slowly, a small purple flame sprouted up around his tiny blue spark, wrapping it and slowly expanding as the voice came through more clearly. Cerulean looked up as the skies sprouted purple cracks, spreading and finally shattering.
The sun had just began to set as Twilight came upon the giant pillar of ice, and she ignored the winds around that had grown in strength, whipping the stinging sleet around like needles. She placed her horn against the crystalline structure and began to talk softly.
“Cerulean, I don’t know if you can hear me... but please, just give me a chance. A chance to say I’m sorry. Please, Cerulean, wake up!” Seeing no movement, she closed her eyes as the tears began to flow, her magical aura building and expanding passed her body, slowly draping the area in a soft violet light. The ice slowly began to crack under the sheer force of her magic, and the ice whipping around turned into parchments and floated to the ground as the structure shattered. Twilight caught Cerulean as he fell, wrapping him in her arms and crying softly as she begged for him to open his eyes.
Cerulean slowly came to, staring up in confusion as a veritable storm of papers floated down all around him. Every muscle in his body seemed frozen, and his head rolled to the side and he saw that the ground was covered in parchments that were covered front to back with a single, repeated phrase, written in red; “I’m sorry.” He slowly brought his gaze to meet Twilight’s as her tears splashed onto his muzzle. He feebly raised a shaky hoof to comfort her, but she stopped him with her own, gently pushing it away. She pulled off the ring he had given her and placed it into his hoof, speaking in a pained whisper.
“I’m not worthy to wear this. If... if being with Applejack would make you happier, then I can accept that. I’ve failed you as your fiancé, your lover, and your friend. If you never wanted anything to do with me ever again, I wouldn’t blame you...” She paused as she became too overcome to continue. Cerulean again reached up and placed a hoof on her face, but was unable to speak from being trapped so long. “I... I have one last thing... that I think you should hear.” Cerulean’s eyes screwed shut as Twilight began to sing the words he had written.
“Slowly fading away,
lost and so afraid...
Where is the hope in a world so cold?
Looking for a distant light,
Somepony who can save a life,
living in fear, that nopony will hear your cry...”
“Can you save me now?” Cerulean managed the words before Twilight squeezed him to her chest.
“I am with you,
I will carry you through it all
I won’t leave you
I will catch you
When you feel like letting go...
Because you’re not...” she paused, bringing her lips to his ears.
“You’re not alone...” Twilight opened her eyes halfway to see Cerulean pawing at her hoof. She brought it over to him and, with much effort, he slipped the ring back on her hoof, kissing it lightly and clutching the hoof to his chest.
“I’m not... I’m not alone...”
// Author's Note: these lyrics are not mine, they from "Not Alone" by Red. All credits to them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4sGYHlreXO8
// Author's Note: This chapter gets a little... cloppy? I have never read an "M" rated fic before, so I don't know how close this comes to bordering past a teen rating. If it offends, I apologize. //
Chapter 10: Gooey Kablooie
The sky was dark by the time Twilight made it back to the library. She passed by Spike without a word and carried Cerulean upstairs, ignoring the cries of protest from her limbs as she focused solely on the unconscious stallion on her back. She gently set him down and crawled in beside him, drawing him close and closing her eyes. He had passed out from magic exhaustion shortly after putting the ring back on her hoof. His breathing was shallow, and Twilight fought to stem the tears that threatened to fall, funneling her regret into determination never to let her emotions or hormones come between them again.
“Cerulean... I’m going to do better, I promise. I won’t let you feel alone ever again,” she whispered, burying her face in his mane as the memories of him being encased in the ice came flooding back.
“Twilight?” Spike started, but drew silent. What was he supposed to say? It was clear everything wasn’t all right, and he doubted anything he could say could fix it. While he didn’t always appreciate Cerulean’s presence due to the amount of Twilight’s attention he sapped, Cerulean really had been suffering lately. While he was loathe to admit it, Spike couldn’t deny the strength of their bond, and if it could survive whatever happened while Twilight was away, then nothing could stand between them. “Twilight, I’m glad you brought him back.” Twilight motioned him to the bed and she drew him into a tight embrace.
“Spike, thank you for your kind words and constant support. I don’t give you near enough praise.” The last of any lingering resentment for Cerulean was banished by her gracious words, and he inserted himself between the two and gave the blue stallion’s still form a mighty embrace, bringing him to wakefulness as his weakened lungs found themselves unable to resist even the slight amount of pressure. “Spike, could you go grab some water?” He dashed downstairs and returned a short while later, glass in hand. Twilight eased Cerulean onto his back and lifted his head as she brought the cup to his lips. He took a few sips and gasped, taking a few seconds to breathe before attempting to resume drinking. Twilight set the cup down on the dresser and gently gathered the frail stallion into her arms while Spike sat down on the other side of him, placing a comforting claw on his shoulder.
“Twilight?” She couldn’t help but cringe, his voice coming out raspy and hoarse. It took her a few seconds to summon the strength to respond.
“What is it, Cerulean?” She pulled back so she could look him in the eyes.
“Please, don’t ever... don’t take your ring off like that. I can’t... begin to describe the kind of terror that it caused.” His speech was strained, taking every ounce of strength he had to vocalize the turmoil that had wreaked havoc in his heart and mind. His eyes closed half way as his head was drawn to the soft fur of Twilight’s chest while her other hoof caressed his mane.
“I promise, it won’t happen again.” Silence took the room as Twilight and Cerulean took comfort in each other’s presence, before she finally summoned the courage to ask what had been on her mind since he passed out. “Can you ever forgive me?”
“Twilight, I already have.” It wasn’t fair, that she could be forgiven just like that. It wasn’t enough. He had done so much for her, she couldn’t stand to just do nothing! But as Flying Grace’s words came back to her mind, she quieted her feelings of guilt. It wasn’t a contest, and if she was indeed forgiven, than dwelling on the past would only harm the future. Wasn’t there something she could do for him now, though? Come to think of it, his magic reserves were pretty drained. He’d probably feel a lot better once he slept. She lay him on his back and snuggled close to him, nuzzling his neck and sighing softly. A sudden wave of gratitude prompted her to hoist herself up, and cracked open an eye as she looked down at him.
“Cerulean, I really don’t deserve this... but I’m going to try to show you the same kindness you’ve shown me from the start. I want to learn, so please, teach me,” she whispered, touching her horn to his and closing her eyes, letting the depth of her affection flow. Cerulean could tell, even without her transferring some of her emotions, that her words came from the heart, and it was all he needed to keep going. This could work, and with that final thought he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep. Twilight soon followed after, her mind too filled with awe at the stallion in her hooves to notice the usual discomfort she felt when sleeping, and she was soon in a land of dreams.
The light of a full moon shone brilliantly in the night sky as a sea of stars danced overhead. Cerulean made his way through the peaceful forest with a sense of gratitude and awe, and as he broke through the tree line he found a beautiful waterfall, the slight mist caused feeble rainbows in the faint light of the lunar bodies. He slowly made his way into the soothing flow, the cool flow as rejuvenating as any hot shower, and with a contented sigh he stood motionless, letting the strength return to his limbs.
Something brushed his flank and her turned to find Twilight leaning against him, eyes closed as she rest her head against him. Cerulean watched for a time as the water played with her mane, the streaks blending with the deeper violet to make new colors. Guiding her face gently with a hoof, he brought their lips together under the cleansing flow, and the stress and fears that had built over the last five months drained away with the water that showered down all around.
“Cerulean, you’ve been a very good colt, and now, it’s time for your reward.” Cerulean didn’t have time look confused before Twilight tackled him into the stream, standing over him and leaning in deep, but as he closed his eyes her lips connected not with his own, but his horn. It was something that Cerulean had never experienced before, and a thrill of excitement pulsed through his body as the tip of her tongue gently caressed his horn, immediately causing a faint blue glow. Feeling no need to resist, he brought his hooves to her flanks and drew her close, letting the magic suffuse his being with an altogether different, though just as pleasurable, stimulation.
Even before the sun’s first rays lit the room, Twilight had awoken as her mind instantly returned to brainstorming some way to serve Cerulean. She’d always been on the receiving end, and he never really made any requests, except to perhaps not be punished.
“Come on, Cerulean. Give me something to work with, here,” she said with a sigh, staring at the slumbering stallion with inquisitive eyes. His horn suddenly gave a faint glow for a moment before fading. Twilight immediately drew him close, expecting an incoming nightmare due to everything that had been building for so long. However, this caused the glow to become consistent, and she quickly realized that the magical aura was indicating something else entirely. Twilight hesitated a moment before touching his horn, and small flashes of his dream soon came into view. “Of course, how simple. You’ve been waiting a long time, haven’t you...”
Twilight’s heart began to race as she slowly sat up, careful not to disturb Cerulean with the movement and eased his head onto her chest. He twitched slightly but remained asleep, and giving a quick look to make sure Spike was still asleep, she gave his horn a tentative lick near the tip. A brief flash brought a smile to her face, and her hesitation was quickly replaced with desire. It had been quite a while for herself too, and she found the new experience extremely stimulating, even without him being awake, as evidenced by the faint lavender light that was bathing the scene. Her tongue soon resumed contact, tracing paths up and down the length of the horn. A soft moan encouraged her further, and she gently eased his horn into her mouth, suckling gently and rolling her tongue around it in slow, clockwise motions.
Cerulean suddenly woke with a gasp as the pleasure of reality overpowered the now seemingly feeble excitement of his dream. Twilight drew back, afraid that she’d done something wrong.
“Twilight, that felt amazing. Could you... keep going?” His hesitancy to make a request only fueled Twilight’s hunger for his satisfaction, and without a word she drew him close as he had to her in the dream and gingerly licked the tip, savoring each moan as if it were her own. Every fiber of Cerulean’s being seemed to come alive as the magic flowing in his blood danced and sparked, and he couldn’t help but tremble as his body was overcome with the power of the sensation. Twilight squeezed him tighter as she slid the horn into her mouth, this time a little deeper than she had before, and it was all she could do to keep from squealing herself as Cerulean’s labored breathing tempted her ears.
A sweet, crisp taste tantalized her tongue for a moment, causing Twilight to pull away and stare. A pulse of light shone as a small bead of a blue, syrup like substance seeped from the tip of Cerulean’s horn. A second lick confirmed that it was indeed what she had tasted just moments before, and she gave a soft moan as she let the taste overcome her senses. It was good, and she wanted more. Cerulean had no way to gauge how much he could take, since this was his first time receiving this kind of favor, but as Twilight’s mouth engulfed his horn, the sudden sparks shooting through his mind and body told him it wasn’t going to be much longer. Under normal circumstances, Cerulean would never had dared to make any kind of sexual requests, but his usual inhibitions about asking for things for himself were being steadily melted away as his body burned under the heat of their passion.
“Twilight, can you...” he started before losing his breath completely as Twilight bit down gently, reading his mind and promptly wiping it blank. He could feel the magic accumulating rapidly in his horn with each roll of the tongue. Twilight could sense his body’s desire for release, and she paused a moment before pushing the full length of the horn into her mouth and biting down at the base. It was too much. Five months of tension combined with the pent up magic in his horn and spilled forth, filling Twilight’s mouth and then some. She pulled away and the residual pulsing ejected a good amount on her coat, and as she swallowed a few massive gulps she gave a satisfied sigh as Cerulean trembled, completely overcome by the raw pleasure that was flooding his being even as most of the little magic he had left seeped from his horn, shimmering like glitter as the sunlight danced through it. Twilight began happily cleaning her coat as Cerulean lay seemingly paralyzed, his chest heaving and a massive grin gracing his features.
“Cerulean, I’m sorry it took me this long. You shouldn’t have had to wait like that.”
“S’all good.” She was being serious, and was hoping for something a little more heartfelt. Cerulean’s body, however, was still attempting to recover, but he noticed her slight frown and immediately tried to correct it. “It’s kind of my fault for not asking. I have trouble asking for things for myself, especially in regards to things of a more erotic nature.”
“Well, stop it. You have no idea how fun that was for me, and I don’t want you to ever feel like you need to hide something from me, ok?” He was about to respond when he noticed Twilight’s horn was shining just as his had been, and still was, though the glow was fading. “Cerulean, what’s with that grin?” Choosing to respond with actions rather than words, he sat up and gently scooped a hoof full of the magic secretion from Twilight’s chest and brought it to her lips, causing her previous blush to come back as the full extent of what had just happened came upon her. Cerulean smiled as she savored the treat, and taking advantage of the fact that her head was bent towards him, he bid self restraint farewell and slid the tip of her horn into his mouth.
Twilight’s eyes screwed shut as her pleasure center was set to full alert, a tingling feeling racing through her whole body as the torrent of desire came rushing back, banishing even the discomfort of being pregnant. She could feel a massive amount of magic being focused within her horn as it pulsed, but unlike Cerulean, her’s continued to build due to the overwhelming amount of magic she contained. Soon it wasn’t just her horn, but her entire body that was glowing with her magical aura.
He hadn’t imagined he would, but the magic seeping from Twilight’s horn was the most delicious, gratifying thing Cerulean could ever recall tasting. Ever eager to please, Cerulean rapidly shifted between different spots along the length of Twilight’s horn, always shifting and evenly distributing the stimulation. It was really very unnecessary, since staying in a single spot would have been enough, but as he saw Twilight’s being radiating with magic he drove himself to greater efforts. She was much more vocal than he had been, and was doing little to keep her voice down. Cerulean closed his eyes and slid the horn into his mouth, preparing to take her through to the end when a sudden voice caused him to spook, biting down hard.
“Cerulean, what are you?” Spike said before Twilight screamed in elation as her body couldn’t contain the magic within any longer. The poor dragon had but a moment to comprehend what was occurring before his vision was blurred by a thick, glittering, lavender substance that exploded from her horn, coating the room in a veritable blanket of the magical secretion. Cerulean choked and sputtered as he was coated mane to hoof in the substance, and while still blinded he felt an occasional splash as her horn emptied itself of the last remaining remnants of magic. Twilight would have been thoroughly embarrassed, but her body and mind were incapable of such sentiments as she was still filled to the brim with the tingling afterglow of the experience. Spike hadn’t moved from his spot on the steps, his face still coated, and Cerulean wiped his face clear with a hoof, absent mindedly licking it clean before attempting to make contact.
“Spike? You, uh, you ok?” In response, the dragon’s famously long pink tongue snaked out, took a tentative lick, and immediately gave himself a full bath.
“Ok? That was delicious! Twilight, it’s nice to see that your experimentation with food has finally paid off! What was that?”
“Oh, just a little jam Twilight made up special,” Cerulean snickered, looking back at his now thoroughly embarrassed, and slightly disturbed, fiancé. Did it really taste that good to everypony?
“Well, I’ll just get right to “cleaning” this mess up!” Spike replied, getting ready to dive in before Cerulean stopped him.
“Easy there, Spike. You can’t eat too much of this, errr, jam. It’ll make you sick if you do. Come on, let’s get to cleaning.”
“But, we can’t just waste it! Oh, I know!” he exclaimed, dashing downstairs and returning with a few large jars. “We can just scoop it in here. That way, we don’t have to throw it all away!” Both ponies were now blushing violently, Twilight focused intently on the wall and Cerulean was desperately trying not to make eye contact. What were they supposed to say?
“Should we,” Twilight started.
“No, let’s just... let him be.” Spike dutifully began shoveling generous amounts into the jars, taking great pains not to get any unnecessary dirt or other such debris mixed in. In the end, he filled seven gallon sized jars before calling it quits and busting out the mop, while Cerulean worked on the shelves and other harder to reach places. Spike began cleaning the stairs, and as soon as he was out of sight Cerulean set down the towel and began cleaning what was left out of Twilight’s fur. She welcomed him with open hooves, and closed her eyes as gave her a thorough grooming. “You’re much messier than I was expecting.” Twilight rolled away at the statement, immediately self conscious and thoroughly embarrassed. Cerulean’s hoof gently descended on her shoulder rolling her to face him. “I never said it was a bad thing, Twilight,” he said softly. “Thank you for sharing with me. Besides,” he chuckled, “it’s extremely, how shall I say, Twilight-licious?”
“Oh, don’t start that again,” she laughed, pushing his face away. He lay down beside her and drew her close, holding her in silence as they both felt the strengthening of their bond, not simply in action but in heart. “Cerulean, I know I’ve said it a lot already, but...”
“Twilight, just hold me.” It was a simple request, but his voice was soft, fragile, and she knew that there was more meaning behind the words than their literal meaning. Ten minutes passed before he spoke again. “This... this is all I need from you, Twilight. Just to know that I am appreciated, to know somepony cares, that my efforts aren’t in vain. That day, after the poison joke? That kept me from going over for nearly a month. I know you weren’t ready to be a mother yet, and it’s painfully obvious that you’re struggling. It also doesn’t help that I’m kind of an idiot,” he said with a weak chuckle, eliciting a small squeeze from Twilight. “But I will try my best. To learn, to love, and maybe even how to ask a favor every now and then.”
“Oh, please do,” she whispered, and for a moment Cerulean had to wonder if he was being taken seriously. Twilight pulled away and beheld her stallion with shining eyes, a small trickle running from each. “I’m going to do better too, Cerulean. I promise. I will never let you feel alone again.” Cerulean gently drew her muzzle into a tender kiss, wiping away the tears as the fires of hope roared back to life.
“Uh, hey everypony? I’m done cleaning downstairs.” The sentimental moment was shattered as they beheld Spike, who despite his best attempts to look innocent was clearly guilty of discarding the mop in place of his tongue. The baby dragon couldn’t understand what was so funny until their pointing hooves caused him to gasp, leading his eyes to his swollen gut that was shining with a faint, lavender aura.
Parental Guidance Neglected
Chapter 11: Parental Guidance Neglected
“I sense a disturbance in Equestria...” Twilight made no motion to move from Cerulean’s embrace, though she did look over her shoulder to see him eyeing the window with suspicion.
“What are you talking about? Is something wrong?”
“Yes, very. Have you ever just had a terrible feeling in the pit of your stomach, like you know something’s about to happen but have no idea what it is?” Twilight nodded and lay her head back down. “Well, that’s exactly what’s going on now. I just have this terrible sense of foreboding.”
“Shhh, don’t think about it. Come on, focus on me instead.” He couldn’t help but smile as she snuggled up closer to him, which required a great effort on her part and likely some pain. Even though he knew the foal had another three months before being born, looking at her now he’d guess she’d be due any day. He closed his eyes and savored the peace of the early morning, knowing that whatever he was sensing would come soon enough, worry or not.
The ponies piled off the train in haste as it arrived in Ponyville, and a short while after the stampede a thin unicorn mare with a bright red coat stepped off, humming happily to herself. She shot a wink at the pony in the ticket booth before looking around at the city. Her eyes grew wide as she beheld the biggest stallion she had ever seen trot passed her, and she immediately drew up beside his muscular frame and brushed against him, causing him to pause and look down at the mare with suspicion.
“Oh goodness, I’m sorry, did I bump into you? You see, I’m looking for somepony would greatly appreciate your services in helping me to find them.”
“Who are you looking for, miss?”
“Would you happen to know a blue stallion by the name of Cerulean Snowgleam?” Quakehoof looked down at the mare with an increasing sense of unease.
“How exactly do you know, Cerulean? You don’t exactly seem the type of mare he’d spend time with, if you’ll excuse me for saying.” She adopted an alluring grin that Quakehoof found quite unnerving, and as if to prove his statement she began rubbing against his chest and tittering.
“Oh, trust me, I know him quite well, though not nearly as well as I’d like to know you.” Quakehoof reached down and grabbed the mare, bringing her to eye level and giving her a glare that very clearly displayed how unwelcome her advances were. “I’m his sister. Now, tell me, where’s my little stud of a brother?”
Stairs had become quite the nuisance to Twilight, but not wishing to grow any weaker than she already had, refused Cerulean’s repeated offers to magic her down to the floor below. She sat with a gratified sigh, sinking into the cushions of the couch before levitating a mess of books over and beginning her morning’s reading. Cerulean had just finished his first batch of crepes when a knock at the door caused his blood to freeze. Whatever that feeling was, it was back full force, and turning off the stove he rushed to the door before Spike could reach it.
“Spike, stand back. Whatever is on the other side of this door is extremely dangerous, I can feel it.” Cerulean closed his eyes as the voice came through the door, the situation being even more grave than he had imagined.
“My, is that my little brother? It’s been so long since I’ve last heard you speak. I must say, I’m quite surprised at how much more like a proper stallion your voice has become. Come on, let me in so I can see you!” Twilight watched bemused as Cerulean slowly turned and set a trembling hoof on the door. “Hurry it up, Cerulean. You know how much I don’t like waiting.”
“Cerulean, do you know whoever that is?” He opened the door and the red mare gave him a mighty embrace, letting go after an uncomfortably long time and eyeing him up and down while Twilight gave her the same treatment. Her long, wavy hair was a lighter red than her coat with small streaks of pink, and her cutie mark was three hearts inside of each other.
“Hmmm, while you have matured quite a bit since I last laid eyes on you, you’re still not quite my type.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“Oh, now don’t be so hard on yourself. You managed to snag quite a catch, haven’t you?” she teased, turning her attention to Twilight who was growing increasingly peeved. She was about to again pose her question as to who this mare was when she felt a sudden warmth against her flank, caused by the intrusion of an unwanted hoof.
“Seriously, can you not control yourself for two seconds? And leave Twilight alone, she’s in enough pain as it is.”
“Would somepony please explain what’s going on here?” Twilight shouted, her frustration and embarrassment boiling over.
“Twilight, this is my sister, Crimson Glitter. Crimson, Twilight, my fiancé.”
“Sister?” Twilight couldn’t believe she had never asked if he had siblings before, and now his sister was eagerly eyeing everything in the library, herself especially. “Cerulean, do you have any other siblings I should know about?” She immediately noticed Cerulean’s countenance fall, even Crimson adopted a similar expression.
“He hasn’t come home yet, has he...” Crimson shook her head at Cerulean’s inquiry. “I had a younger brother, but we got separated from him when he was just six. Nopony has heard or seen anything of him since.”
“Cerulean, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up something so painful.”
“Don’t worry about it, Miss Delicious,” Crimson replied, reverting to her prior state and cupping Twilight’s face in her hooves, moving in for a kiss before Cerulean tackled her to the floor as she devolved into a none-too-innocent fit of giggles. “You always did put a damper on my fun.”
“Sorry, but I’d rather not watch you violate my mare, thank you.”
“Somepony is quite possessive. Fine then, be a downer. I’ll find somepony else to play with.”
“Oh no you don’t, there’s no way I’m letting you taint this town with your ‘pass time.’”
“Do you really think you can stop me?” Cerulean growled at this, but it was true that as many times as he had tried to keep her in check, it didn’t normally turn out well.
“Crimson, do you have a reason to be here? Actually, come to think of it, how did you find me?”
“A very shy mare by the name of Bangles filled me in when I explained I was your sister. I must say, she was very cute once things got going.”
“You didn’t!” Cerulean muttered, narrowing his eyes and slamming his hoof down.
“Easy there, I jest. Even I can tell that that would be highly inappropriate, given the circumstances.”
“I’m impressed such a word exists in your vocabulary.” Twilight watched the two argue back and forth for the better part of half an hour, with Crimson constantly flustering Cerulean to no end. To label her as lewd wouldn’t do her justice, as her over the top sensuality was on clear display with not an ounce of shame to balance the scales, leaving her with little doubt that the kiss would have been followed through to the end. “Crimson, why did you come here in the first place? You wouldn’t make a journey like this for nothing.” Her face fell for a moment before lighting up again, and she trotted towards the door.
“You’d like to know? Well then, walk with me. Twilight, it was sweet while it lasted, but I’m afraid I must go now,” Crimson sighed, shooting her a wink before walking out the door.
“Twi, I’m sorry, but if somepony doesn’t keep an eye on her, nopony is going to be safe from harassment of the worst kind. I’ll answer any questions you may have when I return, ok?” She nodded and gave him a quick kiss before he walked out the door. Twilight heard his sigh from outside the house. Crimson Glitter was nowhere to be seen.
“I wonder what they eat here to get their stallions so big?” Crimson muttered as she watched Big Mac pass through town. “Oh, I cannot wait to get a taste of that apple,” she said, licking her lips as she mentally traced a path around it in her mind.
“Uh, are you talkin’ about me, or mah brother? And I ain’t seen you around here before.” Crimson gave a small squeal of surprise to find Applejack standing behind her giving her a dark scowl. She recoiled as the red mare made a quick circle around her and turned her shining eyes to from her brother to herself.
“Tee hee! My, good looks must run in the family. You say that fine stallion is your brother?”
“Uh, yeah?”
“He any good at wrestling?”
“You’d be hard pressed t’ find anypony who could match ‘im. Why?” Applejack suddenly blushed as she felt something small, warm, and slightly wet take an inquisitive taste of her cutie mark. “N-now wait just a minute, here!” she yelled, jumping back and glaring at the mare.
“Oh, but it’s rude to make a lady wait. And if I do say so, red becomes you,” Crimson teased, pointing a hoof at the hapless mare’s cheeks. “I could add a whole lot more flavor to your day, if you’d like.” Applejack’s mind couldn’t process such openly provocative behavior, and as her mouth slowly dropped open, Crimson took it as an invitation for her own. Who was she to refuse? Big Mac looked over right as the two made connection, and he immediately ran over to break it up, knowing there was no way Applejack would willingly submit to such a thing.
“Now wait just a minute, miss. Mah sister ain’t...” he started, pulling her back only to have her switch mouths and wrap herself around his neck.
“Mmm, now don’t you both taste delicious,” she murmured as Big Mac frantically attempted to get his limbs to move. They ignored his pleas and stayed rooted to the ground.
“Crimson, get off of him!” She turned to see Cerulean barreling towards her and instantly teleported out of sight, off to find other prey. Her brother slowed to a stop as he stood before the two members of the Apple family. “Are you two ok? I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner.”
“Cerulean, do you know that mare?”
“She is, unfortunately, my sister. And yes, she’s always like that.” He stopped and turned to look at Big Mac, whose withering gaze made it quite clear he was less than enthused about his sister’s advance. “Something tells me I better get her under control real fast or my life may be forfeit.”
“Eeeyup.”
A bell on the door signaled a new customer, and Rarity turned to find the most charming little mare she had seen in quite some time beholding her with what she thought was awe.
“Well, aren’t you just the cutest little thing! Welcome to Carousel Boutique, are you here for a custom tailored piece? Or, if you’d like, I have plenty of marvelous dresses already made over here,” she said, motioning to a burdened rack off to her left. Crimson continued to absorb the glamorous pony with her eyes, making a point not to drool as her salivation increased in accordance with the speed of her heart.
“It’s been quite some time since I’ve seen something so beautiful, I can hardly stand it.” Rarity blushed lightly at the compliment before continuing to try and make a sale.
“Why, thank you! All of the dresses were designed and made by me, Rarity. Now then, which one is it that has caught your eye?” The mare slowly approached the rack and, with as much self restraint as she could muster, forced herself to eye the dresses which, to be sure, were extremely well made. This white unicorn could certainly be great fun, her refined speech like warm honey to her ears.
“I... I think... oh, I just don’t know, they are all so wonderful. What would you suggest, Rarity?” The unicorn broke into a knowing grin and instantly selected a rather flashy piece, made of warmer colors and set with rubies along the trim, which would be sure to turn any stallion’s eye. “Um, if you don’t mind, could you help me get changed?” Rarity nodded and led her into the dressing room, where the last of her self control snapped.
“Have you seen a crimson mare of ill repute pass through here?” Cerulean heaved a sigh as he quickly found nopony had seen any signs of his sister. This only worried him more, fearing that she had already made her way into somepony’s bed, and he doubled his efforts, desperate not to let his already tattered reputation get any worse. He used to be well respected, but one thing after another had led to a steady increase of trepidation from other ponies he came into contact with, especially after the charm spell incident.
A piercing scream echoed through the town, and Cerulean hastily summoned his wings and took flight towards the origin. From the air he saw his sister backing away from a livid Rarity, whose face was about the same color as his sister’s coat. Crimson dodged to the side as another bolt of fabric flew towards her, and she didn’t notice her brother’s swift approach until he tumbled atop her in a heap.
“Well now, I thought you said before that you weren’t interested, Cerulean?” Crimson seized his moment of hesitation to again teleport away, leaving Cerulean to pick up the pieces. He shivered as Rarity’s enraged howls sounded behind him.
“Get back here, you irreputable floozy! I’ve half a mind to rip you to pieces for violating me in such a way!” After this her anger soon turned to depression, and she grabbed her couch from inside and flung herself upon it, giving full vent to her despair.
“Rarity, I’m so sorry about that. What... what did she do?”
“She kissed me on the cheek, Cerulean! Well, it was more like suckling, but that’s even worse!” That was it? Rarity had no idea she’d been let off so easily, and he was glad that, for whatever reason, his sister had decided to approach Rarity much slower than she had with the Apple family.
“Rarity, that’s a relief, I was...”
“Relief? Relief, indeed! I don’t know why expected any sympathy from anypony as eager as you, as you clearly cannot appreciate my delicate condition!”
Delicate? Is that really how she sees herself? That mare is like a steel rose with extra thorns and serrated petals. Ok, that may be a bit harsh, but still.
“Come to think of it, why would you even keep company with somepony like that?”
“She’s my sister, it’s not like I...”
“Oh, well now, doesn’t that just explain everything! No wonder you felt the need to bed with Twilight so quickly! The more I learn of you, the more I see what a beast you really are, Cerulean! Just go, before you’re overcome with your primal desires!” she shouted, throwing the couch back inside and slamming the door to the shop. He would take the time to apologize later, as the crimson mare-do-everypony was still tearing around unchecked, and with a small growl he again took to the skies.
Depression came to take the red mare sitting by herself on a grassy hill on the outskirts of town, and she felt little strength to fight it. She knew she was likely making Cerulean’s life miserable, but she just wanted an escape from the confines of her mind, even if only for a time. The passing of a cream colored pegasus snapped her out of her sulk, and she followed from a distance until a small cottage came into view. Steeling herself, she decided to make one last pass before giving up and returning to the library.
She had just raised a hoof to knock on the door when a heavy scraping noise stalled her, and with caution she made her way to the window to see the innocent flower of a pegasus erecting a metal pole in the center of her house. She felt her hooves soon bobbing in time with some of her favorite dance music as she watched the mare begin to dance. Finally, somepony who was open with her desire! Crimson couldn’t control herself and burst into the room, and Fluttershy let out a small scream and backed away, mortified that she’d been seen, and by a stranger no less! Crimson commandeered the pole for her own pleasure, and it took her awhile to notice the other pegasus was no longer dancing. The music suddenly stopped and Crimson ceased her twirling. She attempted to approach the mare but she backed away, hiding behind her flowing pink hair.
“Are you alright, miss? I didn’t mean to startle you, you just looked so alluring the way you were dancing that I had to join in,” she said cheerfully, hoping to ease the her discomfort but instead only worsening it. Crimson wasn’t dumb, and she soon realized that whoever this pegasus was, she wasn’t what Crimson had thought when she arrived. This mare was innocent to the core, something that she hadn’t felt herself in many years, and seeing it be threatened only reminded her of her own tragedy. “I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to intrude. I’ll leave you alone now.”
A red streak shot from the cottage as Cerulean approached, and fearing the worst, he dove and caught his sister as she tried to run. He raised a hoof to paralyze her before she could break away when he noticed she put up no resistance, her small body quaking as she cried softly. Cerulean lowered his hoof down around her shoulders and drew her close.
“Seeing Fluttershy brought it all back, didn’t it.” His sister said nothing as she buried her face into the side of his neck, and he closed his eyes as the tears trickled down. Fluttershy chanced a glance out the window upon hearing Cerulean’s voice, and was shocked to see the mare held tightly in his arms. She never would have thought Cerulean would hold anypony but Twilight like that, and her annoyance prompted her to act, throwing open the door and hovering over to give the stallion a piece of her mind. Her commitment to her planned tirade crumbled as she drew close to the pair, as it became obvious that there was something deeper going on.
“Um, Cerulean? Is everything ok? Who is she?”
“Fluttershy, this is my sister, Crimson Glitter. She’s... had it pretty rough, and seeing you brought back some painful memories is all.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”
“It’s nothing that could have been helped, so don’t worry yourself over it. I’m gonna get her back to the library. Don’t worry, she’s not angry with you, nor am I.” With that he lifted her into the sky, a hoof looped under each foreleg as she hung limp in his grasp. He was glad the library wasn’t very far away, since the trip was quite draining both magically and physically. The change in Crimson’s behavior was apparent as soon as they entered, and Cerulean sat her down gently on a chair.
“Cerulean, what happened? Is that even the same mare that was here this morning?” Twilight whispered as he returned from the kitchen with a glass of water.
“Yeah, what you’re seeing right now is simply the real condition of her heart. She carries a heavy burden, and it drives her to such openly lewd conduct.”
“Nice to see I’m so easily figured out,” Crimson muttered, sniffing a little. She looked up and noticed Twilight looking at her, and breaking her gaze she stared at the floor. “I can tell you’re curious, but it’s really simple. I was, how shall we say, taken advantage of, when I was eleven. It’s pretty hard to maintain the illusion of innocence after that, so I’ve stopped trying.” She spoke nonchalantly, but Twilight could see a fresh wave of tears threatening to breach the corners of her eyes, and with a groan she rose and gave the mare a firm embrace. “You tease...” she whispered, a small laugh escaping as a cough while she yielded to the motion. Cerulean joined in, and they sat that way until Crimson was again breathing normally. “Now, as to why I came. Cerulean, our parents want to see you.”
“What, really? They all but disowned me after the trial, even while I was declared innocent. What makes you think I’d go see them?” Twilight cringed at his harsh words, shocked to see such vehemence in her chronically patient and smiley stallion’s voice.
“They’re holding a memorial for Jade.” Cerulean’s countenance only darkened at this.
“I’m not going.”
“Cerulean...”
“He’s not dead!”
“What makes you so sure? Nopony has seen him for nearly fifteen years.”
“Because I can still hear his voice.” Crimson sighed as she realized that Cerulean wasn’t going to budge.
“Well then, my job here is done. It was good to see you again, brother.” She had just stepped out the door when she felt a hoof descend on her shoulder. “You really hate them, don’t you.”
“Maybe a little.” In truth, his mind wasn’t even on his parents, but his sister. He whispered something into her ear, and she immediately perked up. “Uh huh. Yeah, got it. Lyra and Bon Bon, thanks!” Even if it was temporary, it was still a way to ease her suffering.
“Don’t give up, Crimson. You’ll find somepony to fill the void, someday. Just as I have.”
Chapter 12: Glee Party
“Cerulean, please be on your best behavior today, all right?” Twilight warned him for the third time in the space of ten minutes. He didn’t understand why she was so worried about having a stallion participate in the bi-monthly tea party, but it was clear that it was important to her.
“I understand, Twi. I’ll be good, I promise. Now you,” he continued, kissing her horn gently, “need to relax. Tea parties are supposed to be reserved and calm, and you’ve got more nervous energy than Pinkie in a bottle.” She didn’t resist as he sat down behind her on the bed, and soon his nimble hooves went about their work, relaxing the muscles in her back that seemed to be having a contest in tying knots. They were no match for Cerulean, as one of the first things he read in the single book on pregnancy he had finished was that if nothing else, a good massage could work wonders to calm an irate mare. Clearly, the writer had never observed the Element of Magic in full swing, but any help was welcome, and practice was working eagerly toward perfection.
Down on the first floor they could hear the clatter of china as Spike set up the tables and snacks. Twilight, at Cerulean’s urging, had let him be in charge of the refreshment, though he assured her she could augment them to her tastes as long as she was discreet. Twilight had been progressing in leaps and bounds as far as self control was concerned, and save an occasional outburst or two she was almost like her old self. A wave of an overpowering though unidentifiable emotion came over Cerulean as his mind replayed the last eight months in his mind. As if sensing his condition, Twilight rolled over, wrapping her arms around him and drawing him close. Spike ascended the steps to alert them that everything was ready, but chose to say nothing, quietly returning downstairs and thankful that things had normalized, relatively speaking.
“Cerulean, are you ok?” Twilight asked, opening her eyes halfway as his grip tightened a little.
“I was just thinking about my family. Crimson, more than anypony else. I just... I know that this is what she needs, even if she doesn’t know herself.” Twilight sat in silence, mulling over the words. In truth, she really didn’t have enough of a grasp on the situation to be able to make any kind of comforting assertion, but it was clear that Cerulean had absorbed her tension through his hooves somehow.
“I don’t know if I can help, but if there is a way, just let me know, ok?” He nodded but remained silent. At least until a certain teasing mare gave his horn a delicate lick, eliciting a smile as he pulled away.
“Come on, that’s just mean, don’t start that,” he chuckled softly, covering her mouth with a hoof which she mistook for a pacifier. “Really, Twi? You’re askin’ for it.” Cerulean was momentarily starstruck as she grinned around his hoof, looking up at him with innocent eyes before bursting into a fit of giggles.
“Oh, so you can read body language? You are learning, I’m so proud of you!”
“As much as I’d like another lesson, we have guests coming soon, and if Spike is glowing when the guests arrive it’s going to beg questions. Questions I don’t particularly care to answer, if that makes any sense at all.”
“Awww, you’re no fun,” she pouted, half serious. Anypony could see the wisdom in his words, and watched her for a moment before surprising her with a passionate kiss. A little couldn’t hurt, right? It was still twenty minutes before the first guests were to arrive when a knock sounded at the door, causing a slight panic as both unicorns noted their glowing horns with irritation. “Spike, can you grab that?” Twilight called out, rolling away from Cerulean and staring at the wall to calm down. Cerulean gave the opposite wall an equal amount of attention, and as he heard the voices, he felt a little more at ease. Being seen by the other couple in such a state wasn’t nearly as embarrassing as, say, being noticed by Rarity or Fluttershy.
“Hey there Rainbow Dash, Storm Blitz. You’re kinda early,” Cerulean called out over the balcony. They both blushed a little upon noticing the soft blue glow around his horn, likely because they were remembering their own activities, and he chuckled as he descended to the main floor. “Yes, you are interrupting something, thanks for asking. Now, what’s up? The party isn’t for another twenty minutes.”
“Well, since you get to be here, I thought it’d only be fair if Storm can come too.”
“You mean he wasn’t invited?”
“Nope, apparently stallions aren’t allowed to enjoy tea and baked goods.”
“I see no issue. Twilight? What do you think, can Storm join in too?” A groan and a creaking noise signaled Twilight having left her place of rest upon the cushy mattress, and she trotted over to Cerulean’s side before answering.
“I don’t have any problem with it. I can only think of one pony raising an objection, but fortunately for us, you’re on her good side, Storm.” Cerulean scratched the back of his head and stared at the ground, recalling how his reputation has steadily diminished since Twilight’s conception. Twilight placed a well meaning hoof around his shoulders before turning back to the grinning couple. Idle banter easily passed the remaining time, and soon all the guests were present and the festivities started with a bang, Pinkie still not understanding that the word “party” did not inherently require a cannon and/or streamers, along with copious quantities of confetti. She didn’t seem to mind the paper as a topping on her crumpets, but most everypony else couldn’t agree.
“Twilight, darling, do you have any jam?” A quick scan of the room yielded no results for her inquiry, and Rarity looked to Spike who stood to attention as the mare’s eyes fell on him. “Spike, would you be dear and fetch me some?” Spike raced to the kitchen, reaching for the strawberry when a delightful thought struck him; what about the special jam Twilight had made? As tasty as strawberries were, nothing he had tasted came close to the magicked jam that he had grown strangely fond of. To his dismay, the last remaining jar wasn’t in its usual place in the refrigerator, and Twilight leaned over as he whispered into her ears.
“Twilight, did you move that jam somewhere else? I can’t find it!” Unbeknown to Spike, Cerulean and herself had decided a few days prior to get rid of it, mostly in part to keep something like this from happening.
“I’m sorry, Spike, but it went bad and we had to throw it out. Why don’t you just grab the strawberry preserves instead?”
“Rarity deserves the best, there’s gotta be more somewhere!” Twilight slowly covered her face with a hoof as Spike scrambled around the house, checking cupboards and basically anywhere that a jar could fit, regardless of how illogical it would be.
“Twilight, what’s goin’ on? Ah don’t think you were tellin’ the truth just then,” Applejack pried, shooting her a strange look.
“She was just trying to break it to Spike easy. Twilight’s magic created an immensely tasty treat a while back ago, but Spike has developed a strong affinity for it, perhaps too much so.” It took all of Cerulean’s effort to keep his mind on the present and not let the memories creep in. “So, we removed the temptation.” This seemed to satisfy Applejack, though unfortunately for them, everypony else was brimming with questions. They all began talking at once, and Twilight’s eyes darted from face to face as a growing fear began to rise from the pit of her stomach.
“Cerulean, quick, what do we do?” she whispered out of the corner of her mouth. Pinkie was beyond herself with excitement, trying to figure out what the jam could possibly taste like. Rarity was growing impatient with her still unadorned scone, while Fluttershy and Applejack sipped their tea, watching their friends with growing amusement.
“I suppose telling them the truth while Spike is distracted isn’t an option?” replied in a similarly soft tone, wincing as his mare’s frantic response echoed through his ears.
“Are you kidding?” she exclaimed, instantly garnering all of the attention. “No, Cerulean, that isn’t an option. Just think about that for a moment.”
“Think about what? You’re acting suspicious, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash pressed, pointing an accusing hoof at her.
“I don’t know what you mean,” she replied, the accompanying nervous laughter completely negating any chances she had of the statement being believed. As if on cue, a triumphant cry from Spike drew the attention away from her, allowing her time to breathe. This was a good thing, as the oxygen was necessary for the cry of shock that echoed forth as the dragon returned from the laboratory with a small jar of the fabled “jam.”
“Cerulean, I thought you got rid of it all!” Her worry was infectious, and while he had been calm when Spike had first returned, he was now shaking lightly, partly from fear of embarrassment, and partly from fear of having the mare seated next to him burst into flames.
“I may have kept a little extra,” he replied quietly, swallowing hard. Recalling that Twilight had said the previous batch had gone bad, Spike unscrewed the top and took a tentative taste, nodding his approval and making his way towards Rarity.
“Is that the stuff?” Storm asked, regarding the sparkling purple substance with suspicion, much like everypony else, Rarity included.
“Oh yeah, it’s the greatest. Come on, Rarity, I found this just for you.”
“Spike, sweetie, I’m flattered, really. But it looks a little, I don’t know how to say, odd? I mean, the color is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not entirely sure glitter is fit for consumption.” She watched as disappointment attacked his adorable smile, and with a sigh she prepared to scoop some onto her scone when Pinkie Pie snatched the jar away and took a taste.
“Wow, Twilight! This is like the best thing ever!” she squealed, immediately devouring the contents of the jar in just a few seconds time. How she had managed to completely clean every last smidgeon of the substance from the jar was just one of many mysteries, and seeing Pinkie’s approval, everypony began to voice a desire for a taste.
“Now, Pinkie, it’s rude t’ just eat everythin’ without sharin,’ remember? We talked ‘bout this after cider season last year.”
“Hey, it’s not my fault it was so tasty! I know, Twilight, can you make some more?”
“Uh, I don’t think that I,” she started, turning an increasingly bright shade of red.
“Oh, come now, Twilight. You’ve finally stumbled upon something tasty in your culinary endeavours, and now you refuse to share? Where is your generosity?”
“She’s plenty giving, Rarity, it’s just that...”
“Cerulean, I was not speaking to you.”
“Rarity’s right, Twilight. Come on, hook us up!” Rainbow pressed, bidding Storm to join in. He had, however, noticed the increasing discomfort that was clouding Cerulean’s face, and he whispered something into Rainbow Dash’s ear that caused her to sit back down, notably less enthusiastic than she was moments before.
“More, Twilight!” Pinkie howled, thrusting the jar in front of her face.
“Perhaps we should just give them what they want, Twilight. I don’t think they’re gonna let it go,” Cerulean whispered. He was again deafened as Twilight’s patience snapped.
“You all wanna try it so bad? Fine, you can have it! Cerulean, come down to the lab and help me. All of you, stay up here and wait."
“Woohoo!” Pinkie began bouncing excitedly around the room, as the others pondered why Cerulean’s participation was necessary if the spell was of Twilight’s design. Storm was exceptionally quiet, as he didn’t have a thorough understanding of unicorn physiology, but Cerulean’s expressive eyes had screamed “Somepony help me” loud and clear. Shaking his head, he pushed the thoughts from his mind and prepared to join in on the conversation, only to find that the subject at hand was the one he was attempting to suppress.
Twilight threw open the door to the laboratory and stalked down the steps, grumbling to herself as she went. Cerulean closed the door gently and followed, flipping on the light and sealing the door shut with a thick layer of ice to forbid any prying eyes. He found Twilight staring at the wall with her back to him as he approached.
“Twilight, I...”
“This is all you’re fault, you know.” It was true, he couldn’t deny it. She had specifically told him to get rid of everything, and he hadn’t listened.
“You’re right.” No sarcasm? No witty remark?
“You’re making it difficult to find reason to vent, you know.” Cerulean cantered over and slipped his hooves around her shoulders, drawing them across her chest and holding her close. “I’m sorry, it’s not fair to place all of the blame on you. If it weren’t for the fact that Spike is so thoroughly obsessed with... that, then we wouldn’t be here right now.” It was heartening to hear her giving him the benefit of the doubt, even as frustrated as she was.
“Twilight, thank you,” he murmured, pulling gently and easing her onto her back. “Just a thought, how are we going to return upstairs? You have this wonderful tendency to be a touch messy.”
“Now that’s no way to sweet talk your mare,” she laughed softly. “Why don’t you teleport upstairs and grab some towels.” Cerulean nodded and returned a few minutes later, towels in hoof.
“Is this going to be enough?”
“Well, I think I know a spell that can help with that. Any other questions?”
“Uh, not at the moment. Oh, right, the jars.” He closed his eyes and concentrating, sculpting ten jars made of ice and enchanting them so they wouldn’t melt for several hours. After arranging them in a circle around Twilight, he cantered over and sat beside her. She waited for the pleasure to come, but after a minute of unrequited anticipation, she opened her eyes to see him staring at the floor. “Twilight, I don’t want to do this, not because we feel like we have to.” Twilight was a little shocked to hear her stallion affirm a lack of desire for one of the more enjoyable sides of love, but she soon realized exactly why. For somepony who had been forced against their will, any feelings of obligation would essentially invoke the same emotions, and she wasn’t going to do that to him.
“Cerulean, I understand. Let’s just lie low here for a bit, and then we can go explain everything. We can face them together.” He accepted her outstretched hoof and lay down beside her, allowing himself to take comfort in her embrace. It seemed strange, being the one to be giving out comfort, but as he nuzzled closer and gave a contented sigh she came to the realization that the giving of herself was every bit as sweet as receiving his love. Affection suffused her mind, moving her to gently press her lips to his. Her warmth, her taste, everything that he had come to desire over the last nine months had given him a choice, with no strings attached and no pressure one way or another. A hoof stroked his cheek, causing him to meet the luminous violet pools shining before him with his own. “I don’t expect anything from you, but, if you’ll accept it, I would like to give something to you.”
“Things sure are quiet down there,” Applejack murmured to herself as the rest of the ponies continued chatting.
“Well, they are making something special. It probably takes a lot of focus,” Fluttershy offered, having heard the statement.
“I wish I could be down there, that way if there was any extra, I could have that too!” Pinkie chortled, recalling the joy of licking a spatula clean after finishing the last batch of any number of treats. Rainbow Dash was being driven mad with curiosity, and as the chatter continued she attempted to pry open the doors to no avail. Placing an ear to the door, she could faintly make out something, but it was too faint to identify the voice or what was being said. Really, it just sounded like distant screaming, but that wouldn’t make any sense. Heaving a sigh she returned to Storm’s side to sulk.
“Spike, do you know how Twilight makes that stuff?” Rainbow Dash asked, but his answer hadn’t changed at all in the last ten minutes.
“All I know is there is magic and noise involved, but nothing else. She’s only made it once.” So then, they were in the middle of making it. Taking their sweet time about it, though.
Ten jars. Eight were now filled with purple, two with blue, both due to the industrious effort of the two panting unicorns in the center of the circle. Using a spell to create a bubble around their horns, the mess had been minimal, and having had more time to recover than the still breathless mare beside him, Cerulean wiped away what he couldn’t lick up with a towel, planted a kiss on Twilight’s still pulsing horn, and levitated a couple of the jars to the eagerly waiting ponies, leaving Twilight to catch her breath.
“All right, thanks for being patient everypony. Here it is,” he stated with a grin, setting the jars down on the table in the center.
“Whoa, a new flavor! Dibs on the blue one!” Spike called out, a dribble of drool running out of the corners of his mouth. Everypony but Storm fell upon the creation with gusto, and exclamations of praise sounded between the greedy munching of Scones a la Twilight.
“Oh my, this is really good,” Fluttershy said, staring at the scone with wonder.
“See? I told you all it was good!” Pinkie Pie said happily, foregoing a scone altogether and commandeering a whole jar for herself. Applejack ignored the purple jar and went straight for the blue, and found it much more enjoyable than she was expecting it would be.
“Wow, Cerulean, you an’ Twilight sure ‘ave made somethin’ good together. If we could sell this, we’d make tons o’ bits fer mah family!”
“Sorry, Applejack. It really takes it out of us, making that... treat. Burns a lot of cal... it uses a lot of magic.” Had she not been enjoying her third helping, Applejack may have commented on his self corrections. Rainbow Dash had immediately gravitated towards the blue jar, as it more closely matched her coat, and Storm cast a wary eye towards Cerulean. Now, Storm wasn’t the best lip reader in existence, but whatever it was Cerulean had said, he was under no circumstances to partake. Unfortunately for him, his fillyfriend had other ideas, and he was soon quite curious as to why Cerulean was making such an effort to keep him from such a tasty snack.
“I will admit, I was sceptical when you offered me that jar, Spike, but now I see you were quite correct. This is the... best... possible... thing!” Rarity squealed, admiring the way it shone in the light before taking a massive bite in a thoroughly undignified manner, the jam smearing all over her face.
“Well, on that, Rarity, you and I most certainly agree,” Cerulean chuckled softly as he reached in a hoof and brought the glittering lavender sap to his mouth to see Twilight emerge. An immediate silence descended upon the room as the two unicorns stared at each other, the sight of Cerulean enjoying her gift spurring the pulsing in her horn to resume, as it had only finished just moments before she exited the laboratory. Oh no, no no no, not here! I thought I was done! She closed her eyes to focus on keeping her body under control, but the absence of sight only caused her mind to compensate, flooding her mind with some of the saucier moments she and Cerulean had shared. She opened her eyes as she felt the fluid run from her horn down her muzzle, tickling her chin before dripping to the floor. It was all over.
“Oh, Twilight, are you going to make some more for us so we can see how you do it?” Fluttershy’s innocence only compounded the gut wrenching embarrassment that was quite contentedly tying her stomach into knots that even her back couldn’t hope to match.
Pinkie Pie was crestfallen. How could Twilight just let it drip to the floor like that? I mean, duh! Why was everypony so shocked that it came from Twilight’s horn? It tasted just like her, only sweeter! Determined not to let anything tasty come to waste, Pinkie immediately traced her tongue from Twilight’s chin up to her horn, where she began to suckle it eagerly. Too eagerly, in fact, as a combination of tongue and teeth prompted a second, although lesser, release. Fluttershy, while slightly shocked that Pinkie had licked Twilight, still had no idea what was going on, even as Twilight was in the midst of her climax. Pinkie’s cheeks swelled as she refused to let a single drop go, and it took her a full minute to swallow the payload. Upon finishing, she gave a contented sigh and lay down fully stretched out, oblivious to her glowing stomach and the remainder around the corners of her mouth. Ever the martyr, Cerulean scooped another hoofful into his mouth before standing and making his declaration, shifting the focus to himself.
“Well, everypony, I think you all learned a valuable lesson today; don’t nag a hormonal mare.” Contained fury has a way of instilling more fear than the most primal of cries ever could, and it was with such a tone that a now red in the face Rarity responded to Cerulean. It was also quite clear that the red was not from embarrassment, and Cerulean felt his blood chill as she spoke.
“What has happened in these seven months that has turned you into such a perverse, crazed, and thoroughly detestable stallion, hmmm Cerulean? I wouldn’t expect anything like this coming from Twilight, but you? Oh yes, it makes perfect sense.” Cerulean raised a hoof before immediately yanking it back as the contained fury broke the cage doors. “Set one hoof near me and I’ll rip it to pieces!”
“My tail’s twitching, my tail’s!” Pinkie started before a rather oversized frypan silenced the fuming unicorn with a clang. “Oopsy, too late, sorry Rarity! Where did that even come from?”
“I’ve had just about enough of this, so listen up everypony! anypony , and I mean anypony got it
Chapter 13: Applejacked
From what was exposed of her head, Applejack could tell it was a brisk morning. However, the cool on her face was anything but refreshing, as the rest of her body was soaked in cold sweat despite the heavy blankets. She moved to draw the covers over her head and a sharp pain in the base of her skull bid her hesitate before taking any hasty action. Placing a hoof to her cranium, she lay inert as the pounding spread.
“Why the hay do ah have such a ruckus in mah head? An’ why,” she paused, noticing how damp her coat was, “didn’t ah shower before goin’ t’ bed? Ah always make a point o’ showering after a good time workin’. Come t’ think of it, what did ah do yesterday that would leave me so worn out?” The cold sweats resumed as she came to a startling realization; she couldn’t remember. Anything past breakfast the day prior was a gaping hole in her timeline. “C’mon, brain, work!” Her urgings were ignored, and with a sigh she attempted to sit up when her blankets wrapped around her tighter. So tight, in fact, that she was unable to escape their menacing ensnarement. Cracking open a bleary eye, she became further confounded as the found herself covered not by Granny Smith’s patchwork quilt of pink and white, but a mess of black and blue limbs. “Celestia, please tell me ahm dreamin’.” Another glance revealed nothing had changed. “Luna then?” Still nothing.
“Nnngh, ugh, my head.” Applejack froze as Cerulean came awake, having much the same reaction and immediately placing a hoof gently to the side of his tortured temples. “You know, Applejack, as fun as yesterday was, I don’t know that it was worth it if this is the thanks I get in the morning.”
“Fun? What kinda fun lands two stallions in mah bed an... oh, buckin’... you can’t be serious, Cerulean!”
“Hmmm, I could be, but that’s no fun at all. And seeing as how I can’t remember what actually happened, only that it was indeed fun, you’ll excuse me while I try to find the silver lining within the ill trained symphony serenading my brain. That, and the fact me and Storm are likely to be dead stallions either way.”
“Ugh, keep it down, Cerulean, my head’s killing me. Wait, Cerulean?” The blue stallion grinned widely and popped his head over Applejack’s chest and waved. “Somepony, please explain why I am here before I go insane.” Applejack caught Cerulean’s wink and stifled a laugh before turning to the stallion growing increasingly more worried by the moment.
“What’s the matter, sugarcube? You can’t remember?”
“Actually, now that you mention it... I have no bucking clue!” he shouted, wincing as all three of them suffered a temporary increase in their respective headaches. “Cerulean, what the hay are you doing?” The stallion in question stopped the gentle stroking of Storm’s hoof, pausing a moment before turning to him with a serious expression.
“Hmmm, what happened indeed. You have a very soft coat, Storm. No wonder Rainbow Dash likes you.”
“Not anymore I don’t!” The ensuing increase in cranial discomfort became, perhaps, Storm’s lowest priority as his enraged fillyfriend appeared at the window. It was then that the cowering black pegasus realized the his hooves were still draped across Applejack, and with a yelp he withdrew in all haste and landed in a heap of feathers on the floor. Terror the likes of which Storm had never known pumped life into his tired limbs, prompting him to exit the room with all haste. The remaining two ponies listened as the hoof falls proceeded down stairs and towards the main entrance, before suddenly stopping and returning towards them at double the speed they left. There was a black blur followed by the sound of shattering glass as Storm hurled himself through the window and into the sky, followed shortly after by Rainbow Dash who didn’t bother stopping to give Applejack a piece of her mind. Besides, Applejack would be easier to catch after she had put Storm in a casket.
“Ahm gonna ask one more time before ah freak out, do you really not remember?”
“Nnnope.”
“Ah see. Please excuse me, ah have t’ go write mah will. You may want t’ do the same before you head home.”
“Got an extra quill?”
“Any particular reason you ain’t bein’ serious about this? Ah doubt Twilight will be half as amused as you are.”
“You know, maintaining a cheerful facade so one doesn’t wet himself is difficult to upkeep when you keep poking holes in it. Besides, I'm pretty sure that when she kills me, she will end up wiping out half of Equestria as well, so I won't be alone.” They both shared a nervous chuckle before easing into a sitting position and staring at the sweat soaked sheets and callously tossed away quilt lying on the floor.
“That looks pretty bad, don’t it.”
“Eeeyup. Ah reckon nothin’ ‘appened, though.”
“Stop talkin’ like mah brother, it’s makin’ it worse.” Cerulean nodded and eased himself out of bed, standing still for a moment and waiting for his eyes to focus.
“Is it alright if I use the shower quick?”
“You’re gonna return to Twilight drippin’ wet?”
“Better than this,” he shrugged motioning to his damp fur and closing the bathroom door behind him. Not the least bit comfortable with being in the same room while he showered, Applejack stood quickly, narrowly evaded falling over, and made her way downstairs where she came to an abrupt halt.
“Applebloom? What ‘n tarnation are ya doin’ up there?” The filly woke from her slumber, though she assumed she was still dreaming due to the fact that she was drifting in a lazy circle above her sister.
“Ahm just flyin’ sis. What’s it look like?”
“It looks like you’re glued to the ceilin’ fan, that’s what.” What the hay could possibly have happened? Applejack was growing more fearful by the minute. As Applebloom groaned and released the contents of her stomach, it became clear to Applejack that alcohol must have played a part.
“Ah feel right awful, sis. Get me down, ah wanna go die.”
“Just hold on, Applebloom, ah’ll...” she started before Cerulean’s scream echoed down from the second story. “Oh, now what?” Racing back up the steps, she charged into her room and threw open the bathroom door to find Cerulean pressing himself against the wall, backing away from Twilight’s imagined fury. So frightened was he that Applejack’s intrusion didn’t even register as noteworthy in his brain, the fragment of a memory that had come back instilling the same type of fear as when he and Applejack had been caught kissing three days after he had confessed his feelings for Twilight. Well, actually, it was approximately ten times worse.
“Ahm sorry, Cerulean, ah didn’t mean t’ barge in.” Applejack’s apology fell on deaf ears, and she averted her eyes as curiosity required she stay. “What’s got you so worked up?”
“I remembered.”
“What, you mean everything?”
“I remembered enough to know that my life is over.”
“Is it really that bad?”
“You know how I said I don’t think anything happened? I think something happened.”
“What exactly do ya mean by ‘something?’”
“I don’t know what we’re going to name it.”
“Oh sweet Celestia, you can’t be serious! Tell me yer jokin’, or Twilight won’t be the only trouble on our hooves. If Big Macintosh ‘ears about this, neither of us will live to suffer Twilight’s fury!”
“Hmmm, that sure explains the condition of the bed...” Shower or not, Applejack was in no mood to deal with Cerulean’s sarcasm, especially not when the fate of Equestria was at stake. Applejack’s entrance into the shower would have been enough to spur his mind back to working order without being roughly shaken a bit, but as she was losing the capacity for rational thought, he felt her forehead press against his horn, causing another shutdown of the mental facilities.
“Show me.”
“I really don’t think...”
“Show me, dang it!” Heaving a sigh, Cerulean closed his eyes and dug deep, recalling the fuzzy memory as best as he could before sending it over to Applejack’s mind. Now, being that she wasn’t a unicorn, the picture that was conjured within her mind wasn’t the clearest ever, but seeing herself standing over Cerulean before slowly lowering herself atop the blushing stallion was quite enough to elicit a scream piercing enough that, if the window wasn’t already shattered, it would have then and there. Cerulean sat temporarily deafened before adding his own cry to the mix as Big Macintosh walked in, having heard his sister’s exclamation upon his arrival home from Appleloosa.
“Applejack, are you in the shower with Cerulean?”
“Eeeyup?” Cerulean offered, before being roughly tossed out of the shower as a traumatized Applejack lay staring intently into nothing, the scene replaying over and over in her mind.
“Ahm sorry, Twilight. Ahm afraid ah have t’ kill yer special somepony.”
As Cerulean took a moment to catch his breath, he let his wings melt and picked a few shards of glass from his coat, mentally thanking Storm for taking the brunt of it and giving him the idea for his escape. Unfortunately, he doubted he’d ever get to thank Storm again in this life, as a black streak shot through the sky with a rainbow trail following just behind. Driven by the will to live, the black pegasus was managing to outrun his enraged fillyfriend by just enough.
“We’re back in town for two days and I find you in bed with one of my best friends? You have no idea how dead you are, Storm!” Cerulean watched in amazement as Storm proved that proper motivation is all one needs to achieve impossible results. In this case, that translated into breaking the speed of sound, sending out a dark shockwave that crackled with electricity and causing a brilliant display of sparks. Temporarily stunned by the feat and the static tracing her wings, Rainbow Dash ground to a halt and stared as the dark trail receded into the distance. “You’re still gonna get it, I’m telling dad!” she called out after him before sullenly heading towards Quakehoof’s house. Cerulean swallowed hard and continued towards the library, whereupon he found Twilight waiting in the open doorway, impatiently tapping a hoof. He had hoped to have at least some time to gather his courage, but alas, it was not to be.
“I thought you said you were going to be gone for the afternoon, not the whole day. Where were you last night?"
"I may or may not have spent most or all of the evening at the Sweet Apple Acres estate, where I may or may not have engaged in activities pertaining to reproduction with a mare by the name of Applejack. And possibly Storm, but the jury is still out on that." Twilight stared for a moment before letting slip a sigh, doing her best to maintain a calm demeanor.
"Cerulean, I was being serious." Why does he keep glancing over his shoulder like that? “Cerulean?”
"You're right, I'm sorry."
"Now, again, where were you?"
"Sweet Apple Acres."
"Get in the house... now." He nodded and trotted inside, sitting in the center of the main floor and awaiting further orders. "You're lucky I'm the Element of Magic, because Storm has to deal with a mare that is all about loyalty." She noted the faint look of hope that lit his face. “Don’t get any ideas, it’s every bit as important to me. Now, what happened?”
“I... don’t remember. None of us did when we woke up.”
“Us? Who all was there, exactly?”
“Me, Storm, and Applejack.”
“Wait, you woke up in the same bed? Well, that explains the angry Rainbow in the sky.” Honestly, this stallion of mine... “Come here, I’m going to get to the bottom of this.” He sat in front of her and hung his head, ready to accept whatever came. Twilight pressed her horn to his and plunged deep into his memories, searching for the truth. Finding the start of the previous day, she started there and watched the tale unfold.
“Twilight?” She looked up from her book as Cerulean sat down beside her on the couch. “Yesterday, Applejack invited me to spend this afternoon hanging out with her.” Twilight met the information with mixed emotions. “I don’t really know what to expect, but have you noticed how depressed she’s been recently?”
“I have. We’ve all tried talking to her about it, but she just shrugs it off. I think... you should go.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, Cerulean. I can’t say it doesn’t worry me a little. I know you really have a strong desire for her to be happy, and I want to see her back to her old self too. Just promise me you won’t do anything you’ll regret, ok?” She smiled as he wrapped his hooves around her, placing one gently on her stomach and one loosely draped across her shoulders.
“Thank you, Twilight. Don’t worry too much, I’d like to be alive to meet our child.” A tiny thump against the stomach wall caused them both to grin.
“See that? The foal is already keeping you in check, must be a girl.”
“Must be. I will try to be back by nine this evening, just to be safe.” Twilight waved him off as he closed the door and made towards Sweet Apple Acres, wondering what exactly Applejack wanted from him. He found her working in the fields, the last of the season’s apples scattered amongst the now mostly barren trees. “Hey there, Applejack. How’re you doing?”
“Ahm... all right.” Her hesitation was visible, but what was she hiding? As the Element of Honesty, he would have thought that she’d come right out with it, though upon a second thought that was unrealistic of him. It had only been a month since Quakehoof and Flying Grace’s wedding, when Applejack’s friends started to notice a change. She did a fairly good job at hiding it, but it isn’t possible to know somepony for years and not see the signs, especially when they have nearly no experience in hiding their emotions.
“So, what did you want to do today?”
“Ah haven’t really thought about it, much. Ah just wanted t’ see you, ah guess.” Refusing to let the approaching awkward silence have it’s way, Cerulean plucked an apple from one of the many buckets littered around and bit into it thoughtfully, speaking around the sweet flesh of the fruit.
“Well, I’m game for whatever you’d like. I can help in the fields, we can go someplace; anything you want, really.” She began collecting the baskets around the trees, allowing a faint smile as Cerulean immediately joined in to help, dumping the baskets into the pull cart and stacking them neatly in the back.
“Ahm a touch thirsty. Ah don’t normally drink ‘round other ponies, but will ya be offended if ah indulge a bit?”
“Only if you don’t offer me some. I haven’t had some cider in years.”
“Ah didn’t know you ‘ad a taste fer alcohol.”
“Eh, on occasion. Still, everything I’ve had from Sweet Apple Acres has been of unsurpassed quality, so count me in,” he chuckled, hopping into the cart and laying on the bed of apples. Applejack grinned a little more and affixed the harness, easily pulling the cart back towards the cellar. After unloading down to the last apple, Cerulean set the cart with the rest, waving as he saw a black pegasus soaring towards the farmhouse.
“Cerulean, what’re you doing here?” Storm asked, bumping hooves with his friend of a much shorter stature.
“I could ask you the same thing, Storm Blitz. You only got back into town yesterday, I would assume you’d be taking some time to hang with your fillyfriend.”
“She had something she wanted to talk to my parents about, which apparently is grounds for expulsion. Big Mac offered to help me pass the time, have you seen him?”
“He ain’t here, Storm. Sorry, he got called out to Appleoosa t’ help Braeburn, but he’ll be back tomorrow mornin’.”
“Hey, Applejack, can he hang with us for a bit?” While the rest of her mind screamed out her opposition, she adopted a gracious smile and nodded, motioning both stallions to follow. Honestly, the one day she might actually have the time t’ spend some time alone with Cerulean, an’ her brother has t’ go an’ skip town. Life just ain’t fair.
“So what’re you two up to?”
“Applejack was gonna let us taste some hard apple cider she brewed. Do you drink, Storm?”
“I haven’t really had the chance to try any, since I spent most of my time in seclusion before coming here.”
“You’ve got earth pony in yer blood, you’ll like it.” Grabbing three cups, she cantered towards a large oaken cask and filled the first to the brim, handing it to Cerulean before filling another and giving it to Storm.
“Are you sure you didn’t use any magic on this? Haven’t had better cider in my life. Did you brew this yourself?”
“Of course ah did. Apple family tradition. Ahm glad you like it, though. Ah don’t share it with many ponies, not the good stuff.”
“I’ll count myself lucky then,” Storm explained, holding the cup in front of him in disbelief. Applejack couldn’t help but blush a little at the high praise, and she busied herself with a cup of her own, heaving a grateful sigh as the golden cider soothed her parched throat. She cracked an eye open to find the two stallions eagerly holding out their glasses.
“Fer ponies who don’t drink too much, ya sure polished that off fast.”
“Not our fault it tastes amazing. Come on, just one more?” Alcohol has a habit of relaxing a pony and letting them feel at ease with their surroundings, and thus it was that Applejack soon lost count of the number of times she heard said words. Had she retained the count, her own consumption would have been equivocal, not about to be out-drank by such rookies. After a simple twenty mugs each, such worries were no longer present in the minds of the three rosy cheeked ponies.
“Storm Blitz, you have ten minutes to get your flank home and explain yourself before Rainbow Dash is bereaved of her coltfriend! Do you hear me?” Twilight yanked her head away as Quakehoof’s voice resounded throughout the town, shaking the windows and causing them both to share a very frightened glance.
“Twilight, hurry. Go faster, maybe there’s something that can spare the poor stallion.”
“If I were you, I’d worry more about yourself. I can’t believe you drank twenty mugs apiece.”
“Have you ever tried that stuff?”
“Just be quiet,” she demanded, yanking him close and restoring the memory connection. “Hmmm, talking, more talking. More drinking? I fear for him somepony opens a bar, here.” Cerulean wisely remained quiet as Twilight muttered to herself, skipping anything that didn’t seem important. “You’re kidding me... you three let Applebloom drink with you?”
“In my defense, that was Applejack’s call.” Twilight redoubled her efforts to find out something that could spare Storm, and save Cerulean from prompt mutilation upon the completion of her impromptu interrogation.
“Woohoo, you go, filly! Five mugs ain’t bad fer a child yer age, ya make yer sis proud!”
“Thanksh, Applejacks!” she replied with a heavy slur, nodding to each of her three sisters in turn. Even though the cellar was nice and cool, it was having trouble compensating for the inebriated ponies within, and Applejack wiped her brow as the stifling air became thick enough to register.
“Anypony else hot in ‘ere, or is it just me?”
“It’s you,” Cerulean chuckled, sitting contentedly on a pile of snow.
“Hey now, ah gave you cider, the least you could do is help a pony cool off.” She was immediately buried under a pile of snow, which she made no effort to move from for a time. Snow was difficult to glean oxygen from, and with this in mind she leapt from the pile and tackled the still grinning stallion, tumbling mane over hoof into a rather large pile of apples. Clawing his way to the top, Cerulean attempted to restrain his giggles while searching for only the choicest of apples present as he had one earlier. Out of the hundreds of apples present, a single one out shined the rest. He opened wide and was surprised to hear the apple give out a half hearted yelp as he sank his teeth into it. Still, it was delicious, so ignored the noise and tried again. “Does it taste good?”
“Mmmhmm,” Cerulean asserted before coming to the realization of what exactly he was biting. “Hey Storm Blitz, you have to try this apple. It’s the best I’ve ever tasted!” Storm shifted his unfocused eyes towards the stallion who, much like the rest of the room, was swimming on his vision.
“Now that does look ripe.”
“Y’all are just shameless flirts, ya hear?” Applejack muttered, pulling herself out of the pile and blushing as she looked at her flank, where the faint imprint of Cerulean’s teeth could still be seen.
“Ah wanna tashte!” Applebloom wailed, reaching out her head and falling through the imaginary Applejack. She chewed thoughtfully on the earthen floor, contemplating the complexity of the taste and gritty texture. “Applejacksh, you taste funny.”
Cerulean’s faint blush did little to calm Twilight’s less than amused glare as she broke the connection.
“Any particular reason why Applejack’s flank registered in your brain as the choicest apple? Because you know how I get curious.”
“Only have five minutes left, Twilight.”
“Yes, you’re right, you do.”
Somepony, though the next morning nopony could recall who, had decided that it would be a swell idea to engage in an apple fight. Applejack, who had worked hard to harvest the ammunition, joined in for a couple minutes before realizing that not only did they hurt, but it was a colossal waste of food, and angrily shooed the two stallions up and out, carrying Applebloom on her back after several failed attempts to make it up the stairs. There was precious little daylight left, but the two stallions contented themselves continuing with the mushy apples that lay neglected around the trees.
“Ah don’t know why stallions feel the need t’ be so messy.”
“We can’t help it, it’s just the way we are.”
“Well, ya ain’t comin’ in the house like that. Find a way t’ get clean or ya ain’t gettin’ any dinner.”
“I got this!” Storm exclaimed, stretching out his wings and making a none too straight path towards a low flying cloud. After a few seconds boasting to the white tuft, he grabbed it and made back towards the ground with all haste. Depth perception, another facet negatively affected by copious quantities of alcohol, decided that it was as good a time as any to bail, and Cerulean cringed as Storm crashed face first into the ground. A small burst of water splashed both ponies, cleaning Cerulean and leaving the unfortunate pegasus covered in mud.
“Storm Blitz, this is your final warning! Get your sorry flank down here!”
“Hurry it up, Twilight, he doesn’t have long left to live unless we find something soon! Skip dinner, I doubt anything is going to happen then. Try an hour afterwards.”
“And why do you suggest that time, huh? Do you know something I don’t?” Cerulean said nothing at first, confirming that he knew more than he was letting on.
“Just do it.” The change in his voice was disconcerting, shifting from concerned to pained at a moments notice. She nodded, and dived into his subconscious once more.
Cerulean was barely managing to stay conscious as the combination of far too much to eat combined with the alcohol in his system to induce a state of contented bliss. Trotting up the stairs, he made for the one room he remembered and flopped gratefully in the bed. He couldn’t recall how long he was out, or even if he had fallen asleep at all, but night had fallen when he noticed another presence in bed with him. A familiar scent of apples brushed across his face, and before he could react the smell was soon joined by taste. Out of respect he kept his eyes closed until he felt something wet drop onto his cheek, and in the dim light he could just make out Applejack’s tearstained face.
“Applejack? What’s...”
“Ahm sorry, Cerulean.” Even as flooded with alcohol as his brain was, anypony could have sensed the weight in the pained whisper that shocked him into wakefulness. “Ah know that ahm puttin’ you in a horrible position right now, but ah just... wanted t’ feel it, one more time before ah let you go.” As she leaned in once more, Cerulean was confronted with the same choice that he had struggled with numerous times, having his desire to help somepony pitted against what he knew to be right. And yet, could he really think that indulging this request would be better for her in the long run? Time seemed to freeze as a single thought loomed over all the rest; he had promised Twilight. Applejack opened her eyes to find her lips connected not with Cerulean’s muzzle, but his cheek as he turned his head away at the last minute.
“Let it go, Applejack. I can’t be your special somepony.” Speaking those words, looking into the eyes of a broken mare; it was the hardest thing Cerulean had ever had to do. But, if he left any doubts, then it would be impossible for her to let go. She prepared to run before Cerulean grabbed a firm hold of her forehoof, pulling her into a deep embrace as the small flow of tears became a flood as the last of her hope spilled forth. An overwhelming fatigue took them both, and Cerulean lay back, refusing to let go of the quaking mare. Eventually, she fell asleep without another word, and Cerulean looked towards the window and into the star filled sky, wishing for Applejack’s special somepony to hurry up and get to Ponyville.
The universe wouldn’t allow him sleep just yet, as a creaking of the door alerted him of a third presence entering the room. Seeing Storm stagger over, he quickly adjusted his position to make room for the stallion who was clearly not of a mind to care about who all was in the bed. “I promise you, Applejack. It won’t always hurt like this.” Drawing the mare closer, he savored the last moments he would be able to spend with her in such a way. Nopony knew just how dear Applejack had become to him, and he didn’t bother trying to stop his own tears as he longed for sleep to bring the night to an end.
Twilight sighed as the last bit of the memory played through her mind before breaking her horn’s connection with Cerulean’s.
“You really know how to scare me, Cerulean. That was mean.”
“How was I supposed to know that nothing actually happened? Well, nothing much.”
“I guess that’s true. That certainly explains why Applejack has been so sad. Maybe she’ll cheer up a little more now?”
“I can only hope. I’m sorry, Twilight. I know it can’t be easy, feeling what I felt then.”
“I will speak to you about that after I save Storm from your guys’ drunken antics."
"So... am I forgiven?"
"Not a chance. Go to your corner."
Chapter 14: Welcome to Ponyville
Forgiveness is not always something easily granted, and there are almost always consequences surrounding the subject. Cerulean was grateful that the previous week’s events at Sweet Apple Acres hadn’t wiped Ponyville from the face of Equestria, nor had it lead to him becoming a eunuch. In fact, Twilight hadn’t really punished him at all, having felt the inner war that he had only found the strength to overcome by choosing Twilight’s happiness over Applejack’s. As much as it made her glad, she knew that it came with a price.
Rainbow Dash, however, was as forgiving as an Ursa Major deprived of her cub, banishing Storm Blitz from their room and demanding he maintain a ten hoof-length distance from her at all times. Everypony had thought that surely she would cave after a day or two, but seven days later he was still trudging the allotted distance behind, head bowed and resigned to his fate. His fillyfriend hadn’t specified a duration, but having spent every night together since their induction into the Wonderbolts, the torture already felt as if it had lasted for months.
“Rainbow Dash?”
“What.”
“Uh, never mind.” Yup, she’s still mad. Sure, she’s the Element of Loyalty, so it’s easy to see why she’d be so upset at seeing me with Applejack in bed. But nothing happened! Doesn’t that at least count for something? “No, you know what? Rainbow Dash, this has to stop. Nothing happened, can’t you at least give me credit for that?”
“You spent the night with another mare, Storm! Do you know how worried I was when you didn’t come home? How lonely I was? But I held it in, I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt, and what do I see? You and Applejack. Tell me, which part am I not supposed to be upset about?”
“The ‘nothing happened’ part?”
“That’s not the point, you dunce!”
Not the point? Then what the hay is she trying to tell me? “Rainbow Dash, I really have no idea why you’re upset at me still. Can you just tell me so we can make amends?”
“No, you’re going to stay away until you figure it out yourself.” Storm dropped silent, wracking his brain to try and understand what Rainbow Dash clearly thought was an obvious reason before noticing a rather muscular unicorn making his way through Ponyville, looking every which way. Chancing a glance at his flank, Storm stopped in his tracks and stared.
“Hey, Rainbow Dash?”
“Don’t talk to me until you figure it out.”
“Dash, this is important.”
“So is you remembering your promise!” Fed up with her refusal to work with him, he breached the ten hoof-length barrier and landed in front of her. “Get away from...”
“Look, I’m sorry I left you alone! I didn’t mean for it to happen, I didn’t want that to happen, and it’s not going to happen again! Now, will you please just listen to me?” Her expression shifted from infuriated to grateful at a moment’s notice, leaving Storm utterly confused with his emotions stuck in neutral.
“So... you remember?” The hope in her voice only compounded a growing sense of urgency consuming his mind.
Dang it! I said the right thing, but which part of it was what she wanted to hear? If I don’t answer quickly, it’s only going to get worse. Come on, what’s she talking about? Didn’t mean for it to happen, sorry for leaving her alone, it’s not... wait, alone... that’s it! “I remember, Rainbow Dash. I promised you wouldn’t have to spend another night alone, and last week I broke my word. I’m sorry, can you forgive me?” The worry at hoof was momentarily shelved as his fillyfriend displayed her gratitude with a passionate kiss. Perhaps a bit too passionate for the public eye, as being away from each other for a week had left them both quite... sensitive.
“I think I’m looking forward to going to bed tonight,” she giggled, eyeing his wings like they were candy waiting to be tasted. “But unfortunately, that’s a long ways off. What were you trying to tell me before?” Doing his best to ignore his outstretched wings and racing heart, Storm scanned the area and again located the unicorn in question. His coat was pure white, with a mane of three different darker hues of blue.
“See that stallion over there? Look at his cutie mark, doesn’t that look kind of like Twilight’s?” While not identical, the shield that formed the center of his Cutie Mark was emblazoned with a six pointed star, the same shape and color as Twilight’s.
“Yeah, now that you mention it, it... oh buck this! Storm, we have to warn Cerulean and Twilight. This is really, really bad,” she exclaimed, taking a few steps away from the stallion that was still a good distance away.
“Rainbow Dash, take it easy. Do you know him?”
“No, but I know of him. That’s Shining Armor, Twilight’s older brother.”
“Oh dear Celestia. If he finds Cerulean, he’s a goner.”
“No, you think? We have to do something!”
“I’ll send him to my parents’ house while you go warn Twilight. That should at least buy them a little time to figure out a plan.”
“All right, I’m on it!” Storm blinked through the dust as a rainbow streaked towards the library, and noting the unicorn’s eyes following the trail, he quickly flew over and greeted the infamous sibling.
“Excuse me, it looks like you’re new around here. Can I help you find something?”
“Why yes, thank you. I happen to be looking for the library, but am quite lost. Might you be able to point me in the right direction?”
“Sure, right this way,” he forced out, sounding cheerful enough and hoping he didn’t end up in a casket for leading him astray.
Silence, for once, dominated the library. Spike stood to the side watching, safely hidden behind a wall of books that he had erected while Twilight gave Cerulean the run down on the details of the spell.
“Again, I must have absolute silence for this to work. Any distraction could be, well, bad. Really, really bad.” Cerulean nodded once then remained ramrod stiff, closing his eyes as her magic began to accumulate around her horn. A warmth wrapped around his hooves and snaked its way upward, until his entire body was enshrouded in a soft, lavender glow. Come on, almost there, just a little bit more. Steady... steady...
“Twilight Sparkle!” Rainbow screamed as she barreled through the door, before being blinded as the spell backfired with a brilliant display of purple flames. Lowering a hoof from her eyes, she beheld a rather stunned Cerulean standing in a daze. She wouldn’t have assumed by looking at him that he was hurt, but somehow, she couldn’t quite bring herself to believe that the smoke coming from his coat could be healthy.
“Cerulean, are you ok?”
“I... don’t really know how to answer that question. I seem to have lost most of the sensation in my limbs. Oh, and your timing is impeccable as always, Rainbow Dash,” he said dryly, looking over at the mare. “Wait, scratch that Twilight, I am no longer numb. I do, however, feel like I’ve been bathing in Fillydelphia Inferno Sauce for a few hours. Now, if you’ll both excuse me, I think I hear a cold shower calling my name.” Wincing as he began his relatively short journey upstairs, Twilight watched him a moment before turning towards Rainbow Dash with an irate glare.
“You can’t enter a door quietly, can you, Rainbow Dash.”
“Twilight, I’m sorry for messing up whatever freaky magic you’re cooking up, but you’re going to have bigger problems to deal with very soon.”
“And what do you mean by that, exactly?”
“Shining Armor is here.”
“Are you sure?”
Why does she sound so calm? Unless those stories she told us weren’t true, she should be freaking out a lot more than she is! “Yes, Twilight, I’m sure. White unicorn, the shades of blue in his mane, shield Cutie Mark; any of this ringing a bell?”
“Hmmm, yes.” She sat silent a moment before screaming at the top of her lungs. “Oh no, what do I do? What do I do? Cerulean!” There was a mad scramble as the stallion came as requested, not bothering to dry off and causing no small blush on Rainbow Dash’s part.
“Twilight, what is it?”
“My brother is here, Cerulean!”
“Naturally. Of all the days, you had to choose today to fry me.”
“Cerulean, he’s going to do more than fry you. We talked about this, over-protective doesn’t even begin to describe him!” After the talk with Twilight’s parents, Cerulean had done some digging into Shining Armor’s history. He sounded like the ideal brother, all except for the little incident where he hospitalized another colt for making fun of his sister when they were young. Ponies never really messed with him again after that, nor his sister, though she was soon taken under the princess’ wing while he was sent off to train to be a member of the royal guard. As such, he was trained in combat, and his presence in town could only mean one thing.
“I don’t need the premonition spell to know what’s coming. This should be fun! Thanks for telling me, Twilight, but I hear the shower calling my name. Let me know when he arrives, we can offer him some jam.” Twilight wasn’t sure whether she should respond with admiration, aggravation, or plain, boring despair. She knew he had a tendency to joke during the most serious of times, but this...
“I can’t tell if Cerulean is brave or stupid.”
“I think it’s both, Dash. You should get going, I’m going to raise a force field around the library. Can you try to stall him as much as possible?”
“Just leave it to me!”
Despite his valiant efforts, Storm was failing to slow Shining Armor down much at all, as the unicorn set an unusually brisk pace and was continuously urging him to greater haste. Not having any particular plan other than leading him in the opposite direction of the library, Storm was have a merry time drowning in worry and generally freaking out on the inside.
“You’re kind of slow for a Wonderbolt.”
Oh bucking Celestia, he knows who I am. “Oh, I’m sorry, were you in a hurry?”
“Was that not made clear by my numerous attempts to spur you to greater efforts?”
“Oh, sorry about that.” Shining Armor, having been rigorously trained, maintained a calm countenance as the pegasus took wing and shot off into the distance, landing in front of a very nice looking house that was clearly recently built, judging by the pristine paint. Storm let slip a sigh as the unicorn quickly caught up, breathing normally and staring at the building in confusion.
“Perhaps you were mistaken. I am seeking the library, and this is no library.”
“I know, but I figured if I was taking you there, I might as well grab a few books I had been meaning to return.”
“INSOLENCE!” Storm jumped at the sudden shout, whipping around and seeing Shining Armor looking as calm as ever. “I apologize, I let that slip. Please, my good colt, continue.” Thankful for a moment to breathe, Storm receded to the room his parents had given him, encouraging himself and Rainbow Dash to stay any time they’d like. While his mind strained to conjure further ways to distract Shining Armor, he heard his parents voices from down the hall and pressed his ear to the door, hoping that problem would solve itself.
“Storm Blitz, there are better ways to announce your presence than... shouting,” Flying Grace chided as she made her to the entryway to find not her son but a rather dashing unicorn she didn’t recognize. “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were my son. Can I help you?”
“I am searching for the library, but my guide seems to have gotten himself lost. I would greatly appreciate it if you could point me in the right direction.”
“Oh, but of course, it’s just down... hello, Rainbow Dash. Do come in.” The best plans are usually those that are inspired, spontaneous, and entirely without a logical backing. Well, not really, but upon hearing his fillyfriend return home, he decided to give it a shot anyways. Throwing open his door and racing back to the spacious living room where the other three were standing, he shot a wink to Rainbow Dash before throwing a loose hoof over Shining Armor’s shoulder and beaming proudly.
“Mom, I’d like you to meet my new coltfriend, Shining Armor.” It wouldn’t be thought that the sound of three minds shutting down simultaneously would make a sound but it does. On a similar note, so does silence. Rainbow Dash was the first to recover, and while part of her wanted nothing more than to beat the stuffing out of him for making such a comment, especially after having just made reparations for his trespass at Sweet Apple Acres, she decided to postpone his reprimand for Twilight’s sake and play along.
“Storm, don’t be selfish, he’s my coltfriend too! Hooves off,” she fired back, knocking his hoof away and wrapping her own around the traumatized stallion’s neck. While he had almost managed to restart conscious thought, it was again crashed as Storm took Dash’s actions as a challenge and promptly planted a very wet, very messy kiss on his open mouth. “Wow, Storm, that’s moving a bit fast, don’t you think? We only met him this morning.”
“Wait, you what?” At his mother’s disgusted shout, Storm sputtered and pulled away, having had enough of a taste to last him well into the next life. Rainbow Dash stifled a laugh as Shining Armor slowly took a few steps back before bolting out the door, spitting violently and visibly shaking.
“Oh come on, you can’t taste that bad.”
“Rainbow Dash, at the end of the day, let’s get a barrel of cider from Applejack. I’d like to forget what just happened.”
“Ugh, you and me both.” They both cringed as Grace’s stern voice came from behind.
“You two have some explaining to do. Now.”
“Absolutely abominable, transgressing my sanctity like that! And here I thought the Wonderbolts were a reputable bunch of ponies. I cannot believe the princesses attends shows with the likes of them.” The steady stream of muttering continued as Shining Armor stalked through the town, still without any clear direction and thoroughly chagrined. Spying a pink mare whose mood was clearly the antithesis of his own, he decided that maybe he would have better luck with her.
Pinkie Pie ceased her analysis of the lilies as her heart filled with excitement. A new pony? This was going to be a fantastic day! He could look cheerier though. I’ll just have to make him smile! “Hey there, you must be new in town!”
“That is correct, I... what, why are you looking at me like that?” Pinkie Pie had ceased her bubbly greeting and had fallen into a deep focus.
Ok, normally I follow a simple formula. Meet new pony, throw pony party, taste new pony. But this pony has already been tasted! Somepony beat me to it. That’s not fair, I want a taste too! Reaching up and wiping away a small trail of saliva that Storm Blitz had left in his wake, Pinkie Pie gave it a tentative sniff before choosing a live taste rather than one that was old. It’s true, she hadn’t made it around to tasting Storm, but this new pony deserved her full attention, and perhaps her tongue. Shining armor again found himself subjected to undesired passion, and after a few seconds gained the wherewithal to shove the mare away and expel what taste he could.
“HARLOTRY!”
“Harlawhat?” Pinkie repeated, tilting her head to the side. “Oh, silly me, I nearly forgot to ask your name!”
“I have no desire to tell such a loose mare my name.”
“You’re going to tell me your name,” Pinkie demanded, growing annoyed.
“I shall not.”
“Fine, I can normally figured it out after extensive tasting. Get ready to...”
“Shining Armor, it’s Shining Armor! No tasting!”
“See? Wasn’t that easy?”
“My name’s not the only thing that’s easy... Look, I’m just trying to find Twilight Sparkle. Can you tell me where the Library is?”
“Uh-huh!” Shining Armor waited a respectful fifteen seconds staring at the mare who he made a mental note to have admitted to a mental ward upon returning to Canterlot before realizing that she had no intention of saying anything more on the matter.
“I thought I asked if you could tell me where the library is.”
“Yep, that’s what you said! And I said I can!”
“So tell me already!”
“Nopey dopey, can’t, sorry. I made a Pinkie Promise!”
“But you said...”
“That I could! Anypony in this town can tell you that, but I won’t because I made a Pinkie Promise, and nopony breaks a Pinkie Promise.”
“I don’t care what kind of strange commitment you’ve made, tell me where the library is, now!”
“You’re asking me to break my promise?”
“Did I not make that clear?” While there are many things that go into making a good knight, part of the equation is being an adept guard. As such, honed senses of observation are critical. So it was that when the amiable mare’s mane fell down flat and her eyes sharpened to narrow slits, he was able to surmise that he had just crossed some invisible boundary.
“Of all the mean meanies that I’ve met in my life, you are now at the top of the list! I can’t even
I remember every lesson of every lecture from my training. I’ve stopped thieves,
believe that a nice mare like Twilight is related to a monster like you! I’ll bet you don’t even have
subdued rioters, and fought wild beasts ten times my size. But right now, I’d gladly trade
any friends, the way you treat other ponies! Yeah, that’s right, I bet you have to cuddle with rocks
this mare for a manticore. What the hay, I have plenty of friends! Well, some... ok, a few,
just to make yourself feel better! Shining Armor? More like Crushing Downer. Well, you can
but still! That’s just wrong, rocks? Really? That’s it, I can’t deal with this level of
just forget your welcome party!”
insanity. It’s going to get on me, or something.
“Uh, I never asked for a welcome party...”
“Oh, so now you want a party? Ok, here’s your party!” Shining Armor had no time to raise a ward or shield himself from the blast of confetti that bowled him over. As he scrambled to his hooves, he could see the mare re-loading the cannon to give him another shot, before two other mares arrived on scene, an orange earth pony and a white unicorn mare.
“Whoa there, Pinkie, take it easy. It’s gonna be ok,” Applejack cooed, speaking softly.
“Finally, somepony with a shred of sanity.”
“You there, what ‘n tarnation did you do t’ Pinkie Pie? Answer quickly before ah buck ya t’ the moon.”
“I didn’t do anything, I just want to see my sister!”
“And who might that be?”
Such refined speech, maybe there is hope. “Her name is Twilight Sparkle, do you know her?”
“Rarity, don’t tell ‘im anythin’.”
“She lives in the house made of an oak tree, about ten minutes that way. Can’t miss it.” She allowed a slight smile as he knelt down and took her hoof in his own.
“Verily, you will be repaid for your service.” Eager to be on his way, the stallion took off at a full gallop, leaving a shocked Applejack and Pinkie Pie staring in horror at Rarity, whose smile had grown into a devious grin.
“Rarity, we all agreed t’ keep ‘im away from Twilight like Rainbow Dash said!”
“Correction, you all agreed. I seem to recall making nary a peep while speaking with Rainbow Dash, and I personally think such a charming and well mannered stallion could teach Cerulean a lesson or two.”
“It won’t do ‘im any good if he ain’t alive afterwards!”
“Oopsies, my mistake.”
“So, remind me again why we’re freaking out?”
“Because my older brother is on his way here to, I don’t know, castrate you? And that’s being optimistic.”
“I thought you said he was a nice pony.”
“To me, yeah! But I somehow doubt he’ll take kindly to the fact that I’m pregnant. You remember the stories.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t look that scary,” Cerulean murmured, staring out the window at the fast approaching unicorn.
“Look? Wait, you don’t mean...” There was a resounding crash as he met the triple reinforced magic barrier full force. To Cerulean’s amazement, he shook it off and placed both hooves to the barrier, touching his horn to it and attempting to dispel it. Twilight joined her fiancé at the window to watch.
“I’m pretty sure not even Big Mac could handle that kind of an impact and stay conscious.”
“Are you starting to see why I’m worried for your well being?”
“A little, perhaps. Oh well, go ahead and lower the barrier, I want to meet him.”
“Are you insane?”
“Twilight, I have nothing to hide, nor be ashamed of. And he’s already made it through the first layer,” he replied drawing her attention back to her brother. Cerulean was right, there was no point in delaying the inevitable. Shining Armor glanced up as Twilight and Cerulean exited the house, and after a brief pulse of soft violet light, the barrier melted away. The confident blue stallion had barely raised a hoof before being tackled to the ground.
“COWARDICE!” Cerulean was attempting to formulate a response when a sudden whiff of something sweet caught his attention, and much to Armor’s infuriation, the pinned stallion began to laugh. “Pray tell, what is it that you find funny?”
“You smell like Pinkie Pie.” Shining Armor recoiled, shaking his head in an attempt to forestall the infectious spread of insanity he had no doubt been poisoned with, shaking free a few pieces of confetti that were still wrapped in his mane. “How did your welcome party taste?”
“Cerulean, Shining Armor is engaged, there’s no way he’d...”
“Like frosting, or the like. Honestly, I’ve yet to meet a looser mare...”
“Hmmm, would you like to? I could always ask my sister to come by,” Cerulean chuckled, standing upright. “You must be Shining Armor, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Shining Armor said nothing, staring the unicorn up and down and glancing back and forth between him and Twilight. “Would you like to come in?”
“Cerulean.”
“Yes?”
“I challenge you to a duel.” Cerulean tilted his head to the side, staring for a moment before turning back to Twilight.
“Is he being serious?”
“Cerulean, he’s one of the top ranking members of the royal guard; yes, he’s being serious!”
“Oh, I see. Shining Armor, I accept.”
“Wait, you what?” Twilight cried, smacking him in the shoulder. “You won’t last ten seconds against my brother!”
“Ouch, now that hurts a lot more than my shoulder does.”
“Hmph, at least you have some semblance of pride.”
“Don’t forget honor.”
“I wouldn’t go that far, not seeing as how my sister is pregnant out of wedlock.”
“In my defense, I was attempting to propose when I found out she was pregnant.” In response, her brother’s horn began to glow, wrapping him in a brilliant white light before the magic became solid, cloaking him in full armor. The magical aura then began to build around his horn, forming a long blade.
“I will not wager your life in this gamble, as I would not bereave my own sister of her husband to be.”
“How courteous. What am I to lose, then?”
“Let’s just say that the child Twilight is carrying will be your last.”
“Shining, you can’t be serious,” Twilight growled, beginning to build her own magic as she prepared to defend Cerulean, who didn’t seem the slightest bit fazed by the declaration. “Cerulean, did you hear what he just said?”
“You’ll pardon me for not being worried, Twilight. I’ve nearly died twice. Well, actually, one of those times I think I did die. And don’t forget the last nine or so months. I mean this in the most flattering way possible, Twilight, but I am far more frightened of you than I am of him.” Ignoring her confused expression he turned back to the serious eyed stallion who was fixing him in a cold stare. “Well then, what are the conditions for me to win? I’d rather not hurt my fiancé’s brother, if I can help it.”
“Land one solid blow on me, and victory is yours.” Despite his bravado, Cerulean had to recognize that Armor had the skill to match his confidence. Simply attacking blindly would be useless, so he’d have to resort to more... devious methods.
“And if I win, what then?”
“Name your prize.”
“Hmmm, ok, if I win, you have to... let Twilight use an experimental spell of my choice on you.”
“I accept. Now, prepare yourself.”
“Eh, ok, fine.” Shining Armor didn’t show it, and definitely wouldn’t have said it, but he was truly impressed at the magic Cerulean was employing. The air around his shoulders began to glisten before two wings born of snow sprouted, stretching out full spread before tucking themselves at his side. Mimicking the blade around Armor’s horn, he crafted one for himself made of ice, reinforcing it to be able to withstand any impact.
“Do you really think that ice can withstand steel?”
“You’re really kind of a downer, you know that?”
“That’s what I said!” They both turned as Pinkie Pie and the rest came trotting over.
“Cerulean, I demand that you keep that pink menace away from me.”
“First of all, she’s our friend, so keep your insults to yourself,” Cerulean stated flatly, refusing the urge to laugh as the fully armored knight took a step back from the furiously glaring mare. “Secondly, the conditions of the duel said nothing about having an audience. However,” he said, turning towards the group, “if only for the sake of your safety, could you all give us some room?”
“Yeah, right, like I’d want to be anywhere near him. Go get him, Cerulean!” The rest of the friends filed over to where Twilight was standing, giving the two wide berth as they walked out to the middle of the road.
“Hey you guys, how did Shining Armor find me?”
“Rarity told ‘im,” Applejack said pointedly, glaring at the frilly unicorn who adopted an air of injured innocence.
“I really don’t see why it’s such a bad thing, really. So Cerulean will will be forced to learn some manners, where is the problem here?”
“There’s a lot more at stake here than just manners, Rarity!” Twilight shouted, thrusting her face close.
“Oh dear, is somepony losing confidence in her stallion? I hardly think he deserves to remain a stallion if that be the case.”
That was it. Rarity, you’ve had this coming for a long time. Summoning a tremendous amount of magic, Twilight released a lavender bolt the shot through the sky, landing somewhere unseen off in the distance. “Now you’re in the wager too.”
“Twilight, what did you just do?”
“Oh, nothing much. I just turned all the gems in your boutique to ordinary rocks. Oh, and all your fabric is paper now, too. Don’t worry, if Cerulean still has his horn when all is said and done, I will turn everything back to normal. Otherwise... find a use for shale.” Unable to fathom the horror of such a loss, Rarity passed out on the spot.
“Oh man, Twi. I think you just put Rarity in a coma,” Rainbow Dash squealed between fits of laughter, clutching her sides and rolling in the dust.
“Ah gotta hoof it to ya Twi, you sure know how t’ hit ‘er where it hurts,” Applejack chuckled, watching as the fighting began. “Ah hope he makes it out of this in one piece.”
Shining Armor made no move to attack, standing his ground and waiting for Cerulean to make the first move. Not having any idea what his talent or capabilities were, Cerulean took a trial swipe at his foe’s face and was immediately knocked back by a forceful parry. The feeling was akin to breaking rocks with one’s forehead, but Cerulean shook his head and tried again, raining down a flurry of blows that were shrugged off without a hint of effort. Bringing his wings into play, Cerulean feinted to the left and made a low sweep towards the legs, using the wings for a boost of speed. Exceeding his own speed, Shining planted an armored hoof solidly into Cerulean’s chest, winding him and sending him sprawling on his back.
“Not bad, not bad at all. Still, have you anything else for me, Cerulean?” It was quickly becoming apparent that a simple head on assault would be nothing short of useless versus such a trained guardian, and with that in mind Cerulean forced himself upright, gauging his opponent and looking for a weakness. There was very little exposed skin, though at this point he hadn’t even made a dent in the armor, so that wasn’t worth noting. Shining Armor barely had time to raise a ward as a pillar of ice sprouted from the ground, being stopped just short of his face by his trained reflexes. Not having time to stop, he bucked through another that shot from behind, then jumping aside as one came from directly below.
Had their magic levels been equal, Cerulean likely could have found an opening, but just as Shining Armor was beginning to worry the stallion’s wings disappeared and he stopped stomping his hooves, which seemed to signal the spires to form at his whim. In truth, extending such a display would quickly drain Cerulean of his magic, and with this in mind he returned to his original fighting stance, lowering his horn out in front of him and breathing heavily.
This is no good. There’s no way I’m going to be able to outlast him like this. Come on, there has to be something. Glancing at the crest on the front of his armor, Cerulean suddenly realized the one glaringly obvious weakness of the stalwart stallion in front of him. Dashing in, Cerulean slammed his horn into Armor’s with surprising force, causing their blades to maintain contact before Cerulean yanked away, grinning widely. “You know, as flattered as I am, I really only prefer Twilight touching my horn.” There it was. That twitch of the eye, the slight blush, those were the signals.
“Cease your filthy speech and come at me.”
“Speech? Thank Celestia you can’t see my thoughts, then.” Running in again, Cerulean locked horns again, transferring a choice moment from his memories through to Shining Armor, who recoiled in disgust and took a few steps back.
“What was that you just showed me?”
“Hey, Twilight!” Cerulean called out, not breaking eye contact. “Do you remember the night we stayed in Canterlot?” Twilight realized exactly what Cerulean was pulling, and she matched his devious grin and nodded gleefully.
“Oh, yes, I remember it all very clearly. It was quite a... valuable lesson for my studies, though the subsequent lessons have been just as enjoyable.” Cerulean spared just a moment to shoot her an amorous glance before whipping his head back at Shining Armor’s enraged shouting. For the first time in the fight, Cerulean was put on the defensive, parrying and dodging as her brother’s skill with a blade pressed him back. Ducking his head, he blocked Armor’s thrust and used the momentary connection to dive into his memories, and a brief image of a pink alicorn sprang into his mind.
“Wow, nice catch. One question though, how’d a spaz like you end up with an alicorn?”
“You say one word about Princess Cadence and I shall rob you of your tongue as well.”
“Hmmm, no thanks, it’s a great tool that I’d prefer to keep.”
“It’s time to end this.”
“That’s right, Cerulean, stick a cupcake in his eye!” Pinkie shouted, throwing punches in Shining Armor’s direction. Of course, his eye, one of the few exposed sections of his body. Making a mental note to repay Pinkie Pie with a buffet of delectable pastries should he live, he braced himself as Shining Armor charged. Cerulean struggled to hold his ground under the onslaught. Shards of ice were breaking off with each strike, and if he didn’t find an opening soon, he would lose more than just his horn. Pulling back for just a moment, Shining Armor lifted his horn high, rearing and preparing to deliver a sweeping blow from the side. Cerulean leapt straight towards him, ignoring the fast approaching blade and jabbing upwards not with his horn, but his hoof, landing it squarely in the unsuspecting unicorn’s eye and simultaneously casting a full paralysis spell. He winced as the blade stopped just as it entered the skin near the ribs, before slowly receding as Shining Armor fell to the ground, frozen stiff. Taking a moment to freeze the minor wound shut, he lowered his face to look him in the eye.
“You know, you said before that I had no honor. If that were true, then I would be free to show you the last tea party we had.”
“Cerulean, even as upset as I am that my brother hurt you, that’d just be too cruel.”
“As you wish, my dear,” Cerulean chuckled, reaching down and releasing Shining Armor from the spell. Feeling the total numbness recede in an instant, he scrambled upright and glared at the grinning blue stallion.
“SHENANIGANS!”
“Oh, you haven’t seen anything yet, Armor. Are you ready to hold up your end of the gamble?”
“I will honor my word,” he muttered through clenched teeth.
“Twilight, I require your assistance.” Twilight cantered over and rewarded him with a well earned smooch. “Ok, not quite what I meant, but I’ll take that too.”
“So then, what’s it gonna be, Cerulean? Cactus for a week? Frypan from the sky?”
“Mother showed you that?” Shining Armor interjected, but was ignored.
“Well, I was thinking that he might be a little embarrassed by his loss. Maybe he just needs a ‘Perfect Disguise’ for his return home.” Shining Armor became thoroughly disturbed as Twilight and her friends became possessed by uncontrollable mirth. His fateful inquiry, however, was unnecessary, as it was shortly thereafter answered in full.
“Why is my sister laughing like that?”
// Author's Note: This was written before the epic season two finale that blew my mind. As such, Shining Armor here is nothing like he is in the show. My apologies for not having mind reading powers!
What Happens in Canterlot...
Chapter 15: What Happens in Canterlot...
A loud groan had become Cerulean’s new wake up call, as the day of birth drew ever closer, bringing with it what Twilight assured him were contractions that could cripple him in an instant. While she hadn’t taken out her fury on him for months, she was growing increasingly frustrated with her inability to function normally due to her condition, especially when it interfered with her research. She was midway through casting an experimental spell to paint any image she could conjure in her head when a particularly potent wave of contractions caused her to double over, the spell blasting through the canvas and leaving a rather large circle of the wall charred.
“Twilight, do I smell something burning?” Cerulean called out from the bottom floor as he heard her cries from the upper floor.
“Yes, it’s the remnants of my self control. I am so over being pregnant!” Using a touch of magic, he put out the tiny blaze in the woodwork as he ascended the stairs. He decided that, for the sake of the structural integrity of the library and perhaps his own well being, he should likely attempt to calm the mare down.
“Twilight, it’s just one more month. Come on, you can manage that, right?”
“Easy for you to say, you’re not the one getting kicked at all hours of the night.”
“Twilight, if I could ease the pain even for a day, I would.” Twilight froze at the statement, the solution to her distress fiendishly simple.
“Cerulean, did you mean what you just said?”
“Twilight, of course I did. You think I feel like I’m adequately helping you cope just by doing a spot of cleaning and making food? The farther along this goes, the more useless to help I feel.”
“You do more than you know, Cerulean. Come here,” she motioned, and as he leaned down she touched her horn to his and shared a small amount of her love for him. He opened his eyes to see her gazing up at him, before a powerful magical surge caused them both to lose consciousness.
Twilight was the first to awaken a few hours later. Aside from a tingling sensation in her horn and the tips of her limbs, she felt totally fine. She did, however, find it odd that her eyes were failing to perceive color correctly, as her legs appeared blue to her. As she stood up from the side of the bed she gave a cry of alarm as she beheld her body laying in bed, still asleep.
“What the hay is going on?” she cried, backing away fearfully as her form stirred into wakefulness amidst much groaning. Wait a second, what was with my voice? It sounded just like Cerulean’s! Oh no... Twilight dashed into the bathroom and her suspicions were confirmed as she beheld her blue coat and white mane, the telltale streak of teal confirming her suspicions. “No no no, this is all wrong! It was just supposed to transfer the sense of feeling, not the consciousness!”
“Ugh, Twilight, what did you do to me? I feel horrible. And what’s with your voice, you sound just like...” There was a pause, followed by a scream in her own voice, and Twilight poked her head around the corner and stared at her body while Cerulean did the same of his. “Oh Celestia, really Twilight? You switched our bodies?”
“I just meant to transfer sensations, not everything! You said you wouldn’t mind taking the pain for a time, so I didn’t think it would do any real harm.” To her surprise, Cerulean said nothing at this, at least not right away.
“I meant it, Twilight. If you have to use my body to accomplish this, then that is fine. Go have a day of fun, and don’t worry about me, ok?”
“Cerulean, are you sure?”
“I’d get out of bed and tackle you, but unfortunately I believe somepony has replaced my limbs with lead, so I’ll let you go easy this time. Is there some trick to breathing, or do you constantly feel short of breath?” he gasped, having rolled over to his normal position on his back.
“You’re going to want to never, ever roll on your back, Cerulean. And you may or may not need ten or more pillows to get to sleep.” Cerulean was quickly growing a newfound appreciation for Twilight’s strength, even in just the first few minutes he had experienced being pregnant in her body. “I’m actually kind of scared to leave you alone. I’m constantly having you bring things for me and asking for help.”
“Well, I’m not quite as fanatical about creating spells to make my fiancé stick to the ceiling, either,” he said with a chuckle, wincing as the motion put unwanted strain on his swollen abdomen. “Go on, Twilight. You’ve earned a day off. Just don’t do anything strange with my body, ok?” At this, she took a glance between her legs and noticed that she had gained something unexpected, and Cerulean couldn’t help but laugh as she snapped her head upright, blushing violently.
“It feels... strange.” Cerulean had been too focused on the myriad of things happening within his pregnant body to notice the change, but as she spoke these words he suddenly became aware of the notable change to his own physique, a change he hadn’t felt since the departure of his alter ego, Mandarin.
“Yes... yes it does.” Even stranger for the two of them was that, since their minds were still their own, looking over their new bodies still brought on feelings of desire. Yet, the bodies themselves were still attracted to their original owners, causing a two way flow of utterly confusing allure. “Twilight, don’t even think about it,” he warned as she again stared between her legs with growing fascination.
“Huh? I wasn’t... I mean... later, Cerulean! Errr, Twi, uh... Bye!” she stammered before bolting downstairs and out the door. She stood outside the library for a moment, impressed with her sudden burst of speed as she realized that she had a capable body to do with as she pleased. It felt good to be able to run, and without a second thought she burst into a gallop, racing through town and laughing as her heartrate pumped out exhilaration along with an increased flow of blood. She was just passing the train station when she saw Rarity paying for a ticket, decked out in a lavish chapeau and a dress fit for a princess.
Slowing to a stop, the thought danced through her mind that she really needed to make amends with Rarity, both for herself and Cerulean. While she wasn’t particularly guilty over anything she had done, there was a definite rift forming, and as trying as Rarity could be, she loved the mare all the same. “Hey, Rarity! Where are you going?” She turned and gave Twilight a dull stare before returning her eyes forward and waiting for the boarding call. “Is everything ok?”
Ok? No, everything is not ok! You’ve fed me one of my closest friend’s... magical secretions, prompted her to turn my gems to ordinary rocks, and torn her away from me! Not only that, but you, in all your filth, have perverted her into a vile mare that gleefully torments me at every turn! And you have the gall to ask me if everything is ok?!? “I am fine.” Fine, yes, as in “I have a show in Canterlot in a few hours, have woken up late, and been informed that my top model has opted out at the last moment!” Months of preparation are to go to waste, and of all the times that this despicable creature that calls himself a stallion decides to show up without warning, it simply had to be now, asking me in his vexingly cheerful tone if I am all right.
“Um... are you sure?” Twilight watched the mares eyes dart back and forth as she waged some kind of internal war. The external signs were grinding teeth, strained muscles in the neck, and a look that probably could petrify a cockatrice with a little more effort. It did cross her mind to reveal that she was, in actuality, Twilight Sparkle inside Cerulean’s body, but if she could manage to get on Rarity’s good side somehow as she was without letting such a fact be known, it may just pull Cerulean back to a positive score in her rankings, or at least a healthy zero. “Listen, Rarity, it’s easy to see you’re flustered. If there’s anything I can do to help, I...”
“Do not think for a single moment that I would allow somepony like yourself to aid me in any way, Cerulean.” Twilight waited for the expected surge of hormonal rage but instead felt only an increased longing to fix the situation.
“Rarity, I will do anything you ask, no matter how degrading, loathsome or downright humiliating it may be. I somehow doubt that simple words will travel far in making reparations, and I really do want to fix things between us.” Dare I hope? I could swear she’s actually giving it some thought.
“Cerulean, give me your word that you will do as I ask, and I may just bring myself to set your transgressions aside.”
“Barring cheating on Cer... Twilight, I will do as you ask.” Ok, if Rarity can sound that evil while chuckling, then I fear for what she’s like if she ever gets pregnant.
“Ok Cerulean, I hope you enjoy dressing up. You’re my new top model. Oh, and you can’t tell Twilight about anything from now until we get back from Canterlot.”
“Say WHAT?!?”
Pregnancy is often painted as a wonderful journey, an almost magical experience for the mother as she builds a bond with the child even before it’s born. Cerulean quickly came to two conclusions being trapped in Twilight’s body. First, there is plenty of magic involved in the process. There was simply no other way to explain how the weight gain around the stomach could possibly translate into body wide aches and fatigue to the point that even lifting one’s head from its place of rest upon a frugal stack of three pillows felt like a monumental chore. And secondly, there seemed to be some kind of problem with the communication flow with the foal that seemed to only kick at the most inopportune times. Cerulean couldn’t help but wonder if he were the first stallion to experience pregnancy, and with these thoughts dancing through his head a shift and a kick bade him drag himself from bed and over to the restroom for the third time in an hour, likely again, a product of the “magic” of pregnancy; the shrinking of the bladder.
“Spike? Can you come here?” he called out, returning to bed and laying in the most comfortable position he could find, which still didn’t come close to relaxing. The purple dragon dutifully ascended from the main floor and stood by the bed expectantly, awaiting his task. “Ice cream, a whole quart of it, please.”
“What, that’s it?”
“What do you mean?”
“No pickles? Mustard? Vinegar and maple syrup?”
“Ugh, are you trying to make me lose my appetite? Just the ice cream, please.” Shrugging off the sudden change in dietary habits, Spike wandered downstairs, opened the freezer door and resisted the urge to first help himself, returning upstairs and setting the frozen treat down on bed.
“Here you go, Twilight. Need anything else?”
“No, this should be fine for now, go ahead.” Not feeling the slightest inclination to move, he decided to try eating entirely with magic, popping off the lid and digging in with a spoon that he quickly deemed much too small. Foregoing any sense of dignity or manners, he began devouring the ice cream straight from the container, though it just didn’t seem to taste right. A kick confirmed his suspicions, and he immediately set about brainstorming what could possibly fix the taste. “Hmmm, chocolate syrup is always a... oof, calm down in there,” he muttered, staring at his swollen stomach. “I wonder, what about caram... ugh, would you sit still? Geez, what do you want, pickle juice and licorice sauce?” An immediate calm within aroused his curiosity. “Mustard?” Another kick. “Pickles and licorice?” Silence. Suddenly, Twilight’s whims made so much sense. “Spike?”
“What is it, Twilight?” he asked, again stopping by the bedside.
“Could you shovel a rather large bowl full of this and top it with... pickles and licorice sauce?”
“I was wondering when you were gonna ask. Sure, Twilight, be right back.”
“Oh, Spike, one more thing.”
“Yeah?”
“Can you bring me Twi... I mean, my diary?”
It was a good thing that Cerulean’s mind didn’t possess the knowledge of any noise cancelling spells, because after Rarity had gotten to talking about just how huge an event she was to take part in, she never stopped. Two hours of non-stop talk about fashion, fashion designers, critiques on fashion; it was too much. Twilight had never cared much for it herself, and as they stepped off the train, she welcomed the sudden cessation of speech much like the fresh air that she gratefully gasped in, having been smothered by the torrent of trendy jargon.
“Come, Cerulean, we will have to hurry so they can spend adequate time with your make up. At least you keep your mane in tidy order, that’s one less thing to worry about.”
“Wait, my ears must be deceiving me. Was that a compliment?”
“Do not be mistaken, it was simply an observation. Now pick up the pace,” she demanded, somehow maintaining a lady like demeanor and a brisk trot at the same time. Canterlot wasn’t a small city, and while Twilight expected Rarity to slow shortly after beginning, she kept the pace strong for a full hour before stopping outside of a less than reputable looking night club of sorts in one of the less traversed sections of the capitol.
“Is this really the place?” Twilight inquired, staring skeptically the sign, which read, “The Best Plot.” “This seems somewhat... outside your profession, don’t you think?”
“Just as you have had your secrets, so I have mine. Now, enough chit chat, we have a lot of work to do.” Seeing that it was a night club, Twilight wasn’t expected to see such a crowd as she followed Rarity down the stairs and into a room full of busy ponies bustling about.
“I have to say, Rarity, that I’m surprised that there’d be a fashion show in someplace like this. I mean, they couldn’t even remove the pole from center stage, what if one of the snobby models walks into it?” Rarity said nothing, continuing through the crowd and into the back room where Twilight was met with a sight no stallion would dream of being given free access to.
To call them “entertainer’s” would be putting it as civilly as possible. No fewer than twenty other mares, probably more, were getting primped, preened, and donning the most provocative and suggestive styles imaginable. For ponies who normally wear nothing unless there is some occasion, things such as saddles and garters were only worn for exotic occasions, and as Rarity strode in still dressed very much like a lady, Twilight posed her fateful inquiry even as a thrill of unwanted excitement raced through his body, leading to a rather uncomfortable shift in her nether regions. “Rarity, please tell I’m not... I’m not modeling...”
“Yes, Cerulean. Lingerie is the term you are looking for. What’s with that face,” she laughed, smiling maliciously as the realization of the coming event dawned upon Twilight full force. “Do not worry, you will outshine the rest of these ponies with my fabulous designs!”
“Rarity, I can’t believe you design saddles and the like too! And I don’t mean the working kind!”
“What, why is that so hard to believe? Your pole dancing skills weren’t half bad when you graced us with your display outside Sugarcube Corner, so I thought I’d try my hoof at it. I got more notice than was expected, and ended up here. And now you, my dear 'mare,' are going to rocket me to the top of the list.”
“Yeah, Rarity, that’s a great idea. I can only see one big, gaping hole in this crazy plan!” Twilight shouted back, aggravated by her glowing horn and anatomy that clearly thought its initial increase in size wasn’t enough.
“Oh? And what might that be, Cerulean? I highly doubt your sense of fashion is anywhere near as sophisticated as me, so what could you possibly have that I don’t?”
“This!” she shouted, lifting her hind leg. Rarity came a small squeal and turned her head away, blushing violently and giving Twilight some much relished satisfaction.
“Y-you’re right, that is a problem. You can’t just... keep it hidden?”
“Let me think for a moment... no, not a chance.” Expectations clashed with reality as Twilight was rewarded not with a dramatic wail, but a condemning smile.
“Come, Cerulean, I have a solution,” she declared triumphantly, grabbing one of her bags and leading Twilight back to a tidy bathroom, where Rarity bid her enter. Cerulean turned slowly to feel something soft and lacy hit him in the face before falling to the floor.
“Please tell me that’s not...”
“Strap it in tight, Cerulean. As of this moment, you’re a mare.”
If stallions were meant to ever experience the symptoms of childbirth, then they would have been born with the necessary equipment. They are not. Thus, Cerulean didn’t have the wherewithal to quite know how to cope with the crippling wave of contractions that suddenly wrenched him from a state of gluttony induced bliss to believing that he was being ripped apart from the inside by an evil entity residing within his womb.
“Oh Celestia, I’m gonna die! Make it stop!” At his sudden outburst, Spike came rushing to assist.
“Twilight, what is it, what’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong, I’ll aaaaaaah! I’ll tell you what’s wrong; I’m dying, that’s what!”
“Don’t you think that’s a little bit dramatic, Twilight?” Cerulean was too busy groaning to bother answering the ridiculous inquiry. The contractions only lasted for a minute or two, but they felt like forever. “Let me know if you actually need something, alright Twilight?”
“Yeah, yeah, now leave me alone to suffer.” Cerulean turned his attention to the beast within, knocking on the outside a few times before attempting to get the foal’s attention. “Hey, that hurts, you know that? I hope you’re proud of yourself.” He was being entirely sarcastic, of course, and expected to be kicked in return. Instead, the foal pressed two hooves gently against the wall of the womb and held the position for a moment as if to say “I’m sorry.” A sudden wave of sadness seemed to flood through Cerulean’s body, and he placed his hooves over the spot where two much smaller hooves were pressing, finally understanding how Twilight could justify going through such pain with a smile.
Just the sight of Cerulean waddling out of the bathroom, grimacing with each step, was enough of a reward to ease her grudge. Not that she would say anything, of course, she still needed his help to model her ravishing designs. Twilight, on her part, was making a mental checklist of all the spells she’d need in order to properly punish Rarity upon whenever she returned to her original body. Also, she was making another list alongside the first, noting all of the worst profanities and jibes she could muster.
“Cerulean, muttering under your breath like that is really not ladylike. Now, sit up straight so I can get to work on your mane.” Twilight flopped into the chair, expecting comfort but finding it extremely unpleasant giving the condition of her fiancé’s assets.
“Rarity, you are more devious than Discord, you know that?”
“Devious? I hardly think so. Cunning, perhaps, as any clever mare should be. If you’d really like to go back on your word and thus negate any chances you may have had at my approval, I suppose you can flee, thought given what you’re wearing... well, I don’t dare to think about what the rest of Canterlot would think.” Twilight shuddered, knowing that Cerulean’s already tarnished reputation would never, ever recover should she exit the building. “I didn’t think so.” Twilight wasn’t used to spending very much time on her mane, so having to sit for nearly an hour while Rarity worked her “magic” was about as entertaining and enjoyable as watching paint dry with a magnifying glass, at night, with a blindfold. Waving over to one of the staff for the event, she gave her detailed instructions for Twilight’s make up and stood aside as the mare went to work.
She finished as quickly as possible and moved on to the next mare, an irate pegasus with a soft cream colored coat and pink hair. Wait a second, is that...
“Fluttershy? Is that you?” Rarity gasped, stricken by the possibility. There was a sharp yelp as the mare fell over backwards, turning bright pink like her hair and staring over in horror as Rarity and a beautiful mare that looked an awful lot like Cerulean came over. “I don’t... but... how... why are you... what is going on, here?” Fluttershy, on her part, couldn’t find the words to speak, making unintelligible and nearly inaudible squeaking noises as her attempts at coherent communication failed.
“Oh, Fluttershy, you poor thing. You thought you’d be dancing, didn’t you?”
Wait, that voice... No, it couldn’t be, could it? “Ce... Cerulean?”
“Fluttershy, what happens here tonight stays between us three, agreed?” She nodded, unable to hide behind her highly stylized mane.
“You see, I, um, saw a flyer in Ponyville asking for models with dancing experience, and I thought it might be fun to see how I compared.”
“I’m proud of you, Fluttershy. You’ve really gotten more confident as of late,” Twilight encouraged, though the mare couldn’t blush any harder than she already was. Finally finding her voice, Rarity adopted a soft tone and approached.
“Fluttershy, dear, you don’t have to do this if you...”
“No, Rarity, I’m going to do it. I mean, I don’t really want to be seen like this... but I can’t spend my whole life hiding. I’m going to win this competition.”
“Well, I’m sorry, but you’re hardly a match for my fashion, and Cerulean has some experience dancing himself, for whatever reason.” It was rare that Fluttershy ever became competitive, but when the mare put her hoof down, it was on.
“Don’t get cocky, Rarity. I’ve been practicing for months, and I’m going to blow Cerulean out of the water! I mean, I hope to.”
“Challenge accepted, Fluttershy. Let’s both do our best,” Twilight encouraged, smiling within. There was no way the student could hope to outdance the teacher. It may have been a long time ago, but Twilight remembered every book she’d read on the subject, as well as the hours spent using the rather uncouth activity as a form of exercise, since it didn’t require leaving her room. A call came out over the speakers, warning that they had a mere fifteen minutes remaining.
“No, Cerulean. Um, prepare to lose,” she asserted, sitting back down in the chair and motioning for the mare to continue the touch up work on her make up.
“Cerulean, if you lose to Fluttershy, this whole endeavor is forfeit. Honestly, I cannot believe what is happening to Ponyville. You’re to blame, you know.”
“I see. I suppose that telling Storm he had to choose between love and fear was a bad thing as well. I mean, Rainbow Dash sure seems depressed, having him around,” Twilight replied, eliciting a gratifying look of surprise from the fashionista who was making sure everything was perfect. They both fell silent, each with their own thoughts. Twilight closed her eyes, blocking out the noise and visual stimulation to quiet her thoughts and empty her mind. The call to line up came and Twilight stood, steeling her determination to, at the very least, not give Rarity any more fuel for the fire.
“Win this, and I may hear what you have to say on the matter, Cerulean.”
“I intend to. There’s no way Fluttershy can beat her own teacher.”
“Wait, what?”
“Uh, nothing!” Deep, pulsing beats shook the floor as the show started. Twilight was to perform just after Fluttershy, who seemed to have abandoned stage fright completely, staring straight ahead and tapping her hoof in time with the music.
“Hey, Fluttershy? While Rarity may not be able to appreciate your change for what it is, I really meant it when I said I was proud of you. Sure, I never expected to find either of us like this, but I just wanted to say congratulations anyways. It’s a victory for you simply being here.”
“Thanks, Cerulean. I’m still going to win.”
“I wouldn’t forgive you if you went easy on me. Come on, Fluttershy, show me what you’ve learned. You’re next.”
“Twilight would be mad if she heard you talking to me like that,” she giggled, before becoming serious again as the preceding dancer made their way offstage to make way for Fluttershy. Putting one sure hoof in front of the other, the once timid pegasus swept onto the stage, shooting Twilight a wink and mouthing “bite me,” before going into her routine. Twilight was helpless to do anything but match Rarity’s breathless stare, not having ever seen Fluttershy dance before. Even were she a mare, Twilight would be hard pressed to match, or avoid the influence of, the visceral stimulation of seeing such a delicate flower undergo such a total transformation. As she let the music in, her limbs followed, and thunderous roars of approving whistles accompanied the cacophonous stomping of many hooves. Having fulfilled her allotted time, she cantered backstage, swaying her flanks as she went.
“Um, have fun trying to beat that, Cerulean,” she teased, grinning as Twilight forced air back into her lungs. However, rather than be impressed, Rarity had only been filled with an urge to destroy her career.
First, she becomes a model, and now she’s stealing the spotlight again? I simply will not stand for it! “Cerulean, destroy her.”
I don’t need your prompting, Rarity. I may have been embarrassed about it before, but this is war. Prepare to be dominated, Fluttershy. Setting her eyes forward and her horn provocatively aglow, she strode out onto the main stage with just as much confidence. Fluttershy’s sneer slowly melted into an open mouth of awe as Twilight dazzled the crowd, mixing Cerulean’s magic with her sensuous, fluid movements as taught to her by somepony who had perfected the art over a millenium in secret. As she drew the show to a close, she let forth a burst of snow that fluttered around, shining in the bright lights as she ran a hoof along the length of the horn and slowly brought it to her mouth.
“There are... no words...” Rarity started, staring in abject horror at the blue stallion that came sauntering backstage to await the results. “No words to describe my all consuming disgust and gut wrenching nausea at such a shameful display...”
“Rarity, I thought...”
“It was magnificent,” she said, dropping her voice to a growl. “There is no way anypony could top that.”
“Um, Rarity? You may want to, uh, take a couple minutes to calm down,” Twilight said, pointing to her horn which was happily emitting a soft, violet glow. The flustered mare immediately darted to the back while Fluttershy walked over.
“Cerulean, that was really... something.”
Oh Celestia, her wings... This is all kinds of strange. Ugh, Cerulean, your body is far too active, now I’m glowing and... Focus, focus! “I... learned from the best.”
“Yeah, Twilight taught me to, with that video.”
“No, I was talking about Princess Cel...” Oh no, I cannot let that slip. Wait, don’t they already know? Fluttershy was there when that happened...
“I wonder if she’d give me a lesson or two. I’ve watched that video a lot too, but there’s only so much you can learn from one performance.”
“Um... maybe? Anyways, Fluttershy, that was really impressive.”
“Thanks, Cerulean. Twilight’s really lucky to have somepony like you.” Forgetting herself for a moment, Twilight gave Fluttershy a well meaning embrace, but for somepony that had little to no physical contact of any kind with the opposite sex, the experience was nearly as stimulating as watching Cerulean dance. Twilight opened her eyes as she heard the mare’s wings, which had just managed to fold, shoot back open, and she immediately released her and took a few steps back.
“Cerulean, if you lay another hoof on her, I will personally send you back to Twilight in a casket. Are we understood?” Rarity said calmly, standing beside a furiously blushing Fluttershy. Twilight’s previous frustration with the mare came back, and were she under the influence of hormones like normal, punishment would have commenced then and there. Everypony in the back hushed as the announcer declared the unsuspecting winners.
“Fillies and gentlecolts, I am pleased to announce that two mares have outshone the rest. Fluttershy, clad in the style of ‘Nature’s Fury,” and Hoarfrost, in ‘Midnight Temptation!’”
“Hoarfrost? You’re despicable, Rarity.”
“Go on, Hoary, claim your prize,” the giddy mare snickered, watching as Fluttershy and Twilight strode back onto stage. Now that she wasn’t dancing, Fluttershy grew extremely uncomfortable with the leers and whistles being hurled her way by the crowd of excited ponies, mostly stallions who couldn’t care less about the fashion element. A single voice rose above the rest, causing Twilight and Fluttershy to freeze as it quickly became a thunderous chant shared by more than half the ponies in the room.
“Take it off!”
It didn’t take the foal’s sudden shift to alert Cerulean that something was wrong. It didn’t require a particularly potent bout of contractions, either, but those came along with it as his vision began to blur, becoming a murky haze that slowly faded to black. For an instant, he felt and saw nothing but black. Then, like being launched through a dark tunnel, distant noise seemed to come from a bright light that he was speeding towards with increasing velocity before snapping back to consciousness inside his own body. Except that it couldn’t be his body, as he was standing in front of a large crowd of less than reputable ponies and he was still a mare. A mare that, to be sure, shared his characteristics, but as he took a moment to give his body a good investigation, he came to a shocking realization. He was in lingerie. On a stage. Surrounded by sex crazed stallions.
“Oh, sweet Celestia, some dream this is,” he groaned, looking over at Fluttershy who was trying desperately to hide. Wait, if it’s a dream, then nothing matters! But I can’t just leave her like that... “Hey, everypony, you want me to take it off?” he shouted, raising his pitch in what was supposed to sound like a girly voice but more just came off as flamboyant. The frenzied ponies paid it no heed as their cries reach fever pitch. Cerulean ripped off his clothing, if it can even be called that, with a flourish, standing on his hind legs and placing his forehooves on his hips, striking a pose as a dead silence descended over the room, a singular reaction to what was being clearly displayed on stage. Looking down, he cursed his anatomy to high heaven as Fluttershy became the least of everypony’s concerns.
“Oh dear Celestia... this isn’t a dream. It’s a bucking nightmare.”
Chapter 16: Dawn of a New Day
An air of tranquility enwrapped the library in its gentle embrace as the first birdsong of the early morn sounded throughout Ponyville. Twilight was the epitome of calm, her even, regulated breathing displaying confidence of her ability to deliver the foal in a collected, rational manner. For the last week, she had been reading and re-reading the books she’d ordered to prepare herself mentally for the task that was to be performed any day now. Plus, she had made a minute by minute checklist to ensure proper order was maintained. She was learned. She was confident. She was ready.
However, she was also asleep, and such emotions and preparations do not affect one’s mind when one wakes to what was, to be sure, the most intense contractions known to ponydom. Cerulean, who was sound asleep in her arms, suddenly found himself choked back to wakefulness as Twilight’s hooves involuntarily made a heroic effort at crushing his esophagus. When his feeble tapping at her forehooves was ignored, he grabbed the arms and slid them down to his shoulders, gasping as he did his best to ignore the outrage from his abused throat.
“Easy, Twilight, just breathe. Breathe, it’ll end soon,” he said soothingly, stroking her mane as she whimpered.
“I’m... trying,” she managed, speaking between clenched teeth. After a few minutes the contraction subsided, leaving a panting Twilight too awake to imagine falling asleep, even at the early hour that it was. “You can... try to get some more rest, Cerulean. I don’t think I’m going to get any more sleep this morning.”
“You need sleep for two, Twilight. Here, give me your hoof,” he commanded, disentangling himself and beginning to massage the limb, eliciting a contented sigh as the last of the pain ebbed away. The sudden rush of adrenaline from the contraction receded, leaving an exhausted mare on the verge of sleep, savoring the companionship of the stallion that had suffered through eleven brutal months of what, in some pony’s eyes, could rightly be called torture. However, her body’s tenuous armistice with pain was broken again, matched and escalated just a few minutes later, accompanied by a most uncomfortable sensation that was notable even with the wrenching pain in her gut.
“What the hay is... oh Celestia, it’s happening! Cerulean, it’s happening! WhatdoIdowhatdoIdowhatdoIdo!” Her creed was interrupted as the pain forbade her do anything but gasp for air in between groans of agony.
“Are you sure Twilight? I don’t...”
“See for yourself!” she shouted, throwing back the covers and spreading her legs slightly to reveal two things; her water had indeed broken, and she was very dilated.
“Ok, Twilight, just focus on breathing. Calm down, I’ll grab your checklist.”
The checklist, yes, the pinnacle of order in a land of chaos! I crave its carefully crafted comfort. “Hurry, Cerulean, time is ticking!” she urged, taking a glance at the clock as a mental timer began ticking down in her head. “What? No, this can’t be right!” she suddenly shouted, throwing the checklist away as it cruelly dashed her hopes, its inscribed plan of action a vile deviation from the events of reality. “I was supposed to have my water break in the shower, and I was supposed to be calm, and then the doctor was supposed to come and...”
“Twilight!” Cerulean shouted, grabbing the mare firmly and forcing her to lock eyes with him. “Calm down, I can fly us both to the clinic. You need to...”
“You tell me to calm down one more time and I’m going to hnnng!” she threatened, her declaration cut off as a fresh wave of pain lit up her receptors like a wildfire. “That’s it, we’re going to the clinic! No, wait, I have a better idea!” Arguing with Twilight while she was upset was a strenuous exercise in futility. Arguing with Twilight while she was foaling was simply ludicrous. Cerulean shuddered as a massive amount of magic energy filled the room with a bright lavender light before enshrouding his vision entirely.
“Oh Celestia, Twilight, what are you...” He opened his eyes to find that nothing had changed, he still had all his limbs, Spike had started freaking out like he should be, and Twilight was still laying in bed, breathing heavily.
“Come on, Cerulean, help me down.”
“Ahhhh! Twilight, did you... how did...” Spike stammered as he looked out the window. Cerulean summoned his wings and carefully flew Twilight down to the first story, where he fashioned a simple one pony cart to pull her to the clinic. “Cerulean, I don’t think that’s going to be necessary. Look outside!” Spike urged, throwing open the door ahead of him to reveal the Ponyville Clinic was just a hop, skip and a jump away.
“You teleported the clinic here?!?”
“Oh, don’t sound so dramatic. I’ll put it back when I’m done with it.” Suddenly feeling new meaning in the phrase “walking on eggshells,” Cerulean swallowed hard and supported her the short distance to the door of the clinic, where everypony was in an state of utter confusion at their sudden teleportation.
“Twilight, is that you? Did you do this?” Nurse Redheart exclaimed as the two ponies and dragon entered the building.
“Yes, I’m sorry for upsetting everypony. I didn’t feel like walking, ok?”
“Oh is... is it that time?”
“Why else would I bring the clinic to my doorstep?” she said with a grimace, shaking as the strain steadily sapped her strength. Ugh, not even five minutes yet? I’m never going to make it.
“Oh dear! Come on then, right this way,” she replied quickly, a sudden singular focus rising over the shouts of concern coming from various rooms; keep the lavender mare as happy as she possibly could.
“What are you doing, taking me to the farthest bucking room away?” Twilight muttered after passing the first two doors.
“I thought you’d prefer to have a room to yourself,” Nurse Redheart explained as an irate Twilight whipped open the closest door and strode in.
“You, what’s your problem?”
“Uh, twisted hoof, why?” There was a flash of light and the stallion suddenly found himself in the hallway, bed and all.
“And let me guess, wing flu?” she asked the pegasus mare cowering fearfully on the bed. Not knowing where the stallion had been sent and fearing for her mortal well being, the mare rushed out of the room with her limp wings hanging at her sides, and a distant crashed marked her fateful encounter with a stallion now sporting two twisted hooves. Still, he couldn’t argue with having such a pretty mare on top of him, and mentally thanked the lavender mare for making his day.
Walking to a previously unoccupied bed, Twilight lay down and groaned as a fresh wave of increasingly frequent contractions hit. “Somepony get the doctor in here!” Nurse Redheart took one look at the glowering mare and took off, leaving Cerulean and Spike in the room. Twilight pried open an eye as Cerulean grabbed her hoof in his own, reaching the other over to stroke her mane and looking at her with pleading eyes filled with worry. As calm as he was, it was clear that her sudden reversion to her frustrated mannerisms were invoking memories of the past, and his expression only became more sympathetic as her eyes filled with tears.
“I’m scared, Cerulean.”
“That’s what I’m here for, Twi. You’re not in this alone. If I had time, I’d gather your friends, but...”
“Oh no, there is no way I’d let them watch this,” she replied with a feeble laugh, spreading her legs as she eased into a position where she could push more easily. She gave a curious look to a red faced Spike as he rushed from the room, staring at the door a few moments before suddenly realizing what had transpired. “Remind me to apologize for that later.”
“For a baby dragon, he sure is getting... exposed to a lot of stuff at an early age.”
“This is the thanks I get for letting a stallion into my house.” Twilight made a point of smiling through the pain to make sure he knew she was simply being facetious, which he gratefully accepted as Doctor Stable walked into the room.
“Twilight, Redheart has informed me that... wow, I got here just in time,” the doctor said as he entered, taking the situation at a glance. “You there, are you the father?”
“Yes, I’m...”
“Not where you’re supposed to be. Get up behind her. She needs the support, both physical and emotional.” Cerulean instantly obeyed, crawling up behind her and resting her head on his chest. “Now, at the next contraction, you need to push.”
“Push?”
“Yes, push.”
“But that’s going to hurt! I mean, more than it already does.”
“Yes, it will. But you will just drag it out longer if you don’t. Plus, it heightens the risk of complications.” At the mere mention of the word, Twilight spooked, no longer wanting to be alone but wishing to have as much support as she could imagine. Cerulean saw the telltale lavender aura and closed his eyes, expecting that with or without his sight he’d know what had happened soon enough.
“Hnnn, what? What ‘n tarnation is goin’ on?” At the sound of Applejack’s voice, Cerulean snapped his eyes open to behold each of Twilight’s friends present in the room, half asleep and wholly confused.
“I’m in labor, that’s what. And I’m kinda freaking out!” Twilight yelled out in response to the earth pony’s inquiry. “I just wanted somponies to...” she started before stopping as the contractions resumed.
“Twilight, push! Come on, you can do it!” Cerulean encouraged.
“That’s easy for you to say... you’re not the one... giving birth!” she muttered.
“Twilight, he’s right, you need to push, now,” Stable commanded.
Knowing his fiancé could be rather stubborn, Cerulean put it into terms she could understand, yielding instant results. “Twilight, you don’t want our child to be tardy on their first day, would you?”
“That’s it, you’re coming out!” Twilight cried, pushing with all her might and immediately following with a scream. “Are you absolutely, positively sure I’m not dying?” The screams and tension forcibly roused her friends, who crowded around and offered their encouraging words and comforting hooves. Rainbow Dash took a quick peek to examine the dilation before putting a hoof to her chin in thought.
“How bad could it be? That’s about how big I am when Storm is...”
“Rainbow Dash, that’s entirely different! And please, do not elaborate further,” Rarity urged, turning her nose upwards in disgust. Fluttershy was barely maintaining minimal functionality, blushing violently and clinging desperately to Twilight’s right hoof like a comfort blanket.
“Oh yeah? And how exactly is it different, Rarity?” As if to answer her question, Twilight gave a mighty push, widening the opening by approximately twice as much. “Ahhh, ok, now that looks painful!” Dash yelped, shoved aside by an irate Doctor Stable who was doing his best to maintain his professionality despite being surrounded by panicking ponies.
“Oh man, this is so exciting! There’s going to be somepony new in town! And you all know what that means, right?” Pinkie exclaimed, bouncing around and completely undisturbed by Twilight’s labored breathing.
“Pinkie, you so much as mention your party cannon right now and, so help me Celestia, I will send it to the bucking moon!”
“Silly, you’re not Celestia.”
It seems I have made a horrible mistake bringing everypony here. They’re not helping in the slightest. At least Fluttershy is trying, though all she can seem to manage is depriving my hoof of blood. I’m just spreading my pain. I should send them all back. Send everypony away. Her pain suddenly eased as the contraction subsided and the murmur of voices drifted to the back of her mind.
“Twilight...” A single voice came through the pain, a calm amidst the turmoil. She could feel the vibrations in his chest as he spoke, and she looked up at Cerulean as he craned his neck down, touching his horn to hers and whispering softly. “Send some of the pain to me.”
“Cerulean, I couldn’t possibly...”
“Twi, you need to focus. This isn’t just about you or me, but about our child. It’s already been twenty minutes. Now, please, let me help.”
“I’ll be sure to reward you for your services rendered,” she replied, allowing a wearied laugh before forming a connection between their magic, the aura’s mingling and turning a soft indigo hue. Cerulean grimaced in unison with Twilight as both of their stomach’s blazed, the muscles seeming to tear from the strain. “Cerulean, stop, you don’t need to...”
“Don’t speak, and don’t turn away,” he managed, gasping for air while the rest of the friends quieted down and watched the pair. “Just keep... pushing.” Nodding inwardly, she squeezed hard. The pain was less than before with Cerulean absorbing half of it, but still excruciating.
“You’re doing great, Twilight, keep it up! I think I see the head poking through!” Doctor Stable encouraged, motioning for the nurse to stand by, ready to assist.
“C’mon, Twilight, ah know you ‘ave it in ya!” Applejack called out, placing a gentle hoof on Twilight’s side.
“Yeah, I know you’re tougher than the average egghead!” Dash seconded, hovering nearby.
“Quite. We may have our differences, but I can set them aside for now. You are perfectly capable of making it through this.” Twilight didn’t even dignify Rarity’s “encouragement” with a response, focusing every fiber of her being on evicting the obstinate foal from the comfort of its natural habitat.
“Hahaha, peekaboo!” Pinkie chortled, covering and uncovering her face as the foal’s head edged farther out. “Wow, for a newborn, your child sure has a lot of hair, Twilight!” She was indeed correct. Most foals have just a short mane when they were born, but before the ears were even visible, long locks of golden blonde and teal were poking out.
“I couldn’t care less if he or she is bald! Obey your mother and come out, dang it!” she muttered, not having the strength left to shout. It felt as if her magic were being sucked out along with the child, sapping her vitality and causing her body to quake. “Cerulean, please, I need some of your magic.” The indigo glow turned completely blue as Cerulean poured his reserves into Twilight, calming her tremors and, in effect, transferring them to him.
“Twilight, you’re... burning up. I think... I can help... with that,” he panted, using a small bit of his remaining magic to coat them both in a thin layer of soothingly cool snow. Their combined heat caused it to melt nearly instantaneously.
“You’re giving too much, Cerulean. Stop, you going to hurt yourself.”
“Don’t worry... I’ll be fine. I didn’t suffer being a mare, modeling lingerie, being possessed by...”
“I get it, I get it,” Twilight replied, coughing weakly as she tried to laugh. “Just hang in there a little bit longer.”
“That’s supposed to be... my line, isn’t it?”
“Twilight, you’re close, just a few more good pushes and it’ll be done,” Stable commented, waiting patiently for the next contraction while alternately losing patience with the ponies all around the room, fidgeting and whispering and generally negating any hopes for concentration. “Would you please all sit still?”
“Um, I’ve been sitting still,” Fluttershy squeaked, not opening her eyes.
“Fluttershy, how can you be embarrassed at Twilight giving birth when you put on a show at a night club?” Rainbow Dash smirked, staring down at the innocent mare of none-too-innocent deeds.
“I already told you, that was a terrible experience and I don’t want to dance for anypony but myself. I’m just glad Cerulean drew their attention away so I could run away.”
“Oh man, I wish I could have been there to see that!”
“Ah can’t wait t’ tell that one t’ Storm,” Applejack chuckled, shooting her an accusing glance. “An’ after gettin’ so mad at him for bein’ with me... ain’t you the contradiction.”
“No, I meant the looks on the other ponies faces! You know, when he ‘showed off?’” Rainbow Dash corrected as Twilight and Cerulean both ignored their suffering long enough to give her a pointed glare.
“Um, not that I’ve noticed many others, but it was a pretty decent...” Fluttershy started before Rarity forced her mouth closed.
“Fluttershy! I cannot believe you would even dare to think about such things!” Rarity shouted, covering her face with hoof.
“This from... the mare who designed... my show stopping lingerie,”Twilight grit out as the contractions resumed.
“Come on, Twilight. This is it,” Cerulean muttered, refusing to break connection with Twilight’s horn and quickly running himself nearly entirely out of magic.
“I’m inclined to agree with him, Twilight. Come on, push!” Stable urged, readying himself for the final stage. Twilight reached up and grabbed one of Cerulean’s hooves as she braced herself and pushed with all her might. As the morning’s first rays shone through the window and offered a calming light to the room, there was an immense, searing pain followed by the cry of a newborn, ushering in an awed silence while both parents slumped back, exhausted.
“Congratulations, Twilight, Cerulean. It’s a filly,” Stable said soothingly, clipping the umbilical cord and handing the foal to her mother’s outstretched hooves. Cerulean was speechless, unaware as tears of pride began to stream down his cheeks while Twilight cleaned the foal. Her coat was a soft indigo like the early evening sky, her mane a golden blonde with a streak of teal to match her eyes, just like her father’s.
“Oh, oh, how does she taste, Twilight? How does she taste? Can I try?” Twilight caught Pinkie Pie’s invading tongue and gave her a withering glare, whereupon Pinkie Pie calmed down and gave her ample space while she resumed.
“Well, Cerulean, it appears as though you have succeeded in making something more beautiful than I have managed thus far,” Rarity murmured, examining the foal’s uncommonly long mane and tail.
“So, do you have a name for her?” Rainbow Dash asked, landing and drawing close to the bed.
“Cerulean and I both agreed to name her together. I pick the first, he gets to pick the second,” Twilight explained, cradling the foal who gave a cavernous yawn and blinked sleepily, having realized there was no longer any need to fuss. “Cerulean?”
“Can... can I hold her?” Easing herself upright, Twilight waited as Cerulean shifted to a sitting position beside her, both of them leaning back against the bed frame for support. Twilight eased the foal into Cerulean’s trembling hooves, watching them both with an adoring smile as they locked eyes. It was impossible to describe the wellspring of joy that flooded Cerulean from within at that moment, overshadowing every fatigue, sorrow and heartbreak with one singular thought; this was worth it.
“It looks like I’m going to have some competition for your affection now,” Twilight whispered, leaning against his shoulder and placing a hoof on his foreleg. “What do you think about the name ‘Dawn?’”
“It’s perfect,” he replied, beaming as the little foal took a tentative taste of her hair. Not having tasted anything else, she had nothing to compare it to and thus continued her assessment with gusto. “How does ‘Starshine’ sound for her last name?” Twilight nodded, before turning to the rest of the ponies still eagerly waiting for the announcement.
“Her name is Dawn Starshine,” Twilight declared, while everypony stomped their congratulations. Dawn gave a short cry of approval before figuring out that her stomach, which had always been amply supplied with nutrients, suddenly felt strangely empty. Cerulean handed her back to Twilight, who, now that the birthing process was over, felt strangely embarrassed to be seen nursing, even by her own friends. “Could you all give us some time alone, please? I think Dawn is hungry. Oh, and try to do something for poor Spike.”
“O’ course, Twilight. C’mon, y’all, let’s give the two tired ponies some time t’ recover.” Having removed the placenta and cleaned Twilight up, Stable covered her with a blanket and filled out the birth certificate while Dawn enjoyed her first real meal. It tasted way better than hair. After filling her stomach, the little filly promptly dozed off, leaving her google eyed parents to fawn over her in peace.
“You know, a lot of things are going to change, now,” Twilight whispered, turning to face Cerulean.
“Tis true. But if we can make it through pregnancy, I’m sure we can make it through parenthood. I do have one question for you though.”
“Oh, and what might that be?”
“Do you think a month is long enough for Rarity to design a wedding gown?”
“Do you really think I’d wait that long? She has exactly one week. Tops.”
7 Days Later...
“Twilight, you really, really need to calm down,” Cerulean pressed with a concealed smile, watching as Twilight trotted circles around the main floor.
“But the wedding is this afternoon! What if somepony didn’t get an invitation? What if my dress doesn’t fit?”
“Yes, it’s this afternoon. Spike’s sent at least five invitations to each guest on the list, and you’ve gone to try on your dress for hours at a time for the last three days. I have a better question; what if you wake Discord with all your panicking? Or worse, what if you wake Dawn from her nap?”
“Ok, ok, point taken,” she sighed, slowing to a stop. Cerulean approached and had just wrapped her in his hooves when Celestia walked in unannounced.
“I assure you, there is no need for either of you to worry about waking Discord.”
“Princess, it’s such a relief to see you,” Twilight said, trotting over and melting into her embrace. Her relief was short lived as the ever cheerful cackle of the resident Draconequus emanated from the doorway.
“My, my, I haven’t been to a wedding in ages! It would be my honor to see such a chaotic mare joined to another pony, even if he is dreadfully boring.”
“Princess, I don’t... what is going on?”
“It’s quite simple, Twilight. I have released Discord in exchange for a vow. He is to restrict his madness to a secluded area in the hills where nopony has to worry. Assuming he behaves, I will allow him relative freedom.”
“You there, boring blue stallion that can’t seem to do anything but stare at me. I would dearly love to be one of your groomsmen.”
“You know, one could argue that being calm and reserved in the face of town shattering chaos is a truer form of insanity. I suggest you not call me boring again,” Cerulean replied calmly.
“Touché, Cerulean. Perhaps you can provide some entertainment.”
“Ok, you’re in.”
“Cerulean, you can’t be serious!”
“Twilight, we’re already way off your schedule, so let’s just go with it.” While she had mostly returned to normal, emotional balance hadn’t quite returned to her yet, and thus was easily overwhelmed by the sudden, jarring turn of events. Discord, upon seeing her burst into tears, immediately hid behind Celestia, fearing for his immortal well being.
“If it will help cheer you up, I can tell you an amazing story.” Twilight shot him a glare before closing her eyes and sinking into Cerulean’s embrace. “Lets see now, it was back, oh, eleven hundred years ago? I taught your dear teacher a valuable lesson.”
“Discord, what are you hinting at?” Celestia inquired, narrowing her eyes and wracking her brain to try and remember exactly what he was talking about.
“Twilight Sparkle, have you ever wondered who taught Celestia to dance?” He found himself unceremoniously gagged by Celestia’s forehoof as she tried to ignore the heat rising to her cheeks.
“Celestia, is he...”
“Leaving, now, yes we are. See you in Canterlot!” she called over her shoulder, shoving Discord out the door while he snickered, taking flight with Celestia hot on his trail. Twilight sniffed a little, staring at the door while Cerulean tried his best not to remember Celestia’s “performance” that he had seen. It was going to be an interesting evening.
Despite the myriad of unexpected occurrences and chance mishaps, Twilight had to admit that the setting was nothing short of spectacular. Celestia had slowed the movement of the sun to allow for the entire ceremony to take place while it was setting, painting the sky a soft pink and allowing the sight of scattered stars. The gardens were packed with guests and friends alike, and to her relief everypony that had received their multiple invitations was in attendance. However, as the mane six went about preparing for the ceremony in seclusion from the males, tension seemed to be running high surrounding the presence of Discord, especially with Applejack. Pinkie Pie was, perhaps, the least concerned, expecting gooey pink clouds in the forecast for the evening and salivating at the thought of an unlimited supply of chocolate milk.
“Celestia, I don’t mean to be rude, but are you really sure it’s safe to let Discord out?” Rarity asked as she worked on Twilight’s mane.
"I understand your concern, Rarity, but other than turning Blueblood’s mane and tail into spaghetti and a few other mostly harmless pranks, he has been behaving himself surprisingly well."
“I’m not normally one for vengeance, but I dearly wish I could have been witness to such a sight. Twilight, do sit still. I know you’re nervous, but this takes concentration,” she commanded, placing a hoof on the mare’s shoulder.
“Man, Twilight, you look just as nervous as I did before the Young Fliers Competition.”
“Rainbow Dash, think about Discord being at your wedding and try not to freak out.” Rainbow Dash sat stunned a moment before going into maximum freak out mode, not having really thought about marriage due to the fact that she and Storm had only been dating for just under half a year. The ponies shared a much needed laugh as a steady “ohmygosh” chant filled the room.
“Ah don’t think she quite caught the Discord bit, sugarcube.”
“Clearly. Rainbow Dash, calm down, you’re going to hyperventilate,” Twilight chuckled while Fluttershy tended to the dreaming mare.
“Ok, that should just about do it for your mane and tail, dear. Let’s get you dressed.” Twilight wasn’t normally one to concern herself looking overly feminine, preferring simplicity and functionality over extravagance, but she wasn’t dressing for herself. Rarity had come through once again, somehow managing to satisfy both ends of the spectrum, a dress perfectly suited not just for the occasion, but for the lavender mare who was being admired by everypony in the room.
“My little filly is finally growing up,” Velvet said as she entered along with Princess Cadence, beaming proudly and dispelling Twilight’s self doubt at how Cerulean would react. Dawn, who had been with Velvet, reached out her hooves eagerly towards her mother and was promptly set down, crawling over and wrapping herself around Twilight’s foreleg.
“I remember back when you were just a few years old. It’s shocking to see how much you’ve grown, Twilight. You really have become a proper lady,” Cadence mused, a smile playing at the corner of her lips.
“Well, I think ‘proper lady’ might not be as fitting as... nevermind, I’ll let it slide,” Rarity muttered under her breath. She was acting like one now, and that was as much as she could hope for. Velvet, however, caught the remark, and walked over calmly, standing before a confused Rarity.
“Excuse me, I don’t believe we’ve met. May I ask your name?”
“But of course, I am Rarity.”
“Well then, Rarity, please explain to me why you find Cadence’s words laughable.”
“I just find it hard to justify calling your daughter a proper lady when she indulges explicit dancing as a secret hobby. Such acts have no place among the refined.” Velvet turned back to see her daughter cringe and turn away, blushing violently.
“Miss Rarity, my, where have I heard that name before? Oh yes, I saw it in a very recent article in a leading fashion magazine.” Rarity donned a superior smile before suddenly realizing that there was only one article of note that had been released regarding her work recently, the grin turning into a look of abject horror. “Tell me, if such sultry, provocative dancing isn’t befitting a proper lady, then you have no business pointing the hoof, seeing as how you design risqué saddles and other such things in your off time.”
“Rarity, what’s she talkin’ about?” Applejack inquired, turning to face the now fully red face mare whose mouth was slowly opening and closing as her reputation crumbled under the revelation of one of her deeper secrets.
“Shocked? Don't be, I saw the ad in a fashion catalogue. 'Rarity's designs are so alluring that even stallions can't resist wearing them.' So tell me, proper lady, how is that any different?”
“Rarity, there is really no need to be so upset. I myself ordered three of your designs, seeing as how I will be marrying soon too,” Cadence tittered, further compounding the growing resolution in Rarity’s mind to discontinue her deviation from dressmaking.
“Stallion? Ewww, that’s so gross! What kind of stallion would do something like that?” Dash exclaimed, shuddering as all kinds of bizarre mental images revolving around Storm assailed her mind.
“Um, actually, it was Ce...”
“Don’t say it, Fluttershy!”
Anypony can, with effort, learn to befriend, or at least tolerate, another pony, regardless of disposition or background. Or, at least, that’s what Cerulean kept telling himself as he unsuccessfully tried to block out the non-stop bickering between Discord and Shining Armor.
“Cerulean, you sure have picked up some... odd friends,” Lemon commented, looking over at the pair.
“VULGARITY!”
“I hardly call appreciating cosmetic enhancements designed only to provoke stimulation vulgar. I’d say exciting, more than anything else. I doubt Cadence would mind, if you asked.” At the mention of his fiancé’s name, Shining Armor lost patience completely, summoning his armor and horn blade. “Oh my, extending your horn just for me? I must let you know that I don’t prefer stallions in that way. Cerulean, are you quite sure you wish to be family with this stick in the mud?”
“I’ve dealt with worse,” he remarked with disinterest, not even bothering to dignify their quarrel with a glare.
“Cerulean, I demand that you get this... thing under control at once!”
“Shining, you’re the one being confrontational. Discord, I know he’s fun to tease, but for the sake of everypony’s ears can you give him some peace?”
“You do realize you just asked Discord for peace, right?” Spike chortled.
“Spike, you’re not helping.”
“What? I found it funny.”
“Would everypony please just be quiet?” Cerulean shouted, causing a sullen silence to settle in.
“Hmph, we agree on something for once, Cerulean,” Night Light muttered, standing towards the back in a sulk.
“Thank you, dad, that makes me feel so much better,” he said with a sigh. While Night Light no longer wished to tear him limb from limb, to say their relationship could use work was an understatement. “All right, now listen up. This is a huge day, but it’s not about me. It’s about Twilight. So, anypony screwing it up will be dealt with accordingly. Shining, this is your sister, so quit bucking around and get ready. Discord... just... be quiet. Please. Or I’ll tell Celestia you turned Night Light’s tongue into a snake or something.”
“Oh, now isn’t that a delightful idea! Tell me more of this devious plan.”
“I dunno, Cerulean. I can think of better things to turn into a snake,” Storm snickered, joining into the fray.
“Wait, you’re not seriously considering letting that monster use his magic on me, are you? I’m the bride’s father!”
“You’re going to have a second head where the sun doesn’t shine if you don’t stop acting like a conceited foal!” Cerulean shouted, on the verge of doling out some much deserved punishment. Honestly, did Night Light stop maturing at thirteen or something?
“You’d best watch yourself, Cerulean.” That was it. No more playing nice.
“Ok, you know what? Discord, do it.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” Night Light growled.
“Well now, what is this? Somepony requesting a sinister prank? It would be quite rude to not accept.” There was a brief flash then a loud hiss, followed by a startled silence. “I wouldn’t make any sudden movements, Night Light. They tend to not like that,” Discord whispered, placing a paw on the quaking stallion’s shoulders.
“TREACHERY!” Shining Armor covered his mouth with a hoof as a second chilling hiss bid him lower his voice.
“Oh come off your high and mighty routine. I may let loose and have fun, but I have never once brought anypony to physical harm with anything I have done. When something like that happens, it stops being fun. Well, life endangering harm,” Discord said defensively, sniffing as if to start crying that his innocence had been called into question.
“Night Light, I will say this once more, and your next offense lands you in a heap of trouble with Velvet. I somehow doubt she will show the same self restraint as Discord has. This isn’t... about... you.” A nod to Discord and he sighed, rolling his eyes while snapping his fingers, setting Night Light’s parts back to their original state. Without a word, he and Shining Armor retreated to the back of the room, whispering up a storm as they no doubt cursed Cerulean to high heaven.
“Gee, Cerulean, no offense, but can you ever have anything go right?” Spike asked, walking over and eyeing Discord with great suspicion. Big Macintosh chose his words carefully for maximum effect.
“Nnnope.”
Due to the industrious efforts of Celestia, Luna, Velvet, Discord, and perhaps Dawn, the ceremony managed to start on time, despite everypony else’s best efforts to raise a ruckus. Even as anxious as she was, Twilight sensed her father’s far from pleased disposition and sighed.
“Do you really not like him that much?”
“It’s not that. Well, not entirely, it's also just... hard to let my little filly go.” Twilight slowly approached her father, who wasn’t much taller than herself, and gently pulled his head lower so she connect their horns. Using her memory magic, she relayed a couple choice scenes from her relationship with Cerulean, where he time and time again went the distance for her. “I see... It seems... I owe him an apology.” The music changed, and he gave his daughter a fond embrace before turning towards the door. “Come, Twilight. Your stallion is waiting.”
Never had Cerulean imagined that, if he did manage to find somepony to wed, there would be so many ponies in attendance. Princess Celestia had asked early on if she could open the wedding to the public, and after some deliberation they had agreed, hoping that such an event may help ease the rumors that still managed to float around regarding Cerulean’s past. The rest of the mane six were lined to his right as he faced the doorway Twilight was to emerge from, with Lemon, Big Mac, Shining Armor and Discord to his left, thankfully managing to keep themselves orderly. Even Bangles had come, and acknowledged her shy wave with a nod and a genuine smile.
And yet, there was a tinge of sadness that he couldn’t deny that tugged at the back of his mind. None of his family, not even his sister, had come. While he hadn’t even wanted to invite them, he still somehow felt wounded by their absence, especially Crimson. He told himself that she likely had good cause to not be present, though he couldn’t imagine what it was. All such thoughts of sadness were banished by the radiant beauty that suddenly filled the gardens as he beheld his wife to be.
Twilight had been perfectly satisfied with the dress she had worn to the Grand Galloping Gala for the last two years, but somehow Rarity had refined it to be even better. Her new dress was lighter, less billowy in the back and a deeper hue of blue like Cerulean’s coat, with a teal trim. The cape was altered to adjust for the necklace she now wore, with the neckline matching the band perfectly. The stars towards the ends were changed from five to eight points each, resembling snowflakes. The music, the light, everything melted before his eyes until there was only Twilight, slowly approaching with glassy eyes.
“Cerulean, if you keep gawking like that, you’re going to drool,” Twilight said quietly as Night Light prepared to make his exit. One look at his adoring gaze made it inarguably clear to Twilight that her self doubt was unnecessary and unfounded. Cerulean was used to suffering an overflow of words, not a complete cessation of them, unable to tear his eyes away from the mare that had taught him love, loss, and hope.
“Know that you have my blessing, son. I will apologize in full after you make a wife of my daughter.” Cantering away and sitting beside Velvet who was watching over Dawn, he watched with pride as the two ponies turned their attention to Celestia as the music came to a stop. Celestia gave a pointed look at Discord and mouthed “Don’t even think about it” before beginning to speak, clearly preempting something dastardly as evidenced by the bored sigh that Cerulean heard from behind him.
“Friends, we are gathered here today for a most joyous occasion, the joining of two ponies in marriage. Twilight, my most faithful student, and Cerulean Snowgleam, whom some of you may have heard of.” There were some murmurs in the crowd as they put a face to a name many of them had heard, normally in a less than reputable light. “I will say this now, and I will only say it once. Cerulean has been cleared of all charges, and has proved himself an upstanding citizen of Equestria, worthy of being wed to my protegé. If there is anypony who would refute this, let them speak now so I...”
“Get him out of here! Charges or not, he traumatized some mare in some way. I even heard she suffered a split personality because of it!” Everypony in the audience turned to see a dark gray unicorn trotting up the aisle, glaring furiously in Cerulean’s direction. Celestia stood still, watching his approach before a yellow unicorn mare stopped him cold his tracks, exceeding his look of loathing with one of her own.
“I am the mare who pressed the charges,” Bangles declared, causing instantaneous silence. “I will testify again that Cerulean never laid a hoof on me.”
“But... I thought that...”
“SILENCE, WASTREL!
“What is your name, colt?” Celestia commanded, eyeing the group of cowardly rabble rousers.
“L-levinbolt, your Highness.”
“Well then, Levinbolt, I think you will learn a valuable lesson today; do not speak until you have heard everything there is to hear. Had you not cut me off, you would have heard me say, ‘let them speak now so I can send them to the moon for a day.’ So glad you volunteered!” He had time to blink once before there was a blinding flash, and he suddenly found himself very cold. Celestia had a very difficult time maintaining her regal countenance as Discord let forth a mighty laugh, keeling over and leaning on an irate Shining Armor for support.
“He never could listen,” Cerulean chuckled softly, watching as Celestia returned to her position, allowing herself a quick grin to ease the tension building in the sides of her mouth before addressing the crowds once more.
“Now then, anypony else have an objection? Anypony at all?” Not even the resident animals in the garden dared make a noise. “No? Splendid, let us proceed.” Twilight and Cerulean were so enraptured with each other that they very nearly missed their cues, but as it drew time for their vows, their focus merely intensified as they spoke from the heart.
“Cerulean, on this day, I promise to stay with you always. I will never choose another, mare or stallion, before you, and come rough waters or bountiful fortune, I am yours, that you may never feel alone.”
“Twilight, I vow here and now to never leave you alone. Through every joy and every tear, every scar and every fear, I shall remain by your side until the end of my days. All that I am, I give to you this day.” Then, clasping hooves, they spoke in unison, tears of gratitude shed without shame.
“My mind, my body, my heart, I give to you. Our bond shall never be broken.”
“I pronounce this couple husband and wife! Cerulean you may... oh, alright then,” Celestia giggled, watching as the couple got started a little early amidst thunderous hoof stomping, roars of approval, and more streamers and confetti than should be physically possible to produce from one blast of a party cannon that Pinkie clearly had stowed in her dress somehow. Rather than walking Twilight down to the reception, he offered his arms as he summoned his wings, carrying her into the evening sky as Celestia moved the sun to its normal position and making room for Luna’s brilliant evening sky. Twilight gazed up at the twinkling lights before closing her eyes and resting her head against Cerulean’s chest as the world rushed by. A brief flash caused her to open her eyes to find Dawn had teleported onto her chest, and she immediately wrapped her hooves around the foal to keep her from falling.
“Dawn, what are you... how did...”
“Seems I’m going to have another bundle of magic to try and keep track of,” Cerulean chuckled, hovering in place and staring at the giggling foal. Turning his attention to Twilight, he leaned in, sharing a moment of passion before heading down to the ponies gathering in the reception area below, landing amidst a throng ponies wishing them well and offering their congratulations.
Applejack watched the pair from afar, standing by herself near one of the many tables of refreshments, though Pinkie Pie had already cleared two of them. All of the guests, the ceremony, and that dang dress... she could do without all of that. The true prize was the pony that would be by her side, a gift she had yet to be given. So it was with envious eyes that she cast her longing glance at the pair, not for Cerulean, but for what he shared with Twilight.
“Applejack, are you alright?”
“I dunno, Big Mac. My heart’s a right mess right now. Ah had hoped seein’ Cerulean wed would help me move on, but it ain’t. It’s just makin’ me wish for somepony t’ take ‘is place. Do ya think it’ll happen for me, brother?”
“Eeeyup. Just ‘ave t’ be patient fer the right one.”
“Ah don’t wanna be patient.”
“Well, Applejack, you just may be in luck! I seem to recall you asking me to be your very special somepony, so I was thinking...” Discord started, his voice trailing off as both of the earth ponies all but ripped him to pieces with their eyes. “Just a kiss?” Were he not especially quick, the mutual buck would have likely cracked a few ribs at least, but he managed to teleport a short distance away just in time. He wasn’t, however, omniscient, and had little time to react to the pink blur that suddenly appeared in his vision.
“Applejack, no fair! I wanna taste Discord too!” Pinkie squealed, promptly completing action with or without the hapless Draconequus’ consent. Discord found no problem with this, until he saw that Applejack and her brother looked, if it were even possible, more vexed with him and Celestia had joined in the scowling. He hastily shoved the mare away and looked anywhere but into the eyes of the furious alicorn striding purposefully towards him.
“Just what do you think you’re doing to Pinkie Pie, Discord? I warned you about using your magic like that.”
“Easy, Celestia, you’re pointing the hoof much too early. She was the one who came on to me, no magic involved. You can even ask those two humorless ponies over there,” he replied, pointing towards the Apple family siblings. “She did taste very much like my clouds, though. Pinkie, did you... now where'd that mare get to? Least she could do is say thank you," he huffed, tapping a talon against his arm.
“Celestia, you have ‘bout three seconds to get him gone before ah do somethin’ ah may not regret later.” Not waiting to suffer the princess’ wrath, Discord hastily vacated the area, sullenly scanning the crowd from the skies in the hopes of finding somepony who could ease his boredom. Spying the ever energetic Rainbow Dash and that hulking earth pony with wings, he dropped down beside them and began listening in on their conversation. It was, however, about boring things like marriage and when and where so on, so he cleared his throat rather loudly to gain their attention.
“What do you want, Discord?”
“My my, such hostility. Calm down, Rainbow Dash, I’m not here to crash the party. Well, not entirely. I happen to know you have a soft spot for pranks, and I would be forever in your debt if you could help me liven this place up a bit. I mean, listen to this music!” Rainbow Dash tilted her head to the side as she listened to the symphony play. They were skilled, to be sure, but she could definitely agree that it could use some... sprucing up.
“Listen up, Discord. I don’t trust you, but if you promise to be good, Storm and I may just let you join in on some pranks with us, just not tonight. This is a big day for Twilight, and I’m not doing anything to mess it up.”
“But... gah, what’s it take with you ponies? Fine!” Flying away, he lighted at the entrance to the gardens and stared at the large ball room where the reception was taking place. He was doing his very best, but the chaos was filling him to the brim and he had to find a release. Returning inside, he cautiously approached Pinkie Pie who was eagerly gorging herself on a platter of pastries.
“Hey there, Discord! I’m a little thirsty, think you could make it rain? Oh, and by the way, I have no idea what you taste like. I just couldn’t put my hoof on it, you know?”
“I’m terribly sorry, I really should brush my teeth more often. Now, wry taste aside, do you know of any musically talented ponies who could speed things up around here?”
“That’s easy! See that gray earth pony playing that cello thing?”
“Yes, the one making that horribly smooth, melodious noise?”
“Yup! Ask her about her wife.” Not wasting another moment, Discord teleported on stage just behind the mare. Octavia was professional enough not to let her surprise at having his smooth voice cause her to miss a beat, so she continued playing while perking her ears to his request.
"Excuse me Miss. The impossibly pink ball of crazy over there told me to ask you about your wife in regards to livening up the music here."
“I suppose it’s no surprise that somepony like yourself would have no appreciation of the classics. I regret to inform you that she is doing her own show back in Manehatten, so you will have to suffer the sound of my strings.”
“What’s her name?”
“Ms. Vinyl Scratch.”
“Name of the establishment she’s playing?”
“The Best Plot.”
“What a stroke of agreeable fortuity. I’m quite familiar with that establishment. I attended a rather fine show there a month back, giving the hesitant blue mare center stage a little push in the right direction. Had I known what was coming next, I may have refrained.” A flash in the corner of her vision let her know the nuisance was gone, and she continued her performance in peace for all of about thirty seconds before a large thud behind her nearly made her drop the bow.
“Hey, Octy, where’d you find this crazy guy?” At the sound of her wife’s voice, she did drop the bow, whirling to see Discord standing beside Vinyl. Her table, speakers, and all of her music had been teleported with her, and Discord was eagerly getting everything in working order while the two spoke. “Dragon thing, whatever you are, I appreciate the free trip to Canterlot, but that was a paying show.”
“I assure you, if you are as good as I’ve been led to believe, I will see you fully compensated. Now, do you have everything you need?”
“Sound board, check. Discs, check. Wife, check. Yeah, I’m good to go,” Vinyl replied with a grin.
“Nice to see where I rank on your priorities, Ms. Scratch; just below the records. I shall remember that when we get home tonight.”
The symphony had continued playing at Octavia’s behest, and Celestia was too engrossed in conversation with Twilight to notice the sudden lack of a cello. For perhaps the first time, Shining Armor, Night Light, and Cerulean were actually seeming to get along, and Cadence wasn’t quite the pony Twilight would have expected her knightly brother to end up with.
“I would prefer, however, that you not use whatever that spell was again. He was a wreck for the next week afterwards. Wouldn’t even show his face in public.”
“As long as he is kind to Cerulean, you have nothing to fear. Oh, now this is a soothing piece,” Twilight commented as the symphony moved to a particularly slow piece. “Please excuse me, princesses. I think my husband would like to dance,” Twilight tittered, looking over at Cerulean who was walking towards the group.
“Mind if I borrow her for a moment, Celestia?”
“Not at all, go ahead.” It was nearly as joyous an occasion for Celestia as it was for Twilight, seeing her favorite student savoring such a special day. She closed her eyes, remembering all of the letters she had received since Twilight’s relationship with Cerulean had started, with all the pain and happiness that had tested their love. Hoof steps behind her caused her to turn as Luna walked up. The music suddenly ceased without warning, and a slow silence fell over the room as Discord took center stage, mic in hand.
“What is that buffoon up to now, sister? Did you permit this?”
“No, I most certainly did not. I have no idea what he’s doing, but perhaps a few hours without chaos was a bit much to ask.” What came next was something that, despite her best efforts, Celestia would hear about for years to come.
“If you’d all be so kind, please direct your attention to me, that funny looking creature that you’ve all been whispering about,” Discord chortled, waving enthusiastically to the skeptical crowds. “Now, it seems you all like to dance, but you are moving far too slow for it be any kind of fun. Ask anypony who knows me, I thoroughly enjoy fun, and if there’s anything I disapprove of more than anything, it’s boredom. So, with that in mind, I thought it might be fun to speed things up a bit so we can have some real entertainment. Ms. Scratch, if you’d be so kind?”
“All right, Canterlot, time to shake things up!” Dropping the first record onto the table, she had just adjusted the volume when Discord tripled the size of her speakers in an instant, and everypony was partially deafened by the deep bass beats that blasted out into the crowds. Princess Celestia suddenly found herself in the center of the dance floor, bathed in the glare of a hovering spotlight as a pole sprouted from the ground.
“Give us some entertainment, Celestia! Just like I taught you to!”
Dancing, talking, laughing, and fearing for one’s life would be enough to sap the energy of anypony, perhaps save Pinkie Pie. Add being new to motherhood and a foal that needed feeding every two hours, coupled with the stress of a wedding, and the end result is a mare that wants nothing more than to sidle into bed beside her husband, turn out the light and enjoy a quick ninety minutes of semi-solid sleep. Or at least, that’s what Cerulean had surmised, climbing into the massively oversized bed of the Canterlot suite where Dawn was conceived.
“What a day...” Twilight sighed as she flopped down wearily beside Cerulean, having just laid Dawn in her makeshift crib wrought of ice.
“It certainly was quite... interesting, there at the end. At least now I know where you learned how to burst into flames, though I must say it’s a teensy bit scarier when Celestia does it.”
“I won’t argue with you there. It’s amazing that nopony got hurt,” she agreed, snuggling closer as she gratefully accepted his offered hooves’ invitation.
“Still, she seemed to calm down once she started dancing.”
“Oh, is that where your mind is?” she replied sarcastically, giving him a mock glare.
“If you must know, my mind,” he replied softly, withdrawing a hoof and placing it over her heart, “is here.” Those words, plus a single kiss, albeit a drawn out, passionate kiss, were all it took to wake Twilight from her exhaustion. She pulled Cerulean over on top of her and took a moment to admire the stallion that she had eagerly promised her total devotion. “I love you, Cerulean. Words aren’t enough, but I fully intend to repay my debt.”
“Hey, get out of my head. Those were my lines,” he replied with a grin.
“So... where is your mind now?”
“Well, if you must know, it’s right about... here.” Twilight was intending to giggle, but what came out was a soft sigh as his hoof traced a path down her chest and onto her flank while his lips connected once more to hers. Cerulean’s passion was temporarily disrupted as a bright flash prompted him to open his eyes, follow quickly with a tingling sensation in his nether regions. “That felt really strange, Twilight. Dare I ask what you just did?”
“I’m not quite ready to be pregnant again just yet, Cerulean. I wouldn’t mind another somewhere down the road, but for now, I’d like to just enjoy being a couple. We have a lot of ‘bonding’ to do if we’re going to catch up with Rainbow Dash and Storm.”
“It’s true, we did move rather quickly. But since this, where we are right now, is where it landed us, I can say I don’t regret anything. You never my answered my question.”
“Oh, that. I temporarily rendered you infertile,” she said dismissively, waving a hoof.
“I’m not even going to ask why you know that spell or where you learned it.”
“What matters is that I know how to use it.”
“Do you now? Well, I, for one, wouldn’t mind a reciprocal lesson.”
“I’m always eager to learn,” Twilight said softly, leaning forward to another deep kiss, circling her hooves around his neck and holding tightly. She slowly slid her hooves down to his flank, and a gentle tug told him it was time. He pulled his face away to admire Twilight for a moment, stroking her cheek before beginning to lower himself down. Suddenly deciding she was quite hungry, a tell-tale foal cry bid him freeze, torn between groaning and laughing at the timing. “I swear, that daughter of ours planned that.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest,” he replied, flopping down beside her as their horns continued to glow. Sliding off the bed, he scooped up the “starving” filly and handed her to Twilight, who propped herself up against the frame of the bed for support as Dawn contented herself with a late night snack. Cerulean returned and sat beside her, draping a hoof loosely about her shoulders and looking out the window into the night sky. It was a wild ride, filled with laughter and tears, but with Twilight in his embrace and a daughter who was already his pride and joy, he couldn’t only help but sum up the experience with one sentence, one statement to describe the deepest feeling within his heart. “This... was worth every second.”
Chapter 3: Defending One’s Honor
Luna gave a start as a strange black box appeared before her, complete with an attached note.
“Dear Princess Luna,
Consider this my apology for the incident with the de-colored rainbow. I hope it makes you laugh as much as it did me!
Rainbow Dash”
The Lunar Princess examined the strange device thoroughly, but finding no way in which to open it she decided to ask her sister, finding nothing amusing about the simple box in the slightest. Celestia had just received hers when Luna entered, and she noted the look of curiosity on her face.
“Celestia? Pray tell, what is this contraption? Is it some kind of new magic?”
“In a sense, Luna. Come, sit with me. Let us see what this one holds,” Celestia replied, opening a closet to reveal a television, something Luna had not seen before.
“What is that strange device, sister?”
“It’s called a television, an earth pony invention. It is quite popular with the rising generation, and there are a variety of thing which you can view. This gift that was sent to us from Rainbow Dash is called a tape, and it holds pictures of the past.”
“Oh my, that is most fascinating! Let us continue, then. I am eager to see what hath transpired!” Celestia popped in the tape Luna had handed her and they sat a moment, watching with curiosity as Twilight made her introduction. From this point, the reactions were split down the center, with Celestia falling over laughing, remembering that particular phase of Twilight’s youth personally and Luna staring open mouthed, unable to comprehend what would possess Twilight to take such inappropriate actions.
“Most fascinating indeed, Luna. It seems Rainbow Dash felt the need to share a laugh with you.” Her sister remained silent, her face contorted with disgust. “Oh come now, Luna, it’s not as bad as it seems.”
“Not as...” she whispered. “Not as bad as it seems? What redeeming quality is there in such filthy actions?” she yelled, glancing at the screen.
“This from the Princess of the Night? I’m quite sure I don’t need to answer that.” Luna blushed lightly as she made the connection and dropped silent.
“Tell me honestly, Celestia, was Rainbow Dash truly trying to make amends with this?”
“I believe so, yes.” Luna stopped for a moment before rewinding the tape and watching it a second time, during which she laughed almost as hard as Celestia had. As she wiped the tears of mirth away she stood and walked towards the door.
“You must excuse me, sister, I have a letter to write.”
“As do I, Luna.”
Cerulean stood rooted in place, unable to tear his eyes off of Fluttershy’s lewd re-enactment of Twilight’s folly. Actually, not seeing a pole just made the motions that much worse, and she whirled around, casting a wink in Cerulean’s direction before noticing that she was actually being watched, and Angel immediately stopped the music. The pair simply stared at each other, and Angel looked back and forth between each face with growing amusement. Ponies were silly creatures, getting embarrassed so easily. She was just practicing her mating dance, what was so wrong about that?
“C... Cer... Wha...” Fluttershy stammered, her face flushing a brilliant pink to match her hair. The bewildered blue stallion scrambled to find a way to reassure the poor mare, knowing that she was likely to hide for all eternity if he didn’t say something to ease the situation.
“You, uh, looked really good at that. Was that your first time?” What the hay? Why in Equestria would that be the first thing to his mind! Fluttershy, even in her numbed state, winced as Cerulean bloodied his forehead with a concussive blow by his own hoof, the sense he knocked in displacing a small trickle of crimson. The sight snapped her out of her petrification enough to respond.
“Ouch, Cerulean, that looked really painful. Come here, let’s get you cleaned up,” she said, trotting over and leading him towards the bathroom. He followed willingly, the headache from his over eager facehoof setting in much faster than he had imagined it would. Fluttershy dabbed at the wound with a damp towel before Cerulean reached up and froze the moisture, sealing the wound and bringing a small amount of relief to the growing lump. “What... what are you doing here, Cerulean? I wasn’t expecting you to come back so soon.”
“I have to get the video back and return it to the library before Twilight finds out, or myself and the rest of Ponyville may be in danger,” he explained, his anxiety returning as his mind restarted.
“Oh dear...” Fluttershy gasped, covering her mouth with both hooves.
“What, what is it?”
“Um, you may be in a teeny tiny bit of trouble. You see, um, when I woke up the tape was missing. I don’t know where it went.” Cerulean sank to the ground and curled into as tight a ball as he could manage.
“It’s over, it’s all over. It was nice knowing you, Fluttershy.”
“Oh no, don’t say that. I remember Rainbow Dash coming back after you left, why don’t you ask her?” A churning in his stomach alerted him that things had just gone from bad to horrifying. If the tape had simply gone missing, he could have ignored it, biding his time until the event had receded to the back of his mind. But if Rainbow Dash got her hooves on it, there’s no telling what might happen. He was halfway out the door before he turned, casting a curious eye on the pegasus mare waving him off.
“...Did you really do all that dancing out of memory after only one viewing of the tape?” The blush again began to rise as she hid behind her hair, pawing uncomfortably at the floor.
“Um, well you see, I um... Yes. I was very shocked at first, but it looked like fun so I wanted to try it.” If all of Cerulean’s deeds were set on a scale, he was pretty sure that his assistance in showing the mare such a thing would tip the balance to the side of eternal torment, which if he didn’t find the tape soon would be coming much faster than he’d like to think. Still, he couldn’t just leave after she had told him that, so he again encouraged her, apologizing to the powers that be for his transgression.
“You were pretty good at it, Fluttershy. I was impressed.” And slightly aroused, but he wasn’t about to admit to that. Fluttershy smiled to herself as he left, feeling a little more like a lady and a little more confident than she had the day before. Angel again started the music, and she shut the door to continue her “practice.”
“Rainbow Dash! Come out, I know you’re around here somewhere!” Cerulean called out as he shot through the skies, ignoring the strain as his desire to live drove him onwards. Seeing nopony he landed to take a breather and searched on the ground.
“And I was like, this is so Twilightlicious.” Cerulean whirled to see Bon Bon holding up a caramel apple, and he bolted over and inserted himself between her and Lyra.
“What did you say, just then, about that apple. C’mon, what did you say?!?” he pressed, sticking his snout much to close for her comfort.
“I said my apple was delicious, you got a problem with that?” she replied, backing away from the wild eyed stallion. “You’re, like, acting really Twil...” but she never finished saying “suspicious,” as Cerulean blared out her speech with his own frantic yelling as he took off down the road. Unfortunately for him, everypony around seemed to be saying it as his overtaxed mind mistranslated everything he heard. Desperate to escape, he again took to the air, and his eyes narrowed as he spotted his mark. The cyan mare appeared to be sleeping on a cloud though she was, in fact, watching the whole thing unfold, and it took all her effort not to bust up laughing as he landed. “Where is it,” Cerulean growled. “I know you have the tape, so cough it up! I’m not dying today.” Rainbow Dash had to admit that he was pretty shaken, and she decided to take it easy on him.
“Ok, fine, ya got me, here you go, Cerulean,” she said with a sigh, shifting to the side and pulling the tape out of the cloud.
“Whew, thanks for being so understanding, Rainbow Dash. I was expecting you to put up more of a fight,” he admitted, confused but grateful for her cooperation.
“Nah, don’t mention it. Good luck, Cerulean!” she called after him as he took off towards the library. “...Cause I have one more at home.”
Patience is not something given to pregnant mares, and what little Twilight had attempted to salvage was quickly draining away with each tick of the clock, waiting for Cerulean to return. She returned to her studies as Cerulean peeped in from the window, calculating the distance and angle of his desired teleport before taking a breath and collecting his magic.
Twilight gave a start as a thud sounded from the basement, and she cautiously opened the doors, switching on the light’s and descending the steps. Cerulean scrambled to hide the tape and busied himself studying one of the many pieces of electronic equipment laying around the room.
“Cerulean, have you been hiding down here the whole time?”
“No, I, uh, just got back. Just now.” There it was again, those pauses and extra words. While he may have an affinity for sticking his hoof in his mouth, she knew Cerulean enough to know his speech habits, and stammering wasn’t part of it.
“Any particular reason you didn’t use the front door?” she inquired, eyes narrowing as she scrutinized the squirming stallion.
“...Practice?” Her glare told him she wasn’t buying it. “Ok, ok, I was trying to protect a secret. I don’t want anypony to get hurt, and coming in the way I did was part of it. I’m sorry if I startled you.” She heaved a sigh and returned upstairs, her frustration lingering as she fought to control herself. She ignored the slight shuffling she heard downstairs and greeted Spike as he ran towards her.
“Whoa, Spike, what’s the rush?”
“A letter just came for Rainbow Dash from Princess Luna, I was gonna have Cerulean deliver it.” She pointed a hoof at the laboratory entrance and continued to bed, where a stack of books had been conveniently stacked around so she could continue her studies.
“Twilight? I’ve got to leave for a little while, I should be back soon.” She gave no response as he left, and she was just getting into the zone when Spike tapped her on the shoulder, holding out a letter. Recognizing Celestia’s seal, she immediately opened it. Spike took a step back as her eyes grew wide before she tore out the door and after Cerulean. Spike picked it up and read the contents, curious as to what had gotten her so upset.
“To My Faithful Student Twilight Sparkle,
I’m glad to see you’ve finally come to accept your feminine side, and have even become comfortable enough to show your friends that you are, indeed, Twilight-licious. I’m sure Cerulean would love to see this as well, if he hasn’t already.
Princess Celestia”
“Pinkie Pie, you got a second? I have something really funny to show you!” Pinkie turned from the sweets she was baking to find Rainbow Dash bouncing towards her, an uncommon behavior for the mare obsessed with being cool.
“Sure, I always have time for something fun! Is it a funny picture? Oh, how about a cool new trick? Come on, tell me!” Pinkie stared blankly as Rainbow Dash held up the last copy of the tape she had made, and the pink mare had to wonder how it was that something as bland tasting as plastic had excited Dash so much. “That doesn’t look very fun.” Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes a moment before seeking out Mrs. Cake.
“Hey, do you have a vcr?”
“Oh, sure, Rainbow Dash. Just up the hall in our room, are you two going to watch a movie?”
“Yeah, it’s short but super funny, it will only take a second. Thanks, Mrs. Cake!” she called over her shoulder, dashing up the stairs with Pinkie Pie in hot pursuit. Rainbow Dash slipped in the tape and soon both of them were in a heap, laughing hysterically.
“I didn’t know Twilight liked dancing so much! She should have said something, I’m a master at all kinds of dancing!”
“Uh, Pinkie, are you telling me you’ve danced like that before?”
“Yup! Follow me!” she said excitedly, rushing to her room and throwing open the closet door only to drag out a long metal pole and a base. Rainbow Dash would have been really embarrassed at that moment were it not for the fact that it quickly became clear Pinkie had no idea what she was talking about, swinging around the pole like it was made for acrobatics and not overly suggestive dancing. In fact, Rainbow Dash was pretty sure at that moment that Pinkie Pie didn’t even know what the pole was for, let alone making the connection as to why Twilight’s dance was so funny in the first place. Still, it was good to have a laugh, and Rainbow Dash bid her farewell before grabbing the tape and stepping out of the store.
“Rainbow Dash, there you are!” Cerulean called out, landing and trotting over. “Here, Princess Luna sent this for you. I didn’t read it, don’t worry.” Rainbow Dash grew visibly pale, expecting her apology hadn’t gone over well. However, the color soon returned to her face as she doubled over, the hilarity of Luna enjoying her apology combined with the fact that Cerulean stood clueless beside her combining to cause merriment to stream from her eyes.
The bewildered stallion picked up the letter and scanned it a moment before dropping it in horror. Rainbow Dash immediately quieted as Cerulean stood over her, looking anything but amused. “Have you lost your mind, Rainbow Dash? Do you have any idea how unstable Twilight is right now? If she finds out about this, there won’t be enough of me left to identify!” He hadn’t meant for it to come out as angry as it did, and he immediately sought to calm himself as Rainbow Dash attempted to melt into the snow.
“I didn’t mean to make you mad, Cerulean... I’m sorry.” The normally spunky mare looked like she was on the verge of tears, and he immediately raised her to her hooves drew her into an easy embrace.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you like that, it’s just... really? You had to send it to Luna?” he asked, pulling away.
“Actually... I kinda sent one to Celestia as well.”
“Oh no... then that means...”
“Cerulean Snowgleam, what is the meaning of this?!?” He turned slowly to find Twilight racing towards them both. Attempting to fly away would be useless, so he decided to try the opposite, running towards her and wrapping her in a deep embrace. Her anger was momentarily derailed as he stroked her mane, the soothing motion draining her head of the many magical punishments that had been floating around a moment before.
“Twilight... it was wrong of me to show that tape to anypony else without your permission, and I’m sorry. But it was only your close friends, ponies I feel I can trust to protect your privacy. Well, all save one,” he muttered, casting a glance at Rainbow Dash. “And while I will say it was one of the funniest things I have ever seen, it also made me realize that there is so much more about you that I want to learn.” Twilight had come expecting excuses and cries for mercy, not something so... affectionate, and touching. “Can you forgive me?” His answer came in the form of a deep kiss, and they held each other for a short while before Twilight continued.
“I’m sorry for being so upset, Cerulean. That was just one of my more embarrassing secrets that I had forgotten about until you discovered that video. And when I thought of other ponies finding out, well, I may have freaked out a little bit.” She paused and looked at the ground. “Who all has seen it?”
“Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.”
“You showed... is she all right?”
“Um... yes. Yes she is, though I think it took her a few hours to start breathing again.” Twilight couldn’t help but chuckle at the thought. Rainbow Dash, assuming that the danger had passed for the time, trotted over and joined.
“Just so you are aware, I also showed Pinkie Pie, though she didn’t quite understand what was going on.”
“Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie understands a lot more than you’d think.”
“Yeah! I totally knew she was doing her mating dance!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed, popping her head out of the snow. “Show us again, Twilight!” she yelled, yanking the pole out of the snow and slamming it into the ground right outside of Sugarcube Corner.
“Pinkie, stop! I’m not like that anymore...” Twilight begged, backing away as ponies began to turn and stare. Cerulean heaved a sigh and did what any loving, concerned fiancé would do to defend the honor of the one he loved; he immediately mounted the pole, mimicking the motions Twilight had used in the video and blushing deeply as the cries of disgust arose from the ponies that immediately returned to their business. Cerulean’s twirling came to an end, and he dismounted and sat glaring daggers at it for a time before an outraged white unicorn assailed him with a verbal beat down.
“Cerulean! I had you figured for a gentlecolt but after that shameful display, I hardly think I shall ever see you the same! Why, that was the most foul, must unrespectable, most uncouth behavior I can ever imagine a pony engaging in, and here you are in the middle of the streets... grinding on a pole? Whatever possessed you to cast aside your dignity?” she demanded, torn between displaying anger or disappointment on her face. Cerulean simply smiled and looked over at Twilight who was slowly realizing why he had engaged in the shameful display.
“A good knight will always defend the honor of his mare.” Rarity’s anger drained away to confusion, but it was clear enough to her that he meant what he had said.
“I hardly see how such provocative dancing could defend anypony’s honor, but if that is what you say, I shall try to accept it. Just find a more acceptable way next time, all right?”
“I shall, Rarity. Thank you for your understanding.” She gave him a nod and continued on her way. Cerulean ignored the gasping Rainbow Dash and gaping Pinkie Pie heading towards his mare and stopping just short, setting the tape down in front of her.
“Cerulean, thank you for saving me from... whatever would have happened back there,” Twilight said gratefully, touching her horn to his and sending some of her feelings through to him. He smiled a little before whispering into her ear, and the emotions coming through shifted from gratitude to infuriation.
“You were pretty cute in the video.”
“Cerulean, I was thirteen, you pervert!”
