Chapters Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
She had found rest a hard thing to achieve with the amount of discomfort she was in, one slight movement would pull on her stitches and she would be awoken by the pain. Though she managed to get a somewhat reasonable amount of sleep she was still up with the sunrise, and still tired. She spent much of her time simply enjoying the relative silence of the hospital. She closed her eyes, and focused on her breaths. She felt a peaceful calm sweep over her and she felt the steady rise and fall of her chest, she could hear distant beeps and buzzes from the medical equipment, but for her, it only served as soothing white noise. She tentatively put her hoof over her chest, counting the beats. Despite her surgery and the trauma to her heart the doctor had told her about, each beat seem steady, steady but soft. A gentle smile spread over her face as she felt at peace and silently thanked her heart for continuing to beat. Her ears suddenly twitched and swiveled to the door. She heard two sets of hoof beats. She opened her eyes just in time to see the door opening.
“Miss, you have a visitor.” A small nurse with a white coat and pink mane said with her characteristically good bedside manner.
“A visitor? This early?” She was about to ask as to whom would be visiting a hospital this early, especially since visiting hours hadn't begun yet. But, before she could her question was answered with a purple alicorn walked in to her room, levitating a small picnic basket behind her. It was the one from yesterday. She turned to the nurse with a grateful smile.
“Thank you for letting me see her on such short notice.” The nurse began to form a response when the mare laying in bed interjected.
“What are you doing here?” She asked, but not with anger, only surprise. She raised her bed up with the remote so she could speak eye to eye. There was clearly a note of pain in the alicorn's eyes, but she buried it underneath a gentle smile.
“I think I'll leave you both alone. I know I don't have to remind you but don't get her heart rate up.” She nodded as the nurse left the room, closing the door behind her. She padded over the bed, setting her basket down at it's foot before standing beside her. Her eyes were baggy and she looked tired and worn out. Still wearing the same caring smile she opened her mouth to speak only to be cut off.
“Look, um...” She stopped, searching her mind she couldn't recall her visitor's name. She had said it yesterday but with everything that was going on, it seemed to get lost. Her visitor could sense this, her look became downcast as she lowered her head.
“I- it's Twilight. Twilight Sparkle.” Her voice was think with melancholy and disappointment. She lowered her head even further, her bangs obscuring her eye's. She seemed on the verge of tears. The mare in the bed frowned, feeling bad for putting her in such a state.
“Look Twilight Sparkle, I don't think you really understood what I meant yesterday, or you just can't accept it. I don't know, but you don't know me and I don't know you, I'm sorry. Those ponies from yesterday, they were your friends friends right?” She was giving all the sympathy she could, trying to ease the blow as best she could for Twilight, but she was shaking now and she could hear very soft sobs coming from her. Twilight nodded, purposefully not lifting her head. She was trying hard to keep her composure but she was losing it. Oh Rainbow Dash... Please stop this. Please just stop, tell us it was all a clever prank. We just want you back.
“Twilight Sparkle, your friends seemed like they were in a lot of pain.” She couldn't take it anymore, she lifted her head, her eyes glistening with tears about to fall. Twilight looked wistful towards her, not at her, but at something far in the distance or perhaps even closer that she was to her. Either way, it wasn't the mare who lay in the hospital whom she was looking at.
“They are. We all are. We- we lost somepony very special to all of us and we just.. we just want her back.” She tried, she tried so hard but she couldn't contain her feeling any longer as tears flowed uncontrollably down her face. She tried to wipe them away but they just kept coming.
“We want her back so badly. She.. she was always there for us and now, we cant be there for her. Please come back to us Rainbow Dash.. Please. We need you.” She broke down, resting her head on her pillow she cried. She wanted so badly to reach out and hug her friend, but she knew she knew that her friend wasn't with her, even though she was looking at her face, even though her mane brushed against the same soft blue fur, it wasn't Rainbow Dash. But then, she felt something. A hoof, reached out and gently rubbed her shoulder. Twilight looked up, the warm drops still running down her muzzle, to see the face of her friend looking at her with eyes full of sympathy.
“I'm sorry Twilight Sparkle, but I've never met Rainbow Dash. I don't know who she is but I know I'm not her. I know this is hard on you, but it's even harder on me. Please, I don't need the guilt of hurting ponies for no reason other than being myself. Twilight, I know your friends are hurting, and I know you are to, more than any of them. I saw the way they looked at you. They need you right now Twilight Sparkle, and you need them. You should be with each other, supporting each other. Not here in the hospital so early in the morning with a pony you don't know who doesn't even want you here.” Twilight's eye's became wide. She stared, mouth slightly agape with tears still flowing, at the mare who lay in the bed. Her hoof still on her shoulder, even though she was trying to comfort her, Twilight could feel her heart breaking. Dash... please, don't say that. Don't say things like that. I know you're in there, somewhere. I hope, they can bring you back. Until then, stay strong Twilight. For Dash's sake.
“Well, my friends.. none of them are up right now. Listen, I- I know the food here isn't terrible but I thought you might like something hoof made. So, I brought you breakfast.” Twilight smiled hopefully, but she knew that Twilight was only using her smile to cover the pain. She looked down to the foot of her bed where she had placed the basket. She sighed inwardly. She can't let it go. She's right though, something other that the food they serve here would be nice, and I think, if I eat it I may help her get over her pain, just a little. Actually, it will make me feel better. Less guilty at least. She smiled back at Twilight.
“I think I'll take you up on your offer. Thank you Twilight Sparkle. Oh, but the doctor gave me a special diet. I can't have anything that will raise my blood pressure or..”
“I know, I did a lot of research before I made this. It's perfectly suitable for a recovering heart.” She smiled triumphantly.
“Well that enplanes why you look so tired, and you seem used to it. You should take better care of yourself Twilight Sparkle, your friends already suffered one loss. It's not good for you to give them somepony else to worry about.” Twilight smile quickly faded to a look of guilt. I- I hadn't even thought of it that way. Are they worried about me? Oh what if I'm only making this harder on my friends? She could see Twilight's thoughts spiraling.
“Listen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, besides I'm pretty sure I'm the first pony you've seen this morning so they don't know yet, but if you keep doing that to yourself they'll notice eventually. I'm just saying you shouldn't over do it, if not for your own sake then for your friends.” Twilight shook away the thoughts before giving a stressed sigh.
“No, you're right. I should take better care of myself.” She brightened her expression. She knew Twilight forced it, but she didn't need to point it out.
“Well, I think we've had enough unhappy conversations. We should eat, then you should go home and get some sleep. After you're rested, go be with you're friends.” Twilight's horn lit up in a purple glow that enveloped the basket, pulling out two plates wrapped with plastic.
“This one's yours. Egg whites and pancakes with strawberries.” She took the plate and had to admit it did look pretty good.
“Also, you are going to have a couple visitors. They should be here any minute.” She took a bite of the pancakes before responding.
“No, I don't. They aren't here to visit me, they're here for her. I don't want them to..” She was brought to an abrupt stop as the room door opened. They both turned their heads towards it simultaneously. There stood a regal looking alicorn with a flowing, ethereal rainbow mane. She had two guards at her sides.
“Princess Celestia! I'm so glad you could make it!” Twilight said excitedly, running up to the new arrival. Meanwhile, she eyes them, especially the guards, with worry. Now It's beginning to become too crowded for me. Did she say princess?
“You both may stand outside the door, I believe you are making our friend nervous.” She turned to the guards who nodded and went to stand outside. The princess then made her way to her bedside. She smiled calmly. For her, this princess was the first one to look at her, not as this “Rainbow Dash” , but actually at her. She felt an instant connection and respect for her. 'Who is this? She thought to herself, almost as though the princess read her thoughts, she introduced herself.
“My name is Princess Celestia, It's a pleasure to meet you.”
“You're a Princess? Why are you here? You understand don't you? I'm not..” Twilight watched with disappointment in her eyes. She doesn't even remember the Princess. She thought to herself sadly.
“I am here because one of my subjects was hurt, and also because Princess Twilight is worried about you.” She was quick and intuitive, she suspected that she must be a very well liked ruler. But they both knew that the princess had just lied to her, and she wasn't going to let that pass.
“No, she isn't and you know it. She knows it to. She isn't worried about me, she doesn't even see me. All she sees is a friend that is gone. I'm sorry Princess, It was nice meeting you and I do hope to meet again.” She expected the princess to be offended or at the very least surprised, but she retained her demeanor and simply glanced at Twilight who was staring down at the floor with a regretful expression. She felt exposed, like she could be seen right through.
“I don't think you are giving her enough credit. But I understand your hesitance, I'm sure it must be very frightening, the situation you are in. I know, it's not something I would want to face alone.” She grinned at the princess, she felt as though, for a moment, they had a connection. It was the first time she felt such a thing. The princess, unlike any other pony she had spoken to, saw her for herself.
“I shall leave you for now, try to get some rest.” She turned towards the door leaving Twilight looking confused and disappointed. She opened the door, revealing the two guards and a new pony, a pegasus. She bowed to the princess before she entered the room. She was a yellow pegasus with a flame like orange mane and tail, she was wearing sunglasses even though she was indoors. Is that supposed to seem cool or something? She mused as the pegasus approached her.
“Do you remember who I am?” Her voice was stern and authoritative. She had a different air to her than the princess but she still seemed like someone who was well respected. Though, much to her discomfort but not surprise, she didn't look at her like the princess did. She gave her the same look that Twilight Sparkle had, like she was looking beyond her.
“No, I don't. We've never met.” She said simply. It was an obvious fact to her, but a difficult thing for others to come to grips with. She knew nopony and nopony knew her.
“My name's Spitfire, I'm captain of the Wonderbolts. Do you know who they are?” Twilight looked on in silent hope. Please Rainbow Dash, you have to remember them. It's your dream, It's been a part of you for longer than I've known you. Please Rainbow, say you remember. Please..
“No, I've never heard of them. What are they?” Twilight's eyes became clouded with tears. Her heart sank, she felt the urge to burst out crying. She wanted to take her friend and shake her, to yell and cry, begging for her to come back. She knew she couldn't, but she desperately wanted to, she felt helpless and it was the only thing she could think to do.
“We are an elite group of the best fliers in Equestria. We are both Equestria's air defense and, more often than not in times of peace, an aerial acrobatic stunt team that performs dangerous and incredibly technical maneuvers at extremely high speeds!” She spoke like a drill sergeant. It almost made her giggle at one point but she knew better, she could tell that she was completely serious.
“That sounds pretty dangerous, and difficult. I'm glad that you perform more than you fight though. It means things are peaceful. I still don't understand what you're doing here though? I can't fly and I'm not really interested in performing and even less with fighting.” Again Twilight couldn't control the flow of tears, she fought herself, she didn't want to make so much as a whimper. 'Oh Rainbow Dash.. No, you can't be gone. You can't be. Please Rainbow, you can't have lost your passion, it's your dream. You can't lose it. It- its who you are. I can't lose you.
“I wanted to give you these.” Spitfire pulled out two tickets from her breast pocket and placed them on her bed. She looked at them, the were for a Wonderbolts show playing in a place called Canterlot.
“Thank you, I guess.” She didn't know what else to say. She had no idea where Canterlot was or how to get there. She didn't even know what she would do after she got out of the hospital. Spitfire simply nodded and left the room, having nothing else to say. She returned her attention to Twilight, she was wiping her eyes with her foreleg, trying to hide her tears. She knew why those two, the princess and Spitfire had come now, It was Twilight's attempt to bring her lost friend back. She became downcast. She looked into Twilight's eyes.
“I think you should go.” Panic flashed across her face.
“Dash please..”
“I don't want to be called that. That name... it leaves a bad taste for some reason. Please just go.”
“I- I was thinking.” She wasn't listening. She was smiling but her teary eyes showed her heart break. “I think, You should come stay with me. I was talking to the doctor, he said I could take you home tomorrow night and..”
“Take me home? I'm not a dog Twilight Sparkle. What reason would I have for staying with you? So I could be ignored? So you can cling to a friend that's already gone? No, I wont come with you. Now leave.” Her lips quivered and she chocked out a soft sob.
“But Rain..”
“Get out!” She yelled, Twilight backed away, glancing nervously at the heart monitor. She was pushing dangerously high on her pulse and blood pressure. Oh Rainbow Dash. She closed her eyes in defeat and walked out of the room.
Rainbow Dash, I thought.. I thought I could reach you.. Oh Rainbow. Twilight walked sullenly into the hallway.
“Twilight Sparkle.” Twilight looked up to see Princess Celestia waiting in the hallway, her guards were no where in sight.
“Princess? What are you doing here, I thought you left?” She felt uneasy, the princess reassuring smile was gone.
“I'm disappointed.” Twilight looked down, prodding the floor with her hoof.
“I know, I thought for sure she would remember something. I can't believe...” The princess interjected.
“No Twilight Sparkle. It is you who I am disappointed in.”
“Princess.. W-why? I'm trying my best and...”
“How could you leave her all alone like that?” Twilight withdrew, lowering her head. She had disappointed the princess, that was something she never wanted to do.
“She doesn't remember me. She doesn't know who I am and she doesn't want my help. I don't know what else to do.”
“Twilight Sparkle, I don't know if Rainbow Dash is still in there or not, nor do I know if she will ever come back. I do know that right now, that is not her. The pony in that bed is scared and in pain. She's all alone with no friends. Nopony is acknowledging that she even exists. She needs a friend, not a friend of Rainbow Dash, but a friend to her. Now, go back in there and be her friend.” The princess's words hit Twilight hard, she had never felt so heartless before. She never even tried to empathize with her. An incredible guilt nearly brought her to her knees. She cried, but behind the tears her eyes burned with determination she spun around and opened the door. Princess Celestia smiled proudly as she disappeared into the room.
She looked up, hearing the door open. It was Twilight again. She had tears in her eyes but, they glistened with a determination she hadn't seen in her before. Something must have happened to her in the short time she was in the hall. She quickly marched up to her bed.
“I need to talk to you. Will you hear me out?” She was calm and focused and... she wasn't looking at her the way she was before but she also wasn't looking at her as her own pony. The look Twilight was giving her, she was looking at her as though she were a challenge. She almost wanted to smile because of it.
“Okay, but before we talk I need you to understand, I am not Rainbow Dash. You know that right? I am my own pony.” Twilight nodded.
“You should stay with me. Where else are you going to go? You have no home. If you try to sleep outside you'll die from infection. I can take care of you, I know first aid and healing magic. Please say you will, I promise I won't treat you like you're not real anymore.” Twilight was determined and sincere. And, despite what she said, the princess was right, this isn't something she wants to go through alone. Her face softened, and she gave a small smile.
“Okay, I will accept your offer. Again, that you Twilight.” She smiled back at her, Twilight had a look in her eyes like she had just won some sort of contest, but there was also a genuine caring in them.
“That's great! I'll pick you up tomorrow night. But I do have one Question.”
“What is it?”
“You don't like... that name. So what do we call you?” She looked confused for a moment, but them broke into a light grin.
“It doesn't seem right for some reason to pick my own name. You can give me a name if you don't mind.” Twilight's mouth went agape in surprise.
“Y-you want me to name you!?”
“Yeah, if that's okay with you?” She was nonchalant about it.
“Well.. I guess it's okay if you don't mind. I'll, uh.. I'll have a name ready when I come to pick you up tomorrow.” She stuttered nervously.
“That sounds good, I'm sure you'll come up with an excellent name. Just don't lose any sleep over it please. Remember what I said about worrying your friends.” Twilight laughed softly, she actually intended to do just that.
“I won't, you get some sleep to. You look pretty tired yourself” She turned towards the door.
“Oh, and Twilight.” She called out. Twilight turned to her.
“Thanks for the food, it was really good.” Twilight's smile brightened.
“Your welcome, I'm glad you liked it.” Her horn light up it a magical aura and the door slid open.
“Good night.” She said as the door closed. She closed her eyes and lowered the head of her bed. Listening to her soft breaths, she slowly drifted off.
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
She lay in the hospital, waiting nervously in anticipation. Though, it was more than the results of her scans that weigh heavy on her thoughts. Twilight Sparkle... I know she promised to stop treating me like her lost friend but, I have my doubts. It's hard to let go of the past. I think she meant it but for how long? Maybe I was too quick to take her up on her offer. I should tell her I changed my mind. She'll be here soon. Closing her eyes she chuckled lightly to herself. Knowing her, she stayed up all night getting a room ready. Her smile faded and she gave a labored sigh. She was surprised by the wave of depression she felt, she didn't even know the mare but the loneliness of not being acknowledged by anypony was a deep one. 'She isn't doing it for me, she's doing it for that Rainbow Dash. I really should have declined her offer. It's wrong of me to torture her like this, everyday she'll look at me and see her lost friend. I should tell her no, I should just say I'll figure something out.... But what else can I do? I have no home, family or bits. If I sleep outside I'll die from infection. But I can't just take advantage of someponies' kindness like.. It's not kindness, I know it's not. It's denial, she can't let go and she's going to use me to hide from her grief. She may not accept it yet but... Her friend is dead.' She was jarred from her thoughts by a knock at the door. 'She's here...'
“C-come in.” She stuttered nervously. Steeling herself, she knew it would be hard to tell Twilight that she declined but it had to be done. The door opened slowly, but to her relief, a tan foreleg was pushing it open. The doctor walked into the room, levitating a few translucent paper. Her scans.
“Hello, How are you feeling?” He asked. Her relief quickly died from the doctor's tone and demeanor. It was obvious that it wasn't good news.
“I'm okay. I assume those are my scans?” The doctor nodded. He made his way to her bedside as she raised the head. He floated the scan sheets in front of her.
“As I suspected, there is significant damage to your motor cortex impairing your connection to your wings. We could not, however, locate the source of your memory loss. Also, X-rays revealed the extent of you bone damage. Your hind legs are both fractured and you will need to come in for physical therapy, after we remove the casts and braces in a few weeks. However, I'm sorry, there isn't much we can do about your wings.” To the doctors surprise, she let out a sigh of relief. At least I'll be able to walk again.
“Also, when your heart stopped, the cardio myopathy and tachycardia deformed your heart, we had to perform valve replacement surgery and a bypass, due to both of which you will need to be on immuno suppressants for the rest of your life, also, you can never stress your heart or you will risk another attack, or you could have another full blown aortic dissection. If that happens, you likely wont survive.”
“But even if I take my medicine, and never stress my heart, I still wont live long will I?” She looked down solemnly at her chest, the long incision was showing signs of healing, but it would only ever be on the outside. Her heart, it was damaged forever.
“I'm afraid so. Even with the latest in medical advancement's and magic... You'll likely live for another thirty years at best. I'm sorry.” The doctor put a comforting hoof on her shoulder, but nothing could make her feel better. She was surprised though, when she felt tears fall onto her chest. Tenderly she brought her hoof to her cheek, tears were streaming down her face. She didn't even realize she was crying. She laughed painfully as she shook her head. Thirty years? But... but I was just born. And that's if I'm lucky?! Twenty years? Fifteen? One mistake, one bad bit of news, eat the wrong thing, forget to take my medicine, I die! I catch a bad cold? I could die! I may die before I get to know what it feels like to walk. I would die alone, with no family or friends. I.. I..
“I want to see Twilight.” Her eyes shot open. Did I just say that? Why would I want to see her? I know what it would mean. I would mean nothing. She would be using me and I would be using her. It's wrong.. It's wrong but.. She wrapped her hooves around her chest and tucked her head down into them. She broke down, sobbing into her fur. The doctor watched the heart monitor closely, making sure her emotional distress didn't send her heart into tachycardia.
“But I don't want to be alone!” She cried, she cried for what felt like hours. Half of her mind was focused on the pain and loneliness, while the other half kept watch on her heart. She Didn't want to die, and she didn't want to die alone.
“As your doctor, I can't tell other ponies about your condition or treatment, but, I think you should tell Twilight.” She looked up at him, her vision obscured by tears. Giving pause she thought about what the doctor had said and again came to the same painful truths. I would be using her, and she would be using me. It's not right.. It's not, but... I don't want to be alone.. What should I do!? I- I have to tell her no.
“No, I can't do that to her, I can't take advantage of somepony just to make me feel better and I wont be taken advantage of just so she can deny the truth.” She spoke with a tone of pure defeat, she knew what she wanted wasn't right, but she still wanted it so badly. The doctor sighed.
“I hope you have a change of heart, she's very nice and reliable. I think, if you give yourself a chance, you could be friends. She'll be here soon, I'll leave you to collect your thoughts.” She nodded to him and he turned to make his leave. If I think about it too much, I'll just end up saying yes. Deep down I know, I just want to be told it's going to be okay... But I can't take such a comforting lie. It's not okay, It wont be okay. I'm dying. I.. I don't want to be alone but, but I cant do this. She'll either realize her friend is gone, and she wont want me around as a reminder, or she'll never come to terms with it and she'll watch the pony she believes is her old friend, die... again. And, even with her standing beside me... I'll still be dying alone. Her body trembled. She felt a stifling coldness creep through her body. 'Or, she does come to terms with it and we become close and... and then she has to watch as she loses another friend. There's no happy ending, there's no way this works out for the best, it's not okay, It never will be okay! I'm going to die, either alone, or hating myself for using somepony that is close to me! I.. I.
“Sunrise, are you okay?!” She felt a tender hoof touch her shoulder along with a familiar and soothing voice. She looked up, she hadn't even realized she was crying again. Wiping away the tears, she saw her. Twilight Sparkle.
“Twilight, your here.” She spoke simply, trying to conceal her obvious pain.
“Yes, I'm here. What's wrong? Why are you crying?... Is it, bad news?” As she spoke her worry became more and more apparent. She took a deep breath.
“No... I'm not okay.” 'I shouldn't tell her. It's not her problem. But, that look in her eyes. She's, she's worried... for me.' Her face contorted in grief and sadness. Crying freely she wrapped her hooves around Twilight. Resting her head on Twilight's shoulder she poured out her feelings, hugging her tight. Twilight, at first caught off guard, returned the hug, tenderly wrapping her hoof around her.
“Twilight! Twilight! I- I only have thirty years left... But, I could die any day. My heart could stop for no reason! It could stop right now and I don't want to die alone! Anything but alone.. Twilight, I'm sorry, I know this isn't your problem, I'm not the friend you lost but please... don't leave me alone!” All her fears and worried poured into Twilight's fur. She smiled, rubbing her back gently.
“Sunrise, I know. I know you're not Rainbow Dash, I don't care I won't leave you alone. Sunrise, you're my friend and I won't abandon you and you wont die alone. You wont die, I won't let you. You're going to live a long happy life, and I'll make sure of it. So please don't worry, and don't worry about me.” She slowly rose her head, meeting Twilight's eyes, they glistened with tears, tears for her.
“Sunrise?” She said quietly, staring at her with wide eyes. She smiled, and nodded.
“Yes, Sunrise. Vibrant Sunrise. It's, it's your new name. Sunrise to represent a new start, a new life. And Vibrant for.. for your colors.” She cried, covering her eyes with her hoof. She knew, Sunrise would see it in her eyes, see that it wasn't her she was crying for now. Those tears, were for Rainbow Dash. But, Sunrise already knew.
“I like it Twilight, but if it's going to make you cry or sad every time you say it, I won't take it.” This time, it was she who placed a comforting hoof on Twilight. After she wiped her tears away, she met Sunrise's eyes.
“No, I'm sorry, I'll be okay. I just..”
“You needed to grieve, I understand. It's a great name, Twilight. Thank you.” Twilight's smiled, her pain dissipating from her face.
“I'm happy you like it, and I'm sorry. Now lets go home.” Smiling together, they were both comforted by each others presence. It's going to be hard, and I'm always going to be scared, but at least, I wont be alone.
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
Sunrise ... She mused to herself, playing with the word silently on her tongue. It was a good name. A new life, a new start. To her, it was her first life but the sentiment was nice. My name, Vibrant Sunrise, Twilight said it meant a new start, but not just for me, it's a new start for both of us. She's beginning to move on. Is it right for me to push her though? It's what's best for me but, I don't think she's dealt with her grief yet, no it's likely that she's still holding on to some hope, it'll be hard for me but, I'll let her deal with it in her own time. I can't imagine the position she's in. She'll have to look at me everyday and think of her friend, I doubt she'll ever be able to let go as long as I'm around. I should keep her at a distance, emotionally. No, she'll need somepony and so will I. Besides, maybe, I can help her, maybe I can help her move on. But what about her friends? What about Rainbow Dash's friends? Even if I can help Twilight, she's different. I don't know if I'll ever be able to help them all move on. No, I need to think about myself first. I don't have a long life ahead of me and I want to live it being happy. If Rainbow Dash's friends can't let me do that then they can't be my friends... This is going to be hard for everyone, for a while...
“We're here.” Twilight's voice jarred Sunrise from her thought's. Sunrise looked up from her wheel chair to what her friend proclaimed to be her home.
“You live in a tree...” She said unenthusiastically, and with a decent amount of bemusement.
“Yep! Welcome to Golden Oaks Library, your new home, until you get better at least.”
“Wait.” She spun her head around, wincing in pain from her sore neck and from the tug of her stitches. After taking a moment to come down from the pain she looked up towards Twilight, taking care not to cause herself any more discomfort. “You live in a library?” Twilight smiled proudly.
“Yes, I'm the librarian for Ponyville.” Her smile dissolved into a fretful air. “Is there something wrong with libraries? We have guest room on the second floor as well if..”
“No, no no, that's not it. I think it's wonderful. I mean, I'm probably going to need something to do while I'm recovering so It's great.” She spoke quickly and reassuringly, nervously trying to comfort her friend... Her friend. My friend.. I guess the doctor was right. Her assurances seemed to work as Twilight's characteristic gentle smile returned to her face.
“Great, because I have a lot of books. I have one series in mind that I think you'll enjoy. It's about an adventurous and daring pegasus who explores ancient runes and stops evil plots with her bare hooves and wits.” Her horn light up, enveloping the wheelchair's handles in her violet aura, she began pushing Sunrise towards the door as she magically opened it.
“Sure, I'll give it a read.” She said as they entered the library's interior. Sunrise took in her new surrounding's. It seemed to be a very comprehensive collection. Twilight circled around in front of Sunrise.
“Well, this is it. Welcome home. Your room is down that hall way. Spike should be back in a few minutes, he's just doing the finish touches to your room so if you don't mind waiting we can just talk for a bit... Or I could get you something to eat or drink?! What do you..”
“It's okay Twilight, I'm not hungry and I wouldn't mind just talking. I really don't know anything about you so we could just talk if that's okay.” For just a brief moment, sadness flashed across Twilight's face. Sunrise felt a pang of depression at the sight. I knew it.. It's that look, she's looking for Rainbow Dash. This.... was it a mistake? Suddenly, Twilight forced her mood to normalize.
She's not Rainbow Dash. Can she tell what I felt? It's like she can read me like a book. Am I that obvious or... Twilight thought to herself, forcing an artificial smile.
“W- well what do you want to talk about?” She asked, hoping to avoid her thought's being further analyzed. Sunrise was more than happy to oblige.
“I'm happy to see your lip is healing, It seemed much worse when we first met.” Twilight's eyes became wide. Her gaze shifted from Sunrise to the past as she softly felt her lip with her hoof. Sure enough, the gash had healed for the most part, but it was never the physical pain of her injury that hurt the most. Sunrise was taken aback when she saw tears welling up in Twilight's eyes.
“Twilight? Are you okay?” She spoke softly, treading carefully around the seemingly fragile state her friend was in. She was surprised to find that she felt a fleeting feeling of fear for Twilight. I've never seen her like this. What happened?
“Twilight?” She spoke with more emphasis, successfully snapping Twilight out of her daze. She looked nervously from the floor to the shelves, anything but the eyes of Sunrise. She felt exposed when she met those lilac eyes. It was as if her eyes alone we compelling her to confront her feelings. That thought alone unwillingly brought out an even more saddening thought. Oh Rainbow Dash.. The last thing we ever did together was fight. Why couldn't I just let it go?! If I had.. you would still be.. you would still be here.
“It's Her isn't it?” The melancholy in Sunrise's voice was almost palpable. Twilight's gaze shot up, meeting Sunrise's. Tears began leaving Twilight's eyes, she gave a soft whimper.
“We.. we had a fight, It was stupid and.. I couldn't let it go. I pushed her and pushed her, even though I knew my words were hurting her I just kept pushing because I thought I was right and she was wrong. Oh Sunrise, the last thing she ever did was hate me and it's all my fault. She flew away, even though I knew she was in pain I let her go. And.. and then, and then she died! I- I never got to apologize. Sunrise.. I'm a terrible..”
“Stop that!” She yelled, glaring down at Twilight with her dissecting eyes. Her heart thumped hard and unsteadily. She took a deep breath, calming herself. I don't know what happened, but I know Twilight wouldn't hurt anypony intentionally and no matter what she said it was no excuse for hitting her. She's carrying so much guilt for no reason, and there's nothing I can do to take it away. Guilt is a hard thing to alleviate with logic or reason, and less so with comforting words. Damn it! Rainbow Dash is the only one who can make her feel better and she died! Rainbow Dash, you weren't much of a friend were you? No, I can't heal her, only time can heal her now.
“Stop that Twilight, just stop it. If you say that your a terrible friend I wont listen to you. I wont help you hide in self pity just so you don't have to confront a guilt that you don't even deserve. You're wrong Twilight Sparkle, you are wrong. You feel guilty? Well you shouldn't! I know I don't know you very well but the doctor said you were a good and caring friend, even a princess thought highly of you. Use your head Twilight, you know, you know deep down, under that guilt that it's not your fault. You have no obligation to feel guilty and no one is going to think less of you for not feeling guilty and if they do then they aren't your friends!” In the wake of her reprimand, Twilight stood in dumb silence as Sunrise's word sank in.
I, I can't.. I know she's right but I can't do it. I hurt Rainbow Dash and I need to feel guilty. It's all my fault! It's because of me that she's gone and.. What will she think of me if she comes back? If I don't feel guilty and she comes back, what if she still hates me? What if she doesn't forgive me? What if I lose her all over again! Her body was shaking and tears began pouring down her face. She shut her eyes tight and sniffled. She felt a hoof gently stroking her shoulder. She didn't look up, she couldn't look up.
“Hey, I'm all done setting up the guest room and... Twilight? What's wrong!?” A small purple dragon padded over to Twilight's with an expression full of worry. Sunrise could tell he cared greatly for Twilight. So Spike was a dragon?
“Yes Spike, everything's fine. Sorry for worrying you.” She wiped her eyes wither her foreleg, she smiled as Spike.
“You sure?”
“Yes Spike, I'm sure. Let's get dinner started, we've had a long day and I'm sure we're all hungry.” Spike smiled back at her, apparently convinced. Sunrise nodded in agreement.
“If it's anything like what you made me for breakfast yesterday then I'm sure it will be great.” She smiled, her change in demeanor adding to the brightening of every ones' mood.
“Wait, you mean the egg whites and strawberry pancakes? I made that!” Spike turned an accusing glance and Twilight who blushed in response. Rubbing the back of her head nervously she turned to Sunrise.
“Well, um... I helped.” Spike rolled his eyes.
“You brought me the strawberries from the fridge..” Sunrise's smile grew, at first giving a light chuckled that quickly grew to hearty bought of laughed. She wiped a tear from her eyes while carefully clutching her chest. It hurt to laugh but laughing felt better. The pain became even more worth it when Twilight and spike both joined in, her laughter becoming contagious. The three laughed warmly and happily as they made their way to the kitchen. For the first time, Sunrise felt at home, and it felt good.
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
Sunrise quickly got settled into her new room. It was small and you could just feel that the room hadn't been used for much. She guessed it had been a storage room for superfluous books. Spike had made short work of cleaning it out for her, she kind of felt bad that she couldn't help. The early morning beams of light streamed in through her only window, giving the room a soft glow. She found that she really liked the early mornings, and often found herself up before sunrise. Maybe I'm growing attached to the name more than I thought, or it could just be a coincidence. Either way, there is definitely something magical about a sunrise. Everything always seems so fresh and new, like the whole world and everything in it is reborn. You sleep, and get a chance to be someone new, someone better when you wake up. Every new start is another opportunity, and today will be no different. She found herself smiling brightly and a warm feeling spreading through her. Where am I getting all this optimism? Perhaps I'm letting all this get to my head. In any case I'm happy so why over think it? Being here, with spike and Twilight, it feels nice. I know I'm getting ahead of myself but, I bet this is what having a family feels like. Her ear swiveled towards the sound of hoof beats outside her door, followed by a delicious aroma that made her mouth almost water. A soft knock came from the other side of her door.
“Sunrise, are you awake?” She spoke in little more than a whisper.
“Yes Twilight, I'm awake. You can come in.” She spoke with a light chuckle. What could she be doing up this early? I bet she didn't get enough sleep again. The door slowly creaked open as Twilight stepped into the room, her horn aglow, carrying two trays. Sunrise laughed lightly, smiling at Twilight.
“You didn't have to get up early to make me breakfast in bed, You could have slept a little longer. I would have made myself something.” She propped a pillow behind her head and sat up against the headboard, slowly scooting herself up. The bed was quite a bit more comfortable than the hospital bed. Twilight smiled back and shook her head.
“Nonsense, you're still hurt and I'm usually up this early so it's no trouble at all. Besides I was thinking we could eat together, Spike is still asleep and I don't really like eating alone.” She lowered one of the trays onto Sunrises lap, and took the cover off. Egg whites, toast and apple cider... and her pills. Twilight placed hers on the Sunrises' bed beside her. It was a large bed, likely meant for a couple. She took her pills in her hoof, eyeing the large tablets wearily. Everyday, for the rest of my life... Sighing halfheartedly, she gulped them down with a decent amount of cider.
“Well I guess if you don't mind, I would love to have company for breakfast. Wait, you said spike is asleep? You made this?”
“Well it's not like I don't know how to cook, I'm just usually busy so spike does most of the cooking around here.” Sunrise took a bite of her eggs. It was different that what spike had made but, It's still good .
“It's really good, thank you Twilight.” Twilight gave a relieved smile.
“I'm glad you liked it, to be honest it was my first time making just egg whites, it took a couple tires to separate the yolk.” She paused to take take a bite of her own, much more hearty meal, yolks, butter and all. “By the way, did you get a chance to read any of Daring Do?” Sunrise was almost put off by the eagerness in her voice, she had her suspicions when she read the first book and Twilight's demeanor only strengthened them.
“Yes, I read the first two books. They were okay but I didn't particularly care for them. But thank you anyway.” Her suspicions were confirmed when a downcast look flashed across Twilight's face.
I don't know why I'm still trying. I promised her I would let it go. Oh, I don't even know anymore! Can she tell? Of course can, she can tell. Oh Sunrise, I'm so sorry. I- I thought that Daring Do might bring Rainbow Dash back. I know it's selfish, I know how scared you must be but... I just, I just can't let go.
“Oh, that's alright. I have a lot of books, I'm sure we'll find something you like.” She forced a smile, hoping that Sunrise would let her keep her guise, just this once. She knew though, she knew the Sunrise knew better.
“I'm sure we will. You have a very comprehensive collection. Maybe if you recommend a series that I might like instead of one Rainbow Dash liked...” Twilight could see, behind the accusing tone, was an obvious hurt in her eyes. Twilight looked down at her try, avoiding eye contact with Sunrise.
“I knew it...” Sunrise looked down to her lap, ears drooping and gaze heavy with sadness. I know I shouldn't push her, but what else can I do? Twilight is the only pony I have in the world, but that makes it only hurt worse when she looks at me like that, when she's looking for Rainbow Dash. I'm not her, and.. and I don't want to be ignored. I'm real, I'm a real pony and.. and Twilight, please.. please see me. I know I don't want to go through this alone and I know it's a lot to ask but please..
“Sunrise...” Why Sunrise? Why can't I just hold on to hope? Why can't you just let me pretend? I know it hurts you but it hurts me as well! I did something horrible to my friend and.. and I'll never be able to make it right! Twilight's eyes became wide with realization, and she could feel tears beginning to buildup in her eyes. Is that why I'm doing all this for her?! I'm not being kind, I'm being selfish! I- I told her that I would be there for her. I gave her a new name! I told her it would be a new beginning and here I am trying to... No! I am doing this out of kindness, It is a new start, for both of us! I've moved on! I've moved on! I... I moved on... She only glanced at Twilight, barely willing herself to look at her, but, she could see the turmoil in her mind. The pain in her eyes, it was so hard to look at. It made her feel guilty.
“I'm sorry Twilight... forget I said anything.” Saying that made her feel guilty, she had just lied to Twilight and herself, just so Twilight could feel better, even though it was a shallow and empty happiness, just pure denial. She, she just didn't want to see Twilight that hurt. She laughed at the notion in her mind. I must be getting too attached. I know it's wrong. If she doesn't confront this then it will only be harder later on... but that look in her eyes. I don't want to see her like that.
“So, um.... I have my doctor's appointment the day after tomorrow.” Against her better judgment, she changed the subject and Twilight seemed more than happy to play along.
“Oh, yes. We have to go for you're check up.” The doctor had said that she would have to get more scans and that he had some good news. She was excited about it... and that only made her more guilty. She found she couldn't help but hope, that it was a way to bring Rainbow Dash's memory back.
“Well, I was thinking, after my check up, you could give me a tour of the town. I don't really know anything about Ponyville so I think it would be a good idea.” She spoke nervously, before finishing the last of her food. When she looked back to Twilight she was taken aback by the depressed look she wore.
“Twilight?” She looked up at Sunrise, meeting her eyes. She found that, she didn't like looking into those eyes, she felt exposed in front of them, but in a way, she felt drawn to them. Like she was somehow a better pony for doing it.
“I- I don't think that's a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“Well, I need more time.” She fumbled with her hooves as she spoke, she was quickly losing nerve.
“More time?” She knew. She could tell why Twilight was hesitant to bring her out in public. It could only mean one thing.
“I just... not everyone will understand right away. I need more time to..” Pain and anger flared in Sunrises' eyes. She stared deep into Twilight's eyes, and Twilight shrunk under her stare.
“More time to avoid the problem? You haven't even explained it to her friends? Your friends! Twilight, have you even explained it to yourself? Just how long are you going to keep me hidden away from everypony? On our way here, the day you brought me from the hospital, you took all back ways to avoid everypony. What were you going to do? Keep me here, in secret until your friend comes back to life? What if that never happens!?”
“Sunrise, please.. stop, just stop!”
“What will you do once you realize that you're friend is gone? Will you kick me out? Or will you keep me around out of guilt?! That's what all of this has been hasn't it!?” Twilight was now crouching, her belly against the cold floor and her wings brought up, obscuring her face from the sides. Sunrise could hear her whimpering. Tears fell from Twilight's face, pooling on the floor beneath her. She couldn't explain why, but her lip, where Rainbow Dash had hit her, felt like it was burning.
“Please stop..” She barely chocked out a whisper through her cries, but Sunrise continued her tirade.
“All this time, everything you've done for me, it wasn't for me and it wasn't for her! It was for your own misplaced guilt and your empty hope!”
“Stop Rainbow Dash!” Her head shot up, her mouth agape. Her eyes were wide and tears silently poured down her face. She tried, she tried to say something, anything, to take back what she said but her lips only quivered uselessly. All the anger had left Sunrise's expression, she looked down to her chest, it was sore and tight. But there was a deeper pain in her chest, one that transcended her heart or anything physical. It was the cold ache of depression.
“Get out Twilight.”
“B- but.”
“Please, just go. I'm leaving tonight.” Twilight's heart raced, she had to do something. Her thoughts darted from feeling to feeling, she tried so hard to find where Sunrise was wrong... but she couldn't. She couldn't avoid the truth, everything Sunrise had said... was true. She looked down in defeat, the only thing she could do was walk away. She could only manage to say one thing in the haze of sadness and hurt.
“I'm sorry.”
The last rays of sunlight began to fall behind the horizon, Twilight watched as the colors shifted in the sky. She had sent Spike to Rarity's, he didn't need to see her like this. I should stop her. I should make her stay, if she goes out on her own she'll probably die. I should go back and try to convince her to stay. I should... but, I can't. I don't have any right to try to make her stay with me. Look what I've done, my selfishness has hurt both of us. She could die because I can't let go... Why do I have to let go? I mean, It's not like Rainbow Dash died, she's right here, in the other room. I... I should, I should just use that. It would be so easy and... Her thoughts came to and abrupt end when she heard a knocking from the Library front door. Wiping the tears from her eyes, and putting on a guise of composure she made her way to the door. Engulfing it with her magic she slowly opened it, and was surprised by who stood outside.
“Applejack, Fluttershy? What are you both doing here so late?” Her friends looked nervously at each other as they saw the trails left in Twilight's fur from her crying.
“Well, um. Ya think we could talk inside?” Applejack scanned the library, as if looking for somepony.
“Oh, sorry, of course. Come in.” She stepped aside as her friends entered. She closed the door behind them.
“So how is Rainbow Dash?” Applejack asked, her tone was unusually serious and worried, Fluttershy only stood beside her, looking down at her hooves. Twilight averted her eyes, not wanting to meet them as she gave them the bad news.
“She... she's not well. I think she's gone, forever.” She only saw a blur of yellow before her head was forcibly turned to meet the teary eyes of Fluttershy. She shook Twilight with her trembling hooves.
“Twilight please don't say that! Please! She can't be gone! She just can't be. We... we can't give up on her. Please Twilight, your the only one who can save her... you can't give up you.. you just cant!” Tears streamed down her face. Her grip weakened as her hooves fell limp to the floor, she leaned in to Twilight, resting her head on her shoulder as the rest of her body fell limp to the floor. She sobbed uncontrollably into Twilight's fur. She felt every tear soaking into her and her guilt only grew with each sob. There was nothing to say at a time like this. All Twilight could do was stroke her back and let her cry. Applejack stepped closer to Twilight, looking down at Fluttershy with sympathy before turning her attention back to Twilight.
“So the memory spell didn't work?” Twilight looked away, she couldn't face her friends. After what princess Celestia had said to her, she just couldn't bring herself to use it. Applejack's jaw dropped in disbelief.
“You haven't used it!” Twilight couldn't tell what hurt more, the anger, the disbelief or the shock in Applejack's statement. They all hurt, a lot. She nodded weakly. Fluttershy looked up, with the same expression Applejack wore as she backed away from Twilight.
“Twilight why?” Fluttershy's voice was even more hurt than AJ's.
“I- I don't know.” She had just lied to her friends, the elements of honesty and kindness, to protect her own feelings. That hurt most of all.
“You don't know!? Our friend is hurting and you're the only one who can save her and you just didn't?! You're going to need to give us more that 'I don't know'!” Applejack stomped up to Twilight, nostrils flaring and eyes burning. Her mind rushed to find some excuse, anything but the truth, but she knew she couldn't do that to her friends. She sighed, and closed her eyes looking down to the floor.
“She's not Rainbow Dash anymore. She's gone. The pony that I've been living with, that's not Rainbow Dash. She... She's Vibrant Sunrise.. I can't just.”
“Vibrant Sunrise? Twilight, She's not dead just because she has a new name! That pony in there is Rainbow and once she has her memories back she'll thank us! Our friend is in there and we need to help her! Twilight, you're the only one who can do it! You have a responsibility Twilight! You have to help her.” Twilight shook her head, shutting her eyes tight. Her mind hurried through panicked thoughts.
What should I do?! Oh Princess Celestia, what would you do? I- I want Rainbow Dash back so badly, everything would be better if she came back. She could forgive me, and we could all go back to how things used to be. She could give me flying lessons, we could read about Daring Do, go on crazy adventures and she could talk endlessly about the Wonderbolts. Our friends would be happy again and everything would be perfect. If Rainbow Dash came back... everything thing would be better. But, why? Why do I still feel like it wouldn't be right?
“Twilight please...” Fluttershy walked up to her, placing her hoof over Twilight's. Twilight opened her eyes to meet Fluttershy's wide, pleading eyes. “Twilight, please bring Dashie back. She's scared and alone and I know she wants to come back to us. You have to help her Twilight. Please!”
“Twilight, she's right. You have to do it. She's not dead, she just doesn't remember us. She's the element of loyalty, and she's always been there for us. Now it's our turn to be there for her, our turn to be loyal. Twilight, she's counting on you.” Applejack affirmed. Twilight's gaze shifted nervously between her two friends, the chaos in her mind settling. With a shrug, she gave in.
“Alright... I'll do it.”
Twilight sat alone in a dimly light kitchen. Her only source of light being a single flickering candle. The sun had set hours ago. She knew what she had to do. So why am I still here? She lay her head on the table, she wanted to cry, but the dull ache was too deep for tears. She just wanted to sit in alone, in the dark. But her solitude was interrupted. A dim shadow cast itself across the kitchen floor from the threshold of the other room as the door creaked open.
“Twilight.” She didn't lift her head, she wished silently that she would go away, but the sound of her wheelchair's wheels rolling across the wooden floor came closer. She shut her eyes tight. It's time... I have to do it. I have to use the spell. She almost close enough. Just a little further and... and I'll have Rainbow Dash back.
“Twilight, I heard what you and your friends were talking about. I know about the memory spell. Twilight.” She was right beside her now, so close, Twilight could hear her breath. Twilight's body trembled. Why do I feel so scared? This... it's the right thing. She lifted her head, her eyes dull and tired. As soon as she sat up, Sunrise wrapped her hooves around Twilight, resting her forehead on hers. Twilight's horn was right against her mane. Do it. Do it. Come on, it's so easy, shes, shes right in front of me. Do it! Her horn flickered with purple light, making their shadows dance.
“Twilight... I don't want to die.” Twilight's magic faded and her heart skipped a beat.
“Twilight, I came to you. I trusted you. I still do. I put my fragile life in your hooves because I trust you. I know you miss your friend, and I'm sorry you have to see her every time you look at me. But Twilight, I like living. I like being around you and spike. I like reading and eating and laughing. I like talking to you. Please Twilight..” Sunrise shut her eyes, and put her forehead against Twilight's horn. “Please Twilight, don't take that away from me.”
I could do it.. I could do it right now. But.. She threw her hooves around Sunrise's shoulders and buried her face into her neck and cried. She sobbed and wailed, her tears burned but, she felt relief and comfort in Sunrise's embrace. She stroked Twilight's back and hugged her tighter.
“Oh Sunrise! I can't do it! I can't... I finally understand you and I.. I'm so sorry. Please... can you ever forgive me!” I almost killed my friend... my friend. Not Rainbow Dash, but Sunrise. She's my friend and I almost erased her. What have I done! I... I lost Rainbow Dash, and I almost lost another friend because I couldn't let her go. I really am a terrible friend.
“I forgive you Twilight. And.... thank you. Thank you so much.” Tears fell from Their eyes and they held each other through their pain and sadness. At that moment, neither felt alone anymore. Sunrise realized how much Twilight was hurting, and Twilight... was finally moving on.
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
The pan sizzled as the eggs fell into it. As usual the sun was only now just peaking out behind the horizon. Sunrise hummed a happy tune as she folded the omelet. The table had already been set and two plates waited to be occupied by the delicious smelling food. She turned her attention to the toaster as it popped, glancing from the pan to the toaster to the cook book propped open on the counter beside her, she decided that the omelet would be fine for the few seconds it took her to get the toast. She spun her wheel chair around, smiling proudly that she was finally getting the hang of navigating in the bulky contraption. She set the two slices on the plate on the opposing end of the table from her. Before snapping her attention back to the stove. She quickly flipped it over to find that it was slightly burnt on one side. She sighed to herself. This sounded a lot easier when I read it in the book. I'll have this one for my self. I'll make sure Twilight's is better.
“Sunrise?” She turned to the source of the voice, smiling sheepishly.
“Oh, good morning Twilight. I didn't think you would be up so early. I- um, made breakfast...” She spoke nervously. She had hoped that she could bring Twilight her breakfast in bed, or at least to be all done before she came downstairs. Twilight scanned the room, she couldn't help but smile. She was surprised at the mess Sunrise had managed to make, but the sentiment made her happy.
“I told you before you didn't have to do this for me. I'm not the one who's recovering.” Sunrise simply shook her head. Her eyes were glistening, she seemed to be in a really good mood this morning. After all the craziness a couple days ago, things were a little strained between the two of them the day after her friends visited. Sunrise knew she could never put into words how thankful she was to twilight for not using the memory spell on her. After a lot of thinking she decided that, she would repay Twilight for that any way she could. It must have been so hard for her, and I know she knows what this will do to her friendships. But, she chose me. She chose me instead of her lost friend, over her friends that are still here! I doubt anypony has been done such a kindness before. Things are about to get very hard for the both of us, but I'll do what ever I can to make things as easy as possible for Twilight Sparkle.
“I can't just spend all my time in bed, and I was reading this cook book last night and I really wanted to try a recipe from it. Besides, I wont get better if I just stay idle.” To her surprise, Twilight seemed to be suppressing a laugh. She raised an eyebrow in confusion but Twilight only snorted in a laugh before pointing at the stove.
“I think your food is burning.” She spun her chair around so quickly Twilight was surprised it didn't leave any marks in the floor.
“Oh no, oh no, oh no! Aww, I let it burn” She turned the fire off and examined her creation. It wasn't charred but both sides were much darker than they should have been. She sighed as Twilight padded over to her side.
“It's your first time cooking, don't be too hard on yourself.” She said reassuringly, and it seemed to have the desired effect as Sunrise nodded.
“Yeah, but I'm sorry I wasted your food.”
“Don't worry, I have plenty. How about we make it together, I haven't tried this recipe either so it'll be fun!”
“Actually Twilight, do you think I could give it another try on my own?” At first she felt a pang of disappointment, but, seeing the determination in Sunrise's eyes, she happily gave in.
“Alright, I'll be at the table so if you need any help just ask okay.” Sunrise gave an appreciative smile.
“I will Twilight, thank you!” With that Twilight took her place at the table and watched as sunrise prepared the meal. She looked focused, the way Twilight would look when she was studying a new spell or theory. She looked to the book for every step, double checking her every move. She got out more eggs and peppers and mushrooms, she carefully chopped them up into small chunks. Then she moved on to the eggs, beating them together.
She seems really alive somehow. I can't articulate it but, she just seems to have a different light about her. She is definitely different from Rainbow Dash, but it's hard quantify exactly how. She had a lot of determination in her eyes, but it was different from Dash's. Deeper maybe? I don't know how I can even think like that, I- am I really moving on so quickly? Is it right to just forget about my friend like that? I'm confused and frustrated. I don't know how any pony is supposed to deal with a situation like this. There's no book, no expert and... I don't think there is a perfect answer. All I can do is what I feel is right I guess. But do I even know what that is? No, I don't. I only know, that Sunrise is not Rainbow Dash. And that she is my friend.
The hissing sound of the eggs falling into the hot pan took her from her thoughts as she watched Sunrise eyeing the fire before giving herself a small nod and turning down the heat a little.
It's going to get very hard soon. I can't keep the truth from Applejack or Fluttershy for long. Eventually they'll find out that I didn't use the memory spell. What will happen then? Will they understand? How can I possibly explain it to them, when I hardly understand it? They all want Rainbow Dash back, all of them. And not just the girls but the whole town! And Cloudsdale, and the Wonderbolts, and... Me. I still want her back. Of course I do! She was my best friend. I want her back, but not at the cost of losing another friend. It wouldn't be right. And I know Rainbow Dash would say the same.
Sunrise watched the pan carefully. She refused to even blink, still she couldn't keep her mind from wandering. Twilight, what can I do? I can give you a hoof to hold and a shoulder to cry on but is that all? Is all I can do so little? Soon, her entire world will turn inside out and it will be all my fault. Rainbow Dash's grieving friends will blame her. She was the only one who might be able to bring her back to them and yet she chose me, a stranger to them. She has to know what's coming, and yet... she wont abandon me. Twilight Sparkle, you truly are special. There must be something more I can do. I want to protect her somehow, but can I? It's hard to enjoy the calm when I know the storm isn't far behind.
“All done!” She said triumphantly, pulling the pan off the fire and sliding the omelet onto a nearby plate. She shut the fire off and rolled to the table and placed the plate at it's center. She turned again to the counter and began putting the left over ingredients in the fridge.
“Why are you putting it all away? Aren't you going to eat?” She wore a concerned expression.
“That's alright, I was just going to have some cereal. Maybe some toast.” She shrugged. Despite her enjoyment of cooking, she wasn't really in the mood for more egg whites and.. I kind of just want to relax with Twilight instead of standing over that stove. It's nice having breakfast with someone.
“Are you sure? I can make you something if you want.” She began to get up but Sunrise was already getting the cereal out of the cabinet.
“Don't worry Twilight, I was in the mood for it anyway. Besides if you don't eat that soon it will get cold and I don't know if I'll be as lucky making it a third time.” She poured her breakfast into a bowl and went to the fridge for her milk.
“Oh, well, if you're sure.” She seemed disappointed but resigned to it and began eating. Sunrise soon joined her.
“So we have to leave soon for my doctors appointment. Will Spike be joining us?”
“I'm not sure, I can ask him. He should be down any minute. You know how he loves his long baths though. Also I was thinking, if you still want to, I can show you around Ponyville.” Her expression became more serious and even a little determined.
“You... you don't have to do that if you don't want to. You shouldn't have to do this until you're ready.”
“No, you were right Sunrise. I can't just keep you hidden away to protect my own feelings. It was selfish of me to even think like that. No matter what may happen, I'm going to face it.” Sunrise, couldn't help but feel proud of Twilight. The princess was right, Sunrise was not giving her enough credit.
“And no matter what happens, even though it's not much, I'll do what ever I can for you Twilight. I'll help in any way I can.” Her tone was earnest and her eyes were looking deep into Twilight's their eyes reflecting each others' determination. For a long moment, they stared into each others' eyes, drawing strength from them. They knew what was to come would not be easy, but the burden would be easier to bear together. Twilight's eyes were first to soften.
“Thank you Sunrise. I don't think I could do this alone.” They finished their breakfast in relative quiet, though, it was a comfortable and calm one. Much like the warm streams of light that fell on them from the rising sun.
“And wait in a waiting room for hours? No, I think I'll stay here and get some chores done.” And try out those sapphire pancakes I saw in that dragon cook book.
“Well, if you're sure.” She turned towards the door with Sunrise in toe.
“Ready to go?” Sunrise asked, looking perplexed at Twilight.
“Um.... yes?”
“Well Spike's right, you may be waiting in there for a while. Shouldn't you bring a book so you don't get bored?”
“No, I'll be fine.”
“You sure?”
“Don't worry about me, I can keep myself occupied. And If I get bored I'm sure they have some medical journals lying around that I can read.” They shared a laughed together before making their way out of the library.
“So I was thinking, there's a really good place to eat around here and somepony I wanted to introduce you to. I was thinking we could stop there on the way back from the hospital.” Twilight walked beside Sunrise. The streets of Ponyville weren't the best for wheelchairs, she had offered to push her to the hospital but she insisted on doing it herself.
“Somepony you want to introduce me to? One of your friends or...”
“She was also a friend of Rainbow Dash. She's a really nice pony though and I think, if any of them would understand it would be her. Oh and she lives at the place where I was thinking we should eat at so it's not out of the way.”
“Well, if you think it's the best thing to do, I'll meet her. But, I think it would be best for you to bring your expectations down, just in case.” Twilight smiled confidently.
“Don't worry! I know my friends and I know Pinkie Pie will be understanding. She's the type that can be friends with anypony so I know you two will get along just fine. Also..” Her voice changed, taking on a more somber tone.
“I think, if I can get Pinkie Pie to understand, and you two become friends, I think it will help the other begin to move on. With her on our side....” Is this right though? I feel like I'm manipulating my friends.
“With her on our side your friends will succumb to the pressure and one by will see in me what you do? Twilight, I said lower your expectations not elevate them to fantasy. What will be more likely is that it will only tear you all apart even further. Are you willing to drag her down with you? Twilight, I know your heart is in the right place, because it always is. But, you can't take it all on by yourself. You need to give them time. And, Twilight, you're different than them. I could see that when I first met you. It may be that none of them will see as you do.” She spoke with sympathy. She didn't want to see Twilight sad but it would be even worse to see her hurt. You can't fix everything Twilight. Twilight became downcast, and she gave a shaky sigh. She looked almost on the verge of tears.
“I know. You're right, I may not be able to do everything, it may all go terribly wrong but... but I believe in my friends. They will come around, I know they will. Sunrise, please, I'll need your help. Will you have faith in me?” They both stopped and looked into each others eyes. A cool breeze swept through their manes, filling the silence. Sunrise shrugged, closing her eyes she gave into a smile.
“Twilight.. you are different. I will have faith in you because, if anypony could do it, it will be you. And, even if it all goes wrong. I'll be there for you and we can try again.” They smiled together, Twilight opened her mouth, ready to thank Sunrise for helping her through this impossible situation, but a sudden shouting voice cut her off.
“Rainbow Dash!” They both turned to the source of the shout. A small pale filly with a ginger mane and large, pink bow was running towards them. Twilight's eyes became wide with panic but Sunrise only looked confused.
“Twilight! Rainbow Dash!” She came to screeching stop right in front of them, panting heavily before she continued.
“Oh, Rainbow Dash! I'm so glad you're back! Don't you worry! With Twilight helping we'll get you out of that chair in no time!” She looked excited from Sunrise to Twilight. Her smile quickly faded as she saw Twilight's scared face looking away from her. She looked back up to Sunrise, with her mouth agape. Her eyes wide, she stuttered before she could form a sentence.
“R- Rainbow Dash?” She asked, disbelieving.
“I'm sorry, I'm not Rainbow Dash. My name is Vibrant Sunrise. Listen I..” She tried to give the obviously distressed filly her most comforting words but she began backing away.
“Twilight.. how could you?” Tears were flowing down her face and her voice was choked with sobs. “You promised my sister you would bring her back..” Twilight finally looked at her. Her eyes glistened and tears were forming in their corners.
“Apple Bloom, I- I..”
“What about Scootaloo!” She shouted with sadness and anger. Her words seemed to strike Twilight like lightning. She only stood there stunned tears flowing freely down her face.
“I don't- I don't believe.... Twilight how could you?” Sunrise was about to intervene, but it was too late, the filly turned and ran away, drops glistening as they fell from her face.
“Twilight, are you alright?” Twilight only stood, frozen in shock. Sunrise gently stroked her shoulder. Twilight staggered as her legs became weak. She leaned against Sunrise's chair for support and whimpered audibly.
“I'm sorry Twilight. I'm sorry for all of this.” She looked down at the ground as she continued trying to comfort Twilight, but there was only so much a hoof could do. Then she felt something, a hoof wrapping around her own. She looked back to Twilight. She was holding Sunrise's hoof against her chest, Sunrise could feel her heart beating quickly and heavily. She cried, it didn't matter that there were other ponies walking by, or the worried looks she was getting from the passerbys. Sunrise gently rubbed her back with her free hoof.
“It's going to be okay Twilight. It's going to be alright.”
I knew it would be hard, I knew it would be. What am I doing! I was so naïve, how could I think I was the only one who would be hurt by all this? What's wrong with me! Why am I so selfish. I should have.. I should have known what would happen. I could lose all my friends, I already hurt Apple Bloom, and... Oh Scootaloo, Rainbow Dash was like your sister, and.. I took her away from you forever! She's going to be devastated, and it will never go away! It'll never be alright. I killed her idol, her hero and... her sister.
“Sunrise.. I was wrong. I can't do this on my own. I can't do it at ll.” She buried her face into Sunrise's shoulder, still holding her hoof tight.
“Twilight... You don't have to do this alone. No matter what, I'll be with you. Even if it doesn't work out, you can't give up. Twilight, have faith.”
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
She sat in the empty waiting room, every beep and click echoed loudly in her mind. She was exhausted and fatigued. She had been waiting for almost two hours. Though, in her current state, she was glad to have some time alone with her thoughts.
What am I going to do? I shouldn't have lied to my friends, I should have told them back then that I couldn't do it. I should have made more of an effort to explain the position Sunrise was in. If I had done that, then maybe, I wouldn't be losing all the ponies I care about. Rainbow Dash, what would you do? My most loyal friend, what would you have said? I wish you were here, to tell me what to do. I know though, what you wouldn't do, is take the life of some innocent pony to save your own. Rainbow Dash, the most loyal pony I have ever known, I wont betray Sunrise. If you're watching over me, either from within Sunrise or from the next life, I hope you can see that I'm doing the right thing. You know, any pony who didn't know you like we did might have thought you were selfish and only cared about the spot light, but to anyone who knew you, you were always there for them. You could be brash and hot headed sometimes, but you were a friend anyone would have been lucky to have. I know it wasn't your choice to leave us, you wouldn't do that. We all want you back, oh Rainbow Dash, I want you back! Dashie, I don't know if I have the strength to do this and I know I don't have the strength to do it alone. I'm so thankful to have Sunrise with me. Whether or not you're still in there, she definitely has your loyalty, she'll be by my side through this just like you were. Please, watch over her to. She can be blunt and she says what she thinks, but she is very kind and smart. I think you would have liked her, you two may not have gotten along well at first, she would constantly bring you back to earth when you flew to high. You would probably resent it at first. But, when she shows that kindness, you realize, she only does it because she cares. She would earn your loyalty and you would earn hers and you would become close, just like I have with her in such a short time. Rainbow Dash, I hope you can forgive me, for moving on so quickly. And, I pray you forgive me for the last thing I said to you. I love you Rainbow Dash, I hope you know that.
The sound of a door handle turning pulled her from her thoughts, it was only then that she realized her face was wet with her tears. She frantically wiped her eyes with her foreleg before Sunrise rolled into the waiting room. Smiling at Twilight, until she noticed the darkened lines of her fur, stained from her tears. She came to a stop right in front of her, her eyes were full of compassion and concern.
“Twilight? What happened?” Twilight finished wiping her eyes, sniffling quietly before answering.
“It's nothing, I was... I was just thinking about things. I'm fine now, sorry to make you worry.”
“No, it's fine. If you want to talk about it, you know you can talk to me about anything right?” She put her hoof on Twilight's shoulder and looked deep into her eyes. Their was indeed a lot of sadness in them. But, it wasn't all pain. It was a bittersweet look, her eyes had a glow of acceptance and understanding. In her eyes, Sunrise could see a revitalized sense of purpose. The dull haze of grief was lifting. Twilight, had worked through the pain of loss all by herself. Sunrise smiled, she could only feel admiration for Twilight. She had done something incredible, and she had done it alone. Twilight, I'm happy for you.
“Thank you Sunrise, but... I think I'm going to be alright.” Twilight knew, she could feel it in Sunrise's smile. She didn't know how, but somehow, Sunrise knew the revelation she had just gone through in her mind. Sunrise could always do that. With nothing more that a glance she could see how Twilight felt. It scared her at first, but now, she didn't feel fear. She didn't feel exposed, no, instead she felt closer to her somehow, it was nice. They could exchange so much with very few words.
“I know you will, Because, Twilight, you're so strong. I really did underestimate you.” She brought her hoof back to the hoof rest on her chair. She was beaming with pride and admiration.
“Thank you Sunrise...” The depth of gratitude in her voice only made Sunrise smile brighter. She wasn't thanking her for the reassuring words, but simply for being able to understand and appreciate what she had gone through in her own mind. It was thanks for being understood, when no one else will. Neither of them were alone anymore. They both existed to each other on a level deeper than most. It was only now that she felt everything might be okay after all. They sat in silence, both enjoying the mere presence of the other. From any other perspective, you would never be able to tell the magnitude of the thoughts and feelings that had passed within, and between, those two. Soon though, the sounds of the hospital again became unsettling for Twilight. She broke the silence first, but it was not a jarring or awkward start.
“So, how did your tests go?”
“I don't know yet, the doctor said he would be out soon with the results.” Twilight began standing up.
“Oh I'll leave so you can discuss it. You know, doctor patient confidentiality. I'll go for a short walk then come back.” She only managed to take two steps before a hoof gently grabbed her shoulder. Twilight turned to see Sunrise's smiling face, she even seemed a little excited.
“Actually you don't have to leave. I talked to the doctor and, if you don't mind, I named you as my health care proxy. If anything happens to me and I'm not capable of deciding for myself, I want you to decide what to do. It's a big responsibility and I'll understand if you say no...”
“No, sunrise. Of course I'll do it. I wont let anything happen to you I promise. I- I'm happy that you trusted me to do this for you. I mean, you could have chosen your doctor, someone more qualified than..”
“Twilight, I know you didn't do it for me and, It wasn't my heart at the time, but you kept it beating when Rainbow Dash... when she died. It's thanks to you that I'm even alive and, I wouldn't have any other pony as my proxy. Not a doctor, not a lawyer, only you Twilight.”
“Sunrise...” She stared at her, her eyes were wide with surprise. The unexpected praise combined with the memory of that day left her with a complex and deep feeling between the boarder of happiness and sadness. They both turned their heads as a door behind them opened, interrupting the moment.
“Sorry for the wait, I have the results of the scans. Twilight, did you agree to being her health care proxy?” Twilight nodded.
“Yes doctor, I'll do it.”
“Great! I'm happy to hear you are both on good terms now. I told you didn't I? Twilight is a good and responsible friend, I'm glad you reconsidered her.” Sunrise glanced at Twilight, surprised to see a light blush to her cheeks. She smiled warmly.
“S-so what did the scans say?” Twilight stuttered nervously.
“Ah yes! Well, I have good news, It seems your legs are healing faster than expected. Um, Rainbow Dash was very athletic, I'm sure that's contributing to your speedy recovery. I want you to come back in a week for more scans but I think we can start your physical therapy sooner than I first expected!” Twilight and Sunrise both gave a sigh of relief.
“That's great Sunrise, you'll be walking soon!” Twilight said excitedly. Sunrise only rubbed her splinted legs gently with her hoof, smiling to herself.
“Also, I may have found a way for her to regain some wing function, though she will never be as fast as Rainbow Dash, and If she pushes herself too hard she would risk another heart attack. Also the treatment it's self may be dangerous in her condition so you should think about it and decide when you come back next week.” They both glanced at each other nervously.
“What's the treatment?” Sunrise asked.
“With very small and precise doses of electricity applied to the nerves in your wings, along with electromagnetic stimulation of the neurons in the motor cortex, we may be able to reestablish the brains connection with your wings.”
“Wait, you're talking about electroshock therapy? But, her heart...”
“Yes, it would be more dangerous given her condition, but the voltages are low and the pulses short lived, it shouldn't be enough to reach her heart, but the risk does increase with her heart in it's condition. That's why you should take your time to think carefully about it.”
“Thank you doctor. We'll talk about it.” Sunrise said simply. “I think we should get going now Twilight.” Twilight nodded as Sunrise turned her chair towards the door and rolled towards it.
“Thank you again doctor, for everything.” Twilight said before following her to the door. Sunrise's face was almost stoic, and that worried Twilight, but she knew Sunrise could handle it, because she was strong.
How worth it are my wings. Flying sounds nice, but I don't think it would be worth the risk. I know what Twilight would say. She would want me to go for it. The risk is still pretty low, but the possible gain is nothing compared to the possible loss. But still...
“Sunrise? Are you listening?” Twilight said as she looked up at her with worry. Sunrise shook her head lightly, dispelling her thoughts.
“Yes Twilight, sorry. What were you saying?”
“I was saying we're almost at Sugar Cube Corner.”
“Oh.. Sorry, I was a bit lost in thought. We're going to see your friend Pinkie Pie right? Was she one of the ones who was there with you when I woke up in the hospital?”
“Yes, she was there. She's really excitable and friendly.” Twilight stopped as they came up the entrance of a brightly colored pinky building designed like a ginger bread house. Sunrise look up at it with the same bemusement that she had when first saw Twilight's house.
“This is it?”
“This is it!” She smiled. But it was short lived as it dissolved to a sadder, more serious look. “I was thinking, would you mind waiting out here? I- I want to try to explain it properly before she meets you. I think that's the best way to do it.” Sunrise nodded.
“Thank you for understanding, I'll be back out soon.” Sunrise watched as she disappeared behind the door.
She's trying to avoid making the same mistakes, but if she pushes too hard, she'll only end up making new mistakes. Twilight, be careful. I don't want to see you get hurt. You're strong, but you're still trying to take everything on your own. You can rely on me Twilight. Her ear twitched suddenly from the sound of a hoof step, before she could turn her head she heard a voice.
“Dashie?... Is that you?”
“Dashie? Is that you?”
Sunrise turned to see a bright pink earth pony with a puffy pink mane. She looked at her hopefully but also with tears building in her eyes. Sunrise couldn't place why but she just felt that that face was unbecoming of this pony. Sadness just didn't seem to suit her. It actually gave her a pang of guilt to see her that way.
“No... it's not.” She said somberly. The pink pony gave a couple labored gasps before tears streamed down her face.
“But Dashie... but the- the spell, Twilight's spell..” By the end she was only quietly squeaking out the last words as the sobs constricted her throat.
“Don't blame her!” She shouted, the pleading in her voice snapped the ponies attention to her. She could feel it, tears were building up in her eyes. Her chest was becoming tight and she was struggling to breath, but she couldn't stop. For every fear labored breath she took, and image of Twilight gave her more strength.
“Don't. Please don't blame her. She didn't use the spell... she couldn't, because.. because I asked her not to. I begged her not to use the spell. It was me! Blame me... not Twilight. Please!”
“Why? Don't you want to come back to us? Dashie, you're the most loyal pony ever.. you- you can't just abandon me!” She opened her mouth but felt her lungs struggling to breath. She put her hoof to her chest, her heart rate was unsteady and her back and shoulder hurt like she was being stabbed. She coughed, closing one eye from the pain, but leaving one open, watching the pink pony.
“I- I'm not Rainbow Dash.” She coughed painfully, her mouth and throat were dry and her vision was starting to blur, though she couldn't tell if it was from her tears or the lack of oxygen. “I'm Vibrant Sunrise. I- I'm different than Rainbow Dash. I like to cook, and I love reading text books. I love being up to watch the sun rise every morning. I- I like living with Twilight and Spike. I want to keep living with them. I hate seeing Twilight sad. She's the only pony I have in the world and I want her to be happy! So please, I don't care if you hate me, I don't know you. But Twilight, she cares about all of you so much! Please, don't..” Her mind began to become hazy and her vision tunneled.
“Sunrise!” Twilight burst through the door and rushed to Sunrise's side. Her horn light up and pulled a small pill from a pouch on back of her chair.
“Sunrise, take this! Hurry!” She floated the pill into her mouth. Sunrise weakly swallowed as Twilight gently rubbed her back. She put her ear up against Sunrise's chest, listening to her heart beat. It was weak and unsteady at first but gradually became better. Sunrise's vision slowly returned to normal. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing.
“I-is she okay?”
“Quiet Pinkie! I need to hear her heart!” Twilight silenced her returning her focus back to sunrise. Her rhythm started to even out and her breaths steady. She felt a hoof touch her shoulder.
“Thank you Twilight. I'm alright now.”
“Twilight I'm sorry! I- I didn't.” Twilight turned around and stepping protectively between Pinkie and Sunrise. Panic left her eyes as they softened. She took a deep breath.
“No Pinkie, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you.” She looked back to Sunrise.
“Sunrise, we should go back to the hospital. Your heart could have..”
“Twilight, I said I'm fine. Besides, isn't there a reason we came here?”
“You nearly died! We need to go back to the hospital and...”
“Twilight.” Sunrise again cut her off. She rolled beside her and took her hoof into her own and placed it on her chest. Her heart beat was normal again. She took a big, deep breath to emphasize that she could breath again. “You aren't getting out of this that easily. You came here to talk to Pinkie Pie, and here she is.” Arguments flooded Twilight's mind. She wanted to protest, but she knew Sunrise would not yield. With an exasperated sigh she gave up.
“Fine, but promise me, if you feel anything unusual you'll tell me and we'll go to the hospital.” Sunrise nodded.
“I promise.” With that she turned her attention to Pinkie Pie. To her surprise, Pinkie didn't look very sad or upset. In fact she could see a familiar glimmer in her eyes. She felt renewed conviction, taking a deep breath she began.
“Pinkie Pie, meet Vibrant Sunrise. She's my friend. She's really smart and intuitive, she's stubborn sometimes but she's very nice. She's been living with me while she recovers and I was hoping you two could become friends.” Pinkie looked from Twilight to Sunrise incredulously. Then, instantly she broke into that huge Pinkie Pie smile that everypony knew.
“Of course I'll be her friend!” She blurted excitedly before happily bouncing over to Sunrise. She stopped only inches away from her face, still smiling brightly.
“Nice to meet you I'm Pinkie Pie but you can call me your new best friend! I would get out my cannon but I don't want you to be so overwhelmed with happiness that your heart explodes! So for now you'll just have to make do with this cake!” She pulled a cake almost as big as herself out of nowhere?.... Where did that cake come from?! It- I- but.. There wasn't any.. She looked to Twilight who was giggling to herself. I guess this is... normal? Oh well, Twilight's happy, Pinkie Pie is happy so I'll just leave it at that. Suddenly, in a blur of pink, hooves wrapped around her pulling her into a tight, but comfortable hug. Pinkie Pie embraced Sunrise with a certain tenderness, and then, she understood. That hug was for Rainbow Dash. She felt a warm breath near her ear.
“Goodbye...” Pinkie whispered in her ear before pulling away, smiling as though nothing happened.
“Well I have to go give gummy a bath! Oh look at that you can't carry that big a cake all the way home! I'll get you a smaller one!”
“Oh don't worry Pinkie, I can carry it with my magic. Though, I'm not sure it will fit in the fridge..” By the time she finished talking pinkie was already balancing the cake on her hoof, positioning it towards her mouth. Twilight gave a mental sigh. Oh Pinkie. as she finished her thought she had already immersed more than half the cake in her mouth and bit down. With a powerful gulp she swallowed it down and gave a refreshing gasp. A much more manageable sized cake was left over, strangely there weren't even any teeth marks.
“Here you go!” She said before running off into Sugar cube Corner. Twilight and Sunrise looked at each other, bemused, before breaking into fits of laughter.
“So that's Pinkie Pie?” She said, tapering off her giggles.
“Yep! See, I told you I knew my friends!” She smiled proudly, Sunrise smiled right along with her.
“I never should have doubted you.”
The two laughed as they walked into their home. The sun disappearing behind the horizon. Twilight opened the door with her magic, Sunrise rolled into the library with Twilight close behind.
“Wow, so she made that many copies of herself? And couldn't tell if she was the original or not? You guys get into some crazy things, though with someone like her around that's not necessarily a bad thing. She seems like the type who makes even the craziest situations fun. She sure was lucky to have you around though. That was good thinking Twilight.” She shut the door behind them as the stopped in the middle of the room.
“I guess, I know it would have worked out some how though. And yeah, we have had our share of adventures. Pinkie Pie is a life saver though, she really has a way of brightening up even the darkest of times.”
“Twilight, I have to apologize. For not giving you or your friends enough credit. I never thought she would take it so well. You're lucky to have such good ponies around you.” Twilight's chest puffed out a little with pride. They smiled at each other. Things are finally going well. Sunrise thought to herself.
Suddenly a cool night wind blew into the library as the door was flung open. They both spun around, Twilight's heart skipped a beat as time seemed to come to grinding halt. Adrenaline surged through her body at what she saw. Sunrise looked from Twilight, they way she looked at the pony who stood at the door made her worry that Twilight might have a heart attack. Twilight took a staggering step back. She barely whispered her name.
“S- Scootaloo.”
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
“Scootaloo.” Every nuance of Twilight's voice and expression was filled with fear. The moment she had been dreading the most, even the anxiety of confronting her friends paled in comparison to this. The small filly stood at the libraries entrance, looking to the floor in an eery silence. The kind of quiet that took place before a massive storm. Her mane obscured her eyes, but she was visibly trembling. The cold night air swirled around the library, wiping through her mane and tail. Twilight stood frozen, looking into her eyes, Sunrise could see another storm brewing in her closest friend's mind. The air felt electrified, charged with tension. Sunrise knew, one move could easily set it off. She looked slowly over to the filly.
“Scootaloo... I.” Twilight spoke, her words, though quiet, set off the pent up fury in the small filly. Sunrise's chest became tight.
“How dare you...”As she spoke she raised her head, glaring at Twilight with teary eyes. The wind howled outside, lashing through the libraries branches before coming to an unnerving dead stop. Twilight's wings slumped to her sides, her legs her shaking and eyes glistened.
“How dare you!” She screamed with so much rage and pain. Twilight staggered back, even stepping slightly behind Sunrise. Twilight... She's afraid. What should I do! I can feel my hear speeding up. If this goes to far.. I already had one event today, if I have another one so soon. No, I can't step in without risking my life.. But Twilight, I can't just do nothing!
“How dare you talk to me in that voice! Like you feel bad! This is all your fault Twilight Sparkle! I hate you!” She stomped up towards them. Though small, her anger made her just feel like a force to be afraid of. Twilight felt the urge to withdraw further, unconsciously moving further behind Sunrise. 'What have I done! Scootaloo, what can I say? I took your sister away from you forever, what can I possibly say to make this better? What can I do to make it all okay?' She rapidly glanced from Scootaloo to Sunrise, who seemed to be moving her chair between the enraged filly and herself.
Sunrise no. If you get involved, your heart. Then why? Why am I hiding. I- it's because, this time, there's nothing I can do! I can't do it this time! I can't face her, I can't even look her in the eyes after what I've done! I deserve to be hurt, but not Sunrise. Why can't they understand?! Why can't they just leave her alone?! She isn't Rainbow Dash. She's gone! She's gone forever... And that's all my fault. Not Sunrise's but mine!
“How could you!? She was your friend! She was loyal to you and, and you.. You wont even help her after what you've done! Applebloom told me. She told me it was because of you that Rainbow Dash got hurt. You always had to be right, and you- she paid for it and you're not going to do anything to make it better! Your the only one that can bring her back and you just wont! Why?!” At her last words Twilight stopped retreating. She was paralyzed by the sheer weight of her guilt. Tears effortlessly streamed down her muzzle. Scootaloo was standing, right in front of her now, glaring up at her. But Twilight, was lost in the storm of guilt and sorrow in her mind. The filly's words had cut deep and the still tender wounds in her heart. Sunrise struggled within herself. For the first time, she felt completely helpless and useless. There was nothing she could do as she watched Twilight's heart break.
It is all my fault. What can I do? There's no way to make this right. I- I can't use the spell, I wont do it. I wont betray Sunrise. She didn't ask for any of this! She was just born, into a life like this. Full of pain and destined to be unfairly short. Her throat became tight as she sobbed, her eyes were tired from crying but the tears wouldn't stop. This is so unfair! It would have been better if she were never born! Her eyes widened, and her tears stopped, and numb cold surged through her body.
“She was my sister Twilight! She was the closest thing to real family that I've ever known! She was going to take me under her wing, she was going to always be there for me and you- you took her from me. Twilight how could you? Now I'm all alone! The only one who ever understood me, the only one who I could open up to, and- and... What am I supposed to do now Twilight! What do I have to look forward to! I wanted her to see me be just like her, I wanted her to be there when I could finally fly. She- she was going to be the first pony I showed my cutie mark to... Twilight please, I'm begging you, I'll do anything. Please, please... bring her back to me.”
“Scootaloo... I can't. I can't do it. Please understand.”
“No Twilight! You never cared about her did you!? You were jealous of how confident she was. You wish you were half the mare she was!”
“T-that's not true! She was my best friend! I...”
“Then why wont you bring her back!?”
“Be- because.. I- I”
“You're no friend! You never even liked her! You're the worst thing that ever happened to her!”
“Scootaloo please... stop. Please..” She began crying again. She tried to keep the tears in, but she broke down. With choked sobs her tears fell.
“I hate you Twilight! I never want to see you again!” She raised her small hoof, nothing around her existed. She was blinded by anger and pain and with only one place to channel it. Twilight looked up at her, eyes wide with terror. But, not a fear of being struck. Images of her last moments with Rainbow Dash flashed through her mind. 'No! Not again. Not again. Scootaloo.' She could only picture the young filly flying away and suffering the same fate as her dear friend. An image of her falling out of the sky and plummeting to the earth flashed through her mind as the orange hoof sped towards her face. She closed her eyes as she braced herself for the impact. But it never came. She slowly opened her eyes. A blue hoof extended in front of her, holding the fillies in mid swing.
“R- Rainbow.”
“Rainbow Dash is dead. She's gone forever and you need to get over it!” She forced Scootaloo's hoof back to the ground, she struggled but Sunrise was too strong.
“Clinging to such a weak pony like her, it's pathetic! You aspire be like that? I don't know much about her, but I don't need to know much to understand her. She was that shallow. She couldn't handle the truth and neither can you. So congratulations, you are already like her! You're insecure so you admire a pony who you think is strong and happy, and you try to emulate her. But, It wont fix you. You'll always be like you are. Insecure, unhappy and weak. You want to be like somepony who would hurt someone as kind and good as Twilight? Look what happened to her. She died!” She struggled, trying to pull her hoof out of Sunrise's grasp, she was unyielding. She tugged with all her might but she couldn't get free. She was crying, her eyes were shut tight.
“L-let me go!”
“Rainbow Dash was pathetic and so are you. You think you can fix yourself but you cant. You think that if everyone looks up to you, if you have the spot light, that you will finally be happy with yourself but you wont.” Scootaloo shook her head, tears squeezing out of her tightly shut eyes. Her fighting became weaker and weaker.
“You'll always be just as flawed. No amount of adulation will change how you see yourself.”
“Stop! Shut up! You're wrong! You're wrong!”
“You know I'm right. You know, no matter who you impress or what you do, you'll never love yourself. You lost the one pony that was as weak and lost as you and now you're all alone!”
“Sunrise stop it!” Twilight pulled Sunrise's hoof off the fillies. She took deep, steady breaths. Focusing on keeping her heart rate down. Scootaloo cradled her hoof in her other and cried through shut eyes before turning around and running out the door. What was I thinking!? What have I done? I- I had to do something. She was going to hurt Twilight! Twilight's horn light up, closing the door with her magic she turned to Sunrise.
“Sunrise. I- I know why you did it. I know you were trying to protect me. But Sunrise, what you did to Scootaloo, how am I supposed to live with myself knowing that that was my fault. All of this is my fault! I hurt Scootaloo, that poor filly just lost the most important filly in the world to her and.. and now she's been torn apart like that.” Her voice was strained and tired. She looked like she would collapse under the mere weight of the air above her.
“I- I'm sorry Twilight! Please don't blame yourself. It was my fault! I- I couldn't see you get hurt, I just couldn't watch and do nothing Twilight!” She smiled weakly and shook her head.
“I know you couldn't. But you're wrong Sunrise. It's all my fault. All of it. Rainbow Dash's death, your unfair birth and life, The pain my friends are in and the hurt Scootaloo has to go through. Everything is because of me. You should have let her hit me, at least hate, is less painful than what you did to her.” Despite the tears that poured from her eyes, she held that painful, frail smile. “Sunrise, sometimes, ponies just need time with their lies you know? It doesn't matter if it's not true, we need them. When the truth hurt so much that the lies become part of who you are, it's not wrong to keep them. I miss it Sunrise, I miss being able to lie to myself.”
“Twilight... I'm sorry. I..” Twilight gave a painful laugh.
“Twilight, I didn't want to hurt her, and more than anything I don't want to see you hurt. The quicker she realizes that I'm not Rainbow Dash, the quicker she can move on. I may have have been to hard on her but, I did the right thing. Twilight, please don't blame yourself for my choice. None of this is your fault, it's mine. So, don't blame yourself.” Twilight shook her head again, looking down at the floor.
“Goodnight Sunrise.” She said simply, turning towards the stairs.
“Twilight... You don't deserve to feel like this.” She stopped for a moment. Sunrise hoped she had gotten through to her, but she only continued weakly up the stairs. Sunrise sat in the middle of the empty room, the last sound she heard was that of Twilight's door closing. She closed her eyes and sank into her thoughts.
I wanted to protect you, I didn't want you to carry any of the responsibility for my choices. I really have grown too attached. Twilight, you shouldn't feel bad, you don't deserve it. I'm thankful to you for so many things. You gave me a place to live, you were my friend when no one else could even see me and I have had so many great times with you. I'm happy, everyday, that I'm alive... and it's all thanks to you. Twilight, I never regretted being born, not even for an instant. I was wrong today. Today, I lost. I hurt a filly and Twilight at once. Where does my obsession with the truth come from? I know though, that it's right. I know that a lie may feel better, but, it blinds you to the damage it does to your soul. Twilight, I'll never let you do that to yourself, no matter what you say, you are too good a pony to let that happen to you. But, I did. Your hurt now, and it's my fault. I need to do something. I can't leave things like this!
She spun around in her chair, the hard rubber screeching against the floor. She sped to the door, eyes ablaze with determination. I have to fix this!
She had wandered around Ponyville for hours, even passing by some places multiple times. The air was just cold enough to where she was regretting not bringing a jacket. 'At least I'm building a decent mental map of the town.' She came to a sudden stop in front of a familiar building. The walls seemed to be made of ginger bread adorn with icing.
“I wonder if Pinkie Pie would.. No, it's unlikely and she would certainly be asleep.” With a deep sigh she closed her eyes and turned away from Sugar Cube Corner. A wave of depression filled her body, she felt lonely and lost. I'm really starting to question how logical this was. She's definitely at home, asleep. Even is I found her, After what I did, what would I say? I- I found her deepest fears, her most hidden insecurities, feelings and worries that she wouldn't even share with her best friend, feelings she likely wouldn't even think about and I ruthlessly attacked her with them. I- I never knew, just how much I was capable of hurting somepony. She wrapped her forelegs around her chest and brought her knees up against them. Huddled into a ball she clenched her teeth and cried into her own arms. Not since Her second day at the hospital had she felt so alone. Twilight, I'm so sorry. I- I never wanted you to get hurt, and in the end, it was because of that that you did get hurt. Twilight, I miss you. I don't think I can fix this, but if I don't, if I don't you might..
“Vibrant Sunrise, you need not cry.” A gentle but authoritative voice spoke. Sunrise's head shot up. Normally her ears were sharp enough to hear a pony coming, especially in the silence of the night. She felt a sudden sense of reverence at the dark alicorn who stood before her. She seemed much like the princess she had met in the hospital. She had a flowing ethereal mane that looked like a swath of the night sky itself. In it she could made out the shimmering of stars. The atmosphere her mere presence projected instilled a sense of peace in Sunrise. Her muscles relaxed as the calm washed away the sadness.
“Who are you?” She could not help the hint of wonder in her voice as she beheld the stranger.
“I am Princess Luna, keeper of the night and all things in it.”
“Princess? Are you?” The princess calmly interjected.
“Yes, you have already met my sister. Together we control the eternal cycle of the sun and moon, as we have for milenia.”
“You control the sun and moon? That's... amazing.” She gave a soft laugh and smiled at Sunrise.
“Thank you. It is always a pleasure to hear that wonderment for our efforts.”
“But, why are you here? You're a princess, shouldn't you be in a more fitting place? I don't see a place fit for a Princess here.”
“As I said, I watch over the night and all that is within it. Something seems to be lost in my darkness, I am here to help it find it's place.”
“Are you... talking about me?”
“My sky is beautiful this night, nary a cloud to obscure the splendor of the moon and stars. So I must ask, how does one get lost with all the guiding light of the cosmos in full view? Are you perhaps lost, in a way that my gentle lights can not guide?” The princess smiled at Sunrise, moonlight glinting radiantly from her eyes, the light scattering off of them, from the right perspective, resembled an aurora. Sunrise looked down at her chest, her eyes filled again with sadness.
“I hurt ponies. I hurt them in the worst ways I could and there's no way to make it right. I don't want to be alone, but my presence only hurts the ones I care about. I'm torn, princess, between what I want for myself, and what is best for others. What can I do? I don't want to be alone! My life is going to be short and painful, and the last thing I want is to leave this world with no one beside me!” Tears flowed down her face, falling into drops that refracted the soft light of the moon making them appear like ice before splashing down to her lap.
“There is a mare who knows all too well the loneliness of isolation. She once felt so shunned and alone she did something terrible and she paid the price. The price was being alone for a very long time. The feeling of loneliness is a deep and powerful one, it is a despair none should know. But, loneliness is never truly alone. We all touch the lives of others, and when one is alone, their isolation creates a void in another, whether you know it or not. You being here now, left a void where you were, and a void await where you will eventually take up. There are those alone by your absence now, and only you can fill that void. There may not be an answer to your question, but there is one certainty, you are not alone alone.”
“I don't... I don't know if I entirely understand princess. If that's true then, it's unfair. It mean none of us can escape the hurt.”
“That may be so, but, what you fill that emptiness with, is your choice. You must simply have a strong enough heart to overcome the void, and find the light that can fill it.” Sunrise slowly looked from the princess to her chest. She brought her hoof over if and closed her eyes. 'A strong heart.'
“Princess.... Thank... you?.” When she looked up she saw nothing but the still, dark houses and the dirt path in front of her. The princess had vanished. Suddenly a comfortable, warm breeze swept around her, that breeze carried a voice that whispered to her from the wind.
“Fill the void.” It whispered before the breeze and it faded away into the stillness of the night. She took a deep breath, the scent of the night filling her nostrils. Looking up into the clear night sky, she marveled at the majesty of the night sky, the dots of light reflecting in her eyes like a mirror. Suddenly a ball of light streaked across the sky, watching the beautiful trail of light left in it's wake she felt an impetus, she rolled her wheelchair following the path the light took.
It didn't take her long before she found a small, grassy park. There were a ring of logs lying on the ground around the flat grassy area. It was peaceful, the only sound was a quiet hum of crickets and the gentle breeze rustling through the trees. As she drew closer she found that she was not the only pony who was out at this absurd hour. The silhouette of a small figure sat alone on the log in front of her. 'No, it can't be her. There's no way she would be awake this late, let alone outside. But, Princess Luna, I feel she sent me here for a reason.' She gathered her courage and rolled towards the figure. With out even turning to face her, the figure spoke. Her voice was strained and she swallowed a sob as she spoke, she had been crying for a long while.
“Did Twilight bring you back?” Sunrise was struck with a wave of guilt, but the princess' words echoes in her mind and gave her strength.
“No.”
“T- then I have nothing to say!” She still refused to face Sunrise, but, without seeing her eyes, she could feel in her heart what she had to do. She smiled as she rolled closer, her wheels bumping into the makeshift bench.
“We need to talk Scootaloo.” At the mention of her name she spun around, glaring at Sunrise with eyes burning with anger.
“You want to talk? What more can you say!? You stole her body! You tore her friends apart, you- you hurt me! You- you're not...”
“Say it!” Sunrise provoked at Scootaloo's hesitance. Scootaloo recoiled. She knew what she was going to say, the one thing she didn't want to admit had almost slipped through her lips. But Sunrise had caught it, there was no way to hide it now.
“You.. you..”
“Say it!”
“I can't!” She put her hooves on the filly's shoulders and looked deep into her eyes.
“Say it!”
“I.. I can't. I can't do it. Please stop.” Tears began to pool in the corners of her eyes again.
“Scootaloo. Am I Rainbow Dash?” For the first time, Scootaloo looked at Sunrise. Not at Rainbow Dash, not as an object of her anger, but as Sunrise. There was a permeating quiet that passed between them before Scootaloo's soft, labored whimper broke the silence.
“No... you're not.” At those words Sunrise took her hooves off her shoulders. “You're not Rainbow Dash... But, if you aren't then she really is...” The hot drops began streaming out of her eyes, they burned but, she couldn't stop them.
“Oh Scootaloo, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything! What I said, I can never take it back. I hurt you, and I am so sorry.” Sunrise's tears mirrored Scootaloo's as she poured out her heart, she was completely open to the filly, the only thing she could do that might make it okay. She was as hurt and scared as Scootaloo and she wanted to share that hurt with her. Because, that was how they would move forward. It was the only way to fill the void. Scootaloo looked away from her, to the ground she kicked a small flower before speaking.
“You were right. Everything you said was right. I am weak and Rainbow Dash, she... she was always so confident and strong. Everypony looked up to her and she always acted like she could do anything and she believed it so hard that she usually could. I thought, if I were in her place, maybe I could feel for myself, what I felt watching her.”
“You don't need somepony to look up to or to aspire to be. That way, you're just making yourself more alone, always trying to live up to something that isn't you. Nopony needs a pony to be behind, to aspire to be like, because what will you have when you reach them? Can they stay beside you? You can't unlearn that feeling of idolizing somepony easily. No, nopony should be alone, but that void should be filled with the ponies that stand beside you, not in front of you.” She was quiet, staring intently at the small flower for a long moment before responding without looking up from it.
“I lied to myself, I told myself everything would be perfect when I became just like her. I guess, I knew deep down that it wasn't true but, I couldn't face it. What do I have left now for my future?! I wanted to be just like her, but now she's gone. It hurts so much, I don't know if I can handle it! I almost hit Twilight because I couldn't deal with losing her. I- if you didn't stop me I- I would have! But I understand now! I was so stupid! She was doing the right thing! You're not her, you're not Rainbow Dash, and... Oh Sunrise! How can you do it? When nopony even knows you're there? They all want you gone and, and how can you live like that!” They looked into each others eyes. Clearly, the filly knew more about the loneliness Sunrise had been living with since her birth than any pony her age should. It was only then, that Sunrise truly understood what Princess Luna had meant.
“You don't. No pony can live like that on their own. Not without damaging your heart, and not in a physical way. No, I can't handle it alone. I owe my life to the pony that walks beside me. And, it wasn't just you, I hurt her to. I hurt her, and then I left her all alone. But, I know we'll be okay, because... I just know. Scootaloo, it's hard living like this but, you don't need somepony else to be like, no, more than anyone else, you need to find yourself. Break away from every lie you have ever told yourself and just be you. It's not too late.”
“You can. And Scootaloo, if you want, I could stay beside you. And we can grow together.” She spoke with an intensity that resonated strongly in the filly. She was serious, she wanted to help Scootaloo and she knew, Scootaloo could help her.
“You- you want to be my friend?”
“Why not? I mean, we both need to learn to fly. So we could learn together. And, if you ever need to just talk, you can always come to me. Scootaloo, I know it's sudden and I know it's too soon but, I would really like it if we could be friends.” She smiled hopefully. Scootaloo only looked down at her lap, downcast. Sunrise's hopes began to crumble. Then, a small flash of light caught her eye. She looked to the night sky. Balls of light streaked across the sky, painting it with their bright blue tails that melded with the dim glow of mornings first light. She stole a quick glance at the filly beside her who stared up with the same look of awe Sunrise wore. They watched the shower together quietly for minutes before Scootaloo softly but definitely spoke.
“Why not?” Sunrise smiled as she brought her attention to the beautiful display in the sky. Just by this short meeting, they had helped fill the void in each other. Both becoming a little more whole than before. The darkness they were lost in illuminated by the light, a glow that filled even the greatest of emptiness. It was acceptance, it was truth and above all, it was friendship. Soon, Sunrise would return home, to fill the void left by her leaving, a void in the pony she most cared for. She return by her side and everything, would be okay.
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
After the magnificent display of lights in the sky, Sunrise and Scootaloo parted ways. She was filled with renewed happiness and optimism. She wasn't alone anymore. She had Twilight and Spike, Pinkie Pie and now even Scootaloo. She knew things would be strained by the events of last night, but she also knew that she could make things better. Twilight was likely still angry, she was right to be. Twilight, I’m coming home. I fixed things with Scootaloo, we’re friends now. She was hurting a lot and, somehow, she understood how I was hurting. She understood the position that I’m in. I thought I might be able to help her move forward, and I did, but I was surprised by how much, she helped me. I have a new and great friend in her and I couldn't be happier. Well, almost couldn't be happier. She stopped at the library door, surprised to find that she felt nervous as her hoof hovered just above the handle. What will I say? Why am I so nervous? She’ll understand, all I have to do is apologize and tell her that i fixed things with Scootaloo… Right? Will that be enough? That look she gave me, It broke my heart to see her like that. I don’t think simple words will be enough… but it’s a start. She steeled herself as she slowly opened the door. It was dim in the library, the only light coming from the early morning sun. Nopony was awake. Twilight would usually be awake by now. She rolled into the library, quietly shutting the door behind her. Scanning the room she found a small figure curled up in a pile of books.
“Spike.” She whispered, getting no response from the baby dragon.
“Spike.” She whispered again, prodding him with her hoof.
“Ahh!” He shot up, scattering the books around him. He frantically looked around the room, still dazed from sleep, before settling his gaze on Sunrise.
“Oh, It’s you.” He said with a hint of venom. Sunrise was hardly surprised. She simply gave a light smile.
“Yeah, It’s just me... How’s Twilight doing?” Spike narrowed his eyes folded his arms.
“How do you think she’s doing?” He said accusingly. Sunrise glanced up the stairs towards Twilight’s room. The light was still off.
“Not well if you’re sleeping out here.”
“If you knew then why did you bother asking?”
“Don’t worry Spike, I’m going to fix this.” She said determinately.
“You better! I’ve tried everything, but she’s really bummed out. You started this so you need to fix it!” He pointed his claw at her.
Twilight, what aren’t you telling me? I know this is hard but, you’re stronger than this, I know you are. There’s something deeper that she’s hiding from me… and perhaps even from herself. I need to help her.
“Spike, can you help me up the stairs?” Spike glared at her dubiously, even suspiciously.
“You want me to help her? Well to do that I need to talk to her. Do you want to help Twilight or not?” She knew he couldn’t say no, and she was right.
“Fine.” Spike huffed, padding over to the bottom of the stairs with Sunrise behind him. Sunrise put her hoof around the small dragon’s shoulder and slowly leaned forward, putting her weight on him. Her braced legs limply bumping against the steps. Gritting her teeth she placed her free hoof on the first step and pulled forward out of her chair. Spike buckled, nearly losing his balance at the introduction of her weight. Slowly they made their way up the stairs.
“Spike?” She asked in a groan, her hoof straining painfully to keep pulling her mostly dead weight.
“What?” He snapped spitefully as he pulled her up the stairs.
“What do you think of me?”
“Why do you care?”
“We’ve been living together for a bit now and, I’ve enjoyed our time together. But, today you seem to have a great deal of animosity for me. Also, you never brought up anything about Rainbow Dash to me, were you not close?” They came to a stop half way up the stairs, Spike seeming to refuse to make eye contact with Sunrise. After a long moment he began pulling again.
“I think, I’ve never seen Twilight as sad or cry as much as since you showed up. If it were up to me, you wouldn't be staying here. And, I never brought up Rainbow Dash because Twilight asked me not to. But, since you asked, Twilight was much happier when Dash was around. Rainbow Dash was twice the friend you are. She would never let Twilight end up like this and she wouldn't be doing what you’re doing to her friends.” As he finished they reached the last steps. Sunrise closed her eyes and smiled.
“I’m going to make things right.” Spike released her in front of Twilight;s door her legs lying limp and useless on the floor. He turned back to the stairs and, without turning to face her, responded.
“If you really want to make things better, let Twilight use the memory spell or get out of our lives.” Before she could reply he made his way down the stairs.
No Spike, Rainbow Dash is gone. The memory Spell won’t work. You care for Twilight, and you want to protect her, I thought the same way, but we are wrong. Twilight is strong, what she needs isn’t to be protected, but to be supported. She needs to face the painful truths, it’s the right thing. But she doesn’t need to face them alone. I’ll continue to confront her with the truth, it may hurt, but only for a minute. It will hurt her for much longer if she indulges in lies for her heart’s sake. I’ll never let that happen to her. I, more than anything, want to see Twilight Sparkle, truly happy. With that thought she brought her hoof to Twilight’s door. The sound echoed through the room, but no response came. The floor was beginning to feel cold and uncomfortable.
“Twilight, I know you’re in there. Please, open the door. I want to talk to you and… I need to tell you how sorry I am.” A very long moment of silence passed with Sunrise waiting eagerly at her door, her hope quickly fading. She brought her hoof up once again but, before she could knock a light purple glow enveloped the knob. The door slowly pulled itself open. Twilight’s room was amazing, shelves full of books and stairs carved out of the tree leading up to her bed, above which was a large porthole window with a telescope in front of it. Twilight looked down to Sunrise from her bed. Eyes widening as she saw her friend laying pathetically on the floor.
“Sunrise! What are you doing on the floor?!” Her horn lit up and suddenly Sunrise found herself beside Twilight’s bed, in her wheelchair.
“Thanks Twilight, and sorry to bother you so early in the morning. I guess you probably wanted to sleep in but, I just needed to talk to you and..”
“Never mind that! Why were you on the floor? You could have set your recovery back by weeks!” Her eyes were filled with sympathy and worry as she looked over Sunrise’s legs. Her horn again lit up. Closing her eyes she focused her magic, engulfing sunrise’s hind legs in her magic. The pain she had felt in them began to ebb as it always did when Twilight used her magic on her. It had become something of a ritual for them, though, with the all that happened last night, they had not done it.
“I’m fine Twilight, I have no right to ask you to be worried for me. After what I did, I should be worrying about you, I should be taking care of you.” Twilight looked up at Sunrise from her bed, with tears in her wide purple eyes. Sunrise reached her hoof out, taking Twilight’s in hers. She looked deep into Twilight’s eyes, her own filled with sorrow and regret. They held their gaze for a minute, feeling exchanging through their eyes faster than words could speak.
“Twilight, I’m so sorry for what I did to Scootaloo. I’m sorry for leaving you alone. I’m sorry for all the hurt you’ve had to go through protecting me. I..”
“Sunrise, where were you?! You were gone all night! I- I thought… you left. I was so scared Sunrise! You could have had another attack and I wouldn’t be able to help you!” She spoke frantically, tears pouring down her face as she shakily held tight to Sunrise’s hoof.
“I know Twilight, I’m sorry. I- I had to do something. The way you looked at me after what I did to Scootaloo, and what you said.. Oh Twilight, please understand! I never want to see you hurt, you’re the most important pony in the world to me, my first and closest friend, the only family I have in the world. I was trying to protect you, but you need to know. I’ll never let you lie to yourself, I won’t watch you destroy your heart with lies because it’s spares you that short lived pain. That’s what lies do Twilight, they destroy your heart. A lie that protects your feelings will eventually became a part of you, a poisonous and dark part of you. You were right Twilight, when you said that the lies will eventually become a part of you and I won’t let that happen to you! Please understand, please…” She firmly wrapped her other hoof around Twilight’s, she could feel Twilight’s heartbeat, it was fast, but strong and steady. Their combined tears fell onto their hooves.
“Twilight, I went out last night to try and fix things. I had to make amends for what I did to Scootaloo, and… to you. I needed to make things right. Twilight, I thought you would hate me! I haven’t felt so lost or alone since before you took me in. I realized what you meant to me, I learned what I was willing to risk and willing to do to keep my happy life with you and Spike. Yes, despite everything that’s happened, I still love my life. I learned what it means to feel alone, and what that does to those you are close to. Twilight, when I found Scootaloo, I understood, that I can use my gift for understanding ponies to help them, and more importantly than that, I found a friend, a pony who could empathise with me, In Scootaloo. Scootaloo and I are friends now Twilight. I made everything alright, I made it all better. So, please Twilight, dont hate me, I don’t want to live without you.” She was trembling.Tears flowed uncontrollably down her face. She felt Twilight’s warm hoof pull away from hers, leaving a cold emptiness in its wake. Shutting her eyes tightly, she gave a pain filled smile. So it wasn’t enough. She’s going to leave me. Spike was right though, I’ve caused nothing but pain for her. I should leave, but I’m selfish… I don’t want to die alone. I.. Twilight I love.. She was torn from her thoughts as she felt her body being pulled down by hooves. When she stopped, her head was resting on something warm and soft. Then, she heard a sound, a heartbeat. Opening her eyes, she saw nothing but a sea of purple. She looked up to see Twilight’s head resting on her own. She felt her hot tears seeping into her mane as Twilight sobbed.
“I know Sunrise, I know. You can help them. You can save them, just like you saved me. Sunrise, I don’t hate you. You’re the only one who has stood beside me in all of this. Spike, he’s there for me but, he doesn’t understand. Sunrise, you saw through it all, you saw the real me under all the grief and, when no one else could, you pulled me free. It’s thanks to you that I can move on. You’re my best friend Sunrise, and- and I can’t lose you. Please, don’t run away like that again. I’ve already lost one pony I cared about, She ran away from me to, and, I’ll never see her again. I’ll never be able to say goodbye. Don’t make me go through that again Sunrise, not with you. Please..” She squeezed Sunrise, pulling her tight against her chest as Twilight cried into her shoulder. Sunrise returned the embrace, pressing her cheek against Twilight’s warm, soft fur. They cried together, for a long while they held each other and cried. The warm morning sun’s beams falling softly on their fur. The warmth of their bodies, combined with the gentle caress of the sun and their exhaustion, they were soon lulled into a peaceful, deep sleep in each others hooves. As they slept, a content smile glowed on both their faces.
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
A bright but gentle light stirred Sunrise from her comfortable sleep. She was resting against something soft and warm, she was almost too comfortable to get up. Slowly she opened her eyes, which she quickly regretted as she swiftly shut them tight as the bright sun light streaming in from the window met her eyes. After a brief recoil she turned her head away from the light and opened her eyes again. She was more than surprised to find that she had slept much of the day away, though she had been up all night. Her thoughts still hazy she looked down to the comfortable warmth she was curled around. A warm smile spread across her face as she remembered the events earlier that day. Twilight Sparkle was sound asleep beneath her, breathing gently and steadily, she was still fast asleep.
She looks so peaceful. Its a side of her I have never seen. With all the stress I have been putting her through, I'm happy I can see her like this. I think, I'll let her sleep... With that thought she carefully lay back beside her. Carefully laying her tail over Twilight's. Again she felt warm, but this time, it was a different warmth, a deeper one from with in. She was beaming. Surprised at just how happy something so simple was making her.
What is this? This feeling I get when I'm with her? I'm only taking a nap and yet, I feel so happy that it's with her. Am I... falling in love, with Twilight Sparkle? She watched her closest friend sleep, her face was calm and peaceful, every once in a while her ear would twitch slightly. She must have been comfortable as well because she had a small trail of drool pooling on her sheets. And, to her surprise, Sunrise found even that endearing, maybe even.. cute? Lost in thought she was unable to hear the patter of small claws coming up the stairs. Suddenly, a sharp knock at the door jarred her from her thoughts.
“Hey! Are you Two in there? It's almost Three!” Spike called from behind the door. Twilight's comfortable look transformed into a small grimace. She slowly opened her eyes, her body trembled as she stretched herself.
“Uhg, What time... Sunrise!?” Upon setting her eyes on her friend she jumped back, eyes wide with surprise. I guess she's awake now. She smiled to herself.
“Good morning Twilight. Sleep well?” She asked nonchalantly, smiling.
“Oh I'm so sorry Sunrise that was completely inappropriate! I don't usually fall asleep like that, I don't know what came over me.” Her eyes looked around the room, nervously avoiding Sunrise, a light blush beginning to appear on her face. Sunrise gave a reassuring smile.
“Don't worry about it Twilight, neither of us got much sleep so it's understandable.”
“Y- yeah, that's true!” She said, relieved to have an out.
“Let's go make breakfast. Well, I guess it would be lunch now.” She giggled softly. Twilight nodded, upon realizing the empty feeling in her stomach. She had not eaten since yesterday.
“That sounds like a good idea. Let's eat.” Twilight assisted Sunrise back into her wheelchair and they made their way to the door with Twilight pushing Sunrise in front of her.
“Twilight, after we eat I'm going out for a bit..” Twilight stopped with a bemused look on her face.
“Oh, okay. Where are we going?”
“Actually Twilight, I kind of have to go alone... But don't worry, I'll be with friends so I'll be alright.” For a moment Twilight looked downcast, perhaps even a little hurt, but it was soon replaced with a tepid smile.
“Okay, but be careful. Don't let your heart rate go too high, and take you're pills before you go. Also don't forget to bring your nitrates and...” Sunrise silenced Twilight, placing a hoof tenderly on hers. Twilight stopped and looked down to Sunrise's eyes, brimming with reassuring calm.
“It'll be okay” Sunrise smiled, softly massaging Twilight's hoof with her own. Twilight took in the details of the look in her eyes, and the tranquility of her smile. After a moment, with a gentle sigh, she smiled back a Sunrise.
“I know, I'm sorry.” Still smiling, Sunrise shook her head at Twilight's apology.
“Don't be, without you, I would likely be... well, dead by now. I owe you so much for everything I put you through Twilight. I'll be back soon, I promise.” Her voice carried a hint of excitement and eagerness that made Twilight curious, but she brushed the thought aside. I'm sure she'll tell me when she's ready, and it's been too long since she's seemed this happy.
“Okay, I'll see you when you come home.” They were both brimming with happiness as Twilight and Sunrise left her room, Twilight closing the door behind them.
“I'm extremely fortunate.” Sunrise said quietly to herself as she left Golden Oak Library, Smiling contently the whole way. I had no family, no home, no memories and no friends. Then, Twilight, in her misplaced desire to have her old friend back, took me in. It was hard for both of us but now, I can't imagine my life without her. Probably because it would likely have ended already. Through all of this, even though my life will be short... If Twilight will be with me through all of it, then it will be a thirty years worth a lifetime. That is how I feel. It doesn't matter if it's not reciprocated, just the fact that I could get so close to somepony. Perhaps though, I'm jumping the gun. It doesn't matter, today is about her not my feelings. With that thought, her purpose was reinvigorated. With a determined smile she began looking around town for her targets, it didn't take long for Sunrise to spot one of her friends walking in the opposite direction from her with two other fillies not far from herself. She rolled her chair faster, but being careful not to get her heart rate going too high. It's wasn't long before she caught up to them.
“Hey Scootaloo, can we talk?” Scootaloo whirled around excitedly but her excitement was short lived as the site of Sunrise in her wheelchair reminded her of the reality. Rainbow Dash was still gone. With a glum look she turned to her friends who were eying Sunrise nervously with suspicion.
“Sorry, could you give us a minute? I'll catch up.” Her voice had a hint of melancholy as she spoke. Her two friends looked nervously at each other.
“You sure?” Said the filly with the large pink bow. Sunrise remembered seeing the filly before and her drawl was familiar.
“Scootaloo nodded. “I'm sure.” She said reassuringly.
“Well, alright... We'll see ya soon then.” She said unconvinced. Still the two fillies began to take their leave, but not before a warning glare from the one with the bow was directed at Sunrise. Scootaloo waved to her friends as the left before turning back to Sunrise.
“So what's up?” She said in awkward nervousness.
“Yeah guys, what's up!?” A voice chimed suddenly in causing Scootaloo to jump. They turned their heads simultaneously to see a pink earth pony smiling brightly at them.
“Pinkie Pie! You nearly gave me a heart at.. um... you, uh.. scarred me.” She averted her eyes from Sunrise and rubbed her neck with her hoof awkwardly. Sunrise however was looking excitedly at Pinkie.
“Pinkie, perfect timing! Would you girls help me set up a date for me and Twilight?” Scootaloo's jaw dropped but Pinkie's smile was unfazed.
“Sure!”
“A date!?” Scootaloo exclaimed.
“Yes, a date. Look, I put Twilight through so much and she has been there for me despite it all. She has stayed by my side and I want to show her how much she means to me. You two are the only other friends I have. Wont you please help me?” She asked hopefully.
“Wait! You want to take Twilight out on a date? Like a date date? As in a special somepony kind of date?” Scootaloo asked bewildered. Her question gave Sunrise pause for thought thought. She reflected on what Scootaloo was implying. Is she right? Is that really how I feel about her? Twilight... My special somepony? What does that mean? Somepony who is special to me? Is Twilight special to me? Of course she is... does that mean I love her though? I don't know, Twilight means so much to me and, a life without her would be sad and short for me indeed. Does she feel the same way? It's unlikely, Somehow, I think her feelings for Rainbow Dash ran deep, She may acknowledge me as my own pony now, she may even be my friend now, but love is an entire different thing. Is it even right for me to put her in that position? It's hasn't been long since she lost her friend, and, it's not as easy to move on when you have to look at the face of the pony you lost every day. That's just one of the things I like about her though, she's so strong. I feel good when I'm around her, so maybe, I do feel that way for her. But, It wouldn't be fair to her to tell her this. I'll treat her to this date, for me, for my feelings and because I want to see her smile for as long as I can. If I could see her smile everyday for the rest of my life, even if I die only a few years from now, it will have been a life well spent. In a motion to subtle for either Scootaloo or Pinkie to see, she nodded to herself.
“Scootaloo, all I know is, I want Twilight to be happy. I think this date will make her happy.”
“Make her happy, or make you happy?” Scootaloo said in a slightly accusatory tone, Sunrise smiled at her with a hint of pride at how insightful the filly was. She had been seen through.
“I'll be happy to spend time with Twilight, but the objective is to make her happy, and that in turn will make me happier. So, will you two help me? Please, you are the only other friends I have.”
“Of course we'll help!” Pinkie said, placing a hoof on Sunrise's shoulder. Scootaloo's answer came more slowly but, with a small sigh she nodded.
“So what will you need?” Scootaloo asked. At that question Sunrise gave a devilish grin.
“Do you know where we could get a cherry picker?”
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
I know I already have everything set up, and I already asked Pinkie Pie, as well as Scootaloo and her friends... But even so... Sunrise nervously thought to herself as she rolled over the bumpy streets of Ponyville to Golden Oak Library. The sun was getting lower in the sky, allotting her just enough time to do everything she planned. The amount of though she put into the actual endeavor was far greater than the though she put in to whether she should even be doing it in the first place. I know how I feel about Twilight, well, I feel like I know how I feel about her anyway. She's the first pony that I got close to, she took care of me and treated me like family. It was hard at times, but I know she genuinely cares for me, not Rainbow Dash, but me. Maybe I developed these feeling because she was taking care of me... That possibility filled her body with a wave of depression. She slowed her wheelchair to a crawl. She wished she could stop time to allow her to process all her doubts. She knew she couldn't postpone for long, and more than anything she knew there was no absolute answer to find comfort or solace in. When I picture my life without her, it's bleak and cold. The scents of her and the library, the sound of Spike and Twilight organizing books while Twilight hums cheerfully and seeing her smile at me everyday, that's been all I've known outside of that cold hospital, the things that make me the happiest, all revolve around Twilight. I think that's as sure as anypony can be when it comes to feeling of the heart. She looked up to the sky, the suns warm soft light washed over her fur and a cool, gentle breeze caressed the delicate white gown she wore. The halter top sundress and matching sun hat she wore were both a contribution to her plan from the young filly unicorn named Sweetie Belle. Apparently designed by her older sister. The weather was perfect and she and her new friends had already put so much effort in, she knew, come what may, she couldn't delay any longer. With fire of determination in her eyes, she picked up her pace.
It wasn't long before the library came into site and her determination began to once again whither as she approached the door. 'Well, I sorted out how I feel, more or less. But, what about Twilight? What does she feel, and are her feeling really for me? I know I'm good at reading ponies. Come on Sunrise, what to you see in Twilight's heart? What does she feel? ' She closed her eyes and focused, running though Twilight's every expression, every change in tone and every word. Her mind clouded with euphoria, she was swept away in her own mind thinking of how she wanted Twilight to feel. Try as she might, she couldn't be unbiased. She wanted it too badly. Somewhere in the haze of emotions, she just felt that there was something there. Something Twilight felt especially for her. But I can't be sure. If this goes wrong, it could ruin what I have with her... If it goes very wrong it could kill me tonight. What if I only end up hurting her? What if she just say no right on the spot? How could we still be friends like normal after that? It's safe just to keep on the way things have been, I haven't even known her for very long...
“Sunrise? What are you doing just sitting out here?” The sudden voice made Sunrise jump. A cold feeling quickly spread over her body, she knew that even that little shock could be too much for her fragile heart. Suddenly her fears were confirmed as her heart rhythm became erratic and fast. She felt a sharp pain in her chest. She clutched it in pain.
“Sunrise! Sunrise, your pill!” Twilight said frantically, stepping out of the library to Sunrise's side. Turning her head Sunrise bit down on a small lever like device on the side of her chair, causing it to dispense a small white pill. Without any water she swallowed, struggling to gulp it down against the tightness in her chest. After a strained moment she she slowly began to recover. Making sure to take slow deep breaths she rubbed her chest gently.
“Oh Sunrise, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to scare you like that I..” Twilight stood over her, her eyes on the brink of tears and her face full of worry and... almost panic. Sunrise felt a strong sense of guilt sweep over her. This isn't starting off well, I haven't even asked her out yet and I almost died. Now she's worried and guilty. All the more reason to call it off... No. I can't, or rather, I wont. I have to know, I have to see if she could ever share my feelings. My feelings as well, I need to know if they're true. Perhaps I'm putting too much on a single event. One date is not an indicator for an entire relationship. But it is a start...
“Sunrise, Sunrise say something. We need to get you to the Hospital, come on.” Twilight began to turn to the back of Sunrise's wheel chair when she felt a hoof on her shoulder.
“No Twilight, I'm alright, I'm sorry. I should be used to this by now. I was distracted and I didn't even notice you open the door. It's my fault.” Her heart had settled back into normal rhythm and the pain and tightness were mostly gone. She breathed a mental sigh of relief, but she wasn't out of the woods yet she knew. The situation she was about to put herself in would undoubtedly be stressful and dangerous for her. She had to keep herself calm no matter what Twilight's answer or reaction. Meanwhile Twilight still wore a deep look of worry.
“We should still get you to the hospital and make sure your heart hasn't gotten any worse for that episode. I told you I'm not going to risk losing you. Please, just come to the hospital.” Her voice was saturated with concern as she pleaded with Sunrise. Her voice alone almost made Sunrise agree, and she knew it was in her own best interest to make sure her heart hadn't just gotten worse. But I have to do this! She couldn't say where her resolve was coming from, but felt an uncompromising drive to go forward. I have to know
“Twilight, I promise I'm alright. If it will ease your worry at all we can go to the hospital tonight, but first there's something we have to do.” Her determination and conviction in her voice could be felt by Twilight, she was almost taken aback by it. Taking a moment to weigh up the situation, her curiosity got the better of her and, wearily, she gave in to it.
“W-what is it?” Twilight asked, unsure of how to respond. The determination she saw in Sunrise, it brought back many memories and feelings. There was a familiar fire in her eyes, a strength and conviction. It filled her nostalgia and, something she had though she moved beyond, longing. Longing for something she had lost, that the world had lost. It would never be the same now without her. But Sunrise's voice, and those eyes, almost brought her to tears with longing and grief that she hadn't felt in some time. She braced herself, she knew she couldn't hide such an enormous feeling from her friend, who had an almost clairvoyant sense for the inner workings and reasonings of ponies hearts.
“Well... I was thinking. It's a nice day and well..” She stopped every few words to take a deep, steadying breath to calm her heart. Twilight listed and watched her, perplexed. Not only did she not call out how Twilight just felt, but she was also uncharacteristically fidgety and nervous.
“Sunrise, are you alright? This isn't like you and...”
“Twilight wait, just let me say this, please. I- I've been through a lot this last week and, It's been hard and painful, but through it all, I've had one thing keeping me moving forward... You. I've done a lot of thinking about how I feel and what it means, weighing the risks and what I might gain or lose. I found, through all that thinking, that I wont find my answer in logic or reason or deduction. I just need to do it, because that's what I feel.” Though her chest pain from her earlier attack was gone, and her heart rate was normal, she was still rubbing her chest with her hoof, coaxing it to stay that way. She was amazed that she hadn't had another attack. She definitely felt scared and nervous, every second was a conscious effort to keep her breathing, heart rate and blood presser normal. All the while she was choosing her words, running through every possible answer Twilight could give.
“Sunrise... what are you saying?” Twilight said nervously perplexed.
“Twilight Sparkle...” Sunrise reached to her side at the seat of her wheelchair, and pulled out a small, less than ornate bouquet of assorted flowers. It wasn't much, but thanks to Pinkie Pie, she was able to get the for free from friend of hers that owned a flower and herb shop in town.
“Will you go on a date with me?”
Twilight stood in shock, her eyes drifting from the flowers to Sunrise's face, and her nervous expression. She wants to go on a date... with me!? Sunrise what are you thinking? Is this for real? I- I have to say no, I'm not ready... I don't know what I feel. Just say no, let her down gently. But, if I turn her down, what if she has another attack? What if it kills her? I Can't do this! Sunrise... Do you really feel that way about me or, do you only think you feel that way? After all, I'm was the only pony in your life, what you're feeling, is it just that? What about me? What do I feel? A moment ago, your eyes reminded me so much of hers. I have to say no, I have to but..
“A date, with me?” Was all Twilight could say through the haze of thoughts and feelings. She wanted to say so much, but she couldn't bring herself to risk hurting Sunrise again. She felt her cheeks heating up as blood rushed into them. Sunrise's gaze held steady, her extended hoof still holding the flowers. For the first few, nerve wracking seconds her eyes were filled with uncertainty and even fear. Taking a deep breath she found her strength and her eyes were again filled with fire.
“Yes Twilight, will you go out on a date with me?” What am I doing? This is clearly hurting her, and making her uncomfortable, but, I can't stop now. Twilight, please, just give me your answer.
Twilight fidgeted with her hooves nervously. She looked up, and her body was silenced as she met Sunrises eyes. Are they though? Is that really Sunrise? That look in her eyes... Rainbow. She fought with all her strength to keep her tears from pouring out. Twilight stop, don't do this to yourself. She's gone, she's gone and you have moved on. Please, stop looking at me with those eyes. I- I can't say it, don't say it. Don't...
“Yes, I will..” I shouldn't have said that, I know why I said it was wrong. Dash isn't in there, and I'm lying to her, to Sunrise, my friend. Maybe... I'm lying to myself.
“Thank you Twilight, I promise you'll have a good time, I planned everything out.” Sunrise smiled. The dark tone in Twilight's voice was not lost on Sunrise, neither was her expression or body language. She was fighting an overwhelming conflict in her mind. She hoped it didn't have anything to do with Rainbow Dash. If Twilight was only struggling with her feelings for her then that would be simple, but if she was forcing Twilight to choose between her and Rainbow Dash, then she doubted she stood a chance. It's even worse than that, if she had such strong feelings for her, then I'll never know if any of her feelings for me would be true. I wish I really could read minds. I know this is hard for her, but I have to know. I just feel this is something I have to do. So I will. Twilight forced a smile and her horn light up.
“I'll go put these in water then we'll go.” She took the bouquet in her magic and walked into the library.
“Right, I'll be waiting out here for you.”
The atmosphere of the library always gave her comfort and clarity. The warm, natural sunlight streaming in through the windows combined with the pleasing, dusty scent of books and parchment made her relax slightly as she made her way to the kitchen. I don't know why I agreed to this. This is impossible. I- I can't keep lying to myself. I want so badly to think there's still a chance, but at the same time, I feel like I don't want to lose Sunrise. I can't do this. She looked forlorn at the vase as it filled with water. Placing with half filled vase on the table she carefully placed the flowers in the water. Watching the ripples reverberate over the surface of the water she lost her self for a moment. She leaned in sniffing the colorful petals. The fragrance filled her mind with the feelings of warm spring days. Days spent with her closest friends. In these thought's she began to create a resolution. Spring is back, and it will be back next year as well. Those days I spent with Rainbow Dash and the girls, having fun and adventure... they may be over, but spring will come again and, maybe, a chance to build new memories. Maybe, this isn't so bad. I know, Rainbow would want me to move forward. Rainbow Dash, there are so many things I wish we could talk about. I never though I wouldn't be able to share my thoughts and feeling with you again. Seeing her, with your eyes, it's more than I think I can bear. As much as I want to, my heart wont let go. With a deep, unsteady breath she turned from the flowers and proceeded to her date... with Vibrant Sunrise.
“So, where are we going? It's already kind of late?” Twilight asked, trying to keep her thoughts on the date, hoping to distract from the deeper thoughts she didn't want to confront. Twilight walked in step with Sunrise’s wheelchair. She would look at anything but Sunrise's eyes. There was a quality in them that she hadn't seen in Sunrise before, a kind of uncompromising conviction. It confused her every time she met them, but more than the confusion was the grief and guilt they instilled.
“Well, since it is getting late I thought we should start with lunch. Well, it's getting to be dinner time but I have something set up already.” She tried to smile but the fact that Twilight had been avoiding her eyes wasn't lost on her. This isn't going well, there has to be more to this that her not returning my feelings. I think the worst case scenario is playing out. Twilight isn't letting go. I'll never be with her wholly, even in friendship. It's because of the way I'm behaving. From what I know about her, she was stubborn, hot headed and passionate. I must be displaying similar traits now. I don't even know why, I just feel so strongly about this, I have an unyielding desire to see this through no matter what. More than even my own feelings toward Twilight, I just need to know. The pair walked approached a quiet park nestled between two small hills. It was somewhat out of the way but Twilight was surprised to see it completely desolate. The only thing that stood out was a blanket sprawled out under the shade of a large tree. Sever bushes formed a half circle around the park.
“A picnic?” Twilight asked, looking up at Sunrise. On top of the blanket was a large basket and another assortment of flowers. Two candles gently flickered on opposing ends of the blankets. “How did you do all this? You don't have any money and..”
“I had some help from my friends.” Sunrise said simply as she rolled over to the blanket and started removing the delicious food from the basket. Assorted sweets and sandwiches as well as cider and fresh apples. It was quite a spread. Twilight's stomach growled as the scent wafted over to her, carried on the cool breeze. Sunrise laughed softly.
“Come on, let's eat.” With a smile she unwrapped an apple fritter. Twilight followed suit.
“This cider and the apples... They're from Sweet Apple Acres aren't they? Did you... talk to Applejack?” Twilight asked cautiously. Applejack was very clear about how she felt about Twilight's decision about not using the memory spell on Sunrise. That night had been the last they had spoken.
“No, I haven't cleared things up with her yet, but don't worry Twilight, I will.” She said reassuringly, trying to look Twilight in her eyes, but her dull gaze was set on the checkered blanket.
“And that hat and dress... Rarity?” She didn't feel she had the strength left to beat around the bush. The mental fatigue was taking it's toll on her. She didn't know how much longer she could handle it.
“I was a loan from a friend of a friend. Listen, Twilight, your friends will come around I promise. I know I can convince then. I can..”
“How?” Twilight cut her off with her sharp, cold voice. “By getting into their hearts and hurting them until they come around?” Sunrise was more than taken aback, she was hurt. A dull ache weighed heavy in her chest.
“Twilight... you know that's not what I do. You know that right?” Her voice nearly broke into a whimper. The pony she cared about most thought she was a monster? No, that's not what's happening. I can feel it. Twilight, your hiding from how you feel, for both our sakes. I know you, you wouldn't say that unless there was something you were hiding that would hurt worse. I can't let her do this to her self! Again, she felt a rush of resolve. The dull ache was replaced with a hot feeling, a feeling that compelled her. Her eyes again took on the determined fire, her visage was strong and confident. She opened her mouth, ready to confront Twilight with how she was feeling, but before she could...
“Don't....” Twilight whispered, her neck craned to the point where Sunrise couldn't see her eyes. But, she could her a quiet sniffle before Twilight continued. Rage seared in her voice as she spoke. “Don't look at me with those eyes!” She yelled. Her head shot up, tears streaming down her face. “Just, just stop.. please. I can't take it anymore. I'm sorry..” She stood, her tears were pouring now, unabated and unrestrained, like a damn had just burst. In a way, it had.
“Twilight.. don't go. Please...” She could only speak in little more than a whisper as Twilight spun around and began running, before disappearing in a flash of light. Sunrise could only stare helplessly at the empty space Twilight used to take up. She slumped in her chair. Suddenly she felt something small impact her fur on her front leg. She reached up with her hoof to her face. It was a tear. She didn't even realize she had begun crying, but her tears wouldn't stop. She took a shaky breath and began sobbing into her hooves. She sat there, alone under a tree, crying like a foal. A pitiful sight she must have been, she thought. A sudden rustling, followed by hushed whispers took her from her pity.
“I know you're there. Come on out. I know one of you has something to say.” She called out, wiping the tears from her face. From the bushes emerged Scootaloo and the other Cutie Mark Crusaders, their expressions were nervous and downcast and she knew it was not only because of the display of intense emotion they had just witnessed, but also in anticipation of the one that was about to came as Spike stomped up from behind them towards her. His eyes were filled with anger and pain. She though he might even try to strike her. She took another deep breath, this was something she had to face before she could think of going after Twilight. She rotated her chair to face him, she was well aware of how Spike felt about her. He has every right to feel like that about me. After all, all he has ever seen me do was hurt Twilight, who he cares about more than anything. I'll never be able to convince him that I want what's best for her. Only seeing Twilight happy will achieve that. All the more reason I have to find her.
“How dare you!” Spike growled, grabbing Sunrise’s dress and pulling her towards him. He was strong, nearly ripping her right out of her chair. He was absolutely livid. “Get out of our lives and leave Twilight alone!” Sunrise tried to hold him in a cool gaze, but it fell short as her eyes refused to stop crying. 'I have to go, I can't do anything about Spike. Twilight is hurting right now and I have to help her!'
“Spike stop, let her go!” Scootaloo rushed to his side, putting her hooves on his shoulder, but he was too blinded by anger to be swayed.
“All you've done is hurt Twilight! She cared for you! She took you in and all you did in return was make her cry!”
“Spike, that's enough! Her heart, she can't take the stress! Please stop it!” Scootaloo pleaded to no avail.
“Scootaloo, It's okay. I'll be fine. Let me handle this.” She said calmly, though, she was still crying. She brought her gaze back to spike. “If you really cared about Twilight, you would go and make sure she's okay, instead of being here with me.” She made her voice as cold as possible, she had to. Spike would not be swayed directly, he was too angry, but she had him cornered. She knew he only had one way to respond to that. Spike growled before releasing her dress.
“Stay out of our lives.” He spoke with chilling seriousness. She shivered at it before he began walking into town, in hopes of finding Twilight. 'Good, he doesn't know where she went either..'
“Sunrise, what happened?” Scootaloo asked cautiously as Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom came to her side, looking up at Sunrise with the same tentative curiosity. Sunrise glanced up once more at the small purple figure as it vanished behind a hill before she redirected her attention back to the young fillies.
“I- I think I just lost her.” She gave a wispy, pain filled smile. Her eyes were sore but she just couldn't stop herself from crying. I think Twilight is lost to me now. She was so angry and confused and I couldn't help her... Maybe Spike was right, maybe all I'm really doing is hurting everypony. What does that mean for me? I though I could save Twilight, I thought I could help her friends, but I've only been hurting them and fooling myself. The fillies could see her vision had become distant as she sunk deeper into her own thoughts. It was Apple Bloom who snapped her back to the present.
“You're gonna go after her aren't ya?” She said with worry. That caught Sunrise by surprise. 'Is she worried that I'll say I wont?'
“I don't think I should. I've done enough damage. I already hurt her so much, instead of helping her confront her feeling and move beyond them, I think I only made her bury herself further in denial. I was just fooling myself. I...”
“So your just gonna leave her like that!?” Sweetie Belle shouted in disbelief. Now Sunrise was really caught off guard, and slightly confused.
“There's nothing I can do... I'm only making things worse.” She was distraught and defeated. Her statement seemed to baffle and disappoint Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom which only confused her more. Why do they care so much?
“You can't give up, you're the only one who can help her!” Sweetie Belle pleaded with Apple Bloom nodding in agreement. Scootaloo only stared into Sunrise's eyes, her own eyes conferring strength and determination to her.
“Why do you two feel so strongly about this? You- you don't even know me... I-I don't understand.” She sniffled, her tears were finally starting to die down as she wiped the remaining drops from her muzzle.
“Scootaloo told us what happened, when you talked to her. She was miserable without Rainbow Dash, and now, after you became friends with her, she's better. She's different that before. I don't know how but I know it was because of you.” Sweetie Belle looked almost on the verge of tears as she spoke.
“My sister hasn't been right since what happened to Rainbow Dash and it's killing me to see her like that. Me and Big Mac have tried everything but nothing gotten through to her. She'll say she's fine but I've heard her crying at night. Even Granny Smith wasn't able to help. None of us can understand what she's going through, but you helped Scootaloo! You were able to help Pinkie Pie and, and you're the only one who can help my sister. So you can't give up on Twilight, you cant!” She reared up on her hind legs and buried her face against Sunrise's abdomen and cried. At first stunned and unsure, she didn't know how to feel or react. As she looked down at the filly she felt an overwhelming sense of empathy and understanding. The loss of Rainbow Dash had left a lot of scars, not just on her immediate friends, but on those around them. She slowly raised her hoof but stopped in mid air in a moment of doubt. Am I really the one who should be comforting her? After what I did to Twilight? Do I have any right to tell her it'll all be okay? Can I even help her or her sister if I cant help Twilight? I- I don't know what to do! Twilight doesn't want anything to do with me, she can't even look at me without thinking of Rainbow Dash, No pony can... What can I do then? What is there left for me? To be alone? What about all the hurt that's left behind for Twilight and her friends? I- I wont leave them like that, I can't! But, what can I do about it? As she felt the fillies tears soaking through her dress she brought her hoof down to her back and stroked it gently, without a word.
“And Rarity, she's been so depressed about all of this. She was always so strong and bright, but now, she's barely gone out and, she cries. I've never seen her like that and... I can't watch her fall apart like that. I've been going over there as little as possible. I feel awful but I've tried everything! So have our parents, but... She keeps saying it'll be alright. That Twilight will bring Rainbow Dash back and everything will go back to normal. I- I don't think there's anything we can do for her. I think she blames herself for all of this and... and.” Her voice cracked and she struggled against the tears, forcing herself to continue. “And it's just not fair! Please Sunrise, you have to help them! It has to be you so please, you can't say you give up! We need you!” Scootaloo padded over to Sweetie Belles side and put a reassuring hoof on her shoulder.
“Please don't give up on her Sunrise. You love her right? That's why you did all this right? Then you have to go find her!” Scootaloo affirmed. “You can save Twilight, you can save her and Applejack and Rarity just like you saved me. Sure it hurt at the time but I'm better now, I'm stronger now and I'm open with myself now. You're here for a reason and I think it's to help us all, so please go after Twilight and save her.”
Sunrise was stunned. Her mind was completely blank and numb as she tried to process what the filly had said. I'm here for a reason? I don't know about that... I don't know if I can save anyone either. All I can see is how much I've hurt ponies... But Scootaloo, she does seem different, better even. Is it because of me? Did I save her from her denial? Did I help her overcome grief? If I did... If I'm capable of doing that then... Her eyes became full of passion, confidence and determination. She looked over the where Twilight had vanished and saw and heard Twilight's words in a new light. She needed help, she was hurting, and, weather or not she could help, she had to do something. Scootaloo is right, I did all this because of how I feel for Twilight. I think, I do love her. I'll do what ever it takes to save her, then, I'll help the others that were hurt by the loss of Rainbow Dash. They're Twilight's friends, and that makes them my friends! I wont leave my friends hanging! I won't stand by and watch my friends hurt!
“I have to go. Twilight needs me.” Her tone burned with purpose and strength. Apple Bloom looked up at her, she was smiling, eyes full of hope glistened with tears. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle shared similar expressions.
“You had better find her before Spike does, or he might not let you see her.” Scootaloo said as Apple Bloom jumped down and joined her friends.
“Right, I'll find her first, don't worry.” With that, Sunrise spun her wheelchair around and sped out of the park.
“Come on crusaders! We need to help!” Scootaloo declared. With simultaneous nod of agreement from her friends the to, left the park.
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
What was I thinking? I don't know why I said yes to this date, I don't know why I couldn't look her in the eyes. I don't know how I feel about her and I don't know why I ran. Twilight trotted slowly down an empty, grassy path. Her ears drooped and her eyes red and sore from prolonged crying. What can I do? She said she wanted to help them, my friends, but how can what she does help? All it's done is hurt me, make me think about things I don't want to and bring up feeling I can't handle. My friends have all been through enough because of me, because I wouldn't take one life for another. I still wont... but I wish Rainbow were here. A sudden rush of anger burned in her chest as she remembered the look in Sunrise's eyes. 'I shouldn't feel this way, it's not her fault. She's been thrust into a life where everypony wants her gone, or doesn't even acknowledge her existence. I'm all she has, I know that but... '
“What should I do?” Stopping mid walk she looked up to the setting sun. She sniffled, feeling tears building up in her eyes. She was tired but she couldn't go home, she just wanted to keep walking. What do I feel about her? Honestly, she scares me. She can see right through me and she never lets me just pretend that I'm alright.
“Because I'm not alright. I miss Rainbow Dash so much. I can't move on, I can't feel anything for Sunrise like she feels for me... If she even does feel that way about me.” Hanging her head she continued walking aimlessly. 'I wish none of this happened. I wish I didn't push Rainbow Dash away. I feel so much guilt when I'm with Sunrise... Why? What do I feel guilty for? I know I'm doing the right thing . Twilight gave a small, pain filled giggle. Sunrise is right, I'm lying to myself. I know why. I feel guilty every time she made me smile or laugh, every time I let her console me. Every time I let her get close, I felt like I was betraying you. I felt that, the closer I became to her, the more distant you became to me. I think, I do have feelings for her. But... It's not fair .
“It's just not fair.” She whispered, through a tight, sore throat. She didn't think she had any tears left, but they stung as they left her eyes and rolled down her cheek. I can't escape this feeling that I betrayed you, and now, I'm betraying both of you... and myself. I know that she can help me, I know she's the only way I can let go. I know, if I wanted t, I could be free from this confusion and pain, but I would have to let you go Rainbow, and I just can't bring myself to do it. I want to hold on, I want to believe it when I tell myself you'll come back, that you'll forgive me and... maybe, I could tell you how I felt, and you would feel the same. But I... I feel that way, for Sunrise. I shouldn't, I don't want to! What if it's only because she's in your body? What if it's only because you may still be in there? What if you are? When she looked at me, it's like it was you. I couldn't take it. I just wanted to cry, and- and ask you to forgive me, even though I don't deserve it... Do I really believe that? Or, is it just that I don't think I should be forgiven? In reality, I know what Sunrise is doing, is exactly what I did to you that pushed you away, that caused all of this. I don't want to see that happen to my other friends, I cant lose anypony else. What if Sunrise hurts them the way I hurt you? Can anything good really come of forcing somepony to confront their feelings before they are ready? I can't help but think, you would still be here if I didn't do what I did. I feel like I have to protect my friends from her... and protect myself. No, I know that a lie, it's not her I want to be protected from, it's what's inside of me. The thoughts, feelings and memories that would hurt to face. Some how, Sunrise has a desire, at the very fabric of who she is, to not let anypony bury their pain in comforting lies. I wonder if that's because of what I said to Rainbow Dash right before she... Letting out a shaky and defeated sigh she regathered her strength to carry on her soul search, she didn't know what was compelling her, though she could almost hear Sunrise telling her to keep going even though it hurt. Either I was right and what I did would have helped Rainbow but didn't. If that's the case then Sunrise is right and I'm hurting her, myself and my friends but it wouldn't be my fault what happened to Rainbow Dash. Or, it is my fault and I pushed her into confronting something she couldn't handle, if that's the case then Sunrise is hurting me and my friends and I- I deserve to feel guilty and I can't be with Sunrise. Either way I'm hurt and so is Sunrise! Why does it have to be like this! I don't want to think about any of this, I want it all to go away. I don't want to be alone with my thoughts, it's too much to confront them alone... But who could help me? Sunrise wouldn't, even if she would, I can't even look her in the eyes now without seeing Rainbow Dash. I- I think she's still in there some where, some how, when she looked at me with those eyes, I felt her. If she is, what should I do? I don't think she would want me to bring her back at the expense of... Who am I trying to fool? Myself of course. It's not for Dash's sake that I'm not using the memory spell, maybe it was at first... but now, I don't want to lose Sunrise. Ha! I don't want to lose her and yet here I am, running from her? I'm guilty, angry at myself and scared of moving forward, because the way forward is painful. I have nopony to turn to, I've alienated my friends and ran away from Sunrise. Because I was scared, I'm all alone. A strange feeling of familiarity swept over her, strong enough to make her look up from her sorrow.
“I- I'm here? This place?” Twilight whispered as she looked around the place her hooves had carried her. It looked different in the waning light, but she could never forget this place. It was here that she recovered the mangled, unconscious body of Rainbow Dash after their fight. In this clearing, was where Rainbow Dash had died. Died? Is she though? And.. why? If she's still in there, why can't she come back, she- she's the strongest pony I know, if she wanted to come back, nothing could stop her. I made a mistake... I hurt Rainbow Dash, and I'll never be able to make it up to her, and now, I may have done the same to Sunrise. She may have had another heart attack because of what I did. All I've done is hurt her! She's been through enough, and if Rainbow is in there, she has to stand by and watch while I hurt Sunrise. Oh Rainbow Dash, Vibrant Sunrise... She collapsed onto the cool grass, her teeth clenched as more tears forced their way down her face.
“I'm so sorry..” She sniffled and moaned into her forelegs. A soft breeze rustled through the trees and flowed over her fur before coming to a slow and quiet stop.
“So am I.” A sudden voice from behind her made Twilight bolt up. After a moment, she realized she recognized the voice. Slowly she turned to face her. They stared silently at each other for what felt like an hour though it was only a minute. In that minute everything seemed to come to a stop, even the chaos in her heart and mind. When she finally could speak she could only muster a single word, her voice came as a soft and unsure sob.
“S- Sunrise?” She asked tentatively, the bright orange light of the setting sun made her face glow with a warm light, while the darker blue of the night on her other side cast her as a soft shadow. The contrast was striking and beautiful. The Rainbow maned mare rolled her wheelchair closer. Reaching out, she took Twilight's hoof in her own, and with her other hoof she wiped the tears from her face. It wasn't till now that Twilight saw streaks left from protracted crying, a pain welled up in her heart as she looked into her tired, puffy eyes though they now glistened with strength and compassion. Smiling softly she looked deep into Twilight's eyes.
“Yes. Twilight, It's me and, I'm sorry.”
“W- what are you sorry for? You didn't do anything wrong. You never did anything wrong! Why are you sorry! It's so unfair! Look at the life you were given, I have no right to ask you to be sorry. It's all my fault, all of it! It's all my fault Sunrise.... my fault.”
“Oh Twilight, no.. It's not your fault. I'm horrible, I've done nothing but hurt you. I must seem like a monster, living in the body of somepony you loved, tearing your friendships apart and selfishly trying to take a place in your heart. Twilight, I've been selfish and I've hurt you so much. I am a monster!” Sunrise shut her eyes tight and clenched her teeth from a great pain in her heart, not a physical pain, though right now, as she felt hot tears force themselves from her eyes and her sobs came uncontrollably, she wished it were just physical. I promised Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom that I would help their sisters, but how can I do that? All I've done is hurt Twilight, if I can't help her, if all she sees me as is a monster then, there's nothing I can do for anypony! I failed, I'm sorry Scootaloo, I'm sorry Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. And Twilight.... Twilight I'm so sorry.
“I'm sorry... I'm so sorry Twilight. I...” Her eyes shot open as she felt warm hooves wrap around her, pulling her into a tender and deep embrace. Twilight's head rested on her shoulder and her soft cheek was pressed against her own. She could hear her soft sobs by her ear.
“I don't think you're a monster. I don't think any of those awful things so please don't think about yourself like that. What I said before, it was a lie. Please forgive me, I knew saying that would hurt you, but I just couldn't handle the guilt. I've done a terrible thing and, I'm sorry. I couldn't look into your eyes when you were like that, because all I could see was Rainbow Dash. That determined look, like nothing could stop you and you could do anything. It was just like hers. All I could think was that It was all my fault, if I hadn't pushed her away she'd still be here... and then I felt guilty for even thinking that! What kind of friend am I? If it weren't for what happened you wouldn't exist. Am I supposed to be happy that your alive if it meant losing her? Or am I supposed to feel guilty and angry at myself for it? None of it is your fault and yet you're stuck in a life where everyone is unhappy and in pain, and blames you. And the ones that don't blame you refuse to acknowledge you even exist! I brought you into that kind of life, I did all of this! How am I supposed to live with myself!? How? How...?”
“Oh Twilight... I had no idea you were carrying all that guilt. I- I should have known. I should have seen it. I should have done something. Twilight, please, don't blame yourself for any of this. What happened with Rainbow Dash wasn't your fault, you were doing the right thing, you were trying to help her. There was nothing more you could have done. She wouldn't want you to suffer this way, she wouldn't. She would have moved mountains to make sure you were alright, I don't think even death would stop her from trying to save you from this.” Sunrise wrapped her hooves around Twilight and held her tight, she could feel Twilight shaking and her labored breaths and fast beating heart. She stroked her mane whispered through her tight throat, strained from crying. “And, I'll always be grateful to you Twilight. You're right, the life I've been given isn't an easy one, but as long as you're in it, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Twilight, I know I've hurt you, and your friends, but I know I can make things right, with them, and more than anything, with you. I don't want to live a life without you Twilight. Seeing you smile, hearing you laugh and hum, those make any pain more than worth it. I don't care how short my life is or what I have to struggle through, I want you to be happy Twilight and I want to be happy with you. I'm going to make things better, but I can't do it without you, and I wouldn't want to. Twilight, don't feel guilty anymore because...” Sunrise pulled Twilight back and looked deep into her glistening eyes. Sunrise's own eyes had that look in them, that passion, but leavened with tenderness and understanding. Were they her eyes or?... “I forgive you Twilight.”
Twilight stared at Sunrise, her eyes were wide and pooled with tears. She felt as though a mountain had been moved from on top of her. At first letting out a quiet sob she quickly broke down, embracing Sunrise and letting all her pain out. She felt her guilt and pain being washed away. She felt peace and understanding and most of all, acceptance grow and fill her as each tear left her. They stayed in their emotion filled embrace until the sun was almost fully behind the horizon and the starts began to dot the sky. Sunrise cried right along with her, and she felt a renewed sense of purpose. Twilight, I'm sorry it took me so long. I don't know if I can forgive myself for making you feel this way, or for what I've done to your life, but, I wont give up on you again. I wont give up on myself. I know what I want to take from this unfair and hard life. Twilight, I want to be with you, I want to make you happy and, I want to be happy with you. That is what I want most of all.
“How long are the going to stay like that?” A young, tomboyish voice impatiently whispered
“Aww, but it's sooo sweet!” A high voice cooed in response. Sunrise and Twilight both looked up to the source of the voices. Standing only a few meters away were the Cutie Mark Crusaders and among them was Spike. Though instead of the angry expression he wore earlier he merely gestured with his claw down his throat making mock gagging sounds. A good sign? Sunrise thought. Scootaloo came bounding toward them.
“Scootaloo? How did you find us?” She asked perplexed. Apple Bloom came up behind her followed by Sweetie Belle and Spike.
“We went to Zecora and she used used a potion that showed us were you were going in her cauldron!” Apple Bloom said proudly.
“H- how long were you standing there?” Twilight asked nervously, Slipping away from Sunrise. She returned to all fours with a light blush in her cheeks as she tried to wipe the tear stains from her fur.
“Hmm, I think it was the around the second or third time Twilight apologized?” Sweetie Belle said with slight sarcasm. Sunrise suddenly felt an elbow gently prod her side, looking down she saw Scootaloo looking at hear eagerly.
“And, we had enough time to ask Apple Bloom's big brother to move the thing for us.” She smiled slyly.
“I had completely forgotten!” Sunrise blurted out, quickly looking up at the sky. 'Perfect! We have just enough time!' “Where is it?”
“On a hill just behind that one. If you hurry you can still make it!” Scootaloo assured, Sunrise nodded with a grateful smile.
“Twilight! Come with me hurry! There's one more thing I had planned for our date, come on!”
“W- What..?” Before she could finish Sunrise grabbed her hoof and pulling her towards the hill, though Twilight didn't resist it took her a moment to decide to just go along with it. With a smile she followed Sunrise.
“Thanks girls! I couldn't have done this without you!” She shouted before disappearing behind the hill, leaving the Three fillies smiling satisfied at each other.
“Um.... what is this?” Twilight asked confused as she looked up at the metal contraption. Sunrise wheeled up to it, placing a hoof against it and smiled.
“It's a cherry picker of course.” She said matter-of-factly.
“Yeah, I see that? But... why?” In response Sunrise pushed a button on the machine, causing a ramp to drop from it.
“Twilight, will you watch the sunset with me?” Twilight looked up at the sky, wondering why they would need a cherry picker to watch a sunset. But, knowing time was short she gave in and agreed.
“I would love to.” The couple move up the ramp to the platform. They watched the last of the vivid warms colors of the sunset fade slowly away as the cool blues moved in like a tide across the sky. More and more start began to dot the blackening sky behind them. Soon the last sliver of the sun lowered behind the mountain tops in the distance. Twilight smiled with eyes full of wonder and looked up at Sunrise.
“That was beautiful.. It's been too long since I've done this.”
“I'm glad you liked it. What would you say to doing it again?” She grinned excitedly. The unexpected look made Twilight giggle.
“Sure, we'll have to do this again sometime.”
“How about right now?” Twilight looked at her in confusion.
“What do you mean?”
“Look back over to the horizon. For you, I'll make the sun rise again.” Curious, Twilight looked out over to the mountains where the sun had just vanished behind. As she waited her mind wandered. How did Sunrise find me? She didn't go to Zecora and it's unlikely she found me by chance... Rainbow Dash, Is she really in there? Or, maybe Sunrise was right. Maybe even death wouldn't keep Rainbow from helping those she cared about. Suddenly, the cherry picked began to hum and vibrate and slowly rose. Twilight eyes were full of excitement and happiness as the glow of the sun returned, as though she were watching it rise again. Sunrise felt a warm content feeling as twilight beamed with happiness.
“I don't know how I didn't think of this!” She said through her smile as the machine came to it's peak.
“I found a book on this in my room, and I thought if it worked for flying then why not for a cherry picker. I know it would be more romantic if we flew to watch it but...” She was brought to an abrupt stop as Sunrise saw a blur of movement before she felt lips pressed against her cheek, followed by warm sweet breath.
“It's perfect.” Twilight said pulling her lips back. She leaned against Sunrise's chair and they held each others hooves a they watched the sun set for the second time that night. I'm moving forward, to a future without guilt for wanting to be happy. I think, Rainbow Dash would want that. I believe she forgives me
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
The first light of the day began to illuminate her room and the morning had already found her begrudgingly awake. Her eyes were dull and tired and the dark bags underneath them seemed to grow worse with each restless night. Maybe if I just lay here I'll fall back asleep... With a groan she sat up in her bed. Her mane was disheveled and lackluster. Her room was unusually unkempt, scraps of paper strewn about the floor and uncleaned food bowls of various sizes were scattered about the room.
“I hate this...” She whispered bitterly, as she brushed strands of her light pink mane from her face. She could feel a lump in throat and her cheeks had cool, wet trails running down to her muzzle. With a sniffle she wiped dry her face. I must have been crying again, in my sleep. With great effort she lifted herself from her bed, her sheet falling off of her revealing a nearly emaciated body. The pegasus mare's ribs protruded out from her thin sides. She look delicate and ephemeral, like a wisp of vapor as she left her bed, her hooves gently tapping against her hard, cold floor. A small white rabbit looked up from the bed. As he crawled out from under the sheet. His small dark, fretful eyes following the slow moving mare. With a thrust of his powerful legs the bunny bounced onto the floor, following it's owner. She came to an abrupt stop as she reached her door. Keeping her eyes straight forward she addressed the rabbit with a forlorn voice.
“I- I don't know how much longer I can keep going like this Angel. I just don't know.” A trembling whimper escaped her lips as she spoke. Fighting the urge to break down right there and weep on the floor. Angel rubbed his soft warm cheek against her foreleg. Instead of the comforting and loving voice he knew from her, she only shook her head with a defeated sigh. “It's no use angel. Everything that mattered to me... It fell apart. There's so many things I never said and so many things I regret. Oh Angel, I don't know how long I want to go on. I could have done something a long time ago, but I didn't. This is all my fault.” Slowly pushing the door open she left her room with her pet following close behind. Her usual cozy home was disheveled and dusty. As her light hoof steps clicked down her wooden stairs a plethora of small animals gathered at the bottom step, eagerly awaiting their caretaker.
“Oh, good morning everyone. I'm sorry, let me get you all your food,” she said halfheartedly, meandering to the kitchen. The wooden cabinets beneath her sink creaked as she opened them, revealing only two empty bags of feed and a small mouse rummaging through the crumbs. 'I'm out... I guess I knew it would happen sooner or later. Easing the cabinet shut, she turned back to her animals. She always had at least a months supply of extra food for all her animals, but she had only once left her house since her friend's accident and that was at the behest of her friend to confront Twilight. Nopony had come to see her since.
“I'm sorry, It looks like we're out... I- I'll go into town to get you some. I'll be back soon.” She glanced at her door apprehensively. The growls of small tummies pleaded with her for sustenance, reaffirming her need to leave the safety of her cottage. I have to. I won't let my animals starve because I'm scared. With a new determination she grabbed her bag that had been dangling on a coat hanger. Swinging the thin strap over her shoulder and behind her neck she made her way to her front door. She came to a stop, hesitating as her hoof hovered inches from the handle. I- I don't want to go... What if, what if I see her? What if I see Twilight? What would I do if I did see them? What could I do? Taking a breath, she steeled herself to face the day. Opening the door, sunlight beamed against her, illuminating her pale yellow fur. Her eyes narrowed from the bright light and she felt an unexpected surge of strength and anger as she stepped out. I would do anything I could to bring Rainbow Dash back.
Fluttershy trotted slowly through Ponyville's shopping center, casting her gaze from stall to stall. She had already placed for an order of her animals food to be delivered to her home, but her empty stomach beckoned her to shop for her self. She had run out of her food before her animals, though not long before. The last month had been hard on her, despite not having much food in her home, she hardly ate. As she walked, she mentally listed animals that have been known to stop eating at the loss of a loved one. Elephants, dogs, dolphins, several species of bird, the great panda... and apparently pegasi. She hung her head low, the same empty ache tearing at her heart.
“It's good to see ya finally out and about,” a voice calmly drawled from beside her.
“Oh, Applejack, I didn't see you there. I'm sorry.” She looked from her friend to the ground, still feeling that ache in her chest. Though part of her was glad to hear the voice of a friend, another part just wanted to be alone with her misery.
“You don't look so good partner,” Applejack said as she glanced over Fluttershy's condition. “Why don't I treat you to lunch? Ya look like you could use it and honestly, I could use a bit of company.” At her friend's proposal, Fluttershy looked back up, this time meeting Applejack's eyes. She looked almost as tired as herself and her voice held the weight of a sorrow Fluttershy knew well. Misery loves company, That's something they say right? Is this what it means? She thought to herself desolately. I don't know... I just don't feel up to it, sitting down around a lot of ponies. I think I'll eat when I get home... Maybe.
“I- I'm sorry Applejack, I just don't feel up lunch for right now... I'm not very hungry,” she said looking away from her friend. She knew her friend could tell it was a lie, but she desperately hoped Applejack would let it go. Her fatigued and weakened mind didn't want the added stress of simply explaining her reasoning, even if it was simpler. Applejack raised an eyebrow, debating how to respond but, with a mental sigh, she decided against pressuring her timid friend. Her eyes betrayed the stress she was feeling and Applejack didn't want to add to it.
“Well, If yer sure... Hey, how's about a walk? Just a casual stroll, we can just talk. I don't know about you Fluttershy, but ah could really use somepony who understands what's going on to talk to.” She smiled hopefully, knowing full well what affect her smile would have on her friend.
Fluttershy glanced between the smiling farmpony and the ground, a deep melancholy filling her chest like freezing water as she struggled with her feelings. I really don't know what I should do. I want to help her, I really do. I know what it's like to suffer alone through this thing that nopony could understand, but what good would it do, for either of us? I should say no, I should tell her I don't have time. I- I don't want her to see me break down, I don't want to cry any more. I should say no... but I don't want to be alone.
“Y-yeah... That sounds good. Thank you Applejack.” She feigned a smile. She knew a smile wasn't necessary, for either of them, but the social formality somehow put her at ease.
“Thank you Fluttershy,” Applejack said sincerely, relieved that her offer wasn't refused. “Come on, It's a beautiful day, let's get go'n.”
“R-right...” Almost reluctantly, she began to follow. The two mares walked slowly together down the street with no destination. An uncomfortable silence abounded, neither knowing what to say or how. Every once in a while, Applejack would open her mouth to speak, but would shut it again without a word. They uneasy walk was beginning to wear on Fluttershy, tension building in her mind. She didn't know why but she was feeling more anxious as the walk went on, her heart racing and her breathing becoming shallow. Bracing herself, she decided to break the quiet.
“So... have you seen the girls? How are they doing?” Immediately Applejack came to a dead stop, her mane and hat obscuring her eyes from Fluttershy's line of sight. She could feel the atmosphere around her change, almost like she could smell the feelings bubbling up inside her friend. It felt like pressure that was quickly reaching the point beyond containment. She wanted to back up, to put some distance between herself and Applejack, but before Fluttershy could, she spoke up.
“Not good Fluttershy, not good at all.” Slowly, she raised her head back up, meeting Fluttershy's eyes, her own between the verge of tears and burning anger, but also desperation. A longing to be understood, and to understand. The look in her eyes nearly brought Fluttershy to the point of crying and pulling her suffering friend into a comforting embrace, to tell her that everything would be alright, but, she knew that would be a lie. She held her tongue, and waited for her to continue as she knew she would.
“Twilight, she's been going around and- and trying to change everypony. She's trying to make them forget about Rainbow Dash, even though she's still here! Pinkie Pie's started acting like her old self again. Ah saw her a couple weeks back, looking like her usual self. When Ah asked her why she looked so happy, she told me she made a 'great new friend'!” she growled, her anger beginning to boil over. Fluttershy looked away from her, she didn't want to see Applejack like this. She wasn't stupid, she could already guess who the new friend was. She could feel her heart breaking apart as she thought of Pinkie Pie, laughing and smiling with her childhood friend, going on like there wasn't a difference, completely ignoring Rainbow Dash, pretending she was gone. It hurt, it hurt so much to think that the element of loyalty was being abandoned and forgotten by her so called friends.
“Pinkie has just completely forgotten about Rainbow!” Applejack went on, the anger in her voice becoming more and more apparent as she spoke. “It's not just her, Rarity too! She'd been shut up in her boutique for so long I was really worried for her! I went to see her last week and she was tidying up her shop. She seemed in a good mood so we started talking. She told me the same thing, that Twilight and Dash had visited her and somehow convinced her that Rainbow was a lost cause!” Enraged, she stomped her hoof on the ground, kicking up dust and pebbles.
“Why are they doing this? She's their friend! Rainbow would never, has never abandoned them! It can't be true Applejack! It just can't be!”
“I'm afraid it is...” Applejack trailed off, bitter resentment and disappointment constricting her chest and stifling her breathing. Painful drops were pooling in the corners of her eyes as she looked up to the sky. She wished desperately to see that rainbow blur, to hear that laughter that was so full of life. Her heart sank as she watched the empty sky, devoid of even a single cloud.
“But why?! Don't they understand? She's not gone! She can't be gone!” Despite her desire not to, Fluttershy broke down, tears rolling down her cheeks en masse. Her delicate facade crumbled around her, exposing her broken heart and fragile mind. Panic set in, an overwhelming fight or flight instinct gripped her body. She knew which she would choose, what she would always choose. Spinning around, Fluttershy bolted away, leaving Applejack watching her back shrink away as she ran. Her tears fell from her face in her wake as she sprinted aimlessly. She didn't know what she was running from, only that she had to get away from something, maybe from everything.
I need my friend back! I- I can't lose her. Not Rainbow Dash. Twilight, why are you doing this to me?! We were friends, you can't take her from me. Please... not like this. She ran, and ran, to nowhere. Anywhere but where she was, she didn't want to stop. The rushing air and the beat of her hooves detracted from the raging typhoon in her mind. Suddenly, a glimpse of something familiar brought her to a complete stop. At first, she thought it was an illusion of her sleep deprived mind, a trick of her grief, but as she looked once more, she knew it was real. A young mare with a rainbow mane and tale, with a blue coat that matched the flawless sky stood by a lone tree, a wheelchair sat vacant beside her. Her hind legs were bound in sturdy black braces. She weakly leaned up against the tree for support, facing away from the awestruck Fluttershy. She stood there, her eyes wide as her tears dried into her fur. Her heart was racing faster now at this twist of fate. As she stared at her, a name softly slipped passed her lips, dying quickly on the gently breeze.
“Rainbow Dash...”
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
“Rainbow Dash...” Fluttershy whispered as she took a staggering step back. Her oldest friend stood facing away from her, leaning up against a tree. She hadn't yet seen Fluttershy or if she did, she was ignoring her. What should I do? What can I do? She glanced quickly around, scanning her environment, they were alone, just the two of them. She wanted to run, her legs were trembling and her heart raced. No, I- I may never get another chance like this. Twilight isn't around, if I'm going to do something it- it has to be now. With a nervous gulp, she built up her nerve, forcing one hoof in front of the other as she approached her friend.
The hot breeze rustled thought the branches of the trees, under it's veil Fluttershy approached as quietly as she could, still uncertain in her fortitude. Half of her wanted to give up and turn around, to fly away and she knew she might. Still, she kept slowly pacing forward, drawing closer and closer to her friend. Is there anything I can say? I already begged Twilight to change her back, none of the others could convince Rainbow to make Twilight help her. They all failed, so what chance do I have? I should leave. I should find Applejack and ask her to help me... The hot, dry wind suddenly changed direction, whipping at the meek pegasus from behind, pushing, almost as though urging her forward. It was strange, Fluttershy couldn't tell if it was pegasi instinct or something else, but for whatever reason, with the wind at her back, she felt a spark of strength come alive inside her.
No, I've known her longer that anypony else. I can reach out to her, I can save her. I know I can!
She was standing just behind her friend now and time seemed to be slowing, the tension once again drawing out her fear and anxiety as she came to a stop. Standing and staring at her friend who still hadn't noticed her as she face the tree and stared down at it's roots. The breeze came to a sudden stop, filling the air with a terrible silence. Fluttershy could her her heart pounding.
“Rainbow Dash.” Even with her soft voice, Dash's ears pricked up and swiveled. Slowly, she turned her head to face Fluttershy. After a quick glace behind her, Rainbow Dash began the arduous process of turning around to face her. Fluttershy could feel her heart sinking as she watched her crippled friend who once could soar higher and fly faster than all but the Wonderbolts themselves, a super athlete in her own right, now struggling to merely about-face. She didn't know what to do. Despite desperately wishing to extend her hoof in aide to her friend, something was holding her still, as though she was paralyzed, resigned only to watch her friend struggle, as she had done since Dash's accident. Something burned inside of her, smoldering her insides and searing her heart: It was rage, and it was close to boiling over.
After a great struggle, Rainbow gave an exasperated sigh before looking up into Fluttershy's eyes. Fluttershy could see a tumultuous mix, a storm of feeling swirling around in Rainbow's eyes. Her courage began to deflate as she felt those eyes almost piercing her, as though she were being stripped by Rainbow's complicated but sad gaze. Dash's mouth opened and time once again seemed to slow, if for no other reason than to draw out her torment. This would be the first time she heard Rainbow's voice since that day at the hospital. Fluttershy couldn't help it, even now, once again, adding to the countless number of times she had done so, she recalled that day with horrific vividness. Images flashed by in her mind, all full of memories of that day but each only lasting a moment. Twilight weeping ceaselessly over Dash's bandaged and broken body when she arrived at the hospital. She can't recall a time she had ever flown so fast in her life and still, she was the last one to arrive. She could smell Rainbow's blood clearly through her bandages. The unforgettable smell haunted her, even now. She remembered Rainbow's eyes fluttering open as though from nothing more than a deep sleep and then...
“Who are all of you? Who is Rainbow Dash?” Those words echoed deafeningly within her. Those were the last words her she had heard her best friend, and truly, the pony that knew her better than any other, say to her. It left her heart cripple and now, she was bracing herself once again, to hear her friend's voice. Snapping back to reality, Rainbow's words hit her like lightening.
“You were that pony at the hospital... Fluttershy right?”
“You were that pony at the hospital... Fluttershy right?” Sunrise asked. She knew, she knew well the pony she was talking to. Twilight had told her many things about Fluttershy. She was Rainbow Dash's best friend, for a very long time. Sunrise had to actively keep her heart calm, she could feel the heavy tension in the air, so heavy it was almost suffocating. This... this was going to happen, it had to happen. I just, I just thought that when it did, I would have Twilight by my side. This is dangerous, there's something about Fluttershy that's different from everypony else, a heartache that goes beyond anything I've seen in the others. She could see it, simply the phrasing of her question hurt the mare, her eyes drifting down to the earth and her head tilting away from Sunrise. It was subtle, but Sunrise could tell, she could see a reservoir of pain walled up within her small body and the damn she had built was weakening every moment.
“Y-yes... I'm Fluttershy...” She whispered. Her tone forced to conceal a subtle crack from held back tears. Sunrise felt it, the same thing, again and again. Nopony, nopony could understand or know, how it felt, for her very existence to be a source of grief. A pain, deep down inside her, Sunrise felt a sorrow grow that she knew all too well, and that name... it was always that name that they called her. Why can't I just... I just want to be real! Why can't they just accept that I'm me!?
“Are you going tell me I don't exist as well Fluttershy?” A dull pain clouded her discerning eyes. She could remember clearly, perfectly, every single time her life was deigned, her existence was rejected and her name was ignored. She felt like a ghost, an unwanted apparition steeling a body that didn't belong to her. Even Twilight, even she, until very recently, she couldn't see me for me, only as something occupying this body.
“No!” Fluttershy's head shot up, making strikingly direct contact with Sunrise's own. “I would never do that Rainbow Dash, of course you exist.”
“Fluttershy, you know don't you? You know that I'm not R-”
“So, how have you been feeling!?” Fluttershy hastily interjected, forcing a smile that was awkward at best and painful at worst. A weak giggle came, barely audible from her throat as she gazed anxiously at Sunrise.
“I...” Sunrise could almost hear Fluttershy begging withing her mind for her to play along, to just let it go. She couldn't be sure why, but something was holding her back from doing what she knew she should. Maybe it was her eyes that showed a pain, one that looked and felt familiar to Sunrise. On some level, she felt that Fluttershy, may understand her pain. Something else was there, a feeling, niggling deep in her mind, something that she just couldn't place. With a deep and weighty sigh, she gave in to Fluttershy's wish. “I've been alright... as long as I take my pills when I'm supposed to, avoid certain foods and take it easy, I'm alright. I've even been able to walk... sort of. I guess you can see that though.”
“T-that's great! I'm really happy to see that your getting better. Has the doctor said anything about your wings yet?”
“Well, there was a treatment that may have worked, but with my heart the way it is... I decided not to do it. That's why I'm here, I was going to meet up with Scootaloo to tell her.”
“Oh, I see.” Fluttershy looked around her, a relieved look flashed across her face as she found the two of them, still alone, with nopony in sight. “Is Twilight going to be joining you?”
“No, she stayed at home, I wanted to tell Scootaloo by myself, it only seemed right.” Sunrise found more and more that she was regretting that decision, not because she was wrong, but because all she wished for was that Twilight was beside her for this. She couldn't explain why, as Fluttershy's smile grew more genuine knowing they were alone, she felt that feeling that she couldn't identify, growing more intense. She could tell now, what that feeling was, and her heart began to beat faster.
“Well, don't worry, I'm sure your heart will get better, then you can do the treatment and be able to fly again!” She smiled cheerfully.
“I'm okay actually, with never experiencing flight. I'll be able to walk again soon, and then I can help Twilight, and I can do more things with her and my friends.”
“Once you get your memories back, Rainbow, you'll know what flying feels like, you've always loved it.” As Fluttershy's smile grew brighter, Sunrise's certainty grew stronger as to what that feeling was: Fear, It was fear. The delicate veneer that was Fluttershy's smile, was weakening the damn, the wall she had built up, between herself and her anguish. Sunrise took slow, deep breaths, trying to calm her heart. A terrible sense of foreboding hung over her like an approaching storm.
“Fluttershy, stop, you have to know... Rainbow Dash, she's gone...” Sunrise said her words slowly, gauging the effect each syllable had, each word, each movement of her lips, but Fluttershy kept her peaceful, jovial mask.
“It's okay though! Once we talk to Twilight together, she'll be able to bring your memories back!”
“No Fluttershy, I'm sorry but-”
“What are you apologizing for? I'm the one that should apologize, I should have noticed something before this all happened, I should have been able to prevent this.” Fluttershy's smile was juxtaposed against her sad, glistening eyes, her quivering lips, her distraught voice and her furrowed brow. She stepped closer to Sunrise until their noses were only inches apart. Sunrise flashed back to their meeting in the hospital, the way she shoved Fluttershy's hoof away from her, the heart break that was in her eyes. At the time, Sunrise was too overwhelmed to have known, but now, with Fluttershy looking into her with that same look once again, Sunrise could see, a heart break, twisted and hidden behind a refusal to accept what's right in front of her, a refusal to believe, that her beloved friend was gone, and Sunrise was what remained. Suddenly, she knew that, despite her fear, despite her sympathy, there was only one way to get through, she had to weather the torrent of pain, damned up behind a delicate lie. Her heart was racing now, it was beyond her control to calm it and she knew, if this didn't end soon, her life may be in danger. There's no turning back now! I'm the only one that can do this! She took a deep breath, and steeled herself.
“You need to accept it!” She shouted, eyes blazing with the same penetrating glare that she wore time and time again. As she's been told, it's one of her defining features, a look to her that Twilight said she and Rainbow Dash did not share. It was her own, and she drew strength from it, it was like a positive feedback loop. Her fear shrank before her certainty, that she would be able to do it, she could help Fluttershy.
“W-what are you saying Rainbow?” Fluttershy spoke calmly, her smile now jarringly out of place right below eyes that her about to burst at the seems with the tears she was forcing back. Sunrise doubted she even knew she was about to cry.
“That's not my name Fluttershy!” She staggered forward, her weak hind legs on the brink of giving out, still she stood, holding her ground as Fluttershy at the same moment took a step back.
“It is your name! I-I've known you for-”
“She's gone! She's dead Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash is gone forever!”
“T-that's not true! Rainbow, why are you doing this? We're friends, you're my best friend!”
“I told you Fluttershy, that's not my name... I'm not your friend that you lost. I know, I know it's hurting you, I know it's hard to accept, but you have to, I'm not Rainbow Dash.” Sunrise calmed voice, speaking more gently, she could see Fluttershy's tears now pooling in the corner of her eyes and she could feel her shaking even through the ground.
“You are... you are Rainbow Dash...” Fluttershy's eyes looked again to the ground, but her smile remained. She was clinging to it, the last flimsy piece of her wall, the only thing protecting her heart. It hurt Sunrise, knowing full well the weakness of a broken heart. Despite that, she knew what she had to do. She had to destroy it, the shield that separated her, from her heart, no matter how much it hurt.
“Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash died. I'm not her...”
“No! Stop! Please Rainbow, please stop!” Fluttershy pleaded as her frail smile began to devolve into one of anguish. Her breathing was rapid and the first tears flowed, soaking into her fur.
“My name is Vibrant Sunrise! Not Rainbow Dash! I'm not her! I'm me! I'm me Fluttershy! Do you hear me!? Rainbow Dash is gone!”
“No!” In a blur of pale yellow Fluttershy closed the distance between them and Sunrise felt a weight slam into her pushing her back. Pain surged through her back legs and she gritted her teeth as she winced. Looking back in front of her, Fluttershy rested her hooves and Sunrise's shoulders, tears streamed down her cheeks with no effort. “You have to remember me Rainbow Dash! You have to!”
“Fluttershy stop! My heart!” It was too late, she could feel it's rhythm become more and more erratic and a familiar tightness in her chest take hold. Not now, not yet! I can still get through to her! Come on, just a little longer!
“Please Rainbow, we've been best friends since we were little!”
“Rainbow Dash is gone! Look at me! Really look at me! Do you really see your friend? Who do you see? Do you see Rainbow Dash right now, in front of you?!”
“Yes!” Fluttershy screamed, putting more weight against Sunrise's body. “You have to remember me Rainbow, you saved me from those bullies back in Summer Flight School!”
“That wasn't me! I don't know you! Why can't you acknowledge me!? I'm not her damn it!”
“You're the reason I go me Cutie mark! When you preformed the sonic rainboom for the first time! It's thanks to you that I get to do what I love! Only because you were doing what you love, being loyal to your friends and flying! That's you Rainbow Dash! That's you and so much more! You can't lose it! You can't forget me!”
“I can't fly! I've never flown and I don't care if I don't! I'm not anything like her!”
“Yes you are! You have to remember!” Fluttershy screamed. Her eyes were wild and clouded with her tears. Her breathing was as erratic as Sunrise's heart.
“You have to let her go!”
“No!” Her voice was breaking from her throat being screamed raw. Sunrise could feel her falling apart inside.
“Let her go!”
“You're still in there!”
“You can't bring her b-”
"Yes I can! I have to!"
"I'm not-"
“You killed your mother!” Fluttershy's body froze, and her tears stopped instantly as her eyes widened. “I- I... I didn't....”
“W-what...?”
“I'm sorry...” Fluttershy fell limply off of Sunrise, her eye contact never breaking as she retreated, backing away slowly.
“I'm sorry... I'm sorry!” With that last scream she spun around and ran away, in her wake, a solitary breeze wafted over Sunrise's body. She watched as the pale yellow figure vanished behind a hill.
“What did she- Arg... Ahhhhh!” She screamed, suddenly, a pain worse than her heart shot through her head like a spike being driven slowly through her skull. She fell against the tree, bracing her front hooves against her head. Her body felt as though it were on fire, every inch of her was burning. One image flashed through her mind as her vision went black. A small filly, with a rainbow mane and tail, and a sky blue coat, soaring through the air, tears blasted from her face by the force of the wind.
Struggling for a breath, Sunrise collapsed in the grass as even her mind, went dark.
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
That which is left behind- 1
W-what happened? Sunrise thought, her mind a haze and her memories foggy. As she opened her eyes, she found herself in a dark place devoid of sensation or sound. Her body was weak, she struggled to pull her own weight up, she trembled from exertion as she got to her hooves. Despite her fatigue, she felt a strange absence of something, something that she had known her whole life: Pain.
'“Where...”' She began to whisper out loud, stopping suddenly as memories came rushing back. “Tw- Twilight... Twilight!” Sunrise began to panic, her eyes widened as she frantically swung her head back and forth. I was out side, I was going to meet up with Scootaloo and then? What happened to me? Something-
“Fluttershy. That's right, she found me and we were talking, but what happened after that? Okay, I need to stay calm.” She tried to calm her trembling body, preparing to draw in a deep breath. No! This can't be! To her horror, she found her lungs would not respond, she wasn't breathing. “What's going on?! I- I can't breath!”
“Sunrise.” A whisper in the dark called out, gently. It came from every direction, stealing Sunrise's thoughts from her body to the void surrounding her.
“Twilight! Twilight is that you?!” She called out, a glimmer of hope coming to her eyes.
“Sunrise… you have to help me.” The voice was forlorn and distant… but it seemed familiar to Sunrise, like a vague and distant memory.
“Who are you? Where am I? Please, you have to help me! How do I get home!?” Sunrise pleaded, fear seeping in where hope had formed. She noticed through her fear, that her heart wasn't racing… it wasn't beating at all.
“Sunrise, you have to tell her… that I'm still here.”
“T-tell who? Who are you?!” Tears pooled in her eyes, she tried to suppressed them, but she could feel them, nearly ready to pour down her face. In her fore mind, she thought of her home with Twilight, her new friends, she even tried to focus on her fear of where she might be, but in the back of her mind, a heartbreaking and terrifying conclusion had formed, she tried not to think of it, to put her mind anywhere else but there, but deep down, she knew she couldn't lie to herself. This voice, it's… R-Rainb-
“Clear!” A loud voice shouted.
“Wait! She's coming back into rhythm and her blood pressure is stabilizing!” Another voice said frantically.
Sunrise felt an immense pain in her chest, it burned, it was sore and it was tight. Then, she smelled the scent of singed fur and the unmistakable scent of cleaners and medicine. I'm back in the hospital… Slowly, she opened her eyes. An overwhelmingly bright light from above blinded her, a shadow then fell between the harsh white light and her eyes. It was a familiar silhouette, even though she could hardly distinguish her features, Sunrise knew right away who it was. She strained a smile and took as deep a breath as she could.
“Twilight, I'm sorry I let this happen.”
“Now isn't the time for apologies Sunrise.” Twilight's voice was hoarse and quivering, Sunrise knew she must have been crying for a while. Her heart sank, she struggled to reach her hoof up to comfort her, but her body was too weak. “Y-you shouldn't strain yourself right now, you need to focus on getting better.”
“That's right, you had better do just as Twilight and the doctors say or you'll be stuck here for Celestia knows how long, and I'm sure you'll get as tired of this drab décor as I am.”
Sunrise was taken aback by the new voice, she almost couldn't believe it, but there was no doubt.
“Rarity?” Sunrise asked weakly.
“You got it!” and excited and bubbly voice chimed. “You're win! You're the guesstest bester! Oh I mean the bestest guesser ever! Now guess how many balloons are in your room? Trick question! The answer is all of them!”
“Pinkie Pie? Is that you?” In response came a loud and dragged out gasp.
“You did it again! You're good at this!”
“Calm down Pinkie, you're gonna make her heart freak out again!” A young voice scolded Pinkie.
“Scootaloo? You're here too?” Her eyes had finally adjusted to the too well lit room. Pinkie wasn't kidding, even from her narrow view of the room, she could tell she was surrounded with balloons. But besides that and Twilight's face, she could see little more than the ceiling. “Twilight, can you-”
“Of course.” Twilight replied without waiting for Sunrise to finish. She sniffled, but her eyes were lit up with a happy glow and a soft smile spread across her face. Her bed began to vibrate as her head was raised, allowing her to see the whole room, and what she saw made her speechless. Twilight, Spike, Scootaloo, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom were all looking at her, with relief and joy in their eyes.
“Y-you all came for me? You're here… for me?” She was stunned, her face nearly expressionless, but tears fell effortlessly down her face. Her mind went blank, she didn't know what to think of this display of friendship. These ponies, they were relieved, they were happy because she came back to them. They cried… for me.
“Well of course were here for you darling, that's what friends are for.” Rarity said simply, a warm and sincere smile making her words all the more potent.
“We're not the only ones here actually.” Apple Bloom chimed in from the foot of Sunrise's bed.
“What do you mean?”
“Well...” Without another word, Apple Bloom stood aside, relieving an coated orange mare with blonde main and tail. Her eyes were unlike the others, tears were held back and her true feelings concealed behind a cold and stoic visage.
“Applejack...” Sunrise said, more to herself than anyone else. Fear crept up within her as she knew a confrontation could send her right back into cardiac arrest. No… Twilight wouldn't have let her come with if she thought there was a chance of that, everything is going to be okay. She took a deep breath as Applejack stopped at the foot of her bed.
“How ya feeling?” Applejack asked, not meeting Sunrise's eyes.
“I've been better, but I've been worse I guess. Did Apple Bloom ask you to come here?”
“Nah, I asked Twilight if I could come.”
“Are you disappointed that I'm still Sunrise?” She steeled herself. Grief and confusion flashed through Applejack's eyes as she brought her gaze to meet Sunrise's. Both of them stared at each for a moment that seemed to stretch for minutes. Applejack looked around the room, seeing the faces of her friends, nearly holding their breath, all seemingly afraid that one wrong sound could set Applejack off… all but Twilight, who watched with a soft but complex look.
“I honestly don't know.” She looked back at Sunrise before continuing. “My friends are like family to me and, in the Apple family, we have a saying, 'Family is family, and that never changes'. Look, I guess what I'm trying to say is... what I- I'm trying to say is nopony could ever…” Tears rolled from her eyes to her face, soaking into her fur as her body convulsed with each whimper. She gritted her teeth and quelled her body, but she couldn't stem the flow of tears.
“No pony could ever take Rainbow Dash's place, not you or no one else… but this here is my family, every one in this room. I can see that you… you're important to them, you're in their hearts now, one way or another, that kind of makes us family now too.”
Sunrise was awestruck. She didn't know what to say. All she knew was that something had passed between Applejack and Twilight, because the only one who didn't look surprised by Applejack's words was Twilight. Well… Twilight or Apple Bloom. She doesn't seem surprised either. Remembering Applejack's words before, shortly after Sunrise started living with Twilight, she was astounded that she would make such a drastic change.
“I- I… I don't what to say.”
“Well ya shouldn't be saying anything, like Twilight said, you need to rest.”
“That's for the best” A doctor interjected. “It's getting late, you should all go home and get some rest yourselves. We'll be monitoring her closely for any more cardiac events, but it looks like the worst is over.”
“The doctor's right, you should all get some sleep, I'll stay here with her overnight. We'll let you know first thing tomorrow how she's doing.” Twilight stood up and walked toward the door.
“Alright, you focus on getting better now you hear.” Applejack said before doing an about-face, turning to the door. The others followed close behind, giving their get well wishes and goodbyes. Slowly, they all filed out of the room, all glancing back for one last look at their friend laying in the hospital bed.
Emotional and physical exhaustion weighed down her eyelids. As the door closed and Twilight took her place beside her, Sunrise gave in to her weariness and began to drift off to sleep. As she crossed the threshold of awake and asleep, a frail and soft whisper echoed around her from the darkness and she knew, it wasn't just a dream:
“Tell her… I'm here.”
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
That Which is Left Behind- 2
“Aaaaaah!” Sunrise let out a shrill scream of pure terror as she bolted awake, her breathing was rapid and heavy. Her heart pounded so loudly though her ears she could hardly hear the high pitch beeped of her cardiac monitor. She couldn't move a muscle or recall where she was, her entire body trembled with fear and her eyes were glued forward, wide open and dilated. Sweat dripped from her brow and tears streamed ceaselessly down her cheeks. She could hear muffled, panicked voices, she could see figures frantically running about, the bright light blinding her. Suddenly she felt pressure against her shoulders and a figure in front of her, desperately calling out her name.
“Sunrise! Sunrise! Answer me, please, Sunrise!” The voice trembled, strained by a tightness in her throat.
“I- it was just a nightmare.” Sunrise said absently, the shock numbing her every sense, every sense but one; Fear. Her eyes remained fixed, staring in horror of some unsealable phantasm that was keeping her entire body paralyzed with fear.
“Sunrise please snap out of it! You're safe! You're in the hospital, with me, you're safe, I promise! Please Sunrise, your heart!” Twilight pleaded her voice chocked as anguished sobs forced back her every word.
“I-it was just a nightmare...” Sunrise repeated herself with her eyes still fixated immediately forward and her body still frozen in fear. Suddenly, she felt her heart slow and her body began to relax, a pleasant haze began to wash over Sunrise. Her breathing calmed and she weakly fell back into her pillow. Her mind and body were now numb with this sensation and her eyes fell shut, fear screamed at her to stay awake, but the drugs compelled her to sleep. As she unwillingly drifted into the embrace of sleep, she heard a voice, one she could not recognize softly say one word, the voice was filled with a heartbreaking sadness as it weakly whispered through the darkness.
“Twilight...”
Her eyes gently fluttered, she could feel warm morning light beaming down on her through the window by her bed. Despite her still bleary vision, Sunrise weakly started looking around her room. Her entire body was stiff and poorly responsive. W-what happened to me? She could hear faint hoof beats coming closer, they trotted slowly and hesitantly towards her door. Sunrise struggled to sit up, her forelegs buckling under her own weight. Why do I feel so weak? The door to her room slid open, and a familiar face stood at the door, her eyes seemingly glued to the floor.
“T-Twi?” Sunrise felt her strength returning, just from the mere presence of the mare, shakily, she began to pick herself up now, pushing her body to sit upright.
“Sunrise!” Twilight cried, her voice carried so much heartache and pain it stunned Sunrise, her strength faded, replaced with worried for the dearest pony to her in the world. In a blur of violet, Twilight closed the distance between them, throwing her hooves around Sunrise, holding her fragile body up in her embrace. Twilight began to sob over Sunrise's shoulder, tears fell from her face, drop after drop sinking into Sunrise's pale blue fur.
“Twilight…” Sunrise said, the unexpected outburst from Twilight leaving her speechless. She raised her hoof over Twilight's shoulder and held her close. “What happened?”
“S-Sunrise… I- I thought… I thought...” Her words were forced out through her powerful sobs, her tears flowed unabated as she tried to speak. She was trembling now, shaking like a leaf in the wind, all Sunrise could do was hold her closer, gently rubbing her back.
“It's okay Twilight, I'm okay.” She whispered lovingly, trying to soothe Twilight's pain.
“I-I thought I was going to lose you! Sunrise, I thought I was going to lose you too! I can't, I can't lose anyone else! Not you, please, don't leave me, not like that...” Sunrise could feel Twilight's jaw clench against the pain and anguish in her heart.
“Twi, the doctor said I'd be alright… I'm sorry I worried you, please Twi, it's going to be okay.” Sunrise's voice was quivering now, reciprocating Twilight's heartache, her eyes became cloudy and she held ever tighter to Twilight's trembling body. Suddenly, cool air rushed in around Sunrise, filling a space left vacant as Twilight pulled back. She looked into Sunrise's eyes, her own filled with a complex look of grief, fear, sadness and confusion. Her crying whimpered to a stop as she stared at Sunrise.
“You mean… you don't remember?” Twilight's voice was thick with worry and disappointment.
“Remember what?”
“You… you had another cardiac event last night. You just… you woke up screaming, saying something about a nightmare. I- I tried to get to you, but you wouldn't respond, you just kept saying it over and over again. The doctors had to sedate you, you were on the verge of a serious heart attack. Oh Sunrise, I've never been so afraid for anyone before, that look in your eyes… I never want to see that again!” Her tears began flowing again as she recalled the events and Sunrise could see the terror in her eyes. Guilt washed over her, she didn't notice it until now, but she looked exhausted, like she had been crying all night.
“I'm sorry… I don't remember any of that.” She looked down, at her lap, guilt and sorrow filling her heart. How do I not remember any of that? Was it the anesthetics? Did they make me forget? Look at what I've done to Twilight… again. I keep putting her through these terrible ordeals, I keep making her watch as I suffer and… and at this rate, it won't be long before she watches me die… Sunrise gritted her teeth against a torrent of emotions, trying with all her strength to stay strong for Twilight, but to no avail. She couldn't contain herself as her feelings, fear, guilt and sadness poured from her eyes.
“I-I'm so sorry… I'm so sorry!” Sunrise grabbed Twilight and pulled her back in, pressing her face against her chest sobbing desperately into her fur. Twilight's rhythmic heartbeat steadying her own damaged heart.
“Oh Sunrise.” Twilight spoke softly, her voice loving and sympathetic as she rested her head on top of Sunrise's and stroked her prismatic mane, gently rocking her back and forth, trying to ease her suffering. Still, despite her loved one crying uncontrollably into her chest, her mind drifted back, only minutes before she had entered the room.
“N-night terrors?” Twilight's voice trembled. The doctor nodded, holding up a clipboard and scanning it quickly.
“Yes, and due to her… unusual condition, I felt it best to run an fMRI scan and… well, we found something I think you should know about.” Twilight did no like the doctor's tone, after what she had been through last night, she didn't know if she could take more bad news, but she knew there was nothing she could do.
“W-what did you find? Is Sunrise going to be… hasn't she been through enough already?” Her eyes became cloudy, but she fought back the tears as the doctor began to speak.
“Well, some areas of her brain seem to be… coming back online, for lack of a better term. Specifically, the areas responsible for memories and personality. This could be the cause of the night terrors.” The doctor's face was unusually grim, but Twilight was frozen, her mind had come to a grinding halt. She just stared impotently as he went on.
“I don't think I have to tell you what this could mean, but…” He paused, seeming gathering courage to speak his next words. “It's not normally my policy to withhold relevant medical information from my patients, but in the state she's in, this kind of information could send her into another major cardiac event, and we were barely able to bring her back from that last one, she's in a very delicate state right now, and we aren't completely certain about what these results mean.”
“I- I see...” Twilight stuttered. Her eyes were dull and her expression a mix of shock and helplessness. All she could do was stand there and wait.
“I'm going to send this over to a friend of mine, she's a renowned neurologist and could interpret this better than anyone at this hospital. In the mean time, stay close to her, she's going to need you now.”
“Oh Sunrise… It'll be okay...”
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
That Which is Left Behind- 3
It was pitch black, everywhere she looked, there was only darkness. So a sound could be heard within the void, except a steady breath, and an uneasy heartbeat. Sunrise struggled with all her might to move her hooves, but the more she fought, the heavier they felt. A slow, tense fear began to build within her, she could feel something, something she couldn't explain. It was all around her, she could practically feel it's breath in her ear. Suddenly, a sound pierced the darkness, it was the sound of rushing air. Images flash through her mind, as though imposed in her thoughts by an outside force. A young filly, who looked just like her, flying through the air at incredible speeds. Sunrise could feel an indescribable heartache as she watched the filly fly away.
'I- I know this… I saw this before right after Fluttershy…'
“Who knows? Maybe you and your future best friends are all looking at the same rainbow.” A voice resonated throughout the expansive blackness.
'Twilight?' Sunrise thought to herself, she tried to speak, to call out to her, but her voice was paralyzed, as was every muscle in her body now. All she could do was stand there helplessly as the voices and images played.
'“I'll have the sky clear in ten seconds flat!”' A brash and boastful voice declared. In her mind, Sunrise could see her, Rainbow Dash. She sat on top of a cloud, staring down at disheveled Twilight.
'No… Stop this… please.' Fear and grief began to overwhelm her. She wanted to shout, she wanted to cry, but she couldn't move, she couldn't make a sound, all the feelings were building up inside her, she felt her whole body would be torn apart by the torrent of emotions as the images and voices kept rushing through her mind.
'Gah! I- I can't take this, please! Please make it stop!' Suddenly, a deep and bitter anger began bubbling up inside her. A terrible realization formed as it grew, only making her anger stronger. 'Fluttershy… This is all your fault! This, this is because of what you said to me isn't it!? Why, why did it have to be true? Why can't I go on living!? Damn it!'
“You aren't even going to apologize?”
'T-Twilight?' Sunrise whispered in her mind. The mare she knew and loved sounded bitter and angry, like nothing Sunrise had ever heard from her before, it sent a chill down her spine. Then, the image began to form clearly in her mind, she could see Twilight, in her library, with a suppressed look of annoyance as she glared down at someone… it was Rainbow Dash.
“For what you did to Rarity. What else would I mean?” Twilight forced her voice to soften, trying to be understanding, trying to elicit the same thoughtful compassion in Rainbow Dash, instead, she merely rolled her eyes before delving back into her book.
“Twi, I'm not going to apologize cause it wasn't my fault. She should have been watching where she was-” Suddenly, her book was enveloped in a glowing purple aura before being yanked out from under her. '“Hey! I was reading that!”'
“Rainbow Dash! She's going to be in that cast for three more weeks because you were being reckless.”' Her look soften, she was trying her best to exude understanding and empathy, desperately hope Rainbow Dash would reciprocate. '“Don't you feel even a little sorry?”'
“No, I don't! It wasn't my fault, it was just a crazy coincidence. She was in the wrong place not paying attention.”' She huffed angrily.
“Rainbow Dash, I was there, I saw the whole thing. You flew right towards her, you didn't even try to stop.”' Twilight maintained her gently tone.
“Like I told you Twilight, there was a freaky up draft and it knocked me out of the sky! There was nothing I could do.”' Sunrise could tell she was lying, and the look of disappointment in Twilight's eyes told her she knew it too.
“Rainbow Dash, I talked to the weather team, they told me that there were no hot or cold patches that would have caused an updraft strong enough to take out a pegasus.” Dash's eyes became wide with shock, but there was a deep pain in her eyes, a pain that was quickly covered up with aggression.
“You checked?! You thought I was lying so much that you actually asked the weather team? I thought we were friends Twilight? I thought you were supposed to give your friends the benefit of the doubt or something?” There was a clear bitterness in her accusing tone, her posture became defensive, but her eyes burned with anger as she stared Twilight down.
“Rainbow, if it was a prank that went wrong we'll understand, but you need to apologize. I know you feel bad about it, why don't you just tell her?” Her gentle compassion was beginning to be infected with frustration.
Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through Sunrise's head, her body collapsed, released from the paralyzing force that held her. The images that ran through her mind, the memories that were not her own, all went dark, all went silent. She gasped, the shock of the pain making her whole body burn. The pain began to ebb and her body cooled. She was trembling as she got to her hooves, her breaths rapid and shallow. 'W-what was-'
'“Aaaaaaah!”' Sunrise screamed, falling once again, wave after wave of agony shot through her head, nausea followed as the pain grew worse and worse. Tears fell down her face, her eyes squeezed shut as tightly as she could and her jaw clenched so tight her teeth were hurting. She held her head between her hooves as the torturous pain battered her like waves, over rand over.
“Stop! Make it stop!" She pleaded into the void. Then, just as suddenly as the pain appeared it vanished, leaving her trembling and her body weak. She gasped, her breath weak and unsteady.
“Tell her I'm here… please, tell her… I'm here.”
“N-no… no, please, please I don't want this!” She was crying uncontrollably as she begged, she begged for all of it to stop, for everything she knew to be true to be wrong. She looked around frantically in the darkness, sobbing pathetically.
“Please Sunrise… tell her I'm here.”
Sunrise felt the floor giving out beneath her as she plummeted, she tumbled through the air, fast and faster, she could feel her heart racing now as a tightness in her chest sent her further into a panic.
***********************************************
“Rainbow Dash!” Sunrise screamed at the top of her lungs, her chest stung and her heart raced erratically. Desperately she tried to inhale but her frantic gulps of air gave her little as she was sent further into a panic. Frantically sunrise turned to her nightstand, grabbing a cup of water and quickly downing a large pill. She broke into a coughing fit, spitting up water and the pill, struggling to stay conscious she reached for the soaked pill and, despite the burning in her throat compelling her to keep coughing, she forced the pill down, only giving into her coughing reflex once she was sure it would not come back up.
“Sunrise!” Twilight burst through the door, swinging it open with suck force it knocked books off the shelf at the other end of the small room. Her eyes were wide and her breaths labored as though she had run as fast as she could from the other end of the library. “Sunrise are you okay!?”
“Twilight...” Sunrise felt guilt well up inside her from the worry in Twilight's eyes. She took a deep breath to calm her heart before she smiled frailly at Twilight. “I- I'm alright. It was just a nightmare.”
“Just a nightmare? L-like the one you had last night… in the hospital?” Twilight's gaze shifted to the floor and she shoulders slumped and her wings drooped. Contrary to Sunrise's expectations, somehow her words only seemed to hurt Twilight more.
“It… it wasn't like that. I'm sorry I worried you Twilight.”
“What was it? The nightmare I mean.” Twilight looked back up to Sunrise, she could see Twilight's eyes clouded with suppressed tears. “I- I mean, it might be important… if I don't know, how can I help you Sunrise?”
“I...” Many things ran through her mind as she struggled to answer. Images and feelings from her dreams raged through her mind, she clenched her jaw, struggling to hold back her own tears as a lump formed in her throat. “I don't remember.”
“Are you sure you don't remember anything? Please Sunrise, any detail you can recall would be better than nothing, I really want to help...” Twilight's voice was saturated with a deep depression, Sunrise could feel something buried deep within Twilight's misty eyes, something terrible and painful. They stared at each other, tense, silent seconds passed like minutes as they gazer into the others eyes, the air was almost heavy with words unsaid and feelings hidden, finally the silence was broken.
“No… I don't remember a thing.” Sunrise spoke in little more than a whisper. She knew it, she knew she was lying, she was lying to herself, and to the one she cared about most. She could only feel disgust at herself as she averted her eyes. She prayed Twilight wouldn't press further, she knew though, that there was something Twilight was concealing from her as well. Her heart began to pulse faster as Twilight stayed in silence. I- I'm so sorry Twilight.
“I see...” Twilight turned her downcast eyes back to the floor and gave a soft but pain filled sigh. Solemnly, she began to turn back towards the door, grief, guilt, sorrow and defeat spiraled through her eyes. Sunrise could almost feel the pain Twilight was in, and it was tearing her heart to pieces.
“Twilight wait.” She called quietly, forcing her eyes back to face's Twilight's. She could feel the full intensity of emotions that raged behind her gentle but heartbroken visage.
“W-what is it Sunrise?” Her voice carried a note of hope that almost crushed Sunrise, bringing her so near the brink of tears, her voice strained under the weight of her forced back sobs as she began to speak.
“I need to go out, just for a bit… alone.” Sunrise braced herself, not only against the reaction she was sure would come from Twilight, but also against her own guilt and making her more worried. Haven't I done enough to her?
“Sunrise no!” Twilight snapped, her tears flowed as her unbridled emotion came pouring out. “You just got out of the hospital, you nearly… you nearly… I- I almost lost you Sunrise! I can't Sunrise… I just can't lose you too, please, you need to stay home and rest, you can't keep risking your life! Think about me Sunrise, please!”
“Twilight…” Sunrise was speechless the weight of her guilt only made her want to run away, to flee from this place, and from Twilight. '*W-what's wrong with me?*
“No Sunrise! No, d-don't say anything, just please listen to me. Stay home… for me Sunrise, please… just stay for me.” Her words were barely audible through her hear rending sobs. She stared pleadingly at Sunrise, her pain filled eyes were only making the crushing guilt Sunrise was drowning in. “Sunrise, j-just say you'll stay for me, I can't lose you, I just can't lose you.”
“I- I…” She took a deep, long breath, trying to cool the raging emotions and the burning guilt in her chest, exhaling gently through her nose before gathering the strength to look back at her, her visage filled with a renewed clarity. “Twilight, I'm sorry.”
“Sunrise please-”
“No Twilight, I'm sorry that I put you through all this, I'm sorry I made you so worried for me. Oh Twilight… I'm so sorry.” The moment of clarity she had quickly ebbed as pain rushed in, guilt and depression weighed down on her chest and streamed down her face as she cried. “I won't go so… please Twilight don't cry. Don't cry anymore, it breaks my heart. I- I just want you to be happy and smile again, please don't cry.”
“Promise me,” Twilight's teary eyes were dead serious as she glared at Sunrise. “promise me you'll stay home Sunrise.”
“Twilight…”
“You have to promise me that you'll stay.” Twilight repeated, stressing the gravity of her words. Sunrise was taken aback, she felt an uncomfortable pressure from Twilight's glare. She knew though, that it was all because she cared for her.
“Twilight,” Sunrise's eye's soften and she felt warmth spread through her body. A small and gentle smile spread across her face. Even after all this, after everything I've put you through… Twilight, you really are amazing. “I promise.”
“Thank you...” Her intense expression dulled, but not with relief. Still a deep sorrow seemed to permeate through Twilight's mind and she nodded, more to herself than to Sunrise. “Thank you.”
“Twilight… what's wrong?”
“N-nothing… I'm just tired I guess.” She shrugged. She did look tired, physically and emotionally.
“Twilight, you can't neglect your own health, please, get some rest, for me.”
“Yeah, I'll do that. Thanks Sunrise. You… you get some rest too.” She said weakly, before turning back to the door. Time seemed to move in slow motion for Sunrise as Twilight placed one hoof in front of the other, thousands of things raced through her mind as she watched helplessly. She knew she needed to say something, say anything, but, she just sat there, mute as Twilight slinked away, trotting out of her room without another word. In her absence, Sunrise felt the room somehow seemed… colder.
Twilight… Twilight what have I done to you?
Twilight lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling, her eyes dull and her body weak. Her body had become thinner as eating was far from her mind. The morning light was getting brighter as the sun was shining through her window. Lacking the resolve to force her body out of bed, she dropped her foreleg over her eyes, shutting out the light.
Rainbow Dash… Are you… are you really in there? Are you really trying to come back to us? I-if so then, then what have I been doing!? A terrible rage took hold her her heart, all of it directed at herself. She gritted her teeth so hard it hurt, her jaw muscles bulged and her heart raced. What have I been doing?! To you, to Sunrise, to our friends!? I- I heard it, Sunrise cried your name, she screamed it. I- I couldn't bring myself to admit it, to either of us. Oh Sunrise, I' so sorry! Why does it have to be like this?! What am I supposed to do?!
“Oh Rainbow Dash… What am I supposed to do?” Tears streamed down from behind her foreleg covering her eyes, soaking through her fur, leaving dark trails in their wake. Pitiful sobs softly echoed through her lonely room. Why does it have to be this way? If.. if I bring Rainbow Dash back Sunrise will… she'll be gone. Oh Rainbow Dash, I loved you, I loved you so much, losing you was the most painful thing that had ever happened to me… I can still see it, every time I think of you, I can see the pain in your eyes, the anger at me, I can hear your last words so vividly, and the light draining from your eyes after you fell… but Sunrise… I also…
“Sunrise… I'm so sorry.” She couldn't even try to hold back her emotional turmoil, it all came out, right there as she cried, and cried. She wailed and screamed as tears flowed, pulling ever more pain and heartbreak out of her. This isn't right! This isn't right! Why did you have to be born into this life, things… they're so hard for you and now, and now this. Why?! Why can't she just live damn it! What did she ever do to deserve this!? I- I…
“I have to tell her.” Her eyes became and she went silent as though struck with an epiphany. She has to know, she… her life is unfair enough, she needs to know, she needs the truth, she needs that from me! Her expression changed to a powerful, fierce determination, even as drops still rolled down her cheeks, she felt compelled with a new and powerful resolve. Her horn ignited into a bright purple glow and the door swung open. She ran, she ran fast and recklessly, nearly tumbling down the stairs as she ran. Sunrise, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I lied to you! You have to know, you have to know what the doctor found, and what it means!
“Sunrise!” Twilight yelled as she reached her door, swinging it open with so much magical force the hinges nearly broke. She took rapid, heavy breaths, her heart raced, fear exhilaration and sorrow rushed through her body as she prepared to give, with all her heart, everything she had held back. However, her heart sank as she was stunned into silence, the impetus that compelled her died away, leaving only the fear and sadness in its wake. Her lip quivered as she walked slowly into her room, only one worse slipped from her lips, a word full of horror that filled the empty room.
“No...”
“Rainbow, if it was a prank that went wrong we'll understand, but you need to apologize. I know you feel bad about it, why don't you just tell her?” Her gentle compassion began to be infected with frustration.
“You don't know anything Twilight! Just give me back my book and leave me alone!” Rainbow Dash lunged for the book but it floated away just before she reached it. She glared at Twilight, but this time, Twilight glared back, anger had won out…
“Oh, I don't know anything? I don't even think you know how you feel sometimes! I thought you felt bad about what you did to Rarity and were just ashamed that you messed up but I'm starting to think you don't feel anything!”
“You're right I don't! I'm Rainbow Dash! If I mess up I admit it, but I didn't so I'm not going to go and pretend like it was just so you can feel better!” Rainbow Dash snarled. “This isn't about me Rainbow Dash. Fine, you don't think it was you're fault? Apologize anyway. Your friend got hurt and you should try to make her feel better. That's what a loyal friend would do.” Twilight struggled to remain composed, trying to reach out and appeal to Dash's sense of loyalty.
“Don't talk to me about loyalty you stuck up know it all!” Rainbow Dash snapped, she bared her teeth and got right up in Twilight's face. “I don't have to stand here and listen to this! I'm going home!” She began to turn away as Twilight spoke up.
“You really do feel bad Rainbow Dash! You're pathetic, you can't even admit to yourself that you did something wrong let lone tell somepony else.” Twilight was trying to provoke Rainbow Dash, there was a tone of vague superiority in her voice.
“What did you say!?” Dash got back in Twilight's face, but she continued unfazed.
“You heard me Rainbow Dash. You act all cool but you know what? It's obvious that you only act that way to cover up the fact that you don't even know how to express your feelings!” Twilight's words had pierced right through Rainbow Dash's thin veneer over bravado, and Dash began to crumble.
“Shut up, shut up, shut up! Just shut up!” She closed her eyes, shaking her head vigorously as through trying to shake off Twilight's words.
Sunrise watched in horror, she could feel a terrible foreboding as she watched. She felt as though her were there, a part of everything in the room, every word and every action felt like it was a part of her. A sense of dread crept down her spine, she began shaking her head weakly, helplessly watching the scene unfold. 'Don't… please… not again…' Sunrise didn't know why those words echoed through her mind, why she thought them, or why they filled her with such pain, but she just kept thinking it, again and again as she watched.
“It's the truth Rainbow Dash. I know that's new to you, the truth, because you never tell it to yourself I'm going to tell it to you!” She shouted, getting right in Rainbow Dash's face.
Terror filled Sunrise. She desperately struggled to move, to somehow intervene. The next moments seemed to move in slow motion as she screamed within herself. 'No!'
;Smack!;
The sound echoed throughout the room as her hoof made impact, leaving them both Twilight and Rainbow Dash in stunned silence. Twilight slowly brought her hoof to her tender cheek and felt it gently. Blood began to trickle out of her mouth and tears were building in the corners of her wide eyes. She just stared at Dash, her eyes closed tight and her face full of rage and pain.
'No… Rainbow Dash… why… why did you-' Tears poured down Sunrise's face, she could feel everything so intensely, every bit of pain and anger, it tore at her heart, it felt like the hate would eat her alive. 'Why did you have to do it…' “Aaaaah!” A powerful, agonizing pain surged through her body, bringing her to her knees gasping for breath. Everything again went dark as the pain passed.
“W-why are you showing me this!? Please! I don't… I don't want this!” Sunrise screamed into the void. Seconds passed like hours as she waited to hear anything out of the deafening silence.
“Please… Tell her I'm here… I have to make this right… please… free me. I have to make things right.”
Just as before, she felt the ground beneath her hooves vanish, she plummeted, but she did not fight it. A crushing despair made her long for the final impact. A bright light shined from beneath her. Sunrise almost smiled as she longed for its embrace. 'No more… no more…' The light began to engulf her, but as everything went blank, washed away by the powerful light, one image flashed through her mind. 'Twilight…'
*******************************************************
Her eyes fluttered open, a cool breeze flower over her and the smell of grass and dirt filled her nostrils, long green blades tickled her face. Sunrise looked up, her muscles sore and her vision bleary, a figure sat beside her, staring out at the horizon.
“T-Twilight?” She said weakly as the haze of sleep cleared her eyes and her visioned sharpened, the figure before her came into focus.
“Good morning.” She said softly, a hint of deep sadness filled her gently voice.
“Fluttershy...”
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
“Who is Rainbow Dash?” She asked bemused, her thoughts still hazy and dream like. Her gaze drifted from the five worried looking ponies at the foot of her bed to her very sore and tight chest. Her eyes became wide with shock, she had a gash almost half the length of her leg gouged into her chest. It was freshly stitched and hurt every time she breathed.
“R-Rainbow.. It's us. Your friends, don't you remember? You remember right?!” Twilight pleaded frantically as her eyes glistened with tears. The ponies behind her shared looks of shock, pain and disbelief. She slowly shook her head.
“I think you have me confused with someone else... I don't know any of you.” She grimaced in pain as she tried to sit up, she felt a hoof gently guide her back down. She looked up to see a tan unicorn stallion with a brown mane and glasses.
“Rainbow Dash, do you know what day it is?”
“No.. what happened to me?” She repeated, but the doctor only looked wearily at her as he levitated a small flashlight, shining it into her eyes.
“Pupils are reactive. Repeat these numbers in order. Seven, five, two, one, three, five, six.” She rubbed her eyes that became irritated from the intense light.
“Seven, five, two, one, three, six, five. Please, can you tell me what happened to me? I- I don't remember anything.” Her voice shook lightly with fear as she looked around nervously, trying to avoid the worried looks from the ponies that were in her room.
“You had a terrible accident. You had severe tachycardia followed by stress induced cariomyopathy. Your heart stopped, luckily Twilight Sparkle here managed to get to you quickly and, with skill and precision that I have never seen in any pony without advanced medical training, she kept your heart beating telekinetically. However, once she got you to us, the damage from your attack left the walls of your hearts arteries weakened. Your aorta had eroded and, almost as soon as you got to the operating room, you suffered a massive aortic dissection. We nearly lost you, It's a miracle that you're still alive.” His words were less than comforting to her, no matter his intentions. Twilight approached them, standing over her bedside by the doctor, she was fighting to hold herself together.
“Doctor, why doesn't she remember us?” The doctor sighed and shook his head solemnly.
“I'm sorry, it could be a number of things. Lack of oxygen, trauma from the fall, the seizure. In any case there isn't really much we can do.” Out of the corner of her eye she could see the expressions on the other ponies faces devolving into even more sad expressions.
“I'm sorry but, I'm laying right here. I don't feel comfortable with you both talking about me like I'm not here.” Her voice didn't contain any anger, but she felt confused and was beginning to feel overwhelmed. Who am I? Who are these ponies? I can't remember anything.
“I'm sorry Rainbow Dash, I- I didn't mean to..”
“Don't call me that.” She stopped, taken aback.
“R-Rainbow... but that's your.” Twilight was cut off when a yellow pegasus with a pink mane took up the other side of the bed. She looked down at her, tears streaming down her muzzle, staining her fur a darker shade before they fell to the floor. She gave a sorrow filled whimper.
“Dashie... please. Please, you have to remember. We're friends, we've been friends since we were little. You remember standing up to those bullies in flight camp for me? You remember that it's thanks to you that I have my cutie mark. It's... it's because of you that I can do what I love. Oh Dashie please... You remember don't you.... don't you?” She placed a trembling hoof on hers, her eyes were full of hope and tears as she smiled down at her. But, to her shock, her hoof was pushed away.
“Dashie..”
“Don't call me that!” She huffed angrily. The pink pegasus's expression broke as she staggered back, shacking her head, her lips silently making out one word over and over. 'No.' She shut her eyes tight, squeezing the tears from them before she spun around and ran out the room.
“Fluttershy!” Twilight called out to no avail. She was already gone. An orange earth pony came up beside her and put a reassuring hoof on her shoulder.
“Don't worry Twilight, she'll be okay.” She looked down at her, and gave the same reassuring smile. “And so will you. Don't you worry, we'll find a way to get your memory back, no doubt about it.” She then turned to the doctor, her look becoming more worried, Twilight couldn't see it, but from her vantage point on the bed, she could see that she had just been putting on a brave face.
“Doc, I know she's going to need time to recover, but will she be able to fly again..”
“Fly?” She said confused, slowly bringing her hoof to her back she felt something soft but firm. She carefully turned her head.
“I have wings?” She questioned with a dull tone. “I don't even feel them.” The orange pony with the cowboy hat turned to the doctor, who already had an answer prepared before she could ask.
“Limb disassociation could be caused by a spinal cord injury or damage to her motor cortex, There is really no way to tell which without further scans.”
“Doc, please tell me this is fixable. Flying just means the world to her.” He opened his mouth to respond but she broke in.
“I've never flown before.” The farm pony spun around, her brave face began giving way to fear and disbelief.
“Of course you have Rainbow. You love it more than.”
“That's not my name!” She shouted, her chest became sore and her lungs struggled to take in air. She closed her eyes, slowly taking deep breaths with her hoof cautiously placed over her heart. It slowed and she felt her breathing returning to normal. “Listen, I don't know any of you and you don't know me. Please, can you all just leave? You're making me uncomfortable and it's going to effect my recovery.” She could see that they all had protest on their tongues but the doctor silenced them.
“She's right, her heart is in a fragile state and we can't let her get worked up. I think it would be best for you to come back tomorrow.”
“I'm sorry but, I think it would be best if...if you didn't come back at all.” She spoke with as much sympathy as she could. The ponies in front of her were clearly hurting... but not for her. Her tone didn't make a difference as they all began to shed tears. Again, she could see their eyes pleading with her, they wanted to protest, but this time, the one name Twilight stopped them. Much to her surprise, as she seemed the most hurt out of all of them.
“The doctor is right, I- I think we should leave.” She shut her eyes and walked to the door, she could see tears falling from her face. The other ponies stepped out of her way, then one by one the all followed, leaving her alone. She took another deep breath, then lay down. Closing her eyes she quickly fell asleep, her mind and body exhausted from her brief interaction with those ponies.
Essence of a Sunrise: That which is Left Behind
The ticking of the clock echoed in the otherwise silent room as it had been for the last half hour. It was mid morning but the two ponies who occupied the room had been up since dawn. Sunrise sat on the exam bed with Twilight sitting beside her. Occasionally Sunrise would nervously rub the casts which covered her hind legs and Twilight would repeatedly check the time.
“He said it would only take twenty minutes. What could be taking so long to get the results?” Twilight said anxiously as she resisted the urge to begin pacing. Sunrise put a reassuring hoof on her shoulder and smiled.
“Twilight, you're more nervous than I am. Doctors are busy ponies, I'm sure he's going as fast as he can.”
“I know but it's irresponsible to give an estimate of time like that. Besides, how are you not worried? What if you're not healing properly? What if my magic only made things worse? I've never done a healing spell on a pony before. What if I messed up? I...”
“Twilight, I'm calm because I know how good you are with magic and how well you've taken care of me. Am I worried? Yeah, a little, but I know if it's bad news it wont be your fault. When the doctor walks through that door and gives us good news we'll just feel silly getting all worked up. Let's take a deep breath and relax. There's nothing we can do about it until we know what the scan says so let's' just stay calm, okay?” Twilight gave a small sigh then smiled up at Sunrise and took her hoof in hers.
“You're right, panicking wont get us anywhere. Thanks Sunrise.”
“I should be thanking you. If you were nervous much longer I don't know how long I could have stayed calm. I definitely wouldn't be this calm if you were in the waiting room.” The couple smiled at each other, expressions of worry replaced with warmth and happiness. It's taken so much to get here, but now I'm here with Twilight, she knows my feelings and even reciprocates them. So much happened last night. I made new friends in Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, and reconciled with Spike. Now Twilight and I are happy together and today.. I'll find out if I'll be able to start physical therapy so I can walk again. Her eyes beamed with happiness and relief. She felt like she triumphed over all the suffering and this was her reward. She basked in the feeling for only a few euphoric minutes before her mind brought itself back to reality and the good feelings were replaced with unsettling knowledge. It's not over yet. Rarity, Applejack and Fluttershy still haven't spoken to Twilight and are all suffering the loss of Rainbow Dash. Not only that but I may not be able to go through therapy yet and even more pressing is the decision I have to make about my wings. I don't know if I can do it all. I want to help Twilight's friends, I want them to become my friends. I may have been able to help Scootaloo and Pinkie Pie but that doesn't mean I can do the same for the others...
“Sunrise? Are you alright?” Twilight asked, noticing the downcast look overtake Sunrise's face. Sunrise's eyes widened, realizing that she let her face betray her doubts and fears.
“No.. I guess I'm a little overwhelmed by everything that still needs to be done. And then there's the matter of my wings...” She trailed off, retracting back to her thoughts. Great, now I've made her worry. I know what I just said about not letting these things get to us but, well, I guess it's not so easy. Twilight's hoof wrapped more firmly around hers.
“Sunrise, you need to take it easy on yourself. Everything will be alright, we'll face it together and I'll be here for you every step of the way. You shouldn't shoulder this all on your own. You have friends. You have me.” The room went quiet as they again stared into each others eyes. Sunrise couldn't think of what to say as Twilight's words sank in.
'She's right. I don't need to protect her, I need her by my side. Not just Twilight, but Scootaloo and Pinkie Pie, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom. I wouldn't be where I am if it weren't for all that they did for me last night. I wouldn't have been able to show Twilight my feelings and she wouldn't have been able to confront her feelings and let go of her guilt. I'll need all of their help and support if we want to mend the wounds left behind by Rainbow Dash's passing.
“Twilight... You're right, I'm not alone. I..” A sudden knock on the door brought her to an abrupt stop. Twilight and Sunrise simultaneously turned to the door as it cracked open and the doctor entered the exam room with a satisfied smile on his face that instantly brought a feeling of hope to both mares. Behind him followed a file suspended in his magic aura. He opened the file, clearing his throat and adjusting his glasses before speaking.
“Vibrant Sunrise, based on your most recent scans I think it would be best to remove your casts today and start you on physical therapy later this week!” He said enthusiastically. Sunrise’s eye's went wide and her mouth agape. She was silent for a moment. She placed her hoof over her chest, monitoring her heart rate. Twilight looked on in confused concern.
“I- I'll be able to walk soon?” She looked up at the doctor, who looked much less confused than Twilight. His smile even seemed to get bigger as she gently nodded. Sunrise gave a couple short gasps before breaking into excited laughter, tears were even glistening in her eyes.
“Twilight! Twilight! I'll be able to walk soon!” She shouted as she pulled Twilight into a tight bear hug so tight she could hear her back crack from the pressure.
“Sunrise be careful you don't want to get you're heart rate too high!” Twilight shocked out. Despite her worry, she couldn't help but smile right along with her. This is the most excited I've ever seen her. I guess it makes sense. Her life is short, dangerous and unpredictable. She's lucky to have made it through this last month alive with all that's happened. Even though she wouldn't tell me to keep me from worrying, I think she was really scared of... not getting a chance to experience walking. The doctor interjected with a purposeful cough, successfully getting their attention.
“It will be a slow process, you'll be attending physical therapy three times a week for three weeks before you regain enough function to maneuver completely on your own. The nerve and muscle damage from a lack of oxygen was more extensive than the damage to your bones. I'll also be recommending following a home regiment after you finish here. I should tell you that it's unlikely that you will ever be able to run and even if your legs become strong enough to do so, you're heart will not be able to take the strain.” Despite the doctor's caution, Sunrise still wore a bright smile, and still kept Twilight in her embrace, though less bone crushing and more tender.
“I know. I know it'll be hard. Everything is always hard but I'll get through it and I will walk. Twilight, I'll need your support and companionship through this, I can't do it without you. Will you walk beside me?” Sunrise's voice was more serious and somber, but held a deep strength and hope. Twilight's eyes glistened as small tears pooled in her eyes. Wrapping her hooves around Sunrise she rested her head on her shoulder and spoke softly near her ear.
“Of course Sunrise, every single step.”
“Thank you Twilight... Thank you.” After taking a few prolonged moments enjoying the embrace, Sunrise turned to the doctor.
“Alright, I'm ready. Let's get these off.”
“Okay, I'll just need you lay down and hold still while I saw through the casts.” His horn lit up as a cabinet beside him opened and a small device with a circular saw was pulled out. Twilight stepped away, but still held Sunrise's hoof as Sunrise lay on her back. The saw spun on and the doctor put it against the cast. Is it even worth having function in my wings back? I'll be able to walk, that should be enough right? Flying would be dangerous, any mistake could cost me my life, and even if I don't make a mistake, if I try to fly to fast it could send my heart into another attack. I told Scootaloo that she and could learn to fly together and I want to experience flying before I die, but if that means putting my life in danger... I should talk to Twilight about this, and Scootaloo. She looked down at her legs, the saw was cutting through the hard casts like butter, she wouldn't have much longer until he was finished. I wonder what it'll feel like, I've had them on my whole life. As first cast came off she felt the cool air almost wrap around her hind leg. She couldn't help but smile at the soothing and freeing sensation. So, that's what it feels like. I can't wait until I can walk again. I can help Twilight around the library, we could do more things together. I can spend more time with Pinkie Pie and Scootaloo. Most importantly, I wont be a burden on Twilight anymore. The loud buzz of the saw dulled to a light hum before stopping completely.
“All finished.” The doctor said cheerfully as he lay the saw on the counter and a levitated the casts into a bin. “You can start physical therapy three days from now. In the mean time, I going to have you wear removable braces on your legs. You can take them off to sleep and bathe, but I want you to leave them on the rest of the time okay.” Sunrise sat up, her freed legs dangling over the side of the bed. She tenderly rubbed them, contemplating trying to move them. After a moment, she sighed and nodded at the doctor.
“Also, in light of your recent cardiac events, I'm going to give you a heart monitor that you'll wear twenty-four seven. It's water proof so you don't need to take it it off to bathe. The monitor will record every beat of your heart and note any abnormalities. When you come back for your therapy I'll read the results and see if you need more medication or surgery. I'm also ordering an ultrasound and EKG today to see if there is any immediate risks that need to be addressed. This should go without saying but you need to avoid stress and conflict if at all possible. If you keep having tachycardic events it will damage your ventricles and weaken your heart further. In other words, each time you have an attack, you're effectively shortening your life.” He looked sternly at Sunrise. He's perceptive, or maybe word just travels fast here. Either way, now Twilight's going to be worried. A glace to her side revealed that Twilight was indeed worried. Her wide, concerned eyes darting between the doctor and herself. She probably thinks I wont let it go, and why should I? I can handle this, I've been okay up till now because I know how to control my stress and feelings. I promised I would do what I could to help Twilight, as well as Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom's sisters. I can't just give up because it might be stressful! Despite her inner frustration, she simply smiled and nodded at the doctor.
“I understand, I'll be more careful. I promise.” She could tell the doctor wasn't completely convinced but what could he do? The doctor sighed, looking as though he were about to shake his head in disapproval.
“I hope you do. Let's start your ultrasound and EKG, then get you hooked up to that monitor.” I can't let it go. I have to try and make things better. I was able to handle it on my own, now that Twilight and my friends are by my side, it's not dangerous. I'll be okay. I know I will.
It was noon when Twilight and Sunrise left the hospital. Sunrise was sporting sturdy but comfortable black braces with multiple straps. She knew she shouldn't try to move her legs until her therapy, but resisting the urge was difficult. The sun light was warm and the sky was clear, an almost constant breeze completed the absolutely gorgeous day. Sunrise stopped and closed her eyes, taking in the suns warmth into her fur and smelling the soft spring breeze.
“It's such a beautiful day.” Twilight said, smiling at Sunrise. That's one of the best things about her. She feels everything so strongly because it's all so new to her. Even with the pain and hardship she has in her life, everything is special and beautiful to her.
“Yes, it really is.” Her voice was dreamy and content. Reaching her hooves to the air she leaned into a relaxed and comfortable stretch, making Twilight giggle lightly.
“So what do you want to do today? We could get a book and read outside or on the balcony.”
“That sounds wonderful, bring out a few pillows and we could just relax with a good book in the sun. But there's something I have to take care of first.” As soon as Sunrise said the word But, Twilight's expression became increasingly concerned.
“And what is it you have to take care of?” Twilight asked nervously, knowing she likely wouldn't like the answer. In response, Sunrise pulled a bag resting beside her on her wheelchair.
“The dress I borrowed from Rarity. I need to return it.”
“I thought you had Sweetie Belle return it for you.”
“Only the hat, I saved this for today.” Sunrise's eyes were determined. She held up the bag and looked at Twilight as though she were challenging her. She knew Twilight would protest, but she felt it was something she had to do.
“Sunrise please don't do this. Just have Sweetie Belle return it.” Twilight said pleadingly.
“Twilight, I have to do this. This is the best opportunity I'll have to talk to Rarity, besides, I don't want to risk getting Sweetie Belle in trouble.”
“Sunrise you can't! Didn't you hear what the doctor said? You can't risk letting your heart get stressed!”
“Twilight I'm fine. My ultrasound and EKG didn't show any more degeneration in my valves or arteries and..”
“This time!” Twilight interjected, her frustrated and concerned voice sounding as though she were on the verge of tears. “And what happens next time? Or the time after that? Sunrise, each time you get stressed it significantly shorten your life, if not kill you right on the spot! Doesn't that matter to you?”
“Twilight, of course it matters to me...”
“Then let it go! I know you want to help me and the girls, I know you have this crazy notion that it's your duty to make everything better for everypony but none of that matters if you die! And what about me? I can't lose any more friends, I can't lose you Sunrise! Please, for me, let it go. Just for now, please.” Twilight was begging and tears were beginning to pool in her eyes. Sunrise lowered the bag holding the dress, placing it on the ground. Taking each of Twilight's hooves into her own, she looked deep into the eyes of the mare she loved.
“Twilight, I'm sorry but, I do have to do this. I wasn't born, I inherited this life and all the suffering and grief in it. Rainbow Dash isn't here to undo the damage but I am, and I can. Everypony close to me or her suffered, and you more than anypony. I just can't let that go Twilight! You say it's crazy that I think it's my duty to try and make things right, but it's not. I can help them! I have a responsibility to the ponies she and I have hurt. Applejack still cries at night, when she thinks she can't be heard, and Rarity has been shut it and isolated, choosing to be alone because she doesn't think anyone can understand. She's right, the situation we, that is Rainbow Dash and myself, have put you through is one nopony has had to deal with. No pony can help her, no pony can say they understand and that it will get better, no pony but us Twilight, you and me. Twilight, I want you to come with me to Rarity's. I want you beside me to help our friends, every single step. Please, I need you. Will you stay by my side?”
Twilight was stunned by Sunrise's speech. She stared into her eyes, in them was a complex mix of feeling that, together, were hard to discern. Anger, hope, love, passion, strength and sadness were all among the feelings represented in her large violet orbs. A responsibility... She, she hardly knows them and yet, she's trying harder to help my friends than I am. She's even trying harder to help me than I was. She's taking on so much on her shoulders and I've left her alone with that burden this whole time. She's been given such a hard life and she's trying to make the most of it... and she wants to spend it with me, she's risked her life again and again to make me happy, and to keep my true to myself and my heart. I can't let her bear this alone anymore! They're my friends too and I have to help them! Her sad expression slowly grew into soft and warm smile, but her eyes burned with new strength and courage.
“Every single step.” Twilight's simple words filled Sunrise's heart with happiness and her smile reflected Twilight's own.
“Thank you. I- I didn't want to do this alone.” She spoke, her voice choked as she held back her tears
“I'm never running away from you again. I promise, you'll never be alone. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize, everything you've done for me, and for our friends. I know this will have a happy ending, and they'll all understand you like I do, and they'll all appreciate you like I do. Come on, we have a friend who needs our help.” With nod and a confident smile, they made their way to the Carousel Boutique.
“So.... this is it?” Sunrise asked as she stared, perplexed, at the strangely designed building. Though it seems normal for this town. She thought, reflecting on Twilight's library and Sugar Cube Corner. This building was apparently an ornate dress shop designed to be modeled after a carousel. Hence the name I guess. Twilight giggled.
“Yep, this is it.” She paused, looking up at shop her smile faded. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
“We came all the way here. It would be a wasted opportunity if we left now. Don't worry Twilight, It'll be okay.” Cautiously they approached the door. Twilight could quickly tell something was wrong. It was dark dimly light inside and the windows looked dusty. Twilight shot Sunrise a nervous glance as she raised her hoof to the door and knocked. The sound of the knock echoes through the shop, giving it an empty feeling. They waited quietly for several moments.
“Sweetie Belle said she would be here. I'm going to try again.”
“You don't think she would still be asleep at this hour do you?” Twilight asked, not fully wanting to know the answer.
“We'll find out.” With that, Sunrise began knocking again. After a three knocks she stopped. Her ear twitched as she heard the sound of soft, slow hoof beats. Then, a light flicked on in the main area of the boutique. Sunrise heard Twilight gulp, and swore she saw her visibly trembling. Placing a reassuring hoof on her shoulder, Sunrise felt that her body relaxing.
“It's going to be alright.” At her assurance Twilight took a deep breath as a the door knob turned. The door slowly creaked open.
Standing at the door look as though she had seen a ghost was a white unicorn with a bedraggled main. She was wearing pajamas and looked like she hadn't seen a good night's sleep in some time. I remember her from the day I woke up at the hospital.. She's really declined since then. We should have come sooner. I understand now why Sweetie Belle is so worried.
Twilight felt her heart skip a beat as she lay eyes on her disheveled friend. Oh Celestia... Rarity, I had no idea what this has done to you. I- this.... it's all my fault. I haven't made any effort to help my best friends because I was scared and guilty. I could have done something, I know what she's going through. We could have helped each other...
“R- Rainbow Dash, Twilight... Good to see you. Um, I- I apologize for the state I'm in I..”
“Rarity, no. I'm not Rainbow Dash. I'm Vibrant Sunrise. We're came here to talk to you. To see if you were alright.” Sunrise held her cool gaze on Rarity's eyes, though her eyes seemed fixed between Twilight and the floor.
“Oh, I see. I had heard you refused to bring Rainbow Dash back. I am sorry but it seems we have nothing to talk about.” Her horn lit up and the door began to shut, but a swift hoof from Twilight held it open, the smack of hoof against the door snapping the dull sounding Rarity to alertness.
“Rarity please! Let us help you.” Twilight implored.
“I'm afraid neither need you're help nor want it Twilight. I'm doing just fine on my own. Now leave, I'm very busy.”
“You haven't looked at me since you opened the door.” Sunrise spoke coldly. The chill in her voice caught Twilight off guard, and apparently Rarity as well as she shot her glance away from them like she had been caught in a lie. She pulled the bag out from beside her and held it up in front of Rarity.
“This is yours, you can have it back.” Twilight was further confused by the almost hostile tone in Sunrise's voice.
She knows what she's doing, I have to trust her. She assured herself.
Curious, Rarity took the bag in her magic and looked inside. Upon seeing it's contents she gasped dramatically.
“How in Equestria did you get a hold of this!? This was from last years spring line! I had it in a closet in my inspiration room.” She almost seemed outraged. And she should be outraged... She's not as mad as she should be.
“I'm sorry, I needed it yesterday for something.” Her tone was become more cold and held less emotion with every word. Rarity stared down into the bag, not quite staring at anything as though she were in deep thought. After she mulled her feelings over in her mind she looked up, not at Sunrise, but at Twilight.
“You're chair bound so I can only assume you took it Twilight.” Her smooth and calm voice was loaded with spite and venom.
“No, Rarity I-”
“Rarity wait!” A high voice called out from inside the boutique. Rarity opened the door fully as Sweetie Belle ran past her, stepping in front of Twilight. “Twilight would never steal and you know it! It was me. I took it and let Sunrise borrow it and the matching hat.” At that, Rarity's jaw dropped and, after a few shocked stutters she glared at Sweetie in disbelief.
“Sweetie Belle! You were conspiring with...”
“I asked her to do it, and she had a good reason to.” Sunrise cut her off. She glanced over to Twilight and could tell her courage was waning. She had shrunk herself, lowering her head and curling her tail in front of her. With an icy glare she returned her gaze to Rarity.
“Can we talk inside?”
“Rarity please let us in, we just want to help you.” Twilight said, slowly regaining her conviction. 'I know what Sunrise is doing, she's acting mean to provoke her. She's putting herself in the position of being the bad guy. I can't just curl in a ball and give up! My friend needs me, and Sunrise needs me.'
“You coerced my little sister to steal from me, you refuse to bring one of our best friend's memories back and you expect me to let you in?!” Rarity spoke with an unmistakable edge of bitterly hurt feelings to her words.
“You'll let us in.” Sunrise said simply as though an indisputable fact.
“What makes you think I would?” She questioned, surprised and curious by Sunrise's certainty.
“Because, you've barely looked at me. And when you should lash out at me, you've done it to Twilight. You'll let us in, because while you may not get closure by talking with us, you definitely wont get it by turning away.” Sunrise's eyes and expression softened. “You want closure, I know you do. Something happened with you and Rainbow Dash and it's hurt you. Now may be the only chance you have to get what you need out of it. So please, let us help you.” The jarring change in attitude disarmed Rarity as much as what was being said. Nervously her eyes darted from the floor to her little sister looking earnestly and hopefully at her. After over a minute of anxious fidgeting, she gave in with a sigh. Turning around she walked into her home. Sweetie Belle smiled with relief and followed behind her. Sunrise smiled and game Twilight an encouraging nod, easing her tension. Taking a deep breath, Twilight smiled gratefully and proceeded in with Sunrise in toe.
The inside of the shop was littered with unfinished projects and the materials of ones that never got a start. On the far end of the room were crumpled up papers and scribbled out sketches. The air smelled of cloth and dust and everything had a stillness about it that made it seem like the shop saw almost no business traffic recently. Sunrise's eyes widened as she watched Rarity trot over to the end of the room. She levitated a small tea cup off a near by shelf and turned around to face Twilight and Sunrise.
“We'll, say what you have to say.” She spoke as calmly and normally as she could, but the hint of repressed anger was still present. Twilight opened her mouth, not knowing what to say, only that she had to say something. Before she could however, Sunrise interjected.
“You're limping. What happened?” As soon as the question left her lips the atmosphere in the room changed. Twilight looked at guiltily at the floor through the corner of her eyes and Sweetie Belle's gaze shifted between Sunrise and her sister. For a moment Rarity's eyes met Sunrise's before she averted them to her tea, swishing it nervously around.
“It was nothing, just an accident.” It was clear to Sunrise, just by her eyes, that she was lying. She had a hunch as to what actually happened though. Without looking away from Rarity she called out to Twilight.
“Twilight, you know what really happened to her don't you?” Taking a moment to steel herself, she looked up at her friend who was avoiding looking at any of them. She felt an immense sense of guilt and pity for her.
“I do.”
“It was Rainbow Dash... wasn't it?” Sunrise asked, Twilight nodded solemnly in response.
“The day before Rainbow Dash died, she crashed into Rarity. I never learned why she did it, but I know she did it on purpose. I was there, there was no way it was an accident. It was because I confronted her about it that she hit me... It's because of that that everything happened.”
“She is not dead, she lost her memory. You could have brought her back any time yet you refuse.” Spite was deep and thick in her voice, all of it directed at Twilight.
“It's not that simple, please understand! That's not Rainbow Dash! She's Vibrant Sunrise, a smart, caring and loyal mare. She's intuitive and strong willed and she'll never let you lie to yourself!” Twilight frantically retorted.
“Rarity, she's right. I'm not Rainbow Dash. I can't apologize for her and I wont apologize for being alive. I don't want to be erased, I exist. I'm happy being alive, I have friends, I have ponies who care about me, I have Twilight! Rarity, I understand now...”
“I don't want to hear any more. Leave now.” She said simply as she turned her back on them, but Sunrise wouldn't be stopped.
“Rarity wait! They're just trying to help. Please, I can't stand seeing you like this. Let her help you.” Her pleas to her older sister couldn't elicit any response from her, though Sunrise could feel that she was in a great deal of distress. I have to keep going, she's still not facing the truth. It's not even that she can't accept Rainbow Dash is gone, she can't even accept how she feels about it or anything. She's not coming to terms with this trauma, she's just locking it and herself away. I have to push harder, for her sake. Rarity, please forgive me.
“We aren't leaving because I'm not done yet. You're going to hear this, because it's the truth you need to face. You've hid yourself away, away from every pony who cared about you, because you didn't want them to see how damaged you are!”
“Y- you don't know a thing..” She voice carried uncertainty and even a hint of fear. She took small steps back, trying but failing to force herself to look at Sunrise.
“You didn't want them see how hurt you were because you felt guilty for it! You blamed Rainbow Dash for hurting you, and you're angry that she never even felt bad!”
“No! I dont.. I- I...”
“Now you're taking that out on Twilight because you know in your heart that Rainbow Dash is gone forever and you blame yourself!”
“She isn't gone!” Rarity shouted, silencing Sunrise. Tears were rolling down her cheek and she sniffled softly. Her next were were little more than a choked whisper. “She can't be gone... I can't forgive myself without her.”
She blames herself... but it's not her fault, she couldn't have known she would have died. She has no reason to feel so consumed by guilt. Leaning back in her chair she closed her eyes, ruminating, running through the possible reasons. The sudden sound of hoof steps jarred her from her thoughts. Opening her eyes she watched as Twilight, eyes filled with strength and compassion, walk towards Rarity. Sunrise smiled proudly as Twilight marched up to her distressed friend, stopping less half tail length from her. She was silent for a long moment, only looking at Rarity with compassionate eyes.
“S- stay away!” Her voice trembled as Twilight stepped closer, their faces only inches away from one another.
“W-what do you..” Rarity began defensively, but Twilight wouldn't have it. Before she could say another word Twilight threw her hooves around her and pulled her into a tight embrace.
“I'm so sorry Rarity.” Placing her head over Rarity's should she held tight to her friend as tears began streaming down her face through her lightly closed eyes. Twilight wore a soft but sad smile as she stroked her friends back in comfort. She struggled weakly against Twilight, trying to bring herself to pull away, but in her heart, she knew this was what she wanted. Her struggles became weaker and weaker and Twilight held her ever closer.
“I'm sorry I let you suffer through this all alone. I should have come sooner. I should have been there for you. I understand how you've been feeling. I know the kind of pain you're in. Rarity, you're so brave and so strong to have gone through it alone. I couldn't have done it, I would have lost my self. It's okay Rarity, it's okay. We're here for you now, I'm here for you. You don't have to be alone anymore.” Finally, she couldn't struggle any more. Her body went limp in Twilight's embrace and her tears began to flow unrestricted and unhindered. She trembled as she fought back sobs.
“How... how could you understand?” She whispered, her voice in disbelief as though she had been shown something impossible.
“Because... I felt the same. The last thing I said to her was horrible and so full of anger. I- I blamed myself for her death... no I couldn't accept it. I told myself she wasn't dead. She couldn't go until she forgave me. I was so angry at her and now she's gone. I miss her so much, and I was being suffocated by my guilt. Oh Rarity! I'll never be able to tell her how sorry I am! I- I'll never know why it all happened!” Her smile was now a pain filled grimace, she clenched her teeth as she choked out sobs.
“Twilight no... Don't say that. Please, she can't be gone! She can't have... she can't have gone hating us. With us angry at her because we couldn't understand what she was feeling. It's not fair Twilight. It's just not right. She can't be gone. I have- I have to tell her I forgive her. She has to know she didn't leave with all her friends angry at her. What kind of friends are we if we made the last things she felt pain and anger. Twilight, oh how could I let that happen to her!?” She broke down, throwing her hooves around Twilight and holding her just as tight as Twilight held her and cried. She cried loudly and openly, with nothing held back.
“It's not your fault Rarity. It's not your fault.” Twilight consoled.
“Rarity.” Sunrise said softly as she rolled her chair toward the grieving ponies. Her eyes were soft and filled with empathy, they glistened with tears. She came to a stop behind Twilight and looked Rarity in her eyes. “Twilight is right. It's not you're fault, and it's not hers. Rarity, I need you to look at me. I know it's hard but please, look into my eyes, listen to my voice.” She slowly looked up, this time, her eyes were clear of denial or hope. She was truly looking at Sunrise. “Do you see her? Do you see her in my eyes, or hear her in my voice? She's not there is she?” As Sunrise pressured her, Twilight continued stroking her back reassuringly. After taking a long moment to sort out what she saw, heard and felt, Rarity silently shook her head.
“No... I don't”
“I'm sorry Rarity.” Twilight said softly. “She's gone... she's gone.”
“Please don't blame Twilight! I asked her, I begged her not to use the memory spell! I'm not Rainbow Dash, I'm my own pony. I don't want to disappear! I don't want to be a part of some pony else! I just want to be me! I want to be happy, I want to enjoy this short life as long as I can. I want all the suffering around my, around Twilight and my friends to stop. It's Rainbow Dash's fault, and it's my fault. Rarity, there was nothing you or Twilight could have done, you don't have to blame yourselves any more. Rainbow Dash may be gone, but there are ponies who are still here, and are still being hurt by the wounds left behind when she died. Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Scootaloo... they were all hurt and lost because of what happened. They may never get their answers but they had to move forward because there are still ponies that love and care about them. Sweetie Belle told me, she told me how much you have been suffering all alone. She begged me to save you, like I did for Scootaloo. But I can't, you're the only one who can come to terms and face how you feel and face the how things are. But you don't have to face it alone!”
“She's right! Please listen to her. I hate not being able to do anything to make you better. I just.. I just want my sister back!” Sweetie Belle broke down into tears and ran to her sister. Twilight, stepped to Rarity's side, keeping a comforting hoof on her shoulder as Sweetie Belle wrapped her hooves around her front leg and buried her face in her older sister's chest. Her warm tears soaking into her white fur. She looked down to her little sister, stunned into silence and mouth agape. Suddenly, in a blur of motion she took her sister into her hooves and cried right along with her.
“Sweetie Belle! Sweetie Belle I'm so sorry you had to see me this way. I just... I didn't know what to do with my self. And Twilight...” Rarity shifted her eyes onto Twilight. “Can you ever forgive me for how I treated you. None of this was your fault either, and I shouldn't have added to the burden you had to bear by acting like it was.”
“Of course I forgive you. Can you forgive me for leaving you alone for so long? Thinking about what you've had to go through alone... I've had Sunrise by my side the whole time and I could barely made it through. I let you, one of my best friends, go through this horrible time all alone. I can't forgive myself for that... I don't think I ever will.” Twilight looked down at the floor, eyes heavy with guilt. Sunrise place her hoof on Twilight shoulder and, to Twilight's surprise, Rarity took her hoof into her own.
“I forgive you, this whole ordeal has been hard on everypony. I feel bad that I wasn't there for you or the other girls. I just didn't know what to do, none of us did.”
“I know.. but what's important now is that we're going to support each other as friends.” Twilight smiled, and, after wiping her tears away, Rarity smiled back at her.
“Does this mean you'll also be friends with Sunrise?!” Sweetie Belle blurted excitedly. The atmosphere in the room changed as Twilight looked nervously between Sunrise and Rarity. Sunrise glanced at the young filly, then to her sister.
“I'll understand if you need time, or if you flat out refuse. I'm just happy that you and Twilight are friends again, and that you've moved forward... Thanks Sweetie Belle, none of this would have happened without you. You saved your sister.” With those words and a solemn expression her began to turn her chair around. “I'll meet you at home Twilight.” She began rolling away, but before she could get half way to the door a shout stopped her in her tracks.
“Wait!” Rarity called. Sunrise turned around, wearing a look of cautious surprise on her face. Rarity closed her eyes. Taking a deep breath before opening them. Her mind now focused she continued. “I don't know how to deal with this... I'm still not sure what to do or feel about you.” As Rarity spoke the look on Sweetie Belles face became increasingly disappointed and distraught. She looked from her little sister to Twilight, then gave a small, but genuine smile.
“But you went to great lengths to help me and Sweetie Belle. It's because of you that Twilight has been able to handle all this. And now, I have my friend back. I think, we could become fine friends Vibrant Sunrise.” This time it was Sunrise who was at a loss for words. To everypony's surprise, she began to cry with a relieved smile on her face. She wiped the tears from her face as they came.
“I- you have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that... Thank you Rarity.” Twilight smiled and made her way to Sunrise's side.
“Oh dear. I didn't think I would make you cry darling.” Rarity giggled and Sweetie Belle was beaming. This was the happiest she had seen her sister in too long.
“Ah! This just gave me great inspiration! I have to get working on a new dress to commemorate this occasion!” She smiled excitedly. Twilight gave a small laugh and smiled at Rarity's.
“That's okay, we have to get back anyway. The doctor ordered Sunrise to take it easy while they monitor her heart so all this excitement is probably as much as she can take.”
“I also still have to take my next pill.” Sunrise added.
“You two have a wonderful night. I shall let you know when the dress is done! I want you to be the first to see it! Oh but do come over again soon for tea and makeovers! I have caffeine free.” She spoke in her normal up-beat voice.
“A makeover sounds great!” Sunrise said excitedly. At this, Rarity's eyes softened as her gaze shifted to something in her mind, almost nostalgic.
“Yes, I've always wanted to work with your... with a mane like yours.” She spoke in an almost wispy voice. She shook her head, clearing her thoughts. “Well, I suppose you must be off then Do come by again soon.” Her smile returned. Twilight nodded.
“We will, I promise.” Twilight turned to leave with Sunrise close behind. Suddenly Sunrise stopped and looked back at Rarity.
“Oh, Rarity?”
“Yes dear?” She questioned hesitantly.
“I was wondering, would you be able to teach me how to knit or crochet? I'm going to be stuck taking it easy the next couple days, I thought it would be nice to learn to do something new. Oh, but if you'll be busy I understand.” The surprise in Rarity's eyes at the unexpected question was obvious, but it faded and was soon replaced with a look of understanding.
“I'll be free tomorrow. I'm sure you'll make something wonderful.”
“Thank you, I really appreciate it. With you're help I'm sure I will.” With that, Twilight and Sunrise made their way home, bidding farewell to Rarity and Sweetie Belle.
I didn't think it would have ended so well. It's all because Twilight could understand how Rarity felt. She was able to connect with that and help her work through a kind of pain Twilight was so familiar with. Because of that, I now have a great new friend, and Sweetie Belle has her sister back. Thing are going so well. The pain caused by what happened, because of Rainbow Dash and myself... I'm mending it, one by one, with friendship, the wounds are healing. I have no doubt that I can do the same for the others. We'll save them, and then I can be happy, for however long I can. Filled with more optimism and confidence than ever before, she and Twilight walk side by side back to their home.
