FLUTIN' FT. SALAMANDER MAN (BITCH I'M LUGUBRIOUS)
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Filthy Frank's Equestrian Adventures or: How I Single-Handedly Anally Devastated the Human in Equestria Trope
FLUTIN' FT. SALAMANDER MAN (BITCH I'M LUGUBRIOUS)
Date: The 2014th Chromosome, A.D
Location: Japan, Earth
Angus Status: Peppered
"Stop fucking cheating you asshole!"
I was currently engaged in a very tense game of ass flute. I had only just taken the lead when Salamander Man went ahead and downed a carton of spicy beef beans mixed with ramen, a truly ingenious combination. I would be applauding him if I wasn't currently in the middle of having a flute stuck up my ass.
I glanced over at SM. He had his trademark White Velcro suit, with his green frog's head hat. He was staring into my eyes, that passion was truly admirable. Out of all my friends, SM plays the best ass flute, no exceptions. His face was a bright crimson from his constant screaming of the word "NYEEEEEEES!".
Sadly, I was reaching my limit. The beautiful, triumphant orchestral sounds coming from my rectum were beginning to falter. I was running out of energy. In a single swift movement, Salamander Man played the entire Brandenburg Concerto #3 in Allegro. I felt the pure power gather in a invisible wave of energy as it swept over me. It felt strange, it was tingly, and after more exposure, my body became numb. SM watched in horror as I began to blackout from the pure amount of rectal energy I was being exposed to. His face was the last thing I saw, as I begin to fall into nothing. Before I fell unconscious, I heard Salamander Man call out something, reaching out to grab me.
"FRANKU-SAMA!"
***
"Ugh, what the fuck was that crap..."
I slowly opened my eyes. Why that didn't hurt, and was actually awfully arousing, I have no idea. I prop my arms up with a grunt, getting a view of my surroundings. I was shocked.
It was so colourful. I could practically feel the happiness radiate on my skin, my face, my chest, my balls...
Wait a minute. I looked down at myself.
It appeared I was naked.
"Whatever, it happens. Now into my important business, where exactly am I?" I got up carefully, putting my hands over my pride and joy. I began to walk through the grassy knoll I was previously unconscious on. It was a gorgeous summer day, a nice change from the smog infestation that is glorious Nihongo.
The walk along the grass was pleasant, massaging my toes gently. It was then I began to ponder about home. Does Salamander Man know where I am? What about Safari Man, and Pink Guy? I reminded myself to pray to the Dark Lord Chin Chin before the sun set. I hope they find me. They are my glorious Nippon brothers. I then began to think about the friendly Negros that lived in the same apartment block as me. I wonder if they know I'm gone. I choose to ignore these thoughts for now and continue down the grassy knoll into a dirt path. It seemed to lead into that nearby town.
As I get closer to the small town, I hear what appears to be children's laughter. I stealthily hide my now rising erection under my hands. The grass path soon starts to be populated by wooden buildings.
"Ah, a small town, possibly Swedish. That means there's lots of country town poon to slay..."
I hear a small gasp behind me. I spin on my heels to be greeted by a pink coloured house, that looks fucking delicious. Apart me from that, and a colourful toy pony (which looks goddamn realistic and almost actual size) I ignore it, and turn around again. I continue along the path, I must be getting further into the town, I can smell fresh pussy. After a bit more ~~wanking~~ walking, I see a glorious sight. A giant building, with appears to be made out of gingerbread, stands before me. I am incredible tempted by delicious foreign Swedish treats, so I wander over to the door, hand still protecting my "swag".
I open the door, the sound of a bell greeting my ears. The shop is very imaginatively decorated, and fits the theme of "FUCKIN' SWEETS NYEEES" that the outer building shows. I head up to the little front counter, trying not to bump shit because I'm a cautious, tall fucker. I grab the shop owner's attention the only way I know how.
"OHAYOU GOZAIMASU!"
I hear a loud thud in the room next door. What happens next shocks and arouses me.
A small pony thingy appears, around half a metre shorter than me. It's fur is hot pink (hawt). It also has very fluffy, unruly pink hair. It stares up at me with it's giant blue eyes, before a giant smile appears on it's face.
"What are yooooou?~" It announces to me. Okay, so it's a female, and it can speak English. Why is this all goddamn arousing?
"Hi, there, I'm Frank." I say with a smile, holding out my hand. Sadly, I forgot that hand was currently concealing my berries. She reached out a hoof and shook it.
"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie! This is my store, we have all kinds of sweets! Cupcakes, muffins, cake, coffee, soft drink, acid drops, licorice whips, cherry bombs..."
She continues to list out here product, oblivious to the fact that my loaded gun is hanging out. She continues listing as she shakes my hand. I can suddenly feel the Filthy Frank inside of me, bursting to get out, my eye twitches, I grunt in a primal hunger. I can feel him, the Dark Lord, pulling on his chains. It's too late. Word vomit.
"Forget the sweets, can I have some of that pussaaaay?" I say, licking my lips. She stops. Oh Chin Chin, I thought my Filthy ways were behind me. I'm interrupted from my thoughts by Pinkie.
"No beating around the bush, I like that!" She immediately leaps onto me, kissing my neck. Now we're talking. I push her onto the counter, kissing down her cute little pink body. She coo's and giggles. My dong has reached maximum length from her sounds alone. I slip my fingers into her soft pussy, feeling her inner folds grip me, begging me to stay. She gasps at my touch. I increase my pace to the point where she is biting into my shoulder. Fuck yeah. I pull out my fingers much to her reluctance. I hear her groan with disappointment, but not for long, as my mouth meets her sweet candy vag. I use my tongue to massage her. She squeals with delight. I'm beginning to like this place already.
I search around for her clitoris, eventually finding it and nibbling it gently. Pinkie nearly falls off the counter. I continue nibbling and licking her clit, her squeals and moans increasing in intensity. She reaches her climax, as I feel her hips shake and shudder around my head.
"HNNNNGH, FRAAAAAANK!~"
I pull out and catch my breath. She is constantly twitching on the table, tongue lolled out of her mouth. She appears to be muttering to herself. I am not satisfied yet, however. I position my schlong over her moist, pink-coloured sex, slowly rubbing it back and forth. It appears to be driving her crazy too. "Ooooooh, just put it in, pleaaaaase..." I'm not one to fuck around with that teasing bullshit, so I guide myself in and push my hips forward. She squeals in ecstasy. I pump in and out, feeling her walls contract and pull my dong. I pick her up, and push her against the wall. I feel her legs wrap tightly around me, begging me not to let go. I thrust in harder and harder.
"I'm going to come again, Frank!~" this is enough motivation to increase my pace. I feel her smooth fur rub against my body. I can't handle it anymore, as I come inside her with the force of ten thousand raging bulls. I scream my war cry proudly into the air as she screams with orgasm.
"ORE WA OCHIN CHIN GA DAISUKI DA YO!" I feel my semen fill her up, spilling all over my legs and her belly. This place is fucking awesome. I fall backwards, spent, and she follows suite. She kisses me on the lips.
"F-Frank, I don't know what race you are, but never leave..." I chuckled at her comment.
"I might stay now, I'm liking this place so far..." She giggles and collapses into my embrace. I ignore the ponies behind us, staring at us with crimson cheeks and wide eyes.
I silently pray to my lord Chin Chin. I thank him for this morning. As I pray to my compassionate god, I hear murmuring behind us. Oh right, the other ponies. I forgot we are currently in public right now. "Uh, Pinkie Pie?" I whisper, a little shakily. She was fast asleep, snoring softly. I would have found it cute if not for the tapping on my shoulder. I slowly spin my head around.
A small blue pony with a rainbow mane was watching me. She seemed pissed, but a little fearful. "E-excuse me, just what do you think you are doing with my friend?" I looked down at the satisfied pink pony, cooing softly on my chest.
Pinkie pls marry me.
I looked back up at the obviously homosexual pony. A smirk begins to dawn on my face. She's jealous. I chuckle, the spirit of my lord Chin Chin flickering in my eyes. She must have noticed, because she visibly flinched slightly. I cleared my throat to respond, but Lord Chin Chin spoke through me, his mischievous ways showing. "Boku wa kanojo o kuso shita." She stepped back, confused at the new alien language.
"I'm sorry, w-what?" Chin Chin left me to respond for myself, praise Chin Chin.
"I said I was fucking her." Wait, maybe I shouldn't have translated that directly. She blushed profusely, unable to gather a response. I let out a guttural chuckle.
"Huehuehue, ore wa Pinkie ga daisuki da yo." I had confessed my love for Pinkie, which wasn't a lie. She is the perfect one for me. I felt Chin Chin shed a tear in emotion. Rainbow Dash still look confused. Oh, yeah.
I stood up, hiding my donger behind me hands. "I said, I love Pinkie. She is the one for me. I do not care for your deep, lesbian, carpet-munching love for her. My love is real, spontaneous, like true love should be." If the other ponies in this room weren't busy being scared and embarrassed for their lives, they would be applauding me. The gay, rainbow-maned one looked angry. "She's my friend, I can't let you do this, you strange, hairless creature. At this moment, Pinkie awoke. Ah, my beautiful angel. May Lord Chin Chin bless your soul with a thousand ramen recipes. I looked down at her smiling. She smiles back at me, warmly. Her mane was sticking up a little from falling asleep on me, making her look even more dong-ready. She got up and noticed Rainbow.
"Hey Dashie! Do you like my new friend? His name is Frank!" She exclaimed, cheerfully. The happiness radiating from my love was making my head spin. The Rainbow one, 'Dashie' or whatever, grabbed Pinkie by her arm- front- legs- front... arm thingies.
"Pinkie, this thing is crazy! It just confessed it's love for you or something in some odd language!" Pinkie paused, her cheeks going a bright red, and her smile growing impossibly wide. She looked at me, her eyes shining.
"Do you really mean it Frank? Do you really love me?" My brain recovered from a sudden surge of blood to my head. I scooped her up in my arms, hugging her tightly. She squealed happily.
"Of course I mean it, Pinkie-chan." She buried herself in my neck.
"I love you too, Frank!" We stayed in our embrace while her blue-coloured friend, along with the other ponies in the store, stared at us, eyes wide.
Salamander Man would be proud. May Chin Chin bless his, and my angel, Pinkie Pie's, soul. I carried her upstairs, for a day of intense lovemaking.
