The Pensive Passions of a Particularly Peculiar Pony

by Avox

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Comedy
Length: 7137

Carrot Top has the weirdest life ever. With stalkers, exes, her parents, and a plethora of other unsurprisingly surprising surprises to deal with, she's in for the ride of a lifetime.

Armed with nothing but some moderately advanced gardening skills and a preposterous penchant for the letter 'P', Carrot Top sets out to discover what it means to be normal. Along the way she'll have to deal with crazy exes, stalkers, her parents, and a plethora of other unsurprisingly surprising surprises. With her best friend Roseluck by her side, she is in for the roller coaster ride of a lifetime.

This is the story of a peculiar pony named Carrot Top.

Special thanks to nucnik for being the awesomest editor/proofreader guy ever!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-23 22:06:59 UTC

1. The Party Ponies

“Wait, you’re telling me that Carrot Top isn’t your real name?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, Roseluck. It’s not like it’s some big secret or anything. We’ve been friends for what, three years now? I’m surprised you didn’t know by now. Practically everypony in town does.”

Her face flushed. “That’s hardly fair. I'm more than willing to bet that I'm not the only one who didn't know your real name. In fact, I bet nopony else knows it."

Instead of dignifying her with a response, I looked out into the bustling Ponyville marketplace. “Excuse me?” I called out to the first pony I saw. Raindrops, I recalled. “Do you know my real name?”

“Golden Harvest,” she said without hesitation. Despite being proven right, I couldn’t help but frown. I loathed hearing my name, especially when coming from the mouth of another pony. I am Carrot Top, not Golden Harvest.

“Thank you, Raindrops,” I said with a smile. She shot a warm smile right back at me and headed on her way.

Roseluck frowned. “So one pony knows your actual name. That doesn’t mean that everypony does.”

I cleared my throat, preparing to ask somepony else the same question. Before I could, she said, “Okay, okay! You win! You don’t need to get another pony to prove your point. I get it. But seriously, how come you’ve never mentioned it before?”

I shrugged. “I could’ve sworn I had.”

A small grin began to worm its way onto her face. After a moment of trying to hold it in, she erupted into a bout of laughter. “Golden Harvest?! That is priceless.”

My ears flattened against my head. “Now do you see why I go by Carrot Top? Golden Harvest is just so… not me.”

“Yes, I understand completely, Golden Harvest.” She erupted into another fit of giggles.

I groaned. “Please don’t call me that. It’s bad enough that it's my name in the first place. I don’t need you reminding me of it every time I see you.”

“No problem, Goldie.”

“Goldie?”

“Goldie.”

I let out a wistful sigh. It was going to be a long day. Knowing Roseluck, the nickname would stick. She wasn’t one to do things halfway. In fact, she'll probably hold onto this until she was on her deathbed. I knew I was going to have to get used to it, but still, Goldie sounded like something a foal would name their new stuffed animal, not a pony. Frankly, it was kind of embarrassing.

Just then, a familiar little rabbit came hopping down the road. After stopping for a moment to orient himself, he picked his destination: my carrot stand. He plodded over to me and boldly picked a bunch of of my carrots. Within seconds, he finished his first handful and went back in for another.

By Celestia, that little rabbit could eat.

In no time at all, Angel had downed at least half of my stock. As much as I wanted to do something to stop him, I knew I couldn’t. Everypony knew how fragile Angel’s owner could be. I didn't care who you were or what you were doing, you did not upset Fluttershy. Plus, she was one of my best customers. It was no surprise she stopped by as often as she did, what with how much her rabbit could eat—and that’s not even taking into consideration her other animals.

Right when I thought things couldn’t get any weirder, Fluttershy came galloping down the street, her mane a mess and heavy bags under her eyes. She stopped for a moment to catch her breath. Once she spotted Angel, she sprinted over to us, a look of horror and fury plastered on her face.

“Angel!” she scolded. “You can’t just run away from home like that. I was worried sick about you!”

Fluttershy looked up, only just noticing that there were other ponies present. All at once she spotted Angel’s bulging belly, the carrot half sticking out of his mouth, and my half-empty food stand. Her eyes widened. “Oh goodness! I-I’m so sorry, Carrot Top!”

I alternated looking between the satisfied-looking bunny and the mare on the verge of tears. I muttered, “Don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

She started pacing. “Oh no…” Then she suddenly stopped and turned to face me. “I-I promise I will pay you back for every c-carrot Angel stole…”

Fluttershy meant well, but we both knew that no matter how badly she wanted to, that couldn’t happen. With feeding and taking care of as many animals as she did, you’d be hard-pressed to convince me she had it easy on the bit pouch. Still, I remained silent. I needed the bits. It didn’t matter if it was Fluttershy or a hardened criminal who had eaten the carrots, they were still my produce.

“H-How much do I o-owe you?” Fluttershy asked.

I eyeballed my near-empty stand and Angel’s bulging belly. “Somewhere around a hundred bits.”

Her eyes widened. “I-I don’t have that kind of money! B-But I have to pay you back somehow…”

My face contorted into a frown. I felt guilty about forcing her to pay, but I was running a business here. Those carrots were my livelihood.

“I… I can’t just take your food without giving you something in return.”

“Well technically it was Angel who took the carrots—ow!” I yelped as Roseluck jabbed me in the side.

“Oh, I know!” Fluttershy said, missing my outburst completely. “You should come to the spa with Rarity and me tomorrow! Erm, that is, uh, if you want to. Oh, and I should probably check with Rarity first, but…”

Out of nowhere, Pinkie Pie popped out of a bouquet of tulips on Roseluck’s stand. “Yay! Everypony is happy now! Do you know what this calls for?!”

Roseluck, who had been knocked back in surprise by Pinkie’s sudden appearance, mumbled something about a ridiculous excuse for a party. I shot her a glare.

“This calls for a PARTY!” Pinkie cheered, answering her own question.

“Eight o’clock tonight, guys!” Pinkie added. “Well, you aren’t guys, you’re mares, but same difference. You know what I meant. Anyways, I gotta go make invitations and banners and blow up some balloons. See ya!” Pinkie slurred, leaving the rest of us bewildered behind her.

It was funny that this was a normal day by Ponyville standards. And it was only Tuesday…

Completely unaffected by Pinkie’s antics, Fluttershy said, “I’ll go check with Rarity about the spa. That is, uh, if you would want to come…”

“I’d love to, Fluttershy.”

After shooting me her signature smile, Fluttershy headed off to Rarity’s boutique with Angel in tow. As soon as she was out of earshot, I let out a sigh. After a hundred bits lost and another social obligation I would probably end up forgetting, I was beginning to grow tired of today. As much as I loved Ponyville, sometimes it could be a little too much to handle.

Roseluck was staring straight through me, her eyes cloudy and unfocused.

“You okay there, Rose?”

Holding her gaze, she said, “That was… weird.”

I rolled my eyes. “Well yeah, when Pinkie pops out of a bouquet of flowers and invites you to a party it can generally be considered ‘weird’.”

“No, not that,” she said, dismissing me with the wave of a hoof. “I mean you were weird.”

“Uh, thanks?”

“You were acting different, like you weren’t yourself. I mean, you’re usually so… out there. But just now you were being so careful with your words when you usually just say whatever pops into your head.”

“It’s Fluttershy. I didn’t want to do anything to upset her.”

She stared at me in another moment, then sighed. “I’ll never understand you. It’s like you’ve got five different personalities.”

I beamed at her.

She scrunched her face up. “And don’t even get me started on your stupid thing with the letter ‘P’.”

“Please, it’s perfectly proper for ponies to periodically partake in plucky peculiarities such as the profusive use of ‘P’.”

She let out a loud groan. “How do you even do that?! You don’t even give yourself time to think! You just say stuff.”

Honestly, I had been doing it for so long that it was second nature. Of course, I did it much less now than I did back when I was a filly. Back then It actually got to the point where I used to refuse to say words unless they had the letter ‘P’ somewhere in them. Suffice to say, I got labeled as things like ‘weird’ and 'creepy' and ‘one carrot short of a bunch’. Still, alliterating the letter 'P' was fun, especially because of how much it annoyed Rose.

“It’s not particularly perverse. My prowess and proficiency are from practice: practice makes perfect!”

She let out an even longer, more drawn out groan. “You can be so annoying sometimes, you know that?”

I threw one leg around her and pulled her close to me. “Aw, c’mon. You know you love me.”

She blushed, letting out a series of unintelligible mumbles.

My grin grew even larger. Even if this day was off to a bad start, at least I would get to spend it annoying the hay out of my best friend.

“Geez, Goldie, when was the last time you brushed your mane?”

“Hey, maybe if you didn’t—ow!” I yelped. “—brush so hard, it wouldn’t be so difficult!”

The worst part was that I had brushed my mane just that morning. No matter how long I spent trying to brush it, no matter how long I spent trying to straighten it, no matter how much manespray I used, it always just curled right back up to the way it was when I started fixing it. I tried not to let it bother me too much, but as much as I liked my mane the way it was, it would be nice to be able to style it in other ways too. But hey—at least I never have to deal with bed mane.

“That’s it, I give up. Your mane is staying the way it is.”

“That’s what I tried telling you forty-five minutes ago, but no,” I said. “Nopony ever listens to Carrot Top.”

She rolled her eyes and playfully socked me in the shoulder.

We had stopped work early and went over to her place an hour or so ago. As weird as an occasion as it was, I was still excited for Pinkie’s party. You know what they say: there ain’t no party like a Pinkie Pie party.

“Do you want me to brush your mane?” I offered.

“I’ll pass. Not after I’ve seen how you treat yours, no thank you,” she said.

I shrugged. “You don’t really need me to style it anyways. I am actually really jealous of you. Your mane is always so perfect. I’ll never understand how you do it.”

The faintest of blushes tainted her cheeks. “T-Thanks.”

“Hey, Rose, Where are your sisters?”

She met my gaze. “They live on their own on the other side of town. And they aren’t my sisters, they're my half-sisters.”

My eyes widened. “Half-sisters?”

She shot me a grin. “Looks like I’m not the only one who doesn’t know everything about their best friend, huh?”

Since I couldn’t think of a proper, mature response to her jab, I did what any normal pony would have done. I stuck my tongue out at her and blew her a big, fat raspberry.

She giggled. “But yeah, we’re half-sisters. Same dad, different moms.”

“Are they half-sisters too, or are they directly related?”

“They’re directly related to each other.” She sighed. “I’m close with them and all, but I’ll never be as close to them as they are with each other. I mean, I love ‘em and everything, but there’s always going be a gap between us with the whole ‘different moms’ thing.”

“Don’t you guys have a pretty big age difference too?”

“Yeah. Lily is seventeen and Daisy is a couple years younger than her. By the way, you’ve made quite the impression on Daisy. She’s been trying to copy your mane style recently.”

“Really?”

“Yup. She can’t quite pull it off as well as you can, though. On her it looks… forced. It looks natural on you. It works. You know, aside from being obnoxiously difficult to brush,” Roseluck said.

“...Wow. I can’t believe she’s really trying to copy my mane style. It’s kinda weird that I haven’t noticed it before.”

She shifted her weight to the side. “Well, you can be really ignorant sometimes.”

I looked up at her curiously. “Am I really that ignorant?”

She got up and made her way over to her dresser to put the brush back down. “Goldie, if ignorance is bliss, then you must be orgasmic," she said with a snort.

I blinked twice. "Did… did you just call me orgasmic?"

She froze in place. Her cheeks quickly heated up again, the color of her face easily matching that of her mane. She opened her mouth to say something, but no words came out.

After having a good laugh at her expense, I decided to put her out of her misery. “Seriously though, am I really that oblivious?”

“Y-Yeah, you can, uh, be pretty oblivious sometimes.”

My light-hearted smile contorted into a frown.

She grimaced. “No, wait, that’s not what I meant. I meant it in an ‘adorably naive’ kind of way, not an ‘annoyingly ignorant’ kind of way. It’s very endearing, actually.”

My ears flattened against my head. It didn’t really matter if she hadn’t meant it, she had still said it. The fact that she was trying to take it back made it even worse. Like it or not, my ignorance was a problem—not to mention my bluntness. And my tendency to speak without thinking. It had gotten me in trouble more times than I could count. Heck, Applejack still hasn’t forgiven me from all those years ago.

Her ears splayed. “No, don’t be sad! I promise it’s not a bad thing! In fact, it’s one of the reasons that I—” she cut herself off abruptly.

I stared at her, waiting for her to continue. When she didn't say anything, I shrugged it off. Whatever just happened, I was smart enough to realize I should just leave it there.

She mumbled something unintelligibly under her breath, and I beamed at her. “Whatever you say, Rosie.”

“Rosie?”

“Yup. If you get to call me Goldie, then I get to call you Rosie.”

She rolled her eyes. “Fine, but we should get going. We don’t want to be late to Pinkie’s Party.”

Roseluck and I stood just inside the entrance of Sugarcube Corner, staring at our surroundings in awe. How Pinkie managed to give the normally average establishment such a party-like atmosphere in just a few hours was beyond me. There were balloons and sugary-snacks scattered everywhere and, from the looks of things, half of Ponyville was already in attendance. Again, it was beyond me how Pinkie managed to notify everypony in town of the party on such short notice. But I suppose if anypony was capable of doing it, it would be Pinkie Pie.

A huge banner hung directly across the entrance that read ‘Congrats to Carrot Top Who Didn't Get Angry at Fluttershy When Fluttershy’s Bunny Ate All of Her Carrots!’ I let out a snort. Leave it to Pinkie to make a banner for something as ridiculous as that.

Just then, the pony in question came bouncing over to us. “Hey, girls! Thanks for coming! I would’ve been super duper sad if you didn’t come. Especially you, Carrot, because you’re one of the guests of honor and all. I put so much into this party, and if ponies didn’t come it would be a super duper bummer. Anyways, I gotta bounce! See ya around!” she said before hopping away, disappearing back into the mass of ponies.

“We didn’t even get a chance to thank her for the party…” I said.

Before I had a chance to say anything more on the issue, the other guest of honor made her way over to us.

“Hello Carrot, hello Roseluck,” she said, addressing each of us in turn. Her voice was so quiet that is was almost lost under the blaring music.

“Hiya, Fluttershy. Crazy party, right?” I said.

“Oh yes, definitely. Although I’m becoming a little bit worried about Pinkie Pie. She’s been throwing parties at the drop of a hat recently. Something is definitely bothering her, but she won’t tell me what. If she keeps this up, she’s going to burn herself out.”

“Ponyville’s premier pink party pony is pooped out?”

I almost missed it, but in my peripheral vision, I saw Rose’s eye twitch. I grinned.

Roseluck excused herself from the conversation to go and find her sisters. After telling her I’d catch up with her later, I turned to Fluttershy. “Anyways, this really is a pretty absurd reason to throw a party, even by Pinkie Pie standards. I kind of figured there would be some other reason behind it all.”

“Yes, I’m sure there's something. I don’t want to pressure her into telling me anything, but I’m becoming worried about her. Plus, things are getting pretty tense between everypony else as well…”

I knew that by ‘everypony else’, she meant the rest of her little group of friends. The six of them had become pretty famous around Ponyville for their crazy hijinks and antics.

I opened my mouth to ask her what happened, but she cut me off. “I don’t want to bother you with my silly little problems… The reason I came over here was to tell you about the spa. Um, I talked to Rarity and she said it would be fine if you came with us. Does tomorrow at ten work for you?”

“Of course,” I said with my best fake smile. I almost let out a sigh, but I caught myself before it escaped. Fluttershy was going out of her way to do something nice for me, so the least I could do was appreciate the gesture.

“See you then!” She shot me a quick smile before merging back into the crowd of ponies.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I scanned the room for Roseluck and her sisters, eventually spotting the three of them on the other side of the room. I slowly made my way over.

“Hey, Carrot Top,” Lily said.

Daisy beamed at me. “Hi, Carrot Top!”

I couldn’t help but notice Daisy’s mane. Roseluck was right. It looked just like mine, albeit with copious amounts of manespray and gel added into it. It looked so stiff that if you threw a rock at it, the rock would probably shatter into millions upon millions of little pieces.

Pushing that mental image to the back of my mind, I replied, “Hey, girls. What’s up?”

The four of us made small talk for some time. We talked about the weather, our jobs, and everything in between. It was nice to just take a break from everything and talk for awhile. There was so much going on right now that it felt good to be able to relax for a moment.

Rose turned to face me. “By the way, what did Fluttershy need to tell you? I didn’t want to intrude on you two.”

I waved my hoof at her dismissively. “It was nothing, really. She just wanted to set a date for our spa visit and whatnot.”

She nodded in understanding, changing the topic to something else.

The rest of the night was all one big blur. It went the same way that every other Pinkie party did: on the dance floor. Grab a cupcake. He talks to me, and by Celestia is he boring. I talk to her, and suddenly realize I’ve already forgotten her name. Apologize for knocking over his drink and ruining his shirt. Grab another cupcake. Dance some more. Finish off the last of the cupcakes. Dance one last time.

Eventually, the music began to slow and the guests began to slowly filter out of Sugarcube Corner to head home for the night. Once there was only a handful of ponies left, Rose found me. “You ready to go? The party is pretty much dead.”

“Sure, just lemme grab some punch first.”

She nodded and wandered off, presumably to look for her sisters. Er, half-sisters.

I made my way over to the food and drink table. I reached out to grab a cup when a hoof landed on top of mine. Shying away from the physical contact, I slowly looked up to see who the other pony was.

The stallion smiled at me. “I'm sorry, Miss. Ladies first,” he said, removing his hoof and gesturing to the stack of cups.

I smiled at him and grabbed one, unsure of how else to respond. I filled it up with punch. He grabbed his own cup and did the same.

After taking a sip from his drink, he face-hooved. “Where are my manners? I forgot to introduce myself. Written Script, at your service,” he said with an exaggerated bow.

I couldn’t help but giggle at his formality. He looked familiar, but I couldn’t quite place where I knew him from. I curtseyed back to him. “Nice to meet you, Mr. Script. My name is—”

“—Carrot Top,” he finished for me.

My eyes widened. “How did you know my name?”

He let out a warm laugh. “We went to school together back in Trottingham, remember?”

My heart rate slowed down. That made it a lot less strange, though I felt bad that I didn’t recognize him.

“You don’t recognize me, do you? Don’t worry, I was a year above you and Trottingham is a pretty big city.”

I blinked in surprise. “Am... am I really that transparent?”

“It’s certainly not a bad thing. It shows that you’re honest, and that’s a good quality to have."

Another blink followed. “Wait, I said that out loud?”

He smirked at me. “Yes, yes you did.”

I could feel my face heating up. I took a sip of my drink to hide my blush. “Uh, yeah… well, I gotta go. You know, the party’s almost over and all…” I said with a nervous laugh.

He cleared his throat. “Forgive me if I’m being terribly forward, Carrot Top, but would you like to get drinks sometime? I’d be nice to catch up with somebody from back home.”

I quickly gave him a once over. His cutie mark was a rolled-up scroll, which was to be expected from a pony with a name like his. He wasn’t overly large or muscular, but he was definitely in shape. His mane was swept back in a casual fashion and his coat was immaculately groomed. A fancy looking quill was tucked behind his ear, making him look scholarly. There were no two ways around it. He was a very handsome stallion.

By this point, my face couldn’t be any more red if I'd wanted it to. I did my best to retain my composure. “Uh, Sure. Why not?”

I smiled up at him, and he smiled right back. I didn’t want to dive headfirst into anything, but I couldn’t help but be excited to get to know him better.

2. The Perfect Package

I handed the pony his carrots, and he shot me a smile before heading on his way. I took my newly-received bits and placed them behind the stand with the others. Eyeballing the sizable pile of coins behind the counter, I grinned. It was only mid-morning, and I was already raking in a formidable profit. Today was already going great.

Suddenly, my ear twitched. I scanned the crowd of ponies for a familiar ruby-red mane, but I came up empty. Rose hadn’t come in to work this morning, and it worried me. Sure, chances were that she was just too lazy to get out of bed this morning—Celestia knew I was guilty of doing that as well—but it just didn’t sit right with me. It wasn’t like Rose to skip work. Sure, if you were running your own business, you were entitled to a few personal days, but Rose wouldn’t want to disappoint her regulars by not informing them in advance.

With a sigh, I plodded over to her stand and flipped the ‘closed’ sign over to ‘open’. Rose had run my stand in my absence more times than I could count, so it was only fair that I returned the favor. It really wasn’t much trouble. I knew her prices by heart—two bits per flower, and twenty for a bouquet of twelve. She was far too generous.

Once ponies began to notice her stand was open, they gradually flocked over one by one. All of the sales went the same way: they told me what they wanted, they paid, and I gave them the flowers. They always tried to make small talk, and I tried my best to keep up with the conversation, but my mind was elsewhere.

I was deep in thought when another pony approached. “Hello. Can I get a bouquet of orchids, please?”

My head jerked up at the sound of a familiar voice. “Written Script? What are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same question,” he said with a laugh. “You run the carrot stand and the flower stand?”

“Nah, the flower stand is Roseluck’s. I’m just running it for her while she’s out.”

His eye twitched slightly at the mention of her name. “So are we still on for tonight?” he asked, quickly changing the subject.

“Of course. Ten o’clock tonight at The Salt Lick, right?” I asked, searching for his requested flowers.

“Yep.”

“Alright, that’ll be twenty bits,” I said, handing over the flowers.

He placed the bits on the counter and took the bouquet into his mouth. With a wave of his hoof, he turned around to leave.

“Who are you getting those flowers for anyway?” I asked.

He shot me a smirk and continued on his way, leaving me answerless behind him. Was he seeing a different mare? I could’ve sworn that he was hitting on me last night, but maybe he really did only want to go out for a drink to catch up.

The thought made me sad.

Either way, I was still looking forward to seeing him tonight. Plus, I had never been to The Salt Lick before. I had read some pretty good reviews about it.

Just then, a baggy-eyed Rose came trotting down the road. I waved her over, and her expression visibly relaxed when she realized her stand was not left unattended.

“Hey, you alright?” I asked.

She sighed. “Yeah, I just overslept is all.”

I cocked my eyebrow at her, but didn’t press the issue any further. She would bring it up again when she was good and ready.

“Thanks for watching over everything for me,” she added.

“Not a problem,” I said with a smirk, “my standard fee is thirty bits an hour, but for you, I can lower it to twenty-five.”

She rolled her eyes. “Ha-ha, very funny. By the way, who was that stallion that was just here?”

“Oh, you mean Written Script? We’re going out for drinks later.”

Her eyes widened in surprise. “Why in Equestria would you want to go out with him?!”

I blinked twice in surprise. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean? He’s a total jerk!”

“No he’s not! He is a very nice stallion.”

She scowled. “He's the reason I was late today! I was rushing to get here when he bumped into me and ‘accidentally’ spilled his cider all over my mane! And he had the nerve to blame me for it! I had to go home and shower all over again, without so much as an apology!”

“Honestly, if you were in a rush, it sounds like you ran into him. What gives you the right to go around judging ponies all willy-nilly like that? He’s a good pony.”

“Are you siding with somepony that you just met over your best friend!?”

A cool breeze blew through the streets, sending a shiver down my spine.

“Yes.”

For a moment, the silence reigned. Neither of us said anything.

“Carrot, I think that you should cancel your date with Written Script tonight. He is not a good pony.”

I got up close and personal, my face inches from hers. “Who do you think you are? My mother? I’m a grown mare, Rose! If I want to go out for drinks with somepony, then I sure as hay will!”

Our yelling was attracting a crowd, but I didn’t care.

Her eye twitched, pressing her muzzle further up against mine. “Fine! But don’t come crying to me when you go and get your heart broken!”

I glared at her for another moment, then stormed off. I had better things to do than to sit there and be reprimanded like a teenage mare who had stayed out past curfew. I didn’t know where I was going, but it didn’t matter. As long as I was as far away from there as possible.

“Oh, yes,” I moaned, “that feels so… good…”

Rarity grinned devilishly. “I knew you would enjoy yourself, Carrot Top. How about you, Fluttershy? Are you having fun?”

“O-Oh yes, R-Rarity… this… this is fantastic,” she responded between gasps of pleasure.

I couldn’t disagree with her. I didn’t think that I had ever experienced anything quite so… exquisite before.

Rarity giggled. “Well I’m glad that you’re both enjoy the spa. Aloe and Lotus are master masseuses, after all.”

I let out another grunt as Aloe kneaded my back, working out any tightness with her advanced ministrations. I had never thought to go to the spa before, and now I was regretting not trying it sooner. Fluttershy had put it perfectly. This was fantastic.

I sighed when I felt Aloe’s hooves leave my back. “Would you three like some time in the mud baths?” she asked.

I pulled myself onto my hooves, looking at Rarity expectantly.

“Of course, Aloe,” Rarity said.

Aloe smiled. “Right this way, then.” She led us down and around several different hallways, promptly stopping at a door appropriately labeled ‘Mud Baths’. She left us to our own devices, heading back down the hall to tend to other customers.

After taking one look at the huge vats of brown sludge, I was immediately skeptical. I could do a massage, but purposely getting myself all muddy? That was a whole different ball game.

After watching both Rarity and Fluttershy slide into the pool, I quickly followed. The last thing I wanted was for either of them to think that I wasn’t enjoying myself. The whole trip had already been much more fun than I could have imagined. And admittedly, it was a nice distraction from my fight with Rose earlier.

“Golden Harvest, darling, pray tell—what was that whole spectacle this morning about?”

“You can call me Carrot Top, Rarity. We’re all friends here.”

“Of course, of course, Golden," she said."I couldn’t help but hear the commotion from all the way down by my boutique. What was going on?”

“Um, I’d also like to know…” Fluttershy added.

My ears splayed. After contemplating for a moment, I decided to tell them. “Well… I met a stallion at Pinkie’s party the other day.” I blushed. It felt weird to be telling this to ponies that I wasn’t all that close with. “This morning, I told Roseluck about it—”

“—and she got angry, said you shouldn’t see him, and told you off in front of everypony?”

My eyes widened. Leave it to Rarity to dive straight into the heart of a matter with all the subtlety of a freight train.

“Oh, that is awful,” Fluttershy murmured.

“Who is the stallion?” Rarity asked.

“Written Script."

She stared at me contemplatively for a moment, then nodded in approval. “So why did Roseluck say she didn’t like him?”

“She said, and I quote, ‘Everypony in town knows he’s a total jerk!’ I don’t get why she is so against him. I mean, we’re not even dating or anything! He just asked if I wanted to get drinks and catch up, nothing else. It’s almost like she’s jealous of him or something.”

Rarity shot me a hollow smile. “Darling, I think that’s precisely the problem.”

“What do you mean? I don’t see how any of this is a problem. Just because I might be a little interested in a stallion doesn’t mean that she can’t still be my friend anymore.”

“I think that's something she needs to explain to you on her own.”

I sighed. Sinking deeper into the mud, I muttered, “These last few days have been so ridiculous.”

Fluttershy fiddled with her hooves, blushing nervously. “Sorry again about your carrots, Carrot Top. I just don’t know what got over Angel…”

“It’s fine, Fluttershy, but I am curious. How did Angel manage to get away from your cottage in the first place?”

Rarity and Fluttershy shared a knowing look. After what could only be described as a telepathic conversation, Fluttershy said, “Well, it’s kind of a long story…”

“And we would hate to bother you with our problems…” Rarity muttered.

“And it’s really not our story to tell…” Fluttershy trailed off.

Well. That was weird.

I shrugged. “It’s all good.”

“So where are you going with Written Script tonight?” Rarity asked, changing the subject.

I smiled. “We’re going to The Salt Lick. I’ve never been there, but I’ve heard it’s good.”

“Oh, yes, it’s very lovely there,” Fluttershy said. “The bartenders are very nice.”

Rarity and I froze. Just how often did Fluttershy go to this bar? I never would have expected Fluttershy of all ponies to be a clubbing enthusiast. She didn’t seem like a party animal.

Fluttershy, realizing what she’d just admitted, promptly clamped a hoof over her mouth. Her face was bright red.

Rarity gaped at her. “Fluttershy! I never would have pegged you as a bar mare.”

Fluttershy’s blush deepened, and she let out a fleeting “Eep!”

I laughed. “It’s always the quiet ones.”

I stared at the mirror and mess of fur stared right back at me. I glanced up at the clock. It was half past nine. Only another half hour until I needed to be at The Salt Lick. With Written Script. And alcohol.

Sweet Celestia, what was I thinking?

I frantically paced around my house, willing the time to pass more quickly. The longer I was stuck at home waiting, the higher my chances of having a heart attack in nervous anticipation were.

I glanced up at the clock one last time. Seven seconds had passed since the last time I had checked it. My heart started beating faster.

He wouldn’t mind if I got there a few minutes early, right?

After a bit of walking, I reached The Salt Lick. Suffice to say, it was definitely not what I was expecting. The place had neon lights strewn about and blaring music that could be heard from several blocks away. I could barely even hear myself think. Of course, that wasn’t an issue because I rarely think anyway.

Like when I agreed to come here, for example.

I couldn’t dance for the life of me. And we were going to a club. Where there would be dancing. Which I cannot do.

I knew it was a stupid thing to get worked up over, but my dancing really was atrocious. I’m just as bad as Twilight Sparkle, maybe even worse. Sure, when it comes to plain old parties, I can bob my head in tune with the music just fine. When there is actual dancing going on, though…

I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I didn’t even notice Written Script approach. He levitated a very familiar looking bouquet of orchids in front of my face.

“W-What are these for?” I asked.

“You.”

The gears in my head started turning. So he was getting the flowers for me this morning? Wow. I really I am oblivious. Roseluck was right.

I flinched at the thought of the flower pony. I didn’t know why I was I freaking out so much about this. Given how she was behaving earlier, it was obvious she didn’t care much about me. Why should I care about her?

Resolving not to let our stupid little argument ruin my night, I took the flowers into my mouth. Pulling the door open with his magic, Written gestured for me to enter first. With a smile, I walked inside.

Immediately after entering the building, I shied away from the crowds of ponies. Carrying flowers around a club wasn’t exactly the easiest way to fit in. It was a nice of Written to get them for me, but it was going to be awkward carrying them around everywhere.

Written led both of us over to the bar. After saying something to the bartender that I couldn’t make sense of, he turned to me. “This definitely isn’t what I was expecting,” he half-shouted, trying to be heard over the music.

“I know, right!”

“What?” he yelled.

“I said I know, right!”

He nodded. “Yeah, it is going to be a fun night!”

I nearly facehooved. I was about to try correcting him again when the bartender slid two drinks down the counter to us. One looked like plain old draft, while the other had a bright orange tint to it. Written grabbed the former, so I was left with the orange one. After eyeing it curiously, I took a hesitant sip. If the explosion of flavor that erupted on my taste buds was anything to go by, the drink was amazing. The taste was indescribable, yet vaguely familiar.

I poked a hoof at the drink, shooting him an inquisitive look.

“Carrot Cake Martini,” he yelled back.

After nodding in understanding, I took another sip. My attention drifted to the bouquet of orchids sitting on the counter beside me. Orchids were my favorite type of flowers. It was nice of Written to get that specific kind just for me.

I pursed my lips. “Hey, Written, why did you decide get me orchids specifically?”

“I thought they were your favorite type of flowers.”

“How… how did you know that?”

He shot me another one of his knowing smirks.

My ears splayed. It was a bit strange that he knew my favorite type of flowers without me telling him. Almost as weird as how he knew my name…

Suddenly, the dots connected. I had probably just mentioned it offhandedly back in Trottingham when we were younger. That would explain everything.

Written turned to me and smiled. His next three words made me shudder. “You wanna dance?”

I couldn’t just say no. He was nice enough to get me flowers and a drink, so the least I could do was dance with him. With a sigh, I picked up my glass. Downing all of its contents in a matter of seconds, a smile flashed across my face. “Let’s do this!”

As we left the bar, my false bravado was replaced by bashful self-consciousness. My dancing wasn’t awful—it was downright horrible. I’m pretty sure that I gave a couple of ponies sprained ankles and maybe even a broken leg or two. The only reason I was aware of the fact was because they complained to the owners, and we got kicked out of the bar for ‘disrupting the environment’.

Yes, that’s right. My lack of dancing skills literally just got us kicked out of a bar.

Written Script said nothing. I couldn’t blame him. I had no idea what I would’ve said to me in that moment. Probably something stupid, if I was being honest with myself.

“You okay?” he asked.

I nodded. I didn’t trust myself to speak.

“You sure?”

I sighed. “Actually… I think I’d like to go home now,” I managed.

“As the lady wishes,” he said with a generous bow.

I rolled my eyes and giggled. We headed down the road toward my house, a companionable silence falling over us. I looked up at the clock above town hall. It read exactly midnight. In a matter of two hours, I had successfully ruined not only my first date in months, but my chances of ever going out with Written again.

A familiar wave of sadness washed over me once again.

Eventually, we reached my door step. I turned back to face Written, and he smiled at me.

“I’m sorry,” I muttered.

He shot me a confused look. “For what?”

“Don’t you remember? I kind of just got us kicked out of a bar.”

“I know! And it was awesome!”

I let out an unladylike snort. “I wouldn’t blame you if you never wanted to see me again after that train wreck.”

“Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted to go out again sometime.”

“Y-You’re asking me out again? After everything that just happened?”

“Of course. Honest to goodness, I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun in my life. Those ponies had no idea what hit ‘em.”

I let out a shaky laugh.

“Does a walk in the park tomorrow sound good to you?”

“As long as there is no dancing involved,” I said.

He chuckled lightly. “I promise that there will be no more dancing from here on out.”

Neither of us said anything. He got down on one knee and took my hoof into his. He kissed it, and my heart soared. “Goodnight, milady.”

I might have said something in response, but I don’t remember what it was. And quite frankly, I didn’t care. Somehow I ended up back in my house, sitting on the couch.

I stared at the bouquet of orchids resting in my hooves. Written was the perfect gentlecolt. Everything he did was extremely chivalrous and sincere. His whole ‘perfect stallion’ act was both endearing and adorable.

I had yet to see him do a single thing wrong. He was, in every single way, perfect.

The more I thought about it, the more worried I became. Everypony had some sort of quirk, of that I knew. I didn’t know what his was, but I was worried for the day that I found out.

That is, unless he didn’t have any. That thought worried me even more. If he was so perfect, what was stopping him from finding somepony better than me?

With a heavy heart, I pulled myself off my sofa and carried myself up to bed. That night, I dreamed of quills, scrolls, and a certain brown-maned stallion.