Cutie Mark Crusader Life Ruiners

by Decimal

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Diamond Tiara, Slice of Life, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Scootaloo
Length: 3003

After attending an assertiveness seminar by Iron Will, the Cutie Mark Crusaders set out on a mission which they should have done long ago: Give Diamond Tiara the worst day of her life.

After attending an assertiveness seminar by Iron Will, the Cutie Mark Crusaders set out on a mission which they should have done long ago: Give Diamond Tiara the worst day of her life.

Published 2014-01-05 18:50:06 UTC
Last updated 2014-01-05 18:50:06 UTC

The Best Day Ever

Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom sat in their treehouse. Scootaloo sat at a table and read off the list of activities they could try to get their cutie marks.

"Mountain climbing, juggling, firestarting, stunt performing, doctoring, potion brewing… Darn. We've tried everything on the list at least four times and still haven't gotten our cutie marks!" she complained. "And I can't think of anything new either."

"Maybe we should ask some of the townsponies how they got theirs?" Apple Blooms pointed her hoof out the window, in the general direction of Ponyville.

"Yeah!" Scootaloo said. "We can ask other ponies about their cutie marks. Come on!"

She climbed down the ladder to the treehouse and motioned to the other two Crusaders to hop onto her wagon. As soon as they got on, she sped up to full speed and raced towards the Ponyville market. The ride took only a minute.

"Wait! Didn't the mayor ban you from riding your scooter in the market?" Sweetie Belle said.

"Oh yeah. Darn." Scootaloo hopped off her scooter and was followed by the other two fillies. They walked around the market, searching for ponies who they haven't asked the story of how they got their cutie marks. After walking around for several minutes, they noticed the market seemed especially devoid of ponies today. The only ponies there were the ones who ran the market stalls, and most of them were sleeping or doing other things that weren’t attending to customers.

Scootaloo was the first to complain about the absence of ponies. "This sucks! Where is everypony?"

"Maybe it's some sorta holiday?" Apple Bloom suggested.

"Nah, there's still weather ponies cleaning up the clouds and stuff. See?" Scootaloo pointed her hoof at some pegasi who were pushing clouds away from a large maze made up of plants.

"Don't weather ponies still work on holidays, to make sure it doesn't rain or anything? "

"Well yeah, but what about the ponies at the market stalls? They don't work on holidays."

"But what if somepony wanted to buy something on a holiday? What do you think, Sweetie Belle?" Apple Bloom turned to see the unicorn filly staring at the large plant maze where pegasi were pushing clouds away from.

"I think everypony went to that big plant maze thingy," she said with a deadpan voice. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom turned to look at what Sweetie was looking at, and saw a large crowd of ponies entering the hedge maze.

"Oh yeah. Well, we don't have anything else to do, wanna see what's happening in there?" Apple Bloom said.

The other two Crusaders shrugged, and motioned for Apple Bloom to lead the way. When they arrived, they saw a large banner with a depiction of a large red head with horns. There was a sign on the side:

Assertiveness Seminar, by Iron Will. Three bits entry.

"Um, did anypony bring money?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Don't worry, I have some bits in my bag." Scootaloo said.

They entered the hedge maze and saw hundreds of ponies standing before a large stage. Large red flags waved around and above the stage. There were two giant hedge minotaurs on the side. The three fillies stood near the right side of the large crowd, where there were a few short ponies in front of them so they could see.

Speakers began to play at the same time that a spotlight shone on the stage, which became covered in smoke. From the smoke, a large figure emerged from behind. A goat walked onto the stage from the side and pulled off a cloak that the figure was wearing to reveal a minotaur.

"What is that thing?" Sweetie asked.

"He looks kinda like a bull. Must be a different type." Apple Bloom replied.

"No way!" Scootaloo said. "The only thing that makes him look like a bull are those two horns. Other than that, he stands on two legs, and has way more muscles in his chest."

"Shh! The show is starting!" Sweetie Belle said.

The three fillies switched their attention to the minotaur, who began his presentation.

"Welcome friends! My name is Iron Will. And today is the first day of your new life! I want to hear you stomp if you're tired of being a pushover."

The crowd of ponies stomped, and momentarily drowned out all other noises. When they stopped, Iron Will continued.

"Stomp if you're tired of being a doormat."

The crowd stomped again, as they did the previous time. Iron Will waited before continuing.

"Stomp if you want to pay nothing for this seminar!"

The crown stomped for the third time, but their enthusiasm soon turned to confusion. After muttering amongst themselves for a few seconds, Iron Will turned his attention to the crowd which silenced them, and spoke again.

"That's no joke friends. Iron Will is so confident that you will be one hundred percent satisfied with Iron Will's assertiveness tecniques, that if you are not one hundred percent satisfied, You. Pay. Nothing." He learned off the stage and almost pressed his eyeball against one pony in the crowd. "But I pity the fool who doubts Iron Will's methods! You don't doubt me, do you?

The stallion who Iron Will had nearly pressed his eyeballs against shook his head. "Uh-uh, no sir!"

Iron Will leaned back to reveal he was being carried by two of his goat assistants. "That my friends, is your first lesson. Don't be shy, look em in the eye."

The ponies exchanged words amongst themselves for a few seconds before Iron Will began his second lesson. "Now, to demonstrate that Iron Will's techniques will work for anypony, I'm going to need a volunteer."

At this, almost everypony raised their hoof. Iron Will paused for a minute, before picking his volunteer.

"You in the back row!"

In response, the crowd split amongst the middle to reveal a yellow pegasus cowering in fear. She opened her eyes after being called on. "Who, me?"

Sweetie Belle noticed who this particular pony was. "Hey look, it's Fluttershy!"

She was quickly shushed by the other two Crusaders who were more interested in what Iron Will was saying.

"Yes you," Iron Will shouted, "Iron Will wants you on stage!"

"Uh, well…"

"NOW!"

"Okay." Fluttershy made her way around the crowd quickly and climbed up the stairs to the stage. As she walked onto the stage, a goat moved to block her. She moved to go around him, only for him to move again to block her.

"Whoa, hes blocking your path!" Iron Will said. "What are you going to do about it?"

"Um, politely walk around him?"

"No."

"Gingerly tiptoe around him?"

"No…"

"Go back home and try again tomorrow?"

"NO! When somepony tries to block, show them that you rock!" Iron Will demonstrated by giving Fluttershy a small shove, causing her to accidentally knock the goat onto the ground.

"Oh! Sorry," she said.

"Don't be sorry! Be assertive! Never apologize when you can criticise." Iron will cleared his throat before following up. "Why don't you watch where you're going!?" he shouted directly in the face of the goat. He then turned to Fluttershy. "Now you try."

"Um… next time, get out of the way before I bump into you cause I totally won't be sorry when I do!"

After she finished, Iron Will held Fluttershy up by the hoof to give his endorsing speech. "You see my friends? If my techniques can work for this shy little pony, then they can work for anypony!"

The crowd cheered at this, including the Cutie Mark Crusaders. On the way out, Scootaloo came up with an idea.

"Hey girls, meet me in front of the schoolhouse tomorrow, before school. I have an idea." She got on her scooter and drove away before they could respond.

~~~

The next day, Scootaloo stood in front of the schoolhouse on her scooter, waiting for the other two girls. She was about to go and find them when she saw them come around the corner. "Finally! School starts in eight minutes, where have you been?"

"Well, I got up an hour before school but Sweetie Belle wasn't there, so I had to go get her," Apple Bloom explained.

"What? I don't usually get up this early. Rarity said that I need to get 'beauty sleep' or something," Sweetie Belle said.

Scootaloo was too busy looking around the area to listen to the two girls' excuses. She stopped when she saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon walking towards the schoolhouse. "There they are. Alright, just follow my lead."

She walked up the Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon blissfully, as if they weren’t there are all. When she got close enough, Diamond made her usual taunt.

"Well, if it isn't the blank flanks. Aren't you supposed to be 'crusading' or something? Or did you finally give up?"

"Nah," Scootaloo replied, "but speaking of cutie marks, we never really got what yours meant. I mean, it's some sorta crown, but you're not a queen or anything, so it means that you're somepony who pretends to be important but isn't?"

"What!? I am not pretending to be anything! And this cutie mark symbolizes my superiority and elegance."

Apple Bloom caught on to what Scootaloo was doing, and picked up where she left off. "So you're like those snooty nobles in Canterlot who think they're above everypony else? Wow, you must really be a snob to get a cutie mark for it! You even have somepony who hates you following you around every day pretending to like you and tell you how great you are just because you're rich! Isn't that right, Silver Spoon?"

"No, she likes me because I'm popular and cool, unlike you blank flanks. Right?" Diamond Tiara turned to Silver Spoon, demanding an answer.

"Um… yeah totally cause you're really cool and stuff!" Silver Spoon exclaimed with a smile slightly too wide to be genuine.

"Hey look! She really is sucking up to you! See?" Sweetie Belle said.

Silver Spoon glanced around nervously, searching for a way to escape from the current situation. When she saw none, she made up an excuse. "Well I have to go to… polish my silverware! So um, smell you later, blank flanks." She quickly made her exit in the direction of the schoolhouse.

Scootaloo quickly picked up on the situation. "Actually, your cutie mark only has one color. It's almost as if somepony just stamped it on or drew it and was too lazy to use more than one color."

"It does look kind of fake," Apple Bloom added.

"It's not fake! I got it when my dad gave me my tiara," Diamond said.

"Hmm, sounds like denial. Wouldn't you agree, girls?" Scootaloo asked. The two other Crusaders nodded their head in approval at the accusation and looked disappointedly at Diamond Tiara. "In fact, you're probably just picking on us because you're actually a blank flank!"

"Whatever. It's real and everypony knows it."

The school bell rang, and Diamond used this as an opportunity to escape. However, the Cutie Mark Crusaders stayed behind.

"I know what we should do!" Sweetie Belle said. "When we go inside the schoolhouse, follow behind me and do what I'm doing." Scootaloo and Apple Bloom looked at each other and shugged, and followed Sweetie Belle to the schoolhouse.

When they entered, Diamond Tiara was sitting at a desk with a deep frown on her face. Silver Spoon sat one row behind her, but looked more nervous than upset.

Sweetie Belle immediately burst into tears and wailed. The other two girls followed her example, but were unable to produce the same results. Cheerilee turned her attention towards them and fortunately, didn't notice the horrible acting of Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.

"What's wrong, girls? What happened?" Cheerilee said, with concern in her voice.

"It was… Diamond… Tiara…" Sweetie Belle took a second in between to sniff before continuing, "she was making fun of us for not having cutie marks! And then she said we're freaks for not having them and we were gonna be failures!" At the end of the sentence, Sweetie Belle broke down into tears and rolled on the ground, wallowing in her own misery.

Cheerilee gasped and gave a harsh stare to Diamond Tiara who tried to back into her seat.

"Diamond Tiara, is this true? Did you make fun of them for not having cutie marks?"

"No! They're just being stupid and stuff and…" she trailed off when she noticed Cheerilee was now looking at somepony behind her.

"Yes, Miss Cheerilee, she was. I saw her doing it today, and before that. She's been doing this for years." Diamond Tiara turned to see who said that. When she saw it was Silver Spoon, her face turned into one of shock, then betrayal, then anger. However, she wasn't going to take such accusations without a fight.

"No I didn't! She's lying! I was just asking them about it, then they made up a story about me making fun of them!"

Cheerilee looked once again at Diamond Tiara with a disappointed expression. "Considering she's your best friend, I don't think she'd be making up stories about you. As a matter of fact," she paused a moment to regain her posture, "I am expelling you, Diamond Tiara, from the Ponyville Schoolhouse, for repeated bullying and harassment."

Unbeknownst to Cheerilee, the Cutie Mark Crusaders stuck out their tongue at Diamond Tiara.

~~~

"You what!?" Filthy Rich pounded his hoof on the table and glared at his daughter.

"I was… expelled. But it’s not my fault! Those stupid blank flanks made up a story about me picking on them, and then they pretended to cry to get the teacher mad at me and-" She explained before being cut off her by her father.

"I did not raise my daughter to be like this. I can't believe that you would stoop as low as picking on somepony for not finding their cutie marks. But getting expelled from school? This is unacceptable."

"I was just joking, but they took it too hard. They were the ones who were a big crybaby and made me get expelled."

"No, Diamond Tiara. I've heard about those three fillies before and they might cause a bit of trouble, but they aren't crybabies and they certainly aren't liars. One of them is the sister of the Element of Honesty.

"You have disgraced the entire Rich family. I wanted you to grow up to be wealthy, but not a spoiled brat. Not only are you a spoiled brat, but you're picking on other ponies as well.

"Pack your things. I don't want to see you around here anymore." Filthy Rich got up from the chair and walked away, leaving Diamond Tiara at the table.

"But I-"

"No buts, young lady. You've really done it this time."

Hanging her head in shame, Diamond Tiara walked up to her room and grabbed her things and shoved them into a bag. She took several pieces of jewellery as well as pictures of her family members, but decided to leave out ones of her father.

She walked downstairs carrying the bag on her back, and walked out the door. Waiting outside were none other than Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo.

"What do you want?" Diamond grumbled.

"Oh, nothing. We were just passing by, but we heard your dad yelling at you." Apple Bloom said innocently.

"But it looks like your dad finally kicked you out! I'm really proud of him." Sweetie Belle added.

Diamond Tiara stomped her hoof on the ground. "You did this! You ruined my life! You made Silver Spoon leave me, you made me get expelled from school, and you made my dad disown me!"

"You're welcome. Now you won't be a spoiled brat anymore, and you can be a miserable not spoiled brat!" Scootaloo said.

"Hmm, I thought he'd take away your tiara, considerin' he was the one to give it to you," Apple Bloom said, as she picked up the tiara from Diamond's head.

"Hey! Give that back!"

Apple Bloom threw the tiara to Sweetie Belle, who threw it to Scootaloo. All the while, Diamond Tiara desperately chased it. When Scootaloo tried to throw it back to Apple Bloom, she overshot and it landed on the ground. Seeing the opportunity, Diamond ran over to it and pounced. However, a mouse took the tiara and ran back into a hiding hole in the side of the house.

Diamond Tiara could only stare at the wall with her jaw hanging. After several seconds, Sweetie Belle started.

"Well now that your tiara is gone, you won't have any more delusions of being better than anypony else. Now you're just a poor foal who doesn't have a home. Maybe it'll help you realize what a failure you really are," she said cheerfully, all the while having a genuine smile on her face. "Now you'll be able to work a hard labor job and barely get the bits the scrape by, and you'll be a miserable wreck. Aren't you glad this happened? You'll finally get in touch with your true destiny, and your worthlessness won't be masked by your family wealth or your popularity in school!"

When she finished talking, she waited several seconds for a response. Diamond Tiara only gave a quiet sniff, then another. When she turned around, they could see tears rolling down her cheeks. In complete contrast to this, the Cutie Mark Crusaders had wide smiles on their faces as they watched.

After giving a few more sniffs, Diamond Tiara picked up the bag and threw it onto her back, before walking away with her head low and ears drooped.

Once Scootaloo was sure that she wasn't coming back, she released her happiness. "That. Felt. Awesome!" Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle nodded in agreement. The three fillies jumped in the air and gave each other a high hoof.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER LIFE RUINERS, YAY!"