Two and Two and Two

by Mayclore

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rarity, Fluttershy, Random, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 2774

And it added up to silly.

Twilight and friends learn that prolonged exposure to the power of Pinkie Pie can cause some rather interesting side effects. An unbearably silly idea that wouldn't go away until I wrote it down.

Published 2012-03-16 18:04:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-16 18:04:02 UTC

Two and Two and Two

Rarity sauntered down the street, admiring the lovely spring day. She was on her way to the library to see Twilight. Normally, this would be the day that she and Fluttershy would go to the spa, but the pegasus was occupied with the bunny census. Not willing to go alone – for her, spa days were less about the spa experience itself than catching up with her friends – she was looking for a pony to take with her. She had been denied twice already; Applejack was smack in the middle of applebucking and had no time to spare, and Rainbow Dash reacted to the idea of going in her usual fashion, whining about how the spa was too boring and too frilly and she had tricks to try out, and flew off to practice something or other.

The purple unicorn, however, was a reliable substitute. Although she had the habit of reading during her pony-pedi, Twilight was always a good source of conversation. Her level-headed nature made it easy for Rarity to bounce ideas off of, and though she wouldn't admit it, Twilight did like being pampered every once in a while.

Rarity stopped for a moment, having arrived at the great library tree. She peeked in through a window to make sure Twilight was home. Sure enough, she was settled at a table, looking at a tremendously large book of some sort. Turning on her charm, Rarity went to the door and walked in.

“Good afternoon, darling!” she chirped happily.

Twilight looked up and gave her friend a smile, but her eyes betrayed a sliver of worry. “Hello, Rarity. What brings you here?”

“Fluttershy had to cancel our weekly get-together, and I was looking for somepony to come with me to the spa,” she explained, walking closer to the other unicorn. She couldn't help but notice the book; it was a hardbound beast of a tome with a black cover, and looked exceptionally grim. The pages weren't yellowed, like some of Twilight's books – in fact, they looked nearly brand new. “My word, what are you reading?”

“Oh, this is a book I requested from the Canterlot Library,” she said as Rarity came closer to examine it. “It's a complete...nearly complete, anyway... history of the Elements of Harmony.”

Rarity blinked down at the text. “Did something happen? Is something about to happen?” she asked nervously. Every time those magical artifacts popped up, it seemed, Equestria went off the deep end, requiring six ponies from Ponyville to fix it.

“No, everything's fine, I just...” Twilight sighed, looking at once worried and ashamed to be worried. Rarity looked at her with concern and patiently waited for her to continue. “I heard a story recently. It's a crazy rumor, but...I don't know, it just bothers me.”

The white unicorn frowned. She had direct experience with the power of rumors, both good and bad. “Tell me all about it, dear. Perhaps I can help you clear the air.”

Twilight's face became awkwardly serious. “Well, it's about Pinkie Pie. I heard somepony say she actually has six legs.”

Rarity stared at her blankly for a moment. “Beg pardon?”

“You know that expression, 'putting two and two together'?” Rarity nodded. “Well, Matilda said she saw Pinkie do it with her hooves, but she added another two, and she had two extra hooves to count it!” Twilight said, looking back down at the book. “That's why I'm reading this. It's supposed to have every effect of the Elements of Harmony listed, and I'm trying to figure out if that's one of them, and if we can all do it.”

The white unicorn was absolutely dumbfounded. Matilda was a very reasonable donkey, and never said anything outlandish. She surely must have been seeing things. “Darling, I think you need a break from...researching. Let's go get our horns filed!” she offered, trying to cut off another legendary Twilight nervous breakdown before it got too far.

“Oh, but I can't! This is going to bug me until I figure out what happened!” Twilight moaned, turning a page with her magic.

“Twilight, it was probably just Pinkie waving her legs about. Or perhaps Matilda just glanced and thought she saw more hooves than there really were,” Rarity said, becoming worried about her friend's worry. “I'm certain it's nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Maybe you're right. I wish I could just put two and two and two together and find an answer to this mess,” she lamented. Rarity smiled and was about to stand, but something caught her attention. As her grinning face turned into a mask of shock, Twilight blinked.

“What? What happened?” she asked. Then she looked down at her hooves.

She had indeed counted off two, and two, and two. Six purple hooves were in front of her face. Simultaneously, the two unicorns shrieked at the top of their lungs.

“How did you do that?” Rarity yelled, backing away on her haunches.

“I don't know! I just said the same thing Pinkie did!” Twilight looked around helplessly.

“Now they're gone!” the white unicorn pointed frantically. “Where did they go?”

“I...I don't know! I don't even know where they came from!” Twilight yelled back at her. They were both scrambling about now, staring at the floor, fully expecting more hooves to sprout from it.

“What in Equestria?” Rarity said, more than a little terrified. She peered down at herself to check for appendages she hadn't entered the library with.

“You try it!” Twilight said. “See if it happens to you!”

“I am perfectly satisfied with the four legs I have now, thank you!” she shot back, shaking slightly.

“Rarity, come on! We might be affected by some sort of spell, or curse, or something!” Twilight demanded. “Try it!”

The white unicorn sat down, her lips trembling. “Very well...I wish I could put two and two and two together and sort out all this non— aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!” she screamed. Every 'two' from her mouth drew a pair of white hooves. First her front hooves, then her rear ones, and then an extra set that seemed to sprout right up from the floorboards. Twilight immediately tried to touch them, but the second Rarity lost her train of thought, they vanished.

“What in the name of all that is fashionable is going on here?!” she screeched, curling into a ball on the floor.

Twilight clung to her, trying to calm her down. “I wish I knew...oh, wow...if we can do it, that means the others can too! We've got to tell them!”

Rarity nodded slightly, standing up. “Warn them, more like. And after that, we need to figure out who cast this spell on us!”

“Or if this is part of bearing the Elements,” Twilight mused, heading for the door.

“Well, if it is, Princess Celestia can give her fancy jewelry to somepony else! I did not sign up for the Six-Legged Fabulous Unicorn Club!” Rarity complained, following her friend out of the library.

Applejack was examining the tree she was about to buck. Many harvests' worth of experience had taught her that force was not always the answer. Some of the trees were so laden with fruit, it took only one well-placed hoof to bring their apples down. This was one such tree. The earth pony turned around, selecting her left rear hoof to do the deed. With a woody thunk, she kicked the trunk, then listened with a smile as the apples tumbled into the baskets arranged around the tree. Just as this noise ended, she heard another, unfamiliar one – when she realized it was the galloping of hooves, she tilted her head. Another second passed before she saw Twilight and Rarity, tearing down the path at full speed and calling her name.

“Ah'm over here,” she yelled back, watching them turn and barrel straight at her. It took them just a moment to arrive, but much longer to catch their breaths.

“What in tarnation?” she blinked at them. “What's got y'all's bridles in such a twist?”

“Applejack!” Twilight gasped.

“Six legs!” Rarity breathed.

“We have them!”

“You might too!”

The earth pony stared at them, looking at each unicorn as she spoke. “Uh...are y'all feelin' well? I only see four legs. Well, eight total,” she snickered.

“Count something!” Twilight panted. “Six somethings! In three pairs of two!”

“...is this some sort of prank?” Applejack eyed them suspiciously, even though these two weren't generally known for their senses of humor. “'Cause...Ah'd sure like to buck this part of the orchard 'fore it gets dark...”

“Please, Applejack! We're not trying to be funny!” Rarity pleaded.

Rolling her eyes, the earth pony looked for something to count. “Fine, fine, Ah'll humor ya...” she grumbled, looking around for something. “Looks like Ah'm six apples short of a bushel, so that's two...” she began, counting off with her hooves as she usually did.

The unicorns began staring intently.

“...and two...”

They leaned forward, eyes wide.

“...and two– what the heck?!” Applejack yelled, suddenly noticing two more orange hooves than there should have been. She was so rattled, she ran away from the extra pair despite it promptly vanishing and smacked into the tree behind her.

“It's true!” Rarity wailed dramatically while she checked on the dazed earth pony. “We all have six legs!”

“Wait wait wait wait wait,” the pacing Twilight said, her voice taking on that leadership tone she sometimes got. “We need to be sure. We've got to find Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy.”

“Why do Ah have six legs?” Applejack asked, rubbing her nose and trying to stand. “Rather, why did Ah have six legs?”

“Twilight thinks it's an Elements of Harmony thing, but we're not sure,” the white unicorn explained, helping Applejack get up.

“Why in the world would the Elements give us another pair of legs?” the earth pony blinked.

Rarity shrugged helplessly. “I've not the slightest idea, darling, but if our friends sprout extra limbs when we see them, I think Celestia will need to find some other ponies to be harmonious!”

They all decided to head to Fluttershy's cottage right away, leaving a cloud of dust and a confused Apple Bloom, who was just walking up, in their wake.

“Ah just wanted two bits to go buy lemonade,” the filly said, blinking.

Fluttershy hummed a little tune to herself as she checked her mailbox. It had taken her from nearly the crack of dawn until now to finish up the census. The fact that she had missed a few new arrivals complicated matters, but she finally got each and every fluffy bunny counted. Now she was just looking forward to a nice nap. As she rifled through the letters – why did that silly mailmare keep giving her Berry Punch's mail, anyway? – she felt the ground vibrating slightly underneath her hooves.

“Oh no, a stampede!” she gasped, preparing to take flight and warn the town. When she had gotten a few feet above the ground, though, she saw the source of the din and tilted her head.

“Fluttershy!” Applejack, Twilight, and Rarity all yelled, sliding to a stop as the pegasus fluttered gently back to earth.

“Hello, everypony,” she smiled, trying to mask her confusion. “Um...what's the rush?”

The three of them looked at each other while they panted for air, silently deciding who should be the group's spokespony. Rarity was the first to catch her breath, so she spoke up.

“Darling, you're going to think this is absolute lunacy, but it's happened to all of us so far,” she said, still panting a little.

“What happened?” Fluttershy asked, her confusion becoming concern.

“We've...we've all got six legs!” she revealed, eyes bulging as though she'd just informed Fluttershy that the world was ending.

The pegasus looked at each of her friends' lower extremities, squinting just in case she was missing something. “Um...I only see four each...”

“They aren't there all the time,” Applejack explained, then thought of something to trigger the effect. “How many baby bunnies were there this year?”

“Oh, well, let me think...” Fluttershy said, lifting off and hovering. “There were two near the river...”

The other three watched with bated breath as she used her hooves to keep track.

“Two more under that big magnolia tree...”

Everything seemed normal so far.

“And two more by the pond,” she concluded. When she saw their jaws drop, she became uneasy. “Wh-what? Did I miss some?”

“Fluttershy...look...” Twilight pointed.

She glanced around, suddenly realizing she had two more hooves than normal. Her natural reaction was, of course, to shriek as loudly as possible and hide in a nearby bush. The extra hooves vanished the moment she started moving.

“This is ridiculous!” Applejack lamented, taking off her hat.

Twilight was engaging in a panic trot, her mind racing. “What would we need this for? What are the Elements trying to tell us?”

“I don't want to be a six-legged fabulous unicoooooorn,” Rarity wailed, a leg across her forehead for full dramatic effect.

While the four ponies despaired about their interesting problem, Rainbow Dash appeared overhead and dove toward them at full speed.

“I heard screaming!” she said, floating to a stop above them. “Is everypony all right?” The looks she got from the four of them – including Fluttershy in her bush – made her heart jump into her throat. “Uh...I didn't do it,” she said, pointing a hoof at herself.

“Rainbow Dash,” Twilight began, her voice as serious as Rainbow had ever heard it, “I need to know how many clouds you moved today.”

“...what?” the blue pegasus blinked, hopelessly lost.

“This is serious! I need you to tell me exactly how many clouds you moved! Use your hooves to keep track!” Twilight ordered, sounding a fair bit like her mentor when she was in a dire mood.

“R-right!” Rainbow gulped. “Let me see...there were two over the Everfree Forest...”

They all began to stare at her intently. Even Fluttershy poked her head up out of the bush.

“Uh...two more over the town hall...”

Their mouths opened, and they leaned forward, eyes shining with anticipation.

“And...uh...oh, yeah! Two more over Froggy Bottom Bog!”

Fluttershy fainted dead away, and Rarity almost followed suit. Applejack was so stupefied, she let her hat drop to the ground. Twilight looked to the sky, her mind desperately seeking an answer that wouldn't come.

“What? What?” Rainbow asked. “What did I do?”

Twilight pointed; she was the only pony in any shape to point by now. Rainbow looked down and counted six cyan hooves, but the extra pair was coming from just under her wings. She suddenly whirled about, slapping herself on the back to get them off. As before, though, they vanished the instant she started to move.

“That is it!” Twilight shouted in frustration. “Come on, everypony! I'm writing to the Princess about this!”

Princess Celestia was seated on one of the great sitting pillows on the floor of her chamber, relaxing as her sister prepared to summon the night. As usual, a few magic scrolls had come in from her faithful student. She had just finished reading all of those when another one appeared above her head. She caught and opened it with her magic, and was treated to a rambling treatise about how the phrase 'two and two and two' and the act of counting with one's hooves caused the Elements of Harmony to grant their bearers extra limbs, and how Twilight didn't know what enemy required six legs to defeat, but they were ready to face it, except for perhaps Rarity, who had added a notation about six legs being very not fabulous indeed. By the time she was done with the letter, the alicorn had an amused smirk on her face, figuring she had just been the recipient of an organized practical joke. Her reply was short and sweet:

My faithful student(s),

If some foe requiring more than four legs should appear, I will be the first to let you know. Otherwise, I enjoyed the letter. I'm glad you've gotten a sense of humor.

Yours truly, Princess Celestia

She rolled it up and sealed it, using her magic to send it on its way with a smile. With a contented sigh, she went back to unwinding...but the pile of scrolls sent by Twilight earlier caught her eye.

“Hmm, two...and two...” she chuckled, ticking them off on her hooves. “Oops, I missed two more.”

She ticked those off two, blinking down at the extra pair of gold-shod hooves that sprouted up to help her.

"I think I need a vacation," she sighed.