Suri Polomare Takes Credit for Everything
Suri Polomare walked down the streets of Ponyville, dejected. Her head hung low as she mulled her downfall. Ever since she lost that competition with Rarity, she hadn't been able to sell her dresses in Manehattan. Apparently, nopony likes a plagiarist.
However, Ponyville had yet to catch wind of her misdeed, so nopony in town yet knew not to trust her. One particularly gullible brown earth pony with an hour-glass cutie mark was among them.
"Hey, Suri! Long time no see!"
"Hey Doc, how's it going?" she asked.
"Great, great. I thought that you lived in Manehattan now?"
"Nah, I moved. Big city life was just not doing it for me," she lied. A little of her died inside as she remembered the musicals, the glitz, the glamour, and everything else associated with big city life that she could no longer enjoy.
“Want to come and see my new invention?" he asked.
"Sure, why not?" she asked. She lifted up her head and smiled. Anything to distract her from her failure.
She walked into his house as he showed off his new invention.
"See, you just step inside, and then press the button, and then you can appear anywhere in time and space that you want," said the Doctor.
"Wow, that's pretty cool," said Suri Polo Mare. "You think I could borrow it for a few minutes? I always wanted to meet my great-grandfather.”
“Yes, just make sure you return it all in one piece.”
“I will. See you later, okay?” she said, climbing in the time machine.
Her heart raced. Her mind filled with thoughts of what she could do if she could travel back in time and fix her mistakes. She could get her career back! She could invent that fabric before Rarity ever did, and then nopony could ever call her a thief!
“Oh, I forgot to mention something,” said the doctor from outside the machine. “You can’t go back in time to any time when you’ve already been before. It would cause a rip in the space-time continuum. You’ll have to go back to before you were born.”
Crap. Well, there went that idea. But, she could still use it to bolster her reputation…
Marelo Park, Neigh Jersey, 1879
“Finally! After all this time, I’ve found the correct filament! Now I can bring cheap light to every home in Equestria!” said Thomas Featherson, the inventor of the first commercially viable light bulb, from his laboratory. He gazed upon the wondrous new invention of artificial, electric light.
“Hey, Tommy boy, what’s up?” said Suri Polomare, walking out of the time machine.
“Who are you? What are you doing here?” asked Featherson.
“Don’t you remember me? Suri Polomare from Neigh Jersey University?”
“Oh…” said Featherson. “I guess I was so excited about this new light bulb that I invented, that I forgot who you were.”
“Speaking of…” said Suri Polomare, “You think I could borrow that for a couple of seconds? I dropped something inside of this booth of mine, and I can’t find it because it’s too dark, okay.”
“Sure,” said Featherson, handing her the lightbulb.
Suri grinned and stepped into the time machine, and it disappeared.
The next day, Featherson was at the patent office and saw Suri Polomare claiming credit for the light bulb.
“It’s a way to bring cheap light to every home in Equestria!” she said. Everypony in the office gazed at the light bulb in wonderment.
Featherson fumed. He couldn’t believe he had been duped. Teach him to be generous.
A few years later, and everypony in Equestria knew Polomare's name, and she was known as the Wizard of Marelo Park.
But she had a nagging feeling in the back of her stomach. Something wasn’t quite right as she read the newspaper article proclaiming her to be the best inventor in hundreds of years.
As she stared at the perfectly-typed rows of letters, she understood. Of course. She knew exactly what the problem was.
Germarey, 1440
“Wunderbar! I finally have a way to distribute ze written vord to ze masses!”
Johannes Gutenbuck stood proudly in front of the new movable type printing press that he had just invented.
“Hey, Johnny-boy!” Gutenbuck turned around to see Suri Polomare standing inside of his shop.
“Have ve met before?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Don’t you remember me? Suri Polomare from back in Manez?”
“Hm. Nein, I don’t remember. But I vill take your vord for it.”
Suri smiled. “Well, I was just wondering if I could borrow that printing press really quick. I need to write a letter to my friend, but I have really terrible hoofwriting, okay.”
“Jawohl,” he said.
Suri Polomare grinned as she grabbed the printing press and hauled it into the time machine. Now, she would print the Polomare Bible and claim credit for the invention of printing.
The next day, Johannes Gutenbuck was walking down the street when he saw Suri Polomare standing in the street, showing off the printing press to a crowd.
“It’s a way to distribute the written word to the masses!”
Gutenbuck fumed and walked home. He couldn’t believe he had been duped like that.
A few years later, the printing press had revolutionized the country of Germarey and the continent of Stirrup.
But something still didn’t sit quite right with Polomare. She could now claim credit for the light bulb and the printing press, but how could she really claim credit for anything at all? She hadn’t really done it. She’d just stolen credit for it.
Then, her eyes were drawn towards one of her Polomare bibles. Of course. She knew exactly what the problem was.
Heaven, Shortly After the Creation of Equestria
Pony God gazed down from heaven upon his new creation.
“I have created the heavens and Equestria, and now ponykind. I have perfectly placed every hair upon their mane, and not a hoof was late in growing. Now, I shall let them know that I am their Lord.”
“Hey, Goddy-boy!”
Pony God turned around and saw Suri Polomare standing on a cloud next to him.
“I’m sorry, do I know you?” he asked.
“Don’t you remember me? Suri Polomare from heaven?”
“I created each angel. I think I’d remember you if I created you.”
Suri blushed. “Oh, well, um… I’m new. Just transferred in from Mount Olympones.”
“I see…” said Pony God, stroking his beard.
“So, nice place you got here,” said Suri, pointing a hoof towards Equestria.
“Yes, I just created it. Now I’m going to go and introduce myself to the two first ponies: Apple and Eve, so that they know that I'm their Lord.”
“Hey, before you do, could I maybe go down there and look for something? I think I accidentally dropped a suitcase full of lightning bolts on my way up here,” said Suri Polomare.
“I will allow it,” said Pony God, gesturing towards Equestria with his hoof.
Suri smiled, got in the time machine, and flew down in it to meet the first two ponies.
“Hello. I’m Suri Polomare, and I have created you both in my image. I have perfectly placed every hair upon your mane, and not a hoof was late in growing. And now, you know that I'm your Lord.”
Pony God raged. The all-knowing deity couldn’t believe that he had been duped like that!
Suri Polomare smiled, got back in the time machine, and went forward in time to the present day. Maybe now, ponies would give her the respect she deserved.
“Hey, Suri Polomare! Great job with creating the lightbulb, the printing press, and the universe!” said a pony, bowing to her as she walked down the street.
“Praise be unto you, Suri Polomare,” said another pony.
Suri grinned from ear to ear. Now it was time for her to go and impress Rarity.
She walked into Carousel Boutique, where she saw Rarity at her table, sewing a new dress.
“Hello, Rarity,” Polomare said.
“Oh, hello Suri,” Rarity turned around and responded, and then returned to her sewing.
“What? I created the lightbulb above your head, the printing press, and the entire universe. You better bow to me or I’ll strike you down with a lightning bolt, okay!" Suri exclaimed.
“Oh, sorry dear,” said Rarity, turning back. “I’m an atheist.”
