My Little Pony Disney Tales (#2) - Pinkie Pie-nocchio

by Blue Paratroopa

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Pinkie Pie, Crossover, Granny Smith, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Rarity, Flim and Flam
Length: 8359

Another Disney parody. With the help of lonely toymaker Granny Smith a Spike, Pinkie Pie-occhio the puppet might just become a real pony!

In the next installment of my Disney parody series, the ponies star in a "Pinocchio" retelling, obviously starring Pinkie Pie as the innocent (and naive) puppet against a world of danger. Only her conscience, Spike, can get her out of various messes!

Published 2014-01-05 05:30:05 UTC
Last updated 2014-10-09 07:13:24 UTC

When You Wish Upon a Star

Long ago, in a far-away village, a young dragon wandered the streets, looking for somewhere to spend the night, just like he did every night. From village to village he went, seeking out food and companionship. Sadly, he usually found nothing.

“Scrounging is the worst,” he muttered to himself. He fell to his little knees, threw back his arms and shouted to the heavens: “Why, oh, why must I roam as I do? Will I ever find a place I can call my home?”

“No!” somepony shouted in the distance. “Now, shut up! It’s late!”

The dragon grumbled to himself, but kept walking. “Nopony around here has any appreciation for the dramatics.”

But what that pony had said was true, at least partially. It was late. Most of the houses were dark. Still, one little shop had its lights on. With a hopeful smile, the dragon knocked on the door. An elderly pony answered a moment later.

“Hello, ma’m,” the dragon said shyly. “My name is Spike and I was hoping to find a place to spend the night…would you…?”

“Of course!” the old pony cried. “You’ve got yerself a nice, honest face, and I don’t usually turn folks away. Ya see, I once heard a tale of an enchantress, see, who was turned away by this nasty prince from Mar-ee, and he was turned into a hideous--”

“Mar-ee?” repeated Spike.

“Yep, like Par-ee, but with Mare. I don’t get it, either. Oh, that reminds me. I didn’t give you my name. I’m Granny Smith.”

“Nice to meet you,” said Spike. “Do your grandfoals live around here?”

“Oh no,” Granny Smith said with a hint of sadness. She feigned a smile. “I ain’t never had any grandfoals. Not of my own at least. I’m a toymaker. I considered being an apple farmer, but the land ain’t right around here. So I figgered, if I can’t feed the children, I might as well make ‘em happy a different way. Why, lookie over here. It’s my newest puppet.”

She pointed to a table where a lovely white cat lay.

“Wow,” marveled Spike, “it’s so realistic.”

He gave the cat a poke, only for it to spring to live, scratching like wild.

Granny Smith chuckled. “No, no, no, that’s Opaescencel. She don’t take kindly to strangers at first, but she usually warms up to ‘em later.”

Spike came out from hiding from the angry cat and scanned the rest of the table. Amidst the tools and paint, there lay a filly-sized, pink puppet.

“There she is,” said Granny. “Whaddaya think, Spike?”

“She’s great!” cried Spike in amazement. “Nice craftsmanship, much better than the cat!”

Opal hissed.

“She’s also really, uh, pink,” Spike added.

“That’s it!” exclaimed Granny. “I’d snap my fingers if I had ‘em! I was considerin’ the name Applejack, but I like the pink angle. I’ll call her Pinkie Pie-nocchio!”

Spike and Opal shared a skeptic glance, then shrugged. Granny Smith made her, she should have the right to name her, after all.

“Well,” Granny yawned, “I’m gettin’ mighty tired. I think it’s time to hit the hay. Figuratively speakin’ of course. We’ve got hay for breakfast, if you want.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” said Spike. “I’m about ready for bed, too.”

“Got a spare one upstairs,” said Granny, pointing towards the staircase. Spike nodded, thanked Granny again, and headed up to go to sleep.

As Spike was getting comfortable, he heard Granny talking to Opal downstairs.

“He seems like a nice enough dragon,” she was saying. “Maybe he wouldn’t mind testing out some toys. I tell you, though, Opal, I wish…wait a second, I just remembered! It’s such a nice night out, why don’t you open the window for ol’ Granny Smith?”

Spike heard an annoyed yowl in return, followed by the creak of a window opening (one that needed some oil, he might have added).

“Why, lookit that!” Granny cried. “It’s the wishin’ star! You know what I wish? I wish Pinkie Pie-nocchio was a real filly! Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“Nice,” Spike said to himself, “but not likely. Still, it can’t hurt to wish, I guess.”

Spike lay in bed for a few minutes, then felt a tad thirsty. Granny Smith wouldn’t mind if he got a quick drink of water, would she? No, of course not. And if he crept downstairs quietly enough, he might not even wake her.

So down Spike went. Just as he was finishing his drink, a bright light shot in through the window. Spike gasped and hid behind a shelf. A glowing figure approached the puppet.

“My, my,” said a heavenly voice, “what a lovely puppet! My applause to this kindly toymaker.”

Spike peeked out and nearly fainted. It was the Purple Fairy! He had heard about her before, but never had he seen her! She was a knockout! What a unicorn! He could have fainted from joy, but then he’d probably never get a chance to see her again! He tried his hardest to stay conscious, as he listened to her continue.

“I have heard your wish, Granny Smith,” the Fairy said to the sleeping old pony. “You’ve been so wonderful to all the children of the village…I believe you should be rewarded.”

Her horn glowed and the pink puppet instantly came to life!

“Wow!” she cried. “I can move! I can talk! I’m real!”

“Not yet,” said the Fairy.

“Oh…” Pinkie Pie-nocchio said, disappointed.

“But you can be,” continued the Fairy. “If you can figure out the difference between right and wrong, and listen to your conscience…”

“What’s that?” asked Pinkie.

“Now’s my chance to impress the Fairy!” Spike thought to himself. He ran out from his hiding place and waved his hand. “I know, Miss Fairy! A conscience is what tells you what to do and what not to do!”

“That’s right,” the Fairy said warmly. “You’re Spike the Dragon, aren’t you?”

Spike blushed. “Gosh, you know my name, Miss Fairy?”

“Oh, please, call me Rarity.”

Spike blushed harder.

“You know,” said Rarity, after thinking for a second, “I believe you could be a fine conscience to Pinkie Pie-nocchio here.”

“Oooh!” cried Pinkie.

Spike was a little taken aback. “Me? You really think so? Well…uh…I’d hate to disappoint a real fairy, especially one so beautil—uh, I mean, yes! I’d love to do it!”

“Excellent,” said Rarity. “In that case, you’re in charge, Spike. I wish you the best of luck!” With that, she disappeared in a brilliant flash.

“Wow…” Spike whispered. He turned to Pinkie, happily. “Did you hear that? She knows my name and everything!”

“Yeah, she seems really neat!” agreed Pinkie. She playfully narrowed her eyes and added, “you sly dog, you.”

Spike blinked, and realized he was talking to a living puppet. “Uh, so…now what, I wonder? I’ve gotta teach you right from wrong, don’t I?”

“That’s what the Fairy said,” nodded Pinkie. “Wanna sing about it?”

“Sure, why not?” Spike shrugged.
(To the tune of “Give a Little Whistle” from Pinocchio)
SPIKE: Well, two rights don’t make a wrong
Two wrongs won’t make a right
Least as far as I know
Least as far as I know

But I’m here to help you out
And get you through each night
Least as far as I know
Least as far as I know

I was entrusted here
By Miss Rarity
I will not fail her or you
PINKIE: No you won’t!
SPIKE: Right!

So I’ll teach you right from wrong
That’s what I’m gonna do
Together we can do it
Together we can do it
At least as far I know
It is true!

“What’s all that singin’?” came the voice of Granny Smith. “I’m tryin’ to sleep!”

“Well, you’re not trying hard enough!” laughed Pinkie, before Spike absent-mindedly shoved her out of the way and ran over to Granny’s bed.

“Granny Smith!” cried Spike. “I almost forgot! There was this Fairy! She was purple! The...uh…the Purple Fairy, that was her name! Well, her name was Rarity! And she…she…”

“What kinda dream did you have?” chuckled Granny Smith. She stopped chuckling when Pinkie jumped into her lap.

“Hi, Granny!” she sang. “It’s a girl! Congratulations!”

Granny gasped. “Spike! Opal! Do you see—”

“They see with their eyes, of course,” laughed Pinkie. “What do you see with?”

Opal screeched in fear and dove under the bed.

“You weren’t dreamin’!” Granny Smith realized. “Unless I’m the one who’s dreamin’!”

Pinkie squeezed her cheeks. “This is the closest to pinching I can do!” grinned the pink pony. “You awake?”

“Yes! YES!” Granny happily replied and gave Pinkie a huge hug. “My little Pinkie Pie-nocchio! Alive!”

“And I’ll be a real pony someday,” said Pinkie, “if I listen to my conscience. That’s Spike over there.”

Spike and Pinkie explained everything to Granny Smith. Opal even came out after a while to listen to the story as well.

“This is so wonderful!” Granny sighed, contently. “But…it doesn’t change the fact that I’m still sleepy. How ‘bout we all go back to bed and tomorrow Spike can take Pinkie to school?”

“School?” whined Spike. “You mean I have to go too?”

“It’s what a good conscience would do,” explained Granny. “You wanna make me and the Purple Fairy proud, doncha?”

Spike nodded reluctantly. Pinkie nodded, too, more happily. “I can’t wait!” she yawned.

Author's Note

Pinocchio wasn't always ranked very high on my Disney list as a child, but I've watched it again semi-recently (a few years ago), and it holds up very well. There's some really good character development, artwork, music, etc., despite the dark material. I hope that will be reflected in this retelling.

Self-Help Isn't What It's Cracked Up To Be

The next morning, Granny Smith sent Pinkie Pie-nocchio off to school. “How wonderful!” she said to Opal. After a moment, something came to mind. “Wait a second! Where’s Spike?”

“I’m right here,” Spike said groggily. “What’s up?”

“You’ve gotta take Pinkie to school!” cried Granny Smith.

Spike shot up, completely awake. “Oh no! I’m late already! I’m coming, Pinkie!” Down the street he sprang.

Granny Smith waved to him, only for something else to come to mind. “Wait a second, Spike! You’re headin’ the wrong way!”

She began to run after him…or rather, walk after him…actually, it was more like a hobble. “I gotta get that new hip…”

A pair of shady-looking ponies strolled along as the little ponies of the village rushed off to school.

“Flam,” the first one said.

“Yes, Flim?”

“Doesn’t it fill you with hopefulness to see these children heading off to school?”

“Not really,” said Flam.

“Why’s that?” Film asked his brother. “After all, it’s a nice reminder that there’s always fresh blood out there to scam, to separate from their hard-earned cash.”

“I used to think that,” said Flam, “until I realized that they’ll learn things at school. They’ll be less naïve, you see, less susceptible to our old song-and-dance. Why, they may learn enough to compete with us someday!”

The pair shuddered.

“Might I remind you,” Flam continued, “that we never went to school. They’ll…they’ll…they’ll know more than us, perhaps!”

“Street-smart and book-smart are not the same thing,” Flim argued. “Still, we haven’t had a good gig in quite a while. What we need is somepony who acts like they were born yesterday.”

“I was born yesterday!” came a girl’s high-pitched voice.

“Very funny,” Flim said dryly, “but I didn’t mean…” he turned around and gasped. “Flam, look!”

Behind them stood Pinkie Pie-nocchio.

“Well, actually,” mused the little pony, “I was born last night. Does that count as yesterday? Or is that too close? Was it after midnight? ‘Cause that means I was born this morning! I think. I don’t know that much yet, see. That’s why I’m going to school, so I can learn more and more and more and more and more!”

Flim and Flam stared in awe as the pony babbled on. This was either a miracle or some very dark magic. Either way, one didn’t see a talking puppet everyday. Or ever, for that matter. They glanced at each other, then smiled. It was exploitation time.

“School, you say?” Flam said sweetly. “Now, now, you don’t need to go to school.”

“I don’t?” said Pinkie. “That’s good. Spike made it sound kinda boring. He’s my--”

“Yes, yes,” Flam cut her off. “As I was saying, you don’t need school to be smart. You need…”

“A self-help class!” finished Flim.

Flam and Pinkie looked confused. “A what?”

“Iron Will is back in town,” Flim whispered to his brother. “He loves finding new ways to attract suckers.”

Flam gave his brother a knowing wink and then turned back to Pinkie. “Yes, my little wooden friend, a self-help class! Our nice friend, Iron Will, teaches little ponies to be strong, tough, smart, and assertive! The kinds of things you’d learn in school, only more FUN!”

“Fun?!” cried Pinkie. “Oh, I just love fun! Can we go see him?”

“Of course,” chorused the Flim-Flam Brothers.

“In fact,” added Flim, “you can even help him if you wish!”

Pinkie jumped up and down happily. Here she was, already helping other ponies! The Purple Fairy would be so proud!

“Come along, miss!” called Flam. The brothers hoisted Pinkie up and began to dance down the street.
(To the tune of “Hi-Diddle-Dee-Dee” from Pinocchio)
FLIM: Self-help is the key
To making history
You’ll benefit all your fellow colts
But you’re so modest, you’d never gloat

FLAM: Self-help is a tool
That you won’t learn in school
But we know that you’ll get quite a thrill
When you’re alongside Sir Iron Will
FLIM AND FLAM: You’ll learn and learn and learn more until
You’ve mastered all the rules

Spike, finally running in the right direction, dashed right by the trio, who were heading the other way. He screeched to a halt and turned around. “Hey! Pinkie!”

“Hi, Spike!” waved Pinkie.

“A dragon,” observed Flam.

“Think Iron Will could use one of them?” asked Flim.

“Nah, they grow up to be too big,” said Flam. “Run along, little one.”

“I’m not that little,” Spike said indignantly. “And where are you going with my friend?”

“We’re going to help ponies!” grinned Pinkie. “Won’t the Purple Fairy be happy?”

Spike was a little flustered. “Uh, yeah, I’m sure she’d be happier, though, if you went to school. As your conscience, I…”

Flim and Flam laughed.

“What’s so funny?” glared Spike.

“We might not have had any schooling as foals,” said Film, “but anypony knows that a conscience isn’t a tangerine—”

“Tangible,” corrected Flam.

“…tangible thing. Now, run along.”

“Bye!” called Pinkie as they danced away. “They’re grown-ups! They know what’s best for us kids! Besides, they say this is better than school, anyway!”

Off the three of them went, singing all the way: Self-help is the key
To making history…

Spike, left behind, sputtered angrily. “I oughta tell Granny Smith on her! Nah, that’s no good…if she won’t listen to me, why listen to her? I’m gonna have to follow her myself!”

The first thing anypony noticed about Iron Will was his huge size. The second thing they noticed was that he was not a pony at all, but a Minotaur. The third thing they noticed was his group of goats that were constantly following him. All in all, it made for an intimidating combination.

Spike peered through the crowd of ponies that had gathered at Iron Will’s stage, on the outskirts of the village, near the mountains. Having a hard time getting a good view, Spike climbed up a lamppost and managed to make out the Flim-Flam Brothers leaving with a small sack of coins.

“There’s something fishy about this,” Spike thought to himself.

A little while later, Iron Will walked onstage.

“Welcome, all!” he boomed. “I am Iron Will, the greatest creature to walk the earth! Do you wish you too could be as great as me?”

The crowd cheered.

“Well, you can’t,” Iron Will said simply. “But you can come semi-close. Iron Will can teach you how to be the most assertive, persuasive ponies you can be! Anypony will listen to me and do what Iron Will says! Not just ponies, even! Why, Iron Will had a puppet made and just by shouting at it and using my own assertion tactics, I brought it to life!”

Pinkie Pie-nocchio poked her head out of the curtains. “Really? Is that how it happened?” she asked innocently. “That’s funny, I remember something about a fairy and a dragon…”

“GET BACKSTAGE!” Iron Will shouted at her. With a squeak and a salute, she quickly ducked back. The crowd gasped.

Iron Will, suddenly remembering the audience, laughed a bit. “Heh, she’s cute, right? C’mon out, Pinkie, and show these nice ponies what you can do.”

The curtains opened and Pinkie danced out.
(To the tune of “I’ve Got No Strings” from Pinocchio)
PINKIE: If you need help
Don’t look no more
Just listen to
This Minotaur
He helped me
He told me so
And what he says will go

I was a lifeless hunk
Of wood propped against the wall
Having no life sure stunk
But Iron Will changed it all

If you need help
Then we’ll help you
Me, Iron Will,
And the goats, too
You can be
The best, you know
And what you say will go

As Pinkie danced wildly across the stage, doing moves no normal pony could do, Spike and the audience stared in awe. Even the dragon had to admit that she was pretty impressive. When the song was over, everypony cheered as loudly as they could.

“Gee,” Spike said to himself, “she does look pretty happy up there. Maybe Iron Will isn’t so bad, once you get by the temper. Maybe he’d make a better conscience than me…maybe this is where Pinkie really belongs…”

That night, Pinkie sat backstage with Iron Will. “Was I good?” she asked.

“You were decent,” said Iron Will. “Iron Will doesn’t give out compliments that much. Why compliment when you can criticize?”

Pinkie’s face fell a little. “Oh.”

“It’s alright,” said Iron Will. “Iron Will knows that you’ll do even better next time…or else.”

“Next time?” repeated Pinkie. “Or else?”

“That’s right,” said Iron Will, calmly tossing Pinkie into an old cage. “Now get some sleep. Iron Will commands you!”

Laughing, he stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Bewildered and shocked, Pinkie began to cry.

It was at that moment that Spike entered through the curtains. “Pinkie? What’s going on? I was just coming to say goodbye to you. Why are you in a cage?”

“Oh, Spike,” sobbed Pinkie, “Iron Will is bad news! The worst news you could ever get! He doesn’t treat me like a pony at all! You have to get me out of here! I don’t know what he’s planning, but I don’t wanna work with such a meanie anymore!”

“Yeah, of course,” said Spike. “Just keep your voice down, okay? We don’t want him to come back. Now, let’s see…”

Spike tried to pick the lock with his claws and his tail, but it was no use. He couldn’t seem to break the cage, either.

“Hmm…” he pondered. “I might have to get some help, but I’m afraid Iron Will might take you away while I’m gone…”

Pinkie suddenly gasped and pointed to a window that showed the night sky. Down came a glowing star. “Look, Spike! It must be the Purple Fairy! She’ll save me!”

“Hot diggity!” cheered Spike.

“Wait a second,” Pinkie realized, “I’ll be in so much trouble when she finds me like this! Spike, do something now!”

“There’s nothing I can do,” said Spike, “’cause she’s here!”

It was true—there was Rarity, standing before them.

“Oh my goodness!” she cried. “Whatever happened here, Pinkie Pie-nocchio?”

“Better tell the truth,” urged Spike.

“Well,” said Pinkie, “I was going to school…when there was this awful earthquake! And it flung me through the air, and my voice sounded real silly, cause I was shaking a whole lot, and I landed in front of this huge monster who said, ‘I think I’ll eat you up!’ And then he put me in this cage while he went to go look for truffles, because everypony knows that monsters absolutely adore truffles, and that’s why I’m in this cage. Oh, and Spike was there.”

Spike’s eyes were bulging at this point. Not because Pinkie had dragged him into this mess, but because every time her lie got bigger, her nose grew longer!

“What happened to my nose?!” gasped Pinkie, when she realized her strange transformation.

“Well, it’s certainly not your style,” fussed Rarity. “It simply does not suit you at all. You see, Pinkie, when you tell such lies as those, they are as plain as the nose on your face.”

Pinkie blinked. “Meaning…?”

“It means,” sighed Rarity, “that lying is bad and you shouldn’t do it.” She leaned over to Spike and whispered, “Honestly, Spikey-Wikey, she does not grasp subtlety at all. Something else I suppose you’ll need to cover.”

Spike was in a grinning stupor after hearing the “Spikey-Wikey” bit, but quickly shook himself out of it. “Uh, if it pleases your grace, Miss Rarity, could you turn Pinkie’s nose back to normal and let her out of the cage?”

“Indeed I shall,” said Rarity, “but only if she tells the truth. It shall set you free, you know.”

Pinkie sighed deeply. “Okay…these two ponies told me not to go to school and to be a performer here instead. Honest, Miss Fairy, I thought I was doing the right thing, helping other ponies and all, but I guess I learned not to trust just anypony, huh? I’m really sorry for not going to school.”

Just as her nose had grown with each lie, with each truth it shrank down to its original size. Rarity smiled, and with a zap of her horn, the cage door opened.

“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” cried Pinkie.

“Just let that be a lesson,” smiled Rarity. “Now, then, Pinkie, I think it’s time you and Spikey-Wikey here should be getting home.”

“You’re right!” cried Spike. “Pinkie, Granny Smith must be worried! We have to go!”

“Yeah,” agreed Pinkie, “and before that big jerk Iron Will comes back!”

They turned to thank Rarity, but found that she had vanished, leaving a bit of sparkling dust behind her. With a shrug, Pinkie and Spike fled from the awful stage and headed back towards the village.

“Easiest job we’ve ever pulled,” Flim bragged to a plump, blue pony at an old bar. “We worked that little puppet like she was a…well, you know.”

The blue pony chuckled a bit and took a drink of cider.

“And,” Flam added, “we got a hefty sum for it, too. Iron Will knows how to treat us Flim-Flam Brothers right, I assure you.”

“Now then, Mrs. Cake,” said Flim, addressing the blue pony, “you called us here for a reason, you said?”

“Oh, yes,” smiled Mrs. Cake. “You see, boys, I heard you were the slyest ponies in town, and if your story is true, then you know how to speak to stupid little children.”

“Do we ever!” the brothers grinned.

Mrs. Cake laughed. “Oh, good, good, good. I was certainly hoping that would be your answer. But what I have to offer you will be ten times the amount Iron Will gave you, so long as you follow my instructions.”

Flim and Flam looked at each other, then back to Mrs. Cake with great curiosity.

“You see,” continued Mrs. Cake, “I want the stupidest little ponies you can find. The kind who never go to school and never obey their parents.”

“Sounds like us as kids,” remarked Flim, before Flam gave him a smack to the back of his head.

“Well,” Mrs. Cake said sweetly, “then you know exactly who to look for, don’t you? Anyhow, my boys will take them all down to Pleasure Island—”

The Flim-Flam Brothers gasped upon hearing the dreaded name. They looked around the bar, but since it was almost empty, nopony seemed to notice.

“Pleasure Island?” Flam finally whispered. “But what if the children tell the law on us? You know what goes on there!”

“Of course I do,” chuckled Mrs. Cake. “I built it, after all.”

Flim and Flam gulped.

“Besides,” Mrs. Cake continued, “they’re not quite themselves when they come back…”

At that moment, the Brothers could have sworn they saw her face…change a little bit. But a second later, she was back to her normal, bubbly self. She took another gulp of cider and smiled kindly at them.

“Now then,” she said in a syrupy tone, “I’d get out there if I were you and round up my little ponies.”

Off To Pleasure Island

Spike and Pinkie-nocchio were lost. Not dreadfully, hopelessly lost, but since Spike was fairly new to the village and Pinkie had literally only been born yesterday, they weren’t used to the area quite yet.

“Let’s see…” Spike fretted to himself, “I think it’s this way. Or maybe that way.”

“Maybe it’s over here,” suggested Pinkie, pointing down a pathway.

“Couldn’t hurt,” Spike decided. The two were about to walk down the path, when they bumped right into the Flim-Flam Brothers!

“Why, it’s our puppet friend!” exclaimed Flam.

“What are you doing here?” asked Flim suspiciously. “Shouldn’t you be with Iron Will?”

“No, no!” cried Pinkie. “He was really mean! He put me in a cage and…”

“Oh dear,” moaned Flim and Flam, feigning innocence.

“We had no idea,” said Flim. “Ever so sorry.”

Spike rolled his eyes. There was still something off about these unicorns.
(To the tune of “The Flim Flam Cider Song” from My Little Pony Friendship is Magic)
FLIM: Well, it seems to me, dear brother of mine
That this puppet is quite pooped
That our so-called friend Iron Will
Had us and this poor thing very duped
While we thought he was on the level
And had a good reputation
FLAM: He made poor Pinkie need a long vacation

FLIM AND FLAM: But you’ve got opportunity
One for all the little ponies
FLIM: From Flim
FLAM: And Flam
FLIM AND FLAM: And the folks at Pleasure Island
If you’ll just follow us this way

PINKIE: Pleasure Island?

FLIM: Well, of course
We are honest types
We crave to be in your good grace
We’d never lie
For a lie is as plain as the nose on your face
FLAM: We’re the most-trusted unicorns
You’d ever want to meet
FLIM: And if we lied, we’d do be quite discreet

SPIKE: Wait, what?

FLIM AND FLAM: Just ignore that last line we sang
We don’t want to leave you to hang
In suspense, that’s not the type of ponies we are
Now, Pleasure Island awaits

FLIM: I suppose by now
You’re wondering
“What is this Pleasure Island?”
FLAM: Mysterious as is entertaining
FLIM: And I suppose by now
You’re wondering
“What are some of its attractions?”
FLAM: It’s a place where you get to play
From day ‘til night
From night ‘til day

FLIM: From the water wet
To the land so land-y
Everything there is made of candy
FLIM AND FLAM: And you can’t beat that at all

FLIM: Pinkie, it is the greatest,
Brightest isle you’ve ever seen
FLAM: There’s houses to wreck
FLIM: But all in good fun
FLAM: There’s smokes to smoke
FLIM: And then when you’re done
FLIM AND FLAM: The roller coasters are always a major highlight

FLAM: Whaddaya say, kiddies?

PINKIE: Oh, I’ve got opportunity
And Pleasure Island waits for me
Please, Flim, please, Flam
I know I sure am
Ready to go with Spike
Off right now to Pleasure Island

“Are you sure about this?” asked Spike. “I’ve travelled around a lot, Pinkie, and I’ve never heard of Pleasure Island before. Besides, we have to get back to Granny Smith!”
“Why, my dear dragon,” chuckled Flam, “it’s one of those things that only those ‘in the know’ know about. Now then, you won’t need to pack, because they’ll have everything you need there.”
The Brothers began pushing Spike and Pinkie down the street, when Spike broke free.

SPIKE: Now wait a second
Hold it
Despite what I’ve been told, it
Seems too good to be true
So I would watch it

I may be new here at my job
But my friend Pinkie’s not a slob
We’re going home
Pinkie, listen your conscience!

FLIM: Well, sir, you’re free to go home now
Yes, you are free to wander back
But Pinkie here could use a break
You should cut her some slack

FLAM: That’s right, you know
You don’t want a stressed puppet on your hands
So run home to your granny
And Pinkie can take a vacation
I’m sure that your granny’ll understand

“Yeah,” agreed Pinkie, “Granny Smith wants what’s best for me. I think a vacation after that Iron Will thing sounds just right!”

Spike gulped and finally said, “Well, then, I’m going with you, too! I’m still your conscience, and I want to make sure you’re safe!”

“Splendid!” cried Flam. “Off we go, then!”
FLIM, FLAM, AND PINKIE: Oh, we’ve got opportunity
And Pleasure Island’s even free
So we’re heading off
To have a wonderful vacation
Oh, Pleasure Island
Let’s have fun!
Yeah!

Pinkie and Spike soon found themselves on a boat headed towards a rocky mountain. The vessel was packed with other little ponies, all eagerly chattering about what might await them on Pleasure Island. Only Spike seemed to be worried.

“Pinkie,” he urged his friend, “there’s something…wrong…about this whole thing. Doesn’t this all seem too good to be true?”

Pinkie didn’t notice, though. She was too busy trying to make new friends, but most of the kids were put off by the idea of a talking puppet…all but two.

“Look at that,” one filly whispered to her friend. “A living pony puppet! How awesome!”

“Awesome?” scoffed her friend. “More like super-totally-creepy.”

“This is just the kind of new trend we should start!” the other insisted. “We’ll make being friends with puppets or whatever the next big thing! Just one more thing to separate us from the common crowd.”

“Hmm…”

The pair of fillies approached Pinkie.

“Excuse me,” the first one said, “my name is Diamond Tiara and this is Silver Spoon. We’d just love to be your friend.”

Pinkie gave the fillies a loving (and tight) squeeze. “Oh boy! Friends! That’s wonderful!”

A few of the other children noticed this. If Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon liked something, then it was automatically cool in anypony else’s book! They flocked around Pinkie, before her two new friends shooed them away.

“Back off!” snapped Silver Spoon. “She’s our friend, not yours!”

“Gee,” Pinkie said to nopony in particular, “is this how friendship works? I always figured it was more magical than that.”"

When the boat reached the mountain, a secret tunnel opened up and they passed through. Spike happened to be standing next to an adult pony, Mrs. Cake, who seemed to be in charge of things.

“What’s with the cave thing?” Spike asked her.

“Oh, just for show,” Mrs. Cake chuckled. “Alright, now! Everypony off! We’re here!”

The little ponies happily piled off the boat. Ahead of them was a huge gate. A pair of adult, gray ponies opened the gate up, revealing a wonderland of fun and joy! Lights, food, rides, everything! It looked like the most fun amusement park in existence!

Spike just glared a little bit. “Pinkie, stay by me. I think we should do a little investigating around here. Just…”

But Pinkie had already gone off with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. Spike found himself essentially alone, despite being surrounded by lots of happy, young ponies. He knew, though, that something was up. Now he had two jobs—find Pinkie and escape.

Is This Living?

Pinkie was led by Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon through Pleasure Island. There was so much to do and see! There was food to eat, fights to be had, smokes to smoke, everything a naughty child could only wish to do was there!

“Wow,” Pinkie said, eyes wide as she took everything in, “we really have our week cut out for us.”

“Week?” scoffed Silver Spoon. “Who said anything about us ever leaving? Puppet, we’re home!”

“B-But my home is with Spike and Granny Smith and Opal!” cried Pinkie. “Granny Smith will get so worried if I don’t come home!”

“Says who?” Diamond Tiara said carelessly.

“Says Spike, my conscience.”

“Who, the dragon?” Diamond Tiara sneered back. “Puppet, he’s a total party poop. The whole ride over here he was complaining and whining about how nervous he was and about going home and all that jazz. Would a real friend try to ruin your fun like that?”

Pinkie thought for a second. “Gee, I never thought about that…”
(To the tune of “I Want the Good Times Back” from The Little Mermaid)
DIAMOND TIARA: I’m not gonna lie, I am very privileged
My family’s rich, the filthy, stinking truth
But still I want much more
I deserve it all, I’m sure
There’s more life to live out there
And this is proof

SILVER SPOON: Just look at what our parents kept a secret
This Pleasure Isle we’ve never known before
Why didn’t they tell us about it?
They want it, you see
To keep it for themselves
That doesn’t sit right, no siree
But good old Mrs. Cake
Let in all us young ponies
For she’s a true, true friend
DIAMOND TIARA AND SILVER SPOON: Yes, she’s a real, fine, amazing friend

DIAMOND TIARA: So learn to live a bit
No, learn to live a lot
For life will pass you by
So quick and I
Want to get all it’s got
And this here playground sure does offer
All the finest things to do
From the sweets here to the treats there
And that big trampoline, too

SILVER SPOON: There is no school or work
There’s just a joyous spree
No adults to respect
There’s things to wreck
There’s endless glee

If there is one thing that we’ve learned
It’s that you’ve only got one shot
So better start living
And live a lot

Spike rushed over to Pinkie as Silver Spoon finished her verse. “There you are!” he gasped for breath. “Some conscience I am, always letting you run off! Look, we need to find our way out of here. This whole place is giving me the heebie-jeebies.”

“No!” said Pinkie.

“No?” repeated Spike. “What do you mean, no? You’re supposed to listen to me! You have to listen to me!”

“I’m tired of being bossed around!” replied Pinkie crossly. “Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon are my new friends. They know what’s really best for me! Fun!”

“Yeah,” agreed Silver Spoon, “we’re the best friends that Puppet here could ever need!”

“So buzz off, you little pest!” added Diamond Tiara. The three turned away and walked off.

“Oh, come on!” Spike shouted after them. “They don’t even know your name!”

But the trio ignored him. They were too busy looking for fun things to do.
PINKIE: I’m gonna live a lot
I’ll try some brand-new stuff
This puppet’s gonna be
A real pony
And soon enough

Now that I don’t have Spike holding me
Back from my true destiny
I can find out just for myself
Who I’m really meant to be

The Fairy’s gonna look
And she will be so proud
Now that I’m finally blending in
And going with the crowd

Because if they do it, l’ll do it, too
I’ll do it on the dot
I’m gonna start living
DIMAOND TIARA: She’s gonna start living
SILVER SPOON: She’s gonna start living
ALL THREE: And live a lot!

As the kids cavorted, they didn’t notice the strange, gray ponies and Mrs. Cake watching them from the shadows. She smiled a wicked smile and turned to one of the gray pony guards.
MRS. CAKE: Just look at them playing like
Bad little tykes
The brats that they all are
GUARD: Will they…?
MRS. CAKE: Yes
GUARD: Soon now…?
MRS. CAKE: Yes
They won’t go very far

“Shall we close the gates?” the guard asked.

Mrs. Cake watched the children play, then turned back to the guard. “Oh, yes. They’re coming along fine, but we don’t want anypony to get homesick and try to leave. This should do nicely.”
MRS. CAKE: So get the chains and locks
And triple-bolt the gate
Because my favorite part
Is gonna start
And I can’t wait

These little foals and little fillies
Are as dumb as rocks sometimes
And since their parents have failed
They must atone for their crimes

They want to live a lot
Well, I gave them their wish
But in the end I win
And I reel in
All these little fish

Get all the cages ready
These kids will soon be in such a spot
Good thing I’ve been giving
A chance to be living
They’ve had their fun living
They’ve lived a lot!

Spike was trying to find his way back to the gates that led out of Pleasure Island, but he must have taken a wrong turn, because he found himself wandering what felt like hours. Time seemed to move differently on the island. All the ponies whizzing here and there at high speeds, yet Spike didn’t seem to be moving any faster.
Eventually, he found the gates, but it was too late—they were already closed!

“That’s…a bad sign,” he whispered to himself.

He ducked behind a pile of rubble (something the kids had destroyed in fun, no doubt) as two of the gray guardlike ponies walked by.

“She says it’s time,” one informed the other. With that, they both changed into hideous, black, fanged creatures with glowing blue eyes! They looked like a strange parody of a pony. Most nauseating of all, their legs were full of holes! If Spike had eaten any of the candy that the island was offering, he probably would have lost in at that point.

All at once, a stampede began! Well, it felt like a stampede, at least. A herd of large, hunchbacked bulldog things were dragged towards the gates. The dogs were big, but the fanged creatures had magical whips and maces to keep them in check.
The gates were pulled open by a pair of the fanged pony creatures. Spike was almost happy to see the gates opening, but there were more of those awful creatures waiting outside, so escaping would be difficult.

“Please,” sniveled one of the dogs, “let us go!”

Despite the dog’s large size, it had the voice of a child.

Mrs. Cake approached them. Spike was frightened, but curious. He wisely stayed out of sight, for in an instant, she transformed into an even larger version of the monster ponies!

“You may call me Queen Chrysalis, master of shape-shifters,” she informed the dogs. “My Changeling Ponies and I have taken the liberty of transforming you little angels into Diamond Dogs. Feel free to work forever in my mines. As if you have a choice.”

The Diamond Dogs began to sob and howl in despair.
(To the tune of “I Want the Good Times Back Reprise” from The Little Mermaid)
CHRYSALIS: Why, you ungrateful runts
I’ve given you such bliss
All that junk food you’ve binged
Your lives have hinged
On fun like this

I let you express all your desires
Your primal needs, your ids
Now I ask for something in return
From all you rotten kids

And did you really think
There was no catch
Don’t be surprised and cry
Because, tee hee
When you’re like me
It’s so much fun to lie

So one more number here
Before we you’re all enslaved
Once you’re a Diamond Dog
Lost in life’s fog
You can’t be saved

If it’s a consolation for you kids
You’ve been tricked by a pro
For I am the greatest
The singular greatest
So true
I’m the best master
Villain I know!

That was all Spike needed to see! In fact, it was probably a little more than he needed to see, although the musical number was rather entertaining in a sadistic sort of way. One thing was for sure—he needed to find Pinkie Pie-nocchio and get out!

Pinkie Pie-nocchio, a few minutes earlier, had been with Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon in the pool hall when the transformation began. Silver Spoon was the first to go almost instantly, followed by Diamond Tiara. The two screamed and scrambled off to find help, leaving Pinkie alone.

“That was weird,” Pinkie mused, before noticing her tail was, longer and hairier than it had been before. And were her ears always gray?

“Pinkie!” came a familiar voice.

“Spike!”

The two friends embraced for a second, before panicking.

“What’s happening?!” sobbed Pinkie in fear.

Spike panted and looked around. No Changelings were back at this corner…yet. “I’ll tell you later, once we’re out of here.”

Pinkie nodded, and the two started running. They were soon spotted, and found themselves being chased by Changeling after Changeling. It looked hopeless for a moment, before Spike pointed at a rocky ledge that overlooked the ocean.

“I can’t swim!” gulped Pinkie.

“Wood floats!” cried Spike, before shoving her over the edge and diving in after her.

As they swam for their lives (with Spike doing the kicking and Pinkie doing the stroking), Spike took a look back at the island. It was hard to make out much of it in the darkness, but he could still hear the howls of the Diamond Dogs and see the Changelings’ glowing eyes…

Swimming, Flying, and Then Swimming Again

They swam for a long time, but eventually, Pinkie and Spike reached the shore and trekked back to the village in complete silence. Only when they reached Granny Smith’s cottage did Pinkie perk up.

“Spike! We’re here!”

The two of them happily ran to the door and began to bang on it. “Let us in, Granny Smith!” they shouted. “We’re finally back!”

But there was no answer.

Looking in the windows, they found nopony in sight. Nor Opal. Granny Smith and her cat were gone.

“I wonder why she left,” Pinkie said softly as she sat down, tears forming in her eyes.

“Hmm,” pondered Spike, “maybe she couldn’t stand the memory of you, knowing that she’d lost you without getting a chance to really…”

At that moment, Pinkie Pie began to cry uncontrollably.

“Sorry,” Spike apologized, “I was just, y’know, speculating. I should have realized…”

“No,” said Pinkie. “I’m the one who should be sorry. All these messes we’ve been in? It’s my fault! Spike, I should have listened to you before. You’re my real friend, always looking out for me, coming back for me no matter what…I know I’ve lost Granny Smith, but at least I have you. My conscience. My pal.”

Spike didn’t know what to say, so he simply hugged Pinkie. The two of them sat there for a while, before something crashed to the ground next to them.

“Trans-dimensional travel can leave ya a little woozy,” the thing said.

When Pinkie and Spike’s shock wore off, they realized that the thing was actually a glowing, gray Pegasus.

“Derpy’s the name,” said the pony, “here on a mission from the Purple Fairy.”

“Rarity!” cried Spike. “Does she ever talk about me?”

Ignoring Spike, Derpy reached into her mailbag and pulled out a letter. “Here ya go!”

Pinkie snatched the letter and studied it carefully, nodding and occasionally saying “mmm-hmm.”

“What does it say?” asked Spike.

“Well…hard to tell,” Pinkie finally said. “I just remembered, I can’t read.”

Spike sighed and grabbed the letter from her. “It says that Granny Smith and Opal set out looking for us, but they were eaten by Sombra, the biggest sea monster in the world!”

Throwing the letter away, Spike collapsed onto the steps. “This is terrible!” he shouted to the heavens. “Once again, we’re lost in this great, wide world, with only each other for comfort! Now again we must wander, looking high and low for—”

“You again?” called somepony in the distance. “I told you before, SHUT UP!”

“Well,” grumbled Spike, “his appreciation for the dramatics hasn’t improved.”

“We gotta find Granny Smith!” insisted Pinkie. She turned to the Pegasus. “Derpy, will you fly us back to the ocean?”

Spike looked up. “Wait, what?”

Pinkie got on Derpy’s back. “It’s what my conscience would want me to do, wouldn’t you, Spike?

“Yeah,” said Spike, his eyes brightening a bit, “yeah, I would! Let’s go!”

“It’s a good thing you’re a small dragon and you’re made of wood,” Derpy told the two of them. “Otherwise, I might not make it! Here we go!”

Off they flew toward the sea!

Eventually, the trio arrived at a cliff overlooking the ocean. Derpy let them off her back. “Well, here we are, guys! This is as far as I can take you! I’m not much of a swimmer.”

Pinkie Pie-nocchio and Spike waved to Derpy happily as she flew off into the distance.
Once Derpy had departed, Spike looked at the open sea hesitantly.
“So,” he said softly, “we’re really doing this?”

“You bet your sweet bippy!” cried Pinkie.

“What’s a bippy?” asked Spike.

“No idea,” Pinkie replied. She grabbed a rock and began to tie it to herself, which was a bit of an ordeal, as she didn’t have any fingers. Spike quickly helped her.

Once Spike finished tying the rock to her, he cocked his head, confused. “Wait a second, what’s with the rock?”

“Wood floats, remember?” giggled Pinkie. She turned to the water and tried to look serious, but she couldn’t hide how excited she was inside. A real rescue mission! Wait until the Purple Fairy heard about this! Admittedly, this whole thing was Pinkie’s fault, but…

“Let’s go!” cried Pinkie Pie-nocchio. She grabbed her trembling dragon companion and ran toward the cliff’s edge.

“Wait!” squealed Spike.

Pinkie screeched to a halt. “What?” she whined.

“You might be wood,” Spike fretted, “but I’m flesh and bones!”

“Way to rub it in,” Pinkie whined.

“No, I mean, I won’t be able to breathe down there!”

Pinkie looked at Spike, then the ocean. She shrugged and ran toward the sea at full-speed.

“Well,” she called as she jumped in, “I guess I have to do this one myself!”

“What?!” cried Spike.

The dragon dashed to the cliff, but all that was left of Pinkie was a large ripple.

Pinkie Pie-nocchio opened her eyes. She was underwater. Completely submerged. There was nowhere to go but forward—the cliff was too steep to climb back up if she changed her mind. She began to trudge forward. Walking proved to be very difficult. Not only did things move slower underwater, but she had that rock slowing her down.

As Pinkie wandered the ocean, she began to feel lonely. There was nopony to talk to down there. There were fish, yes, but whenever she asked them where she could find Sombra, they swam away in fright. Pinkie couldn’t tell if it was Sombra they were afraid of, or if they were perhaps afraid of her. She was larger than the average fish, after all.

Her eyes lit up when she saw a massive purple serpent swimming in her direction. It had to have been Sombra!

Pinkie jumped up and down, waving her hoofs like mad. “Hey! HEY! Down here! You let my Granny Smith go! Right now! Hey, Sombra!”

The serpent looked down at Pinkie and swam over. Pinkie gulped and buried her head in the sand. She had really rushed into that one!

“What an odd fish,” the serpent said, speaking with a slight British accent and a surprisingly flamboyant tone.

Pinkie stuck her head out. This was Sombra? He seemed too nice.

“You called me Sombra, didn’t you?” asked the serpent. “I’m afraid you’re mistaken, Miss Fish. My name is Steven.”

“Ohh,” said Pinkie. “Sorry. And, uh, you’re mistaken, too. I’m a puppet!”

“Ah, that explains it,” said Steven, trying to hide his confusion.

Pinkie looked around the ocean. “Wow, your home is so big, Steven! I have a question, though. If you’re not Sombra, then who is? And where is he?”

“I don’t know why you’re looking for that brute,” shuddered Steven. “He’s a very unfriendly fellow.”

“Because he eats all the cute little fishies?” guessed Pinkie.

“Well, that’s called the Food Chain,” Steven admitted. “No, because he’s quite frankly a smug bully! Not very nice at all.”

“Well, he ate somepony very close to me,” said Pinkie. “That wasn’t very nice. Oh, and he ate her cat, too. That wasn’t very nice, either.”

Steven nodded. “I see. Well, I believe he’s over in that direction. North, I believe. I wish you the best of luck.”

Pinkie bid the kind serpent goodbye and continued trudging.

About half an hour later, Pinkie found herself looking at the massive creature known as Sombra, an enormous black whale-like behemoth. He appeared to be growling as he lay on the seafloor…no, wait…he was sleeping.

“So you’re Sombra,” Pinkie whispered to herself. “This is gonna be an interesting rescue…I guess you’d have to be pretty big to swallow a cat, a pony, and a whole boat.”

She paced/swam around the creature, but could find no way inside. His mighty jaw was closed. He snored mostly through his nose. His nostrils were big, but not big enough for the pony puppet to get through. Besides, who would want to go through that way?

Pinkie thought and thought. She would have thought some more, but her planning was interrupted by a small school of fish that happened to be swimming by.

Sombra’s eyes opened. In a flash, he rose off the ocean’s floor and with one mighty gulp, Pinkie Pie-nocchio’s whole world turned upside-down. Down she fell through the dark, warm, murky pit that was Sombra’s throat.

“Well,” she called to an unhappy-looking fish, “I’m in, right? That’s gotta count for something!”